Jayplay

September 28, 2006

10

bULLS-eYe WeeKeND
LOOKING FOR A CHEAP VACATION? jAyPLAy TELLs yOu HOw TO TAKE A ROAd TRIP AT THE TOss OF A dART.

WINNING WINERIES REVAMP YO RAMEN CHANCELLORS DIGS

taste the grapes noodles that are good for you living on school property

t o c TABLE OF CONTENTS
The route to Mount Zion, Mo., is scattered with 27 McDonalds restaurants, five Waffle Houses and six fireworks stands (it is Missouri, after all). The town itself resembles nothing more than a neighborhood of about 10 houses, a bible school and a vintage fire engine with a flat tire. Not many people even know where Mount Zion is. I know this because when I told my friends I was going there for Labor Day weekend, I got blank stares and bunch of, Why? responses. I got even more questions when I told them the trip was because I had thrown a dart at a map. This week, Ive recounted the details of all the towns I stopped in during my Dart Trip from Branson, Mo., to Ava, Mo. Read Jayplays feature for tips about where to take your own road trip this fall break and Dart Trip rules to live by. Remember, its about the journey, not the destination. Carolyn Tharp, Editor

note.

Eponine and more

CALENDAR

guest house resident

PEOPLE

9
13

the tasted of a winery

OUT

re-do your ramen

BITE

a couple, a dart and a small town

FEATURE

15
soda is no good

10
19
sun records religon

COVER PHOTOS COURTESY OF CAROLYN THARP

HAWK TOPICS
news you can use

HEALTH

SPEAK

JAYPLAYERS
EDITOR QUEEN OF THE CASTLE Carolyn Tharp ASSOCIATE EDITOR PUDDIN POP Becka Cremer CLERK GETS AROUND TOWN Rene Ward DESIGNERS MAKE IT PRETTY Kim Wallace Bryan Marvin PHOTOGRAPHER MCGUYVER STUFF Amanda Sellers Jared Gab Kimberly Westphall COPY EDITOR MAKES IT RIGHT Natalie Johnson Shanxi Upsdell BITE/HEALTH GOOD FOR YOU Erika Bentson Rikki Kite Rachel Parker CONTACT HELP YOUR LOVE LIFE Lisa Anderson Megan Heffley NOTICE TAKE NOTE OF IT Beth Breitenstein Jacky Carter Bart Vandever OUT HIT THE TOWN Carissa Pedigo Caleb Regan PEOPLE KNOW EVERYONE Katherine Loeck Frank Tankard CREATIVE CONSULTANT KNOWS A LOT Carol Holstead WRITE TO US jayplay06@gmail.com JAYPLAY The University Daily Kansan 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. Lawrence, KS 66045

02 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

VOLUME 4, ISSUE 7

Ca l e n d a r
Reliant K

THURSDAY

september 28

september 29

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

september 30

SUNDAY

october 1

TUESDAY

october 3

VENUES

where?

Tea time. Kansas Union, 3 p.m.

Lawrence Ballet Ensemble: Art Moves. Spencer Museum of Art, 7 p.m., all ages.

Downtown Lawrence Farmers Market. 824 New Hampshire, 7 a.m., all ages, free, downtownlawrence.com/events. html.

Schaakes Pumpkin Patch opens. Schaakes Pumpkin Patch, 9 a.m., all ages, free, www.visitlawrence. com.

Tunes at Noon: Eponine. Kansas Union Plaza, 12 p.m., www.suaevents.com. www. myspace.com/eponineband. Lawrence Public Library Fall Book Sale Begins. Lawrence Public Library, 10 a.m., all ages, free, www.lawrencepubliclibrary. org. The sale continues through Oct. 8. Lets Create!: Mosaic Art. Member Weekend Adult Workshop. Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art, 10 a.m., $40, www.nelson-atkins.org/ calendar. Explore the work of Tony Cragg and other artists in the museums collection, then create an original mosaic to take home. Lunch is included. Life Span Institute: Fifty Years of Discovery. Dole Human Development Center, 3 p.m., all ages, free. Texas Hold Em Tournament. Crimson Caf, 4:30 p.m., all ages, free, www.suaevents.com. Gym Class Heroes / Cobra Starship / Hangar 18. Grand Emporium, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $8, www.kcclubs.com/grandemp. cfm. Amnesty International Benefit: Pomeroy / Stand Up and Shout. Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., all ages, $10, www.libertyhall. net. Deadboy and the Elephant Man. Record Bar, 8 p.m., 21+, $10, www.therecordbar.com. Superman Returns. Woodruff Auditorium, 8 p.m., all ages, $2, www.suaevents.com. Superman Returns is also playing at 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. I Love You / The Sperm. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www. replaylounge.com. KU Wind Ensemble. Lied Center, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $5 students, www.arts.ku.edu. Ad Astra Per Aspera. Granada, 8 p.m., all ages, $5, www. thegranada.com. North Mississippi Allstars. Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., all ages, $15, www.libertyhall.net. South.Bottleneck,9 p.m.,all ages, $6, www.pipelineproductions. com. Appleseed Cast / Black Christmas. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $5, www.replaylounge. com. Cosmic Bowling. Jaybowl, 10 p.m., all ages, free w/KUID, www. suaevents.com.

81st Annual American Royal Parade. Downtown Kansas City, 10 a.m., all ages, free, www.americanroyal.com. Play: Homers The Odyssey. Murphy Hall, 10 a.m., for ages 912. Kansas City Sculpture Park Opening. Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art, 1 p.m., free for all ages. Enjoy art activity tents, special family tours free cookies and a performance by City in Motion Dance Company at 3 p.m. www. nelson-atkins.org/calendar.

Comedy show with Josh Henton. Voodoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, 5 p.m., 21+ , $15.

Lucky Break: Harrahs version of American Idol. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, registration begins at 6 p.m., 21+, free. The grand prize winner gets a chance to perform in front of a national record label. Registration begins at 6 p.m.; the show starts at 7:45 p.m. Register at www.cbsradiokc. com. Watch the action Saturday nights at 11p.m. on KMBC-TV.

Beaumont Club 4050 Pennsylvania St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 561-2560

Bottleneck 737 New Hampshire St. Lawrence (785) 841-5483 Boobie Trap Bar 1417 S.W. Sixth St. Topeka (785) 232-9008 The Granada 1020 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 842-1390 Grand Emporium 3832 Main St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 531-1504 Jackpot Music Hall 943 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 843-2846 The Jazzhaus 926 1/2 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 749-3320 Lawrence Public Library 707 Vermont St. Lawrence (785) 843-3833 Liberty Hall 642 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 749-1972 Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art 4525 Oak St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 561-4000 The Record Bar 1020 Westport Road Kansas City, Mo. (816) 753-5207 Replay Lounge 946 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 749-7676 VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino 1 Riverboat Drive Kansas City, Mo. (816) 889-7320

Comedian Kathy Griffin. Lied Center, 7:30, all ages, $5 w/KUID, www.suaevents.com. The Velvet Teen. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, $6, www. thejackpotsaloon.com. Devil Music Ensemble. Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., all ages, $8, www. libertyhall.net. Kasabian / Mew. Bottleneck, 9 p.m., all ages, $12.50, www. pipelineproductions.com. The International Playboys / The Spread Eagles. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www. replaylounge.com.

Everclear. Granada, 7 p.m., all ages, $20, www.thegranada.com. Society of Fellows Preview Reception with Tony Cragg. Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art reception tent, 7 p.m. Following the Mary Atkins lecture, Society of Fellows members are invited to a private reception with Cragg. Meet one of the most significant contributors to the world of contemporary sculpture at this exclusive Member Weekend kick-off event. www.nelsonatkins.org/calendar.

