Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—1)

This story picks up in Breaking Dawn after Edward and Bella have left Isle Esme, on
the plane ride home. Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!
Chapter 1—Resolve
I swear something moved inside me just now.
Even just as an echo in my memory, Bella's words still burned right through me, a
jagged blaze of shock and horror. This devastating, inescapable awareness that it
was not a bad dream or a hideous mistake, but a monstrous reality, pierced
through me as sharply now as it had the first time. Oh god, no. I felt a shudder rip
through my body. I glanced quickly at Bella, but she was still staring silently out the
airplane window. I didn't want to burden her with my fears, thinking she must be
consumed by her own. I looked back forward for a moment, struggling to remain
calm.
Time had dragged painfully during the endless flight home. I hated being trapped
here in the sky, helpless, cursing the many miles that still lay in front of us. My
initial reaction had been to just grab Bella, put her in the boat, and then run with
her when we hit mainland. But it was a ridiculous, dangerous idea. So now we sat
in the plane, as the minutes ticked by, and I felt I would go mad with worry and
fear. I was terrified for Bella. Every second that went by felt like a lost moment to
save her. We had no idea what this creature really was, and what it might be doing
to her right now. What I yearned for now was to see Carlisle, and deliver Bella to
his care.
Bella had been so quiet during the flight home, mostly looking out the window. I
watched her carefully, and sometimes she would briefly turn towards me, her
fathomless eyes meeting mine. Her face seemed cautious, with an expression I
couldn't place. Was it fear? Anxiety? Horror at the idea of what I've done to her?
But it didn't seem to be any of those things. There was an odd aura of calm in her
expression, and that concerned me. Could she be in shock?
She gazed up at me now, and I leaned over and kissed her head, letting her
warmth and scent fill my senses. Her fingers slid gently up my arm, creating a river
of heat up to my shoulder. She rested her hand on my neck, soft, exquisite bliss
against my hard skin. I reached my arm carefully around her slight body.
"Don't worry," I murmured, rubbing her back gently. "We're going to take care of
this." Immediately, she stiffened and turned her head back to the window, pulling
back her hand as my arm fall away. I froze, surprised, for a moment, and then
leaned back against my seat. Maybe she doesn't even want to think about it. Who
could blame her?
Several times, I saw her hand move down to touch her stomach, and dread
hammered through me. In the back of my head I kept replaying what I had heard
on Isle Esme. Morte. Dead. The mother did not live – the monster killed her from
the inside out. The monster I created. Anger and guilt consumed me at this
thought, vicious, unrelenting. I hated the thing inside her. I hated that it might be
causing her any kind of pain. That it could kill her. But none of it compared to how
much I hated myself. This was my fault. I had done this to her. I had cursed her
with my monstrous existence. Was there nothing I could do with her, no part of me
that didn't bring her pain? That didn't endanger her life?
Finally, we began our merciful descent towards the airport. As the wheels touched
down on the airstrip, I reached out my mind, searching for Alice. I found her
quickly, but the pain in her mind felt like a physical blow. What was wrong with her?
She was trying to search for Bella's future, but the visions of Bella were blurry or
nonexistent. I felt a new surge of panic. It was like something was blocking her
vision of Bella. What? Why? The blurry images made my head swim, and I pulled
my mind away from Alice's, the pain ebbing immediately.When we were cleared to
leave the plane, I reached over and brushed the hair back from Bella's face. Her
eyes turned to me, filled with some sort of intense emotion. She was so lovely, and
I ached to take her pain away, to make things right again. I leaned over and kissed
her gently on her pale cheek.
"I love you," I whispered in her ear. I pulled back to look at her, and she nodded,
her wide eyes searching my face.
"I know," she whispered, her first words in several hours.
I stood up and gently helped her to her feet. I placed my hand on her warm back,
feeling her heart beat beneath my fingers, and helped guide her out of the plane. It
took all my control not to send the foolish humans who kept bumping into her flying
into the side of the plane. When we reached the terminal, I wrapped my arm
around her, but she seemed to shrug it off. She resents me for this, I thought
painfully. So, instead, I took her hand gently in mine and led her towards where I
could sense my family was waiting.
My family's minds were very clear to me now. Everyone's thoughts were filled with
worry and concern for Bella. Alice's head continued to be a jumble of blurry images
of Bella, and pain. When I got close enough to see, her face was pinched and
miserable. Jasper was concentrating on Alice. He was trying not to become
consumed by everyone's anxiety, attempting to beat it back with calm so that he
could try to help relieve her pain.
Rosalie's mind caught me off guard. She was feeling very intense about something,
but her thoughts were wild and unclear. It was hard to distinguish her emotions –
was she angry? Images of Bella filled her head several times and my thoughts
blackened. Why was she feeling so strongly about Bella? Was she jealous of the
pregnancy? It would be like her to make this about herself. I had an irrational fear
that Rosalie might try to attack Bella, right here in the airport. But that was
ridiculous – what would be her motivation? I tried to shut out the self-centered
workings of Rosalie's mind.
"Is your family here?" Bella asked quietly, breaking into my contemplation. I
glanced down, surprised, but of course her human eyes couldn't see what mine did.
"Yes, right over there." I gestured, and her eyes squinted in that direction. "All of
them?" she breathed.
"Yes, they are all here," I said. Her heartbeat picked up. She's anxious to see Alice,
I thought. And Carlisle, of course. To hear from him that everything would be OK.
She would trust his reassurances over mine, as she rightly should. Unlike me,
Carlisle had never done anything to harm her. I paused, reaching out to take her
other hand, and pulled her to me, cradling her hands against my chest. This would
be our last few moments alone, and I was filled with a strange sense of foreboding.
Bella took her hands out of mine and reached up to my face, her warm fingers
caressing my skin. I cherished her touch, aching with the feelings of happiness and
despair that dueled inside me.
"Edward," she whispered. "I..." She trailed off, the words seeming to get stuck in
her throat. She searched my face, looking for something. She seemed to be
struggling to figure something out, to make a decision. What did she want?
"It's okay, love," I said. "In a few hours this will all be a bad dream." Bella froze,
and something flashed in her eyes before she closed them and looked away. Her
shoulders seemed to hunch over a little.
"Let's go," she said in a quiet, rough voice, pulling away from me and starting to
walk again. I took her hand, confused by her reaction. I couldn't think clearly on
this anymore. I needed Carlisle.
I searched Carlisle's mind, seeing it filled with thoughts about the surgical room he
had begun to set up in his office at home, and the equipment he had brought from
the hospital. There were bags of blood in the refrigerator, just in case Bella needed
them. He was working through all the possible scenarios of how the procedure
might go. His final thought sent a piercing jolt of shock through me. If all else went
wrong, Carlisle planned to change her. He would do it himself if I wouldn't – to save
Bella if he couldn't stop the bleeding, or to allow the venom to kill the thing inside
her if he couldn't get it out. He was agonizing over it, trying to envision the best
spots to bite in order to make the transformation quicker. How to get the most
venom into her bloodstream. His mind filled with an image of himself, kneeling by a
sleeping Bella, her arm in his grip, as his mouth rested against her wrist. He
remembered how he would fight the bloodlust, how he had in the past. He
remembered the scent of her blood.
I froze on the spot. Even when Carlisle had agreed to change Bella after graduation,
he had never let his thoughts get this far. The horror of this image, of Bella,
helpless, Carlisle's teeth about to pierce her fragile skin, filled me with a sickness
and despair that tore at my brain. My emotions halted coherent thought, and an
intense feeling of fury at Carlisle began to overtake me. I didn't move, fighting
against the overwhelming urge to throw myself at him, to attack him, to protect my
love. We were about 15 feet away and I locked eyes with Carlisle. He realized I had
seen what he was thinking, and I knew he had not meant for me to see those
images in his mind. His face was anguished. It may be the only way, Edward, he
thought. You need to accept that.
No, I screamed inside my head. Not like this. Bella was tugging on my arm and I
felt her fingers twist out of mine. I glanced over to see her flying across the open
space towards my family, her long brown hair cascading out behind her. We all
watched her, statues, except for Alice. Holding her fingers pressed against her eyes
she took a step forward, as if to meet her.
But Bella flew by Alice and, in a flash, was swept into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie? I was
too dumbstruck to move. And then, suddenly, like the boom of thunder, Rosalie's
thoughts finally broke free and crashed down on me. The baby. Save the baby. Her
baby. Mine. I won't let them hurt it. Anger flooded my brain and I roared back to
life. In a fraction of a second, I was at Bella's side, the rest of my family still frozen.
Rosalie's arms were around Bella, steel vices, and Bella was sobbing into her chest.
I put my hands on Bella's shoulders.
"Let her go, Rose," I said, my voice deadly. She just stared back at me grimly. I
searched her mind, trying to get a hold on her plans. There was a resolve, a plan to
protect the baby at all costs. And an aching desire she couldn't hide to have that
baby as her own. Anger and hate clouded my vision momentarily. I wanted to rip
her head off.
"I'm not going to let you act out your sick fantasies on my wife," I hissed at Rosalie,
too low for Bella to hear. She narrowed her eyes at me and sent a thought in my
direction. A memory of a phone call from Bella. You have to help me, Rosalie. I
want this baby. Help me protect him. Bella's words. Bella's intentions.
You blind fool, Rosalie sneered in her head. I stared at Bella, mortified. She called it
a baby? My mind processed this with horror. She imagined a baby in there, and she
wanted it. Did she not appreciate, not understand, that it was a monster I had
created inside her? A monster that would kill her. I felt a sickly dread crawl under
my skin, and begin to work its way through my entire body.
Bella's eyes were shining up at me, full of tears. And now, I finally named the
expression in them. Resolve. Commitment. Not to me this time, but to the thing
inside her. Rosalie was right. I was a blind fool. Then Bella moved her hand slowly
down to her stomach, and her expression changed. A blush appeared on her perfect
face. It wasn't fear, or discomfort. It was love. Love for the monster inside her. Oh
god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What had already been a nightmare worsened,
shifted. Became a horror story within a nightmare.
My family finally unfroze. Carlisle stepped quickly over next to us, and Emmett put
his arm protectively around Rose.
"What's going on?" Carlisle asked in a low voice. Rosalie stared at him, her glare
just as hard as it had been for me.
"No one is going to hurt this baby," she hissed at him. Carlisle stared in shock, and
then horror slowly dawned on his face. Alice groaned behind him, and it looked like
she might fall to the floor. Jasper steadied her.
I was reeling from the revelation of Bella's feelings. Love for the thing inside her,
the monster that would take her life? What madness was this?
"Bella, sweetheart," I said in a low, gentle voice. "Love, let go of her. Come to me."
I tugged on her shoulders gently. Her eyes left mine and looked up at Rosalie, who
shook her head minutely. When she looked back at me they had changed again.
They flickered with distrust and she shook her head. I seethed with hatred for
Rosalie.
"Bella," I said, and tugged more forcefully. I could feel my fingers pressing too hard
into her soft body. I let go and grabbed Rosalie's wrist, twisting it. I wondered if I
could snap it off without making too much of a scene. She hissed and Emmett took
a step towards me. Carlisle's hands were on the both of us in a flash.
"Stop it," he ordered quietly. "Not here." All around us humans were coming and
going from various flights. I let go of Rosalie's hand in disgust, and she wrapped it
back around Bella. My mind scorched with anger.
"Bella?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice steady.
Bella looked at me, her face worried, but her deep, brown eyes glowing with
passion. "Edward," she said, in a low, pleading voice. "I want to keep this baby.
When I heard what you and Carlisle were planning, I didn't know if you would listen
to me, let me explain. If I could stop you. So I called Rosalie." Her face fell
miserably, and she looked down at the ground. I stared at her, trying to
comprehend, and then slowly, painfully, realization crept into my mind. She did not
want to end this monstrous pregnancy. Suddenly, I was gripped by a fierce resolve.
She was right to worry, because I would not let anything, including her misplaced
emotions, stand in the way of saving her life. I would not let her get hurt.
"Let's discuss this at home," murmured Carlisle. He was looking at me, concerned
about the expression on my face. Rosalie turned and started walking, her arm
wrapped protectively around Bella. I stayed pressed to Bella's side, Emmett flanking
Rosalie on the other side, continually glancing at me. Carlisle walked right behind
us, his hand on my shoulder. We drew some odd looks, walking in this tight group,
everyone refusing to give up their position. Esme, Alice and Jasper walked a little
ways behind.
They had brought Carlisle's car, as well as my Volvo. I tugged on Bella, to bring her
to the Volvo. "You're getting in a car with her over my dead body," hissed Rosalie.
"That's the plan," I growled back.
"No Edward," said Bella. "I think it's best if I ride with Rosalie." I looked at her,
shocked. She was looking down, unable to meet my eyes. Instinctively, I reached
out to lift her face to mine, but then let my hand drop. Rosalie gave me a smug
look and pulled Bella over to Carlisle's car.
"Come Edward," said Carlisle. "I'll drive." I followed him silently. Alice and Jasper
came with us, and Esme rode with Rosalie, Bella and Emmett. Alice paused by the
car, putting her hand on my arm.
I'm sorry, she thought. I just can't see anything clearly. I didn't know what was
happening.
"Rosalie?" I choked out quietly. "What is she...?"
She's there, but everything keeps blurring out. It's not hard to understand why she
would help Bella with this. You have to understand for her... Her thoughts trailed off
as I turned away, blocking her out. I could not understand this.
I searched the thoughts in the car in front of us as we drove home. Bella was crying
quietly, and Rosalie was comforting her. She knew I was listening.I'm not letting her
go for a second, dear brother. She was prepared to protect the thing inside Bella at
all costs. She wanted it, wanted it to live. And if Bella wavered she was prepared to
try to convince her to keep carrying it. The risk to Bella meant nothing to her – she
couldn't hide that from me. I gripped the car door in rage, trying not to rip it off
completely.
Edward, I heard from Carlisle. I looked over at him, and he had a grim look on his
face. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, looking straight ahead.You need to talk
to Bella. Alone. Make her understand. If you see the chance to get her away from
Rose, take it. I'll be prepared. I stared at him, a little shocked. This had been my
exact thought, but I did not expect to hear it from Carlisle. The fact that he was
saying it terrified me. His fear for Bella's life was more intense than what I had read
before in his thoughts. He saw very little hope for Bella, if we didn't end this as
planned.
I had been so blind. All those hours flying home, I had tragically misjudged what
was going on in Bella's head. And now, that precious time alone was lost. Time to
stop this insanity, before she became resolved. I would have pleaded with her,
begged her on my knees for hours, to let us save her life. Instead, I had delivered
her into the arms of the worst possible person, the only person twisted enough to
encourage her resolve in this deadly matter. I felt a consuming panic. Bella was so
stubborn, what if I couldn't get her to see reason? And it would be even more
impossible with Rosalie there, feeding the madness. I needed to get her away from
Rosalie, as soon as possible. And I was willing to go to extremes to accomplish it.
We pulled into the driveway. Rosalie, Emmett and Bella were already standing on
the front porch. Rosalie only had one hand on Bella. Her other hand was on
Emmett's face, and she was speaking intently to him. He was upset. I was gripped
with a sudden terror that I had to act fast, or another opportunity might not come.
I had to get Bella alone, to convince her, before it was too late. Do it now, I
thought. I made my move. I tore from the car and flew at them.
"No Edward," cried Esme. Emmett's head snapped around and he launched himself
at me. We slammed into each other on the porch steps, just feet from Rose and
Bella. Our arms locked.
"Stop it!" screamed Bella.
Emmett thought that I was attacking Rosalie. Idiot, I thought. This had nothing to
do with Rosalie, other than trying to get Bella away from her poisonous influence.
Although, I wouldn't hesitate to take out some of my anger at her if she stood
between us.
"Quit it, Emmett," I snarled through gritted teeth. "I just want to talk to Bella
alone." But Emmett could see the wild look in my eyes, and he wanted me away
from Rose until I calmed down. I glanced at Rosalie as we struggled. She had her
arms tight around Bella now. If I got past Emmett, could I still get Bella out of
Rosalie's arms? And if I was able to get Bella away, into the woods, could Carlisle
convince Rosalie not to follow? Give me the time I needed to talk to her? I tensed,
searching Emmett's mind for his next move.
No Edward, stop! Alice's desperate voice was loud in my head. You will hurt her!
And my mind filled with Alice's blurry vision of Bella being crushed in a struggle
between Rosalie and me. Dammit. I dropped my arms from Emmett and he shoved
me off the stairs. I flew backwards and slammed into the car, shattering a window.
"Edward!" Bella screamed, horror flooding her face. I straightened up quickly. Of
course I was fine. Emmett held his protective stance in front of Rosalie, and I
stayed at the car. Carlisle ran up the stairs and put his hands on Emmett's arms.
Rosalie glared at me, fury and determination on her face. She didn't trust me to be
alone with Bella, especially now. My eyes met Bella's for a moment. They were still
concerned, but I also saw a flash of fear. Fear of me? I wondered grimly. She looked
away, too quickly.
Patience, Edward, thought Alice. We have to choose our moment wisely. I glanced
at her, and took grim satisfaction in her words. Alice would help me. We stood
together, our love for Bella binding us. She leaned over and murmured something
to Jasper and he nodded. Jasper would help as well. Along with Carlisle, it was all I
needed. I would wait for the right moment. I would save Bella from this deadly
fate. Carlisle was moving Emmett into the house, and we all followed.
Chapter 2—Love
Watching Bella walk in front of me, clinging to Rosalie, the world suddenly felt like a
very foreign place. My arms felt empty, and the distance between us, although
short, loomed painfully. I feared I didn't know how, or when, I would be able to
cross it.
We went straight into the dining room. Lines were drawn as we sat down,
reminding me of the first time we gathered around this table to discuss Bella. It
seemed like a lifetime ago. It might as well have been. Carlisle sat at the head, and
Esme next to him. I stood behind Carlisle, unable to sit. Alice walked in slowly and
sat next to Carlisle, Jasper behind her. I was extremely concerned about the
amount of physical pain Alice was in – I had never seen her like that before.
Same as the first time we met to discuss Bella, Rosalie sat on the opposite side of
the table. She pulled Bella into her lap and wrapped her arms firmly around her. My
stomach turned in disgust at the way Rosalie was holding her so possessively. I
visualized myself ripping off her arms. Bella stared at me, her eyes hurting, but her
face calm and resolved.
Emmett stood behind Rosalie, his expression clouded with concern and confusion.
Obviously, Rosalie hadn't shared her sick plan with him before now. He was
watching Rose intently, as he thought over her words on the porch, that she
planned to help Bella keep the baby inside her. He didn't need an explanation why –
he knew how badly Rose wanted a baby, any baby. He glanced momentarily at me,
and his thoughts flickered angrily back to our confrontation on the porch. His desire
to protect Rosalie had originally just been instinctive, but now that he knew what
Rose wanted, he would not let me take it away from her. I was shocked to sense a
resentful undertone to these thoughts, that I had given Bella what he could never
give Rosalie.Insane.
As I watched him, Emmett's eyes slid down to Bella's stomach. A vision grew in his
head, as his mind wandered, unbidden, to imagine what was inside her. The image
was a human baby, but then it opened its eyes, and they were blood red. Its lips
curled back as it bared its teeth in a grotesque expression.
"Emmett," I hissed quietly, sickened and infuriated. He started, and looked up at
me quickly, his face strained. My family's eyes moved between us, while Bella
remained unaware. Sorry, Bro, he thought miserably. He meant for more than the
image in his mind.
"Okay," Carlisle began. "What is this?" "I... we are not going to let you kill this
baby," spat Rosalie.
"What is your role in this, Rosalie?" asked Carlisle. "This is about Bella. And Edward.
It does not involve you," he said firmly.
"The hell it doesn't," snapped Rosalie. "Bella called me – she called and asked me
to help protect the baby from you. Both of you." She glared pointedly at Carlisle
and then me. I heard Esme gasp. "I know how you and Edward feel, and I don't
trust how far you will go to achieve it. So I am sticking with Bella, every minute, to
help her through it, and keep them both safe." Rosalie's eyes moved from Bella's
face to her stomach, and then back to Carlisle. Bella continued to watch my face,
her eyes now full of unnecessary apologies.
Carlisle stared silently for a moment at Rosalie, his face hard. He certainly
understood her interest in this, but he felt it was at the expense of Bella's safety.
His mind battled between anger and sympathy for her feelings. I growled softly.
Carlisle sighed, and decided he would not even try to reason with Rosalie. He
looked at Bella, his face pained.
"Bella," he said gently, and with such compassion. He sought to reassure her. "Don't
be afraid. I will do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy when we remove
the...fetus. I can go over the procedure with you if..." But he was stopped by Bella's
sharp intake of breath.
"No," she gasped out, finally tearing her eyes from mine to look at Carlisle. Her face
hardened slightly. "You don't understand. I'm not afraid. I don't want you to take
this baby away from me." Her eyes went back to mine, pleading.
"Oh, Bella," Carlisle said, and it sounded like a groan. I just stood, staring, letting
him carry on the conversation. I didn't think I could speak rationally. "I have to tell
you, you must understand...carrying this fetus will most likely kill you. I'm so sorry,
but this is the only way." His voice was filled with sorrow, and he prayed he was
getting through to her. But instead I saw a flash of determination in her eyes. She
shook her head.
"No," she said, still shaking her head back and forth. "We don't know that. Why do
you say that? This is our baby, Edward's and mine. We made it, and I won't let you
hurt him."
Edward, Carlisle thought. How can she be thinking this is possible? Talk to her. I
took a deep breath to steady myself. I tried to make my voice calm and reasonable.
She could see reason, right?
"Bella, angel. This...fetus is not supposed to be in your body. We don't know what it
will be like, what it might be doing to you right now. What I heard on the island is
that it will be strong. It will hurt you." Her expression didn't change. My voice
dropped to an agonized whisper. "It will kill you."
Bella didn't flinch at this, or drop her eyes from mine. I ascertained she knew what
the word morte meant, and had already considered that. My panic grew even more
intense. What had she been resolving on that plane ride home? How far was she
willing to go?
"Yes, Bella," Carlisle urged. "We can't protect you from something we know so little
about. Clearly it is growing fast. Too fast. We have to act quickly."
Bella looked slowly between the two of us. Her hands moved to her stomach and a
deep blush rose onto her cheeks. Her scent swirled strong around the room. A
tenor of thirst flared up at the edge of everyone's thoughts, indefensible in this
moment, and yet, as ever, omnipresent in our lives.
"Just superstitions," she said stubbornly. She sighed, looking down at her hands on
her stomach. "I will do anything to protect him."
"Even kill yourself?" I snapped out harshly, unable to hold back. Her eyes moved to
mine, and although she didn't say anything, I could see the answer in her eyes.
Yes. Yes, she would. She would die, as she almost had many times, because of me,
for me. For the monster I had created. Seeing the look on my face, she paled, and
the corners of her mouth turned down.
Alice spoke for the first time, lifting her head painfully from her hands.
"Bella, listen to Carlisle, let him help you," she pleaded in a strained voice. Bella
stared at Alice, concern on her face, but then slowly shook her head.
"I can do this," Bella said, her voice firm, ringing with finality. Rosalie nodded
vigorously. Oh Edward, Alice moaned in her head. She's not hearing us. Alice's eyes
tightened with pain and worry. I can't find
her future. We can't lose her like this.Jasper, watching her face carefully, squeezed
her shoulder in reassurance.
Jasper's thoughts had been focused solely on Alice this whole time. He was letting
the pain in her head wash through him, wanting to bear it as she did, wishing he
could absorb it from her. But now he looked up at Bella, a hard expression on his
face. Whatever was growing inside of Bella was causing Alice physical pain. The
idea of something hurting Alice was excruciating, and unacceptable, to Jasper. His
very existence was wrapped around loving and protecting Alice, much as mine was
for Bella. This raised his level of hatred towards the creature near to even mine,
and he viewed its unknown future with fear. Jasper was resolved that, right now,
the best way to help Alice, and save Bella, was to get that thing out. He was, as
always, single minded and fierce in his purpose.
Carlisle's thoughts hit me then, loud and desperate. Edward, I don't know if I can
get through to her. We may have to do this another way – if we can get her alone,
I can give her enough morphine to put her under and then...I don't want to take
away her choice. But I can't let her die. Carlisle's thoughts began to disintegrate in
confusion and despair. But mine became crystal clear. I would get Bella alone, and I
would try to convince her to change her mind. And if I couldn't – how far would I go
to save her? I thought I knew. But first, I needed to get her away from Rosalie. I
began to strategize in my head. I would incapacitate Rosalie enough to get Bella
from her arms. I would need Jasper to take on Emmett.
As I made my decision the vision started forming in Alice's head. And as she
resolved her course of action it became clearer. Alice glanced up at Jasper, and,
sensing our resolve, he seemed to read her mind. Alice and I would go straight over
the table. Jasper could come around to be at Emmett's back. Alice would hold off
Rosalie once I had Bella. The initial confrontation was blurry, but further ahead the
vision was clear. Alice could only see herself, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. She felt
this meant I was somewhere else with Bella. She searched the future, struggling to
figure out the best way to contain Rosalie and Emmett, while Carlisle and I could
attend to Bella. Alice hoped that Jasper could calm them enough to allow her to
reason with Rosalie. But she kept seeing images of the four of them struggling with
each other. I cringed away from the visions of my siblings fighting. This would be
the worst thing that had ever happened to my family. There would be scars, more
emotional than physical, that would take a long time to heal.
But right now, the focus had to be saving Bella. I saw Jasper move his eyes to
Emmett, and he took an imperceptible step backwards. Jasper's thoughts were cool
and unemotional now, his battle-trained brain thinking only of strategy. Emmett
stiffened, sensing Jasper's movement. He lifted his eyes from Rosalie to Jasper,
making
his own small, defensive move. Rosalie's glare darkened and she gripped her hands
together, strengthening her hold on Bella. Alice's chair shifted slightly. Be very
careful of Bella, she warned me.
I didn't even dare look at Carlisle and Esme as I tensed for the fight.
Edward...Carlisle called in my head. She will probably hate you for this. She may
never forgive you. I shook my head. I didn't care. That was a small price to pay for
Bella's safety. She would be alive, and I would take that punishment a thousand
times over if I had to. To allow this to continue was a death sentence for Bella, one
imposed by me.
Suddenly, Jasper let go of the tenuous hold he had been keeping over the mood of
the room, and the true weight of all our emotions came crashing back. Those
tensing for battle were filled with anxiety and rage. Carlisle's mind was crippled
with pain as he struggled with his decision to see the procedure through, although
he did not waver from his resolve that ending the pregnancy was the only way to
save Bella.
But Esme – I heard her suck in a sharp breath. And in that moment Alice's visions
of the fight disappeared completely. The future shifted. A vision appeared of my
face, drawn and tortured, burning from the inside. I stared back at myself, knowing
what would be the only thing to put that kind of pain on my face. I gripped the
chair in front of me, my face contorting with anguish, as I realized that whatever
decision Esme had made, it changed everything. I searched, and found her mind
was filled with...with love. And compassion. She spoke her thoughts as they
materialized in her mind.
"She loves him," Esme breathed. "I see now, she loves this baby."
"I do." Bella's small voice came from across the room. Her sorrowful eyes stayed on
my wretched face. Could she see me dying inside?
Esme stood up, and placed her hand on Carlisle's arm. He glanced up at her,
confusion and worry on his face. "You can't do this, Carlisle. You can't take away
this baby. Bella wants him. She loves him. It's her choice." And she moved across
the room and put her hand on Bella's shoulder. Bella glanced up at Esme, her eyes
full of thanks. Carlisle sighed and put his face in his hands. He didn't agree, but he
wouldn't go against Esme. Carlisle was the leader of this family. But in decisions
that involved love, Esme shone brightest, and Carlisle would follow. We had lost
him.
Alice, Jasper and I remained resolved, but I knew it was over. I tried to strategize
new attacks, looking for visions from Alice. But none came. Because we all knew we
would not make a decision that would lead to a physical altercation that might
involve Esme. And now that she stood with Bella, it seemed she was ready to
protect her. And the thing inside her. A wave of utter sadness washed through me
at this thought. Bella needed to be protected from me. How had it come to this?
Carlisle's thoughts floated to me. Try and talk to her again, Edward, he thought. At
least try. I moved slowly around the table towards Bella. Emmett moved
protectively in front of her and Rosalie, but I held my hands up submissively.
"I just want to talk to her," I said.
"You can talk to her just fine from over there," snapped Rosalie. I ignored her and
kept moving forward. Emmett looked into my eyes, and I pleaded silently with him.
He moved aside and Rosalie let out a disgusted sigh.
"You don't have to talk to him, Bella, if you don't want to," she said in a low voice. I
kept my eyes on Bella, uncertain if I could look at Rosalie without betraying my
murderous hate. And if Emmett saw that, he would move again to protect her.
Bella glanced, shocked, at Rosalie.
"No, Rosalie, of course I want to talk to him." She glanced back at me, eyes full of
love, and I sensed the slightest chance of victory. But then she said, "but please
don't let me go, Rose," and that small spark died away. I could almost envision the
smug look on Rose's face, but I pushed it away, desperate for this moment with
Bella.
I knelt beside her and held out my hand. She pulled hers out from Rosalie's tight
grasp and took it. I caressed her warm, soft skin with my fingers, and then
wrapped my hand around hers.
"Can't we speak alone, love? Just for a moment." I looked deep into her warm,
brown eyes, my voice soft. God, she was so beautiful. Surely she could see how
scared I was for her. How much I loved and needed her. She wavered, and an
image from Alice flashed of Bella and I alone, upstairs, and then blurred out quickly.
But then she glanced down and said, "no, Edward, not right now. I'm so sorry." A
sob caught in her throat at her last words. I pressed on, not giving up.
"Don't do this, Bella," I begged. "It's too dangerous." She lifted her hand to my face
and caressed my cheek. Her touch burned, it was almost torture.
"I love you, Edward," she said softly, her eyes calm. "And now, I love him too. He is
yours and mine. Part of us. I want him." A little smile formed on her face. I closed
my eyes to block it out. She was delusional. This was a fantasy.
"Bella, it will kill you." My voice was rough now. I opened my eyes and looked at
her lovely face. "Don't take yourself away from me. I can't live without you. There
is no me, I doesn't exist, without you." She knew too well that if she died, I would
die as well. The ties that bound us were unbreakable, even in death. I would follow
her, always, anywhere.
Bella's expression grew intense, her molten chocolate eyes boring into mine.
"Edward," she said, her voice suddenly fierce. "I know this is right. Deep inside, I
know this is not a mistake, it was meant to be." I stared back at her, and just shook
my head mutely, unable to find the words to express how I felt deep inside, in my
core. I did not feel the same.
Bella's face softened. She moved her hand back down to squeeze mine, her delicate
fingers brushing against my skin like feathers.
"I'm not going to die," she said softly. "Carlisle will do everything he can, but if it's
not enough..." She paused as my insides twisted painfully. "I'll keep my heart
beating. I can do that, and you will save me."
"Save you," I choked out. "How?" But then I saw. Saw her plan. This thing would
kill her from the inside, and then I would kill her from the outside. She would let it
destroy her, and hope that venom, my venom, could save her. But it was a dream.
A dream within the nightmare. I looked at her fragile body, not built to withstand
this world of monsters and demons I had brought her into. I wouldn't be able to
save her.
I couldn't speak any more. I knew all the arguments I would make, and I knew
they wouldn't work. I lowered my head. Esme put a hand on my shoulder. The rest
of my family stood frozen around us, except for Rosalie, who shifted impatiently.
"Don't you want him, too... at all?" Bella asked quietly, her voice breaking. I didn't
look up. I didn't want her to see the emotions on my face. No, I thought. Never. It
will kill you. But I said nothing. I knew now that these words would hurt her even
more, and I just couldn't do that right now. I felt lost inside. The future loomed
before me, monstrous and unknown.
"All right," snapped Rosalie. "That's enough. Decision made. Bella is tired and
probably hungry." She stood Bella up and wrapped an arm around her, moving her
into the living room. They sat on the couch together. I watched them go, and then
dragged myself slowly over and stood by the couch. I could do nothing but stare
down at Bella.
"I'll get you something to eat, dear," said Esme.
"Thank you, Esme," said Bella. "Eggs please." She smiled tentatively up at me. I
couldn't move my face to respond. She shivered at my expression, and Rosalie,
misinterpreting, snapped at Emmett.
"Go get Bella a blanket."
"Oh, thank you, Rosalie. Thank you for everything," Bella said, looking up into
Rose's face. Rose smiled down at her and touched her cheek. Rage and hatred
boiled inside me.
"Don't you worry," she crooned at Bella. Then I saw her eyes slip down to Bella's
stomach, and I knew what she was really talking to. "I'll take care of you."
I could hear Carlisle's thoughts upstairs in his office. Lists of equipment he would
need. How to get an ultrasound machine. Wanting to buy more blood. Thinking
about what we knew. The thing would tear its way out of the womb, killing the
mother. Killing the mother. Morte. Dead. I glanced up and saw my reflection in the
glass wall. My face was the face from Alice's vision. I was burning.
Chapter 3—Lullaby
I thought the moments had passed slowly on the long flight home. I was wrong. If
time had gone slow then, it turned to a merciless crawl now, each passing second
eating away a little part of me. And yet, suddenly, the day was gone. Time, slowly
slipping away from us, and I had wasted it.
I watched as my family moved around Bella, taking care of her. I knew I was being
useless. But I couldn't seem to move, despair had me pinned. Bella didn't eat much
dinner. Esme made her three kinds of eggs, but she only picked at them, while
apologizing profusely to Esme for her lack of appetite. She barely drank as well,
and this caused Carlisle to frown and worry. I stood by the couch, watching her.
Useless. Selfish.
I struggled to smooth my face, to erase the image of myself I had seen earlier. I
knew it would scare Bella. It scared me. But every time Bella looked at me, I knew
the shadow of it was still there. I could see it reflected in her eyes, see it in the way
her face stiffened and paled. We didn't speak. I didn't dare. So instead I watched. I
shut out the thoughts of my family; I couldn't bear to hear them anymore.
Eventually Bella yawned and her eyelids drooped. Someone had placed a pillow,
next to her, on the couch and she lay down on it. Rosalie arranged the blanket on
her, and the sat down at the end of the couch with Bella's feet in her lap.
"Edward," Bella breathed. I stared. A moment passed.
"Help me sleep, Edward," she continued in a small voice. I knew I was being awful.
I should kneel down, gather her in my arms, and sing her to sleep with her lullaby.
But I couldn't do it. Fear gripped me, held me too tightly, a vice at my throat. I was
afraid if I touched her, loved her like that, the emotions burning inside me would
burst out, making us both victims of the fear, self-loathing, and despair I felt. So I
remained frozen, and watched as her face slowly started to fall. With horror I saw a
glisten of tears start to form in her eyes.
It turned out that I could hate myself more. Do something, dammit. "I'll play you to
sleep," I whispered. My voice didn't sound like my own. It echoed strangely in my
ears. She smiled
a little at this, and settled into the pillow.
I went over to the piano and sat down. The room was growing dark as evening fell.
Never taking my eyes off Bella, I began to play the lullaby I had written for her so
many lives ago. The notes rang through the house, gliding up and down the
keyboard, as my love's eyelids began to fall and then close. I watched as her
features softened and relaxed, falling into the elusive peace of human sleep. She
looked so beautiful.
In my distraction the walls I had been holding to the other's thoughts slipped, and I
was suddenly hit full force with my family's combined memories brought on by the
song I was playing. Their memories of when I had first met and fallen in love with
Bella. When I had sat at this piano, and composed this lullaby.
I stopped, my hands frozen over the keys, paralyzed by the pain brought on by this
onslaught. I tried to block it out but now my own memories were coming. Bella,
asleep in her bed, pale face glowing slightly in the
moonlight. Edward, I love you. Sitting beside me as I played this melody for her the
first time, crystal tears shining on her pale cheeks....
My head fell into my hands. Make it stop, I thought. I felt a movement next to me.
It was Alice, sitting silently on the piano bench. She moved closer and laid her head
on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," she sighed.
I turned and pressed my face into her soft, black hair. She had her own scent, like
warm citrus, and it helped to calm me.
"I know this terrifies you. The unknown. I'm scared, too," she said softly. "I'm
sorry, Edward, for you. For Bella." Her voice broke on the last word. Pain twisted in
my chest. I turned my head, keeping my cheek against her head.
"We were just so happy," I choked out. "Everything was perfect. She wanted to stay
human with me, for a little while longer..."
My desperate words shook Alice, caused her to lose focus. Suddenly, her mind filled
images she had been hiding from me. Memories of her visions. Bella and I, sitting
on a grassy campus, the leaves in the trees surrounding us a wild mixture of red,
yellow, orange. Brick buildings in the background. Bella and I in a college
classroom, hands held tight under the desk. Charlie's house, a half-decorated
Christmas tree, Bella laughing, blushing, human...
"Oh," Alice gasped, vainly trying to fill her head with thoughts of Jasper. It was too
late. I sucked in my breath and pulled sharply away from her. Icy realization
stabbed at me. These were images she must have seen when Bella and I were
away on Isle Esme. When we had talked about Dartmouth. When we had talked
about more time.
"Were the vision's clear?" I whispered fiercely, looking at Bella.
Yes, crystal clear.
"And now?" I forced the words out through gritted teeth.
Alice moaned softly. Gone. All gone. Her future is all but gone to me. Alice's head
fell and she seemed to crumple into herself. Jasper appeared behind her, wrapping
her body in his long arms.
I wrenched myself off the bench and away from them. I went over and stood by the
couch, looking at Bella's face. I had destroyed that future. Her future. My
monstrous nature, my very existence, had ripped it away from her, before it even
had a chance. I didn't know why this hurt so much, I should be used to it by now. I
had been destroying her future since the day I laid my eyes on her. But just that it
had been so close, within our grasp, what she wanted, what I wanted to give her.
The shimmering, happy future of Alice's visions, so real, so cruelly extinguished,
began to rip me apart. I wrapped my arms around myself. My mind dredged up a
memory, from Jacob's mind, of how Bella used to wrap her arms around herself to
keep the pieces together when I had left her. That's what I did now. Somewhere,
Fate laughed darkly. I squeezed harder, and felt myself pulling in short breaths
through my clenched teeth. I was sinking, spiraling into uncontrollable despair.
Suddenly, the feeling of overwhelming bliss rocked me. Waves of serenity washed
over me, relaxing my muscles as my arms fell to my side. Momentarily, I floated, at
peace. Then I shook my head sharply, and realized Jasper was standing beside me,
his fingers lightly touching my arm. I shook him off roughly.
"Shove off, Jasper," I muttered.
Get a grip on yourself, man, he thought. Jasper was becoming overwhelmed by my
emotions. He wanted to leave the house, to get away from me, but Alice wanted
him to stay. He continued to send the waves of calm at me, although they were less
potent without his touch
Bella needs you, he chided me. Then disappeared. The feeling of calm left swiftly
with him as the pain roared back in. But I was in better control now, and he was
right. I was turning this into something about me, when it was all about Bella. I
clenched my fists in frustration at myself. I looked down at Bella's sleeping form,
and thought I ought to carry her up to the bed. I leaned over to pick her up and
bring her upstairs.
My arms were knocked away as Rosalie pushed herself between Bella and me. She
hissed.
"Get out of the way, Rose," I snarled, and shoved her aside. She stumbled and then
sprang back, growling. Emmett materialized on the other side of the couch, and I
felt Jasper back at my shoulder. The four of us stared at each other for a long
moment. I felt my earlier rage at Rosalie returning, growing. Jasper sensed it, and
became concerned. He still had my back but didn't want this to turn into anything.
He struggled to spread calm over the group.
"I just want to take her upstairs to bed," I growled at Rosalie. She sighed, and
looked down at Bella with something, like tenderness, in her eyes. I narrowed my
eyes, unconvinced. I could not find that sentiment in her mind.
"Fine," she murmured. Then she looked back up and her expression hardened. "But
I'm coming with you."
"Oh, honestly, Rosalie. Do you really think I'm going to do anything now?" I
snapped. But would I? My eyes flickered to Bella, and I wondered if, given the
chance, I would still try to change things against her will, knowing how she felt. I
honestly didn't know. I looked back at Rosalie and could see in her mind that she
didn't trust me at all.
"I'm staying with her," Rosalie said firmly. I growled. She was not spending the
night with Bella and me in my room. No, not just mine, it was Bella's room as well
now. Our room. Our bed. Fury and despair coursed through me.
Hard fingers clenched onto my arm and the calm relaxed me again. Stop it,
Edward. Jasper was frustrated. He didn't want to be here, feeling my despair,
helping me control my volatile emotions. He wanted to be with Alice, she was in
pain. I fought the urge to scream at him. Scream at them all. How the hell did they
expect me to feel about this?
But, instead, I let him fill me with peace, embracing the calm this time. Slowly it
morphed into something like resigned defeat. Bella was sleeping soundly on the
couch; I would let her be. I sunk down to my knees next to her. Rosalie shrugged
and sat back down. The others lingered briefly, but then disappeared as Carlisle
knelt down next to me.
How fast do you think it is growing, Edward? Have you noticed any changes, any
growth, since you left the island?
I glanced down at Bella's stomach. I was embarrassed to admit I had completely
avoided looking at, or touching, that part of her since we had found out. Some
husband. I hadn't wanted to even acknowledge it. Now I reached over and touched
her stomach gently. I could feel the small bulge that hadn't been there before. I
snatched my hand away as if I had been burnt.
"I don't know," I sighed quietly. Rosalie eyed us suspiciously, wondering what we
were talking about.
Well, I will examine her tomorrow. Take some measurements, so we can start to
judge its growth. It's obviously accelerated, but maybe not that much. We will have
some time to try to figure things out. His eyes flickered over to Rosalie.
Carlisle then stood, patted me on the shoulder, and left, his thoughts still tangled
up in possible outcomes. I looked again at Bella's stomach. Really, how fast could it
grow? Time, we needed time. Looking at Bella's fragile body, I wanted to gather her
into my arms, never let her go, protect her. But could I protect her this time? My
helplessness terrified me.
Sitting so close to Rosalie, it was hard to block out her thoughts. Now that she had
gotten her way, the angry, defensive walls were down. She viewed the pregnancy
with an excitement that bordered on frenzied. In her darker moments, when her
long buried mothering instincts screamed for release, Rosalie had explored all
available
information on human pregnancy. As if that knowledge could somehow erase the
fact that she was a cold, unchanging monster. Now her mind flickered with the
thousands of images of babies she had memorized during her immortal existence.
Nausea, exhaustion – she listed in her head with satisfaction the normal early signs
of pregnancy that Bella had shown. Rosalie was determined not to let Carlisle and I
contort the pregnancy into something ugly.
But she also could not hide the fear that crept around the corners of her mind. Even
as deluded and self-centered as Rosalie was, she could not deny seeing the
inherent danger of the situation, to both Bella and the thing inside of her. Still, at
least in the forefront of her mind, she had herself convinced that Bella would
survive. I could but only guess at what lurked in the deeper parts of her
consciousness, where I couldn't see.
She glanced down at Bella, and, in a twisted way, realized she understood how I
was feeling. She knew what she would be capable of doing to protect Emmett, if it
was his life that was in danger. But this thought only served to remind her what she
was up against. She was concerned about my ability to influence Bella, and didn't
trust that I still wouldn't try to use my persuasive power to sway her. She wondered
how to undermine Bella's trust in me, and wedge herself between us.
My sudden fury at these thoughts caught me off guard, and I gasped in an
unintentional quick breath. Rosalie eyes shot to mine, and her expression darkened.
I realized I had unknowingly been leaning towards hers, my fists clenched. She was
abruptly furious, at herself for leaving her thoughts unguarded, and toward me for
pulling them from her head. Her eyes narrowed and she stared straight forward
again, cutting off all thoughts of the present, recalling instead a human baby, one I
had seen countless times in her mind before. A brown haired baby, who she
dreamed of holding in her arms. The memories were human, weak, and it was easy
to shut them out, which I did. I did not want to see her dreams, when she had a
hand in destroying mine.
I blocked out all thoughts I looked at Bella, filling my mind only with her, and let
her beating heart and gentle breaths calm me. Her face was very still, its beauty
radiating out to hold me, and draw me closer. I leaned over slowly, and with the
slightest pressure, touched my lips to hers. Her warmth, magnified a thousand
times where our skin touched, spread through me. Then I leaned back onto my
knees. Let her sleep now. I became perfectly still, and so, the first night passed.
Eventually, light began to filter back into the room. Bella had slept soundly, as she
had on the island. Now she moved restlessly in her sleep, and made a small noise. I
unfroze, and for the first time all night my eyes left her face. I trailed my eyes over
down her body and stopped when they rested on her stomach. Something about
the way the blanket lay against her caught me. Slowly, I moved my arm and pulled
back the blanket. Rosalie unfroze, watching me with wary eyes. I looked carefully,
and then Fear had me in her steely grip again.
"Carlisle," I whispered roughly. He appeared immediately, followed by the others,
who had heard the panic in my voice. I stood up.
"Her stomach," I breathed. I sucked in air sharply. "It's grown. It's bigger."
Everyone turned to study Bella's sleeping form. The bulge was shockingly larger
than last night. At least three times bigger. Then, as we all watched, Bella's
stomach moved. Almost imperceptibly, but we saw it. Seven statues took a step
back in shock. A multitude of thoughts collided with me, the emotions different but
the realizations the same. Growing. Alive. Growing fast.Too fast. It moved again,
and Bella winced in her sleep. A chorus of breaths sucked in. A long moment of
silence. Then, Bella opened her eyes, and looked up in surprise. Seven pairs of dark
golden eyes, emotions ranging from excitement, to concern, to horror, looked back.
Chapter 4 —Confession
The morning light brought no hope with it. Things were progressing fast, whether
we wanted them to or not, right
in front of our eyes. Everything felt shadowed by an oppressive cloud of
uncertainty, fear and dread.
Esme cooked eggs for breakfast, which Bella pushed around her plate with an
unhappy look on her face. I could tell
she had no interest in eating. Now I sat watching Rosalie run her cold, white hand
carefully over Bella's stomach,
as Bella smiled at her, and I fought back the urge to scream.
Son, can I talk to you alone for a minute? Carlisle was standing at the bottom of
the stairs, looking at me solemnly.
I pressed my hand gently to Bella's cheek and then followed Carlisle out to the
dining room. He faced me, his
expression thoughtful.
I want to speak to Bella about her symptoms, try to pinpoint the exact point of
conception, if possible. I don't want
to make Bella uncomfortable, though. I am her doctor, but also her father-in-law.
He smiled slightly as this. You
and I have never had a chance to talk about how things...went on the honeymoon.
"Didn't Alice tell you what happened?" I muttered quietly. I felt unexpectedly
uncomfortable.
"Alice told us only that things, were, well, successful the first night." I grimaced.
Leave it to Alice to consider that
night a success. Since I hadn't broken any bones or outright killed Bella, apparently
congratulations were in order.
When did you first have intercourse with her, Edward? Carlisle was struggling to
remain respectful, to not overstep
any lines, but he felt he needed to know everything he could to help us.
"The first night," I said quietly. With these words, the emotions hit hard. The guilt
and pain from that night came
rushing up through me, reminding me that I had hurt her, the one I loved. The
memories viciously clawed at me. I
braced myself against the shame, against the confession I needed to make.
"Carlisle." My whisper was rough, barely audible. "I hurt her."
Carlisle drew in a sharp breath, and his eyes flickered uneasily towards the living
room where Bella was, and then
back at me. But Alice told us she was Ok?
"The injuries were bruises. They...healed." It was agony to admit, to remember.
Carlisle nodded slightly, his eyes
still tense.
And then, the words poured out of me. It was actually a relief to release them.
"Carlisle, I tried so hard to be
careful, but, but I...I never expected it to be like that. I guess I lost control. I was
overcome, it was just so much."
I lowered my head and closed my eyes, remembering. Bella's flushed face, the feel
of her body beneath mine.
Knowing it was too dangerous this way, yet unable, unwilling, to stop. My hand
clutching her, drawing her closer.
She was everywhere, everything, and I never wanted it to end. Then my control
slipping, the venom pooling in my
mouth...the feathers. I shuddered.
Carlisle sighed, his thoughts sympathetic. Son, I know you tried your best, under
what were extremely difficult
circumstances. There was no long-term harm done.
I just shook my head, keeping my eyes down. He couldn't be more wrong about
that.
"Well,"mused Carlisle. At least, if you only made love that one time, it makes it very
easy to determine the date of
conception.
I froze at his thoughts. Biting remorse and shame washed through me, ice cold. I
very slowly raised my eyes to
meet Carlisle's. He had a quizzical look on his face, but as he took in my
expression, his face froze, his eyes
widening slightly.
"You tried again with her?" he whispered. His face was aghast. "Even given her
injuries the first time?"
My shame at his horrified expression was staggering. How I wished I could be the
person he saw, someone who
would never take actions that would endanger Bella's safety. How immensely he
underestimated my weakness, my
selfishness.
And yet, how to explain to him the need that second time? Hers and mine. All those
days, tortured by a desire that
never waned, never abated. And then, unexpectedly, the feel of her hot skin
pressing against mine, her desperate
hands clutching me. Her pleading voice giving me the terrible permission my body
sought. The stunning
intoxication of finally giving in. There was no way to explain it.
"She wanted to," I whispered. As if that excused my behavior. It was hard to speak
through the tightening in my
throat. "I didn't hurt her again."
Carlisle's expression relaxed slightly. He reached out and touched my arm. I'm
sorry, Edward, it really isn't any of
my business. I shrugged miserably.
Carlisle stood up. "Well, I'm going to go and talk to Bella, see if I can get a better
handle on when her symptoms
started."
I grabbed his arm. "Carlisle." My mouth formed the words, making no sound. I did
not want to be heard. "What are
we going to do?"
Carlisle sighed, pain tight in his eyes. I don't know yet, Edward. I need to examine
her first, to better understand
what we are dealing with. But for now, we can to keep her safe and comfortable.
He gazed at me for a second
more, and then left the room, anxious to talk to Bella and determine the point of
conception.
I didn't watch him go. I knew that Carlisle wanted to do his job, to be thorough,
and I would let him. But I had no
doubt when the date of conception was. I was sure it was our first night on the
island. This seemed cruelly fitting
to me. I remembered, in acute detail, the agonized horror of the moment I realized
that I had hurt Bella, that I had
let my own pleasure mark her precious skin. The overwhelming disgust in myself as
I watched the bruises darken
and spread in the light of the coming dawn, as I spiraled down into what I thought
was one of my lowest moments.
It was a bitter irony to discover that I had only known, then, a faint shadow of the
devastation my selfishness had
wrought on her that night.
I rose slowly and walked into the living room. Emmett and Rosalie were standing
behind the couch together, their
eyes trained on me. They had been listening to my conversation with Carlisle with
great interest, although their
reactions to it were completely different. Rosalie was feeling a little smug, having
always thought I would not be
able to give Bella what she wanted without hurting her.
Emmett, of course, was enjoying what he considered to be my subsequent
successes. Way to go, man. Finally! I
snorted quietly.
Carlisle was sitting with Bella, explaining that he wanted to try to pinpoint the date
of conception as accurately as
possible.
"Normally, I would use the date of your last menstrual cycle, but with such a
compressed time frame, and such
accelerated growth, I'd like to try to be particularly specific. Try to go back and
think about when the symptoms
began."
"Well," said Bella, "The vomiting didn't begin until ...the night Edward was away
hunting." She glanced at me. "But
then, before that, there were the, uh, intense dreams, the crying." She glanced
again at me, blushing deeply over
her face and down her neck.
I watched her carefully. "But Bella, remember, even the first morning, you were so
hungry." I held her eyes as she
nodded. Shock registered immediately in Carlisle's thoughts. The first morning. So
first night was point of
conception. The symptoms started so fast. That's extremely fast. I glanced quickly
at him, but he didn't meet my
eyes.
"OK, then." Carlisle patted Bella's leg and stood up. "If you are ready, Bella, let's go
upstairs to my office. I would
like to examine you and take some measurements, so we can track growth."
Rosalie whipped around the couch, standing directly in front of Bella.
"Absolutely not," she stated firmly. Carlisle looked at her in disbelief.
"Rosalie, I have an exam table up there. And appropriate lighting."
"No way," she said in an angry, cutting voice. "I know what you set that room up
for, Carlisle. I was here. I know
what you and Edward plan to do in there. There is no way Bella is setting one foot
inside that room. Not today."
I took a step toward Rosalie, as Carlisle placed a hand on my chest. I glanced at
Bella, but she was just watching
me. I was confused and frustrated that Bella would let Rosalie speak for her. She
was usually so stubborn, this was
exactly the kind of thing that would usually set her off. But she just watched, silent.
"This is ridiculous, Rosalie," Carlisle said, but I could already hear the assent in his
voice. I wanted to do
something, but I felt trapped, Bella's eyes fixed on me.
I stood, watching, as Carlisle did his exam with Bella lying on the couch. He pushed
up her shirt carefully, exposing
her stomach. Where it was flat only a few days ago, Bella's stomach was now raised
out several inches. I was
infuriated to see how the thing had already contorted her body under her soft skin.
Carlisle's sure hands ran over
her skin, feeling gently. So hard, so unyielding, he thought. What is it encased in?
It would be difficult to
remove.He glanced quickly at me. But not impossible, I think. Not yet.
How long did we have to convince Bella to change her mind, before it was too late?
Carlisle sighed, frustrated by his lack of information. He took out his tape measure
and measured her stomach
carefully. He told Bella he planned to try to measure her every few hours, to get an
idea of the growth.
After the exam, Bella wanted to take a shower. I sat in the hallway, leaning against
the wall while Rosalie prowled
outside the bathroom door, where she had promised Bella she would stay. Rosalie
acted like Carlisle or I were
going to crawl through the bathroom vents to snatch Bella.
Edward. I searched my mind out. Jasper. I could see, through his eyes, where he
was – in the woods, past the
invisible line where vampire ears in the house could no longer hear. It was a place
we all knew well. He wanted to
talk to me, privately. His thoughts told me nothing else, except that he was
unhappy about Bella. I glanced at the
bathroom – Bella would not be done showering and dressing for at least 15
minutes.
I left the house silently, running through the woods. The path I was on seemed
particularly concentrated with my
family's scent, as if they had all passed this way numerous times. The realization
came quickly, and the pain
slammed into me, hard. This was the way to the house my family had been working
on for Bella and I. I lost a
step, then another, and then stumbled to a stop, bent over, clutching at a tree. The
image of the little cottage had
lingered, in a melancholy way, in my family's thoughts since we returned. I had
pushed it aside before, but now it
swelled up, inescapable, yet another symbol of all that might be lost. How had
everything gone so horribly wrong,
so fast?
"Edward." It was Jasper. "Are you OK?"
How could I be, I thought. I straightened up quickly. "It's nothing. What's up,
Jasper."
He was standing across the small clearing from me, leaning against a tree, his arms
folded over his chest. His
expression was cool.
"So, what are you going to do, Edward?" he asked quietly. He was thinking about
Bella.
"What do you mean, Jasper?" I muttered.
His hands fell to his sides, and he took a step forward. "Are you just giving up? Are
you going to let that thing grow
inside her? Are you just going to let her die?" The last words came out harshly.
I hissed, shocked by his intensity.
"Jesus Christ, Jasper. What the hell do you think? But what am I supposed to do? If
I could even get Bella to
change her mind, I can't get through Rosalie, not with Emmett and Esme backing
her up."
Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly. "No one would stand in my way if it was Alice's life
in danger," he said in a low
voice. Jasper was certain what his course would be, if he stood in my shoes. He
would do anything for Alice.
Jasper's inference made me angry. I would do anything for Bella, too. Nothing
meant more. But couldn't he grasp
how complicated the situation was?
"I am not giving up," I snarled in a fierce voice. "I will save her. There has to be a
way."
Jasper strode across the clearing, putting his hands on my shoulders. His eyes
blazed, dark golden brown rings
surrounding a center of black.
"We can do this right now, Edward." His voice was low, persuasive. "We can go back
and grab her, it would be
easy. I bet we could slip in and out. And then we can figure things out from there.
Don't let Rosalie stand between
you and Bella, it's not right."
We stared at each other. I could feel him funneling his rash excitement into me. I
wavered. There was something
so recklessly liberating about the idea of getting Bella alone, getting her away from
Rosalie, and the interfering
eyes of my family.
Suddenly, the sounds of a fast approach. An angry whisper. "Stay where you are."
Alice. She flew into the clearing and separated us with her small hands. I felt the
excitement drain out of me.
"Stop," she said. Her mind flashed with the different visions she had seen – Jasper
alone, lurking through the
house, Jasper and I together, scaling the walls. A blurry flash of Bella, crying in the
woods. My heart ached
painfully.
"Bella wouldn't want that, Jasper," I whispered. Plus it would terrify her. I had been
prepared to do it, yesterday.
But I hesitated now. I didn't know what the right path was anymore. "I can't."
Jasper's face was hard, but after a moment, he nodded. I just want to help,
Edward, whatever way you want. I just
hope we can do something, before it gets too bad.
"I won't let her die," I growled, more to myself than him. I turned and took off into
the forest, flying through the
trees, flying back to her. As I approached the house I could see Bella standing
outside, scanning the trees with her
eyes. Looking for me. I jumped the river too fast for her eyes to see, and then
walked more slowly up towards her.
Her smile was radiant. "Edward," she breathed. I felt the overpowering sense of
relief I always did, seeing her
again with my eyes after any sort of separation. I put my hand against her neck,
pulse beating beneath my skin,
and leaned over to trail my lips across the exquisite velvet of her cheek, pausing at
her lips.
"I'm sorry I left," I murmured, and then pressed my lips, briefly, to hers. "I love
you."
"I love you, too," she said. Those words were always a miracle to me.
I took her hand and we walked to the water's edge. Rosalie trailed behind, forever
suspicious. Perhaps rightfully so
this time. But how could Bella and I really talk with her here? The silence felt heavy
between us. I thought about
her silence during the exam. She didn't want to argue with Carlisle. But I knew,
instinctively, that she also did not
want to hurt me. She was always this way, avoiding the words she should say for
fear they would pain me.
Standing next to her now, feeling her warmth, her scent, her hand in mine, my
words to Jasper felt hollow. I had
no idea what I was going to do. Stay with me, Bella. Don't go. Don't ever leave me.
Save yourself for me. But I
had already said those words, and they weren't enough. I tried to think, to form the
perfect words that would
change her mind, this time.
Bella stopped then, as if sensing my anguish, and turned to me, placing a hand on
my face. "It's going to be OK,
Edward," she said in a soft voice. No, it's not! My mind screamed.
"Oh," Bella suddenly exclaimed. I watched her expression in alarm. But she looked
down at her stomach, a smile
on her face. She moved her hand towards her stomach, automatically pulling mine
with hers, and pressed it
against the slight bulge. Then, I felt it move inside her.
My reaction was instantaneous, unthinking. I ripped my hand out of hers, jerking it
swiftly away from her body, as
a low hiss escaped my lips. And then I froze, horrified by my grossly insensitive
actions.
Bella lifted her face slowly up to mine. The shock and hurt painted across her
expression took my breath away. I
took an involuntary step backwards under the weight of it. Her empty hand flexed
slightly, still lying across her
stomach.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. Her liquid eyes held mine as the pain, slowly, began
to drain out of her features,
replaced by exhaustion.
Over her shoulder, Rosalie glared at me. Some father, she thought.
I flinched at her thoughts.
"I'm tired," Bella said. "I want to go inside." She started towards the house, her
arms wrapped around herself.
Rosalie put her arm around her shoulders.
I watched her as she walked across the yard, each step taking her farther away
from me, creating a chasm
between us filled with unsaid words, pain and doubt.
As she disappeared in the house, I hurried after. I couldn't bear for her to go.
Bella laid down on the couch, staring off for a while, as I stood against the wall,
watching her. Eventually her eyes
gently closed, resting, but not quite asleep. So exhausted. I walked slowly over to
her. I looked down at her, eyes
closed, peaceful. Her face was so young, too young. My throat felt tight, as an ache
grew in my chest. I knew I
shouldn't touch her, shouldn't risk waking her, but I allowed my hand to stroke her
soft hair, one time. Her eyes
opened, clear and deep, and held mine, as she reached out and took my hand. She
was my whole world.
Upstairs, Emmett and Carlisle were doing research online, looking first into the
Ticuna Indian stories of
the Libishomen. Information was scarce, but they had found one legend about a
village visited by a demon that
had left several women dead, their torsos mangled, their bodies drained of blood.
The women were referred to as
"The Mothers".
As I looked into Bella's eyes and listened to the tales of death upstairs, one thought
revolved in my mind. What am
I going to do? I remembered when we had first met, how hard I had tried to stay
away, to save Bella from the
danger I posed. Your number was up the first time I met you, I had told her. And, it
seemed, then and now, Fate
would not be undone. I had fought back death when it came at her, time and time
again, but, even though I tried,
I had failed to protect her from the greatest danger – myself. Because, ultimately,
Bella had never wanted to be
saved from me. Now, again, my presence in her life had pushed her onto the
precipice of death.
How was I going to save her? When, once again, she didn't want to be saved.
Chapter 5—Motherhood
As we waited, helpless, to see what time would bring, we did what we could for
Bella. Her comfort and happiness
became the driving force in my family's existence. Bella was our center now, as we
orbited around her.
On the third morning, Bella woke up hungry.
"I'm starving," she said as she stretched. Around the house, everyone stopped and
listened. Feeding Bella had
become a full time Cullen occupation over the last several days. She was barely
eating, and nothing seemed to
appeal to her. Carlisle was increasingly worried about her nutrition and strength. So
if Bella showed any interest in
eating, or requested a particular item, the Cullen family sparked into action. Hours
had been spent shopping for
groceries, pouring over the computer for recipes, cooking in the kitchen. Pancakes,
french toast, pasta, soup,
anything she could suggest, or we could think, of had been tried. Most of it ended
up in the trash. Mostly she ate
eggs. Or nothing at all.
Bella was, of course, horrified by this attention. She hated that everyone seemed to
be going out of the way for
her. She constantly begged us not to worry, not to go to so much trouble. But of
course we did. What else could
we do?
Bella stood up. She was still sleeping on the couch. Bella claimed she was more
comfortable there, and I didn't
argue. I think neither of us wanted to share the room upstairs with Rosalie.
"You know what sounds good?" An anticipatory silence fell over the house.
"What, love?" I asked gently, brushing her soft brown hair back off her face.
"A banana smoothie," she announced.
I stared blankly at her. My eyes flicked to Rosalie, who was wearing the same blank
expression. I smoothed my
features into what I hoped was a knowing look.
"Of course, I'm sure we have the ingredients for that," I said briskly. I forced myself
to smile at her and moved
into the kitchen.
Alice, Esme and Emmett were already in there, looking perplexed. Jasper was at
the computer.
"What the hell is a banana smoothie?" Emmett muttered in low voice.
"I have no idea," I whispered.
"Got it!" Jasper whispered as he entered the kitchen. Alice grabbed the recipe and
scanned it. She was wearing the
pinched, pained expression that was a permanent fixture on her face these days.
"Hmm," she murmured. "We have these ingredients, but I don't know about a
blender." She looked around the
kitchen. Cabinets started to silently open and close as we searched. Apparently the
well-stocked Cullen kitchen did
not contain a blender. When it was clear we weren't going to find it, we all paused
and looked at Emmett. He
looked back darkly for a moment, then sighed, grabbed his keys, and stomped out
to the garage.
Emmett had become the family gopher, the only one to leave the house in the last
few days. Rosalie and I refused
to leave Bella's side, and Esme couldn't drag herself away, fearing she might miss
the chance to help Bella in some
way. Carlisle didn't dare leave right now. And Alice was not well enough to go, and
Jasper would not leave her. So,
Emmett earned the job. He went back and forth to the grocery store at least once
daily. And it was not just food
that needed to be purchased. Second only to feeding Bella, entertaining Bella was
the next priority. Emmett had
made numerous trips to the movie store and various bookstores. We provided
detailed lists of things we thought
Bella might enjoy.
"There are thousands of books and movies in this house," he had groaned after
making his third trip out in 2 days.
"How can there be more to buy?" But he went, grudgingly, because he loved Bella,
as did the rest of us.
While Emmett went out for the blender, I went back to Bella. It hurt to be away
from her, even for a few seconds.
She was standing by the glass wall, looking down at the river. Her stomach had
grown impossibly fast over the last
two days, and I cringed in misery at the sight of it. Bella maintained that all was
fine, but I had seen the faint
shadow of pain cross through her eyes, watched her body flinch slightly in the
night. I knew she was growing
uncomfortable, and the implications of this haunted me.
During the past couple of days it had felt as though I existed in some sort of altered
state. For it could only be in
some cruel, alternate reality that Bella would have a shadow of pain and death
hanging over her, by my hand, and
I would stand aside, as if shackled, doing nothing to stop its approach. And that
was what it felt like. Her growing
stomach was the physical manifestation of this threat, and as it stretched and
contorted her fragile frame, its rapid,
unrelenting growth mocked me, pulling the dark shadows closer.
I clenched my fists against a lash of guilt and anger, struggling to remain in control.
I breathed in deeply,
composing my face, and went over to her. I took her hands, pulling them up around
my neck.
"Hi," I said, smiling down at her.
"Hey." Her answering smile was bright. I cradled her lovely face in my hands, trying
to look past the fact that it
was too pale, too thin. I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs, watching the blush
rise under my fingers. She
caressed my head, her small, warm hands carving paths through my hair. Her
hands slid down my neck, under my
shirt collar, to press, hot, against my skin. She pulled me towards her, and I leaned
down, reacting to her touch.
The thousands of pounds of despair that constantly pressed in on me lifted slightly
as her warm lips touched my icy
mouth. I breathed her in, intoxicatingly painful, and slid my hands down to her
back, pulling her body close to
mine. The bulge of her stomach pressed against me then, inescapable, and yet,
somehow, wholly unexpected.
I involuntarily froze. Damn. I could not seem to control my reaction to this physical
reminder of the nightmare. I
tried to recover, but Bella realized what had happened. She stiffened and dropped
her arms, pulling her mouth
slightly away from mine. Hurting her again. I kept my eyes closed, cursing myself,
ashamed. I kept her pressed
close to me, and trailed kisses down her cheek to her neck, but her hands stayed at
her sides. Her stomach, and
what was inside it, remained, like an iron wall, between us.
I pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were surprisingly unemotional. Maybe
she was becoming accustomed
to my callous behavior. I released her all except for one hand, which I brought up to
my lips. I kissed the back, and
then her palm, and pressed it, soft and warm, to my cheek. Her eyes softened.
Forgiven, yet again.
"Want to go for a walk with me later?" I asked her gently. Carlisle wanted us to
encourage her to exercise, to keep
her muscles fit. She smiled and nodded. I saw Rosalie glance at me through the
side of her eyes, her mind already
suspicious.
"Please feel free to join us, Rosalie," I said darkly. You can bet on it, she thought.
Rosalie had been out of control
the past couple days, hovering relentlessly around Bella, feeding the suspicion that
Carlisle and I could not be
trusted. She had only allowed Carlisle to do his cursory exams on the couch.
Carlisle bore it with a patience I could
not, as I held my lips in a tight line, choking back the words I wanted to fling at
Rosalie
We stood in silence for a while, Bella watching the river while I watched her. What
could she be thinking right now?
The distance remained, although we were together every moment. It felt like we
floated, circling around each other
on the opposite sides of a sphere, so far apart on what was happening there was no
way to come together.
I heard a car coming up the drive. Emmett. His thoughts were pleased – he had
managed to find a blender at the
store in Forks. I squeezed Bella's hand, and then went to the kitchen.
"Success," he announced in a low voice as he entered the kitchen. Alice and Esme
had already prepared the
ingredients, and put them into the blender. We watched as the blender ran, the
ingredients churning into an
unappealing grayish color. Esme took off the lid and we leaned over to look.
Everyone jumped back. The smell was
absolutely revolting. Even given all the time we had spent cooking the last few
days, no one had gotten over the
revulsion to human food. But this was particularly bad. Esme poured it slowly into a
tall glass. It was thick and
chunky. Emmett gagged and left the room.
I stuck a straw in it and carried it out. The others waited in the kitchen. We didn't
want Bella to feel too much
pressure to try it. I handed her the glass and stood back, rather horrified that
anyone would want to ingest that
substance. I saw Rosalie wrinkle her nose at the smell.
But Bella drank it down quickly, not even using the straw.
"That's good," she said, smiling up at me. I sensed Carlisle's pleasure from
upstairs. He was glad to hear she was
eating, and enjoying, something. When Carlisle was not caring for her, he was
struggling to find information,
combing through old books of legends and stories. He had Jasper and Emmett
continuing to search on the internet.
At night, when Bella slept, and a grim quiet spread over the house, I could hear
them whispering quietly by the
computer in Alice's room.
Bella leaned back, contented, against the couch, and then before my eyes turned
white and then a pale shade of
green. She lurched forward, vomiting onto the couch.
"Bella," I gasped, shocked, and gathered her into my arms. She had only vomited a
couple times since we returned
from Isle Esme, and we thought it was something that had passed. She moaned
and leaned against me.
"I'm so sorry," she gasped into my shirt.
"Oh, Bella, no," I said gently. "Don't be sorry. You should never be sorry." I kissed
her clammy forehead, and
wiped her face gently with the towel that Alice had quickly brought. Alice and Esme
worked swiftly to sweep away
the mess, while Bella leaned against me. I noticed Rosalie sitting frozen, horror on
her face. Some caretaker, I
thought grimly.
My clothes, thought Rosalie. I snorted. She looked at me darkly.
"Esme, you'll stay?" she asked quickly. Esme nodded, and Rosalie disappeared
upstairs.
"It's OK, sweetheart," I whispered to Bella, smoothing her hair back. "You'll feel
better now."
Almost as if in response to this, Bella vomited again. Esme was ready with a small
bucket this time, but as she
moved away to clean it, Bella suddenly moaned and bent over the floor, getting sick
again. Esme and I exchanged
uneasy looks. I glanced up at Carlisle, standing behind the couch, but as my eyes
moved to his, Bella violently
wretched again, sliding off the couch onto her knees on the floor.
"Bella," chorused several voices in alarm. Carlisle was around the couch in a flash,
and we gently lifted Bella up,
setting her back against the pillows of the couch. Her hands were shaking, and I
clutched them in one of mine,
pressing them to my lips. Then I reached around and pulled her body, still
trembling, against my chest.
"You're OK, you're OK," I chanted, rocking softly, wishing more than anything it was
true.
I kept waiting for it to stop, but Bella vomited repeatedly over the rest of the day.
She could not keep anything
down. She was desperately thirsty, but even the smallest sip of water came back
up. Carlisle took over, and with
his calm manner insisted Bella wait for a long while before drinking again. He
stayed by her, patting her hand,
whispering encouragement. But under his cool demeanor, Carlisle was extremely
concerned. She's losing so much
weight. She needs nutrition, fluids. If this vomiting continues, things could get very
serious, very fast.
Panic rushed through me. Of course I thought the thing would kill her – it
consumed my every thought, scorching
its way into all the corners of my mind, leaving me only the small piece of sanity I
used to drag myself through the
hours. I had pictured its brutality in so many ways the last few days, horrible
visions that were permanently etched
onto my mind now. But now, not this way, too. Was this the beginning of a
merciless deterioration? Good lord,
please, not this.
I pressed a cool cloth to her forehead and stared into Bella's miserable eyes, feeling
an overwhelming swell of self-
hate. Her face was very pale, still shadowed with a faint shade of green. Sweat
made her hair stick to her
forehead, and her eyes were red rimmed.
"Edward," she moaned. "I'm so thirsty, please give me just a sip of water." Her
pleading voice tortured me, the
sound of it like daggers through my skull. To think that I had ever denied her
anything was impossible in this
moment. I glanced desperately at Carlisle.
"Carlisle, it's been 20 minutes," I whispered desperately. "Let me give her
something." He shook his head mutely.
A sob hitched in Bella's throat, and I felt myself growing wild with the sheer misery
and relentlessness of the
situation.
Carlisle looked at me with concern. Edward, go take a break. I shook my head at
him, seeing my frenzied
expression reflected in his mind. Your not helping, you can't deal with this. I can.
Go get some space. It will be
easier for Bella if you are not here.
I wasn't sure if that was true, but I got up and moved over to stand in the doorway
of the kitchen. Bella had her
eyes closed and did not seem to notice. I watched in silence for a while, and then
sensed someone enter the
kitchen. Rosalie. I turned to see her leaning against the counter.
"Where have you been?" I asked sarcastically, like I hadn't been able to hear her
mind up in her room this whole
time, warring between her disgust of the vomiting and her desire to come back
down and latch herself to Bella
again. Not to soothe Bella, though, but to watch over the thing inside her.
"How is Bella?" These were the words that came out of her lips, but her mind was
only concerned if this vomiting
might be bad for the wretched creature that was causing this whole mess. The long
hours of despair at watching
Bella's misery left me little to fight the anger that flared inside me now.
"Don't even pretend you care about Bella," I hissed.
"I do," she snapped. I was incensed, my muscles locking in sheer fury.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" I snarled at Rosalie. "Are you stupid? Did you somehow
forget I can read your god
damn mind!" I spat at her. "Don't tell me Bella's comfort is any kind of priority for
you."
Rosalie growled, her face furious. She moved across the kitchen to stand just a foot
away from me in the doorway.
"Shut up, Edward," she snarled quietly.
We stood for a tense moment. I noticed that her eyes flickered uneasily around,
and I realized she was looking for
Emmett. Ah, but Emmett isn't here right now. He was still returning from a trip to
the store, to get some more
drinks for Bella. I could hear his thoughts, and he was still a couple miles away. Not
back for a few more minutes.
I let my anger get the better of me. I moved till I was very close to Rosalie, our
faces inches apart. Too close.
Threateningly close.
"I know you think of yourself as Bella's protector, saving her from me," I said in a
low voice, barely audible,
dripping with my fury. "But, where is yourprotector now, Rosalie?"
Rosalie's eyes widened for a moment, but then narrowed into black slits.
"Get away from me, Edward," she hissed, and pushed against me with her hand,
sending me back several inches. I
shoved her back, harder than I meant, and she hit the door frame, splintering the
wood.
Carlisle flashed between us.
"What is this?" he muttered in a low voice. We were silent. "How can I take care of
Bella, when I have to listen to
you two quarrel?" A flash of shame finally sparked inside me.
"How is she?" I asked Carlisle urgently. I looked back around the corner at the
couch, but I could not see Bella's
face. Esme was sitting with her.
"She is asleep, finally," said Carlisle. "Why don't you go out and see her, Edward?
Rosalie, you go back upstairs for
a few minutes."
"No, I won't," snarled Rosalie.
"Yes, you will." There was a hard edge to Carlisle's voice. "Esme is with Bella, and I
promise you that she will not
leave her side until you return." Carlisle looked at Rosalie, his eyes flat. "You do
still, at least, trust Esme, don't
you?" I was surprised by the biting tone of his voice. Bella's deteriorating health
had pushed him too much for one
day.
Rosalie stared back, her expression enigmatic, and then turned and disappeared.
Carlisle slumped a little after she
left, leaning against the wall as if for support. I started to go, and then turned
around.
"Carlisle," I said in a low voice. He looked at me. He sighed, seeing the panic, the
desperate questions in my
eyes. The fetus is making her very sick, Edward. I'm not sure why, or what it
means yet. I'm sorry.
I nodded at him, and then rounded the corner and started towards Bella. Jasper
was standing silently on the
bottom step of the stairs, looking at me. He had been there the whole time,
waiting, but had chosen not to
interfere. He nodded once at me, and then disappeared up the stairs. Back to Alice.
I headed over to Bella, hearing the car pull into the garage. There would be hell to
pay from Emmett, but it was
worth it. I doubted, though, that he would leave Rosalie here alone again. Probably
very wise.
Bella lay on the couch, asleep. A shaft of sunlight fell across her face, which shined
slightly with a sheen of sweat. I
pressed a hand to her cheek and it was too cool. My fingers brushed her lips,
rougher than usual from lack of
fluids, but still soft and warm compared to my icy stone hand. I slid my hand
around to the back of her head,
burying it in her soft hair, which glistened with red strands pulled out by the sun. I
bent down and kissed her
forehead gently. Then I gathered her carefully into my arms, careful not to wake
her, and sat on the couch. Esme
moved to sit next to us.
"Edward," she said tentatively. I looked into her soft, golden eyes. "I know," she
said, "that you are not happy with
Bella's choice. But, you must understand, that motherhood is a powerful, wonderful
thing. Having a baby was the
single greatest moment of my human life."
I ground my teeth together, infuriated that she was buying into Bella and Rosalie's
delusions of a baby.
"This thing," I spit out, "is not a baby."
"Edward," Esme pleaded softly.
"Look at her, Esme," I snapped, looking down at the pale, thin, exhausted angel in
my arms. "Did your baby kill
you when it was born?" I instantly regretted the words as soon as they left my
mouth. It was a terrible, cruel thing
to say to Esme. Because her baby had, in a sense, killed her. Driven her to throw
herself off a cliff in despair over
his death. Esme looked away, her mind quickly filling with thoughts of the tiny,
dying baby.
"Esme, I am so sorry," I moaned. Shame pulsed through me. Esme looked back at
me, her eyes suddenly fierce.
"Don't be, Edward," she said. "Yes, he did kill me. His death did. But he also gave
me life. I would never, ever wish
to take away one moment I had with him. Being a mother, even for such a brief
time, changed my life. Made me
who I am today. Being a mother, then and today, is the most powerful force in my
life."
I stared back at her, momentarily stunned by her strong emotions. Esme took my
face between her small hands,
and stared intently into my eyes, inviting me into her mind. She filled her thoughts
with a memory from her human
life, of holding her small, newborn son in the hours after his birth. The clarity and
depth of the image, so vivid for a
human memory, shocked me. She must have worked very hard to remember it so
clearly throughout the years, in
the minutes and hours she was truly alone in her own mind, away from me. I
wished she hadn't felt she needed to
hide this from me.
But she shared it with me now, giving herself fully to the memories, to feel and
experience them. So strong was
the recall, I felt physically immersed in her lost moments. Her bliss was
overwhelming, holding the small, helpless
infant. The utter sense of completeness, that all the moments of her life had lead
up to this one. She pressed her
lips against the infant's impossibly smooth, silky skin, drinking in its indescribable
scent as she enveloped him,
warm and soft, into her arms. She loved him, more than her own life.
The memory started to fade, as the pain became too much for Esme, and she
began to pull away. She dropped her
hands from my face and looked down for a moment. "Motherhood is a miracle,
Edward," she whispered."Not a
curse."
Esme's thoughts created a painful twist of emotions inside me. There was no way to
deny the joy of these
memories, and the conviction of her thoughts. But even having felt the strength of
her experience, I still couldn't
equate her feelings with what was happening to Bella now. I shook my head. It's
not the same, I thought
miserably. It's not the same. She won't even live to see it.
There was movement by the door. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were headed out for a
hunting trip, and Esme was to
join them. It had been unfortunate timing that when Bella and I arrived home from
Isle Esme, they had not been
hunting in well over a week. No one had wanted to leave since we got home, but
finally the trip had been planned.
It was coming up on 2 weeks now. They wanted to cancel after Bella's illness this
morning, but I insisted they go.
Esme stood up to join them. I'm failing him, she thought miserably. I don't know
how to help him. I stood up and
gently laid Bella on the couch. Rosalie had returned, standing silent behind the
couch. Her eyes were intense, and I
knew she had been listening to my conversation with Esme. I went over to Esme
and took her shoulders.
"Thank you, Esme," I murmured. I knew how much it had pained her to say those
words, to think those memories.
I managed a hard smile, and she pulled me in for a quick, fierce hug.
Esme looked up at me, her eyes soft. "Maybe things will be OK," she whispered.
"Maybe this is a gift. Perhaps Bella
was fated to be a mother. And you a father. You would be a wonderful father,
Edward."
I shrank away from her words. These were forbidden thoughts, and my fists
clenched to hold back the wave of
emotions such words incited. Fatherhood was not destined for monsters such as
me. In the over 90 years I had
lived in this unchanging body, I had come to accept that I would always be alone.
When Bella had come into my
life, my path had been fundamentally, unexpectedly changed, bringing me a
happiness I never expected to enjoy.
And yet, I had never, even for a moment, doubted that certain joys were beyond
my existence. Such thoughts
were to be banished, untouchable. Father. That word would never be meant for me,
and I pressed it far, far behind
the walls in my mind.
A father did not impregnate his wife in a night that left her covered in bruises,
cursing her to carry a creature that
would brutally kill her in the end. No. I was not a father. I was a monster.
I sighed and turned back to watch my family start out the door. Their pale figures
reflected in the glass,
glimmering slightly in the hazy late afternoon sun.
That was when Bella screamed.
Chapter 6—Pain
Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—2)
It is one thing to think about something hurting the one you love. To imagine it, to
fear it, to dread it. It is something else all together to watch, helpless, as it begins
to happen.
Bella's scream of pain froze us for an infinitesimal fraction of a moment, and then
we moved. I flashed to the couch and scooped her up. Carlisle's voice was loud in
my head. Bring her upstairs! I flew up the stairs, meeting Carlisle half way. He
carefully took Bella from my arms. Bella looked half awake, face cringing in pain,
confusion in her eyes. Carlisle turned and moved swiftly up the stairs and into his
office. We all followed. I could hear Rosalie behind me, mentally screaming about
bringing Bella into the office, but I ignored her and she didn't say anything.
Carlisle's office had been transformed into a high tech hospital. He gently lay Bella
down on the hospital table, and slowly pushed up her shirt to reveal her stomach.
Her skin was already stretched so tightly over it. I was reeling with panic and fear.
What had it done to her? How had it hurt her? Her scream echoed painfully in my
mind. I watched Carlisle anxiously, as his hands moved lightly around her stomach,
occasionally pressing gently as his eyes studied Bella's face.
Bella was wide-awake now, having recovered from her unexpected flight up the
stairs. She began protesting at once.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," Bella insisted, looking at everyone standing around her. "It was
just a little kick, it hardly hurt." I growled. "Bella, you are not fine. You screamed in
your sleep. We all heard it." "It just surprised me, I guess," she whispered softly,
looking at me. "There's no need to totally overreact," said Rosalie.
Bella was glancing around the room now, and her eyes grew wide. "What happened
in here? Where did all this equipment come from? Where is your desk, Carlisle?"
Carlisle smiled a little, still examining her stomach. "Emmett put it in the garage.
This equipment is for you, Bella. We aren't taking any chances."
Bella shook her head, rolling her eyes. Then she winced. My eyes shot to Carlisle.
"Ahh," he said. His voice was strained. He moved his fingers and we all bent close
to look. On Bella's skin, only faintly evident right now, a large, purple bruise was
starting to form.
I felt a violent, twisting horror inside my body asI stared, frozen, at the bruiseon
her translucent skin. It's already that strong. The mark terrified me, a wretched,
mottled symbol of what had happened, and what was to come. It had hurt Bella,
and it would continue to hurt her as long as it was allowed to grow inside her.
I noticed Jasper backing slowly out of the room, a hard expression on his face. The
scent of the leaking blood of the bruise was permeating the air, and had surprised
him. His thoughts were fractured. Blood. Too strong. Getaway. He disappeared out
the door. I listened carefully to his mind to make sure he would not return. Alice
showed me a vision of Jasper standing outside by the river.
Bella looked at her stomach. "Oh," she said, her voiced colored with surprise. Then
she shrugged. "Bound to happen, I guess."
I sucked in my breath as I stared at her in furious disbelief. Did she honestly think
this was OK? Did she really think I was going to stand by and let this thing continue
to hurt her?
Bella saw the expression my face. "I bruise easily. Always have, you know that,
Edward." Her voice was more sure now. Rosalie nodded in agreement.
"Bella," I choked out. Surely she must see, must understand, what this thing was
going to do to her. I looked up at Carlisle, pleading with my eyes. Say something,
do something! Make this stop!
Carlisle looked at me, reading my expression. I can try, he thought, unconfident
with his chances of shaking Bella's resolve.
"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "This is exactly what we feared. And this is only the
beginning. The fetus will continue to grow and get stronger, and the injuries will get
worse and worse. There is still time to act, to try to get it out. I would make every
effort," he paused briefly, "to try to get you through it still human." A flickered
memory of Carlisle's vision of changing Bella passed through both our minds.
Bella's eyes widened, and she looked confused. "Get it out? But it might be too
soon, he might not be able to survive on his own yet."
A flash of pain crossed Carlisle's face. He looked down for a moment, and then back
into Bella's eyes. "I didn't mean that it would survive, Bella."
Rosalie hissed, and put her hands on Bella's shoulders. Her eyes flashed between
Carlisle and me. Bella's face turned hard.
"Why are you even talking about it then, Carlisle?" Her voice had an angry edge. "I
thought this was clear, decided. I am seeing this pregnancy through to the end. No
one here is still thinking otherwise, are they?" Her eyes searched the faces in the
room, and then rested on me. She looked at me for a long moment.
My mouth opened. So many things I wanted to say, to scream, anything to make
her see reason. Don't upset her, Edward, warned Alice in my head. She showed me
a blurred vision of Bella's face, anguished and pale. Alice was looking at me but I
didn't meet her eyes. I pressed my lips tightly together for a moment, and tried to
collect myself.
I reached over and took Bella's hand, holding it with both of mine. I rubbed my
thumbs gently against the silken skin of the back of her hand, and then moved my
fingers along hers, feeling the delicate bones, the intricate joints. I folded her
fingers over and brought her hand up to press against my lips. Then I raised my
eyes to hers.
"Bella," I said quietly. My voice sounded rough. "I can't let it hurt you."
It was silent in the room, except for the steady beating of Bella's heart. I looked
into her soft eyes. I looked for something I might recognize, something that might
give me hope. Confusion, doubt, or even fear. Something that might help me
change her mind. But her gaze was steady.
"I can do this," Bella whispered to me. Her face was intense, and her eyes moved
to take in everyone in the room before coming back to me. "I am strong enough to
do this, and I will do it. You know that, right? "
I stared back, and didn't answer. Her eyes narrowed slightly.
Carlisle cleared his throat, trying to change the subject. "The ultra sound machine
will be here in a couple of days, we will know a lot more then. For now, I'm going to
take an x-ray, just to be sure I don't see any other injuries."
Bella spluttered. "Ultra sound machine? X-rays? Here?" She watched as Carlisle
pulled the portable x-ray machine over to the table. I looked questioningly at
Carlisle.
Internal injuries. Possible broken bones, he thought. I clenched my teeth, angry
again. This was madness. How could we just stand here, and let this happen?
Carlisle positioned the machine over Bella and took a few pictures. Then he
suggested we take her downstairs while he developed the film. I went to pick up
Bella but she pushed my hands away.
"I can walk myself," she said, her voice cool, and swung her legs off the table. I
looked at Carlisle in concern – what if she aggravated an injury? I think it is just a
bruise, Edward. But I wanted to take the opportunity to get the x-ray, get a better
look at things, while I could. He glanced at Rosalie.
Bella started for the door, Rose and I close behind. Suddenly, she stopped and
lurched forward, throwing up onto the floor. There wasn't much left in her stomach
to come up. Both Rosalie and I shot forward to steady her. I was faster, and
knocking Rosalie aside, took Bella's arm.
"Oh," moaned Bella softly. "I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," I said quietly as I lifted her into my arms and took her
downstairs, Rosalie inches behind. Rosalie was more determined than ever to not
let Bella out of her sight.
I set Bella down on the couch, and she immediately rested her head against the
pillow and closed her eyes. I wasn't sure if she was dozing or avoiding me. I
watched her closely, waiting for any more signs of pain, another injury.
Edward. Carlisle was standing at the bottom of the stairs, holding the x-ray film. His
face was creased with anxiety. He motioned for me to come over. Bella's eyes were
still shut, so I crossed the room to him. He handed me the x- ray, his expression
pained. I looked at it carefully. Half of it showed Bella's body, her ribs. The other
half was completely obscured. I touched it, wondering.
The fetus is protected by some sort of outer casing, a womb, very hard and dense.
My hypothesis is that the womb is made of something similar to vampire skin. It
looks like one of us would under an x-ray machine. I know the story you heard was
that the creature would tear its way out. I think, it probably uses its teeth to exit
the womb.
I stared at him, horror twisting my face.
We cannot let it get to that point. She would never survive. We need to remove this
thing ourselves. Open the womb with our teeth, in a controlled situation, if we have
any chance of getting her through this. And we have a better chance if we do it
soon, before the fetus grows larger and stronger.
"My God," I muttered. My mind was in flames, engulfed by the vision of one of us
tearing into Bella's fragile body with their teeth. It was excruciating, beyond reason.
And yet, Carlisle felt if we did it in time, we might save her. And I would do
anything for that.
"Let's get it out now," I growled, in a voice too low for Bella to hear. Rosalie's head
whipped around and she glared at us. She called Emmett in a quiet voice.
Yes, well...Carlisle paused and glanced over towards Rosalie. Emmett and Esme had
quickly joined her, and they were all watching us closely. I saw Bella open one eye,
and then quickly close it, assuming her sleeping pose again. I actually suppressed a
smile. I knew she had been faking. Always such a bad actress.
Hopefully we will know more with the ultrasound. That information will be crucial. It
may give us much more of an idea of what we are dealing with, so we can decide
the safest way to proceed. However, he mused, if it is like vampire skin we
probably won't get an image.
I nodded. The phone rang, and everyone internally groaned. Charlie again, thought
Carlisle.
I went over to Bella. She had pulled the edge of her shirt up and was fingering the
bruise. It had expanded and darkened considerably. The sight of it froze me.
Bella glanced up at me and quickly pulled her shirt down.
"It's nothing," Bella said smiling. "I've had much worse bruises than that one."
I flinched in horror at this, and Bella flushed dark red, quickly realizing what I was
thinking. Of course, she had not been referring to the bruises I had inflicted on her
the first night on Isle Esme, but how could I not think of it. How could I not
compare those bruises to this one? I was responsible for both. I shut my eyes
briefly, wishing I could erase both images from my mind..
When I opened my eyes, Bella was looking at me, pale now, eyes horrified.
"Edward, I..." She faltered.
I smiled gently at her and shook my head. I leant down and pressed my lips against
her neck, my hand stroking her hair down the length of her back. Then I ran my
fingers lightly up her back. She shivered and sighed, leaning against me.
Bella didn't cry out in pain again that evening, although I knew it was hurting her.
She was clearly trying to control her reactions, but I could see it in her expression.
She was sick a couple more times. I sat on the floor by her head, singing her
lullaby, hoping she would sleep, and escape the misery for a little while.
When her lids grew heavy and finally closed, I realized her stomach had grown far
too large for her to sleep comfortably on the couch. I decided to bring her up to our
room, to sleep in the bed. Rosalie acquiesced. I picked her up as gently as I could,
but her eyes flew immediately open.
"Where are we going?" she whispered.
"Upstairs, to bed," I whispered quietly. She didn't protest. She wrapped her arms
around my neck and pressed her cheek into my chest. The warmth of her skin lay
right where my heart should have been beating. I carried her quickly up to the
bedroom, and laid her carefully down. She immediately sighed happily, rolled over
and fell back asleep. It had been foolish not to bring her up her sooner. I cursed
myself for more bad judgement.
Rosalie, trailing inches behind me, went to stand by the window. I glanced over to
see Emmett standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, arms folded, face
dark. Apparently Rosalie had shared our encounter in the kitchen, and I had been
right – he would not leave Rosalie alone, at least not tonight.
He glanced over at Bella, his face softening slightly. He thought she looked so
small, so vulnerable, lying in the big bed. He was horrified, by the sickness, by the
bruise. He couldn't imagine how I felt, couldn't imagine what it would be like to see
Rosalie so ill, to see her in pain.
But then he looked back, his face hard again. Whatever sympathy he might feel, he
was also murderously angry with me for pushing Rosalie. Keep your damn hands off
her, Edward, he thought. I narrowed my eyes and looked down at Bella. I was
making no such promises tonight.
Bella suddenly let out a small scream.
"Bella", I gasped, leaning over and taking her hand. Bella's eyes flew open for a
moment, and then they closed again and she rolled over. I waited, uncertain. Then
she cried out and flipped on her back. Again I checked her, but her eyes were still
closed, although her face looked pinched in pain. I realized that asleep, with her
guard down, the pain she had held in earlier slipped out. I stood, frozen, watching
in horror, as she twisted in the bed, flinching, crying out several more times, still
asleep.
Stop hurting her, I begged inside. Leave her alone. Hurt me instead. Please don't
hurt her. But there was no one to plead with.
Finally, at some point in the night, Carlisle came in. He gently pulled down the
blanket and pushed up her shirt, wanting to check her. Several more dark purple
bruises were forming.
My chest seemed to crush in on itself as I stared at the bruises. I knelt down,
groaning.
"Oh God, Carlisle," I whispered. He laid a hand on my head for a moment, and then
covered Bella back up.
He turned to go, but then Bella's body jerked violently and she cried out "Edward."
My body felt weak with the pain in her voice. I pulled myself up and crawled across
the bed, kneeling over her, my hands against the mattress on either side of her
body.
"I'm here, Bella, I'm here," I said, my voice breaking. "I love you." Her eyes opened
and focused on me. Her face was strained with pain, and a tear glistened in the
corner of her eye. One of her hands pressed against her side. I leant down, kissing
away the tear, and then brushed my lips slowly over every part of her face. Her
eyelids fluttered, and then closed, as she fell back into a restless sleep.
Carlisle checked her again, and we saw the biggest bruise yet beginning to form. I
knelt back, pressing my fists against my eyes, frozen in anguish.
Finally, Bella fell into a deeper sleep, and seemed to rest comfortably for a few
hours, without pain. Maybe it is sleeping, too, I thought grimly. But as rays of sun
began to filter through the trees, her eyes flew open and she groaned, clutching the
side of her stomach. A new day of horrors had begun.
And so the nightmare continued, as it intensified, and darkened. Time began to
pass in a blur, a haze of sickness and pain. In the morning, Bella was still unable to
hold down any food or drink. The vomiting continued, no matter what we did. She
tried to choke down sips of water, but it almost always came back up. Carlisle was
beside himself over this. Dehydrated. Malnourished. His thoughts screamed at me.
We all watched, horrified, helpless, as Bella weakened. And yet, the thing inside her
continued to grow, sucking life out of Bella into itself. Her stomach stretched,
terrifyingly large. And as the creature grew, it became stronger, and so did the
pain.
Bella fought to put a good face on things. She was determined to show she was
strong enough to deal with this. She constantly reassured us she was fine. She
gritted her teeth to keep from letting a cry slip through her lips. But she couldn't
hide everything. Throughout the day, she would clutch her stomach, breath sucking
in, pain coursing through her eyes. Each time killed me. Her pain was a physical
substance to me, an acid, seeping into my skin, burning through my veins,
shattering my bones, vicious and unrelenting.
By the end of the day, I was on my knees, begging for her to change her mind.
"Bella," I moaned, my face pressed into the couch. "Please, please, let us help you.
Let us end this. I can't, I can't watch you in pain any more." Rosalie hissed and
leaned over, trying to push me away from Bella. But Bella waved her away.
I felt Bella's hand touch my head, smoothing my hair. I looked up at her. Her face is
so thin. Her eyes were anxious, searching my face. She was actually worried about
me. The world was a cruel, crazy place.
"Edward, he doesn't mean to hurt me." She stroked her stomach lovingly with her
other hand. I pressed my face back into the couch.
"Bella," I whispered. "Why? Why? If I had known you wanted a baby, I never, never
would have put myself in the way. I never would have taken that away from you." I
had not wanted to rip motherhood from her grasp. I didn't want to take away her
dreams. But you did. You took away everything.
"Edward," she said. Her voice was earnest. "I honestly didn't want a baby, before.
Truly. I only wanted you, more than anything, you know that."
"And now?" I whispered, hating myself for asking the question. Bella looked
pensive, as if trying to figure out the best way to explain something.
"I didn't want children. I had chosen my path, and nothing made me happier. But
when I first felt him move inside me" – she paused and closed her eyes briefly, as if
remembering the moment – "I was...I was fundamentally changed. In that
moment, I knew I wanted him. I knew I couldn't live without him. Just like I can't
live without you. I want you both."
"But Bella." My voice choked. I couldn't look at her, but I had to ask it. "What do
you think is in there?"
She sighed. "I'll admit, Edward, I have my visions of what he looks like. But..." She
paused for a moment. "When I met you, I wasn't sure, really, at first, what you
were. I just knew I couldn't stay away from you. So, it didn't matter, what you
were." She ducked her head down a little, trying to catch my eyes. "Do you
remember when I said that to you?" she asked softly.
I nodded my head miserably. Of course I did. I remembered every word she had
ever said to me. I remembered every touch, every breath, every heartbeat. They
were all burned in my memory.
"It doesn't matter. I love him." Then she echoed her words from the past to me,
and they terrified me as much now as then. "It doesn't matter what he is. It's too
late."
Too late. It could not be too late. Never say that! My mind screamed. Never say
that. Bella paled at the anguish in my face. "It's going to be all right, Edward," she
said quietly.
That night was worse, an eternity of watching Bella thrash and cry out in pain. I felt
trapped in a purgatory of torment, watching Bella suffer, powerless to stop it. I
knelt beside her, holding her hand, whispering and singing to her. She woke up
several times, and I kissed her face softly and sang to her until she fell back to
sleep. Carlisle stayed with me this time during the long night, a silent, stone pillar
of support by my side.
As dawn began to break, I noticed that Bella was too warm. She tossed
uncomfortably, tugging at the blankets, and her hair was damp with sweat. I quietly
got into the bed with her, getting under the blanket, but being very careful not to
touch her. I hoped that my cool body might help make her more comfortable. But,
of course, she sensed my presence, and scooted over until her back was pressed
against my chest. Her body burned, hotter than usual, against me. I laid an arm
carefully over her, and she took my hand, hugging it close to her chest. I pressed
my face into her hair, inhaling deeply.
As I laid beside her, my mind went over and over my mistakes. I never should have
made love with her on Isle Esme. It is more than that, though, I thought miserably.
I never should have touched her at all. I never deserved her. The truth, as obvious
now as it had always been, was that I should never have come back after I left the
first day I saw her. I wondered why I had ever thought that a monster, such as me,
could have the happiness I did with Bella, without some sort of terrible
consequence? And now, she was in pain, she was dying, because of me. In the end,
despite everything, I couldn't keep myself from hurting her. The agony and guilt felt
endless. They burned through my whole body, consuming me slowly, piece by
piece, as the sun slowly rose.
In the morning, Carlisle suggested that maybe we might try giving Bella some
medication, maybe morphine, for the pain and to help her sleep. Rosalie was
immediately suspicious.
"Would that hurt the baby?" she asked, eyes narrowed.
"I'm not sure," said Carlisle patiently. "I think it would probably be fine."
Bella and Rosalie shared a look. "Probably," spat Rosalie. "What kind of answer is
that? Sounds too risky."
"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I've never dealt with a pregnancy like this before," Carlisle said,
an exasperated edge to his voice. "Bella," he said gently. "This is your decision."
Bella looked again at Rosalie, and then shook her head. I ground my teeth.
Finally, later that day, on our fifth day home from Isle Esme, the ultrasound
machine arrived. Carlisle set it up immediately. It's ready, Edward, he thought.
I was sitting on the couch. Bella laid next to me, her head on a pillow in my lap.
She had been napping, the pain and her inability to hold down any substance
leaving her exhausted. Her hair was scattered around the pillow, framing her face. I
stroked the dark circles under her eyes, then brushed my hand gently along her
cheekbone, too prominent now, on her thin face. The creature was sucking away
her energy, her health, her life. But it could not touch her beauty. She glowed, as
bright and lovely as ever. Her beauty shone not just from her face, but from her
soul. I vowed I would never let it be extinguished.
This was it. We would try the ultrasound. Try to get some answers. If Carlisle's
theory was correct, we would end this. Today.
Chapter 7—Intervention
As I waited for Bella to wake, the sun began its descent in the sky, skimming the
tops of the trees before dropping behind the wall of the forest. Soon it settled below
the hidden horizon. Twilight again, I thought. I let the sadness settle in my soul.
The melancholy of the passing of the day took on a haunting new meaning, when
you feared that time was limited for the one you held most precious.
Bella moved restlessly, and opened her eyes. I leaned over and kissed her on the
forehead.
"Bella, love," I said, trying to sound casual. "The ultrasound machine is here. Would
you like to go upstairs and try it?" She shook her head eagerly, her eyes bright. She
was actually excited to get a look at this thing. I sighed and started to gather her in
my arms. The phone rang.
"If that's Charlie, I want to talk to him," said Bella quickly. I grimaced, and heard a
chorus of quiet sighs echo throughout the house.
"Bella, love," I said. "You're not feeling well, let Esme talk to him." "No, I want to,"
she persisted. "He is so upset, so worried. I want to make him feel better."
Bella had been insisting on talking to Charlie by phone, feeding him the story,
rather ingeniously thought up at the last minute by Carlisle, that she was sick,
contagious, and in quarantine. During the first phone call, it had been a difficult
struggle keeping Charlie away, culminating in a few moments of panic and hasty
preparations to leave, before Carlisle was able, speaking in his most professional,
stern voice, to dissuade Charlie from coming to the house.
Before Bella and I had left on our honeymoon, Jasper had insisted on talking about
what our plan was, if things didn't "go well", and I had to change Bella while on the
Island. Safety and secrecy were his greatest concern, given that everyone in town
knew I was away with Bella.
I had sat silently in the other room listening to Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Rosalie
talk and plan. This was not a conversation I could bear to have.
Jasper thought the easiest, and most convenient, plan was a small plane crash on
the way home from the honeymoon. Wreckage and bodies never found. But I had
told them that Bella was hoping that maybe, after a year or two, when she was
ready, she could see Charlie again, maybe even Renee. She didn't want them to
think she was dead, just far away, unreachable.
Jasper thought this was a risky, foolish plan, as did Rosalie. She was very vocal
about all the obvious problems with this idea. Esme tried to back up Bella's position
– Esme was deeply saddened at the idea of Bella's parents losing her forever.
Carlisle was torn, wanting to appease Bella while also maintaining the safety of the
family.
In the end, no true decision had been made. If something went wrong, the story
would be that Bella and I were staying on the island, indefinitely, unreachable by
phone, until we figured out a plan.
But now, to have Charlie know we were so close, to let him talk to Bella, feeding his
hopes that he would see her soon, all the while probably making him very
suspicious, made the situation extremely tenuous.
Bella held out her hand expectantly, and Esme appeared with the phone.
After her phone call, I scooped her up in my arms to bring upstairs. I was anxious
to get on with the ultrasound – I could stand no longer our utter ignorance of what
was truly going on inside her.
"Put me down," she protested. Foolish girl. I ignored her, heading up the stairs.
"Bella," I said. "You are at risk of falling down these stairs on your best days, forget
right now." She bit her lip and then gave me a small smile, knowing I was right.
I laid Bella carefully on the table, and Carlisle pulled back her shirt, exposing her
stomach. Under the harsh lights of the office, the bruises on her stomach were truly
a gruesome sight, and I couldn't help my sharp intake of breath. Bella glanced
quickly at me, her face pained by my reaction. Rosalie, Emmett and Esme stood
around the table as well. I held Bella's hand, and noticed with annoyance when
Rosalie, standing across the table from me, picked up her other hand.
Carlisle put the gel on the ultrasound probe, and then placed it on Bella's stomach.
She sucked in a breath – it must be cold.
"Sorry," whispered Carlisle. He looked carefully at the screen, and his mind flooded
immediately with disappointment. I looked at the screen too, trying to make sense
of it. He moved the wand all around. Doesn't work. Can't see anything. Confirms
my theory. He sighed, and flipped off the machine.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't make an ultrasonic image of it." Bella and Rosalie
looked disappointed. My panic began to escalate.
"Carlisle," I said. "If we can't see it, how can we know what it is? This is crazy.
Madness. Without any information, how can we let this go on?" My voice started to
rise. I was having trouble hanging onto my control. I didn't dare look at Bella.
Calm down, Edward, thought Carlisle. "Well, we could try doing an amniocentesis.
That would entail using a needle to extract fluid from the womb, although I am very
skeptical we could find a needle made of a substance that would penetrate it. But if
it worked, I could run tests to figure out more about the fetus."
Both Bella and Rosalie sucked in their breaths. "Needles," muttered Bella.
"No way," said Rosalie. "Too dangerous."
I hissed. "This is ridiculous, Rosalie. How can we help Bella if you won't let us do
anything?" I snapped.
"You are not sticking a needle in there," she growled.
"Then, at least, let us give her some morphine, for the pain," I demanded.
"Absolutely not," snapped Rosalie. "It might not be good for the baby."
"Good for the baby!" I gasped in disbelief. This thing is not a baby! I screamed in
my head. "What about Bella? Do you care at all about her?" I was livid. Rosalie was
pushing me to the breaking point.
"Of course I do," she snapped. I snarled quietly and glanced at Carlisle. He was
looking down, frowning, as if he were deciding something. He looked up at me. I
quickly shook my head when I read his plans in his mind. She needs to know all the
facts, Edward. It is her choice. Plus, maybe it will change things.
"Bella," Carlisle spoke, his face serious. "I think the fetus is encased in something
rather like vampire skin. That is why we cannot make an ultrasonic image of it.
Based on what Edward heard on the Island, and the research we have been able to
do, we believe the fetus will exit the womb by using its teeth to tear it open." He
paused. Bella's face had frozen – she couldn't hide her shock at this image. I felt a
grim sense of hope, that she might finally realize the danger of the situation.
Carlisle looked pained, but continued.
"We don't want to let it get to that point. So, I am thinking, the plan should be to
remove the fetus ourselves, when the time comes. With our own teeth." His eyes
tightened, and his next words came out as barely a whisper. "Before it kills you."
Bella stared at him for a long moment. My emotions were churning now,
threatening to boil over. This had to be the moment that she gave in. This
information had to make her see reason. If not, I didn't know if I could hold myself
back anymore, without going crazy. I watched Bella's face, and then my heart sank
as her expression turned from fearful, to stubborn, and finally thoughtful. She took
a deep breath.
"Yes, well, I guess that sounds OK," she said calmly.
Rosalie nodded. She had guessed as much from overheard conversations. "I think
that makes sense. As long as we wait until it is safe for the baby."
I snapped. My emotions poured out, beyond my control.
"NO!" I roared. "This is not Ok! None of this makes sense! I can't take this
anymore." My voice was too loud, filling the room.
"Edward," gasped Bella.
I looked down at her. Her eyes were wide. "Bella," I said, desperately. "I can't stand
by anymore, watching this thing hurt you. Watching you waste away. This has to
end."
"No one is ending it," snarled Rosalie. I looked at her, fury in my eyes.
"I'm sick of you, Rosalie," I shouted. "Stay out of it! We have to get this thing out!
We have to do it before it's too late!"
"No, Edward!" cried Bella. I didn't look at her. I didn't want to unleash my anger at
her.
"It's too soon! It's not safe for the baby to come out yet," yelled Rosalie. She
gripped the table with both hands, leaning towards me.
"I don't care about that! We can't wait anymore!" I thundered. I sensed Alice and
Jasper come into the room behind me. Stop it, Edward, Alice thought desperately. I
blocked her out. "What if this thing starts to tear its way out of her before we can
stop it?" I snarled.
"Well, that's a risk we are willing to take," said Rosalie in a steely voice.
