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It is nighttime in ancient Palestine.

Pale moonlight shines through the bars of a dark and

grimy prison cell. A door suddenly opens, and two dirty, sweaty, severely beaten men are
tossed inside and the door is slammed shut behind them. They slowly gain composure,
sitting and then standing up. After a moment or two, a Roman guard enters, says, “By the
way,” and harshly locks both of them in shackles. As he does so, he hums the main riff of
Aqualung, by Jethro Tull. He then turns to leave, saying, “Sleep real cozy now” and exits,
slamming the door shut. One of the men shivers and grimaces, and the other puts a
comforting arm around the first. Their names are Paul and Silas. The shivering and
grimacing man is Silas.

Paul: It is all right, Silas. Though we be flogged and locked up, yet shall we forever be
victorious in the Lord.

Silas: Yes, yes I know (Sounds irritated, tired and cold), but…oh, those blasted slave
owners! Bringing uproar before the magistrates, who had us whipped and chained all
because you drove a spirit out of that girl in the name of Jesus! Sometimes…sometimes it
seems too much, Paul. Why does the Lord want us to suffer so at the hands of unchaste

Paul: Oh, Silas, my brother. Do not let your spirit be torn apart in anger by those workers
of iniquity. They do not perceive God’s gift of mercy given freely to all men by way of
our Lord Christ Jesus. They follow after false idols, but more so, after the greed and
corruption in their hearts. We toil so, and likewise are chastised, that God, through Christ,
may bring the light of salvation to the hypocrites and pagans. Whenever you receive
wounds for your words, mourn not, neither grumble, nor weep, for, like Christ, the
shedding of your blood has the power to renew the minds of sinners. And remember that
no matter what happens, God will never forsake you or turn away from you, for he is
your eternal guide and shepherd. He shall always be there, even…in your darkest hour. I
know that I will always trust in him. After all…

(Sings version of Let It Be, by the Beatles, quietly)

When I find myself in times of trouble, the Lord God comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness, he is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, there will be an answer, let it be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music, the Lord God comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

There will be an answer, let it be…

Silas: Yes, yes of course! Praise the Lord, for he is powerful and merciful. And he did
righteously prepare his disciples for the wrath of the world, poured out so viciously by
evil men. Wretched hypocrites, killing, and persecuting, and arresting— (Silas stops,
looking suddenly at Paul, apparently apologetic and embarrassed)
For-forgive me. I—

Paul: No, no, Silas, you are right. Wretched hypocrites all. Myself included. But that

Silas: But, of course. Reformed men and powerful in the spirit are we now. Still—

Once more, Silas is unable to finish a sentence, for at that moment the cell door again
swings open. A man, beaten worse than either Paul or Silas, is hurled upon the floor face
down. The door begins to close when a loud voice yells, “Damn! Again, I nearly forgot.”
The guard comes in, and chains the man as roughly as before. He hums the tune to
Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zeppelin. Spitting on his back, the guard looks up at Paul
and Silas.

Guard: You two! Best watch out for this ‘un here. ‘Tis a real trickster, a real piece of
work, he is. Even more so than you lot, what with your strange yelling and whatnot, and
making me have to watch special like over you. And damn it all, if I’ll ever get all these
weird melodies out of my head, what with his humming. Now normally, he wouldn’t be
put in with the likes of you, but, I dare say, tonight we have few vacancies. There seem to
be an awfully large number o’ thy radical brethren on this here night, who, inspired by the
blood of thy Lord, thought that they could get together with a few of their closest
companions and casually overthrow the Empire.

Paul: Wait. “Blood of thy Lord”? What—Oh. I see. Imbibing of—I see.

Guard: Yes, well, like I said, keep your eyes on this fella before my feet. Perhaps you can
shout and criticize the sense back in to him, or whatever it is you people do.

Paul: (sarcastically) Thank you very much.