WEDNESDAY
Combichrist / KMFDM / Panic Drives Human Herds. Beaumont Club, 6 p.m., 18+, $19. The Strokes / South. Memorial Hall, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $30. Brent Green / Califone. The Record Bar, 10 p.m., 21+, www. therecordbar.com. Jonezetta / Mute Math / Shiny Toy Guns. Bottleneck, 8 p.m., 18+, $11, www.pipelineproductions. com. Cat Scientist / The Afterparty. Replay Lounge, 7 p.m., 21+, $3, www.replaylounge.com. Soul Dance w/DJ Groovetime. Harbour Lights, 10 p.m., 21+. $2. Political Power Hour: The Culture of Congress. Dole Institute of Politics, 4 p.m., free, www.doleinstitute.org.

october 4

Red Elvises. Grand Emporium, 7 p.m., 21+, $12, www.kcclubs.com/ grandemp.cfm. Calexico / Ducat King / Oakley Hall. Bottleneck, 9 p.m., all ages, $14, www.pipelineproductions. com.

Insane Clown Posse / Wolfpac. Granada, 7 p.m., all ages, $25, www.thegranada.com. Flogging Molly / Zox / Bedouin Soundclash. Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., all ages, $25, www.libertyhall.net. Coffee and Culture. Kansas Union, 8 p.m., free, www.suaevents. com. The Danny Pound Band / Pink Nasty. Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $3-$5, www. thejackpotsaloon.com. Eddie Haskells Middle Finger. Harbour Lights, 10 p.m., 21+. #2.

Cosmic Bowling. Jaybowl, 10 p.m., all ages, free w/KUID, www. suaevents.com. Dixie Witch. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.replaylounge. com.

Lecture: The Natural World: A Wealth of Chemical Diversity for Drug Discovery by Barbara Timmermann. Kansas Union, 5:30 p.m., free. Carbon Leaf / Matt Nathanson. Bottleneck, 9 p.m., 18+, $12.50, www. pipelineproductions.com.

MONDAY

october 2

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 03

5. Al Green: Call me After hearing this between the sheets, youll be calling Al for more. 4. Pulp: Different Class Sexy and sultry rock tunes from the 90s will certainly have you rockin. 3.Nathaniel Merriweather: Lovage: Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By Enough said. 2. Afghan Whigs: 1965 This indie-rock band wants you to get down and dirty with this soulful set.

Q&A
with
PHOTO/ JARED GAB

TOp FIve greATeST AlbumS FOr wHeN yOu wANT TO geT IT ON

1. Portishead: Dummy Even if you dont like trip-hop, this album will mesmerize you, and youll want to do it until the sun comes up. Lisa Anderson

FASHION FIND
madras madness

Two French designers, Jean Toutou and Jessica Ogden, originally created Madras, a light weight cotton that comes in plaid and sometimes striped patterns. The fabric got its name from the former English name (Madras) of Chennai, India, where the fabric is primarily manufactured. Madras shorts offer a cute preppy look for men. Button-down Madras shirts are also available. For women, Madras patterns can be seen in tops, dresses, skirts and shorts. You can get clothing made from Madras fabric at Nordstrom and Old Navy. Souce:About.com Beth Breitenstein

MAGIC BOYFRIENDS
Q: How would you describe your style of music? inshaw: Iggy Pop meets and makes love to H The Beach Boys. Chewbacca results. Q: How did you become interested in becoming musicians? inshaw: I cant speak for Andy and Brandon, H but I wouldnt call myself a musician, per se. The word implies a certain level of expertise and maturity that I pride myself on lacking. Gassaway: Maturity is an anchor that drowns a man. Ripley: Girls. Q: wHy did you decide to start a band? Hinshaw: Andy and Brandon were a twopiece playing for day-old slices of pizza and half smoked cigarettes. I offered my services. Now we get free beer. Gassaway: Patrick fakes the seizure, and, while the bartender is distracted, Brandon and I fill up old Folgers cans with PBR. Ripley: Two plus one equals free beer, hence the band. Q: wHere do you see your band in five years? Gassaway: If not behind bars? Singapore. Hinshaw: The court date is next Thursday

Magic Boyfriend members Patrick Hinshaw, Olathe junior; Brandon Ripley, Lawrence resident; and Andy Gassaway, 2004 graduate.

though, so Singapore aint looking too likely. Ripley: Unless someone out there knows how to counterfeit passports. Q: wHat makes you guys different from otHer bands? inshaw: They are probably good. H Gassaway: But we are fun. Ripley: And better looking. Q: How often do you perform? wHere? Hinshaw: Not nearly enough. If Andy would ditch his three jobs and his other far more successful band, The Pomonas. Gassaway: Which, shameless plug, you should all check out the Pamonas tonight at Liberty Hall, or Saturday, Sept. 30, at the Jazzhaus. Hinshaw: We like playing anywhere, and we dont charge anything, but we have played at Harbour Lights and the Jazzhaus and once in Andys house on the Fourth of July. Gassaway: The fireworks were inside that night.

Sun - Mon 12 to 5 Tues - Wed 11 to 7 Thur - Fri 11 to 8 Sat 11 to 7

the sk8shop on MASS street

{longboards}
dregs gravity dogtown kryptonics madrid sector 9 surf one
set ups starting @ $149.98
talk to us @ 785.856.WCHO

Visit the Magic BoyfriendsWeb site at myspace. com/magicboyfriends for more information about the band.

ten-o-five massachusetts lwrnc 66044

Carissa Pedigo

04 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

TOP 5 PLACES TO ENJOY WINE IN LAWRENCE:

through thE grapE VinE

by Beth Breitenstein

out

Quintons Bar and Deli 615 Massachusetts St. Wine tasting on the last Thursday of every month

Henrys on Eighth 11 E. Eighth St. Wine tasting on the last Thursday of every month

Pachamamas 800 New Hampshire St. Wine tasting every Friday from 6 p.m.-8 p.m.

Sample and learn about different types of wine at orchards Vinyard Winery.
Outstretched before me are rows of worn wooden posts with vines wrapped around them. I take in the rich, sweet aroma and gaze at the sun reflecting off small, shiny purple blubs that bring life to the brown vines. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and can almost taste the Pinot Grigio. I am not in the produce section at Dillons, I am at a winery. I recently embarked on a trip to Orchards Vineyard Winery, 1394 E. 1900 Rd., Eudora. If you head east down 15th Street past Mass Street, and turn right on East 1900 Road, you will find this tucked away paradise. I was greeted immediately by C.W. Davenport himself. He and his wife have run the orchard since 1960 and have been selling wine since 1997. Davenport is the epitome of a friendly Midwestern town farmer. He was enthusiastic about telling me about all the hard work it takes to make wine. I knew nothing about how to taste wine, so I was ready to dive in and learn. Davenport first asked me if I prefer white or red wine. After pouring about half an ounce into my glass, I began the process. First you need to swirl the wine so that more molecules will jump off the surface and provide a better bouquet, Davenport says. Bouquet describes the wines aroma. I knew I was an amateur immediately, because I could not master the swirl appropriately. Its all in the wrist. Next, Davenport told me to dive my nose into the glass (but not the wine) and inhale to prepare my taste buds. Then comes the best part. Take a sip of the wine and hold it in your mouth to get the full taste, he says. When Im ready to taste it, I take a big sip and swish it around my mouth and over all the parts of my tongue to see what flavors I can distinguish, says Melissa Byrd, Cedar Bluffs, Neb., graduate student. Byrd fell in love with wine tasting when she spent a summer in Los Angeles. I took a trip to Santa Barbara wine country where Sideways was filmed. They have a map of the different places Jack and Miles went in the movie, so I took a couple of days and went on the wine trails up there, Byrd says. Stephen Reiss, a certified wine educator, teaches another sipping method in Aspen, Colo. After sipping the wine, he says to hold the wine in your mouth. Then, Place your lower lip between your teeth, and raise your upper lip. You can now draw air in through your teeth and over the wine, Reiss says. This helps get the full taste, he says. After tasting the wine, you can determine how much aftertaste or length it has. Some people like a lot of length and others dont, Davenport says. After your sip, look at the glass to tell if it has a lot of leg or not. Leg describes how much of the wine runs down the sides of the inside of the glass. The volume of alcohol contained in the particular wine determines the amount of leg, so the more alcohol, the more leg. Between wines,youre usually given a glass of water so you can wash away the taste of the previous wine and get ready to experience the next. Also, determine beforehand, how much wine you want to taste. Be sure to designate a driver if you want to try several. Not only was my trip to the winery fun, but with every wine