"Even if that risk might end up killing Bella?" I growled. Rosalie just stared at me,
silently. She tried to keep her mind blank, but I could find no denial in her thoughts.
All the rage, all the resentment that had been building up towards Rosalie exploded
out of me. I roared with fury. My arm shot out over the table to grab Rosalie. My
fingers were a fraction of an inch from her neck when a larger, stronger arm seized
mine and dragged it back, wrenching it behind my back along with my other arm.
Rosalie hissed and I snarled loudly, struggling to pull my arms free.
"Stop!" roared Carlisle. His voice echoed loudly off the walls of the room. We all
froze, and turned, slowly, to stare at Carlisle in shock.
In the over 90 years I had been with him, I did not think I had never heard Carlisle
raise his voice in anger. None of us had. Silence fell, as we all looked at him,
stunned. His face was calm but his eyes blazed with fury as he looked directly at
me. He was angry with me.
"Edward," he hissed, anger flickering in his eyes. I stood motionless, locked in his
gaze. Emmett dropped my arms.
Look what you are doing to her! I looked down, and then I understood. Bella was
hunched over on the table, her face in her knees, her hands pressed against her
ears. Her body convulsed as she sobbed silently. My anger all drained away, leaving
me with only shame and fear.
"Bella," I cried quietly. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, and she
wrapped her hands around my neck, pressing her face into my chest, sobbing
harder. I carried her, gently, down the stairs to the couch. Mercifully, no one
followed for once. I laid her down, carefully, and knelt beside her.
"Bella, I love you," I said, miserably. What else could I say? "I love you so much."
She looked up at me, and under her tears, her eyes blazed with emotion.
"I love you too," she whispered. Her hands reached up and grabbed onto the back
of my head, and she pulled herself up and crushed her lips to mine. My body
reacted instantly, and I kissed her back eagerly. Oh god, this feels good. This is the
way to forget, to escape the misery, even for a few minutes.Her soft skin, her
scent, her pounding heart, they all filled me. Her warm fingers clenched in my hair.
I pulled away from her mouth as she gasped, moving to her neck, across her
collarbone, and back up to her mouth. Heaven.
I wanted to press her against me, to hold her like I had on the island, during those
sweet, too short days, with nothing between us. But I didn't dare touch her. I was
kneeling next her, and I clenched the couch on either side of her with my hands.
Too fragile to touch, my mind screamed. Too thin, too weak! I kept my hands
against the couch, resisting the urge, as she pressed her lips, hard, against mine.
And then she was pushing me away, small hands just a flutter on my chest, but I
moved away immediately.
"Edward," she gasped. She brought her hands to her face and rubbed the tears out
of her eyes. Her hair was tangled and wet with tears. Pale skin stretched tight over
her thin face, and her sad brown eyes were rimmed with red, pleading with me. "I
need you to understand. I need you to want this baby like I do. I need you to love
him, too."
I stared at her for a moment, emptiness filling me, and then slowly shook my head.
"I can't, Bella," I choked, my voice agonized. "I can't."
Her face crumbled, and new tears began to pour out of her eyes.
"Edward," a loud, clear voice rang. I looked up. Alice. She was standing at the top
of the stairs, for once her face smooth, the pain not evident. Carlisle was standing
behind her in the shadows, his face grave. I stood up automatically.
Enough, thought Alice.
And then Alice was standing in front of me. Her face was hard. Esme moved to
comfort Bella, blocking us from her view. Alice put her tiny hand on my chest, and
pressed me several feet backwards. Emmett and Jasper appeared behind her, their
dark eyes flashing intently. Alice was blocking her thoughts. But Emmett and Jasper
were under too much strain to keep me out effectively, and I saw their intentions.
Alice was upset with me. She wanted to talk to me, alone, away from Bella. She
suspected I wouldn't want to come. Emmett and Jasper were there to remove me
to another room if I wouldn't go quietly.
Suddenly Jasper disappeared, and I felt him standing behind me. The plan was for
him to grab me, try to calm me into a state of lethargy, and then they would take
me quickly out of the room. It was a foolish plan, it wouldn't work. They should
have known that. But then I caught the tenor of another thought from Jasper.
Thirst. I remembered how his eyes had glinted, dark gold with a growing ring of
black, when he was in front of me. And as I cast my mind around the room, I
realized everyone was fighting their thirst. I couldn't believe I had not been more
mindful of this, but I had just been so distraught over the last couple days. My
throat burned, but I welcomed the pain. Relished it. It was a fraction of what I
deserved. Others in my family, however, had their limits. The last planned hunting
trip had been abruptly cancelled by Bella's unexpected scream. Did they ever take
that hunting trip? Had they gone even once since we got home?
I felt a stab of fear. I did not want any of them losing control around Bella, even if it
was just in a struggle with me. Too risky. I would cooperate, keep things calm, safe.
Alice had never even had to say a word. She probably saw it happening this way all
along. I looked down at her stonily.
"Let's go," I said. Thank you, she thought.
I followed her into the dark dining room, Emmett and Jasper behind me. I sat down
in a chair, and Alice stood in front of me, her arms folded across her chest.
"This has got to stop," she said.
"No kidding," I said angrily.
"No, Edward," she shook her head. "I mean that you have to stop."
I stared at her silently. I wasn't sure what she was getting at. Her thoughts were
scattered, moving quickly. She took a deep breath, and then her mind came into
focus.
"Right now," she said slowly, deliberately. "You are hurting Bella, killing Bella, more
than that thing inside of her." I froze. I stared at her, unbelieving. What was she
trying to do to me?
Alice's eyes softened, and she knelt down in front of me, and took my hands in
hers. "Edward," she said quietly. "We all know...well, we don't know, but we
understand, what you are going through. As much as it is tearing us up, it is
destroying you infinitely more. But every time you show Bella what this is doing to
you, with your face, your words, your actions, you attack her strength. You make
her pain worse, you make her heart work even harder. The stress is too much for
her."
My throat seemed to constrict with pain and sadness. "But what do you want me to
do?" I choked out. "I can't just stand there, watching it hurt and kill her, and say
nothing, do nothing."
"You can," Alice said gently, holding my eyes with her own. "At least in front of her.
It is crushing Bella, what this is doing to you. And your anger and revulsion towards
the fetus, the..." Alice paused briefly, "the baby that she loves. That is hurting her
more than you can ever know."
"But I have to help her," I whispered.
"Then help her by supporting her. Taking care of her. Loving her," Alice said firmly,
standing up. "That is your job right now. We are all filling our roles. Emmett and
Jasper are doing research. Carlisle is worrying about the medical side of things. I
am, unsuccessfully, watching her future."
"And Rosalie?" I said darkly. Alice grimaced, and glanced briefly at Emmett. His face
remained impassive. "Rosalie is helping in her own way. At Bella's request." I was
silent. I felt something mounting inside me, something dark, and uncontrollable.
"You need to do your part too, and stop making this even harder for Bella," Alice
said gently. "Do you see, Edward?"
Did I see? I looked into Alice's eyes, but I did not see them. I saw Bella's stomach,
covered in violent purple marks, in the bright lights of the office. I saw Carlisle's
eyes, angry, glinting back at me. I saw Rosalie, her face smug, taking Bella's hand
across the table. I could feel Emmett's hands holding my arms behind my back. I
could hear Alice's voice in my head, telling me to stop.
I saw Jasper in the forest, fight in his eyes. Esme holding a newborn infant. Alice's
destroyed visions of the future. Bella, running across the airport, into Rosalie's
arms.
And over all that I saw Bella's eyes. Bella's eyes when I told her that I couldn't love
the thing inside her. Red and tired, overflowing with tears, confusion, sadness and
loss. And a ghost of the past shimmered then, those same eyes, unfathomable
depths of liquid brown, looking up at me under an arch of flowers, the sweet smell
of freesia, orange and lilac enveloping us. Her eyes were sparkling and alive,
looking at me with love, trust and hope.
The magnitude of it crushed me then. I felt something deep inside break,
something crucial and elemental to my control. And I knew I had to get out of
there.
Jasper pulled in a sharp breath and stepped back, assaulted by the unexpected
force of my emotions. I got up and flew wordlessly from the room, out the back so
Bella would not see me, pushing aside the calls of concern from the minds in the
house at my departure. Instead, I let the waves of rage and anguish roll over me,
let them have their way with me, as I flew over the river and began to move
through the forest. I let myself run full out for a minute, feeling the gentle whip of
the wind on my face, letting my emotions speed me as they built and built, and
then at their pinnacle, I forced my feet to stop. I could not, would not, go too far
from Bella. I never wanted to be far from Bella.
I let the emotions out of me in a way I couldn't in the confines of the house. I tore
the nearest tree out of the earth by its roots, and threw it with all my force,
relishing the release of my muscles, at another helpless tree. They fell to the
ground with an echoing smash. Several more followed after that one, my hands
lashing out to clutch, tear and fling anything within reach.
"Why?" I shouted, feeling release in the violent expulsion of air from my lungs. I
unearthed another small tree, crushing through it with my fingers until my hands
were fists filled with the crumbled remains of wood. I threw it aside and with both
hands I pushed against a large trunk, a gentle giant of the forest, and it creaked
over slowly, pressing in the tree next to it, as the desperate shock of the
surrounding wildlife vibrated through me. Then I wrapped my arms around it,
halting its movement, hopefully saving it for another generation. I lay my forehead
against the bark, and became still.
Finally, I looked up. My destructive outburst had created a small opening in the
ceiling of the forest, and some of the night sky and stars were visible between the
trees. I unwrapped my arms from the tree trunk and lay down on my back on the
forest floor. I looked at the stars, flickering beacons on endless black, hoping for
peace, but all I could see was the dueling visions of Bella's eyes that filled my mind.
I sighed. There was escape in the physical release of my emotions, but not
salvation. The infinite desperation of the situation remained. Bella was still sick, still
in pain. It was still my fault. The future I had seen when I looked in her eyes under
the arch that day was beyond my grasp now. Why had this happened? I would not
find the answer to that question out here. Perhaps there was no answer. So, for a
few minutes, I just let myself feel - the fear, the anger, the disappointment. And
then, I could think about what Alice had said.
I knew Alice was right. I needed to stop showing my overwhelming emotions, and
get under control. The depths of my anguish was hurting Bella. It caused her too
much stress, and that was making her even sicker. I had seen it in her eyes, in the
color of her face, in the way she held her body. For someone with Bella's depth of
compassion, she could not see the hurt in others without hurting herself.
I also thought about my family, the image of my three siblings standing in front of
me in the dining room burning in my mind. I knew they loved me. They loved Bella.
My family had put their entire lives on hold, without a second thought, to help her.
When Bella decided to spend her life with me, she tied herself not only to me, but
to my whole family. And those ties were strong. I knew that Bella's pain, her
uncertain future, was destroying them as well as myself.
Bella. My anger now released, the overwhelming need to see her, to feel her under
my hands, warm and alive, drove me up and back towards the house.
I went over the river and around the back. As I moved past the garage, I noticed
someone had left the garage door open, and a hint of red flashed at me. Rosalie's
convertible M3. Her favorite. I moved swiftly, without thinking, and my hand
whipped out and pulled off the hood. My fingers gripped the metal of the engine,
pressing in several inches as the metal groaned, and then I clenched and tore it
out, throwing it down in front of me, where it met my foot and flew through the air,
smashing into the far wall. I shuddered with satisfaction.
When I reached the house, Alice was sitting on the stair by the door at the back,
her elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her fists. She was waiting for me. I
walked up and stood in front of her for a moment. Her forehead was creased, as
she concentrated, as always, on Bella's future. The visions were blurry and
unreadable, creating an ache in her head, and I watched with her for a minute,
sharing her pain. Finally, she looked up at me.
"You are right, Alice, about causing Bella stress," I said. "I will try to do better." She
nodded, a small smile on her face. We were silent for a moment. "Can you see my
future, Alice?" I whispered. Alice frowned.
"Not really, Edward." She sighed. "Your fate is tied too tightly to Bella's. It is hard to
see very far. I saw that you wouldn't leave Bella to come to talk with me if I didn't
bring Emmett and Jasper. I saw that you would come back after you left." She
showed me a vision of the two of us, talking as we were now.
Alice stood up, eyes intent on mine.
"But Edward." Her voice was low, urgent now. "I don't need my vision to see that
this birth is going to happen. You cannot change Bella's mind. You cannot stop
this."
I shook my head slowly back and forth.
Alice sighed, and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Think about it. You've
shown," her voice was confident, "time and time again that you are the strongest of
us all. I know you can do this, Edward. Give Bella what she needs from you."
She jumped lightly up, and kissed me on the cheek. "You know I love you," she
said.
I patted her soft, dark head. "I love you too." She smiled and twirled around,
heading back into the house.
And I want to see Rosalie's face when she finds out what you did to her car, she
thought.
"Hmm," I muttered, and then followed after her. Edwards back, Esme thought in
relief at the sounds of my entrance.
I went back through the dining room and stood for a moment in the doorway,
looking at Bella. She was sitting up on the couch, and Rosalie was brushing her long
hair. It looked like she had taken a shower. She was wearing an oversized shirt, one
of mine. It still stretched tight over her stomach.
I was resolved to follow Alice's orders. I would do better by Bella, outwardly,
controlling my anguish. I had to try to hide how this was destroying me. But in my
dead heart, I knew I would never stop fighting to save Bella from this, never stop
looking for a way to change things, as long as there was still a chance. Inside, I
was still fighting. Inside, I was still burning.
I started to walk into the room when Carlisle stopped me. His face was anxious.
"Edward," he said, "I owe you an apology. I should never have raised my voice like
that." "No, Carlisle," I sighed. "You were right. I was hurting Bella, and needed to
be stopped."
"Still," he said, frowning. "I know what a terrible strain you are under. I shouldn't
have gotten angry."
"You are under a lot of strain too, Carlisle," I reminded him. He was almost as
distressed as I was. Hearing his thoughts in that moment, I realized how much
Carlisle blamed himself for what was happening. He felt responsible for not warning
us that this was a possibility, even though it was something he had never imagined.
I squeezed his shoulder and went towards Bella. Rosalie's mind was filled with
glowering suspicion about the sounds from the garage, and I ignored her. All in
good time, I thought.
"Hey there," I said. Bella looked up at me, her eyes wary. I smiled at her, trying to
make my eyes match my expression. She gave me a small smile and reached up to
take my hand. Her touch was like an electric shock. Her eyes glowed up at me, and,
of course, the love was still there, always there. I kissed her gently on her lips,
feeling the jolt current that always ran between us.
Suddenly, she sucked in her breath and bent over, her face tightening. It seemed
there was no reprieve from the pain.
"Bella," I whispered, dropping down to my knees. She squeezed my hand and I
stroked her hair until her face relaxed, although pain still danced in her eyes. She
lay down and I knelt beside her, my arms around her. She closed her eyes, and
slowly drifted away.
My mind was quietly working. As the hours passed, an idea began to grow in my
head. It crawled in, uninvited, and at first I tried to force it back out. But as I
watched Bella in pain, heard her cries, the idea gained strength, began to expand
and work its way into my every thought. I hated it, despised it, and yet appreciated
it at the same time. Something that might provide a spark of hope. Something that
might be able to change her mind. Change the future. Someone.
Jacob.
She loved and connected with him in a way even I still didn't fully understand. He
might be able to get through to her, where I couldn't. Perhaps, I wasn't sure how
yet, he might have the power to change what was to come.
And if he couldn't, and if I wasn't able to save Bella, well, then I had another favor
to ask him.
Chapter 8—Visitor
For beings like me, immortal and strong, it seemed that no amount of denial of the
needed resources for health and life could bring us to an untimely death. But for
others, whose bodies and lives are but a fragile shadow of ours, that point will
come, and come quickly. The creature had taken and taken until Bella had nothing
left to give. It had been relentless in its pursuit, and now its success was shockingly
complete.
Because she was dying. Bella was dying. But not by the violent death we had all
feared. Instead, Bella was simply going to die of thirst and hunger.
Bella lay asleep, curled up on her side facing the center of the bed. I stood at the
foot of the bed, watching her, as the morning light began to creep in, casting a pale
gray hue around the room. It touched Bella's face, accentuating the shadows of the
protruding bones, and reflecting against the pale prism of her skin.
The house was grimly quiet. My family tried to keep up the veil of normalcy during
the day, for Bella's sake. But, while she slept, we let the misery and hopelessness
take us. Alice lay next to Bella on the bed, face to face. She was gently smoothing
the hair around Bella's face, her hand stroking along Bella's soft skin again and
again. The pain in Alice's face was not from the ache in her head. Esme was sitting
with her back against the far wall, curled up in a small ball with her head buried in
her knees. Her body occasionally shook with silent sobs.
Rosalie was worried as well. She stood, looking out the window, her hands in tight
fists. She would not voice her concerns aloud. She continually insisted that
everything was OK, even having the gall to suggest Bella's nausea and vomiting
were "normal". But I knew that even she could now see the severity of it.
Carlisle entered the room. He stood quietly next to me, checking Bella by sight and
sound. His thoughts were scattered and futile.
I'm sorry, Edward, he thought without looking at me. I'm failing her. I don't know
how to help her.
I shook my head. My eyes flickered to Rosalie, and I felt a rush of anger. Carlisle
did want to help Bella by trying IV fluids and nutrition. Bella vomited every form of
sustenance she ingested – Carlisle hoped that by feeding her intravenously, she
might be able to absorb it. But Rosalie continued to refuse to allow Carlisle any
needles or tests. I reached one hand forward and grasped the wrought iron of the
bed frame, fighting the rage and misery, as I recalled yesterday's confrontation on
the subject.
"I don't think you should let them do it," Rosalie had said to Bella. "It gives them
too much control, over you," – she placed a hand on Bella's swollen stomach – "and
over him."
Bella had looked miserably down at her hands, as I fought to control my frustration
with Rosalie, filling that small promise to myself not to make things harder for
Bella. To keep my emotions in check, hidden.
"Please Bella," Carlisle had said. "Please, let me try to help you. You're measuring
24 centimeters right now. If you continue to gain at about 2 centimeters a day, that
mean's there is at least a week until the birth ." Their eyes met for a long moment.
"I don't know if you can last that long." His voice dropped to a rough whisper.
"There will be nothing else I can do for you."
Bella glanced at me, and our eyes had met briefly. I was chilled by what I saw. For
they held perfect understanding of what Carlisle was not saying aloud. Yes, her
eyes said. I know. Dying. And it doesn't change a thing. The decision had been put
off another day.
I watched her sleeping face now. My hand ached to touch her, my fingers twitching
unconsciously at my side in their desire to curve themselves around the contours of
her face, and to feel the exquisite velvet of her skin. I clenched my hand into a fist,
willing it to be still. Dying. I was overcome by a constant sickness. It was rooted
deep inside me, but reached up to clench at my stomach, my chest, my limbs and
head, twisting and heaving, tightening my throat till I couldn't breath. It stripped
away my senses, my knowledge of existence, leaving me blind and deaf to
everything but Bella.
Carlisle sighed and went over to Esme. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he lifted
her up and drew her into his arms, kissing her forehead. She leaned against him as
he led her from the room.
Bella woke later than usual, and it was mid-morning before she got out of bed. In
an odd sort of irony this pallor of death had, at least, been accompanied by a slight
diminishment of the pain. Bella had slept more soundly this night than any in the
past several days. Carlisle was beginning to hypothesize, silently, that Bella's
weakness was also finally now weakening the thing inside her. We all put on our
carefully guarded faces and began the morning routine. Alice scrounged around for
something that would fit over Bella's distended frame. After a typical protest, Bella
let me carry her down the stairs, Rosalie trailing me.
I settled Bella onto the couch. Rosalie encouraged Bella to drink a little water, which
she choked down unhappily. I dreaded the moment it would come back up, as I was
sure it would. Bella idly flipped the TV channels while we all stared at the screen.
With a loud bang, the back door flew open and Emmett stomped in. He was covered
in grease, and had a very disgruntled expression. At the sight of him, Bella
unsuccessfully stifled a giggle.
Emmett had been assigned by Rosalie the job of repairing the car I had destroyed
the other day, and without her guidance it was taking him a good long time. Rosalie
had stewed stubbornly the entire night after I came back from the forest about the
noises in the garage, and finally in the morning had given in and asked Emmett to
go outside and take a look.
Thanks a lot, Edward, he had thought when he surveyed the damage. He had
dragged his feet back into the house to let Rosalie know.
As he described the damage her mouth and eyes grew into large circles, rounder
and more horrified than I had thought possible. And then the expected tirade had
started. I never ceased to be amazed by the ugly sentiments that could come out of
what many would consider a very beautiful mouth. Once she had called me every
name possible, she started yelling at Alice for not stopping me, since she must have
seen a vision of it. She even spent some energy berating Carlisle and Esme for
"over-indulging" me all these years, and raising a "spoiled, self- centered brat".
Finally, in a slightly hysterical voice, Rosalie demanded that Emmett go out and
destroy my favorite car in retribution.
Emmett's eyes had widened, and he stared at her for a long moment. Finally, he
sighed and shrugged his shoulders apologetically.
"Damn, woman," he said. "You know I love you, Rose, but..." He swallowed hard,
and started to back away, "but not enough to destroy a perfectly good Aston
Martin."
Rosalie caught up with him in the kitchen. An altercation ensued, with Rosalie
vacillating between attacking Emmett and cajoling him to do her bidding. But
Emmett stood his ground, saying nothing except for the occasional "ow" and "hey".
Alice and Jasper were doubled over, shaking with silent laughter, and Bella buried
her face in her hands to cover up her smile. Finally, after a particularly loud crash,
Esme had gone in to break up the fight, concerned about her Italian marble
countertops.
Rosalie could have, of course, gone out to the garage and exacted her revenge
herself. I would not have lifted a finger to stop her. But she knew that, and refused
to give me the pleasure of getting her away from Bella's side, even momentarily.
Emmett just glared briefly at everyone now, and marched up to stairs to his room,
slamming the door shut. It was not long until Bella drifted back to sleep. Carlisle
came quietly to my side.
"Esme and I are going to take a quick hunting trip. Then, I want to go to the
hospital to pick up some more supplies – I need some things for the intravenous
feeding. When we return, the others should go hunting as well." He was aware of
my concerns about my family's thirst around Bella.
"Wait a minute," said Rosalie quickly. "I said we were not going to do any sort of IV
or needle."
"I'm going to get the supplies," said Carlisle in a steady voice. "We are going to
have to try it, Rosalie."
"She's kept down the water I gave her earlier," Rosalie said.
"For now," Carlisle said flatly.
"How do I even know what you might put in those IV lines?" Rosalie snapped.
Carlisle's eyes iced over. "I will not respond to that comment," he said in a low
voice, and turned quickly and went to the kitchen, to see if we needed anything
else for Bella.
Rosalie's teeth snapped together, and she strode after him into the kitchen to
continue the argument. As I watched her leave my eyes narrowed, and I glanced
down at Bella. Regretfully, she was still asleep. If I could take this opportunity to
talk to her, away from Rosalie, maybe I could convince her to try the IV. Perhaps...
I heard a sharp intake of breath from upstairs, and, as I glanced up, Alice appeared
at the top of the landing. Her face was stricken with horror, and she was looking
down with panic at Bella.
Bella's blurry future had abruptly disappeared.
Check her, Edward, she thought desperately. Confused, I frantically reached for
Bella, placing one hand against her heart. I could feel the beats as I heard them. I
put the other hand against her stomach. It was still. She looked and sounded fine,
but did not stir.
I don't know what it means, Edward, thought Alice, but I see nothing. Bella still
hadn't moved. Frightened, I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, a little too
roughly in my panic. Her
eyes flew open.
"Hey," she gasped in a dry voice. Relief, cool and immediate, washed through me,
although I did not relax my grip. She was all right, for now. I met Alice's eyes.
Something, or someone, was shrouding our future.
"What the hell are you doing to her?" Rosalie yelled. She stood, furious, in the
kitchen doorway. "Get your damn hands off her!" She flew across the room,
wrenching my hands from Bella shoulders and knocking me sideways off my knees.
I caught myself with one arm.
"Edward, are you OK?" Bella said, struggling to get up and move towards me.
Rosalie pressed her back onto the couch, angling her body between Bella and I.
I found Alice's eyes again. Jasper was with her now, hand on her back. "Are you
OK, Alice?" he asked in a low voice.
She nodded slowly. "Actually, I feel great," she said. Realization had begun to grow
on her. Which one is coming? She thought.
I didn't know yet. A moment of silence fell. Carlisle stood in the doorway to the
kitchen, looking confused. Esme was peering around him. Rosalie was still standing,
seething, in front of the couch, Emmett at her side now, his eyes wary. Bella's eyes
were trained on me, filled with worry. I cast my mind out as far as I could.
Suddenly I felt, from a distance, a blistering mental wave of emotion. A mind was
swiftly approaching our home, seething with anger and hate. As it grew closer I
picked my name out of its thoughts, and it was only another second before it came
close enough for me to identify. For it was a mind I could easily distinguish,
anywhere. A mind I was intimately familiar with, whether I wanted to be or not.
Jacob was coming.
So, I'll just walk in, see Sam's precious evidence for myself, and then challenge
Edward to a duel...
So, he thought Bella had been changed, or maybe even killed. I wasn't exactly sure
how he had come to that conclusion – but I had to guess he talked to Charlie. It
was the news he had been waiting for, and I'm sure it hadn't taken much for him to
convince himself it had happened. So now he was coming to confirm that I had as
good as killed the girl he loved, and then he would kill me for it.
I had wanted to see Jacob, to see if he could help me change Bella's mind. I
searched, now, for the source of that hope. How quickly things had deteriorated.
And how could he comprehend that, soon enough, for me, death would be a
welcomed blessing.
When I'm finished with him, I'll take as many of the rest of them as I can before
they get me...
I sucked in a quick breath. To threaten me was one thing, but to make threats
against my family was another. Leave it to Jacob, I thought, in his immature
impetuousness, to take things too far. And if he really believed Bella had been
changed, what was he going to do when he got here. Kill her? I truly knew he could
never do it. He, as always, had acted rashly. Jacob would never kill Bella, whatever
she looked like, whether her heart beat or not. He would let her kill him first, long
before he raised a hand to destroy her.
Who is it, Edward? Alice thought, intently now, with an edge of frustration, as she
saw the comprehension grow on my face.
"Jacob," I muttered in a scarcely audible voice. "What?" hissed Rosalie. Bella
started and stared at her.
I spoke in monotone. "Jacob is coming. He will be here in two minutes. He thinks
I've killed Bella or turned her. He's coming to kill me and then the rest of you." I
said all this too low for Bella to hear.
My family's reaction was not calm like mine. There was an outburst of growls and
hisses. Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and they flew down the stairs. Carlisle moved
cautiously to a window, looking out, while Esme remained in the kitchen door, hand
pressed against her mouth.
Bella had paled. "What is it?" she whispered in a small voice.
I sighed. There would be no way to hide this from her.
"Jacob is coming here, right now, Bella."
She looked shocked, and then a wide smile formed slowly on her face. "Jacob's
coming," she murmured. "I'm so glad."
Unexpectedly, at the sight of her dawning smile, the ghost of the old jealousy
clawed at me. Stop it, I thought. Don't make this about you, again.
"He is...upset," I said in a quiet voice. "He has heard that you are sick, and he does
not believe the story."
"Oh, no," Bella gasped, worried now. "He's assuming the worst, isn't he? That I'm a
vampire now." Her voice was raspy in her dry throat.
The worst? No, Jacob had no idea of what the worst was. Not yet. "Damn mongrel,"
growled Emmett. "Come on, Jasper, let's meet him outside before he gets too close
to the
house."
"No!" Bella tried to cry. It came out has a harsh whisper. "He's just confused. Let
me talk to him."
"No way," said Rosalie. She looked at me wildly. "Was this your idea? Did you ask
him to come here, to help you?" Her mind was filled with an absurd speculation of
Jacob, Carlisle and I joining together to gang up against her. Still, I was shocked by
how close to the truth her train of thought was. I had wished for Jacob to come, to
help, because of his distinct connection to Bella.
Ugh. Reeking vampires...
"Shh," I muttered. "He's here."
Jasper pulled a sharp breath between his teeth. Edward, he thought, his anger is
intense and unchecked. Jasper's hands clenched into fists as he fought to control
this unexpected onslaught of emotions. Alice gave him a worried look.
"Bella," whispered Carlisle. "We shouldn't let him in the house. It's not prudent. He
might tell Charlie." "But Carlisle..." said Bella.
"I don't think he should be near you," whispered Rosalie. "He is going to feel the
same way about this as Edward. I don't want him in this house or anywhere near
you."
"No, Rose," Bella protested. "I want to talk to him."
"Maybe you could give him a call," suggested Emmett. Bella gave him an
incredulous look.
"Bella," said Jasper in a low voice. "I know he is your friend" – his mouth twitched
slightly at the word – "but he cannot be involved in this." His voice had an angry
edge to it I had never heard him use with Bella before, and Bella's face blanched
slightly in surprise. I knew his mood was being influenced by the angry emotions
emanating from Jacob. I gave him a hard look, and he closed his eyes, searching
for a source of calm.
"I'm going to try to talk to him and ask him to leave," Carlisle whispered.
"It won't work," I muttered. Jacob was far too relentless, as I had learned first
hand. And I didn't think anything would keep him from seeing Bella now, regardless
of what he feared he might find. Plus, maybe somehow, I owed him the opportunity
to learn the truth, although the cost to both us would probably be great.
"Let me talk to him," I whispered. I stood up and started to move toward the door.
Bella gasped in a quick breath, lurching over her stomach to grasp her side with
both hands. I heard her heart stutter and for one terrible moment stop, before
restarting at a quickened pace. I tried to moved to help her but Rosalie shoved in
front of me, so I stood, helpless, my hands in fists, waiting for Bella's body to relax.
Stay, Edward, thought Carlisle. I'll talk to him.
As Jacob's footsteps approached, my family's eyes all moved with concern to Bella.
They took in her fragile, unhealthy form, and an ingrained fear gripped their minds.
They circled around Bella in a defensive position, Jasper and Emmett moving to the
forward positions. Although the relationship with the werewolves had grown during
the events of the spring, instinctively, they were still the enemy, still dangerous.
And my family moved automatically to defend its weakest member, as Carlisle
opened the front door.
"Hello, Jacob," Carlisle said in a grave voice. Jacob's mind registered chagrin and
disappointment that it was not me.
"Here," whispered Jasper, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and giving
it to Rosalie. "Put the blanket on her to disguise her stomach."
"Yes, yes," Rosalie whispered in agreement as she quickly spread the blanket over
Bella's body. "We can tell him that she is too contagious for him to come close. We
can't let him see her stomach."
"Why not?" Bella asked. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the
point?" Rosalie opened her mouth to protest but with a swift look at everyone in the
room Bella spoke loudly. "Come in, please, Jacob."
At the sound of her voice, Jacob pushed past Carlisle and entered the room.
The assault on the senses was immediate. Jacob was excited and angry. Adrenaline
coursed through his blood, and the air around him was heavy with the scent of it. It
mixed unpleasantly with the noxious scent of werewolf that clung to him.
His heart thundered in his chest, and served as a sudden, stabbing reminder of how
weak Bella's heart had grown over the last week. Everything about his body sang
with health, strength and life. The chilling comparison to the weakened, unhealthy
sounds of Bella's body pierced through me. Impossibly, she suddenly seemed even
worse. I felt myself collapse inward a little more.
Jacob scanned the room, stopping to take in my face, and his thoughts filled with
shock and fear. I did not take my eyes from Bella to meet his, but looking at myself
through his mind, I could see that my attempts to hide my emotions from Bella had
been in vain. Desolate pain and hopelessness was painted across my burning
features.
His eyes slid down to Bella.
Her warm, clean, human scent...
His burst of relief at her lingering humanity was fleeting as his sharp eyes forced
him to take in Bella's physical presence, the dark circles under her eyes, her thin
and fragile form.
And he could not even appreciate all of it, like my senses allowed me to. How her
heart beat weak and uneven. How her breaths were shallow, her lungs no longer
fully expanding. I could almost hear her body dying, the individual cells screaming
for nourishment.
But what Jacob saw was enough to freeze his heart with fear. She is sick. Very sick.
Not a lie, he thought. I sensed Bella stiffen and glance at Rosalie, who grabbed a
basin. She coughed and gagged miserably as she threw
up into it. I fell down to my knees next to the couch, but Rosalie held out her hand
to keep me away, still wary.
"Sorry about that," Bella said weakly to Jacob. She had thrown up most of the
water she had drunk earlier. Why did we keep trying? Damn Rosalie. It was like
torturing her – she was never going to keep it down. Nothing we did worked. The
sickness rose up inside me again, and everything blurred out except Bella, as a
wave of hopelessness engulfed me, pulling me under, powerful and cold.
A groan left me and I leaned my head against the couch. Bella pressed a soft hand,
pulse beating faintly in its veins, against my cheek.
Jacob moved suddenly toward Bella. God dammit, thought Emmett, moving to
intercept.
But Rosalie got there first. She hissed, standing between Jacob and Bella. Filthy,
disgusting dog, she thought. Stay the hell away from her.
Jacob didn't care about Rosalie. He looked right past her. "Rose, don't," whispered
Bella. "It's fine." Edward, snarled Emmett in his head.
"It's OK," I breathed quietly, hardly more than a breath exhaling, even to Jacob's
sensitive ears. I did not fear Jacob – I knew he was in no danger of phasing now.
But, also, I understood Jacob in a way my family did not. They could not look past
the werewolf in him, to see what I knew with all my useless heart – that Jacob
would never hurt Bella. He loved her too damn much.
So help me, Edward, Rosalie fumed. If he as much lays a hand on her I will
obliterate him, and then tear you to pieces. But she moved out of the way, taking
up a defensive position by Bella's head.
"Bella, what's wrong," Jacob whispered. He knelt down beside her and took her
hand, noting her icy skin. God, she still feels warm to me, I thought. "Are you
alright?"
"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob," Bella sighed.
Her easy acknowledgement of her pending death cut like a knife. Another moan
escaped my lips, and I pressed my face into the blanket to stop it. I heard Bella's
heartbeat rise slightly in anxiety, and her warm angel's hand, which was still resting
on my face, moved to stroke my cheek now. Pull yourself together, Edward, I
thought. You are upsetting her. But I couldn't seem to drag my head up.
"What is it, Bella," Jacob pressed, his voice more insistent. Would she tell him? And
what would she say? I didn't really care, but my family did. They all tensed, and a
low growl escaped Jasper's lips. They watched as Bella met all their eyes, a
searching expression on her face. What did she want? She turned to Rose, yet
again.
"Help me up, Rose," Bella whispered.
Ahh, I thought. She would tell Jacob by showing him. That probably was best.
Words alone could never suffice to fully explain this nightmare.
No, snarled Jasper in his head. He cannot know this. It's not safe. Do something,
Edward! But I was beyond it all now. What could possibly make this situation more
dangerous? At least to Bella.
I will find a reason to rip his throat out, thought Rosalie, her lips curling back over
his teeth. But she leaned over and gently began to help Bella stand up.
"No!" whispered Jacob. "Don't get up." He was loathed to trouble her. I pitied him
momentarily for the moment of realization facing him.
"I'm answering your question," Bella snapped, as she started to rise. I still did not
look up. I moved my head off Bella and pressed it into the couch. Her warmth and
scent lingered there, though they were a faint shadow of the real thing.
Jacob's eyes took in what his mind was slow to acknowledge. The vision of her form
assaulted his brain, the bloated stomach stretching out of her body, until it grasped
the cruel, impossible truth. Pregnant. Impossibly pregnant.
Jacob's mind coursed with fury and disgust. I don't want to imagine him inside her.
I don't want to know that something I hate so much has taken root in the body I
love. His mind then slowly made the connection between the pregnancy and the
sickness. With a cold certainty he realized what was sucking her life away, and who
had put it there.
I always knew he would kill her.
This broke through my stupor of grief. Hearing these words, coming from him, I
suddenly hated him for his knowledge of the raw, inescapable truth.
I lifted my head. I had not laid eyes on Jacob since those terrible moments at the
wedding, when he had understood what was to pass between Bella and I on our
honeymoon. It came back to me now, with wrenching clarity – Jacob's shimmering
presence before me, dangerously close to phasing. Seth's young form, exposed to
the threat, and Bella's fragile body, protected behind mine. The unspoken
communications of the werewolves among the trees. Emmett and Jasper's
calculated thoughts as they began to circle closer. Sam, in my mind then, as Jacob
was suppressed finally by the Alpha command. I've got him, Edward. He's mine
now.
And, most distinctly, the hate filled accusations that had filled Jacob's thoughts.
Visions of Bella, bruised and broken, crushed, killed. Killer! He had wordlessly
shrieked. Disgusting, monstrous murderer! His cursed forecast of the future – it
was all too devastatingly true now.
I always knew he would kill her. I wrenched myself back to the present. Damn him,
I thought. He may be right, but we were going to have this
conversation face to face. And not in front of Bella. I leapt to my feet, propelled by
the sudden rage. "Outside, Jacob," I snarled
Chapter 9 —Judgement
Jacob bristled at the angry edge to my voice, jumping up off the floor.
"Let's do this," he said in an aggressive tone. About time, Emmett thought, pushing
angrily towards him, Jasper right next to him.
"No," Bella gasped, and she stepped towards me, her hand grasping my arm.
Rosalie moved with her, rigid with fury about the proximity of the angry werewolf.
Control this, Edward! Alice thought. I tried to center myself. I would not let Jacob's
theatrics upset Bella. She was already gasping slightly, and I could feel her hand
tremble against my arm. I needed to calm her down.
I turned and looked at her worried eyes. "I just need to talk to him, Bella," I
murmured gently.
Her gaze was so troubled. I reached out and stroked my hand once down her
cheek, velvet warmth sparking against my cold skin. I felt an overwhelming desire
to kiss her, but Jacob's black fury at my touch on her face froze me, holding me
back. After all he's done to her, Jacob seethed, he is still allowed to touch her.
I swallowed back the biting anger and remorse brought on by those words, keeping
my voice soft. "Don't strain yourself. Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few
minutes."
She held my eyes for a moment, and then her expression softened. She nodded
and then slumped slightly, exhaustion on her face. Rosalie gripped her arm and
helped her back onto the couch.
Bella looked pointedly at Jacob. "Behave," she said. "And then come back."
Are you sure about this, man, thought Emmett. He and Jasper's eyes were intent
on my face. I nodded imperceptibly, and then turned and headed outside. Jacob
followed.
We're ready, if there's any trouble, Edward, Jasper thought. Be careful.
As we walked, Jacob was considering my unprotected back. I sighed. In all his
fantasies about attacking me, and I had heard many of them in his mind since we
met, he had never truly comprehended that he couldn't kill me. Or even hurt me
really. He continually underestimated the advantage my gift gave me, particularly
against his kind of attack. No, he could not kill me. Not unless I wanted him to.
"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black." I whispered. "You'll have to have
a little patience." Edward, Alice said warningly in my head. She had heard that.
"Patience isn't my specialty," Jacob growled.
I was headed some ways down the driveway, not far enough that we couldn't be
heard from the house – I didn't want to go that far from Bella – but enough of a
distance that our words would be muffled and hard to follow. It was the best I could
do as far as a private conversation. But I would still be able to hear my family's
thoughts and watch Bella through their eyes.
As we walked down the drive, my anger at Jacob's earlier thoughts began to ebb
away, draining out of me. I always knew he would kill her. Why had I gotten mad at
him, why had his words stung, when he was merely thinking the simple truth I had
been saying for days?
And then I realized why his words had struck me so hard. Because it was judgment.
Finally. And god, I deserved his judgement. Despite my constant self-hate, I had
spent the last week cocooned in my family's love, their minds filled with many
things – compassion, fear, sorrow, love. But never blame. I had escaped up to this
point the true measure of my actions.
But Jacob was not afraid to lay blame where it belonged. His would be the harshest
judgement, all the more terrible because of the way he loved Bella. For, like me,
she was his whole world. He would do anything to see her happy, to give her what
she wanted, to keep her safe. A precious, fragile flower, gifted, undeservingly, to
my care. And I had allowed her to be crushed by darkness, and he made clear that
my betrayal of the gift of her love was nothing more than the expected
consequence of tainting her with my monstrous existence.
The weight of this judgment hit me hard, and all the truth that went with it. Agony
rose up and gripped me now, and I didn't have to hide it from Bella here. And I
couldn't hide it from Jacob. I turned to face him.
His eyes bore down on me, a mixture of hate, anger and despair, and then even a
flash of shocked pity. No, my mind screamed. Don't pity me. I saw myself reflected
in his mind, and I hated it. My fingers reached up, pressing against my skin, and I
wanted to tear the expression from my face, to rip away the last vestiges of
humanity it gave me. As if I could strip myself down, and bear clear the monster I
really was.
My mouth opened. I'm sorry, I wanted to scream. I didn't mean for this to happen.
But Jacob didn't want my apologies. I'm sorry, Bella, I thought. My god, had I ever
even told Bella I was sorry for destroying her life?
Jacob watched my expression, and knew. "It's killing her, right," he choked out.
"She's dying." His face paled and twisted, agony searing through his mind.
God help me, but yes, I thought. I couldn't get the words out. Jacob tried to
process the horror, to flesh out his pain from mine. For they were different, in his
mind, because I'd
had more time to live with it. Because he had already lost her. Because she wasn't
his to lose. And because this isn't my fault, he thought.
"My fault," I moaned, and the weight of the words dragged me to the ground. Yes,
pain, and sickness, and death – all my fault. I had taken the girl we both loved,
beautiful, pure and good, and poisoned her.
I pressed my face against the dirt, into the cold earth where by all that was natural
and right my body should have been buried these long years past, dead and
decayed. Then Bella would have been safe from me. For my very existence
provoked death, whether it be by my hand, or the hand of that which I have
wrought. Either way, I was guilty.
"Yes," I gasped into the ground. "Yes, it's killing her."
Jacob shuffled his feet, tense and irritated. He wanted anger from me, hate,
violence. Not the helpless shell he saw before him.
"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" he snapped. "He's a doctor, right? Get it
out of her." I looked up at him in blank astonishment. Did he think I wouldn't have
tried that? "She won't let us," I whispered. Jeez, thought Jacob. Of course, die for
the monster spawn. It's so Bella.
"You know her so well," I said softly. "How quickly you see...I didn't see. Not in
time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was
frightened – that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her
though this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really
thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she
ran into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking." I
paused, racked by the memories. "Yet you understand after one second..." How
often I had cursed my inability to read Bella's mind, thinking it kept me from fully
understanding her. It was a poor excuse. Jacob, with no such gift, seemed to
understand Bella as if he could read her every thought.
"Just back up a second. She won't let you," he said, a sarcastic edge to his voice.
"Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-
pound girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with
drugs."
"I wanted to," I whispered. I remembered that day we had come home, the near
confrontation in the dining room. "Carlisle would have..."
What, too noble?
"No." I almost laughed aloud. Noble was not the word for my behavior. "Not noble.
Her bodyguard complicated things."
Does the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?
"Maybe," I murmured. "Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way."
"So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her
into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."
I sighed. "Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us...and
Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it..."
"You should have left Bella with me," Jacob said.
It was a simple statement of fact, and the truth of it was heavy, and appalling. I
was suddenly reminded of the words in the note I had sent to Jacob with the
wedding invitation. "I promise I will take care of her," I had written. I had meant
those words, meant them with every fiber of my being. It had been important to
me, that Jacob understand, that he believe, that I could love and protect Bella as
well as he could. Maybe even better, I had thought. And instead, I had destroyed
her.
"Yes," I replied.
Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-
sucking monster, Jacob sneered in his head.
Yes. I looked up and met his eyes. Yes. You are right, again.
"We didn't know." I whispered my hollow excuse, owing him some sort of
explanation. "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before.
How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us..."
Jacob interrupted me. "When the human should get ripped to shreds in the
process."
"Yes," I said. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus." I
shook my head, remembering with disgust some of the visions I had seen in Tanya
and Kate's minds.
"I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are." His words lashed out at
me, harsh judgement again. I suddenly realized that while I looked down at Tanya
and Kate, what I had done was so much worse. This was not an unknown, unnamed
stranger. I had done this to someone I loved.
I looked into Jacob's face, knowing he could never comprehend my grief. He was
blessed that he couldn't. "Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate
myself."
Wrong, he thought, the urge to murder coursing through him. And maybe he was
right. I knew what I would have done, if Jacob had ever hurt Bella like I had. If he
had put her through this kind of physical agony, sentenced her
to death. I was chilled by the certain realization of what the extent of my revenge
would have been. Well, Jacob would get his revenge, if it came to it. But not yet.
Not when we might still save her.
"Killing me now doesn't save her," I said quietly.
"So what does?" he asked.
I started to feel that small stir of hope I thought was lost. Jacob was here, right in
front of me, just like I wanted. Ask for his help, I thought. That's what you wanted.
"Jacob, you have to do something for me." I said suddenly. "The hell I do, parasite!"
he sneered. No, not for me. Jacob would never do anything for me. "For her?" I
tried.
Jacob's teeth snapped together. "I did everything I could to keep her away from
you," he growled. "Every single thing. It's too late."
"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand.
You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she
thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this..." I thought
of something tearing its way out of her body, and the words caught in my throat for
a moment. "She might listen to you."
"Why would she?"
Why? I wasn't really sure. It was a feeling, an instinct, that he could help. Perhaps
it was the way Bella related to Jacob, the bond forged between them. It was the
way he knew her, all the things he shared with her that I did not.
And then I saw it. Of course. I wasn't sure if the idea had been there the whole
time, and my mind just hadn't been able to embrace it, or if it just came to me now
in a moment of wild, desperate insanity. But now it seemed obvious. Simple. The
difference, the gulf between Jacob and I encompassed many things, but the
greatest difference of all was his humanity. For his heart beat. Blood ran in his
veins. And his body held the power to bring a child to life.
The realization overpowered me in a rush of uncertain excitement, fear, and horror,
and I felt the world spin out of control for a moment. I jumped to my feet.
Jacob was watching my wild expression. Can vampires lose their minds? Could
they? "Maybe," I mused. "I don't know. It feels like it." I spent so much time hiding
how I felt these days, I
didn't even know who I was any more. I could hardly recognize the person I saw in
Jacob's thoughts.
"I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill." For a
moment I concentrated only on Bella, looking at her through Esme's eyes. She
looked tense and worried, and sick. "But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen
to you!"
"I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's
stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she
knows that, too."
I froze momentarily. Yes, I thought, she does know that. She's known it all along. I
tried to shake this off. "You can offer her what she wants."
Jacob regarded me skeptically. But my mind came sharply into focus, as the idea
clarified and became solid. She was fundamentally changed, she had told me. She
wanted a baby now. And I could never, ever give her that baby. So she had to
choose a different path.
"I don't care about anything but keeping her alive," I said. "If it's a child she wants,
she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants." I had to
rip the actual words from my throat. "She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."
I held his eyes. Incredulity spread slowly over his face, and his mind rattled with
mocking doubt.
"But not this way," I hissed. "Not this thing that's sucking the life from her while I
stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her."
My breath caught with the sudden vision of Bella's purple, mottled stomach. Oh
god. This had to work.
"You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore.
Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity – encouraging her. Protecting her. No,
protecting it. Bella's life means nothing to her."
Jacob made a choked noise. What is he saying...? Jacob thought. Is he giving her
up? Or does he think she won't mind being shared?
I felt as though my chest had been cleaved open. Give her up? Shared? The
concepts felt foreign and hideous in my mind. But the time for comfortable choices
had long since past.
"Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive," I said firmly. "That's the craziest thing
you've said yet." "She loves you," I said, the words bitter on my tongue. "Not
enough." Jacob's voice was soft, rough.
"She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme."
"Don't you know her at all?" This remark grated against my already gaping wounds.
I didn't – and that was how we had gotten to this place to begin with. Bella will
hate this idea! A small part of my mind screamed. You know her well enough to
realize that.
"I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You
know how she thinks. Make her see sense."
Jacob paused for a moment, and as he considered the idea the images from his
mind bore through me painfully. He had always had the gift for realism in fantasy. I
saw Bella in his arms, tangled with his body. Jacob, she sighed, her eyes burning
with love and passion. I swallowed hard, maintaining my composure, trying to
shake off the memories of the grueling night in the tent, when his long night of
fantasies had seemed to almost morph into reality, as he lay in the sleeping bag
with Bella in his arms.
And then new images, and I froze in icy horror. Images of Bella, glowing, pregnant,
his child growing inside her. Jacob's child. These images began to shred at the last
pieces of my sanity. I felt a sudden rush of hate and jealousy, that he was able to
imagine such a thing with the confidence that, if she wanted, he could actually give
that gift to her. Create another life with her, together. He could provide her
happiness and health. I could only stand on the outside of such a scene, with the
knowledge that I had no such gifts to bring her.
I heard Jasper's mind suddenly concerned with my emotional state. I was surprised
that he could sense me so acutely from this distance. He spoke to Carlisle, telling
him I was very upset.
Edward, worried Carlisle. Are you Ok? We are here, waiting, if you need us. My
family was frustrated and confused, unable to make out our conversation, muffled
by distance as I'd hoped. Emmett was prowling around the front door like a caged
animal.
"Make Bella see sense?" Jacob asked finally. "What universe do you live in?" I
struggled to answer him. "At least try," I choked out. No, he thought, shaking his
head. He thought I was crazy.
"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was
planning to do. What she would die to do." I explained how I had wanted to talk to
him but didn't know how to reach him. "I would have come to find you soon, if you
hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her
condition...it changes so fast. The thing is growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from
her now."
"What is it?" Jacob asked suddenly.
"None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already." And Jacob could
see it now, the monster, breaking Bella from the inside out. I wished I could crush
the image, mirrored in my own mind, obliterate its existence.
"Help me stop it," I whispered, pleading. "Help me stop this from happening."
"How? By offering my stud services?" I let the crude term wash right through me,
without reaction. "You're really sick. She'll never listen."
"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?" It would hurt me, he thought.
Haven't I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?
Come on, Jacob. Couldn't he understand what this would cost me? "A little pain to
save her? Is it such a high cost?" I pressed.
"But it won't work," he insisted.
"Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve.
One moment of doubt is all I need." Show her that she can have a baby, a healthy,
human child, and still live.
"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?" he
snapped.
I felt cold, piercing pain at this sentiment. Because, I wasn't truly sure, even given
the miracle that Bella might change her mind, and allow Carlisle to remove the
creature, that she was healthy enough to survive human. And when she woke up
after the endless pain, cold and frozen, childless forever, what would I be to her
then? I would be the life-sucking monster, just like the one I had spawned, and she
would hate me for it.
No, I thought. We could do it. We could get it out and save her still human. And life
would extend before her, human life, with all its endless options. I would give her
that chance, that future, with Jacob. She'd had the choice before, and had chosen
me. I would give her a second chance to change her mind. My life was forfeit now,
either way.
"If she wants a child, that's what she gets," I said. "I won't rescind."
Jacob was doubtful, confused and angry. I should just kill him now, he thought.
"Not now," I whispered. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her. The moment
Bella's heart stops beating" – I saw a vision of Bella's body, pale, heart still, warmth
and light slowly fading from her skin, and a cold, dark knot formed inside me – "I
will be begging for you to kill me."
"You won't have to beg long," Jacob snarled.
I almost smiled. Yes, I was sure I could rely on Jacob for that. Edward, called Alice
in my head. Bella is getting more and more upset, please come back. OK. Time to
finalize things.
"I'm very much counting on that," I told Jacob. "Then we have a deal," Jacob said. I
nodded and held out my hand. He grit his teeth and took it.
"We have a deal," I agreed, and sealed my death with a handshake. I turned back
toward the house, as Jacob followed.
My footsteps were taking me swiftly back to Bella, and I sensed, as always, the
desperate pull to be close to her. Even so, I had the sickening sensation that a small
part of me was now emotionless and hollow, as though I had left that piece of
myself, broken and lifeless, back at my conversation with Jacob. The space it used
to inhabit was now empty, devoid of emotion, of hope, of the power to exist. And it
was not alone. I realized that these were the small parts of me that Bella had
already been ripped away from, each time she cried out in pain, each time I knew I
would not be able to save her, each time death, hovering, reminded me I was losing
her.
With cold clarity I remembered what it had felt like when I had left Bella, the
wrenching, tearing emptiness that had consumed me as I stepped away from her in
the forest. The black void of having lost her. And then, when I thought she had
died...
I drew in a sharp breath through my gritted teeth. I could only pray that Jacob
would be true to his word when that time came.
We entered the house, and I realized, as soon as I saw her face, that I would have
to delve into that small part of myself, the empty part that had already lost her, if I
were going to get through this. My true emotions could play no part in this, but
would have to stay chained up, screaming in tortured protest, in the rest of my
mind. Because if I let those emotions free, I would have to gather Bella into my
arms, press her to my chest, and scream at Jacob that she was mine, always, and
that he would never touch her, never have her.
And I couldn't do that, because I had to give her this chance, this choice.
I strode up to my family, ignoring their silent questions.
"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," I said, my voice sounding as
hollow as I felt.
"Over my piles of ashes," Rosalie growled at me. What the hell are you pulling,
Edward, she thought. I know you don't want her alone with that dog. So what's
your real motive?
I ignored her. I looked at Bella, trying to keep emotion off my face.
"Bella," I said in an even voice. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be
alone with him?" Bella looked at me, confused, as if the thought of being worried
about being alone with Jacob had never occurred to her. I felt a sharp pain in my
chest, like the twisting of a knife. It was only me she could not be alone with.
Bella looked at Rosalie. "Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with
Edward."
"It might be a trick," Rosalie said in a soft, warning voice, looking from Bella to
Jacob to me, trying to decipher what was going on.
"I don't see how," said Bella. "Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," I
snapped, struggling to keep a low voice as my façade began
to crack. "We're the ones she is afraid of." And that is how you want it to be,
Rosalie, isn't it, I thought bitterly. Bella's eyes filled with tears. "No," she
whispered. "No, Edward. I'm not..."
Oh, Bella. I shook my head, forcing my lips into something like a smile "I didn't
mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She blinked her eyes, and
the teardrops soaked her lashes, glimmering like diamonds. I wanted to reach out,
and brush them away.
I had to get out of here. "Everyone," I said, gesturing towards the door. "Please." I
tried to keep pleading out of my voice, but I met Carlisle's eyes, asking him to trust
me. The others were frozen, waiting now to see what Carlisle would do.
OK, Edward, thought Carlisle hesitantly. Of course. We'll go. He went out the door
and the others followed, except for Rosalie. Emmett hovered just outside the door,
waiting. Rosalie stood, hesitant. She absolutely loathed leaving Bella at all,
especially with Jacob. But she was also worried about alienating Bella by outright
disagreeing with her.
"Rose," Bella said. "I want you to go."
Rosalie made up her mind. You first, she thought, inclining her head stiffly towards
the door. I turned and left. She followed behind after giving Jacob a long look.
We all left in silence, circling around the house to the back yard. No one spoke as
we positioned ourselves, standing apart. Rosalie and I stood facing each other,
about 15 feet apart. Emmett stood by the river, facing away. Jasper also stood at
the river, several feet away from him, his eyes on me, Alice by his side. Carlisle and
Esme stood further down the river, clasping hands and speaking softly together,
worried about me.
I wanted to give Bella privacy for this conversation. I knew she would not want me
listening, to words or thoughts, when she was alone with Jacob. I tried to drown out
their conversation, concentrating on the rush of the water in the river, the
cacophony of bird noises from the forest.
It was hard, though, to concentrate on anything but Rosalie's screaming, suspicious
thoughts. She was furious, standing with her arms crossed, fists clenched, anger
and wariness in her eyes. She hated leaving Bella unattended, and she could not
understand what I thought I might gain by bringing Jacob into the situation.
It occurred to me, then, that both Rosalie and I had never been this far away from
Bella, together, since we came home from the airport. I considered this, shifting
slightly.
"Forget about it, Edward," Emmett said calmly, without turning his head from the
river. I had not heard my name in his thoughts, but apparently he had been more
aware of me than I realized. He was thinking, now, that I might take this
opportunity to make a move on Rosalie. I felt a burst of irritation with him. I was so
sick of him backing Rosalie, although of course I understood. And I really had no
intentions of getting into a pointless struggle with Rosalie. I was just considering
if...
Suddenly, Jasper's head snapped around towards the house. He's angry, Edward,
he thought quickly. I focused in on Jacob as a low growl emanated from the house.
Rosalie turned and started to move towards the house. Jasper and Emmett ran up
the slope behind her.
I took two long strides after Rosalie and gripped her arm. "No," I snapped. She
shook me off. "He's angry, but not dangerous." She hissed at me, but stopped,
arms crossed, several feet from the house, Emmett and Jasper right behind us.
Inside, Jacob was infuriated. "If you think that imprinting could ever makes sense
of this insanity..." He spit the words out a Bella. "Do you really think that just
because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right," he
snapped, pointing at her stomach. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What
was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you
die, how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his!
You'll kill him too, not that I care about that."
Jacob paused and sucked in a breath. My family was frozen, entranced, listening.
"So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense,
please show me, Bella, because I can't see it."
"I don't know yet, Jake," Bella said, sighing. " But I just feel that this is all going
somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith."
"You're dying for nothing, Bella!" Jacob almost shouted. "Nothing!" Rosalie flinched,
lurching towards the house, her body stiff with fury. I grabbed her arm again. She
grasped my wrist and viciously twisted my hand off. Emmett's arm shot out and I
shoved it away, but giving me a hard look he placed it gently on Rosalie's shoulder.
"Let them talk, Rose," he whispered. I was a little surprised he had stepped in on
my side of things, and the shock must have shown on my face when he looked at
me. Damn you, Edward, he thought. I don't want her to die, either. I could feel the
weight of it on him, of his divided loyalties, and felt a sudden slice of pain at our
splintered relationship.
"I'm not going to die," Bella said in a determined, angry voice. "I will keep my heart
beating. I'm strong enough for that."
"That's a loud of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for
too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." He took her face
in his hands, gently cradling it. A piece of me seethed at his touch on her skin.
I pulled myself away, irritated we were all listening. "Enough," I hissed at my
family, motioning that we should all go back to the riverbank. We moved swiftly,
resuming our former, tense poses.
Faith. How could Bella see the existence of faith in all this? And yet, inexplicably,
she did. Faith that what was inside her was not a monster, faith that she could
withstand the pain, faith that I could save her with venom in the end. So much
faith, and so much to be lost and ruined in its wake.
I tried to let my mind loose again, ignoring the words between them, but then Bella
suddenly gasped in pain. Everyone's head whipped around towards the house, and
then quickly realized it was pain from the fetus. Carlisle moved a few steps towards
the house, concern on his face. We waited as her breathing and heartbeat
normalized, and then the others turned away, losing the strand of the conversation
inside again to their own thoughts. But not me. Jacob had seen the bruises on her
stomach, and his horror and pain echoed in the pit of my stomach. But also, I had
sensed a change in the tenor of his thoughts. The marks on her stomach had made
the threat suddenly, grotesquely real for Jacob. And desperation flowed thickly now
through his thoughts. He would ask her.
I gave up the pretense of not listening, concentrating now, giving myself over to
her angel face through his eyes, still flushed from fading pain.
"Bella," he said, his voice different, strained. "Bella, don't do this." "Jake," Bella
protested.
"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing?" Jacob argued
now, reasoning, trying. "Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again."
Bella was confused. "And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby..."
"Yes," Jacob snapped. "Any kid of his would be the same." Bella looked even more
confused.
There's no point, Jacob thought. I will never be able to save her from herself. I've
never been able to do that.
"You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute?" Bella
was angry now. "Why would I want to have some stranger's baby?"
"I didn't mean that," mumbled Jacob. "Not a stranger."
"Then what are you saying?" Bella said. She didn't understand, and Jacob backed
off now, unable to get the words out. I waited, unsure.
"Not a stranger?" Bella suddenly murmured. "What exactly did Edward say to you?"
"Nothing," said Jacob, too quickly. "He just thought you might listen to me."
"Not that. About trying again."
"Nothing," Jacob said quietly, the rejection already starting to painfully filter into his
heart. He looked down, tearing his and my eyes from her face. There was a long
pause. Look up, damn you, I thought, desperate to see the expression on her face.
"Wow," Bella whispered. "He really would do anything, wouldn't he?"
She understood. Jacob was looking at her again, and her eyes were calm, a small
smile playing on her face. She knows what I am offering, and she isn't going to
think twice about it, Jacob thought, unsurprised but still stung. I knew that she
wouldn't.
Refused. She'd refused, of course. I felt it then, flowing through me, a cool feeling
of release, spreading through my limbs. I named the feeling for what it was – relief.
I gritted my teeth, disgusted with myself. Was I so unspeakably selfish that I was
relieved that Bella would not agree to have a child with Jacob? Was I happier to
accept the risk of death, just to keep her to myself? But it's always been that way,
hasn't it, a small voice said in my head.You've always risked her life, to have her
with you.
No. I would not give up on the idea yet, even if she had refused this time. I would
not give up on her.
I looked at the river again. The rapids were high and rough. An endless cascade of
water, coursing along the river bed, some of it banding together to form the main
current, with splintering currents swirling and eddying in a kaleidoscope of
directions, smashing into the bank and causing individual drops to arc through the
air. Seeming chaos, and yet a multitude of things, the curve and placement of
rocks, the shifting of the sand, the wind and the rain, all these things helped
determine the ultimate path of the water as it flowed. A million different decisions
by Bella and I, small and large, decisions of the heart and the mind, had led us
here, to this point. Random and unexpected, and yet also determined.
I heard Jacob's thoughts begin to move away, and I realized he had silently left the
room. Damn, he could be quiet when he wanted. I thought I'd give Bella a couple
minutes alone. As I waited impatiently, I realized that none of the rest of my family
had noticed Jacob's departure. Bella was all alone, and I was the only one who
realized. I froze, contemplating the opportunity suddenly handed to me.
I kept my face blank as I considered. I might get a few moments alone, away from
Rosalie's poisonous presence, with Bella. Was there anything I could do with those
moments to help her? The time had long since past that I might consider taking
Bella away. Maybe I could encourage her to consider Jacob's offer? I felt the
tightening right away, in my chest and throat. I could hardly bear to see his hands
on her face. Could I really speak the words aloud that would ask her to do so much
more with him?
Then, suddenly, another path occurred to me. Something I had nearly forgotten, in
the events of Jacob's visit.
Rosalie still had her eyes intent on me, tensed to move. I casually moved my head
around, looking at the sky, then the river, glancing to the side slightly to catch
Jasper's eye. He was still staring intently at me, and I held his eye for a moment.
Did he understand?
He did. I'll try to do my best, Edward, he thought. Alice blinked, surprise crossing
her features as she saw a vision of our backyard, everyone still there except me.
She eyed me curiously.
I waited. Slowly, so subtly that it would be impossible to notice unless you were
looking for it, I felt the calm start to creep over me. I focused on my resolve, my
anxiety, to keep the calm from washing up and pulling me under. I moved my eyes
again so that I could watch both Rosalie and Emmett. As the calm slowly built in
intensity, Rosalie's arms uncrossed and fell to her sides, her hands unclenching
from fists. Emmett's shoulders relaxed, and he sighed contentedly. Finally, a
peaceful look came over Rose's face, and as if she couldn't help it any longer, her
eyes finally left me and she turned her head to look at Emmett.
I moved. I flew with silence and speed that surprised even me. In a second I was at
Bella's side, kneeling next to her. She started and her eyes opened wide at my
sudden appearance. I grasped her hands in mine.
"Bella," I said urgently. "Please, please let Carlisle help you. Let him try the IV." She
watched me, shocked. Please trust me. "Carlisle loves you, he would never hurt
you. He won't do anything you don't want. Don't listen to Rosalie. Please, please,
do this for me. For me." The words tumbled out of me, the vital seconds alone with
her spinning away quickly.
And suddenly Rose was there, hands gripping the couch, snarling loudly. I
continued to hold Bella's hand, looking into her eyes. Carlisle and the others
appeared quickly.
There was a long moment of silence, and Bella looked slowly around the room,
looking first at Rosalie, and then Carlisle, and back to me. She sighed.
"OK, Carlisle," she said quietly, eyes holding mine. "Bring on the needles."
Chapter 10—Resentment
Hate, jealousy, violence, despair – necessary to this existence, maybe, and yet,
also, toxic stains on the fabric of
life that binds us together.
My conversation with Jacob left me feeling as if I had been gutted, my worst,
desperate emotions ripped out in
counterpart to his justified fury. But, in some odd way, there was also a feeling of
release that flowed through my
family from his visit. It was almost as if there was some relief in sharing the burden
of the nightmare with someone
else. We were no longer alone on our island of despair.
It did not take long to get Bella set up with the IV. Rosalie had no choice but to go
along, once Bella had made her
decision, but she became much more supportive of the idea once Carlisle shared his
theory that he thought the
fetus was weakening as well. She and Bella touched and stroked Bella's stomach in
concern, and shared a relieved
smile next time the fetus kicked Bella so hard she gasped in pain.
Bella was insistent that she did not want to be trapped upstairs in Carlisle's office or
the bedroom, so I suggested
we set up the bed in the family room. Jasper, Emmett and I quickly moved out all
the furniture and brought down
the bed. Bella was settled in comfortably while Carlisle set up the IV equipment and
monitors, including a heart
monitor - not really necessary, given our hearing and perfect recall, but it satisfied
Carlisle's desire to be doing
something more. He also thought it would be helpful to have a running record that
could be studied.
Carlisle stood by Bella, her arm held gently in his hands. The idea of Carlisle
inserting a needle into Bella's
bloodstream had quickly cleared everyone out of the room except Carlisle, Rosalie
and myself.
"Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "You are very dehydrated, and so your veins have
shrunk. I will do my best but it may
take a couple of tries for me to get the needle into a vein. I'm sorry."
Bella stiffened slightly, but then smiled at Carlisle. "Just do what you have to do,
Carlisle, I'll be fine." Then she
turned her face to me.
"Distract me," Bella said, looking up at me with a slight smile on her face.
"Okay," I said. Carlisle began to swab the back of Bella's hand with an alcohol wipe.
I tried to think of some
discussion topic that might take her mind off her hate of needles. "Do you want to
talk about..."
"No," Bella said, and reached up, twisting her fingers into my hair and pulling me
close. I moved obligingly till my
face was inches from hers. "Distract me, Edward," she whispered, her breath
washing, hot and fragrant, over my
face. My body moved before my mind did, and I pressed my lips to hers.
Her mouth opened slightly, and she exhaled, the scent of her saturating my tongue,
and coating down the back of
my throat, leaving a trail of raking, burning flames. Her tongue grazed my lower lip,
and, like a match against flint,
desire erupted through me, hotter than even the burn in my throat. The two
sensations, thirst and desire, snaked
together, entwining me in the indescribable, consuming need I felt for Bella. I
worked to rein myself in, to control
the yearning that engulfed me, but my lips matched the urgent movements of hers.
I felt Bella's body jerk slightly a couple times at Carlisle's attempts, and then relax
as he was successful. When the
needle penetrated Bella's vein, her scent blasted into the air around me, and my
head swam with it. Her hand
disentangled itself from my hair and moved slowly down, caressing my ear before
lying, hot, against my neck. I
made a small, blissful sound in the back of my throat.
Oh, gag me, thought Rosalie in disgust.
"Get a room," muttered Emmett upstairs, and Alice giggled.
Carlisle cleared his throat. "All set, Bella," he said, a little too loudly. I felt Bella's
lips smile against mine, and she
pulled away.
"Great job, Carlisle," she said, her gaze holding mine with a wide smile on her face.
"I didn't feel a thing." I
chuckled, trying to match her smile. But as she had pulled away, the happiness, the
warmth that flowed into me at
her touch had left as well, bound inextricably to her. It left me unable to fight back
the cold emptiness.
Carlisle proceeded to hook up the IV, starting with a bag of fluids. He also set up
the other monitors. Bella's scent
was still extremely strong in the air. I searched Rosalie's mind carefully, but she
seemed to be very much in control
of her thirst. She gave me a hard look.
I'm fine, Edward, she thought scornfully, tossing her hair as she looked away from
me. Once Carlisle had finished
setting up, he gestured to me and Rosalie to come over to the front door to talk. He
opened the door, letting fresh
air into the room, and we stood in the doorframe, breathing more comfortably.
"Esme and I are going to take that quick hunting trip. Then we will backtrack into
town, to get some supplies for
the IV. I may call to have someone come and pick us up at the hospital." Rosalie
nodded and went back to Bella's
side. Carlisle looked carefully at me. Edward, can you handle any issues with the IV
while I'm gone? I nodded,
hoping my education would make up for any lack of practical experience.
Carlisle and Esme left about 5 minutes later, saying a quick goodbye and then
disappearing quickly. Emmett and
Jasper came down to watch them go, and then we stood together by the front door.
"Edward," said Jasper in a low voice, eyes flickering briefly over to Bella, who was
lying with her eyes closed. "Do
you think there is going to be any trouble with the wolves?"
"I don't think so," I muttered. "From what I saw in Jacob's mind, it actually seemed
like they were not going to act,
even when they thought that Bella had been changed. At least, Sam seemed to be
in that frame of mind."
Emmett snorted. "I'll believe that when I see it!" He looked at me with his eyebrows
raised. "You know damn well,
Edward, that they would jump at any chance to attack us."
"Not all of them," I snapped. I thought of Seth, and his young, eager mind, and felt
a rush of brotherly affection.
"Enough of them hate us, though," hissed Jasper.
"It doesn't matter," I said. "We haven't broken the treaty. They have no reason to
attack. Jacob will tell them that
Bella is still human."
"Yah, but, what about, you know..." Emmett jerked his head in the direction of
Bella's bulging midsection.
I looked at Bella with worried eyes. Jacob would have to tell them about the fetus,
and what it was doing to Bella.
It was impossible to anticipate their reaction. I hadn't seen any concerns about it in
Jacob's mind, though.
"Jacob didn't seem worried about it," I whispered. "I guess I don't know."
Emmett shrugged and went over to stand behind Rosalie, wrapping his arms around
her waist. Jasper disappeared
upstairs, Alice quickly taking precedence in his thoughts. As Bella worsened and
worsened, Alice strained to watch
every minute of her future. But as the fetus had grown, the blurriness of her visions
had expanded, and the pain of
watching them had become even more acute.
I turned and looked at Bella in the hospital bed, my body going stiff at the sight of
her - pale, heartbeat weak, IV
lines and monitors clinging to her body. Like a dagger, I saw Bella in my memory, in
a different hospital bed, after
being attacked by James. Small and broken, helpless, just as she had looked when
I found her in the ballet studio.
I recalled the endless, wrenching nights in the hospital room, watching over her as
Renee slept restlessly nearby,
vowing I would never let anything like this happen again. Especially not because of
me. But my eyes refocused on
the present now, and I knew I had failed in that promise as well.
I walked over to the window, and closed my eyes, but all I could see was Bella. But
not sick, not dying. Alive, and
glowing. Bella, radiant across the table from me in the school cafeteria, her face
questioning, but eager. In my
arms during the plane ride home from Volterra, body soft and relenting, but eyes
full of secrets. Sitting on the bed,
my heart in her hands, reaching out so hesitantly, so gently, to stroke my mother's
wedding ring in the black satin
box. Bella in bed in the blue room on Isle Esme, her face smiling up at me, hair
dark against the white sheets.
Bella in the meadow. Grass and flowers gently swaying, brushing against her as she
sat next to me. The sun
reflecting off my skin to dance in her eyes. Her warmth and scent, like a gentle,
burning breeze, swirling around
us, enveloping our bodies, here in this place where she said she wanted to be with
me. The agony, the bliss, as I
lay my head, so gently, so carefully, against her chest. Impossibly soft and warm,
her skin like the sheerest silk,
stretched over thin curving panes of fragile glass, which might break at the slightest
touch. And below that her
pulsing heart, rushing with blood, beating strong beneath my ear. It was the
precious sound that meant she was
alive, and real, a precarious symbol of her humanity.
The steady beats in my memory faded away then, and suddenly all I could hear
was the weak, uneven beating of
Bella's heart from where she lay in the bed. I reached my hand up and pressed my
fingers against the glass,
wishing I could grasp onto those moments, hold the happiness, and health, and
promise, and make it real again.
But I could feel the memory floating weightlessly through my fingers, and then it
was gone. I was pierced,
suddenly, by an overwhelming feeling of loss.
"Edward," Bella said suddenly. I started, unaware that she had woken up.
"Yes," I whispered, not turning to look at her, frightened of what my face might
show.
"Why did you say that to Jacob today?" She asked. "About having his baby instead
of this one. You must know that
I would never do that? And that idea – I think it hurt Jacob."
I stood for a long moment. Of course she wouldn't do it. It was an impossible idea.
She had refused. And it was all
I had to offer her now.
I turned and strode quickly over to her. Rosalie started to get up, her mind working
in furious disbelief at the
meaning of Bella's words, but seeing my face Bella murmured to her that it was OK.
I grasped Bella's hands in both
of mine, the loss from my memories palpable against her skin.
"Bella," I choked out. "Bella, I just want you to live. Please, just live. I don't care
about anything else." I paused,
wrenching a breath between my teeth. "Live, and be with someone who can give
you what you want. Be with
Jacob. Let him give you the future you deserve, a child you can love."
Bella was shaking her head back and forth, face paling. I fell to one knee beside
her.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I did this to you." My chest was convulsing. "The
baby you imagine is not in there. I
can't give you the baby that you want. I wish I could, I would give anything if I
could. But I never, ever can. I'm so
sorry."
I closed my eyes and pressed our clasped hands to my forehead. I felt sliced in a
million dead pieces, my emotions
splintering in all directions, as I simultaneously wanted to hold her, to run away, to
plead with her to go with
Jacob, to beg her to forgive me, and stay by my side. I clutched her hands,
unmoving.
Finally, Bella sighed. She pulled a hand out of my grasp and set it on my chin,
gently lifting my face up. Her eyes
looked down at mine, and I felt like I could drown in the soft, brown waves of their
depths. They were a little red
rimmed, and sad, but otherwise calm.
"Edward," she said quietly, her voice breaking slightly on my name. "You have it all
wrong. I don't want
just a baby. " She paused, her brow furrowing. "I'm sorry, I never meant for you to
think that. I want your baby,
this one." She touched her stomach. "The one you have already given me. The part
of you that is living, and
growing, inside me."
"But Bella," I whispered. "What if it is all the wrong parts of me. Not the parts you
love, but the monstrous parts."
Bella's face flushed slightly, and her teeth ground together. Her fingers curled
around my chin, keeping my face up.
"Edward," she said, her voice hard, intent. "You are not a monster. And nothing you
have helped create could be a
monster either." She held my eyes. I didn't say anything. Bella had never wanted to
believe in the monster in me.
Bella saw this thought in my eyes, and she sighed, looking very tired. She lay back
against the pillow, and I stood
up next to her, still clasping one of her hands.
"I love you," she said quietly.
"I love you too," I whispered. Her eyes closed, and she was still for a few moments.
"You're not a monster, Edward," she breathed, voice rough and thick with sleep.
I raised her hand and pressed it against my lips, and then lay it gently on her chest.
I stood, watching, as Bella's
breathing slowed and became even, lowering her into sleep.
Rosalie's eyes were on me, and I heard a low hiss escape her lips. What kind of
jackass are you? You'd really agree
to let that foul mutt put his paws all over her?
I didn't look up, trying to ignore her.
"You really think she would give up this baby to spawn something from a dog?"
Rosalie whispered aloud now,
persisting in her attempts to infuriate me. I finally met her eyes. They were filled
with angry taunting.
"You can go to hell, Rosalie," I snarled quietly. Emmett was still behind her, his eyes
wide as he pieced together
the meaning of the words. That's why you wanted Jacob to talk to her alone, he
thought in horror. Have you gone
crazy, Edward?
Rosalie wheeled around, staring at Emmett now. "And what about you, holding me
back from throwing that dog
out. Are you backing his side now?"
Emmett looked at her in surprise. "Rose, you know that's not true. How was I
supposed to know he had such a
twisted plan?" He looked back at me, incredulity on his face.
"Leave him alone, Rose," I muttered. Rosalie hissed, smacking Emmett in the chest
and then whirling back to
me. Ouch, thought Emmett. I don't think that helped, Edward.
"I'll say what I want," she snapped. "And what, you're going to stick up for him,
now? After giving him the cold-
shoulder the past week. You think that when you treat him like that, it doesn't hurt
him?" she snarled. I looked in
surprise at Emmett.
He didn't meet my eyes. "Rose, no," he muttered, looking down at his feet. Jasper
had appeared silently at my
side.
"Oh, of course," said Rosalie sarcastically. "And now here is your little shadow,
always lurking around, always got
your back. I see you watching me all the time, Jasper, with that look in your eye.
And I didn't appreciate you
butting in today."
"What do you mean?" asked Emmett.
"For god's sake, Em," said Rosalie in an exasperated voice, turning to look at him.
"How do you think he" – she
gestured back at me – "got away from me today? Didn't you realize why we were
feeling so warm and fuzzy all of a
sudden? Him!" Her arm shot out, her finger pointing at Jasper.
"Get your finger out of my face," said Jasper, his voice low and cool. Alice was
gliding down the stairs, watching
the scene. Unbelievable, she thought.Carlisle and Esme aren't even gone 15
minutes and everyone is already at
each other's throats.
Comprehension spread over Emmett's face, and he glanced at Jasper, who suddenly
looked abashed as he met
Emmett's eyes.
"You were screwing around with us, Jazz?" Emmett said, annoyance and hurt in his
voice. I wonder when he and
Edward planned that out, he thought.
"It wasn't something we planned, Em," I said. "We just..."
"Get the hell out of my head, Edward," snarled Emmett.
"Shh," said Alice. "You'll wake Bella." Alice pulled on my arm, and we all moved
away from Bella's bed.
"Stay out of it, Alice," snapped Emmett.
"Don't talk to her like that," hissed Jasper.
Screw off, Jasper, thought Emmett.
"Don't take this out on Jasper, Emmett," I said in a low voice.
"I told you to stay out of my head Edward!" Emmett exploded. His body was stiff,
his face angry and defensive.
"I'm so sick of you three and your god damn "gifts", always interfering, always
trying to manipulate everything to
go your way."
"Manipulating?" Alice said, her voice disbelieving. "How about the way Rosalie is
manipulating Bella, keeping her
scared and distrustful of Edward and Carlisle. Don't think we don't see what you are
doing, Rose." She looked at
Rosalie, her eyes hard.
"Hmm," said Rosalie, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms across her chest. "I
think your just jealous, Alice.
Bella is supposed to be your best friend. But when she needed help, she called me,
not you. Me."
Alice's face darkened and her hands clenched into small fists at her sides. She took
a step towards Rosalie, and
Jasper put a steadying hand on her shoulder. I wished he would try to calm
everyone down, but he seemed
content to let it play out. The strain of the last week had been pushing everyone
past their boundaries, and
resentment, some long-held, was rising insidiously among us now, it's jagged,
sharp edges threatening to tear us
apart.
Suddenly, I heard my name being mentally called from a distance. I turned my
head towards it automatically,
feeling annoyed by the distraction. It was a familiar mind. Was that Seth? And
Jacob as well. I was surprised he
would come back so soon. What could he want?
Hey, Edward, thought Jacob. If you can hear me – circle the wagons, bloodsucker.
You've got a problem.
I froze. What the hell did that mean?
"Let me tell you something, Rosalie," Alice started, venom in her voice.
"Shut up, all of you," I hissed. I searched Jacob's mind, seeing visions of the pack,
growling and preparing to
attack. Attack us.
A low oath escaped my lips. I looked back from the window to see the others
staring at me. "Jacob and Seth are
coming, there is some problem with the pack, some sort of danger."
"What's the problem?" asked Emmett.
"I'm not sure," I said, annoyed. I tried to concentrate on Jacob's thoughts, but they
were a jumble - Bella's
distorted body, Sam's black eyes, the woods leading up our house. A strange
mixture of thrilled fear and resolve.
"They'll be here in one minute. Emmett and Jasper, come out to meet them with
me. Alice and Rosalie, can you sit
with Bella while we see what this is about?" Alice nodded, flinching as Jasper's
future disappeared, but comforted
by a vision of herself sitting calmly by Bella.
Rosalie turned swiftly and went to Bella, placing a hand gently on her forehead. Her
dark eyes looked up at me,
piercing. I knew those damn dogs would be a problem, she thought, glaring. If
something happens, it's your fault,
Edward.
I turned away from her, and Emmett, Jasper and I stepped onto the front porch as
Jacob and Seth ran into view.
"Jacob? Seth? What's going on?" I asked.
Jacob was cringing away, our scent burning his wolf nose, Seth moving anxiously
around him. They both seemed
to be in some sort of state of frenzied excitement. I waited with mounting
annoyance. Get on with it.
And suddenly, instead of explaining with words, Jacob began running through his
memories, starting with the most
recent. Jacob running through the woods, an echoing silence in his head. Cut off,
separate from the pack. How?
Why? I wondered.
Not entirely alone, thought Seth. He recalled edging quietly away from the pack,
which was howling in stunned
amazement at Jacob's departure. And then he was running, racing to catch up to
Jake, spotting his brown form
moving lithely through the trees ahead. Looks like separate packs aren't linked,Seth
said to Jacob.
And then Jacob was standing nose to nose with Sam, their fur bristling, low growls
rumbling. Ephraim Black's son
was not born to follow Levi Uley's. Jacob was standing tall, defying Sam's alpha
orders. What could possibly have
driven Jake to leave Sam's pack, I thought, feeling a growing anxiety.
And then Seth showed me Jacob, dragging his feet behind Embry and Quil, bound
against his will to attack us. And
then Jake in front of Sam, his stomach pressed in obedience against the dirt. You,
Jacob, are going to fight the
Cullen's with us, came the powerful voice of the Alpha from Sam.
Jacob listening to Sam strategize how to kill my family. Destroying the creature is
our first priority. Seth's knee's
bowing under the alpha command.
How are you going to kill this creature, asked Jacob, without killing Bella?
They could not. The world around me exploded in a storm of red fury. They wanted
to kill Bella. Kill her in cold
blood, to destroy the thing inside her they deemed a threat. Rip apart her fragile,
soft body to kill another. Bella's
sacrifice is a heavy price, thought Sam.
That was why Jacob and Seth were here. That was what would drive them to leave
their pack and home. What
would compel Jacob to assert his Alpha superiority against all his previous wishes.
My muscles locked down as rage coursed through my veins, my mind a haze of fury
and disbelief. I could barely
register the rest of Jacob's story, as the pack decided they had no choice but to kill
the monster, kill Bella. As they
damned it, and damned her as well.
Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.
I flew off the porch in a blind fury.
"They want to kill Bella?" I snarled. I wished they were here, in front of me,
especially Sam. I would shred them to
pieces myself, before they ever touched her.
I realized Emmett and Jasper, misunderstanding, were at my side, cold rage in their
minds as they moved to kill
the threat.
"Em, Jazz – not them! The others." My teeth snapped together. "The pack is
coming."
And we would destroy them.

Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—3)

Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!
Chapter 11—Strategy
The pack is coming. Anger blackened my view, dark and deadly, as I envisioned the
wolf pack. Coming here. To kill my wife, and my family.
Emmett hissed softly, his eyes wheeling towards me. Jasper remained motionless,
his
eyes locked on Jacob, his mind wary and hate-filled.
"What's their problem?" Emmett snapped.
"The same one as mine," I hissed. "But they have their own plan to handle it." They
did
not want the abomination, the mutated killing creature that I had created coming
into
this world any more than I did. But my feelings were born out of fear of the
destruction
it would wreak on Bella. Their purpose could not possibly be more coldly different.
They
hated it for its very existence, and the unknown threat to their family and lands.
And, in
a perverse twist of fate, were willing to inflict the very same damage on Bella I
feared
from the creature. They would tear her to shreds.
"Get the others," I said. "Call Carlisle!" God dammit, why did this have to happen
now,
when Carlisle and Esme were away, alone, unprotected. "He and Esme have to get
back
here now."
I'm on it, Edward, thought Emmett, pulling out his phone. Jasper remained frozen,
tense.
Jacob's mind flooded with uneasiness. They are separated, he thought.
Inside I could hear Bella moving restlessly, covered in IV tubes and monitor wires,
on
the small hospital bed. She coughed, still asleep, heartbeat stumbling weakly. I
swallowed hard, feeling the rush from the anger and fury draining out of me, even
as I
clung to it, leaking slowly from my empty core. It had been a strange high, to have
that
feeling again, that Bella was in danger from an enemy that I knew I could destroy.
One
I could wrap my hands around, crushing and destroying, until it was decimated,
and
she was safe again.
But already, the hopelessness, the jagged futility, was returning steadily and
overtaking
me. For I would gladly save Bella from a thousand enemies. I would willingly,
without
hesitation, throw myself in the path of a million dangers. But nothing, nothing,
changed
the fact that I could not protect her from the danger that was relentlessly taking
over
her body, right now, behind me in the very place I called home."They aren't far," I
said. My voice felt hollow.
I'm going to go take a look, Seth thought. Run the Western perimeter.
That seemed like a foolish risk, letting Seth go out alone. "Will you be in danger,
Seth?"
I asked.
Jacob and Seth exchanged a look. I don't think so, they both thought. Despite the
possible risk, Jacob let him go. He did not want to give orders to Seth. He would
need
to learn to do this, however, if he wanted to fulfill his new role.
This thought caught me up short. Jacob had taken on the role of Alpha, a role I
knew
he did not want. A role that, despite his birthright, he considered to be against his
very
nature. And in making this step, in an effort to save Bella, and ultimately my family,
he
had given up everything – home, friends, and family. The price of this sacrifice was
breathtaking – I was in awe that someone of his young years had the strength to
take
such steps in order to do what he knew was right. If I had ever thought that Jacob
was
capable of such a thing, I would have respected, and feared, him a great deal more
as
a romantic rival for Bella.
"This isn't the first time I've owed you my gratitude, Jacob," I whispered. "I would
never have asked this from you."
Yeah, you would, he thought, thinking of my request earlier today, that he offer to
bear
Bella children, at the possible expense of his heart, and soul, if still she remained
with
me.
He didn't realize that I never would have asked that of him, either. My request of
him
to give himself to Bella, to give her his power to create life, had included my tacit
awareness that I would also give Bella to him, permanently, if she changed her
mind
and decided that, ultimately, she did want the human life he could offer.
Be honest. Had Bella maybe agreed to have his child, but stay with me.... I could
not
deny that, even given the destruction that might have caused to Jacob's life, I
would
have still asked. Ultimately, there might be nothing I wouldn't accept, wouldn't do,
if it
lead to Bella being saved.
"I suppose your right about that," I murmured, nodding.
Well, this isn't the first time that I didn't do it for you.
"Right," I said softly.
Sorry I didn't do any good today. Told you she wouldn't listen to me.
"I know. I never really believed – and, cowardly, never really hoped – she would.
But..."
You had to try. I get it. She any better?
His question, and the tentative hope behind it, was a cold blow against reality. And
it
allowed an opening for the thought I had been fighting against, the realization I did
not
want to allow in. That listening to Bella's body, and watching her through Rosalie's
eyes
inside, I knew she was getting progressively weaker. The IV was not working.
"Worse," I whispered.
Edward, what is happening? Alice was standing on the porch, the future blank in
her
mind. I didn't answer, pinned down now as I grappled with the reality that our last
chance to halt Bella's slide towards death was proving useless.
Irritation flooded Alice's mind. Fine, she thought. "Jacob, would you mind switching
forms? I want to know what is going on."
I shook my head. "He needs to stay connected to Seth."
Her teeth snapped together. "Well, then would you be so kind as to tell me what's
happening." Snap out of it and start talking, Edward. I can't see anything and you
know
it.
Fine. "The pack thinks Bella's become a problem. They foresee potential danger
from
the...Creature? Monster?...from what she's carrying. They feel it's their duty to
remove
that danger. By killing Bella. Jacob and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us."
Remove it how? Alice thought, hissing as she realized the obvious, and only, answer
to
this question. Inside, Rosalie's thoughts screamed with hatred and fury. I'll kill
them, she thought.
Jasper and Emmett finally shifted their attention from Jacob, scanning the
woods. Where, when, how many, Edward?Jasper thought in alarm. Are they close?
His
thoughts were on Alice, and her vulnerability to the wolves. He fought for her, as
well
as for Bella.
I shook my head imperceptibly. We would have time to discuss all this, inside.
"Carlisle and Esme are on their way," Emmett said. "Twenty minutes, tops."
"We should take up a defensive position," Jasper said, anxious to talk to me. Get
the
wolf out of here, Edward, he thought.
I nodded. "Let's get inside," I said, doubting Jacob would follow.
I'll run the perimeter with Seth, Jacob said. If I get too far for you to hear my head,
listen for my howl.
"I will," I said. Alice flew into the house, Jasper and Emmett backing up slowly
toward
the door. I walked slowly backward to the bottom of the stairs, and then stopped,
watching, as Jacob ran away, already in silent conversation with Seth.
When he had disappeared in the trees, I sprang up the stairs and into the house.
The
others were clustered close together, just inside the door. Their heads swung
towards
me as I entered – they were waiting for me, tense and expectant. In Carlisle's
absence,
and considering that this directly involved Bella, my siblings were looking for me to
take
the lead.
What the hell, Edward! Rosalie screamed in her mind. How dare they try to hurt
Bella.
I pressed my finger against my lips, motioning for them to be quiet. I wanted to
make
sure Jacob was completely out of ear shot before we strategized how we were going
to
kill his brothers. While I was enormously grateful for what Jacob had done, and the
invaluable warning he had provided us with, ultimately, this was my fight. Our fight.
Bella was part of our family now, and we would protect her. Jacob's mind moved
swiftly
away, leaving the house far behind.
As soon as I lowered my finger from my lips Rosalie was on me. "God damn you,
Edward, and your twisted ideas! Look what you've led us to!"
"This isn't Edward's fault, Rosalie," Alice hissed. "There was no way to keep it from
Jacob, and then no way to keep it from the pack."
"Yes, it is his fault. Don't let him weasel out of it," Rosalie insisted. She glared at
me.
"You let that dog into our house, towards your own ends! And look where it got us.
You
put what you want over Bella's safety, as always."
Was she insane! She dared to say that to me? "The hell with you, Rosalie!" I
snarled.
My god, I was going to end up killing her along with the wolves.
"Stop it," Alice broke in. She looked at me. "They really want to kill Bella? They
would
actually kill her?"
"Yes," I said, taking a deep breath, trying to will away Rosalie's existence. "Yes,
they
are willing to kill her. They consider the unknown factor of what she is carrying
enough
of a risk to kill it before it ever sees the light of day. And that requires, in their
eyes,
taking out Bella."
"I'll break their necks," snarled Emmett. "Smash them to pieces."
"Did you get a good look at the pack's plans?" asked Jasper.
"Yes," I hissed. As furious as I had been, my mind had captured each detail of the
memories Jacob had shared with me.
"They are planning to attack tonight, hoping for the element of surprise. Obviously,
they have lost that. Sam, Paul and Jared plan to kill Rosalie and me. Quil and
Embry,
without Jacob now, will take on Emmett and Jasper. Brady, Collin, Seth and Leah
were
supposed to concentrate on Carlisle, Alice," – I paused – "and Esme."
It was silent for a moment. "What about Bella?" Alice whispered.
I felt a rush of bitter anger. "Sam's exact words, I believe," I snarled, "were
'whoever
has a clear line on the creature will take it'."
"All right, dammit, then what's the plan?" said Emmett.
"Jacob will howl if he hears the approach. And I will hear them, hear their minds
coming. We will have a couple miles notice." My mind was working, revolving,
trying to
formulate the best plan of action. "We will want to meet them in the woods, away
from
the house.
"And the best way to kill them?" Emmett growled. I glanced at Jasper. His mind had
been working through what he knew of the wolves, their strengths and weaknesses,
this entire time.
"Well, we never should have let them see our practice fighting," Jasper began
slowly,
irritated. "It gave them too much information about us, and our individual
strengths."
He glanced briefly at Alice, and then looked around carefully at the rest of us.
"However, even with that advantage they are really no match for us, especially in a
one
to one, or even two to one, fight."
"Damn right," agreed Emmett. I nodded. What Jasper said was true. Despite our
anxiety, my family would be able to take down the pack.
"They are at a disadvantage with more even numbers," I said. "They have more of
a
group mentality. When the wolves come upon a lone, unsuspecting vampire, they
attack as a pack, bringing him down." As I spoke, I thought of Jacob's memories of
killing Laurent. I heard his high screams as the pack overtook him, leaping in an
almost
graceful unison to tear him down in one violent strike. "In more even numbers,
they
must fight by dodging and distracting, working together if there are two of them,
with
multiple small attacks."
"If you are facing two, don't let them play games with you," said Jasper in a hard
voice.
"Incapacitate one, kill the other, and then finish off the second."
"And don't forget," I whispered. "Our venom is poisonous to them."
Emmett and Rosalie, who knew this, nodded. But Jasper and Alice stared at me in
shock. This was information I had gleaned from the mind of Ephraim Black, so
many
decades ago when we had first met the wolves. Before they had any reason to
suspect
they must hide their thoughts near me. It was a warning passed down among the
Quiletes for generations, a knowledge born through the painful loss of their
ancestors.
A deadly secret, one they never would have wanted me to have.
"Poisonous," hissed Jasper. "Are you sure?" I nodded.
He contemplated this for a moment, and then his lips flickered up at the edges with
satisfaction. "Easy," he said with certainty. "Easy to kill."
"I will take Sam," I said. "He will be the most powerful, the most determined. Plus
he
will be looking for me." And I owed him death. Ultimately, he drove the decision to
kill
Bella, and he would die for it.
Jasper exchanged a look with Emmett. "Emmett and I will take on their other four
fighters – Paul, Jared, Quil and Embry."
"With pleasure," Emmett growled. "You and me, man." He clapped Jasper on the
back.
"Are you sure you two can handle that?" I questioned. Emmett snorted, and Jasper
gave me a hard look.
We can handle twice that, and you know it, Edward, he thought.
I nodded. "Well, I'll join you after I finish off Sam." I looked around, thinking. "Then
maybe Alice can take Leah..."
"No," snarled Jasper. "I don't want her fighting. Carlisle can take Leah."
"I can fight," snapped Alice.
"No, you can't, and you won't," growled Jasper. He reached out and grabbed Alice's
shoulder. "You will have no vision, Alice. You will be blind."
Alice shook him off, her small body darting out from under his hand. Her eyes
flashed.
"I will fight," she said softly.
Jasper's gaze was unrelenting. "I will kill Leah," he said in a flat voice. Alice
growled.
"What about the others?" asked Emmett.
I thought for a moment about Brady and Colin – young, younger even than Seth -
and
felt a small flicker of doubt.
"We will definitely need to kill the older, more experience fighters – Sam, Jared,
Paul,
Quil, and Embry" – I paused for a moment – "and Leah as well, I think. She will
fight to
the death. There are a couple of younger ones, though, just children..." I trailed off.
"Are you kidding?" hissed Rosalie. "They are coming here to kill Bella and the baby.
They are murderers. Kill them all, I don't care how old they are."
"You don't understand the pack mentality," I snapped. "Sam is driving this, it is his
decision. He'll get them all killed."
Jasper sighed. "We could avoid using venom on the smaller wolves, and just
incapacitate them," suggested Jasper, although his thoughts reflected that he felt I
was
being foolishly soft hearted. "We know from what happened to Jacob Black with the
newborns that major broken bones take a while for them to heal."
"Yes," I said quietly, remembering. "We could hurt them enough to take them out,
and
then Jacob or Seth could return them to La Push."
"You're taking a risk," said Emmett. "They may be young, but they are still
dangerous."
"Just try," I muttered. Jacob's mind, moving swiftly away but still in range,
registered
alarm and I froze.
Hey – something coming up fast, said Seth. I stiffened, waiting. My family looked at
me
in alarm.
Vampire. Bet it's Carlisle. I relaxed – must be Carlisle and Esme – and shook my
head
at my family.
"We can move Bella up to the 3rd floor when they attack." I said. "Remember,
Jacob
has never been past the 1st floor – it is completely unfamiliar territory to them. And
if
they manage to get into the house the close quarters will definitely be to our
advantage
– it gives them no space to move, to dodge us."
"Just let those flea-bags come," growled Rosalie.
"They will never get that far," I snarled. I hesitated, and then looked into the eyes
of
my family. "Remember, they want to protect their land and families, but there will
be
misgivings. Sam was determined in his course, but I saw the conflict in their minds.
They do not want to kill Bella, but feel they must." I paused, pulling in a rough
breath.
Alice reached out and squeezed my hand. "We, on the other hand, all of us, would
fight
to the death, with everything we have, to protect Bella," she said in a firm voice.
"That
gives us a power, a strength, they will not have." Jasper wrapped an arm around
her
shoulders.
Edward, we are coming. Carlisle's thought were approaching swiftly. "Carlisle and
Esme
are close," I whispered.
"We should close up the house," said Alice. She suddenly reached up, pressing the
keypad to close up the shutters against the back windows, our most vulnerable
point.
"No," I hissed, my eyes on Bella, but it was too late. The metal groaned loudly, and
Bella's eyes flew open.
"What's going on," she said, her voice a dry rasp. Our heads turned in unison
towards
Bella as the same thought went simultaneously through 5 minds. What are we
going to
tell Bella?
Bella knew almost everyone in the pack, and even considered a couple of them –
Quil,
Embry – her friends. How would we possibly tell her that these so-called friends
were
coming here, tonight, to kill her? To destroy her. And the thing inside her.
I met Rose's eyes, and a single thought of rare agreement passed between us. Not
now.
I nodded and moved swiftly to Bella's side, leaning in close to her.
"It's nothing, sweetheart," I soothed her. "We just don't want the light to wake you
up
in the morning."
"You don't need to do that," sighed Bella. "Don't go to trouble for me."
My eyes inadvertently met Rosalie's for an instant. She placed a hand on Bella's
forehead.
"Go to sleep, Bella," she whispered. "Go to sleep." Bella's eyelids fluttered, and she
fell
back into an uneasy sleep. We waited a moment, and then joined the others by the
door.
Just a few seconds later Carlisle and Esme arrived. Carlisle had his arm protectively
around Esme as he swung her quickly inside the house, turning and bolting the
door
behind him.
Esme was distraught. "Oh Edward, I was so upset when I heard." She glanced at
Bella,
and placed her hand against her chest. "I'm just sick over it."
"Shh," whispered Carlisle reassuringly, drawing her into his arms. "I have to believe
there will be a way to work this out, a way to prevent it." His eyes met mine over
Esme's head. "Still, just in case, what have you discussed?"
I quickly ran through our plans. He nodded in agreement, his eyes sad.
"Is there any chance of stopping Sam, of trying to work it out?" he asked.
"That's up to Jacob," I said. "If he can intercept the pack and try to reason with
them,
who knows. I'm not counting on it. And I hope he doesn't get himself killed trying."
His eyes creased with worry. "What about Jacob and Seth – will they fight against
their
friends, their family?"
I sighed. "Jacob thinks he can." I turned away, moving over towards Bella. Carlisle
came with me, and gave her a quick examination, his mind confirming my fear. Not
better. Not working. He looked up and met my eyes. His face was white and
strained,
his thoughts desperately disappointed.
It does not appear that she is absorbing the fluids. I am going to try feeding her
intravenously. He did not think this would work, either. He turned slowly and left to
gather the necessary supplies.
Alice stepped next to me, looking down at Bella. She reached out and gently picked
up
Bella's arm with her hands, noting how thin it was, taking in its soft fragility. Alice's
eyes raked over Bella's face, so pale and shadowed.
Who would want to kill her? Alice thought. Only an inhuman monster could want to
hurt
her.
"Yes," I whispered. Yes, that's right. And there were too many inhuman monsters in
Bella's life.
Alice's hand slid down Bella's arm, and she paused briefly, holding her wrist. Her
fingers
rested on the thin, translucent skin that covered the inside of Bella's wrist. The
blood
rushed through the veins there, liquid heat, and beat hard against Alice's skin.
A blast of thirst tore painfully down Alice's throat. She shuddered, and then slowly,
deliberately, set Bella's arm down. The future was flickering in and out of focus in
Alice's mind. She saw portions of time with us in the house, and then large chunks
of
time missing, interfered somehow by the wolves. Bella, as always, was cloaked in a
blurry fog that held no glimpse of hope.
Alice turned to me, wrapping her small arms around my waist. I love her so much,
she
thought, burying her head in my chest. She's so sick. I'm scared.
I began to put my arms around her when suddenly a wolf howl cut through the
night. I
stepped back.
"Go," I hissed, glancing at Jasper and Emmett. They disappeared, moving through
the
rooms, watching the windows. I quickly went to stand by the front door. Rosalie and
Alice stood, tense, by Bella, ready to move her. Carlisle appeared by her side to
disconnect the monitors. He watched me, ready.
"Not yet," I muttered. I threw my mind out, listening for a wolf mind, friendly or
murderous. I cast around the forest, searching, tense.
False alarm, false alarm, Jacob thought. I relaxed.
"Everything's OK," I whispered in a low voice. Seth had howled when he learned
that
Jacob had agreed to kill me. Well, I guess there was no hiding it, not among Jacob's
small pack. I moved to the dining room window next to Emmett and watched for
Jacob.
He appeared quickly.
There's nothing out there – you got that? I nodded. Suddenly Bella moaned from
the
other room. I looked back sharply.
She's OK, Edward, thought Carlisle. The moan had been low, quiet, and yet layered
with a kind of pain that pierced through me. Bella hardly talked in her sleep
anymore. I
wondered what sort of demons haunted her dreams to cause her that kind of pain.
Could they be that much worse than her reality? She moaned again and I
shuddered.
She's waking up, thought Rosalie in alarm. I waved at Jacob in dismissal and moved
back to Bella, Emmett behind me. Bella was still asleep, though, when I got to her
side.
Emmett touched my arm. What the hell happened?
"It was a false alarm," I said, watching Carlisle change the bag of fluid for a bag of
thick, white liquid. All in vain, I thought. "Seth was upset about something else,
and he
forgot we were listening for a signal. He's very young."
"Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort," muttered Emmett.
"They've done us a great service tonight, Emmett," Carlisle said. "At great personal
sacrifice."
"Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there."
The IV began to drip, uselessly, following the course of the tubes into Bella's arms.
Jacob was still pacing in the front yard. I searched his thoughts for new
information.
"Seth doesn't think Sam will attack now. Not with us forewarned, and lacking two
members of the pack."
"What does Jacob think?" Carlisle asked. I read Jacob's response.
"He's not as optimistic." Bella's breathing was harsh and uneven. Carlisle was
checking
the IV needle in Bella's hand. He gently removed a long piece of tape.
"Don't touch her! You'll wake her up," Rosalie snapped.
Carlisle sighed and straightened up slowly, Bella's hand in his. "Rosalie," he said
quietly.
"Don't start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that's all we're
allowing."
Jacob was drawing closer, and the others could hear his approach. The atmosphere
was
tense, even though they knew he was not a threat. I listened as he rose up and
looked
into the window, horror struck at the sight of Bella in the makeshift hospital bed.
Bella's body jerked, as she choked slightly. I moved in to check her, but Rosalie
pressed in ahead of me. She smoothed her hand against Bella's forehead. Back off,
Edward, she thought. You've done enough to hurt her today.
My body went rigid. I remembered her accusation, that I was the one who put what
I
wanted above Bella's safety. I would set her straight about that. But Emmett,
reading
my expression, appeared quickly in front of me. "Not tonight, Edward," he said in a
low
voice. "We've got other things to worry about." And the wolf is right outside.
I turned away, moving my eyes to meet Jacob's. They were glowing wide in the
night,
strange animal eyes that showed a human sort of pain. He thought my eyes were
burning, but I couldn't feel it anymore. I looked out from a cold void, a ringing
space of
hopelessness.
Jacob dropped down and ran away, escaping. I watched for a few moments the spot
where he had been.
"Jacob's gone now," I muttered. "Patrolling the woods."
"Jacob was here?" Bella whispered. I looked down quickly. She was awake, her eyes
wide open. "Why is he patrolling the woods?" She looked around at everyone,
taking in
their strained expressions, Jasper's restless movements through the house, her
eyes
finally resting on the back windows, where the silver metal shutters gleamed. She
looked back at me.
"What is going on?" she asked slowly.
I glanced for a moment at Rosalie. Her face was irritated, but set. Might as well tell
her, she thought.
I hated to do this to her. And hated Sam for forcing this reality on her. I gently took
her
hand.
"Bella, love," I said softly. "The wolf pack is concerned about what you are
carrying."
Her eyes widened and she placed a hand on her stomach. "They are worried that it
presents a danger. They have decided to intervene." I paused, struggling. "They do
not
want to allow it to be born."
Bella's eyes flashed angrily. "Oh, they don't, do they," she snapped. Then she
paused
for a moment and stared at me. "Wait. I don't understand. How can they stop him
from
being born?"
I watched her carefully as I responded. "They are planning to come here, possibly
tonight."
"Come here to do what?" Bella whispered in a small voice. Realization grew across
her
face, and her skin paled to snow white. "To attack us? To attack me? To kill my
baby?"
She flailed slightly, trying to sit up, clutching her stomach with one hand. Carlisle
grasped her wrist, worried about the IV, secured only with a couple pieces of tape
now.
I put my hands against her shoulders, trying to gently press her down.
"How do you know this?" she said, pausing suddenly. "What about Jake?"
"Jake left his pack in order to come and warn us," I said quietly. "He's here, with
Seth
too, watching the woods." Bella's eyes grew wide with a new horror.
"Left his pack?" she choked out. "And Seth too? Can Jake stop them? Send them
back?"
"I hope so, Bella," I murmured.
"Bella, you are safe," said Jasper. He had drawn near, sensing intense fear, and
despair, from her. Her emotions were strong, and laced his thoughts with anxiety.
Emmett drew up next to him, as if they could comfort Bella with a show of their
physical presence.
"We will protect you," Jasper said in a low, fervent voice. "We won't let them near
you."
He stepped closer, reaching to place a hand on her leg, intending to calm her.
Bella looked wildly around and adrenaline shot through her. "I'm placing everyone
in
danger," she cried. "My baby is in danger. I've got to get out of here!" She jerked
wildly, and Carlisle, afraid of hurting her, let go of her arm. It swung around, the IV
needle ripping out, tearing her skin slightly. Blood, fresh and warm, sprayed over
Carlisle.
The flames of thirst tore through the room like an angry fire fueled by a burst of
oxygen. It traveled through each mind, searing into mine in multiple bursts. Jasper
let
out a wild hiss and I whirled towards him, half blinded, but he was already moving
away, lurching his body violently backwards, and then throwing himself up the
stairs,
escape the only thought on his mind. Alice followed quickly behind him.
Emmett, however, stood two feet from Bella, frozen, eyes dark pools of thirst.
Rosalie
stepped in front of him, placing her hands against his chest. He reached up slowly
and
circled her wrists with his large hands. For one long moment I thought he was
going to
throw her off. I heard the thought edge itself into his mind, as he imagined for a
moment the taste of Bella's blood, and I steadied myself for the attack. But he just
stayed still, holding Rosalie's wrists.
I had never meant for Bella to live in such close proximity to my family, not while
she
was human. It had been one of the reasons I had encouraged Esme to set up the
cottage. My family loved Bella. But they were not meant to live with a human. And
now,
to have Bella here among them constantly, day after day, all of us thrust upon each
other in an intimate way that was not meant to be, unable to leave, unable to hunt.
