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Index Objective Behavior skills Definition Types Importance Rules Rights & responsibilities To do - Tools, Techniques & TIPS Test your assertiveness Practice Demonstration Develop Quize Summary

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Objective By the end of this course, participants will What is assertive behavior To distinguish assertive behavior To be aware of the situations in which they find it difficult to be assertive To know how to be assertive when making and dealing with requests To have ways of dealing with aggressive people To draw own action plans for developing greater assertiveness over time
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Behavior Skills Decision Making Assertiveness Negotiation skills - Mission Analysis Communication Leadership Attitude - Adaptability/Flexibility Problem Solving - Situational Awareness

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Behavior Skills Human factors where errors occur Complacency Distraction Fatigue Pressure / Stress Norms Lack of Communication Awareness & Knowledge Teamwork Resources Assertiveness
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Advocacy An advocate is someone who is willing to stand up by own or beside someone in support of their need / right An advocate speaks on behalf of: themselves; another person; or a group Advocacy Skills To defend a right or ask a favor on behalf of yourself or others using : Right language, Right method Right time, Right place Right person who can respect the right or grant the favor
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Symptoms Do people take advantage of you often? Are you volunteered to drive? Do you pay more than your share of expenses? Do others use your things without asking? Do you say nothing about such situations? If this sounds like you need to take a look at your assertiveness. Why? Unhappiness, frustration & anger often accompany a lack of assertiveness. Being assertive, you can serve better in many situations : at work, home, with customers,etc
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Being Assertive Adopting a behavior that increases the likelihood of achieving your goal..While

Preserving your and others rights

Acting ethically

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Assertiveness Say what you mean, mean what you say! It is ability to honestly express your needs, opinions, feelings, attitudes, beliefs & rights that is respectful, open, honest, with the dignity & without violating rights of others. It means to be positive and confident, is the willingness to actively participate, the ability to state and maintain individual position It begins by being aware that you are a worthy person created by GOD, having very own unique combination of qualities.
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Assertiveness It allows to get your point across respectfully & honestly expressing thoughts & feelings while commanding dignity & respect from others It is observed in your say, behaviors & actions Assertive behavior enables a person to act in their own best interest & advocate for themselves with confidence, honesty & comfortably exercising personal rights without denying the rights of others. It is the healthy alternative to both passiveness and aggressiveness
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Assertiveness Assertive people are brave respect self and others own their own feelings, thoughts, and ideas openly and honesty state their feelings understand the possible consequences of assertiveness know when and how to be assertive

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Assertiveness Is not the same as aggressive behavior. Aggressive behavior enhances self at the expense of others. Assertiveness produces positive outcomes for all; aggressive acts result in negative outcomes.

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Attributes of assertiveness
Situations Requiring Assertiveness Willingness to make decisions Pre-Mission Brief Demonstrating Initiative Mission Execution /Courage to act Post-Mission Brief Maintaining positions until completely convinced by facts Behavior Provide Relevant information Maintain Position When without being asked Challenged Make Suggestions, Ask State Positions on decisions Questions /procedures Confront Ambiguities Refuse unreasonable request
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Encompasses

Attributes of assertiveness Barriers Rank differences Position authority Lack of experience /New to unit Coercion Lack of confidence Overcoming Barriers Get attention of receiver Use active verbs State your concerns Offer a solution, Recommend action Ask for feedback

Rule of Thumb - If a disagreement exists, take the most conservative action until more information is available.
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What is Assertiveness? When you are assertive, generally you dont follow others blindly. You think for yourself. If someone is trying to hurt you, or lead you into trouble, or influence you to do something wrong, you protect yourself. You show strength not to let others hurt you or influence you in negative ways. Assertiveness is expressing your own ideas, opinions, concerns & talents. You serve the world in your own special way correctly using the gift you have!
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Types Passive means letting people violate your rights and not doing anything about it. Aggressive means getting what you want while violating the rights of others. Assertive means standing up for yourself without violating the rights of others. Assertiveness is more mature, effective & powerful tool