Ten in the Eldridge Hotel 746 Massachusetts St. Oct. 19 is Wine to the Table. Wine is paired with specific food and dinner is provided.

Tellers 746 Massachusetts St. Sample a tray of nine wines every Wednesday night.

PHOTOS/BETH BREITENSTEIN

I tasted, I got a short history of how it was made and how it got its name. Wine tasting can be a great experience the more you do it, Davenport says. So, do as I did and take a day trip to Davenports Vineyard. You may just become a wine connoisseur. And who knows? Maybe youll get the swirling technique down.

Clockwise from top left: Beth Breitenstein admires a bunch of grapes at Orchards Vineyard. After learning how to properly taste it, Breitenstein inhales the aroma of a glass of wine. The vineyard produces a variety of wines.

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 05

Lied Center of Kansas

w w w. l i e d . k u . e d u 7 8 5 . 8 6 4 . 2 7 8 7
Available online and at Lied Center, University Theatre and SUA Ticket Offices.

Half-Price Tickets for KU Students!

RECIPE BREWING COMPANY OF THE WEEK FREE STATE

ARTICHOKE DIP
1 12-ounce can quartered artichoke hearts, drained and chopped .5 cup finely chopped yellow onion 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 8-ounce packages cream cheese, room temperature 1 8-ounce container sour cream 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese 1 dash hot sauce 1 teaspoon white pepper 2 teaspoons salt 1 loaf Wheatfields Ale bread (or bread of choice), sliced and lightly toasted In a medium-sized saut pan, heat olive oil and cook onions until transparent. Add artichokes and garlic and cook for 3 minutes. In an electric mixer or mixing bowl, mix remaining ingredients with sauted pan

Music from Classic Cartoons

Cartoon
performing

FIRE WORKS new music ensemble

Concert features three animated shorts during the second half of the program.

Saturday, Sept. 30 7:30 p.m.

VIP Sponsor

ingredients while they are still hot. Mix on low speed until well blended. Serve warm with toasted bread or reheat in a microwave later.

Pacifica Quartet
Sunday, October 1 2:00 p.m.
Program features works by Mendelssohn, Jancek & Beethoven.

One of the most vibrant chamber ensembles around.

Chicago Sun-Times

Recipe courtesy of Rick Martin, head chef at Free State Brewing Company, 636 Massachusetts St. Rikki Kite

with Paul Stevens, Assistant Professor KU Music & Dance, Lied Center, 1:00 p.m.

Feeling a little flabby and sluggish? Consider a Better Bite entre instead of a candy bar between classes. Better Bite entres are available around campus. Better Bite selections are made with fresh herbs and spices, lean meats and low-fat cheese, contain no butter or cream and less fat and
VIP Sponsor

DID YOU KNOW...

sodium than many other traditional entres. Better Bites options also contain fewer calories than other entres. Source: Ann Chapman, registered dietician and task force coordinator, Student Health Services Rikki Kite

DRINK OF THE WEEK

The Moscow Mule
Ingredients: 1.25 ounces Smirnoff vodka 3 ounces ginger beer 1 teaspoon sugar syrup .25 ounce lime juice 1 sprig mint 1 slice lime Fill a cocktail glass with ice. Pour vodka over ice, then add sugar syrup and lime juice. Top it off with ginger beer and stir. Garnish with the mint sprig and lime slice.

VIP Sponsor

National Dance Company

Friday, October 6 - 7:30 p.m.
This multi-award-winning company presents one of the richest music and dance traditions in the world.
5:30 7:00 p.m., Lied Centers upper lobby Call 785.864.2787 for reservations by October 2.

Bayanihan Philippine

enchanting, engaging, and graceful.

Newsweek

Tickets: 785.864.2787
TDD: 785.864.2777

Buy online www.lied.ku.edu

History of the Moscow Mule: In 1941 two men in the spirits business met at a bar in Los Angeles. John Martin, Heublein spirits and food distributor on the east coast, and Jack Morgan, owner of Cockn Bull bar in Hollywood, invented the drink by mixing Morgans singer beer with Smirnoff Vodka and lime. It was an attempt to market Morgans struggling Cockn Bull ginger beer franchise. Together they ordered engraved copper mugs. Martin invested in one of the first Polaroid cameras and had bar patrons pose with the copper mug in one hand and a Smirnoff bottle in the other. He would leave one copy of the photo in the bar and take another copy to the

next bar down the street and show the competitors their competition was selling the new concoction. Source: cocktailtimes.com Caleb Regan

06 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

by Erika Bentson

rejUvenate yoUr ramen

Use your noodle to fix a healthy snack
What meal takes three minutes to cook, comes in more than 15 flavors, costs 16 cents and tastes delicious? A bowl of ramen noodles. Quick, easy and cheap meals are a staple of the college lifestyle. But some quick meal options are unhealthy, leaving you with a diet that lacks important nutrients. A common and extremely cheap choice among students is instant ramen noodles, but because they are made primarily of flour, oil and salt, they fit perfectly into the category of unhealthy, especially if you eat them regularly. With a few simple steps you can turn this less-than-wholesome meal into a fine feast. Instant ramen noodles are unhealthy because they are high in sodium and low in fiber, says Lynn Dunn, registered dietician and research coordinator for the Energy Balance Lab at the University of Kansas, 1301 Sunnyside Ave. Too much sodium increases your blood pressure, and you need fiber to digest food properly, Dunn says. Keep your sodium intake low for good overall heart health. The average adult, who eats about 2,000 calories a day, should be getting no more than 2,400 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of fiber and 50 grams of protein each day, according to the Food and Drug Administrations Web site. A package of ramen noodles contains 1800 milligrams of sodium. Thats 80 percent of your recommended daily intake of sodium, most of which comes from the seasoning package provided. You can make these popular noodles more nourishing by using only a portion of the seasoning packet that comes with them, Dunn says. For those of you who love your Cup o Noodles, you might stick to ramen that comes in a block. It takes a few seconds to put the noodles in the bowl, but you will be able to limit the seasoning and your salt consumption. To get the fiber thats missing from a package of noodles, add any fresh vegetable you like. All fruits and vegetables are rich in fiber, says Chelsea Curry, registered dietician and project coordinator for the Energy Balance Lab. Try putting the dry noodles on top

Bite

amp it Up
on the left, one Bag of Spicy Chile Chicken flavor Top ramen Noodles. on the right, one Serving of Spicy Chile Chicken flavor Top ramen, using 1/4 of the seasoning packet, prepared with Amys organic Lentil Vegetable Soup and four ounces of organic chicken breast. Compare the numbers and see the benefits of sprucing up your ramen. prepared prepared as directed as listed above Total fat 13g 8g 4g Saturated fat 4.5g 0mg Cholesterol 75mg 1800mg Sodium 865mg 25g Carbohydrate 49g 1g Dietary fiber 7g less than 1g Sugars 5g 4g Protein 37g

Amys Brand organic soups come in a variety of flavors and cost less than $3 at hy-Vee, 3504 Clinton parkway. packages of organic chicken breast range between $4 and $6 at hy-Vee. Now you have a complete meal that is still relatively low in fat, but youve gained protein and fiber, so slurp up.

phoTo ILLUSTrATIoN/JArED GAB

of a salad. John St. John, Lenexa junior, says he likes the added crunch to the salad too. Instant ramen also lacks protein, Dunn says. Mix in lean meat or eat it with the noodles to add more nutritional value. Dunn suggests lean meats like chicken breast, turkey, shrimp and imitation crab. Terrence Dobbs, Wichita junior, mixes in canned chicken or beef to his ramen noodles and says its a great meal to eat onthego.

