Coaching and Beliefs by Jan Elfline

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Wecreateourexperienceoflifebycraftingbeliefs.Ourbeliefschange throughoutourlives;theyarefluidandmutable.Wecantraceourdevelopment byidentifyingadjustmentsinourbeliefs.Buttheverystatementsinthis paragraphgoagainstmanyindividualsperceptionsaboutbeliefs. Asyouworkwithclients,thefirststepistomakethemawarethattheyhave beliefs.Thismaysoundabsurd,butourbeliefsareofteninvisibletous.We dontframeourassumptionsasbeliefs;rathertheyaresimplydescriptionsofthe waytheworldworks. Asyourclientsbegintobesensitivetohowmuchoftheirthinkingisdrivenby thebeliefstheyhold,theywillchoosetoshapebeliefsthatwillservethem.This mayleadtoadiscussionabouthowbeliefsarechanged. InChangingBeliefSystemswithNLP,RobertDiltstellsthestoryofamanwho believesheisacorpse.Onseveralvisits,hispsychiatristattemptstoconvince himthatheisinfactalive,buttonoavail.Finallythepsychiatristasks,Do corpsesbleed?Themanrepliesthatofcoursecorpsesdonotbleed,allofthe systemsinthebodyhavestopped.Thepsychiatristproposesanexperiment.He willprickthemansfingerwithaneedle.Whenhedoesandthepatientstartsto bleedthepatientlooksastoundedandsays,Illbedamned,corpsesdobleed! Thisstoryillustratesapointaboutbeliefsandevidence.Beliefsarerarely changedbyourexperienceofcontradictoryevidence.Ifsomeonehaslowself esteem,noexternalacknowledgmentwillmakehimorherfeelworthy.If someonethinksofhim/herselfasincompetent,nonumberofdegreesand credentialswillconvincethemthattheyarecapable. Beliefsarechangedaswerecognizethatweholdabeliefandchoosetoquestion orchangethebelief.Ritualmaybeuseful,suchasthewalkingbeliefchange,or aclearingritual. Asacoach,youcanworkatthelevelsofbehaviorandcapability,andtherecan begreatvaluefortheclientinmakingchangesatthoselevels.Butattimeseven afterdesiredbehavioralchangeshavestabilized,theclientdoesnotexperience thebenefitstheyexpectedasaresultofthosechangedbehaviors.Thebehavior haschanged,butoldbeliefsarestillrunningtheshow.

Copyright 2004

Jan Elfline, ICF MCC

www.JanElfline.com

Coaching and Beliefs by Jan Elfline

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Incontrast,whenbeliefsbegintotransform,desiredandlastingbehavioral changescomeaboutwithlesseffort.Asanoldbeliefshifts,wefindthat changingwhatwedoseemsnaturalandeveninevitable.Ouroldbehaviors produceafeelingofincongruence.Ournewactionsreflectcurrentbeliefsand feelright. Incoachingyouwillhaveopportunitiestoaddressbothbeliefsaboutcapabilities andbeliefsaboutidentity.Fromabouttheageoffiveonward,wedevelopskills andcapabilitiesconsciouslybychoosingwhatwelearn.Aswecontinuetogrow, ourbeliefsaboutourcapabilitiesexpand.Childrenrarelyquestionwhetheror nottheyarecapableofdoingsomething,theyjusttryit.Iftheyfail,theytry againorinadifferentway.Butaswegrowolder,wemaytrysomethingseveral times,butwhenfrustrationsetsin,weoftenassumethatwearenotcapableand wenevertryagain.Asacoach,youmaywanttoquestiontheoldevidencethe clientisreferencing;howdidtheycometothisbeliefabouttheircapability? Asadults,wehavelittletoleranceformovingthroughlearningcurvesandwe geteasilyfrustratedandjumptoconclusionsaboutourcapabilities.Albert BanduraatStanfordUniversitystudiedhowlearningtakesplaceandcreatedthe nowfamousBanduraCurve.Hefoundthatlearningisaprocessofmoving throughcrisispointsthatrequirethatwebelievewecanchangeorimprove.As webelieveinourcapabilities,ourperformancerisestomeetthebelief.Aswe questionourability,ourperformancefalters. Inworkingwithclients,itisusefultoassumethatlearningandchangeare processesthatareinfluencedbyourunderlyingbeliefs.Ascoaches,weoften speakabouttheprocessesoflearningandchange.Weidentifyadipaswhatit is,astumble,notevidencethattheclientshouldquitstrivingforwhattheywant. BeliefsaboutidentityshowupinthecoachingrelationshipasIamstatements. TheclientjustassumesthatthisisthewayIam.Hereagain,thecoachcan challengetheclientbysuggestingthattheirstatementisabelief.Thecoach couldsuggestthattheclienttryononadifferentbeliefaboutwhotheyare, andnoticewhatbehaviorswouldfollowfromthenewbelief. Peopleoftenhaveasensethatchangeattheidentitylevelisdifficultoreven impossible.Inreality,weareconstantlyintheprocessofinventingourselves.By decidingtoworkwithacoach,theclienthaschosentobeconsciousaboutthe processofdefiningwhattheirlifewillbelike.Inessence,theyareinventinga

Copyright 2004

Jan Elfline, ICF MCC

www.JanElfline.com

Coaching and Beliefs by Jan Elfline

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newidentityforthemselves.Yourcoachingquestionscanhelpthemshapethe newidentitytheywanttoliveinto. Beliefsarecentraltoaneffectivecoachingrelationship.Youwillachievelimited successwithprivateindividualsorinbusinessesifyoudonotassisttheclientto lookattheirbeliefs. Questionsandstatementsthathelptheclienttoexaminebeliefs: Whatistrueaboutthis? Isthatabelief? Youcouldchoosetobelievethat. Thatisoneperspective. Doyouhaveabeliefaboutwhatshouldbeinthissituation? Theresabelief. Andtheresanotherbelief.(Thiscouldgoonforanentirecall!)

Copyright 2004

Jan Elfline, ICF MCC

www.JanElfline.com