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ELECTION GUIDE
EDITORIAL
Editor: Laura Douglas-Brown lbrown@thegavoice.com Deputy Editor: Dyana Bagby dbagby@thegavoice.com Web Manager: Ryan Watkins rwatkins@thegavoice.com Art Director: Bo Shell bshell@thegavoice.com Contributors: Melissa Carter, Brent Corcoran, Jim Farmer, Shannon Hames, Topher Payne, Matt Schafer, Steve Warren, Ryan Lee
Im the one thats married for 29 years. The accuser is the one thats been single for a long time. So usually black women that look like me dont engage in relationships like that.
Florida Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll, a Republican, responding to a former staffers claim that she walked in on Carroll and a female aide in a sexual encounter. (WTSP.com, 10 News Tampa Bay, July 14)
Political pioneer: State Rep. Karla Drenner on future of state LGBT caucus. Page 4 Gold Dome races pit gay vs. gay-friendly. Page 6 Judicial contests include gay candidate. Page 13
BUSINESS
NEWS
Brandon Whites anti-gay attackers sentenced. Page 14 News in brief: Pride grand marshals, Rainbow Days headliners, new HIV prevention campaigns. Page 15
Publisher: Christina Cash ccash@thegavoice.com Associate Publisher: Tim Boyd tboyd@thegavoice.com Sales Executive: Marshall Graham mgraham@thegavoice.com National Advertising: Rivendell Media, 908-232-2021 sales@rivendellmedia.com
Obama is for same sex marriage. When the president is saying that, who am I to go the other way? Its cool.
50 Cent, speaking out on gay marriage after also being asked his reaction to fellow hip-hop artist Frank Oceans decision to reveal a past relationship with a man. Anyone that has an issue with Frank Ocean is an idiot, 50 Cent said. (BET.com, July 16)
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Singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile says I do. Page 17 Theater: Gay man, straight gal pal in Time Between Us. Page 19 Food Porn: Great place for a cheap date. Page 25 Photos: Best of Atlanta. Page 27
BOARD OF ADVISERS
In 100 years from now, people are going to go, Who was against gay marriage? And Ill be one of those idiots and say, Thats me. Im just against it on moral grounds, thats it.
Comedian and former Good Times star Jimmie Walker, known for the Dy-no-mite catchphrase, in a recent interview with CNN (CNN.com, July 16)
Publicity photo
COMMUNITY
Time to celebrate with Marietta Pride, Backpack in the Park. Page 29 Personality spotlight: Harlan Smith, GA Voice Best Male Activist. Page 30
If thats how they are, thats how they are. I mean, were teammates so, as long as hes being a good teammate and being respectful and everything, thats cool.
Members of the LGBT community are inspirational leaders and role models in every aspect of American life. The formation of LPAC provides lesbians and the entire LGBT community a new, stronger voice and a real and respected seat at the table when politicians make policy that impacts our lives.
Tennis legend Billie Jean King, a supporter of LPAC, a new political action committee that hopes to raise $1 million in 2012 to donate to candidates who appeal to lesbian voters. (Associated Press, July 11)
CALENDAR
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COLUMNISTS
Thats What She Said: Melissa Carter on facts for the next generation. Page 37 Domestically Disturbed: Topher Payne takes on the real taboo. Page 39
facebook.com/thegavoice twitter.com/thegavoice
New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, when asked how he would respond if an NFL teammate came out. (Outsports.com, July 16)
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Queer karma
State Rep. Karla Drenner (D-Avondale Estates) became the Deep Souths rst openly gay state legislator in 2001 and is now set to win her 7th term. (Photo by Bo Shell)
right off the bat. Some colleagues refused to ride the elevator with Drenner, while others brazenly confronted her on the House oor to denounce her as sinful. Drenner chuckled about being assigned to seat 69 during her rst legislative session, and is grateful to then-Speaker Tom Murphy for placing her between liberal Rep. Stephanie Stuckey Beneld and conservative Rep. Len Walker, who was surprisingly welcoming to his new neighbor. Believe it or not, Len was a right-wing pastor, but both of them really shielded me from some of the other representatives that were less than nice, she said. Drenners party specically, her new Speaker, Terry Coleman would not protect her during her second term. Instead, Coleman and state party leaders willingly plunged into an anti-gay political trap whose depths are still unknown. When Republicans introduced a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in 2004, Drenner became the face of gay resistance. When it was her time to speak during the hours-long debate on the amendment in the House, all shufing and side conversations inside the chamber ceased, Drenner making a heartfelt plea amid rapt silence.
A few minutes later, the constitutional amendment fell three votes short of what was necessary to send it to voters, and Drenner and Beneld erupted in a jubilant hug when the tally appeared on the House voting screen. The amendment was resurrected by a procedural tactic, but gay rights supporters hoped it would languish in committee until the legislative session expired. Against the warnings of Drenner and others that the amendment was simply an attempt to drive conservative voters to the polls in November, Speaker Coleman forced a re-vote in the House during the last days of the 2004 session, where it passed by three votes. In November 2004, the constitutional amendment passed by a 2-to-1 margin, Democrats lost more than 25 House seats, and the GOP became that bodys majority for the rst time since Reconstruction, eventually redrawing district maps to emaciate Democrats. Speaker Coleman, I think, is really to blame for this, Drenner said. It was stupidity, and were going to pay the next 18 years of Republican control because of one really stupid bill that we played right into their hand.
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HOUSE DISTRICT 56
I believe it is important for LGBT voters to know I am not just a gay candidate. I have the experience and a proven track record in business, the community and politics to get the job done. I believe in the strength of building consensus and coalitions. I also believe we must use the political process to gain our full equality while winning hearts and minds one by one. We must have a place at the table. As someone once told me, If were in the room they are talking with us, if were not in the room they are talking about us. We must be in the room and at the table to keep diversity and equality at the forefront of the discussion.
