Saleem Pheku at Paan Dabba.. Arre... Tu mechanic hai pyjaama hai.........

arey woh laal waali mercedez nakko re baawa woh safed wali toh bhi bhijwa de..bahut kaama hain re...ek to bhijaa de ..bahut kaama hain re... Dabbawaala to Saleem : Kya mia 10 rupai kee numaish phone see bhat kare too kya sunee aatee Saleem : Arre...yeh baat tho tumko aur merku maloom hain.. wo ladki ko kya maloom... tum paan banao ustaad.
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Jahangir Jahangir's Mother : arre kahan jaa raha rey iflass....kitni baar bola ki bahar jaate samay nahin tokna bolke...thoda kaam sey jaroon...abhi tu kaam bhi kara jaissa hai, yeh ley thaili aur gosh leke aaa, 50 rupay hai usmein aur sun hara masala nakko bhul, pura hisab dena...... Boy to Jahangir : arre ball phek rey jhangir, Jahangir : kya rey tum loggon ko kaam dhandha nahin ki yahan pey subha sey shyam cricket khelte rehte.... Boy to Jahangir: tu karra na, wohi bahot hai.....chal ball la.... Jahangir : kaun bola rey woh, dikhatoon ek ek ku....CHINDI CHORRON KA ADDA HOGAYA GALI...PINDEY KE MERI.
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Saleem to Jahangir : arrey pheku kisko bolra rey? Saleem : namasthe malanna...kya smart dhikre. Arre minister ka khaas aadmi hain wo. jahangir: kya bade gaadi pe jaara ustaad?
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Saleem and Jahangir at Mutton Shop Saleem : kya tandurust maal haa baap, apnee koo iysech raina bap......chandka thukda hai........boti kabab hai boti kabab....... hamaaare quadeer bhai.....yeh kali kaun hai ustad ? Quadeer bhai : Wo meri behan hain...! Jahangir to Saleem : kya chuthiye aadmi hain yaaron tum...wahan pe do min aur thaire tho apna ich kuchh latakta tha...
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Jahangir Falls from Saleem's scooter kya gadhi chelararya bhei Nayi Disk breakaa hain rey kai ka baigan ka disk breakaa ray Ismail bhai's first wife : arre kaun hai...salim hai!kaise hai salim..both dinon ke bad aaye ander aao na salim... Ismail bhai's second wife : agaye tumhare avara dosta -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel Ismail Bhai : Arey thumloga phikar kaiku karrey yaron!!!!!! Ismail bhai ke patte hai, pachees saal se charminar pe baitahu , meri kuch iszad hai yaron.......dho chai tho bolo Jahangir : parsooo dabeerpure ki ladayio mein kyaa hua maaloom....chindi haalat hui !!!! kya hua bole tho....mein,salim,chinna,patel,zaleel,feroz ,akbal sab gaye te..... khaali latto se diye.. gap gip gap gip. mein kyaa kara bole tho rabbar ki chappal pahanleke deewar ke paas jaake woh diya woh diya....phir akbaal ko hilaaya kya re akbaal tu bhi do bhairiyaa rak unlogaa gardan par keenchre boletho akbaal kya bola maalum hai mere baaju circle jo tehraa hein mein kaisaa maarungaa un logo ko. Jahangir : aagaya dekh apna salim pheku!!! Ismail bhai : kya khusboo aari saleem kya daala ? Salim Pheku : poison daalliya Jhangir : Kya re poison daalliya.... kya pekra yaaron Salim Peku : poison mathlab scent ko bolthey yeh bahar miltha. Mere kamre mein saat sau khisam ke scent ke sheeshiya hai. Main roz nikalne se pehle idhar udhar, shirt mein , chaddi mein dalke nikalto. Jhangir : Abids ke foot path mein miltha Saleem : woh duplicate scent tumare bawa lagate Jhangir : Bava pe nakko jao..!! Saleem : kal kriishna oberoy mein daawat thi.. daawat mein jaate, manageraan venageraan poora hallo hai bole.. main bola party kidar chalri boletho, 'BLANKET' hall mein chalri boli..