It
hurt them, and me, to see, no matter how hard they tried to beat it down, their
reactions to the scent that now permeated throughout the house. And it was very
dangerous.
Death never lingered far from Bella, even among those who loved her.
As I watched, Emmett's eyes seemed to warm, a dark golden glow slowly returning.
His
mind was very still, guarded. "I'm OK," he said, his voice strained. His eyes met
mine. I'm good, Edward.
Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching her arm, pale and shaking. She
was
watching the spot where Jasper had been. She looked around wildly at Emmett's
face,
Carlisle's blood splattered clothes, my panicked eyes.
"Oh, no," she cried, and burst into tears, burying her face in her hands.
"Oh, Bella," I whispered, trying to wrap my arms around her, but she threw me off.
"How can this be happening?" she sobbed. "I'm putting our family in danger.
Everyone
is fighting because of me. I've ruined Jake and Seth's lives." She shook violently as
she
cried, her heart racing. Carlisle, Rosalie and I exchanged concerned looks.
"Bella, we all love you," I said. "Jake and Seth love you. What they did, they did it
willingly. It was brave, and it very well may have saved us all. We are not in danger
–
nothing will ever touch you, and we will all be fine."
Bella shook her head, hands still over her face. "No," she moaned. "I don't want
anyone
to die for me."
I knelt down in front of her, trying to gently pry the hands from her face. "Bella, no
one
is going to die."
She lifted her head, then. Her face was mottled, tear streaked. "But you will kill the
wolf pack," she sobbed. "I don't want them to die, either."
I felt my throat close with pain and frustration, and I fought to keep my face from
betraying my emotions. I encircled her in my arms again, and this time she relaxed
against me. But I felt cold and stiff. She worried for the lives of the wolf pack, the
very
monsters that came here to tear the life from her. Why did she value the life of so
many except her own? Her precious life – the cherished focal point of my existence,
the
life I would see them all dead for to save - she threw away.
I had no words to tell her what her life meant to me. I could only hold her tight in
my
arms. Tears poured out of her as she slowly weakened, slumping her body against
mine. It was as if the sorrow represented the last of her strength, listlessly draining
out
of her. I lay her gently against the bed, and Carlisle quickly fixed the IV, securing it
firmly with several pieces of tape, while she watched him with large, blank eyes.
Eventually Bella fell into an uneasy, broken sleep. I stood by her side, her hand in
mine, as the hours drifted by. I watched Bella, as her body twitched, and she
whimpered and cried in her sleep. I listened to Carlisle, as his thoughts grew more
and
more desolate as Bella showed no improvement. I heard my family, pacing
anxiously,
stopping to stare out windows and listen to the forest.
No one approached. I could hear neither mind nor body near us. As dawn began to
break, it started to seem they were not coming. We were alone. And yet I was not
comforted. The silent emptiness was a vortex, spinning, gaining strength, and
pulling
us all in.
Then, a wolf howl pierced through the still, silent morning air.
Chapter 12—Nourishment
It might have been better if it had been the pack
"This is ridiculous!" bellowed Emmett, finding out the reason for Seth's howl had
been
the arrival of his sister. "Didn't anyone ever tell that kid about The Boy Who Cried
Wolf?" He paused, and then burst out laughing, cracking up at his own unintended
joke.
I growled at him, annoyed by his jocularity. "Shut up, you idiot. Bella is still
sleeping." I
glanced over. Bella started, but did not wake. She had actually been asleep for a
long
time, and I was beginning to wish she would wake up. Just so I could see her eyes,
open and clear, and hear her voice. Small, tangible signs she was still with us. How
many more times would I see them? I wished I could grab time with my hands,
keep it
in a strangle-hold and stop it from moving forward.
I looked back Emmett. "Seth didn't know it was Leah. He just heard a wolf coming."
My
family had gathered near the door again, having discovered the reason for the
latest
warning howl had not been the pack approaching, but Leah come to join Jacob's
small
band.
"Dangerous," snarled Jasper. "She'll turn on us in a fight for sure."
"This is crazy. I think we should just get Bella out of here," muttered Emmett. "Let's
just get the hell out of Forks all together – head a few states over. Then head to
Denali.
How far do you think they would bother to follow our trail?"
Esme nodded, liking this idea. But Carlisle shook his head slowly.
"No, she is not really in any condition to move. And I have so much access to
medical
supplies and equipment here." He moved quickly away from the group back over to
Bella's side, examining her silently with his hands and mind.
I went to join him, Rosalie at my side, when Carlisle suddenly turned around to face
us.
His face reflected his mind, both gripped with horrified helplessness. He walked
towards
us, and taking both our arms swiftly led us into the dining room.
"She's deteriorated extremely rapidly," he said in a low voice, looking not at us but
through the doorway to Bella on the bed in the next room. Then he turned his head
slowly to us. "I cannot even say, if, by the end of today..." His voice trailed off,
seeming
to die in his throat, but his mind continued the bleak thought. He didn't know how
much more her body could take.
"The IV didn't work, not at all?" asked Rosalie.
Carlisle shook his head. "If it is doing anything, the effect is minimal."
Rosalie glanced at Bella, frowning. "I know she can do it. She's strong."
"Are you in a fantasy world, Rosalie?" I snapped. "She can't do it. Look at her. She
might not even survive the day." These words brought on the sensation of being
physically crushed, and I pressed my face into my fists.
I heard the flash of uncertainty in Rosalie's mind. "She will make it," she hissed,
turning
and swiftly leaving the room.
I groaned, and Carlisle put a hand on my arm. I could hear Jacob's mind drawing
closer.
"Jacob is coming," I murmured. I started towards the front door, headed out to
meet
him.
"Edward," whispered Bella. My head whipped around. She was awake. I could see
that
she was trying to lift her head up to look for me, but couldn't. Fear trickled down
my
spine like cold acid at the sight of how weak she was.
Suddenly, her body lurched slightly, and she vomited. She was still struggling to lift
her
head forward, and she began to gag and choke.
"Jesus," hissed Rosalie as I flew over. By the time I got there Rosalie had her sitting
up
and was pounding on her back, too hard in her panic. I shoved her hand away and
patted Bella's fragile back gently, modulating my strength carefully. She hadn't
thrown
up much, and she quickly coughed it up into the plastic container Rose was holding.
I eased her back down onto the bed when it seemed like she was done, wiping her
face
gently with a cool cloth Esme had brought. I could hear Jacob in the yard.
"Jacob's here," I muttered, looking at the door.
Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. "Stay," he said. "I'll speak to Jacob."
I looked back at Bella. She was very pale, but calm. I had been afraid she would
wake
up as upset as she had been last night.
"Good morning, love," I said, taking her hand. Her hand was limp in mine, and I felt
my
chest clutch with anxiety.
"Hi," she said with a small smile, coughing again slightly. She looked around the
room
anxiously. "Where's Jacob?" she asked.
I paused for a moment in surprise. "Uh, he's here actually, outside with Carlisle."
Carlisle was thanking Jacob for what he had done, and I was glad of it. I hoped
Jacob
would take Carlisle's words to heart, hopefully more than he did mine. I sensed a
certain respect for Carlisle from Jacob.
"Oh." Her eyes strained towards the door with an obvious desire to see him.
"How are you feeling now, sweetheart?" I said, leaning down. I kissed her lips, and
then
brushed my mouth along her forehead and cheeks, moving to kiss her shoulder and
up
her arm to her hand. I held the back of her hand pressed against my lips for several
seconds, almost afraid to let go.
"OK," she said, trying to smile. "Edward, how did Jacob leave his pack?"
"Well," I answered carefully, "he was able to exert his birthright as Alpha. Once he
decided to do that, he inherited the full power of the Alpha, and Sam no longer had
control over him."
"Oh," Bella murmured quietly. "So then Sam couldn't force him to kill me." She
looked
into my eyes. What I would have given to read her thoughts at that moment. Could
she
see, truly, what Jacob had done? That he had been able to recognize the power
within
himself, to fulfill his true destiny, at great sacrifice, in order to protect Bella from
the
very danger and death I had brought on her.
Whereas I had not been able to change my murderous destiny. It had been my very
own nature, an existence I didn't choose and could not change, that had made me
an
unwilling participant in Bella's death.
"Yes," I whispered.
Outside, Jacob was remembering how it felt to be broken under Sam by the Alpha
power. To have no choice but be involved in the murder of someone I love, he
thought.
I know, Jacob, I thought, feeling the ache inside. You may not see it, but I
understand.
Bella was looking out the window now, turning her head away from me slightly, so
that
I could only see her profile, the soft curve of her nose and mouth, the fine edges of
the
eyelashes that framed her eyes.
"Edward," she said suddenly, not looking at me. Her voice was quiet, with a tinge of
melancholy. "I wish we could have visited the meadow again."
I stared at her, perfectly still, as her voice sunk through my empty haze. The world
around me froze in a single beat of icy clarity at the meaning of her words. Bella
had
started to give up hope. She realized there was absolutely nothing we could do to
stop
her decline. And she wanted to go to the meadow before she died. I knew this. I
knew
this to the very center of my core. Because if I were to be extinguished, if these
were
my few, remaining hours of existence, there would be no other place I would want
to
be than with Bella in the meadow. To hold her in my arms, and listen to her heart.
To
sift through the memories together, and wait for the darkness to take us.
I had never realized that Bella's hope, as senseless, as misguided as it seemed, had
meant something to me. The few small supports I had built to keep myself going,
to
hold myself together during these dark days, began to collapse with her words.
"Yes," I whispered. "So do I." Given the wolves, I couldn't even grant her what she
wanted. She nodded slowly, still not looking at me. Rosalie was watching my
expression
with wide eyes. Her mind was chaotic, battling the dark seeds of worry and doubt
trying
to infiltrate it. Jasper appeared, framed in the doorway to the dining room, his face
tight and pained, helplessly absorbing my excruciating emotions.
"Maybe another day," Bella said quietly.
The silence around us was enormous, terrible. I was stricken, unable to move, my
hand
frozen around hers. She would not let us take it out of her, to save her, and she
knew,
while it remained in her body, we could not help her as she weakened and died.
Could
she feel it coming? Did she fear for the thing inside her? Or did she think it would
survive her death, if she hung on long enough? I wanted to ask her about these
fears,
and yet I was paralyzed with terror. To hear her speak it aloud made it even more
profoundly real.
Outside, Carlisle was still talking to Jacob.
"I'm watching her – and not just her, but the fetus as well – starve to death by the
hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants."
Jacob was angry. I hate the thing inside her. It isn't enough for the monster to beat
her
from the inside out. No, it's starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to
sink its teeth into – a throat to suck dry.
I lifted my head slightly, listening.
I can tell them exactly what it wants, thought Jacob. Death and blood, blood and
death.
And in this moment, when I was sure it was forever gone, I saw it. Buried in Jacob's
hate-filled thoughts, a tiny ember still burning deep inside the ruined, burnt out
wreckage of life. Hope.
The idea was impossible, and yet coldly obvious. I wondered how stupid I must be
not
to have seen it before. But it was because I hadn't wanted to think of it. I had only
wanted to think of Bella, and how to save her, as if my obstinate ignorance of the
creature could somehow will its existence away. But to help Bella I had to see, to
accept, that their lives were inextricably connected. And we could not help one
without
taking in the needs and desires of the other.
The research we had done, the evidence we had seen with our own eyes as we
watched
Bella, had indicated that what she carried was far from human, instead reflecting
the
monstrous tendencies of my kind. It could not subsist on the building blocks of
human
life, and yet, that was all we had offered. We had relentlessly tried to maintain
Bella's
health through human food and fluids, sources of life designed to be ingested by
the
body of a mortal. But we knew this thing was closer to me, its father, than Bella.
And I
knew what my body's reaction would be if I had human nourishment forced on me.
It
would reject it as forcefully as possible, much as Bella's body had.
No, my body needed something else. It craved a wholly different kind of substance
for
strength. Jacob knew what that was. So did I. But to ask that of Bella? Blood
appealed
to me - I was compelled to drink it, my body sought it - the price of never-ending
existence. But Bella, human, mortal. A human that could actually smell blood, who
was
nauseated by its very scent. I was sickened, and mortified at the thought of even
suggesting it to her.
But if it helped? I had admitted I would do anything to save her. I knew I would do
this
as well. I had to at least try.
I began to rise to go out to talk to Carlisle, when I noticed Rosalie staring intently
at
me. She had watched my changing expressions, going from deepest heartache to
the
ghost of hope. What's going on, Edward, she thought.
My teeth clenched as I realized there was no way to approach this without involving
Rosalie. She'd have to have her opinion too. What I would do to her, if she tried to
stand in my way this time, was another matter.
I squeezed Bella's hand. "I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a
moment." My eyes met Rosalie's. "Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying
me?"
No, thought Rosalie stubbornly. I'm not leaving her side with that mutt here. She
placed a hand protectively on Bella's cheek.
"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked.
"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?" I
kept
my eyes on Rosalie and breathed "It's important."
Fine, she huffed, calling Esme down to watch Bella.
Carlisle and Jacob were waiting for us on the porch, expectant. I explained my idea.
"Oh," said Carlisle. Fascinating thought, Edward. How could I not have seen it? "You
think it is...thirsty."
Yes! Rosalie thought. She hissed with excitement.
How to get it to the fetus? Carlisle wondered. "What would be the best way to
administer ..."
"We don't have time to be creative," said Rosalie. "I'd say we should start the
traditional way."
"What a minute," hissed Jacob. "Just hold on. Are you – are you talking about
making
Bella drink blood? That's just..."
"Monstrous?" I whispered. "Repulsive?" For that was what it was to ask this of
Bella.
That was what I was to have forced her to this point.
"Pretty much," he snapped.
"But what if it helps her?" I said in a low voice. I couldn't undo the damage the
monster
in me had wrought. But if I could find a way help her, even if it was objectionable...
"What are you gonna do?" growled Jacob. "Shove a tube down her throat?"
"I plan to ask her what she thinks," I said coolly. "I just wanted to run it past
Carlisle
first."
Rosalie was excited. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do
anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube."
Jacob glared at her, realizing with distaste her sudden interest in Bella. Is Rosalie
after
the kid?
Without looking at him I nodded slightly. Jacob bristled. So much for protecting
Bella –
Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself. I grimaced. I imagine
he
was probably right about that.
We turned and moved quickly into the house, Jacob following slowly behind.
"What's
going on?" Bella asked immediately.
"Jacob had an idea that might help you," said Carlisle. Jacob was annoyed – he
didn't
want credit. "It won't be... pleasant, but – "
Rosalie interrupted. "But it will help the baby," she said excitedly. My fists clenched
–I
wanted to send her flying into the wall. Her priorities were as obvious in her mind
as
her words. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe."
Bella laughed weakly. "Not pleasant?" she whispered. "Gosh, that'll be such a
change."
Her eyes looked at the tube in her arm.
I had done this to Bella. It was my responsibility to ask her to try this loathsome
idea. I
stepped closer and took her hand.
"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something...monstrous." Why put it in
any
other terms but the truth? "Repulsive." The house was utterly silent, as the rest of
my
family paused to listen.
Bella gasped slightly. "How bad?"
Tone it down, Edward, Carlisle thought. He was anxious to try this, anxious for Bella
to
agree.
"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours," Carlisle
said
aloud. "We think it's thirsty."
Bella's eyes widened slightly. "Oh," she said slowly. "Oh."
"Your condition-both of your conditions-are deteriorating rapidly," Carlisle said,
trying
to gauge Bella's expression. "We don't have time to waste, to come up with more
palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory-"
"I've got to drink it," Bella whispered. She was nodding slowly to herself. "I can do
that.
Practice for the future, right?" She tried to smile at me, her lips pulling back in an
echo
of her natural expression. Future. That word made me unable to smile back.
All right, come on then, thought Rosalie irritably.
"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" asked Bella quietly. I felt an
uncomfortable twist in my chest. I hadn't even thought that she might
misunderstand
and think we meant animal blood. Of course, though. Why would she possibly think
I
would suggest she should drink human blood?
I wondered if just using animal blood might be possible. I flashed a glance at
Carlisle. It
has to be human blood, Edward, he thought.
"If the fetus is craving blood," I said in a rough voice, "it's not craving animal
blood."
Edward, Alice called me mentally from upstairs. Bella is going to agree to try it. She
flashed me a vision of Carlisle in his office, pouring blood from a bag into a glass.
The
blood in the vision was a disconcerting shade of red through the clear glass.
"Well," Bella whispered in a rough voice. "I'm starving, so I'll bet he is, too. Let's go
for
it. My first vampire act." She met my eyes, perhaps looking for a smile.
Excellent, thought Carlisle. We'll be right back, Edward. He nodded at Rosalie and
they
flew upstairs to his office.
Bella was still looking into my eyes, and I held her gaze. I wanted to tell her I was
sorry, once again, always. She looked back at me calmly. Not your fault, her eyes
said.
No! I wanted to yell. Don't absolve me. Not again. But she was unwavering, only
love
for me in her eyes, not the disgust I deserved.
Upstairs, I could hear Emmett, Jasper and Alice come into Carlisle's office. They
watched as Carlisle pulled a bag of blood from the small refrigerator.
"Bella is really going to drink blood?" asked Emmett, sounding both shocked and
amused.
"Of course," snapped Rosalie. "It's for the baby."
"So Bella gets to drink human blood, and we don't," Emmett chuckled. "That's not
fair."
Alice hit him in the arm, and Rosalie glared.
"Go get a cup, Rose," Carlisle said quietly.
Rosalie went quickly down the stairs and into the kitchen. She grabbed a large,
clear
glass.
"Not clear, Rose," I muttered, thinking of Alice's vision. She glared in the direction
of
the living room, but slammed the glass back down, grabbing some sort of plastic
child's
cup that whoever had stocked the kitchen had included. As if a human child would
ever
be in this house. I shuddered with the thought.
She went back upstairs, and I watched as Carlisle carefully cut into the bag of blood
with sterilized scissors, slowly draining a small amount into the cup. The others
stepped
back, standing near the doorway. The blood was cold, ruined...but still.."You didn't
tell her?" Jacob said suddenly to me. I scanned his mind for the topic – oh,
Leah. I shrugged. It was hard to focus – honestly, to care at all – about anything
but
Bella.
Carlisle snapped the lid with the straw onto the cup. He looked at it for a
moment. Please, he thought. Please let this work.
"You're scared of Leah," Jacob was saying to Bella, "but you're best buds with the
psychopath blonde?"
Upstairs, Rosalie hissed. Imbecile, she thought. She tugged on Carlisle's arm, and
they
quickly appeared downstairs. Carlisle held the cup out tentatively to Bella, and her
eyes
widened with fear. I felt sick, remorse and shame battering through me.
"We could try another method," said Carlisle. He was thinking of a feeding tube,
hoping
it didn't come to that.
"No," Bella whispered. "No, I'll try this first. We don't have time..." Bella took the
cup
from him, and Rosalie lifted her carefully up to a sitting position. The liquid moved,
and
I caught the scent – it was wholly distasteful in this moment.
Bella smelled the cup, her face crinkling in disgust. Horror rolled over me. This was
cruel. Outrageous. I was going to stop it.
"Bella, sweetheart," I said, reaching to take the cup. "We can find an easier way."
Stop it, you jerk, thought Rosalie. She has to try this! "Plug your nose," she
suggested
out loud.
"No, that's not it. It's just that it...it smells good," she whispered. I paused,
surprised.
She had always had such an aversion to the smell of blood. Bella closed her eyes
and
took a small sip. I heard the blood travel up the straw, rolling across her tongue
and
gliding down the back of her throat. I swallowed hard, horrified at what the taste
must
be to her.
Bella moaned, and Jacob and I moved together towards her. She must be totally
revolted. I reached out and touched her face tenderly, thinking of all she had
already
been through.
"Bella, love," I said.
"I'm OK," she said. She opened her eyes directly into mine. Turmoil rolled in her
expression. "It tastes good, too," she said in a quiet voice.
I realized she was embarrassed to admit this, and felt a wave of sympathy. She was
so
brave. As much as I didn't agree with what she was doing, she was fearless. I
cradled
her face in my hand.
"That's good," said Rosalie. "A good sign."
Bella pressed her lips to the straw again. I could sense the natural instinct as she
pulled
in the blood. The thoughtless look in her eyes, the automatic contraction of the
muscles. I knew that feeling, that instinct. I had never thought I would share it with
Bella while she was still human.
Bella glanced up at me. "Does this screw my total?" she said in a quiet voice. "Or
do we
start counting after I'm a vampire?"
Hell yeah, it counts! Emmett thought upstairs. I grimaced. "No one is counting,
Bella.
In any case, no one died for this. Your record is clean."
You lost me, Jacob thought.
"I'll explain later," I muttered. Bella raised her eyebrows.
"What?" she whispered.
I didn't think Jacob would appreciate Jasper and Emmett's bet, and I didn't want to
explain it to him in front of Bella. She didn't need to see his reaction.
"Just talking to myself," I said gently.
If he succeeds with this, Jacob thought, if Bella lives, Edward isn't going to be able
to
get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as his. He'll have to work on
the
honesty thing.
I felt the smile play at my lips. He was right about that.
Jacob watched as Bella drank, wondering if he shouldn't be here. No one else in this
group is disgusted by what she's doing. Just the opposite – they are probably
having a
tough time not ripping the cup away from her.
How could he be so insightful, and yet so obnoxious? I rolled my eyes. If Bella was
eating a steak, would he rip that out of her hands?
Jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's really too bad he can't hear
Bella's
thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of him.
A small chuckle left my lips. It felt strange. I realized that tiny ember of hope was
growing, watching how Bella had taken to drinking the blood. Noticing, already, the
slightest return of color to her skin, the increased steadiness of her hand. Bella
smiled
up at me.
"What's funny?" she asked.
"Jacob," I said.
Great, thought Jacob. Now I'm the court jester.
Bella finished off the blood in the cup. With each passing second she was noticeably
healthier, the blood like an elixir of life, radiating out from within her to heal and
strengthen. I was stunned with the speed of the effects.
It's working, crowed Rosalie in her head. Is it enough to get through to the
baby? "Would you like more?" she asked.
I glared at her. Unbelievable. "You don't have to drink more right away," I said
quietly
to Bella. But her eyes met mine with that conflicted look again, and then she looked
down.
"Yeah, I know. But...I want to," she said quietly. I felt terrible for her, and yet
strangely
conflicted. It was so very wrong for Bella to crave blood, so out of line with her
humanity. I could see she felt that. But, her body's response seemed to show that
this
was what she needed.
Carlisle went to get Bella another cup of blood, and was back quickly. She reached
out
and took the cup from him and immediately started drinking. I could see that
strange
instinct compelling her again as she began to drink, so familiar, and yet so foreign
in
her body.
I felt excitement building, creeping in, trying to fill some of the emptiness, even as
I
resisted. It was too soon, far too soon, to feel any sort of real hope. But...but she
was
just already so much better. There was no denying it.
I noticed Jacob's thoughts were getting fuzzy, indistinct, and I felt an unexpected
wave
of concern. He had already done so much for us today. He needed sleep.
"Don't worry about anything," I said. "I promise I'll find you if there's a need."
"Sure, sure," Jacob muttered. It looks like Bella has a few more hours. I can
escape, Jacob thought. The bloodsucker will wake me up if something goes wrong.
He
owes me.
"I do," I said. So much, Jacob. Too much.
Jacob touched Bella's hand gently on the way out, noting her skin felt cold.
"Get her a blanket or something," he snapped in a low voice.
Suddenly, two urgent howls rang through the forest air.
Dammit, I thought. "Dammit" Jacob snarled. He was out the door, leaping off the
porch
as he phased. It felt like a line of fire tearing through his body in his mind.
Crap, Jacob thought. Those were the only clothes I had.
Incoming, yelled Seth. At least three.
Time to act. "Ok," I hissed in a low voice Bella couldn't hear. "This might be it. At
least
three approaching." Jasper, Emmett, Alice and Esme appeared immediately from
around the house. Rosalie snarled.
"What is it?" demanded Bella.
So far, no other point of attack, thought Leah. I looked at Bella, intently, thinking.
Three was not enough to attack. And if the rest of the pack was coming in from
another
direction, their numbers would be too low to be effective. Sam couldn't possibly be
that
stupid. And he knew I would hear them coming.
My mind flickered to Alice. She was searching for a future that was not blurred, or
blocked. She sent me what she could see. Carlisle and I talking outside, his hand on
my
shoulder. Emmett in the forest, moving like a silent arrow through the trees. Jasper,
serious but calm, coming into the house to look for her. Beyond that, there were
large
holes in her vision. Caused by Jacob and Seth, or other wolves?
Better safe than sorry. I looked over at Bella. Rosalie and Carlisle stood next to the
bed.
"Move her," I ordered.
Carlisle's hands flew, disconnecting the monitors, leaving only the IV.
"No," Bella protested loudly. God, it was good to hear her voice so strong. "I want
to
stay here. Maybe I can talk to them, convince Sam to change his mind."
I looked at her in disbelief for a moment, and then met Rosalie's eyes. "Go, Rose."
Rosalie scooped Bella up quickly. "No, Rose," yelled Bella, but they were already
disappearing up the stairs, Alice following with the IV pole, Carlisle behind.
Emmett, Jasper and I went out the front door. We ghosted out into the forest,
spreading in a loose arc around the house, circling slowly and silently.
Three wolves, one man, Seth told Jacob. Then I lost Jacob's thoughts as I
concentrated
on Bella. Alice was standing in my bedroom, watching Bella, who lay on my bed
with a
resigned, sullen expression.
"There are four approaching Jacob's pack," I whispered to my brothers. "Nothing
else
so far."
Carlisle and Esme came out the front door and approached me. Anything from
Jacob? Carlisle thought.
I shook my head. "Out of range, I think," I murmured. I concentrated on Jacob,
trying
to hear his internal voice in my head. Suddenly, I found him. His use of our name
helped me locate him in the distance.
The Cullen's know something's up, Jacob thought. They're ready.
"Got him," I hissed. "I can hear him."
I froze, trying to concentrate as Carlisle and Esme stood with me. Jasper and
Emmett
continued their circle around the house.
"It's Quil, Paul, and Collin in wolf form," I whispered. "Jared is in human form."
Jacob
was not yet willing to phase into human form, unsure if this was a diversion, if
another
attack was coming.
"They claim they just want to talk." I spoke slowly, listening and repeating the
conversation to my family at the same time. "Their family has been torn apart.
They
understand how Jacob feels, but think he is overreacting." Emmett snorted from the
other side of the house.
"Sam is willing to back down," I continued. "He's decided against immediate
action." Thank god, thought Esme. Carlisle's face relaxed slightly.
But relief was fleeting. "The elders agree that they can wait for Bella to
be...separated
from the problem before they act." I cringed at the word choice. Inside the house
Rosalie hissed. "They are not comfortable killing Bella."
I growled. Was that supposed to make this alright, that they weren't comfortable
destroying Bella. And they were mad if they thought, no matter what happened
with
the birth, that we would allow them to ever come here and kill in our house.
For good or bad, it was my offspring. They would not decide its fate. And blind as I
was
to the future, god knew what that would be.
What a load, thought Leah.
You don't buy it? Jacob asked.
They're betting on Bella dying anyway, Leah said. And then they figure you'll be so
mad..That I'll lead the attack myself. Jake knew this was possible. That, if that
thing killed
Bella, we would become the bloodsucking leeches he despised once again.
I wanted Jacob to kill me, when Bella was gone. But I truly hoped he wouldn't turn
on
my family. The thought filled me with an unexpected sadness. But then, my family
would hate Jacob when he fulfilled his promise to me. I wondered if they would
hate
me, as well.
Carlisle and Esme were watching me expectantly, but I said nothing of this.
"Jacob is going to phase," I said. I chuckled. "He's embarrassed because he has no
clothes and Leah is there."
No clothes? Esme thought.
"He ruined them when he phased." Her eyes creased with worry.
I felt the trembling in Jacob's mind, the disconcerting sensation as he phased back
to
his human form. He stood, facing Jared.
"Jared wants him to come home," I whispered. "He wants Jacob to let Seth and
Leah to
come home." As if Jacob was holding them against their will. "Jacob tells him he
doesn't
know when, or if he can return. Jared is asking him where he is going to live, now
that
he has no home. He knows Jacob is out of clothes. That Leah does not like eating
as a
wolf."
With every sentence Esme gasped. I could tell her mothering instinct was in full
force. Poor babies, she thought. I don't want them out there, alone, with nowhere
to
sleep or get food or clothes.
"They're wolves, Esme," I muttered, cringing against my own pang of guilt.
"Jared says that Sam is sorry. But Jacob says he is not coming back right now. He
wants to wait, see how it plays out. He says they are protecting those who should
be
protected. Not just Bella, but the Cullens." Concentrating so hard on Jacob's voice, I
spoke of my family in the third person. I paused after this, surprised, that Jacob
had
admitted he was not just doing this to save Bella. I wondered how much he truly
meant
that.
Jared continued his pressure. "Jared is saying that Sue – that is Leah and Seth's
mother – is begging for them to come home."
"Oh, no," moaned Esme.
Jared was talking directly to Leah now, telling her Sam wanted her back. He wants
you
home, Lee-lee, where you belong.
At such a distance, and not attached to Jacob's mind because he was in human
form,
Leah's thoughts were fuzzy, indistinct. Yet the force of her emotions at Jared's
words
from Sam were so strong they wrenched into my head – a convoluted mixture of
fury,
heartbreak, hate and loss. Leah's pain was vivid, and I flinched as vicious snarls
poured
from her throat. Carlisle and Esme eyed me, but I just shook my head.
"Jared asked Jacob where his land is now. He wants to know if it is vampire land."
"What did Jacob say?" asked Carlisle.
"He says he's homeless," I breathed.
That's it, thought Esme. "Edward," she said quickly. "I want to make sure they
understand that they can call this home. Anything they need – food, clothes, beds.
I'm
sure they'd love a hot shower. Please, please make sure Jacob and his friends know
this."
"Ok, Ok, Esme," I said quietly, patting her back gently. "They are saying goodbye
now,"
I went on, a little bit louder. "I think we can go inside, just stay alert." As I turned
back
to the house, Carlisle gripped my shoulder, and I turned to face him.
"Edward, your idea for what Bella needed was excellent. I know that you give credit
to
Jacob for the idea, but you articulated it." He looked me directly in the eye, and his
voice burned fervently. "I want to thank you for bringing something to my attention
I
should have realized myself. I'm sorry I didn't."
"Don't be sorry, Carlisle," I said. I glanced towards the house. "She's improved so
quickly," I whispered.
Yes, he thought. It is early, but, this appears to be what her body needed.
I touched his hand on my shoulder with my own, and then turned and flew back to
Bella. She was sitting up by herself in the bed, arms crossed, face flushed with
annoyance. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.
Just look at her, Edward, sighed Alice in her head. She's so much better.
Better in health, not mood. Bella glared at me. "I want to go downstairs. No more
hospital bed. I want the needles out now." If she had been standing, she would
have
stamped her foot.
I smiled widely. "Your wish is my command," I said. Her eyes narrowed. I turned to
leave.
Alice's face was pinched uncomfortably. Is he coming back? Alice asked. She meant
Jacob. My head is so much better when he is here.
I squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sure he will be." He couldn't stay away if he wanted.
I bounded down the stairs, feeling weightless, as I called Emmett and Jasper. I
realized
I was flying with the joy of seeing Bella in better health. Stop it, I thought. This was
a
dangerous, foolish line to cross, to let this hope in. Nothing had changed. We were
still
helpless to fight the real danger.
But I couldn't get the vision of her out of my mind, so much stronger, so much
healthier. I couldn't fight it. Had it been only 20 minutes ago that her health had
seemed so irreparable?
We moved the hospital equipment back to the office, rearranging the room back to
normal. Carlisle did not want to take out the IV, and I heard heated complaints from
Bella upstairs. Before I went to bring her downstairs, I went into Emmett's room,
looking for clothes that would fit Jacob. I could hear him already on his way back,
as
expected.
"What are you doing?" Emmett asked as I walked through the room with a pile of
clothes. He was standing in front of the TV, remote in hand, looking for sports.
"Put on something for Bella," I commented, and he sighed. "I'm bringing some of
your
clothes for Jacob."
He made a face. "Well, tell him I don't want them back!"
I placed the clothes on the front stairs and then went upstairs, scooping up Bella
before
she could protest. She may be better, but I didn't want her walking down the stairs.
"Oh my," Bella murmered.
"What is it, sweetheart?" I said, pausing.
She blushed, a pale rose color tinting her beautiful skin. "I really have to go the
bathroom."
I laughed. "I'll take you, love."
"No!" Bella said, the flush on her skin deepening.
"Bella," I said, reaching up with a hand to stroke her cheek. "I'm your husband. You
don't need to be embarrassed." Bella shook her head, biting her lower lip.
"I'll take you, Bella," Rosalie said, reaching out and gently taking Bella from my
arms.
She then leaned over and kissed Bella on the forehead.
I blinked in surprise at such an outward show of affection from Rosalie. She's so
much
better, Rosalie thought to herself as she moved down the hall towards the
bathroom.
Alice trailed behind them with the IV pole, raising her eyebrows at me as she
passed.
After the bathroom we brought Bella downstairs and laid her on the couch. Emmett
had
actually put on a romantic comedy for Bella, and I flashed a smile at him in thanks.
He
stared back blankly.
Huh, thought Emmett. Edward actually just smiled.
We wrapped Bella up in a couple of blankets. "Sit with me, Edward," Bella said. I
sat
down with her feet in my lap. Rosalie got her a fresh cup of blood.
Jacob arrived seconds later. He found the clothes I had left him, and I was pleased
that
he put them on, whatever he thought about the smell. When he came in, I had to
smile. The fit wasn't great, but they were probably the most stylish clothes I'd ever
seen him wear. No one spent too much time in the Cullen household without Alice
influencing their wardrobe.
Bella looked up suddenly at Jacob as he entered, and a wide smile formed on her
face.
She didn't just look happy to see him – she actually glowed with pleasure. Why
does
she have to look so damn happy to see me? Jacob wondered. I didn't know. I felt a
small, sinking feeling inside, and my mood faltered. Why was she so happy to see
him?
Did she feel safer with him here? Had she reconsidered his offer? I searched her
face,
looking for answers.
"They just wanted to talk," said Jacob, his voice rough, tired. "No attack on the
horizon."
"Yes," I murmured, my eyes still on Bella. "I heard most of it."
Surprise registered in his mind. "How?"
"I'm hearing you more clearly – it's a matter of familiarity and concentration." At
this
point I could hear Jacob as well as anyone in my family, but I doubted he wanted to
hear that. "Also, your thoughts are slightly easier to pick up when you're in your
human
form. So I caught most of what passed out there."
"Oh, good," Jacob said. He actually wasn't pleased. "I hate repeating myself."
"I'd tell you to get some sleep," Bella said, "but my guess is that you're going to
pass
out on the floor in about six seconds, so there's probably no point."
Jacob turned and started to walk slowly towards the door. "One Mississippi...two
Mississippi..."
Ugh, he thinks he's so funny, thought Rosalie. I can't stand him. "Where's the flood,
Mutt?" she sneered.
"You know how to drown a blonde, Rosalie?" Jacob asked without looking at her.
"Glue
a mirror to the bottom of the pool."
Ha! I chuckled out loud.
Bottom feeder, thought Rosalie. "I've already heard that one," she yelled after him.
Edward, thought Esme from the next room. Go after Jacob and tell him what I said!
I rolled my eyes but got up, telling Bella I would be right back. I went out the door
after
him, taking the stairs in one jump. I could feel I was still on my dangerous high.
Hearing my approach, Jacob turned slowly. "Jeez, what now?"
"I'm sorry," I said. I realized I didn't know how to present this to Jacob without
insulting him. I was sure he was the type who wouldn't accept any charity.
What's on your mind, mind reader?
I went ahead, explaining how Esme was upset by the hardships of his small pack,
and
their lack of the amenities of home.
Jacob snorted. Vampire mother hen – bizarre.
I told him we had human food, piles of clothes. Oddly, I realized I was very anxious
for
Jacob to accept some of our hospitality. In the midst of this nightmare, I could feel
my
relationship with Jacob shifting, changing, although I couldn't really define how yet.
"Please," I said, trying to inject the sincerity I felt into my voice. "Don't consider
yourselves without the benefits of a home."
"That's, er, nice of you," Jacob said slowly. "Tell Esme we appreciate the, uh,
thought.
But the perimeter cuts through the river in a few places, so we stay pretty clean,
thanks."
Sure doesn't smell that way, thought Rosalie from inside.
"If you would pass the offer on, regardless," I said.
"Sure, sure," he muttered.
"Thank you." He started to turn away as I watched.
I heard the bone crack a fraction of a second before I heard Bella's cry.
Chapter 13—Choise
Hope is a dangerous thing. I had let myself fly high on hope, let it start to thaw the
ice
within. And so the fall and the pain were greater for it.
My cursed mind made the connection even in the fraction of a second it took me to
turn
back toward the house. I had been so foolish, so stupid, to believe that since we
had
made Bella healthier, she was somehow safer. The thing inside Bella took its
strength
from her, damned creature that it was, and with the healing power of the blood, its
strength had grown exponentially, to a level that could only destroy Bella more. In
helping her, we hurt her.
I moved swiftly into the house, through the panicked thoughts of my family, beyond
the
sound of Bella's cry of pain, and the echo of a bone cracking. She was bent forward
on
the bed, Rosalie supporting her, breathing roughly through clenched teeth. Carlisle
and
I leaned over her, listening intently for signs of damage, bleeding, and further
breakage. My god, how quickly could we get it out if it started to destroy her now? I
could hear the rough movement near her ribs, the sound of bone moving against
itself.
Fractured rib, thought Carlisle. He went to put his hand on Bella's side, but she
brushed
it away lightly.
"Give me a second, Carlisle," she said, her breath coming short and fast. The bones
creaked again and Carlisle hissed quietly in anxiety.
"Bella," he said quickly. "I heard something crack. I need to take a look."
"Pretty sure it was a rib." Bella moved slightly and she sucked in a quick breath of
pain.
"Ow. Yep. Right here." She gestured to her side.
Carlisle touched her shoulder. "I need to take an X-ray. There might be splinters.
We
don't want it to puncture anything." His mind painted the picture of the inside of
Bella's
body, all the soft tissue, and the small, delicate organs at risk. That she could be
even
more fragile on the inside than the outside, a frail shell encasing the ethereal
mechanisms of life.
Bella pulled in a breath. "Okay," she said. Rosalie, who already had an arm behind
her,
gently slid her arm under Bella's knees. I moved forward, uncertain if Rosalie could
control her natural strength enough not to jostle Bella needlessly. Rosalie caught
my
movement and grimaced.
"I've already got her," she growled. I locked my teeth, and followed her and Carlisle
up
the stairs. We passed Alice, who staggered a little against the banister. With Bella's
cry
she had thrown her entire mind towards Bella's future, and the strain was searing
her
head with pain. And guilt. She wanted to follow, to comfort Bella, but she just
couldn't.
I'm sorry, Edward, she thought, walking slowly downstairs.
The office was empty now, Emmett and Jasper having fled to the third floor after
hearing Bella's cry, fearful of an injury that might have resulted in blood. They were
skittish, nervous after the incident with the IV. Rosalie laid Bella gently on the table,
and Carlisle ran the x-ray machine over her. We waited in silence for the results.
"Well," Bella laughed softly, breaking the quiet. "It seems he is definitely feeling
better." Rosalie smiled and gripped Bella's hand. Bella's eyes moved to mine, but I
couldn't imagine that even she harbored the idea I would be happy about this. I
brushed the hair gently from her face.
Carlisle stared silently at the x-ray for a few moments. Yes, fractured rib, he
thought
somberly. Finally his eyes rose up and locked with Bella's. He regarded her for a
long
moment.
"Bella," he finally said. His voice was quiet, serious.
All traces of the smile left Bella's face. "Don't even start with me, Carlisle," she said
firmly. Her eyes flickered to me. "Either of you. We are not having the same
discussion
again."
"No," said Carlisle. "What I want to discuss, Bella, is that I think we may have
reached
an adequate level of development. There is now the possibility of delivering the
baby
early, before his strength can grow dangerous to you. More dangerous."
Bella sighed. "I want to wait until it is definitely safe for him," Bella said. "Until we
are
sure he is ready." I hissed quietly, and Bella glanced at me. He would show he was
ready by tearing himself out of her. And I was not waiting for that.
"Even human babies can survive at what seems to be his approximate level of
development," Carlisle pressed.
"They survive at fancy human hospitals," said Rosalie. "We don't know enough
about
him. We don't even know if your calculations are correct, if they are the same as for
a
normal human baby. If he will be strong enough to survive outside the womb."
My temper flared at my irritation that none of this conversation seemed to consider
if
Bella would be strong enough to survive.
"If it is strong enough to do this," I snapped, grabbing the x-ray of Bella's fractured
rib
out of Carlisle's hand and shaking it violently," then it is strong enough to live on its
own, whatever it is."
Bella drew in a quick breath. "Whatever it is," she echoed softly, looking at me.
Real nice, Edward, Rosalie thought in disgust. I felt the familiar rush of remorse,
and bit
back more bitter words. Because suddenly I was filled with bitterness. I hated that
this
was happening. With the sound of Bella's bone cracking, hope had been violently
ripped
from me, leaving a gaping hole that had quickly filled in with bitter anger.
"Edward," Esme said, a little sharply. She turned to Bella. "Maybe you should
consider
the early delivery, dear." But both Bella and Rosalie were shaking their heads now.
"No," Bella said, biting her lip. "I agree with Rose. We just don't know, and I don't
want
to take a risk." My face hardened at these words, and she quickly revised them. "A
risk
with him, I mean." She pressed her lips together, and looked down.
There was silence as Carlisle carefully taped Bella's rib up. He took out her IV, and
that
cheered her up. I thought she was annoyed with me, but when it was time to go
back
down she reached out her arms and I carefully picked her up and brought her
downstairs. I paused for a moment in surprise at the bottom of the stairs. Alice was
curled up on the floor next to a sleeping Jacob. Her mind was very empty, and she
was
enjoying a temporary peace.
I put Bella gently onto the couch and knelt down beside her. Rosalie came down
and
stood behind the couch, staring at Alice.
Ugh, how can she stand it? Rosalie thought. "That's gross, Alice," she muttered.
"Shut up, Rose," Alice murmured back, not opening her eyes.
After another cup of blood and two trips to the bathroom, Bella eventually drifted
off to
sleep, her warm hand clasped in mine.
Suddenly, there was a sharp hiss from the top of stairs. Jasper had appeared, and
was
staring down at Alice on the floor by Jacob in annoyed shock.
"Alice, get away from him," Jasper said in a low voice. Alice didn't move, ignoring
him.
Jasper was down the stairs in a flash, standing over Alice.
"Alice, please," he said more loudly.
"Jasper," Alice moaned, not opening her eyes. "My head feels so much better when
I'm
so close to him. It's empty – I can't see anything. It's heaven."
Jasper growled low. "That's probably because your future is so uncertain when
you're
that near to him," he said in a hard voice.
Alice opened one eye and regarded him. "You think so?" she murmured. "Maybe."
She
closed her eyes. "I'll take the risk."
"I won't," snapped Jasper. "I don't want you lying so close to him."
"Jealous?" Alice laughed softly. "Back off, Jasper."
Jasper continued to stand over her, mouth in a thin line, arms crossed.
Alice sighed. "Go away, Jasper,"
"No."
"Fine," she groaned, rolling away from him and even closer to Jacob. Jasper's teeth
clenched. He was determined to stand guard over her for as long as necessary.
Considering how much Alice was enjoying Jacob's effect on her mind, I imagined it
would be a while.
Emmett came downstairs and sat in one of the chairs, pulling Rosalie into his lap
and
whining in her ear for a while that they were never alone anymore, until she finally,
thankfully, told him to shut up.
As the dusk deepened, I heard the mental call.
Edward, oh Edward. Seth's voice sang in my head. It's just me coming. Please don't
let
your brothers kill me! That wouldn't be good.
I grimaced. No, it wouldn't. "It's just Seth coming," I said quietly, and heard
understanding in my family's minds. Seth was coming to check in on Jacob, who
had
never phased back. Seth's large footfalls grew steadily louder, and I heard him
enter
the yard, and then pause, uncertain.
I don't have any clothes, Seth realized. I watched the memory in his head. He had
been
so anxious to share the news with the pack when he found out about Charlie's call,
he
had phased without changing, willing to sacrifice the ratty sweatpants he had been
wearing. Never realizing, of course, that he would not be returning home. I felt the
small twist of pain in his heart at that thought.
Ah, Edward, Seth thought. Unless you want me to come in there naked..I stood up
and went over to the window, and gave Seth a short wave. I went quickly
upstairs and retrieved a set of clothes from Jasper's room. I went downstairs and,
stepping around Jacob, brought the clothes outside and set them at the edge of the
woods next to Seth.
Thanks, man, Seth thought, picking them up gingerly in his mouth and trotting
away. I
went back into the house, kneeling next to Bella on the couch. She was still asleep.
I
heard Jasper sigh, and then he reached down suddenly, wrapped an arm around
Alice's
waist, and pulled her easily up and across the room. Two wolves were too much for
him.
Seth appeared in the front door a few seconds later. He looked down at Jacob,
curled
up in human form on the floor, and snorted.
"Good to see you, O Fearless Leader," Seth said, stepping over Jacob's head into
the
room. He looked around. "Thanks for the clothes, Edward," he said cheerfully. "They
fit
great, but I've got to tell you, they reek something awful." He smiled and then
walked
to the nearest chair and sprawled out in it.
Great, thought Rosalie, glaring at him. Now we're stuck with another one.
"Seth," said Esme. "I will wash some fresh clothes for you and put them on the
front
porch for next time." And your sister, as well, she thought.
Seth's smile grew even wider. "Thanks, Mrs. C," he said brightly.
Emmett chuckled loudly and Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs. Esme bit her lip not to
laugh.
"Seth, you can call me Esme," she said gently.
"Sure," Seth said quietly. He was looking at me now. God, Edward looks awful, he
thought. He thinks this is his fault. He takes it all on himself. He had seen the
images of
me in Jacob's memories, my burning face, my figure prostrate on the ground in my
grief and guilt. He had been shaken by that, and the vision lingered now, sending a
shudder through both of us.
He also had seen the agreement between Jacob and me, in the event of Bella's
death.
And he was determined to prevent it.
Seth reached over and placed a large, warm hand on my shoulder. "How are you
doing,
Edward?" he asked quietly. All eyes in the room swung towards me. I glanced at
him,
feeling awkward.
"I'm managing, Seth," I murmured. He held my eyes for a moment. They reflected
coal
black in his.
"Just know that I'm here for you, man. No matter what happens." He patted my
shoulder a couple of times, his weight and strength so different from Bella's human
touch, heat radiating off him like a flame.
"Thanks," I said softly. Seth leaned back in the chair, looking away, but I kept
watching
him. He really meant it. His heart and mind were a simple, unclouded tableau of
concern for me, and everyone involved. He was good. Like Bella. I had met Seth's
mother at the wedding, and while she had been a good person as well, strong and
fierce, I saw much more of her in Leah than in Seth. I wondered what his father
had
been like, and wished I could have met him.
But the most incredible thing, the fact that held a small place inside me, and
steadied
me with its own warm, glowing weight, was that Seth was my friend. And he cared
about me.
Suddenly, the phone rang in the next room. Dammit, I thought. Only one person
called
on our house phone.
"Esme, quick," I whispered, and she flew toward the kitchen, but it was too late.
Bella's
eyes were opened.
"Is that Charlie?" she asked, a little breathlessly. "I want to talk to him."
"Love," I whispered. "Go back to sleep." But she shook her head.
"Esme," she called. "If that's Charlie, will you bring me the phone, please." Esme
brought the portable phone to Bella, an unhappy look on her face.
Bella took the phone, and began a murmured conversation with Charlie. She
laughed,
assuring him she was being well taken care of, that she was lucky to have her own
full
time doctor hovering over her constantly.
I felt a flash of rare irritation from Seth, and glanced at him. His eyes met mine. Is
it a
good idea for her to be talking to Charlie? Seth wondered. Won't that just make
things
harder for both of them...later?
My jaw locked and I shrugged stiffly. What could I do?
Seth leaned closer. "Not that I want you guys to leave, Edward," he said softly. "But
have you considered taking Bella away from Forks. Away from the danger of the
rest of
the pack?"
I shook my head. "Carlisle has too many medical connections here to give up," I
replied. I glanced at Bella and touched her thin wrist with my finger. She looked up
at
me and smiled, the phone still against her face. I turned back to Seth. "And Bella,
she's
just so...so weak."
Seth nodded and looked at Bella, really taking in her physical decline for the first
time.
I heard the crack then, so much louder this time than the last, and alarm registered
on
Seth's face as I saw through his mind a sudden burst of agony rip through Bella's
pale
expression.
I twisted back to her as she said in a choked voice, "Charlie, I've got to go," and
the
phone dropped with a bang. Immediately Bella hunched over her stomach and then
a
small strangled cry fell from her lips as she arched backwards, teeth clenched,
clutching
her side.
Seth leapt to his feet. "What is it?" he cried.
"Carlisle," I hissed. I wrapped my arms around Bella and she pressed her face into
my
shoulder. Her muscles felt tight, rigid against the pain. Rosalie knelt next to me.
Carlisle arrived immediately.
"It's broken something," I said desperately, looking up at Carlisle, Bella still in my
arms. "I heard the crack."
"Probably another rib," he murmured.
"Another rib," said Seth in shock. "Jeez, Bella, that's not good." Bella opened her
eyes
slightly to glare at him.
I picked Bella up gently and carried her upstairs behind Carlisle. She was still
breathing
hard. Rosalie, Esme and Seth followed.
Don't let him upstairs! Jasper thought angrily. I didn't acknowledge him. I wasn't
going
to exclude Seth from what was going on just to maintain some sort of strategic
advantage over the wolves in our house. And Seth was our ally!
It was silent in the room as Carlisle took another x-ray to confirm the broken bone,
and
then began to tape up the rib. Bella lay quiet, her head back on the table, looking
at
the ceiling. Rosalie was irritated, thinking our grim expressions were upsetting Bella
needlessly.
She leaned over Bella, gently stroking her forehead. "It's all right," she said.
"Sometimes even normal babies break their mother's ribs."
I looked at Rosalie with undisguised fury. What she said was true, and it didn't have
a
god damn thing to do with what was going on here. A broken rib was the extreme
for a
human fetus, and only the beginning for this one.
I caught Seth's worried expression. He saw me looking at him and stepped into the
hallway. I knew he was getting anxious to leave, concerned for his sister being
alone on
patrol. I followed him out.
"I'm going to take off," he said quietly. "Run patrol with Leah, and let Jake sleep. He
needs it." He studied me for a moment. "She's going to be OK, Edward." He smiled
and
loped down the stairs. I turned away, feeling nothing but a stinging emptiness, and
went back to the office. I kissed Bella and then picked her up, cradling her in my
arms,
and brought her up the stairs towards the bedroom.
"I need a new shirt," Bella moaned. "This one could walk on its own."
I tried to laugh. "I'll help you change," I said quietly. We went into the bedroom and
I
shoved the door silently shut behind us with my foot, right in Rosalie's face. She
fumed
outside, but Esme laid a hand on her shoulder, and she didn't come in.
I placed Bella carefully on the bed and then went over to the pile of shirts Alice had
collected for Bella. I looked through and pulled out a soft, dark blue shirt – one of
Jasper's, I thought. I climbed onto the bed behind Bella.
"Let's get this off you," I murmured, gently lifting the shirt and helping her pull her
arms out. Bella winced in pain and I froze.
"Keep going," she sighed. "I feel like a baby being changed like this. And I definitely
want a shower tomorrow. I must stink."
I chuckled quietly. "You smell perfect, as always," I assured her. Between Jacob and
Seth, the smell of werewolf had begun to permeate the entire house. No human
body
odor could compete with the stench.
I tossed Bella's old T-shirt on the floor, and without thinking my hand reach forward
and caressed down the satin skin of her naked back. She was so pale, paler than
normal, and yet she seemed to glow in the moonlight. Bella sighed at my touch. I
leaned over and pressed my lips against her bare skin. She shivered slightly, and it
felt
like the flutter of a million tiny wings, angel wings, against my lips.
I picked up the new shirt and pulled it gently over her head. She pushed her arms
through and then leaned back against my body. She reached one arm around and
laid
her hand on the back of my neck, and then turned her head, craning slightly. I
leaned
around and kissed her lips. I felt her shift uncomfortably, and realized her ribs must
be
hurting her.
Aggravated by my thoughtlessness, I helped her lay down in bed, and then went to
get
her a new cup of blood. Carlisle handed it to me. When Bella is asleep, he
thought. Come and see me. I want to talk to you.
I nodded wordlessly, and brought the cup to Bella. She was already in a restless
sleep.
I placed it on the table we had set up next to the bed, and went back to Carlisle's
office. He was standing by the exam table, Bella's latest x-ray in his hand. He
looked up
at me as I came in.
"When Jacob wakes up," he said, "I am going to talk to him about a hunting trip. It
is
long overdue, as I know you are aware. I would like to purchase some more blood
for
Bella, as well."
"Will it be safe?" I asked.
"That's what I'm going to ask Jacob." He sighed. "And when I return, you and I will
need to seriously discuss and prepare for the delivery, and the change." His face
was
calm and set.
A low growl rose from within me. "God dammit, Carlisle. Is there no way to stop
this?" I
turned and slammed my fist into the wall, driving straight through to the other side.
I
was immediately angry with myself. Childish. I pulled my hand slowly out, leaving a
ragged hole. Esme will be mad.
I turned back to Carlisle. "If I can just get her to change her mind. Maybe I can get
Jacob to talk to her again."
Carlisle bent his head to one side, looking quizzically at me. Jacob?
"I asked Jacob to give Bella the option to have a child with him, a human child, and
end
this disaster," I said bluntly.
Carlisle stared at me silently, slightly shocked. You can't possible want that,
Edward.
"It doesn't matter what I want," I breathed.
"Yes, it does," said Carlisle quietly.
"Well, what I want is for Bella to live. However possible." My voice was strained.
"Live,
and stay human."
But Edward, Carlisle thought. It's beyond that now. The fetus is very strong, and
Bella... he trailed off, looking down at the x-ray.
"There might be a chance, though..." I pressed.
Carlisle looked at me sharply. "Edward." He spoke aloud suddenly. He placed the x-
ray
on the desk and reached up to grip my shoulders with his hands, his eyes fierce. "I
need to know that you understand there is very little chance she will make it
through
this as a human, however or whenever it happens."
"I know that, Carlisle," I sighed. He gripped me harder and shook me slightly, eyes
still
intent on me.
"No, Edward, I'm not sure you do." His voice was anxious. "I see the doubt in your
eyes. And this situation will balance too much on the edge of a knife for there to be
any
doubt. When the birth happens, and I make the call that she cannot survive human,
that it is time to change her, there can be no argument. We must be able to act
immediately, without delay or discussion or second guessing. Will you be able to do
that, Edward?"
I was frozen, taken aback by his sudden intensity. "I just..." I faltered. "I never
wanted
it to be this way, for Bella. I wanted her to have a choice, not be forced into it by
my
actions, by things she has no control over."
Carlisle's hands released me, but his eyes did not. This is her choice, Edward. She's
made this choice, time and time again, since she found out about the pregnancy.
She
has never wavered, not even for a moment. We have explained in every possible
way
the consequences, and she has now lived through many of them, and still she
chooses
to continue. There is no doubt on her part.
"I understand," I said softly. The doubt came from me. I was the weak link. But I
had
to be sure. "I want to talk to Bella again about it, about changing her. I know she
understands, but I want to hear it from her."
"And you should," Carlisle said firmly. "I will need your strength, Edward, when the
time comes. I will need you by my side, 100% focused, if we are going to get her
through this."
I nodded and turn silently. I walked slowly back up the stairs to the bedroom. I just
couldn't believe that there was no other way. No other way than to just wait for it to
rip
the life from Bella, while we ripped out her soul. That it was, as ever, too late.
I went into the bedroom and started towards the bed. I would allow myself to lay
down
with Bella for a while. To hold her in my arms, imagine we were in her small bed in
Charlie's house, and that I would hold her all night and the dawn would still be filled
with hope.
You are a jackass. Rosalie hurled her thoughts at me from the other side of the
room. I
altered my course seamlessly, moving instead until I stood directly in front of her.
She
was by the window, the moon reflecting off her hair, both golden in the night.
"What is your problem, Rosalie?" I hissed.
"I heard you talking to Carlisle," she whispered. " 'If I can just get her to change
her
mind'." She repeated my earlier words to Carlisle back to me in a mocking tone.
"You
are just never going to get it, are you, Edward?"
"Get it?" I snapped. "Get what? That the thing is going to kill her in the end? My
god
Rosalie, it's breaking her bones now! Do you get that? Do you know what that feels
like
for her? Do you even remember human pain?"
Rosalie's reaction to my words was instantaneous. Her entire body became rigid,
steel.
She moved closer to me, very slowly, and pressed one long finger against my chest.
"You dare ask me if I remember human pain?" Rosalie snarled in a low voice. Her
eyes
glittered with her fury, black onyx in the night. "If I remember the feel of broken
bones? The feel of being battered inside, as well as out?"
I started to speak, but her finger moved up to my mouth, pressing it shut. "I know
more about human pain than you can ever imagine, Edward."
She threw the image at me, even though she knew I hated it. Even though it hurt
us
both. The cool, dark street at night. The sounds of a human body being
intentionally,
irreversibly damaged. The faces of the men looking down on Rosalie, the pain as
they..I clenched my teeth together, trying to block the image out. I pushed her
hand away
from my face. "Stop it," I hissed.
"Do you think I would wish that kind of pain on Bella?" she said in a low, fierce
voice.
"That I would wish even a fraction of it on her?"
"Then why, Rosalie, why?" I moaned. "Why are you helping her with this?"
"Because this isn't about what I want," she said quietly. "It's about what Bella
wants."
"Don't even," I growled. Her face hardened, and she threw up her arms slightly in
submission.
"Fine," she snapped. "I know you can see inside me. That you are rooting around in
my
head, as always. Yes, I have my own reasons, and you know them damn well, for
wanting to help her. But it doesn't really matter what our motives are – Bella and I
have the same purpose, the same goal. To bring this child safely to life. Can't you
see
that?"
Anger boiled inside me, turbulent, a bitter, seething pool of resentment and fear.
"Rosalie, imagine if Emmett had some reckless plan. A plan that would almost
certainly
destroy him. And instead of trying to stop it, I helped him, supported him, to my
own
ends. Think how you would feel." My voice dropped, low, rough. "Think how much
you
would hate me."
Rosalie became very still, and stared at me for a long moment. "I'll take your hate
then, Edward, if that is how you truly feel. But this is different, and you know it.
Why
can't you see the connection Bella already has with him?"
I shook my head against her words. That connection was killing Bella.
"I refuse to believe that I am wrong in supporting Bella," Rosalie said firmly. "You're
wrong, Edward. For not trusting her. For not even wanting your own baby!"
Air froze in my throat. These words cut me deep, and quick. Cut me in a place I
wasn't
sure I had known existed. Somewhere inside me that I couldn't, wouldn't,
acknowledge.
I pushed it away.
"Baby," I growled. "I'm sick of that word, and sick of the charade." I grabbed
Rosalie's
arm roughly and turned her toward the bed, where Bella lay sleeping, her
midsection
bulging out unnaturally after only weeks – just weeks – of carrying the thing.
"What do you think it is, Rosalie?" I snarled, shaking her. "Don't give me bullshit
about
a baby. She's been pregnant for just weeks, and look at her. Look at the size of her.
Looks what it's doing to her. What do you think it is? What? What?"
The world disappeared for a moment behind black and red stars of fury and
desperation. I shook myself out of it roughly, and then realized I was still shaking
Rosalie. She wasn't resisting. I stopped and she ripped her arm out from my hand,
turning towards me. Bastard, she thought.
"Tell me," I growled. "Tell me!"
"I don't know, OK," she hissed, her hand coming up and striking me in the chest,
sending me back a couple inches. "I don't know!" Her hand came up to hit me
again,
and I braced myself, reaching to grab her wrist with my hand.
But the blow didn't come. Suddenly, silence rang in my ears. Rosalie's face relaxed,
and
went strangely blank. I felt my arm grow warm and heavy, and I lowered it. The air
in
the room seemed to thicken, grow still. I realized I didn't feel mad at Rosalie
anymore.
Conversely, I felt something else, like affection tinged with sadness.
With effort, I turned my head towards the door. Esme was standing a few feet into
the
room. Jasper was behind her, his hand on her back, channeling her love, her
affection
for us into everyone in the room, within a thick blanket of calm. I heard Bella
breath in
deeply, and exhale in a sigh, shifting in her sleep.
"Stop it," Esme whispered. "Stop hurting each other." She took a step away from
Jasper towards us.
"She doesn't have the answer to your question, Edward," she said very gently.
"None of
us do. All we know is that Bella loves him."
Her face was so sincere, and yet I wanted to roar with fury and frustration. It felt
like I
was up against a brick wall, and I kept smashing into it again and again. I couldn't
break it down, I couldn't get around it. Everything I'd ever wanted was on the other
side, but no one could hear me, no one could see me trying to get through.
Jasper hissed, annoyed that he'd lost control of my mood. Don't fight me, Edward,
he
thought. He dove deep down into himself. Given his gift, Jasper had perfected over
the
years the ability to find the emotion he needed within his mind. Now he searched
for his
center of calm, and as it rose up and took him, it flooded out into everyone in the
room, smothering all the emotions in a thick weight of peace that simultaneously
held
us down and made us float.
I watched Rosalie's eyes close, and then my own closed as well. We didn't fight it.
Perhaps we all wanted, needed, a moment of escape, away from the anger, from
the
fear. I let the calm carry me, cresting, then falling, and then floating up again.
I felt Jasper begin to pull away. Like a wave that crashes up onto the shore,
obliterating
and carrying everything in its wake, and then slowly recedes, leaving behind the
harsh
grains of life. I could not hold back the tide anymore. I opened my eyes to reality.
The brick wall remained.
Chapter 14 —Inevitable
I memorized Bella that night as I lay next to her in the bed. The way her skin felt
under my hand as I stroked her face again and again. The gentle breeze of her
breath against my neck when she rolled into my embrace. The warm pressure of
her leg pressed up against mine. Each was something I had experienced a thousand
times before, and yet it all still took my breath away, as miraculous as the first
time.
When Bella woke, her face was very pale. I was sure her ribs had grown extremely
sore during the night. Large, purple bruises showed from under the tape all up her
rib cage and around her back. Her expression was grim, but set, as if she was
determined to get through another day. To make it through another day.
Rosalie and Alice helped Bella take a shower, and I decided to cook breakfast while
I waited for her. I hoped that Bella would be hungry this morning, and I was sure
Jacob would be if he ever woke up. I made some dough for cinnamon rolls,
something I had made for Bella on the Island, and while it rested I started some
bacon and chopped up mushrooms and onions for omelets. Bella loved mushrooms.
Everything was finished when Bella came down from the shower. "God, that felt
fantastic," she said as Rosalie set her on the couch. She was pink and glowing from
the hot water in the shower, and the scent of strawberries rose off her freshly dried
hair, mixing with her own scent, an intoxicating blend.
"I made you breakfast, love," I said. "Are you hungry?"
"Absolutely," she laughed. "Thank you." I set a plate of food on her lap, and Carlisle
came downstairs with a cup of blood.
"This is so good," moaned Bella, eating the omelet. Then she shivered. "Oh, I have
the chills." Carlisle's forehead wrinkled slightly in concern as he glanced down at
her. Suddenly, I caught someone approaching.
I hope he's there, thought Seth, approaching fast in wolf form. He and Leah were
worried they had never heard from Jacob.
"Seth is coming," I said. I went in the kitchen to prepare him a plate of food – if he
was anything like Jacob, he would be hungry. Seth changed quickly outside into the
fresh clothes Esme had laid out for him, and then knocked softly.
Carlisle opened the door as much as Jacob's body would allow, and Seth stuck his
head in and laughed in relief.
"He's still sleeping? Unbelievable." Jacob rolled onto his back and began to snore.
Seth snorted, and then stepped in the door and prodded him with his foot. Jacob
rolled back onto his side and Seth laughed again, glancing around the room.
"Ohh, is that breakfast," he asked, eyes lighting up.
"Yes, Seth. Please stay and eat," said Esme. "And there is plenty for your sister as
well."
Oh, shoot, forgot all about Leah, he thought. "I guess I should take some food to
her, first," he said reluctantly. I handed him the plate and went to fill another. He
ran out into the woods and, after undressing carefully, phased.
I've got food, Leah, he crowed.
Food? What about Jacob?
Oh, he's fine! He's still sleeping. Please, Leah, come and eat – it looks amazing!
I'd rather eat roadkill! So I'm out patrolling while Jake is all curled up asleep at the
bloodsuckers' and you're eating their food? She was furious with disbelief.
Aww Leah, I haven't eaten anything!
Not yet! You two are unbelievable! Damn vampire lovers.
I sat next to Bella, smiling at the exchange. She raised her eyebrows at me, but I
just shook my head. Seth phased back, disappointed, and returned still carrying the
plate.
"Um," he said, looking at me.
"Don't worry about it, Seth," I said. "Sit down and eat." I felt another shiver run
through Bella, and quickly removed my arm from around her. "Are you still cold,
sweetheart?"
"Sort of," she admitted.
"I'll sit with her," offered Seth. "I'm like a walking electric blanket." He sat down on
the other side of the couch and put his arm around her.
"Oh, you are so hot," said Bella, snuggling into him.
"Don't I know it," Seth laughed. Bella punched him in the ribs. Jacob shifted and
started snoring loudly again.
"Wow, how did you guys stand that all night?" Seth said, laughing loudly.
"Especially with your super hearing."
"Shh," giggled Bella. "You'll wake him up."
But Jacob groaned and rolled over. His first conscious thought was the burning
smell in his nose. The pillow. Esme had insisted on putting it under his head during
the night. I had suspected he would not appreciate the gesture. At least Carlisle
had been able to stop her from covering him with a blanket as well.
"About time," muttered Rosalie. "The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little
tired." Bella stifled a laugh.
Jacob's eyes slowly opened. He was unhappy to wake up on the floor, and then
even more unhappy to see Seth with his arm around Bella, enjoying breakfast. His
teeth clenched, his eyes trained on Seth's arm. What the hell?
"He came to find you," I said, feeling suddenly defensive of Seth. "And Esme
convinced him to stay for breakfast."
Seth was looking at Jacob, whose face was stiff and unhappy. Oh man, he thought.
"Yeah, Jake – I was just checking to see if you were okay 'cause you didn't ever
phase back," he quickly explained. "Leah got worried. I told her you probably just
crashed human, but you know how she is. Anyway, they had all this food and,
dang, man you can cook," he said, looking at me.
"Thank you," I said quietly, watching Jacob. His eyes hadn't moved from Seth's arm
on Bella, and he let out a long breath. A bit possessive, are we? I knew the feeling.
"Bella got cold," I said softly.
Seth's eyes flickered back to Jacob. Okay, then...right. I think she's warmer now.
And if I don't want to run patrol for the next 24 hours straight... He pulled his arm
off Bella and continued eating, staring down at his plate.
Jacob stood up, looking around warily. He approached Seth, eyes flickering to Bella
several times.
"Leah running patrol?" he asked. He eyed Seth's clothing. New. "Yeah," Seth
answered. "She's on it. No worries. She'll howl if there's anything. We
traded off around midnight." He smiled proudly. "I ran twelve hours." "Midnight?"
Jacob gasped, shocked. "Wait a minute – what time is it now?" "'Bout dawn." Well,
damn. "Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake."
I tried, Seth thought with amusement. "Naw, man, you needed some serious sleep.
You haven't taken a break since when? Night before your last patrol for Sam? Like
forty hours? Fifty?" Seth sighed. "You're not a machine, Jake. 'Sides, you didn't
miss anything at all."
Nothing at all? Jacob turned to look at Bella fully. Color better. Lips pink. Hair shiny.
He thought she looked a lot better. In some ways, he was right.
"How's the rib?" he asked.
"Taped up nice and tight," she said brightly. "I don't even feel it." My teeth
clenched, and I turned away - I knew it was hurting her to even breathe deeply.
"What's Leah having for breakfast?" Jacob snapped at Seth.
"Hey, I took food to her before I ate anything," Seth said quickly. "She said she'd
rather eat roadkill, but I bet she caves. These cinnamon rolls..." He took a large
bite and groaned.
"I'll go hunt with her, then," Jacob said stiffly. Of course, thought Seth, sighing
again. "A moment, Jacob?" Carlisle had come down. Jacob turned swiftly towards
him. "Yeah?"
"Speaking of hunting," Carlisle said. "That's going to be an issue for my family."
Upstairs, Jasper and Emmett stilled, listening intently. "I understand that our
previous truce is inoperative at the moment, so I wanted your advice." Surprise
swept over Jacob's face. "Will Sam be hunting for us outside of the perimeter
you've created? We don't want to take a chance with hurting any of your family – or
losing any of ours. If you were in our shoes, how would you proceed?"
What would I know about being in a bloodsucker's expensive shoes? Jacob thought.
But he considered the question seriously. "It's a risk. Sam's calmed down some, but
I'm pretty sure that in his head, the treaty is void. As long as he thinks the tribe, or
any other human, is in real danger, he's not going to ask questions first, if you
know what I mean. But, with all that, his priority is going to be La Push. There
really aren't enough of them to keep a decent watch on the people while putting out
hunting parties big enough to do much damage. I'd bet he's keeping it close to
home."
Carlisle nodded.
"So I guess I'd say, go out together, just in case," Jacob finally went on. "And
probably you should go in the day, 'cause we'd be expecting night. Traditional
vampire stuff. You're fast – go over the mountains and hunt far enough away that
there's no chance he'd send anyone that far from home."
"And leave Bella behind, unprotected?" Carlisle asked concerned. Jasper hissed
upstairs. Absolutely not. Over my dead body, thought Rosalie. "What are we,
chopped liver?" asked Jacob.
Carlisle, smiled, but he knew we would never leave Bella unattended. And he had
other concerns as well. "Jacob, you can't fight against your brothers," he said
gently.
Jacob's expression was hard. "I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but if they were
really coming to kill her – I would be able to stop them." I squeezed Bella's hand –
her eyes were wide and sad.
"No, I didn't mean that you would be... incapable. But that it would be very wrong.
I can't have that on my conscience."
"It wouldn't be on yours, Doc. It would be on mine. And I can take it." "No, Jacob."
Carlisle was determined it would not come to that. "We will make sure that
our actions don't make that a necessity." How many can adequately defend? "There
need to be at least four of us here," said Jasper softly from upstairs. "Three at
the absolute least."
Carlisle's eyes met mine for a fraction of a second. As long as we avoid the wolves,
they probably won't attack the house as they won't realize our numbers are down.
"We'll go three at a time," he said slowly. "That's probably the best we can do."
"I don't know, Doc. Dividing down the middle isn't the best strategy."
"We've got some extra abilities that will even it up. If Edward is one of the three,
he'll be able to give us a few miles radius of safety."
My head rang for a moment, and I stared at Carlisle in utter disbelief. How could he
possible think I would ever dream of leaving Bella, leaving her miles behind to go
hunt in the mountains? I needed to be here, by her side, always, for at any
moment...My jaw tightened and I clenched Bella's hand a little too tightly.
Carlisle eyes widened slightly. I thought it might be a good idea for you to hunt, to
prepare for the birth. I hardened my expression. Of course, sorry, Edward.
"I'm sure there are other ways too," he said quickly to Jacob. Perhaps Alice should
go with both groups.
After settling things with Seth, and being pressed into taking food and clothes to
Leah by Esme, Jacob left. Seth followed quickly afterward, promising to return after
some sleep. As soon as he left, Bella started shivering.
Carlisle placed a hand on her forehead. "You have a fever, Bella," he murmured.
Low grade. About 100.5. He glanced up at me
with worried eyes. Infection?
Cold panic rose inside me. An infection? The thought was terrifying. Somewhere
internal, where something had been damaged. Somewhere we couldn't reach. It
would be a nightmare on top of everything else.
Bella became increasingly uncomfortable over the course of the morning. After we
got her dressed in a warm sweatshirt and covered with a blanket, she became hot
and sweaty. I sat with her to try to cool her off, but she started shivering again.
Her ribs were growing more bruised and sore. Every time she moved, you could see
the pain behind her eyes. Her breaths were shallow. She could not fight the groans
that escaped her lips when it moved inside her.
She was miserable, although she would never admit it.
As the long day spread out before us, we tried to keep Bella's mind off the pain.
Emmett came down and chatted and teased her for a while. Alice put on a small
fashion show of clothes she had purchased while we were away on the Island. I
read to her aloud for a little while from "Pride and Prejudice".
Seth returned a few hours later, after sleeping as a wolf nearby. It wasn't nearly
enough sleep, but we were so glad to see him no one said anything. He and Bella
played some card games together, and then a couple of board games – Scrabble,
and a Trivial Pursuit game someone had once given Carlisle as a Christmas present.
She absolutely refused to play any games with me or my family – she claimed the
only way she could ever win would be if we threw the game. Seth, however, had no
reservations about beating her if he could.
Halfway through the second game of Scrabble, Bella shivered under my arm. I
nodded at Seth, and then stood up carefully, as he moved into my place. Bella
sighed contentedly, and then melted into his warmth.
As I went to sit in the chair by the couch, there was a loud crash from upstairs.
Everyone's heads twisted in alarm, but I immediately knew what it was.
"It's OK," I said. "It's just Emmett and Jasper wrestling upstairs."
Tattletale, thought Emmett, who had Jasper in a head lock.
I heard a sharp intake of breath. Esme's face was frozen in horror.
"Wrestling?" she said, her voice higher than normal. "In the house?"
"Well, they're just a little stir-crazy, Esme," I said. There was another huge crash
above us, and Emmett swore loudly. Esme leapt to her feet.
"Stir crazy!" she said, her voice now several octaves too high. She turned and raced
up the stairs. Carlisle jogged up after her.
I could see that Jasper had Emmett in a three quarter nelson outside the bedroom.
They broke apart quickly when they saw Esme, but the damage was done. Esme
surveyed the wreckage. A table broken, a lamp smashed, and a hole the size of
Emmett's large foot in the wall in the hallway.
"Clean up now, please!" trilled Esme.
They came downstairs a few minutes later with a jingling trash bag and an armful
of wooden pieces.
"If you going to act like moronic children," snapped Rosalie sarcastically, "why don't
you go outside and see who can run around the house 500 times the fastest."
"Great idea!" said Emmett. "I've got a lot of pent up energy to burn off these days,
if you know what I mean." He raised his eyebrows at Rosalie, and she scowled.
Emmett smiled widely and he and Jasper were out the door in a flash, depositing
the trash and taking off around the house.
"Honestly," Alice groaned. She was sitting perched on the couch next to Seth, her
face smooth and relaxed. We watched the race. Bella said it just looked like blur to
her, but I could see that Jasper was easily winning. He kept teasing Emmett,
pausing until Emmett almost caught him and then taking off again.
Then Jasper waited a second too long for Emmett. With a war cry, Emmett launched
himself at Jasper. They slammed together and rolled into the grass.
Seth laughed loudly. "This isn't so different than hanging out with the wolf pack!"
"Don't even say that," Rosalie hissed. Seth rolled his eyes.
"I think it was a compliment, Rose," laughed Bella. She squirmed uncomfortably
next to Seth.
"Are you hot, sweatheart?" I asked. She shrugged a little. Carlisle came over and
touched Bella's forehead. Still low-grade.
"Your fever is still low, Bella," Carlisle said. "That is a good sign, I think. Whatever it
is going on does not seem to be getting worse. Maybe you are just a little under the
weather ."
"I should go," murmured Seth, as I stood up to take his place at Bella's side. "Catch
a little more sleep. Leah will wake me to take over at dusk."
"Oh no," cried Alice. The wolves presence was such a balm for the ache in her head.
She grabbed Seth's leg with both hands. "Please don't go."
Seth looked down in surprise at her hands on his leg for a moment, and then
glanced away, blushing slightly.
"Uhh," he said desperately. "For god's sake, Alice," snapped Rosalie. "Let go of
him."
Seth actually shot a grateful look at Rosalie. As Alice removed her hands he jumped
up and headed towards the door.
"Thanks for everything, Seth," I said.
Carlisle appeared at the top of the stair. "Hold on, Seth," he said. He came down.
"Let Jacob know that we are ready to go, as soon as he feels it's safe. Also, we are
going to have to purchase some more blood for Bella. She is going through it very
fast."
Seth blinked. "You can buy blood?" he asked. "Yes, a physician can," said Carlisle.
Seth started to turn. "Seth," said Bella suddenly. "Please ask Jacob to stop by." "Of
course," smiled Seth, looking back. Bella's eyes fell to the floor. "If he'll come," she
mumbled.
"He'll come," Seth and I said in unison. I didn't think not coming was an option
anymore for Jacob.
"And tell him to come as soon as possible, please," said Alice. She was stomping up
the stairs with her arms crossed. "I'm sick of hanging out upstairs like a bat in the
belfry."
"You mean a vampire bat," laughed Bella. But there was a worried crease between
her eyes as she watched Alice go up the stairs.
Suddenly Bella gasped loudly, her hands gripping into fist, which she pressed to her
face.
"Bella," I said, holding her shoulder. "OK," she panted. "Just a little kick." I glanced
at Carlisle in alarm. I didn't hear
anything break, he thought. Bella took a deep breath, and laid back, relaxing
slightly.
"Uh, okay, goodbye," said Seth quietly. He was very pale. He gave one long look at
Bella and left.
Carlisle watched Seth leave, and then glanced at me.
Have you talked to Bella yet?
I shook my head slowly. He sighed, and patted my shoulder.
"Esme, sweetheart, let's go up stairs for a while," he said, taking Esme's hand. He
looked squarely at Rosalie. "Why don't you come, too?"
"Uh, no thanks," said Rose, looking surprised and irritated. Bella watched Carlisle
with careful eyes, and then glanced at me. Carlisle took a step towards Rosalie and
wrapped his hand around her arm.
"Please, Rosalie," he said in a low voice. Rosalie looked down at his grip on her – it
wasn't loosening. She growled a little and then shrugged. She pulled away and
stalked upstairs, planning to wait just around the corner.
Bella pulled the blanket over herself, holding it against her chin. Her eyes were on
me, quiet and intense. I knelt down next to her and reached under the blanket,
taking one of her hands in mine.
"Bella," I said, not looking up at her. I rubbed her palm with my thumbs nervously,
massaging up and down gently over her skin, and then leaned over and slowly
kissed each of her fingers. "Carlisle...I want to talk to you about when..." I couldn't
bring myself to talk about the "birth". "He wanted to make sure I was 100%
prepared for you to be changed, and I just wanted to talk to you about it, one more
time." I felt like I was floundering, like the topic was too huge, with so many things
unsaid.
"You know I'm ready, Edward," she said softly.
"Are you?" I asked her desperately. She nodded but I shook my head. "This isn't
just because you've been forced into the situation, into something you can't get out
of?"
"No, of course not," said Bella.
"It's just...it's just that I want so badly to save you, to keep you human, so you
could do the things you want. So you could go to Dartmouth, go to college, see
your friends and family." My throat closed up for a moment, the words choked in
my mouth. "But Carlisle," I whispered. "He doesn't think that can happen." Anguish
tore through me, and I pressed my face into my other hand. "It's not going to
happen," I said roughly. "I'm so sorry."
Bella finger's squeezed against my hand. "I don't care about those things right now
– college, Dartmouth. I will have so many years to do something like that,
eventually. Because you will save me, Edward. Not in the way you want, I know,
but you will. You won't let me go." She gripped my hand hard, as if I could save her
by the sheer force of her will, if we hung on hard enough.
"You said you wanted to stay human, longer," I whispered, looking up at her. "I so
wanted to give you that. I never wanted your decision to be forced. And now I've
ruined it for you. I've taken away everything."
Bella pressed a hand to my head, gently smoothing down my hair.
"You haven't ruined anything, Edward," she said. "I did think I wanted to stay
human longer. But things change, sometimes. Life changes. The little bit of time I
might lose, the few experiences I might have to delay, by changing to a vampire
now, are well worth the pay-off."
"But that's just it. Change. What you consider life won't be anymore. You won't
change anymore. Frozen." I pressed my hand to her cheek. "And children," I
whispered. "If...you won't be able to..." I shut my eyes briefly against the pain.
For now Bella would truly know what I was taking from her, making her like me,
never able to change, never able to have a child. She would finally realize what
would be lost. I wasn't sure if she ever truly had before.
And Bella was perfect. The child she could have created would have been perfect. It
was my role in all this that destroyed everything. Behind my eyelids, I saw it. A
child with Bella's soft, mahogany hair. With her endless, deep brown eyes. All
ripped away. That child would never be, even if Bella did survive the birth and
transformation.
"I will have this child," she said fiercely. I opened my eyes. She pulled her hands
out of mine and cradled her stomach. "And if my actions do nothing else but save
him, then I am willing to...to do anything."
To do anything. To die. Willing to die. Her words were agony. They were
omnipresent, everywhere. They were the words that had been the undercurrent of
everything that
had been said, every action made, everything that had happened since we stepped
off the plane from Isle Esme. She was willing to die for it.
Suddenly, a small but terrible, selfish part of me wanted to reach for her, to press
my face to her chest, and beg her as I had before. Don't go, Bella. Don't leave me
here. I'm lost, I'm a broken shell, a fathomless void of despair and sadness, without
you.
Careful, Edward. Jasper, sensing my distress, had moved noiselessly to the top of
the stairs, and sent a wave of calm into me. I let it soothe the raging emotions. She
was already getting upset, and I couldn't hurt her more.
"I just wanted to be sure," I mumbled.
Bella took a deep breath, and then winced with pain. She exhaled slowly, her
cheeks paling. She grabbed my hand and held it against her chest. "I want this.
Like I wanted you when we first met. Like I wanted us to make love while I was
human. I know you're scared, and I'm sorry." A small sob escaped her. "And you
were scared all those other times, too. But I want this. I'm ready to be changed.
For you, for him, for our family." She gestured towards the upstairs, and then
rubbed her stomach lightly, still grasping my hand against her.
I lowered my head, and the last of my barriers crumbled away. The calm from
Jasper was leaving me, but now, finally, I let resignation, and then acceptance wash
through me. This was going to happen. She was not going to change her mind.
There would be no early, proactive procedure to preserve her life, or humanity. As
sure as the sun rising, this birth would happen, while we waited, in its own time.
Bring what may, Bella's human life would be over. I yielded to the inevitability, and
it sunk into me, like steel talons, its hold painful but permanent.
"Ok, Bella," I whispered, squeezing her hand. "I understand." We sat in silence for
a few moments. I thought of something.
Bella," I said gently, "perhaps you should rethink your phone calls to Charlie."
"Oh no," she said. "He's too worried. He needs to hear from me. But I am thinking
of telling him I am going to Europe, or something, for special treatment for the
disease, to explain why I can't see him for so long."
"And after that?" I asked cautiously. I knew she had always harbored a hope that
she could see Charlie again, and I was truly doubtful that could ever be a reality.
"Well, I've been thinking about when Jake told me, or really didn't tell me, about
being a werewolf. Even though it was against the rules for him to let me know, I
was able to guess. He gave me the info that he could, and I worked it out on my
own." She sighed. "Obviously, I'll look different. So, when I come back to see him,
I'll just let Charlie come to his own conclusions, which will probably be wrong, and
he should be safe. And hopefully we will be able to keep seeing each other."
I looked at her carefully, trying to determine if this was actually something she
thought possible. But does it really matter? First she would have to make it to the
transformation, and the chances of that... I looked down for a moment, gathering
myself, and then leaned over and kissed Bella's forehead. She was too hot again.
"Ok, love" I murmured. "Why don't you try to get some sleep now?"
"No," she said. "I want to stay awake a little longer, to wait for Jake. I feel like I
need to see him, before I sleep." She turned her head to look up at the ceiling. "I
need to see his face."
A small piece of me twisted uncomfortably at these words. I tried to press the
feeling away. And where was Jacob? I felt a rush of annoyance. Didn't he realize
Bella was waiting?
Bella glanced at my face with worried eyes. "Do you really think he will come?" "Of
course, love," I said, kissing her cheek softly.
Time ticked by slowly. Bella became more exhausted but would not sleep. I knew
she was waiting for Jacob. She ate a small amount of dinner, and drank several
cups of blood. This caused her to have to go to the bathroom several times. I
watched as Bella, grimacing, asked Rosalie to take her again. I knew her ribs and
growing bruises made the movement excruciating. Rosalie picked her up gently,
and I watched them disappear into the hall.
I could hear Jacob some ways out, heading towards the house. Finally, I thought.
He was wondering why he kept coming back. What am I, stupid? Am I some kind of
masochist? No, I thought. You're in love with her. And she wants to see you. And so
there is no
other place you would be. Esme sat down next to me.
"I know it was hard for you to talk to Bella today, Edward, about changing her." Her
voice was quiet, sympathetic. "But I am so glad that you did. I'm proud of you."
Proud of me? I groaned incredulously and pressed my face into my hands. Proud
that I had the courage to talk to my wife about ending her natural life, if the
creature I spawned didn't kill her first?
"I'm nothing to be proud of, Esme," I said gruffly. She wrapped an arm around me.
"Yes, you are, Edward," she said, squeezing me tightly. "Yes, you are." "Jacob is
coming," I muttered.
"I know," she said quietly. We sat in silence, waiting for Jacob, Esme's arm still
around me. I could hear Bella's breath coming short, her gasps of pain, as she tried
to move around in the bathroom.
Jacob strode through the door without knocking. Immediately he froze, his mind
and body tight with panic when he didn't see Bella on the couch. Afraid he was too
late.
"She's all right," I said softly, not looking up. No, that wasn't really true. "Or, the
same, I should say."
"Hello, Jacob," Esme said. "I'm so glad you came back." She squeezed my arm one
more time, and then went upstairs to find Carlisle.
"Me, too," Alice said from the top of the stairs, the pain in her mind melting away
as she drew closer to Jacob. God, I love werewolves, she thought. Boy, Jasper
would just love that sentiment.
"Uh, hey," said Jacob awkwardly. "Where's Bella?"
"Bathroom," said Alice briefly. "Mostly fluid diet, you know. Plus, the whole
pregnancy thing does that to you, I hear." I clenched my teeth. What, had she been
reading Rosalie's baby books now?
Chill out, Edward, Alice thought.
I could hear Bella and Rosalie coming out of the bathroom. Ugh, something stinks,
Rosalie thought. They came around the corner and saw Jacob. Oh, and it's the
worst one, too.
"Oh, wonderful," she said.
But Bella's eye widened and a flush crept up her face as her smile brightened with
delight.
She looks like a kid on Christmas morning, thought Jacob. As if I am bringing her
the greatest gift ever. It's so unfair.
Believe me, Jacob, I thought bitterly. Life isn't fair. "Jacob," Bella sighed. "You
came." "Hi, Bells."
Rosalie laid Bella on the couch, moving as slow as she possibly could, trying to keep
Bella's body as still as possible. Still, Bella paled visibly, and I waited, terrified her
injuries might be aggravated. I reached over, brushing back her hair from her face,
judging her temperature. She felt clammy, but her fever was still low.
"Are you cold?" I asked her softly. "I'm fine," she answered briefly.
"Bella, you know what Carlisle told you," Rosalie said. "Don't downplay anything. It
doesn't help us take care of either of you."
"Okay, I'm a little cold," sighed Bella. "Edward, can you hand me that blanket?"
Jacob let out a short laugh. "Isn't that sort of the point of me being here?"
Jacob sat down on the floor next to the couch, unsure of how to touch her without
hurting her. I moved to the arm of the couch, watching her carefully, for any sign
she was being jostled or uncomfortable. Bella's eyes were on Jacob, glowing.
Suddenly, Jacob's stomach groaned with hunger. I should offer him some food, I
thought.
"Rosalie, why don't you get Jacob something from the kitchen?" said Alice. I craned
my head around to the back of the couch to stare at her. Was she goading Rosalie?
She winked at me. Teach her some manners.
"Thanks anyway, Alice," said Jacob. "But I don't think I'd want to eat something
Blondie's spit in. I'd bet my system wouldn't take too kindly to the venom."
"Rosalie would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality," said
Alice sweetly.
"Rosalie," Esme said in a quiet, warning tone from upstairs. Fine, thought Rosalie.
Fine. "Of course not," she said in her nicest voice, getting up and
moving towards the kitchen.I'll give him a meal fit for the dog that he is. I sighed,
reading her plans. "You'd tell me if she poisoned it, right?" Jacob asked.
"Yes," I said. That wasn't what she was planning. Esme had put a plate of food for
Jacob in the refrigerator earlier after Seth had eaten – some steak and a baked
potato. Rosalie threw this into the microwave, and then banged around in the
cabinets, knowing what she was looking for. She pulled out a silver mixing bowl
and, smiling, bent down the edges. A dog bowl. Then she paused for a moment.
Rover? She mused. Benji? No, I know... Using her perfectly manicured fingernail,
she scraped the word Fido into the bowl. She glanced down at her chipped nail
polish. Oh, damn, my nail, she thought irritably. I felt a smile rise to my lips and I
looked down. Serves her right.
She threw the steak and potato in the bowl, squished a pat of butter and a spoonful
of sour cream on the potato, muttered "disgusting" under her breath, and then
swept back into the room.
Jacob looked over the bowl, and then gave her a huge smile. "Thanks, Blondie."
She snorted. You're not welcome.
"Hey," said Jacob suddenly. "Do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? A
golden retriever." Jacob laughed, and I heard Emmett chuckle upstairs.
Rosalie heard it too, and her face darkened. I'm going to kill them both. "I've heard
that one, too," she snapped.
"I'll keep trying," Jacob said, smiling. I could tell him a few, thought Emmett, if I
didn't mind losing a few limbs.
I watched Rosalie flip through the TV channels while Jacob ate and talked with
Bella.
"So...um...what's the, er, date?" Jacob asked Bella in a false, bright voice. "You
know, the due date for the little monster." She hit him on the head.
"I'm serious," Jacob said. "I want to know how long I'm gonna have to be here." I
want to know how long your going to be here, he thought in despair.
I felt the tightening, the burning pain in my chest spread to my face, and I looked
away, not wanting Bella to see.
"I don't know," Bella said quietly. "Not exactly. Obviously, we're not going with the
nine-month model here, and we can't get an ultrasound, so Carlisle is
guesstimating from how big I am. Normal people are supposed to be about forty
centimeters here when the baby is fully grown." Bella touched a finger to the
middle of her stomach. "One centimeter for every week. I was thirty this morning,
and I've been gaining about two centimeters a day, sometimes more..."
Her life is speeding by in fast-forward, Jacob thought miserably. He did the quick
math and his face paled. Four days.
"You Ok?" Bella asked Jacob. He didn't answer.
My need for her is stronger than ever, thought Jacob. Why? Because she is dying?
Or because I know if she doesn't, she'll be changing into something else I won't
know or understand?
I realized that Jacob's eyes had tears in them. My hand automatically reached up to
touch my eye briefly. I strained to remember what it felt like, the feel of tears in my
eyes. What it might be like, to cry for the loss of the one I loved.
Bella reached up, smoothing the wetness of Jacob's cheek. "It's going to be okay,"
she said, in a soothing, almost sing song voice.
"Right," Jacob said.
"I didn't think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I
didn't believe them."
"Why not?" asked Jacob, his voice rough. "You're not happy here. But you came
anyway." "You wanted me here."
"I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here.
I would have understood." I stared silently at the TV. Perhaps she did not see that
he had no choice but to come.
"Thank you for coming," Bella said in a soft voice to Jacob.
"Can I ask you something?" Jacob responded. I watched the question form in his
head, the question that had been eating at him since he crossed our threshold.
"Why do you want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he's probably easier to
be around, happy little punk. But when I walk in the door, you smile like I'm your
favorite person in the world."
"You're one of them," Bella said quickly. "That sucks, you know," Jacob muttered.
"Yeah," Bella murmured. "Sorry." "Why, though? You didn't answer that?"
I waited, trying to keep my emotions off my face. But a small part of me was glad
he asked, for I could not. And there was no doubt that I shared Jacob's confusion
that the bond between them, the pull to see and be with each other, was perhaps
stronger now than it had ever been. At a time when I thought there would now be
some distance between them, she was driven to be close to him.
I tried not to let it effect me, but it was hard. And I knew, of course, that much of
the bond that existed was my fault. Although I think there had always, perhaps,
been a connection between them, even from when Bella first came to Forks, there
was no doubt that my treacherous attempt to save Bella, by leaving her, had
nurtured that connection, allowed the bond to strengthen and grow, until it could
not be broken. And it existed still – alive, growing, and ever changing.
"It feels...complete when you're here, Jacob," Bella said slowly. "Like all my family
is together. I mean, I guess that's what it's like – I've never had a big family before
now. It's nice, but it's just not whole unless you're here."
"I'll never be a part of your family, Bella," Jacob said, his voice hard. Although I
could have been, he thought bitterly.But that future died before it had a chance to
live.
"You'll always be a part of my family," Bella said swiftly. "That's a crap answer,"
snapped Jacob. "What's a good one?"
"How about, 'Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain." Bella flinched, and I felt a low
growl start rising. I'd tolerate his attitude as much as possible, because I
understood the emotions behind it, but I would not let him hurt her. Not now.
It's all right, Edward, thought Alice. "You'd like that better?" Bella said softly. "It's
easier, at least. I could wrap my head around it. I could deal with it."
Bella was starting to drift off. Her eyes closed. "We got off track, Jake. Out of
balance. You're supposed to be a part of my life – I can feel that, and so can you."
Bella took a couple of shallow breaths – she was avoiding expanding her lungs too
much. Her ribs must be aching.
"But not like this," she sighed. "We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something
wrong, and we got off track..." Her voice faded, and her breaths became more
regular, her heartbeat slowing.
"She's exhausted," I said quietly. "It's been a long day. A hard day. I think she
would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you."
"Seth said it broke another of her ribs," Jacob said in a low voice, not looking at
me. "Yes, it is making it harder for her to breathe." "Great," muttered Jacob.
I grabbed a blanket off the chair and covered Bella's bare arm, which still looked
chilled. It seemed that Seth had told Jacob about Bella's continued phone calls with
Charlie, and he was furious.
"Yes," I said. "It's not a good idea." "Then why?" asked Jacob.
"She can't bear his anxiety." "So it's better..."
"No," I snapped. "It's not better. But I'm not going to force her to do anything that
makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I'll deal
with the rest...afterward." The last word burned as it left my throat.
It isn't like Bella to shuffle off Charlie's pain for someone else to deal with later,
thought Jacob. Even if she is dying.
"She's very sure she's going to live," I said quietly. "But not human," Jacob said.
The steel talons tightened suddenly. "No, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie
again, anyway."
Oh, this just gets better and better. Jacob looked up and met my gaze, his eyes
wide and angry. "See. Charlie. Afterwards," he said, his voice incredulous. "See
Charlie when she's all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I'm not a bloodsucker,
so maybe I'm missing something, but Charlie seems like kind of a strange choice
for her first meal."
I sighed. Jacob knew damn well we would never let Bella hurt Charlie. I explained
to him Bella's plans regarding Charlie.
"Insane," Jacob snapped.
"Yes," I murmured.
It's weak of him to let her get her way on this, Jacob thought.
I shuddered. Yes, I was weak.
He probably isn't expecting her to live to try out this crazy plan. Letting her be
happy a little while longer...
God help me, but he's right. I knew I was going to lose her. "I'll deal with whatever
comes," I said softly. "I won't cause her pain, now." "Four days?" Jacob asked.
"Approximately." "Then what?" asked Jacob. And then the world ends. What else
could there be?
"What do you mean, exactly?" I asked aloud.
How does it get out?
"From what little research we've been able to do, it would appear the creatures use
their own teeth to escape the womb," I whispered.
"Research?" I told him that Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle had been searching for
information on the computer. And the warnings I had heard on the island.
"What were the warnings?" "That the creature must be killed immediately. Before it
could gain too much strength."
Just like Sam thought. Was he right? I bristled with this. I was not supporting or
agreeing with anything Sam had planned.
"Of course, their legends say the same of us," I muttered. "That we must be
destroyed. That we are soulless murderers."
Two for two, thought Jacob. I laughed a quick, hard laugh. Maybe so. "What did
their stories say about...?" Jacob paused and swallowed hard, "...the
mothers?"
I heard the words of the woman on the island again. Dead. Morte. And the stories
Jasper and Emmett had found. The ones they couldn't even bring themselves to tell
me in words, leaving me to pick them from their troubled thoughts, until I stopped
looking. Stories of discarded female corpses found in woods and fields. Mutilated,
torn. Vague legends of villages plagued by a demon in their women. The children of
the village would be hidden while a woman gave birth, tribal elders standing by to
the kill the thing that ripped its way out, while the healers chanted over the woman
as she bled out. A terrifying, agonizing death...
Suddenly Rosalie snorted derisively. "Of course there were no survivors," she
snapped. "Giving birth in the middle of a disease-infested swamp with a medicine
man smearing sloth spit across your face to drive out the evil spirits was never the
safest method. Even the normal births went badly half the time. None of them had
what this baby has – caregivers with an idea of what the baby needs, who try to
meet those needs. A doctor with a totally unique knowledge of vampire nature. A
plan in place to deliver the baby as safely as possible. Venom that will repair
anything that goes wrong. The baby will be fine." She paused. "And those other
mothers would probably have survived if they'd had that-if they even existed in the
first place. Something I am not convinced of." She turned away.
I stared at her in fury. Jacob hadn't asked if the creature would survive. He had
asked about Bella. But Bella's survival was a damn afterthought to her. I began to
lose focus, my muscles tightening automatically.
Allow me, Jacob thought, looking at me. I started, and gave him a questioning look.
Emmett would obliterate him if he attacked Rosalie. Then I saw his plan. He lifted
up the dog bowl and flung it at Rosalie's head. It smashed flat against her skull and
then flew into the banister, knocking of the top piece.
Oh, my, thought Esme from the next room. What the...Emmett was lurching out
the door of the office. Jasper caught his arm and
swung him around as Carlisle jumped up and put a hand on his shoulder.
"She's fine," muttered Jasper, sensing irritation but no pain from Rosalie.
"Dumb blonde," said Jacob.
That little piece of...Rosalie swung her head around to look at Jacob. "You. Got.
Food. In. My. Hair."
Jacob lost it. He rolled away from the couch onto the floor and burst out laughing.
Upstairs, Emmett relaxed slightly, as Carlisle smiled and Jasper bent over, clutching
his sides with laughter. Alice giggled behind the couch.
I started to smile, but then caught the direction of Rosalie's thoughts. She wasn't
going to let this one lay. So much for Emmett defending me against the dog, I'll
have to do it myself. She betrayed nothing with her position as her muscles tensed.
She was going to take him unaware. Maybe kick him across the room.
I shifted slightly in anticipation of blocking her, when suddenly Bella moved and her
eyes opened. Jacob's hysterics had woken her up, thankfully. Damn it, thought
Rosalie. She wouldn't touch Jacob in view of Bella.
Bella wanted to know what was so funny. "I got food in her hair," laughed Jacob.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," hissed Rosalie. She meant it. I would have to
watch her carefully when Jacob was here.
"S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory," Jacob said, his voice still choked with
laughter. "Just blow in her ear."
"Get some new jokes," she spit out.
"C'mon, Jake," said Bella. "Leave Rose alone..." Bella gasped and her body
tightened. I pulled off the blanket, watching and listening intently for signs of
damage. Suddenly her body spasmed, arching off the couch. I put my hands on her
face, steadying her, waiting of the cry of pain, the crack of bone.
"He's just stretching" she gasped, her breath short and fast. Her face was too
strained.
"Carlisle," I said in a low voice.
Carlisle was already down the stairs. "Right here," he said, moving swiftly next to
the couch.
Bella clutched at her ribs, trying to keep her breaths shallow. "Okay, I think it's
over." Her face relaxed slightly. "Poor kid doesn't have enough room, that's all. He's
getting so big."
I sighed and looked away. When Bella fell asleep, I had a half-hearted conversation
with Carlisle about genetics, and the possible similarities between Jacob's genetic
make up, and what Bella was carrying. I knew Carlisle was just trying to soothe me,
to find some kind of scientific explanation, some genetic reason for what was
happening. Something other than gruesome, cursed tales and legends.
Eventually, Jacob, who had been silent, said that Bella was getting hot. I took his
place on the floor. Carlisle went back upstairs to relieve Jasper and Emmett at the
computer, and Esme went with him. Alice lay behind the couch on her back, staring
at the ceiling. It was very, very quiet for a long time except for Bella's shallow
breaths and Jacob's deep ones, the sounds of their two very different hearts
beating, and the gentle clicking of computer keys upstairs.
I felt a shiver go through Bella, and I got up, nodding at Jacob. He sat down beside
her, placing one long arm against her body, and, lifting the other, began to slowly,
gently, stroke her cheek.
The touch was tender, a loving caress. I swallowed hard, trying to push back my
feelings, ignore the small burn inside. I needed to let him have these moments with
Bella. His time was limited with her, as well.
Bella shifted a little, and I realized how late it was. I wondered if maybe we should
bring her up to the bed. My mind formed the vision of Jacob lying in the bed, in our
bed, with his arms around Bella's body, and I was clutched with another spasm of
jealousy.
Stop it, I thought. Stop being petty. But of course I hated the idea. I was Bella's
husband. What man would want to his wife in bed wrapped in the arms of another,
whatever the reason?
But if you really were a man, I thought grimly, you could warm her yourself.
The wind whistled through the trees outside as we sat in silence. I realized that
these thoughts, these feelings, ghosted with the memory of another night. Another
time and place.
"Remember the night we spent in the tent?" I asked quietly.
Jacob froze. He took his hand slowly from Bella's face and looked at me. His face
reddened slightly, and I could see immediately from his thoughts that he did think
of that night. Often. Too often.
"Yes," he said gruffly. What of it, bloodsucker, he thought defensively. "Tonight just
reminds me of that night," I said. The three of us, together. The wind
blowing outside. "You keeping Bella warm, when I cannot."
I looked at Bella, sleeping next to Jacob, remembering the terrible helplessness I
had felt to protect Bella from the cold night. The bitter resentment of Jacob
providing the warmth I could not, and the blinding, furious jealousy when he
climbed into the sleeping bag, and pressed his body against hers. And then the
curious release of the words shared between Jacob and I, in the dead of the night.
"I wonder what Bella thought of our conversation that night," I mused. "We never
talked about it."
Jacob looked down at Bella, and touched her hair gently. "She was sleeping," he
said softly.
"I don't think so," I murmured. "Not entirely." I had lain next to Bella as she slept,
or didn't sleep, for thousands of hours. Small shifts in position, slight changes in her
breath – all betrayed a small amount of consciousness, however unrealized.
Jacob shrugged, his eyes far away now. His mind wandered to all that had
happened in the hours and days after that night. To the feel of his heart breaking. I
pressed my fingers to my eyes for a moment, trying to block out my own memories
of the terrible night I had watched Bella pour out her heartbreak, for him. I
wondered if it would hurt him more, or reassure him somehow, that she had
suffered so greatly in leaving him.
"Well," said Jacob in a strained voice. "It's different this time, because now she
needs you, too." He paused, and thought about his words for a moment. "I mean,
to cool her down when she gets too warm."
I raised my head, and stared silently at him for a moment.
"Right," he said, his voice hollow. "She always needed you."
I sighed. I didn't want to hurt Jacob. "Go to sleep, Jacob," I said softly. I could tell
how tired he was. He nodded and shifted his position carefully, settling his head
against the couch.
He closed his eyes, but did not sleep. I shut my mind to him, and left him alone
with his anger and despair, with his regrets. I was haunted by my own.
Alice and Jasper had stepped outside for a moment, standing on the back step,
leaving the door open behind them. He had his arm around her, and Alice's head
rested on his
chest. Beyond them was the forest, trees drifting gently in the breeze, and above
that the lavender night sky, the moon, and the shining points of the stars.
But I couldn't see any of it. All I could see was the darkness that lay ahead.
In the middle of the night, Bella shifted uncomfortably, and rolled her head to the
side. Her cheek that had been pressed against Jacob was bathed in sweat. I got up
and went over close to Jacob.
"Jacob," I whispered, touching his shoulder lightly. He started, his eyes flying open.
"What is it?" he gasped, glancing wildly at Bella.
"She's getting hot," I said quietly. He relaxed and nodded, moving gently away from
Bella. She winced in her sleep, but didn't wake. He planned to run a wide sweep to
check if my family could safely go out.
"Thank you," I whispered. "If the route is clear, they'll go today." "I'll let you know."
Jacob left, and I sat down on the floor next to Bella, and eventually, lay my hand on
her cheek where Jacob's had been. Her skin was so soft, so fragile under my own,
and yet, despite everything, still so alive. I understood why Jacob had wanted to
touch her.
Dawn was beginning to break, when Bella was wrenched out of sleep. Her body
convulsed in a spasm as she shrieked. She sat up before I could stop her, her eyes
wild, and then fell back with a groan, clutching near her hip.
Carlisle was already leaning over her. "I heard something," I said anxiously.
"Something break."
Pelvis? My stomach turned.
"No, Edward," said Rosalie. "It was different. Just joints cracking. No break." She
turned and put a hand on Bella's forehead. "You must be stiff from lying all night on
this couch."
Oh, right, that's the problem – she's just stiff. I bit back the sarcastic words. "Just
in case, Rosalie," said Carlisle. "If Edward thinks he heard something." Rosalie
rolled her eyes. "Fine, prove me right."
Bella had her eyes closed, and she looked pale and weak. She had deteriorated in
just a few hours of sleep, when she wasn't drinking blood. The thing's appetite was
relentless.
Carlisle got Bella a cup of blood and we carried her upstairs to the office. As Carlisle
took the x-ray, I heard Jacob traveling towards the house. He and Leah had run far
into the mountains, and the way seemed safe for my family.
They would hunt today.
Chapter 15—Consciousness
Someone was sad.
No, not sad, more like regretful. The thought was incomplete, unfamiliar. I glanced
up, looking around the office, but it didn't seem to come from anyone in the room,
even though it had felt close. Concerned, I spread my mind out. Was someone
approaching the house? I cast around anxiously, only hearing Jacob approaching, in
human form now.
What is it, Edward? Jasper had been waiting down the hall for Alice, and he sensed
my heightened anxiety. His face appeared in the door. I shook my head slightly, and
he quickly backed away and disappeared.
"Just one more minute, Bella," said Carlisle. Bella nodded, her face still very pale. I
squeezed her hand gently.
"Alice," I murmured. "Jacob is nearly here – could you meet him." I didn't want
Jacob to worry when he arrived and didn't see us. Plus, I figured Alice would enjoy
the excuse to see him. She nodded and disappeared out the door.
Carlisle glanced at me. Does he think it is safe to go out?
I gave a short nod. Thank goodness, Carlisle thought. We will run out of blood for
Bella in several hours, and your brothers... A flash of concern passed over Carlisle's
face. Emmett and Jasper had been in the bedroom the last several hours, only
making rare appearances. They were too thirsty to be safe around Bella anymore.
Esme was keeping her distance as well. Carlisle turned back to the x-ray.
"I don't see any sign of a break, Bella," Carlisle said, holding the film up for me to
inspect.