Ken Britt is a longtime veteran of Atlantas LGBT scene, serving on such boards as AID Atlanta, Georgia Equality and also as co-chair of the national Human Rights Campaign. He was the executive director of the Alston & Bird for nearly 30 years before taking early retirement. Politically, he worked behind the scenes on successful campaigns for gay candidates Atlanta City Council member Alex Wan and Fulton County Commissioner Joan Garner before deciding to run for District 56 seat left open when Rep. Kathy Ashe decided not to seek reelection. Ashe has endorsed Britt in the campaign. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? My top three priority issues, among many pressing issues, are economic development including community/neighborhood revitalization and preservation (particularly in the southern areas of District 56); jobs (employment, wages, benets, opportunity for fair and equal advancement); and improving the quality of education including job training and Vo-Techtype programs. Other important issues are transportation, affordable housing, affordable quality health-
For the full slate of endorsements from Georgia Equality and Atlanta Stonewall Democrats, visit www.thegavoice.com
care, seniors, civil/human rights and public safety, not necessarily in that order. Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality. I have dedicated most of my adult life working to improve the lives of LGBT people; therefore, its difcult to pick my top three accomplishments as they are all equally important and meaningful to me. My personal mission statement includes serving people who are living with HIV/AIDS, gaining full equality for LBGT people, including marriage equality, and helping LGBTQ youth. Nevertheless, as my top three accomplishments, I would include my leadership as the chair of the Board of Directors of AID Atlanta, co-chair of the Board of Directors of Georgia Equality, and co-chair of the National Board of the Human Rights Campaign HRC. Selecting these three accomplishments in no ways diminishes my other involvement, such as helping to open the Rainbow Home at CHRIS Kids for LGBTQ youth, or being one of the founding members of the Atlanta Executive Network. Why should LGBT voters vote for you? I have dedicated most of my adult life to serving the LGBT community During the 2011 session of the General Assembly, I served as a full-time volunteer lobbyist representing Georgia Equality and Planned Parenthood, working with former City Council President Cathy Woolard. I have been endorsed by the Human Rights Campaign (which does not typically endorse political candidates in local races), Georgia Equality (I received an early endorsement), The Victory Fund, District 56 incumbent Representative Kathy Ashe, as well as Representative Karla Drenner, Atlanta City Councilman Alex Wan and Fulton County Commissioner Joan Garner.
Able Mable Thomas, a Democrat, entered Georgias political scene in 1984 when she won a seat in the Georgia House where she served two terms. In 1997, she won a seat on the Atlanta City Council before seeking a return to the General Assembly in 2000, winning and serving six years. She gave up her post in the legislature in 2008 to run for Congress against U.S. Rep. John Lewis and was defeated. In 2010, she tried to gain back her seat in the state House but lost to state Rep. Rashad Taylor. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? Education reform, jobs and economic development. Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality. 1) Hate crimes legislation (voted in favor); 2) was on the Judiciary Committee and voted in Please see ELECTION, continued on Page 8
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HOUSE DISTRICT 58
The House District 58 campaign pits incumbent Rep. Simone Bell against incumbent Rep. Ralph Long in the Democratic primary due to the Republican redistricting process. The winner on July 31 will face Republican challenger Earl Cooper. Bell is endorsed by Georgia Equality, Atlanta Stonewall Democrats and the Victory Fund.
HOUSE DISTRICT 57
This race is between two incumbents, Rep. Rashad Taylor and Pat Gardner, and has become heated with Taylor alleging anti-gay tactics used against him in the race and Gardner denouncing the alleged tactics, saying she had nothing to do with them. This race will also be decided July 31. Georgia Equality has not endorsed in this race but the Atlanta Stonewall Democrats endorsed Gardner. The Victory Fund, which only considers openly gay candidates, endorsed Taylor.
State Rep. Ralph Long was rst elected to the Georgia House in 2008 and is a licensed real estate broker, owning his own businesses, The District Realty and Mindsweat Properties. He takes a particular interest in trying to rebuild Atlanta neighborhoods, especially Sylvan Hills where he lives. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? Education reform, working to remove the Please see ELECTION, continued on Page 10
Rep. Rashad Taylor became the rst openly gay man in the Georgia General Assembly after coming out at a press conference in May 2011 after the ex-boyfriend of his current partner sent
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GA Voice
Proven Experience
On the Bench
Jane served our community as Judge in Atlanta Municipal Court from 2000 to 2002 (part time) and as a Magistrate in Fulton County from 2003 to 2005 (part time).
Proven Experience
As a Prosecutor
Jane currently serves as Assistant Solicitor in the cities of Sandy Springs and Johns Creek. Jane began her career in Fulton County State Court in the oce of the Solicitor General as an appellate attorney, researching and writing briefs for cases before the Supreme Court of Georgia and Georgia Court of Appeals.
Proven Experience
Civil Practice
Since 2000 Jane has successfully represented individuals and small businesses in civil matters, including contract disputes, plaintis employment claims, real estate disputes, family law matters, and estate planning and probate.
Now hiring
404-901-2024 Jane4Judge.com
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HOUSE DISTRICT 59
Rep. Simone Bell was elected to the Georgia General Assembly after winning a special election in 2009 and has now served three terms in the legislature. With her win in 2009, she became the rst African-American out lesbian to win an election to a state legislature. Before she was elected, Bell worked as a healthcare administrator with Emory University, a community educator with The Health Initiative which serves health needs of LGBT people and also with Lambda Legal, an LGBT nonprot legal organization. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? 1. Access to quality and affordable health care for all Georgians; 2. Comprehensive antibullying legislation; 3. Fair employment protections for the LGBT community Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality. 1. Running as an out lesbian for elected ofce 2. Working with both the Health Initiative and Lambda Legal to bring important issues related to LGBT health and civil rights to the larger community 3. Obtaining my B.A. from Agnes Scott College with the generous help of ZAMI, Inc. donors who support out LGBT students who wish to attend college. Why should LGBT voters vote for you?
Political newcomer William Phelps, an openly gay man, is challenging gay-friendly incumbent Margaret Kaiser in the July 31 Democratic primary. There are no Republican candidates. Georgia Equality and Atlanta Stonewall Democrats endorsed Kaiser.
Margaret Kaiser was rst elected in 2006. She graduated from Emory University and has worked in constituent affairs with the Secretary of State and also The Carter Center. Shes currently president of her familys business, Kaiser Dough and Pizza Concepts, which owns Grant Central and Grant Central East Pizza. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? Access to quality, public education; access to quality, affordable healthcare; equal protections for all Georgians, especially anti-bullying, antidiscrimination practices. Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality.