Choose whatever meat you prefer, but make sure its sodium is low, Dunn says. Check the ingredients on the label to see if the meat has added sodium. You can also add flavor to your ramen without the enclosed seasoning packet. Instead of using water, substitute vegetable soup to cook the noodles, says Ken Shick, manager at General Nutrition Center, 400 S.W. 29th St., Topeka. Most large retailers sell organic vegetable soups and

broths, low in sodium. Because 12 servings of ramen only cost $2, you might be concerned that adding extra ingredients will up the cost of your meal. But vegetables are cheap, and you can buy cans of tuna, chicken or beef for under a dollar. The next time you stack your cart full of ramen, throw in some veggies and a can of soup to make it more healthy. Your body will thank you later.

Put some un-cooked ramen on your salad to add crunch to your meal.

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 07

GRAD CHECK
Each year students make the legendary walk through the Campanile, down The Hill and into the real world. Were here to check in on them.
Year: 1948 Hometown: Topeka Degree: Mathematics
Back in the day: Kirkham lived in Corbin Hall during her four years at The University of Kansas. Her senior year, the Corbin Hall softball team was the intramural softball champion and she was the teams star catcher. The grad life: After college, Kirkham moved to Colorado Springs, Colo. and worked for the Air Force as a civil servant in support of the North American Aerospace Defense Command mission. She helped keep track of all the manmade stuff thats floating around the earth, she says. Today: Kirkham returned to Lawrence three years ago and is now a resident at Brandon Woods Retirement Community, 1501 Inverness Drive, or B-W as she calls it. Shes a member of the National Association of Parliamentarians and also a member of KUs Gold Medal Club for alumni who graduated 50 or more years ago. She exercises three mornings a week at Lawrence Memorial Hospital. She says: Ive been retired for 19 years, so Ive played around a lot.

MUSIC THAT MOVES YOU

Listener: Joe Nguyen, Salina junior Tune: The Closest Thing by Juliana Theory Action: Messing around online in Anschutz Library He says: It just happened to be something that came on. Listener: Bryan Candea-Kromm, Topeka sophomore Tune: Home by Alan Jackson Action: Reading the University Daily Kansan and waiting for class to start in Wescoe He says: I grew up listening to country.

Whether youre singin along, groovin by yourself or just studying in the library, well catch you with the

Joan Kirkham

Katherine Loeck

Listener: Samantha Raisher, St. Louis sophomore Tune: Lovers Lie by Veda Action: Studying sociology in the Underground, eating a chocolate chip muffin and drinking coffee She says: Its kind of like Evanescence but its different because its a lot softer. Its feminine. Its just relaxing.

Listener: Summer Mulford, Lawrence freshman Tune: Top of the World by Dixie Chicks Action: Waiting for a ride next to Budig with her crutches She says: I like how the melody structure goes and the lyrics.

Katherine Loeck

$3 Domestic Pitchers | $3 Malibu Drinks $2 Almost Anything $2.50 16oz Domestic Bottles $3 Double Captain Drinks

Wednesday Thursday Friday

Saturday, come watch KU take on Nebraska!

$3 32oz Big Beers | $3 Vodka Energy Drinks

Phoggy Dog
08 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

The hottest spot on game day.

2228 Iowa

Living
by Frank Tankard

peopLe

with A guest

Abby Boone cant keep a roommate, and she has to clean up after them all the time. But she doesnt mind too much.
she has her apartment just how she guests needs. wants it. a flower sits in a vase in the middle boone washes the guests laundry, of a white table. theres a tV, a couch, takes out the trash, sweeps, dusts and a bed, some art on the walls and clean, scrubs the toilet. every saturday she does white countertops. it has one bedroom, a a deep cleaning. the caretaker no longer kitchen, a bathroom, a washer and dryer has to cook, but boone does keep the and lots of pictures of her fianc. place stocked with breakfast food. she its small, she says, but i like it. gets free rent and $8 an hour while shes abby boone, Great bend senior, lives working, plus $1 an hour while shes on in a pretty typical one-person college call, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. every day. theres apartment, except for two things: who always the possibility of a guest calling in lives next to her, and who lives above her. need of someone to clean up a spill or a boone lives in the basement of the ride to the drug store. University of kansas guest house, a stone it doesnt happen often, but it does cottage with a red roof in the shadow of happen, says Jeff weinberg, assistant to the outlook, the white the chancellor, who has mansion on the east side of he doesnt keep me overseen the guest house campus where Chancellor for about 10 years. AwAke At night. hes robert hemenway and but mostly, boones pretty quiet. the chancellors before him schedule is like it was lives. above boones before she applied for the ABBy Boone, ceiling, visiting dignitaries, gig last semester. During greAt Bend senior, Nobel Prize winners, the day she goes to class ABout her next-door to finish her exercise entertainers, writers and other guests of the neighBor, chAnceLLor science degree and sits at University have slept. a desk in the chancellors hemenwAy this is just her first office, where shes worked semester as the houses for two-and-a-half years caretaker, but she is the latest in a long as a student assistant. her fianc comes line of them. the guest house was over on the weekends. commissioned in the 1930s because the its nice to have my own space, she chancellors guests (and sometimes their says,not to have to share with someone. attendants) were taking up too much except, of course, for the man upstairs. space in the outlook. During world war she has only had one guest so far, who ii, the guest house was home to a couple has lived there since august and hasnt of faculty members during a housing asked for anything. and the man next shortage. in 1952, it was remodeled and door? the caretaker was added to clean the he doesnt keep me awake at night, house, cook breakfast and attend to the she says, laughing. hes pretty quiet.

Photo/kimberly westPhall

Abby Boone, Great Bend senior, stands in front of the KU guest house, where she is living this semester. In exchange for free rent and a paycheck, Boone washes guests laundry and keeps the house clean.

Be our guests
The KU guest house, which sits east of Blake Hall near Watkins and Miller scholarship halls next to the chancellors mansion, has served as a home away from home for guests over the years. Guests have come from as close as Junction City and as far away as Japan. Here are the bigger names from about the last two decades:

1 2 3 4

Pulitzer Prize winner ellen Goodman, 1985 supreme Court Justice william J. brennan, 1986 New york times senior art director steven heller, 1991 olympic gold medalist and kU alumnus billy mills, 1991 & 1997

5 6 7 8

Comedian adam sandler, 1993 Nobel Prize winner Desmond tutu, 1999 writer ray bradbury, 1997 (drew a martian on the guest log) today show correspondent bob Dotson, 2000

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 09

dart
Its about the journey, not the destination

trippin
by Carolyn Tharp

From top: Carolyn Tharp poses with the Mount Zion, Mo. sign. Tharp, with boyfriend Jason Shaad, 2006 graduate in Branson, Mo. Tharp stands in front of a heifer marquee board in Joplin, Mo. Shaad with a bovine statue in Pittsburg.

