Are you feeling anger?

How do you feel when someone, voluntarily or involuntarily makes a mistake, when someone breaks a deal off or when someone does something that you disagree with? Moreover, how do you feel when someone says or does anything that turns you mad at them? Do you stay calmed and quiet? Do you swallow your anger and avoid the matter?, Do you face the problem and talk to clarify the issue?, Do you discuss the issue until you get an apology from the other party?, Do you apologize for getting angry even though you consider to be right?. There are many ways of handling anger and frustration, some of them effective, some of them not so much, some of them healthier than others; understanding by healthy: to find a solution for the common good. You might wonder: How do you know the right way in each case?, until what point is tolerance an acceptable measure of action? And, how do we know the moment we went from being educated and behave as a human thinking being to the moment of feeling brought down by others? How do you know if what you are perceiving as an offense or aggression brings no bad intention at all from the other person? You've probably heard the saying that says: "Life is in the eye of the view ..." What about you, How do you look at your life like? Do you ever change your lenses or you always use the same? Do you wear dark or clear sunglasses to see from the distance or close to the objective, to lighten or darken the images? Do you wear glasses retro? In other words, you wear glasses to see things the same way as you saw them long ago, as when you were a child for example? Or you use side shields as they put to the horses to pull carts, so they are not distracted and to just concentrate on the road ahead of them? Or maybe ... Is it more important for you to talk about it until you hear clearly who was to blame, who is right and who is wrong? Is it more important for you to talk all you need to feel yourself more relaxed? Do you consider important to say the last word? Or otherwise, Do you strategically avoid arguments to avoid any exaltation? Do you put ground through with whom you consider your aggressor or offender? Are you at all times aware of who wants to deceive you, abuse you or cause you harm? So, what do you think? How did you learn to see life and talk about your issues? Do you feel satisfied with the way you've done it so far? If not, let me tell you that you can change -You will think : Sure, easy for you to say! Well, let me tell you, it is possible

But, what if you have tried all the ways? Believe me, you have not tried everything, at least not with the right seriousness, the techniques and the consistency required. First we must consider that we can handle two kinds of anger: An anger that we use to manipulate and secondly, an anger that serves our common good and the good of everyone else in an equal way. Are you surprised? Of course the anger is also useful, but to understand this, we must examine our concept of anger, because you have to know that the way we handle anger right now, it has been determined by how we learnt to be angry in our childhood and again, that childhood plays its role, however, it does not necessarily determines our present. I remember as a kid I learnt to suppress my anger because otherwise I risked being bit by my older brother, or I risked seeing my mothers sad face for showing my anger in the form of a tantrum (remember that children are hardly taught to negotiate and to persist for what we want, so we learn to ask by using tantrums to pressure Mom and Dad or whoever else who stands this behavior, instead of learning how to properly use our anger and frustration as motivation to fight and achieve what we want and what we believe to be fair), or I risked to receive a lecture on how people who get angry are bad people, or that it is a sin to get angry, etc ... Can you believe it? I was told that getting angry is a sin, Of course there is nothing as false as this; as St. Paul states, "Be angry but do not commit a sin", this means that the bad thing is not to get angry as soon as you act with measure and only to defend your rights or to encourage yourself to develop those projects in which we need that courage as an engine to persist until we achieve them, but, to get angry and get filled of frustration because the expectations we formed of a person or situation did not fulfilled our expectations and then, we react by attacking this in various ways to cause harm and satisfy our desire for revenge, this is the least appropriate way to show our anger and aggressiveness. According to Fritz Perls: Gestalt therapy founder, learning to suppress our aggressiveness rather than to lead us to a state of holiness, it leads us to a state of neurosis; this theory was confirmed by St. Paul for many years as I mentioned before, however, it is important to properly handle this aggressiveness and courage, not only to unleash as if we lived in the stone age or the wild west, the idea is to dosify it and use it only as needed, depending on the situation. So: it is necessary to defend yourself when the situation asks for it, you need to release that courage and fasten the pace when we are taking too long to provide solutions to any issues that even though they remain in our hands, we avoid them for fear of being tagged as pretentious, (remember that is not money the one which hinders to be a good person, but the overwhelming love for this), to offend with our clarity, to claim our rights or to take the place of a friend who does not act upon things or who prefers to sleep all day long instead of start acting to be productive to himself, to his person, to the society and to God.

In conclusion: It is better to use our anger and aggressiveness to defend ourselves with wisdom and moderation, to take from there the energy and motivation and bring up our lives, to push a little bit more or find new ways when there are obstacles that will not let us move forward, to know that every human being regardless of their particular characteristics, is worth exactly the same to God and receives the same right to enjoy the benefits of creation, to have economic and social achievements based on their creativity, motivation, persistence, hard work, dedication, conditions and personal history. Edited by: S. Jorge MTG Bolaos Dominguez Email: jorgepsicoalterna@hotmail.com Consultants Psicoalterna