William Phelps of East Point Phelps served in the Marines from 2002 to 2010, including a deployment to Afghanistan during Operation Enduring Freedom (helping with logistics) from March 2008 to November 2008. He was awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal and the Operation Enduring Freedom Medal for outstanding military service. Now as a disabled veteran, Phelps is a mentor for disabled veterans, university students and is a supporter of veterans rights, rehabilitation and services. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? Education, hate crimes law, transportation Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality. Resounding support for the repeal of DADT as a veteran: Being a Marine veteran it was humbling to stand with my sisters and brothers in uniform to help advocate the end of such oppression. I help promote and advise a new LGBT orPlease see ELECTION, continued on Page 12
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Incumbent Rep. Keisha Waites faces three challengers in the July 31 Democratic primary. GA Voice tried unsuccessfully to reach the other challengers LaTrenka Riley, William Fisher and Antonio Lewis. Georgia Equality, Victory Fund and Stonewall Democrats endorsed Waites. What are the top three issues you want to support in the General Assembly? Community revitalization and sustainable economic development are my top priorities for the 60th district, which includes Clayton, DeKalb and Fulton counties. However, my focus is to secure and fund viable transit solutions and attract businesses and corporations to the region. I will continue to support legislation that funds a Regional Transportation System; this must be a collaborative approach at the federal and state levels of government to ensure its success. Finally, ensuring the nancial solvency of Peach Care and preserving Grady. Please list your top three accomplishments within the LGBT community or on behalf of LGBT equality. 1. I am proud to have made history by being the rst minority in the State of Georgia to run for the state legislature openly gay. 2. As a freshman legislator I immediately went to work lobbying colleagues concerning Rep. Drenners bill HB630, which would have outlawed discrimination and unlawful termination against state employees based on sexual orientation and gender identify. I also signed the legislation as a co-sponsor 3. As a freshman legislator during the 2012 legislative session, I attempted to recognize and commend the University of Georgias GSA organization with a resolution from the Georgia House of Representatives. Sadly, my Repub-
HOUSE DISTRICT 60
lican colleagues decided to insert politics and voted down the resolution. Despite their actions, I visited the UGA campus and met with LGBT student leaders ... Why should LGBT voters vote for you? Even in my short time as member of the Georgia General Assembly, I have immediately gone to work on important issues that affect every community throughout the state of Georgia. Within 30 days of being elected, I began actively lobbying my colleagues, Republicans and Democrats alike, concerning House Bill 630 that would protect state employees from being red due to their sexual identity, preference or orientation. I also believe that having this effort to improve my urban district, being led by a proud member of the LGBT community, is benecial to the LGBT communitys overall goals. When our heterosexual counterparts see that we are just as passionate about our civil liberties as we are about putting people back to work, improving the quality of life for all people and protecting the rights of all humans, we can build bridges and establish effective partnerships that will be benecial to LGBT people for generations to come.
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Lesbian Jane Morrison faces Judge Melynee Leftridge in a bid for the Fulton County State Court judge seat left open by Brenda Cole. (Couresty photos)
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Judge calls anti-gay attackers ultimate bullies; LGBT activists lobbied for shorter sentence
ed the FBI and U.S. Attorneys Office are still investigating the crime. State Rep. Ralph Long testified on behalf of the defendants and was questioned by defense attorney Jay Abt, who represented Moragne. Long said he believed a 10-year sentence was too long but declined to recommend a sentence himself. It hurts to lose the lives of four young men. There is little offering to our young men out there [in Pittsburgh community]. But they have disrespected themselves, the individual, the state of Georgia. I would like to see them do some time, but 10 years is too long, he said. I would like the court to be lenient but I want them to know the inside of a cell.
Top: Rep. Ralph Long speaks to Brandon White at the July 13 sentencing hearing before testifying on behalf of the defendants. (Photo by Dyana Bagby) Above: Christopher Cain, Darael Demare Williams and Dorian Moragne were sentenced to serve five years in prison for the brutal attack on White, a gay man. (Photos via Fulton County Sheriffs Office)
The three men, dressed in blue jail jumpsuits and shackled at their waists and wrists, read aloud apologies to White as White sat in the courtroom. They said they took responsibility for their actions and all also acknowledged they did not know Brandon White before the beating as others, including some in the LGBT community, have suggested. Bedford admitted he was not impressed with the apologies. With respect to the professions of regret and sorrow I dont like to be cynical, but it seems me that everyone going to jail experiences remorse. Its like crocodile remorse, Bedford
said. I dont put a whole lot of stock into it for me your true remorse remains to be seen. Bedford acknowledged prison is not a very good alternative but there must be accountability from those who attacked White. Prisons create more problems than remedies, but thats a decision of the legislature and not the court. This court believes in accountability and responsibility, he said. If nobody holds you accountable you keep doing what youre doing, which is what you guys have done. In addition to the prison term, the defendants were sentenced to 96 hours of community service and intense probation once released, which could be as soon as four years. The probation includes earning their GEDs, attending Men Stopping Violence and other anger management programs, job skills training, staying away from alcohol and drugs, and no gang affiliations.
fluence the sentence and left that decision up to the judge. He said believed the sentence was fair. When asked about LGBT activists who signed a letter seeking the men be put on probation or receive community service rather than being sentenced to a lengthy prison term, White said he was angered that they never approached him to ask about what he thought. I was very surprised and the reason being I actually didnt find out about the letter until a couple days ago it had already been sent out to the judge, it had already been sent out to the DAs office, he said. And then when it had my name in it, Im like where did these people come from? Why would you say you are advocating for me when at the end of the day you are on the other side, he said. White said he was never contacted by the activists. Greg Smith, a representative for White, said he received one email asking to speak to White but no specifics were given. Prosecutor Gabe Banks said after the hearing he still believes the beating was a hate crime because of the slurs used in the attack and add-
Xochitl Bervera worked with the defendants and signed onto a letter by more than 20 LGBT activists including State Rep. Simone Bell (D-Atlanta), Longs opponent in the July 13 primary asking the court to give the young men receive probation rather than a prison term. Bervera said after the hearing that the community must find a better way to stop the cycle of violence than looking to the prison system. I think whats really important now is that the community move forward and find ways to talk about how we keep our community safe and end violence in a way that doesnt engage state systems that cage people and target our community, she said. It was important to advocate for this strategy using the Brandon White case because homophobia is not eliminated by sentencing people to prison, she said. In this case there was a lot at stake. As a community we need to start asking the question of how to stop the cycle of violence, how do we end hate-based violence and homophobia. And its not the prison system, she said. Bell issued a statement after the letter was made public, saying she wished the charges would be moved to federal court and the defendants face sentencing under the federal hate crime law. I view the attack on Mr. White as a crime centered in hate due his sexual orientation, whether perceived or real, at the time of the attack. I would like to see the federal hate crimes case move forward. I believe doing so would create a precedent, and move forward hate crimes legislation in Georgia that I have signed in the state legislature. It is a protection we desperately need. As it stands, the perpetrators would be convicted under Georgias criminal code, not as a hate crime Georgia does not have a Hate Crimes law, and their exposure could be an enormously long sentence with no system of rehabilitation for their acts, only imprisonment, she said.