Rosalie let out a big gush of air. "See, I told you I didn't hear a crack. You need
your ears checked, Edward." Typical over-reaction.
My teeth pressed together very hard, but I didn't look at her. I just lifted up Bella's
hand and kissed the back.
"I'm sorry I made you come up here for nothing," I whispered. "Would you like to
lay down in the bed now? Or even stay here, on the hospital bed, and sleep a little"
"No," she said. "I heard you say Jake is here – I want to see him." I suppressed a
sigh. "Love, I could have him come upstairs to see you." "No, I want to go down,"
said Bella. "It's not like I'm sick or anything."
I turned my face to hide my expression at this ridiculous understatement. Carlisle
handed Bella her cup of blood, and I picked her up, moving as slowly as possible.
Her face whitened, and her lips grew tight.
"Are you OK?" I asked anxiously at the doorway. Carlisle met my eyes – her
injuries, and subsequent pain, were growing more intense, and I could see the
concern in his mind. The pelvis hadn't been fractured this time, but that was
coming.
"Fine," Bella said, her voice strained. "Just keep going." We slowly descended,
Rosalie at my shoulder. Bella saw Jacob by the front door.
"Jake," she sighed, her pained grimace breaking into a smile. I felt a grudging
surge of gladness. I was happy he was here, if he could make her smile like that. I
didn't seem capable of doing it any more, bringing forth the smile I thought would
blind me the rest of our days.
Jacob's face, however, remained still and white, as he took in the pain evident in
her expression. I moved slowly over to the couch, lowering her gently, and then
knelt down by her head.
"Carlisle," said Jacob. "We went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack.
You're good to go."
"Thank you, Jacob," said Carlisle quickly. "This is good timing. There's much that we
need." He glanced at Bella, wondering where to try first for the blood she needed.
He did a mental calculation of how much she would drink over the next 3 to 4 days.
I'm concerned I won't be able to buy enough in one stop, he thought.
"Honestly," said Jacob. "I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty
positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."
Carlisle mused for a moment. I trust his judgment on this. He knows Sam and his
ways far better than we do. He glanced around the room, his eyes flickering
upstairs. Best still if Alice goes on both trips. Esme and I will go out with her, and
Jasper, and then she can take Emmett and Rosalie.
I didn't meet his eyes. I knew that Rosalie had no intention of leaving Bella – she
had been thinking about it since we discussed the hunting trip. She had kept quiet,
not mentioning it to Emmett, knowing he would be upset to leave her here.
"If you think so," Carlisle said aloud. "Alice, Esme, Jasper and I will go. Then Alice
can take Emmett and Rosalie..."
"Not a chance," Rosalie snarled. "Emmett can go with you now."
"God dammit, Rose," Emmett hissed under his breath upstairs. A long line of
expletives went through his brain. He was furious to leave her behind, alone with
me and the wolves. And yet knew he had to hunt.
"You should hunt," said Carlisle quietly. Both of you. His eyes flickered to me and I
looked down. There may be a lot of blood involved in this procedure. I closed my
eyes for a second, trying to suppress the vision.
"I'll hunt when he does," Rosalie snapped, gesturing her head at me. I didn't look at
her. She wouldn't go even if I did, which she knew would never happen. She could
no more be torn from Bella's side right now than I could. Or, more precisely, she
could not be torn from what was inside Bella.
Carlisle sighed. Best we all go at once, then, and get it over with. "Let's go," he said
quietly.
Emmett and Jasper came downstairs, Emmett brushing Rosalie's cheek lightly as he
passed. Their eyes locked for a long second when he got to the door. Then he
looked at me.
So help me god, Edward, if you lay a finger on her, if anything, anything, happens
to her...
I gave him a curt nod. I would not hurt her. And if Jacob attacked her – well, it
would be her own damn fault, but I'd try to keep them from killing each other.
Alice went over to Jasper, taking his hand firmly in hers, and Esme came in from
the kitchen, laying a hand softly on Emmett. Their eyes glittered coal black, a
burning intensity lighting them from inside. The very thought of hunting was
creating a thirsty, somewhat incoherent edge to their thoughts.
"Go," I hissed. Carlisle looked at me and nodded. We'll be back as quickly as we
can. Call me if anything comes up.
He placed a hand on Jacob's arm and said "thank you." They moved out the door
and across the lawn. Jasper paused for a fraction of a second to look back at me.
If they attack, call us and then stay in the house. Protect Bella. We will come to
finish them off. Then his thoughts began to fracture, and he disappeared over the
river.
As I watched them go, I had a sudden fearful hope that no human would
mistakenly cross their path. As if in answer, Alice threw me a vision of all five
feeding on a herd of deer many miles out.
I looked back into the room. Jacob was watching my family leave, uncertain
whether to stay or go.
Time to get lost, dog, Rosalie thought. She was eyeing Jacob with irritation.
Jacob sensed her disapproval. The chance to ruin Rosalie's morning is just too good
to give up, he thought, moving over the chair next to Rosalie. He sat down, lying
out in the chair so that his foot dangled over the arm near Rosalie's face.
That smell is completely vile, Rosalie fumed. "Ew. Someone put the dog out." "Have
you heard this one, Psycho?" Jacob asked. "How do a blonde's brain cells die?"
I can tell you how obnoxious mutts should die, thought Rosalie, savoring a quick
vision of tearing Jacob's foot off his body. But she didn't know the joke.
"Well?" Jacob laughed. "Do you know the punch line or not?"
Anxiety was seeping into Bella's eyes. She didn't like the tension between Jacob
and Rose. And myself as well. I felt something cold claw at me, the
acknowledgement of the tension that existed even between Bella and me, the wall
of fear and dissonance that still closed us off from each other. We had reached such
unparalleled openness on the island, finally, just to be so suddenly lost.
"Has she heard it?" Jacob pressed me.
"No," I said quietly. Was this how I wanted to spend what could be my last few days
with Bella? Being cut off from each other by a situation neither of us could see
around. Was there something large, something elemental, I was missing in all this?
"Awesome." Jacob was pleased with himself. "So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker – a
blonde's brain cells die alone."
"I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast,"
Rose snarled. "Don't forget that."
Oh, yeah? "Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening
me. I'm really looking forward to that."
Bella's face tightened. "Enough, Jacob," she said firmly.
Jacob's face fell slightly. "Do you want me to take off?" he asked. Yippee, Rosalie
thought. Maybe she finally sees him for the annoying cad he is. Maybe it would be
better that way, right now, if he wasn't making her smile. Suddenly I wanted her to
myself.
Horror flashed across Bella's face. "No, of course not!" she said quickly. I glanced
away, letting my breath out.
He wishes she would get over me, too, Jacob thought, sighing. But that wasn't it,
exactly. I was being selfish, though. I didn't want to share her. I...
Suddenly, I caught the edge of someone's thoughts. Thirsty. No, not thirsty exactly
– hungry? It was too vague. I glanced up, annoyed. If Rosalie was battling her
thirst after refusing to go hunting...but it wasn't Rose. She was hating Jacob, and
worrying about Emmett. Jacob was moving his foot even closer, hoping it was
annoying her. It was.
Then, Bella picked up her cup. She took a long draw on the straw, her expression
blank, emptying the contents. Air pulled through the straw, and she glanced down,
her face wrinkling in concern.
"Rose, do you mind getting me some more, please," Bella asked, holding out the
cup. Rosalie smiled, taking the cup, and breezed out to the kitchen.
For a long moment I couldn't move, caught in utter stillness. If I had a heart, it
would have stopped beating. A strange realization was creeping in on the edges of
my mind. It had been Bella who was thirsty. Bella had been thinking about being
thirsty.
Edward.
I jerked my head. Bella's voice, definitely. Speaking my name.
"Did you say something?" I asked automatically, staring at her. But no, that wasn't
right. The voice was off somehow, too loud. And the word hadn't been said aloud, it
had been thought. More precisely, it was a memory of the word being said.
"Me?" Bella asked, confused. "I didn't say anything." And as I concentrated on her,
the words echoed back in the mind, too loud, but still Bella.
Excitement thrilled through me now, hot and fast. I felt my entire being begin to
hum suddenly with barely contained energy. I was grasped by tentative realization
of the impossible. The unimaginable. The long desired.
I was hearing Bella's thoughts.
In fact, maybe I had been hearing them all day. They were vague, imprecise, and
difficult to read. But of course they would be. She was just like her father.
I fell to my knees, exhilarated. Why I had been blessed with this gift, this miracle
now, I couldn't imagine. But I would take it, and thank God or angels or whoever
had bestowed it on me. I focused all my energy on her, trying to bore through,
greedy to hear more.
"What are you thinking about right now?" I asked, breathless, afraid to break the
spell.
Edward, Edward, Edward. And suddenly, I saw. It was dark, muted light filtering in
slightly. Stars and shadows swirled and turned before my eyes. There was the
impression of being constrained, unable to move.
"Nothing. What's going on?" said Bella, staring at me. The words boomed back at
me, too loud again.
"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" I pressed. I needed to know, to
confirm. I waited for the answer to my question to form in her mind.
But just vagueness. Wanting to move. Wanting to stretch. Warmth and contentment
battling with discomfort. The strange shadows disappeared for a moment, seeing
only darkness – eyes closed? And then reappeared. Bella's eyes remained opened
wide.
"Just...Esme's island. And feathers," Bella said softly, blushing, heating the space
between us with her scent.
Esme's island. Esme's island. The words were remembered again and again. The
mind embraced them, caressed them. But not the words, exactly. There seemed to
be no true comprehension. It was the sound. The sound of Bella's voice, that
cradled the mind, enthralled it.
And suddenly, I stood on the razor edge of a precipice, looking down, not sure, yet,
what was below me.
"Say something else," I said softly. I wasn't sure who I was talking to anymore.
"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"
Edward, what's going on? And...oh... the burst of joy, at the sound. For this sound,
Bella's voice, was the mind's whole world, the cornerstone of its existence. Joy and
happiness and contentment. Shadows moved, diffused, as the stars continued to
sparkle in the dark lavender surrounding.
I stared at Bella, unseeing now, bathed in shock. I was not hearing Bella's
thoughts. But the other option?Impossible. Except that there was no other
possibility. But what I was hearing did not fit into my expectations, what I thought I
knew to be true. What had to be true to feed the hate and the fear. Because what
came to me from this mind was gentle, peaceful, and pure.
I placed my hands on her stomach, drawn by something deep inside me. I needed,
wanted to hear more, to understand. Bella's voice was remembered again and
again, and radiant happiness flowed through the mind into mine.
"The f-" I paused, realizing even as I spoke something crucial was altering.
Suddenly, I could not use that word, and the cold anger it represented. "It..." The
word stuck in my throat. Tentatively, not really sure yet what I was saying, what I
was acknowledging, I chose the term that had fallen from Bella and Rosalie's lips so
many times before, but never from mine.
"The baby likes the sound of your voice," I whispered in a rough voice, my hands
feeling the gentle, minute movements under Bella's skin, as the universe swirled.
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"Holy crow, you can hear him!" Bella yelled.
Too loud. Panic. An unstoppable movement of surprise, pressure... Bella gasped in
pain. Following the thoughts, the sensation, I moved my hand towards the
movement, caressing Bella gently.
"Shh," I said softly. "You startled it...him." And there was the sadness, the regret, I
had felt earlier. It...he understoodhe had hurt her. He was trying not to move that
way again. He did not want to hurt her.
"Sorry, baby," Bella said softly, her hand gently touching her stomach.
Baby, baby, baby. Bella's voice echoed on and on as thoughts soared with
happiness, pulling me with them, up and up. And the delighted knowledge, the
unbelievable comprehension that Bella was talking to him.
"What's he thinking now?" Bella asked urgently.
"It...he or she," I paused. Could I tell that the mind was male, or was it just Bella's
surety that influenced my thoughts? I looked up into her eyes. They were cresting
with unmistakable emotion, glowing with adoration and happiness. I felt some sort
of guard, some barrier, beginning to slip, move away. The fact of what I saw in this
mind was so incredible, so unexpected, but so simple.
"He's happy," I said, my voice sounding so unlike my own, curving with wonder I
didn't know existed. Diamond tears formed in Bella's eyes, gliding down her cheeks,
each shimmering with their own individual prism of light and color.Happy. What was
inside Bella was not bloodthirsty, or violent, or hateful, but happy.
My mind was stunned, struggling to process what was truly occurring. I was hearing
the thoughts of what Bella was carrying. They were not the twisted, mindless
thoughts of a monster, a killer. This was a mind filled with gentle kindness, who
sought warmth and happiness. A mind that did not want to cause pain, to hurt. Not
the mind of a monster, but that of a...a child. Our child.
I pressed a hand against my chest, where something was starting to burn, to glow.
"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," Bella said in a soft, gentle
voice, her hands moving in slow circles around her stomach. The child reveled in
her attentions. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so
much, little EJ, of course you're happy."
Did she say Ejay? Her words pulled me away from the mind for a moment. "What
did you call him?" I asked in confusion.
Bella's skin went scarlet. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want...well
you know."
A dark shadow began to move in, as everything I hadn't wanted tried to weed its
way into my thoughts. I pushed it away for now.
"EJ?" I repeated, realizing it was initials, not one word. The E must be for...
"Your father's name was Edward, too." My mind tried to wrap itself around the
scope of this concept, my father's name, my name, and now...but what was the J
for?
"Yes, it was," I murmured. "What—"
Happy, happy, happy. I stopped in surprise. It was my voice remembered this time,
quiet and muted. And relished, and adored, just like Bella's. An indescribable
feeling of pleasure filled me.
"He likes my voice, too," I said in amazement.
"Of course he does," said Bella, her voice filled with delight. "You have the most
beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"
The child moved slightly toward the sound of her voice, and Bella unconsciously
placed a hand on her stomach.
From far away, while I floated in a dark, liquid world, Rosalie asked Bella about girl
names. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was
thinking...Ruh-nez-may."
"Ruhnezmay?" asked Rosalie. "R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?" "No, I like it," Rosalie
said.
Bella's hand rested on her body between mine. The child could almost sense her,
craning his body slightly toward the place where her hand touched. Her words
swirled around in his head as he blinked inside the warm darkness that encased
him. A feeling of utter devotion flowed forth from his mind, almost worship, of her
presence, her voice, the feel of being held, swaddled in her body. His whole
universe was here, with her and the simple things about her were everything to
him. There was no existence beyond her, or without her.
And in a moment of pure crystal clarity, I understood. I realized, amazingly, that my
feelings and his were one and the same, and that, in this world, we existed
together in the warm, radiant beam of a single, shared love. I pressed myself to
Bella's body, trying to draw us closer.
"He loves you," I said softly, feeling the absolute truth of the words flow through
me, and spread out to fill the space surrounding us with wonder. "He absolutely
adores you."
And suddenly, the small, burning glow in my chest exploded within me, and I
shattered, breaking into a million pieces, disintegrating as the universe rearranged
itself. I would never be the same, but the pieces of me were not lost. They came
back together swiftly, changing me, rebuilding around this new part in my life I
hadn't known was missing. That I now knew I had never been complete without.
Every cell of my being was connected to Bella, as it has always been, but now this
new mind,
this consciousness, wrapped itself around Bella and I, bringing us even closer,
binding us all together in a new and astonishing way.
We were one now, the three of us. Our lives would be forever entwined. I gave
myself over to the miracle, and was consumed by a fierce love and tenderness for
both of them.
And then, barely distinguishable from the thundering of Bella's blood, it emerged,
strong and alive - the quick flutter of a separate heart.
There was movement next to me. Something was trying to intrude on my mind, on
this moment. The thoughts battered against me until I could no longer keep them
out.
Jacob. Suffering, hate, pain. And, worst of all, betrayal. Fierce, bone-deep betrayal.
He'd trusted me, counted on me to hate what was inside Bella. Counted on me to
suffer with him. My head whipped towards his broken face, and I felt his agony
bubble up inside me, choking out through my throat.
I'm all alone now with my hatred and pain, he thought. Pain so bad I'd take death
with a smile just to get away from it.
I had mindlessly forgotten Jacob, as he stood there, outside, alone. The world had
shifted in a few precious seconds, and were did he fit into it now? He didn't.
Because nothing had changed for him. It was still all death, and pain, and love lost.
Escape. The only defense that dragged its way up from the pain. Escape. AndI
could give him that, if I could give him nothing else. For words and explanations
could not save him, not right now. And he didn't need to see this. He shouldn't have
to.
I jumped up and went over to the drawer, grabbing the keys to a car - the Aston
Martin. I threw them carefully to Jacob.
"Go, Jacob," I breathed. "Get away from here." I'm sorry. Save yourself. Don't let
our happiness push you down into the pit of hate boiling inside you. You are so
much more than that. Escape.
His eyes met mine in a moment of shared understanding, and then he turned and
left without a word. As I watched his back go through the door, the phone in my
pocket buzzed. I didn't answer.
"Where's he going?" whispered Bella. I turned back, and her eyes were troubled. I
knelt back quickly beside her.
"Shh," I murmured, pressing a hand to her cheek. "He just needs to get out, get
some air. Let him go, Bella." Let him go. I put my other hand on her stomach,
caressing gently, and her gaze softened as she looked down. Her happiness was too
overwhelming to keep at bay right now.
"Do you think he will come back?" she asked softly.
Jacob was heading to the garage, contemplating destroying my car instead of
returning it. There was nothing for him here. Nothing but pain and heartbreak.
And Bella. "I think he'll be back," I murmured.
"Can the baby hear my voice, as well?" asked Rosalie quietly. She had already
forgotten Jacob. Her words chimed lightly in the child's head, familiar, welcomed.
"He likes your voice, too, Rose," I said.
Oh, thought Rosalie. He knows me, too. She was shocked at how that small fact
made her feel. She beamed at Bella, laying a hand on her stomach.
Too tight. Discomfort suddenly creased the child's thoughts, slightly overwhelming,
the unavoidable urge to...
Bella gasped, grabbing her stomach, teeth clenched together. "Oh," she panted.
The child was desperately trying to restrain his movements, control slowly being
regained. The pressure ceased, and Bella's face relaxed, color slowly returning.
Remorse, cold and unhappy, washed through the child's mind. I marveled at his
stunning ability to understand the effect of his actions. Amazing.
"It's Ok, little one," I murmured, stroking my hand over Bella's stomach. Bella
blinked at me, mouth opened.
"Does he..." she wondered, looking down at my hand. "He's trying not to hurt you,"
I said quietly. "He feels...sad, when he does."
Horror flashed over Bella's face. "Oh, no, baby," she crooned. "Don't feel bad. I
know it's not your fault."
Baby, baby, baby....
Rosalie's eyes were wide. Incredible, she thought. Developed enough to be trying
not to hurt her.
"And I can hear the heartbeat," I breathed. Bella covered her mouth with her hand,
a small moan escaping through her fingers. Rosalie quickly bent over and pressed
her ear to Bella, becoming perfectly still for a moment.
"Bella, could you make your heart beat a little softer?" she murmured. "Gee, I'll
try," Bella laughed. Then Rosalie's eyes glazed over, and her face went still. "I hear
it," she whispered. "Carlisle will flip." "Tell me more," said Bella eagerly. "What are
his thoughts like? What is he saying?"
"Well," I said slowly, "mostly they are vague impressions, not distinct words. He is
warm, and happy. He is uncomfortable – the space grows too small for him." I
glanced at Rosalie, considering this. An idea began to form in my head, and it
would bear more discussion, later. "He likes to listen to our voices, and remember,
and repeat what we have said in his mind. He understands when you are talking to
him."
"Oh, Edward," Bella breathed. Her heartbeat quickened, and she reached out and
clenched my hand with hers. "And you, really, now...you're happy? You...want
him?"
"It's hard to describe," I said quietly. "I see, now, that he belongs with us. I see
that he is good, and kind, and how much he loves you. Just like I do." I closed my
eyes, almost wishing for a moment I could come down into his world where there
was truly nothing but her.
Rosalie sat up. "See, Edward," she said. "You were totally wrong about him!" Her
words were not intended to hurt. They were the simple truth, but they crashed
down on me with the weight of the world. The shadow, the blackness I had held
back before seeped in now, lashing through me, tearing back the layers to expose
the truth of my misjudgment and mistrust. And the price I had nearly inflicted on
us all.
For, once again, I had nearly destroyed Bella in my attempt to save her. It was
beyond leaving her for her own good, a bad enough mistake. I had been willing to
drug her, and tear away from her something she loved, all in the name of protecting
her. I had been dead wrong, and had I gotten my way...
I felt like my insides had been turned inside out at the thought. I dragged myself
up, pulling my hand from Bella's and staggered back a couple of steps.
"Oh, Bella," I whispered, looking down at her in despair.
Bella grew still, her eyes on mine. "Rose, could you give us a moment alone,
please," she said softly. Rose evaluated me for a second, and then got up silently
and left.
I took a couple of steps backward, almost feeling as though I should leave. I was a
wretched curse on her, something that could do no right. She shouldn't want me
near her, or our baby. I was a menace to those I loved.
"Edward," Bella groaned. "Please, don't do this."
"But Bella," I choked out. "After what I wanted to do, after what I tried to do when
we got home from the island..."
"It's OK, Edward," Bella said soothingly. "I understand, I always understood."
"Bella." My voice was rough. "I'm so, so..."
"No, Edward," Bella said firmly, although tears were beginning to sparkle again in
her eyes. "Do not apologize. You were just trying to keep me safe. I know that."
"Bella," I moaned. "I was wrong, again. Always wrong, always trying to help you
but ultimately hurting you. You needed me so badly during this time, and I wasn't
there for you. I didn't trust you or listen to you. I tried to undermine everything you
wanted." I looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head. "Blind, and stupid, unable
and unwilling to try to understand."
I looked back and saw tears rolling down her cheeks, her head slowly moving from
side to side. "You are so forgiving, so kind," I whispered. "But I was wrong."
"No," Bella said, her voice coarse with tears. "There is nothing to forgive. You don't
need to be sorry. You didn't know, then." The child moved anxiously inside her,
recognizing the distress in Bella's voice, not understanding its origin. My hand
reached out slightly, hating any distance between us, wishing there was some way I
could comfort them both.
She peered into my eyes. "Do you understand now, though," she said softly, "what
I felt in that moment when I knew I wanted him?"
"Yes," I whispered. "Then that's all I need to know."
I closed the space between us, kneeling down in front of her. She looked down,
tears dripping from her eyes onto the floor, silver raindrops. I reached out and lifted
her chin, pulling her face up so her eyes looked back into mine.
"Please, Bella," I said gently. "I am so, so sorry. I should have listened to you,
trusted your instincts." I paused, trying to frame my thoughts, understand what I
was striving for. "I am your husband, and I need to do more than just protect you. I
need to hear you. To see you." I moved my hand up to curve around her cheek.
"You are the whole world to me, and I should have supported you. I'm sorry."
She looked at me, her eyes still a little defiant, but I could see something working
behind them. Finally, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she nodded.
"Ok, Edward," she said quietly. "You don't need to apologize, but...thank you."
Her acceptance washed over me, pushing the darkness aside, and, for now, I let
the light in. I felt a smile form on my face, and her expression filled with delight.
My phone buzzed in my pocket again. Ignoring it, I leant down and pressed my lips
to Bella's, breathing her in, tasting her on my tongue.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," I said, kissing her cheeks and eyes and neck.
Her hands gripped my shoulders.
"I love you, too, Edward," she sighed. "So much."
I lay my head on her stomach again, closing my eyes. Bella's hands caressed my
head, and she laughed.
"What is he thinking now?" she said. But it was dark and quiet inside her now,
peaceful, a musical murmur of sounds like water running through a brook cascading
through the mind.
"Resting, I think," I said, chuckling. I felt a deep and fundamental satisfaction.
"I can't wait to hold him," she mused. Her voice was light, free, and I knew she was
enjoying finally being able to share her thoughts with me, this wall between us
finally down. I felt ashamed she had been forced to hide them before. "Only a few
more days."
Black night eclipsed me suddenly, like the shadow of a large, winged beast briefly
blocking the sun, as it waits for his prey. The danger of the birth remained
imminent, real. And I still hated the crushing enormity of the risk to Bella, the cruel
fear of how much could be lost.
But as I raised my head to look into Bella's eyes, I realized that although much
remained the same, everything was different. For now I was not fighting against
something. I was fighting for something. For two things. And this filled me with a
deep feeling of power, steeling my limbs and my mind with a new purpose.
I grasped Bella's hands in mine. "I will save you, Bella. Both of you. You will hold
him in your arms. I promise you that."
"You really want to save him, too?" Bella said, her voice cracking, eyes beacons of
trust. I nodded, but then I felt a strange tearing inside, as a terrible thought, a
newly exposed edge to my priorities lanced through me like a blade. What if I could
not save them both at the same time? What if I was handed the power of deciding
who to save? I had to believe that fate would not be so cruel.
Bella sucked in her breath, seeing the sudden conflict in my eyes, knowing me too
well, and a look of desperation flashed on her face. The child, more alert from
Bella's anxiety, shifted slightly, eyes open, watching the stars within his own private
galaxy. Bella grabbed at me, catching my sleeve with her hand and twisting it in her
fist.
"Edward," she choked out. "You have to promise me, you...you..." Her words
paused as she breathed hard.
"Sorry," Rosalie said quietly from the doorway. Bella and I glanced up quickly. She
moved slowly toward me, holding out her phone. "Edward - it's Alice – she really
wants to talk to you." That must have been who had been calling me. I shook my
head, trying to disengage my thoughts from my conversation with Bella. I
wondered what Alice had seen?
Rosalie put the phone in my hand. "I didn't tell her," she whispered, smiling slightly.
"I thought you might like to share the news." Her eyes were cautious, and I smiled
back. I took the phone and put it to my ear.
"EDWARD CULLEN!" shrieked Alice. "Why haven't you been taking my calls? Why do
I have visions of you smiling? Why do I see you hugging Rosalie?" I glanced up, and
Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "But Bella is still so blurry. What's going on?"
"Everything's OK, Alice," I said, smiling at Bella. But Bella still looked wary. I could
tell she wanted to talk more with me. "More than OK. Where are you?"
"Jazz and I are almost home," she snapped. "Answer my questions! What has
changed? What...oh..." she paused, pulling in a breath. "Why did everything just
disappear?"
Damn it. I had not been paying attention. My head snapped up, and I immediately
sensed the movement outside. A wolf was approaching, and I felt a stab of shock at
who it was.
Leah was coming, and she was not happy.

Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—4)

Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight!
Chapter 16—Untrue
Enlightenment, whether it is desired or not, can come from the most unlikely
sources.
"Uh, Bella's OK, but I've got to go, Alice," I said quickly.
"Edward," she yelled. I snapped the phone shut. Jacob had not closed the door
when he
left, and Leah slunk in now, her lithe, gray form curving around the corner of the
door.
She had seen Jacob driving off. She had seen the look on his face.
Seth was screaming in her head. Get out of there, Leah! You're too angry. Let me
talk
to them! He was racing towards the house, flying through the woods, many miles
out.
She ignored him, her angry eyes on me. I stood, angling my body in front of Bella.
Rosalie remained behind Bella, hands clutching the couch in tight fists.
"Hello, Leah," I murmured.
She growled. What did you do to Jake, you putrid bloodsucker? I started slightly at
the
venom in her words.
"Leah, listen," I said, raising my hands in front of me. She cocked her head, peering
around me at Bella.
Or maybe I should be asking her.
I took a step forward, trying to divert her attention from Bella back to me.
"No one intentionally tried to hurt Jacob," I said softly.
Her head swung back to me, and the growling grew louder and deeper. The hair on
the
back of her neck stood up and she bared her teeth. Liar, she thought. I heard Bella
gasp, and I moved my arms out in a protective gesture.
There was a blur of gold, and then Jasper stood in front of me, inches from Leah.
He
and Alice had come in the back door, and he had leapt the space of the room. He
crouched down, snarling quietly, and Leah stumbled backwards a couple of steps,
the
growl dying in her throat. She snuffed, and tried to look around him at me.What
happened to Jake? What did you do? The searing misery of Jacob's expression as
he drove past her was burned into her mind. She had raced to catch the car, but
Jacob
had no intention of stopping or turning back.
"We didn't do anything to him," I said, although I wondered if that was really true.
"You
see, he was here, with us, when I realized that I could hear the thoughts of the
child.
When I understood he wasn't a monster."
Leah's eyes widened in shock, and I heard a sharp hiss from Alice by the door.
Jasper's
head whipped towards me.
What the hell are you talking about, Edward?
I waved away the question. We could explain after Leah left.
Child? Leah's teeth bared. I assume you mean the thing she's carrying. The thing
causing this whole spectacle. So what? What about Jake?
"Well..." I tried to think of the best way to explain it. "Everything changed, you see,
when I understood his thoughts. And for Jacob, well, he was upset that I..." Ugh. "I
thought it would be easiest if he left."
She stared at me for a moment, then snarled deeply and turned around. I relaxed,
letting out my breath, and Jasper straightened up. But Leah didn't move towards
the
door. She moved swiftly out of our view into the dining room.
Jasper glanced at me.
"She's going to phase," I whispered in surprise.
Leah, No! Seth shouted. And then he was gone. We both felt the vibration in the
next
room, the intangible movement of air as a body transformed.
Stupid, filthy, reeking bloodsuckers, Leah fumed, furious to have to face us in her
human form. But she wanted answers. From him, and from the girl. I stiffened,
concerned. There was the swift sound of clothes being pulled on and then she
appeared
at the door.
I had never actually seen Leah before with my own eyes – only through the
thoughts
and memories of others. Her face and hands were dirty, and her hair was matted
and
stood out from her head. It was hard to see in her the girl she had once been.
Oh my, thought Alice, taking in her tattered clothes. Her fashion sensibilities were
being
seriously insulted. She dresses even worse than Bella.
Leah marched over to me, shoving at Jasper to move when he stepped in her way.
He
glanced at me incredulously.Is she for real? I shrugged, and then nodded, and he
moved a couple steps aside. I'd much rather she spoke to me than Bella. Plus,
Jacob
was the pack leader, and she deserved answers. She came to stand right in my
face.
Leah's eyes narrowed into slits. "So, I get it," she snarled. "You can hear its
thoughts,
and so you're happy all of a sudden, and then it's get out Jake, we don't need your
help
anymore. Thanks for the memories."
"No, Leah, of course not," I said, exasperated.
"Oh, Leah, no, it's not like that. Did you talk to him?" Bella said from behind me. I
shook my head, waving my hand behind me, trying to silence her. But before I
could
stop her, as if she couldn't help herself, Bella went on. "Did he say if he was coming
back?"
That was a mistake.
Leah's eyes burned her head as she turned her furious glare on Bella.
"Are you serious?" she snarled. "Look, I'm sorry you've got some half breed freak
inside
you that is going to tear you to shreds. That really sucks. But after everything
you've
done to him, you are, incredibly, still asking for him to come back?"
Bella made a gasping sound. Leah's hand curled into tight fists.
"You just can't stop yourself from dragging him down into your personal hell,
holding
him here to watch you die for another man and his killer offspring. I don't know
what to
make of you – if you are delusional, cruel, or just plain heartless like the blood
sucking
vampire you want to become!"
"Hey, now," I snapped, putting a hand on her arm. She had no right to talk to Bella
this
way. She smacked me away, breaking a small bone in her finger. She didn't even
flinch. Her eyes flashed at me and back to Bella.
"Do you have any idea what it is like to be in his head? Do you have any idea what
kind
of pain he is in?" She eyed me. "I'll bet your vamp does, and he doesn't tell you. Do
you understand how much he loves you? How you tore him to pieces when you
used
him as a bloodsucker stand in when this leech left you, and then threw him aside
when
he came back?" I started to speak, but she barreled on. "And now here you are
again,
married, knocked up, and still hanging onto him, still using him, still hurting him.
"Leah," choked Bella. She was starting to cry. The baby was very still, absorbing
this
new voice in his world. "I don't want to hurt Jake! I love him."
"Don't say that!" Leah shrieked. "How can you say that and yet keep torturing him
again and again. He's being torn apart, dying along with you! You're so selfish!"
Leah
was breathing hard, her pulse racing. I glanced at Jasper, concerned, unsure how
developed Leah's control was. He nodded and closed his eyes, trying to calm her.
Leah sensed him immediately. Manipulative bastards. She turned her face to Jasper.
"Don't even try it," she snarled. "I know all about you. Don't mess with me." But
Jasper's calm had the intended affect, whether she liked it or not. She drew in a
deep
breath, turning back to Bella, her voice quieter.
"Jake is my pack leader, and my friend. He is good, and kind, and strong. He is
loyal to
his family and friends. He is even loyal to you and your bloodsucking husband, after
all
you've done to him. Do you understand what that loyalty is costing him?"
Tears streamed down Bella's face as she nodded. For god's sake, enough with the
waterworks, Leah thought. She tried to soften her expression.
"He deserves so much more than this half-life you've forced on him," she said, her
voice lower now, fervent. "He shouldn't have to keep paying for your mistakes. He
needs a chance to heal. He deserves love, and happiness, not pain." I was shocked
by
how much Leah felt for Jacob. How deep the bond ran now. That Leah felt it had
been
Jacob who had given her a way out of her own pathetic half-life.
"You're right Leah," Bella sobbed. "I know I shouldn't ask him to be here. I can't
explain it. It's just that I need him so much right now."
Leah's temper exploded. "You're impossible! Have you heard anything I've said?
Don't
you care what he needs? How he feels? Leave him alone!" The air around her began
to
shimmer, and she took a step forward. "Leave him alone!" she shrieked.
"Christ," I hissed moving a step backwards to protect Bella. Alice and Rosalie
appeared
quickly at my side.
Jasper had had enough. He stepped forward and grabbed her arm.
"It's time for you to go," he snarled, pushing her backwards.
"No, Jasper," gasped Bella.
"What if I'm not ready to leave," hissed Leah.
Am I allowed to kill her, Edward? Jasper thought.
"Not yet," I muttered. I was infuriated. I should have thrown her out the second
she
opened her mouth, rather than let her hurt Bella like this. I took a step towards her,
and Alice and Rosalie closed in behind me.
"Don't hurt her, Edward," cried Bella, trying to see around them.
I would not hurt her, if she left right now. Leah's hands were beginning to shake,
her
thoughts angry and disordered.
"Get out of here, Leah," I snapped. "So help me, get out before you phase, or we
will
throw you out."
A body ran swiftly through the front yard, and large foots pounded up the front
steps.
The door banged aside and Seth stood in the frame, breathing hard, dressed only in
a
hastily pulled on pair of pants. He looked around the room, seeing we were all still
standing, still in one piece.
I'm in time, I'm in time, he thought in relief.
"Hi guys," he said. Rosalie hissed at him, but he didn't acknowledge her. He moved
slowly into the room towards his sister. "Hey, Leah." His eyes hardened slightly as
he
saw Jasper's hand on her arm. Jasper let go and took several steps backwards.
Leah was still trembling slightly, her expression blank but her eyes still fixed on
Bella.
Seth took her hand and tugged gently, leading her out. "We'll just be going now,"
he
said. He looked in concern at Bella, whose face was bright red and streaming with
tears. "Uh, sorry." They disappeared out the door, phasing as soon as they hit the
woods.
Leah, what did you say! Seth thought. I shut them out.
It was quiet for a minute, except for Bella's breathing, which hitched erratically.
"Well, that was unexpected," commented Alice. And then Bella burst into wracking
sobs. Rosalie sat down quickly on the edge of the couch next to her, trying to
comfort
her, but Bella pushed her hands away.
"Oh god," she cried, her voice bordering on hysterical. "She's right, she's so right.
What
am I doing to Jake? I'm hurting him so much! I'm a selfish monster!" Her hands
wrung
together, twisting, as she struggled to get up.
I groaned, grinding my teeth together. Damn that Leah. I was going to talk to Jacob
about this. If he came back. I eyed Jasper and he nodded, turning to face Bella.
He went all out, sending a crushing wave of lethargy at her. Her hands relaxed and
her
heartbeat slowed.
"Stop it, Jasper," she muttered. But she sank back into the couch, her head laying
back
and her eyelids fluttering. "Don't," she groaned. "I don't deserve it." But she lay
quiet,
still.
"All right, Edward," Jasper said, moving to put his arm around Alice. "Explain what's
been going on."
I walked over to Bella, taking her hand in mine.
"I can hear the baby's thoughts, now," I said softly, looking between the two of
them. Baby? Alice thought in disbelief. I nodded. I glanced back down at Bella, and
she
raised her head a little to meet my eyes, smiling slightly.
Jasper's face was skeptical. "You can hear its thoughts?" he asked, gesturing
towards
Bella. I nodded again. "And..." he prompted. And so what does that mean?
"I was wrong," I said simply. "The child is good – gentle and kind. He doesn't want
to
hurt Bella. He loves her." Bella squeezed my hand lightly.
Alice's eyebrows flew up. She and Jasper exchanged a glance, and she reached
forward
to touch my arm.
"Maybe you should have gone hunting, Edward," she said quietly.
"No," I groaned, shaking her off. "I'm not hallucinating or going crazy."
"Come on, you guys," said Rosalie. "Don't you see? Edward can hear the baby now.
He
wants him too, just like me and Bella. He's on our side now."
Jasper's face hardened at this. "Shut up, Rose," I muttered. "It's not like that."
"So," Alice said slowly, "you can hear the fetus's thoughts now, and everything is
OK?"
Her eyes continued to be skeptical. Just like that?
I had never realized how difficult it would be to make others understand. Alice and
Jasper had been my faithful supporters during the war I'd created, loyal to what I
wanted for Bella. And concerned for her in her own right.
I had been able to actually experience the child's mind, to wrap myself in his
thoughts,
and realize what he meant to me. But for Alice and Jasper it was harder to
comprehend
the change. I would have to peel away the animosity, the deep-rooted fear and
anger
that I myself had created.
"No," I said quietly. "Everything is not OK. Bella is still in grave danger." I looked at
Alice and Jasper. Their expressions were guarded. I went on, my voice soft. "But
when
I saw into his mind, when I shared his thoughts, Iknew he wasn't a monster. He
couldn't be. And then, when I realized he loved Bella..." I paused, thinking about
how
to express what I had felt in that moment. "When I understood that, I knew he
belonged with us. And that I loved them both."
"Edward," Alice whispered, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Alice," Bella said, reaching for her hand. Alice gave it to her slowly. "He's happy.
He
likes to listen to our voices. He's trying not to hurt me." Alice looked down, wanting
to
believe her. She wondered how to see past all the pain and danger for Bella, and
find
something good.
"Alice, Jasper," I murmured. "I know this must seem like a very sudden change of
heart. And after everything I've said, and the way I've acted, I don't blame you for
not
trusting this right away. For not trusting me." I swallowed hard. "I just wish that
you
could hear what I can in his thoughts. And see how much he loves Bella. She is his
whole world." I brushed Bella's cheek lightly.
"It's not that we don't trust you, Edward," said Alice. "We just need to adjust, a
little.
To understand." He's really trying not to hurt Bella?
"Yes," I said quietly. "He's amazingly aware. He is taking in everything around him,
and
he is trying very hard not to move in a way that hurts Bella."
Suddenly Jasper, who had been standing behind Alice, drew in a sharp breath. "My
god," he whispered. We all looked quickly at him. He was staring intently at Bella,
eyes
burning vivid gold. "I feel him," he said slowly. "I feel him separate from Bella. I
didn't
realize before. I didn't try." Moving very, very slowly, allowing me to determine he
was
safe, he moved around Alice and approached Bella, dropping down to one knee
beside
the couch. He put his hand over her body, and then, very gently, placed just his
fingertips onto her stomach.
"Oh," he breathed. We watched him as he silently took in the child's feelings,
adjusting
himself to this new emotional landscape.
"There are definitely two distinct sets of emotions," he said slowly, "although they
are
tied together. Bella, you are a little anxious, and that anxiety does color what, uh,
he is
feeling. But his own emotions are stronger, separate."
"What is he feeling?" asked Rosalie.
"Happiness," said Jasper, his voice tinged with surprise. "Love." He closed his eyes
and
inhaled deeply, as if drawing these emotions into himself, so different from the
agony
and despair he had been such a part of lately. No, he thought. Not a monster. His
eyes
opened, clear and calm, meeting mine. His thoughts were still shadowed with
skepticism, but he couldn't deny the gentle goodness that flowed from the baby.
"Do you see?" I whispered. Jasper nodded slightly. I think I do, Edward, he
thought. I'm trying.
Jasper looked up at Alice. "I can tell you this much," he said softly. "It's wonderful
to
share his emotions. To feel the happiness and contentment that he feels."
"Oh, Jazz," murmured Alice, seeing the reflection of the child's emotions in his
eyes.
She sat down on his knee, kissing his cheek and then turned to look at Bella.
"He loves you," she said quietly, disbelief battling hope. Bella nodded. Alice reached
out
hesitantly and put her hand on Bella.
"He can really hear my voice?" she asked.
Bella glanced at me, and I smiled and nodded. "He's listening right now. He is
familiar
with your voice."
"And I'm sure he loves it," Bella said. "You're his aunt!"
Alice blinked. "His aunt?"
"Yes, silly," laughed Bella.
Aunt, Alice thought, turning the concept around in her mind. She wasn't really sure
what the word meant to her – she had no context to put it in. Left without human
memories, Alice had very little experience babies, or family in general, outside of
our
small clan.
But I love Bella, she thought. And I love Edward. So how could I not love what is
theirs? Bella put her hand on Alice's, and they smiled at each other. Then Alice's
eyes
found mine.
Oh Edward, she thought. To see you happy, again...if only I could have foreseen
this.
So much might have been different. I'm so sorry. She burdened herself too much,
fiercely regretting her inability to see, feeling she had let me down. What she didn't
realize was that she was so much more than her gift. It was her simple presence
and
support that gave me strength.
I smiled at her, shaking my head slightly. I reached out my hand, and she put hers
in
it, squeezing gently. I gave her hand a quick kiss, before releasing it.
Alice moved her hand back to Bella. "This would be a lot more enjoyable without
the
headache," Alice said. "I wonder when..." She cut herself off, glancing at Bella, but
it
was too late.
"Oh, Jake," Bella moaned, tears filling her eyes again. She covered her face with
her
hands.
Sorry, Edward, thought Alice, grimacing.
I sighed and patted Bella's back. "Where are the others?" I asked.
"They went looking for more blood to buy – Carlisle sent what he could. It's on the
back
porch," said Jasper.
"Where's Emmett?" asked Rosalie. "Why didn't he come back?"
"Well." Alice spoke up, glancing quickly at Jasper. "They were heading into some
heavily populated areas, and near a hospital, and, well, Carlisle thought it was best
to
keep Emmett with him." Jasper's mouth was in a thin line. He had resented
Carlisle's
implication of his weakness, and there had apparently been something of an
argument.
"And Jasper didn't want to leave me," Alice continued, "so here we are. Sorry, Rose.
Carlisle is going to call me when they start to head home so I can watch the route
they
take."
Rosalie was disappointed, bursting to talk to Emmett. "Maybe I'll give him a call."
"And I'll need to talk to Carlisle," I said. Bella was still sobbing quietly. I leaned over
close to her. "What can I do to make you feel better?" I asked softly.
"Nothing," she said.
"How about a bath?" suggested Rosalie. Bella looked up, and then looked at me.
"If Edward will help me," she said softly.
"Of course," I murmured. It would be a good way for her to relax. And it would give
Alice and Jasper a chance to talk, privately, about everything. Rosalie went upstairs
to
fill the large tub with the jets in Esme and Carlisle's bathroom. I rubbed Bella's back
gently as she cried, until I heard the faucets turn off, and then I scooped her gently
up
into my arms.
As we went upstairs, we passed Rosalie heading down. She was heading towards
the
kitchen. Feeling she was finally freed of the necessity of protecting Bella from me at
all
times, she was anxious to work on something. She was worried how we would feed
the
baby.
Soon after we had arrived home, Rosalie had had Emmett purchase some baby
supplies, including bottles, formula and diapers. I had been absolutely furious at
the
time, thinking it an idiocy that would only encouraged Bella more. My reaction
seemed,
obviously, very short sighted now. I just hadn't wanted to consider anything about
what
might happen after the birth – I had only wanted to think about Bella.
Rosalie was concerned about the traditional baby bottles. If the child's teeth were
anything like ours, she was concerned what he might do to a rubber bottle. Inspired
by
her metalwork in creating the dog bowl for Jacob, she wanted to create something
stronger for the baby to drink from. Some sort of bottle/cup hybrid she referred to
in
her mind as a "sippy cup". I shook my head – at least she had more of a plan than
I
did.
Bella and I entered the steamy bathroom. I set her down standing on the bathroom
floor and gently removed her clothes. She clung to my shoulders while I bent down
to
take the socks off her feet.
When I stood up, she wrapped her arms around me, and I placed my hands on her
back.
"Want to join me?" she asked, smiling, cheerful again. I leaned over and kissed her
forehead.
"I remember the baths we took together on the island," she said, her voice dancing.
"I do, too," I whispered. Her skin pulsed beneath my hands. My palms tingled,
wanting
to move, to explore her. I felt a shiver run through her body. "But I think the last
thing
you need is a giant ice-cube in the bath with you." I grinned at her. "Plus, I'm not
sure
there's room for more that just you in there."
"Hey," she said, hitting my arm, feather against steel. I leaned down and carefully
picked her up and lowered her into the tub.
"Ahh," she sighed, sinking into the warm water, the jets sending bubbling streams
around her. At the same time, the baby sensed the enveloping warmth, as well as
Bella's relaxation, and rolled contentedly. I laughed softly.
"What?" Bella asked.
"I think the baby likes the bath as well."
With Bella's stomach exposed to the light, the baby's world was brighter, twilight
instead of night, the lavender edged with rose tones. Bath. Bath. He repeated my
words, my voice, in his thoughts. I realized, suddenly, that his mind was not just
enjoying our voices. It was also memorizing our words, creating a vocabulary that
would later be placed into context.
As I gently washed Bella, and she lay with her head back and eyes shut, I marveled
at
his advanced development. I had been, briefly, in the minds of babies before. I had
caught the wisps of thoughts that emanated from pregnant women. This mind was
so
far beyond anything I had encountered at this state of development. I felt a
strange,
warm sensation in my chest, something, I realized, akin to pride.
I paused suddenly, my hand on Bella's stomach, looking down. The bruises were, of
course, still there - grotesque, some dark and fresh, others an unsettling shade of
yellow. It was an odd sensation, to feel the familiar horror and guilt, and yet, also,
to
finally begin to understand why she was willing to bear them.
I traced one of the bruises with my finger, thinking about all they symbolized that I
hadn't been able to see before. The marks reflected her limitless devotion to her
unborn
child. They were the tangible evidence of the willing sacrifice of her body, to what
she
considered a greater love. Just as she had always been willing to sacrifice her body,
her
human body, for our love. My fingers moved over the dark black and purple marks,
snow against storm clouds, not really touching but instead gliding over the warmth
trapped between her skin and mine. I leaned over and kissed her mottled skin
gently.
As I came back up, I noticed Bella's face was turned to me. Her eyes were liquid,
glittering brown gems set in the pale landscape of her skin. I smiled, and she
smiled
back, the movement forcing out tears, which emerged from the corners of her eyes
and
trailed down her face, soon indistinguishable from the moisture of the bath.
I washed Bella's hair, rinsing it with clean water from the tap. I lifted her out,
wrapped
her in a large towel, and carried her into the bedroom, sitting her on the bed. As I
closed the door I heard Rosalie approach. She sat outside the door, waiting for me
to
finish with Bella. She was anxious to call Emmett, and knew I wanted to talk to
Carlisle
as well.
I looked through the pile of clothes, pulling out a pair of drawstring pajama pants
and a
large t-shirt. Bella sat on the bed, quiet and somber now. I could guess what – who
–
she was thinking about.
"Edward," she said quietly. "Is Jacob really in bad pain? Tell me what he is
thinking."
I came over to the bed with clothes and started to help her get dressed.
"I don't want to share his private thoughts, Bella. It's bad enough that I intrude on
them."
She laughed, short and hard. "You've never had a problem letting me know what
Jake
has been thinking before."
She didn't know how inaccurate that statement was. There had been so much I had
not
said, not shared, from Jacob. For so many reasons – I'd like to say out of respect
for his
privacy, but the truth was it was more often fear, anger or jealousy. I remembered
driving Bella to La Push, listening to Jacob's thoughts scream at me from a mile
out.
I'm not going to make it easy for you anymore, bloodsucker. I'm going to tell her
that I
love her. That I want her to choose me. And we both know I'd be so much better
for
her.
And what could I have said? I had to let her go her own way. And she might have
misinterpreted my intentions if I told her before he said anything. So I'd only been
able
to watch her go, and wait to see if she would return.
Bella placed a hand on my cheek, pulling me out of my memory. I sighed and sat
on
the bed with her.
"Yes, he is in pain," I said. "He's worried for you, like all of us."
"But it's worse," she said softly, "when he is here, around me. Around us."
I took her hand, kissing her fingertips. "He still loves you, Bella. You're hard to get
over
– believe me, I know." Impossible, if I had even tried.
"And I keep forcing him to visit, to stay." Her voice was shaking. She started to cry
again.
"You're not forcing anyone, Bella. Jacob is his own person, and he makes his own
choices. You can't feel bad if he chooses to continue seeing you – that is not your
fault."
Bella swallowed a sob. "Oh, Edward. It's just there is something inside me, some
part
of me, that just needs him to be here." She looked up at me quickly. "You know it's
not
a romantic thing. I don't want to hurt you, either."
I nodded, sighing, and closed my eyes for a moment. For I knew that, at one time,
her
feelings had been more than friendship. It hadn't been enough. But almost enough.
And
I couldn't deny that, seeing how much she wanted him around now, part of me
feared
those romantic feelings for him still festered somewhere inside her. I knew this was
just
unfounded insecurity, but I did wish I understood her pull towards him.
I opened my eyes. Bella was watching me, her eyes troubled. I put my arm around
her
to draw her close. She relented reluctantly, leaning her body slowly towards mine. I
pressed her fragile form against my chest, and stroked her wet hair, smooth like
silver
on my palm. Drops of moisture fell from it, dampening the t-shirt against her back.
She didn't want to hurt Jacob, or me, because it wasn't in her heart to want to
bring
pain to anyone. She would always, gladly, take that pain on herself. But sometimes,
it
seemed, life spun in such a way that made it impossible to go on, to live, without
hurting others.
Bella took a deep breath, and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.
"When
Jake comes back, I'm going to tell him he doesn't need to hang around anymore,
not if
it is hurting him," she said.
Jake, Jake... The baby replayed Bella saying his name. And then...Jacob's voice.
Bella. I
stiffened, simultaneously rocked with sheer amazement by the child's ability to
associate the voice with the name, and rubbed raw by the affection, and longing,
that
wrapped around Jacob's voice in his mind.
I was rattled, and stood up abruptly to go and get Bella a sweatshirt. But she
grabbed
my arm, turning me back to her.
"Edward." Her voice was sharp. The direction of her thoughts had changed. I looked
down at her.
"Edward, you have to promise me, if things go badly – you save him first. Get him
out."
Her eyes bore through mine. "Him first, and then me."
I drew in a sharp breath. "Bella, how can I promise that? I can't imagine how..."
"You can promise me!" she cried. "Promise, Edward. Save him first." She struggled,
wincing, hanging onto the headboard, trying to get to her knees. I reached down
and
put my hands under her arms, pulling her up until she was kneeling on the bed.
She
put both hands on my face.
"Promise me, Edward," she breathed. I looked down into her fathomless eyes. I had
already seen that Bella was willing to trade her life for his. I knew this. I had borne
witness to it every long second since we had arrived home. And I thought about
what
that meant, what it really meant to her. What it would mean, for her to live, and
him to
be gone.
And then, it blossomed before me, cold and certain, the utter truth of the situation
I
had never been able to see. The reason, I realized, why all my attempts to save
Bella
when we arrived home had been in vain. The reason I would honor her request.
For simply, I could not save Bella, without saving him. I could only save her by
saving
him.
I accepted it now, this awareness of the only path to salvation, the course that
would
have to shape all my decisions and actions going forward. And I just had to believe
there was a way to get them both through the birth. I had already accepted that
Bella
would be turned. And now that I could hear the child's thoughts, and we knew that
he
was cognizant of his actions, there was no reason the birth could not proceed in a
planned, successful way.
"I will, Bella. I promise," I said. "And you promise me this. You keep your heart
beating. Keep it beating for me, and for him, and I will find a way to save you
both." To
save us all. She nodded, blinking the tears out of her eyes.
"I promise," she whispered.
I took her face between my hands, as gently as I would cup a rose. "Nothing's
going to
happen to you. I won't let it," I said softly.
"I know," she said. "But if it does, I just want to know that he is safe, and taken
care
of."
"Rosalie will always be here for him," I said. "She is almost as attached to him as
we
are."
Bella's forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean, Rosalie?" she asked, her voice
cautious.
"Rosalie and Emmett will care for him. And Esme, Carlisle – the whole family."
I looked up over her head. The vision was already forming in Rosalie's head, where
she
sat out in the hall. She and Emmett, sitting together on a porch somewhere,
cradling a
small, dark haired, brown eyed baby. I probably should have been upset that this
thought came to her so quickly, but I was not. It reassured me, filling me with the
knowledge that this child would be loved and cherished, always, even if Bella and I
were forced to leave him behind in our way out of this world.
"Edward." Bella's voice was strained. "He won't be with Rosalie. He will be with you.
You will still be here with him."
I looked down at her, my hands falling to my side. "Here without you?" I asked
quietly.
She reached out with her hand and grabbed me behind the neck. "Yes, without
me,"
she practically snarled.
I shook my head slightly. "Bella, you know..."
"Yes, I know," she snapped. "I know what happened last time. But this is different.
Oh
god, Edward," she wailed, shaking her head. The panic in her eyes started to rise
again.
"If something happens to me, don't do anything. Tell me you won't. You need to
stay
here, with him."
I had to move, to think. I took her hand from behind my neck, kissed it, and then
turned from her and went over to the window, looking down. It was sunny today.
The
grass glimmered, a dozen different shades of green. I watched how the sun danced
off
the water flowing in the river, angled beams of reflected fire lighting up the forest
around it.
I thought about what it meant to be in this world without Bella, to watch over our
child.
I had, of course, been in the minds of parents, of human parents. I knew that they
lived for their children. I knew that if tragedy struck, that one parent would live on,
without the other, to take care of the child.
But I was not human. And whatever strength those humans had that made it
possible
for them carry on, I did not have it anymore. It had been traded, over 90 years
ago, for
other, sometimes terrible, strengths. Bella was essential to my very being, and I did
not exist without her.
I turned from the window to face her, unable to speak. She moaned at my silence.
"Tell me Edward," she said desperately. "Say you won't follow me, if I go." She was
still
on her knees on the bed, breathing hard, heart racing, hands beginning to shake.
Everyone paused around the house, concerned.
Edward, thought Alice warningly. Jasper started to make his way to the bedroom, to
see if he could help calm her. Her heart raced faster and faster.
So I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I lied. I crossed the room and
pressed Bella's face to my chest, stroking her hair.
"Shh, Bella, don't worry," I murmured. "I won't."
But I could not exist on, if Bella died.
So I would just have to find a way to make sure that did not happen.
Chapter 17—Time
Time, it seems, is always the enemy. Stretching out endlessly, beyond a horizon we
can't see, or slipping away too quickly, falling weightlessly through our outstretched
hands.
It seemed ironic that it was me, the one who had always wanted more time for
Bella,
who had begged, pleaded and bribed her to extend her human life, that would now
be
the one to ultimately, in the end, ask to strip away what little time she had left.
My suggestion to Carlisle that I didn't think we needed to wait four more days for
the
birth was greeted by surprised silence on the other end of the line.
"It's no longer necessary to wait that long," I said in a low voice. Rosalie was
behind
me, listening intently. That was fine - I wanted her to hear this.
"What do you mean, Edward?" Carlisle asked cautiously.
"The child shows incredible mental development, Carlisle. His body just can't be
that far
behind. Even though he is trying not to, he is going to end up hurting Bella, when
I'm
not sure there is any benefit for him to stay in the womb any longer."
"But Rosalie and Bella will not agree," Carlisle said quietly. I turned my head full
around, to look into Rosalie's face. She was staring at me, her eyes dark and still.
"I'm going to talk to them now," I said, holding her eyes with mine.
"I understand," said Carlisle. "We will need to discuss this more when I return."
"When will you be home?" I asked.
"The blood bank will open in the morning. We will leave immediately after we obtain
some more blood. I'm hoping we should be home by noon."
"Ok, Carlisle," I said. I would convince him then.
"Hold on, Edward, your mother wants to talk to you again." He laughed softly. "We'll
figure this out, Edward. We will make it work – I promise you."
"Thanks, Carlisle," I whispered, glancing away from Rosalie. Esme got on the
phone.
"Edward, I'm so sorry we aren't home with you. I wish I could be there."
"I know, Esme," I sighed. It had been all Carlisle could do to convince Esme they
had to
wait another night.
"It's enough to just hear the change in your voice," she said softly. "Take care of
Bella,
and we will be there as soon as possible. I love you."
"I love you, too, Esme," I murmured. The line disconnected, and I hung up the
phone
and turned to face Rosalie. She opened her mouth, but I held up my hand.
"Let's discuss this with Bella," I said, turning my back to her and heading down the
stairs. Rosalie followed, suspicious and uncertain. Carlisle and Esme had been
immediately accepting of the changed situation, having gotten over any initial shock
they might have felt hearing Rosalie recounting the story for Emmett by the time
they
got on the phone with me. Carlisle had been utterly fascinated by the child's mental
capabilities, although his mood was tempered, as was mine, by the unchanged
weight
of the physical risks of the birth. Esme had simply been overjoyed that I had finally
been able to find some meaning, some happiness, in all of this.
Alice was kneeling next to Bella, her head on her stomach, eyes wide, listening to
the
heartbeat. Jasper was standing, watching, several feet away. He was surprisingly
concerned to discover this very human element to the baby.
Alice stood up when I approached, moving over to Jasper. "No, stay," I said to both
of
them.
I turned to look at Bella. "I'd like to discuss delivering the baby as soon as possible.
Tomorrow," I said. Bella's eyes widened in surprise, and Rosalie's teeth clamped
together. She was unable to hold back any longer.
"Edward, you know Bella and I have made it very clear we don't want to deliver the
baby until he is completely developed. I heard what you said to Carlisle, but still,
how
can you be sure?"
"Hold on, let me explain to Bella," I said, glaring at her before turning to back to
Bella.
"I think we have drastically underestimated the child's development," I said gently.
"His
mind is one of a fully developed baby – well advanced beyond that, actually. I can't
believe his body isn't similarly developed."
"Do you really think so?" Bella whispered, eyes searching mine.
"Yes," I said, kneeling down next to her. She glanced at Rosalie, and then at me.
"But will it be safe, for him?" she asked.
"I think this is actually the safest route for both of you, rather than waiting," I said
quietly. "The delivery will go much more smoothly if it is planned, much safer for
him."
I took her hand in both of mine, surrounding her warm, pliant skin in an iron shell
of
safety. "And so much safer for you."
Bella nodded slightly, her face pensive.
"But there really isn't any way to know for sure," Rosalie pressed.
I glanced up at her. "I think that my ability to see into his mind is a far more
accurate
way to judge his development than counting centimeters," I said, trying to keep my
voice even. I looked back at Bella. "He's uncomfortable, too big for the space. And
sometimes it is difficult for him to control his movements, even if he doesn't want
to
hurt you."
"You really think he is developed enough?" Bella asked again. I could see she was
wavering, as anxious as me, in some ways, for the delivery to be over. But she was
also hesitant. Something else glinted in her eyes, and I was suddenly worried it was
fear .
"Bella," I whispered, my chest feeling tight. Why had I been so quick to push this
plan?
What if Bella wasn't ready? "Love, if you are scared, we don't have to do this
tomorrow.
We have time to think about it. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to rush things..."
"No, Edward, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I'm not scared. I'm not." Her
heart beat picked up slightly.
Alice glanced at me, and then sat down gently on the edge of the couch next to
Bella.
She reached out and smoothed a strand of hair off her forehead. "It's okay to be
nervous, Bella," she said quietly.
"I'm not," Bella protested. "I mean, not really, I guess. Well, who wouldn't..." she
glanced around the room, looking uncomfortable. "I guess maybe I am a little
nervous,"
she admitted, shrugging.
"Me too," Rosalie said softly, standing behind the couch. I glanced at her in
surprise.
Alice leaned forward and touched her forehead to Bella's. "Me three," she said.
Jasper shifted slightly. "Well, now I feel nervous, too," he said. He smiled gently.
"Believe me Bella, we are all with you on this. How you are feeling is perfectly
natural."
I squeezed her hands slightly. "No one expects you to be impossibly brave, love," I
murmured.
"You're only human," Jasper added, still smiling.
"For now!" Alice laughed lightly. She put a hand on Bella's knee. "We'll get through
this
together."
Bella looked around and nodded, her eyes shining softly. "Thanks," she whispered.
Then she turned to me, her face set. "But even though I'll admit I'm a little
nervous,
Edward, I am ready. I'm so ready – I'm done waiting. I just want to be sure that he
is
ready, too."
I nodded. "He is cognizant of his body and surroundings, very much in control of his
movements most of the time. I truly think this speaks to his developmental level."
Bella looked at me, thinking hard. I wondered what it was for her, to be so young,
and
asked to shoulder the weight of a decision like this, a decision that not only
encompassed her own life and death, but that was also tangled and weaved into
the
lives and futures of everyone she loved.
"I don't want to pressure you," I said softly. "I've done that enough." Bella shook
her
head, but I went on. "This is entirely up to you. I just want things to be as safe as
possible for both of you."
Bella looked down at her stomach, biting her lip. She pulled in a long, slow breath
and
then let it out. "Well, he definitely is big. And strong." She laughed, looking up at
me.
"And apparently smart for his age, like his father." Her eyes went to Rosalie, and
she
nodded slightly. "I think Edward is right," she breathed.
I turned to look at Rosalie. Her eyes rested on mine for a long moment, trying to
see
around her own walls she had built up, defensive walls of mistrust and suspicion.
This
isn't just about protecting Bella? This is the safest thing for him as well? I returned
her
gaze, but didn't answer. She would just have to find some faith in me. Finally, she
sighed, and her gaze moved back to Bella's face.
Yes, all right, Edward, she thought, smiling and nodding at Bella. I can't disagree
with
what you are saying. I turned back. Bella's smile had turned radiant.
"This is so exciting!" she said, kissing my cheek. "Tomorrow, at this time,
everything
will be different!" Different. A chill that went through my mind, not matching the
warmth shining off of Bella. Different. How different we didn't yet know.
Alice drew in a sudden breath. "Charlie will be calling in 15 seconds," she
murmured.
Alice had been checking in on Charlie occasionally, making sure he wasn't planning
a
surprise visit, with or without the FBI and the entire Fork's Police department. She
walked over to the phone, holding her hand above it. As soon as it rang, she picked
it
up and brought it swiftly to Bella. It was better if Charlie didn't get the chance to
start
asking any of us questions. I could only imagine trying to explain why Carlisle
wasn't
here.
I kissed Bella's hand and stood up. Jasper nodded towards the edge of the room,
and
we moved just into the dining room, giving Bella some privacy.
"Edward," Jasper said quietly. "Planning the birth for tomorrow doesn't leave us
much
time to prepare to leave, unless you are planning to wait until Bella wakes up."
Leave? "There's no way I'm taking the chance of moving her now," I said firmly.
"And
everything that we need is here."
Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "It will be very difficult, if we wait until she is changed,
traveling with a newborn." He paused suddenly, his face creasing in thought. "Well,
traveling with two newborns, I guess."
Alice laughed weakly.
"And it may be impossible to get past the wolves safely."
"Do you think the standoff will continue?" I asked him.
Jasper's laugh was hard. "You think this will be over after the birth?" He shook his
head. "They were willing to kill us all, even Bella, when we hadn't even broken the
treaty. What do you think they will do when we do break it?"
"The child will not be dangerous, not in the way that they fear. He will be protected
under the treaty, just like us."
"No, not the child, Edward. Bella." He sighed. "It is the same issue as always. Once
you
change her, bite her, the treaty is off. And we will no longer have the support of her
wolf, because she will no longer be someone he wants to protect. He will probably
turn
on her completely. We will have to go."
I wasn't sure he was right about Jacob. I hoped, very much so, that he wasn't. But
I
knew he was right about the treaty. It had originally seemed like Sam wasn't going
to
attack when he had thought Bella had been changed, but with the current tension it
seemed foolish to rely on that former goodwill.
I looked over at Bella, talking animatedly with her father on the phone. "She won't
want to leave," I whispered, looking back at him.
Jasper's eyes narrowed, and he reached up to grip my shoulder.
"Edward," he said, his voice intense. "All Bella will want is blood. Don't ever forget
that." His eyes bore into mine, his mind filling with multiple visions of the
thousands of
newborns he had seen through his years. I gritted my teeth at the onslaught of
their
wild faces, and his thoughts softened. "You promised to keep her far away from
temptation," he said quietly.
His eyes moved to Bella then, taking in her swollen form, thinking of the child she
carried. He felt I was missing something else, something large and critically
important.
He looked slowly back at me. "She will not be safe around anyone with human
blood." Think about it, Edward.
I stared back at him, trying to see where he was leading me. Anyone with human
blood. A feeling of horrified understanding began to seep into me as I processed his
meaning. I turned slightly to look where Bella sat talking.
I knew I had foolishly imagined this Bella, the one I knew, gentle and loving,holding
our
child. But that Bella would be lost for a while, overruled by the wild cravings of a
newborn vampire. The all-consuming, mindless lust for blood.
And our child's heart beats. The scent of human blood probably runs in his veins.
Would
Bella even be able to be near her own child?
Stricken, I looked back at Jasper, our eyes meeting, melted gold and blackest night.
Rosalie gasped, catching on.
"But he craves blood. He's not human," she said in a low voice.
"No," said Jasper. "But close enough to human that his heart beats." Our eyes all
turned to stare at Bella now silently. As if sensing our attention, she glanced up and
frowned. We turned quickly away.
"Don't say anything to Bella," I hissed. She didn't need to worry about that, not
right
now. We would worry for her. "We have no idea what is going to happen."
"Maybe it will be different, because it will be her own child," said Alice. I looked at
her Maybe, she thought, uncertain, returning my gaze. Bella is special. Her face
clouded over for a moment, eyes losing focus as she tried to search for a clue to
this
future. But nothing came. She knew this hope was shallow. We all remembered our
own mindless craze of vampire youth. And to have to keep Bella and the baby apart
–
that would be its own, new kind of torture.
I tried to shake these thoughts off. "We have more immediate concerns, like a safe
birth," I said. "And maybe I can talk to Jacob about working with Sam regarding the
treaty."
Jasper's grip on my shoulder tightened. "Ok. But you promised Bella, we all did,
that we
would not let her hurt anyone. We have to go far away from this place, before or
after.
Even if something can be worked out with the treaty, we must leave as soon as she
wakes." His eyes gentled. I know it is hard, Edward. We will be there to help you,
and
Bella. I nodded slightly.
"Charlie will be saying goodbye soon," murmured Alice. I started to move but
Rosalie
wordlessly pressed a hand to my shoulder, not looking at any of us, and then went
into
living room. We watched her go.
I glanced out the window at the dense forest surrounding the house. I knew that
Jasper
was right, although I suspected he was being overly cautious. Still, he knew more
about
newborn vampires than any of us. But I knew that I didn't want to leave this place,
with
its silent trees and gray skies, this place where the world finally started to mean
something to me. And I knew several of the others didn't want to leave, either. I
would
keep my promise to Bella, and keep her safe from hurting others, even if that
meant
moving halfway around the world. Still, inexplicably, I couldn't deny that I harbored
a
hope that we might be able to work out staying here.
Edward. I glanced at Alice. Are you going to say anything to her? Her eyes were on
Rosalie's stiff back.
Remember my vision, she thought, seeing Rosalie and I embracing in her head.
"I know," I murmured, thinking Alice might, for once, be off base with that one. But
I
did need to try to clear the air between Rosalie and me, as much as it had ever
been.
She had protected Bella, and our child, from me. On one hand, I was enormously
grateful for this. But I still couldn't shake the small sliver of anger that remained
lodged
within me. She had stood in my way, breeding distrust and doubt, when I had
feared
for the life of my own wife.
But she had been right. Bella had been right. And Rosalie had supported Bella, in a
time
when I didn't. And I owed her an apology for damning her for that.
Rosalie was standing several feet from the couch, still waiting for Bella to hang up.
I walked quietly over to her and took her arm, turning her towards me. She saw the
expression on my face and knew immediately what I was planning to do.
Don't say anything, Edward, she thought, her expression fierce. You don't need to.
"Rosalie..." I murmured. She placed a hand on my chest and pushed us away from
Bella, into the edge of the hall under the stairs.
"Look," she whispered. "We both did what we needed to do."
"But I was wrong," I said quietly. She stared at me for a moment.
"Well, I thought so," she said. But not everyone did. Her eyes flickered behind me
to
Alice and Jasper.
I nodded. That was my fault as well. "I'm sorry, Rosalie."
I know.
"And I never hated you," I whispered.
"I know that, too," she said softly. But part of you wanted to.
I shrugged, slightly. I was sure she must understand how her interference in all this
had made me feel. "It seemed, sometimes, that you didn't care about the pain, or
danger, to Bella. That was what bothered me the most."
Rosalie eyed me. "It wasn't from callousness, Edward, like you always seem to
think."
She drew in a long breath, letting it out slowly, her eyes staying on me. "You have
always been so much like Carlisle. So compassionate. And now, sometimes, so
human.
That's Bella's influence." She smiled slightly, glancing over my shoulder at Bella,
still on
the phone. Her eyes moved back to mine. "Compassion is not an emotion that
comes
easily to most of us, once we become what we are. My reactions may not always be
the
same as yours. But it doesn't mean I don't care." She looked at me, her eyes dark
and
serious. "Bella didn't want my pity, or my sympathy. She wanted my strength."
"I could have lost her, Rose," I whispered. "I still could."
"I didn't think she would die," Rosalie said softly. "Although I knew she was willing
to.
But I truly thought that she could do it. That we could do it. I still do."
She looked over at Bella again, sighing. "When Bella called me, to ask for my help,
I
knew, right away, I would help her. Because she needed me, and simply, because I
wanted this baby to be born." She nodded slightly, as if confirming the memory.
"But
as I waited for you and Bella to return, and I realized what she would probably have
to
sacrifice to have this child, I..." She paused, looking back at me. Her expression
was
wry. "It's funny, you know, because I was the one who fought hardest against Bella
giving up her life, and choosing to become one of us. Well, except for you." She
smiled
at me briefly. "I said that I would never have chosen this existence for myself. I
would
not have thrown away my human life. And I have always believed that to be true."
She looked down and studied her hands for a moment, and then returned her gaze
to
mine, her eyes shimmering darkly. "But when I grasped that Bella would not make
it
through this human, I realized that I would have given up my own human life to
become what I am now, without a second thought, for my own child. I would have
chosen exactly as she has. And so, how could I not support her?"
I nodded slowly. Perhaps Bella and I were not the only ones who had been forever
altered by this child's unexpected appearance in the world.
Rosalie tilted her head to the side. "I guess I could have been nicer about it,
though."
She laughed once. "Sorry."
I smiled. "Why start being nice to me now? You never have before."
"Ha, ha," she said, punching me lightly. "Well, you've certainly been outdoing
yourself
with the doom and gloom."
True. "We are quite the pair," I said quietly. "I don't know how Carlisle and Esme
have
put up with us all these years." I put my hand on her arm. "Seriously, though,
Rose, I
do apologize. I took out my anger and frustration on you for much that wasn't your
fault." I shrugged, with a slight smile. "Maybe I just knew you were probably strong
enough to take it."
"I was." Rosalie laughed quietly.
"And thank you for being there for Bella," I said softly.
"My pleasure," she said, smiling, pleased by my words. "Oh, all right, let's make
Alice
and her damn visions right again." She slid her arm around my back to pull me into
a
quick hug. I kissed the side of her head and she pushed me away, rolling her eyes,
and
went over to Bella, who had just gotten off the phone.
Rosalie took Bella to the bathroom. She was shivering when she got back – still
running
a slight fever. I wrapped her in a blanket on the couch and knelt next to her,
rubbing
my hands uselessly against her arms to warm her up.
Bella glanced around me and out the front window. She was looking for Jacob.
Waiting
for him. And, I realized, I felt his absence as well. Somewhere along the way, Jacob
had come to mean something to me. For how could anyone who was such a part of
Bella not also be a part of me?
In loving Bella, Jacob and I were inexorably bound. We had fought together to
protect
her. We had fought each other to win her. We had hurt one another with our
strengths,
and been forced to expose our darkest weaknesses. We'd tried, eventually, to see
past
deep-rooted prejudice to understand the love that Bella gave to each of us. After all
that had passed between us, there was a bond, a sense of brotherhood – at least
on my
part.
I fiercely regretted the pain and betrayal that had threatened to smother Jacob
when
he left. I knew he would never believe how much I didn't want to hurt him. How
tired I
was of hurting him. And now I had betrayed him. His survival through all this hung,
as
mine had, on hating, blaming, what was inside Bella. And we had been bound
together
within that hatred, on the same side of an agonizing war. With my acceptance and
love
of the child, I had, in his mind, stepped to the other side, leaving him even more
alone.
But I truly felt that, ultimately, we still wanted the same thing for Bella. For her to
survive. I hoped he would come to see that, in the end.
We both stared silently out the window. Bella's eyes were glimmering with tears
again,
her face pale, guilt stricken. I felt another lash of anger at Leah, and her harsh
words.
Putting my hand on Bella's, I tried to listen for Jacob's mind, hearing nothing,
catching
only the whispered thoughts of Seth and Leah – gentle concern and defensive fury.
I
wondered if he would come back. I thought he would, for Bella. And for his pack.
He
wouldn't abandon them here – he was too strong of a leader.
And then, the sheer obviousness of the situation emerged before me, and I saw the
error of my earlier words to Jasper. I would not talk to Jacob about negotiating with
Sam. Because it had never really been Sam's decision, any of this. Any power he
possessed came to him by default, gifted by Jacob. Jacob was the true Alpha now.
Our
treaty was with the tribe, not Sam's pack, and Jacob was the leader of the tribe.
Ultimately it would be Jacob's voice that would be heard above all others. If he
chose to
speak.
And so I would ask Jacob to overrule the treaty. And I would hurt him again, easing
the
future for Bella and myself by crushing Jacob with this final blow. For so much
would be
lost to him, either way, in his decision to bless or to curse the woman he loved.
Bella sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes. She picked up my hand, kissing it, and
then laid it against her stomach.
"Tell me what he is thinking about," she sighed. I smiled, focusing. The baby was
thinking of Bella's recent words on the phone. I love you, Dad. Bella's voice, loud,
warm
and all encompassing. I love you, Dad. The baby's thoughts wavered with
confusion.
"He's actually trying to figure out who you were talking to before," I
murmured. Edward, the baby thought at the sound of my voice. Edward. Warmth
washed through me.
"Oh," said Bella, surprised. "I guess he doesn't know about phones yet." A look of
sadness swept over her eyes. "And he doesn't know Charlie's voice." Her breath
hitched
slightly. She stroked her stomach, and the baby followed her touch with his mind,
the
movement like a meteor across the sky. Then suddenly, the vision disappeared,
leaving
only darkness. Eyes closed. His mind washed with apprehension as the need to
move,
stretch, overtook him, quickly becoming unstoppable.
"Oh Bella," I whispered, grasping her hand. Confusion flashed over her face and
then
she groaned, leaning over and clutching her side. Her hair fanned around her face,
so I
could only see her eyes squeezed shut. Rosalie moved uneasily on the other side of
the
couch.
"Shh," I murmured, pressing my lips to her body. I turned and pressed my cheek
against her. "It's Ok." I felt his mind regain control, reign in his movement, as
Bella's
muscles relaxed and she slowly lifted her head. I rose up and put my hand on her
face,
smoothing my thumb over her cheek.
"I'm better," she said, her voice a little rough. I leaned over and kissed her lips.
"This will all be over soon," I murmured, continuing to caress her cheek. "All the
pain,
all the worry."
The words were barely out of my mouth before my mind created the image that
crucified that thought. Bella on a bed, our bed, writhing and thrashing,
screaming. Burning. Begging for me to make it end. To kill her.
Keeping my hand against her cheek, I bent my head down slightly so Bella could
not
see my expression, afraid it would give my thoughts away. What would I say when
Bella begged me to kill her? Please, god, Edward. Help me. Make it stop. Please just
let
me die. I clenched my eyes shut against the pain this image caused. And the worst
thing was that I knew it would happen. It was what we all did. What we all said. All
except for Carlisle.
Bella was quiet, watching me I imagined. I could not bear now, to think of those
endless seconds, hours, days of torture for her. And, deservedly, for me. For my
existence would be paused during that time - I would be with her every moment,
suffer
with her, care for her. I would not go forward until we could do it together.
I slowly lifted my head, hoping my eyes did not betray me. There was no reason to
burden her with these thoughts now. I reached up and stroked her cheek again
gently.
She sighed and closed her eyes, pressing against my hand. She was tired. I moved
my
hand into her soft hair, feeling the silky strands weave through my fingers, and
gently
cradled her head against my chest.
"You are so beautiful," I whispered. "The most beautiful thing in the whole world."
The
whole universe. She smiled slightly, eyes still closed.
"I don't feel beautiful these days. I feel huge."
I kissed her lips, silencing her. "Beautiful," I murmured against her skin, wrapping
my
arm around her. She lay with her head in my arms, growing heavier as she drifted
off.
Then her eyes opened, dreamy and clear, holding a million memories, and my
heart.
"You're going to be a wonderful father, Edward," she said peacefully. Then her eyes
closed again and she drifted back off.
I sat still, looking down at her relaxed face, stunned by her unexpected
words. Father. The word was at once exhilarating, and terrifying. I thought of the
day
Esme had said similar words to me, and of the dark denial that had eclipsed my
thoughts. The certain knowledge that a monster such as me would never be a
father. It
was something that could not even be dreamed of or considered – a lost human
possibility buried down in the deep recesses of what would be forever denied.
But I was his father, despite all my reservations. The love I felt for this small being I
had never met was so utterly unique. And I knew, if fate graced us and Bella and I
remained here on this earth, that I did want to be a good father. I just had no idea
how
to do that. When I was human, I had expected one day I would have a family. It
was
the natural way of things, in my time. But I had long since abandoned a human
life–
my very existence mocked all that was good and natural to mankind. I had spent so
many years as a monster. Was I too long removed from humanity to shoulder the
stunning responsibility of caring for someone so young?
My thoughts turned to the symbols of fatherhood I held in my life. Usually I thought
of
Carlisle, essentially my father through these long years, when I reflected upon the
ideals, the values, I longed to uphold. But in this case it was my human father who
was
drawn into my mind. My memories of him were faded, blurry, and not nearly as
clear as
those of my mother. I felt a little sad that I had clung so much harder to my
mother's
memories than his, holding close pictures of her face, of a few meaningful
moments.
The vision of my father's face was unfocused, and what I remembered was more
vague. He was kind and strong, creating a blanket of safety that hung over our
home.
He protected and provided for my mother and myself. But beyond that, it was all
clouded by the shroud of a time lost forever.
I lowered Bella carefully onto the pillow. Then I lay my head gently against Bella's
body
and wrapped my arms around her stomach, almost as if I was holding him in my
arms.
The cover of my body turned the baby's world to midnight, and he swam in the
dark
waters. He was replaying dozens of our words during the day over in his head,
turning
them around, learning and loving at the same time. Safe. Content. But tomorrow,
he
would no longer be swathed in the safety of Bella's body.
I felt abruptly, utterly, inadequate.
Alice was approaching. She stood over me for a second, and then I felt her hand on
my
head, slowly stroking my hair.
"I don't know how to be a father," I whispered, not looking at her.
She continued to stroke my head. You will have to figure it out, like everyone else.
And
I know you will. She leaned down and kissed my head. I have complete and utter
faith
in you. Her hand remained, still, against my hair for another moment, and then she
quietly walked away.
I would have to figure it out, to learn how to fit into this role of father. I had learned
how to be with Bella, something that had also, once, seemed impossible.
Unattainable.
But I had hurt her, badly, along the way. Was I destined to make those same
mistakes
again?
My arms clung to Bella's body. I could feel the baby's movements reverberating
throughout my body, and I remembered the utter revulsion I felt the first time I
had
felt him move inside Bella. I shuddered, feeling a sharp stab of remorse, and I
knew
that I never, never, wanted hurt either of them again. Lying here, wrapped up with
both of them, I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much was at stake. How much
there was to be gained, and how much to be lost, in the next 24 hours. How I
would
protect the two most important things in my world?
I rose abruptly, and began to pace the room. I felt Rosalie's eyes follow me as I
moved
swiftly back and forth. I was responsible for their safety, and I needed to be clinical,
thinking and planning to get them both through this delivery, exploring every
possible
angle. I felt that, if handled with care, delivering the baby should be successful. But
there had to be something more we could do to ensure Bella's safety. We didn't
really
know how long it would take to get the baby out, and how much damage to Bella's
body would be done during the procedure. The greatest danger during that time
would
be blood loss, and stress on the heart. Bella was already weak, worn down by
sickness,
dehydration and malnutrition, pain. Although she had improved over the last couple
of
days by drinking blood, there was no way to know what the damage had been to
her
heart and health in general. How much could her body take during the birth? How
long
would her heart hold on?
The goal would be to find the fastest routes to get the venom to the heart. And to
keep
her heart beating. For once in the heart, the venom would begin its healing, if you
could call it that, and then would spread quickly around the body. Along with saving
her, it would make the process quicker.
So how to get the venom as directly as possible into the heart? Directly into the
heart, I
mused. An idea occurred to me.."Oh!" Alice's loud gasp shattered my thoughts.
Grabbing at her mind, I saw, in an
instant, what she had seen, as she struggled to hang onto the vision.
The faintest flicker, blurring out so fast it was barely an image. Bella. She is
standing in
front of something. A window.No – a mirror. Pale blue covers her slim body. There
is a
tangible difference to her, to her face. The hue of red flashes by her eyes. And then
she
is gone.
I was upstairs and on Alice in a second. She was standing, frozen, in the third floor
hallway.
"What was it, Alice?" I demanded. "How did you see it?"
Her eyes refocused, finding my face.
"I don't know," she breathed slowly. She tried to replay it in her head, but the
image
was so brief it was fading beyond her grasp.
"Try and see more," I said desperately, reaching out to grab her arms with my
hands.
Her focus wavered, as she searched for a future that would not materialize. Now
she
could only see a painfully unfocused vision of Bella still asleep on the couch minutes
from now. "Oh," she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut, her head splitting with the
effort. She tried to lower her head into her hands, but I held her arms tight.
"Keep trying," I begged. "Try again, Alice, try." I was wild, consumed. A vision of
Bella,
no longer pregnant. I was sure of it. And the red eyes. Where was she? Where was
I? Where was the baby?
Suddenly, steel hands gripped my shoulders from behind.
"Hands off her, Edward," snapped Jasper, voice like ice. I looked down blankly at my
hands. They were squeezing too hard into Alice's upper arms, my fingers buried in
her
skin. I let go quickly, and Jasper pulled me back, stepping between us.
"I'm sorry, Alice," I said quietly. She shook her head, rubbing her arms absently
with
her hands.
"No, it's all right, Edward," she said, her face pensive. "I wish I could have seen
more,
held the vision for a fraction longer."
"What did you see, Alice?" asked Jasper, wrapping an arm around her.
"Bella," she said simply, catching my eyes. "But it's gone now." Alice looked down,
her
mind frustrated. She let Jasper lead her away down the hall, face looking worn and
tired.
I stood, unmoving, watching her go. She was frustrated, but I felt my
determination
speeding ahead. It was the first real vision of Bella Alice had seen since we left Isle
Esme. It was extremely concerning that it had been so unclear, disappearing so
quickly,
but it was also a small, radiant glimmer of hope. Bella alive. Bella safe. I thought
about
my final thoughts before the vision had appeared. I finally turned, going down the
stairs to the second floor and into Carlisle's office. I closed the door quietly behind
me.
I looked in a couple of drawers before I found what I was looking for. I picked up
the
steel syringe, holding it in my palm. Carlisle had ordered it, had it over-nighted to
the
house soon after we returned home, still hoping he would have a chance to do an
amniocentesis. He'd wanted something strong enough to hopefully penetrate the
casing
around the womb, and also able to withstand any vampiric-like fluid that might be
obtained. I wondered if it would be strong enough to withstand my venom. I
planned to
find out.
I wasn't sure if Carlisle would approve of this idea. It was not considered standard
medical practice, not that the human medical community had ever even considered
the
concept of how best to get vampire venom straight to the heart. I considered
calling
him first, and asking his opinion. But part of me wanted to work on this idea on my
own. See if I could even prepare the syringe. I could discuss my plan with him
tomorrow.
I stood in Carlisle's office, syringe lying in my hand, feeling abruptly uncomfortable.
I
would need to produce venom for this to work. It seemed absurd, as I knew I was
terribly thirsty, but now, when I needed the typical response to that thirst, my
mouth
felt permanently dry. My body had too long grown accustomed to denying its needs.
I
would need something vivid. Something in my mind to provoke the monster. I
closed
my eyes.
I pushed away any thoughts of the scent of human blood, thinking Bella wouldn't
like
that, instead concentrating on the hunt. The noiseless, stealth movements through
the
forest, towards the far off scent of a beating heart. Faster and faster, the wind
whispering against me, the trees glowing in the night. So close now, the pulsing of
blood thundering through me, the scent thick and alive. I am on him, his claws
entrenched, helpless, in the dirt by the force of my contact, his screech lost to my
thoughts. Razor teeth slicing through to the source that inexorably calls me. And
then,
the rush of warm blood, drenching my burning throat, a divine elixir, pumping into
to
me with each dying beat of his heart.
I opened my eyes. Venom pooled, searing and fresh, in my mouth. I carefully took
the
syringe and placed the tip in my mouth under my tongue, pulling back the plunger
to
fill the steel barrel. I removed it from my mouth, and carefully wiped the needle
clean. I
lay the syringe down on a tray of gleaming, clean medical equipment.
I stared at it silently for a long time, trying to accept the reality that I planned to
ram
this needle full of my venom into Bella's heart. And that I hoped somehow, in this
backwards world of monsters and fractured fairytales, it would be what saved her.
I caught the far out wisp of a familiar mind. Jacob was speeding back towards the
house. Back to Bella.
Three and a half more days, he thought. And here I am, wasting that little bit of
time.
I sighed. For me, three and a half days was too long, too dangerous, and for Jacob,
it
was not nearly enough. And so now I would betray him again, taking away what
little
time he thought was left, leaving him nothing. Almost nothing.
Taking a final look at the steel syringe, I turned and left the office. I would go
outside
to meet Jacob.
We had much to discuss.
Chapter 18—Rising
I kissed Bella lightly on the forehead on my way out to the garage. She was asleep,
her face peaceful.
"I'll be right back," I murmured to Rosalie.
She nodded, and then laid a hand on my arm. I don't want to have to leave here,
not yet.
"I know," I whispered. "I'll talk to him."
Ok. She smiled slightly. Give him hell for that tirade by his she-bitch.
I snorted, and then headed out the front door.
Coming outside to rat on me, are you, bloodsucker? I could see Leah's eyes far
down the drive, glinting.
Aww, shut up, Leah, thought Seth. "I wouldn't have to talk to Jacob about you if
you didn't act like such a child," I
muttered. Bite me. Leah snarled. "Oh, gladly,"I said softly. You have no idea. Come
on, guys, moaned Seth.
"Sorry, Seth." I knew I shouldn't let Leah get to me, but just the sight of her
kindled my temper. I headed for the garage before Jacob's car came around the
corner. I watched it roll down the drive, around the house and into the garage.
Jacob's eyes flashed at me, surprised and annoyed to find me waiting.
"A few things, Jacob," I murmured as soon as he turned off the car. Jacob's mouth
grew very tight, and he took a long breath before slowly getting out of the car. He
tossed me the keys. I did not ask him where he had been, and he was not thinking
about it.
"Thanks for the loan," he said, voice bitter. Apparently it will have to be repaid.
"What do you want now?"
I took a breath. I would start with the simplest. It was easier to be mad at Jacob, or
mad at one of his pack, then to hurt him.
"Firstly," I muttered. "I know how averse you are to using your authority with your
pack, but..."
Jacob stared at me, shocked by this line of conversation. He hadn't seen this
coming. "What?" "If you can't or won't control Leah, then I..." "Leah?" Jacob spoke
through gritted teeth. "What happened?"
I thought about her standing in my house, our house, shrieking at Bella. Hurting
her. "She came up to see why you'd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it
might not have come out right."
"What did she do?" asked Jacob. "She phased to her human form and..." "Really?"
Jacob interrupted, surprised. "She wanted to" - Tear to pieces? Humiliate? - "speak
to Bella." "To Bella?" said Jacob incredulously, not catching on.
Yes, dammit. Bella's heartbroken, guilty face swam in front of my eyes, and my
temper began simmer over. "I won't let Bella be upset like that again! I don't care
how justified Leah thinks she is. I didn't hurt her – of course I wouldn't." Jasper,
however, I couldn't vouch for. "But I'll throw her out of the house if it happens
again. I'll launch her right across the river..."
"Hold on." Jacob was still not following. "What did she say?"
Leah's words to Bella rang in my ears. I don't know what to make of you – if you
are delusional, cruel, or just plain heartless like the blood sucking vampire you want
to become! My muscles were tensing, my anger pricking at my instincts. I pulled in
a deep breath, trying to regain full control.
"Leah was unnecessarily harsh. I'm not going to pretend that I understand why
Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to
hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain she's inflicting on you, and on me,
by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bella's been crying-"
"Wait," Jacob said, holding up his hand. Understanding crept into his expression.
"Leah was yelling at Bella aboutme?"
Was he so blind to the regard she held for him? "You were quite vehemently
championed."
"I didn't ask her to do that." Jacob's voice was soft. Surprised.
"I know." Obviously.
Of course he knows, thought Jacob. He knows everything. He was shocked – maybe
even a little touched, I thought irritably – that Leah had come to his defense, in her
human form no less.
"I can't promise to control Leah," he said. "I won't do that."
My teeth gritted together. He needed to step up on this one.
"But I'll talk to her, okay?" he went on, watching my expression. "And I don't think
there'll be a repeat. Leah's not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her
chest today."
"I would say so," I muttered. "Anyway, I'll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn't
need to feel bad. This one's on me." "I already told her that," I snapped. "Of course
you did. Is she okay?" "She's sleeping now. Rose is with her."
So, the psycho is "Rose" now. He's completely crossed over to the dark side. I
ignored this. It wasn't worth trying to explain, although I didn't think I needed to
tell Jacob how strong the bonds of family, blood or otherwise, could run.
"She's..." - I thought of Bella's smiles, her anticipation of tomorrow, her peaceful,
sleeping face – "better in some ways. Aside from Leah's tirade and the resulting
guilt."
Better. Because Edward can hear the monster and everything is all lovey-dovey
now. Fantastic.
I cringed inwardly at the bitter hate behind the word monster. I knew it was just an
echo of my own voice only 12 hours ago. Jacob would not be able to understand my
feelings toward the child now, and I didn't expect him to have to. But he needed to
understand the importance of my being able to hear the baby's thoughts, beyond
just cultivating my acceptance.
"It's a bit more than that," I said softly. "Now that I can make out the child's
thoughts, it's apparent that he..." – it was disconcerting, how much I assumed it
was a boy – "or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand
us, to an extent."
Jacob's eyes widened with shock. "Are you serious?"
Deathly. "Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He's trying
to avoid that, as much as possible. He..." I paused, wondering if this would just
make him angry. But surely Jacob must appreciate what the child's feelings would
be towards Bella? "He loves her. Already."
Jacob swallowed hard, his face very still. This is what has changed Edward, he
thought. The monster has convinced him of this love. He can't hate what loves
Bella.
That was probably true. Not hating something, someone, though, is different than
loving them. That that child loved Bella may have convinced me not to hate him,
but it was his own gentle wonder that lead me to love him, as well.
That's why he can't hate me, either. Jacob remained motionless, although deep
strain showed behind his eyes.There's a big difference, though. I'm not killing her.
My hands clenched. The child was not trying to kill Bella. But I didn't want to argue
this point with Jacob. There was more he needed to know. Something I had to try
to explain.
"The progress, I believe, is more than we'd judged. When Carlisle returns-"
"They're not back?" Jacob said suddenly. I was disturbed to see an image in his
mind of Sam and Jared watching him drive past on the road. Maybe it had been
foolish to let him go.
"Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it
wasn't as much as he was hoping for. Bella will use up this supply in another day
the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source." I took a
small breath before I went on. "I don't think it is necessary now, but he wants to be
covered for any eventuality."
"Why isn't it necessary?" Jacob asked. "If she needs more?"
I felt tightness in the back of my throat. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be.
Bad enough that I had done this to Bella, in his mind. Bad enough that I now loved
what we'd both once hated. And now, I was going to hasten her human death, rip
away what little future he still clung too.
"I'm trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back," I said
softly.
Jacob's face visibly stiffened and paled. His heartbeat picked up, and I could smell
the sweat on his palms. "What?" he choked out.
"The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, but it is difficult." I
tried to keep my voice even, gentle. "He's become too big. It's madness to wait,
when he's clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed." We'd had no other
measure to use at the time but that for a human child, for something that obviously
was not. But we could correct that, before it was too late. "Bella's too fragile to
delay."
Jacob's breath sped up, hitching slightly. First, I counted on Edward's hatred of the
thing, he thought. Now I realize I counted on those fours days as well.
Pain tore through him like jagged glass, so much more the worse because he could
only foresee certain death. The future receded, giving way to only suffering, and
heartache. An endless ocean of grief is waiting for me, he thought in despair.
Stretching out before me.
I'm sorry, Jacob, I thought. I wanted to give him some hope, some relief from the
agony, by telling him I wasn't going to let Bella die. That I had a plan. That I was
going to save her – save them both, but he wouldn't care about the baby.
I stayed silent, though, afraid he might see these words as even more of a betrayal.
That he might consider my hope a lie.
But Jacob surprised me, reading my face. "You think she's gong to make it," he
whispered.
"Yes," I said softly. But not human – and I was sure he knew that, by now. Did he
see what that act was leading to? "That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you
about."
Jacob stared at me silently for a moment. I went on. "Yes," I repeated. "Waiting, as
we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any
moment it could have been too late. But if we're proactive about this, if we act
quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the child's mind is
unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rosalie agree with me. Now that I've
convinced them it's safe for the child if we proceed, there's nothing to keep this
from working."
"When will Carlisle be back?" Jacob's voice was barely audible. He was still reeling
from the loss of time – and he didn't even know how little time was left. I laid down
one more cruel blow.
"By noon tomorrow," I whispered.
Jacob's legs gave out under the weight of the shock. He grabbed at the car to catch
himself – I reached out to give him support, and then dropped my hand. His pain
ached through me. I wanted to support him. Give him strength. But he didn't want
anything from me. I had done nothing but bring pain and ruin to his life. I'd left him
no choice but to hate me.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob.
Though you hate me, I must admit that I don't feel the same about you. I think of
you as a..." What word expressed the connection I felt towards Jacob? "A brother in
many ways." Ahh, but he would hate that. "A comrade in arms, at the very least. I
regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to survive and I
know that's what really matters to you."
Jacob was staring at me, eyes haunted. All he wanted to do was give into the grief.
I knew I should just leave him alone, but I couldn't.
"I hate to do this now, while you're already dealing with too much, but, clearly,
there is little time. I have to ask you for something – to beg, if I must."
Yes, it was worth that much, I suddenly realized. And this was not just about
avoiding breaking the treaty with the pack, or giving us some precious time before
moving, but also about trying not to betray Jacob again if I could avoid it. To give
him some power over the future. As terrible as this decision would be for him to
make, if he chose correctly, if he gave us the permission to deviate from the treaty,
maybe he might also give himself the permission to one day accept Bella. Perhaps if
he didn't feel bound by the treaty, by the duty to his people, to hate and kill Bella,
then eventually he might be able to ease the future hate in his heart, and see a
little of the girl he had once loved.
"I don't have anything left," Jacob said, his voice rough.
I reached up my hand to take his shoulder, much as I would have with one of my
brothers in a time such as this. But it fell again. Jacob did not want to be my
brother.
I'm sorry, again and again, I thought. But you do have something left, Jacob. In
taking away the time Jacob had counted on, I had taken away almost everything.
He'd given his heart, his love, his peace of mind, his home, his family – he'd
sacrificed so much to love and protect Bella, far more than me. But now I needed
something else from him.
"I know how much you have given," I said softly. "But this is something you do
have, and only you. I'm asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. I'm asking this of
Ephraim's heir ."
Jacob stared at me silently, eyes deep pools of loss.
"I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with
Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her
life. You know I'll do it anyway, but I don't want to break faith with you if there is
any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don't do it
lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we
do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over."
Sam. It's Sam you want.
"No. Sam's authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You'll never take it from him,
but no one can rightfully agree to what I'm asking except for you."
It's not my decision. He didn't want to be burdened with this right now, and I hated
myself for heaving it onto him. But it was up to him.
"It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us.
Only you can give this to me."
I can't think. I don't know.
"We don't have much time." I glanced at the house – I had heard Jasper's thoughts
earlier. I knew he was planning to push Carlisle to arrange for the move as soon as
Bella woke. Jacob's word on this would buy some relief from the pressure to go, if
the treaty held. Plus, if we were forced to change Bella before Jacob decided – what
might be lost?
I don't know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?
"Yes," I said. Of course. It did nothing for either of us to rush him, push him. We
had at least until tomorrow to get everything settled. Jacob started to walk back
toward the house, and I walked next to him. Leah had taken off on patrol, but Seth
was still waiting by the edge of the lawn for Jacob. He pushed out into the open
when we drew close.
"Hey kid," said Jake.
You okay, Jake? Seth thought, wondering what had occurred between us in the
garage. He glanced momentarily at me.
Sorry about earlier, Edward. His eyes flickered to the house. Is Bella OK? I gave
him a swift nod, and he swung his muzzle up towards Jacob.
"S'all cool," Jacob said, a strained, false note to his voice that brought a flash of
worry to Seth's mind. "I'll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that."
Nothing to worry about, Seth thought, pulling back his lips to expose his teeth in
imitation of a smile. As long as you are all right.
"Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough."
Of course, O' Masterful One, thought Leah irritably, several miles out on patrol.
Seth winced and nodded. I'll try.
Jacob leaned against Seth's broad body. "Get back to work. I'll spell you in a bit."
Seth gave him a small shove back. I love you, man, he thought before heading
back out into the woods.
"He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds I've every heard," I said softly.
"You're lucky to have his thoughts to share."
"I know that," Jacob muttered.
I suddenly heard the sound of liquid being drawn through a straw. Dammit. I had
been gone too long, leaving Bella to wake up with me gone. I cursed my
thoughtlessness as I moved swiftly into the house.
Bella was sitting up on the couch, a cup with a straw in her hand, cheeks slightly
pink. She glanced up and smiled at me as I came through the door. Rosalie was
standing behind the couch and Alice was sitting on the bottom step, Jasper on the
step behind her, his hands kneading her shoulders. He eyed me speculatively,
having been able to catch some of my conversation with Jacob, but unable to hear
his unsaid responses.
Where is he? Alice thought petulantly, her eyes on me. I know he's coming, I feel
better by the second.
I tipped my head towards the door, and then started towards Bella.
Should we tell her about the vision? Alice wondered for a second. I paused, taken
aback. Yes, we should tell Bella. It was her life, her future. But I wondered if the
fact that the vision was so fleeting would worry her. And would I tell them what I
thought
had prompted the vision? My mind strayed to the silver syringe upstairs, and an
involuntary shudder went through me. Thank god Carlisle would be here to help me
with this – I would need him badly.
I moved quickly over to Bella and sat down on the floor next to her, kissing her
softly on the lips. I felt a burning tingle in the back of my throat. As controlled as
my responses were to Bella's scent, the smell of someone else's blood on her
breath was so odd, disconcerting.
"Bella, love," I murmured, running my fingers through her hair. "I thought you were
sleeping. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left."
"Don't worry," she said, smiling and turning her head to kiss my hand. "I just got so
thirsty – it woke me up. It's a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going
to need it when he gets out of me."
I stared at her, slightly dumbfounded. "True," I said slowly. "That's a good point."
She was absolutely right. Why would the child's cravings changed once he was out?
Rosalie rolled her eyes at my surprised expression.
What the heck did you think I was going to put in the bottle I made, Edward, she
thought sarcastically. Milk? I read in her thoughts that she had already filled the
one metal receptacle with blood, and had plans to create another. I felt slightly
frustrated and embarrassed by my ignorance – not only had I not thought how to
feed the baby, I hadn't even thought what to feed him.
"I wonder if he'll want anything else," Bella said reflectively. I looked at her,
considering. Could a being crave blood like my kind, and food like a human? Was
such a thing possible?
"I suppose we will find out," I said slowly. Jacob was climbing the front stairs, and
he stepped slowly into the house.
"Finally," muttered Alice. Bella's face lit with a brilliant smile as her eyes turned
from mine towards Jacob. But as she saw his face her expression was quickly
mangled with guilt and regret.
I want to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth, thought Jacob, watching her
expression fall. I couldn't have agreed more.
"Hey Bells," Jacob said quickly, anxious to show her all was okay. "How ya doing?"
"I'm fine," she said, her voice breaking slightly. I took her hand and held it. "Big
day today, huh?" Jacob went on, his voice falsely bright. "Lots of new stuff." "You
don't have to do that, Jacob," Bella said softly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Jacob went to sit on the arm of the couch.
"I'm so s-" Jacob reached out and lightly held her lips together, silencing her
apology. I leaned back, giving them space, fighting the natural urge to push his
hand from her.
"Jake," she mumbled through closed lips.
"You can talk when you're not being stupid," Jake said. I gauged Bella's expression
– she was determined to apologize.
"Fine, I won't say it." Her voice was garbled. Jake pulled his hand back. "Sorry!"
she said, smiling. He smiled down, drinking in her eyes, falling into their depths.
I see everything that I was looking for in the park, he thought despondently.
Suddenly his mind was filled with an endless sea of people, girls. Girls with no
faces. He had been to the park, trying to find someone he might imprint on, the
only thing, he thought, that could end this agony.
Pain filled my chest, and I ached for him, and this impossible, unattainable love he
held in his heart. He may never be free of it - it was too much a part of him. She
was too much a part of him. Imprinting may be the only way he could ever move
on, and I was saddened by the desperate, fruitlessness of his search today. How
badly, I realized, I wanted him to find that – not to keep him from Bella, as I had
once hoped, but to save him.
Tomorrow, she will be someone else. But hopefully alive, and that was what
counted, right?
Yes, Jacob. Yes, I thought desperately. It's all we both really want, ultimately. Do
the right thing, Jacob. For Bella, for me. For you.
Tomorrow, she'll be my enemy. Or she'll be my ally. Apparently, that distinction is
up to me.
I waited, still, for his decision. His eyes met mine so briefly, and then went back
home, back to Bella.
Fine! Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word,
that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were
right – they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this.
Relief washed through me, followed by overwhelming gratitude, and fervent pride
for Jacob's strength. "Thank you," I whispered, my voice emotional. Alice, Jasper
and Rosalie's eyes shot towards me.
What did he agree to? Jasper thought. Is this to do with the treaty? I shook him off
slightly with my head. We could discuss this later, when Jacob had left.
"Rose?" Bella said suddenly, her voice uncomfortable. "Again?" said Rose, smiling
gently.
"I think I've drunk two gallons in the last hour," Bella said, blushing slightly. I stood
up to let Rose in to pick her up.
"Can I walk?" Bella asked. "My legs are so stiff."
I felt a pang of unease. She was so fragile. I didn't want her falling, or straining
herself. "Are you sure?" I asked.
"Rose'll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I
can't see them."
I won't let her fall, Edward, Rose thought, slowly setting Bella onto her feet, her
hands hovering ready next to her. Bella stretched her body.
"That feels good." She sighed. "Ugh, but I'm huge. One more day." She patted her
stomach gently. "All rightly then," she said, looking towards the bathroom.
A slight movement caught my eye. Bella's cup was falling over. Rosalie reached out
to grab it.
"I've got it," I murmured, reaching to pick it up. Jacob had reached for it as well.
"Whoops—oh, no!" I glanced up as Bella bent unsteadily towards the cup.
As she bent, something soft, some living, fragile tissue, ripped within Bella's body, a
slow, torturous sound that drowned out every other noise in the room. The sound
was so wrong, so dangerously out of place in her body.
"Oh," she gasped, and I watched in horror as her body went completely limp.
Rosalie caught her.
"Bella?" I asked. And then a mind barraged its way into mine, so strong, so out of
control in its utter panic, its madness, that it overtook all my thoughts. The world
went dark before my eyes as stifling panic flushed through me, and blinding weight
pressed on me from every direction.
My mouth and lungs felt full, heavy. I'm suffocating, I thought desperately. Can't
breathe! Suffocating. Can't breathe. Help me. Must get OUT!
My limbs jerked and Bella's scream tore through me, gouging through every cell in
my body as I writhed and struggled and couldn't breathe.
Edward! Alice was shrieking in my head. Edward, come back! I blinked, and as the
final piercing note of Bella's scream died in her throat, I came plummeting back into
my own body.
My eyes were focused directly on Bella's limp body as she lay in Rosalie's arms.
Must get out! Her body spasmed, jerked forward, and blood poured out of her
mouth. I
watched, suspended in horror, as Bella's body began to thrash, her body emitting
the horrid sound of bones and muscle snapping and breaking.
Can't breath! Can't breath. Help! Help. Help. My god, I needed to move, help. This
was it. My mind finally processed what was happening. The baby was in trouble,
and he was hurting Bella in his panic. We needed to deliver him, or they would both
die.
"Get her upstairs," I yelled, my voice speeding out of control. Rosalie scooped her
up and headed towards the stairs.Help, help, help! I struggled against the words,
the panic. "He's got to come out, now!"
Rosalie hissed. "What should I do?"
"Morphine," I shouted. We need to get the morphine into her. We were halfway up
the stairs. Jacob was following. I almost yelled at him to go back before I was
sucked into the madness again. Can't breath. Can't breath. Limbs thrashed, trying
to escape the darkness, breaking, pounding. I shook my head desperately.
Oh my god, oh my god, thought Rosalie. Carlisle's not here! What do we do?
"Alice – get Carlisle on the phone," she screamed. Alice and Jasper finally moved.
They whipped up the stairs behind us, Alice pulling out her phone as she dragged
Jasper, who was coming undone, down the opposite hall to the bedroom.
We finally reached the office. I snapped on the operating lights. I grabbed a small
syringe off the tray and pulled the bottle of morphine from the cabinet. Plunging in
the needle, I pulled the plunger back. Help me! My body jerked in panic, and the
needle snapped. Too hard, oh god. Idiot! Trying to block out the baby's desperate
pleas, I grabbed another needle, moderating more carefully, and successfully filled
it. I turned to see Bella naked on the table. I carefully inserted the needle into her
arm and pushed the plunger. How many minutes until the morphine took effect?
Why wasn't my mind working?
"What's happening, Edward?" gasped Rosalie.