(kounsi hall mein???!!!!!) BLANKET HALL yaaron.. blanket hall mein aisa ghusthe hi, poore loga nachre mein bole apun nachenga tho poora pottiyan mereku lapat jaate, tho mein aisa bhaju se nikal raha hoon.. tho do loga taire the, jaate vaate logan se kya bolra maalun, "arey ine english filmon ka hero dikhra ni", (ismail bhai: abba....) ab mein hallu jaake table pe bhaita, waiter aa ke bola "sir any thing thanda garam", ab sharab tho mein peeta nai, mein ek all mix fruit juice la bolke bola.. aisa bhaite hi saamnese mallika dhekli.. (ismail bhai: mallika??!! kaun?) arey 'MURDER' yaaron, bhaj leke aake boli "hi saleem where are you?, how do u do?, naayudu" bolke.. phir mereku lapatli ustaad, lapat ke idhar puppy udhar puppy, tum samaj rahena, idhar puppy udhar puppy mera pulna shuru hogaya.. (jahangir: kya phulna shuru hogaya baap saleem..?) arey saas pulna shuru hogai yaaron.. mallika-"saleem mujje long drive pe jaana hain" saleem -" ab main usse hyd main long drive pe khaha le jaoo asse banjara hill se panjagutta se sida niclace road se tak band par lete he kya bole maloom . mallika-"saleem mereku icecream hona" bolte he to main mohazzamjahi market kane roka arre mashur icecream hain na yaaron vahha panch pach cup ice cream. ismail bhai"panch pach cup" saleem-"arre ithe ithe cup the yaaro" kaliye baad mai bola ab to tum thande hogaye sida uskho lekar jaya kirshana oberio tak aab tum jao ghar kho main bhi jaroo .gud nite. tho who kya bole maloom "saleem aab tum jana vana nahi ise kaise hota tum mare saath room ko chalo kuch bathana hai" aab main kya kara who bolre bolke room kho chala gaya.aaab room kho chale janeke baad raath bar kya hua maloom nakho pucho. jahangir - neend main se aankh kab kuli yaaro teri saleem- subah. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Fight in the Hotel Saleem : yeh bahar wale chupke hi bikariyo ka photo nikalke bahar leke jake

dikhake tamasha karte."arey kaha maarra re,kiska nikalra re,ismail bhai ko bikhari samajra re angrez,re angrez" Jahanginr : gaali diya ustaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Kya samjhe re tum logan hyderabadiyonko phod ke rakh daalthe pacchis saal se main charminar mein baita hu, aaj tak mere ko koi hath nahi lagaaya ... ye angreza aake mere ko haath lagathe re ... maa ki kirkiri ... Saleem : assalam alaikum Ahmed bhai. Main saleem. Kal kya orchestra tha yaaro. main jaldi nikal gaya. Are Ahmed bhai woh hamare Ismail bhai hai nai, haan woich Charminar wale., zara unki Angrezo ke saath ladai hogai. Zara kuch bhi hua to aap P.S. Sambhal lena............ Saleem : Ahmed bhai bole Ismail bhai ke liye P.S. kya poora Control room sambhal leton. Chaus : Puraa phirke aya ustaad....o mote mote galliyan...o bharik bharik galliyan....o choude choude galliyan....pura phirke maloom kare ustaad...ustaaad bahut bhook lagri ustaad saleem : ismael bhai, angrezonka ghar ka pataa laaliyaa. jahangir: sahin layaa ya phekraa? saleem: hou re main utthaa toh bhi karaa, tu kya kara re, jab kal angrezaan ismael bhai ka shirt phadke ismael bhai ko khudal khudal ke marrethe... unknown: abbaaaa!!!! khudal khudal ke maare ismael bhai ko? ismael bhai: makki kirkiri baigan main mila diyaa re tu meri izzat ku, sab logaan merku poochre re.. tum log kya toh bhi samjhey re mereku..
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Ismail Bhai's gang at NRI's Apartment Saleem to all : tu to paakit maar dikraaa!! arrey yeh to khandaani rikshewala dikhra tu kyun hasra re tu to theatre mein nayi film lagi tho 30 ka 60 ,30 ka 60 bolke phirte naa waisa dikhraa!!! main to ramu bhai ke agla movie ka hero lagru ....!
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Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel salim on phone: helloo!! kaun? ismael bhai? kaun ismael bhai? ismael bhai... ek minute.. salim :.. bhaabhi ka phone hain doosri ghar se..

