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What's Your Sexiest Weight?

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Is your love life ruled by the scale? If your body image is poor, absolutely, say these three women. WH convinced them tostrip down and share their stories about how they learnt to love themselves again
By Zodwa Kumalo-Valentine

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Photographs by Jurie Potgieter

I saw myself more as a mother than a lover

Porchia torres

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You know how it is: you put on a few kilos and suddenly youd rather curl up on the couch with aDVD than hook up for some toecurling pleasure. And its true, extra kilos can be a passion killer, inmore ways than one.
A recent US study showed that the sex drive of significantly overweight women may actually be affected by poor blood circulation. This is because the constriction of the blood vessels leading to the clitoris impacts blood flow in the same way as it would to the heart, or, in a mans case, the penis, which could cause erectile dysfunction. And when the blood flow is restricted, your body is less responsive, which can lead to a drop in libido. More bad news for the very overweight is that the more body fat you have, the higher your levels of sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG), a natural chemical that binds to testosterone. And this affects you how? Well, doctors have theorised that the more testosterone thats bound to SHBG, the less there is available to stimulate desire. Cue more libido plunging. However, neither of these two scenarios is as pervasive as the role body image plays in stimulating desire and allowing you to enjoy a healthy sex life. According to recent studies published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, body confidence and appearance-based distracting thoughts during sexual activity play a significant role in sexual satisfaction. And a survey published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders showed that for sexually active women,

I realised that not only thinwomen can let loose

body image satisfaction is associated with a higher frequency of sexual behaviour, increased initiation of sexual activity and greater chance of orgasm. Its a sad reality that for many women, worrying about how their bum looks from every angle makes it difficult to let go and enjoy the moment. And when your brain is battling unsexy thoughts (He can see my cellulite!), theres little chance your body is going to conjure up a sexy response. When women feel selfconscious about their bodies, they feel vulnerable, says Dr Ilze van der Merwe-Alberts, a psychologist who specialises in sexual therapy. Avoiding sex is a way to protect themselves from their perceived physical shame, as well as guilt about their lack of self-control. This can inhibit them from letting go, enjoying sex and experiencing an orgasm. Studies confirm that poor body image can play havoc with your love life. A 2001 study of university students (whove got both youth and stamina in their favour) reported that women who were unhappy with their sex and dating lives also had a poor body image. But even if your BMI is healthy and your partner tells you youre sexier than Rihanna, if your own body image isnt positive, no amount of flattery is going to stop you worrying that your boobs look like fried eggs when youre lying on your back, says sexual health expert Dr Lorraine Becker. The change only happens when you let go of your hang-ups, agrees Van der MerweAlberts. Not many women can say with absolute certainty that they accept the way they look. But when you let go of unrealistic expectations and start to like yourself for who you are, you grow your self-esteem, she says. Weight can hide many layers of insecurity, fear and pain, and by learning to deal with these, you empower yourself and live your life with more mastery than before. So whether your issue is a flat butt, floppy breasts or post-baby stretch marks, theres no reason not to reclaim your sexual mojo. Meet three women who found their happy weight and then some.
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womenshealthsa.co.za

Nina Masango, 30, account manager

My first ideas about romance, love and sex came from movies and ill-informed discussions with friends. Sex was always made to seem intense: these beautiful, thin women having orgasmic sessions in bed, wearing lingerie that fitted their bodies perfectly. And then there was me. Never mind lingerie, I didnt even wear jeans until after I left university because, unlike other women, I couldnt find a pair that both covered my bum and fitted me properly. I guess my weight issues began when I started to notice boys. For me, they made better friends than they did boyfriends. Why on earth would they find me attractive if I didnt think I was? Some guys would say, Iyhoo, upakile maan (nice big ass), and Id laugh it off as if it wasnt getting to me. But it did. When I eventually started dating, I was already on a roller coaster ride with my weight. I went to all sorts of lengths to drop kilos. I even asked a dentist to wire my jaw shut. The idea was to restrict my diet to liquids only. I wouldnt even need willpower; it would be physically impossible to eat anything. He agreed, but he didnt do it successfully because after a few days the pain was so unbearable I was forced to remove the wires. I know, madness! I spent my twenties losing and then regaining 20kg. Once I lost the weight I found that more guys wanted to go out with me, but in hindsight I realise it was the confidence I got from losing the kilos that made me believe I could get any guy I wanted. And I did. But the relationships wouldnt last because Id sabotage them when the kilos crept back and I became afraid theyd break up with me. Then Id go on binges, packing on the weight and the misery. In 2005, my family encouraged me to enter a Search For a Real Woman competition; I thought I was too heavy, but ended up as one of the finalists and have been modelling ever since. The day I did my first lingerie shoot was a turning point. I saw this beautiful, voluptuous, sexy woman in the photos and started worrying less about holding in my tummy during sex and enjoying the experience more. I used to worry that guys would be put off by my generous thighs and bum, but now I use those very parts to entice and seduce. It drives men crazy! And Ive also stopped restricting myself by thinking only thin women can enjoy certain positions or let loose. I understand and appreciate my body, its flexibility and the orgasmic journey it takes me on. Sex has become a lot more fun, crazy, intense and fulfilling for both me and the person Im with. As soon as I accepted my curves and voluptuousness, I realised I can do or go wherever my imagination takes me. >

The day I did my first lingerie shoot was a turning point. I saw this beautiful, voluptuous,sexy woman
nina masango

33 of women who say they Percentage 15 Percentage of overweight

menwhofeelthe same way
Source: Obesity, Nutrisystem Diet Index

dontenjoy sex because of their weight

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Before I lost weight, I would oftenopt for a quickie

