52 Successful Marriage Tips For A

Happy Married Life

1. Money is one of the most frequent causes of marital

friction. If you haven’t talked about it before the wedding,
talk about it now. The sooner you establish a spending plan
and agree on it, the more arguments you’ll avoid down the
line.

2. Don’t assume all things have to be 50/50%. If you prefer

balancing the checkbook and paying bills, but your spouse
hates this and would rather be in charge of cleaning and
scheduling appointments, that’s fine! It’s what works for you
that is important.

3. Always be willing to say, “I’m sorry,” mean it. Whether it’s

something small like not putting the cap on the toothpaste
or something larger, the apology is more important than the
incident and will be remembered far longer.

4. Never make life decisions unilaterally. Even if the new car

will be used by you, your spouse’s input should be listened
to and considered. Set a limit (say, $100 / £50 or $500 /
£250) and agree that neither of you will spend over that
amount without consulting the other.

5. Allow yourself a sense of wonder in the little things and

share them. Do you see a beautiful sunset while doing the
dishes? Point it out to your spouse and share that brief
moment of beauty.

6. Make conscious sacrifices. Let your “better half” choose

the movie, the television show or the restaurant rather than
always wanting to do it. Enjoy his or her pleasure.

7. Say “thank you” for little things as well as big things

sometimes. He’ll appreciate hearing thanks for taking out
the trash and she’ll love a “thank you” for dinner
occasionally. We often feel the most “taken for granted” for
doing the daily or weekly things.

8. Praise your mate’s good qualities or something he or she

has done for you to others – but within earshot. There’s no
boost to a man’s self-esteem like hearing his loved one tell
her mother/sister/best friend what a great job he did
painting the kitchen.

9. Don’t abandon your mate in unknown situations. At your

office party/family reunion, stay close and introduce him/her
with some complimentary information to bolster her self-
confidence. (This is my wife, Nancy. She’s been doing a
great job recently working on the school play as a
fundraiser.) Devise a “signal” so that when you do part, she
can let you know if she needs rescuing.

10. Surprises are good. It can be as small as a note in your

spouse’s briefcase, an unexpected flower or making his
favorite dessert.

11. Maintain your sense of humor!! If you can laugh when

things get tough, you’ll be able to get through almost any
crisis – remember to look for the absurd in any situation.
12. Never discuss important decisions when you’re angry. If
the disagreement has reached the point of shouting or angry
words, agree to table the discussion until you’ve both cooled
off. Set a time and date to reopen the topic.

13. Pick your battles! If it isn’t all that important to you in

the long run but your spouse sees it as a big issue –
concede. By letting your spouse win on some issues that are
dear to his or her heart, you are validating their feelings and
letting them know they are more important than winning a
fight. Don’t win the battle only to lose the war.

14. Keep things in perspective. Will this issue matter a week

from now? If not, it’s probably not worth an argument or
disagreement. If it’s only an annoyance, consider letting it
slide – after all, you’re annoying sometimes, too!

15. Celebrate little occasions. Most couples will go out for

dinner and celebrate a promotion or anniversary, but those
can be few. Instead, make a pledge to celebrate events like
finishing a project on time at work or the day you finish your
last “thank you” note. By making small moments special,
you’ll make the days an adventure.

16. Find one activity you both enjoy, whether it’s going to
baseball games, golfing or watching classic movies, and
make it a point to do it regularly together. A shared activity
can give rise to many special moments and creates a
common bond for conversation and something to look
forward to together.

17. Never, ever bring up past mistakes in an argument. It

only escalates the emotional warfare and distracts both
people from the topic at hand.

18. Marriage is a bond, but you should be on loose tethers –

don’t hold on so tight that the other person feels smothered.
If your spouse wants to go out and do some things without
you, it’s not a reflection of the state of your relationship – he
or she is simply being an independent individual.

19. Be willing and able to reassure your partner and be

thoughtful of their concerns and worries. If you’re going to
be late, call and let them know so that they won’t fret. When
out with friends, although you shouldn’t have to, give a
quick “just checking in,” call. It costs you nothing and will
show you are considerate and thinking of them.

20. Don’t spoil your partner’s fun just because you can’t join
in. A survey found that, especially at the holidays, married
couples argued frequently over invitations to events. If you
can’t meet her for your office Christmas party, that doesn’t
mean she shouldn’t go and have a great time without you.
Just because you don’t want to attend the annual fundraiser
that he loves, don’t expect him to stay home with you and
forego the function.

21. Think before speaking. It sounds simple, but snapping

out every critical thought that pops into your head is easy
when you become comfortable with your mate. Make the
effort to soften the delivery (“It would really help me if you
could remember to take the trash out the night before since
I’m so rushed in the morning. Thanks,” works so much
better than, “You never take out the trash!”

22. The old adage, “Never go to bed mad,” doesn’t mean

you have to solve the problem before you can go to bed! In
fact, if the next day is a work day, you should agree to
retreat at a reasonable time and shelve the discussion until
a time that is better for both of you. Agree to disagree,
remind each other you love each other, and go to bed in a
state of truce.

23. Don’t discuss your personal problems with your family.

Although it is tempting to tell your mother just how terrible
your first fight was, resist. Long after you and your partner
have made up and forgotten the issue, your mother will
remember and view your spouse through different eyes.