ismael bhai: tere paas kahaan se aayaa re phone? salim: us din paikhaaney saaf karte waqt mere paas rehgayathaa... ismael bhai: halluuu bol re.. uskuuu sunneaathaa...tum logaaan baigan main milaadiyaa meri izzat kuu.. maakki kirkiriii... hello.. main aaroo bhai ek ghantey se.. tum logaan chindiyaan kardi meri haalath ko.. makki kirkirii... time kharaab chelraa re..] salim: ismael bhai zaraan do chai to bolooo ismael bhai: ab chai nahin kuch nahin bey salim tum tension nakko liyo bhai is baar aisi planning dalrun angrezan bachi nahin sakthe saale!!! theekh hai do chai tho bol re are iliyaaz !!char thande, char alu samose ,do plate mirchi,ek plate khari boondhi,char kachori,char alu bonde aur do ande wande bhi lele jaldi !!!!!.....CHAI BADME arey salim pheku tu bas phektha hai ya kuch karega bhi!!! Saleem :Aisa nai hota Ismail Bhai... poora planning dalke jaana padtha Saleem : Ab Banjara Hills ya se pachis(25) kilometer hai. Chaush : Kaisa re. Saleem : Are hao re galiyon galiyon mein se gaye to uttaich hota.
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Ismail Bhai's Gang at NRI's Office Saleem on seeing girl : aey saaf kar!! Manager, cleaning company manager,cleaning company manager!! mai apna ssaf kar raha hun tu aapna saaf karna bey arrey ismail bhai zara kone mein saaf karo Ismail Bhai : pachees saal se charminaar me hoo, kya chootiya samaj ra re mereko?
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tum loga pukkat ke cigerettaa,, pookat ke chaya...pukkat ke paana..khake merku bambooo gusadre... Jahangir to panwaala : char manikchand.. chaar chabaaza ..char sweety ..char crane ..char baba chota kashmiri chunne mein ..char baba chota kashmiri kathhe mein.. do dabbi bada gold flake... do dabbi chota gold flake ..ek ladi... Ismail bhai to Jahangir : kya re poora dabba khareed ta kya .... do cigrette le re

... maki kir kiri saleem : ismail bhai ke patte hai re hum logaan...chai nahin pilaaye to bhi hamaare dil mein ismail bhai ich rehte... Jahangir : bachpan mein school ki fees nahin hai tho ismail bhai dethe the hamare liye paise!!kya kuch nahin kare ismail bhai hamare vasthe Ismail Bhai Do Din Nahi Dikhe toh loga puchte, Ismail Bhai Dubai gaye kya? Saleem : woh rukhsana parso poochri ismail bhai kahan hai kaise hai itney din se dikhey kyun nahi ABHI ruksanaku bhi malum hogaya!!!!!!!!! thum loga chindhi chore kama karke meri izzat mitti me miladere!!!!!!! makki kirkiri

Charecter sketch

Ismail Bhai Should be dressed in pathani dress with the round cap

Jehangir Short hair, Blue jacket with red shirt. Jean pants, Round cap.

Salim Pheku Black googles, Bright shirt with top 2 buttons off to expose the banian, White pant, White shoes, 2 or 3 chains Red scarf wound on the hand. Sidekick1 General clothes

Sidekick2 General clothes Note1 : Salim Pheku's character should stand out visually among all others Hence other guys should dress in a low profile. Salim Pheku's should be over the top L1