"He's suffocating," I said desperately. Can't breath. Dying, dying, both of them,
right in front of us.
Suffocating? Rosalie thought in surprise. It was the ripping when she bent over.
"The placenta must have detached," she cried.
"Get him out!" Bella shrieked suddenly, conscious again, realizing what was
happening. "He can't breath! Do it now!" Her eyes spun wild, out of control with the
strength of her scream.
Not yet. Can't cut her yet, my mind screamed in return. "The morphine—" I
growled.
"No! Now!" And then blood poured out her mouth, choking her. I lifted her head
quickly, turning it slightly and reaching my finger into the back of her mouth to
scoop
out what blood I could. Both suffocating. They can't breath.Bella's body continued
to jerk and thrash, destruction being reined from within. The sound, the sight of it
was a jagged, cruel nightmare. She was fading in and out of consciousness. Oh
god, she must be in so much pain.
Alice appeared at the door holding the blue tooth. "Hold on, Carlisle," she
murmured. She glanced at me, holding up Bella's head. I shook my head.
"Can't let go," I whispered desperately. She darted over and snapped the earpiece
on Rosalie, never taking her eyes of off Bella's jerking, thrashing, blood stained
body.
Bella, Bella, Bella, she thought, backing out. Where is your future? Oh, Bella. There
were no images of the blue clad Bella in her mind now. There was no image of Bella
at all.
"Carlisle, help, what do I do?" Rosalie hissed into the phone.
"Where's Edward?" Carlisle said.
"Holding up her head – she's vomiting blood. We think the placenta has detached,
and the baby needs to get out now. He's..." Her voice caught slightly. "He's
breaking every bone in her body. They are both dying."
Carlisle hissed. "Then you will need to do this, Rosalie." I heard him take a quick
breath, and his voice became steady and clipped. Professional. "Has she been
administered morphine?"
"Yes," said Rosalie.
"Give it about 2 minutes to spread. We are going to use a midline longitudinal
incision such as for an emergency c-section. Do you remember the pictures we
looked at?"
"I do."
"Choose the large scalpel. Start your incision just below her navel, and make a
quick, clean cut to just above the bladder. You will be cutting through skin, fat and
muscle. You must moderate your strength, Rosalie. You can not penetrate the
womb, it is too strong, but you could injure Bella. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Rosalie snapped.
I should be doing this! I thought in desperation. She has absolutely no experience
with this. She's going to hurt Bella. I turned to ask Jacob to take Bella's head for
me, when Rosalie reached for the scalpel, and I saw her intentions in her mind. She
wasn't waiting.
I whipped back towards her. "Let the morphine spread!" I yelled at her. It had only
been 30 seconds. Her arm continued, unabated, toward Bella's stomach, the scalpel
in her hand.
"There's no time," she hissed. "He's dying!"
God damn her, I thought furiously. But then Bella coughed and choked on more
blood. They were both dying. We needed to do something, now, and I could only
hope the morphine's numbing effect was ahead of the pain.
Rosalie inserted the scalpel into Bella, and her body jerked in response to the pain.
Oh, no. The blood pooled beneath the skin poured out of the incision.
Too much blood, thought Rosalie. I glanced up sharply. What did she mean? Had
she cut Bella too deeply? She was
frozen, staring down at the incision.
Too much blood! Her thoughts screamed at me as her mind began to slip away, and
I realized what was happening. Her thoughts splintered as thirst tore at her throat.
Burning fire seared through her, and instincts too long suppressed raged forward.
As her lips pulled back and she succumbed to the need, she threw one last rational
thought at me. Help me, Edward. Please.
"No, Rose!" I cried.
"Rosalie?" Carlisle yelled into the phone.
We're coming, Edward! Alice and Jasper were flying down the hall towards us. I
glanced down at Bella. She was barely breathing, even with her head propped up. I
couldn't put her down. I calculated if I let go of her head, I would have about
enough time to land one crashing blow to Rosalie and then catch her before her
head fell. Hopefully it would be enough to stave Rose off until Alice and Jasper
came. I lifted Bella's head up as high as I could, readying my body.
And then Jacob was flying across the table, smashing into Rosalie and slamming his
hand into her face. No, Jacob, she'll kill you! But Rosalie struggled to break
through, to help, willing her limbs still and keeping her body stiff so that he was
able to propel her across the room. His blood tinged the air as he was injured
somehow.
We're here, Alice thought from the hall right outside the door. And then Jasper froze
before her, as the scent, like a wall of blood, hit him full force. Alice let out a small
screen as a vision flashed in her head of Jasper holding out his blood stained hands
in front of him. She whipped in front of him, pressing her hands on his chest. "Go,"
she cried. "Go back." He turned and stumbled away.
Jacob continued to grip Rosalie's face, and he began to swing her body out. His foot
pulled back to kick her.
Make it count, dog, Rosalie thought. His foot slammed into her stomach, and she
took it full force, sliding across the floor and smashing into the door frame. I heard
Carlisle shout "Edward, we're coming," before the blue-tooth smashed and broke.
Got her, thought Alice, her hands on Rosalie's throat, her mind steeled to do
whatever it would take to stop her. But Rosalie was passive. Alice clutched her, their
throats burning in painful unison.
"Alice, get her out of here!" I yelled. "Take her to Jasper and keep her there." As
Alice dragged her out, I turned in desperate realization, and my eyes bore down on
Jacob. Rosalie was gone. Carlisle was gone. No Alice by my side. It was just me and
him. Perhaps it was always meant to be this way. We were always meant to save
Bella, both of us. We couldn't do it alone. We had to do it together.
"Jacob, I need you." And I had never meant it more. I glanced down at Bella's head
cradled in my hands. She was turning blue! She was not breathing properly. Blood
must be in her lungs. Help! Help! The baby's cries were growing more splintered
and incoherent – losing consciousness. No! Oh god. I could hear Alice, Jasper and
Rosalie yelling and struggling with each other down the hall. Jasper's phone was
ringing, ringing, and I knew it must be Carlisle and I thought of the panic he and
Esme must be facing. My mind was pulled and battered in every direction of panic
and madness.
I stood there in the center of the chaos and knew that I could not save them this
way. Stop. I needed to block it all out, let it all go, and just believe in what I knew I
had to do. I pressed back at the madness, the desperation, letting a cool
determination stake claim, righting my thoughts and pinioning me to my only
purpose – get him out quickly and safely, and save Bella. I will save them.
I turned swiftly to Jacob, praying he had some knowledge in this area. "CPR?"
"Yes!" Jacob was studying me, judging my control. Stop wasting time! "Get her
breathing!" I snapped. "I've got to get him out before-"
Suddenly, I heard a horrible, blinding snap from inside Bella's body. The baby's now
incoherent panic blasted through me, and I let it sweep me up for a fraction of a
second before pushing it back. Bella's leg fell limply against the table, useless...
"Her spine," I gasped. Her perfect, fragile body, snapped in half, ruined. Oh, Christ,
the chaos again...
"Get it out of her!" Jacob screamed at me. He threw something towards me – the
scalpel. "She won't feel anything now!" His fury pulled me back out. Jacob bent and
started giving Bella mouth to mouth resuscitation. I moved around the table.
Rosalie had only inserted the scalpel into Bella, she had never made the full
incision. Staying focused, I very carefully pressed the scalpel to Bella's skin, and
made a clean slice all the way down. At one point her stomach jerked too hard with
the child's struggles and the edge of the knife hit against something hard. The
womb. I tried to block out the child's fading cries, tried to stay focused.
I pressed Bella's skin aside and saw the glimmering, white dome, so alien and out
of place in her body. It looked very smooth, giving slightly here and there to the
baby's
weakening jerks and thrashes. Blood lay in shimmering droplets all over it.
Mustering the strength of a million seconds spent with Bella and the call of her
scent, I leaned over very slowly and pressed my mouth to the womb. Blood covered
my lips, my face, touching my tongue. I did not acknowledge it. I bared my teeth
and very carefully bit into it.
My teeth went through with very little effort. It was like vampire skin, but a little
softer. And it was warm. A new taste filled my mouth, salty and sweet, the dark
waters the baby had lived in for those weeks. I brought my teeth together and
pulled to the side a little, hearing the tearing sound as the skin of the womb pulled
apart. I moved my teeth down lower and sunk them in again, pulling the opening
further apart. Careful,
careful. Don't catch the baby with your teeth. Further down, more pulling. Then one
more time.
I heard Bella cough suddenly, and pull in a ragged breath, and heat and relief
surged through me. Almost there, we're going to do it!
"You stay with me now, Bella!" Jacob was shouting.
I straightened up and put my hands on either side of the rough opening I had
created. I curled my fingers around the skin into the wet, warm interior and pulled
the opening wider. Something was moving, turning inside, and suddenly, a small,
soaking wet, wondrous hand struggled its way out.
I gently touched the fragile hand, the small, translucent fingers, and then reached
my hands into the dark interior, feeling a head, a slippery body. I pushed my hands
under two small arms, using my fingers to steady his head, and gently lifted. He
rose up from the womb, dripping, trembling. He. She. A girl.
I held her up in front of me under her arms. She was so small, a perfectly formed,
miniature angel. And she was warm, so warm. Her mind was screaming against the
brightness, her eyes pressed closed. Her body convulsed once, and then she pulled
in a ragged breath. She held it for a long second, and then began pull in short
breaths in rapid succession. The umbilical cord hung from her, damaged in the
struggle. I leaned down and quickly sliced it off with my teeth.
When I straightened back up, she was still. She opened her eyes, and although her
breaths were still rapid and her heart beat furiously, her eyes were gentle and calm,
a deep brown ocean, stretching towards an endless horizon. Bella's eyes. She
blinked a couple times, and then in her head, I heard, not someone else's voice, but
a new voice, lilting, a small, perfect bell. Her voice.
Edward. Her eyes were locked onto mine. "Renesmee," I breathed. She blinked
again. Renesmee.
"Let me..." Bella whispered. "Give her to me." I moved closer to Bella, laying
Renesmee onto her chest as human doctor would, because Bella was human, and
this was her
baby. Bella was so weak she could hardly move her arms. They moved up slowly to
curl against the baby's soft body.
Renesmee was watching Bella, drinking her in, immersed in her own kind of
wonder. Bella, she thought. Bella.
Bella's eyes gleamed, and she made a small, comforting noise to the baby that
swelled my chest with love.
"Renesmee," she murmured. "So beautiful." Renesmee was blinking slowly at her.
Warm, she thought. Soft. And then, unexpected, the flare of pain in her throat.
Thirst.
I was one beat of a second too late. She managed to pierce Bella's skin before I
picked her quickly up, cradling her in my arms.
"No, Renesmee," I said softly. Stupid. My fault. Of course she was hungry. I needed
someone to help me, to take her and feed her. Would have to be Alice...
Bella's heart beat, already weak, faltered oddly, and then made one loud, strangled
beat before pausing. I stared at her in horror and waited. Waited. No beat followed.
Her heart was no longer beating.
Jacob's hands were over her heart, compressing. One, two, three, four. Time was
up. Do it! My mind screamed at me, furious. Do it now!
Jacob blew a breath of air into Bella's lungs. "What are you waiting for?" he growled
at me, taking up the compressions again.
"Take the baby," I said to Jacob. "Throw it out the window," Jacob snapped. I
looked around wildly for somewhere to safely set her down.
"Give her to me," Rosalie said from the doorway. I whirled, snarling. She had snuck
up on me. Why had Alice and Jasper let her go? Her eyes flickered to Bella's
wrecked body, and guilt flashed through her. She was furious with herself.
I'm fine, Edward. We know you need help. Let me help you save Bella. Let me
make up for what happened. "I've got it under control," she said aloud. She
reached out. "Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella is...better."
I swept her mind quickly. The baby had blood as well, and I could sense her scent
now – different, sweet, less potent than Bella's scent, which drenched the room.
But Rosalie seemed safe and in control. And there was no other option.
I carefully lay the baby in Rosalie's arms. She gasped slightly, hugging the small
body to her own. She lifted her eyes to mine. Go. Save her. I know you can do it.
They'll both be okay. And then she left.
I turned to look at Bella. Start at the neck. Direct as possible. No. Wait.
I turned and then moved as if in slow motion towards the silver tray on the table
next to the bed. It was if the air was thick, impenetrable, trying to hold me back. I
couldn't go fast enough, and the artificial beat of Bella's heart under Jacob's hands
was all I could hear. Finally, I reached the table and picked up the large syringe. No
time to decide, to think. Just do it. I turned to Bella's body.
"Move your hands, Jacob," I said quietly. His eyes flickered towards me. "What's
that?"
I pushed his hands out of my way. Careful, careful now. Between the ribs, use my
fingers to guide. Don't break it. Not too far, just into the heart.
"My venom," I said.
I pressed the plunger down, feeling the venom push into the heart. I prayed it was
still viable. Her heart jolted, sending a tremor through her body, but did not pick up
beating.
Panic flickered at the edges of everything, trying to master me. Don't think. Just
do. I will save her. "Keep it moving," I said to Jacob. Force her heart to move the
venom through her body.
At the neck, first. I placed my hand against her skin, feeling the shallow pulse
beneath. I let Carlisle's thoughts and memories wash over me, all I had seen before
in his mind, all he had learned and experienced when he had changed me, Esme,
Rosalie, and Emmett.
I leaned my face close to her. Don't think. Just do. I bit in carefully, her soft skin
and pliant muscles giving way immediately beneath my teeth. My mouth filled, and,
steeling my hands against the table, I let the smallest amount of blood run down
the back of my throat. The effect was overwhelming, and immediate. Hours and
hours of time spent building walls within my body, perfecting my control over my
impulses, fell away in the immediate, overwhelming face of brute instinct. Fire
roared through my throat, and venom gushed in my mouth.
I held still for a moment, letting the venom seep into the wound. Then I pulled my
teeth back out, and ran my dripping tongue over the wound. It sealed up
immediately.
I moved to her elbow, then wrist. The fire burned on and on, endless, destructive,
and the venom continued to produce. Groin next. Knee. Ankle. Over to the other
side. Her heart was still not beating on its own. Don't think about it! I paused to
apply some
venom to the gaping wound in her stomach. It was healing up slowly. I grabbed her
wrist, pressing it to my mouth.
He's working over a corpse, Jacob thought in despair. He was losing hope on me.
On her. I tried to ignore him. I turned her hand over, biting the back, and then
moved to her elbow. One more time in the neck.
A corpse is all that is left of the girl we both loved. A broken, bled-out, mangled
corpse. Shut up! Fury began to race through me. Shut up, Jacob! He was longing to
leave, to
get away. To never, ever come back, he thought.
Damn him. Traitor. "Go then," I snarled. Traitor! I had done all I could with the
venom, it was up to her heart now. I didn't need him anymore, if he wasn't going to
help save her. I didn't need his hopelessness – it was like a venomous snake,
twisting its way into me. I pushed his hands away from Bella and began to take up
the compressions.
"She's not dead," I growled. "She's going to be fine."
Jacob stared at me for a long moment, and then turned and slowly walked away,
walking towards endless, empty grief. Deserting us.
I'll leave him with his dead, he thought. Get out, then! My mind was screaming. I
hate you, Jacob. Get out! She's not going to
die.
I concentrated on the compressions. Gentle, gentle. Just enough to keep the heart
beating. One slip, and you could crush her. Stop! Just concentrate. Up, down, up,
down, up, down, up down. I paused to blow a breath into her mouth.
Her face was so deathly still, no response. She was unearthly pale, and there was
the slightest blue tinge to her skin, the sky pale at dawn. As I pressed my lips to
hers, they were too cool. I blew in gently twice, watching her chest rise and fall
mechanically. I moved my mouth to her ear as my hands began to move again.
"Come on, Bella, love," I whispered. "Come on, sweetheart. I'm right here. You did
it. You've got a healthy baby. She's so beautiful. You were strong enough. Now it's
time for you to come back. She's waiting. I'm waiting, love. I'm waiting for you,
always."
Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. No response, just empty beats, her heart
an inanimate puppet beneath my hands. Her face was so slack, her eyes closed,
lips parted slightly. I turned my head slightly so I could press my cheek against
hers, my lips still close to her ear.
"I know you can do this, Bella. You can do it, love." I struggled to pull in the air
necessary to form the words. "Everything is going to be perfect. We're going to be
together forever. We're going to take care of our baby, both of us. But we need you
to pull through this. I need you, please."
Nothing. Just nothing. The room began to move around me, faster and faster, until
I could see nothing but Bella. Feel nothing but her cool, motionless cheek against
mine. I realized the thoughts of everyone in the house - my family, even my
newborn daughter – were all lost to me. It was just me and her. There was a
roaring in my ears, growing louder and louder, an approaching black tempest.
"Please, Bella." I couldn't hear my voice, barely audible, lost in the roaring silence.
"I love you. We all love you. Your heart – you promised. You promised. Please,
please, don't go, don't leave." The winds grew louder. The darkness was
approaching, so quickly. "I love you. I lied. I'm so sorry but I lied. I can't live
without you. I won't. So you have to come back. Come back to me."
Why doesn't she answer? Because I've failed her. I failed her. I failed Renesmee.
And Jacob. I failed her family, and mine. Oh Carlisle, forgive me...
"Bella, sweetheart. Bella."
My hands paused over her chest, just for a fraction of a second, and then restarted
the compressions. But in that small moment, I felt it beneath my hands. Silence.
Stillness.
Death.
I have stood over enough dead bodies to know. All those dead bodies. This is my
punishment. My hands kept moving. This is my punishment for all that death. To
have to stand here, over this dead body, the one in which all hope, and light, and
happiness exists, and not be able to bring it back.
No, I prayed. No. Punish me. An eternity of torture. But not her. Not her.
But this is my eternity of torture. My hands continued the motions. Up, down, up,
down, up, down, up down. I would never stop. They will have to kill me to stop me.
I would keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep fighting.
"I love you, Bella. I love you. I'm waiting. I won't ever leave you." But in that
moment, I knew. I knew. I am alone.
Chapter 19 —Angel
"Bella," I whispered, looking down at her ashen face. An angel in repose. "Bella."
And then the darkness took us, a blinding fury of agony and torment, dragging me
down, down towards the black, starless midnight within the eye of the storm. My
hands were still moving – up, down, up, down – continuing their desperate
supplications over Bella's chest, begging, pleading, beseeching her heart to beat
again. And as I worked relentlessly within the blackness to bring her back to me, it
was the images of my own life that flashed in front of my sightless eyes, even
though I was not the one who was truly dying.
Bella's laughter rings out across the waves, light and untroubled. She shrieks as a
fish touches her leg, and then puts her snorkel back in place and floats on the
surface of the water. The sun glistens off the skin on her back, and below her I can
see the tranquil movement and multi-colored palate of the life of the reef. I am
anxious, nervous about being at such a distance from her. But the sea life is
repelled by my presence, and I so want her to have this experience. She's seen so
little of the world, and there are so many wonders I want to share with her. I feel a
blanket of profound happiness wrap itself around me. Inside the house, I am
tormented by longing. Her hair, her skin, her scent, even the sound of her voice –
all ignite a fire of yearning in me. I am enraptured with her, and strung so tightly
by my belief that I cannot touch her, and keep her safe. But out here I feel
weightless, like I could fly with joy, suspended with disbelief that she has actually
married me. That's she's mine, and we will be always be together. Her head breaks
the surface, eyes dancing, and her hand beckons me. She wants me to come to
her. I dive into the water, a meteor towards the sun. I will always come to you,
Bella.
I hold fast to a tree a few miles out – far enough that they won't sense my
presence, but close enough for me to hear their minds. My eyes are pitch black –
denied to reduce my shame if I dare visit. They do not sit together, this day exactly
two years since I left them. Esme is in the front room. She fingers old photos of me
and Carlisle, before she was with us. She wonders, as she always has, if it was her
presence that upset the delicate balance of our relationship. How badly I want to
tell her that is not true. That it was never her, always me. How much I want to feel
her soft arms around me, inhale the familiar scent of her hair. If she told me
everything was okay, I wonder, would it be? Carlisle sits in the back bedroom. My
old room. So long untouched, it is now packed up along with the rest of the house –
they will linger here no longer waiting for me to return. They've stayed too long
already. His thoughts are tinged with bitterness, despair, regret. But more than
anything else, loneliness. The same bone- deep, wrenching loneliness that I feel
without him. Carlisle's head snaps up suddenly. Edward? He draws in a sharp
breath. Edward? I release the tree, turn, and run away, willing my legs to move
against my emotions. I cannot go back. I cannot sully them with my presence. For
me, the monster has won. And so I can never go home.
Rosalie and Emmett stand at the altar. I can feel Carlisle's arm pressed against
mine as we stand together next to them. He sighs quietly, and I sense just a little
of the heavy guilt he carries slip away as he watches Rose's happiness in this
moment. Rosalie turns her head slightly and smiles at me. She is glowing today,
the bitterness and resentment that so often plague her thoughts gone for once. She
is truly as lovely in this moment
as I have ever seen her, beautiful inside as well as out. Love has made her even
more beautiful. Emmett, seeing her smile, follows her eyes to my face, and lifts his
hand briefly to grip my shoulder. A brother, I think, smiling back at him. I am less
alone now.
A memory I didn't even know I had. I am a child. I look down at my own face,
young, unknowing, reflecting back at me in a small pool of still water. I am
searching for a colorful stone to give to my mother. How much I want to please
her. Two emerald gems sparkle up at me, and I realize it is my eyes, my human
eyes. I reach into the water, spreading a million small ripples through the image,
and my face, that face, disappears. Forever.
Dawn of a long night after Jasper has confessed to killing another human. It is
someone we know. A neighbor, and also a patient of Carlisle's. So we prepare our
hasty departure. Jasper sits alone, his face in his hands. He can feel Alice's
heartbreak, the disappointment she tries so hard to hide, her anger at herself for
not warning him in time. And he hates himself for it. He despises his own
weakness, and yet resents that our lifestyle makes him feel like a failure. He
glances up, looking for me. I turn towards him, smiling gently. I understand what it
feels like to disappoint the people who love you. Jasper has grown closest to me,
aside from Alice. He is so reserved, so private, that I think he actually appreciates
not being able to hide anything from me. I'm sorry, he thinks. I shake my head. We
have all told him already he doesn't need to keep apologizing. We support him, no
matter what. He is part of our family. But I know he doesn't feel that way, and I
secretly wonder if he ever will. Seeing a vision of him fleeing the house, Alice sits
down, wrapping her arms around him and refusing to move until he finally gives in,
embracing her desperately. As the dawn light begins to glow on underside of the
forest, they sit together, clinging to each other, supporting each other, anchored by
forgiveness and the kind love I am sure at the time I will never know. We move
silently around them, as we pack up our lives, leaving, again.
Bella sits on the black couch in my room, grimacing at her math homework. She
smoothes her hair back with her fingers, and her teeth press into her lower lip. I
sigh involuntarily at the sight of it. She glances up and smiles. "I love you," she
says quietly, and I close my eyes and let the words wash over me. I will never get
tired of hearing those words from her lips. When I open my eyes, she is looking
down at her book again. She hums quietly to herself, and it is her lullaby.
Suddenly, I know what I am going to give her for her birthday, only a couple of
weeks away. I hear Alice squeal quietly downstairs. Perfect, Edward, she thinks. I
smile. I already know some of the other songs I will record for her. A piece of
myself to keep with her, for the hours I cannot be there. I go over and take her
hand, pulling her to her feet and pressing her body to mine. Her heart thunders,
and I can feel her pulse everywhere she touches me. As I hold her close, love fills
me to the core, and I know I always want to be with her, be at her side. I do not
see the dark clouds gathering on the horizon.
Carlisle places the small box into my hand. The opal and diamonds of my mother's
ring glimmer up at me. I know he has been holding onto this, waiting to give it to
me when he thinks I am more in control. He thinks he has hidden these thoughts
from me – he doesn't yet fully comprehend the pervasiveness of my ability. I am
embarrassed, and scared, to tell him that almost nothing he holds in his mind, or
heart, is private anymore. I am afraid he will resent me for it. He touches the ring.
You may need this someday, he thinks. My fingers clench around the box, and I
look up at him
incredulously. "Are you crazy?" I snarl. "I will never need this. No one will ever love
me that way." I hurl the box across the room, and it smashes against the far wall,
leaving a dent and splintering into several pieces. I feel a flash of shame as I realize
that it was the original box, and that Carlisle had gone to some trouble to retrieve
it. Now it is just another irreplaceable piece of my human life, broken and lost
forever. I stand up and look into the mirror over the bureau, at my wild red eyes,
unfamiliar face. The fire in my throat continues its constant, torturous burn. "No
one could love this. My own mother would hate me, if she wasn't dead." I slam my
fist into the mirror, shattering it. No, she wouldn't, Carlisle thinks gently. He sits
waiting, patient. Always so patient. I find this patience both infuriating and
humbling. I turn to look at him. So much concern for me. So much affection. He
loves me, already. And I know I am beginning to love him. My mood softens, and I
inhale deeply. A human has walked too close to our small house, and the scent hits
me unexpectedly, intoxicating, stoking the fire. Carlisle notes the scent as well, and
I feel a glimmer of hope. "Please, Carlisle," I whisper. "The burn, it's unbearable."
He sighs. He stands and walks over to pick up the ring out of the fractured box. I'll
hold onto this for a little while longer, he thinks, looking at me. We will go hunt in
the mountains. My teeth clench together as my mood turns to sudden fury. Denied
again! I whirl and kick the dresser, smashing in the drawers. And Carlisle waits,
patient.
Alice and I sit together by the river in the silence borne of long familiarity. I've
returned home briefly so Bella can shower and get ready for school. It is sunny
today, so I won't be able to attend, but I will watch. I cannot stand to have her out
of my sight now. The others have gone away hunting, but I am terrified to leave
Bella so soon after my return. I cannot even contemplate ever leaving again, at this
point. Alice has stayed back as well, saying she will keep me company, but I know
she is also hesitant to be away from Bella, after so many months without her
company. Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I reach down and flick a
spray of water at her. Envisioning my move, she jumps away. I grab at her, but she
sees my plan and jumps nimbly onto the rocks. She reaches down to splash me,
but I read her intentions and jump up and over her head, landing on the rock
behind her. My arm shoots out but she dances to the side, laughing. Then she steps
on a rock that proves unsteady, and in the fraction of a second it takes for her to
adjust I leap onto her and we crash into the river behind us. She squirms and kicks
and mentally curses me for getting her outfit wet as we twist under the water.
Finally, she kicks away, leaping out of the water onto the grass. I jump out after
her, landing in a somersault, and rolling onto my back, the sky cool blue above me.
She slides over and props herself up on top of me, a gentle weight against my
chest. She reaches up and pushes the wet hair out of my eyes, smoothing it back
gently. Sunlight dances against our skin, reflecting prisms in the drops of water
that glitter on us. I'm glad you're back, she thinks. "Me too," I whisper, smiling.
Bella screams in agony by the hand of James, shredding me into a million pieces. I
roar with wild fury at the screen, and familiar hands grapple with me, restraining,
comforting. Someone whispers reassuringly in my ear. But all I can see is the
images from the video, Bella's face contorted in pain. I will never forget.
Carlisle and Esme's amber eyes glow up at me from amidst the sea of humans.
Carlisle watches intently, his face alive with fervent pride as I receive my first
medical degree. My son, he thinks. My son.
My mother sings to me softly, a familiar song from my childhood that fills me with
longing and loss. Her voice is rough, her breathing labored. I don't open my eyes,
unable to face the death in the hospital around us. I want to go home, I think. I
just want to go home. My mother gently presses a cool cloth to my burning face.
Bella looks up at me and, amazingly, her face is alight with wonder and joy. "You
love me," she breathes, and I am electrified by the trust and tenderness in her
voice. "Truly, I do," I say softly, smiling, and her expression is luminous, happy,
eyes soft pools of brown chocolate.
And then I see those same brown eyes, looking up at me from a small, perfect,
newborn face, hope and life held gently in my hands...
"Renesmee," I whispered, the darkness receding slightly as I clutched to the
memory of her face. Up, down, up, down. "Renesmee." I repeated her name again
and again. "Renesmee."
I said her name like a prayer, a chant to the gods above. I said her name for the
mother she would never know. For the father who would now surely fade away. For
everything she embodied of me and Bella, the best and brightest parts of each of
us, a precious legacy our love. And everything she was of herself, now and in the
future, and what she would be to those who remained to love her.
Renesmee. . . A flicker of life beneath my hands. The muted whisper of a
response. .
. I paused, uncertain. Terrified. . . .
And then, within a blazing dawn, the darkness was swept away by the creation of a
single, brilliant, heartbeat...
Chapter 20—Restoration
The white lights of the office suddenly felt blinding, the blazing illumination of
reality. My hands were frozen over Bella's chest as her heart beat feebly. Once,
twice...
"Come on, sweetheart," I whispered. "That's right, come on, love." I leaned down
and blew two breaths into her. Her heart had paused again, and I lay my hands
back against her skin, ready to start compressions, but then the feeble beats
restarted.
Suddenly, Bella's chest moved as she gasped, choking slightly, and then she pulled
in a long, ragged breath. Her heart started to beat more soundly, faster, faster,
pounding, racing. She pulled in several more large breaths, color flushing back onto
her skin.
"Oh, Bella. Oh god." I wrapped my arms around her upper body, pulling her limp
form up to me, kissing her head again and again. "Bella, Bella, I love you, I love
you so much. Oh, thank god, Bella." Her heart sped against my chest, her breath
washed over me in even full breaths. I buried my face into her neck, feeling my
body convulse, breaking down with overpowering emotion. Intense, overwhelming
relief, and the after effects of horror and despair, racked through me, my chest
heaving as I clung to her. Memories of what just occurred rained down on me –
Bella's shriek of agony, the feel of my teeth slicing through her skin, the agonized
pleas of the baby, her spine snapping.
Oh, no, her spine. I was going to injure her further, lifting her up like this.I quickly
and carefully laid her back down on the table. I was shaking all over. I smoothed
her hair back – she was still completely unresponsive. "Oh, thank you, thank you.
Bella, you did it. Oh, god." I covered my face with a hand, trying to subside the
irrational shaking. Suddenly, the door to the office banged opened, and I whipped
my head to the side.
Alice stood in the doorway. Her expression was wild, her eyes wide, and there were
healing compressions on her face. I had a quick glimpse from her mind of her on
her knees in the bedroom, moaning, fingers digging into her own face, thinking
Bella was gone.
"Edward," she shrieked, and launched herself across the room, leaping into my
arms and wrapping her legs around me. "Oh, Edward, you did it. You did it!" She
kissed me on my cheeks, my forehead.
"Alice," I gasped, trying to pull her arms off me. She slid down to stand in front of
me. "Look." I moved my eyes to Bella's body, and she followed my glance. Bella lay
naked, the wound in her stomach still open and oozing thick blood. Her torso was at
an odd angle, and her legs were splayed out. Her midsection was black and blue,
and several broken ribs were pushing through her skin. She was unconscious.
Alice's face blanched and she hissed slightly as she fully took in Bella's condition.
But then she shook her head and turned back to me, taking my face firmly between
her hands. She held my eyes.
"No, Edward," she whispered. "Look."
And in her mind unfolded the vision of Bella we had seen earlier in the day. Only
this time it did not disappear. Bella stood looking at herself in front of a large mirror
– I recognized it now from Rosalie's room. She was wearing a pale, sky blue dress
that clung to her perfect, healed, body. The planes of her face were different,
sharper, more defined, but her beauty was the same as it had ever been. Her skin
was a smooth, pearl white, and her eyes were bright blood red. She did not smile,
but viewed the reflection in the mirror warily. The vision was a little hazy, and the
edges were blurred out, although even in the seconds that Alice held it in her head
it began to grow just the minute bit clearer, exposing the hand of someone next to
Bella. But it was definitely firm, unwavering, and real.
"Oh, Alice," I choked out. Every nerve, every muscle in my body clenched and
twisted, and I felt as though I might be crushed by the joy and relief. She really is
going to be okay. I wrapped my arms around Alice and we held each other, letting
the vision feed us, restore us. Finally, I pulled away and looked back at Bella. She
was still unconscious, and worry quickly seeped through the happiness. I needed to
call Carlisle...
"Hey, back off," I heard Rosalie say from down stairs. I froze, turning to stare at
Alice. Her mind was searching, blank, seeing nothing. It could only be...Jacob. I
saw him through Rose's eyes, his hand outstretched toward Renesmee, his face
dazed.
"Don't you dare touch her!" Rosalie shouted. "Help!"
"Stay," I hissed at Alice, flying for the door. Jasper ran past in the hallway and by
the time I made it to the upstairs landing Jasper had Jacob pinned against the front
wall of the house by the throat. Rosalie stood on the other side of the room,
clutching the baby, who she had covered with a blanket. I grasped the railing,
looking down.
"He tried to touch the baby," she snarled. I turned and stared at Jacob in confusion
and shock. He was standing stock still, hands at his side, breathing roughly as
Jasper's hand pushed against his neck, holding him pinioned to the wall with one
hand. I was amazed he hadn't phased before Jasper got to him, and it was too late
now. If he even attempted, Jasper would rip his throat out. And Jacob knew it.
Please, Edward, he thought. His entire mind was humming with some sort of
emotional overload. Please, just listen first.
He began to play back the moments after he had left the office, as he had slowly
walked out the door. Into the ocean of pain, the other side so far away I couldn't
imagine it, much less see it. He'd started down the stairs, leaving behind the
sounds of Bella's heart being forced to beat. I wanted to somehow pour bleach
inside my head and let it fry my brain, to burn away the memory of Bella's final
minutes. At the bottom step he had seen Rosalie holding the baby. He'd felt...
Jacob's thoughts stumbled suddenly, as if we had crashed into a wall in his mind.
He blinked quickly, trying to regain focus, eyes flickering to the floor for a moment
and then back to mine. He retrained his thoughts around something, avoiding it.
Unbelievable. He was hiding something from me, some part of the memory.
Something he didn't want me to see, didn't want me to know. I growled softly and
he closed his eyes, ignoring my irritation and going on with his story.
Rosalie had lifted the baby onto her shoulder. Warm brown eyes gazed at him, the
color of milk chocolate. Bella's eyes.
And suddenly...heat, burning, glowing as everything inside him came undone and
then was reconnected, unbreakable. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing
– to the very center of the universe.
I stared at him, thunderstruck, trying to wrap my mind around his words. Trying to
interpret the cataclysmic shift that had occurred in his mind.
The gravity of the earth no longer ties me to this place. It is her that holds me here
now.
Renesmee. Renesmee. He reached out, only wanting to touch her one time...
No! My entire body stiffened, the wood railing beneath my hands splintering. Raw,
unadulterated shock coursed through me, stunning in its unexpected depth and
intensity. Not possible! My body felt like it was flushed with ice, rocked by a frigid
blast of comprehension, an appalling realization I could not fight or deny.
Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee. Imprinted on Renesmee. Renesmee. My
newborn daughter, out of the womb for only minutes. My child. My daughter!
And in a fraction of a second the glacier of shock dissolved in an instantaneous
implosion of heated anger and hatred. Damn him! Damn him to the furthest corners
of hell! The moment that Bella and I were sealed together for eternity, he decides
to tie himself permanently to my daughter. Unable to steal Bella from me, he
decides to take her. My daughter. Our daughter. The daughter I had hardly even
held in my arms.
Waves of uncontrolled fury washed through me. Was there nothing that I loved in
this world that Jacob did not want to take from me? Was he put on the earth merely
as a design of cruel fate, created to dog my every step, and covet the things that I
held most precious and dear?
I could barely see through the red haze of rage, and I was gripped by a wrathful
possessiveness. I would not let him have her. I would not go through this with him
again.
I would kill him first.
My eyes moved slowly from Jacob's face down to Jasper's hand on his throat.
Jacob's eyes followed my gaze. It would be so easy, just one word to Jasper, and
this would all be over. Seth and Leah were far away, unknowing. I could end this
travesty once and for all.
You know I didn't do it on purpose, Edward, Jacob thought. You know I have no
choice. Shut up! I mentally screamed. Shut up! I know that. Of course I know that!
It doesn't
make me hate it any less.
My eyes travelled slowly over the Rosalie and the baby. Rose was shielding
Renesmee's face with a blanket, so she could not see the standoff occurring in front
of her. But I was stricken to discover that, in the gentle, warm pool of her thoughts,
she was thinking of Jacob. Seeing him standing at the foot of the stairs, staring at
her. Her mind was alight with vivid fascination, pulled to the vision of his face, his
burning
eyes. Jacob, she thought eagerly, and I shuddered.
I looked back up at Jacob's face. He was not even watching me any more, his eyes
now on Renesmee's small form in Rosalie's arms. Even as he knows I am deciding
his fate, he cannot keep his eyes from her. Love for her sings through his whole
body, pulsing through his veins, humming through his limbs. How much he loves
her.
I remembered Jacob's thoughts from earlier in the day. He can't hate what loves
Bella. Could I hate what loved Renesmee? And could I destroy it?
What's it going to be, Edward, thought Jasper. His thoughts were dull, clouded. He
was confused by our intense emotions, and was trying to repel them. I realized
suddenly how emotionally ravaged and drained he was. And he did not want to kill
Jacob. Not today.
Neither did I.
Jacob's eyes flickered back to my face, thoughts of Renesmee ringing through his
mind, all-consuming. Renesmee. Renesmee. My teeth clenched in renewed fury. But
I couldn't deal with this now - I had to get back to the office. I was furious to have
been forced to leave at all. I needed to be with Bella, and he was keeping me from
her. Damn him again. Jacob and I would have this out, but not now.
Ultimately, for the time being, there was no doubt Renesmee was perfectly safe
with Jacob. At least physically. And that was all that mattered right now.
"Let him go," I said softly, my voice coming out more menacingly than I had
intended. Jasper released his throat immediately and stepped several steps back.
Jacob's eyes were locked onto mine. Thank you.
Edward, Edward! Renesmee's mind filled with the sound of my voice, looking for
me, her vision marred by the blanket. My gaze dragged back to the small struggling
form in Rose's arms, and my chest twisted painfully in a confusing mix of love and
longing and
sorrow. I wanted very badly to go to her, and just hold her in my arms. But I
couldn't. Bella had to be my focus right now.
I looked back at Jacob, and breathed in deeply. "You do not try to touch her again,
you do not think about touching her, until I give you permission." Jacob nodded. I'm
sorry, of course.
"Phone," I said softly, looking at Jasper. He reached into his pocket and tossed me
his phone, never taking his eyes from Jacob. I caught it in one hand and turned
around.
"Throw him out," snapped Rosalie. What the hell, Edward? she thought furiously.I
started to walk back to the office. This would have to be explained carefully to my
family, and I could not do it right now.
"He can stay," I muttered. For now. "He tried to touch the baby," Rosalie yelled.
"Edward!" I stepped into the office and
slammed the door behind me.
Alice was at the operating table, her hands gripping the side, her face strained. In
my absence she had been trying to apply her own venom to Bella's wound.
Although the blood within Bella's veins was beginning to change, to lose the potent
hints of flavor that triggered our natural reactions, her body was still coated in fresh
blood. It was smeared over the table and onto the floor. Alice was desperate to
help, but she was suffering.
I went quickly over to her, taking her by the shoulders. "Shh, Alice, it's okay," I
murmured. "Why don't you go."
She looked up at me, her eyes large. "I want to help. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for
you before," she said, her voice catching. "It was just the blood, and Rosalie...and
Jasper." Intense pain seared across her face and I saw the memory in her mind of
Jasper on his knees, clutching his head, rocking back and forth in the other room. A
small noise was coming from his lips, his eyes pressed shut, his expression
mangled. I realized, somewhere in the chaos I had tried so hard to fight, Jasper
had lost his grip on his own emotions and been swallowed up in the terror, pain,
hopelessness and despair.
"Jasper needed you, Alice," I said quietly. "I understand." I looked at Bella. So
quiet. So still. Terrifying uncertainty began pressing painfully against me. I felt a
flash of confused panic. Would I feel better if she was shrieking in agony? Maybe, I
thought miserably. I looked back at Alice.
"I need to wash Bella and clean up the room – would you mind getting me some
warm water and soap?" She nodded, her eyes still strained, and started to walk
slowly from the room. She stopped at the door, turning to look at me.
"What was that with Jacob? I gritted my teeth. "Nothing," I muttered.
Alice shrugged slightly. "I wish you had asked him to leave, at least for a while,
Edward. I still can't see the baby – he's interfering with my vision." She left, closing
the door behind her.
I flipped open the phone and dialed Carlisle. "Jasper!" he cried into the phone. "It's
me," I whispered. "Oh, Edward, tell me..." "She's okay, Carlisle. Well, her heart is
beating again."
There was a shattering moment of silence on the other end of the line. In the
background I heard Esme utter a strangled moan of relief, and there was a loud
whoop from Emmett.
"Atta girl, Bella!" he shouted.
"Oh, thank god, oh Edward." Carlisle pulled in an uneven breath. "Alice called to tell
us the baby had been delivered safely, but Bella's heart was still not beating, so
we...we..." he paused, his voice dying out for a moment. "How is the baby?"
"She's..." I paused, looking through Rose's eyes. I was momentarily panicked to
see she wasn't holding the baby. But she was looking at Jasper, who was sitting on
the couch next to her, rather awkwardly cradling Renesmee to his chest. He was
holding the metal bottle, and she was drinking slowly, languidly, her brown eyes
examining him solemnly. Her eyes are like Bella's, he thought. His mind was so
calm and untroubled now, and I realized he was absorbing the gentle peace of her
emotions. She was healing him.
"She's perfect," I said. "She's feeding, uh, drinking." "Drinking what?" asked
Carlisle. "Blood." "Ah," he murmured thoughtfully.
"Carlisle, Bella is still unconscious, I'm worried something went wrong. Her injuries
were so extensive."
"It's probably just the morphine, Edward," he mused. "It's excellent, really, if it is
delaying the pain of the burning. I'll take a look at the injuries when I arrive. I'm
sure she is fine, Edward."
"Yes," I said softly.
"We are coming as fast as possible. Your mother, she... she wasn't doing well." Pain
filtered through his voice as his breath caught slightly. "Emmett's been carrying her.
But I think she will be able to run on her own now that we know Bella is all right."
I closed my eyes for a moment, imaging Esme's agony, waiting to hear if Bella
made it. "How far are you?"
"We'll be home within the hour," he said. "And Edward, if Bella wakes up before I
return, I want you to call in Alice and Jasper. I don't want you dealing with that on
your own."
"Okay," I breathed. But dealing with it alone would be my cross to bear. "We'll see
you soon. Everything is going to be fine." The line disconnected.
A moment later, Alice came back. She had a bowl of warm water, a bar of soap,
several washcloths and towels, and a trash bag. She handed me the bowl and then
placed the other items on the chair. She left silently.
Bella's clothes remained in tattered rags underneath her body. I gently put a hand
under her torso, lifting her slightly and pulling out the fabric beneath her. I repeated
this with her legs. I was terrified to touch her lower back, and gently eased the
cloth out inch by inch. I balled them up and dropped them into the bag Alice had
brought. We'll have to burn those.
I dipped the washcloth into the warm water, rubbing the soap bar over it. I wrung it
out and then gently began to wash the blood and sweat from Bella's face. I gently
wiped her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" I
asked softly, gently swabbing the blood from her lips. I moved the cloth down
around her neck, and glided it over her shoulders. I dipped it in again, wringing it
out, the water turning a pale pink. Rubbing on more soap, I swept it over her chest
and then down each arm, carefully massaging her palms and each individual finger.
She was completely limp, no response.
Alice appeared with a new bowl and I handed her the dirty water. Taking a new
washcloth, I wiped Bella's stomach and legs, and then gently cleansed the wound
on her stomach. I examined the area of the broken ribs, trying to gently press them
back into place. "I'm sorry, love," I whispered, worried I was hurting her, although
she showed no reaction. "I'm sorry."
Alice returned with more warm water, a white sheet, and Bella's bag of toiletries.
"Will you help me wash her hair?" I asked quietly. She nodded mutely. Alice
carefully held Bella's head up a couple of inches as I poured some of the clean
water onto her hair. I rubbed a drop of shampoo between my hands and then began
to lather it into her hair. I massaged my fingers against her scalp, and then washed
her hair from the roots to the ends, rubbing it gently between my palms. I poured
the remaining water over her head, the soap pouring into the other bowl below,
with small rivulets running
down her neck and shoulders. Alice left with both bowls while I gently rubbed
Bella's head with a towel.
This time Alice brought a bucket of water mixed with bleach, a sponge and a mop.
Using the sponge, I wiped all the blood off the operating table. Then I mopped the
blood up off the floor. While I was doing that, Alice took the white sheet and
carefully covered Bella up to her shoulders.
"Thanks Alice," I murmured, handing her back the bucket and supplies.
"Hold on," she muttered, going to the door and putting the cleaning supplies in the
hall. She picked something up off the floor and came back in. She handed me a set
of clothes.
"I thought you might want to change," she said with a small smile. I looked down,
and realized there were large splotches of blood on my shirt and pants.
"Oh," I said softly. "Thanks Alice."
"Do you want me to stay up here with Bella, so you can go see the baby?" she
asked gently. My stomach twisted, and I felt the pull I had earlier to hold Renesmee
in my arms. I reached over and placed my hand on Bella's arm.
"I can't, Alice," I whispered. "Not without Bella." Her forehead wrinkled slightly, but
she nodded and left.
I quickly changed, dropping my clothes into the trash bag with Bella's ruined things.
I pulled a chair from against the wall and placed it next to Bella's bed, so I could sit
close to her. I touched her hair, feeling the damp, silky strands between my fingers.
The familiar scent of Bella's strawberry shampoo floated up, soothing me. I stroked
her translucent eyelids, and then caressed her cheek with the back of my hand. I
trailed my fingers down her arm and picked up her hand, holding it to my lips for a
long moment.
Was she conscious at all? Was she in pain?
"Bella, sweetheart," I murmured, pressing her hand against my cheek. No
response. Could she hear me?
"I love you, Bella. I'm here with you, and I won't leave. We are always going to be
together." I pressed my face to her palm, inhaling deeply. Her scent was different,
changed but with familiar undertones, subtly laced with morphine and the acrid
smell of venom. Her heart beat, just fractionally faster than normal.
"Renesmee is so beautiful. You have such a beautiful daughter. And you are going
to be such a wonderful mother. I can't wait until the three of us are together." I
curled her fingers over and encircled her hand in both of mine.
"Carlisle, Esme and Emmett will be back soon. And Renesmee is downstairs with
Rosalie, Alice and Jasper." And Jacob. My teeth clamped together, and I felt another
rush of fury and disbelief. What was I going to do? Could I allow him to stay here?
But knowing the strength of the wolves imprint, could I make him leave? I tried to
search for the shreds of the affection that had developed towards Jacob before the
birth, but found only red hot anger and resentment.
Looking through Jasper's eyes, I saw Jacob downstairs, still standing against the
wall where I had last seen him. He had not moved an inch. His eyes, though,
followed Renesmee. Jasper was confused and irritated by his continued presence,
and suspicious of his emotions towards Renesmee. Rosalie was sending him looks of
pure hatred. I would have to be very careful when I explained to my family what
had occurred between Jacob and Renesmee. If they misunderstood the connection
that had been forged within him, if they thought there was a romantic element to
it, I was certain that, where I hadn't killed him, they would.
I tried to shake Jacob from my thoughts. Later. I leaned over and pressed my
forehead to Bella's leg. "I love you, Bella. I love you." I heard a whisper of bodies
moving through the trees and sat up quickly. They were back.
The front door opened, and Carlisle, Esme and Emmett came through. They paused
in the front hall, looking towards Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, who were grouped
together, sitting on the couch. Renesmee was wrapped tightly in a blanket in Rose's
arms, a glowing angel, her brown eyes peering at the newcomers and capturing
them in her gaze.
"Oh, my," breathed Esme. She squeezed Carlisle's hand.
"Emmett," Rosalie said softly, standing up, clutching the baby to her. He lifted his
eyes from Renesmee to look at her, struck by her luminous expression, her eyes
sparkling with happiness. Damn, I love that woman, he thought.
"Hey, babe," he said, smiling broadly. Carlisle made a step towards the stairs, and
then paused, looking back at Renesmee with a worried glance.
"Go," said Rosalie. "She's fine. Go see Bella first." Carlisle paused for one more
second, and the sprinted up the stairs. He stopped quickly outside the door, and
knocked softly.
"Come in," I said. He opened the door and came in quietly, closing it behind him. I
stood up. His eyes went straight to Bella, and he looked at her for a long moment,
evaluating the strength and speed of her heartbeat. Strong. Fast.And then he
walked to me and grabbed me in his arms.
"Edward," he said, his voice strained. "I am so, so sorry I wasn't here. I never
should have gone, and left you to deal with this alone. I failed you and I am so
sorry."
"Carlisle," I said quickly, surprised, pulling back. "You needed to go. No one could
have anticipated this."
"No," he said firmly. "No, I should have. We had no ultrasonic image, no reliable
source to measure development. I never should have left the side of such a high
risk patient."
I gripped his shoulder. "Carlisle, she needed that blood. You were the only one who
could access it. You did what was absolutely necessary." He shook his head,
unconvinced. Then his eyes strayed back to Bella. He went over and stood next to
the operating table. He held the corner of the sheet in his hand, and glanced at me.
"May I?" he murmured. I shook my head mutely. Carlisle slowly pulled the sheet
back, exposing Bella's damaged body. He stood still as his eyes swept over her,
cataloguing each bruise, each wound.
"Tell me everything that happened," he said softly. As I began to recount the events
for Carlisle, his hands deftly moved over Bella. He started at her face, pulling her
eyes open with his fingers. His brow furrowed slightly. Dilated. Probably expected at
this point. His fingers stroked gently over the mottled skin of her face, capillaries
broken from the strain of screaming. His hands moved down to lightly touch the
gash in her stomach. It was healing rapidly, still open in only a few places, the
visible blood thick and congealed. He smoothed his hands over her rib cage, gently
feeling each bone. At least 10 broken ribs, already starting to heal. His hands
moved down over her
hips. Probably a broken pelvis.
When I told him about the broken spine, he paused and glanced up. "I think we
should take an x-ray." I helped him place the machine over Bella's lower half, and
he took several films. While I prepared them he went back to Bella, carefully lifting
and inspecting each of her legs, and then finally covering her back up with the
sheet.
I held up the films. Fractured coccyx and sacrum. Fractures at L2 and L5. I felt sick.
Carlisle came around to stand behind me, and put a hand on my shoulder.
"It will heal," he said softly. "Tell me about the transformation. Where did you start
with the venom?"
I glanced at him nervously. "Well, I injected it straight into her heart." He stared at
me silently. "While you were gone, it occurred to me that the best course of action
might be to inject the venom straight into the heart. So I prepared a syringe of my
own venom. I meant to discuss it with you when you got back, but..."
Carlisle stared at me a moment longer, his expression slowly turning thunderstruck.
Then he went over and stood over Bella's body, looking down silently, listening to
the strength of her heart.
"I'm sorry," I choked out. "Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. Maybe it was too
much for her heart. Maybe that is why she isn't waking up."
Carlisle whirled around, his eyes wide. "Sorry? Don't be sorry, Edward. It was... it
was brilliant. Ingenious. Given the already weakened state of her heart, and the
trauma it endured during the birth..." He stepped towards me, gripping my hand.
"It was what saved her." He pulled me in, hugging me tightly. "I'm so proud of you,
Edward. I couldn't have done it better if I had been here. You did everything right.
You delivered the baby successfully, and saved Bella. I'm in awe of you."
My throat felt tight and I shook my head, pulling away. "But why doesn't she wake
up?" I whispered.
Carlisle looked at Bella. "Her system has been through a lot – she is probably in
shock. There is a lot of morphine still in her system – I can smell it in her blood. It
was obviously well ahead of the venom. It might be a while before she regains
consciousness." He patted my back. "It's better this way, for her, if it cuts out some
hours of burning. She will be fine. Remember, Esme did not regain consciousness
right away." And then his expression changed, the pain that crossed his features
quickly echoed in mine, as he remembered Esme's confused and agonized screams
when she did regain consciousness. I closed my eyes, gripping my fists.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. There was a light knock on the door and Esme came in.
She stared at Bella for a long moment, and then looked at Carlisle.
"I thought you might want to go downstairs and see Renesmee," she said softly.
Carlisle shook his head briskly. "Yes, of course. I need to examine her, and take her
vitals. I'd like to get weight and height measurements as well."
Esme reached up and placed a hand gently against Carlisle's cheek. He looked
down at her. "Before you do all that," she said gently, "why don't you go down and
simply meet your granddaughter." Carlisle's eyes widened slightly, hearing words
he'd never dreamed he would. He reached up and pressed his hand to Esme's,
turning his head and kissing her palm. He smiled quickly at me and then went out
the door.
Esme glanced at me and then moved straight over to Bella. Her hand swept over
Bella's hair, then down to cradle her face. She leaned over and pressed her cheek to
Bella's face. Thank god, Bella, she thought. My sweet daughter.She closed her eyes
and just breathed in and out for several minutes. I sat down on the chair I had
pulled up next to Bella's bed.
Finally, Esme stood up and walked around the table. She knelt down in front of me
and took my hand.
"Your daughter is beautiful," she said. "I know," I said, smiling slightly. "Just like
her mother."
"And her father," Esme said, touching my face gently. Her finger brushed warm and
soft over my cheek. Then her eyes grew serious.
"Edward, you need to see your baby. Spend some time with her."
My throat tightened, and I reached over and gripped Bella's hand. For a moment I
looked through Rose's eyes. She was watching Carlisle, who was holding the baby
up on his shoulder, one arm cradling her to his body, the other stroking her small
head. For the first time I noticed the bronze curls that surrounded her head like a
halo.
"I can't, Esme," I choked out. "Bella needs me."
"I know she does. And so does Renesmee." Esme held out her hand and I took it.
She grasped it tightly.
"Edward," she said, her voice steady. "I know that you are my superior in many
things."
"Esme, no," I muttered.
"You are significantly more well-read, you hold more degrees. You have the gift of
music. And a strength that I can not even begin to touch." I shook my head. She
leaned close, eyes brilliant amber, holding mine. "However, in the area parenting,
you don't hold a candle to me." She raised her eyebrows, and I felt a small smile
play on my lips.
She went on, her voice soft. "I know that you have been thrust into parenthood in a
very sudden, unexpected way, and I can understand how difficult it is for you. I
can't imagine what you went through during the birth process and reviving Bella – I
experienced only a fraction of your pain, and it was terrible." She paused for a
moment, her voice catching. Her hand squeezed mine even tighter. "And I know
you are still worried about her now."
Then she took a deep breath and stood up, releasing my hand. "But you are
Renesmee's father. She needs you, and you need her. For the time being, Bella is
resting comfortably, and I think you should start to get to know your daughter."
I stared at her, slightly shocked. I looked at Bella. "I won't leave her," I whispered.
"We'll bring the baby up to you," she said, smiling gently. I took a deep breath,
uncertain.
"What if Bella wakes up?" I asked quietly. "I don't want Renesmee to see that." I
didn't want her to have that memory in her mind.
"We'll be waiting right outside, Edward. We are all here to help you get through
this." She looked at Bella. "Bella would want you to see her."
I looked at Bella's still face, and then back at Esme. A thrill of excitement shot
through me. "Ok," I said. "Bring her up."
Esme clapped her hands together. "Wonderful. We just need to get her away from
your father first – we'll have to let him have a quick exam, at least." She rolled her
eyes, smiling, and then walked briskly out.
I looked over at Bella. Her hair was almost dry, tumbling over the table. I stood up
and went over to her bag, pulling out her hairbrush. I moved back to the table and
gently brushed her hair, carefully working through all the tangles until it was
smooth. "You look beautiful, sweetheart, as always," I said, kissing her cheek.
Carlisle put his head just inside the door and I glanced up quickly. "22 inches, 7 and
a half pounds. Reflexes are great – advanced, actually. I clamped the umbilical
cord, although it seems to be healing quickly. Full set of teeth.
She's...extraordinary, to say the least."
"Oh," I breathed.
"I want to check her weight and height again in several hours, considering her rate
of development within the womb."
I felt a chill. "Carlisle, you don't think she will continue to develop at that rate."
"I'm not sure, Edward," he said softly, his brow furrowing. Then he smoothed his
features. "Don't worry about that right now – we will talk more later. Rosalie will be
bringing her up in a moment to see you."
"Are you ready to go upstairs and see Daddy?" I heard Rosalie say downstairs.
Carlisle smiled and disappeared.
Emmett snorted. "Daddy – please!" "Well, he is her father," Rosalie snapped.
"I don't know," Emmett mused. "That's going to take some getting used to –
Edward the Dad." He laughed again.
"What about Emmett the Uncle?" asked Alice.
"Oh, that's no problem," Emmett said, laughing loudly. "I'm going to be an excellent
uncle, right, kiddo." He pretended to punch Renesmee in the arm.
Rosalie slapped his arm away. "Stop it!" Jeez, ow. "I wasn't going to hurt her," he
muttered. Watch out for the mama bear.
Quiet footsteps came up the stairs. There was a soft knock at the door, and Rosalie
came in, cradling Renesmee. She glanced at Bella, and searing guilt took her by
surprise. I failed her when she needed me, she thought miserably.I promised to
help, to be there for her.
"It's okay, Rose," I said gently. Her eyes shot back to mine, and she nodded
slightly, eyes strained. She came over and I stood up. Renesmee gazed up at me –
I put out my arms to take her, but suddenly felt awkward, unsure of how to lift her
from Rose's arms.
"Sit down, Edward," Rosalie said, laughing lightly. I sat in the chair, pulling slightly
away from Bella's bed, and she leaned down and placed Renesmee in my arms. She
was wrapped in a soft, blue blanket, and felt a little heavier than I remembered.
Rose
kissed her gently on the cheek. As she rose up, she paused, and then pressed her
lips to my forehead.
"Thank you, Edward," she whispered. "Thank you." "For what?" I asked, surprised.
"For Renesmee. For Bella. For saving them both." She straightened out, and with a
last look at Bella, left the room.
Renesmee watched her go. Rosalie, she thought. Then she turned back to me, her
melted brown eyes wide and clear. Edward.
I ran a finger down her cheek. Her skin was smooth, firm but pliant, less fragile
than Bella's. And so warm, almost hot.
"Hello, sweetheart," I said. "Hello, Renesmee."
She blinked back at me, her eyes dancing around my face. Edward. Her mind filled
with an image of me, my face aglow with wonder, Jacob just visible behind me,
bending over the table. The moment when I had lifted her from the womb. The
memory was tinged with tenderness, and relief. Edward, she thought. And then,
she recalled Rosalie's words. Daddy.
I pulled in a quick breath, and my throat grew tight. Daddy. "That's right," I said
whispered, cupping her face with my hand. Then I moved my hand down and
carefully unwrapped the blanket. Her skin almost glowed, a pure ivory. She wore
only a diaper, which Rose must have put on her at some point. I gently curled my
hand around her small foot, caressing it in my fingers, feeling each individual toe,
impossibly small. I did the same with the other foot. Ten toes. I smoothed my hand
up her legs, slightly bowed, with a couple pudgy ridges. Her umbilical cord had a
yellow clamp on it, and looked nearly already healed.
When I ran a hand up her stomach, she squirmed a little. "Ticklish, are we," I
murmured, grinning slightly. She smiled back. Look at her teeth. I put a finger in
her mouth, and ran my finger tip along the top of her teeth. They did not pierce my
skin, but I could feel the sharp edge. She bit down with unexpected force.
"Ow," I said, laughing. I pulled my finger out and she smiled again. Ow, she
thought, her mind dancing with amusement at my expression. I slid my hand down
her arms to her hands, feeling each slim finger. Ten fingers. I pressed my finger
into her palm, and, just like millions of other babies across the world did every day,
her fingers reflexively grasped mine. As she gripped my finger, the heat of her skin
radiated throughout my entire body, a sunburst of love and devotion. I leaned down
and kissed her forehead.
"Beautiful girl," I said softly. I pressed my cheek against hers. "Beautiful, just like
your mother. You look just like her." I lifted her up to my shoulder, and she nuzzled
into my neck.
"You are my precious angel, Renesmee," I crooned. "My sweet, sweet little girl." I
kissed her cheek several times, and then inhaled her scent, sweet, strangely
appealing but not tempting. At least, not tempting to a vampire with some control.
I pushed that thought away for now. Her soft curls brushed gently against my skin,
and I pressed my face into them.
I remembered my fears before she was born, if something like me could actually be
a father, a parent. But having her here, holding her, it felt... amazingly instinctive. I
recalled words I had once spoken to Bella. I have human instincts – they may be
buried deep, but they're there. At that time, I had been fighting so hard against my
vampiric instincts, it had seemed almost impossible to access the human ones. But
Bella had freed that humanity from within me. She had shown me the tremendous
happiness that could be gained from following my mortal impulses, and had helped
me discover intimacy, tenderness, and romantic love. And now, she had given me
the gift of fatherhood, something else I had thought I had left behind with
mortality, and I was both shocked and happy to find that being with Renesmee felt
natural. Good.
"I love you so much," I said quietly, closing my eyes, relishing the feel of her small
body against my chest and the sensation of her heart fluttering quickly against my
skin. "I'm so glad you are here." I stroked her silky curls with my hand. I was a
little worried that my cool body might make her cold, but the heat she radiated
seem to keep her body temperature up.
Suddenly, her mind filled with the image of Bella, her face close, sweaty and
ravaged, smiling weakly. I cringed, knowing it was Bella's face as Renesmee had
seen it moments after her birth. Bella, she thought, her mind swelling with love and
concern. Bella. I sighed, and then lowered her down off my shoulder, propping her
on my legs in front of me, cradling her body with one hand and her head with
another.
"I know, sweetheart, I know. That's mommy, and she will be with us soon, I
promise." I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "She loves you so much. So
much." I glanced behind Renesmee at Bella's sleeping form. She risked everything
for you, to give you life. Her love knows no bounds.
I looked back at Renesmee and smiled, and was rewarded with a stunning smile in
return. Then suddenly her expression changed, and her mouth stretched into a
perfect O. I tensed, concerned, and then realized she was yawning. She was tired.
She sleeps. Like Bella.
I slid her towards me, cradling her in my arm against my chest. I carefully tucked
in the blanket around her. "Go to sleep, sweet Renesmee," I murmured, rocking
gently back and forth. "Go to sleep now, my little angel." She yawned again, her
eyes slowly closing and opening. Without thinking about it, I began to sing to her,
the same song my mother had sung to me in the hours before her death, the
remembered song of childhood.
Sway to and fro in the twilight gray, This is the ferry for Shadowtown,
It always sails at the end of the day, Just as the darkness is closing down, Rest,
little head, on my shoulder, so, A sleepy kiss is the only fare, Drifting away from
the world we go, Baby and I in the rocking chair...
As I sang, Renesmee watched me, transfixed. Her eyes would close and then open
again, until finally she could hold them open no longer. Their brown depths
disappeared behind pale, pink eyelids, her dark lashes resting against her ivory
skin. As I sang the final words of the song, her thoughts began to blur.
Rock slow, more slow, in the dusky light, Silently lower the anchor down, Dear little
passenger, say "Good night", We've reach'd the harbor of Shadowtown.
Renesmee's breathing became even, and the beating of her heart slowed. I leaned
down and kissed her cheek. Then I reached out and took Bella's hand in mine. I
looked between their sleeping faces, as I held my whole world in my hands.
"I love you," I whispered.

Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—5)

Colors danced and sparkled, lavender, soft blue, deep rose pink. Flowing endlessly,
creating patterns while dark, moving shadows splayed in the background. And then
the muted colors burst to life, glowing white, almost too bright, too stark. Bright
blues, reds, yellows overlapped, blending and separating, in perpetual motion...
Renesmee's dreams were spectacular. Stunning yet soothing. The quiet colors of
her life in the womb mixed and intertwined with the new, sharper hues of birth. I
felt like I could stay lost in them forever, just floating in this alternate state of
unconscious bliss.
And then the faces. My own, Bella's, Rosalie's, wavering in and out of focus
amongst the painted background. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper. And Jacob. Jacob.
The flash of irritation broke me out of my contentment, and I sighed. Jacob, a
constant fixture in her thoughts. Jacob, imprinted on Renesmee. On my daughter.
What was I going to do? I looked away from Renesmee towards Bella, trying to sort
out my feelings. My emotions towards Jacob had always been confusing. I felt the
natural aversion to his kind that was instinctive within me. And a deep, entrenched
resentment that had once bordered on hate for his nearly successful attempts to
take Bella from me.
And yet there was so much fellowship, and gratitude. For loving, and protecting,
Bella when I wasn't there to do it. For being her friend. For sacrificing everything to
help me save her.
But all these things fell to the side when it came to Renesmee, and I struggled to
press my personal feelings about Jacob aside as I contemplated what this imprint
would mean for her. I thought for a moment about destiny. And choice. Jacob's
nature, as a wolf, had removed his choice of a mate through the act of imprinting.
He did not resent this. The power of the imprint, the resulting bond, was too strong
to allow for any resentment.
But would Renesmee resent it, if not now then one day? If Jacob stayed in her life,
would he determine her destiny as much as his had now been written? Choice was
something I had always strongly desired for Bella. For so long I had struggled
against what fate threw at us, the way life had tried to take away her choices. How
I had regretted that my presence in her life seemed to shape her destiny from its
natural course. Didn't I have to fight for my daughter's right to her own choices as
well?
I sighed. To think I had ever found the idea of imprinting fascinating. I reached out
downstairs, looking through Jasper's watchful eyes. Jacob was sitting in an
armchair, looking uncomfortable. Esme had insisted he come from his spot against
the wall and join everyone. He was staring at his hands in his lap, thinking of
Renesmee. He was feeling oddly guilty. How could I have felt that way, he thought
miserably. How could I have ever considered that? I couldn't pinpoint the source of
his guilt. He was fighting against his thoughts, his mind being sucked back into
memories he didn't want to face, to recall...
Renesmee in Rosalie's arms...A blood sucking monster that brutally mutilates its
own mother... An aberration, its existence against nature... A black, soulless
demon, something that had no right to be. Something that had to be
destroyed...My own justice, my revenge...Muscles coiling, body preparing to spring,
teeth ready to rip.I was driven to my feet, Renesmee clutched protectively to my
chest, my mind ringing with the treacherous, hate filled reality of Jacob's thoughts.
That god damned bastard had been just about to kill Renesmee! I felt my body
trembling in fury, and I willed myself to be calm, to control myself and not hurt the
precious weight in my arms. Renesmee. Renesmee. My anger suddenly twisted with
guilt and horror. With my own inattentiveness, I had nearly let my newborn
daughter be killed, mere minutes after she had been born. How could I have turned
such a blind eye to those murderous thoughts only a few feet away from me? What
could have kept me from seeing?
But I knew what. Nothing could have touched me in the dark place that was Bella's
death, and I had nearly paid the ultimate price for that. I was sickened by Jacob,
and disgusted with myself. I looked down at Renesmee in my arms, so small, so
soft and delicate. How could he have wanted to kill her? How could anyone want to
cause harm to something so lovely and gentle?
And yet, I had once hated what I thought was killing Bella. Hated my own daughter.
Perhaps neither of us deserved either one of them. Perhaps we were both
monsters.
As if sensing my self-doubt, my face floated into Renesmee's dreams, and I was
struck momentarily by how different I looked in her thoughts, compared to the face
I saw in my own mind. Somehow, I always saw the rock hard skin, the deathly
pallor, the inhuman eyes. Cold. Inert. But in Renesmee's mind, my face was warm,
my expression tender. I looked so young. So alive.
The door was suddenly pushed open.
"Cheese!" said Alice, a flash temporarily lighting up the room. Then she lowered the
camera. "Edward, you weren't even smiling!"
I breathed deeply, trying to repel some of my tension. Then I rolled my eyes and
sat back down. "Shh, Alice, you'll wake her. What are you doing?"
Alice smiled. "Esme suggested we take some pictures." She looked down at
Renesmee, her face softening with surprise. She's sleeping, she thought.
"Yes," I whispered. We both watched the baby's still face for a moment, until
Carlisle appeared behind Alice. She smiled at him, went over and kissed Bella's
cheek, and then danced out of the room.
Carlisle looked at Bella, still motionless on the bed. No change. He turned his eyes
to Renesmee. "How is she doing?" he asked quietly, smiling, but then his expression
froze as he inhaled a sharp breath. "What?" I said quickly, looking down at her and
searching his mind. She's grown, he thought.
"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I had been staring at her for the last hour and
a half, there was no way. I studied her face intently. Oh, no. For now that I looked,
really looked, I could see that the planes of her cheekbones were slightly more
pronounced. Her nose was elongated. I gently straightened out a soft curl with two
fingers. Longer.
Quickly I pulled back the blanket and felt a growing sense of unease. Carlisle came
and knelt next to me as we studied her. Her torso had definitely lengthened. Her
legs had already lost some of the excess fat, and they were straighter. Her fingers
and toes seemed longer.
"I'll get the measuring tape," Carlisle said softly, standing up. "I want to keep a
running record." "Carlisle, what does this mean?" I asked. He looked at me for a
long moment and then shook his head.
I don't know, Edward. I tried to ignore the calculations both our minds were doing
unbidden, the life span that such a rate of development would mean. Carlisle
watched the panic in my eyes and reached out and put a hand on my shoulder .
Please don't get upset, Edward. She is like nothing we have ever seen before –
standard rules for development obviously don't apply. That doesn't mean that her
body wasn't designed for a long and happy life.
A long and happy life. I looked down at her sleeping face, and felt a deep chill settle
through me. Even if her growth slowed, we had no idea what her life span might
be.
Carlisle's other hand was quickly on my other shoulder. He squeezed until I felt
forced to look up at him again. You cannot dwell on what may pass in the future,
Edward. She's beautiful, she's healthy. I nodded once, leaning down to press my
face to her head and inhale her scent, a salve for my fears.
"Okay," he said, with slight uncertainty. "I'll be back in a moment." He disappeared
and returned in several seconds, holding a tape measure. We stretched Renesmee
out on my lap, and Carlisle measured her length as well as the circumference of her
head. While I watched him I heard quiet footsteps come up the stairs and then
pause at the top. Esme.
She's grown 7/8's of an inch since I measured her when I returned, Carlisle noted,
stunned. I nodded, not knowing what to say. He looked at me. We'll measure again
in four hours.
He knelt back down in front of us, running a finger down Renesmee's arm, and then
looked up at me. "Her skin appears firmer than a human's, and more durable, I
would imagine. As I'm sure you noticed, her heart rate is faster than that of a
normal human. It's beating at about 150 beats per minutes – slightly above the
normal range for a newborn baby. I do not know if it will slow down as she ages,
like a human's heart rate would. Temperature is running at about 105 degrees. So
far, she has only ingested blood, but I would like to determine if she can digest
human food." He fell silent then, standing up.
I nodded, acknowledging his physician's analysis, and then I carefully wrapped
Renesmee back up in her blue blanket. She had not woken at all during the
measuring process. I wondered if all babies slept this soundly? I had no reference
to go by. Hearing a small noise outside the room, I realized Esme was still standing
at the top of the stairs, anxious, listening.
"At some point, with your permission, and Bella's as well, of course, I'd like to do
some blood work." Carlisle looked over at Bella. "Would it be all right for me to
examine Bella again?" he asked.
Esme appeared immediately in the door, her face a little hesitant. Her eyes went
straight to Renesmee. "Oh, would you like me to take the baby so you can help with
the exam, Edward?" she asked quickly.
I realized suddenly that Esme had been loitering out in the hall waiting for an
excuse to come in and get Renesmee. I looked down, trying to bite back a smile at
her obvious eagerness.
"That would be great, Esme, thanks," I said, standing. Her eyes lit up and she
approached almost reverently, peering down into Renesmee's face.
Look at her sleeping. How adorable. She gently slid her arms under Renesmee,
lifting her out of my grasp and cradling her to her chest. "There you are, dear one.
How I missed you," she said softly, kissing Renesmee's cheek.
I lifted my eyes, and then stopped. Just behind her, a couple of feet away, Carlisle
stood, frozen, watching Esme, his expression entranced. He slowly lifted his hand,
pressing it against his chest, against his heart. His mind held a myriad of emotions
– boundless love and aching happiness, mingled with ancient sorrows and old
regrets.
Look at her, he thought, his eyes fixed on the vision of Esme with the baby in her
arms. Look at her. Just as she always wanted. His breath hitched slightly, and then
he noticed my stare. He glanced away, almost embarrassed, fearing that he might
be intruding on my happiness with his own. I wanted to tell him that every
happiness of mine was to be shared with him.
"Oh, Edward," said Esme suddenly. I let my eyes move back to her. "What gift you
have given us. You and Bella." She lifted Renesmee up, burying her face in her hair
for a moment, and then lifted her eyes to mine. "You know how much I love you.
How much I love my adopted family. You're my children, and nothing has brought
me greater pleasure than to act as your mother. To care for you, and try to guide
you, when you'll let me." She smiled, and then looked back down at Renesmee.
"But to hold a baby in my arms again, after all this time. To feel that
new life in my arms. I just, I just never thought it would happen for me, again. I
never dreamed. And it reminds me so much of..." She closed her eyes, her voice
breaking off in a sob, her breath catching. Reminds me of my first little angel. She
swallowed, trying to compose herself. Carlisle came over to her, putting an arm
around her shoulder and pressing his lips to her cheek, closing his own eyes,
breathing deeply.
Finally, Esme raised her arm and pressed her hand to Carlisle's face. She turned her
head, kissing him gently on the lips, and then looked at me.
"I'm just so happy, Edward," she said quietly. I smiled, leaning over and pressing
my cheek to the side of her head. She patted my hair gently, and then turned
swiftly and left. Carlisle and I watched after her for a moment, and then Carlisle
moved over to Bella.
I walked over and stood across the bed from him, taking her hand. "Bella," I
whispered, watching her face. But there was no response. Her hand felt cooler than
usual in mine. It seemed surreal, given the venom currently scorching through her
veins. Suddenly, I was swallowed by my own memories of burning, the fire blazing
as if straight from hell, cruel, unrelenting and unstoppable. Please, god, don't let
her be going through that. Please spare her.
Carlisle glanced at me with worried eyes, and then leaned over Bella. He pulled
back her eyelids. No longer dilated, he thought, pleased. He carefully pushed the
sheet aside, exposing Bella's stomach. The wound was almost completely healed. I
ran a finger down it, feeling the slight ridge where the incision had been.
Carlisle slid his hand under the sheet. Ribs healing nicely. "What about her spine?" I
whispered. He straightened up, looking at me.
I'm not certain. We could take an x-ray, but I don't know if we would be able to get
an image at this point. He smiled kindly at me. It will heal, Edward.
I nodded, and then glanced back down at Bella's still, unconscious face. "When will
the morphine wear off?" The scent of it still laced her blood.
"In a human, four to eight hours," Carlisle said. "However, the venom thickens the
blood, changes the molecular structure. I'm not sure how that will effect the
medication – it may burn off slower." Carlisle came around the table suddenly,
putting a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up at him.
Edward, why is Jacob still here?
I sighed and looked away, avoiding his questioning eyes. I couldn't put off
explaining to my family any longer. But first, I needed to talk to Jacob. Alone.
I glanced back up. Carlisle was watching me, curious but patient. "I will explain,
Carlisle, but I need to speak to Jacob first. Do you think everyone might take a walk
in the yard, to give us some privacy?"
Carlisle raised his eyebrows in surprise, but nodded. Okay, Edward, we'll leave right
now.
"Be careful," I whispered, thinking of the wolves. But there was no one close, no
danger. Carlisle nodded again and regarded me for a second, wondering what could
possibly be going on, before turning and going downstairs. There was no way he
was going to guess this one, I thought.
There was a quick discussion, a short argument with Rosalie, and a lot of fuss
wrapping Renesmee in an extra blanket before they were ready to leave. Jacob
stood by the couch, silently watching. Everyone kept casting suspicious glances at
him. Once they were out the door, he sighed loudly, steeled himself, and began
climbing the stairs.
I pressed my cheek to Bella's. "I'll be right back, love," I said softly. I kissed her
lips, cool and dry, and then went out the door, standing right in front of it, leaving it
cracked open several inches.
Jacob reached the top of the steps and walked towards me, stopping several feet
away. His body was rigid, his expression stressed. Fear drummed through him, that
I had called him up here to demand that he leave. To forbid him to see Renesmee.
To tear apart his world. He knew that he would do as I asked, and this helplessness
terrified him.
Finally looking up, he glanced at the door behind me, thinking of Bella as he had
last seen her – lifeless. Empty.
"Can I see her?" he asked quietly.
"No," I snapped, not feeling generous. He'd lost that right when he'd walked out the
office door after the birth.
Jacob nodded, and then looked down at his feet, saying nothing. Silent tension
wavered between us for a moment. I stared at his down turned head.
"I know you were going to kill her," I said softly. Jacob's head shot up, his
expression horrified, all the color draining from his face. Shit, he thought. We
stared at each other for several silent seconds.
"I wasn't sure, if...if you knew," he finally said, his voice rough, shaky.
"How could I not," I spit out. "You've been hammering yourself with guilt for the
last half hour, did you think I was going to miss that?" He shrugged, saying nothing,
looking down again. I would give anything in the world to take back those few
seconds, he thought, eyes not meeting mine. But I can't.
"No, you can't," I said quietly, seething, not wanting his remorse. I knew it was
foolish, in some ways, to pursue this anger over something that did not come to
pass. That now would never come to pass. But I just wasn't ready to let it go, yet.
"Jacob," I said, waiting, watching. Finally, he took a breath and looked up into my
eyes. "Jacob," I repeated. "You would have done that to Bella?"
He stiffened, his hands clenching. The ghost of pain and loss filled his eyes. "She
was dead," he said roughly. "I thought she was dead." He was back briefly in those
terrible moments, leaving that room, coming down the stairs... He shook his head.
"And me?" I whispered, unable to fully keep the edge of betrayal out of my voice.
After everything, you would have done that to me, Jacob? But he would have
wanted to hurt me, as he felt I had hurt Bella.
Jacob blinked, and the pain in his eyes changed, laced with regret, and
defensiveness. "If she was dead, then you were as good as dead, too." His tone
was brusque. Then his face changed, softened slightly, and he was thinking of
Renesmee again. He stepped closer to me and then reached out hesitantly to touch
my arm. I glanced down in surprise. He had never voluntarily touched me before.
"But, don't you see, Edward. I get that now. How your whole world can hang on the
existence of one person, and if they are gone, your life is gone too. How there
would be no reason to live anymore. More than that, how it would be impossible to
go on living. I understand now."
I stared at him, not sure what to say, unable to avoid understanding the depth and
truth of his emotions, and yet hating that they were towards my daughter.
He watched me, his hand still on my arm. "Will you tell her?" he whispered. Tell
Bella he had almost tried to kill her daughter .
"No," I said. I was angry, not cruel. "Do you want me to leave?" His voice was
nearly inaudible. "You know I would never hurt her." Renesmee.
I sighed and closed my eyes, squeezing the bridge of my nose. He waited, not
breathing. I looked at him again, and tried to put my fears into words, so he would
comprehend where I was coming from.
"I worry that," I said softly, "by imprinting on Renesmee, you are writing her whole
life for her, before she even gets a chance to make her own choices. If I let you
stay, how many of her future decisions will be a fore-gone conclusion?"
Jacob's grip on my arm tightened, panic crashing into his thoughts of being kept
away from Renesmee, and even more upset by the future I painted.
"Edward," he said, his voice low and intent. "I love her. She means more to me
than anything in the world. I don't want to take away her choices. I would never,
ever do that, and please, I beg you, stop me if I ever do." His voice broke slightly.
"I just want to be near her, to keep her safe, and make her happy. I want to watch
her grow, and see her smile, and learn everything about her. I'll have whatever kind
of relationship she wants with me – friend, uncle, brother – or if she wants, I'll
simply watch her from afar."
I sighed, and closed my eyes. Outside, Renesmee had woken up. I felt a pang of
guilt at having sent them out there. But she was happy, exhilarated, taking in
everything around her. It was a rare clear night, and she stared up at the heavens
from Rosalie's arms, while Carlisle bent next to her, whispering, pointing out various
constellations. My family clustered around her, all eyes on the sky.
I thought about Jacob's words. I understood that kind of love, the kind that
transcends all normal boundaries. I would have been anything Bella wanted me to
be, just to be near her. Bella.
My eyes opened, and I looked at him carefully. "Not that I am unhappy about it,
but, your feelings for Bella - they are just gone now?"
Jacob blinked, surprise flooding his mind, as if he hadn't even taken the time to
consider this. As if he had been so busy being enamored by my daughter that he
had forgotten he was supposed to be in love with my wife. The irony.
"No," he said slowly, uncertainly. He pulled his hand away from my arm and glanced
at the door behind me, as if he could see Bella through it, and find an answer. "No,
I mean...yes." He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly before opening
them again. "Yes, my feelings have changed."
He turned away from me slightly, looking down, kicking the floor. "You were right,
dammit, okay? You were right. When you told me once that if Bella chose me, that
you would wait, that one day I might leave her." His hands clenched into fists,
opening and closing several times. "I didn't believe it. I didn't think it was possible.
That some other girl, some stranger I barely knew, could just come along and
change the way I felt about Bella. I didn't think those feelings for her would ever
change. And I was wrong." He sighed, blowing out a long, trembling breath. "I was
wrong. I still love her. Just not that way." He looked sideways at me. "It's better
that way, though, don't you think."
I stared at him in amazement and growled. Did he really think I wanted to be
vindicated this way? "It would be if you weren't in love with my daughter instead."
He flinched and then nodded. Right. "You actually think Bella will be okay with
this?" I asked him, my voice scathing.
"I really don't know," he said, looking worried. "Maybe she'll see how much I love
Renesmee, and, well..." his voice trailed off, uncertain.
I snorted and rolled my eyes. Good luck with that. "I just want to be near her.
Nothing more." He looked down, uncomfortably. "It isn't, you know..." his voice
trailed
into a whisper. "It isn't...like that." His hand twitched as his side.
I realized what he was inferring. That his feelings towards Renesmee were not...
inappropriate. He knew, as I did, what some in my family would think, would fear.
My stomach twisted at the very suggestion. "Damn straight it's not," I snarled
angrily. "Or you would be dead right now." Jacob took a step back, and I clenched
my fists, trying to calm my emotions. "I understand what you are trying to say,
Jacob. But one day, when she is older, you will...it
might...I can't..." I ground my teeth, frustrated, my thoughts tangled viciously by
the mere thought that someday someone might think of my little girl that way.
Jacob watched my face for a moment, and then, surprisingly, laughed. "Edward,
you're her father," he said, smiling widely. "She's going to grow up, and guys will
want to be around her whether I'm here or not, and you'll hate them the same way
you'd hate me. No father wants any guys thinking that way about their daughter –
believe me I've witnessed plenty of that from Billy with my sisters. You're in for it,
either way."
God, he can be irritating. I glared at him. Jacob tried to look more serious.
"Edward, you are worrying about things that are, like, 18 years away. I might have
finally grown on you by then." I winced inwardly, realizing Jacob had not yet
thought through what Renesmee's rapid growth might mean about her
development. That none of us might have that much time with her. There was a
long silence as I tried to contemplate what Renesmee's future might look like.
"So, where does this leave us?" Jacob finally asked. I looked away. My family was
starting to make their way back across the lawn towards the house. I turned back
to find Jacob's eyes vivid on mine.
He dropped his voice, hearing my family's approach. "I just want to be near her,
Edward, whatever way you'll let me. I know you don't owe me anything, so I'll just
beg this one thing of you. I'll do anything. Please let me be there for her. Please."
I swallowed hard. I did owe Jacob, though I didn't feel very compelled to tell him
that now. Looking into his anxious eyes, I was stricken with the sudden memory
how it had felt to be separated from Bella, the endless agony, the searing, empty
anguish. I wouldn't wish that pain on Jacob.
But was it the right thing for Renesmee? I wanted to do what was best for her, and
I was so scared of making the wrong decision. I suddenly fiercely wished that Bella
was awake, beside me. I felt like this was my first true parenting decision, and it
felt wrong for me to be making it alone.
"You can stay," I said finally, very softly. I watched as some of the tension drained
from behind Jacob's eyes. "I need to explain this to my family, and I can't promise
what their reaction will be. And, of course, everything is off the table when Bella
wakes up. Then it will be her turn to have a say. But, for now, you have my
permission to stay."
Thank you, Edward. Truly, thank you. The back door swung open, and Jacob and I
both turned automatically towards the stairs.
Everything okay, Edward? Carlisle thought.
"Yes," I said. "Bring them up." My family filed into the house and slowly mounted
the stairs. Confusion reigned in their thoughts as they came to quietly stand around
Jacob and me. Alice's brow was furrowed, her mind far way. She had been looking
for Renesmee's future when they were outside, hoping to be able to see something
that far from Jacob, but it was still blurry. She caught my eye, her face concerned.
Daddy! Jacob! Renesmee's eyes were luminous, happy. She looked at me and her
mind filled with the vision of the night stars, the sky, and the constellations she
already recalled. I smiled at her, nodding to show I saw what she was showing me,
and then looked around.
"I need to speak to everyone," I said quietly. "Rosalie, could you give Renesmee to
Jacob so he can take her downstairs."
Jacob's mouth fell open, and his eyes lit with anticipation and gratitude. Oh, thank
you Edward. He turned quickly towards Rose and Renesmee, holding out his arms.
"No, I won't," Rosalie snapped.
"Yes, you will," I hissed quietly. Absolutely not, she shot back. Renesmee, who had
been looking eagerly towards Jacob, now glanced between our faces, her
expression concerned. I breathed deeply and tried to smile, anxious not to upset
her.
I walked over and gently lifted Renesmee from Rosalie's arms. Rose was furious but
did not resist. I kissed Renesmee's forehead and then lowered her into Jacob's
arms. He held her stiffly for a moment, almost overcome, and then slowly, tenderly,
pressed her against his chest, warmth and love glowing in his heart. He looked up
at me for a moment, eyes shining with happiness, before turning and hurrying
down the stairs.
I turned back to my family, who were looking at me with expressions ranging from
stunned to disgusted. Jasper was shaking his head, looking at the spot where Jacob
had been standing. Was that love? He thought, mystified. Why?
I looked carefully around, pausing to take in everyone's eyes. "Do you remember," I
said slowly, cautiously, "when I told you about the wolves imprinting?"
There was a beat of confused silence. This was not what anyone had been
expecting. Alice narrowed her eyes slightly.
"Do you mean the mating for life thing?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. "But it is more than just that. The first time a wolf sees his imprint,
the effect is instantaneous. They are bound for life, irrevocably. She becomes the
center of the universe for him, the one thing that holds him to this earth."
There was another very pregnant pause. What the hell are you talking about,
Edward? Jasper thought.
"Oh," said Esme, her face brightening suddenly. "Are you trying to tell us that Jacob
has imprinted? That's very nice. I've hated seeing him so heartbroken over Bella."
Her face was sincere.
Seriously? Rosalie thought. You made us march around outside and then dragged
us up here for that? Who gives a damn? Alice had gone back to worrying about her
lack of vision.
"So the wolf is finally going to get his own girl," laughed Emmett. "About time."
Jasper and Carlisle were still studying me somberly. Jasper could sense my
continued unease, and Carlisle knew me well enough to know something else was
wrong.
I sighed, and tried to keep my voice low, calm. I would have to be more direct. "Do
you recall when we discussed how one of the wolf pack had imprinted on a 2 year
old?" I paused, searching each of their eyes, almost willing them to understand
what I was trying to tell them. Because I wasn't sure if I could say the words out
loud. Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee. My daughter. Your niece. Your
granddaughter.
It took only about three-fourths of a second. "Holy shit!" yelled Emmett. "Are you
friggin' kidding me, Edward?" His face was shocked, and livid.
He's downstairs alone with her, Alice thought, her eyes wide. Jasper hissed,
realizing in a furious rush that this must have been what the earlier encounter
downstairs had been about.
"Oh," Esme gasped, horror in her voice, as she took a step back. How could he?
She pressed a hand to her stomach.
I'll kill him, Rosalie simply thought, and then she whirled towards the stairs.
"No, Rose," I snapped, grabbing her arm. She pulled away, strong in her fury, but
then Carlisle grabbed her other arm. I glanced at him, grateful for his support, but
was surprised to see his eyes conflicted, agitated.
"Stay here, Rose," he said in a low voice, glancing at her and then back at me. His
face was strained. "Edward, are you telling us that Jacob has imprinted on
Renesmee?"
"Yes," I whispered. There were groans and hisses. Rosalie snarled. Carlisle
continued to watch me, his face very still.
"Edward," Carlisle said quietly. "I understand that we owe Jacob a lot, but I
question if this is even tolerable." An intense, protective instinct coursed through
him, through all of them, as they stared at me.
"She's a baby, for christ's sake!" said Emmett angrily.
"You have to understand," I said quickly. "This is not a romantic thing. I explained
that when we discussed the imprinting on the two year old."
Rosalie gaped at me. "Did you think anyone was really listening? Like we gave a
damn? It's a hell of a lot different when it is our baby."
"Not romantic?" Esme asked, her voice panicked and confused. "But I thought Bella
said the wolves who imprint will eventually get married."
"That can happen," I said, gritting my teeth.
"This is downright disgusting," seethed Rosalie. "I won't have him near her, thinking
god knows what disgusting things. I can't believe he dared to choose her!"
"Stop it, Rose," I said in a low voice. "The imprinting is a compulsion, Jacob had no
choice in the matter. The age of the...the object of the imprint does not matter. The
love he feels towards her is much like the love any of us have for her. It is platonic.
He just wants her to be safe and happy."
"Fine," snarled Rose. "We promise to keep her safe and happy. Now he can get the
hell away from her."
"Edward," breathed Alice, her eyes wide. "How can this be okay?" Bella would not
like this. I felt a flash of panic, that maybe I was doing the wrong thing, allowing
Jacob to stay. Supporting, defending him. I looked pleadingly at Carlisle.
He took a deep breath. I'm trying to understand this, Edward. Help me understand.
I nodded. "I know this is a lot harder for all of you than for me, because I can see
into Jacob's mind. I can see his utter devotion to Renesmee, his desire for her to be
happy, and given everything she ever wants in life. The love he has for her is
simple, pure and permanent." Downstairs, Jacob was listening, barely breathing,
shocked I would speak up so vehemently in his defense. Yeah, well, wait till Bella
wakes up. All bets were off, then. "However angry or disgusted it makes us feel, it
will never change."
I looked around, imparting the most telling, and probably worst, bit of truth. "And
Renesmee is drawn to him, too."
There was a moment of stunned silence. "Oh, Christ," Emmett muttered. Rosalie's
hands curled into tight fists. The others wrinkled up their faces in surprise.
"You're sure, Edward," Carlisle said, breaking the quiet, "that the feelings he has for
her are safe, and in control?"
"Yes," I said quickly. "I would never allow any harm to come to Renesmee. I can
see into his thoughts, and if things change his expulsion from our house, and her
life, will be swift. I would never allow her to be in any danger, or inappropriate
situation." I said this as much for Jacob's benefit as for theirs.
Jasper took a small step to me, his face tight. This is insanity, Edward, you must
know that.
I sighed. "I don't expect everyone to accept this right away. God knows I don't.
However, as long as it is safe for Renesmee, and until Bella wakes and we are able
to discuss this together, I have told Jacob he can stay."
There were a couple of groans. Rosalie's expression bore into me, her eyes on fire.
No, she thought, fuming. I won't allow it.
"She's my daughter," I said softly. I saw a small flash of pain in her mind at this. I
held her gaze until she looked away, acknowledging my words.
"That's right," murmured Carlisle. He was looking down pensively, his finger on his
chin. Than he glanced up at me. And I'm sorry I even questioned you. "Edward is
Renesmee's father," he said aloud. "I respect your decision on this. Jacob is a good
person, and if he loves Renesmee as we do, then I am glad he is here."
"Of course," said Esme in a small voice, wringing her hands nervously in front of
her. She tried to look enthusiastic. "We'd love to have Jacob stay. It's always good
to have an extra set of hands with an infant." She smiled at me.
Jasper reached out for Alice's hand. His face was hard, but he nodded. Alice's eyes
were far way, seeing nothing. They cleared and she glared at me. How will I ever
see anything with him here!
Emmett let out a hard laugh. "Oh boy, wait till Bella wakes up and finds out," he
chuckled. "Any takers on how long until she tears him limb from limb?"
"Emmett," said Esme reprovingly.
There was movement at the bottom of the stairs. Jacob was slowly coming back up
towards us, and I felt a flash of annoyance that he would return so quickly. There
was an edge of anxiety to his thoughts. He was, very oddly, thinking about me.
Imagining some strange angle of my face. With a jolt, I realized he could see a bit
of Bella, lying on the bed in the office. And he was listening to me hum the lullaby I
had sang to Renesmee.
Confusion and anger flared within me. How could he possibly know that? What was
he playing at?
Jacob slowly came to the top of the stairs and turned to look at us. His eyes were
wide, shocked. Renesmee was in his arms, her deep eyes fixed onto his face. He
was holding her small hand against his cheek.
"Edward," he whispered. His voice was full of wonder. He took Renesmee's hand
gently from his face. My face disappeared completely from his mind. "Watch," he
murmured. He placed her hand gently against his cheek.
Immediately, his mind filled with something different, a vision of Bella. Her face was
large and close, sweat and blood pouring down her skin, her eyes half crazed,
bloodshot. Jacob choked slightly at the impact of the memory.
Renesmee, the vision of Bella whispered. So beautiful. I was absolutely frozen in
amazement and shock. This image was not a memory of Jacob's – this was
Renesmee's memory. She had put it into Jacob's mind.
Jacob gently removed her hand from his face, and the image vanished immediately
from his mind, but not from hers. It was her touch, I realized suddenly, that was
the conduit for her thoughts.
"What's going on?" grumbled Emmett. My family was growing irritated and
confused by this inexplicably exchange between Jacob and me. I perused their
faces, and then finally put my hand on Carlisle and pulled him gently toward Jacob.
Carlisle was confused but moved obligingly until he was practically pressed up
against Jacob. Jacob shifted uncomfortably but Carlisle remained calm.
I nodded at Jacob. Very gently he lifted Renesmee's hand again.
"Let her touch you," I murmured to Carlisle. He bent over slowly and Jacob pressed
Renesmee's hand to his face.
Carlisle drew in a sharp breath as his mind filled with an image of Rosalie. Her face
was smiling, close, and she murmured gentle words. Sweet baby. Sweet Renesmee.
Carlisle's stunned eyes shot to mine, and we stared at each other for a long
moment. Understanding swept through his face.
"She's special," he said softly. "Special, like her father."
"And her mother," I breathed.
"What is it?" asked Alice, her voice desperate. Is everything okay, Edward?
Carlisle looked at her. "She is..." he paused, thinking of how to explain. "She is
passing her thoughts into my mind. She can show you her thoughts."
"What?" gasped Esme, shocked. Alice, Jasper and Emmett exchanged incredulous
glances. "What is she thinking about?" said Rosalie, moving a step forward.
Carlisle looked into Rose's eyes. "She's thinking about you." Rosalie's eyes widened
and glowed brilliant, as she shifted her gaze to Renesmee's small, solemn face.
Renesmee returned her gaze steadily.
And then the vision changed. Rosalie's face again, not as close, and there was
something else in the view – glinting silver – the metal bottle. Renesmee thought
about the contents of the bottle sliding into her mouth, cooling her throat. I felt my
own flash of thirst. Thirst.
"She's thinking about Rosalie feeding her," Carlisle said quietly. He swallowed hard,
and stood up slowly, placing Renesmee's hand back onto her blanket.
"My god," I breathed, as the meaning of the vision slowly dawned on me. Not just a
memory – a purposeful message within a thought. "She's telling you that she is
thirsty. There is intent to these thoughts. I think she is communicating with us."
"Yes," said Jasper suddenly. He moved a step forward, fascination brimming on his
face. "Yes, she is feeling thirsty."
Jacob gently touched her cheek, stroking lightly. "Are you hungry, Nessie?" he
murmured, gazing down at her. My family stiffened, and an immediate undercurrent
of tension ran through their thoughts as they watched Jacob touching her so
casually. Rosalie began practically shaking with furious rage, and I shifted slightly,
closer to Jacob, concerned.
Renesmee looked up at Jacob, her eyes blinking a couple of times. Then she slowly
turned her head to his hand, opened her mouth, and bit him.
There was a moment of surprised silence. Renesmee hung onto Jacob's hand for a
second, then her face crinkled up in something resembling distaste, and she
released him. He lifted his hand, staring at it, dumbstruck.
"Ouch," he complained. Renesmee stared at him for a moment, and then her gaze
slowly travelled around to all the faces trained on her, and then back to Jacob. Then
she smiled widely, white teeth shining.
Suddenly, Emmett broke the silence. First he snorted, and then tried to disguise a
chuckle as a cough, and then suddenly he threw his head back and burst out
laughing. It grew louder and louder, filling the hallway as he slapped his leg and
hung onto the wall for support.
"Ouch," he choked out between howls of laughter. "Ouch". Alice started to laugh as
well, burying her face in Jasper's chest. He patted her head, smiling, shoulders
shaking with amusement. Esme disguised her smile behind her hand, and Carlisle
joined in the laughter, patting Jacob on the shoulder. Rosalie bit her lip and rolled
her eyes.
Jacob looked around at everyone for a moment, hand still held out in front of him,
eyes wide with shock. Then his face relaxed and broke into a grin. He shook his
head and stuck his hand into his mouth, sucking off some dripping blood from the
quickly healing wound.
Jasper took a step forward. "Well, I guess she's not venomous," he said lightly,
laughter still in his voice.
Carlisle's eyes widened slightly. "Why don't you let me take a look at that, Jacob,"
he said.
But Jacob just shook his head, pulling his hand from his mouth. "I'm fine," he said
reassuringly. He looked down at Renesmee, smoothing her curls. "Don't worry,
Nessie, I'm fine."
"Nessie?" Alice said. She was leaning against Jasper. "What is that about?"
Jacob shrugged. "Nickname," he said. "Renesmee's a bit much, don't you think?"
He glanced at me with worried eyes, but I just smiled.
And then, Renesmee made a small movement, and all eyes turned to her. Slowly, as
we watched breathlessly, Renesmee lifted her small arm of her own accord and very
deliberately placed it against Jacob's face.Amazing, thought Carlisle. A vision of
Jasper holding her bottle blossomed in Jacob's mind.
"Oh," said Jacob, glancing around. "Jasper feeding her." Surprise flashed over
Jasper's expression, a pleased note entering his mind that she had thought of him.
Rose smiled down at the baby. "I better take this little monkey and get her
something to drink, before she takes another bite." Not that I want to discourage
that, of course, she thought. Rosalie approached Jacob, her body stiff, not meeting
his eyes. But she walked right up to him and carefully took Renesmee. Jacob and
Rosalie both flinched as their arms made contact, but kept their faces impassive.
Rosalie brought Renesmee over to me. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll
see you in a bit, sweetheart," I whispered. She smiled, and her mind filled with the
vision of us by Bella's bedside, the lullaby falling from my lips. I smiled gently back
down to her. "Yes, I'll sing to you again."
Rose turned and headed down the stairs, Esme right at her arm. Carlisle hurried
after them, wanting to suggest they try the baby formula.
Where the hell is he? I can't believe I have to come back again to this vile-smelling
vampire hole. I am not going inside this time!
Leah. She was approaching the house. She and Seth were concerned they had not
heard from Jacob yet. Seth was still several miles out, worried that she had insisted
on coming herself.
I'll be so glad when this whole damn thing is over. And then Jacob will want to
leave, and we will never have to see this house or those bloodsuckers again.
I looked down at the floor for a second, pressing my lips together, trying to control
my amusement at what Jacob had coming to him when he explained what had
happened with Renesmee to Leah. And he thought my family would be the biggest
hurtle. I took a breath, looking up.
"Oh, Jacob," I said quietly. He paused, a couple stairs down, and turned around,
looking up at me. I smiled. "Leah is coming." He stared at me blankly for a couple
of seconds, and then his face turned pale. "Oh shit."
Chapter 22—Suspension
Renesmee stirred around five AM.
"She's waking up," whispered Jacob, his voice betraying excitement. He jumped up
from the chair he had been sitting in, but then sat back down quickly when Rose
leveled a death glare at him.
As I watched through his mind, Renesmee's eyes started to open and close, and her
mouth pulled into a wide yawn as she stretched two fisted hands over her head.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," said Rosalie, gazing down at her adoringly. Renesmee
blinked sleepily several more times, and then smiled. She immediately put her hand
to Rosalie's neck, filling her thoughts with a vision of Rose feeding her.
One track mind, thought Rose, smiling. "Hungry, are we?"
Carlisle appeared in the door, a silver cup in his hand. "Excellent," he said. Rosalie
and Esme had managed to convince him not to try the formula last night, but he
was determined to give it a go today. Rosalie stood up, carefully passing the baby
into Carlisle's arms. He sat on the couch, and Rose knelt down next to him.
Everyone leaned in close, Jasper and Emmett watching from behind the couch.
Carlisle lowered the bottle close to Renesmee's face. She sniffed suspiciously, and
then recoiled. From what I saw in her thoughts, it did smell revolting. Her hand
shot up to Carlisle's neck, showing the same vision that she had shown Rose. This
time she recalled the taste, and flavor, of the blood she had been fed. I swallowed
hard at the pang of fire her thoughts brought my dry throat.
"I know, sweetheart," said Carlisle gently. "But let's just try this." He lowered the
bottle, touching it to her lips. Renesmee reached up with both hands, clutching and
pulling at the bottle. Carlisle released it to her, marveling at her strength and
coordination, and thinking she might be more willing to try it on her own terms.
Renesmee regarded the bottle for a few moments, turning it around in her hands
and sniffing at opening a couple of time. Then she moved one of her hands up to
the spout, and with a shocking creak, bent back the metal spout so it was bent
closed. Then she smiled up at Carlisle and pushed the bottle back into his hands.
Carlisle's mouth gaped slightly in surprise, and there was a stunned silence for a
moment. "Saucy little thing, isn't she?" Emmett finally commented, and everyone
laughed.
"Just stubborn, like her father," Rosalie said. I smiled to myself. Her mother is
plenty stubborn, too, I maybe persistent was a better word.
"Can you blame her?" said Alice. "That stuff smells awful. Do human babies actually
drink it?"
"I think," said Esme, heading towards the kitchen, "I better get her a bottle of
blood." Carlisle nodded, still speechless.
Jacob was continuing to watch Renesmee intently, anxiety lacing his thoughts.
Carlisle had measured the baby about an hour ago, determining that she had grown
one and a quarter inches in the previous four hours. Jacob had been shocked to
discover the rate of her growth, and had spent the last hour exchanging worried
glances with Seth, who had spent the last several hours at the house. Seth had
even taken a turn holding a sleeping Renesmee, looking awkward but happy as he
cradled her in his long arms.
"Oh!" Alice said suddenly. I started, scanning her thoughts. Her mind was full of a
vision of Charlie talking on the phone, his face angry, car keys in his hand. "Charlie
going to call again at..." She refocused her perspective of the vision, catching the
clock on the microwave. "He'll call at 6:00 am, and if we try to tell him again that
Bella is still in quarantine, he'll come to the house."
Everyone glanced quickly at Carlisle. He sighed, his face turning pensive. "What if
we tell him she's been admitted to the University of Washington Medical Center in
Seattle, under a team of specialists?" Alice's eyes unfocused, and I watched in her
mind a vision of Charlie in his police car, screeching up to the entrance of the UW
Medical Center. She shook her head, her eyes clearing. "He'll go looking for her.
He's done waiting."
"Damn," snapped Jasper. He looked pointedly at Carlisle. "I knew it was foolish to
stay. We have to leave." Behind him, in an armchair, Jacob paled. I stood up,
wondering if I should intercede. This was not the time to leave – there had to be a
way around this.
Carlisle let out a long breath. "What if we tell him I've brought her to the CDC in
Atlanta, to undergo special tests?" Alice held up a finger, her eyes fading far away.
She saw Charlie banging down the phone, and then sitting down heavily in a
kitchen chair and putting his head in his hands. I felt a flash of pain for him.
Alice blinked once. "Should be okay, for now," she said.
"For now," said Jasper in a hard voice.
"Esme should speak to him," said Carlisle. Esme, returning from the kitchen with a
new bottle, nodded.
Jacob glanced up at her from the chair, avoiding Rosalie's eyes, and said in a
hesitant voice "Could I feed her?" Esme smiled down at him, nodding, while Rosalie
shook her head angrily on the other side of the room.
But Carlisle spoke up. "Actually, Jacob, I've wanted to talk to you about trying to
reestablish the treaty with Sam's pack." Jacob looked at him, surprised, but then
nodded, his expression turning resigned. Rosalie took the baby from Carlisle and
then sauntered over to retrieve the bottle from Esme, a smug look on her face.
Carlisle moved close to Jacob. "We need to have the freedom to move in our lands,
to leave safely, if necessary." He was concerned about how long we could hold off
Charlie.
"And we need a serious shopping trip!" Alice interjected. "My niece will not spend
another minute wrapped in a blue blanket!"
"It's true," said Rosalie. "She's already out grown all the clothes Emmett bought
last week, and they were all blue anyhow."
"That is the last time I let Bella predict anything!" said Alice, rolling her eyes.
Carlisle smiled slightly, and looked back at Jacob. "Also, a couple of us still need to
hunt, and Bella will be very thirsty as well when she awakes."
Jacob cringed inwardly at this thought, but nodded. "I also need to explain to Sam
what's, well, happened with Renesmee, and me." He shifted uncomfortably.
"Let's hope it goes better than it did with Leah," Jasper muttered. Emmett snorted.
Jacob had spent several hours slightly shell shocked from Leah's "hissy fit", as
Emmett had called it, earlier in the evening...
"You did what?" Leah had growled angrily when Jacob announced to her, somewhat
unceremoniously in his nervousness, that Bella had given birth and he had
imprinted on her baby. "You did what?"
"Leah, I..."
"I can't believe this! You imprinted on a vampire?" Her voice had elevated up
several octaves to a piercing shriek. "HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?"
"She's only half vampire," Jacob said quickly.
Leah's expression was appalled. "You've really lost it this time, Jake." Her voice had
gotten lower, darker. "This is truly sick. Is this some sort of psycho reaction to Bella
dumping you? Can't have her, so try for the daughter?"
Jacob's teeth snapped together. "You, of all people, know it is not something I had
control over," he growled. Pain had flashed in Leah's eyes.
"Edward knows about this, and he hasn't killed you?"
"Not yet," muttered Jacob. Leah stared at him in pure disbelief. "You're crazy, you
know that?" she hissed. "Leah," Jacob was irritated. "If you would just listen for
a..."
But Leah's expression had turned wild, her voice growing loud. "First you are madly
in love with Bella, then you come here to kill the bloodsucker, but instead the
bloodsucker asks you to make babies with her, and then he asks you to kill him
anyways!" I had cringed as this line elicited several sharp intakes of breath
downstairs. "So then you become the knight in shining armor to save her, and now
you have imprinted on her half-bloodsucker kid? Am I getting all this right? Have I
left anything out?"
"Enough, Leah," Jacob growled.
"No, no," she raved. "Hold on, wait, this is just too much. Do you mean to tell me
that, one day, Bella and Edward will be your...your...in-laws?" The last word came
out as a half shriek, half laugh. Oh, the irony! "What are you going to do, have part
human, bloodsucker and wolf kids? Can't wait to see that!"