Its Thursday night, and my take the smaller, scenic highways boyfriend has a black t-shirt and avoid the busy interstates. We wrapped around his eyes like couldnt eat anywhere wed ever a blindfold. I spin him around heard of. We had to stop whenever three times the way kids do at I wanted to take a picture (I tend birthday parties before hitting the to take a lot). And we couldnt piata and position him facing make any plans, except to get to the map of Missouri that weve Mount Zion somehow. taped to the wall. He takes his first shot. The dart misses the Show-Me Pittsburg State altogether, hitting the maps We left on Saturday morning index that Rand McNally so nicely in Jasons red Jeep Cherokee, provides. I retrieve the dart and singing along to everything on reposition him. Aim more toward my iPod from Ciara to Broadway your left, I say. He shoots again, musicals. By noon, we decided to this time barely missing Missouri stop in Pittsburg. A giant heifer and hitting the only inch of Kansas statue next to a real estate office shown on the map. I pick up the greeted us. We got out of the dart, put it in his hand, get out of car and examined the massive the way. He fires again. This time bovine idol. It was larger than the dart sticks, right in Mount Zion one of those hideous Hummers, just southwest of Springfield, with a marquee board on its side Mo., close to Arkansas. advertising a Rock n Roll Cycle and Jason and I had the idea of a Car Show, including a Blessing of dart trip a month ago. We love to the Bikes. For the next 10 minutes travel and spend time together, Jason and I snapped photos of us so the two of us planned to take with the giant cow, trying to climb a weekend road on it and posing Dart trIp trip. The catch? We like it was kissing had to determine (semI-offIcIal) rules us. Cars zoomed the location by by, and the drivers throwing a dart. probably thought 1. Cant eat anywhere youve Looking for we were nuts, but ever heard of. This lets you something to who wouldnt stop experience all the greasy do for fall break for a heifer that spoon, Mom and Pop kind of or even just a big? I dont quite restaurants. weekend? Grab know why a real your best friends estate office would 2. Stick to the back roads. and toss a dart need something Theyre much more scenic at a map of any like this. I gues than the main interstates, state or, if youre anyone would and youll see more small really ambitious want an oversized towns. They have the most and have more bovine for a sign. character. time, a map of the On our way out entire U.S. and of town, we ran 3. Dont have an agenda. hit the road. into what looked The key is spontaneity. Stop Jason and I like a cheesy whenever you want to take negotiated where carnival meets a picture, smell a flower or we would go. I outdoor craft check out a flea market. refused to go show. We had to anywhere in Iowa stop. Turns out that (too boring) or Kansas (too flat), Pittsburg celebrates Little Balkans Jason nixed Oklahoma and the Days during Labor Day weekend, Texas panhandle (too far). We as was marked by the banners settled on Missouri, and I brought hanging from the street lamps. A home a road map. Laying it out band on a giant stage at the end on the kitchen floor, Jason and I of the blocked-off street played a looked at all the terrain in the area. cover of Joni Mitchells Big Yellow We decided to keep the trip as Taxi, which sounded more like a inexpensive as possible and camp, rendition of Will Ferrell and Ana so we looked at rivers, state parks Gasteyers Saturday Night Live and the Mark Twain National Forest The Culps sketch, complete with that stretches across Missouri. off-key, quivering vocals. We set rules too. We had to Booths lined the road, selling

homemade ice cream, childrens train rides and wooden crafts. Carnival games were scattered around the block, including a haunted house, pony rides and a large inflatable slide that resembled a NASA rocket. A little girl walked by with a puppet that looked like her very own puppy, and she took good care to make it walk next to her like a real dog. Jason and I visited the chili cook-off, which started that morning and went on until 2 p.m. Participants decked their tents with colorful fabrics of chili peppers and donned flashy aprons. Because Im a vegetarian and all the chili had some sort of animal in it, we decided to eat the food wed packed. We moved on to the vintage car show, where the hoods were open so you could check out the massive engines. One hot rod sported orange and yellow flames along its black body, and a skull smiled at us from the gearshift. After a bag of homemade kettle corn and some stale nachos, we decided to get back on the road.

to the city.Lets do that for Joplin, he said. He dug in his pockets and found some pennies, and we threw them over our shoulders and into the fountain. I guess were going back to Joplin someday. Branson, Mo. We needed to find a place to camp for the night, especially before it got dark, and Jason suggested just outside of Branson, Mo., because it was on the edge of the Mark Twain National forest, near Lake Taneycomo and had a state park. On the way to Branson we passed the Kel-Lake Motel, where each room had its own rocking chair outside the door, and the Springfield Denture Center. Around 5 p.m. we pulled into beautiful Branson and stopped at an information center on the edge of town. The man at the counter couldnt be a day under 80, and he tried to sell us tickets to shows like Dolly Partons Dixie Stampede, ostrich races and Tony Rois Elvis Experience. We politely declined but accepted a free map and rolled into downtown Branson. A newly developed shopping district was situated along the river, and as we parked our Jeep we heard Van Morrisons Moondance ringing in the air. Oh, its gotta be good if theyre playing Van Morrison, I said. We walked through the pedestrian zone that was lined with stores and resembled an outdoor shopping mall. Jason and I bought warm soft pretzels and took them down to the river to try to escape the crowd. We ate on the bank of the river, then headed to the Compton Ridge campgrounds. We set up our tent and unpacked our stuff at campsite 124, which cost $23 a night, but had a swimming pool and indoor showers. Jasons more outdoorsavvy that I am, so he built the campfire with only one match. We feasted on veggie burgers and hot dogs and told stories of high school bonfires as it got dark. On Sunday morning we hiked the neighboring trails up to Susies Lookout and got a view of a nearby valley and treetops. After our trek, we decided to go out to eat at the Belgian Waffle and Pancake House that we had seen in town the day CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

Joplin, Mo. We took old Route 66 east, hoping to find a 50s-style diner. There were none, unfortunately, crushing my hopes of being served a chocolate malt from a lady in a pink poodle skirt. I was pleasantly surprised, however, as we pulled into Joplin, Mo., and saw our second giant heifer statue. Just like the first one, this was enormous but it was a darker shade of brown and advertised Joplins Best Country Party. We stopped for lunch at a quiet park filled with fountains. Joplin was a nice contrast to the busy Pittsburg streets. We sat peacefully in the park, unpacking the squeezable peanut butter that had awed us into buying it at the grocery store so much that we had to buy it. We picnicked on a bench by a large circular fountain, wider than the Chi Omega but not as tall. Sculptures of children who looked like cherubs were poised in the center of the fountain and coins gleamed from the bottom. I told Jason about the Trevi fountain in Rome and how I had thrown a coin into it, promising me a return trip