(Scene Beginning: 5 chairs are arranged such that they face the audience in a slightly curved angle. Curve is towards the audience. Ismail bhai is sitting in the middle chair . On his side are the 2 sidekicks. Scene begins with the song Hai Hai Hai Hai Haifrom God Tussi Great Ho..) SideKick1: Arey Gafoor, kya yaroon kuch tagda music chalu karo Kya to bhi laga rakhe. Kuch Himesh/Altaf lagoon na yarron. L2 (Music changes and the song Tum to Thehre pardesi starts playing.. for 10 seconds) SideKick2 : Aisach hona baap. (Jahangir entry: He will enter from the left side of the podium.) Jahangir: Salam ale kun Ismail bhai! Sidekick1 : Walekun salam! Sidekick2 : Walekun salam! Ismail bhai: Salam ale kun jehangir! Aa bhait re (Sidekick1 gets up. Sits on adjacent chair. Jehangir shakes hands with everyone, sits on the vacant chair and mouths the following) Jehangir : Kya Ho raha (shake hands with each) Ismail bhai: Kya re sub khairiyat Jehangir : Aap ke patthe hai ustad sub khairiyat. (both hands to be lifted sideways in style) (Shake hand with Ismail bhai) Jehangir : Ismail bhai, Kya ustad tumhare ghar pe aaye to aisa bol diye Sidekick1 : Kya hua ustaad. Ismail bhai : Are tum logaan serious kaiko lete yaroon Ismail bhai ke patthe hain Pacchis saal se charminar mein baitha hoon Meri koi izzat hai yarron Tumla kya to bhi samjhe re mere ku. (While saying above IsmailBhai should do animated gestures with hands Sidekick1 , Sidekick2 and Jehangir look at each other and smile Jehangir touches his heart with right hand.)

Jehangir :Acha wo sub jaan do ustaad Parso Nal stop mein kya ladai hui maloom Chindhyaaa(learn to pronounce this) ladai huey Kya hua bole to Mein issak, zabbar, khalil, patel (Animated hand gesture) malik, chinna, Feroz, khaiser, iqbal poore gaye the Kuladi pe, Khaaali latose diye, Gaap geef gaap geef gaap geef (Animated hand gesture) Main kya kara bole to Rubber ki chappal daal leke Khaate pe silkake Deewar kudke wot diya wot diya wot diya bore ku (Animated hand gesture) Phir Iqbal ku khijane ku Kya re Iqbal to bhi to bhaiyaa rakh de re Do Do gardun pe khich le re boleto Iqbal mere ku bol ra Mere paas to ustaad ka tereva tha Main kaisa maaru

(Everyone starts laughing and give high fives ) Jehangir:Ek char chai, usmani biscuit, bada gold flake bhejo jee Ismail bhai ke table pe. Paise baad mein dete. Pathhe hain Ismail bhai ke L3: Note2: Salim pheku should not be in front of the audience before this. This is because we want to create a visual impact on Salim Pheku's entry. (Salim Pheku entry: Salim Pheku enters from the right side of the podium) Salim Pheku :Assalam ale kuun Ismail bhai Jehangir :Aa gaya salim pheku

Salim Pheku :Ismail bhai kya haal hai (Shakes hand with evryone before sitting down) Haan aur sub maje mein Aur kya ustaad Ismail bhai: Kya re Salim Kya khusboo aa rahi re (Salim Pheku adjusts his chain)

Salim Pheku :Poison daal diya Jehangir:(excitedly moves his head towards Salim) Kya re Poson daal diya Sidekick1 : Sidekick2 : Jehangir : Kya phek ra re bhai ( Animated hand gestures) Salim Pheku : are tum logaan cheap category ke local basti ke C grade logaa hain Poison bole to scent ko bolte Baahr milta Jehangir : Laxmi Road ke Footpath pe milta wo (looks left and right with an expression that Pheku is bluffing) Salim Pheku : Wo duplicate tumhare Team Leader lagate ( Extends his right hand upwards towards Jehangir)

Jehangir : Team Leader pe nakko jao (animated) ( Jehangir threatens salim pheku by pointing his hand)

Salim Pheku :Abe chal jaa re bhai ( Pheku slaps Jehangir's hand) Ismail bhai: Abe tumla lad lo nakko yarron (Everyone seperates pheku and Salim)

Salim Pheku : Are main kya bol raha hoon bhai Poison boleto scent ko bolte Mere bedroom mein saat sau kisam ke scent ke shishiyaan hai Jehangir : ( with his mouth makes a grumbling sound) Salim Pheku : Main jab bhi daawat mein jaata hoon na Ek poori scent ki shishi daal leke jaata hoon Kapdoon mein, idhar udhar, chaddi mein, jooton mein Sub dal leke jaata hoon (looks at this chaddi and points) Kal rrat ko kya hua maloom Ismail bhai: Kya hua ( tiringly)