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NEWS IN BRIEF
tion applauds the U.S. Food & Drug Administrations decision to approve the use of Truvada (a combination of 300 milligrams of tenofovir and 200 milligrams of emtricitabine) to reduce the risk of acquiring HIV. We believe this is an important step that should help ensure that physicians and patients receive the detailed information and educational materials needed to most effectively use this prevention strategy, Fenton said. Dyana Bagby
Ken Britt
Vote July 31
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Youve been touring with Dave Matthews and headlining on your own. The dates just go on and on. Do you thrive on being that busy or is it a grind? I thrive on it. I used to go on the road and shut myself on the bus like a time capsule and then stress over the shows or the songs and I would just turn myself into a touring machine. This time, I have my ance, my sister and her three-month-old baby, who is just starting to laugh, on the bus with me. This time, it really feels a little more like home. If I could always be with the people that I love like this, I could do it indenitely. When I read about your Looking Out Foundation I was really impressed. Its so broad in who receives help. Weve never seen a need to narrow it down. We like the model that Pearl Jam put together with their Wishlist Foundation. I like to focus on things that empower women, respond to civil rights violations, environmental stuff. We also do medical issues and research its all over the board. You are clearly a generous person. You give your time, talent and funds on a regular basis. Where did you get those values? I was a real fan of certain artists when I was growing up. I had such admiration of them to the point of obsession. Buying every tour t-shirt, owning multiple copies of their records, clipping photos ... For me, a big one was the Indigo Girls. They were always involved in charity and causes like the Elton John AIDS Foundation.
My parents were also charitable people but we denitely needed a lot of help growing up. Our local food bank fed our family. The concept of outreach has always been part of the ethos of my life. Whether it was something that I wanted to do or whether it was something being done for me ... I just told myself that if I ever got anywhere in life, I would try to use my platform to give back. When you write a song, what comes rst, music or lyrics? Its usually lyrics rst because my songs are so much more connected to me. It might be because of my age that I am more connected to my feelings and am more drawn to articulating them. Are you the disciplined type who makes yourself sit down and write something? You know that irritation you get when you just have this feeling throughout the day and you cant really remember exactly what it was so you think about it and remember it was an altercation that morning or you got bad news
or whatever. Its like a dull ache in the back of my head. A song is happening for me at that moment. Its coming together and Im answering my questions and when the song is written, I can half way relax about it but I cant fully relax until I perform the song for other people. Who is your celebrity crush? Patrick Dempsey. Why is it when I interview a lesbian and I ask about a celebrity crush, they name a man? [Laughing] I dont know I sort of feel like hes the male version of my ance. Heres the thing: His eyes always look like hes about to start crying. If I had to name a girl, it would be Sheryl Crow. I asked some of your fans what they would ask you if they were me. Here was my favorite: Whats your favorite smell? Thats the best question I think Ive ever gotten! I love the smell of horses. Denitely horses.
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Brian Clowdus and Laura Floyd star in Time Between Us at Serenbe Playhouse. (Photo courtesy Serenbe Playhouse)
Schrier is scheduled to attend the opening weekend performances of the musical and is excited to see the rst regional production. According to both Schrier and Clowdus, Time Between Us is really about whether its possible to have it all. For me, I absolutely do want it all, Schrier says. I want to make a lot of money and have romance and a personal life and have a huge professional career. I want balance, but is that really possible?
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Recommended
Com Vietnamese Grill
4005 Buford Highway, Atlanta, GA 30096 404-320-0405, www.comgrillrestaurant.com Good choices: goi salad, la lot, bn, shaking filet mignon with black pepper sauce, fragrant rice with shredded pork, fried egg, shrimp cake and choice of another meat.
Chateau de Saigon
4300 Buford Highway, Atlanta, GA 30096 404-929-0034, www.chateaudesaigon.com Fancier with a larger menu than Com. There are a good many Chinese dishes, but stick with the Vietnamese ones. Good choices: burnt rice, rice paper wraps, pho, sizzling fish, clay pot dishes, bn.
Food Porn is a fictional series by longtime Atlanta food critic Cliff Bostock. Set in real Atlanta restaurants, it chronicles the adventures of Robert, a gay man in search of a husband or at least a good meal.
of other ingredients like the marinated, grilled pork and shrimp Jay received. Robert ordered his with ground pork. The noodles should be anointed in the fish sauce with a shot of hot sauce, if desired. The two grabbed the noodles with their chopsticks and slurped them down. Its not the most elegant eating, Robert said. And you can get the sauce all over your shirt. Oh, like oral sex, Jay said, winking. Whatever, Robert said, having lost any attraction to Jay when he got to know him well. You should come back. There are lots of rice dishes, too, although I never like them as much as the noodles. You should go to Chateau de Saigon, too. Thats where my favorite dish of all is
Saigon Basil
1870 Piedmont Road, Atlanta, GA 30066 404-892-8688, www.atlsaigongroup.com Good choices: Excellent bn dish. The best is #7, including spring roll, shrimp and pork atop the noodles. Tell them you want it served in a bowl, instead of the weird, compartdoementalized Styrofoam. crunchy rice from the bottom of the pot. I always get it topped with their pork caramelized from slow cooking in a clay pot. Jay looked at Robert blankly, as many people did when he went off on a foodie tangent. On the way home, Robert invited Jay to the upcoming meeting of the Food Porn Supper Club. Jay was intrigued but Robert knew he would not come unless he could be the center of attention.
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Cleo Meyer, Agent 1447 Peachtree St NE Atlanta, GA 30309 Bus: 404-817-0960 cleo.meyer.mdhi@statefarm.com
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Community
GA Voice
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Above and top right: Backpack in the Park collected 1,826 backpacks in 2011, the events largest haul. Bottom right: Marietta Rainbow Festival returns for its third year at OTP gay bar Le Buzz, this year with a circus theme. (Photos by Dyana Bagby)
When you get the opportunity to deliver these backpacks and see the kids faces, their eyes light up, Hall said. Thats what it means to us, knowing that youre getting a kid started off right. For the Kid in All of Us, founded in 2003, also organizes the annual Toy Party, which collects holiday gifts for children in need.