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Passive
Try to avoid conflict & confrontation Hide personal needs May get easily hurt leading to frustration Allow people to push when you do not stand up Others likely to take advantage Would rather ignore their own needs & feelings than confront a problem in relationships. Want peace at any price, often pay the price These people, too, have problems with anger. They are afraid of it and eliciting the other persons anger. Sometimes, however follow subtle ways of retaliating of making others pay.
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Aggressive
Makes sure everyone knows his opinions, often does not allow others to voice their opinions Accomplish short term goals intimidating others Let others feel anger & hostility toward aggressor This involves fighting, blaming, accusing, threatening and disregard for people's feelings They regularly assume an attack position; feel an urgent need to get their way, to win. The other person becomes the enemy, whose rights and feelings are completely disregarded. Benefit is this person doesnt get pushed around Cost is few want to be around someone like this
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Assertive
Direct and clear, yet relaxed and approachable They understand, do not force their opinions Utilize eye contact & relaxed gestures Feel more confident, believe in abilities, more liked & respected Have less stress & achieve their goals Does not let people control, take a stand & express true feelings Using an assertive communication style is helpful in reducing depression, anger & anxiety. Assertiveness skills also enhance self-esteem, lower stress and help you feel more in control
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Without assertiveness If we are passive : React to the things & would let others boss us Others would tell what to do/think. We would not figure out what we want, need or think. Your special way of being yourself however thinking would remain unexpressed If you are assertive Others respect you. You are offering true ideas & feelings, protecting from things that might harm you You choose what to do for your own reasons
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Effects of non-assertiveness Personal costs Frustration, anxiety and stress Poor self esteem Effects on service Standards compromised Inefficiency and unnecessary costs Team costs Unresolved conflicts Blame game & non-cultural activities Individuals taking advantage Unacceptable conduct
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Cycle of failure
NON-ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR

MISSED GOALS
LACK OF CONFIDENCE

DAMAGED SELF ESTEEM & CREDIBILITY

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Advantage Being assertive allows you To say what you want to say in a healthy, positive way To resolve conflict successfully To keeping your relationships healthy & happy Others will be more apt to help to achieve your goals if they consider you to be a respectful and honest person

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Cycle of success
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR GOALS ACHIEVED

CONFIDENT

SELF ESTEEM & CREDIBILITY ENHANCED

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Difficult situations
Conflict Chosen Behavior Un-thoughtful Actions Communicate & Convince Resolution

Conflict

Resolution?

Think about all stakeholders

Take right actions

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Possible reactions May be based on... Personality Emotions Confidence Culture & background Health Personal circumstances

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Chosen behaviour May be based on: What we want to achieve Respect for our and others rights Our feelings Empathy Understanding the facts Seeking solutions, not blame Building long term relationships

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How to be assertive Say no to unreasonable expectations Paraphrase what others have stated to you Regognize and respect the rights of others Use appropriate tone of voice. Use i statements to express self Effective assertions require an expression & apt spontaneous message Judgment is needed to select an appropriate occasion Avoid putting down /striping the other person (aggressive) to express feelings (assertive). To seek counseling to be assertive
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Key rules

Know what you want & when, be specific Short term & Long term Behaviour Do what you say Control emotions Count to ten, meditate for a while Express your emotions as appropriate Understand the issues Focus on facts, not assumptions or opinions Active listening, Empathise and demonstrate it Understand issue clearly from others perspective Show personal commitment and responsibility Be positive, offer solution firmly, Be assertive
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Focus Assertiveness focuses on: Specific problem behavior of other person...It is to be stated objectively, without blaming or reading the intentions To avoid negative feelingsit creates the problem for you e.g. an I message like I feel hurt /upset / used. The request for a specific change...to brainstorm mutually acceptable solutions Result...when the change is (or is not) put in place
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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS Assertiveness is a learned skill & to be practiced in low-risk & safe situations. It can be by cautious and continuous practice Choose right time & place to discuss issue involving all stake holders To decide what you want and do not want. Be direct, Use I statements, Content : be specific, spontaneous, genuine and direct, Describe the facts & share your opinions and beliefs
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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS To confirm your request, express what you would like to happen making requests specific. To describe positive consequences that will be happen, State intentionin order to take care of yourself if your wishes are not accommodated. To acknowledge & notice your feelings & share your feedback about other person Respect everyone you would expect in return To avoid developing assertiveness debating a topic with a crowd. You may become more aggressive or passive in the process.
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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS To think simple & straight, Take ownership Be honest & direct about your feelings, needs & beliefs, while giving/receiving feedback To sort out the problem or change you want. Keep your goal in mind. Think of how best to arrive at the change. Complimenting a persons good qualities before pointing out negative aspect of their behavior can defuse defensiveness. Angry confrontation usually doesnt work in the long run without creating resentment.
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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS Dont give up Learn to be assertive in communication. It takes practice! State your viewpoint without being hesitant or apologetic, stay politely, speak clearly & firmly directly to specific individuals. Never make yourself vulnerable, keep cool Be reasonable in your requests Dont let others impose their values/ideas Encourage others to be clear and direct Be aware of body posture, maintain eye contact, stand firm, match facial expressions
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To do Tools, Techniques, TIPS