Jacob just glared at her stonily. "You're mad." Her voice dropped to barely a
whisper. Then she gestured around madly towards the house. "You're
all mad!" she yelled loudly. I'm never going to escape this filthy, reeking place! She
had run off into the forest. Seth had arrived fifteen minutes later, anxious to phase
and escape Leah's rantings
in his mind.
Now Jacob was watching Renesmee, hating to leave her, not knowing what awaited
him on the reservation. Finally he sighed, and then got to his feet. Seth stood up as
well.
"No," said Jacob quickly. "You stay here." Seth's brow furrowed. "No way, Jake.
You're not going into La Push by yourself."
"No," Jacob repeated, determined. This is between Sam and me. "I need to do this
on my own." He turned and walked over to where Rose sat with the baby.
"Bye, Nessie," he said softly, gazing down at her and touching her cheek, the pain
of separation already in his chest. Her wide eyes watched him. "I'll be back soon."
Oh, gag, thought Rosalie, trying to ignore him. Don't bother rushing back. In fact,
please don't ever come back. Several minutes later, after a few more words with
Carlisle, Jacob left, first engaging in a short argument with a
still furious Leah on the edge of the lawn before heading towards La Push on his
own.
The atmosphere of the house was subdued, anxious, as we waited for the results of
Jacob's visit. Esme handled the phone call from Charlie as gracefully as possible.
Renesmee drifted back into sleep after drinking her fill, her dreams a cascade of
familiar faces, against the backsplash of the night sky, crowned by the yellow orbs
of the stars and surrounded by the swaying movements of giant trees. Rose and
Alice quietly discussed their shopping trip, joined by Esme, who was hoping they
could purchase some final items for the cottage. She was anxious to have it
completed by the time Bella awoke, and the three women discussed the final plans
in hushed excitement.
I sensed annoyance from Jasper at the direction of the conversation, and
eventually, he pulled Alice aside.
"It's ridiculous," he said quietly. "Edward and Bella are not going to be able to live
in the cottage, not in the condition she will be in when she wakes."
"We don't know that," said Alice. "It doesn't hurt to have it completed." Jasper
sighed impatiently. "He won't be able to handle her alone," he muttered. "And we
have to leave."
I felt a stab of annoyance at his words, even though I could not disregard the layers
of truth beneath them. Still...the vision of being at the cottage with Bella, living on
our own, with Renesmee. A family. My family. An impossibility that suddenly
seemed so tantalizingly, tortuously close, and I wanted to reach my hand out and
grab it. Carlisle had handled me on his own, and I was, if nothing, faster than
Carlisle. But, then, there was Renesmee, and the blood in her veins.
And even still, none of this mattered unless Bella woke up. Her still face seemed to
fill the room. I lifted her wrist and breathed deeply. The scent of morphine was so
very faint. How much longer would it act as an excuse for her lack of response? I
was hit again with the perverse thought that I wished she would wake up, would
scream in agony, anything, everything, to let me know she was still in there.
Stop it, I thought viciously. Don't wish pain on her, to ease your own suffering. It
should be a miracle, that she had been able to exist so peacefully as the venom
obviously burned through her veins. That was, of course, assuming her unconscious
state was painless. That the fire did not burn on some level.
My stomach moved into my throat, and I grasped Bella's hand tightly.
"I'm here, love," I whispered. "I'm with you." I kissed her cheek softly. Let her
escape the pain, please.
Suddenly, a mental call broke into my thoughts. Jacob. Edward, we're coming back.
We? I thought in alarm. I scanned his thoughts, and saw that he was racing
towards the house with Sam beside him, and Jared and Paul following. What was he
doing?
"Carlisle," I called softly. "Jacob is coming back, with some of the pack." Jasper
came through the door first, followed quickly by Carlisle and Emmett. "What's going
on, Edward?" Carlisle asked in a low voice. "Jacob is returning – he's got Sam, Paul
and Jared with him." "He's bringing them here?" asked Emmett incredulously. I
nodded. "Damn it," snapped Jasper. "What the hell?" He paced over to look out the
window. "Hold on," said Carlisle calmly. "This may be a good sign. What do you see
Edward?"
I scanned Jacob's mind, looking for answers. Edward, listen, he thought, as if
sensing my silent mental inquiry. He began to replay the memory of his
confrontation with Sam in careful detail.
As Jacob had penetrated the treaty line, he could see Paul and Jared running
several yards out beside him, their eyes watching him closely. He slowed and
phased into human form, thinking it the least confrontational way to approach Sam.
Paul and Jared closed ranks in front of him, and he had followed them until the
forest broke into a clearing.
Sam was there in wolf form, waiting for him, flanked by Quil and Embry. Paul and
Jared moved into place behind Sam, Paul taking the position of second. After
regarding Jacob for several seconds with his cold black eyes, Sam phased.
He stood in front of the wolves, arms crossed, face hard, and his voice like ice in
Jacob's ears.
"What are you doing here, Jake?" he asked. "Why have you come? As I can sense
you maintain your Alpha status, I don't see that we have anything to say to each
other."
Jacob's expression was stiff, but he was unsurprised by his hostility. He has
suspected Sam would still resent being so blatantly defied when he left the pack.
"My being an alpha, Sam, is not going to change. I couldn't change it now, even if I
wanted."
"You can release the members of my pack you have taken, then," Sam snapped.
Jacob sighed heavily. "Like I told Jared, Seth and Leah are free to leave at any
time."
Sam shook his head. "Seth is too young and impressionable to make this kind of
decision, and Leah..." He paused briefly, drawing in a deep breath. "She has
emotional baggage that interferes with her decision process."
Jacob felt a flash of anger. "I think you underestimate them both. They are
perfectly capable of making their own decisions."
Sam regarded him for a moment, and then blew out a breath. "I know you didn't
come here to argue with me about this. I know you, Jacob. Something has
happened; I can see it on your face. Tell me."
"Bella has given birth."
Sam swore loudly and the wolves exchanged looks.
"What kind of creature did she have?" Sam asked quickly. "Did Bella survive? Has
the treaty been broken?"
Jacob felt a flash of annoyance. "She had a child, not a creature. A very special
child, who is not a danger to anyone. And the treaty has not been broken."
Sam looked surprised at Jacob's words about Renesmee, but relieved when he said
the treaty had not been broken. "So Bella survived human."
"No," said Jacob quietly, pained.
"Then she's dead?" Sam asked, shocked.
Jacob shook his head. "No, the Cullens have changed her. She's in transition right
now."
"So the treaty has been broken," Sam growled. The wolves behind him moved
restlessly, closing in together.
"Not exactly," said Jacob. "I gave Edward permission to break the treaty to save
Bella's life."
There was a shocked silence, and Sam's eyes flared wide. "And who gave you the
right to make such a decision?"
"My great-grandfather," said Jacob, his voice steady.
Sam's eyes narrowed, his face black, but he did not respond. Jacob waited for a
moment, and then went on.
"The Cullens need to be able to move freely about their lands. I've come to ask you
to call off the pack, and move back behind the treaty lines."
Sam shook his head. "The matter still remains of the offspring." He spat out the last
word. "A child, you say. What kind of child? What guarantee do we have that it
won't grow into something dangerous?"
Jacob looked down at the ground for a moment, and then back at Sam. "Her name
is Renesmee," he said softly. "And that is the other thing, the most important thing,
I have come to talk to you about."
He closed his eyes, letting thoughts of Renesmee take him for a moment, and the
shine of her existence created a calm glow within him. He opened his eyes straight
into Sam's.
"I know she is not dangerous. She is gentle, and kind, and amazing. She's the most
precious thing in the whole world to me. I have imprinted on her."
Sam's face froze. There was an endless, stunned silence at his words. Sam and the
wolves behind him seemed frozen with shock.
Finally, Sam shifted, his arms falling loosely to his side. "That's impossible," he
breathed. Jacob just watched him, waiting, and amazement filtered into Sam'e
eyes. "I can see...see that it is true," he said, shaking his head in confusion. "Is it
human?"
Jacob's eyes narrowed slightly. "She is just a baby, but it seems like she is part
human, part...vampire. A mix of her parents."
Sam's eyes widened. "Part vampire? Does she drink blood?" Jacob crossed his
arms, looking defensive. "Yeah, she does. Donated blood. She's trying other
things." Sam's gaze sharpened. "Is she strong? Can she be controlled? What about
when donated blood isn't enough?"
Jacob growled in frustration. "Like I said, Sam, she's just a baby. But she's smart,
so smart already. And she would never hurt anyone." He glared at Sam's skeptical
face, and his voice grew softer. "If you could see her like I do, you'd understand.
You would see how amazing she is. How wonderful."
Sam's face hardened. "You are obviously not capable of being a impartial judge of
this situation, Jacob. You never have. You can't truly tell us she is not a threat."
"Sam!" Jacob's voice was loud now. "I've imprinted on her. You know what that
means. What she means to me now. You, of all people, know." He took a step
forward, his hands in tight fists. "You know there isn't anything, anything, I
wouldn't do to keep her safe."
Sam stepped back, holding up a hand. "Jacob, you...she...you've imprinted on her.
Regardless of my personal feelings, I would never harm her. But that doesn't mean
I don't question if she is not a danger to our people."
Jacob glowered. Suddenly, there was a breath of wind, and Quil and Embry phased,
stepping up next to Sam. He glanced at them sharply, but didn't say anything.
"You really imprinted on Bella's kid?" said Embry, his voice astonished. "A half-
vampire?"
"Yup," said Jacob. Embry's eyes grew even wider.
Quil shook his head, and a small smile played on his lips. "That's twisted, man."
Then he walked over to Jacob and slapped his hand on his shoulder. "But
congratulations, Jake. Congratulations." He pulled Jacob into hug, and Jacob
embraced him back, shocked and pleased.
"Wow," said Embry, grinning. "Who'd have thought?" Paul and Jared phased as
well, their expressions a mingle of amusement and irritation.
"Geez, Jake," said Paul. "Can't anything be easy with you? What's wrong with a
regular girl?" Jacob smiled at him and shrugged, and then looked around his friends
at Sam.
Sam still stood back, his expression shocked, and guarded. He met Jacob's eyes.
"Well, it's hard to understand, and it changes many things. And there is still much
to discuss between us. However, I need to speak to Carlisle, first, before we can
reestablish the treaty lines."
So now they were headed towards our house, Sam and Jacob in front, Paul and
Jared following behind. Jacob had already told Leah and Seth not to approach, but
to meet them at the house. And, shockingly, it appeared that Sam and Jacob had
discovered they could communicate with each other – not the intimate
communication of Alpha and pack, but the ability to direct specific thoughts into
each other's minds. A sort of bond among Alphas.
I refocused on my father and brothers, who were watching me expectantly. "Their
trip is peaceful. Sam just wants to speak to Carlisle before the treaty is
reestablished."
Jasper and Emmett exchanged looks. "We should intercept them in the woods,"
Emmett said, "before they get to close to the house." They started to turn towards
the door.
"No," I snapped. "That will look confrontational." "No kidding," Emmett grumbled.
"Edward," Jasper growled. "The last thing we heard from these wolves was that
they were waiting till the baby was born to make their decisions. What if they have
decided she's a danger? I don't want them anywhere near this house, or
Renesmee." Protectiveness surged through his body, some absorbed from the
family around him, but much of it springing from within himself.
"They know Jacob has imprinted on her," I said sharply. "Do you honestly think they
would still hurt her?"
"How the hell do we know what those mongrels will do?" Emmett muttered. I heard
Rosalie hiss in agreement downstairs.
"We have to give them a chance," said Carlisle. "This appears to be a peaceful
meeting." "Then why did Sam bring backup?" Jasper said.
"They're entering into enemy territory," I said. "What do you expect them to do?"
But Paul and Jared did make me nervous. Why had he brought the most hostile
members of his pack?
Jasper gritted his teeth. "How far out?" he asked.
"Hang on," I muttered, holding up a hand. I surveyed the forest surrounding Jacob
through his eyes. "They are just coming up on the property line." I was starting to
get a lock on Sam's thoughts.
Stay back here, Sam thought to Paul and Jared as they approached our property.
They ignored him, continuing to run behind in position.
I said stay here! Sam's thoughts echoed with the command of the Alpha, and Paul
and Jared stopped awkwardly, their paws seemingly glued on the spot. They both
growled as they watched Sam and Jacob continue towards the house.
"He's left Jared and Paul in the forest. It's just Sam," I said softly. My brothers
relaxed somewhat. "Let's meet them on the front porch," said Carlisle. He looked at
me. "Are you coming, Edward?"
I glanced up in shock, and then looked pointedly at Bella. "No," I said firmly.
Carlisle's gaze lingered on me for a second, and then he waved the others on ahead
of him.
We may need you to mediate the conversation, and translate for Sam, Carlisle
thought, his eyes fixed on mine. Will you be willing to come down if we need you?
"No," I said softly. "I won't leave Bella. I won't go that far from her. What if she
woke up and I wasn't beside her?"
"You could be up here in seconds," Carlisle said softly.
"No, I won't risk it," I growled. "I promised her I would be with her." I swallowed
hard. "Sam will just have to deal with it." Carlisle watched me for another moment
and then left, going down the staircase and passing through the front room where
Rosalie, Alice and Esme sat, anxious, on the couch. Renesmee was still sleeping,
content in Rose's arms. I contemplated whether I should have asked Carlisle to
have the baby brought upstairs to me, so I could protect both her and Bella. I
focused carefully on the situation outside, moving through the minds gathered,
ready to move at even the slightest ghost of aggression, or danger.
As Sam and Jacob approached the lawn, they paused. Jacob looked to Sam. I want
to remain in wolf form, thought Sam.
Jacob nodded. Wait here, he thought. He phased, quickly pulling on clothes and
then running across the lawn to the porch where Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stood.
"Sam would like to talk to you about the treaty," he said to Carlisle. "But he wants
to stay in wolf form. Where is Edward?" He looked around.
Carlisle frowned, and bent forward closer to Jacob.
"Jacob," he said softly. "Edward cannot leave Bella right now to translate. Please
ask Sam if he will speak to me in human form. Assure him he is in no danger here."
Jacob blanched slightly, but then jogged back to the edge of the woods. Sam had
heard Carlisle's words. He growled, irritated, and contemplated phasing so he could
speak face to face with Carlisle.
Don't do it, thought Jared. It might be a trap.
We're coming now, Paul interjected.
NO! Sam commanded. He phased, pulling on shorts and fixing an intense gaze on
Jacob.
"Do you trust him?" he asked in a low voice. Jacob met his eyes, and then turned to
gaze up at the house through the trees. He looked back finally, inhaling deeply and
then exhaling.
"I trust Carlisle with my life," he stated, feeling the truth of the words as he spoke
them. I heard my father's quick intake of breath.
Sam bent his head to the side for a moment, looking at Jacob's face, and then
nodded. That is good enough for me. He turned and strode forward, emerging from
the forest with Jacob at his side. Seth and Leah were sitting at the edge of the
lawn.
"Seth, Leah," he murmured, pausing and nodding his head at them as he passed.
Seth shook his head in greeting, but Leah just stared coldly for a moment, and then
turned and disappeared into the edge of the forest. From her thoughts, I got the
impression she rather relished the freedom to turn her back on him.
Sam walked halfway across the lawn towards the house and then stopped, waiting,
his arms stiff at his side. Carlisle started down the porch stairs.
"Carlisle," said Jasper under his voice. "Emmett and I will flank you several feet
behind."
"No." Carlisle said, quickly stopping and turning to look at them, shaking his head.
"He has come to meet me alone, I can at least do the same."
"I don't like it," Jasper growled.
"Have a little faith," murmured Carlisle, smiling. Patting Jasper on the shoulder, he
walked down the stairs onto the lawn, walking towards Sam and stopping several
feet away when he saw him stiffen.
"Sam, how are you?" Carlisle asked.
"I'm well, thank you, Carlisle," Sam answered in a low voice. They regarded each
other for a few moments.
I'll speak first, then, thought Carlisle. "As I am sure Jacob has told you, Sam, we
need to be able to move freely ...
"You've created another vampire," Sam interrupted. Carlisle's expression grew
somber, and he inclined his head.
"Yes, and I'm sorry to have gone back on our word. We never intended such a thing
when we agreed to the treaty. But we were left with no other choice. Bella would
have died without our intervention."
"Her life was in danger in the first place because of the intervention of your son in
her life," Sam said in a cool voice. It was against nature for him to ever pursue a
human girl, he thought angrily, and I clenched my teeth, the air in the room
seeming to grow thicker, harder to breath.
Carlisle's lips grew thin, and he crossed his arms before inclining his head slightly in
agreement. "Be that as it may, the transformation was done under the most dire of
circumstances, in order to save her life. And Edward secured permission from Jacob
before the transition."
Sam turned a hard look on Jacob. "Yes, I am aware of that." Then his eyes flickered
behind Carlisle towards the house. "And Bella is still in transition?" he asked. Their
legends told them that the transition from human to vampire was very painful, and
he was surprised he could not hear her suffering.
"Yes," said Carlisle. "She is heavily medicated."
Sam raised his eyebrows. Unexpected. He hadn't thought that was possible, but he
didn't question further. "And will you be able to control her when she is in her
newborn state?" He remembered the newborns they had fought, their mindless,
vicious attacks.
"My family will be able to take care of her," Carlisle said, his voice hard. "Neither my
daughter, nor my granddaughter, are of any threat to your pack, or your people."
And they never were. A rush of embittered anger washed suddenly through him at
the memory of Sam's plans to murder not just Bella and her baby, but his whole
family. Esme, he thought. They planned to kill Esme. This thought pierced his mind
like a shaft of ice, making his muscles tense and his vision waver red. He breathed
in once deeply to calm himself, trying to keep the animosity from bleeding into his
eyes, knowing that threat had passed, and it was time to move on.Resentment, he
thought, will get us nowhere. It never does. His body relaxed as quickly as it had
tensed.
Sam was watching him carefully. "Yes," he said softly. "I apologize for the earlier
situation with regards to Bella's pregnancy. Although you must understand that I
only ever had the safety of my people at heart." Emmett and Jasper glared at him,
their faces dark, from the porch, and Rosalie growled softly inside the house. Sam
glanced briefly at Jacob, and then went on. "However, Jacob has explained to us
that he has imprinted on the...the child. And, it is one of the sacred principals of
our people to never harm the object of an imprint."
A memory flashed though his head of a legend of a wolf's mate being killed by
another wolf, and the bloody fight to the death that occurred, tearing apart the
pack. Tragedy. Sam was determined to never see a repeat of such a disaster in his
lifetime.
"More importantly," Sam went on. "Not only would we never harm the girl, we will,
if ever necessary, protect her with our own lives, as we would the mate of any wolf
of our tribe." He turned and looked at Jacob, putting a hand on his shoulder. Jacob
nodded slightly at him in acknowledgement, gratified for this acceptance.
From within the house I heard Renesmee move restlessly, a small sigh escaping her
lips, as she fought against encroaching wakefulness. Jacob's head whipped towards
the house, the desire to see her, to check on her, flooding through him. He
wrenched his attention back to the meeting.
Sam let his arm fall and turned to face Carlisle again. "However," he said in an even
voice. "That does not mean I do not question if the child is not a danger to our
people, and the humans in the surrounding vicinity. Is it safe for her to remain in
such close proximity to humans, or should you leave the area? She craves blood,
and she is young. We still have no idea what will happen as she grows, and if she
will be willing to subsist on only animal blood, as the rest of your family does." I do
not want a dangerous unknown stalking these woods.
There was a general rumble of irritation through my family. He's got a hell of a lot
of nerve, Emmett fumed. So damn high and mighty, thought Rosalie.
"Sam," Jacob growled, upset. But Carlisle held up a hand to him. "It's okay, Jacob,"
he said quietly. "Sam needs to protect his people."
Patience, Carlisle thought to himself. This is as new, and unfamiliar to them as it is
to us. His calm eyes watched Sam."I understand your position," he said softly. "It is
true, she does crave blood. But she is also remarkably gifted, exceptionally bright,
and I am certain her intellect will grow as she ages. I have no doubts she will be
able to control her behavior. And, of course, she is surrounded by a loving family
that will watch over her, and always have her best interests in mind."
Gifted? Sam thought. He wondered if Carlisle meant this in a human way, or that
she possessed gifts beyond what was natural, like her father. And the dark haired
female. His eyes flickered towards Jacob, wondering if he would have mentioned
such a thing. What have they created with their crossbreeding? But he realized he
had very little choice but to trust Carlisle's words. Options are limited, he thought.
To try to expel them from these lands would be disastrous, and Jacob would be lost
to his home forever.
"I understand," he finally said. "Thank you," said Carlisle. "The treaty? We are
anxious to have this discord between us settled."
Sam smiled tightly. "Yes. Like you, I would also like to see us return to upholding
the original treaty, and again have peace between your family and the pack. Packs."
His eyes flickered to Jacob again, and then back. He took a step towards Carlisle,
his face serious, voice intent. "Still, while we appreciate the extenuating
circumstances surrounding Bella's situation, I need to have complete assurance
from you that your family will not endanger any more human lives, in any possible
way." His eyes glinted, dark and slightly threatening.
Carlisle looked levelly at Sam, his thoughts flickering towards the inherent dangers
Bella would present as a newborn, and the consequences of breaking a renewed
treaty. Edward will keep her safe, he thought. I squeezed Bella's hand. He won't let
her down. Carlisle nodded at Sam. "You have my assurance."
Sam's face relaxed slightly. "I will need to speak to the elders of my tribe about the
new developments, but I am within my power to agree to reinstate the original
terms of the treaty." He stepped several steps forward and held out his hand.
Carlisle came forward to meet him and shook it. They exchanged a few tense
pleasantries, and then Sam and Jacob walked to the edge of the forest to talk.
I sighed, bringing my attention back to Bella, gently kissing her fingers until I heard
Jacob hurrying back into the house, his eyes scanning for Renesmee, an almost
desperate need to see her coursing through him. She was sitting on Esme's lap,
awake now, smiling. She reached her arms out towards him, and Jacob's heart
nearly stopped with relief, seeing her safe and happy, as he strode over and
scooped her up. Esme smiled at him gently while Rose watched, her lips in a thin
line. Nessie put her hand to Jacob's face, filling his mind with the vision of his back
as he went out the door earlier. There was a questioning edge to the thought.
Jacob smiled. "I'm sorry I had to leave, Nessie. But I'm back now."
Renesmee's pleasure at Jacob's return was palpable. Even in the few moments they
had spent together, her interest in him had intensified, the stirrings of true
affection. She seemed to have been born with a natural affinity for Jacob, the
foundation of a growing connection. I had even sensed her heightened interest in
him while she had been in the womb. I knew from Jacob's thoughts that he felt that
they were meant to be together, that Renesmee had felt the pull towards him even
before she was born, and that was why Bella had been so desperate to spend time
with him over the last several days.
On a certain level, I appreciated this idea. I liked the explanation of Bella's intense
need to be with Jacob – there was a certain amount of relief in that. However, I also
did not like it. For one, I was uncomfortable with the idea that Renesmee had been
drawn to Jacob even before she was born. And I also just plain did not understand
that concept. Were the objects of a wolf's imprint naturally drawn to the person?
Beyond just the interest you would feel for someone who worshipped you. I had
never been in the mind of someone who had been imprinted upon. Was it maybe
that Renesmee was highly aware, even at that early stage, and could sense that
Jacob was someone important, ultimately, in all of our lives? Or was there some
other force going on? And, if so, what could it possibly be, and what might happen
if it was subverted?
Sighing, I tried to shake away these unanswerable questions. Alice and Rosalie left
after a while on their shopping trip, and the house went quiet as Renesmee fell into
a light sleep in Jacob's arms. I turned my attention to Bella, laying my head on the
pillow next to hers, and humming softly. I sang to her each song from our wedding,
remembering how she had looked out on the dance floor with her father, her ivory
skin flushed with happiness, her dress clinging and weaving as they rocked
awkwardly back and forth. I remembered dancing with her myself, the feel of her
body pressed against mine, my hand at the small of her back as we turned swiftly.
The pleasure and love on her face as she looked up at me, the lavender backdrop of
night all around us.
There was a knock on the door, and I was pulled back. Jasper. I got up and opened
the door.
Jasper was standing in the hall, Renesmee awake and sitting up in the crook of his
arm, a silver bottle held in his other hand. Renesmee had one of her hands nestled
into his hair, the strands twisted all around her fingers. She was pulling with all her
strength, and Jasper's head kept jerking to the side.
"Hey," he said, reaching over to fruitlessly try to disentangle her hand from his hair.
She quickly made a grab for the bottle with her other hand. Jasper tugged it away,
and she pulled on his hair again.
"Nessie," he moaned. She smiled at him, and then turned to me, her face lighting
up. Daddy, she thought, remembering the lullaby I had sang to her. Then she made
another grab for the bottle, and when Jasper moved it out of her reach, her face fell
a little and she placed her hand on his cheek. Both minds filled with the earlier
vision of Jasper holding Renesmee, and feeding her.
"I know, darlin'," he said. He looked up at me. "Esme asked me to bring her up to
you so you could give her a bottle. The girls are still shopping, and Jacob is on the
front porch with Seth. She thought Nessie's dad ought to have a hand in feeding
her."
I smiled, wondering if Jasper realized he was unconsciously using Jacob's nickname
for Renesmee, and reached out to take her, but she wouldn't relinquish her grip on
Jasper's hair. Whenever I tried to take her, she pulled harder.
"Let go, honey," I said, trying to pry her fingers open. Each time I would get one
untangled, the rest would get all twisted again.
"Ugh," said Jasper. We moved into the room as a unit. He put the bottle on a shelf
and then tried to help me release him from the baby's clutches. Renesmee's grin
was huge as we struggled to unwrap her fingers. Finally, she let go, and I quickly
took her in my arms. She reached up and grabbed a handful of my own hair and
pulled. Then she placed her other hand on my face and thought of Rosalie feeding
her. The thought had a sharp edge, and I smiled at her demand.
"I know, you're hungry," I said, kissing her cheek. I picked up the bottle and she
quickly took it in her mouth, grasping it with her own hands and sucking hungrily. I
glanced up at Jasper, but his eyes were trained on Bella. I realized he hadn't seen
her since the birth and change.
"Do you sense anything from her, Jazz?" I whispered. He furrowed his brow, and
stepped closer. His mind registered that she was only covered by a thin white sheet,
and I felt a flash of annoyance. But his thoughts didn't wander past this
observation. He reached out and held his hand over the skin of her arm, close, but
not quite touching. He stayed that way, frozen, for several seconds and then shook
his head, turning away and looking at me.
"I can't get anything from her. It's almost as if there...there is a heavy blanket
surrounding her that I can't get through. I don't know how to describe it."
I sighed. "The morphine, maybe?" He shrugged. Could be. Could be deadening her
senses. His eyes swung back to Bella, resting on her face.
She's changing, he thought. She looks different. I felt a flash of uneasy awareness
at his words, which Jasper immediately sensed. He looked at me quickly. You knew
she would.
"I know," I said softly. He looked at me for a long second, feeling a wave of
sympathy as he imagined what it might be like if it was Alice lying on that bed, and
then left, patting my shoulder on the way out and quietly closing the door.
I stood next to the bed, Renesmee in my arms, drinking in long pulls from the cup.
But I could not tear my eyes from Bella's face, from the truth of Jasper's
observation. Less than twenty-four hours later, despite her silence, the physical
change in her was evident. She had always been pale, but with the natural flush of
all humans, heightened even further when she blushed, the blood warm and
pumping beneath thin skin. Now her ivory skin had paled even further, a flawless,
diamond white, visibly stronger, a fragile porcelain turning into strong, smooth
china. She was beginning to show some of the changes I had observed in Alice's
vision, her cheekbones more edged, the outline of her brows more pronounced, her
eyes wider. All subtle changes growing ever more visible as the minutes passed, all
changes that nature had decided led to a more obvious, enticing beauty to tempt
the human eye, the prey.
I had always known that if Bella became like us, that her physical appearance
would be altered. It had never mattered. I loved Bella for who she was, for the
beauty within her. How she looked was inconsequential. And even I had always
grudgingly appreciated what was to be gained from the loss of some of her physical
human traits, the increase in strength and speed and durability that would make
her so much safer, not just around me but in the world in general. There was so
much to be gained from immortality, so easy to overlook the sacrifice of a few,
precious, human traits. It had been the sacrifice of her soul that had concerned me
the most.
And yet now, although I would never have admitted it to Bella, I felt a stab of loss
for the human things that had been a part of the girl I love. For the endless brown
eyes that had been all I could see when I ran away the first time I met her. For the
face that had haunted me, and yet held me aloft, during six months of miserable
exile. For skin that had felt warm and fragile beneath my hands, blushing heat as I
stroked my fingers down her face. For the heartbeat that had filled my world each
night. And even the scent, the burning scent that meant she was alive, and with
me.
My love for Bella would never change. She would never change – regardless of how
the venom altered her, she was the same person inside. But, for a moment, I felt a
whisper of sadness for the human girl that I would never quite see again.
Renesmee made a small, contented noise in the back of her throat, and I glanced
down quickly, realizing the bottle was empty. I placed the bottle on a shelf as she
watched me with her eyes. Her brown, luminous eyes. And suddenly the world
flipped over, and I realized Bella's humanity was not lost, never had been lost, and
never would be. I held it cradled in my arms.
Renesmee reached to place a hand on my neck, and as she did the vision bloomed
in her mind of Bella's face again, after her birth, strained, adoring. The vision
danced with question, and anxiety.
"I know, sweetheart," I whispered, looking down at her. "She'll be with us soon."
The worry behind her eyes faded a little and then she remembered me singing to
her. The vision had the pointed feel of a reminder.You promised.
I grinned. I lifted her onto my shoulder, and began humming Bella's lullaby, as she
slept in her suspended state beside us. Then, remembering my memories of
dancing with Bella, I began to sway back and forth and then eventually move
around the room. Renesmee wiggled, delighted, and I whirled us around
unexpectedly, clutching her to me, and she made a small, quiet sound of delight
that made my heart soar. We danced about the office, and I closed my eyes against
the worry and anxiety, about Bella's stillness, and Renesmee's rapid growth, and
tried let happiness take us for a few moments, promising myself we would do this
again when all was right. If. When.
Eventually Esme, suffering withdrawal, came to take Renesmee. Carlisle measured
her in their room again, noting another three quarter inch growth. He and Esme
played with her in their room for a while, enjoying having her all to themselves.
Eventually Esme brought her to Jacob, who was pacing anxiously downstairs, and
he took her for a walk around the edge of the lawn, Emmett and Jasper tailing
them, not very surreptitiously, about 100 yard behind.
About mid-afternoon, I caught familiar thoughts approaching on the highway. From
what was flashing through Alice's mind, my sisters had purchased a staggering
amount of clothing in the few hours they had been gone. Alice was cataloguing all
the new clothes she had purchased for Bella, adding it to the row upon row of
clothing she had already purchased while Bella and I were away on our honeymoon.
Rosalie had purchased the remaining furnishings for the cottage, as well as bag
upon bag of baby clothes, every color of the rainbow, including clothes that seemed
designed for a small child, not a baby, and made my stomach clench uncomfortably
at the thought that they may fit Renesmee soon.
They pulled into the driveway, and after a lot of exasperated dismay from Jasper
and Emmett, they all entered the house with at least a dozen bags and headed up
the stairs. I could see that Alice had held aside one bag, and she quickly appeared
in my room, smiling broadly.
"How are we doing?" she said brightly. "Alice, Bella will not appreciate all those
clothes," I muttered. "I don't know why you insist on buying so much."
Alice narrowed her eyes. Don't deny me my small pleasures, mister grumpy, she
thought irritably. She walked over to Bella and touched her face gently, watching
her quietly for a moment. Finally she glanced back at me, her smile growing
impossibly wider.
"So," she laughed, flourishing the bag in her hand. "There I was, walking through
the boutique, and it just appeared in front of me." She reached slowly into the bag,
grasping something inside, her eyes twinkling. "Almost as if it was fate." She
winked, and then pulled out a long, shimmering, blue silk dress
As absurd as the dress was for Bella, I couldn't deny the wave of satisfied
contentment that washed over me at the sight of the dress from the vision,
something so tangible and real, an undeniable sign that the moment Alice could
foresee would indeed come to be. Alice's gaze shone on mine for a moment, and
then we both closed our eyes and let her vision in, relishing it. It had grown
remarkable clearer in just a day, showing Alice and I standing next to Bella. Alice's
face was glowing, but mine was stiff, uncertain, my worried eyes on Bella. Jasper
hovered behind Alice, his gaze intent on Bella. The blue dress sparkled in the
center, crystal clear, clearer even than Bella's face, except for the blood red eyes.
We both sighed, and then opened our eyes. Alice pushed me playfully on the chest.
"Now get out," she said sternly. "I want to get her dressed. I've had enough of Bella
and the sheet."
"I'll help you," I said, surprised.
"No." She shook her head. "I still have a few surprises for you." Suddenly, the
image of a very small, lacy bra and panties flashed in her head, before she
squashed it with a vision of white curtains.
"Too late," I said, grinning.
Her face darkened, and she crossed her arms and stomped her foot. "Damn it. Get
out anyway." She kicked my calf. "And no watching!"
"Ow," I muttered. The well known risks of getting in Alice's way. I smoothed back
Bella's hair, kissing her high on her forehead near her hairline. "Sorry about this,
love," I whispered. "I tried to stop her." Alice hissed and shoved me again,
contemplating another kick for good measure. I darted out of the way and went out
to the hall.
I left the door cracked slightly, and stood next to it, leaning my back against the
wall. The house was fairly quiet – I could hear Esme in Rosalie's room, looking
through all the purchases as Carlisle watched her adoringly. He rubbed her back,
and then leaned down to kiss her neck. I quickly focused somewhere else. Rosalie
was downstairs fawning over Renesmee, Emmett's arm around her shoulders, their
heads, dark against light, bent close together.
I crossed my arms and closed my eyes, letting my head fall back against the wall.
What appeared before my dark vision was the lacy underwear Alice had purchased
for Bella. My mind could not help conjuring up the vision of how they would look on
Bella. Bella had worn similar ensembles on our honeymoon, and they had been
beautiful, and tortuously tempting at the same time. But the sheer silk, and delicate
lace had often only served to remind me of the fragile, ethereal skin that lay
beneath them, just as easily damaged as the clothes themselves.
But now, Bella's skin would be strong, unbreakable. I imagined, suddenly, how it
would feel to run my hand down her arm, without fear of hurting her. To be able to
stroke the skin of her back, feel it soft yet supple beneath my hands. To truly caress
the contours of her body, uninhibited, my hands able to freely...
Suddenly, the door down the hall opened, and I was broken from my reverie. I
turned my head swiftly, eyes opening, and saw Jasper poke his head out into the
hallway, his expression confused. He turned and caught sight of me, and
amusement lit in his eyes.
"All right, there, Edward?" he said in a low, amused voice. I realized suddenly, with
mortification, that Jasper had been able to sense what my thoughts of Bella's body
had been doing to my emotional state. I grimaced. His smile grew at the look on
my face.
"No worries, bro," he said lightly. He shifted, and then glanced at the doorway
behind me. "But will you be needing Alice much longer?"
I rolled my eyes. "She's getting Bella dressed." "I'm almost done, Jazz," Alice called
from the bedroom. "Hold your horses."
Jasper grinned widely. "Well, send her my way when she comes out." He raised his
eyebrows and winked, and then ducked back into the bedroom.
Anxious from being even several feet away from Bella in the hall, I went back into
the bedroom. Bella was stunning. I walked slowly over, and put my hand on one of
the shoes Alice had slid onto her feet.
"The shoes are ridiculous, Alice," I muttered, "and she will hate them. But, thank
you. She looks beautiful." I smiled at her, and she beamed back. We both glanced
down, looking at Bella for a moment, quiet. Her chest rose and fell with her
breaths, the only discernable movement.
"Alice," I whispered. "Did you get any reaction from her, when you were dressing
her?"
No, she thought sadly, her smile faltering. I thought of Alice's vision of Bella, just
the one, silent, still picture. Complete, and yet, solitary.
"Can you see anything else? Other than the one image? Can you play the vision
back, or forward?" She shook her head swiftly.
"No," she whispered, looking at Bella's face, and then down at the floor. "I've tried.
That one moment seems set." Her face fell completely, and I realized she had been
hiding something. "My vision..." Her voice faded, anxiety sketched on her face.
Suddenly, the door swung open and Jasper strode over to her, quickly putting an
arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong, Alice," he asked anxiously.
She looked up at him, and then over at me. "I thought," she said quietly, "when
Jacob left, I thought I would be able to see clearer. But I can't. I still can't see
around Renesmee. I can't see Renesmee." Her mind played a jumble of blurry
attempts, shots of Esme filling bottles, Carlisle walking with a measuring tape in his
hands, but only large holes whenever she tried to see Renesmee. I felt a steel shaft
of distress lodge itself within me.
Alice hunched over, as if a weight was pressed to her shoulders, and put her face in
her hands.
"Shh," said Jasper, rubbing her arm. "Let's think about this. When Bella was
carrying the baby, you could not see them clearly."
Alice nodded.
"So, it seems, it was always Renesmee," said Jasper, "who was interfering with your
vision. Now that she is out of Bella, you can see Bella again."
"Just the one vision," Alice said, looking up.
I breathed, trying to think calmly. "But Bella is still a little blurry within that vision,"
I said quietly, looking at Alice, and analyzing the picture of Bella in the mirror. "She
has grown more distinct, but you, Jasper and I are still much clearer ."
"I always see our kind clearer," she said matter-of-factly. "I am a vampire, so I see
vampires." "But you can see Bella," said Jasper. "And you aren't human."
"No," she said quickly, "but I was human." Then she froze for a second, and looked
at both of us, and we stared back. She had once been human, but she had never
been...
"Oh," Alice squeaked. "I need to talk to Carlisle."
Chapter 23—Rebirth
"I," Alice announced loudly, "have never been a werewolf or half-vampire." Carlisle
and Esme stared back at her blankly. "Gee, thank for the news flash, Alice,"
Emmett muttered downstairs.
I smiled to myself. I had already seen Alice's train of thought as she had left my
room, dragging Jasper with her to find Carlisle and Esme. I felt somewhat relieved
by her reasoning, by an explanation for her inability to see Renesmee.
Alice could not see the werewolves, or Renesmee, because they were, essentially, a
different species from her. And, simply, she could not see what she was not, or had
never been. The idea made sense – I suspected Carlisle would agree, considering
it's more scientific foundations. We already knew that Jacob had twenty-four pairs
of chromosomes, whereas we had twenty-five. In time, I imagined we would
discover that Renesmee had similar genetic makeup to Jacob, or perhaps even
something completely new, which, either way, prevented Alice from being able to
see her. We had suspected it as a possibility before she was born – now it seemed
confirmed.
I found this scientific explanation pleasing. Although I didn't completely discount
our earlier theories about the wolves – I did still think that the ability to phase also
interfered with Alice's visions. The wolves' interference often seemed to block entire
chunks of the future, whereas Renesmee seemed to create holes, blind spots. To
some degree, it seemed like Alice could actually see around her. Time would tell.
But, fundamentally, the answer lay with her ability to see only her own kind, or
what she once was.
"Fascinating," Carlisle murmured, listening to Alice's explanation.
Jacob was listening intently downstairs, please by this new revelation, as if this
genetic link between Renesmee and him that hid them from Alice's gift somehow
bound them even further, if that was possible. I sighed, feeling a wave of irritation.
I remembered how angry Jacob had been a couple days ago, when it had been
suggested there might be a similarity between him, and the unborn baby. Do not
compare me to that thing, he had growled. Now, he would look for anything that
would tie them even tighter together.
As the clock chimed six o'clock, Carlisle moved downstairs, still deep in
conversation with Alice, to measure Renesmee. As soon as she saw him, she placed
a hand on Rosalie and remembered earlier in the day, how she had stretched out
while Carlisle measured her.
Rose nodded at her. "That's right, sweetie. It's that time again." They lay Renesmee
on the couch, and Carlisle measured her length, and head circumference. Her
growth rate remained alarmingly steady, and Carlisle's mind reflected all the
answerless questions of my own. As soon as he finished and sat up, Renesmee
unexpectedly flipped over onto her stomach, almost falling off the couch. My entire
family, and Jacob, gathered for the measuring, all lurched forward to catch her,
seven pairs of arms colliding and tangling with each other.
Jacob scooped her up first, his shoulder banging into Rose's in the process. She
hissed, grabbing his arm. "I've got her," snapped Jacob. "Give her to me," Rosalie
growled. "Rose," sighed Esme. "You've had her for a while. Let Jacob spend some
time with her."
"Charlie, five minutes," Alice suddenly said softly. Esme tensed, turning to Carlisle,
her expression upset. She hated lying to Charlie. Somehow it struck her as a
betrayal of another parent. He put an arm around her, drawing her close.
As my family moved quietly below us, I hummed softly to Bella for a while. I
wanted to write a composition for Renesmee, and I played with several possible
melodies, searching for the right one. Eventually, after Charlie had called and been
put off for another day, I heard the decision made to give Renesmee a bath. Alice
sprang upstairs to get the tub ready, and I heard more soft footsteps on the stairs a
few minutes later. Esme poked her head into the room. Her eyes were excited.
"We're going to give Nessie a bath," she said, smiling. "Want to help us?" Her first
bath. You should be there.
I looked down at Bella's sleeping face, and felt a sudden pang of sadness at all she
was missing, all the various firsts I had heard Rosalie and Esme cataloging in their
minds. It didn't seem right, not to share them with her .
"We'll get the next one," I murmured, trying to smile, massaging Bella's hand with
my fingers.
Anxiety crossed Esme's face. "All right," she said gently, her eyes falling onto Bella
for a long moment. Then she disappeared into the hallway.
Watching through Esme's eyes as she entered the bathroom, I could see that Alice
had gone typically overboard preparing the tub for Renesmee. Huge mounds of
bubbles floated on the top of the water, and the edge of the tub was lined with
every conceivable bath toy. Rosalie held Renesmee as Esme undressed her, while
Alice flittered around them. All three were practically giddy with excitement. Carlisle
came in and sat on the edge of the counter, looking pleased.
"Bath time!" squealed Alice, clapping her hands. Rosalie knelt next to the tub, Alice
and Esme quickly getting on either side of her, and gently lowered Renesmee into
the warm water.
Renesmee's small mouth formed into a perfect O as her feet hit the warm water.
Her eyes grew wide, and she watched the bubbles that floated as high as her head.
She reached out slowly, cupping some in her small hand, and then looked around at
the faces watching her. Suddenly, a huge smile lit her face and she let out a small
shriek of happiness.
It was the first true noise she had made, aside from some small whimpers and
contented noises. Everyone froze briefly in shock, and I heard Emmett and Jasper
leap up the staircase, hurrying down to the bathroom. Jacob loitered at the bottom
of the stairs, uncertain if he could come up.
"She's okay, Jacob," I said softly from the room. "She's just happy." He relaxed, his
eyes lingering upstairs for a few moments before heading back to the couch.
Emmett and Jasper crowded into the bathroom with the others, Emmett moving to
stand behind Rose while Jasper lingered near the back, watching. Esme had begun
washing Renesmee with a washcloth, while Rose held her carefully and Alice danced
a rubber duck in front of her face. Nessie kicked her legs excitedly, grabbing at the
duck. She pushed it into her mouth, biting off a piece before throwing it out of the
tub. She looked around expectantly, and Alice handed her another one.
"Watch this, Renesmee," Rose said. She filled her hand with bubbles and blew,
scattering them into the air. Renesmee squealed, and then reached out her own
hands, capturing a handful of bubbles. She brought the bubbles up to her own
mouth and tried to blow them, but ended up inhaling them instead. She spluttered,
and tears filled her eyes.
Everyone crowded in, horrified at the sight of her tears. Rosalie glanced around,
looking panicked.
Emmett fell to his knees next to Rose. "Aw, don't cry, Ness," he said, leaning over
the tub. He gathered up bubbles in both his hands and plastered them all over his
face. "Look at me, I'm Santa Claus," he boomed, laughing. "Ho, ho, ho!"
Renesmee stared at him blankly for a moment, then her features shifted from
confusion to delight, and she began to shriek with laughter. She raised both hands
up over her head, chortling, and then brought them down into the water, sending a
wave up at Emmett and splashing everyone gathered around the tub. My family
cried out in
surprise, trying to dodge the water. Emmett rocked back onto his heels, his face
and hair soaked. He rubbed the water out of his face with his hand, laughing loudly.
Renesmee reached up with her hand for Rose, her little fist opening and closing
urgently. Rose leaned down and let her touch her neck. Her mind filled with a vision
of Emmett, his face covered in bubbles, and then dripping with water. She replayed
the image several times quickly. It was the mental equivalent of "again, again!"
Rose smiled, looking at Emmett. "She wants you to do it again." Jasper snorted
with laughter. Emmett glanced at him, his eyes narrowing slightly before looking
back at Renesmee.
"Sure thing, kid," he said smiling. "But first, we don't want Uncle Jasper to feel left
out." He scooped up a handful of water and bubbles and threw it at Jasper, hitting
him square in the face.
"No water fights, now, boys," Esme laughed, trying to sound stern. Alice giggled,
tossing Jasper a towel. He dried his face, laughing, and then threw the towel at
Emmett's head.
After Nessie played "splash Uncle Emmett" at least a dozen more times, Esme
kicked the men out of the bathroom so they could finish the bath. I could see in
Rosalie's mind she was planning to bring Renesmee to me after the bath, and soon
I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Come on in," I said quietly. Rosalie came into the room, Renesmee in her arms
wrapped in a thick, pink towel that appeared to have some sort of hood that went
over her head. Her brown eyes peaked out from underneath, framed with wet curls.
She struggled inside the towel, trying to reach out her arms to me.
"Thought you might like to help get her ready for bed," Rose said softly as I lifted
the baby from her arms. I smiled gratefully. Rose bent down, placing another towel
on the floor. We both knelt, and I placed Renesmee on her back, unwrapping her.
Her skin was pink and flushed from the bath, radiating heat, her sweet, lilting scent
intensified by her damp curls. She kicked wildly, glad to be free of her bounds.
Rose handed me a folded outfit, and then slid a diaper on Renesmee. I unfolded the
outfit – it was pink, of course, one piece, with snaps that went down the front and
between the legs, with little, lacy white cuffs on the ankles and wrists. I carefully
unsnapped the outfit, and then tried to catch Renesmee's feet. She kicked and
squirmed, trying to roll over. I put one hand on her chest and tried to feed a foot
through the ankle of her outfit, but she kept pulling it back out. I let go of her
upper body and grabbed her foot, and she giggled and flipped over.
Rose laughed loudly and I glared at her. "Enjoying this?" I muttered.
"Tremendously," she sighed. I knew you couldn't be good at everything! She flipped
Renesmee back over, placing her lips on her stomach, and blew raspberries while
Renesmee squirmed with delight. While Rose had her distracted, I caught each foot
and stuffed it into the outfit. I slid it under her body and we each carefully threaded
an arm through, and then Rose swiftly did up the snaps. She handed me a pair of
tiny pink socks...more pink...and I slid them onto Renesmee's feet.
There, I thought, feeling pleased. Rose let go of Renesmee, and she immediately
flipped onto her stomach, and then pushed herself back with her hands until she
was in a sitting position. In Rosalie's mind, I saw that this was a physical milestone
of a six to seven month old baby. Not a child who had been born the day before.
This observation made me feel strangely conflicted. On one hand, there seemed to
be an automatic feeling of pride, that Renesmee had mastered this milestone so
quickly. My child. And yet, there was deep fear, and anxiety, that her accelerated
development was not a blessing.
Rose had brought a small, white brush, and she began to pull it through
Renesmee's curls. Renesmee stilled, her brown eyes glowing up at Rosalie, her face
relaxed. She enjoyed the sensation. When Rose finished, Renesmee reached her
small hand out for the brush, and Rose let her take it. She turned it over a few
times, carefully feeling the bristles.
"Edward," Rosalie said softly. I glanced up to find her looking at me intently. "I have
something for you." She reached into the pocket of her pants, and pulled out my
mother's ring... Bella's ring now. She held it between her fingers, and we both
looked at it silently for a moment before meeting each other's eyes.
"She gave it to me when she was pregnant," she said, smiling slightly. "She was
afraid she would swell up, and not be able to get it off."
"I know," I murmured. I had seen the exchange in Rose's mind a couple days after
Bella and I had returned from Isle Esme. I had been hurt, at the time, that Bella
had not given it to me for safekeeping. But, I had imagined that the symbolism,
however unintentional, of Bella giving me back my ring, at that time, would have
been too painful for both of us.
Rosalie glanced at Bella. "Of course, as it turned out, it was more likely to have slid
off her finger, she got so thin." Her voice trailed off slightly, and then she shook
herself. "Anyways, I thought, maybe, it was time you gave it back to her." She
looked up at me, and held up her hand. I took the ring from between her fingers.
"Thanks," I whispered. I felt overwhelmed suddenly with emotion, filled with an
immense gratitude towards Rosalie for safeguarding the ring for Bella, for
protecting Bella, and for caring for our daughter while we couldn't. I looked up at
her, trying to form words.
"You don't have to say anything, Edward," Rose said softly. I nodded.
Suddenly, there was a loud snap. We both glanced down quickly. Renesmee had
broken the hairbrush into two pieces. She frowned at the fractured pieces for a
moment, and then tossed them aside, looking dissatisfied. She looked up at us and
then reached out a hand. I could see the vision in her mind, but Rose bent down so
Renesmee could touch her, filling her mind with an image of me feeding her.
"Hungry," I said smiling. Rose put her hands under Renesmee's arms and lifted her
into her arms as we stood up.
"She's almost finished everything we've got," Rose said, smiling back at me.
"Carlisle is going to go out in the morning to get some more. He says he can get it
locally, since it doesn't matter what blood type it is now."
"You know, he hasn't given up on the formula," I said, and Rosalie laughed.
"Say goodnight to Daddy," she said to Renesmee. I leaned forward and kissed her
cheek. Her soft breath caressed my face, and I moved back slightly, smiling down
at her. Her eyes gazed up at me, with an incredible depth and awareness, and she
reached forward to touch me lightly with one finger. The memory I could see in her
thoughts was simple - my face - but her message was clear. Her feelings shone in
the way her mind wrapped lovingly around the image, in the gentle tenderness and
affection that exuded from her.
"I love you too, Renesmee," I whispered. She smiled brilliantly. She truly was my
miracle.
After they left, I went over to Bella and looked down. I caressed the soft, gold band
of the ring between my fingers. The ring had been one of the few possessions of my
parents I had kept with me through the years, the rest sold long ago or locked
away in various safe deposit boxes. But the ring I had kept, a memento to my
parents, of love, and lives lost. But in all the years the ring travelled with me,
never, ever, did I dream that one day it would be worn by someone I loved. I
wasn't truly sure if Bella had ever fully realized what it had meant to me to place
this ring on her finger.
Reaching down, I lifted up Bella's hand, and slid on the ring. I stared at it, glittering
against her white skin, for a long moment, and then bent over and kissed the back
of her hand.
"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "Thank you for marrying me." I sat down next to
her, keeping her hand in mine, and listened as Renesmee fell asleep cradled in
Rosalie's arms. Jacob was asleep soon after her. Eventually Carlisle, Esme, Alice,
and Jasper left to do some last minute work on the cottage, and a deep quiet fell
over the house. Midnight came and went, the hours passing in a ghostly silence.
Finally, I thought, perhaps I might read aloud to Bella. If she could hear me, I was
sure she would like that. I stood up and moved over the vast shelves that lined the
walls of Carlisle's office. As I glanced through the titles, slightly rearranged since I
last looked, a black book with gold trim caught my eye.
Romeo and Juliet.
I sighed and reached out, smoothing my finger down the spine, closing my eyes,
remembering.
One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the
world begun.
Today was the twelfth – tomorrow would be Bella's birthday. Almost a year ago I
had murmured those words in her ear, her soft body tucked next to mine on the
couch at her house, my hand running lightly up and down her spine as I savored
the small shivers I elicited. The film flickered on the TV in front of us. I had not
spoken lightly, or quoted mindlessly that day, for she had been, always was, my
sun, the brilliant fire of my existence that burned day and night, and I had wanted
to bask in her glow forever. I had been cocooned in that moment, foolishly relaxed
in the all too precarious illusion I had allowed myself to create, trying desperately
to ignore the whispers in the back of my mind. How I had not anticipated that it
would be just a few hours from that time events would come to be that would drive
me away from her.
I glanced out the window at the forest, the strains of autumn evident even under
the thick night clouds. I could see the turning leaves, some blowing down in the
sharp breeze, others already fallen, death and rebirth on the forest floor. And I
could only be reminded of that terrible afternoon I had left. The way the gathering
leaves had brushed along our feet as we walked into the woods behind her house,
her hand in mine for the last time. How the cool, dry fall air had brought a flush,
and a chill, to her skin as I leaned down to press my lips to her forehead, one final
kiss. The blurred colors of the forest – yellow, red, orange - as I ran like the
wretched wind, ran away, forbidden to slow or look back, the vessel of my body
ripped and emptied, my only sensation a searing, ruthless pain.
I felt a deep, embedded ache in my chest at these memories. It threatened briefly
to pull me under, into the regrets that lurked, always, in the far corners of my mind.
I waited a long moment for the shadow to pass, and then turned to look at Bella's
sleeping face.
All these woes shall serve For sweet discourses in our time to come.
I had thought, even after I came back, that I would always associate this time of
year with those dark days. That this would always be a time that echoed of
remembered pain. A time of leaving. Now, though, with Renesmee's recent birth,
and Bella's anticipated reawakening, it seemed like these days might be reassigned
as those of joy. An anniversary to be celebrated. Once I finally had my love at my
side. Once she awoke. If.
Looking at Bella, motionless, glowing like the purest ivory in the pale light of night,
I was reminded for a moment of Juliet, beautiful even in death. No, I thought
suddenly, shaking my head. Bella is not dead. If nothing, her quiet heartbeats and
shallow breaths told me that much. I walked over and stood next to her, gently
running a finger down her cheek, her skin now a lustrous, fluid marble, so near to
matching the feel of my own. I brushed my thumb back and forth against her soft
lips.
Beauty's ensign yet Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, And death's pale flag is
not advanced there.
"I miss you," I whispered. I cupped her cheek with my palm. "So much. I'm
waiting, right here, for you to come back." Your smile, and your touch – they are
the light of my existence. Please come back to me, love.
I scoured her face for any movement, any response. Finally, I went back, pulled the
book off the shelf, and began to read aloud.
After a couple hours of reading, I heard Alice coming back through the forest,
calling me. Edward, Edward! Her visions of the day had bloomed unexpectedly,
showing a series of shots of me sitting next to a still Bella. Another one of Carlisle
standing beside us. A number of moments of Alice and Esme at the cottage. And
one more! Alice was gleeful. It was a vision of Bella, still as always. And then she
opened her eyes.
"Oh," I breathed, standing up. "Oh." Alice replayed it again and again as she flew
into the house and upstairs. Each time the movement in Bella's face sang through
me, as her eyes flew open, her crimson pupils a shock and a miracle at the same
time.
Alice appeared in the doorway. She placed her hands on either side of the door
frame. "Everything is becoming more defined," she said excitedly. "The moment is
coming."
"Do you see anything else beyond that?" I asked hopefully.
She shook her head. "No, just the one vision with the mirror. In fact, I can't see any
of us after Bella wakes up." She walked over and touched Bella's face, fondness
shining in her eyes. "Once she's awake, it's all up to Bella. And I know she'll amaze
us."
Then she looked up at me, her eyes dancing, and I knew she had figured something
else out.
"What, Alice," I said anxiously. Her eyes moved off mine, and towards the window
behind me. She walked over silently, looking up, placing her palm against the glass.
"Cloudy today," she said softly. "And I see rain tomorrow." She whirled around, and
her face was on fire with delight. "And I don't see rain in any of those visions. It's
today, Edward. I think she will wake sometime today. By the look of the light
coming through the window, I would say in the afternoon."
"Oh god, Alice" My voice was choked. "Do you think so? That would be only two
days." She nodded. "I do."
"Wait," I said, looking around wildly. "The clock, Alice." I pointed to the clock on the
wall. "The clock." She glanced up, and then closed her eyes, trying to gain a
perspective on the clock. The outline of it was on the wall, but the hands were too
blurry to distinguish. She sighed, and then shrugged her shoulders, opening her
eyes.
"Either way, it's today, Edward," she said smiling. "I feel it." She ran over and gave
me a quick hug. "I'm going to tell the others."
"Alice," I said. "I want to talk to Jasper about..."
Do you think the mind reader can hear us yet?
I paused, confused, trying to place the unfamiliar thoughts that had just moved into
range. Alice watched me carefully.
Who knows? Hey, hello out there! We come in peace. Yo, Edward! Quil and Embry, I
realized suddenly. Coming to talk to Jacob. I put my hand on Alice's arm. "Alice, let
everyone know the time frame. And could you ask Jacob to come up to see me?"
Alice raised her eyebrows in surprise, but nodded, disappearing swiftly out the door.
I searched the wolves' minds, trying to see if there was anything wrong that
precipitated their visit. But it seemed to be just a friendly visit, although I could see
in Quil's mind images of Sam telling Billy Black the situation with Jacob, Renesmee
and the treaty. Billy's eyes were wide, his face pure shock. At his shoulder stood
Sue Clearwater, her eyes intent on Billy, looking at him with an expression I had
seen many times on her daughter's face – fierce and protective.
I realized that Jacob truly needed to go home in the near future and speak to his
father himself. I expected, however, that this was not advice he would appreciate
getting from me.
Incoming, thought Embry.
Seth or Leah? Quil wondered. Seth came into view within the trees. Oh, thank god,
thought Embry.
There was a soft knock at the door. I moved swiftly over, opening the door as little
as possible and sliding out into the hall to speak to Jacob, leaving the door just
slightly ajar behind me.
His expression was strained. Still expecting me to snap and kill him, I mused. I put
him out of his misery quickly. "Quil and Embry are heading in to see you. They're
just past the property line. Just a friendly visit – nothing wrong.
Seth met up with them a couple minutes ago."
"Oh," Jacob said, his voice filtered with surprise. "Great, thanks." His eyes flickered
momentarily to the door behind me, and then he turned to leave.
"Jacob, wait," I said, reaching out to touch his arm. "I don't know if you heard Alice
before, but it appears that Bella will be waking up later today."
Jacob's eyes widened with more surprise. "That's great." His smile was weak, and
his eyes looked warily at the door behind me again.
"Listen, Jacob. When she wakes up, you might want to clear out of here for a while.
She's going to wake up thirsty. Warn Seth and Leah, too."
Surprise flitted across Jacob's face. "But I don't want to leave," he said quickly. "I
thought my kind wasn't a temptation?"
I smiled wryly. "Well, yes, generally your stench reduces your appeal. But you've
seen how wild and impulsive a newborn can be. You have a heart beat, and blood,
and that will be enough to put you in danger."
Jacob stared at me silently for a long moment, and then his eyes narrowed. "But...
Renesmee?" he asked.
I could feel his protective instincts flaring, and irritation clawed at me. "What about
Renesmee?" I asked in a low voice.
He gaped at me. "If you are worried about me being near Bella, how can you
possibly let her near Renesmee?"
"That is none of your concern, Jacob," I said coolly. I was well aware how carefully
the situation with Bella and Renesmee would have to be handled. I did not need
him questioning me about my own daughter's safety. "We will keep her safe."
"But she has a heart beat, and blood, like me. And I'll bet she smells better to your
kind than I do! How can you leave her in the same house with a bloodthirsty
newborn?" he growled.
"Because Bella is her mother!" I snarled. My voice grew louder. "And it's none of
your damn business, Jacob! This is exactly the kind of thing I was worried about,
letting you stay here!"
"Everything about Nessie is my business!" he shouted.
Something inside me, something that had been suppressed, snapped. "She's my
daughter," I yelled. My hand shot out, grabbing the front of his shirt. Emmett and
Jasper appeared instantly on either side of him, steel in their faces. He tried to pull
a step back, glancing quickly to either side before resting his gaze on me, his hands
up.
"I won't fight you," Jacob whispered. "I won't." And I knew he wouldn't. For
Renesmee.
Carlisle appeared at my side. He put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward," he said in
a warning voice. You're overreacting. He just wants to make sure she is safe, like
the rest of us.
I let go. "Do you honestly think I would put Renesmee in any danger?" I hissed. "Or
put Bella in the position of hurting her own daughter?" Jacob shook his head, but I
could see the doubts lingering in his mind. "I am responsible for their safety and
welfare."
Jacob nodded again, looking resigned. I understand, Edward. I know. But I
suspected he wasn't done worrying about this yet. He didn't want Bella near
Renesmee until we were sure it was safe.
I sighed with irritation. "Go downstairs, Jacob," I said quietly.
He looked at me for a long moment, and then took another step back, as if to
leave, before he paused, frowning. He looked uncomfortably around at Carlisle,
Emmett and Jasper. "Uh, Edward," he said quietly. "I...I'd really appreciate it if I
could tell Bella myself. You know, about me, and Renesmee."
I glared at him. He'd picked the wrong time to ask for a favor. He looked slightly
panicked at my expression, and took a quick step towards me.
"Please, Edward. I have to do this myself. We...Bella and I, we have a lot of history,
and I... I just need a chance to let her know in my own way. Please."
Oh, say yes, Edward, Emmett thought. It will be excellent fun watching him tell
Bella. She's going to flip. I sighed, rolling my eyes internally. "All right, Jacob. If I
can possibly avoid it, I will leave it to you to tell her.
Although I think it would be a lot safer for you if I let her know when you are miles
away, where she can't kill you." He laughed nervously. "I'll take my chances."
"There's a pack of mutts on the front lawn," Rosalie called up the stairs. Embry, Quil
and Seth had arrived. It's like we're living at the god damned dog pound, she
thought irritably.
Jacob smiled wider, turning and bounding down the stairs. I looked around at
everyone. "So, you heard, about Bella. This afternoon."
"Yes," said Emmett, clapping his hands together. "This is going to be a fun day!"
Jasper glared at him sideways. "We should make some plans."
I nodded. Carlisle squeezed my shoulder, smiling. It's wonderful news, Edward. "I'm
headed out to the clinic for more blood for Renesmee. I want get there as soon as it
opens, so I can return quickly."
He looked at the room behind me. She is still unresponsive? I breathed out, and
then nodded again. He patted my shoulder. "I'll be back shortly." He turned and
hurried down the stairs, Emmett behind him. He kissed Esme lightly at the door and
then left, heading for the garage.
I looked back at Jasper, and was surprised to see his expression intense. He was
staring at the wall as if he could see into the office behind me.
"Something's changed," he whispered. I searched his mind. He had sensed a
change in Bella.
Damn! I whirled, flying back into the room. But Bella was still unconscious. Jasper
followed behind me, moving slowly until he was standing right next to her.
"What do you feel, Jazz?" I asked quietly.
His brow furrowed, and he shook his head slightly. "The...the blanket has been
lifted, I feel something now, but..." He breathed in and out slowly a couple of times,
trying to tease out the emotion he felt emanating from her.
I watched and waited as he struggled for several minutes. For Jasper, some
emotions were very easy to identify – sadness, anger, happiness. Panic. Fear.
Sometimes feelings were more vague, but if he knew the situation, and was aware
of the context, then they could be more easily interpreted. But there were many
other shades of the emotional spectrum that were not easily labeled. Jasper was
very, very good at distinguishing the feelings around him, but sometimes even he
was unable to fully understand, or articulate, what he was sensing.
"Control," he said finally. "I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like there
should be pain, or fear, but I can't...I can't access it. It's reigned in too tightly.
Whatever emotions are within her, they are overpowered by control."
I frowned. That didn't seem to make much sense. Maybe he was misinterpreting,
searching for an answer where there was not one? I bent very close, whispering
quietly in her ear. "Bella? Love?" I inhaled, and then froze.
The morphine. The scent was completely gone from her blood. I stood up slowly,
my chest tightening like a vice. "Why don't you go and plan with the others, Jazz," I
said softly. "I think I should stay alone with Bella, as much as possible, now." I
didn't look at him, but I could sense his confusion. "Keep the baby downstairs from
now on, all right."
"Okay, Edward," he said, "whatever you want." He stood for another moment,
watching me, and then left, closing the door softly behind him.
I sat down slowly, placing my hand on Bella's arm. The morphine was out of her
system. And still, she didn't move. Why, oh why, was she still unconscious? True
fear, falsely kept at bay under the illusion that the morphine was keeping her still,
now rose up with full, overwhelming power. I felt paralyzed by doubt, and
confusion, and frustrated by the reality that there were no answers to be had, no
recourse to but to wait, and hope. Never before had I wished more desperately to
see into her mind. It occurred to me, in that moment, that perhaps I might soon be
able to, when she became like us. In the back of my mind I felt a small thrill of
excitement at this thought. That would be a gift beyond measure. But for now, she
remained closed to me.
I sat unmoving next to her as the minutes passed. Eventually Jacob, beaming with
pride, brought Renesmee out onto the porch to meet Embry and Quil, and see Seth
again, while my family milled nervously by the windows. Despite their size, the
Quiletes were surprisingly gentle and deft as they passed Renesmee around, each
holding her in turn. Renesmee soaked up the attention, charming them with her
smile and stunning them with her gift.
Once Nessie was safely back inside, Jasper talked quietly with Emmett and Alice,
who had never lived with a newborn vampire. He talked about keeping Bella calm,
her mood steady. No sudden movements, and if she had to be dealt with physically,
to not let her get her arms around your body. I could see in his mind that he
planned to be near her at all times, to use his gift to help maintain her mood and
reduce, as much as possible, the need for physical restraint.
Eventually, I heard the car pull into the drive and then around to the garage.
Carlisle was back. He came into the house, and he and Esme began to fill the
refrigerator with blood. Renesmee stirred, and began to make soft, whimpering
noises as she neared waking.
"Give her back to me," Rosalie snapped at Jacob, who was holding her. "She'll be
hungry."
"I can feed her," Jacob responded, irritation lacing his voice.
"No, you can't."
"Rose," Esme called from the kitchen, her voice slightly disapproving. "Bring Jacob
a bottle." Rose gritted her teeth, standing up and stomping out to the kitchen. Fine,
she thought. But I'll take my damn time doing it.
I listened as Rose enacted her revenge, loitering around in the kitchen and taking
her time getting the bottle ready, during which time Renesmee, now fully awake
and hungry, bit Jacob. He was very good natured about it, of course - there was
really nothing in this world that could make him upset with Renesmee.
Carlisle finished filling refrigerator, gave Rose an exasperated look as she lingered
by the kitchen doorway, and then headed upstairs to see Bella.
He stood for a moment in the doorway, taking in my strained expression.
Everything okay, Edward? May I check her? I nodded, and he moved silently into
the room. He went over to Bella, pausing over her for a moment, listening, and
then he pressed his fingers gently to the inside of her wrist, checking her heart
rate. Eighty-six, he thought. A little higher than yesterday. He glanced up at me.
"Still no change?"
"None," I whispered. Over thirty-six hours since I'd initiated the change, since I'd
punctured her heart with a syringe and pierced her skin in countless places, forcing
venom into her system, and she had still showed no sign of regaining
consciousness.
Carlisle bent down and inhaled near the inside of Bella's wrist. Oh. "There's no
scent of morphine left." "I know," I said softly. Carlisle furrowed his brow. What is
attributing to her unconscious state? He leaned close to
her ear. "Bella? Can you hear me?" He watched her carefully, eyes scouring her face
for any sign of response. She retained
her unearthly stillness, and I was helpless against the rising tide of my worst fears.
Something is wrong.
I glanced up, and Carlisle met my eyes. Could she be awake, and scared to
respond? Confused? That seems unlikely – if she had any level of consciousness,
she would not be able to remain so still against the pain. But try talking to her,
Edward.
I wrapped my hand around her fingers. "Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your
eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?" I didn't get a response, and didn't expect one. I
couldn't believe that if Bella was awake, she would not have responded sooner. She
would be writhing in agony if she were conscious.
Something is wrong. It had to be. I pressed my face into my hand. "Maybe...
Carlisle, maybe I was too late." She had gone too long without a heartbeat. Venom
could bring someone
back from the brink of death, but it could not revive the dead. Was that what I had
tried to do here, and failed? "Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even
Emmett's was. I have never heard anything so vital. She'll be
perfect." Her wounds have completely healed – the venom is doing its job.
I looked over her body, glimmering in blue silk on the table, her skin strong,
smooth. Perfect, as Carlisle had said. But was it just an illusion, a perfection that
masked something irretrievably broken within? Were we blind to injuries the venom
had not been able to reach inside her body?
"And her – her spine?" "Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The
venom will heal her as it did Esme."
But Esme had thrashed and screamed, strong and vital within the burn of the
venom as soon as her physical injuries had healed. I remembered. I had helped to
hold her down on the bed, prevented her from hurting herself, listened to Carlisle's
words and thoughts as he had agonized, and apologized, and worried if he had
done the wrong thing.
Carlisle could see these memories reflected in my eyes. She's going to be okay,
Edward. "But she's so still," I whispered, glancing away from him back to Bella's
face. "I must have done something wrong."
It was not supposed to be this way.
Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Or something right, Edward.
Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the
persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be
fine." She's in there, somewhere, Edward. You haven't lost her. I know it's
confusing, but for some reason she is unable, or unwilling to respond. She'll
emerge, whole, as soon as she's ready.
Unwilling? Why would Bella be unwilling to respond? Or unable? I tried to imagine
Bella trapped in her body, racked with pain, unable to reach out for help or comfort.
It made me physically ill. It was beyond nightmarish.
"She must be in agony," I said, my voice rough.
Carlisle sighed. "We don't know that. She had so much morphine in her system. We
don't know the effect that will have on her experience."
But the morphine is gone. I place my other hand gently on her arm. "Bella, I love
you," I whispered. Dear god, if she's in there, anywhere, please let her know that
one thing. "Bella, I'm sorry."
Downstairs Rosalie had finally swept out of the kitchen, handing Jacob the bottle
with one her sweetest, most lethal smiles. Nessie had already bitten Jacob two
more times.
"Here you go," she simpered. Jacob looked up at her and grinned, not giving an
inch.
"Thanks, Rosie," he said loudly, taking it from her hand. The others hid smiles as
Rosalie crossed her arms, scowling.
"Your welcome, Fido," she growled, turning on her heel and stalking across the
room and up the stairs. I'm going to take a shower and try to wash this stench off!
Emmett trailed behind her.
Carlisle looked at me, raising his eyebrows. They are at each other's throats down
there. I think it's getting worse. Do you want to catch Rosalie in the hall...?
"No, I'm staying right here," I said quietly. "They'll sort it out." "An interesting
situation," said Carlisle. A werewolf and a vampire, mortal enemies, fighting over
who is going to
feed the baby. "And I'd thought I'd seen just about everything." "I'll deal with it
later. We'll deal with it." I pressed Bella's hand again. "I'm sure, between the five of
us, we can keep it from turning into bloodshed."
I sighed. Jacob was going to have to learn to give Renesmee, and us, some space,
especially after Bella woke up. But Rosalie was going to have to accept that Jacob
would be a permanent fixture in Renesmee's life, and hence hers, and ease up on
all the mental, and verbal barbs. Because I couldn't stand listening to the two of
them bicker for the next god knows how many years.
"I don't know which side to take," I muttered. "I'd love to flog them both." That was
actually an extremely agreeable idea. "Well, later."
Carlisle glanced at Bella. "I wonder what Bella will think – whose side she'll take." I
laughed lightly. I imagined her first inclination would probably be to kill Jacob, just
as mine had been. Maybe
not. "I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."
Carlisle left with a smile. I glanced over at the half read book, but I was too tense
now to continue reading aloud. I simply sat and watched Bella, waiting. Alice ran
out to the cottage again, wanting to put the finishing touches on Bella's, or
technically our, closet. Time ground to an excruciating halt, the clock on the wall
moving with taunting slowness, each individual tick seemingly stretched out over
several minutes.
Rosalie and Emmett took Nessie for a walk in the woods, and Carlisle and Esme
talked in low murmurs in their bedroom for a while. Finally, midmorning, I heard
Alice returning from the cottage. She had the good sense to come straight up to
see me.
"How much longer?" I asked impatiently as soon as she entered the room, scanning
her mind. I caught a glimpse of the gargantuan closet she had created in the
cottage before it was replaced with her vision of Bella. Bella's form was barely
indistinguishable from ours –bright and sharp.
"It won't be long now," Alice said. "See how clear she's becoming? I can see her so
much better now." I can see her as I would one of us, she thought happily, sighing,
still relieved to be able to see Bella at all. Then her eyes tightened, thinking how
she would never see Renesmee.
"Still feeling a bit bitter?" I asked.I knew it literally drove her crazy not to be able to
guard over Renesmee's future.
"Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up," she groaned. "You would be mortified, too,
if you realized that you were handcuffed by your own nature. I see vampires best,
because I am one; I see humans okay, because I was one. But I can't see these
odd half-breeds at all because they're nothing I've experience. Bah!" She began to
desperately try to look for Renesmee in the future, as if she could somehow prove
wrong the theory she had just pronounced so loudly.
"Focus, Alice," I said. I was afraid she'd only make her head ache again.
"Right," she said, concentrating on Bella. But I suspected she'd be trying to see
Renesmee again later. I wondered if she would ever give up and accept the
limitation. Probably not.
The vision crystallized again, Bella framed by Alice and me, her eyes fixed on the
mirror. How desperately I wished I could see what she was going to do next.
"Bella's almost too easy to see now," Alice said happily. She flipped through the
scenes of today, Bella's eyes opening, and then to Bella in the mirror. There was no
mistaking the vitality of Bella in this vision, even without movement. Whatever
happened, it was clear that Bella would wake. She would rise off the bed. She
would stand next to me, and gaze at her reflection.
"She's really going to be fine," I breathed. "Of course she is." When will you learn
not to doubt me, silly?
"You weren't so sanguine two days ago." I thought about the gouges Alice had put
into her own face when she had feared Bella dead, gone. When Bella's future had
threatened to disappear from all of us.
"I couldn't see right two days ago," she said softly. She cringed at the sudden
memory of those awful seconds, Bella's future gone, and her heart silent. Alice's
mind reflected back further, to the moment Bella had blurred right out of the future
in her mind, the moment when Bella had decided she wanted Renesmee. Together
we watched a cascade of memories, the echoes of the blurred agony she had felt as
she strained to see anything of Bella's future, obscured by Renesmee.
That girl of yours was trying to be the death of me! "But now that she's free of all
the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."
"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock – give me an estimate."
"So impatient. Fine. Give me a sec-" She changed the perspective, trying to see the
clock on the wall again. Two faint dark lines appeared now, the hour and second
hand. Still blurry, but they seemed to point to the right of twelve o'clock – maybe
late afternoon, early evening? It was mid-morning now – not much longer.
"Thank you, Alice," I said. Alice was admiring Bella's future reflection in the mirror.
"She's going to be dazzling." "She always has been," I growled. Alice snorted and
rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. Look at her."
I smiled. She was spectacular. And mine.
I'm counting on this vision coming to be! Alice thought. Promise me I can be there
the first time she sees her reflection. I nodded and Alice grinned at me and then
left with a silent breeze. She let my family know about the time frame, and a
nervous anticipation swept the house. As time passed, most of them fell into tense
stillness. Alice, Carlisle and Esme stood near the back window, watching the light
move through the clouds from the pale glow of morning to the high sky of
afternoon. Emmett and Jasper stared blankly at reruns of college football on the
wide screen. Jacob and Rosalie were quiet as well, only an occasional argument
over the baby. Even Renesmee seemed to sense the tension, dozing more than
usual, and playing quietly with various toys and objects Rosalie provided her when
awake.
I found myself unconsciously counting Bella's heartbeats. It was something I had
sometimes done as I lay next to her in bed, my brain automatically collecting the
beats that reverberated through my body while she slept next to me, at once
passing the time, and confirming she was safe, and healthy. Now, it was all I heard
as a heavy veil of silence seemed to descend on the house. And so we waited,
unable to do anything more.
Thirty thousand, two hundred and seventy-six heartbeats after Alice left the room,
Bella's heart began to speed up. The shift in speed was swift and sudden, clearly
discernable, each heartbeat steadily coming faster that the last.
This is it! My mind screamed. The beginning of the end – it always came with the
rapid pounding of the heart. "Carlisle," I called quietly, but he and Alice were
already on their way up the stairs. They came in swiftly, both of
their eyes flying right to Bella.
"Listen," I murmured.
"Ah," Carlisle said. "It's almost over." She never awoke. Never had any apparent
pain. This in an incredible miracle.
Alice's eyes burned bright, visions flicking at light speed through her mind. She was
running downstairs. Coming back up with the others. Standing gathered in the
corner of the room. Bella's eyes flying open.
She bounced on her toes with delight. "Soon!" she said, smiling. "I'll get the
others." Rosalie wasn't in her visions. She searched, finding her obscured, blurred
out by Renesmee. "Should I have Rosalie...?"
"Yes –keep the baby away." Suddenly, Bella's fingers twitched. We all gasped in
surprise, and I grasped her hand eagerly.
"Bella? Bella, love?" I asked anxiously. But she didn't respond, her fingers again
limp and motionless in my hand. I glanced up anxiously at Carlisle. He met my
eyes.
We need to be ready. This could happen at any moment, he thought. We need
Jasper. He looked pointedly at Alice.
Alice took in our silent exchange. "I'll bring them right up."
I looked back down at Bella, her heart beating at a relentless, furious pace. I
gripped her hand in mine.
"It's okay, Bella, it's okay, Bella," I chanted. "It's almost over. Almost over. I'm right
here. I'm with you, love, I'm with you." Vaguely in the background I heard my
family filing into the room.
"By the door," Jasper whispered. "Emmett, next to me. No, Carlisle, you stand with
Esme. Alice behind us." "I want to see her," Alice said eagerly.
"Get behind me, Alice," Jasper hissed. Alice sighed. "Stay still everyone, no
movements, when she first wakes. Don't even breathe. Don't do anything that
might surprise or antagonize her."
And then, suddenly, as Bella's heart, somehow, began to beat impossibly faster, her
body arched violently off the table.
"Oh, god," I moaned in panic. Her chest was thrust forward in tight agony, while
her limbs continued to lay slack at her side. But her face. Oh, her face. It was
tortuously strained, every muscles clamped against pain and agony.
How is she not screaming? Emmett wondered. I clutched her hand even tighter.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, love." My voice was
cracking. Oh, please let this end. It's all right, Edward, thought Carlisle. This is what
we expected. This is the end. Be quiet, Edward, thought Jasper anxiously. Don't say
anything, or touch her when she wakes.
Bella's heartbeat overtook me then. It thundered through me, relentless and
intense, all I could hear, all I could feel. The raging beats set off every alarm in my
mind. Too fast! Too fast! After so long of protecting her heart, my mind couldn't
seem to accept that this speed was what we wanted. The raging beats seemed to
stretch on endlessly, a marathon of agony and fear, when, suddenly, everything
paused, constricting into a single, loud, hollow beat. Deathly silence followed for a
fraction of a second, and then her heart skipped twice, paused again, and then beat
one last melancholy time. One last tribute to the humanity that had created the
beautiful woman I loved. One last effort from the heart that had kept her alive for
so long. One last beat. And then it fell quiet.
There was pure silence for several moments. My family stood frozen, not moving,
not breathing, waiting on edge. Watching. Wondering. Except for Alice. Five, four,
three, two, one...
Bella opened her eyes.
And then Alice's mind exploded with visions. Bella smiling in my arms. My family,
standing in the window, smiling down. Silver stilettos flying through the air into the
house. Bella leaping the river. Bella scaling a tree. Bella and I at the cottage door. A
thousand images seem to flutter through her mind.
Oh, Edward, she moaned in satisfaction.
I could watch only Bella. She was perfectly still, except for her eyes, crimson red,
which moved almost imperceptibly, clearly taking in her surroundings. Suddenly,
she inhaled, and her eyes shut ever so briefly, as if she was reading, memorizing,
the scents around her. Then they opened again, and I could see wonder, and
amazement reflected in their depths. Slowly those emotions spread to her face, and
out to Jasper, and as her calm wonder washed over him it spread out to everyone in
the room. There was almost a collective breath of relief as my family relaxed.
Ah, she's doing well, Edward, thought Carlisle. Amazingly calm. Stay still, Jasper
instructed me.
I wanted to say something to her, but I knew Jasper wanted me to give her time to
take in her surroundings, to acclimate herself. I waited impatiently for her to look at
me, for her to speak, her hand in mine. She continued to stare silently at the
ceiling, and as the moments passed I began to feel anxious, worried she might be
confused or upset. I wanted to make sure she knew I was here with her.
Jasper caught my emotions. Patience, Edward. Just wait. But I couldn't help it. I
gave her hand a small squeeze.
Her reaction was shocking, and instantaneous. She flipped off the table with
incredible grace and speed. My hand, still in hers, was pulled forward until she
whipped her fingers out of mine with blinding strength.
Christ, Jasper thought, as he and Emmett threw their arms out in front of the
others.
She'll be fine! Alice called, trying to peer around Jasper as he held her back with his
arm. Bella whirled once in mid-air, landing several feet away, and immediately
moved into a defensive crouch. Her eyes
glowed, bright and intense, and her expression was defensive. Way to go, bro,
thought Emmett, a slight grin playing on his lips. Oh, Edward, you scared her, Esme
lamented.
Jasper was watching her intently, trying to figure out the direction of her emotions.
Anger or fear would probably mean an attack on me, since it had been my small
movement that set off the defensive instinct, or possibly the family, as the larger
threat. Thirst would mean stopping her before she got out the door. You keep her
from going out the window, Edward, he thought.
I realized my hand was still out in the air, my body pulled slightly over the table.
Bella remained crouched, hands up in front, ready. Her eyes were cool, wary, her
face guarded. We stared at each other. She looked at me, unemotional, as if she
had never seen me before.
She hates me, I thought with wretched certainty. Just as I had always feared. She
hates me for doing this to her.
Her eyes eased sideways, taking in my frozen family. She inhaled, testing the air
again, as if searching for something. For danger. Her gaze lingered on Alice for a
moment, who was grinning broadly, unperturbed. Then her eyes came back to rest
upon my face.
Be ready, Edward, Jasper thought.
But then, unexpectedly, Bella stood up, leaving her defensive pose, her face still
guarded, but more relaxed. Her hands fell to her side. Jasper frowned in surprise,
but lowered his hands very slowly, and Emmett followed his lead. Her eyes roamed
for a second over my face, and then her expression, miraculously, softened. Her
eyes filled with a soft warmth and wonder as she looked at me. Suddenly, she was
the girl I knew and loved.
And so, finally, the relief flowed into me, warm and healing. Awake. Alive. Safe. We
had done it. She'd done it. It took all my strength to remain still, to strangle the
urge to rush over and gather her in my arms. Instead, for a moment, I just drank
her in. The cascade of her hair. The curve of her face, the sleek lines of her body,
fluid with movement. She was incredible, beauty and power and strength in a
sinuous, graceful form.
My entire family was staring at her, captivated. She's so lovely, thought Esme. Oh,
man, Edward. Emmett's gaze was appreciative. You hit the jackpot. Needing,
wanting, having to be closer to her, I began to move very slowly around the table.
Slowly, Edward, thought Jasper.
I watched her carefully, deliberately placing my feet at a measured pace, allowing
her ample time to anticipate where each step would be, exactly where my body
would move the next moment. I kept my hand up, stretched towards her, a gesture
of invitation, and her brilliant eyes watched each movement I made. I paused on
the other side of the table, waiting to see if she would speak.
"Bella?" I asked quietly.
She seemed to start slightly at the sound of my voice, her eyes growing even more
intense. I waited, not wanting to rush her, to allow her time to take it all in. I knew
she was hearing, and smelling and seeing everything as if she had never
experienced her senses before. I not only recalled this from my transition, but had
also experienced it in the minds of my family, and I knew how unsettling it could
be. I hoped she wasn't upset, or scared.
"Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorientating. But you're all right. Everything is
fine."
She frowned slightly, anxiety fluttering across her face. Her body stiffened slightly,
and I could see her mind working behind her eyes. I realized, if I just leant forward
a little more, I could touch her with my hand. I lifted my fingers slightly, and Jasper
shook his head minutely at me. Don't.
But I had to let her know I was here for her, I had to connect with her in some way.
Moving excruciatingly slow, I let my fingers glide down the skin of her cheek.
Her eyes widened, burning within the crimson pupils. Her lips parted slightly as she
sucked in a quick breath. I paused, unable to quite distinguish her reaction. I
cupped my hand onto her cheek, waiting for her to speak.
It's just going to be a hug! Alice suddenly thought anxiously. Before I could read
what she meant, Bella's arms wrapped swiftly around me.
God dammit jesus christ be careful Edward! Jasper ranted mentally. He went to
make a move towards us, but I shot him a sharp look, Alice's hand tight on his arm.
It was just a hug.
Unexpected, mused Carlisle.
I reached my arms tentatively around Bella, gently laying them against her back. In
my mind, I knew I didn't have to treat her so carefully anymore – she was no
longer fragile, breakable. But my limbs couldn't seem to accept this yet, so long
trained to handle her as a delicate, precious object. I sighed against her, ecstatic
over the physical connection, amazed and pleased that she would want to touch me
at this point. I couldn't believe that thirst was not controlling her every desire – I
wondered how long this could hold.
Bella's embrace grew tighter. I was taken aback by the unfamiliar, sheer strength
that flowed from her limbs. She pressed her face to my chest, her hands digging
into my back. Suddenly, I could feel things bending the wrong way, and I realized,
in a second or two, there would be a crack. A sharp pain began to bloom in my
chest. I panicked slightly, not wanting to push her away, but knowing she would be
even more upset if she hurt me. I tried to subtly adjust my position.
She noticed immediately. She looked up at me, hurt and confusion painted on her
face, as she, of course, interpreted my gesture as rejection. Damn.
Here we go, thought Jasper, tensing, ready. He exchanged a look with Emmett, and
they both crouched slightly. Alice rolled her eyes. She'll be fine. I don't see her
attacking at all. Just reassure her, Edward.
I felt a flash of anger at myself for upsetting her, but kept it carefully concealed, not
wanting to agitate her further. It was her strength that was the problem, not her.
"Um...carefully, Bella. Ow."
She froze, and then whipped back from me, her hands shooting behind her back.
Concern flooded her face.
"Oops," she mouthed silently.
God, how I love her. A smile of joy broke out on my face, happiness singing
throughout me at having her awake, standing before me, and finally being able to
speak with her, and see her familiar expressions, and reactions.
"Don't panic, love," I said, my finger tips brushing her lips. "You're just a bit
stronger than I am for the moment." A small creased appeared between her
eyebrows as she thought this through. I ran my fingers down her cheek again while
I waited for her to accept this alien concept, that she could hurt me.
And then her expression altered, her face suddenly aglow with warmth and
affection. Her hand moved from behind her back, very slowly, inching up towards
my face.
Careful now, son, Carlisle thought.
Don't let her put her arms around you again, Edward, Esme fretted.
Jasper was still worrying. She's incredibly calm, but her mood could swing at any
moment...
I shut him out. I shut them all out. I understood that they were just worried, for
both of us, but they couldn't see the look in Bella's eyes as I could. Their depths
may have been an unfamiliar color, and the face they sat in may have changed, but
in her gaze was an expression I had seen a million times. An expression that never
seemed less than miraculous. An expression she held only for me.
Her fingers, no longer hot against my skin but instead emanating a simple warmth,
stroked softly once down my cheek.
"I love you," she said.
Her voice shimmered like gold, flowing through my mind, the nectar of the gods,
clear and new, and yet layered with familiar undertones. And everything melted
away in that instant, her words a salve for a thousand worries - all the waiting and
anxiety of the last two days, the crushing black cloud of agony and despair during
her pregnancy. The dread that had clung to me since the day, so long ago now, that
I first saw Alice's vision of Bella's red eyes. It all lifted in this moment, seemingly
weightless now, blown clear away by the beauty and love and life in her face.
I looked down into her eyes, past the unfamiliar crimson irises, and into the soul I
now knew, with complete and utter certainty, was still there. And I spoke the
simple, absolute truth that was the blazing center of my universe.
"As I love you."
Chapter 24 —Instictive
Very gently, I took Bella's face in my hands, holding her between my palms,
eternally mine now. I bent down
slowly and kissed her softly, once, twice, feeling the waves of love and thankfulness
rising and cresting, breaking
over me.
And then, for once, finally, I followed my natural instinct and deepened the kiss,
opening my lips, pressing into her
and inviting her into me. I tasted her on my tongue – sweet, honey ambrosia - as I
inhaled deeply, pulling her
luscious scent eagerly down my throat, still floral, still freesia, but purely delightful
and exquisite now instead of
tempting. Her tongue met mine, and then further, and the feel of her in my mouth
was like nothing I'd ever
experienced. Bella pressed her body against mine, curving one leg up slightly and
wrapping an arm around my
back, as I leaned into the embrace, kissing her even harder with an unfamiliar,
carefree abandon.
How much I had always been holding back. Much, much more than even I'd
realized. To know that I
wouldn't, couldn't, hurt her, to be able to truly experience this with every portion of
my mind – no burn, no venom,
nofear – was beyond the brilliant power of this small act of letting go was so
amazing, I reeled at the thought of
what it would be like to let go with Bella in other, more intimate ways.
Whoa, there, Edward, Jasper thought, laughing internally. Do you mind?
Emmett cleared his throat. Get a room, bro!
Bella pulled back as soon as she heard Emmett clear his throat, stepping away from
me, chagrin on her face. I
stepped with her, keeping her body against mine. I wasn't embarrassed – I'd
witnessed enough intimate moments
amongst my family, albeit most unintentionally, that they owed me this. And I
didn't want to let her go yet. I still
couldn't believe she was content this early on to let me hold her.
Bella breathed deeply, gazing up at me, slight surprise glowing on her face. I
realized she was surprised by the
intensity of the kiss– letting go a little had clearly been a good thing.
"You've been holding out on me," her voice rang, eyes quizzical.
I laughed, thrilled by her reaction, by her very presence, safe and well in my arms,
finally. Bella had survived, her
body now as enduring as our love, and we would never again be apart.
"It was sort of necessary at the time," I said. "Now it's your turn to not break me."
My family shifted around, laughing lightly, both amused and curious. Such control,
marveled Carlisle. He stepped
around Emmett, smiling, and walked towards Bella, his expression only slightly
cautious, while Jasper ghosted
behind him, nervous. Carlisle stopped about two feet from Bella.
"How do you feel, Bella?" he asked. Bella paused, thinking, for a fraction of a
second.
"Overwhelmed," she said slowly. "There's so much..." She trailed off, looking
distracted.
"Yes," said Carlisle, remembering the cascade of sensations when his transition had
been completed. "It can be
quite confusing."
Bella nodded quickly. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."
Her words were such a delightful relief. I wanted her to feel like herself, for this
transition to be as painless as
possible. My family all smiled, their minds dancing with happiness for both of us,
and I hugged her to me.
"I told you so," I said quietly.
"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. Just amazing. "More so that I expected,
even with the time you had to
prepare yourself mentally for this."
Bella's expression fell slightly, unhappiness passing through her eyes. "I'm not sure
about that," she whispered.
Carlisle nodded, not wanting to downplay whatever distressing feelings she was
experiencing. The morphine, he
suddenly remembered. His expression lit slightly with a doctor's curiosity.
"It seems like we did something right with the morphine this time. Tell me, what do
you remember of the
transformation process?"
Bella was silent for a long moment. Tension coiled inside me, waiting with dread to
hear what she went through
during those unconscious days. I tried to breathe steadily, exude a calm I did not
feel.
"Everything was...very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe..."
Bella suddenly glanced up at me with stark horror in her eyes. I felt a jolt of
realization that she had no idea what
had happened with Renesmee, except that she had been born safely.
"Renesmee is healthy and well," I said quickly, wanting to allay her fears. A thrill of
excitement rocketed through
me, and I realized I couldn't wait to introduce Bella to our extraordinary, miraculous
daughter. I saw some of the
worry drain out of her eyes as she regarded my expression, replaced by quick
curiosity. But I wanted to broach the
reality of her transformation first. Had she been in pain? Had she heard any of the
events that had transpired
throughout the house while she was unconscious?
"What do you remember after that?" I asked.
Bella's face went very still. "It's hard to remember," she said, her voice impassive.
"It was so dark before. And
then...I opened my eyes and I could see everything."
"Amazing," murmured Carlisle, delighted with the concept that the morphine had
been so effective. But behind
him, I saw Jasper's lips press together, a slight frown on his face.
His eyes flickered to mine, and he tried to clear his thoughts. It's nothing, Edward.
But I had seen that he didn't
think her words matched her emotions. Or what he felt from her the last portion of
her transformation. Alice's face
was skeptical as well next to him, as she tried to discern Bella's expression.
I looked at Bella. She was keeping her eyes carefully on Carlisle. I didn't know if
perhaps Jasper and Alice were
being unnecessarily paranoid. Bella must have so many emotions and thoughts
flying through her mind right now –
it was too hard to interpret her expressions. We would just have to trust her words.
And I wanted them to be true.
Carlisle was convinced the morphine had been the difference for her. "I want you to
– to tell me everything," he
said.
Anxiety flashed quickly across Bella's face. Hmm, thought Carlisle, annoyed with
himself. Perhaps it is not the time
for this discussion.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," he said quickly. I apoligize, Edward. How thoughtless of
me. "Of course your thirst must
be very uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."
Bella's eyes suddenly seemed to burn brighter, and she put her hand to her throat,
as if feeling the fire we were all
familiar with for the first time. Jasper, who was concentrating carefully on Bella,
received a wave of thirst from her.
Better get her out to hunt, Edward, he thought.
Oh boy, I can't wait to see this, thought Emmett with delight.
I unwrapped my arms from her body, and grabbed her hand, pulling her gently
towards the window. "Let's hunt,
Bella." Venom burned the back of my tongue at the thought, and excitement
coursed through me at the prospect
of finally sharing this portion of my life with her. I no longer needed to shield her
from this part of me, of my
nature, and now it would never separate us again.
But Bella resisted my pull, her eyes widening with shock, dismay washing over her
features. I smiled a little. For
most newborns, who were all instinct, the urge to hunt was so strong that it
happened unthinkingly, with
practically no reservations. That was how I had recalled it, for myself and others.
But Bella was so very calm and controlled. To her, the idea of hunting must seem
like a very surreal concept. She
didn't realize, yet, that when the scent was close enough, instinct would take over,
no matter what kind of control
she was displaying now. Of that I was sure.
"It's quite easy, love," I said, my voice encouraging. "Instinctual. Don't worry, I'll
show you." But her expression
remained stiff, unsure. I raised my eyebrows, grinning, trying to lighten her fears.
"I was under the impression that
you'd always wanted to see me hunt." Even when I had been more likely to end up
hunting her.
Bella's expression shifted quickly, warmth lighting her eyes as she suddenly
laughed. Her eyes seemed far away for
a moment, maybe filled with memories. I gave her a second to adjust.
"Shall we?" I reached up and ran my fingers slowly down her throat, thinking that
her burn was probably ten-fold
my own. After everything she had been through the last few weeks, she shouldn't
have to endure any more pain.
"I don't want you to be hurting," I said softly.
"I'm fine," Bella said dismissively. "Wait. First."
"Yes?" said Carlisle with interest.
"I want to see her. Renesmee." She pulled her hand out of mine, clenching the
gown at her stomach, her eyes
suddenly glazed over with emotion.
Jasper sensed loss and confusion. No way, Edward, he thought quickly, his
expression strained. At least not until
she's hunted.
Alice's eyes unfocused for a moment. I can't...I can't see Renesmee. And Jacob's in
the way, too. I don't think... She
looked unhappy – Alice didn't like denying Bella any more than I did, but she
thought it was a bad idea.
I knew I had been foolish not to give this more thought before Bella woke. It was
just...I was so consumed at the
time with fear that something was wrong, that she would never awake. The idea
that she would be okay had
seemed like such a distant miracle, now that she was actually here I was
unprepared to deal with the more difficult
realities of her newborn status. To have to deny Bella this hurt. I looked at Carlisle
unhappily.
His eyes were serious. It's for the best. Be gentle, Edward.
I looked back at Bella, keeping my expression calm. "Bella, that's not really a good
idea." As much as I hated
keeping her from her own child, I knew Bella would want to protect Renesmee at
any cost, even to herself. I kept
my voice soothing. "She's half human, love. Her heart beats, and blood runs in her
veins. Until your thirst is
positively under control... You don't want to put her in danger, do you?"
The corners of Bella's lips turned down unhappily, her mind working behind her
eyes. Oh, dear, thought Esme
despondently, her emotions roiling. She was crushed by the pain in Bella's face,
understanding how awful it would
be to be kept from your own child.
"Where is she?" Bella asked. In Jacob's arms, I thought, suddenly irritated. But I
could not say this aloud. There
was no way Bella could handle the shock of learning about the imprint right now,
and I had told Jacob I wouldn't
tell her. I didn't know if it would be possible to avoid divulging the information,
though, in the end.
Jacob was listening anxiously, a sleeping Renesmee clutched close, his mind racing
with how to handle the
possibility I would allow Bella to see Renesmee now. How foolish did he think I was?
"Is Rosalie with her?"
"Yes," I said, irritation lacing my words. But not the only one. Rosalie was sitting
next to Jacob, listening intently
while glaring daggers at him.
Relax, Jasper thought. Get her out of here before she escalates, Edward. It's not
safe. Anxiety was seeping out of
Bella, although Alice did not see her losing control. I gently removed one of the
hands pressed against where
Renesmee used to be, and tried to pull her towards the window again.
She resisted. "Wait." I paused, as the stress level in the room began to rise.
Everything had been going so
smoothly, so much more than we could have hoped for. But this might be the point
things went astray. "What
about Jacob? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I missed. How long was
I...unconscious?"
How the hell is she worrying about these things? Emmett wondered. Jesus, when I
first changed, I didn't give a
damn about anything except blood. His eyes flickered to the door for a moment.
And Rosalie.
Carlisle met my eyes. All of it will be too much for her to handle right now. But I
don't think she will leave until we
alleviate some of her concerns. And she deserves information.
"What's wrong?" Bella whispered, her face worried. Carlisle and I instantly
smoothed our expressions.
"Nothing is wrong," Carlisle said adamantly. Not exactly, he thought, thinking of the
imprinting, and Nessie's
growth. I realized, suddenly, that just Renesmee's physical change over the last two
days alone would be a terrible
shock for Bella. "Nothing has changed much, actually – you were only unaware for
just over two days. It was very
fast, as these things go. Edward did an excellent job. Quite innovative – the venom
injection straight to your heart
was his idea." He smiled proudly at me. I told you. You did everything right. Better
than right – look at her. He
paused, thinking how to answer her questions in the least upsetting way. "Jacob is
still here, and Charlie still
believes you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the
CDC. We gave him a bad
number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme." Esme shuddered,
remembering the borderline hysteria
in Charlie's voice during their last phone call.
"I should call him...," Bella murmured. No, no, no! Every mind in the house had the
same reaction, even Jacob,
who was shocked by the unfamiliar ring of her voice. His thoughts were swimming
with a mixture of curiosity and
dread at seeing what she actually looked like.
"Hold on – Jacob is still here?" Bella said suddenly, her voice unbelieving. I frowned,
wondering how much to tell
her .
You promised Jacob, Edward, Carlisle thought. I met his eyes briefly. I would keep
that promise, but only if it didn't
hurt Bella. And right now that information would just be too much.
"Bella," I said. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You
have to be in pain..."
"But Jacob..." she said.
"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love," I said softly. Forever.
Her eyes calmed a little. "Okay."
Hey! Alice thought. She had been standing quietly by the door, concentrating on the
future, but now she bounded
towards us, stopping at Jasper's side. "Wait, wait, wait," she cried. "You promised I
could be there the first
time!" I've seen it! "What if you two run past something reflective?"
"Alice," I said, frowning. Couldn't she see we had to get Bella out of here?
Don't you ruin this for me. She glared. "It will only take a second." She bound out
of the room.
I sighed. Alice hated when her visions didn't come to pass – at least the good ones.
"What is she talking about?" Bella asked. Her question was answered when Alice
reappeared with the large mirror
from Rosalie's room. As she moved towards us Jasper trailed behind her, his eyes
intent on Bella. I suddenly felt
protective of my wife, uncomfortable with his intense scrutiny and suspicion, even
though I knew it was necessary.
But then his thoughts refocused – he'd caught a wave of emotion from Bella. Shock
quickly morphed into a
defensive wariness within her. I glanced at Bella, whose eyes were wide and alert,
as she raked over the ruined
skin of Jasper's face and neck. I realized for the first time she could see the scars of
his past, in the truest physical
sense.
She sees me now for what I really am, thought Jasper. The corners of his mouth
lifted into a slightly cynical smile.
No, what you were, once, I wanted to tell him.
"Edward gave me grief for not getting you a mirror before the wedding," I heard
Alice say. "I'm not going to be
chewed out again."
"Chewed out?" I muttered, glancing at her questioningly. I hardly remembered
discussing it all.
"Maybe I'm overstating things." She shrugged, adjusting the mirror.
"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification."
Alice smiled slightly, meeting my eyes. See, that's why this vision was always so
clear. It was all about me! She
winked.
I rolled my eyes, turning back to Bella, and then froze. She was standing, perfectly
still, staring at the mirror, her
gaze cautious and uncertain. I watched her face, suddenly worried, waiting for her
reaction to the physical changes
that had occurred while she slept.
Edward, thought Alice. I looked through her eyes, and realized I was looking at the
fruition of her vision. Bella
standing, flawless, her eyes wary. My expression stiff, uncertain, watching her. Alice
next to her, smiling, glowing,
with Jasper at her shoulder, his eyes always on Bella. My family in the background.
I refocused on the scene through my own eyes, and watched as Bella's emotions
played across her expression.
Pleasure flitted briefly across her face and then was quickly gone, replaced by a
dismayed horror.
Her emotions are fueling up, Jasper thought. She's upset. Damn it, why couldn't
Alice just let us leave?
"The eyes," Bella whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "How long?"
"They'll darken up in a few months," I said softly. "Animal blood dilutes the color
more quickly than a diet of
human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold." They'll be just as beautiful as
they always were.
Bella's body visibly stiffened, the red eyes that had upset her burning even brighter,
and Jasper's stress level
began to ricochet upward in response to her increasing tension.
"Months?" Bella's voice was high and loud. Anxiety flooded out of her and into
Jasper, and he took a step forward
in alarm.
She's too agitated, he warned. She won't be able to bring this back down. Get
ready, I'm going to send out a blast
of calm. If necessary, wrap your arms around her so I can touch her.
Alice's mind raced with visions. No, no, she's fine. I don't see things changing.
She's out the window, jumping the
river..And so the fun begins, Emmett thought cheerfully, angling his body slightly in
front of Esme.
And then, suddenly, Bella took a slow, deep breath. I watched as her eyes
tempered, and the tension eased slowly
out of Jasper's mind. Alice came back to the present, smiling contentedly.
"No, I'm fine," Bella said, her voice only slightly wavering. "It's just... a lot to take
in."
That it is, thought Carlisle, feeling a rush of pride at how she was handling herself.
How the hell did she regain control like that, Jasper thought, almost sounding
irritated. She should have snapped.
I've seen it a thousand times. How?
"I don't know," I said softly. I did not have Jasper's experience with newborns, but
the ones I'd known, much of my
family, including myself, couldn't hold it together over anything. We had been a
wild, thirsty, dangerous mess.
Bella's eyebrows pulled together. "What question did I miss?"
I smiled. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."
"Doing what?"
"Controlling your emotions, Bella," Jasper responded. "I've never seen a newborn
do that – stop an emotion in its
track that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in,
regained power over yourself. I
was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."
"Is that wrong?" she asked, tensing again.
"No," said Jasper. I don't think so. He wasn't sure if all this calm was building up to
some sort of monumental
breakdown.
I wished he'd just take it at face value. She was doing incredible, even if it might be
short-lived. I ran my hand
down her bare arm. "It's very impressive, but we don't understand it. We don't
know how long it can hold."
"But what do you think?" Alice said, gesturing towards the mirror. Stop distracting
her with all your unnecessary
worrying!
"I'm not really sure," Bella whispered, staring at her reflection. She examined
herself closely, a mixture of
emotions in her eyes. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Did she hate the
unfamiliar face? Did she regret
the loss of her human features?
She lifted a hand up very slowly, touching her face, as if confirming what she saw in
the mirror was real. Her
expression was unreadable. Say something, I thought desperately. Please tell me
what you are thinking. I
remembered my half-hope that I might be able to read her thoughts once she
became more like me. That,
obviously, was never going to come to be. She was as closed off from me as ever.
I sighed, and her eyes slid over to my face.
"Disappointed?" she asked, her voice flat.
I laughed slightly. "Yes." Surprise flashed across her face before hurt filled her eyes.
Alice snarled
quietly. Jerk. Jasper hovered, waiting.
I ignored them, laughing lightly. Because this was the typical reaction of the Bella I
knew, and loved, and I was
nearly giddy to have her back again. How could she possibly think that I would ever
be even remotely disappointed
by how she looked, or with anything about her? But of course, she did.
I wrapped my arms around her waist, sturdy beneath my hands, and pulled her
close, pressing my lips to her
polished cheek. "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it
is more similar to my own," I
said quietly. "And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly
be going on inside your head."
I felt the tension leave her body. "Oh, well," she said, and there was a hint of relief
to her voice that led me to
believe she was glad I still didn't have access to her thoughts. "I guess my brain
will never work right. At least I'm
pretty."
I rolled my eyes, and then leaned down close to her ear. "Bella, you have never
been merely pretty."
Enough with the damn games, Edward, let's go! Are you just asking for trouble?
I sighed, pulling back but keeping my eyes on Bella. "All right, all right."
"What?' she asked.
"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've
hunted."
Bella glanced at Jasper. "Okay. Let's hunt." She easily pulled my arms from around
her body, surprising me, and
took one of my hands. She turned, and I pulled her over to the window. I undid the
latch, swinging it open. They
were designed for easy access.
She stepped forward and stared down. Behind her, Jasper gave Alice a swift kiss on
the cheek and moved
forward. Should we take Emmett with us? he wondered, looking at me. Or maybe
Carlisle? Em will probably just
find a way to get her all riled up.
Alice's mind filled then with a vision of the forest, Bella kneeling on the ground over
what appeared to be an elk
carcass. Her dress was slightly ripped and bloody. Carlisle and Jasper stood about a
hundred yards away, arms
crossed, watching her carefully.
My body tightened suddenly at this picture, the realization coming down in a rush
that this was a private moment,
and I didn't want anyone there but myself. I didn't want them watching. I wanted to
take Bella on her first hunt.
Alone.
I shook my head slightly at Jasper, and he frowned.
Don't be an idiot, Edward, he thought. It's foolish to take her out by yourself. She
will snap, and you will need help.
I didn't agree. I had already been able to calm her down myself several times. And
even with her newborn
strength, I would be faster. Deep in the woods, if I used caution, things would be
fine.
I shook my head again and he glared. I looked back at Bella. She was still staring
down.
"The window?" she asked.
I smiled. Had she never realized we often exited through the windows? Maybe she
thought I only did that from her
room. The large windows weren't just for looks, although Esme might disagree. "It's
the most convenient exit. If
you're frightened, I can carry you."