10 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CAROLYN THARP

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 11

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11 before. We hadnt eaten out yet and thought waffles would be a nice treat, plus the restaurant fit into the rule of eating places weve never heard of before. Unfortunately, some smaller restaurants havent bought into the novel idea of debit cards, so Jason and I had to scrape together cash, literally pulling crumpled up bills out of our pockets we ate on $15. It was a good thing we were well fed because for the next hour we were stuck in miles of Branson traffic. I havent seen roads so congested since I was driving back from Texas on the

day of a big Nascar race. Driving down highway 76, Bransons main drag, we passed signs for Kirby the Magical Unicorn and a rendition of Mount Rushmore but with Elviss face on it. The line of cars inched forward, and we started playing Christmas Carols from my iPod, just because we had listened to everything else. Outside of Jasons window we could hear duck calls from a tour guide that drives around in what looks like a boat. Everyone had noisemakers that looked like yellow duckbills and was quacking with them. Crowds of people walked along the

sidewalks, probably headed to one of the cheesy shows or the Branson Mall. There are lines just everywhere, Jason said. People are just lovin it. Cmon, if you were a kid, youd love Branson. Hey, Im 22, and I do love Branson, I said. I loved Branson even more as we were slowly driving forward and spotted another yes, another giant bovine statue. This one was up on pillars, and its marquee advertised Rudy the Roll Tosser. I made Jason get out of the traffic for a moment so we could pull over and take

some more pictures of this giant cow wonder. It took us a while for anyone to let us back onto Highway 76, but it was worth it for another snapshot of the huge heifer to add to our collection. Mount Zion, Mo. We made it out of Branson and headed straight toward Mount Zion, Mo. We started to get anxious about the town, wondering what it would look like and what there was to do. We should stop and get something to eat or maybe a root beer, I said. Jason pointed out that the town may be just a

cluster of houses and not have any restaurants or places to stop and thats exactly what Mount Zion was. At about 2:30 p.m., we pulled into Mount Zion. The town was along a two-lane highway with no shoulder, so we just stopped in the right-hand lane. We got out and snapped pictures, talking to a brown horse that neighed loudly as we disturbed the towns silence. We walked around for about 20 minutes, remaining parked in the middle of the road. No one drove by. We didnt see a soul except for a lazy cat lounging on a maroon

minivan. Mount Zion might not have been the flashiest place to visit for our three-day weekend its surely no Las Vegas or New York City. But even though we slept on the ground instead of a five star hotel, the trip gave us a chance to see new places and spend some time together. I now know that Jason was voted best hair in high school. All in all, we spent about $100 between the two of us, including gas. And what about getting chance to see three giant heifer statues in two days? Thats priceless.

Plan a road triP oF your own.

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Once the Lunatic Asy lum, er... psychiatric ward of St. Joseph State Hospital, the museum is now outside what used to be the hos pital (now a prison). Dioramas dep ict the history of treatment of menta l illness everything from the Tra nquilzer Chair to the Bath of Surpris e to a giant treadmill, resembling a gerbils wheel. Search it at roadsideam erica.com for hours and driving directio ns.

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RAINE REVIEWS NEWS YOU CAN USE

HAWK TOPICS
A reseArch pAper reveAls thAt 56 percent of grAduAte business students in the u.s. And cAnAdA Admit to cheAting, more thAn grAduAte students in Any other field. The 44 percent of graduate business students who wouldnt admit to cheating were immediately hired as political consultants for the Republican party.

The U.S. CommerCe DeparTmenT reporTS ThaT more Than 1,100 lapTop CompUTerS, Some of whiCh ConTaineD U.S. CenSUS BUreaU DaTa, were loST or STolen in The laST five yearS.
Government officials fear that the computers could fall into the hands of terrorists who could gain access to stockpiles of sensitive information, like how many people live in the United States.

Fisher-Price unveils the highly secretive tMX elMo, which Features autoMated actions to go with its signature giggle.

A 3.3 mIllIOnyeAr-Old SKeleTOn Of A CHIld IS fOund In eTHIOPIA, PrOvIdIng A vAluAble lInK In THe evOluTIOn Of HumAnS.
The most unnerving find in the dig was that the child appeared to have been strangled by a T.M.X. Elmo that had traveled back in time and attempted to destroy the human race.

As of the press release, there were still some bugs in the Elmo programming. Poke the Elmo in the stomach once, he convulses in laughter. Poke the Elmo twice, and he begins speaking in an Austrian accent and starts asking about John Conner.

ThE U.S. hEAlTh CARE SYSTEm RECEIVES AN OVERAll gRAdE Of d, ACCORdINg TO A RECENTlY RElEASEd REpORT.
Put another way, American health care actually improving your health is about as likely as that semi-literate meathead in your chemistry class passing the midterm.

The Forbes 400, a lisT oF The 400 richesT people in The world, is made up enTirely oF billionaires For The FirsT Time.
The members of the list are so wealthy that they make hotel heiress Paris Hilton seem like a cheap whore.

DoCTorS in China are forCeD To remove The worlDS firST SUCCeSSfUl peniS TranSplanT afTer Two weekS BeCaUSe of Severe pSyChologiCal proBlemS of The man anD hiS wife.
Once the patient is fully recovered, the man plans to do what other men with incredibly small penises do: buy a Hummer.

COunTry muSIC legend WIllIe nelSOn IS CHArged WITH SeverAl drug OffenSeS AfTer beIng CAugHT WITH muSHrOOmS And mArIjuAnA durIng A TrAffIC STOP.
This is about as surprising as Usher finally coming out of the closet.

venezuelAn PreSIdenT HugO CHAvez CAllS PreSIdenT buSH THe devIl AT THe u.n. generAl ASSembly.
President Bush answered with a swift I know you are but what am I, to which Chavez responded with Asphinctersays what?

a high SChool SCienCe TeaCher in Salina iS SUSpenDeD afTer having Several of her STUDenTS Draw Their own BlooD USing The Same neeDle.
What do you expect in a state thats still debating evolution? Seeing as how our science curriculum is based on 1800s mythology, the teacher was probably just giving a lesson on antiquated medical practices.

THInK yOu HAve A beTTer jOKe? e-mAIl me AT hawktopics@kansan.com. Chris Raine

09.28.2006 Jayplay 13

14 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

Unprinted warning
by Rachel Parker

health

While soft drinks might be convenient for their caffeine and taste, theyre hacking away at our health.

arlboro cartons and Jack Spencer Knoll, Topeka sophomore, says Daniels bottles warn that they he wouldnt drink as much pop if it werent contain dangerous ingredients. such a convenient mixer for alcohol. The A growing body of evidence shows that taste of pop is a useful cover-up for the soda cans may need to display warnings strength of hard liquor, and the caffeine in too. soft drinks is appealing to students who Recent studies at universities and by need a boost. nutrition organizations such as Focus Chase alcohol with diet sodas, Chapman Nutrition, LLC, found a correlation says, which have non-calorie sweetener. between soft drinks and obesity and She also reccomends drinking a latte to malnutrition that could make you think get the milk intake. She says that scientists twice about feeding another dollar into a are predicting an osteoporosis epidemic campus vending machine. in 20 to 30 years because of the lack of On average, a person milk in diets, and that a in the U.S. consumes person only has until his On average, each more than 52 gallons of mid 20s to build stronger american cOnsUmes carbonated soft drinks bones through calcium per year. There are about mOre than 52 gallOns Of intake. 450 types of soft drinks carbOnated sOft drinks Colin Weber, Lenexa on the market, according sophomore, used to per year. to a 2004 poll by the drink a pop a day. He says the american American Beverage he stopped drinking soft beverage assOciatiOn drinks after he read an Association. Of these consumers, article about Bill Clintons those ages 19-39 drink efforts to pull the liquid the most soft drinks, according to a 2004 candy from schools in the May issue of CBS News article. The article also reports Time magazine. It has unnecessary sugars that since the 1970s the daily calorie for the body, he says. intake from soda pop consumption has The William J. Clinton foundation, the tripled. American Heart Association, Coca-Cola, Soft drinks have absolutely no Pepsi-Cola and Cadbury Schweppes nutritional value, says Ann Chapman, teamed up to replace vending machine registered dietician at Watkins Memorial fare in schools with water, milk, Health Center, 1200 Schwegler Drive.They unsweetened juices and sugar-free sodas are definitely a contributing factor to the in May, says the Time article, How Bill Put weight gain of college students, she says. the Fizz in the Fight Behind Fat. The calories from these beverages arent Advertisements play a big role to feed as satisfying and satiating as the same the soft drink problem. Theres a lot more amount of calories from foods, so you can exposure of pop in the media these days, still feel hungry after chugging a soda, she Weber says. Famous commercials, flashy says. magazine ads and bright billboards Not only are soft drinks high in calories, attract consumers even more. they also contain high fructose corn syrup, Even if soft drinks are convenient which replaced table sugar in 1980. for the hectic and social lifestyles of Mens and womens body mass college students, substituting something index increased significantly when with less sugar and more vitamins and consuming soda in comparison to eating minerals could have a positive effect on the same amount of sweetened jelly your health. So next time you head for a beans, according to a 2000 study by the Coke, remember the warning that should Department of Foods and Nutrition. be printed on the can. Should soda cans carry a warning?