Guard: Don’t mention it. (exits)

Silas: Hello? Uh, hello? (He speaks to the man, who doesn’t seem to be moving)

Paul: Perhaps he is not conscious. (Bends down, looking at the man, and places a hand on
his shoulder)

Osric: I am! (He looks up suddenly, grinning, having spoken very loudly. Paul falls back
in surprise) Oh, sorry about that, friend. Didn’t notice you were right on top of me.

Paul: That’s—that’s quite all right.

Osric: Because had I noticed, you probably wouldn’t be flopped on the floor in such an
undignified position. Oh, where are my manners? Let me help you up.

Paul: Thank—thank you. Ah. My name is Paul, and this is my brother in the Lord, Silas.
What may I ask is your name?

Osric: Nice cell, isn’t it? Those Romans are sure a nice lot. (Hums the Imperial March
from Star Wars)

Silas: Now, there is no need to be…well, any way, what is your name?

Osric: What do you think of my hat?

Silas: What?

Osric: My hat.

Paul: You haven’t got a hat.

Osric: I don’t? (feels the top of his head) Blast! Just when I was going to stick a feather in
it and call it pork chops. Oh, sorry. I mean…fried chicken.

Silas: What on earth are you rambling about?

Paul: And what is your name?

Osric: First question: Even I have little comprehension of what I am rambling about. Did
you not hear the guard? I am a trickster, a real piece of work. Second question: My name
is…not important. But you can call me Osric.

Silas: Wait.

Osric: Yes?

Silas: Oh, never mind.

Paul: Your name is…

Osric: …Osric.

Paul: I–I see. Well, Osric, in what way does thy heart beat? You seem to be an…eccentric
man, and I wonder where your loyalties rest, in regards to the Romans.

Osric: Oh, well—hold on a minute. What are you saying?

Paul: Uh—

Osric: What do you mean by saying I am “eccentric”? Are you calling me a fool?

Paul: Now, hold on one—no—

Osric: Is my foolery a sign that I am gullible and easily swayed?

Paul: no—I—

Osric: Are you therefore suggesting that a strict government, some might say tyrannical,
can only control and influence the weak minded?

Paul: Wait—of course I—

Osric: That the power and charisma of the state and the Empire cannot seduce even the
intelligent, compassionate and decent residents of the country, if only they are put under
enough social and financial hardship?

Paul: NO! I was not saying any of that! I was but inquiring where your allegiances lie,
and if your unique attributes and words are at work for the oppressive reign of
hypocritical and corrupt men, or for the cause of truth, love, and justice.


Osric: Ah. I see. Sorry I went on that little rant there, friend. I can become quite
passionate when it comes to politics.

Paul: (clears throat) That is…understandable. I know what it is like to be impassioned.

Osric: Aye? Do ya now? Well, then. As to thy question, the Romans can all sod off. Load
of oppressive crucifiers. Little truth and love in them, I say. I mean, apart from sanitation,
medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, fresh water and public health,
what have the tyrannical gits ever done for us?

Silas: Brought—Oh, never mind.

Paul: I see, I think. If it offends you not, sir, what may I ask, then, in that manner, is your

Osric: Oh. That. I’m not offended, just…ashamed. I know I said I didn’t have any great
love for the Romans, but I think, in my case, they were right to put me in here.

Silas: Why? Whatever could you have done? Instigated a mob? Murder?

Osric: (mumbles indeterminably, head hung low)

Silas: I’m sorry?

Osric: Copyright Infringement!

Paul: What?

Osric: I know, it’s horrible isn’t it. It seems that in writing my memoirs, Life of a Covert
Freedom Fighter Battling Against the Oppressive Reign of An Autocratic Realm, I
borrowed too many phrases and paragraphs from a similar work. I feel like such a cretin.

Silas: Osric, are you sure that that’s why you were arrested? Because you used words
from another person’s work?

Osric: Of course! Why else?

Paul: Huh. So…I take it, then, Osric, that you are a Jew, albeit a slightly revolutionary
one, longing for…the day of…glorious redemption and freedom at the coming of God’s

Osric: What? (distracted, after finishing up sulking, hums the theme song from Rocky as
he takes off his shoe and removes a pebble) Oh, yes. Redemption, resurrection, truth,
justice, the Israeli Way. Yes, all of that.