Odette George, 35, project manager

I havent had many sexual partners, but from each one Ive learnt important lessons about myself, what I like in bed and how I feel about my body. My first boyfriend, at 17, was the first guy who made me feel good about my body. When his friends teased me about my big bum, hed defend me by telling them how much he loved it. I was a size eight then the biggest Ive ever been, and probably the most insecure. Another relationship taught me about my needs and what turns me on and what doesnt. And the more certain I became about what I wanted in bed, the more my hang-ups started to fall away. Once, when I dyed my hair blonde, men would hit on me, calling me J.Lo. I loved that. Finally I was seeing myself the way others saw me. My fixation with my figure started as far back as junior school. As a girl I wanted to be a ballerina, but my dad told me to forget the idea because my bum was simply too big. That was the day I started to hate my bottom it was the thing that stood between me and my dream. And as I grew up, there were more comments. I remember one day he put his hands around my waist and said: When your mother was your age, I used to love putting my hands around her tiny waist and, you know, my fingers would touch on the other side. It mattered to me that he couldnt do that with me. He was the most important man in my life, so Id always seek his approval. A lot of black women I know have that curvy, hourglass figure he was talking about, and its the shape Ive always wished I had. Though I consider myself black, Im not, and I dont look like a typical coloured woman either. Instead, I look slightly Asian and people I know have confessed to thinking: Whos this Asian woman with a big ass and boobs? My bum is disproportionate to the rest of my petite frame Im 1.59m so I think it looks odd and Ive always had a complex about it. Before I lost weight, I would often opt for a quickie to avoid foreplay because it allowed my partner to scrutinise my body. I hated getting undressed in front of a man. It made me anxious and you could see it all over my face. So Id make sure I got undressed and under the covers before he was done in the bathroom. Then the foreplay would begin, usually with a massage, which I hated because it would give him a chance to see my cellulite. When I finally took control of my bad eating habits, I lost five kilos and felt more energetic, happier and sexier. I began wearing lingerie again and stopped worrying about my bum when I was naked. I was in my early thirties and having the best sex of my life I allowed my partner to explore and appreciate my body without cringing, and it amazed me how much letting go of my inhibitions allowed me to give in to the moment. Then one night my boyfriend turned to me while we were drifting off to sleep and mumbled, You know, I preferred you with a little more meat on your bones. I was getting more attention from other men as a size six than I was as a size eight and I dont think he liked that much.

I realised then that how I feel about my body is more important than how others see me. Im at my happy weight now and no man will ever convince me to fatten up or trim down. I love me, my slender frame and my juicy derrire just the way it is.

I banned the scale because it distorted how I saw my body

Porchia Torres, 39, product manager
Im turning 40 this year and its the first time Ive ever felt sexy. I am a mother of two boys and, by the time the first was seven months old, I was already pregnant with my second. So I didnt get a chance to lose the whopping 30kg Id gained. Food became my comfort before, between and after my pregnancies. Still, my husband has never had a problem with my weight. Even at my heaviest, he found me attractive, but I would make up all sorts of excuses to avoid sex, anything from feigning fatigue to putting on my passion-killer pajamas. When youre a busy mother of two young children, you focus on nurturing and caring and use your body to feed and nourish. I saw myself more as a mother than a lover. Before we had kids, we regularly booked romantic weekends away and often spent lazy mornings in bed enjoying each other. Sex was something we both looked forward to, and even though I still had issues with my body, back then I felt confident when having sex. While pregnant, unlike a lot of women, I didnt go off sex. I loved my growing belly and the way my body felt against my husband, but as the trimesters added up, so did the kilos. Then things changed during the baby years, and I admit sex became a chore. Even when I was in the mood, I felt uncomfortable about my body and struggled to be in the moment. My New Years resolution this year was to get back to me by the time I turned 40. The first thing I did was ban the scale because it just distorted the way I saw my body. I signed on with a personal trainer to help me shake off the unsexy rolls that had accumulated over the past nine years and joined salsa classes with my husband. Salsa is not only about feeling sexy and confident, its also about controlling your body movements and expressing yourself as a woman. The difference has been remarkable and I love the way I look and feel again. I enjoy sex a lot more and, of course, have it more often. And because I feel more confident with my body since Ive lost weight, I want to show it off. I also feel the psychological benefits of having a healthy body it goes far beyond the immediate and the obvious. It has raised my game in everything I do. I have more energy, even after a long working day, and look forward to being intimate with my husband. I realise Id missed desiring and being close to him.
July 2012

we asked the Mens Health* team what they really think about womens bodies
the side and underside of a breast if she has alarger pair, likeaC-cup. Its soft, smoothandcushioned. a woman is at her sexiestwhen shes relaxed enough to eat what she wants so she has that little bit ofextrapuppy fat, before the pointwhere she starts to get cottage cheese thighs. skinny is not sexy slimandtonedis. my girlfriends bum could be a little fuller itsa bit on the flat side. I dont get the hype about being skinny. Iprefer a bit of weight, butrather a big girl thanafat girl. Ima stickler for proportion, soIfindapear shapeprettysexy. every woman is different. I might find onewomans collarbones attractive and in another its her delicate ankles. Boobs, bum, stomach, legs, face, hair, vagina itsall good, but depending on the girl and what shes wearing, different parts speak to me atdifferent times. theres something about a womans hip bone area I guess itsaprimalinstinct because Icant fullydescribe why I like it. *We made it anonymous so they could be brutally honestwithout incurring our wrath!

Guys Weigh In

I wanted to be a ballerina, but my dad told me my bum was too big

odette George

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