"We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the
back door?" she said, a slight
sarcastic edge to her voice.
The smile fell from my face as I tried to imagine the logistics of getting her
downstairs without another struggle
about seeing the baby. "Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs."
Sadness, and fear, crossed her face. "Is Renesmee...okay...with Jacob there?" she
whispered. "He doesn't like her
very much."
I tried not to laugh at her, very understandable, misinterpretation of the situation.
"Trust me, she is perfectly safe.
I know exactly what Jacob is thinking." Right now, his little brain was still buzzing
with ways to keep Renesmee
safe from Bella. I just might have to kill him, finally, if he interfered in any way.
He heard my words, quickly rerouting his thoughts. Thanks for not telling her,
Edward.
"Of course," Bella said softly, looking back down at the ground. I smiled. I knew she
could do this. She had
absolutely no idea yet of the incredible power of her body, and mind. I couldn't wait
to teach her.
"Stalling?" I asked daringly.
"A little," she murmured. "I don't know how..."
Emmett's head filled suddenly with the image of Bella tripping on the window ledge
and falling out head first. He
laughed out loud. Might be safest for everyone if you just carried her, Edward. Or
maybe I should head down and
catch her.
I ignored him. Help her, Edward, thought Esme.
"Watch me," I said. I stepped slowly out the window. This would be the easiest way
for her to start. Generally we
jumped. There was a running competition of who could get closest to the river. I
was the current champion, but
this seemed like the wrong moment to boast about it.
I adjusted my feet as I fell to where I wanted them to land, bending my knees just
slightly as I hit the ground so
that my landing would be almost silent.
I looked back up at her. I could see she had been carefully studying my
movements. She pursed her lips, and with
a grim expression on her face, she stepped out the window.
I watched with pleasure as wonder filled her face as she fell. She held her body with
remarkable ease, the dress
flowing in waves from the wind created by her movement through the air, her
hands lifted delicately at the wrist.
She came down on the balls of her feet, just the faintest whisper of impact, and
then straightened up and looked at
me. She was the most amazing creature I had ever seen.
Bella smiled. "Right. Easy."
"Bella?" I smiled back.
"Yes?"
"That was quite graceful – even for a vampire."
My entire family had stepped forward to watch Bella's fall. What fun was that?
Emmett grumbled. This whole thing
is turning out to be a bust.
"Thank you." Bella beamed. Then she bent over swiftly, scooping the stiletto shoes
off her feet and whipping them
back up into the window.
Hey! Alice thought, jumping into the air to catch them before they hit the wall and
got ruined. "Her fashion sense
hasn't improved as much as her balance," she said irritably. I smiled to myself,
pleased and comforted to see
another familiar piece of my Bella. She had always shown a disdain for Alice's high
fashion. Although, I had rather
liked the shoes.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her down towards the river. She would have to jump
this, unless she wanted to
swim.
My family stood at the window, watching us go. Jacob and Rosalie had moved to the
back windows as well. Jacob
was watching intently, Renesmee still asleep in his arms, both fascinated and
hesitant to see Bella.
Good luck, thought Jasper. You'll need it.
Be careful, and be safe, son, Carlisle called mentally.
"Are we swimming?" Bella asked as we neared the water.
I smiled. "And ruin your pretty dress? No. We're jumping."
Thank you! Alice thought.
Bella regarded the river, looking concerned. "You first," she said.
I stroked a finger down her cheek, and then backed up a couple of steps. Jumping
was fun, but it could be difficult,
in the beginning, to judge the strength needed to go a certain distance. Aiming for
just into the trees on the other
side, I ran two steps forward, lifting off with one foot and vaulting over the river.
Feeling the eyes of my family all
watching me, I turned a quick somersault before I went into the trees.
So typical, thought Rosalie. Just couldn't help himself.
"Show-off," I heard Bella mutter from across the river, and I laughed. Peering
through the leaves, I watched as
Bella backed up, way too far. I started to back further into the forest. Just as I lost
sight of her, I heard a tearing
sound. Sprinting a few paces forward, I could make her out looking down at her leg
in a mixture of annoyance and
chagrin. Her dress had split right up her thigh.
As I waited to see what she would do, Bella's expression suddenly cleared, and with
just the slightest smile she
reached down and, with her hands, split the dress up the remainder of her thigh.
Then she did the same to the
other side. She bent a knee, exposing flawless white skin, like pristine snow at
dawn. My breath caught in my
throat.
Does she have any idea who designed that dress? Alice ground her teeth in
frustration.
Bella smiled widely, and my watching family laughed, including Jacob. Some things
don't change, he mused,
smiling. I could have told them she'd hate that dress.
Nice, thought Emmett appreciatively. Both my brothers were watching with interest,
their gazes appraising. I
glared at them through the trees, and then stepped forward, ready to get Bella all
to myself.
"Bella?" I called. "Do you want to watch again?"
She breathed deeply, and then with one long step launched off the river's edge. I
could see immediately, given her
trajectory and velocity, that she was going to overshoot the jump. I began to run
back, desperately trying to judge
where she would land. Worry was ridiculous – she couldn't hurt herself if she
wanted. More likely, she would hurt a
tree. But my mind just couldn't fathom it. And the distance of her jump might
terrify her, or rattle her already
precarious mood.
I heard her fall softly into the trees, catching a branch, and as I tracked her down
she, unexpectedly, broke out
into delighted laughter. She was in a large pine. I looked up at her, amazed. She
wasn't frightened, or confused.
She was exhilarated, her eyes dancing, a delighted smile on her face. She didn't
seem to be agitated at all by the
unfamiliar strength of her new body, or even remotely concerned about any
discomfort from thirst.
She leapt down nimbly, and I resisted the urge to reach out and catch her with my
arms.
"Was that good?" she asked, her eyes shining.
"Very good."
"Can we do it again?"
"Focus, Bella – we're on a hunting trip."
"Oh, right," she said, nodding. "Hunting." I nearly rolled my eyes. Where does she
get this control? Only a twenty
minute old newborn, and she acted like needing to hunt was just an annoying
distraction. She should be going out
of her mind with thirst. I wondered what would happen when she really caught the
scent of blood.
"Follow me...if you can." I smiled, teasing her, and then turned and ran into the
forest, knowing she would follow. It
felt incredible to run again. The last time I had run in this forest, I'd been in the
bowels of hell. Alienated from
Bella. Sick with fear and guilt. Scrutinized by my family. Now I felt weightless with
happiness.
I ran at a steady pace, slightly slower than normal to be sure Bella could keep up
with me. I listened closely as she
ran behind me for any sign that she might unexpectedly veer off path, but she kept
right on my heels. Soon her
laughter echoed through the trees, cascading chimes of delight and freedom. I
couldn't hold back my own smile -
running was one of my greatest joys, and to now truly share it with her was simply
astonishing.
I sensed Bella putting on a burst of speed, trying to catch me, and I slowed subtly.
Her face was glowing as she
passed me, and so I let her pull ahead – giving her happiness was all I ever wanted
to do. She leapt with long,
graceful strides, an elegant gazelle, and I drank in the sight of her. I waited for her
to slow, to become agitated, or
distracted, but she continued with her feverish pace. Soon we drew near to a
watering hole my family often
frequented, where elk always seemed to be available, and plentiful. I could hear a
small herd of five there now.
I stopped, and watched her for a fraction of a second to see if she would notice. As
she disappeared into the trees,
I called her. "Bella."
She continued forward for another second, and suddenly a thrill of fear shot
through my body. Just as I was about
to break forward to catch up with her, she stopped, twirling on one foot and dancing
back to me. I smiled with
relief, waiting for her to speak, but she just stared at me.
"Did you want to stay in the country?" I asked. I probably shouldn't tell her I would
have happily followed her
across the continent. "Or were you planning to continue on to Canada this
afternoon?"
"This is fine," she said absently, her eyes seeming to be fixed on my lips. "What are
we hunting?"
"Elk." I remembered Alice's vision of Bella with the elk. "I thought something easy
for your first time..." Bella's
forehead wrinkled as she glared at me. Obviously, she thought she didn't need
easy. But then her expression
tightened, and her eyes blazed with a sudden, red fire. Thirst was finally getting the
better of her.
"Where?" she said anxiously, her head swinging quickly back and forth. The stream
was only about 200 yards
away. If she concentrated properly, she would sense the elk.
I touched her shoulders lightly. "Hold still for a moment," I said. Her body stilled
beneath my hands. "Now close
your eyes," I said softly. Her eyelids lowered obediently, and suddenly there was
the sleeping face that had been
with me the last couple of days. I placed my hands on her cheeks, caressing her
skin with my thumbs. "Listen.
What do you hear?"
I stilled my hands and waited. For a moment, her face was completely motionless.
Then her lips parted slightly,
and her eyes creased as she concentrated. After another moment, there was the
tightening again, the thirst. She
must have heard the elk, the steady thrumming of their hearts. Fire ripped
suddenly down my own throat, venom
acidic in my mouth. It had been a very long time.
"By the creek, to the northeast?" she murmured.
"Yes." Her pinpointing of the direction was uncanny for her first time. "Now....wait
for the breeze again and...what
do you smell?" It was another moment or two before a light breeze ruffled her hair
gently. She inhaled deeply,
once...twice... I inhaled along with her, the elk scent rich and familiar. Bella's
expression suddenly shifted, looking
slightly distasteful.
I laughed. I had long since grown accustomed to the scent of animal blood. But I
remembered Carlisle patiently
tolerating numerous complaints from me during my newborn stage. "I know – it
takes some getting used to."
"Three?" Bella asked.
Close. "Five. There are two more in the trees behind them."
"What do I do now?" she asked, her expression slightly bewildered.
Follow your instincts, love. "What do you feel like doing?" I breathed.
She inhaled briefly again, and then her body stiffened. Her eyes shot open, and I
saw the glaze of thirst in them.
She looked at me almost without seeing me. Her body was ready to take over.
"Don't think about it," I said, removing my hands and stepping away carefully, not
wanting to interfere in the
moment. "Just follow your instincts."
Bella turned from me, as her eyes became completely unfocused. I smiled, pleased
she'd been able to give herself
completely over to her senses. I followed behind her as she flowed in and out of the
trees, pulled toward the
increasing scent as a moth to the flame. I kept a good distance between us, not
wanting to spook a defensive
response. We came upon the clearing, catching the bull still at the stream as four
does moved gracefully back into
the forest. I paused at the edge, watching Bella position herself by the male.
Normally, with my brothers, we would
spook the herd first. The kill was all the better with the chase. But now was not the
time for games. Her body was
a vision of stealth and power as she tensed, crouching automatically for the strike,
the lean muscles of her legs
drawing my eyes.
Then she took off, but immediately I could tell her path was off, she would miss the
buck completely..Oh, shit. The scent hit me. And because I was a god damned fool,
and was standing downwind of her, instead of
upwind, where I should have been, and where I was sure Jasper would have had
the good sense to wait, it was a
fraction of a second too late.
I took off after her. Some idiotic, damned humans had wandered into this area of
the forest. There were never
humans this far off the path. I cursed myself for having just been standing stupidly,
admiring her, when I should
have been circling, testing the wind, on guard for danger or temptation.
Bella's form weaved in and out of the trees several hundred yards in front of me. As
I increased my speed, I had a
sudden memory of running after a newborn Emmett, desperately trying to keep
sight and sound of him among the
trees. Listening to Carlisle and Rosalie, running full out but trailing behind. Hearing
Rose's pleas in my head. Please
hurry, Edward, she had thought anxiously. Please catch him in time.
But I had been too late, that time.
I shook my head, and pushed harder. That time had been different. Emmett had
had a much bigger jump on me.
The human had been closer. Bella was only about 100 yards away – I could easily
catch her.
But when I caught her...thoughts catapulted through my head, as I watched her
lithe form and swinging brown hair
grow closer. She would be all instinct now – stopping her would border on
impossible, and be dangerous, but I
would try. Damn, damn, damn! How could I have let this happen? My best option
would be to take her down from
behind onto the ground, pinning her with my arms and body, and try to talk to her,
redirect her. The thought of
tackling Bella was abhorrent, but if I could just stop her, delay her until a clean
breeze blew, I might be able to
distract her enough for her to let me carry her away. I had talked down both Rose
and Emmett in the past,
although they had been older than she was now. But even if I did catch her, she
would probably just throw me off
and attack me. Maybe it would be better to try to arc out and get in front of her?
Stopping her from the hunt now, no matter what I did, with the scent of human
blood carrying on the wind, would
be nothing short of impossible. As it was, the smell of the blood was beginning to
bring on my own natural
reactions, venom scalding my parched throat. For Bella it would be staggeringly
worse. And if I couldn't stop her... I
would have let her down in the worst possible way.
I was gaining steadily, only about 10 feet away. Suddenly I saw her head cock
slightly to the side and her
shoulders tense, and realized she'd sensed my presence. And she would defend
what was hers.
I slowed and lowered my arms slightly into a more defensive pose. Abruptly she
pivoted on the spot, spinning into
an attack crouch. I stopped immediately, my arms still out. Her face was wild, her
eyes threatening, and a loud,
furious, snarl tore from deep within her.
I waited, cautious, watching for what she would do. If she came straight at me, I'd
have to dodge, try to get
behind her as quickly as possible. She'd hurt me in a fight, and hate herself for it
later, so I'd have to try to keep
her hands off me. I'd had some experience avoiding the assaults of my newborn
siblings, even Esme. Bella
remained still, however, her eyes brilliant, and I began to wonder if I just backed up
slowly she might turn and
move towards the prey again, and I could leap and grab her.
And then, inexplicably, the fire drained from her eyes, and horror filled her
expression. She stood up quickly, her
hands falling at her sides, and as I studied her in confusion, still waiting to see
where this going, I realized,
amazingly, she was holding her breath.
My arms fell slightly, and I took a cautious step towards her. She had clearly been,
impossibly, distracted
momentarily by something. If I could, somehow, convince her to let me bring her
away from the scent, I might be
able to.."I have to get away from here," she gasped out.
I froze with shock. She wanted to leave? "Can you leave?" I asked incredulously.
She looked at me silently for a fraction of a moment, confusion sweeping quickly
across her face. And then, with no
warning, she ran – away from the scent of the humans.
I stared stupidly after her for a moment, and then propelled forward into the wake
of her scent. She was flying
through the trees, even faster than when she had been hunting the humans.
Confusion and amazement were
cascading over me. She was less than an hour old, not even having fed once yet,
and she had caught the scent of
a human and been able to run away. I tried to assimilate this impossible reality to
what was actually happening.
My family would be beyond shocked..Bella stopped. I blasted past her, not paying
quick enough attention. Damn it! She would be heading back to the
scent, instinct overpowering whatever the amazing reserve of self-restraint she had
used earlier. And I will have
lost her again. I hurtled around to take off after her and discovered her standing
where she had stopped, staring at
me with an annoyed expression on her face.
I was beyond understanding. She showed no sigh of a defensive stance, so I did not
slow but moved directly up to
her, putting my hands on her shoulders, relieved to finally have my hands on her,
even though it appeared she
was in no need of restraint.
"How did you do that?" I asked.
"You let me beat you before, didn't you?" she demanded. I was momentarily taken
aback. My god, was she talking
about the run in the forest earlier? How could she even be thinking of that? She
pulled in a sudden breath, and I
realized she had been holding her breath this whole time.
I shook my head in amazement, shrugging off her question. "Bella, how did you do
it?
"Run away?" she asked. "I held my breath."
I wanted to concentrate on one incredible feat at a time. "But how did you stop
hunting?"
"When you came up behind me...I'm so sorry about that."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" I asked incredulously. "I'm the one who was
horribly careless. I assumed no one
would be so far from the trails, but I should have checked first. Such a stupid
mistake. You have nothing to
apologize for."
"But I growled at you," she said in horror.
"Of course you did." It was a miracle she hadn't attacked me. That I would have
expected. "That's only natural. But
I can't understand how you ran away?"
"What else could I do?" She was looking at me like I was crazy. "It might have been
someone I know?"
The utter absurd logic of her words rolled over and through me, and I burst into
laughter, loving her, relieved she
hadn't killed anyone, thrilled she was so magnificent and unexpected. All the
worrying, and here she was showing
more restraint than certain members of my family. Wait till I told.."Why are you
laughing at me?" she growled, her eyes narrowing in a sudden flash.
Christ, I'm an idiot. I killed my laughter immediately, watching her expression
intensely. I'd hate myself if I drove
her to lash out at me by my obnoxious behavior. And Jasper had been worried
about Emmett irritating her.
Her eyes gentled immediately. I realized, without a doubt, that she had worked to
stay in control. "I'm not
laughing at you, Bella," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm laughing because I am in shock.
And I am in shock because I
am completely amazed."
"Why?" I fought a smile. How I wished video cameras had been available when
Emmett was a newborn – she
would only need to watch a few moments of him to understand where my
amazement at her control came from.
"You shouldn't be able to do any of this. You shouldn't be so...so rational. You
shouldn't be able to stand here
discussing this with me calmly and coolly. And, much more than any of that, you
should not have been able to
break off mid-hunt with the scent of human blood on the air. Even mature vampires
have difficulty with that-we're
always very careful of where we hunt so as not to put ourselves in the path of
temptation." And yet your idiot
husband sets you free near the scent of humans the very first time you hunt.
"Bella, you're behaving like you're
decades rather than days old."
"Oh," she said, her expression contemplative. Did she have even the slightest
inkling of how incredible she was, I
wondered? I put my hands against her warm cheeks.
"What I wouldn't give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment."
Bella reached up with her hands, caressing my cheeks, her fingers sweeping gently
against my lips. I wondered
again what she could possibly be thinking. I resisted the urge to grab her body, and
crush her lips to mine. I was
sure I would not get the reaction I hoped for – she would be beyond parched now,
her thirst surely crushing any
desire. Plus, I was beginning to pick up the scent of a big cat a little over a mile
out. The burn in my throat was
becoming a nagging disturbance in the back of all my own thoughts.
Her expression suddenly shifted, intensified. "I thought I wouldn't feel this way for
a long time?" she breathed.
"But I still want you."
I couldn't hide my astonishment, that her thoughts, her body, had been travelling
the same path as
mine. Impossible. "How can you even concentrate on that?" I was distracted by my
own thirst, and hers must be a
million times worse. "Aren't you unbearably thirsty?"
Hunger swept through her expression at my words. Her eyes closed, her body
tense, as she breathed out in a sigh
and then slowly inhaled. I carefully released her face, remaining completely still and
silent, not wanting to divert
her attention again. I wondered if she would sense the prey as I had, and within a
moment her eyes flew open and
she turned and moved quickly towards the east. She bent into a hunting crouch,
moving swiftly through the trees,
while I ran quietly behind her, drifting side to side, on alert for any more human
scent.
As we climbed higher and higher, I relaxed somewhat, fairly certain no humans
would be found this deep into the
forest. Within seconds we were approaching the cat – from the scent it was a male,
a large one – traveling in the
trees above. It was rare luck to find one so close to the house – we usually had a
travel a greater distance.
Bella suddenly grabbed a limb, nimbly swinging up bough by bough until I lost her
in the growth of the trees. As I
soon as I was deprived of the sight of her body, unexpected panic barreled through
me. She might fall!The lion -
she'll be killed! I grabbed a branch, planning to swing up after her, and then
stopped, my hand gripping the thick
limb. You have to trust her to go on her own.
Still feeling nervous, I trailed her on the ground below, darting between the trees,
listening intently as her quiet
movements grew closer and closer to the thudding of the lion's heart and paws. The
cat slowed up suddenly,
approaching a nearby elk feeding from a small stream. His own prey. I heard Bella's
movements cease for a
moment, and I swallowed hard, my throat and chest suddenly tight with
anticipation. And fear.
And then the rustle of something whipping through the air, a slight impact, and
then an ear splitting shriek. She's
on the cat. Unable to hold back, I began to whip myself up the tree, only to see
Bella flying towards the forest
floor, her arms wrapped around a three hundred pound lion.
I leapt down after them in horror. His claws were raking at her, tearing at skin and
hair and mangling her dress. He
roared furiously, his teeth trying to rip into her neck and shoulders and arms.
Protective instinct pounded through me, all thoughts obsolete except for the need
to protect my precious love. He
would kill her, tear her to bits, her fragile skin and delicate bones crushed and
ruined. I took two desperate steps
towards her...Stop! I froze as the small portion of my brain that was still cognizant
finally caught up with
me. Stop. She was fine. She would be fine. And she would most certainly attack me
now if I approached.
I reached over and put a hand on the tree next to me to steady myself. I watched
as Bella opened her mouth wide,
her exposed teeth glinting in the muted light of dusk, and sank them deep into the
cat's neck. The cat was howling
in protest, its claws and mouth working furiously, but completely in vain, as Bella's
skin was impenetrable. I
breathed in deeply, remembering the countless times I'd watched Rosalie, Alice,
Esme hunt. This was no different.
Bella was no different, not anymore. That cat could not hurt her. Nothing could.
As I struggled to believe that impossible statement, I slowly relaxed, and was able
to truly appreciate the scene in
front of me. Bella was lying on the dirt floor of the forest, her body twisted around
the cat, drinking in short pulls
from his neck. Her hair was wild, her face, hands and knees covered in dirt. Also,
her dress had suffered in the
process of the hunt. She had one leg slung over the cat's now dying body, and the
dress slit all the way up to her
hip, and beyond, exposing long, lean white skin. My palm tingled, thinking about
how it would feel to run my hand
along her smooth body. I sighed quietly, leaning against the tree, and crossed my
arms to resist the urge.
I watched as the cat's struggles weakened and then ceased, Bella's anxious pulls
continuing past when I was sure
the blood had run out. Suddenly, she pulled back abruptly, shoving the cat's torso
off her upper body, and stood
up quickly. There was dirt and blood on her arms, legs and chest. Long claw marks
raked down the front of her
dress, exposing even more skin. The lace of the panties I had seen in Alice's mind
was quite visible. Bella looked
down at her body in dismay and began to brush anxiously at the dirt. I suppressed
my smile at her mostly fruitless
attempts.
My eyes watched as her hands tried to pull the pieces of her dress back together.
She was, of course, completely
unharmed, aside from being a mess, and I felt wry amusement at my earlier fears.
"Hmm," I murmured. I had so looked forward to hunting with Bella. I had not
anticipated my reaction.
She glanced up. "I guess I could have done that better."
"You did perfectly fine," I said. Her taking down of the cat from the tree had
actually been quite graceful and
effortless. "It's just that...it was much more difficult for me to watch than it should
have been." She raised her
eyebrows in question. "It goes against the grain, letting you wrestle with lions. I
was having an anxiety attack the
whole time."
She rolled her eyes. "Silly."
"I know. Old habits die hard." I smiled. "I like the improvements to your dress,
though."
Her eyes lit slightly, but embarrassment passed over her expression. Then she
frowned. "Why am I still thirsty?"
"Because you're young."
"And I don't suppose there are any other mountain lions nearby."
I wished. Maybe in the next day or two we could travel out a little further. I was
rather pleased Bella shared my
affinity for the big cat.
"Plenty of deer, though." I smiled.
She looked unhappy. "They don't smell as good."
"Herbivores." I agreed with her. And the distinction was even more intense during
the newborn stage. "The meat-
eaters smell more like humans." I watched her carefully after this comment. Usually
the change in mindset in a
newborn was automatic – what you once were, human, became something other,
something less. Something to
hunt. I didn't know how she would take my casual reference to "humans" as the
different species they now were. If
it would upset her.
She seemed unphased. "Not that much like humans."
I relaxed. "We could go back," I said. "Whoever it was out there, if they were men,
they probably wouldn't even
mind death if you were the one delivering it." I looked at her perfect form, barely
covered by the remains of the
dress. An avenging angel, descended from above. "In fact, they would think they
were already dead and gone to
heaven the moment they saw you."
Bella rolled her eyes. "Let's go hunt some stinking herbivores."
I took her hand and turned, pulling her with me back towards the house, where I
knew we would meet some elk or
deer along the way. This was wonderful, her hand in mind as we darted through the
trees together, hearing her
laugh and feeling her glances. I still couldn't believe we were together like this. I
never wanted it to end. But as we
drew closer to a large herd of mule deer, Bella's expression intensified, and she
pulled away, her fingers wrenched
abruptly out of mine, all instinct now. She darted to the edge of the clearing,
pausing with her hands on a tree, and
looked back over her shoulder at me. Her eyes were a little wild, her hair a chestnut
hallow around her face and
shoulders. I was entranced.
I gestured towards the herd with my head. "Ready?" I mouthed. She glanced out,
and I saw her eyes caught by
the largest male, ensconced in the center. Of course. She looked back once more,
her eyes on fire but her smile
dancing, and nodded. Then her expression darkened, and her gaze travelled back
towards the herd. It was a large
group, and the scent was intoxicating, despite being slightly off. Their gathered
hearts seemed to beat almost in
unison, and I began to lose myself to the hunt as well. I tried to keep my senses,
waiting for a moment as Bella
flew out of the trees. I followed slowly after her, watching as she sailed through the
air and slammed into the buck,
grabbing his antlers as they went to the ground.
I couldn't hold back anymore. I swung and grabbed the nearest doe before the herd
had even had time to
ascertain what was happening. I picked up the animal, one hand clenched onto its
chest, the other grabbing just
under the jaw. I bent the body back, away from me, hearing the snap of the spine,
incapacitating as well as
hopefully eliminating all pain. I sank my teeth into the neck that was bent towards
me, thirst and instinct
screaming into me as I hit blood, fading my vision to red, a roaring in my ears. The
liquid poured down my throat,
hot and smooth, cooling the raging fire despite its heat. I emptied the body with a
few long pulls within a couple of
seconds, and it was only as I was tossing the carcass that Bella careened back into
my thoughts. I swung around
looking for her in panic, but she was still feeding from the buck, lying astride his
body, her hair now tangled with
leave and grass. I smiled, watching her somewhat desperate consumption. She was
so anxious to swallow that her
pulls were rather ineffective. She would learn.
I ran three long strides and grabbed a young buck this time from the panicked,
circling group, and drained him as
well in several seconds. When I tossed this one aside and glanced up, Bella was
springing back up off the ground.
She ran a hand distractedly through her tangled hair, glancing around at the herd
that had now finally regrouped
and was heading swiftly into the forest.
"Want to catch them?" I asked playfully. Her eyes lit up, and she grabbed my hand
this time, pulling me swiftly
with her. We broke apart as we approached the herd and I went for another young
buck. He screamed at my
approach, careening wilding away from the group in an attempt to avoid me. I leapt
straight over him, landing
about 10 feet into his path. His hooves tangled wildly as he attempted to stop. I
sprang at him, turning slightly,
one arm arcing over my head and grabbing him by the antlers. I swung his body
towards me, catching his chest
with my other hand, ribs cracking beneath my fingers, and bent until I heard the
snap. I drank quickly, and as I
finished, I glanced up to find Bella standing stock still, staring at me, her eyes
glowing with some sort of triumph.
"No longer thirsty?" I was surprised she hadn't made another kill.
"You distracted me. You're much better at it than I am." Her eyes glanced down at
my clean clothes.
"Centuries of practice," I said, smiling.
"Just one," she shot back. I laughed. It could have been a million centuries, it didn't
matter. Nothing that happened
before mattered. For me, time started when I met Bella.
"Are you done for today?" I asked. "Or did you want to continue?"
"Done, I think." She paused, as if assessing how she felt. Then her expression
changed, determined, anxious. "I
want to see Renesmee."
My body tensed at her request. I watched as the anxiety grew in her face, one of
her hands moving unconsciously
to touch her flat stomach. She'd been robbed already of so much time with her
daughter. She deserved every
possible opportunity to get to know her. We just had to be very, very careful. A
desperate look came into her eyes,
and I held out a hand, pulling her close, planning to tell her we would find a way for
her to see Renesmee, safely.
She reached out and brushed my cheek with her fingers. Then her expression
shifted slightly, her eyes burning
bright crimson, undimmed by the animal blood. She caressed my cheek again,
harder this time, her fingers
dragging over my skin as she pulled in her lower lip, biting it slightly. Emotion
gripped me, seeing that familiar,
tantalizing gesture, so reminiscent of more innocent days, and yet still present in
this strong, incredible creature in
front of me.
She moved her body, turning to face me full on, lifting up onto her toes and
carefully wrapping her arms around
me. I could tell she was trying to be gentle.
Her gaze latched onto me, her eyes ravenous, and not for blood. Desire swept
through every molecule in my body,
and I took her waist in my hands, carefully for a moment and then gripping hard,
pulling her closer. The feel of her
under my hands, with her skin exposed by the tears in her dress, and her body so
tangible and strong beneath my
fingers, was exhilarating. I released her waist and slid my hands along her back,
wrapping my arms firmly around
her body, and then crushed her recklessly against me, pressing my lips down hard
onto hers. Her mouth melted
into mine, and I explored and savored the feel of her soft lips and mouth, warm and
moist and alluring. One of her
hands moved up to grip my hair, the other slid down my chest, her fingers
caressing across my shirt. She made a
soft noise in the back of her throat that reverberated instantly through my whole
body, and I splayed a hand
across her back, stepping into her, trying to get even closer. She responded,
crushing her lips into mine, her hand
grabbing at the shirt against my chest.
I felt suddenly, curiously, off balance, losing the constant sense of equilibrium I
relied on, and then realized I was
falling backwards. Bella was pushing me backwards. I held her against me, keeping
our mouths together until I felt
the ground at my back, and she was on top of me.
For a moment, rationality left me. I wanted to flip us over, so that I was above her.
I wanted her body under mine.
Get a grip, I thought. I broke the kiss, loosening my hold on her and peering into
her expression to make sure she
wasn't hurt. Of course she wasn't.
"Oops," she said, and I laughed, relieved. "I didn't mean to tackle you like that. Are
you okay?"
Was I okay? The girl was insane. "Slightly better than okay," I said firmly. I stroked
her cheek, watching as my
touch heated her eyes again. I remembered the feel of her lips against mine, and
wanted to pull her towards me
once more. I could see in her eyes, if I wanted her to stay here with me here, for a
while, she would. But it would
be supremely selfish of me to take advantage of her distractibility. She had wanted
to see her daughter.
"Renesmee?" I asked, trying to push my own want out my voice.
Her eyes mirrored my own confusion for a moment, and then cleared into an
anxious determination. "Renesmee,"
she agreed, jumping up and pulling me along with her. She turned and started
running towards the house,
following our earlier scent. I caught up quickly and took her hand in mine.
"Tell me about her," she said as we ran.
"She's like nothing else in the world." I hardly had the words to describe our
daughter.
Bella frowned slightly. "How much is she like you? How much like me? Or like I was,
anyway."
"It seems a fairly even divide."
"She was warm-blooded," Bella said, clearly recalling her brief memories of the
birth. I felt sad those were the only
few, precious moments she'd spent with Nessie so far.
"Yes, she has a heartbeat, though it runs a little bit faster than a human's. Her
temperature is a little bit hotter
than usual, too. She sleeps."
"Really?" She seemed shocked.
"Quite well for a newborn." At least from what I had seen in Rose's thoughts. "The
only parents in the world who
don't sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night." I laughed at the irony.
"She has exactly your color
eyes-so that didn't get lost, after all. They're so beautiful."
"And the vampire parts?"
I considered. "Her skin seems about as impenetrable as ours. Not that anyone
would dream of testing that." Shock
crossed Bella's face at the suggestion. "Of course no one would. Her diet...well, she
prefers to drink blood. Carlisle
continues to try to persuade her to drink some baby formula, too, but she doesn't
have much patience with it." I
smiled, remembering his last attempt the evening before, when she'd thrown the
bottle across room. "Can't say
that I blame her, nasty-smelling stuff, even for human food." Perhaps, though, not
as bad as that vile banana
smoothie concoction we had made for Bella.
Bella gaped in confusion. "Persuade her?" she asked. I hesitated, trying to think of
the right words to describe
Renesmee's remarkable development. I wondered if it would be more upsetting for
me to try to describe to Bella
the immense changes that had occurred to Renesmee in the last couple of days, or
let her see for herself. The baby
Bella remembered was gone, forever, and I was again struck with sorrow for the
moments Bella and Renesmee
had lost together. Perhaps she would feel that loss less acutely if she could see, and
experience, the miraculous,
captivating child that baby had grown into, rather than just hear my words.
"She's intelligent, shockingly so, and progressing at an immense pace," I said
carefully, leaving out her physical
growth. "Though she doesn't speak - yet - she communicates quite effectively."
"Doesn't. Speak. Yet." Bella's voice was incredulous.
I slowed slightly, wary.
"What do you mean, she communicates effectively?"
I paused, considering if I should explain. We had all so quickly grown accustomed
to Nessie's gift, but Bella's initial
shock would be as large as ours had been, and probably even more intense.
"I think it will be easier for you to...see for yourself. It's rather difficult to describe."
It seemed better to hold back,
to see what happened between Bella and Renesmee. I was actually worried that
Renesmee's gift might not work
with Bella, since, in some ways, her gift was like mine. A mirror of mine, really – I
took thoughts out, she put them
in. Since I could not hear Bella, perhaps, she would not be able to hear Renesmee.
I did not want to set her up for
disappointment.
"Why is Jacob still here?" Bella asked suddenly, switching topics. "How can he stand
it? Why should he?" Her voice
was pained. "Why should he have to suffer more?"
"Jacob isn't suffering." I snapped. "Though I might be willing to change his
condition." I thought about the gall of
his over-protective posturing earlier.
"Edward," she hissed, surprising me by dragging us to a stop. "How can you say
that? Jacob has given up
everything to protect us! What I've put him through-"
"You'll see exactly how I can say that," I murmured. He's already claimed our
daughter as his! "I promised him
that I would let him explain, but I doubt you'll see it much differently than I do. Of
course, I'm often wrong about
your thoughts, aren't I?"
"Explain what?" she persisted.
I shook head. "I promised. Though I don't know if I really owe him anything at all
anymore."
"Edward, I don't understand." Tension and frustration filled her face, her body
stiffening. I felt a wave of sympathy
for her. Her whole world had changed – her body, her mind. She was separated
from her child, confused by the
patterns of life that had played out while she slept. She was working so hard to stay
in control, but I knew that
frustration and disorientation must plague her. I didn't want her to suffer alone, to
feel she had to be strong. To
think I didn't understand. I stroked her cheek, smiling gently as I saw the desire
that lit her face with my simple
touch, even without the once familiar burn of her blush.
"It's harder than you make it look, I know," I said softly. "I remember." All too
clearly I recalled the tangled web of
emotions and impulses of my early newborn days.
"I don't like feeling confused."
"I know." Bella had always been curious, even to her own detriment. We couldn't go
on with this discussion much
longer before she insisted on the information. "And so let's get you home, so that
you can see it all for yourself."
Thinking of seeing my family, I looked down at her tattered, ruined dress. She
wasn't exactly decent anymore,
although I didn't mind. Still.."Hmm," I muttered. I was sorry to cover her up, but it
seemed necessary. I unbuttoned my shirt, sliding it off my
shoulders and holding it out for her.
"That bad?" she asked, smiling, as she slid her arms into the sleeves. Then her
eyes slid down to my bare chest,
lingering briefly, and I smiled at her appreciative glance. I was glad she still enjoyed
how I looked, given her vastly
improved eyesight. She caught my grin, and smiled back, buttoning the shirt up
swiftly.
"I'll race you, no throwing the game this time!" She took off before I could answer,
and I watched her run for a
second before following. Might as well give her a fighting chance. But I caught her
quickly, and since she requested
a fair fight, I let my competitive edge take over, easily keeping ahead of her, giving
into the natural flow of the run
as my mind played a kaleidoscope of all the images of the day, each one consuming
me anew with love and
devotion. Against the agony of Renesmee's birth, and despite my terrible fears,
Bella was awake. She'd been
blessed with incredible control and restraint, an unforeseen gift. She didn't hate me
– she wanted me, and still
craved my touch.
The only sounds Bella made behind me were the whisper of her feet against the
leaves, and the occasional hush of
a steady breath, but yet I could sense her, feel her, as deeply as I always had. I
realized, miraculously, that her
silent heart still called to me as strongly as it had when it pulsed with human life -
its steady beats living on in her
warmth, her smile, in the very love forged between us. A heart that existed
everlasting within Bella, forever
entwined in everything about her that did not, and would not ever, change.
We ran, separate, and yet connected, and her presence bathed me like the glow of
a dazzling sun that would now
never set. As we reached the river, I heard her body shift unexpectedly behind me,
and as I whirled she vaulted
over my head, taking the river in an early jump in an attempt to beat me. I turned
back, preparing my own jump,
when a sudden sound, scent and mind all hit me at the same time, and I froze in
shock.
Jacob was standing on the other side of the river.
Chapter 25—Justified
Goddamned obnoxious vile smelling interfering flea infested mongrel..Curses
peppered my thoughts as I hurled myself over the river, catching up to Bella easily
driven by my anger. I
landed a tenth of a second after she did, clenching my hands onto her upper arms.
Her body was already tight –
she'd sensed him.
"Don't breathe," I whispered.
Sorry, Edward! A chorus of minds called to me from inside the house.
He insisted, thought Emmett. He's one tricky bastard.
I gathered the story in bits and pieces from my family's racing minds. Jacob had
told my family that he was going
out to fill in Leah and Seth, who had been relegated earlier to the edge of the
property line near the road, far from
the river, since we had planned to take Bella out hunting that way. They had heard
him phase, during which time,
unbeknownst to them he had shared his plan with his pack. It had only been as my
family was gathering, hearing
our distant return, that Jacob had burst into the house, telling them to stay inside
and protect Renesmee, he was
going to "test" Bella's control on himself before she came near Renesmee.
A short, but heated argument followed. Carlisle and Esme vehemently disagreed
with the plan, thinking Jacob
should not be putting himself in harm's way. Alice was upset because he was
completely scrambling the future,
Emmett thought they didn't need his help but had no problem it, and Jasper and
Rosalie had actually thought it
was a good idea.
I've got no problem with it, Rosalie thought. Either Bella proves him wrong, or we
get rid of the dog permanently.
Win-win.
Emmett and I can be there in a second, Edward, Jasper thought. He and Emmett
were standing right at the back
door. Nessie is safe in the house. Just give the word.
Leah and Seth were prowling behind him, Leah's thoughts venomous as she trained
her eyes on Bella, watching
every move. I was beyond furious that Jacob had put Bella into this situation.
Tempting Bella to kill him, prompting
Leah to attack Bella, and my brothers to tear her to shreds. In front of her little
brother. Brilliant plan.
Don't try to stop me, Edward. I already went through this with the good doctor.
This is the best way to see if she
can be trusted – let her go.
I bristled. He didn't know how much Bella had already proven her control in the
forest earlier. He'd just taken it on
himself that he should be the one to make the decisions regarding Bella's safety to
see her daughter.
I worked to keep my hands and voice steady, not revealing the fury I was feeling.
"Carefully, Jacob," I said quietly,
my voice not betraying the fact that I wanted to tear his head from his shoulders.
Leah snarled in agreement.
"Maybe this isn't the best way..."
"You think it would be better to let her near the baby first?" Jacob snapped. "It's
safer to see how Bella does with
me. I heal fast."
Bella's face was twisted with horror and anxiety. Jacob continued to stare at me,
pleading but defiant.
I want to do this, Edward. This is to protect Bella as much as Renesmee.
Right, I thought. His insinuation that his plans had been made at all with Bella's
interests in mind angered me even
further. If he wants to play the martyr, fine. I won't stop him.
I shrugged. "It's your neck, I guess," I growled. Bella was watching me, her eyes
growing wide with surprise.
Leah snarled furiously from the forest. God damned bloodsucker, you know she
could kill him easily. I won't let
her.
I stiffened, concerned about Leah. I stepped just slightly to angle myself better
between her and Bella. While
Bella's eyes were still on me, I realized Jacob's eyes were frozen on her now,
involuntarily captivated, seeing her
truly for the first time since she awoke.
Oh god, Bells, he thought despairingly, searching and not finding the girl he had so
long loved in the still, silent
creature before him. His nostrils filled with her scent, sickly sweet to him, and he
groaned internally. She's gone.
She's really gone.
And then Bella turned her eyes to him, her gaze inquisitive, her brows slightly
furrowed, an expression he had seen
so many times before, and in that expression, he found her again. Hovering behind
the unfamiliar features he saw
the light and life, the friend, that he knew so well, and he exhaled, relaxing.
Still here, he thought, surprised, smiling.
He looked her over more carefully, taking in the torn, blood stained clothes under
the white shirt, the dirt matted
onto her limbs, and finally, the flaming red eyes. He shuddered, thinking of
Victoria's newborns.
"I gotta say it Bella," he said, grinning widely. "You're a freak show." Straight out of
a b-grade horror movie - Night
of the Filthy Vampire.
"Watch yourself, mongrel," I growled, but Bella just smiled. Clean air gusted past
us, and I felt Bella take a breath.
"No, he's right," she said, nodding. "The eyes are really something, aren't they?"
"Super-creepy. But it's not as bad as I thought it would be."
"Gee - thanks for the amazing compliment!"
Jacob rolled his eyes. Same old Bella. "You know what I mean. You still look like
you - sort of. Maybe it's not the
look so much as...you are Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here."
He smiled, chuckling. "Anyway,
I guess I'll get used to the eyes soon enough."
"You will?" Bella asked, sounding confused.
Oops. The smile dropped from his face and he glanced at me. She doesn't know
yet.
"Thanks," he said. "I didn't know if you'd be able to keep it from her, promise or
not. Usually, you just give her
everything she wants.
My eyes narrowed slightly. I couldn't believe he was pulling out the attitude now.
"Maybe I'm hoping she'll get irritated and rip your head off," I said calmly.
Jacob laughed once. You'd like that, wouldn't you? I raised my eyebrows, not
disagreeing.
"What's going on?" Bella demanded, her face shocked. "Are you two keeping
secrets from me?"
"I'll explain later," Jacob said quickly, glancing at me. One thing at a time, 'kay?
I rolled my eyes. Coward.
He looked back to Bella. "First, let's get this show on the road." He grinned, starting
to take slow, even, steps
closer .
Jake, no, Leah thought desperately, whining in protest. This is ridiculous. Stop him,
you damn bloodsucker. She
weaved out of the forest, Seth at her heals. He glanced nervously from Bella to
Jacob.
"Cool it, guys," Jacob said. I told them to keep back, in the forest, he fumed. "Stay
out of this."
Jacob continued to move forward slowly, his scent growing stronger as the wind
grew still. The air around him
almost shimmered with his heat, his heart pounding fast. The scent of his blood,
though, mingled with the reek of
dog, rendered him mostly unappealing. For a newborn that would usually not be
enough to deter a kill anyways,
but with Bella's control, I truly didn't think, unfortunately, that she would strike. Not
yet, anyways.
Hope you've got a good grip on her, Edward, Jacob thought as he made one final
step, stopping inches from Bella's
body. Not really looking to die today, if I'm being honest. She was tense beneath
my hands, stock still, not
breathing.
"C'mon Bells. Do your worst."
Leah hissed, and I watched her with a hard expression. I won't let her hurt him,
she thought again, her emotions
getting desperate.
"I'm getting older here, Bella," Jacob taunted. "Okay, not technically, but you get
the idea. Go on, take a whiff."
I turned my glare from Leah to him. He really had no idea how hard this was for
Bella, how even his filthy scent
would scorch her throat, even if it wasn't enough for her to kill him. How horrible
she would feel if she hurt her
friend.
He caught my expression. Lighten up, bloodsucker. Then he cringed slightly, his
eyes flickering back to Bella has
he realized that term now applied to her as well. He searched again for the familiar
remnants in her new
face. No, he thought. Not her.
Bella pressed backwards into my chest. "Hold onto me," she pleaded. I tightened
my hands reassuringly around
her arms. I was certain, if she lunged, I could hold her back long enough for Jacob
to make an escape before she
threw me off. Well, a head start, at least.
In the house, most of my family was watching with keen interest. Rosalie was
further back in the house, shielding
Renesmee from the scene below. Nessie was flashing images into Rose's mind.
There were assorted pictures of my
face, interspersed with images of Bella, painful flashes of her ravaged face, as well
as memories Jacob leaving,
kissing her on the cheek and bounding out the door, assumedly to come down and
wait to play out his little plan.
She seemed to know we were out here, together.
I felt Bella's body stiffen, her muscles tight, controlled, and then the slight
movement of breath into her mouth. I
prepared to wrap my body around her, throw us to the ground if necessary.
But then Bella took another, deeper breath, and I felt the tension pour out of her.
"Huh," she said, her voice relaxed. "I can see what everyone's been going on about.
You stink, Jacob."
Only Bella, Seth thought, huffing with amusement.
My family laughed. Classic, thought Emmett.
"Look who's talking" said Jacob, holding his nose, looking like an idiot. I smiled and
laughed with unexpected
amusement, and endless relief. Bella was never going to cease amazing me. I
hugged her close, whispering "I love
you" into her ear.
"Okay," said Bella. "So I passed, right?" She looked speculatively from me to Jacob.
"Now are you going to tell me
what this big secret is?"
Damn. Jacob's face became very tight. Please don't say it, Edward. Not yet. "It's
nothing you need to worry about
this second..."
I heard Emmett laugh inside the house. This is going to be excellent, he thought,
rubbing his hands together. I
rolled my eyes, turning to smile at Bella only to find her face completely still, a
mirror of want, and fear, and
stress.
"Renesmee," she choked out, emotion clouding her voice. She seemed almost
afraid to breathe, as if Renesmee
was already in front of her.
"Come and see," I said quietly. The time had definitely come. I had seen Bella
demonstrate her control beyond
anything that could have been imagined – it was time for her to meet her daughter.
"You'll help me?" she whispered, anxiety in her eyes.
"Of course I will."
"And Emmett and Jasper – just in case?"
"We'll take care of you, Bella. Don't worry, we'll be ready. None of us would risk
Renesmee. I think you'll be
surprised at how entirely she's already wrapped us all around her little fingers.
She'll be perfectly safe, no matter
what."
Bella looked up towards the house for a moment, her eye's yearning, and then she
took a tentative step towards
the house.
No way. Jacob was in front of her, blocking her path, his faced strained. "Are you
sure, bloodsucker?" Is this just
you, giving her what she wants, like always? "I don't like this. Maybe she should
wait-"
I ground my teeth. Did he think I had no consideration for Renesmee's safety as
well as Bella's happiness? That he
was the only one capable of protecting her?
"You had your test, Jacob," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
Maybe he's right, Edward? Jasper thought in the house, glancing with worried eyes
at Nessie in Rosalie's arms. I
realized Renesmee was now only showing her images of Bella's face after her birth,
an insistent quality to the
thoughts now. She was asking to see Bella. This, above everything else, made my
decision for me. My family would
understand when I explained about what had happened in the forest.
"But-," Jacob sputtered.
"But nothing," I spat, beyond sick of his continued interference. "Bella needs to see
our daughter." Ours, not
yours. "Get out of her way."
Jacob shot a look at Bella, at her blood stained clothes, at her bright crimson eyes.
This is crazy. He turned and
bolted towards the house. This is crazy. I won't let Nessie get hurt..I growled after
him, and then glanced at Bella. She looked confused and worried. Damn him.
I tried to smooth my features. I didn't want to let Jacob's antics interfere with this
moment for Bella. "Shall we?" I
asked gently. Bella nodded, looking anxious. I grabbed her hand, holding it tight,
her skin barely giving at all under
mine, and pulled her towards the house.
Inside, my family was moving swiftly, gathering in a formation that had been
discussed while we were in the
forest. Jasper, in something of an unusual panic for him, was pointing silent
instructions. Rosalie stood by the front
door, holding Nessie, ready to leave the room at the slightest hint of aggression
from Bella. This was for safety as
well as the hope that Renesmee would not have to see Bella violently restrained, if
it came to that. My stomach
sickened at the thought. That won't happen. Several feet in front of her, Jasper and
Emmett waited, with Carlisle
on one side and Esme and Alice on the other.
Jasper and Emmett were there to restrain, the rest of my family to protect. Offense
and defense. As always, Jasper
was thorough.
As we approached the house, Jacob paused for a moment at the door, but as soon
as we neared he darted to the
back of the room next to Rosalie. She glared distastefully at him. I was hoping
you'd be dead next time I saw you,
mutt, she grumbled to herself.
Jacob eyed her, as if he knew what she was thinking, and then stood in front of
them.
My family was smiling calmly, but their thoughts and the emotions seeping into
Jasper betrayed their anxiety.
Surprisingly, none of them seemed to know what had occurred during the hunt,
with the humans. I had assumed
Alice would have told them. I searched her mind, but it was fully occupied with the
image of Bella. She was nearly
choking in horror at the sight of Bella's dress.
Dear god, it's even worse in reality!
Renesmee was straining to see around the line of my family. She caught sight of me
first. Daddy! Then her
luminous eyes focused on Bella, as I drew her carefully forward.
Bella froze as Renesmee came into her view. "I was out just two days?" she
gasped, obviously taking in
Renesmee's enormous growth over the last few days. Jasper's muscles tensed as he
read her obvious shock.Too
much, Edward. It's too much to ask.
Renesmee started at the sound of Bella's voice, her eyes widening slightly. She
grasped onto the sound, replaying
it in her head several times while her eyes scoured Bella's face. She brought up an
image of Bella, of a human
Bella, in the moments of her birth. Renesmee. So...beautiful. The light, airy quality
of Bella's human voice was in
stark comparison to the singing phrase we had all just heard leave her lips.
Renesmee grew slightly anxious with
confusion, and Jasper shifted, worried about her, resisting the urge to glance back.
Renesmee lifted a small hand to Rose's throat. Bella? Her mind still held the picture
of Bella after her birth, but
there was a new, questioning tone to the image. Her eyes never left Bella's.
"Yes, that's her," Rose said softly, brushing her fingers over Nessie's hand. That's
your mother. I caught the
slightly bittersweet inflection of Rosalie's thoughts in this moment.
Bella. Renesmee's mind turned the dueling images and sounds around for a
moment, surrounded by the tumbling
memories of before her birth, of the voice, caressing and adoring, that had then
been her world, her whole world.
Then it all melded together into a distinct, dazzling form, a singular love, and
suddenly her small heart sang with
unparalleled joy, and a brilliant smile broke out across her face. Bella. Mommy.
And at that moment, Bella moved towards her. Stop her, Edward! Jasper thought. I
gripped the top of her arms,
hard, propelled by his panic. Emmet and Jasper moved swiftly to form a solid wall
between Bella and Renesmee,
the other's dropping back to create a second barrier.
Rose moved several feet back so that she was pressed to the wall next to the door.
Should I go, should I go? Jacob
stepped with her, keeping his body between Nessie and Bella.
I knew it, he growled.
Jasper's eyes were cool, alert. Hold her. I can calm her as much as possible so we
can get her out of here.
Alice hadn't moved. She glanced at my grip on Bella disapprovingly. You know she's
fine, Edward, she chided me. I
came slightly back to my senses, trying to disentangle myself from Jasper's worry.
She was right - Bella's
movement had been a tentative step, not an aggressive move. I shook my head
slightly at Jasper, and he frowned.
I knew first-hand Bella's immaculate control, and I sensed it was still tightly in
place. Looking at Alice's mind now, I
realized she had seen what had happened in the forest, and the incredible feat Bella
had accomplished.
No, I didn't tell them, she thought. She looked back at the tense lines of my family.
But you better, if you want
them to relax.
"Oh, give her some credit," she said. "She wasn't going to do anything. You'd want
a closer look, too."
Everyone glanced around skeptically.
Bella was breathing steadily now. "I'm okay," she said quietly, touching one of my
hands, still clamped on her
upper arm. "Keep close, though, just in case."
Bella! Mommy! Nessie, blocked by Jacob from her view of Bella, was struggling now
in Rose's arms. Bella's new
face filled her mind, the emphasis demanding.
I looked at Jasper, and his face tightened with anxiety. Concentrating on Bella,
Jasper could feel the intense want,
the need, for Bella to see her child rolling off her. And he could also sense her
anxiety. Her emotions are strong,
Edward. It doesn't matter if they are good, or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. In
a newborn, strong emotions of
any kind equals trouble. You know this! She won't be able to keep herself in hand.
But I knew Bella could do this. She was not the typical newborn Jasper imagined.
"Jazz, Em, let us through. Bella's
got this."
Emmett relaxed. Okay, Edward, your call. But Jasper didn't move. He was unhappy
with the volatility of the
situation. He carried a very heavy burden, feeling responsible for the safety of
everyone involved. He couldn't
stand the idea of Nessie being hurt, and I realized he was also extremely concerned
about Alice being hurt trying to
intercede on Bella's part in some sort of scuffle.
Jasper's thoughts became laced with panic. The baby is so small. We don't know
how badly Bella could hurt
her! "Edward, the risk-"
"Minimal," I said. I needed to explain to him exactly why we could trust Bella, so he
could relax. "Listen, Jasper –
on the hunt she caught the scent of some hikers who were in the wrong place at
the wrong time..."
Carlisle gasped. Oh, no, he thought in horror. I glanced over in surprise and then
immediately realized he had
misunderstood what I was going to say. His eyes flared with shock. You should not
have insisted on going alone!
Ahh, thought Jasper, with a little too much satisfaction. That explains the lack of
thirst.
Esme eyed me with alarm, searching my eyes. Oh, dear, I hope Edward didn't as
well! She realized, rightfully so,
the nearly impossible temptation such a scene would entail, even for us.
Disgusting! Jacob thought, eyeing the blood on Bella's dress in horror. No way she's
coming near Nessie now!
Alice rolled her eyes internally. Oh, yea of little faith. Tell them, Edward. She was
still much more concerned about
the state of Bella's dress.
"Edward!" Carlisle admonished. I'm disappointed in you. "How could you be so
irresponsible?"
"I know, Carlisle, I know." He was right. Although, miraculously, everything had
been fine, my actions had been
reprehensible given my promise to Bella. "I was just plain stupid. I should have
taken the time to make sure we
were in a safe zone before I set her loose."
How many did she get, man? Emmett thought excitedly, thinking of his wager with
Jasper. This is sweet – I am so
going to win this bet! He shut his eyes briefly, imagining himself riding on the back
of Jasper's, formerly my,
motorcycle, Rose's long arms and legs wrapped around him. All mine, for a whole
year.
"Edward," said Bella, her voice pained with embarrassment.
Poor thing, she didn't want us to know, thought Esme. I hope she doesn't feel she
let us down.
"He's absolutely right to rebuke me, Bella," I said, smiling. This was actually kind of
fun. Even Carlisle, the eternal
optimist, was buying into it. "I made a huge mistake. The fact that you are stronger
than anyone I've ever known
doesn't change that."
Alice was the only one who caught my play on the word stronger. She knew I didn't
mean physically stronger. She
rolled her eyes. "Tasteful joke, Edward." Tell them, you're upsetting my sister!
You are being very flippant about this, Edward, Carlisle thought disapprovingly. This
is no time for joking.
"I wasn't making a joke." I smiled. "I was explaining to Jasper why I know Bella can
handle this. It's not my fault
everyone jumped to conclusions."
"Wait," said Jasper suddenly. What did you mean by stronger? "She didn't hunt the
humans?" Impossible.
"She started to," I said slowly, trying to draw out the suspense a little longer. I
heard Bella's teeth grind together,
and Jasper glanced at her, sensing frustration. "She was entirely focused on the
hunt."
"What happened?" Carlisle asked suddenly, realization starting to fill his eyes.
I felt a flush of pride and excitement suddenly. "She heard me behind her and
reacted defensively. As soon as my
pursuit broke into her concentration, she snapped right out of it. I've never seen
anything to equal her. She
realized at once what was happening and then..." I paused dramatically, most of my
family stock still with
anticipation, except for Rosalie, who was struggling in the back to contain
Renesmee. For god's sake, spit it out,
Edward, she thought irritably.
I grinned and continued, speaking each word slowly and carefully. "She held her
breath and ran away."
"Whoa," said Emmett. Are you screwing with us, Eddie? "Seriously?"
Carlisle clapped his hands together. Wonderful. Amazing. She's one of a kind.
Always has been. He smiled down at
relief at Esme, who was beaming at Bella.
I don't believe it, Jasper thought, utterly stunned.
Okay, great, thought Rose. No dead human. Now can we get on with this! Jacob
just stared silently, still looking
suspicious.
Bella huffed in irritation. "He's not telling it right," she grumbled. "He left out the
part where I growled at him."
Ooh, now we're talking, Emmett thought with glee. "Did ya get in a couple of good
swipes?" he asked, glancing at
me and looking for signs of a struggle. Is that what happened to the dress? You
guys have something of a
tussle? His grin widened.
"No!" Bella said, shocked. "Of course not."
Emmett's eyes shot back to her. "No, not really? You really didn't attack him?" She's
not just saying that to protect
your wounded pride, is she?
"Emmett!" Bella said desperately.
"Aw, what a waste," Emmett groaned. He glared at me and I grinned with delight.
You're such a wuss, he thought.
"And here you're probably the one person who could take him – since he can't get
into your head to cheat – and
you had a perfect excuse, too," he said, sighing. "I've been dying to see how he'd
do without that advantage."
Bella looked affronted. "I would never."
She broke off the hunt, didn't attack you, didn't take the humans but actually left of
her own volition. Jasper's
thought was not a question but rather an unbelieving restatement of the facts. His
expression was clouded.
I mocked punched his shoulder in an attempt to get him out of his continued bad
spirits. "You see what I mean?"
"It's not natural," he muttered, unsmiling. Abnormal. And that means
unpredictable.
I sighed. Esme was realizing with horror exactly how close Bella must have been to
attacking me. You know you
should never have gotten that close to someone on the hunt, Edward! "She could
have turned on you – she's only
hours old!" Better to have let her go after the humans than risk injury to either one
of you. "Oh, we should have
gone with you."
"I was careful, Esme," I said reassuringly.
"She's right, though, Edward. We should have come," said Carlisle. "Still it all
worked out."
"That it did," I said, smiling down at Bella. My hands were still on her shoulders, my
grip loose now, and she leaned
suddenly to the side, trying to see around Jasper's form.
"Edward," she whispered. "Please." And that one word cut right through me,
piercing with its emotion, holding an
inextricable power over me, as it always did. I glanced up at Jasper, nodding for
him to move aside.
Jasper's teeth clenched. It's not right. It doesn't feel right.
"Jazz, this isn't anything you've seen before. Trust me." Alice spoke quietly, drawing
in his gaze, her eyes saying
much more than the words. She channeled her confidence, the confidence she had
gained watching how Bella had
reacted in the forest, and her love, reminding him she would never lead him wrong.
Jasper nodded. I trust you, Alice. Always. Looking back, he moved aside slightly,
putting a hand on Bella's
shoulder, holding it as a restraint as well as a conduit for emotion. Be ready,
Edward. Regardless of whatever you
think is going on here, always be ready. I nodded at him reassuringly, keeping my
hands on Bella's upper arms.
Alice stood next to Jasper, and as Bella took her first step forward, Carlisle and
Esme turned, walking a couple
steps in front of us, their bodies angled so they could watch Bella carefully.
Bella! Mommy! Renesmee was increasingly frustrated by our slow progress towards
her. As we neared, her sweet,
lilting scent began to fill the space around us. Her heart hammered with her efforts
to get out of Rose's grasp. I
sense some thirst, thought Jasper in alarm, and I brought my attention back to
Bella, firming up my grip slightly.
Suddenly, Renesmee let out a high, piercing wail, like nothing I had never heard
from her before. It shot quickly to
the forefront of everything else, panic spiraling instantly inside me. Is she hurt? I
whirled in alarm, my feet
propelling me to her side, my only thought making sure she was all right.
"Is she okay?" I asked Rose, checking Renesmee over anxiously, my hands running
quickly over her arms and legs
and head. I looked carefully into her eyes. She seemed perfect.
"What's happened?" Jacob demanded, his shoulder pressed against mine as he
pushed in to see her.
"What's the matter?" asked Esme, touching her cheek. Carlisle was trying to get by
Jacob so he could look more
closely. Alice had her hands on my arm while Emmett peered over both of us. Only
Jasper had remained at Bella's
side, although he had taken a step forward in concern.
"Is she hurt?" Jacob reached out, placing his hands under Renesmee's arms.
Rosalie sighed, but let him take
her. All right, you try containing her!
"She's fine," she said to Jacob. Jacob glanced up at me with worried eyes, and then
looked down, searching
Renesmee for signs of injury. Renesmee lifted up her hand and placed her palm
against his cheek, keeping her
eyes on Bella. Jacob's head filled with Bella's face, the tone of the thought insistent.
"See?" Rose said. "She just wants Bella."
"She wants me?" Bella whispered. We glanced quickly back – her body was leaning
forward slightly, as if drawn to
Nessie.
Edward, Jasper thought sharply, afraid she was going to move forward.
I moved swiftly back to Bella's side, but not to restrain her as Jazz wanted, but to
bring her forward, to meet her
daughter. I got behind her again and put my hands on her arms, pressing her
forward. They had been lost to each
other for too long - now it was time for them to be together.
"She's been waiting for you for almost three days," I whispered in her ear. As we
moved closer, Emmett came to
stand at Bella's side again, Jasper never taking his hand from her shoulder. Carlisle,
Esme and Alice had remained
at their places next to Jacob, Rosalie just behind at his shoulder.
Jacob's hands were shaking, but it was out of sheer anxiety, not the tremors that
precipitated phasing. Still, I saw
Bella glance nervously at his hands.
"Jake – I'm fine," she said.
For how long? He stared into her eyes, trying to gauge her mood. I can't tell
anything from those damn red
eyes! Renesmee was straining in his arms, her hands reaching and grasping for
Bella. As we came within a step of
them, Bella suddenly froze. We all stilled with her, no one breathing except Jacob
and Nessie, no sounds but the
interlocking melody of their hearts.
And then, suddenly, the anxiety drained from Bella's face. Jasper blinked in
surprise. Her shoulders relaxed, and
her expression changed to one of confident expectation. In one smooth movement
she stepped forward, and
reaching out with her hand, and took Renesmee from Jacob's arms as naturally as if
she had been holding her
since the moment she was born.
Oh, god. Panic ratcheted up exponentially in Jacob's mind as he refused to let the
baby go, instead keeping his
hands on her even as she settled into Bella's arms. I glared meaningfully at him,
but he didn't look away from
Nessie.
Nessie sighed contentedly, drinking in Bella's face. Bella. She smiled and began to
very slowly reach towards her
face with her hand.
Watch it, now, thought Jasper in alarm. Renesmee's gift might be extremely
unsetting for Bella. I tightened my
hold slightly, as Nessie's pink fingers came to rest on Bella's cheek, and the familiar
vision of Bella, human Bella,
arose again. How shocking that image must be for her. We waited, still, all eyes on
her face except for Jacob, who
looked only at Renesmee.
"What...was...that?" Bella said finally, her voice rough with confusion.
"What did you see?" Rosalie asked. "What did she show you?"
"She showed me that?" Bella gasped.
"I told you it was hard to explain," I said softly. "But effective as a means of
communications go."
"What was it?" Jacob demanded.
"Um." Bella shook her head slightly, as if clearing her thoughts. "Me, I think. But I
looked terrible."
Terrible. Yes. For it had been only seconds later that Bella's heart had stopped.
Before the world had begun to
spiral into blackness. I shuddered at the memory of those dark moments, forever
etched into my mind.
"It was the only memory she had of you," I said. "She's letting you know that she's
made the connection, that she
knows who you are."
"But how does she do it?"
"How do I hear thoughts? How does Alice see the future?" I shrugged. "She's
gifted."
"It's an interesting twist," Carlisle said, looking at me. The gift of giving thoughts.
"Like she's doing the exact
opposite of what you can."
Exactly as I had thought. "Interesting," I mused. "I wonder if there could possibly
be some sort of genetic
connection?"
"That's entirely possible," Carlisle mused. "Still, I think the gifts come from our own
innate possibilities. Although,
since she is your daughter, some of her genetic predisposition..."
As Carlisle spoke, I found myself impossibly distracted from his words by the vision
of Renesmee in Bella's arms.
The way Bella's arms curved around Renesmee's small body. How their heads
inclined naturally towards each other
as their eyes latched, Bella's dark tresses intermingling in Renesmee's copper curls,
creating a mixture of
mahogany streaked with bronze rays of sunshine. A new light seemed to enter
Bella's eyes, a fierce and protective
tenderness, as she gazed down at Renesmee. The love of a mother.
Bella leaned down gently, pressing her lips to Renesmee's forehead, and inhaled
deeply, closing her eyes.
Jasper tensed. She's burning. I don't like this.
Alice, sensing his stiff muscles, came around and rubbed his arm reassuringly.
"She's fine," she said softly. Look at
her expression.
"Haven't we experimented enough for one day?" Jacob said uncomfortably. He was
practically bouncing with stress,
watching Bella's face so close to Renesmee. Her teeth, he thought anxiously. "Okay,
Bella's doing great, but let's
not push it."
Bella stiffened, her eyes swinging up towards him. Her anger shot through Jasper,
and he tensed.
"What is your problem, Jacob?" Bella snarled. She pulled on Renesmee, but Jacob
refused to give her up. My family
crowded closer, Emmett posing his hands over Bella while Carlisle and Esme readied
themselves to snatch
Renesmee.
Got to say I agree with the dog on this one, Edward, thought Emmett. This is
getting ugly.
I was furious. Bella's time with her daughter shouldn't be cut short because Jacob
was agitating her, undermining
how incredible she was doing. I glared at him and he looked up, feeling my wrath.
It's not safe, Edward! You're too biased to think this through!
Biased against my own daughter! I hissed. "Just because I understand, doesn't
mean I won't throw you out,
Jacob," I growled. "Bella's doing extraordinarily well. Don't ruin the moment for
her."
Finally, thought Rosalie. "I'll help him toss you, dog," she snarled. "I owe you a
good kick in the gut."
Jacob ignored her, his eyes trained on Renesmee now, his thoughts snarled and
panicked his face a flashing mosaic
of fear and adoration. She's everything to me. She can't get hurt. I won't let her be
in danger. I can't. She's
everything, everything.."No!" Bella cried.
Jasper was hit with a blast of uncontrolled shock and horror. Jesus! Get the baby!
He tried to send a wave of calm
into Bella as he threw his other arm back protectively in front of Alice. I wrapped
my arms firmly around Bella's
body, grasping my wrists tightly on either side. I knew I wouldn't be able to
maintain this hold against her
strength, and was glad that Emmett pressed up close as well. Jacob had grabbed
Nessie immediately, stumbling
back several feet, Carlisle and Esme on his sides.
Damn Jacob and this imprinting business to hell! I fumed.
"Rose," said Bella, her voice seething, but steady. "Take Renesmee."
Oh, crap, Jacob thought, handing Nessie to Rose. As soon as the baby was in her
arms, Rose backed away from
both Bella and Jacob. Jacob backed off in the opposite direction, drawing Bella's
gaze with him.
"Edward," Bella said quietly. "I don't want to hurt you, so please let go of me."
I wasn't worried about her hurting me. But I didn't know if she would go for Jacob.
Had she truly figured it out?
I don't know if that's a good idea, Edward, thought Carlisle.
Emmett glanced at me. Just let them have it out, bro. It's bound to happen.
"Go stand in front of Renesmee," Bella snapped. I hesitated for another moment,
torn.
Let her go, Edward, Jacob thought. This is between me and her. I'll take the
consequences.
Fine. I released my hands from her shoulders, and she immediately crouched,
taking two deliberate steps toward
Jacob.
"You didn't," she growled, her face hard and angry. Oh, she had definitely figured it
out. I had spent many, many
minutes during the last couple days imagining what Bella's response might be when
she found out about the
imprint. Clearly, it turned out, we were on the same page about it. And, while I
hated to see her angry, I felt oddly
gratified by the obvious fury of her reaction. For once, Jacob's not going to get off
easy.
Okay, let's remain calm. Jacob held up his hands and started to move backwards.
"You know it's not something I
can control."
"You stupid mutt! How could you? My baby!" Bella yelled as she tracked Jacob,
moving forward slowly while I
trailed carefully behind. Jasper and Emmett circled on either side, but did not
interfere. Not as long as her wrath
was pointed only at Jacob.
Don't let this get out of hand, thought Carlisle warningly. He stepped backwards
carefully, pulling Esme with him,
moving until they were in front of Rose, who had backed all the way up to the far
wall with Renesmee clutched to
her. Alice went with them.
Bella followed Jacob as he backed out the door, down the stairs and started jogging
backwards across the front
lawn, drawing her further from the house, and Renesmee. "It wasn't my idea,
Bella!"
"I've held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy
claim to her?" Bella's voice
seethed. She continued to follow, stalking, still crouched low to the ground. Jasper
and I trailed at a careful
distance, Emmett lingering at the bottom of the stairs. "She's mine."
I smiled. That's right, love, you tell him.
"I can share," Jacob said desperately.
Carlisle, Esme and Alice came out onto the porch. "Pay up," I heard Emmett mutter
to Alice. Apparently during our
earlier absence, unable to get any other takers, he had managed to convince Alice
to bet him that Bella would take
down Jacob when she found out about the imprinting. He had been very pleased
with himself, figuring that Alice
couldn't see the future, at least not that one, for once.
However, Alice had already seen Bella's feat of self-control in the forest, and had
had no qualms about using that
info to her advantage. They'd bet one month's use of her Porsche, since motor
vehicles was Em's preferred wager,
against a month of Emmett accompanying Alice shopping on demand, and carrying
her bags. He held out his hand
now for her keys, while Alice glared. I can't believe Bella's letting that dog get to
her, she mused in disbelief.
"How dare you imprint on my baby?" Bella was yelling. "Have you lost your mind?"
"It was involuntary," he pleaded, edging toward the forest. Leah and Seth appeared
on either side of him.
Leah snapped her teeth towards Bella. Back off, bitch, she growled. I gritted my
teeth, finding her choice of words
ironic, and moved to intercede between them, but then Bella bared her teeth at
Leah, letting out a formidable
snarl, and I paused.
I think the girl can handle herself, Emmett thought, impressed. Rosalie had now
come out of the house and was
standing on the porch with the others, Renesmee watching with curious confusion
from her arms.
"Bella, would you try to listen for just a second? Please?" Jacob pleaded. "Leah,
back off," he snapped.
Leah bared her teeth. Bite me, Jacob.
Come on, Leah, Seth thought, worried.
Bella hissed. "Why should I listen?" she growled.
"Because you're the one who told me this. Do you remember?" Jacob asked as his
voice lowered, holding her gaze,
his eyes intense. "You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were
family. You said that was how
you and I were supposed to be. So...now we are." He noticed Bella's stare turn
slightly speculative. Come on Bella,
please understand this. Please. I want you to. I need you to. I need us to be okay.
"It's what you wanted," he
whispered, hoping to get through.
But Bella's face quickly hardened with fury. "You think you'll be a part of my family
as my son-in-law!" she
shrieked, her voice echoing through the forest.
Emmett laughed. Nice one, Bella.
"Stop her, Edward," Esme said. "She'll be unhappy if she hurts him."
Actually, Jasper thought, she's still in control, although she's angry. He was far less
concerned now that Renesmee
wasn't in danger, although he was eyeing Leah suspiciously.
I stayed back a comfortable distance. If she hadn't snapped at this point, I didn't
think she would. But I was taking
a rather sadistic pleasure in watching Jacob incur a justifiable wrath. Those sad
puppy-dog eyes aren't going to get
you out of it this time, I thought with satisfaction. God, it was so good to see her
get really angry with him!
"No," Jacob was yelling in protest. "How can you even look at it that way? She's
just a baby, for crying out loud!"
"That's my point," yelled Bella.
"You know I don't think of her that way! Do you think Edward would have let me
live this long if I did? All I want is
for her to be safe and happy – is that so bad? So different from what you want?"
Jacob was riled up now.
Bella's face glowed brilliant with fury. The long lines of her body were tensed,
poised, her hair a dark cascade
around her shoulder. She threw her head back slightly, emitting a growl that
spiraled up several octaves into a
furious shriek. Jasper and I tensed, our hands coming up, but, incredibly, Bella
remained still. She didn't attack.
I relaxed and glanced over at Jasper. "Amazing, isn't she?" He shook his head at
me, speechless.
"She hasn't gone for his throat even once," I heard Carlisle say from the porch. I've
never witnessed such self-
control in a newborn.
I heard Alice clear her throat. She was looking at Emmett with her eyebrow raised.
"Fine, you win this one," Emmett muttered. Ugh, shopping.
"You're going to stay away from her," Bella hissed at Jacob.
No, Bells! "I can't do that!" Don't do this to me! Edward, say something! I know you
understand.
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. There was no way I was stepping in on this one –
understand or not, I had told
him from the start the situation was temporary until Bella woke, and we discussed
things. Not that I would call this
a discussion, but, well...it was fun to watch.
Bella's teeth snapped together. "Try," she snarled. "Starting now."
Thank you, Bella! Rosalie was crowing with pleasure on the porch.
"It's not possible," pleaded Jacob. "Do you remember how much you wanted me
around three days ago? How hard
it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it?"
Bella stared at him, silent.
"That was her," he said, his voice growing softer. "From the very beginning. We had
to be together, even then."
Bella was quiet, the burn in her eyes dimming slightly. Her expression was
searching, as she seemed to
contemplate his words. I actually took some relief in her apparent acceptance that
his thoughts might be true. I
hoped it meant that her feelings towards him had now tempered, back to the more
comfortable realm of friendship,
instead of the intense, needfulness that had been very hard to bear, at least for me.
Jasper cocked an eye at me. She's buying it. She's calming down.
"Run away while you still can," Bella said, her voice still angry, but a little calmer.
"C'mon, Bells," Jacob said, sensing an in. "Nessie likes me, too."
Instantly, Bella's whole body stiffened as the word "Nessie" left his lips. Jasper
whipped his head back to her,
concern flashing across his face.
Oh, I think that was a mistake, dog-boy, thought Emmett.
"What did you call her," Bella hissed, her body moving just imperceptibly further
down into a crouch.
Time to move in? Jasper wondered.
I cocked my head to the side, considering. If she hadn't attacked about the imprint,
I didn't think this would do it.
It was only a nickname. I was so used to hearing it I didn't even give it any
thought.
Jacob took a step back. "Well, that name you came up with is kind of a mouthful
and –"
Bella's voice pierced through the entire surrounding forest, probably reaching the
highway. "You nicknamed my
daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?"
Later, I would realize, because Jasper felt the snap a moment before it registered in
his mind, and made its way
into mine, he reacted a fraction of a second before I did. A fraction of a second
before I felt the blistering tempest
of fury that circled and then consumed Bella, just a moment before I saw her press
her weight onto her back foot
and realized that all control had been swept into that storm, and was being
launched at the cowering half human in
front of her.
In gruesome slow motion I watched Bella's body launch off the ground, arcing like
an arrow towards Jacob, who
stumbled backwards, hands up. As I hurled myself towards her I could see Jasper's
body out of the corner of my
eye, just ahead of mine, arms wide to catch and wrap around her. And with
sickening certainty I realized we were
not going to make it in time. The trajectory and speed of Bella's body towards
Jacob would guarantee she would
reach her target before we reached ours.
And in that awful moment, I realized she was going to kill Jacob. And with horrible
dread, I realized that no matter
how many times I had dreamed, and laughed, and threatened such a thing, I didn't
actually want it to happen.
Suddenly, there was a flash of sandy-colored fur. No! Seth cried as he flung his
body in front of Jacob.
Seth! Leah screamed.
"Seth, stop!" Jacob cried.
Seth's body was just coming between Jacob and Bella when she slammed into him
from the force of her jump,
hitting his shoulder. I heard the audible snap of a bone breaking. Seth was flung
several feet next Jacob by the
impact. Bella's leap was halted by the collision with Seth, her feet hitting the
ground, but she bent her knees as if
she might launch forward again. Almost there, I thought.
No! Leah shrieked, and I turned my head slightly to see her leaping towards Bella.
Jasper reached Bella as Leah
did, ramming into Bella's side and grabbing her with one arm while swinging to kick
Leah off course. She hit the
grass snarling several feet away.
Bella twisted, automatically throwing out an arm in defense and knocking Jasper
away, slamming him down hard
onto the ground behind to her.
Christ, that hurts, he thought as he jumped up, moving into a crouch in front of
Leah. She's all yours, Edward.
I struck her from behind, quickly wrapping my arms around her body and grabbing
my wrists with each hand. As
she pulled, about to wrench away from me, I bent close to her ear and said quietly,
"Bella."
She froze at the sound of my voice. There was a long moment of silence, broken
only by the panting of the wolves,
and the pounding of their hearts. Jacob pulled in a long, ragged breath, staring at
Bella with wide eyes. Geez,
remind me not to get her mad again. Keeping a careful watch on Bella, he moved
swiftly over and knelt next to
Seth, who was lying prone on the ground. He touched him gently, and Seth whined
and rolled over slightly.
Seth! Seth! Leah was shrieking desperately in her head. Jasper was still crouched in
front of her, Emmett next to
him having arrived a half second after me. She glared at the two of them, shaking
her head, and then moved in a
wide circle around them to her brother's side.
I'm okay, Leah, Seth thought. He turned his head to look at me, wincing slightly.
I'm fine, Edward. Just a bruise. I
rolled my eyes. We had all heard the bone break.
"Carlisle," I called. Carlisle sprang off the porch, leaving the protective position he
had taken in front of Rose and
Nessie, and headed over to us. He knelt down next to Jacob, and began carefully
prodding Seth through his fur
with his fingers.
Bella, still frozen in my arms, was now staring in horror at Seth on the ground. "Oh,
no," she suddenly groaned.
She bent her knees, her body sagging slightly with distress. I hugged her tight
against me.
"It's okay, love," I whispered in her ear. "He's going to be fine, everything turned
out all right." Inside I was
seething with fury and disappointment in myself. Bella had only been awake a
couple of hours, and twice already
my lapses in judgment had let her down. And now Seth had gotten hurt in the
process.
Leah, who was pacing back and forth next to Seth, stopped abruptly and looked up
at me, huffing. Exactly what
part of this is all right, you idiot?
Carlisle glanced up at us. Why don't you take Bella away from here, Edward? Let
her calm down. I'm going to bring
Seth into the house – looks like a broken collarbone.
I nodded, glancing at Jasper first. He stared intently at Bella, sensing only remorse.
I released my grip from around
Bella's body, wrapping just one arm firmly around her shoulders. I turned us around
and she followed numbly. As
we started towards the house I heard a quiet hiss. I glanced up quickly and saw
Rosalie, eyes wide, pressed
against the house, Renesmee's face turned towards her. Esme stood next to her, a
hand on her shoulder.
Don't bring her near Nessie! Rose thought in alarm. Not in that state. Esme's face
was sad, but I could tell she
agreed with Rosalie.
I sighed, but changed the direction of our course so that we were heading around
the back of the house. Emmett
jogged up next to us, clapping a hand on Bella's shoulder.
"Now that's what we like to see," he bellowed approvingly. Bella looked up at him in
horror, and I glared over her
head. He looked slightly taken aback for a second, and then his face furrowed with
concern. He bent down slightly,
bringing his eyes level with Bella's and keeping his hand on her shoulder.
"It's okay, Bella," he said in a low voice. "We've all been there." Bella nodded a
little, giving him a slight smile.
Alice appeared at his side, pushing him with both hands.
"Go away, Emmett," she muttered. Emmett shrugged, giving Bella another pat on
the shoulder and then moving
swiftly up onto the porch with Rose.
Alice put an arm around Bella. "Let's take a walk, sweetie," she said. Bella glanced
down, her shoulders slightly
stiff. I could tell she wanted to be alone – she was embarrassed.
"I'll take her, Alice," I murmured. Alice looked slightly pouty, but nodded. Okay, I
guess I understand. She kissed
Bella's cheek before skipping up onto the porch after Emmett.
We walked in silence around the house, pausing about halfway down the lawn
towards the river. The sun had set,
and whatever remnants of glow that might be visible on the horizon were obscured
by the dark, dense spread of
the forest. I remembered the night we danced out here, at our wedding. Only that
night, there had been stars.
Tonight was cloudy, but not the dark, distinct black clouds of a storm, but a cool,
gray cover, consistent,
encompassing, seemingly never-ending.
Bella stared out at the forest for a while, her eyes their own burning red orbs of
sun, while I watched her, holding
her hand. We didn't speak for a while, and I didn't push her. I knew that sometimes
Bella just needed time, and
space, to work through her own thoughts. She had always been that way. And so
far, she'd been given very little
opportunity to process everything that had happened. Bella has always been so
careful and methodical in her
decision making, and actions. In her life in general. How overwhelming this all must
be, the sudden, immense
power of her senses, a hallmark of our kind, and impulsive nature of her responses.
Finally, Bella turned to me. "Edward, I'm so, so..."
"No, Bella," I said quickly, knowing already that this would be an apology. "It's not
your fault. Please. I'm the one
who should be apologizing to you."
"What do you have to apologize for?" she muttered.
"Because I should have been closer. And before that, because I should have made
sure the forest was safe before
we hunted." I sighed in frustration. "I promised you that I wouldn't let you hurt
anyone. And I'm mad at myself,
because I thought I was done with breaking promises, and letting you down."
"You've never let me down, Edward," Bella said, concern in her voice.
I shook my head. If only that were true, I thought bitterly. That was another thing
about Bella that did not, and
would never, change. Her capacity for seeing the best in people, even when they
didn't deserve it.
Bella sighed, looking back out over the forest. Finally, she blew a long breath out
and shook her head. "I can't
believe this." She turned to look at me. "You get how twisted this is, right? Jacob
imprinting on Renesmee. My
baby. Our daughter. I mean – she's half-vampire. Is that even possible?"
"Apparently," I grumbled.
"What are we going to do?" she asked, her voice slightly desperate.
"I don't know," I said, laughing. "I've been waiting for you to wake up, hoping you
would know!"
She shook her head, smiling. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you I have no idea." Her
expression faltered slightly. "Why did
you let him stay?" she asked quietly.
I sighed, thinking back over my conversation with Jacob, and then my family. Bella,
of course, understood quite a
bit more about the imprinting than they did, from her familiarity with the pack. But
this was entirely different, of
course, since it was our baby.
"What he says is true," I admitted. "He loves Renesmee, and he just wants her to
be safe and happy. At the time,
as much as I didn't like it, I didn't think it would be of any harm for her to have him
around. And he wanted to
stay." He really wanted to stay.
"And so he's been here every since?"
"Basically."
Bella shook her head. "But...but he can't be here all the time, practically living with
us." Her face grew increasingly
anxious. "I mean, when Renesmee's older, she...how can he..."
I reached up quickly and pressed a hand to her cheek. God knew I understood how
she felt. "Bella, we don't have
to figure this all out right now." I slid my fingers down her cheek, and her
expression relaxed, her eyes growing
hotter. I reached down and took her hand. "We'll work it out as we go. Together."
"You know," Bella said, cocking her head and eyeing me, "you're in an awfully good
place about all this. When did
you find out?"
"Find out?"
"About Jacob...and Renesmee," she said.
"Ah," I murmured. "A few minutes after your, uh..." For a moment, my throat felt
too tight to speak. "After your
heart started beating again," I whispered. I shook myself, and then laughed
harshly. "Anyway, don't feel bad. I
almost killed him too, when I found out."
"Oh," said Bella in a small voice. "How long was I...?" Her voice trailed off.
I looked down at her. An eternity.
"A few minutes," I said softly. "We...I...performed CPR."
Bella was watching me with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry, Edward," she said quietly, her
voice rough.
I stared at her. "For what?"
"I almost died," she whispered. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. It must have
been terrible for you."
I laughed with disbelief, and then grabbed her with both arms, drawing her close,
again relishing the freedom to
hug her to me as tightly as I wanted, as I'd always wanted.
"What I went through? Bella, you endured terrible pain, and fear, and even death.
What I went through was...well,
I would happily to go into the darkest pits of hell and back a million times, Bella, if
it meant I would end up with
you beside me." I pulled away and brought one hand under her chin, lifting her face
up to mine with my finger.
"Beside me, forever," I said quietly. "All that doesn't matter now." And, somehow, it
truly didn't. "All that matters
is that you, and me, and our daughter, are together."
"I love you, Edward," Bella whispered, curving a hand around my face.
"I love you, too." I smiled. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. "They're
bringing Seth into the house.
Why don't we head inside?"
She cringed as we started up towards the house. "I still feel terrible about..."
"Bella," I said in a warning voice. I had a feeling she was going to try to take this all
onto herself, no matter what I
did.
"Well, I do," she muttered.
We came in through the back door. Seth was sitting on the couch, looking
remarkably relaxed. He had phased out
front, and, fortunately, thrown on some pants, before coming inside. Jasper was
standing behind the couch, but
came over to stand next to Bella when she entered the room.
Carlisle glanced at me. Could be the shoulder, too. Might as well get an x-ray.
I walked over, laying a hand on Seth's good shoulder. "Seth, I am so, so sorry."
"No, Edward," Bella protested from across the room. "I should be the one..."
"Don't worry about it, Bella," Seth laughed. "It's not your fault. Jake's just the kind
of guy you sometimes want to
take a good swipe at."
I couldn't help smiling. Now that Jacob wasn't dead, I realized I still very much
enjoyed the memory of Bella
shrieking at him and stalking him across the yard.
"All the same..." Bella started.
"No, Bella," Carlisle said kindly. "You have nothing to apologize. You've handled
yourself extremely well,
considering."
"Where's the baby?" I asked.
Carlisle looked suddenly uncomfortable. "She's on the porch with Rose." I think
they thought that was best.
I furrowed my brow and headed over to the front door. Opening it, I looked out to
find Rosalie staring at me, her
face guarded. Renesmee, still in Rose's arms, smiled widely and held out her arms.
"I'll take her," I said, stepping towards them. Rose quickly took a step back.
"I don't think it's a good idea," she whispered.
I rolled my eyes. "Bella can hear you, you know," I muttered. Hello, she's a
vampire, now. Guilt swept across
Rose's face.
I'm sorry, I just think it's best until she's calmed down.
Heavy feet pounded up the stairs and Jacob appeared at my side.
"I agree, Edward. Clearly Bella's in no condition to be handling the baby," he said,
moving past me without looking,
and taking Nessie from Rose with a confidence and possessiveness I didn't quite
care for.
"And that is your decision exactly how?" I growled.
Please, be reasonable, Edward, Rosalie pleaded. I want them to be together, too,
but... "I just think everyone
needs to calm down a little."
Jacob nodded vigorously. "Yes, definitely." I narrowed my eyes at him. Nessie lifted
a hand to his throat, filling his
mind with a vision of Bella's face looking down at her.
I gritted my teeth. "She's Bella's child and if she wants to see her..."
"Edward, it's okay," Bella said softly from inside the house. "I think maybe I should
wait a while."
I sighed. Jacob gave me a weak smile. See, we all agree. I growled softly at him
before turning and stepping back
into the house. Bella sat on the couch, looking unhappy, and my chest clenched.
Suddenly, the phone rang. We all glanced sharply towards the sound. Alice
appeared in the doorway to the dining
room. "Charlie," she said softly.
I looked over at Carlisle, who was kneeling next to Seth. "Let it go," he said after a
moment, standing up and
glancing with a troubled expression at Bella. Her eyes were wide. He turned back to
Seth and offered a hand. "Let's
get you upstairs for an x-ray."
Edward. I glanced up. Alice was beckoning me through the dining room door. I
followed her into the kitchen, where
Emmett and Esme waited.
Alice bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet. We are going to do the finishing
touches on your cottage. Esme's
going to give everything a once-over, Emmett will get a fire going, and I'm going to
make a final check on the
closet. She clapped her hands with delight. I thought it could be a birthday present.
I looked at her in confusion, and she rolled her eyes. It will be midnight in a few
hours, silly. Bella's birthday!
I smiled suddenly, thinking of my ruminations of the night before. It is time to
create fresh memories. Esme came
up to me and brought out something from behind her back. It was the key to the
Ferrari, purchased in what
seemed like another lifetime altogether, mostly under the watchful eye of Alice,
since I had been far more
concerned at the time with finding the safest car in the world for my human Bella.
She had tied a small, elegant
blue ribbon on it. I thought you might also like to give her this, finally. I took it
from her fingers, nodding, and
slipped it into my smiled and kissed me on the cheek, then headed into the other
room to say goodbye to Carlisle.
Emmett punched me in the shoulder. Do you want me to stock the bedroom for
you? Rose and I have a nice set
of..."
I clamped my teeth together, glaring as I quickly shut him out. The last thing I
needed to see was another memory
of his and Rose's varied and creative sexual escapades. He shrugged, grinning even
more widely, and headed out
after Esme.
Alice smiled. I'm so excited! I know she'll love it. At least, I think... Her eyes faded
away for a moment, searching
for the future, and suddenly I caught a glimpse in her mind of a rather shocking
image of Bella and me on the floor
of the cottage. Alice quickly stamped it out, embarrassment flashing briefly across
her face before she grinned,
shrugging. Oops! Well, that's a good sign! She winked and then darted out of the
room. I heard her announce to
Bella that they were going hunting as they all flew out the back door and over the
river, towards the cottage.
I remained standing where she had left me, the image of Bella and me frozen in my
vision. I turned slowly and
went back into the living room, pausing at the doorway. I watched Bella for a
moment, thinking of the image of the
future I had just seen, and drawn back to the times I had put my hands on her
body, the moments she had given
all of herself to me. A fire, deep inside, began to burn, flaming quickly, searing
through everything until in
encompassed every part of my body.
And suddenly, I hoped they didn't take too long getting that cottage ready.
Because I couldn't wait to get Bella alone.

Breaking Dawn Edward Point Of View (Part—6)

I pressed my lips to the silken skin of her collarbone, damp with sweat, the salty
moisture combining with her sweet, lilting taste, creating a slight tang against my
tongue. The sun filtered through the blue curtains, reflecting the hue of morning
sky over her body, as the waves embraced the shore outside. I listened as her
heartbeat and breathing finally began to slow, savoring the tantalizing, addicting
thrill of her response.
She shifted slightly beneath me, sighing, her hands stroking my head through my
hair, her airy touch a breathtaking catalyst, provoking sensation through every
nerve in my body. I stroked her shoulder with my thumb, and then trailed my
fingers down her arm, her bare skin exquisite, my hand then falling and flowing into
the curve of her waist. I stilled my touch against her hip, willing myself not to
move, trying not to betray the wanton, unceasing passion I felt, even in this
moment when she was still languid and sleepy.
But, as if sensing my thoughts, her hand trailed fire down my cheek, weightless
fingers encouraging my chin to lift so our gazes met. I tried not to let my eyes
reflect my need, but she knew.
"Again?" she asked, her face tired, but pleased. Feeling weak, and yet
extraordinarily happy, I rose up slightly, gently covering her body with mine, my
lips meeting hers tenderly.
"Yes," I murmured. "Again..." "Poisonous!"
I was jolted out of my memory by Bella's distressed shriek. I realized I was still
standing in the doorway of the dining room, gazing at her, with who knew what kind
of expression on my face. I refocused myself quickly to see her staring in horror at
Jasper, who had his hand on Bella's shoulder and was trying to calm her. He looked
up at me.
Sorry, Edward. He shrugged. I thought she knew. I realized he'd just informed Bella
that our venom was poisonous to the wolves. That had she, purposefully or not,
bitten Seth, it would have killed him, even if we had been able to get her off him.
I sighed, giving Jasper a look. As if Bella wasn't already upset enough.
Well, he thought, slightly indignant at my expression. Seems like something she
should know, if we are going to have dogs hanging out here all the time. He tilted
his head slightly towards the front porch, where Jacob was listening intently.
I didn't know the bloodsuckers knew that, Jacob grumbled. Sam is going to flip! "So
you mean that if I had bitten Seth or Jacob, I would have killed them?" Bella's voice
was still several octaves
too high. "Well," laughed Jasper, "that's a heck of a lot better than the venom
turning them into one of us." Damned straight, thought Leah from outside.Bella
stared at Jasper with wide eyed dismay. I walked swiftly across the room to her
side. "Don't worry, sweetheart." I knelt down next to her. "They are just fine."
She looked at me, irritation flashing in her crimson eyes. Jasper was keeping a
steady flow of calm into her. "How could you never have told me that?" she
growled.
I glanced momentarily at Jasper, again thanking him for bringing this up at such a
perfect time. "If just...never came up before, love." Suddenly, the phone rang
loudly. We all looked towards it silently.
"See who it is, Edward," Carlisle said. He and Seth were just coming down the
stairs, Carlisle carrying a brace. Caller Id, he thought.
Oh. With Alice around we rarely used it. I shot over to the phone and glanced at the
display. Swan, C. "Charlie," I murmured. Bella sucked in a swift breath. Let it go
again, Carlisle thought, worried. It's too risky without Alice here to see what he will
do. I nodded, walking slowly back to Bella. She looked at me with sad eyes.
"Oh, Edward," she said softly. "My dad. What are we going to do?" I sat next to her,
rubbing her back gently. You know this can't go on, Edward, Jasper thought. We
have to leave soon.
Carlisle and Seth neared the sofa. Carlisle glanced up at me as he settled Seth
down. Collarbone and shoulder, he thought. I'm going to brace it.
"Can you give me a hand, Edward," he said aloud. I got up and moved over next to
Seth, holding his arm in the position Carlisle needed while he started to fit the
brace to Seth's mammoth shoulder. Seth was keeping his face passive, but I could
sense the pain in his mind.
"Seth, again, I'm so sorry," I said softly. I heard Bella grind her teeth behind me,
apparently still thinking I shouldn't be apologizing.
"Really, man, it's not your fault," Seth said. Don't worry – it was actually kinda cool!
"Should we...should we call Sue?" Bella asked in small voice. "I mean, can you still
not go home? Because of the pack?" Then panic flared in her face, as if a sudden
thought had struck her, and she stood up swiftly. "Wait - the treaty," she gasped.
"Do they know about me? That I've been changed? Will they attack when they find
out?" Her eyes flew to the front porch, where Renesmee waited with Jacob and
Rose, exposed.
"Oh, no, love," I said quickly. "That's all straightened out." As much as it ever can
be. Bella looked at me with surprised eyes. "What do you mean?" she breathed.
"Well," I said slowly, thinking where to begin. "Firstly, technically we didn't break
the treaty." Bella gave me a questioning look. "Jacob, as Alpha, gave me permission
to change you."
"He did? When was this?" Bella said quickly, her face hardening slightly. "Why didn't
you tell me?" "I didn't get a chance," I responded. "It was in the minutes before
Renesmee was born."
"Oh," she said softly, her hand moving unconsciously to her flat stomach. She
stared towards the front wall, relief and gratitude passing briefly across her face
before being replaced by a grimace.
"Uh, thanks Jacob, I guess," she muttered, clearly not up to being too nice to him
yet. Jacob laughed softly out on the front porch.
"And then Jacob went to see Sam," Seth said, "to explain everything. Alone, of
course." He frowned, still aggravated to have been left behind.
"Really?" Bella said, sitting back down slowly. I could hear the interest piqued in her
voice, and I smiled. "Then what happened?"
I let Seth do most of the explaining of what had passed between Jacob and Sam,
and then later Sam and Carlisle. I saw Bella glance at me, a conflicted, tender look
in her eyes, when Seth explained that I had refused to leave her side to translate
between Sam and Carlisle.
"Wow," said Bella, when Seth finally stopped for a breath. "So, will you be going
back to La Push now, Seth?" "No," said Seth. Yes, thought Jacob and Leah in
unison.
There was a small noise from the front porch, a light cry of protest from Renesmee.
Bella stiffened, her face immediately filled with fear and yearning.
"She's just hungry," I whispered reassuringly, reaching out and taking her hand to
pull her onto the couch next to me. Renesmee was squirming in Jacob's arms, her
hand on his face, insistent pictures of him feeding her filling his head.
The door clicked open softly, and Rosalie stepped inside. "Feeling better?" she
asked Bella kindly. Bella shrugged, tilting her head to the side. "I'm calmer," she
said. "But I still feel terrible about what happened."
Rose smiled and swept into the kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door swing open.
"Well, I certainly hope you aren't feeling bad about almost killing that reeking throw
rug out on the front porch," she said breezily. The refrigerator slammed shut, and
Rose carried a bag of blood over to the counter. "God knows he deserved it. I
wanted to do it myself when I found out, but..." Her head suddenly popped into the
room through the doorway and she glared at me. "Edward wouldn't let me." She
disappeared back into the kitchen.
Bring it on, Ice-Queen, Jacob thought. I tried to bite back a smile.
"Honestly, Rosalie," Carlisle said, still adjusting Seth's brace.
Ow, Seth thought, grimacing. I felt a stab of guilt again, the smile dropping from
my face. Whatever my feelings towards Jacob and the imprint, Seth should never
have had to put himself in the path of danger. Why couldn't it have been Leah, I
mused. Bella owed her one for that rant the other day.
"I'm so sorry, Seth," I said. "I should have been closer."
"Seth, I..." Bella tried to jump in with an apology, a miserable expression on her
face. She glanced with despair at Carlisle and then Jasper, and I knew, had she
been human, her fragile skin would have been a deep shade of red. She still didn't
seem to appreciate that we were all impressed by how well she had been holding
things together, not upset.
"Bella, love, no one is judging you. You're doing so well." "Don't worry about it
Bella, I'm totally fine," Seth interjected.
Hand me that piece, Edward, please, Carlisle thought, gesturing to one of the final
pieces of the brace on the table. I handed it to him and he slid it into place. Seth
winced again.
"Sorry, sorry," Bella whispered. I caressed her arm reassuringly.
You should be. Leah growled down by the river.
"Don't freak, Bella." Seth patted her knee. "I'll be back to normal in half an hour.
Anyone would have done the same, what with Jake and Nessie-." Oh, shoot. Seth
realized his error with the nickname. He tried to think of something positive to say.
"I mean, at least you didn't bite me or anything. That would've sucked."
Bella moaned slightly, hiding her head in her hands, and I shook my head at him in
exasperation. He grimaced. Sorry! I was trying to cheer her up. "I'm a bad person,"
Bella mumbled into her hands. "Of course you aren't. I should have..."
"Stop that," Bella snapped.
Seth shifted awkwardly. Um, let's see... "Lucky thing Ness" – dammit –
"Renesmee's not venomous. 'Cause she bites Jake all the time."
Bella's head popped up. "She does?"
Seth grinned. "Sure. Whenever he and Rose don't get dinner in her mouth fast
enough. Rose thinks it's pretty hilarious." He caught my eye and I smiled back at
him, nodding.
Several emotions passed through Bella's expression. I suspected she was trying to
suppress a smile at this revelation.
Carlisle stood up. All set. "Well, Seth, I think that's as much as I can do," he said.
"Try not to move for, oh, a few hours, I guess. I wish treating humans were this
instantaneously gratifying." He was healing even as I worked on him, he thought.
He was caught by a sudden memory of treating Jacob after the newborn attack,
and he placed his hand on Seth's head, grateful his injuries had not been as
extensive as Jacob's had been. "Stay still," he said affectionately, and then he
headed upstairs. He was anxious to take notes in his journal of everything he had
observed of Bella today.
Seth watched him go. "I can probably manage sitting still for a while," he mumbled,
yawning. Yah, I'll just rest my head for a minute. He carefully laid his head back,
closing his eyes. These couches are so damn soft, he thought, as his mind faded
and blurred until he was breathing deeply, lost in sleep, looking very, very young.
Bella was watching Seth with troubled eyes. Without looking at me, she got up and
moved towards the back window. I debated a moment and then followed, not
wanting her to feel alone. I took her hand and watched as her eyes followed Leah's
movements along the river bed. Leah glanced up, seeing Bella through the glass.
If you ever touch my little brother again, she fumed. She had wanted to come
inside, but everyone, including Jacob, had thought she needed to stay out and calm
down.
There was soft click behind us. Rose had gone back outside with a prepared bottle
for Renesmee. She had had the good sense to wrap the bottle tightly in a dishcloth,
and though Jasper and I both tensed, eyes on Bella, anticipating the smell of blood,
thankfully none came.
"Give her to me," Rose said outside. "I'll feed her." "Just give me the bottle,
blondie" Jacob quietly growled.
"No, damn you," Rose snapped. "I got it ready, I'll feed her. I let you hold her all
this time." Consider yourself lucky.
"Let me?" Jacob spat.
"Yes, let you. This is my house, and she is my niece, if you've forgotten, you damn
vagrant." "Listen, bloodsucker, I..."
I sighed, trying to shut out their voices. I wished they would keep it down – Bella
didn't need to hear this. Her eyes stared straight out, her mind obviously far away.
Edward, Jasper thought. She's getting tense.
I watched her carefully, wishing for the millionth time I could see what was going
on in her head. For a moment, I felt a flash of jealously towards Jasper, that he
could at least feel her emotions, whereas I was shut out completely. Why is that? I
wondered despondently.
Jasper met my eyes. Still upset about the wolves? His gaze was questioning. His
eyes moved back to Bella, concerned, as her anxiety increased his own tension.
She shouldn't feel bad.
"What's the matter, Bella?" he said softly. He glanced back at me momentarily, and
I nodded at him. Cool calm swept up in his mind, relaxing his own body before
radiating out into the room. Bella's tight muscles eased slightly. "No one is angry
with you, or even surprised, really."
Speak for yourself, Leah snarled. "Well," Jasper continued, "I suppose we are
surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly."
He smiled at her reassuringly. "You did well. Better than anyone expects of you."
Bella took a deep breath and then looked at him. "I was thinking of Charlie,
actually."
"Ah," Jasper said. To be expected, he mused. Outside there was sudden silence, as
Jacob took note of the conversation.
"We really have to leave, don't we?" Bella asked, her expression strained. "For a
while, at the very least. Pretend we're in Atlanta, or something."
I stared at her intently. Many of the obstacles to our staying in Forks had been
removed. The treaty was still intact. And our greatest fear – controlling Bella –
seemed to have been for naught. Her control was incredible.
But secrecy remained our greatest foe. The rule of the wider world of our kind could
not be upheld as long as Charlie remained such an immediate threat.
"Yes," said Jasper. He was pleased that Bella seemed to understand the necessity of
removing ourselves from the area. "It's the only way to protect your father." And
our family.
Bella looked sad. "I'm going to miss him so much. I'll miss everyone here."
Jacob's mind was working outside, his stress level high, his eyes attached to my
daughter, drinking peacefully in Rose's arms. I can't be away from her, he thought
with despair. I realized then, as he did, that no matter where we went, Jacob would
follow. Great, just great, I thought irritably.
My pack, Jacob thought, worried. They'll have to go back to Sam. But he knew in
his heart that Leah would never agree to that. There must be some way for the
Cullens to stay in Forks.
Bella snorted suddenly, bringing me back to her. I looked at her questioningly, but
she just shook her head. I heard movement outside, and checked on Nessie
through Rose's eyes. She had finished the bottle, and Rose was looking at Jacob,
tapping her watch. Six o'clock. Rose started towards the door but Jacob put an arm
out in front, pausing her moved, stepping in front of her to enter the house first.
Rose tightened her grip on Renesmee, following him inside. Both of their eyes
moved directly to Bella.
Has she got this, Edward? Rose thought, worried. Jasper, hearing their approach,
moved directly to Bella's side. He looked at me. Do you think it is too soon to try
this again? Maybe we should ask the wolf the leave – he was the one who agitated
her in the first place.
I considered. I'd love to throw Jacob out for the time being, and relieve us of his
interference. And stench. But I suspected Bella would protest - aggravated as she
was with him, I knew she felt guilty about the attack.
Bella was watching Carlisle come down the stairs with the scale and measuring
equipment in confusion. "Must be six," I explained. "So?" "Time to measure Ness,"
– oh, oops – "er, Renesmee," Carlisle answered.
"Oh," Bella said, her brow furrowed. "You do this every day?" "Four times a day,"
Carlisle said, gesturing Rose towards the couch. She approached apprehensively.
"Four times?" Bella said in confusion. "Every day? Why?"
"She's still growing quickly," I said quietly. I wrapped an arm around her, grateful
once again for her presence. As much as I hated to burden her with these concerns,
it was a relief to know that now it was something we could cope with together.
"What do we do?" Bella whispered, her terrified eyes sealed onto Renesmee.
What can we do? My thoughts mirrored her horror. We were nothing short of
helpless to control her growth. "I don't know."
"It's slowing," Jacob suddenly growled. It has to slow down. It has to. "We'll need
several more days of measurements to track the trend, Jacob. I can't make any
promises." "Yesterday she grew two inches. Today it's less."
Carlisle blinked slightly in surprise. He hadn't realized Jacob had been paying such
close attention to the measurement. But of course he would, he realized. "By a
thirty-second of an inch, if my measurements are perfect."
"Be perfect, Doc," Jacob snapped. The god damned nerve, thought Rosalie, glaring
at him. "You know I'll do my best," Carlisle sighed. "Guess that's all I can ask,"
Jacob muttered. Edward, Jasper thought. I glanced at him and he inclined his head
towards Bella. He's pissing her off again.
I looked at Bella – her eyes were narrowed at Jacob, her mouth set in a firm line.
She seemed to be put out, perhaps by his hovering, and questioning.
Carlisle picked up the smaller tape measure to use on Renesmee's head, but she
had had enough. Mommy, she thought, her eyes fixed on Bella. Mommy! She
reached out a small hand and Rose bent forward to meet it. Rose's mind filled with
the image of Bella, the view from her arms when she had held Nessie earlier. There
was no doubting the demanding tone of Renesmee's thoughts. She was done with
waiting.
"What does she want?" Jacob asked, anxious.
"Bella, of course," Rose said, sighing, glancing at me. Is it okay? She looked with
anxious eyes at Bella, concerned, but wanting to give Nessie what she wanted.
"How are you?" she asked Bella.
"Worried," Bella said, and I realized she meant about Renesmee, and what she had
just witnessed of her growth. I pressed her to me with my arm.
Yes, of course, thought Rose. "We all are. But that's not what I meant." Bella
sighed. "I'm in control," she said. Her thirst seems firmly under wraps, Jasper
affirmed.
I don't like it. Jacob went to open his mouth to protest as his eyes swept up to
mine. But he stopped, seeing my expression, from which he managed to
comprehend, luckily for him, that interference now would lead to his expulsion from
this house. Ugh, fine, he thought, biting his lip to keep from saying anything.
Rose took a small step towards Bella, her body and mind tense. This is Bella, she
reminded herself. She'll be okay. We worked so hard for this – she worked so hard.
She would never hurt Nessie.
But her anxious emotions, all of our anxious fears, betrayed us to Jasper. He was
working to keep his mind calm, to keep the tension that filled the room from
bleeding his focus on the situation, and on Bella. He let Nessie's radiating joy, and
adoration, slip in a little, providing some relief, and a reminder what this was all for.
Bella reached her arms out for the baby. Carlisle stepped closer, his eyes fixed on
the situation. Jasper and I opened our hands, ready, but while Bella was nervous,
Jasper could clearly sense her solid control. Renesmee stretched out anxiously, and
Rose took a step closer, gently allowing Bella to take Nessie from her arms.
Renesmee melted into Bella, a beautiful smile lighting her face. Mommy. Although
her scent must have been intoxicatingly strong, there was no sense of increased
thirst from Bella. I relaxed, nodding reassuringly at Rose and Jacob, although
Jasper remained tense, stress in every line of his body.
Renesmee placed her fingers to Bella's cheek, her face growing more serious,
questioning. Bella gasped as her mind filled with the memory of Jacob being stalked
by her across the lawn. I watched with pleasure - Bella was amazing, her face a
dazzling blaze of fury, her lovely body so lithe and powerful as she launched herself
at him. Jacob's mouth hung open in shock, and I couldn't help laughing at his
rather dumbfounded expression at her flight towards him.