Paul: Well, Osric, the day of God came when his Spirit resided in a man, the Lord Jesus
Christ, the true Messiah, the Anointed One, the Everlasting Father, the Son of God, the
Suffering Servant, who bore the humiliation of death, having humbled himself even to
accepting death on a cross, and by so doing was exalted by God to the highest of realms,
for in his very flesh and blood did he shoulder the infinite weight of sin and decay. In
glory, then, for all time shall we live who trust in him, and he shall be praised and exalted
for eternity!

Osric: I’m sorry…who are you talking about again? (During the whole time, he was
humming the tune to Hey Jude, by the Beatles)

Paul: The—the Lord Jesus, he who healed the sick and lame, who walked on water, who
rose the dead to life, who fed the multitudes, and who preached a message of mercy,
forgiveness and divine redemption and truth!

Silas: He was crucified upon a tree and then after three days—will you stop humming!?
(to Osric, now humming the main theme to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

Silas: AFTER THREE DAYS, he rose again to life, the glorious and triumphant Savior of
the world. And then, after 40 days, he ascended to the Kingdom of Heaven, to sit at the
right hand of God.

Osric: (pause) Wow.

Paul: Yes. And he stands knocking at the door of your heart, at the door of everyone’s
heart, and you need only to accept him as your Savior and Lord to be saved—

Osric: Wait. How is he at my heart if he is sitting at the right hand of God?

Silas: He—he is sitting at the right hand of God. It is God’s Spirit that knocks upon your

Osric: But you said it was Jesus.

Paul: It—it is! Jesus is one with the Spirit.

Osric: Then how could the Spirit come to reside upon him if he is the same as the Spirit?
And for that matter, what is he, God, or the Son of God? And how can God have a Son?
And how can Jesus be his own father? Did he travel through time or something?

Silas: Stop! No! Wait! We believe that God is one in being and purpose, yet three in
person and manifestation. (pause) Right? (to Paul)

Paul: Yes! Look, Osric, the most important thing you should know is this: God, above
and surpassing all things, is love.

Osric: Love?

Paul: Yes! Silas?

Silas: Yes, right, of course, love. (distracted still from the previous conversation)

Osric: And you are saying that, as God’s Son, Jesus is the full and literal personification
of love?

Paul: Yes! Yes!

Osric: I don’t know Paul. I mean, I have been hurt by love before.

(Sings the first two verses of Queen’s Love of My Life)

Love of my life - you've hurt me
You've broken my heart and now you leave me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me, because you don't know
What it means to me

Love of my life, don't leave me

You've taken my love and now desert me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know
What it means to me…

Paul: Yes, but that was merely the love of a woman. It was about a woman, right?

Osric: Yes, of course. (Says it slyly, eyes darting back and forth)

Paul: Well, anyway, the love of any person is merely a glimpse of the love of God, whose
divine providence stretches throughout every depth and height and barrier in the whole of
his wondrous creation.

(Long Pause)

Osric: Huh. That’s…interesting. Uh, Paul? If I may ask you, if you don’t mind, how
exactly did you fall into your current vocation, that is, as a preacher and bearer of the
Good News?

Paul: What? Oh. (pauses, peering solemnly out into space, causing Osric to look where he
looks. Then Paul turns around.) It was…a time ago. At that time, my name was Saul. I
was a powerful and influential Pharisee, though I was also a Roman citizen, by birth. I
obeyed the Law of Moses as though my life depended upon it, and indeed, I believed it
did. The followers of Jesus rose up and began preaching the gospel of life, though I
loathed them so, believing falsely that they taught blasphemy and the path to damnation.
Breathing threats and murder against the Lord’s disciples, I acquired letters from the chief
priest to go into Damascus and bind all those you call on His name. As I was riding upon
the road to Damascus, a glorious light shining down from heaven suddenly blinded me,
and I heard the Lord’s voice, bearing down on me, and commanding me to go into the
city, and wait for instructions. And for three days and three nights, I neither ate nor drank.

