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Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Calendar Girls script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the
movie starring Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Ciaran Hinds, yadda yadda. This script is a
transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of
Calendar Girls. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be
eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You
won't hurt my feelings. Honest.
Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!
Good evening,
ladies of the Women's Institute.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- No.
- All right, I'll ask him.
Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly what John'd say.
- One seedling...
- Annie, tell him.
need to be done
for that conference in Guiseley.
I thought,
after your fantastic reorganisation,
Jem?
Mum.
Something we need
to have a little... a little chat about.
- Annie...
- Don't leave me.
I did.
- Straightest courgette.
- Done.
Most creative thing done with an egg.
Then we've done everything. Come on.
Victoria sponge...
Annie's on victoria sponge.
so ta-da!
- Told you.
- It's all right. Chris has saved the day.
- Thank you.
- Course, I didn't actually bake this.
It's Zulu.
- Aye aye.
- Jury's back.
That's interesting.
Entered by Knapely WI
and baked by Chris Harper.
Thank you.
Uh, well...
Yes.
- That'll be interesting.
- Wasn't I supposed to do one?
Go.
- Kiss.
- They're on "arrows of desire".
- You can't go to llkley without a kiss.
- I go every Thursday.
Kiss.
I'm so pleased.
- George Clooney.
...the churches of Wharfedale.
fully clothed
and a little "lift the flap" for December.
Chris?
- No, nothing.
- She said George Clooney.
No. No, Marie.
I'm fine, you know, with whatever.
hate to be a revolutionary,
it might actually sell a few copies.
- Is it?
- Yeah. Lawrence was telling me.
Come on.
Flowers of Yorkshire
are like the women of Yorkshire.
Cheeky beggar.
You what?
Mum?
the lion.
- Llama?
- Are there llamas in China?
OK?
Bye.
How's Annie?
Bloody hell,
if you're in with Debbie Nolan,
not bein' unsound here,
but she has got the most fantastic tits.
Maybe plums.
Oh, no.
Come on.
She's...
- Right.
- No.
- How'd it go?
- You know.
- Coming to bed?
- Aye, in a bit.
I don't want
announcements of redundancies...
Whoa.
- The cooker?
- Celia.
She's clever.
An artist.
She's lovely.
Lovely.
And butterflies.
I love photographing native butterflies.
Hello, ladies.
Hiya.
Hiya.
You are?
Sorry.
- Now, I know...
- No front bottoms.
What?
Ruth.
I'm sorry.
Ruth.
Painting, press.
That's a point.
- With us naked!
- Well, nude.
Easy to say
when you've got your knickers on.
Where is he?
Lawrence?
Sorry.
Right.
Lawrence?
- Sorry.
- Sorry, Lawrence.
to ruin a reputation
that we've spent all these years...
All right.
in Knapely General.
- And?
- And with us on it.
And?
Well...
- Naked?
- Not naked. Nude.
February.
March.
April!
- Oh, God.
- Grey hair, cellulite, the lot.
Thanks.
- A week?
- I know.
Northern summat?
Shall I come?
- What?
- Save your sanity, love.
If I raced dragsters,
there might be summat worth watching.
Good girl.
We're going to go
and tell them we're not going to do it.
In. Quick!
We approach nudity
on a strictly need-to-know basis.
Right.
- Shit or bust.
- Shit or bust.
- Right, Lawrence.
- Ready when you are.
Right.
Annie? Chris?
Can you just clear frame for me?
OK, Celia, just lean in
toward t'camera a little bit.
Right. Enough?
Perfect.
OK. Ready.
OK.
Sorry.
Bad girl.
Bun toucher.
We're away.
Thank you.
I'll be disappointed
if they look at me fingers.
All right?
One minute.
Ruth?
Off!
I don't know. .
.
No, copies.
- John Clarke?
- Yes, that's right.
He died of leukaemia.
Marie.
Gorgeous.
No.
If your concern is
for the reputation of Knapely WI...
Annie!
Result!
Chris.
The beer?
It's beautiful.
- It's Knapely.
- Sorry?
- In Yorkshire.
- Charming.
- Bastard!
- She wouldn't have done it deliberately.
We could...
Seeing as calendars
are being printed as we speak.
Oh, my God!
It would look like pornography!
Don't know.
- "Conference" please.
- Sorry? I beg your pardon?
We want to do a WI calendar
Sorry.
where...
my husband...
Yes, because
she's about to commit heresy.
- Oh, God.
- Look, I hate plum jam.
And if it means
that we get closer to killing off
Let's break.
minutes.
We don't do nudity.
But we do do charity.
Can I assume this is a local fundraiser
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
- Actually, so did I. Here we go.
We tried.
We're full.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Look. Look,
Minstergate Bookshop, York. .
Annie!
- What is it?
- They were waiting for me.
- Who?
- When I got back.
My God.
Read this, Chris.
"Now I smile
whenever I see the calendar."
Fantastic.
Eddie.
- I'm Gaz.
- And we've got another order.
Got a meeting.
When later?
Aye. Sorry.
But my wife,
she's a bit busy at the moment.
- Kids?
- No.
Aye.
January.
with Hollywood.
From who?
No.
Oh, my God.
You're joking.
Reynoldson, with a Y.
Eddie?
- Hollywood?
- It's not for fun. It's really important.
I'm in a meeting.
Hello. Flower-Power.
- Thanks, Mum.
- Jem...
- Jem!
- Would you like to come this way?
Ah, passport.
Yes, I know.
Particularly Celia.
Hello.
I was wondering if you could
quote me for some carpets.
My husband.
Eddie?
Right, everyone.
Has everyone got a ticket?
Yes.
- A passport?
- Yes.
Let's go!
Come on.
Sorry, ladies.
You've come to the wrong desk.
Right.
Right.
- What are we doing first, then?
- Chris!
Great, ladies.
OK, we got another section coming up.
Annie, Chris.
This is Frank, Scott and John.
I have.
- Thank you.
- Who was on the phone?
- Very exciting.
- Who?
- Leno.
- Are you sure?
What?
Advert?
Well, they sponsor us, we do their advert
for washing powder. That's how it works.
George Clooney.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes!
- Fine.
- Fantastic. Fabulendo.
You're Chris.
Hi. Exciting. Yeah, yeah.
That's a shame.
Sorry?
- Yeah.
- Yes. Great.
- It's great.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Annie!
- What?
- Was it down here?
- My washing powder?
- Down here.
I get it. I see.
This is cos I've organised it, right?
if it would buy me
just one more hour with him.
- Come on.
- We've gotta get in there.
Hello, love.
How's Jem?
He made a quiche on Tuesday.
We've been stoned ever since.
Thank you.
Ladies, please.
£ .
So a big round of applause to all of us
for making it such a success.