The Marietta Rainbow Festival returns July 25-28 for the third annual Pride festival for the north Atlanta suburb. Hosted by the North Georgia Rainbow Coalition and LeBuzz, this years four-day event promises to be a familyfriendly celebration of LGBT pride. More than 100 entertainers are scheduled to perform, and organizers hope more than 5,000 people will attend the fest during its four-day run. The party kicks off Wednesday, July 25, with the roast of Charlie Brown. Local entertainers and people who have worked with the drag performer will be on-hand to offer colorful remarks on the local legends career. Thursday night at LeBuzz will be Ladies Night and Friday night will feature local performers and special guests at the OTP bar. Saturday, the event moves outside to the parking lot of LeBuzz and other businesses in the bars shopping center. Last year went very smoothly for us, said
Johnathan Murphy, North Georgia Rainbow Coalition president and owner of LeBuzz. The rst year I was pretty nervous about everything. Murphy said this years festival would feature a family-friendly kid zone, live music, vendors, a ea market, 10 food trucks and other festivities, all with a circus-theme. The theme for this years bash, Circus, is inspired by the now traditional Divas Cabaret show that caps the festival. Proceeds from this years event will benet Lost-n-Found Youth. If we make our goal, then it will do a lot of good for them, Murphy said. Id like to donate at least $5,000. Im hopeful, but well be happy with whatever we can get them. Marietta Pride is held on private property, Murphy added, meaning that the event is not held in conjunction with the city like many of Georgias Pride festivals. We kind of feel like the lone ranger, Murphy said. We dont have any grants, outside funding or endorsements. Were just average folks, so ev-
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PERSONALITY SPOTLIGHT
Harlan Smith: If you give a friend a condom, youre an activist
Meet the GA Voice Best Male Activist for 2012
By Ryan Watkins rwatkins@thegavoice.com Harlan Smith isnt a name you read frequently in the press, but he was recently voted the Best Male Activist in the GA Voice 2012 Best of Atlanta reader survey. For Smith, the recognition comes from years of working with HIV organizations, promoting safe-sex habits. Smith, 34, left behind the corporate world in 2010, trading a job at Verizon Wireless to work in HIV/AIDS activism. He feels fortunate to work toward a cause that hes passionate about, and notes that activism doesnt always have to be high profile. If you give a friend a condom, youre an activist, Smith says. Smith is also the founder of the MSM Public Health Professionals Network group on Facebook (http://on.fb.me/NDOUqW), a group dedicated to connecting health professionals who work with African-American men who have sex with men. The group bills itself as a networking resource, as well as a tool to promote initiatives and research in HIV advancement. GA Voice recently sat down with Smith to learn about his work and why safe sex is more than a state of mind. How did you become involved with activism? I started out as a volunteer with AID Atlanta. I volunteered for Black Gay Pride weekend in September 2009, which eventually led to a full time position with AID Atlanta in December 2010. What activism work are you doing now? I now work for the SHARE Project. We are doing a five-year study on serosorting. Serosorting is basically the mindset of an HIV-negative man having raw sex with another man who also claims to be HIV negative. So, were doing this study with gay and bisexual men, basically trying to get in their heads and find out what makes them put so much trust in their partner(s) without considering the consequences and what makes them think this is safe sex behavior. This study is for HIV-negative males only. However, the SHARE Project is also doing studies with individuals who are currently liv-
Harlan Smith was voted Best Male Activist in the 2012 GA Voice Best of Atlanta reader survey. (Photo by Brent Corcoran/RNZ Photography)
ing with HIV. So everyone is encouraged to call (404) 892-3500 for a screening. All participants are paid for their time. Ive also created the Facebook group, MSM Public Health Professionals Network. This national group is for individuals who do work public health that targets black MSM (men who have sex with men), as a way for us to network with one another. So, if you do this kind of work, youre encouraged to join the group. Club promoters and production company owners are also encouraged to join to open doors for more collaborations. How long have you been in Atlanta? Ive been in Atlanta almost nine years. I transferred to the Alpharetta, Ga., office from the Greenville, S.C., office my home town. How can everyday people be better activists with regard to HIV/AIDS? Anyone can be an activist / advocate. It doesnt have to be the CEO of a nonprofit or that outspoken person always leading a rally. If you give a friend a condom, youre an activist. And youve just done something to help fight the spread of HIV/AIDS. Im very fortunate that I can do something Im passionate about for a living. Giving back to the community is an awesome feeling.
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Saturday, July 21
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DJ Roland Belmares
DJ Don Bishop opens for DJ/Producer Roland Belmares at Joining Hearts 25 Pool Party. The sold-out event raises funds for AID Atlanta and Jerusalem House. 4 - 11 p.m. at the Greystone and Aquatic Center in Piedmont Park, Atlanta, GA 30309, www.joininghearts.org
Sunset Garden, the weekly summer fundraiser series at Burkharts, teams up with Boy Next Door for two nights to benet GA Voices 2012 Best Local Nonprot, Lost-n-Found Youth. Friday night features a Boy Next Door swimsuit fashion show with the men of Atlantas gay swim team, the Rainbow Trout. Half of the proceeds from the Smirnoff signature tea go to the homeless LGBT youth advocacy organization. 7 - 10 p.m. both nights at Burkharts, 1492 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, http://on.fb.me/NIkXd4, www.burkharts.com
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Saturday, July 21
DJ Tony Moran
DJ Tony Moran spins an after party starting at 9 p.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com, http://on.fb.me/MrMX6G
The Renee Labelle Andrus Foundation hosts a You Cant Get this on E-Bay yard sale with hard to nd bar and restaurant items and silent auction. 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. at Parkers on Ponce, 116 E. Ponce De Leon Ave., Decatur, GA 30030, http://on.fb.me/OJre5n The Atlanta Rollergirls play two roller derby bouts starting at 5 p.m. at Yaarab Shrine Center, 400 Ponce de Leon Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30308, www.atlantarollergirls.com The Heretic gets things going early with a performance by the Armorettes at 8 p.m., a 3-Legged Cowboy country night from 10 p.m. to midnight, then DJ Mike Pope takes over the turntables for late night dance. No cover tonight. 8 p.m. - 3 a.m. at Heretic, 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hereticatlanta.com, www.facebook.com/hereticatlanta
DJ E spins for her own birthday bash hosted by Ladies at Play, a nightlife group for women who love women. 9 p.m. - 2:30 a.m. at Park Bar Loft, 150 Walton St., Atlanta, GA 30303, www.ladiesatplay.com, http://on.fb.me/LLtevc WestSide Pie hosts Flirt, a new monthly womens event. DJ Ree De La Vega spins with $5 house cocktails, $6 irtininis, ping pong, Pac-Man and ladies on the prowl. 8 p.m. at WestSide Pie, 1133 Huff Road, Atlanta, GA 30318, http://on.fb.me/MyFQZ1 Julie Osborne Entertainment brings Insane Saturday to My Sisters Room with several showcase comedians. DJ Liz Owen takes over after the last laugh. 8:30 p.m. at My Sisters Room, 1271 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, http://on.fb.me/PZ87t4, www.mysistersroom.com