Consider the situation To understand situation Cultural difference What is established & liked Avoid absolutes Try to avoid words like always, never, every, Be specific to the situation To avoid judgments Bring effectiveness Listen & communicate Be clear in your say A level, well - modulated statement Dont hurt others Express respectfully Dont adopt my way highway attitude Be confident & approachable
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Components of Assertive Behavior Basic Assertive Rights Freedom of opinion & To say, I dont expression understand To be independent, To make mistakes taking judge or justify behavior the responsibility To change your mind To feel & express anger To say, I dont know or To refuse requests I dont care without feeling guilty To judge for finding To be illogical in making solutions decisions.
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Rights
To be myself, the right to respect myself To have feelings, opinions, values, beliefs, and to express those appropriately, to ask for what I want How I wish to be treated, Not to be threatened To make my own decisions taking responsibility of the consequences How to lead my lifepursuing goals, dreams, etc. To change my mind, make mistakes, learn from those without being ridiculed. To change & develop my life how I determine. To have positive, healthy, satisfying relationships in which I am safe and respected. To be happy and at peace.
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Rights & responsibilities

Rights To be treated with respect To express opinions & feelings To set your goals Responsibilities To respect rights of others To welcome opinions & feelings of others Help others to work to their goals & objectives To refuse a request Or say To encourage others to No plan their activities To ask for what I want Let other full-fill their needs To make mistakes Let others too & learn To get what I pay To pay for service I get
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Test your assertiveness Can you express negative feelings about others behavior without using abusive language Can you exercise your strengths Can you recognize / compliment others achievements Do you have confidence asking what is rightfully yours, Are you able to stand up for your rights Can accept criticism without being defensive Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments
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Test your assertiveness Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments Are you able to refuse unreasonable demands from friends family and colleagues Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation by your self Do you ask for assistance when you need

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Practice assertiveness
Observe your behavior & keep track of assertiveness Assess your feeling & behavior checking the effective relationships Make a log or diary for a week. Be honest with yourself! Observe an effective model. Watch someone who handles situations well for the behaviors and style. Discuss his/her approach and the consequences in friendly manner Imagine yourself handling situations differently. Visualize yourself dealing effectively with a variety of situations.
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Practice assertiveness Be assertive, but be as much of your natural self as you can. Repeat this often until you can imagine a comfortable and effective style for yourself. Give it a try Find a trusted friend and role play. Get some practice saying no, I have an idea, or that solution doesnt really work for me. The more you practice, the greater your confidence. Have your partner play different roles and give you feedback
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Practice assertiveness
To be assertive, you need to remember how worthy you are. You stand up for what you know is right. You dont allow others to treat you unjustly. You set limits with others by conveying what you will and will not do. When you have ideas, you speak out. You are your own leader. Being assertive does not mean you control things or get your own way. When someone asks what you think or how you feel, you dont just tell them what they want to hear, You honestly & tactfully tell whats true
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Practice assertiveness
When some suggestion makes you uneasy or hurt you or get you into trouble, you stop and think. You tell them you wont do it. You dont let other people bully, or hurt you. For Example - If someone consistently leaves your office space or cubicle a mess, saying Ive picked up your papers four times this week wont put her or him on the defensive as much as Youre always such a slob might. For examples I won't pass my exams if I go out with you every night "I feel hurt" rather than " You hurt me". I feel worried when you are going to be late
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Conflict resolution
Approach- The key is using the best strategy deciding right approach for the situation at hand Avoidance - This is dodging the situation or person. It works well for a cooling off period, but is not helpful as a standard for solving the conflict Competition - Seeing who can win. get people on your side is not helpful in an argument Compromise - Both parties get something, but neither party gets all of. This is effective method of resolution. To know when to compromise & when to stand firm Changing behavior is a process. Honor your style and skills; what works for others may not work for you. Aim for more confidence and consistency.
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Demonstration
Differences between aggressive, passive & assertive A's tone is accusing and blaming. B is immediately put on the defensive. A: You didn't spend any time with me at the party...I really felt abandoned. B: You didn't make an effort to have a good time. A: I didn't know anybody - at least you could have introduced me to some of your friends. B: Listen, you can take care of yourself. I'm sick of your complaining to be taken care of all of the time. A: And I'm sick of your lack of consideration. B: Okay, you're going to need another girlfriend next time.
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Demonstration
However, if A behaves assertively, expresses feelings with "I" statements and accepts responsibility, his request is specific, non-hostile and successful. A: I felt abandoned when you ignored me at the party. I'd like you to include me in your circle of friends. B: I think what you are saying is true. I didn't spend much time with you and it sounds to me like you were feeling pretty neglected. A: I can see now that I didn't make an effort to have a good time. I could have asked you to introduce me to your friends and not wait for you to make the first move instead. B: Okay, and I'll be more considerate of you next time.
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Demonstration
If A behaves passively, the timid opening line is followed by complete withdrawal. The bill problem must be dealt alone then A: Would you help me for a moment in figuring out this bill? B: I'm busy with this essay. Come back later. A: Well, I really hate to interrupt you but its important. B: Look I need to have it in by tomorrow. A: Okay, I understand I know its hard to be distracted. If A behaves assertively however, she expresses her wish clearly and does not surrender to B's negativity. A: I need your help with figuring out this bill. B: I'm busy with this essay. Come back later. A: I've waited a week & annoyed you keep the matter off. B: Look I need to have it in by tomorrow morning. A: I understand that you are under pressure, but I need to get this done. Can we do it during your break? B: Okay, let me finish this paragraph first.
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Steps to be assertive