Osric: That…that’s it? You heard a voice and saw a light? Well, that happens to me two
or three times a week. Doesn’t necessarily mean that God is calling me.

Paul: (flabbergasted) Now—now wait just one mom—you—I—there is much more! I—

Osric: And let me get this straight. After you see a tremendous light from the sky shining
down upon you with all the magnificent radiance of God and hear a booming, swelling,
thunder from the heavens proclaiming to be a crucified carpenter, you actually go three
days and nights without eating and drinking? I would think that you would be mixed up
enough all ready without the added thirst and starvation.

Paul: (enraged) Now you wait one moment! Are you suggesting that my experiences, as
real and miraculous as they have been, are merely the result of madness and deprivation?!

Osric: Not exactly. I just think it is…unusual, that’s all. What else are you going to tell
me? That you were blind, but then the power of God restored your sight? That’s original.

Paul: Um…

Osric: All I am saying is, it seems like every story, in one way or another, starts with a
shining light or a voice from nowhere. How do we know it is God? Perhaps it is just in
our minds? Or perhaps it is even Beelzebub.

Paul: Wait. What did you just say?

Osric: I said perhaps it is even—

Paul: Beelzebub! I know that name. Well, I mean yes, it is the name of Satan, the tempter
and Evil One. And yet, it is causing me to remember something. I’m not sure…

Osric: Another booming voice?

Paul: Yes! Except that there were many voices and they were…singing.

Silas: Singing?

Paul: Yes…my word. In the name of the glorious and holy One, I remember! It was a
dream I had while I was fasting. There were men, righteous and pure, huddled together in
darkness. They were proclaiming astounding and humbling truths, yet their words seemed
so strange and extraordinary. I felt as though the forces of good and evil were battling for
my soul, as well as my life. Through the men’s words, I realized that though I was a great
and powerful man before the world, before God I was wretched and poor and not even
worth loving…

(The stage instantly goes dark. The three men stand together. The operatic section from
Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody begins playing. The light goes up immediately at the first
line. The men mouth the words)

I see a little silhouetto of a man

Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me

Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro – magnifico-o-o-o-o

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me

He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go - will you let me go
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me
For me-e-e-e!

(As it goes into the head banging section, the stage again goes dark as the music fades
out. The men return to their previous positions and then the lights go up again)

Paul: Yet God, in his infinite grace, forgave me my atrocities and poured out his mercy
through his only begotten son. (pause) My. What an extraordinary dream. I can’t believe I
forgot about it. Surly, if my story is ever told, it shall forever be told with it.

Osric: Hmmm. (rolls his eyes)

Silas: You must admit, Osric, that God works in mysterious ways. What a truly awesome
thing Paul has made known to us.

Osric: I suppose.

Silas: Suppose!? In so many ways, God has enlightened Paul with the light of
righteousness, mercy and salvation.

Paul: Indeed. Yet it is not only my burden and joy. God has shown the whole world,
through Christ Jesus, his eternal and never-ending compassion for all people, throughout
all the natural world, to the very end of time. Once more, it is by His enduring love that
these glorious and righteous things have taken place. God, the absolute of absolutes, is
the inspiration and cause of all pure, wonderful, unselfish, giving love, for in this, nothing
is impossible.

Silas: Yes Paul. After all…

(Silas sings All You Need is Love, by the Beatles)

There's nothing you can do that can't be done

Nothin' you can sing that can't be sung
Nothin' you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy...

Nothin' you can make that can't be made

No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothin' you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy...

All you need is love

All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Nothin' you can know that isn't known

Nothin' you can see that isn't shown
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy...

All you need is love

All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need…

Paul: Yes, Silas! That was truly magnificent. Or should I say…“magnifico”?

Osric: Wow. I certainly fell in with an unusual pair of guys.

Paul: Look, Osric, the reason we speak the way we do is that God, through the Lord
Jesus, called us to proclaim and preach the awesome glory and hope that awaits all
people, throughout all ages, to the very ends of the earth, who will turn away from their
foolish and corrupt lives and put their hearts into the care of Our Almighty Father, the
Great King of the World, the Prince of Peace. The triumph of all creation lies within one
man, one flesh, and one true vision.