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION/JARED GAB

09.28.2006 JAYPLAY 15

comedian and performer (The Evolution of Dance, youtube.com)

Judson Laipply,

5?
If by definition Pluto is not a planet, then it should not be. I mean, if all of a sudden we realized that peanut butter was really jelly, would we still call it peanut butter? I think not. I loved all the games we used to play. I loved Memory as a kid, but I was always cheating and marking the back of pieces. Not sure if I would have a different name. I was always pretty proud to have an unusual name. My parents claimed it was because they knew I would be unusual, but I think it was just a fluke. I have many, but the one I think I remind myself the most is Never want for more than you are willing to work for it. I would say Jessica Alba. I would have to give her pointers, not to mention it would be a great feat for her to pull off playing me.

Kami Colyer, Scottsdale, Ariz., graduate student

what do you think about pluto being demoted? what was youR FaVoRite game to play as a child? iF you had a diFFeRent name, what would it be? what peRsonal phRase do you liVe by? who would play you in the moVie oF youR liFe?

To have the title of planet taken away from you after so many years must be devastating.

Dodgeball because I didnt like other kids my age so I liked throwing things at them.

Im not sure the exact name, but itd be more exotic and a lot less girly.

A Dave Matthews Band lyric: Whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down and if nothing can be done, well make the best of whats around. Julia Roberts because then my life story would be a box office hit.

Jacky Carter

ww
16 JAYPLAY 09.28.2006

wescoe wit
Guy: (singing along to his iPod) Bitches aint shit when I hit the clubs lit. Girl: (Looking at a bag of Sun Chips) Are you really going to eat that? Guy: Yeah. Look here, it says smart choice right here on the package. Girl: Yeah, a smart choice if you wanna get a fat ass. Girl: Wow, your hair is getting really big. Guy: (reluctantly) ...Thanks. Guy 1: How many chucks would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Guy 2: Whats a woodchuck?

Girl 1: I dont usually gossip, but Im going to gossip now...so, she comes into my room, and shes like,I really like my roommates, except when theyre mean. (Pause.) I dunno, I guess Im just not a sympathetic person. Girl 2: I know what you mean. (Pause.) Girl 1: OK, I gotta go to class.

Bart Vandever

BITCH +
Chris Raine
Please send your questions and concerns to bitch@kansan.com

moan
from a crappy HBO series about superficial women trying to act like superficial men. And besides, why take the time to break in a newbie when I have a swimming pool that you cant get pregnant in? Niloofar: He might be upset, but if this kids a virgin, he wants to get laid, so Im sure hell make some allowances. Especially if you make him wait. Closing up shop for a year wont exactly change your status to revirginized, but it might change his to energized, frisky, horny... dare I say desperate? Before you know it, hell be nailing you like a hammer. But,

Niloofar Shahmohammadi

I recently got Involved In a relatIonshIp wIth a great guy, and I really lIke hIm. the only problem Is that he Is a vIrgIn and I am not, and he says he could never have sex wIth me because he wouldnt be my fIrst. on Sex and the City, charlotte says that If you go wIthout sex for a year you are a vIrgIn agaIn. Is thIs true? am I really goIng to have to waIt a year before hell naIl me? any advIce to make me reborn agaIn? JIllIan, JunIor
Chris: Youre trying to get sex advice from an episode of Sex and the City? Hold on, let me wipe the vomit off my keyboard, because thats how disgusted I am with you. And from Charlotte of all the characters? She makes Forrest Gump look like a walking, talking Stephen Hawking. Sorry, but one year without sex wont take away what you did, over and over, in front of his friends, during your Cancun spring break adventure, and it definitely wont take away the herpes he left you as a parting gift, or the video he kept for himself. This guy is looking for a chaste, respectable girl, not someone who collects wisdom if hes at the point where even his testosterone isnt overriding his thoughts, then make sure you reassure him with the standard Its in the past. I didnt know you then, and I cant change what happened, but it doesnt change how I feel about you. If he cant get over the fact youve been laid before, then this relationship is going to end. Either hes going to leave you, or youre going to leave him. But dont worry, there are plenty of guys out there who can accept that while they may not be the first to conquer your territory, they might as well be the lastor at least the best.

Ive Been frIends wITH THIs gIrl for a wHIle, and now I wanT To Be more THan frIends wITH Her. Id lIke To ask Her ouT on a daTe, BuT Im afraId THaT sHe doesnT feel THe same way, and IT Could sCrew up THe frIendsHIp. sHould I keep playIng IT Cool, or do I need To puT my Balls ouT THere and Tell Her How I feel? Jeremy, sopHomore
Chris: I dont know Jeremy, do you want to feel the sharp, stabbing pain of humiliation and rejection today, or the dull ache of regret for the next five years? If you tell her how you feel and ask her out, shell likely turn you down and begin avoiding you. However, if you refrain from being a man and asking her out, youll have to watch her date some toolbox who actually had the stones to take her to dinner. Worse, then shell want to talk to you about him, because youre like a brother to me. And unless this girl is from Missouri, its unlikely shell ever want to hook up with her brother. Then you become a bitter old schmuck who writes a crappy relationship advice column for no pay. Trust me, you dont want that. Better to have your heart torn open, crapped into and shoved back inside, than to spend every night wondering what exotic new positions she and Frat Boy #7 are trying out. Oh yeah, and theres always the chance shell actually take up your offer for a date. But I cant help you with that. Niloofar: On behalf of every girl, I must shout in all caps, PUT YOUR BALLS OUT THERE! You, my friend, possess a pair. So use them well. That means you tell her how you feel, plain and simple. Now dont go Romeo on her. This should not include sonnets, no Allow me to express my feelings through song, no interpretive dance, no overdone mush. The truth is, if she likes you, you wont need it. If she doesnt, thats when shell start to feel sick inside. But if youre honest and direct and you Nike it (as in, Just do it,) then one of two things will happen: 1) She will say ever so sweetly Aww, Im really flattered, but I just dont feel that way about you. I never want to lose you as a friend, though. And shell mean it. 2) Shell be beside herself with joy. If this happens, feel free to proceed with the poems and songs. Either way, you lose nothing. Not even your balls.