Select a support system Evaluate and decide if you need to stop/get rid of destructive behavior Make a decision to be assertive Assess your assertive strengths & weaknesses When and where do you start Decide if something critical needs attention Work on your assertive behavior continuously

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Developing Assertiveness Understand your real contributions to the team Describe communication styles that sabotage a confident image Describe non-verbal communication that sabotage a confident image. Assert yourself through use of language Accept praise graciously Develop strategies to build a positive selfimage Participate positively in performance reviews
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What happens Doesnt just happen. Does not guarantee you happiness or fair treatment. Will not solve all your problems Does not guarantee you will get what you want

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Assertiveness Quiz
Do you buy things you do not want because you are afraid or shy to say no to the salesperson? When you do not understand the meaning of a word, do you ask about it? Do you feel responsible when things go wrong, even if it is not your fault? Do you eye contact when you talk to people? Do people ask to speak loudly in order to be heard? Do you feel intimidated by people in authority? Do you generally have good posture? Do you know how to ask for help without feeling dependent? If someone interrupt, do you usually tell them ?
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Assertive person does..

is not afraid or shy to say no. She or he feels free to make choices & clear in communication meets the needs. Fear does not prevent the assertive person from asking questions. takes responsibility for own behavior maintains eye contact and suggests sincerity, selfconfidence and the expectation that others will listen. wants to be heard. does not allow status to intimidate poses a good posture communicates asks for help without feeling dependent would state that he or she is irritated being interrupted. Can answer all questions at the end.
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Communication Saboteurs
The Inappropriate I - Dont start sentences that arent about you with I. These statements weaken you by implying that you are not sure of the facts you are stating Dont say: I have a problem with my coworker. He never gets on time. Say : My coworker rarely gets to work on time Get Rid of the Hedges You hide behind words & refuse to commit when you use these words. Avoid : Well; In my opinion; Basically.. I would like to . . .; I feel . . .; I think . . .; Im not sure, but. Tag Lines A tag is a short question added to the end of a statement or a command. Tags weaken your statements because they admit doubt. Here are a couple of examples. This is the best proposal, isnt it? OR Thats a good idea, dont you think?
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Saying No Nicely
When you are confident and positive, you say no without being hostile/ negative. You have alternatives when you want to resist pleasantly. Use the language of distance. That task cannot be completed now. Use the language of power. Cursing makes people uncomfortable. Please dont use it when I am around. Ways to Say No Powerfully Perhaps a better solution is available. That solution doesnt promise success. That solution doesnt sound practical. This solution promises to be more economical. Lets consider alternative to this. The data doesnt support this solution.
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Accepting Praise Graciously

Accept & enjoy the praise, compliments that come our way. Its a recognition & rewards for our accomplishments Ways Not to Accept Credit It was really nothing. I got lucky. It wasnt me; it was the team. I worked hard. I tried. Ways to Accept Credit Thank you. I couldnt have done without cooperation & support of the team
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Next Performance Review

Compile evidence about your accomplishments/goals Compile thoughts to gets recognized in the conversation. Plan how you will introduce your accomplishments gracefully. Practice saying it out loud. Use positive visualization, Expect a great session, Assume that you will get feedback that will compliment you and help you to improve. Use positive body language to show your leader you are engaged in the process and enthusiastic about your job and serious about doing it better. Take every compliment given warmly. Accept credit without deflecting it. Dont make your leader wonder if it was wrong to give you the credit in the first place. Accept constructive feedback with an open mind and ask questions that clarify and help you improve.
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Conclusion ASSERTIVE people get better results live longer and healthier enjoy rewarding relationships continually practice being assertive

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Thank You all whose content is utilised

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