(Queen’s One Vision Plays. The men mouth the words as before. )

Hey, one man, one goal, ha, one mission

One heart, one soul, just one solution
One flash of light, yeah, one God, one vision

One flesh, one bone

One true religion

One voice, one hope
One real decision
Wowowowowowo Gimme one vision

No wrong, no right
I'm gonna tell you there's no black and no white
No blood, no stain
All we need is one world wide vision

One flesh, one bone

One true religion
One race, one hope
One real decision
Wowowowowo woh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

I had a dream
When I was young
A dream of sweet illusion
A glimpse of hope and unity
And visions of one sweet union
But a cold wind blows
And a dark rain falls
And in my heart it shows
Look what they've done to my dream, yeah

One vision
So give me your hands
Give me your hearts
I'm ready
There's only one direction
One world and one nation
Yeah one vision

No hate, no fight
Just excitation
All through the night
It's a celebration
Wowowowowowo yeah
One one one one one one one

One vision

One flesh, one bone

One true religion
One voice, one hope

One real decision

Gimme one light, yeah

Gimme one hope, hey
Just gimme, ha
One man, one man
One bar, one night
One day hey hey
Just gimme gimme gimme gimme
Fried chicken vision vision vision vision vision…

Paul: My. What just happened?

Osric: I don’t know, but I must say we certainly can rock, whatever that means.

Paul: Did I say that there was no wrong and no right? Well, I certainly didn’t mean that.
And once more, there was that “fried chicken” phrase.

Osric: Yeah, I know. That was cool. That happened entirely by accident, didn’t it?

At that moment, the door swings open. The guard stomps in, looking menacing.

Guard: What the devil is going on in here!? The other prisoners are complaining that they
can’t sleep because you lot are bloody singing! I personally didn’t notice, as I was on the
John. What the blazes you singing for?

Paul: Singing? We were—um—we were singing because—that is—

Silas: Hymns to God!

Osric: Hymns?

Guard: To God?

Paul: Yes! Hymns to God! For though we suffer injustice and torment, we know that our
Savior and King guides and protects us for the ultimate glorification of his kingdom. In
our pain, we bring the Lord worship. If you wish to be saved, all you must do is believe
on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Guard: Oh—no, that—that’s all right, I think I’m satisfied with where I am in my
spiritual walk. And in any case, I can’t help noticing what appear to me to be a lot of
logical and practical inconsistencies with what you preach. Not to mention the fact that
what you preach has a lot of profound and, in my opinion, disturbing implications about
the future and the value of life. It seems to me that your message is very much the same
thing, albeit a unique take on love and forgiveness, that people have followed after for
generations: Establish an inevitable Godlike figure who will solve everyone’s problems

and think for everyone, instead of people doing it for themselves. Although I can see the
positive cultural impact with your emphasis on love, forgiveness, and community,
overall, I suspect that it will cause people to be slightly more suspicious of reason, self-
expression, or anything different. It is not necessarily even what you preach; just the
natural progression and evolution of society.

Paul and Silas look on in stunned disbelief. Osric reflects.

Guard: But hey, I mean, what do I know? I’m just a Roman guard, for the gods sake.
Whatever floats your boat. Just try to be considerate to the other prisoners. (exits)

Paul and Silas continue to stand there, quite still, unable to speak.

Osric: So…what did he say?

Silas: What?

Osric: What did he say?

Silas: Why? Were you humming again?

Osric: No. It’s just…I’m not fluent in Vulgar Latin.

Paul: What?

Osric: Well, isn’t that what he was just speaking? I know Vulgar Latin is the common
language of the Roman Empire, but I never got around to learning it fully.

Paul: Wait, so you’re saying you didn’t understand anything he just said?

Osric: I did pick up one or two phrases: love, forgiveness, God something, and something
evolution of society, though I am not terribly sure what that means.

Paul: But wait, you understood him before, when he called you a trickster, a real piece of
work, didn’t you?

Osric: Yeah, but I only knew those phrases because I hear them so often.