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Sunday, July 22
Marietta PFLAG hosts the monthly fourth Sunday support meeting. 1 - 3 p.m. at Pilgrimage United Church of Christ, 3755 Sandy Plans Road, Marietta, GA 30066, http://community.pag.org/mariettapag
Tuesday, July 24
The Broadway classic The Producers opens tonight and runs through July 29 at the Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30308, www.foxtheatre.org Lesbian social networking group Fourth Tuesday hosts a dinner on the day of its namesake. This month, its Garlic Thai & Sushi Bar. 6 - 10 p.m. at Garlic Thai, 340 W. Ponce de Leon Ave., Decatur, GA 30033, www.thehealthinitiative.org, http://bit.ly/N4t58F In the LIfe Atlanta, the ofcial planning body of Black Gay Pride, and Out on Film present a free wine and cheese social and evening of short lms. Expect a DJ and a preview of what to expect from Black Gay Prides See Us In the Life lm festival. 7:30 - 9 p.m. at the Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, http://on.fb.me/MvYkEp,
Stroll over to the members-only Xion for DJ Jalil Z. Doors open at 3 a.m. on Sunday morning at Xion, 2241 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, http://on.fb.me/Me5diq
GA Boy Productions presents a tea dance with DJ Scott Anthony and Alyson Calagna. 6 p.m. - 12 a.m. at Opera, 1150 Crescent Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.gaboyproductions.com
SUNDAY, JULY 22
Tons of restaurants are on board for the 2012 Downtown Restaurant Week, each offering either $25 or $35 three course dinners per person, plus tip and tax. Check out the details and list of restaurants: www.atlantadowntown.com/fun/restaurant-week
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The B-52s celebrate their 35th anniversary with a tour that, of course, stops in their home state. 8 p.m. at the Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree Street, Atlanta, GA 30308, www.theb52s.com
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Wednesday, July 25
The MEGA Family Project hosts a Baby/Toddler Meet Up Group for dues-paying members. 9 - 11 a.m.. Learn more at www.megafamily.org or email director Kathy Kelly at Kathy@megafamilyproject.org Get Your Heart On with Lifeforward as it invites everyone out for a night of fun, free food and a rafe as part of its efforts to nd an HIV vaccine. Lifeforward will also be seeking those eligible to participate in trials. 7 - 9 p.m., Joes on Juniper, 1049 Juniper St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.hopeclinic.emory.edu ,Gary Stamper visits Charis with Awakening the New Masculine: the Path of the Integral Warrior, a book that examines the possibilities of a healthier and balanced masculinity through discussion of archetypes and sacred masculinity/sacred femininity. 7:30 - 9 p.m. at Charis Books and More, 1189 Euclid Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, www.charisbooksandmore.com Friends on Ponce presents Dirty Laundry, a onenight pop-up art show featuring a performance by the El Caminos. 8 p.m. on at Friends on Ponce, 736 Ponce De Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.friendsonponce-atl.com Kick off Marietta Pride 2012 with a roast of drag legend Charlie Brown. Expect a few jabs from longtime performance friends Heather Daniels, Bubba D. Licious and more. The night benets Browns longtime friend Lily White in the wake of Whites tragic house re. 10 p.m. - 1 a.m. at LeBuzz, 585 Frankling Road, Marietta, GA 30067, http://on.fb.me/Nv0SGc, www.thenewlebuzz.com
SPOTLIGHT
Photo by Dyana Bagby
Wednesday, July 25
Friday, July 27
Pinch N Ouch Theatre presents The Issue Plays, an evening of one act plays on various social issues by award-winning writers Ethan Coen, Kenneth Lonergan and more. 8 p.m. each night on the Hertz Stage at the Alliance Theatre, 1280 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.pnotheatre.org
Thursday, July 26
Meet Your Orgasm at a facilitated discussion and exploration of orgasm and sexuality. The host, the Feminist Womens Health Center, is working to facilitate a safe space and will be screening the participants. RSVP to www.feministcenter.org/RSVP or e-mail nextwave@feministcenter.org for more details. Atlantic Stations Movies in Central Park offers a free, outdoor screening of Clueless. Film starts at sundown in Atlantic Station, 1380 Atlantic Drive, Atlanta, GA 30363, www.atlanticstation.com, http://bit.ly/HQxNjT The gay-owned Atlanta Foundation for Public Spaces hosts the Chastain Park Summer Movie Series every Thursday in July. Tonights feature: Breakfast at Tiffanys. Sundown at the hilltop meadow just off Park Drive in Chastain Park, http://on.fb.me/LzOhjM !GLITZ!: Its Hot as Hell is a queer variety show and dance party with drag, performance art, burlesque, bands, comedians, ass shaking contest and more. Dax Exclamation Point, Devin Liquor and Fonda Lingue are among those slated to appear, and guests are asked to celebrate the heat with skimpy outts. 10 p.m. at Marys, 1287 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, http://on.fb.me/OK9abj
If you love kd lang or the Indigo Girls, youve gotta give lesbian singer/songwriter Brandi Carlile a listen. She plays an ATL show with Josh City & the Royal City Band. 8 p.m. at Chastain Park Amphitheater, 4469 Stella Drive, Atlanta, GA 30327, www.classicchastain.com Its Summer Camp with Scout Master Johnny Castle. Expect campy music video and naughty summer camp games. 10 p.m. at Marys, 1287 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.facebook.com/mary.heylady
Friday, July 27
The annual Leo Party celebrates Dan Givens astrological home boys and girls. DJs Mike Pope and DJ Vicki Powell spin as RuPauls Drag Race alum Phoenix and Atlanta legend Shawnna Brooks perform. Proceeds go to CHRIS Kids. 10 p.m. at Amsterdam, 502-A Amsterdam Ave NE., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.amsterdamatlanta.com, www.facebook.com/amsterdam.atlanta
The Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce hosts its monthly 4th Friday Networking and cocktail event, this month at Advantage Graphics. 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. at Advantage Graphics, 2054 Briarcliff Road, #103, Atlanta, GA 30329, www. atlantagaychamber.org Gay artist extraordinaire Jon Arge and his colorful paper works return to Atlanta for the opening of POP!, a four-artist show at Kai Lin Art. The show runs through Sept. 7. Opening reception: 7 - 10 p.m. at Kai Lin Art, 3069 Roswell Road, Atlanta, GA 30305, www.kailinart.com
Saturday, July 28
F-L-Y Society Entertainment is looking for models and designers for an all-stud lesbian fashion show. Organizers seek 15 masculine-identied females and six femme models with headshots, full body shots and resume no experience is required. Potential designers: bring samples. 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. at Dance 411 Studios, 475 Moreland Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.allstudfashionshowtour.com
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GO Atlanta, a project of AID Atlanta, hosts a Coffee Talk info session where the rst drink comes compliments of the organizers. 4 - 6 p.m. at the new Starbucks on Ponce, 650 Ponce De Leon Ave., Suite 700 Atlanta, GA, http://on.fb.me/O0r0rv, contact steven.igarashi@aidatlanta.org for more information.