Salim Pheku :

Blue Diamond mein Daawat thi Daawat mein jaate hi Managera Wanegera Hello Hai bole

Main bola Party kahan chali bole to Blanket Hall mein chali bole Sidekick2 : Kaun se Hall mein ( very attentively) Salim Pheku : Blanket Hall yarron Blanket Hall mein aisa Ghuste hi Poore logaa naach rahe Main bola ab mein naachne laga to poore pottiya mere ku lipat jaati Ismail bhai : Haan Jehangir : Attentively moving towards Salim Salim Pheku : To main aisa baju se nikal raha hoon To do logaan thehre the Jaate jaate suna wo loga Kya bole maloom Are, Ine English film ka Hero dikh ra hai ne (Points 2 finger towards the audience) Ismail bhai : Aba.. Salim Pheku : Ab mein Hallu jaake table pe baith gaya Baith te hi waiter aaya Aake bola Sir anything thanda garam ( joins his hand like a servent) Ab sharrab to mein pita nahi Main bola ek all mix fruit juice la bola (Animated gestures) Aisa baith te hi samne se Mallika dikhi

Ismail bhai : Mallika kaun....

Salim Pheku : Are Muder yaroon Ismail bhai : (Haan makes weird faces)

Salim Pheku : Bhag leke aake boli Hi Salim Where are u? How do u do? Now u do? bol ke Pakad liye Mallik poore logaa dekh rahe Kya kar rahi tum Bole to une kya boli maloom

Aise hi kaama kare to apan popular hote boli Phir laptne aati ( animated gestures) Mai bola dekho control mein raho Mere ko phir lapti ustaad Lapat ke idhar pappi udhar pappi Tum samajh rahe na Udhar paapi idhar paapi meri phoolna shuri ho gayi

Jehangir

: Kya phholna shoori ho gayi baap salim

Salim Pheku : Are saas phholna shoori ho gayi yaroon

Jehangir

: (makes weird faces)

Salim Pheku : uske baad mere ku kya bli maloom Ab tum mere saath bambai chalna kathe

Ismail bhai : Kaiko.. Ismail bhai : (Approaches Salim attentively) Salim Pheku : Bambai jaake main kya karronga To kya boli maloom Main tumharri ko Hero banana chahti Bambai mein ek se ek hero hain Main aa ke kya karoonga Ismail bhai : Haan Salim Pheku : To kya boli maloom Ek bhi hero kaam ka nahi hai Bambai mein Ismail bhai : (makes weird faces) Salim Pheku : Beherhaal baith gaye Thoda ek do glass beer weer jaake pee li une Phir mere ku bol rahi Salim mere ko bore maar raha party mein Long drive pe jaana hai Ismail bhai : kidhar jaan Salim Pheku : Ab Poona mein usko long drive pe kahan leke jaaon Kya kara mallom Gaadi mein aisa bitha ke (Kasba Peth)BegumPet se Panjakutta (shaniwar Wada) (shaniwar Wada) Panjakutta se Neclace road(laxmi Road) maraa Phir aisa sadashiv Peth leti hi Kya boli maloom Salim mere ku icecream hona

Bolta hi aisa aake sidha mandai ke paas roka

Ismail bhai : Wahan kahan hai Salim Pheku : Are mashhoor icream (Sujata coldrink) nahi hai yaroon Wahan paach paach cup icream khaaye Ismail bhai : Paach paach cupp! Salim Pheku : Itni Itni to cuppa the yarron Kha liye ke baad main bola ab to aap zara thande huen honge bolke sidha usko le gaya Blue Diamond tak Main bola ab tum jao ghar ku mein bhi jaata hoon Goodnight bole to kya bol rahi maloom Salim ab tum kidhar jaana vaana nahi Aisa kaisa hota Tum zara room ko chalo kuch batana hai boli Ab mein kya kara une boli karke sidha room pe chale gaya Ab room ko chale ke baad raat ko kya hua nakko poocho

Jehangir

: Neend mein se aankh kab khuli baap salim teri

Salim Pheku : Subah (Everyone laughs Curtains down)