Silas: So those words you mentioned a moment ago, that’s all you heard?

Osric: Pretty much. So, what did he say?

Paul: He said…he said that he admired our words and would give them serious

Osric: (to himself) Yeah, probably only if his life was on the line.

Paul: What?

Osric: Nothing.

Paul: (sighs) Look, Osric, no one is forcing you to believe. All we are saying is that if you
don’t, you may possibly regret it horrifically. After all, the Lord Jesus gave his life,
shedding his blood so that you may—

Osric: Paul, if-if I may, it seems you guys talk an awful lot about Jesus dying and
shedding his blood.

Paul: It was so you would not be condemned to—

Osric: I mean, seriously, do you guys have, like, some kind of bloodlust?

Paul: I—

Osric: Well…if you do, then all I can say is—

(The opening riff of If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It) by AC/DC begins to play. Osric
rocks out to it as Paul and Silas stand in the corner, looking around in irritation and
confusion. At the very moment before the opening lyric begins to play, Paul jumps in
front of Osric. The music stops as he begins to shout.)

Paul: Stop! STOP! For the love of God! AC/DC?! What’s next? Kiss? The Rolling
Stones? Maybe a little more Queen or Beatles? Or how about some Metallica? Or better
yet, you had a little Jethro Tull earlier. Maybe you want to explore progressive rock?
Some Yes or ELP or Pink Floyd even? Seriously, though, what is the deal with all this
rock music? This is getting pretty excessive. And now we have way too many numbers
back to back. Try spacing it out a little better. But really! All this “classic” rock? For
God’s sake, this is ancient Palestine! (Quickly glimpses in the direction of the audience) I
mean, st-stop this foolishness and tell us whether or not you have… made a decision
regarding what we…wh-what we preach.

Osric: I’m deeply sorry, Paul, Silas. I’m sure if I had actually met you two normally, I
would probably have great admiration for what you do. Nevertheless, try as I might, I
simply can’t groove to the jive I am hearing, and I mean that with the utmost

Paul: What?

Osric: It is just so difficult for me to accept that, just by believing in some guy who
claimed to be God, all my problems, and for that matter, everyone’s problems, will be
solved. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m an optimist, but I’m also a realist. All three of us,
I’ve just now realized, have been beaten, whipped, and thrown in jail for what we

believe. We are, in our own ways, trying to make the world a better place, yet we are
persecuted. We may very well be crucified, just like your Jesus. At times like these, I try
to remember what they say…

(Sings Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python’s Life of Brian)

Some things in life are bad

They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...

Paul: Blasphemer! Why do you say such things?

Osric: Paul! If…if you can’t laugh at the miseries of life, then all you can do is…cry. I
mean, I know how bad life can be. For God’s sake, I’m a Jew!

After a long pause…

Silas: Are you sure, Osric? I mean, that song seemed so cheerful and uplifting…

Osric: Uh—what is that supposed to mean?

Silas: Nothing. Just—

For the final time in this play, the guard graces the three main characters with his

Guard: Come on, fellas, give it a break with the hymns, will ya? People are trying to
enjoy their forced and filthy solitude in peace.

Paul: Uh—yes, very well, sorry.

Guard turns to leave, but stops as Osric starts laughing very loud.

Guard: What’s so funny?

Paul: “What’s so funny?”, he said.

Osric: Oh. I was just thinking about that evolution thing. I think I finally get it. Not only
does it sound like a word bound to create controversy, but in it’s less broad sense, I can
only imagine what it will do to your cause.

Paul stares with unknowing frustration.

Osric: Oh, you know how these things develop over time. In years to come, when this
story is recounted for the ages, in the grand epic of God’s salvation, this whole ordeal will
probably be told with great seriousness and nobility, as it is with most traditions. So, of
course, I will be completely written out of the story, as will other elements that don’t add
up to the story arch. And, to top it all off with one amazing feat of “miraculous” power,
they will probably throw in an earthquake or something.

Everyone stares at him with anger and confusion.

Osric: (to Guard) Now, sir…where’s my hat!?