Lenz Marketing presents Poverty is Real, a threeday benet concert to benet the Decatur Cooperative Ministry. Maria Gabriella of the lesbian-popular Maria Gabriella Band is one of more than a dozen acts scheduled. Varying times at Eddies Attic, 515-B N. McDonough St., Decatur, GA 30030, www.eddiesattic.com
Saturday, July 28
Sweet Honey in the Rock, the Grammywinning a cappella womens group known for raising their voices for equality, perform a benet for the Fund for Southern Communities. 8 p.m. in the Horizon Sanctuary of the Ebenezer Baptist Church, 407 Auburn Ave., Atlanta, GA 30312, www.sweethoney.com
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Jungle hosts its monthly Fantasy Girls Cabaret featuring local performers Savannah Leigh, Summer Knight, Envy Van Michael, Starr Sanchez Sherrington, Nicole Paige Brooks and special guest performer and Ru Pauls Drag Race fan favorite Latrice Royale. 9 p.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com
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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 33 For the Kid in All of Us presents the annual Backpack in the Park, a school supplies and gift card drive for local students in need. DJ Vicki Powell spins and the event features a performance by Dramatech Theatre. 4 - 7 p.m. at the Greystone Pavillion in Piedmont Park, www.forthekid.org Enjoy Vive la France, a guided musical tour of French composers by the LGBT Atlanta Freedom Bands. Expect historic selections from as far back as 1794, as well as pieces by Francois Gossec, Jaques Offenbach and Claude Debussy. $10 adults, $5 students and seniors. 8 p.m. at Saint Mark United Methodist Church, 781 Peachtree St., NE Atlanta, GA 30308, www. atlantafreedombands.com Known for delightful Shakespearean parodies, gay playwright Timothy Gray and his Shakespeare Follies troupe present The Romeo & Juliet Show. Cocktails at 8 p.m., show at 8:30 p.m. at the Arts Exchange, 750 Kalb Street SE, Atlanta, GA 30312, www. oddmanouttheater.com, https://bitly.com/ DJ/Producer Alex Acosta brings his SONAR Tour 2012 to Jungle for a Superhero Blackout Glow Party, with a performance by Phoenix. 10 p.m. - 3 a.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta GA 30324, http:// on.fb.me/NV5dmz, www.jungleclubatlanta.com Black-Off Burlesques Taboo-La-La: Reform School Girls features special guests Vanitys UnCanney and Poly Sorbate for a night of burlesque with a screening of Reform School Girls, Reform School Girl costume contest and DJ Westwood A-Go-Go. 9 p.m. pre-show, 10 p.m. event at the Plaza Theatre, 1049 Ponce De Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.blastoffburlesque.com
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p licity Pub
hoto
Expect a big crowd as Cox producer and remixer Chris tables at Heretic. mans the turn 10 p.m. Reduced cover before 11 p.m. e Bridge at the Heretic, 2069 Cheshir Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hereticatlanta.com, lanta www.facebook.com/hereticat
UPCOMING
Friday, Aug 3.
The Decatur Womens Sports League hosts a fall softball signup night with a coaches meeting to vote on eld locations and team placements. 6:30 p.m. at Savage Pizza, 115 Laredo Drive, Avondale Estates, GA 30002, http://on.fb. me/HqOyaH, www.decaturwomensports.com
Wednesday, Aug. 4
Fenuxe Magazine hosts its 2012 Best of Atlanta Fire Party, where winners announced in their July 26 publication mix and mingle with friends and fans. 7 p.m. - 2 a.m. at the old Fox Sports Grill in Atlantic Station, 261 19th St., Atlanta, GA 30363, www.fenuxe.com Cliterati Open No-Mic favorite and Emerging Artist Grant Recipient Theresa Davis releases Simon Says, a new book of poems about teaching. The evening includes a short performance followed by a panel discussion about bullying in schools and closing remarks by Alice Lovelace. Teachers, students, administrators, caregivers and parents are all encouraged to attend. 7:30 - 9 p.m. at the Atlanta Civic Center, 395 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30308, http://on.fb.me/Ow6ltC
Sunday, July 29
IGNACIO Premium in partnership with Meak Productions, Inc. presents the Jazz and Gents, an evening of jazz and soul for the grown and sexy. The night features a live jazz band, guest performers, drinks specials and more. 6 - 11 p.m. at Star Theatre, 840 Ralph David Abernathy Blvd., Atlanta, GA 30310, www.meakproductions.com
Wednesday, Aug. 1
Tuesday, July 31
Today is Election Day. With all the gay candidates across the region and TSPLOST at stake, let your voice be heard. Head to http://mvp.sos.state.ga.us/ to nd your polling place. Author Lynn Garson brings Southern Vapors, a memoir tracing her life from childhood in a prominent Atlanta family to therapy, institutions and beyond. 7:30 - 9 p.m. at Charis Books and More, 1189 Euclid Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, www.charisbooksandmore.com
Expect aerialists, pole dancers, DJ Peep Peep, Positive Impact stud Chandler Bearden and more at Jungles Circus. A portion of the nights proceeds benet the MISTER Center. 9 p.m. doors, 10 p.m. show at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com, http://on.fb.me/Mw2QCW
Thursday, Aug. 2
Atlantic Stations Movies in Central Park offers a free, outdoor screening of The Notebook. Film starts at sundown in Atlantic Station, 1380 Atlantic Drive, Atlanta, GA 30363, www.atlanticstation.com, http://bit.ly/HQxNjT
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THATS WHAT
Reference materials
We are the facts that will inspire the next generation
I have noticed when anyone has a strong prejudice against a certain group, she or he is armed with some sort of reference material. For instance, when men defend their superior status over women in society, they reference published history, suggesting thats simply how things have always been. When someone speaks out against the gay community, there is usually a Bible in their hand. But what if an unknown piece of the past was uncovered that told a different story? During a vacation to Florida, Katie and I came across a tabletop sailboat that had a quote on one of the sails: A ship in port is safe, but thats not what ships are built for. Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper. Having never heard of that woman or the inspiring quote, we bought the item and researched the Navy ofcer. Turns out that Rear Admiral Hopper was a computer scientist, a eld normally associated with men, and she is credited for conceptualizing the very rst programming language. A supercomputer and a Navy Destroyer were both named after her, and that tiny boat we bought is now on display in Katies ofce so others can learn who Hopper was. I recently came across an article from OMG Facts regarding the spiritual aspect of homosexuality. It focused on the Native American community and their gay Shaman. According to OMG Facts website, to be gay for them meant to be from the outside world, to be spiritually gifted, and gay men were highly respected within the community. Apparently it was considered a huge honor to have a gay lover, which raised ones honor in the tribe. Neither of these stories was ever taught in my schools. If it had been, how many girls would have gone into computer science or the military? How many young boys would have felt special for being gay? The worst feeling in the world is being alone. Not physically, but mentally and emo-