09.28.2006 Jayplay 17

Built to Spill
MUSIC
Even though Built to Spill comes through Lawrence regularly, the band had no difficulty selling out two shows at the Bottleneck last week. Why? Variety. Built to Spill has the remarkable ability to make every tour feel like a completely new show. It could be because the band has a seemingly endless catalogue, or maybe because it can stretch a three-minute song into a 17-minute minialbum. Whatever the reason, a Built to Spill show is as close as it gets to a sure thing. On Sept. 19 the band emphasized its new material, playing songs from You in Reverse, the groups first new album in five years. While the new songs were well received, most of the crowds love went to the classics like Big Dipper. Frontman Doug Martsch looked detached and reserved throughout the evening, addressing the crowd only to say thanks after each song and introduce Rearrange, a cover of a song done by the Gladiators that echoed John the band to play lots of songs, and people who were looking for the band to play through its discography would have left disappointed. However, it appeared that the majority of the crowd was repeat customers. Those fans got just what they were looking for: a solid set from a band that continues to innovate musically. Built to Spill setlist: Sept. 19, the Bottleneck 1) Randy Described Eternity 2) Dystopian Dream Mind 3) Else 4) Will Work for Food 5) The Plan 6) Traces 7) Goin Against Your Mind 8) Rearrange 9) Big Dipper 10) Bomb Shelter 11) Conventional Wisdom 12) Untrustable Encore: Broken Chairs

Welcome to the Drama Club

MUSIC
Everclear is still around? Yeah, I guess so, and this is its new album. After losing two members and adding four, Everclear is back with Welcome to the Drama Club, an album that is pretty much forgettable. It does have a few good songs such as Now and The Drama King, but you cant help but think youve heard these same songs a thousand times from several different bands. Take Now, for instance. While listening to it, you might think you accidentally put in a John Mellencamp album, and The Drama King brings to mind Everclears 90s hit Father of Mine. The album has a few embarrassingly cheesy songs the kind your 9-year-old sister would even laugh at such as Shine, a song that should be buried in a Sugar Ray b-sides collection, and A Shameless Use

Everclear

F. Kennedys famous Ask not what your country can do for you speech. It wasnt Built to Spills only political statement, as the band interspersed video clips into Bomb Shelter. The clips were of musician and recordlabel owner Calvin Johnson criticizing the right-wing policy towards eco-terrorism. The rest of the evening the video projector provided a slideshow of artwork that

livened up the wall behind the band. To finish the night, Built to Spill played extended versions of Untrustable and Broken Chairs. Martsch and company turned Broken Chairs into a 17-minute-long musical adventure, climbing peak after peak, each one seeming to be the loudest and most energetic. Performing a song for that long did make it difficult for

Michael Phillips

of Charm a song that starts with , singer Art Alexakis laughing, which proves its even laughable to the lead singer. The best way to describe Welcome to the Drama Club is OK at times The songs are all right, . but lack originality. You might as well stick to Everclears So Much for the Afterglow. Everclear will be at the Granada on Sept. 28.

Chris Brower

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something to believe in
Finding something to believe in doesnt always mean finding a religion.
by Rikki Kite
Im confused about religion. I sometimes wish I could pick one to follow, but I just cant make myself believe in any of them. I was raised Presbyterian, but by the time I entered junior high school my mother was confused about religion too. We quit going to church, and she converted to not believing in anything specific. She wouldnt even call herself an atheist because that meant she believed something, even if that something was nothing. At first I struggled with my non-belief system. I felt so guilty that one roommate suggested that Id make a good Catholic. I was uncomfortable with all the rules and saints and Sunday Masses, so it was clear that Catholicism wasnt for me. Eventually, I began to wonder why anyone needed a religion at all. I let the idea of karma and living by the Golden Rule help direct my life, and it worked... for a while. Then my daughter Cleo was born. I was suddenly panicstricken. Religion made sense for the first time; I needed to know that everything would be OK. I needed to know that no matter what, Cleo would be safe. I wanted a rule book like the Bible to follow, and I wanted to give Cleo the experiences Id had as a child: Sunday school, Christmas carols and new Easter bonnets with matching white lace gloves. I tried to find a new religion that fit better. I looked into Buddhism and appreciated what I read about it, but my trip to the Zen Center made me feel like a visitor in a foreign land, surrounded by a chanting language I would never understand. My Krishna friends invited me to their Sunday dinners, and I dragged Cleo along with me. She played with the children while I sat on the floor in the temple, eyes watering from the burning incense filling the room, and pretended to read what the people around me were chanting. Cleo and I loved the vegetarian feasts that followed, but I was uncomfortable with the ceremony and chanting and admitted to my friends that I still wasnt buying into Krishna consciousness. My mother was no help. Shed become less tolerant of any talk of religious beliefs. Shed cut the Born Again Christians in our family completely out of her life. She cried when my brother rebelled in high school. Your brother has become a Baptist! she sobbed as we talked on the phone. I tried to comfort her, telling her that at least he wasnt having pre-marital sex or getting drunk, my rebellious behavior that she had found almost as upsetting as his religious conversion. When I was 33, my mother became ill. Mom had actually been sickly since I was in high school and was diagnosed with an array of ailments depression, bi-polar disorder, fibromyalgia, arthritis, rare blood disorders, thyroid problems and more. Mom took a turn for the worse and spent a couple of weeks in the hospital as the doctors performed test after test, frantically trying to determine what was wrong with her. Her pain was excruciating, and it was clear to us, her family, that she was dying. We took her home to care for her while we waited for her diagnosis, which wouldnt come until after she had died of two rare cancers. Those last days of her life, I saw my mothers struggle with her beliefs, or lack thereof. She knew she was dying, but she didnt know what that meant. What happens after we die? She allowed my aunt to pray for her, next to her hospital bed in our living room. She let my youngest sister read pamphlets that hospital clergy distributed. And in my mothers opium haze, she whimpered and asked for us to make him go away. Make who go away? I asked her. Lucifer, she answered, before drifting back to sleep. A couple of days later she died in our living room with me, my brother, my stepfather, and my aunt around her. We stroked her hair and held her hands and told her that it was OK to go, that wed be with her.Where will you be? she asked my stepfather. Right here, in your heart, he answered. Her face relaxed, and she was gone. My aunt prayed under her breath, and despite my grief, I was relieved that my mother was no longer in pain. I still had no idea where she went. My aunt will tell you that my mother was born again before she died. She will tell you that my mother accepted Jesus, or did the hokey pokey, or whatever it took to save her soul and land in heaven.

sPeAK

Rikki Kite at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tenn. I dont think that happened. Instead, I think my mother left this world with a sense of peace because she was surrounded by her family in all our various forms of belief and disbelief telling her that we loved her, wed take care of each other, and it would all be OK. She died without the knowledge that shed end up with a harp and angel wings in heaven. Instead, she passed away knowing that she was loved and that her four children and her granddaughter would miss her, but part of her would continue to live within each of us. Even though her death didnt bring me clarity in a religious sense, it taught me something else that I think is equally important when you die, the only thing you get to take with you is the experience you had while you were alive. It doesnt matter whether you die as a Hare Krishna, Protestant, Buddhist, Catholic, Muslim or atheist. You dont take the church, the incense or religious texts into whatever happens next. Instead, you get to take with you the memories of the Sunday dinners, chants, friends or the hokey pokey. Last semester, I had the opportunity to take a road trip to Memphis and watch an album get recorded at Sun Studio. A big part of me thought I should stay home and catch up on my homework. The rest of me won the internal debate when I pictured myself on my deathbed, looking back on the life Id led. I realized that as the images of my life passed before me, I wouldnt be thinking about grad school, and I wouldnt care about the grade I made in Research Methods. I imagined myself regretting that Id never made it to Graceland or stood in the sound booth at Sun Studio, touched the piano keys that Jerry Lee Lewis played, or gripped the microphone that Elvis held. I may never find a religion that fits me, but at least I ended up with something to believe in.

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