24. Don’t expect your spouse to act the same around his or
her family as he does around you. If your husband
temporarily turns into a loud, boisterous buffoon with his
brothers or your wife suddenly starts talking about nothing
but the details of the latest family scandal, don’t panic. They
will return to their normal selves as soon as the family event
is over – this is a bonding ritual for them.

25. Put annoying habits into perspective. He bites his nails?

She twiddles her hair? These will be the same habits you’ll
miss when he or she is gone, so accept them and forget it.

26. When arguing, stick to the topic at hand. Remember, if

you disagree about something, you should address their
point of view, not them personally. Don’t use insults or
insinuate that your partner is somehow “stupid” or bad just
because they disagree with you.

27. Have one hobby each that is separate from your partner
and enjoy it regularly. Maintaining separate interests means
you won’t rely completely on your spouse for entertainment,
which can be draining and a real burden.

28. Support your spouse’s outside interests whole-heartedly.

Ask questions about their hobbies, volunteer work and other
activities. Showing an interest in all aspects of their life
apart from you will not only show you care, but give you the
chance to learn more about your spouse as the years go by.

29. Allow decompression time at the end of the day.

Whoever is home first shouldn’t wait at the door to jump
their spouse with a list of chores or a bunch of questions.
Give him or her a half-hour to simply unwind from the
stresses of the day.
30. Ask, ask, ask!! Trying to guess what is on your spouse’s
mind is a recipe for disaster. Ask specific questions and listen
carefully to the answers.

31. Answer all questions, and be specific. If your husband

asks you what you want for your birthday – tell him! Don’t
expect him to “know” that you’d like to go to the theater. Tell
him you want to go and mention the show you want to see
by name.

32. Continue to date. After a few months or years of

marriage you can easily get into a routine that doesn’t
include special evenings out of the house and away from
bills, leaky faucets and other concerns. Make sure you go
out and pretend you’re still dating – dress up, put on
perfume, woo each other.

33. Tell your spouse you love him or her every day. You can
never say it too much and it will give them a safe, secure
feeling knowing your love is something they can rely on.

34. Remember to compliment, and often. You may think it’s

obvious that if you married her, she must know how
attractive you find her – not true! One compliment makes up
for ten put-downs.

35. Never interrupt your spouse in front of others.

36. Plan well ahead for the holidays and any other time
when a conflict may come up about sharing family time,
then present a united front. Don’t say, “Robert wants to
spend Christmas day with his folks, so we’ll see you the
night before.” Instead say, “We’ve decided we’ll go to
Robert’s parents Christmas day, but we’ll be over all day on
Christmas Eve.”

37. Don’t correct your spouse in front of others over little

things in front of others (the details of a story, what day you
went to the theater). Details are unimportant, and you run
the risk of treating him or her like a child when you spend
your time correcting him.

38. Money matters! Be honest and set guidelines as soon as

possible. Discuss spending limits for both spouses and what
the limit is for big-ticket purchases you can make without
consulting the other.

39. Have a separate checking account for each individual for

personal purchases that isn’t accountable to the other
person and decide how much each will contribute to the joint
account if both of you work. If only one works, be sure to
have an account for that person as well that is only for their
use.

40. Don’t spring big changes or surprises on your spouse. If

you’re thinking of leaving your job, going back to school or
anything else that will affect you both, discuss it before
making any decisions. Yes, it’s your life – but you’re in a
partnership now!

41. Plan for sex. This sounds terribly unromantic, but if

you’re both busy people it can ensure that you don’t let your
sexual life fall by the wayside. And if you know that every
Thursday evening is “the night,” it can become a powerful
aphrodisiac just looking forward to it all day.

42. A day or two apart can be very healthy for a

relationship. You’ll remember how much you appreciate your
spouse and come back refreshed after a few days with your
girlfriends.

43. If your spouse has complained about his or her family,

respect their confidences and don’t use anything said as a
weapon against them in the future.

44. If you have a choice between making yourself look good

and making your spouse look good, choose your spouse!
45. Never use the word “Divorce” casually. It harbors a
feeling of instability and insecurity and will lead to a feeling
that you aren’t in it for the long hall.

46. Don’t compare your marriage to past relationships.

There is no comparison, and you will cheapen the
uniqueness of the bond you two share if you throw up
comparisons to past involvements.

47. Present a united front in front of others on important

issues, even if you disagree in private. You will come to be
seen as a team and be respected for your solidarity.

48. Never forget to introduce your spouse to your friends

whenever they are around. They may be your friends and
you may be in a hurry, but she is your wife and should
always be treated with respect.

49. Friends first, lovers second. Don’t expect sex to carry

you through the long years of marriage when there will be
highs and lows. Sex is important, but talking, sharing and
leaning on one another as real friends will last longer and
form a stronger bond.

50. Take pride in your partner’s work, whatever it is.

Whether it is maintenance man or cashier, if your spouse
does it well and is honest reliable, every job is just as
important as CEO of the company. Take pride in their work
ethic, how hard they work and their desire to take care of
you.

51. Don’t try to change your spouse into somebody else now
that you are married. If you pretended to like his wardrobe
or her friends before the marriage thinking to change things
now that the vows have been said, forget it! You professed
to love them for who they were – you have no right to
change them if you love them.
52. Above all, wake up each morning and remember how
lucky you are to have a loving partner to share your life
with. And every night, let him or her know that you still feel
that way before going to sleep. It’s a wonderful way to end
their day!