SHE SAID
Melissa Carter is also a writer for Hufngton Post. She broke ground as the rst out lesbian radio personality on a major station in Atlanta and was one of the few out morning show personalities in the country. Follow her on Twitter @MelissaCarter
tionally. When I was 14 and began realizing I was not like the other girls, the isolation was worse than the discovery I was gay. Its as if your legitimacy is determined by the size of the group you are joining. Since I thought I was the only gay person in Columbia, Tenn., and quite possibly the world, the loneliness choked me. As a woman, I have spent my entire life pushing through a gauntlet of frustrating messages supported by both men and women. Always be pretty. Youre only pretty if you are skinny. Dont be too pushy. Understand you should make less money than a man at work, and if you are ambitious you will be forced to sacrice your femininity. Have children and learn to lose your identity. If you join the military you cant be a good mother. Stroke a mans ego and he will take care of you. I have had to learn to simply be happy with the gay woman standing in front of me right now in the mirror, despite the lack of reference materials that would have made that journey a lot easier. Now you and I have the responsibility to offer support to others, and it should come in the form of how we live our lives. If Grace Hopper had been too afraid to work on computers or join the military, or the story of the Native American gay Shaman was instead a story of the gay slave, our opinion of ourselves would be altered. Never forget that others who are discovering their sexual identities or independence are looking to us now, and we have the power to inuence how they see themselves. We are the reference materials they need. Next time you wrestle with coming out, or are nervous about taking a chance on that nontraditional career you daydream about, picture young kids standing in the corner watching you. Whatever decision you make will change the course of their lives.
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DOMESTICALLY
The delicate matter of knowing youre not the breadwinner
DISTURBED
Topher Payne is an Atlanta-based playwright, and the author of the book Necessary Luxuries: Notes on a Semi-Fabulous Life. Find out more at topherpayne.com
This morning I got the conrmation email for my ight to San Francisco next month. Itll be our rst real vacation since we got married three years ago. My rst reaction was excitement, because I wasnt expecting my husband to buy the tickets, so it was a nice surprise. This was immediately followed by the anxiety of seeing the price tag. Its not my money I wont be paying for my ticket, or the hotel, or really much of anything but Im able to exist in a fairly pleasant fog of denial about how much Preppy covers nancially, and moments like this force the fog to clear in a manner Id just as soon avoid. The two subjects people most commonly avoid in relationships are sex and money, usually why there isnt enough of either. This statistic was provided by The Ofcial Institute of Things I Made Up About Relationships. Of the two, sex would appear to be the greater taboo, but Im not sure thats the case. Whether it provokes intrigue or revulsion, everybody nds sex absolutely fascinating. We gossip with friends, have halting conversations with lovers about things that could be different, watch actors pretend to do it in movies for a supposedly taboo topic, we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about it. Ive gotten emails from strangers who read my column asking about my personal lubricant preferences, and Ive responded without hesitation. But if someone sent me an inquiry about my household budget, I would be scandalized. Money is personal. Its the cold, hard facts of your life. How much you have in savings proves whether you truly think about the future. Your personal debt reveals how thoughtless you are. Plenty of people over the years learned my erogenous zones. Nobody knows my FICO score. Money, my friends, is the true taboo. Preppy makes a lot more money than I do. Like, a lot. I dont know the actual amount. Ive been told several times, but my brain cant process the idea of someone being paid enough to cover
the bills each month. In reality, he is compensated fairly for the work he does, and its likely comparable to what a lot of people in their early thirties earn. I honestly have no idea, because I dont know what any of my friends make, either. Preppys reasonable middle-class income dwarfs my own inconsistent income, making my contributions to the household negligible at best. I make enough to take care of myself, if I needed to. But he makes enough to take care of US, which I could not do. You ever take a kid out for ice cream, and they pay for it themselves? You know the expression of pride they have feeling so grownup? Okay, thats me when Im able to make the car payment. But Im 32 damn years old, so its not quite so adorable when I do it. So much of our self-image is inextricably linked to earnings: We put it right out there and call it a persons Net Worth. So thats why I dont talk about it. Its not a lack of awareness on my part of how our household works. I am acutely aware. But when I reect on it, I get stuck on the idea of being worth less, which is one hit of the spacebar removed from being worthless. This is irrational, but unavoidable. Im left feeling I should do more crunches if Im gonna try and sell myself as a trophy husband. I think thats why couples steer clear of sex and money on the list of daily topics. We reside in a culture that speaks in absolutes on both topics: More is good, less is bad. But in building a life with another person, you nd theres a great deal more nuance to consider. What you need, and what you can give, is in a constant state of ux. The individual contributions are less important than the result you create together, and there are times when youre simply not equipped to shoulder what is arguably your share. In those moments, the simplest solution is likely the most effective: Shut up. Be grateful. Try to be ready when its your turn.