Seth, stop! Seth's body entered the picture, and I cringed, the smile falling from my
face, as the snap of his bones rang through the air. Bella winced next to me.
Renesmee's vision took on an edge of satisfaction, and relief, as Bella's flight was
clearly halted. There was a growl and a flash of Leah's fur. Then Jasper appeared, a
resounding crack as he slammed into Bella, followed by a loud thump as she
knocked him into the dirt behind her. Bella moaned, shaking her head and closing
her eyes as my arms wrapped around her in Renesmee's mind and she struggled to
pull free. Then we all fell out of the picture as Renesmee's thoughts focused solely
on Jacob, safe, unhurt, and she smiled. Jacob, she thought, affection flavored with
a sort of possession. Mine.
"Oh, wonderful," Bella moaned, catching the tone of Renesmee's thoughts.
"Perfect."
"It's just because he tastes better than the rest of us," I muttered. "I told you she
likes me, too," Jacob said, smiling but still tense, as he realized we were talking
about him.
I watched more memories, of Rosalie brushing her hair, and Carlisle measuring, a
bored tone to the thought. I smiled – I could tell Renesmee was excited, just
brimming with things she wanted to share with her mother.
"It looks like she's going to give you a rundown of everything you missed," I
whispered in Bella's ear.
Renesmee's next memory grew – she was lying in Rose's arms. Then, unexpectedly,
a silver cup appeared in the image, and Nessie began to remember the scent, the
taste of human blood...
No! I snatched the baby from Bella's grasp. Jasper moved immediately, grabbing
her arms and bending them behind her back, responding to my movement and fear,
and then the flash of thirst he felt from Bella. Carlisle pressed forward, his hands
ready, Jacob and Rosalie watching in confused horror.
"What did I do?" Bella asked, her voice shocked but surprisingly calm.
I glanced at Jasper. What set her off? he wondered, thinking of the flicker of thirst
he had felt. He didn't sense it anymore – she was in control.
Still in control? How is that possible? I thought. How could she so acutely be
reminded of the smell of human blood, and not have her instincts driven mad with
thirst? How could she have maintained control?
"But she was remembering being thirsty," I said desperately. I looked back at Bella.
"She was remembering the taste of human blood."
My god! Rose's eyes were wide. Jesus. Jasper gripped Bella's arms harder, alarmed.
That's a damn close call, Edward.
But as I looked at Bella, I realized, miraculously, that it wasn't. Her eyes were calm,
no blaze of thirst in them, her body loose, muscles uncoiled. There had been no
instinctive reaction other than the slight burn Jasper had sensed. Unbelievable.
"Yes," Bella said, her voice slightly puzzled. "And?" I watched her carefully for
another second, scouring her expression, and reading her emotions in Jasper's
mind,
who was quickly succumbing to shock at her lack of thirst. What the hell? he
grumbled. I laughed. "And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction was mine this
time, Jazz, let her go."
Jasper released her quickly, his eyes wide. Bella immediately reached out for
Renesmee, and I gave her back the baby, my gaze locked onto Jasper's increasingly
distraught face.
I don't understand, he thought, looking at Bella, questions and doubt suddenly
spiraling through his mind. How is she able to do it? How can a newborn be so
controlled? Is it always possible? Are we all just weak to give into it? Am I weak?
His own mouth still stung with venom that had seeped in when he had sensed the
quick burn of her thirst, and he swallowed it down with disgust. His mind flashed
through the hundreds, thousands of temptations he had fought over the years,
faceless humans, most with success, some not. He thought of his constant struggle
against the scent of human blood, the power that the barely controllable thirst held
over him.
Then his eyes met mine, and the memory cut through both of us. Bella, standing by
my side, the foil gift in her hands. She watches me, her gaze full of adoration, and
love, and such...such youth. In her eyes is an innocence that I myself will strip
away mere days later. Innocence that will no longer be there when I see her again,
many months later. Her finger slips, sliced by the thick paper, releasing a tempest
of scent from a single drop, which sweeps with blinding speed through the minds
and bodies in the room, swirling into a burning, dark wind around Jasper until it
finally rips through him, engulfing his mind in black thirst.
Jasper closed his eyes, banishing the rest, before settling his gaze on me again. I
almost killed her, he thought despairingly. I almost killed her, and she forgave me.
You all forgave me, for what was supposed to be natural, instinctive. He shuddered,
thinking of all the times he had disappointed Alice. But was it really just simple
weakness on my part? Was I always capable of more?
I sighed. As painful as that memory was, I knew Jasper was taking was taking this
too hard. What Bella was proving capable of was beyond anything that could be
expected – truly beyond what was normal. I shook my head slightly, trying to think
of something to say to relieve him, but he saw only the pity in my eyes, and turned
away.
"I can't stand this," he snapped. "I can't bear this." I need to get the hell out of
here. He moved swiftly across the room and out the door, running down the lawn
and jumping the river, heading north. I felt a flash of concern, hoping Alice was
paying attention and would see where he was heading – I wasn't sure it was a good
idea for him to be alone filled with such self-doubt.
And then Alice's face filled his mind, her amber eyes always full of trust, and hope.
I need Alice, he realized, abruptly changing course. I relaxed – he was heading
towards the cottage.
What the hell is that all about? Rosalie wondered. I kept watching out the window.
Renesmee's mind was filled with concern, and she was showing Bella her memory
of Jasper leaving. Jasper? She wondered.
"He'll be back," I said, watching the replay of Jasper's rather dramatic departure in
her memory. And he always accuses me of being the drama king, I thought, trying
to suppress a smile. "He just needs a moment alone to readjust his perspective on
life."
"Is he mad at me?" Bella whispered.
"No," I said, glancing back at her, surprised. "Why would he be?"
"What's the matter with him, then?"
I sighed. "He's upset with himself, not you, Bella," I said quietly. "He's worrying
about...self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say."
"How so?" asked Carlisle.
I tried to frame the tumult in Jasper's mind, without betraying his more personal
thoughts. "He's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've
always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as
Bella. Even now - perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it's
natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to
those expectations." I paused, smiling at Bella, unable to suppress a feeling of
pride. "You're making him question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Bella."
"But that's unfair," Carlisle murmured. He shouldn't put that on himself. "Everyone
is different; everyone has their own challenges. Perhaps what Bella is doing goes
beyond the natural. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak."
Self-control as a gift? "That's an interesting theory, and quite plausible," I
murmured. I looked at Bella with interest, thinking. It would be a rather intangible
gift, hard to quantify. And our gifts often came from strengths present during our
human lives – or at least that had been Carlisle's theory. Had Bella shown a
penchant for self- control when I'd known her? She was definitely a very careful
person, but when she knew what, or who, she wanted... I suppressed a smile,
thinking of the many times in her small bed that she'd shown little self - control,
and worked hard to thwart my own, with her warm hands and soft lips. I glanced
towards the back windows, wondering when Alice was going to return.
"Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent?" I asked, looking
back at Carlisle. "Do you really think that's a gift, or just a product of all her
preparation?"
"It's slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she
wouldn't call it a gift," Carlisle answered. I frowned – Carlisle was aware I didn't
fully agree with his theories about Siobhan's possible talents. Keep an open mind,
Edward, he thought.
"Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven?" Rosalie spoke up. "I wasn't aware that
she did anything special. I thought it was Maggie who was talented in that bunch."
"Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of deciding her goals and then
almost...willing them into reality. She considers it good planning, but I've always
wondered if it was something more." Rose looked skeptical. "When she included
Maggie, for instance. Liam was very territorial, but Siobhan want it to work out, and
so it did."
"Well..." I started.
Carlisle cocked a head towards the furniture. Let's sit, if we are going to have a
discussion. He glanced at Bella. And give Bella a little time alone with Nessie. I
nodded, hating to leave her side but wanting to give her space. He and I moved
over to the chairs, and Rose took a seat on the couch.
"Our gifts are an intensification of traits we held as humans," I said. "Or at least
that is what you have always said, Carlisle. What would Siobhan's human
characteristic have been?" I paused, thinking. "What you theorize about Siobhan
suggests she has the power to affect the decisions or actions of others. Do any of
us have that innate possibility, human or vampire?"
"What about what Jasper does, though," Rosalie said. "He affects how we feel and
act."
"Jasper affects our physical body, not our mind," I countered. "In saying Siobhan
can will things to be, do you feel she can extend her desires to guide future
events?"
Carlisle shook his head. "I don't mean to say that she uses a mental power to
control others, or a gift to manipulate the future. More that she is gifted with a six
sense of what others will do, of what motivates or influences them, and she uses
that information to help sway the outcome." He put a finger to his chin. "You could
say the same about Chelsea's gift. She can affect our emotions, our attachment, to
another person."
"What exactly is Chelsea's gift?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle launched into a discussion
of the Volturi's known gifts, while I added some insight I had gained in the minds of
those I had met.
My mind wandered back to Bella and Renesmee, catching Renesmee's memory of
me singing my mother's lullaby, Bella's still form next to us. As I watched the
varying images Nessie shared, it felt, fleetingly, that sharing the thoughts she put
into Bella's mind was almost as if I was seeing into Bella's mind myself.
My eyes were drawn towards them. Bella was standing, her back to the window,
gazing down at Renesmee's face. Renesmee's small hand caressed Bella's cheek as
she shared the many moments Bella had missed while she slept. They were truly a
vision. My wife holding my daughter, I thought, feeling suddenly inordinately happy,
and somewhat unworthy. How had this miracle come to be?
Watching them together, finally, I realized that although I had always been
captivated by Bella's brown eyes set in Renesmee's face, the resemblance went
much further than that. Renesmee reflected Bella in the heart shape curve of her
cheeks, pale skin tinted with a familiar blush. In the delicate shape of her rose
colored lips. And the shape of her eyes...
With a catch of my breath, I realized, while their color had bloomed from her
mother, the curve of her eyes were mine. And I was present in the straight lines of
her nose. And the color of the curls that framed her face. And I grasped, suddenly,
in a breathtaking, fundamental way, that she was truly mine.
From the moment I had laid eyes on my daughter, or, actually, from the moment I
had been blessed to hear her beautiful mind, I had known, irrevocably, that she
was the child of my heart. But, perhaps, it was only now, as I acknowledged my
face echoed in her own, that I finally comprehended that she was also the child of
my flesh. That my body had been involved in her creation. There had been a time
when I had thought this vessel that I lived in was only capable of destroying life,
through death, or the eternal loss of a soul. To know that I had contributed to
the organic process of life, that the essence of my body had been mixed with that
of the one I loved to produce skin, and bones, and mind, was a staggering, new
awareness.
I was compelled to stand up and embrace them both when Bella's face creased
suddenly with worry, her eyes roving over Renesmee's face. I realized Renesmee
was drifting off, her thoughts beginning to float in uneven patterns, until finally her
eyes closed and she was asleep. Her hand fell, but Bella carefully picked it up,
placing it gently against her cheek again. I smiled at the wonder in Bella's face as
she watched the dreams of her daughter, the moving kaleidoscope of faces against
a sea of soft colors.
"Hello, Edward." Rose's irritated voice broke into my thoughts. "Are you listening at
all?"
"Hmm?" I turned back to her and Carlisle, my eyes catching the clock. Almost
midnight. Where are they?
"I asked you if you thought Kate's gift was physical, or mental." Rosalie said. I
looked at her slightly confused.
"That is," Carlisle said, "does her body actually produce an electric current, or is the
sensation a mental one?"
I paused, thinking for a moment. "I've seen in her mind as she visualizes the
current. She has control over it mentally. Much like Jane, to be truthful."
"Fascinating," murmured Carlisle. We spent some more time analyzing the
respective gifts of our vampire friends and family. Eventually, I caught Alice's
mental call.
We're back, Edward. She was flying towards the house, brimming with excitement.
"Finally," I muttered. I turned my head, watching as Alice and Esme leapt from the
far river bank, Emmett instead
obnoxiously plowing straight through the river, dousing the back windows with
water.
Esme shot him a look over her shoulder. He's going to wash those windows himself!
Jasper followed, his thoughts slightly embarrassed. I'm fine, okay!
They came through the door quickly and we stood up to meet them, forming a
loose group around Bella. She glanced around cautiously, seeming to notice all the
eyes on her.
Emmett was looking back and forth between Bella and me. Someone's going to get
lucky tonight, he thought gleefully.
Oh, I so hope she loves it. Esme was smiling widely. She caught my eye. We
thought it would be nice for the two of you to enjoy it just yourselves tonight,
alone. After everything you've both been through, you need a chance to just
concentrate on each other. Her eyes flickered to Alice, and she shook her head
imperceptibly, her expression slightly exasperated. Alice insists on being there when
Bella first sees the cottage, but she has promised to come right back. The rest of us
will stay here. She looked back, meeting my eyes, and I smiled my gratitude at her.
Look at her, Rose thought, taking in Bella's blank face. She had absolutely no idea
what's going on. She really believed they went hunting!
Alice danced up to Bella, her grin wide. Twelve o'clock on the dot, as predicted – by
me! She held out her hand, presenting Bella with a key to the cottage, decorated
with an enormous, over the top, pink bow. Bella opened her hand and Alice dropped
the key into it.
"Happy Birthday," Alice squealed in delight.
Bella immediately rolled her eyes. "No one starts counting on the actual day of
birth," she said. "Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."
Oh, not this time! "We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September
thirteenth, Bella." Bella's slightly annoyed look quickly melted into one of horror.
"Happy nineteenth birthday!"
Bella shook her head desperately. "No. No way!" she cried, pushing the key back
into Alice's hand. I smiled. Some things never change. Bella glanced at me and her
eyes narrowed. "No, this doesn't count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am
eighteen forever."
Alice shrugged. "Whatever. We're celebrating anyway, so suck it up."
Bella sighed, her expression turning somewhat resigned, making Alice smile even
wider. There we go! "Are you ready to open your present?" she asked excitedly.
"Presents," I said, pulling out the key Esme had given me earlier. Bella looked at it,
and I saw comprehension in her eyes that it was for her "after" car. She smiled
weakly.
Back off, Edward, this is my show! "Mine first," Alice insisted. She checked the
future quickly. Mine is closer, I said in her mind, grinning. She stuck her tongue out
at me.
"Mine is closer." I parroted my own words.
Jerk, Alice fumed. "But look at how she's dressed," she wailed. "It's been killing me
all day. That is clearly the priority."
I think she'll be getting undressed, not dressed, Emmett thought, chuckling.
"I know – I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors." Alice smiled sweetly. See, I can
be reasonable, brother.
Yeah, good luck with that, man. Jasper laughed.
"Why don't you just tell me who wins?" I muttered. Alice looked to the side, seeing
me choose rock. She looked back, grinning. Gee – I think I'll choose paper!
"I do," she sang. "Excellent."
"It's probably better that I wait for morning, anyway." I was just needling Alice as it
was - I was far more excited to get Bella out to the cottage. Plus, I was kidding
myself thinking Bella would be excited about the Ferrari. She was still mourning
that damn red truck. "I think it might be more fun if Jacob was awake for the big
reveal, don't you agree? So that someone there is able to express the right level of
enthusiasm?"
"Yay!" Alice crowed. "Bella, give Ness" – oh - "Renesmee to Rosalie." "Where does
she usually sleep?" Bella asked.
"In Rose's arms," Alice answered. "Or Jacob's. Or Esme's. You get the picture. She
has never been set down in her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-
vampire in existence."
I laughed. With Esme leading the helm in this family, there was never any doubt my
daughter would be spoiled.
Rosalie had moved forward quickly, her arms aching to hold Nessie again. Spoiled
just like her father, she thought, grinning at me. "She is also the most unspoiled
half-vampire in existence," she said, turning to Bella and taking Nessie in her arms.
"The beauty of being one of a kind."
Alice grabbed Bella's hand, pressing the key back into it, and then taking her arm
and pulling her towards the back of the house. Get a move on, Edward, she
thought.
"Let's go, let's go!" she called.
"Is it outside?" Bella asked, her face confused.
"Sort of," Alice said. Don't give her any hints!
"Enjoy your gift," Rosalie said. "It's from all of us. Esme especially."
Bella turned and frowned. "Aren't you coming, too?"
"We'll give you a chance to enjoy it alone," Rose said. I'm not so much into
voyeurism. "You can tell us about it...later ."
That's right, I expect details! Emmett laughed loudly. Bella glanced at him, slightly
chagrined, as if she had an idea what he was thinking. Then she smiled widely, as
something seemed to occur to her. I wondered at the smile – she couldn't possibly
have guessed the gift – but was happy to see it. Alice pulled her out the door, and I
followed.
"There's the enthusiasm I'm looking for," Alice said, catching Bella's pleased
expression. She let go of her arm and sprinted down towards the river. Bella jogged
down after her.
I turned and raised my arm to my family, watching from the window. Renesmee's
sleeping form was visible in Rose's arms.
Don't worry, Edward, Rose thought. I'll take good care of her. Congratulations, son,
Carlisle thought. Esme waved, standing next to him. She reached out and put an
arm around
Jasper . Don't do anything I wouldn't do! Emmett grinned. Not that there is much.
"C'mon, Bella!" Alice called from the other side of the river. I turned and ran down
the lawn, taking my jump across the river just as Bella leaped.
I ran behind Bella, feeling no need to lead – I knew she would be able to follow
Alice's quiet footsteps and lingering steps. The path to the cottage was still well
worn with the scent of my family, even though the visits had decreased dramatically
since we arrived home. I was reminded of running this same path with Esme in late
June, hearing the anxiety and excitement in her mind of her plans. I know I'm
being selfish, she had said,but I can't bear to have you far from us. She had always
hated when Rosalie and Emmett had lived too far away. This will be perfect!
Esme had always been intrigued by the small, crumbling structure that lay on our
lands. In fact, all of the family had checked it out at one time or another. Emmett
had been threatening for the last couple of years to fix it up and fill it with a huge,
custom made pool table. He said that men needed a place to get away from the
women – a sentiment that usually gained him a lot of glares and a smack from
Rose. I was glad, now, that Carlisle and Esme hadn't agreed to his request.
Esme had drawn up the initial plans, and Jasper and Emmett had done most of the
carpentry. I hadn't been allowed much of a hand in the renovations, since it was
technically a gift, but I had been consulted on most of the major decisions. We had
all imagined at the time the idea for refurbishment had been agreed upon that Bella
would be living here with me as a human, at least for a little while. Now, although
circumstances might force us to leave soon, I hoped we could spend some days
enjoying the cottage, on our own. Privacy would be at a minimum in the house in
New Hampshire, if we did end up there.
Don't let her see it! Alice thought suddenly, alarmed. It will ruin the surprise. I
slowed slightly, not sure what she wanted me to do, when suddenly she turned and
raced back towards us. I realized she planned to grab Bella and cover her eyes, and
a vision flashed in her mind of Bella throwing her off.
I shook my head quickly at her. Hmm, Alice thought, slowing as she came up to
where Bella had paused. "Don't attack me," she said to Bella. The vision shifted to
Alice hanging off of Bella's back. Alice grinned and then leapt, putting a hand on
Bella's shoulder and swinging herself around to cling on her back, pressing her
hands quickly over Bella's eyes.
"What are you doing?" Bella said anxiously, squirming slightly. Regardless of what
Alice saw, I thought she might still throw her off – any other newborn would. And I
also thought Alice might just deserve it.
"Making sure you can't see," Alice said. "I could take care of that without the
theatrics," I said. Ha, ha. "You might let her cheat," Alice said, turning to glare.
"Take her hand and lead her forward." "Alice," Bella protested. "I..." "Don't bother,
Bella. We're doing this my way." You both know this is a losing battle!
I sighed, reaching out and taking Bella's hand, interlocking our fingers. "Just a few
seconds more, Bella," I said loudly. "Then she'll go annoy someone else." I began to
pull her gently forward, making careful adjustments as we went so she didn't run
into any trees or branches.
So that's the thanks I get! "You might be a little more appreciative," Alice said, her
voice miffed. "This is as much for you as it is for her." Do I need to show you my
vision of tonight again? Because I've seen a few more!
I didn't think I could take anymore of Alice's visions, without grabbing Bella and
taking off with her into the cottage right now. "True," I ascented. "Thank you again,
Alice."
"Yeah, yeah. Okay," Alice muttered. We came around a curve in the path and
entered the clearing, the cottage rising up in front of us. I sighed, amazed and
thankful for the beautiful work my family had done. The flowers had been lovingly
tended, the honeysuckle curving higher up onto the house than the last time I had
been here. The roses had opened as well – specifically chosen by Esme so that they
would hopefully still be blooming when we returned from the island. I could see that
Emmett and Jasper had laid the stone path we had discussed before the wedding,
and that Carlisle had installed the front door he had carefully refurbished.
I caught Alice's eye, trying to rely my gratitude for such a gift. She smiled. Because
we love you both. Then we turned our eyes to Bella, who was standing, her
expression frozen. Alice's face wrinkled slightly, as she tried to discern Bella's
reaction.
"What do you think?" she asked. Bella's mouth moved slightly, looking as if she
meant to speak, but she said nothing. I could see that she was shocked, this gift
completely unexpected.
"Esme thought we might like a place of our own for a while, but she didn't want us
too far away," I said softly. "And she loves any excuse to renovate. This little place
has been crumbling away out here for at least a hundred years."
Bella continued to stare silently at the house. Oh no, Alice thought. It's not what
she wanted. It's too small, too old.
"Don't you like it?" she asked anxiously. "I mean, I'm sure we could fix it up
differently, if you want. Emmett was all for adding a few thousand square feet, a
second story, columns and a tower, but Esme thought you would like it best the way
it was meant to look." I saw a vision of you smiling! Maybe I misinterpreted. "If she
was wrong, we can get back to work. It won't take long..."
"Shh!" Bella said quickly. Alice shut her mouth, containing a flood of words. The
silence stretched as Alice panicked, but I was certain that the light in Bella's eyes
was one of wonder, and admiration.
"You're giving me a house for my birthday?" Bella said, her voice just a whisper.
"Us," I said. "And it's no more than a cottage. I think the word house implies more
legroom." "No knocking my house," Bella said softly.
Yes! Alice sagged with relief, a smile forming quickly on her face. "You like it." Bella
shook her head, and I smiled.
"Love it?" Alice ventured. Bella nodded, and Alice clapped her hands, bouncing up
on her toes. "I can't wait to tell Esme."
"Why didn't she come?" Bella asked.
Uhh... "Oh, you know...they all remember how you are about presents. They didn't
want to put you under too much pressure to like it."
Bella looked surprised. "But of course I love it! How could I not?"
"They'll like that," Alice said, touching Bella's arm. Well, time for me to make my
exit. I was ordered to return and leave you two alone – they're probably sending
out a search party now. "Anyhoo, your closet is stocked. Use it wisely. And...I guess
that's everything."
"Aren't you going to come inside?" Bella asked, looking confused.
Feel free to help me out here, Edward! But I rather liked watching her squirm. Alice
backed up slowly towards the woods. "Edward knows his way around. I'll stop
by...later. Call me if you can't match your clothes right." She glanced at me. Closet
first! Before you get distracted. It's top priority. She looked at Bella for a moment,
taking in the too big white shirt over the tattered, dirty dress, and then back at me,
her expression doubtful.
Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help, just for a little while? I narrowed
my eyes and she shrugged. Fine, your loss.
"Jazz wants to hunt," Alice said to Bella, avoiding her eyes, her voice unconvincing.
Ah, awkward. "See you." She turned and took off into the trees.
Real smooth, Alice, I thought. Bella watched her go, frowning. "That was weird,"
she said. "Am I really that bad? They didn't have to stay away.
Now I feel guilty. I didn't even thank her right. We should go back, tell Esme – "
"Bella," I laughed. "Don't be silly. No one thinks you're that unreasonable." Her
forehead wrinkled. "Then what..." "Alone time is their other gift. Alice was trying to
be subtle about it." Trying being the key word.
Surprise flickered across her face. "Oh," she murmured, her stare seeming to
become hotter, more intense. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but the look in
her eyes made me want to clutch her to me, now. Don't be selfish. She hadn't even
seen the inside of the house yet. And I wanted to do this properly, if she would let
me.
I reached out and gently took her hand. "Let me show you what they've done," I
said, tugging her gently towards the house. This was surreal – all the planning, and
work, and we were actually here, as if in a far off dream.
Bella suddenly let out a single, unsteady laugh. I glanced back. "Do I get to hear
the joke?"
"It's not very good," she replied. "I was just thinking – today is the first and last
day of forever. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around it. Even with all this extra
room for wrapping."
I laughed, understanding both the exhilaration, and frustration, of a mind capable
of many separate thoughts at once. Like the concept of immortality, this was an
aspect that took a while to embrace, most newborns initially too consumed by
bloodlust to appreciate. And as the lust waned, there was still a lengthy adjustment
period. I had forgotten the overwhelming sensation of the patterns of my thoughts
during my early existence, coupled with my forcible senses and strength, and
joined by the bewildering concept of eternal life. And, specific only to me, the
onslaught of the thoughts from other minds.
And yet Bella was not only casually acknowledging these massive changes, she was
doing it with laughter. Loving her always, I gestured towards the door. She placed
the key in the lock, turning it easily. I could smell the fresh oil in the locking
mechanism – my family had thought of everything.
"You're such a natural at this, Bella; I forget how very strange this all must be for
you." What must be going through her thoughts? "I wish I could hear it."
Then, afraid suddenly she would refuse if I asked, I swept down and lifted her
quickly into my arms, hoping I wouldn't spook her.
"Hey," she protested, but didn't push me away.
"Thresholds are part of my job description," I said, smiling, still wishing I could peer
into her mind. "But I'm curious. Tell me what you're thinking about right now."
Cradling her to my chest, I pushed open the door with my shoulder and stepped
inside the living room.
I watched Bella's eyes roam the room, full of astonishment. "Everything," she said.
"All at the same time, you know. Good things and things to worry about and things
that are new. How I keep using too many superlatives in my head." She smiled.
"Right now, I'm thinking that Esme is an artist. It's so perfect!"
I glanced around, not having seen the inside since it was furnished, noticing the
furniture Esme and Carlisle had purchased during endless hours searching antique
stores. A selection of Bella's favorite paintings from the house, which Esme and I
had decided on together. Rosalie had even donated one of her own, knowing Bella
enjoyed it. There were books Carlisle had gathered from his own shelves, Bella's
favorites plus others he thought we would enjoy. In the purple darkness, Emmett's
fire flickered softly.
It had all once seemed so untouchable, and now we would be living here. My family
would be living here. "We're lucky Esme thought to add an extra room," I said. "No
one was planning for Ness-" uh "-Renesmee." Bella's eyes narrowed. "Not you,
too," she moaned. I grimaced. "Sorry, love. I hear it in their thoughts all the time,
you know. It's rubbing off on me."
Bella sighed, her face a mixture of exasperation and resignation. Hoping to distract
her, I took another step into the house.
"I'm sure you're dying to see the closet," I joked. "Or, at least I'll tell Alice that you
were, to make her feel good."
As I walked through the small house with her in my arms, I was utterly distracted
by the feel of her, by her scent, her voice, her hair that gently touched my face. I
could feel something twining within me – anticipation, need, but also nervousness. I
recalled similar emotions when we had arrived at Isle Esme, the first night of our
honeymoon, wrapped up in the fear of hurting her, and the expectation of the
unknown. I could no longer hurt her, but I still, in some ways, felt vastly
inexperienced. Most of our love-making, for me, had been ruled by precision and
control. I never allowed myself to forget the marks I had left on her body the first
time we had been together, determined to never forget what my hands had done,
and could do. Even caged by restraints, my body had still proved more than capable
of experiencing the intense pleasure she brought me. Still, I worried if I would know
how to let go of that control now, to give her the response she needed.
You didn't have any trouble when you kissed her earlier, I thought wryly. I watched
Bella's face as we moved out of Renesmee's room, trying to decipher where her
thoughts were. Did she feel the tension between us? Did she want what I so
desperately did? Was she nervous, or excited, or just diverted by the cottage? I
realized suddenly how much I had relied on her human reactions to gauge her
moods, and needs. The flush of her skin, the intensification of her scent, her
pounding heart - the small, learned signs of mounting passion. I felt slightly lost
now, her body silent as I tried to determine the intensity of her eyes.
Finally, we entered the sanctuary Esme had created, a cool, soothing shrine to the
moments we had spent on the Island. It was breathtakingly perfect, much more
powerful in reality to what I had seen in her thoughts.
"Oh," Bella breathed, taking it all in.
"I know," I whispered, the atmosphere thick with memory. I glanced around, seeing
the entrance to Alice's shrine on the far wall.
"The closet is through those double doors. I should warn you – it's bigger than this
room."
"We're going to tell Alice that I ran right to the clothes," she said softly, her hand
moving into my hair, gripping as she turned my face towards her and pulled close.
Her passion was laid bare to me now, finally, in her breathless voice, her glowing
eyes, and in the lines of her heated expression, and I felt a rush of excitement.
"We're going to tell her I spent hours in there playing dress-up. We're going to lie."
Bella suddenly twisted her fingers in my hair, almost too hard, and sensation
exploded within me, as I grazed, for the first time, the exquisite border of pleasure
and pain. I clutched her head with one hand, crushing her to me, moaning slightly
as her mouth urgently met mine. When we had kissed earlier, she had tasted of
melted, sweet honey, but now she was all fire and heat, scorching my tongue. She
twisted out of my grasp, her feet touching the floor so that she was standing in
front of me. Then she pulled back, her hands gripping my shirt that she still wore,
and pulled, the buttons melting away as she wrenched it off. Her eyes seared into
mine, hot and challenging.
Smiling, I reached out, twisting my finger into the top of her dress, and pulled her
forward abruptly. She gasped softly, and I kissed her again, hard, stone melting
into stone. Then, I pulled my finger slowly down the front of the tattered remains of
her dress, dragging against her body, her skin molten under mine as her head fell
back slightly. The material split easily, like slicing through dark waters. I lifted my
hands to her shoulders, pushing the dress back, and heard it flutter to the floor.
With a flick of my wrist I removed what remained on her body.
"Edward," Bella whispered, her lips meeting mine once more. With the swift
movements of her insistent hands on my clothes, soon there was nothing between
us. Her fingers roamed against my bare back feverishly, the sensation unparalleled.
When she had been human, Bella's hands had been the gentle caress of soft
feathers, ethereal, both torturous and tantalizing. Now, they gripped at my skin,
warm and strong, unrelenting, sending my body spiraling into a new, overpowering
abandon.
So much of this we'd never been able to experience before, only small glimpses,
just dancing on the edges of the real thing. To be able to touch and feel her without
fear – it was extraordinary, familiar and yet racing with a new, consuming intensity
that had been bound for too long within me. And I knew now there was no doubt I
could let go.
Bella pulled back and raised her head, her eyes reflecting our shared fervor. My
arms were wrapped around her back, and I slid one hand slowly down, flowing over
the landscape of her body before swiftly bending and gathering her back into my
arms. I cradled her for a second before falling to my knees and lowering her to the
floor. She tried to pull me frantically onto her body, her strength overwhelming, and
I acquiesced until I was just hovering over her. Then I pulled back against her
clutching hands, pausing, savoring.
Our bodies were stretched against each others, barely touching, but bound securely
by brilliant, burning love, and want, and need, and devotion. At a million points
between us there was the intangible electric spark that had always been there, the
connection that had once seemed against nature, that had survived heartache and
loss, joy and danger, and, in the end, had transcended even humanity itself. We
belong together. Forever.
Then, I lowered myself down, and knew only her.
Chapter 27—Paternity
We moved together, shifting slowly, until Bella was above me, an angel hovering in
the heavens over the fallen. The faintest light was moving into the sky, filtering
through the glass doors to reflect off the white-blue sky of the walls, giving her skin
the slightest diamond sheen. Her movements were slower, relieved of the frenzy
after many hours, but all the more potent in their aching depth and power. I
reached out and touched one luminescent cheek, and she placed her hand over
mine, keeping it against her skin. Her grip tightened and tightened until a
consuming release came, soft eyes gradually opening to reveal brilliant pyres of
love. Her body relaxed to lie against mine in a perfect silence broken only by the
gentle, lilting tune of a songbird outside.
"Do you miss it?" she asked quietly. "Miss what?" I spoke with my lips pressed to
her neck.
"All of it – the warmth, the soft skin, that tasty smell...I'm not losing anything at
all, and I just wondered if it was a little bit sad for you that you were."
I laughed gently, wondering how she could think that anything about her lovely,
splendid body, that anything in this moment, could possibly make me sad. "It would
be hard to find someone less sad than I am now. Impossible, I'd venture. Not many
people get every single thing they want, plus all the things they didn't think to ask
for, in the same day."
"Are you avoiding the question?" she murmured. I could hear the doubt in her
voice, and sighed. Holding her close with my hands around her back, I moved so
that we lay on our sides, face to face.
I remembered my thoughts on this, while Bella had lain sleeping, still changing. I
had felt a simple melancholy at the loss of the unique human in the girl I loved,
taking solace that it would be preserved in the face of our daughter. But what I
realized now was that her humanity was not lost at all, for her human face and
body, her scent, feel and voice, were forever enshrined in my mind. When I closed
my eyes I could see the face that changed my existence, the features of the girl I
fell in love with – her human presence was indelibly imprinted on my
consciousness, for eternity. Bella's memories of her mortal image would fade
quickly for her, but not for me – I would carry them always.
And yet, although I cherished her humanity, what I also now understood was that I
did not miss her human frailties, and the boundaries they created between us. I
had once wished I could be human, so I could be with her without fear of hurting,
or even killing her, and I would have became so in an instance, if it had been in the
range of possibility. But now she was like me, and with every exquisite movement,
with each shared moment of abandon, I was intoxicated by the exhilarating
freedom of being physical equals. She was everything, in every way.
I moved my hand around so it pressed against her cheek, no longer heated, fragile
silk, but a temperate, lustrous canvas.
"You are warm," I whispered. I slid my fingers along her jaw, trailing down her neck
and savoring each part of the skin along her chest and waist. She let out a throaty
breath, her eyes unfocusing slightly. "You aresoft."
I inhaled her aroma of sweet flowers, no burn coating my throat. "And as for the
scent, well, I couldn't say I missed that. Do you remember the scent of those hikers
on our hunt?"
Bella grimaced. "I've been trying very hard not to." "Imagine kissing that." Bella's
eyes tensed slightly, and her hand slid up to her throat. "Oh."
"Precisely." I wrapped both arms around her again and pressed her tightly to me.
"So the answer is no. I am purely full of joy, because I am missing nothing. No one
has more than I do now."
I dragged a hand up her back, fisting her hair and crushing her mouth to mine,
rising so that now I was above her, the dark angel this time, looking down on the
innocent below.
As we stilled later in the increasing morning light, I knew we were approaching the
time Renesmee would wake, if she hadn't already. She would be looking for us, for
Bella. My senses screamed in protest at the thought of letting Bella go, and she
seemed equally consumed with me, but it wasn't fair of me to take advantage of
her overwhelming desires, even if they matched mine. I thought about one of the
conversations we had during the night, about balance. Right now, I needed to be
the responsible one, to help remind Bella of her priorities, when her own mind, and
body, prevented it.
And I knew what Bella's top priority would be this morning, even if it felt her body
was telling me something different.
"Renesmee," I said quietly to her, a gentle reminder, stroking her neck with my
thumb. She sighed, shifting her body away slightly, her loss an immediate blow to
my system. Then her expression darkened, her brow furrowed with worry, and I felt
her muscles stiffen. Distracted from me now, the lost hours with Renesmee were
clearly totaling in her mind.
"It's all right, love," I said gently. "Get dressed, and we'll be back to the house in
two seconds."
Bella nodded, and then rose swiftly, heading towards the closet before pausing and
swinging her head back to look at me. I looked at her questioningly as she glanced
away towards the wall, in the direction of the house and Renesmee, before looking
back at me. As she repeated this movement several times, I realized she was
betraying her newborn status, her competing desires wreaking havoc in her
newborn brain.
I smiled, beyond pleased that being with me presented such a tantalizing option for
her.
"It's all about balance, love," I reminded her. And as she had already shown the
ability to balance her newborn thirst, I was sure she would learn to control these
other desires. "You're so good at all of this, I don't imagine it will take too long to
put everything in perspective."
"And we have all night, right?" she asked, a flash of want in her expression.
Great minds think alike. "Do you think I could bear to let you get dressed now if
that weren't the case?" I said, grinning, my eyes roving her naked form. She
nodded seriously. Then her expression darkened again, worry creasing her face and
she whipped over to the closet, throwing open the doors and exposing row upon
row of clothing, handpicked by Alice. I remembered having to endure two months
of constant wheedling by Alice about the size of the original closet before Esme,
with rare exasperation, had relented on the expanded closet. Do what you want,
she had muttered. I just don't want to know!
Bella let out a fairly menacing hiss at the sight, her eyes moving restlessly around.
"Which ones are mine?" she growled.
I sighed, remembering Alice's plans. I touched a bar of clothing to the left of the
door, which I knew contained several Brioni suits and tuxedos, as well as my
standard khakis, white shirts and sweaters. Alice had, over the years, slowly come
to accept what I would and wouldn't wear. I worried how long it would take for her
to get to that point with Bella. Judging from the assortment of cocktail dresses and
evening gowns hanging on the racks, I guessed it would be a while before she gave
up on Bella.
"To the best of my knowledge, everything but this rack here is yours," I said.
"All of this?" Bella snapped. I shrugged. This was Alice we were talking about, and
even worse - Alice given free rein.
"Alice," I said, resigned.
"Alice," Bella spit out at the same time. When I didn't offer any other explanation,
she rolled her eyes. "Fine," she muttered, grabbing the nearest garment bag,
unzipping it, and exposing a light pink evening gown. Bella growled in horror.
I smothered laughter, thinking it would just infuriate her further. "Let me help," I
said soothingly, touching her arm. My Bella would want jeans and a t-shirt, and I
was fairly certain Alice had bought a few. I inhaled deeply, bringing a mixture of
scents down my throat, Bella's floral nectar mixed with the sharp tang of cedar, and
a kaleidoscope of different materials, smothered in plastic. I moved further inside
the room, inhaling again, discerning each individual scent, and separating them in
my mind, as I judged distance and direction. I easily discarded anything synthetic,
and then weeded out the light, refined scents of silk and satin. I concentrated on
the inky, heavy fragrance of denim, which seemed to be located in the back, laden
with the smell of wood rather than plastic.
I moved away from the rows of garment bags and towards a cedar lined bureau at
the back. I pulled open a drawer and smiled, pulling out a pair of jeans.
Bella was instantly at my side. "How did you do that?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Denim has its own scent just like anything else," I said, kissing her cheek. "Now...
stretch cotton?" I walked back into the closet, searching for the clean, organic smell
of cotton, finding a plain white shirt buried in the racks. Almost as if Alice was
trying to hide it.
As Bella got dressed, I moved over to my small section, unzipping a bag to uncover
a matched outfit of pants and sweater. It was hard to admit that rather than feeling
insulted by being spoon-fed my outfits by Alice, I had grown rather used to the
ease of it.
I pulled the outfit on, turning to find Bella distracted again, sniffing at the clothes,
clearly memorizing the scents. I gave her a moment and then took her hand. She
glanced up, thoughts clearly swinging swiftly back to Renesmee, and I let her pull
me out the back door. We jumped the stone wall and were running full out
immediately. She pulled away, flying forward as she glanced back at me with a glint
in her eyes.
"Race?" she questioned. I grinned, taking on her challenge. She might as well
learn, sooner rather than later, what the rest of my family already knew – I was not
to be beaten for speed.
After several seconds, during which time I pulled ahead of Bella, keeping in front
but close enough to retreat back to her quickly if needed, my family's thoughts
filtered into my mind. Alice had already told them we were coming back.
About time! Alice thought. I hope she's dressed properly – I'm counting on you.
I could see that Renesmee was awake already. Gathering from what I saw in my
family's minds, it seemed there had been several moments of panic when
Renesmee awoke, wailing when Bella was not produced immediately. Several
various toys and household items had been destroyed, and Jasper and Emmett's
improv attempts at comedy had been soundly rejected, before Esme, in desperation
and knowing Nessie liked shiny objects, had garnered her attention with an antique
silverware set.
She's demanding to see Bella, Rose thought, hearing our approach. She and
Emmett were sitting on the floor next to the baby. Nessie's mind was a jumble of
images of Bella and me. She was also thirsty. She twisted a silver knife into a ball
before reaching up to touch Emmett's throat, showing him a picture of Bella.
Emmett snorted. "I told you, kid, Mommy's...well...been kind of busy." Right, lover-
boy?
Sighing, I took the river in a leap, slowing as I approached the house so Bella and I
could enter together. As we came into view up the lawn, Nessie latched onto the
sight of Bella, tossing aside a mangled piece of silverware and pointing
demandingly towards her with a small finger. Mommy! Mommy!
Everyone turned, smiling and laughing, to watch as Bella, whose excitement clearly
mirrored her daughter's, flew into the room and scooped her up. Bella hugged her
tightly, and then looked her over, touching her growing curls and smoothing her
hands over Renesmee's lengthening limbs. At a glance, I could tell her growth was
continuing to slow. Jacob will be pleased, I thought, looking around but not seeing
him.
Alice whipped her head towards me, her eyes narrowed. Jeans and a t-shirt! She
wasn't supposed to find those! That was the best you could do?
Esme was glowing up at me. Alice said she loved the cottage, she thought, a
pleased smile on her face. I nodded, smiling back.
Emmett winked at me. So, how did it go? Glad to see she left you in one piece – I
was a little worried.
Renesmee touched Bella's face, her mind filled with the image and scent of a bottle
of blood, flickering in with pictures of Bella. She wanted her mother to feed her. I
frowned, certain that was probably not a good idea, not yet. I headed into the
kitchen to prepare a bottle before she grew too insistent.
"How long has she been up?" I heard Bella ask.
"Just a few minutes," said Rose. "We would have called you soon. She's been
asking for you – demanding might be a better description. Esme sacrificed her
second-best silver service to keep the little monster entertained." My little angel,
Rose thought, in direct competition with her words. Then she looked up at Bella,
smirking. "We didn't want to...er, bother you."
Emmett laughed. Yeah, and hopefully we would have been interrupting something!
"We'll get your room set up right away," Bella said to Renesmee, clearly trying to
ignore him. "You'll like the
cottage. It's magic." She turned to my mother. "Thank you, Esme. So much. It's
absolutely perfect."
The cottage made it through the night? Emmett burst out laughing. Only you,
Edward, could go at it all night inside that little wooden box and leave it in one
piece! "So it's still standing?" he choked out. "I would've thought you two had
knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the
national debt?"
I could hear Bella grinding her teeth as I twisted the top securely on Renesmee's
cup, my throat stinging slightly from the scent. I was rather hoping Bella would
snap and give Emmett what he deserved.
"Where are the wolves today?" she asked instead.
"Jacob took off this morning pretty early," Rose said. "Seth followed him out." I
froze, slightly shocked. Jacob had left? I searched the surrounding area as far out
as I could go, but could not sense him. After refusing to leave Renesmee's side for
a moment, except for the necessity of confronting Sam, I could not believe he had
voluntarily left. It felt off, leaving an uncertain weight in my stomach. I scanned
Rose's mind, seeing a vision of her memory - Jacob's strained and worried eyes as
he left silently, phasing at the edge of the yard and moving away.
Smoothing my expression to hide my concern, I went back into the room. "What
was he so upset about?" I asked casually. I stayed back from Bella, but saw her
shoulders stiffen, her eyes on the cup. She stopped breathing, and Jasper took a
step towards her, his face serious but calm. She's okay. Bella handed Nessie quickly
to Rose.
"I don't know – or care," Rose muttered, grabbing the cup from me and angling it
towards Nessie, who wrapped her hands around it and started taking long pulls. "He
was watching Nessie sleep, his mouth hanging open like the moron he is, and then
he just jumped to his feet without any kind of trigger – that I noticed, anyway –
and stormed out." And good riddance.
I frowned at her – that didn't seem likely. There had to be something that
precipitated his leaving. Could he have heard something dangerous approaching? I
glanced out the front window. Was Sam's pack rethinking our agreement? But then
why wouldn't Jacob tell my family if he was concerned?
Rose adjusted Nessie in her arms, tipping the cup back further as it quickly
emptied. "I was glad to be rid of him. The more time he spends here, the less
chance there is that we'll ever get the smell out."
"Rose," said Esme disapprovingly. "I suppose it doesn't matter. We won't be here
much longer," Rose said. And then we'll be rid of him permanently.
"I still say we should go straight to New Hampshire and get things set up," said
Emmett. I glanced at him, and realized this was the discussion he and Rose had
been having earlier, when Jacob left. I sighed – didn't they have any idea what our
leaving would mean for Jacob? This had been, I imagined, what had upset him,
although I was
surprised he would respond by leaving the house. Perhaps he was making
arrangements to follow us if we left, as I suspected he would. Rose and Em should
have been more discreet with the conversation...
Edward's going to kill you. I caught Seth's thought, just coming into my range. He
was running full out towards the house in wolf form, flanking Jacob along with Leah.
I think maybe you deserve it this time, Leah thought with disgust. You're such a
freakin' idiot sometimes. Billy is going to be furious.
I had to do something, Jacob thought. I had to explain to Charlie. He needed to
know. It was the right thing to do. I stiffened, motionless with shock. Jacob had
been to see Charlie? What the hell?
I'm glad I told him, Jacob continued, his mind tense and wired. He'll come now, and
once he understands, it will all be out in the open and they won't have to leave.
She won't have to leave. An image flickered in his mind of Charlie's stricken face,
followed by a view through the trees of Charlie getting into his car and driving away
from town. Coming here.
A furious growl burst out of me. That little rat had gone to Charlie, betrayed us all
by telling him God knows what, and lured him here, putting his life, all of our lives,
in jeopardy!
"What is he doing?" Alice suddenly shrieked. She had been perusing visions of the
afternoon - her and Jasper hunting as well as a great deal of time with Bella in the
new closet. Everything had just disappeared. "What is that dog doing that has
erased my schedule for the entire day? I can't see anything!" She struggled again,
searching for the image of her dressing up Bella in the closet, but it was completely
gone. "No!" she cried, turning to Bella. "Look at you! You need me to show you how
to use your closet."
What's going on, Edward? Carlisle thought in alarm. Has Jacob done something?
"He talked to Charlie," I growled. "He thinks Charlie is following after him. Coming
here. Today." There was a collective gasp. "Shit!" Alice squealed. Her eyes! She
turned, flying out the door. Contacts! Jasper watched her go with worried eyes, and
then whipped towards me. God dammit! What the hell, Edward? "He told Charlie?"
Bella cried. "But - doesn't he understand? How could he do that? No!"
Carlisle took a step towards me. Should we prepare to leave? I considered, but
shook my head slightly. Jacob would be here in a moment, and we might as well
wait until he arrived to assess. Frankly, I'd like the pleasure of killing him first
before we made any other arrangements.
The wolves were pausing at the edge of the woods to phase and dress. Edward's
gonna know what you did, Seth thought. They'll be waiting.
Edward will see that I'm right, once I explain. I hissed softly, and Jacob cocked his
head towards the house. If they let you explain, Leah snarled. There were sounds
of phasing and then three sets of footsteps across the
lawn. Where is that future pile of ground chuck? Rosalie thought, furious, clutching
Nessie. "Jacob's on his way in now," I growled.
Jacob came through the door, wet and reeking more than usual. His eyes were
alert, adrenaline coursing through him. He had a smile of mock confidence on his
face that didn't match demeanor, his anxiety betrayed in tense movements. His
eyes went immediately to Renesmee, relief and love flooding through him at the
sight of her, before glancing around to meet our eyes.
"Hi, guys," he said, grinning cheerfully. At his words the room spun red for an
instant, and I fought the natural urge to lunge at him, his casual cheerfulness
infuriating me even further. My family was silent, regarding him. Rose flicked her
eyes towards me.
Now can we finally kill him?
Jacob regarded my dark eyes. Chill out, Edward. It's better this way, you'll see.
I didn't move, didn't acknowledge him, staying still as I struggled to control my
reaction.
"Rose," Bella said suddenly, her voice low and determined. She reached out for the
baby, and Rose gave her over. I was surprised Bella wanted to hold her in such a
charged environment, but she must have had a reason.
"Charlie'll be here soon," Jacob said, moving his gaze to Bella. "Just a heads-up. I
assume Alice is getting you sunglasses or something?"
Bella sucked in a furious breath. "You assume way too much," she spit out between
gritted teeth. "What. Have. You. Done?"
Jacob faltered slightly at the intensity of her wrath. "Blondie and Emmett woke me
up this morning going on and on about you all moving cross-country. Like I could
let you leave. Charlie was the biggest issue there, right? Well, problem solved." He
grinned, looking pleased.
Man, he is a piece of work, Emmett thought. "Do you even realize what you've
done?" Bella snarled. "The danger you've put him in?"
Jacob laughed. "I didn't put him in danger. Except from you. But you've got some
kind of supernatural self-control, right? Not as good as mind reading, if you ask
me." His eyes flicked towards mine momentarily. Right, bloodsucker? He looked
back at Bella. "Much less exciting."
My control broke then, and I moved across the room swiftly until I was standing
right in his face, his scent thick and dank in my nose. How dare he treat this so
lightly? What the hell did he know about newborns, or self control? He had no God
damned idea what the temptation of human blood would be like for Bella. He would
risk her killing her own father just to keep what he wanted close?
"That's just a theory, mongrel," I growled. "You think we should test it out on
Charlie? Did you consider the physical pain you're putting Bella through, even if she
can resist? Or the emotional pain if she doesn't?" For months he did everything in
his power to take her. And now – did he give a damn about her at all? "I supposed
what happens to Bella no longer concerns you!" You worthless piece of garbage!
Jacob's expression tightened. Physical pain? "Bella will be in pain?" asked the
thankless mutt in obvious disbelief.
"Like you've shoved a white-hot branding iron down her throat!" I yelled. My wife
had been through more pain in the last couple of weeks than she deserved in her
entire existence. That he would put her in this position made my head reel with
fury.
Damn. "I didn't know that," he said softly. "Then perhaps you should have asked
me," I snarled. I thought we had formed some sort of trust, a relationship.
He couldn't be man enough to come to me first before making decisions that
affected my family? I couldn't, he thought desperately. "You would have stopped
me." Of course I would have – he was being impetuous, selfish and shortsighted.
"You should have been stopped-"
"This isn't about me," Bella interjected. I stepped slightly away from Jacob, and we
both turned to look at her. Her eyes were wild, but her body was still. Jasper was
close behind her, sensing her control battling with despair, ready to intercede
emotionally. "This is about Charlie, Jacob. How could you put him in danger this
way? Do you realize
its death or vampire life for him now, too?" Bella's voice was unsteady, catching in
her throat. I reached out and stroked her arm, furious Jacob had done this to her.
Incredibly, Jacob relaxed next to me. "Relax, Bella. I didn't tell him anything you
weren't planning to tell him."
"But he's coming here!" Bella gasped.
"Yeah, that's the idea. Wasn't the whole 'let him make the wrong assumptions'
thing your plan? I think I provided a very nice red herring, if I do say so myself."
Genius, really. I stared at him, slightly confused, trying to decipher his thoughts.
Bella's body flinched with annoyance. "Say it straight, Jacob. I don't have the
patience for this." "I didn't tell him anything about you, Bella. Not really. I told him
about me. Well, show is a better verb." He looked
at me. If you'd just let me explain, before you rip my head off.
I watched the memory unfurl in his mind. "I don't appreciate you being so
secretive," Charlie said. He and Jacob were walking down the path in the woods
behind the Swan home. "I have to be at the house, in case Carlisle calls. And Renee
is getting suspicious she hasn't heard from Bella, and I don't know what to tell her.
If you have news about Bells that I don't, just tell me now!"
"Don't worry," Jake said. "It will all make sense soon enough." They walked in
silence for several more paces when Charlie stopped abruptly, turning.
"Okay, this is far enough. Just spit out whatever it is you have to say, Jake. You tell
me Bella is in town – I don't understand. Carlisle told me she was in Atlanta – was
he lying? What about the disease?"
"Look," Jacob said. "She was...sick. Really sick. Dying..." His voice trailed off for a
second. "But she's better now. Except, she's a little different. It was the only way to
save her, Charlie."
"What are you talking about, Jake? Different? Tell me what's going on!" Anger and
confusion flooded Charlie's face. Jake paused next to him, meeting his eyes. "The
problem, Charlie, is this really isn't something I can just tell you
about. I mean, I could, but you'd never believe me."
"Then I have no idea why you dragged me out here," Charlie said irritably, turning
away from him. "I'm heading back. If she's in town, I want to see her. She's my
daughter, and no one is going to keep me from her."
"Wait." Jacob grabbed his arm. "The thing is, I may not be able to tell you about
this, but I can show you." Charlie threw up his hands in exasperation. "Well, fine,"
he snapped. "Then show me, Jake." Jacob nodded. "I'll just need you to back up a
little, first." Charlie rolled his eyes. "What?"
"Just back up for me, give me some space. Over by that tree." "Fine," Charlie
grumbled. He turned and walked towards the tree. "This better not be some sort of
stupid teenage
prank, Jake." He reached the tree and turned, arms crossed. "Well, let's see it."
"Okay, I think you're as ready as you'll ever be," Jacob said, a nervous edge to his
voice. "But just remember, Charlie, deep breaths."
Charlie's brow furrowed in confusion. "Deep breaths?" His eyes widened as Jacob
began to swiftly undress. "What are you doing?" he gasped.
And then the world shifted, space altering in a rush of wind as Jacob's form phased
into something new, his changing eyes never leaving Charlie.
Charlie stood frozen, unblinking. The wolf took a tentative step towards him.
"No!" Charlie stumbled backward, hitting the tree behind him, his hands out in
front. "Jesus Christ! Oh god, no!" His expression was a mask of white-faced horror,
and one hand went up to grip his chest.
Then the world phased again, folding in on itself until vision came from human eyes
once again.
"It's okay, Charlie," came Jacob's voice. "Everything's fine. Remember what I said –
deep breaths." He took another step closer.
"Stay away from me!" Charlie shouted, his voice laced with fear. His chest rose and
fell heavily for several seconds, his wild eyes calming slightly as Jacob silently put
on his clothes. "What the hell just happened, Jake? What did you do to me? Did you
give me some sort of Quiluete hallucinogen or something?"
Jacob laughed sharply. "No, I'm afraid what you just saw was very, very real,
Charlie. I can assure you."
"Then what...why...what is going on, Jake? How did I just see...what was that...that
thing?"
Jacob took a deep breath. "Charlie, you don't live in the world you thought you
lived in. The good news is, nothing has changed – except now you know. Life'll go
on the same way it always has. You can go right back to pretending that you don't
believe any of this."
Charlie stared at him silently for a few moments. "I don't know what you're talking
about. I don't want to know. Why did you show me?"
Jacob took a deep breath, steeling himself.. "The reason I showed you this, Charlie,
actually has nothing to do with me."
And in a slow, agonizing moment, Charlie's whole figure seemed to grow smaller,
pain and horror lashing across his face, as he drew in a sharp breath. "Bella," he
breathed.
"Yes," Jacob whispered. "Bella." I was stunned by shock and anger. Jacob had
changed to wolf form in front of Charlie? His impulsivity seemed to
have no bounds.
"He phased in front of Charlie," I hissed.
"You what?" Bella gasped.
Jacob looked at her. "He's brave. Brave as you are. Didn't pass out or throw up or
anything. I gotta say, I was impressed. You should've seen his face when I started
taking my clothes off, though. Priceless." Jacob chuckled.
Emmett shook his head. Gotta say, kid's got balls. My family relaxed somewhat,
relieved he had not betrayed us, at least yet, to a human.
"You absolute moron!" Bella shrieked. "You could have given him a heart attack!
Jacob grinned. "Charlie's fine. He's tough. If you'd give this just a minute, you'll see
that I did you a favor here."
"You have half of that," Bella snarled. "You have thirty seconds to tell me every
single word before I give Renesmee to Rosalie and rip your miserable head off."
Rose smiled sweetly at Jacob behind her. That's my girl."Seth won't be able to stop
me this time."
Leah bared her teeth slightly. Just try something, bitch.
"Jeez, Bells," Jacob muttered. "You didn't used to be so melodramatic. Is that a
vampire thing?" He glanced at me. She's practically as bad as you now.
"Twenty-six seconds," Bella growled. Jacob rolled his eyes and sat down, Leah and
Seth staying protectively close behind him, not liking the air of menace in the room.
Seth caught my eye. He's just trying to do what's right, Edward, he thought. In his
own, twisted way. This has nothing to do with what's right, I thought furiously. This
is about what Jacob wants.
"So I knocked on Charlie's door this morning and asked him to come for a walk with
me. He was confused, but when I told him it was about you and that you were back
in town, he followed me out into the woods." He explained how he had phased in
front of Charlie, and told him he lived in a different world than he had always
thought. "It took him a minute to get his head together, and then he wanted to
know what was really going on with you, with the whole rare-disease thing. I told
him that you had been sick, but you were fine now – it was just that you'd had to
change a little in the process of getting better. He wanted to know what I meant by
'change", and I told him that you looked a lot more like Esme now than you looked
like Renee."
Esme gasped while Carlisle stared at Jacob with a hard face. Why the hell would he
bring Esme into this? Pointing out the similarities among my kind was sure to lead
to questions, and trouble.
Calm down, he doesn't suspect, Jacob thought. He was way too distracted by me.
"After a few minutes, he asked, real quietly, if you turned into an animal too." Jacob
laughed. "And I said, 'She wishes she was that cool!'"
Rose snorted in disgust. As if!
Yeah, you wish, Blondie. "I started to tell him more about the werewolves, but I
didn't even get the whole word out – Charlie cut me off and said he'd 'rather not
know specifics.' Then he asked if you'd known what you were getting yourself into
when you married Edward, and I said, 'sure, she's known all about this for years,
since she first came to Forks.' He didn't like that very much." I caught a glimpse in
his mind of Charlie yelling in the forest. She's been hiding this from me all this
time? I always knew that guy was no good for her! I should have never let her out
of the house. I should have sent her to Florida! "I let him rant till he got it out of his
system. After he got calmed down, he wanted just two things. He wanted to see
you, and I said it would be better if he gave me a head start to explain."
Bella took a deep breath. "What was the other thing he wanted?"
Jacob smiled, glancing briefly at me. Here's the best part. "You'll like this. His main
request is that he be told as little as possible about all of this. If it's not absolutely
essential for him to know something, then keep it to yourself. Need to know, only."
Bella blinked with surprise. "I can handle that part," she said.
"Other than that, he'd just like to pretend things are normal." Jacob looked pleased
with himself.
Jasper shifted uncomfortably. I don't know if we can let this happen, Edward. It's
too dangerous for everyone. His eyes moved towards the back windows, watching
for Alice, and then back to me. He technically may not know, but the Volturi won't
care about the finer details.
"What did you tell him about Renesmee?" Bella's voice was still harsh, but the edge
was relenting a little, her eyes hesitant, and curious.
"Oh, yeah," said Jacob. "So I told him that you and Edward had inherited a new
little mouth to feed." He looked at me. "She's your orphaned ward – like Bruce
Wayne and Dick Grayson." Jacob laughed. Batman – perfect for you. "I didn't think
you'd mind me lying. That's all part of the game, right?" God knows you're good at
it. I ignored the jab, instead concentrating on Bella. "Charlie was way past being
shocked at this point, but he did ask if you were adopting her. 'Like a daughter?
Like I'm sort of a grandfather?' were his exact words. I told him yes. 'Congrats,
Gramps,' and all of that. He even smiled a little."
I watched the unexpected wonder spread across Bella's face, feeling a stirring
inside at the look of yearning in her expression that accompanied the idea of
Charlie knowing about Renesmee. "But she's changing so fast," she said softly.
"I told him she was more special than all of us put together," Jacob said quietly,
rising and walking towards Bella and Nessie, waving back Leah and Seth. Jacob,
Renesmee thought, reaching out her arms, but Bella gripped her tightly. "I told him,
'Trust me, you don't want to know about this. But if you can ignore all the strange
parts, you're going to be amazed. She's the most wonderful person in the whole
world.' And then I told him that if he could deal with that, you all would stick
around for a while and he would have a chance to get to know her. But that if it was
too much for him, you would leave." Jacob smiled hopefully at Bella. "He said as
long as no one forced too much information on him, he'd deal."
My family was watching the confrontation silently now, their eyes slightly conflicted,
hopeful yet uneasy. Some of us had had relatives still alive when we had been
changed. This severing of human ties was considered part of the price of
immortality for our kind, for the few that cared. And yet, just because we had been
forced to follow what we thought was the only possible way, didn't mean we wanted
the same thing for Bella. She was showing us, and had been showing us since she
came into our lives, that, maybe, there was another path. For her to keep someone
so important to her in her life was an enticing possibility.
But other concerns troubled my family. It could be difficult to watch our human
relations grow old and pass on, even from a distance, through casual investigation,
or careful inquiry. These ties, however few or even distant, were what had once
held us to the mortal world, our blood relatives in the family of men. But they faded
away in the blink of an eye. Time meant something else to an immortal, and Bella
had yet to experience this expedited passage of the hours, days, and years. Charlie
was already more than halfway through his mortal life, and would swiftly be gone.
We feared the closer she remained to Charlie, the more heartbreaking would be his
inevitable loss would be.
And then there was the one rule of my kind – secrecy. Carlisle caught my eye, his
expression tight. This is not something I would normally condone, Edward,
especially with a newborn. But the circumstances are certainly extraordinary, as is
Bella, and your daughter. His eyes moved momentarily around to everyone in the
room, resting for a moment on Esme. Then he glanced at Nessie, thinking about
robbing Charlie of the joy he had experienced in knowing her. The safety of the
entire family is at stake, and it will need to be handled carefully. But Charlie Swan
is a man I would trust. Ultimately, it is up to you and Bella.
I looked at Bella's expression and I could see the hope invading her eyes, the desire
to see Charlie, and share Renesmee with him. There was a determined light in her
face, and I knew – if it was at all possible, this was something she was willing to
try. I was torn. I had promised, promised, I would keep her from hurting her family,
or any humans. Allowing Charlie in such close proximity to her, all other issues
aside, seemed like an incredibly foolish risk. But Bella had proven beyond a doubt
that she was not a mindless newborn, but an amazing, aware creature with
incredible control, and I felt a surge of sudden confidence that this was something
she could handle. If she wanted to go down this path, I would support her.
"I'm not going to say thank you," she told Jacob. "You're still putting Charlie at a
huge risk."
"I am sorry about it hurting you." I truly still care about her, Edward, regardless of
what you may think. "I didn't know it was like that. Bella, things are different with
us now, but you'll always be my best friend, and I'll always love you. But I love you
the right way now. There's finally a balance. We both have people we can't live
without." His eyes lowered for a moment to Renesmee's face.
Oh please, give me a break, Rose thought. Jacob looked back up at Bella, pulling
out the big brown eyes and giving her a sheepish grin. "Still friends?"
A small smile flickered on Bella's face, and I had to resist the urge to groan and roll
my eyes. He'd better not expect forgiveness so easy from me – his brash actions
would still put Bella in terrible pain.
How does he do that? Emmett wondered. That crap would never work with Rose.
Jacob held out his hand. There was a moment of silence, and then Bella exhaled
and shifted, her free hand
reaching out to grasp Jacob's. "If I don't kill Charlie tonight," she said, "I'll consider
forgiving you for this."
Eh, I know I'm already forgiven. Jacob smiled. "When you don't kill Charlie tonight,
you'll owe me huge." Bella rolled her eyes.
I'm almost back, Edward, thought Alice, darting through the woods. I still can't see
anything, so I'm assuming you didn't kill him."
Jacob held out his hands for Renesmee. "Can I?"
"I'm actually holding her so that my hands aren't free to kill you, Jacob," Bella
replied seriously. Emmett laughed softly. "Maybe later."
The back door flew open as Alice scurried inside, her face set. I want these wolves
out of my vision!
"You, you and you," she snapped at Jacob, Leah and Seth. "If you must stay, get
over in the corner and commit to being there for a while. I need to see." She looked
at Renesmee, her brow furrowing. "Bella, you'd better give him the baby, too. You'll
need your arms free, anyway."
As Bella handed the baby to a thrilled Jacob, Alice turned to Jasper, who was clearly
unhappy. "It will be fine," she mouthed at him, jumping up to kiss his cheek. He
smiled a little, touching her hair before she flitted back to Bella.
The wolves headed over to the far wall, where Jacob and Seth sat down, but Leah
remained standing, still tense. I don't need this. I'm outta here. "Am I allowed to
leave?" she asked. "Oh course," said Jake. "Stay east so you don't cross Charlie's
path," Alice murmured.
Do you think I'm stupid? Leah banged out the back door. She's upset, panicked,
Jasper suddenly thought urgently. Bella. I turned swiftly, catching a look of
desperate, red
terror in Bella's eyes. She was clearly second guessing herself. I moved close,
touching her face gently.
"You can do this," I said softly. "I know you can. I'll help you; we all will."
Her expression remained frozen with anxiety. If she was afraid, or uncertain, we
could leave right now. Someone could intercept Charlie, slow him down, while I got
Bella a safe distance away. But I knew that she would be able to control herself
around him. And, I realized, I wanted this to happen. As much as I hated to admit
it, while Jacob had been motivated by his desire to keep Renesmee close, what he
had done was as much for my wife as for my daughter. It would mean the world to
Bella to not have to be separated from Charlie.
"If I didn't believe you could handle it, we'd disappear today. This very minute. But
you can. And you'll be happier if you can have Charlie in your life."
Alice glanced at Jasper, raising her eyebrows, and he released a wave of calm
confidence, feeding mainly off of my emotions. Bella's expression remained tight,
but her breathing slowed slightly.
Alice handed her the contacts she had retrieved from the dresser table at the
cottage. "These will irritate your eyes – they won't hurt, but they'll cloud your
vision. It's annoying." We'd all had to wear them during assorted times when our
changing eye color might be scrutinized – sometimes during overseas travel to
better match a passport photo. Those were a specially made topaz color. The ones
Alice had purchased for Bella were darker, chosen to cover red eyes – we'd used
similar ones in the past for Jasper on a few unfortunate occasions. "They also won't
match your old color, but it's still better than bright red, right?" She tossed Bella the
box.
Bella looked confused. "When did you—" "Before you left on the honeymoon. I was
prepared for several possible futures."
I tensed, looking down, not wanting to relive Alice's visions of my having to change
Bella on the island, either because of uncontrolled wantonness, or my own
weakness. And then there had been the truly terrible visions, few and fleeting, but
leaving me shaken, ashamed, and certain I was nothing more than a black cloud on
Bella's life...
Edward, Jasper gently admonished. I glanced over and saw him watching me with
calm, aware eyes. Whatever you are doing to yourself, stop. Now is not the time. I
nodded slightly, inhaling, trying to refocus on the present and not the past.
I watched Bella open the box. She picked up a contact, pressing it into her eye. She
blinked and then frowned, looking around.
"I see you what you mean," she grumbled as she put in the other contact. She
blinked up at me, startlingly different with her crimson orbs covered by a dark, dull
brown, her fair skin flushed still by the hunt yesterday. "How do I look?"
"Gorgeous. Of course-"
"Yes, yes," Alice interrupted me. "She always looks gorgeous." Alice explained how
the venom would disintegrate the contacts after a few hours. "So if Charlie stays
longer than that, you'll have to excuse yourself to replace them. Which is a good
idea anyway, because humans need bathroom breaks." She looked Bella up and
down, and then shook her head. She doesn't look human, even with the contacts.
"Esme, give her a few pointers on acting human while I stock the powder room with
contacts."
Esme raised her eyebrows. "How long do I have?"
Alice envisioned Charlie, passing down the road a few minutes from our drive.
"Charlie will be here in five minutes. Keep it simple."
Esme took Bella's hand. "The main thing is to not sit too still or move too fast."
Emmett nodded. "Sit down if he does. Humans don't like to just stand there." "Let
your eyes wander every thirty seconds or so," Jasper said. "Humans don't stare at
one thing for too long." "Cross your legs for about five minutes," Rosalie added.
"Then switch to crossing your ankles for the next five."
As my family threw suggestions at her, I glanced over to check on Renesmee. She
was seated in Jacob's lap on the floor, her hand on his neck as she replayed various
scenes from the day – her distress at discovering Jacob had left, Emmett and
Jasper looking like idiots doing headstands to try to amuse her, Bella's angry
reaction when Jacob had returned. Jacob remained silent, letting her sift through
the images as he gently caressed one of her soft curls between his fingers.
"No, I think I got it all," I heard Bella say, drawing me back. "Sit, look around,
blink, fidget."
Emmett grinned. Pick your nose, scratch your butt... Emmett had his own ways of
acting human, generally to Rose's dismay. I glared at him before he could share his
ideas.
"Right," said Esme, hugging Bella. Jasper frowned, thinking about his struggles at
school. "You'll be holding your breath as much as possible, but you
need to move your shoulders a little to make it look like you're breathing." Bella
took an unsteady breath, looking nervous. I wrapped an arm around her. "You can
do this," I said softly.
Alice saw a vision of Charlie knocking on the door, and noted the time as she
glanced at the clock on the mantle. "Two minutes. Maybe you should start out
already on the couch. You've been sick, after all. That way he won't have to see you
move right at first." She grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her to the couch. Bella
moved with exaggerated slowness, swinging her arms and legs in a strange,
awkward manner.
What the heck was that supposed to be? Rosalie thought, grinning. We said human,
not drunk.
Alice rolled her eyes. A born actress. Even she wasn't that clumsy!
"Jacob, I need Renesmee," Bella said urgently.
Jacob looked unhappy. That seems like a bad idea. He stayed on the floor, clutching
Nessie, glancing briefly at me.
Alice was shaking her head as Bella suddenly blurred out of her vision. No, no!
"Bella, that doesn't help me see."
"But I need her," Bella said, suddenly pleading. "She keeps me calm."
"Fine," Alice muttered, sighing. I hope you appreciate what I go through for you!
"Hold her as still as you can and I'll try to see around her."
Jacob remained still, and I raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed. Yeah, yeah, I
know, you could still throw me out.
As Jacob got up and approached, Alice's vision faded completely. She watched him
with impatient eyes as he handed Nessie to Bella and backed away. When he sat
back against the wall, she concentrated on Bella, finding her slightly blurred, only
her head and shoulders unobscured by Renesmee's presence, but clear enough to
watch her movements. This is going to give me a headache, she grumbled.
Is Nessie ready for such close proximity to a human? Esme looked at me with a
worried expression, and then we turned our eyes to Renesmee. She was quiet and
still, sensing the tension around her. Although she controlled herself fairly well
around Jacob, I knew she was still very aware of the scent of his blood, and
Charlie's would be far more appealing. And I was afraid she would be tempted to
communicate with him by her gift – something that I suspected would overwhelm
Charlie beyond what he could handle.
I know that she instinctively sensed, and understood, that Jacob and Seth were
different from herself, as well as her family. Although she had bitten Jacob, she
controlled herself around Seth, even when tempted, understanding that the
parameters were different with him than Jacob. I thought that, if explained, she
could grasp new parameters for her grandfather.
I sat down next to Bella and Renesmee, wrapping my arm around them. I leaned
over to catch Nessie's dark chocolate eyes, and she gazed back. Daddy. I felt a soft
thrill at the word.
"Renesmee, someone special is coming to see you and your mother," I said quietly.
"But he's not like us, or even like Jacob. We have to be very careful with him. You
shouldn't tell him things the way you tell us."
Renesmee put her hand on my cheek, showing a memory of her reaching up to
touch Jacob's face, and share her thoughts.
"Exactly." I smiled, pleased she so clearly understood my words. "And he's going to
make you thirsty." Her mind filled with the memory of Jacob's scent, the sweet,
enticing aroma hidden in deep musk. "But you mustn't bite him. He won't heal like
Jacob."
She frowned, remembering the sight of small, fading tooth marks on Jacob's skin. I
nodded.
"Can she understand you?" Bella asked, looking shocked.
"She understands," I said. "You'll be careful, won't you, Renesmee? You'll help us?"
Renesmee reached up and touched my face, her mind filled with the image of
sinking her teeth satisfyingly into Jacob's chest. There was a questioning air to the
vision.
"No, I don't care if you bite Jacob," I said. Please do. "That's fine." Jacob laughed,
remembering all the times Renesmee had bitten him. Let's hope the mother has
better self control
than the daughter, for Charlie's sake!
I glared at him. Glad you find this so funny, mongrel. I wished he could feel the
burn Bella was going to face thanks to his actions. "Maybe you should leave,
Jacob." I snapped.
Jacob balked, glancing at Renesmee. "I told Charlie I'd be here," he said. "Moral
support."
"Moral support," I laughed. Please. I'd seen the look of horror on Charlie's face
when Jacob phased. "As far as Charlie knows, you're the most repulsive monster of
us all."
"Repulsive?" Jacob said. Says the creature that sucks the blood out of people. He
laughed lightly. Priceless.
I watched Charlie's approach in Alice's head while I listened to his tires turn off the
highway. Alice could see as far as Charlie knocking on the door, but not beyond –
too many variables at this point to how Charlie, and Bella, would respond. As
Charlie's car took the turn into our driveway, I felt Bella turn to frozen stone
beneath my arm, anxiety pulsing out of her. I watched her face, concerned.
Tense, very tense, thought Jasper. If she doesn't relax this isn't going to... Oh.
Surprise filtered through his thoughts as he sensed Bella's anxiety slowly easing.
"Well done Bella," he said softly. She's amazing, Edward.
I squeezed Bella proudly. "You sure?" she asked me.
"Positive," I answered. "You can do anything." I leaned close, kissing her soundly,
and she leaned into me, her lips separating slightly, her sweet scent filling my
mouth...
"Er, Edward," Jasper said, "you might not want to distract her like that right now.
She needs to be able to focus." She's about to drag you to the bedroom.
I blinked with surprise and pulled away. "Oops." I hadn't realized I was having that
affect on her. Bella laughed. "Later," she said, and her gaze locked on my face, eyes
burning bright.
Geez. Jasper shifted uncomfortably. He was so focused on Bella that her emotions
were coursing right through him. He flicked a longing gaze at Alice, who winked,
and then looked back."Focus, Bella."
"Right." Bella looked away, but her thoughts must have lingered on me because
Jasper sighed. Give me a break, he thought desperately as another wave of hot,
smothering lust washed through him. If I unleash this on everyone the situation is
going to get ugly in here! "Bella," he said warningly.
"Sorry, Jasper." Emmett laughed. Get your mind out of the gutter, woman! Don't
believe it...see her for myself...not Bella. Not my Bells.
My chest tightened as Charlie's characteristically indistinct thoughts began to break
through to me as he drew closer. I could sense heavy disbelief in his mind, even
after what Jacob has shown him. Denial – a dangerous but useful thing, I thought. I
glanced at Bella, knowing her appearance would be an excruciating shock.
The car stopped in front. They better answer the door...done with lies. An angry
haze flushed through Charlie's thoughts as he approached. Who are these
people...should bring her home...my daughter... His heartbeat was a little fast, but
impressively steady, although his thoughts were slightly shaded with fear. I caught
some jumbled images of Jacob's human and wolf facades, and surprisingly, Jasper's
face, revealing the fact that Charlie had always been intuitive enough to be slightly
intimidated by my brother. I smiled slightly. Smart man.
As he approached the door, Carlisle looked at Bella and then caught my eye. Protect
him, he thought. At all costs. I nodded, his message clear. We would betray our
inhuman abilities if there was any indication Charlie was in danger from Bella. God
knew the façade was already mostly dropped as it was – we would use all our
resources to protect him. I hoped if things did get tenuous we could physically
remove him from the situation before his human eyes could comprehend – it would
devastate him to see the uglier side of his daughter's new nature, especially if it
was directed towards him. An image of a wild Bella lunging at Charlie appeared in
my mind, and I pushed it away with horror .
Carlisle's eyes moved to Jasper, who nodded slightly and stepped closer to Bella.
Emmett watched and then shifted his position so that he would be in the path of
Bella and the door.
Alice caught a new vision of Charlie walking across the room towards Bella. I think
it is going to be okay, she thought. I hugged Bella against me, her warm, firm
presence quickly reminding me that, fortunately for Charlie, his daughter was in
miraculous control of her nature. I needed to remain confident in that.
Here goes, Charlie thought. For Bella. He knocked firmly on the door. Carlisle
smoothed his features and then moved over to open the door.
"Hello, Charlie," he said, his eyes tightening as he remembered the last phone
conversation, when Esme had assured Charlie that Carlisle was in Atlanta with Bella
and myself.
"Carlisle." Annoyance shot through Charlie's mind. Some nerve...hiding my
daughter. "Where's Bella?" "Right here, Dad." We all cringed as Bella's voice rang
out, far too loud for around humans. Oops, thought Alice. Forgot to tell her to tone
down her voice!
What was that...? Charlie's eyes scanned the room looking for the source of the
unfamiliar voice, his eyes soon resting on Bella's face. Who is that one...haven't
seen before...oh, god. Bella. Charlie's thoughts contorted, unreadable for a few
seconds as his mind painfully comprehended that the unfamiliar, altered face and
body in front of him belonged to the daughter he loved. His mind started shifting
through a kaleidoscope of images of Bella...a wailing newborn in Renee's arms,
graduation day across the crowd, a sullen pre-teen with a fishing rod, a young
woman with a nervous face in her wedding dress, a toddler seated next to a
Christmas tree, chocolate smeared across her young mouth.
Then Bella's tear streaked face as we left for the honeymoon, her arms wrapped
around him. The last time he had seen her. I love you forever, Dad. Don't forget
that.
You, too, Bells. Always have, always will.
He stared, unblinking. Oh, Bella. Impossible...how did this happen...should have
protected her...failed. Failed her. My daughter...no...my Bells...how...can't be...
"Is that you, Bella?" he whispered. "Yep." Bella cringed, her voice too loud again.
"Hi, Dad," she said softly. ...really her? Charlie took a deep breath. Jasper was
radiating a subtle calm into the room.
"Hey, Charlie," Jacob said from the corner. "How're things?" Charlie started and
then looked over at Jacob, a flash of his wolf form running through his mind. ...to
think I wanted Bella with him...not human... I felt a flash of grim satisfaction at this
thought. Charlie looked back at Bella and began to slowly approach her. My family
shifted, tense and ready, as he came within a few feet of Bella. Alice's vision traced
his movement, always one step ahead, watching for any interference. Bella
remained frozen on the couch, not breathing.
Charlie's eyes moved to mine for a moment, anger temporarily eclipsing his
thoughts. Did this to her...no good...leave my daughter alone. Perfect how she
was...
He looked back at Bella, her differences and similarities even more startling at this
close proximity. ...eyes wrong...so pale...different. Bella smiled slightly, and he took
a half step backwards with surprise, seeing the familiarity in the expression.
"Bella?" he asked. "It's really me," Bella said softly. Bella. The edge of his thoughts
shifted slightly, to the role of the indignant, angry father. Why?
"Sorry, Dad," Bella mumbled. "Are you okay," he demanded. ...can take her away
right now if she wants...
"Really and truly great," Bella said. "Healthy as a horse." Her shoulders tightened,
and I knew she was out of air. I tightened my grip around her shoulders. Jasper
inched closer, his fist opening and closing with anxiety.
Alice was concentrating hard, trying to see around Renesmee's blur at the
immediate future. No one's moving, I don't see any struggles. I think she stays on
the couch. She's got this.
"Jake told me this was...necessary." Charlie's voice was questioning. "That you
were dying." His eyes flickered momentarily back to my face. His fault...why...been
another way...his fault. He looked back at Bella, and I closed my eyes for a brief
moment. I understood, and accepted his anger. I had taken his daughter,
endangered her, and changed her. Opening my eyes, I glanced at Renesmee, and
knew I would feel the same if it was her. I realized suddenly that Charlie and I
shared this now - we were both fathers, and we were both eternally bound by the
paternal instinct to nurture, and protect, the daughters we loved.
I felt Bella press against me, and realized she was about to draw a breath. I heard
the air flow down her throat as her shoulders and chest raised slightly. Jasper
stiffened behind us. She's burning...burning badly. I hugged her tightly to me,
restraining as well as comforting, hating the position she had been put in, and
despising that she had to experience pain, while we waited for the true measure of
her response. After a couple of seconds, Jasper relaxed slightly. In control. Total
control.
"Jacob was telling you the truth," Bella said. Truth...why hear it from Jacob...how
many lies? "That makes one of you," he snapped.
The baby, thought Jasper suddenly. Renesmee was beginning to inhale deeply,
pulling in Charlie's scent. She was comparing it to Jacob's, realizing Charlie's scent
was not lined with the less appealing smell of the wolves, more similar to the scent
that came from her metal cup. Warm, she thought. The blood in the cup was
always cold. Warm.
I saw Bella tighten her grip on Renesmee, and Charlie's eyes were drawn to her,
shock registering. He hadn't even truly realized her presence yet, his whole being
having been concentrated of Bella.
"Oh," he said. "This is her. The orphan Jacob said you're adopting." He noted the
similarity of hair color between Nessie and me, and suspicion entered his mind. I
realized suddenly it would be easier to stay as close to the truth as possible,
admitting at least a blood relation between Renesmee and myself. Many years of
lying had taught me the closer the lie was to the truth, the easier it was to keep up
the deception. Trying to explain that Bella had given birth would be too much, at
least for today. Better to start with the story Jacob had given him, and what would
probably end up being the standard, public story we would used for Renesmee –
adoption. Truly, I wanted nothing more right now than to claim my daughter as my
own. Bust as she grew, and Bella and I remained young, adopted would be the
cover story, much as it was for my siblings.
He'll believe it, Alice said, seeing a fairly clear vision of Charlie accept my version of
the truth. I think.
"My niece," I said.
"I thought you'd lost your family," Charlie growled. ...or more lies...
"I lost my parents." True. "My older brother was adopted, like me. I never saw him
after that. But the courts located me when he and his wife died in a car accident,
leaving their only child without any other family."
Well done, son, thought Carlisle. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Sounds like a bad movie
script.
Renesmee's face was buried in Bella's hair. She turned her head slightly towards
Charlie, away from Bella, inhaling again, his scent even more potent when not
mixed with Bella's. She quickly turned back away, remembering my warning.
Striking, thought Charlie, surprised. Look at those cheeks. "She's...she's, well, she's
a beauty." "Yes," I said. Like her mother.
He looked between Bella and me. Eighteen years...too young... "Kind of a big
responsibility, though. You two are just getting started."
Renesmee was still inhaling deeply, Charlie's heartbeat starting to thunder in her
ears. Warm. Close. Thirsty. Alice's vision was still showing the edges of Bella sitting
calmly on the couch, but she couldn't see Renesmee at all. It seemed fine, but still
– she was young. Her decisions might be impetuous.
"What else could we do?" I said to Charlie as I reached over and brushed
Renesmee's lips with my finger. She glanced at me, her mind replaying my earlier
words...he's going to make you thirsty. But you mustn't bite him. "Would you have
refused her?"
"Hmph." Admirable, I suppose. "Well. Jake says you call her Nessie?"
Bella stiffened. "No, we don't," she snapped. "Her name is Renesmee." In the
corner, Jacob fought back a smile.
Charlie looked at me. ... young...to soon... "How do you feel about this? Maybe
Carlisle and Esme could-"
"She's mine," Bella said sharply. "I want her."
Jasper cringed. Too emotional, he thought, upping the calm a little.
Charlie was uncertain. "You gonna make me a grandpa so young?"
"Carlisle is a grandfather, too," I said, smiling at my father. Charlie's eyes darted
over to him. ...grandfather...too young to be a father...
He laughed once. "I guess that does sort of make me felt better." He looked back at
Renesmee, leaning slightly closer as if for a better look. Maybe 4...6 months old?
He remembered Bella at that age, dark hair in ribbons, wide brown eyes. So pretty.
"She sure is something to look at." He exhaled, sending a current of scent towards
us, cut grass and fresh leaves combining with a warm, enticing sanguine breeze.
Ahh, thought Renesmee, his warm breath on her tongue. She leaned towards him,
drawn instinctually toward the scent, Bella's hair falling away from her face.
The eyes. Charlie stiffened, standing back up straight, a gasp leaving his
lips. ...eyes...brown...familiar...too familiar. He looked at Bella's face, but in his
mind saw only her human face, and back at Renesmee, seeing those human
features in her expression. And my own features. Theirs... Bella's...impossible.
I felt like kicking myself, wondering why I had ever imagined he would not see Bella
in Renesmee. I had thought he would be too overwhelmed by the changes in Bella
– I had totally underestimated him. I glanced pointedly at Alice, who shrugged.
Oops. My bad! She raised her eyebrows. He hadn't seen her eyes yet. That changed
everything.
I watched as Charlie's mind filled with a vision of Bella in her wedding dress, as if
he was trying to reassess, fit a pregnancy into her slim form. Even if 3 months...4
months...been a few weeks...impossible. His mouthed soundlessly as he counted
the months.
Jacob suddenly got up and walked over to Charlie. Poor guy. He patted Charlie on
the back. "Need to know, Charlie. It's okay. I promise."
Right. He remembered Jacob telling him Renesmee was special. Now he began to
understand. Bella's child...special... Wait. He swung at me, my face confident in his
memory, my earlier words filling his ears. Adopted...my niece...died in a car
accident. Resentment swirled through his mind, and he took a step towards me.
Lies...right to my face.
"I don't want to know everything, but I'm done with the lies!" he growled.
Totally busted, thought Emmett.
I looked at Charlie apologetically. "I'm sorry, but you need to know the public story
more than you need to know the truth," I said. It was the best way to protect him
from the Volturi, although I had no plans to explain that to him. And in protecting
him, we protected ourselves. "If you're going to be part of this secret, the public
story is the one that counts. It's to protect Bella and Renesmee as well as the rest
of us. Can you go along with the lies for them?"
I watched Charlie carefully for his reaction, along with the rest of my family. If this
had become too much, if Charlie balked now at accepting the façade, we would
need to leave now, immediately, putting as much distance between us before he
could learn any more of the truth. Not that any of us believed that Charlie would
betray us, but it would just be too dangerous for him if he inquired too deeply into
our nature. If the Volturi appeared to check on Bella, we could not risk being near
Charlie if he might draw any of their suspicion.
He glared at me. Yeah, yeah...for them... "You might've given me some warning,
kid," he said, looking at Bella. "Would it really have made this any easier?" she
asked.
Maybe. He knelt down in front of us, bringing his warmth and scent even closer.
Charlie, thought Nessie, smiling. She reached out to touch him, wanting to show
him his face in her thoughts, acknowledge him. Bella wrapped her hand around her
wrist, pulling her back. She reached another hand up to Bella's neck, her mind filled
with Charlie, and his scent and warmth, and her thirst.
"Whoa," Charlie said, looking at her smile. So many teeth. "How old is she?"
"Um..." Bella faltered.
"Three months," I said. She actually looked a bit older, but usually people accepted
a slightly younger age for us. We always started out younger than we were. It gave
us more flexibility. Although, when Charlie spent more time with her, he would
quickly realize her capabilities were far beyond a three month old. Or a three year
old. "Rather, she's the size of a three-month-old, more or less. She's younger in
some ways, more mature in others."
As if to prove my point, Nessie waved at him. His eyes widened.
Jacob smiled proudly. "Told you she was special, didn't I?" He nudged Charlie with
his elbow.
Ugh, thought Charlie, Jacob's wolf form flashing into his mind. He pulled his arm
away.
"Oh, c'mon, Charlie," Jacob said. "I'm the same person I've always been. Just
pretend this afternoon didn't happen."
A quick vision of Jacob phasing in the forest flashed into Charlie's mind, and he
cringed. He eyed Jacob for a moment. ...why?... "Just what is your part in all this,
Jake?" he asked. "How much does Billy know? Why are you here?"
Should we tell him? An evil grin appeared on Emmett's face. I'd love to see
Charlie's reaction to the idea the Jacob worships his three month old
granddaughter. I smiled, rather liking the idea.
"Well," said Jacob, not about to go in that direction. "I could tell you all about it –
Billy knows absolutely everything – but it involves a lot of stuff about werewo -"
"Ungh!" Charlie interrupted, covering his ears. Don't want to know! "Never mind."
"Everything's going to be great, Charlie," Jacob said, smiling. Because now you
know, and they'll be able to
stay. "Just try not to believe anything you see."
...like to forget... Charlie mumbled something under his breath.
"Woo," Emmett bellowed from across the room. "Go Gators!"
I turned and stared at him incredulously. He raised an eyebrow back. Hello?
Providing distraction here. You're welcome!
"Florida winning?" Charlie asked.
"Just scored the first touchdown," Emmett replied. He looked suggestively at Bella.
"'Bout time somebody scored around here."
Bella's eyes narrowed furiously. I glared at him warningly, but his grin just grew
wider. What are you gonna do about it?
Charlie stood up, inhaling deeply, and moved towards the open chair, walking in a
wide circle around Jacob. He sat down like he was exhausted. Football – now that's
something I can believe in.
"Well," he said. "I guess we should see if they can hold on to the lead." "Who do
you like this year?" Emmett asked. "I think Ohio State is showing good promise."
"Oh, I don't know," said Emmett loudly. He turned and stared pointedly at Bella. "I
think they don't have what it takes to go all the way." He winked, and Bella growled
softly under her breath. I rubbed her arm in sympathy. Unfortunately, once Emmett
got started on something, it was next to impossible to stop him until he'd
completely worn the joke out. And then some. And with Charlie here, I couldn't kick
him out the back door and straight over the river, as I'd like to.
It was silent for a few seconds. Rosalie sat down on the other side of Bella, smiling
at Nessie. Alice, after sending Jacob retreating back to the wall with a stern gaze,
had moved behind the couch to stand with Jazz, holding his hand. Carlisle and
Esme moved over closer to Charlie's chair, their arms around each other and their
eyes on the game. Charlie's gaze wandered over to them, and his thoughts became
slightly uncertain. I wonder...how far it goes...
"You two are really married, right?" he asked suddenly. Carlisle and Esme glanced
at him in surprise, and then Esme smiled warmly. She reached out and touched
Charlie's shoulder gently. His wary eyes followed her movement.
"Yes, Charlie, we're really married," she said, laughing quietly.
"Right," he said. "Sorry. Of course." He looked to the side, at Rose next to Bella,
and then Jasper behind her, and then back to Rose. "And you two are really brother
and sister?"
Rose opened and closed her mouth a couple times, looking desperately at Carlisle.
"Uhh..."
"Forget it, forget it," Charlie said suddenly. "I don't want to know." He looked back
at the television, and the atmosphere relaxed when he suddenly whirled towards us
again, glaring between Bella and me.
"When he left, and then you disappeared, was that related to all this...stuff? We're
you really in California? I always thought...."
"Dad," Bella groaned, rolling her eyes. "Please. That's all ancient history."
"Right, right," Charlie mumbled, turning away. Not to me. "Forget I said anything."
"Hey Charlie," Emmett said loudly. "What are your thoughts on the draft for the
Seahawks this year?"
"I hope they can grab a cornerback, if they don't pick up one in free agency,"
Charlie said, distracted. "They are sorely lacking, and I think it's a crucial position
to shore up the defense."
"Great point," Emmett said. He turned to look at my wife. "And what's your favorite
position, Bella?" I sighed. It was going to be a long afternoon.
Chapter 28—Balance
Edward.
I glanced up to see Alice standing at the back of the room, at the entrance under
the stairs. She was practically humming with excitement.
Come and see me in the kitchen, she thought, and then suddenly was singing the
Star Spangled Banner in her head. She was obviously trying to hide some secret
from me. I rolled my eyes and then nodded. As I turned back, I caught Charlie
watching us, taking in our obvious, silent exchange. He looked away quickly.
I sighed quietly. Keeping our subtle or less than subtle, in some cases, differences
from Charlie had been harder than expected over the course of the long afternoon.
In spite of his desire not to know more, Charlie was just not capable of turning off
his policeman's brain, too long trained to notice and record the details of his
surroundings.
Even with Emmett's nearly constant sports commentary, and numerous jokes and
jabs at Bella's expense, Charlie had been quiet and thoughtful most of the day. He
was unable to avoid noting the similar tone of my family's skin, including Bella.
When Bella's hands moved too quickly as she talked or her voice rose too loud, he
tried to look away, but later would notice Alice flitting across the room with similar
speed. He had watched with carefully concealed interest as a rather panicked
looking Bella had passed on increasingly squirmy Renesmee off to Rose to be fed in
the kitchen.
He also still harbored a suspicion that Bella might be able to turn into an animal like
Jacob, despite his reassurances otherwise, and had spent some time trying to
decide what kind of animal it might be, until he got frustrated with his own
thoughts. You don't want to know, he had chided himself.
Nessie was asleep now, contented and back in Bella's arms. The second college
football game was coming to a close, with a resounding loss for the University of
Tennessee.
"Whoa, I bet a lot of people lost their shirts betting on that one," Emmett said. His
eyes glittered. "Still got your shirt on, Bella? I bet you keep it all on."
Bella stared pointedly at the TV, attempting to ignore this latest comment. Charlie
glanced at Bella blankly, his mind distracted and confused. ...don't get it...
I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She gave me a strained smile. I got up and
headed towards the kitchen.
Jasper caught my eye. He was leaning against the wall, looking casual but ever
vigilant. She's doing great, he thought. The longer Charlie had remained in the
room, the heavier his scent had become in the air. We could handle it easily - but
Bella should have been going out of her mind with thirst by now. Except that she
wasn't.
I shook my head at him to indicate my ever increasing amazement, and then
headed into the kitchen. Alice was in there with Esme, who had something clutched
in her arms and was absolutely glowing. Alice was bouncing up and down on her
toes and quietly clapping her hands.
I smiled at them. "Well?" We're going to set up Nessie's crib! Alice danced around in
a little circle, unable to contain her excitement. She can
sleep with you in the cottage tonight!
I paused with surprise, and then felt deep warmth spread through my chest at the
thought of bringing my daughter to our home to sleep in her own bed. Alice read
my expression, and she bounced up and kissed me on the cheek.
Esme and I will go and get things all set up right now. Of course, the room needs
some serious redecorating, and we have to figure out where to put Nessie's clothes.
There just won't be enough room in your closet, so we might have to add another
closet. She quickly sketched in her mind an additional closet that rivaled even the
one off our bedroom.
I raised my eyebrows and glanced at Esme, who was smiling warmly, unaware of
Alice's thoughts. She was not going to like that idea. Neither would Bella.
We really thought you'd like to keep her with you, Esme thought.
"Thank you," I murmured, looking at both of them.
Alice touched Esme's arm. "I'll meet you in the garage," she whispered. The
wrought iron crib they had purchased a couple days ago had been stored out there.
Esme had originally hoped to shop for an antique wooden cradle, but within the first
day it had become obvious Renesmee would need something sturdier. The crib had
been one of Alice and Rose's purchases when they had gone out shopping for
clothes for Nessie.
Esme nodded and Alice turned to glare at me. Don't tell Bella yet! I nodded and she
disappeared. I glanced down at the folded object in Esme's arms and cocked my
head questioningly.
She smiled. Sheets for the crib. Studying them, I was surprised to find they were
not the familiar pink, but a soft, sky blue. They were delicately decorated with pure
white clouds. I reached out and traced the edges of one with my finger.
"An angel should sleep in the clouds," Esme said quietly. Her soft eyes rose up to
meet mine, and she reached out and touched my cheek.
There was an uncomfortable cough from the doorway behind us. We turned, finding
Jacob behind us. "Sorry," he said. "I was just, you know..." He gestured towards
the refrigerator. Looking for food. "What a surprise," I muttered. He flushed,
glancing at Esme. "Eat whatever you want, dear," she said kindly. Jacob glanced
down at the sheets in her arms. "What are those?" he asked. I held my finger to lip.
"Secret," I mouthed. "For Renesmee's new crib."
"Oh," he said in surprise. Suppose she needs one. Guess she can't sleep in our
arms forever. He looked behind me out into the hall. Where did you set it up? The
office? His mind briefly filled with a vision of himself sitting in Carlisle's office,
patiently watching a sleeping Renesmee through the bars of a crib.
I sighed, realizing a turning point was coming that Jacob did not yet see. I caught
Esme's eye, and she nodded. We'll be back shortly.
I checked on Bella through Jasper's eyes, finding her distracted, discussing Renee's
newest hobby, jewelry making, with Charlie. Charlie, looking embarrassed, was
telling her Renee had sent samples of her new creations to the female Cullens. I
turned to Jacob.
"The crib will go in the cottage, Jacob," I said in a low voice. "Nessie will sleep
there, with Bella and me. Her parents." He blinked a couple times, and I watched as
the reality of my words sunk in, his shoulders lowering slightly as some of the life
drained out of his face. Damn.
We had been ensconced in a surreal state since Renesmee's birth. As I had been
suspended in time, waiting for Bella to wake, and we had all faced so much
unknown, circumstances had allowed Jacob to spend almost every moment in
Nessie's presence. I could see that he had known it would end, eventually, that
things would have to change. But now he felt the pain of letting go. The last few
days had been a blur for him, and yet were the most extraordinary of his life,
because of Nessie. And he didn't know, yet, how to be away from her.
"Maybe it's time you went home, Jacob," I said gently.
He stiffened immediately. Are you saying you want me out of here? Panic laced his
thoughts, and a defensive anger brimmed to the surface.
I felt a rush of familiar irritation. Why does he always have to be so defensive? I
took a calming breath, not intending to get in an argument.
"No, Jacob," I whispered. "It's just...my family. Bella, Nessie and I – we've had a
rough start. We need some time together, just us." I sighed. "You can't be here all
the time. There has to be...balance."
I paused, feeling the weight, and truth, of my own words. It was time for us all to
find balance. There had been imbalance between Bella and me since the day we
met. Since the first moment I saw her. Physical hurtles creating impossible inequity.
Inescapable emotional barriers created by discord over Bella's future, human or
immortal.
And Jacob had brought for a time a new imbalance into our relationship, creating a
painful, unsteady asymmetry of three where there should have only been two. His
life had also been out of focus, too long in love with one just beyond his grasp. And
now – while I knew that Jacob felt his imprint on our daughter created a sort of
symmetry, the nature of this powerful connection made him prone to extremes. As
Bella and I finally found balance with each other, he needed to try as well.
"You haven't seen your father since you left," I said softly. "And there is your pack's
future to figure out, as well as Sam's." I sighed. "And school, Jacob. You're young.
You need to think about your education." I grimaced at my own words, suddenly
feeling like my father.
School, Jacob grumbled internally as he looked away. I could see he had no
immediate plans to return. But there was nothing I could do about that. I
considered pointing out that the others who had imprinted in the pack went on, to a
certain extent at least, with their normal lives. But perhaps it was too soon for that
discussion.
Finally he glanced back at me with a resigned expression. I know you and Bella
need time alone with her, he thought. I want her to have a family. A miserable
edge crept into his mind as he averted his gaze again. I only ever want her to be
happy. That's all I want.
I closed my eyes momentarily as the sympathy I didn't really want to feel began to
seep in. Damn his sincerity. He did only want to make her happy. How could I
pretend not to understand that?
I took a deep breath, opening my eyes. "Having you around is one of the things
that make her happy," I said softly. His eyes rose to mine, brightening slightly, and
gratitude flashed across his face. "And I'm not telling you to leave. I'm just
suggesting you remember the other things in your life. You are welcome here,
anytime. In moderation." I stressed the last word, although I suspected his
definition of moderation and mine were probably drastically different things.
Jacob nodded slightly. Thanks, Edward. I appreciate that. Then he grinned. Guess
you're not that bad for a bloodsucker.
I laughed once. "I'll take that." I reached out tentatively and grasped his shoulder
briefly, before turning and heading back into the living room. The second game had
officially ended, and sports commentary was beginning. Charlie was still settled in
his chair.
Talk about overstaying your welcome, Rose thought irritably. He's as bad as those
wolves. I gave her a dark look, and her expression turned slightly chagrined. Sorry,
but I'm so sick of football.
I considered letting her know she was welcome to leave moved slowly through the
sports show, and then the 5 o'clock news. Eventually Esme and Alice returned,
slipping quietly into the room. Emmett inquired into Bella's preferences on bed style
("I bet you like something sturdy"), and even went as far as to ask Charlie if he had
heard the sounds of two animals mating in the forest the night before. Finally,
though, an uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Charlie was staring at
Bella, going back over the time since she arrived to live with him, looking for the
signs he had missed that she was getting involved in all this.
Well, I'm starving. Seth stretched dramatically, and then stood up. "It's 5:30. You
gonna stand Billy and my mom up, Charlie?" Jacob had quietly instructed Seth
earlier to accompany Charlie to dinner at his mother's house. Seth also hadn't been
home since leaving the pack. "C'mon. Bella and Nessie'll be here tomorrow. Let's
get some grub, eh?"
Anxiety mottled Charlie's thoughts at Seth's words, and he glanced nervously at
Bella and Nessie, sitting next to him. ...be here tomorrow... Jacob had told him
earlier in the forest that our family had been planning to leave – would be forced to
leave because of the secrets we held. He had stayed so long today partly because
he was afraid to leave. Fearful that we wouldn't be here when he returned. Scared
that Bella might change even more in his absence. Or find herself in more danger.
Finally he took a deep breath and nodded, patting his stomach and standing up. My
family rose with him. "Well," he said, turning to Carlisle. "Uh, thanks for the
hospitality." He slowly held out his hand, and Carlisle reached out and grasped it,
shaking firmly. Charlie made quick note of his icy skin, trying to recall if he had
noticed it before during interactions with my father at the hospital. Then he nodded
at Esme. "Good to see you again." She smiled back warmly and he met her eyes, a
realization of their golden hue washing over him. ...familiar... He looked at me, my
eyes reflecting a similar color, and then slowly he took in my family around him,
varying shades of the same golden amber. ...idiot...never noticed before...how. His
gaze rested on Bella ...so different...such a strange brown...almost like...
Emmett suddenly slapped Charlie on the shoulder, making him stumble forward a
couple steps and earning a glare from everyone but me. I was glad for the
interruption to Charlie's thought process. "Great watching the games with you,
man."
Ow, Charlie thought, smiling at Emmett weakly. "Yeah, thanks. Bye, everyone." He
turned and faced me, his slightly cool eyes appraising. They flickered to Bella and
Nessie at his side, and then back to me again. ...can I trust him...keep them
safe...I hope... "Edward," he said, inclining his head.
"Thanks for coming by, Charlie," I said sincerely. "Your...visit...means a lot to Bella.
And myself." Charlie's gaze softened slightly as love for his daughter, and new
granddaughter, flushed into his mind.
"Well, see you, guys," Seth said brightly. He tugged on Charlie's sleeve. Charlie
glanced up at Seth. When did this kid grow so tall, he thought.
"Yeah, I'm coming," he mumbled, watching Seth lope quickly out the outside.
"I'll walk you out, Dad," Bella said. She moved with her father towards the door,
Jasper and I trailing behind at a cautious distance.
Charlie sighed as they reached the front porch, turning towards her. "I don't know
how much we should tell Renee about this," he said.
"I know," Bella said. "I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff
isn't for the fainthearted."
Charlie cringed internally, wondering what else there was he didn't know. "I would
have tried to protect you, too, if I'd known how," he said softly. ...still will ... His
mouth twisted into a small smile. "But I guess you've never fit into the fainthearted
category, have you?"
Bella smiled, inhaling. Jasper and I tensed with her as she burned.
Charlie frowned slightly. ...what to tell Renee... "I'll think of something. We've got
time to discuss this, right?"
"Right," Bella said.
But how much time... "Jake says you guys were going to take off on me," he
murmured, hurt tingeing his thoughts.
Bella looked apologetic. "I didn't want to do that if there was any way at all around
it," she said softly. "That's why we're still here."
"He said you'd stay for a while, but only if I'm tough enough, and if I can keep my
mouth shut." "Yes...but..." Bella looked pained. "I can't promise that we'll never
leave, Dad. It's pretty complicated." Curiosity flared for a moment in Charlie's
mind, and then he pushed it away. "Need to know." "Right."
"You'll visit, though, if you have to go?" "I promise, Dad. Now that you know just
enough, I think this can work. I'll keep as close as you want."
...always want you close, Bella. I realized Charlie was leaning in for an unexpected
hug, and took an anxious step forward. Could Bella keep it together being pressed
against him? Jasper circled around behind me to be in a closer position.
Bella reached out an arm and wrapped it around his waist. "Keep real close, Bells,"
Charlie murmured. "Real close."
"Love you, Dad," Bella whispered roughly. She was clenching her teeth. Then he
pulled away and she straightened, in control.
I couldn't believe she had touched a human, and still managed her instincts. She
hadn't even fed today! When I thought of how his body must have felt under her
newborn hands – soft and warm, coursing with blood just under the surface – she
was just incredible.
Jasper caught my eye, shrugging and backing away slowly. She doesn't need us. If
she can do that, she's got this. I don't think I could have done that right now.
I nodded, waiting another second before backing away, moving silently up to the
piano. I looked around the room for a moment. The atmosphere had quickly
rebounded, and it felt satisfying to see my family fall back into some of the normal
patterns of existence that had too long been put on hold. Carlisle disappeared for a
second, returning with a book on genetic research for himself, and Esme's sketch
pad, which she hadn't picked up in days. Alice had drawn Jasper over to the stairs,
where she caressed his head in her lap and tried to ease the tension of the day out
of him. Rose had dragged Emmett over to build a card house with her, a passion
carried over from her human life.
Jacob, unbelievably, was in the kitchen again. Looking down, I played a few notes
lightly on the piano, remembering the tune I had been thinking of for Nessie.
Charlie was admiring Renesmee. "Do I ever get to hold her?" Bella stiffened slightly,
examining Nessie, but I knew she was deeply asleep, her mind immersed in colors
and starry images of loved ones. Bella carefully passed the baby to Charlie.
Charlie felt a flash of surprise as Renesmee's weight moved into his arms.
"She's...sturdy." Bella looked surprised. "Sturdy is good," Charlie went on. "She'll
need to be tough, surrounded by all this craziness." He rocked her slightly, again
reminded of Bella at this age. Seems like yesterday. Nessie's curls swayed slightly
against her fair skin, just the slightest flush on her cheeks. ...like an angel...
"Prettiest baby I ever saw, including you, kid. Sorry, but it's true." Bella grinned. "I
know it is."
Charlie leaned closer to Renesmee. She smells good... "Pretty baby," he murmured
gently. ...my granddaughter...hope they're safe...
"Can I come back tomorrow?" he asked suddenly. Keep an eye on things.
"Sure, Dad. Of course. We'll be here."
"You'd better be."
I tried to concentrate on my song, giving them privacy for final good-byes. I was
thinking of something light and playful. I ran through a couple of arpeggios, trying
to decide on a key.
I heard Charlie's steps on the front stairs, and I glanced over to see Bella standing
in the doorway, watching him go. She stood there long after he had driven out the
drive and onto the freeway. I gave her a few moments with her thoughts,
continuing to play quietly.
"Wow," Bella finally whispered, breaking her reverie. I got up and moved swiftly
across the room, wrapping my arms around her waist.
"You took the words right out of my mouth," I said in her ear.
"Edward, I did it." Relief painted her voice.
"You did," I said, kissing her neck. "You were unbelievable. All that worrying over
being a newborn, and then you skip it altogether." And she always accused me of
being good at everything.
"I'm not even sure she's really a vampire, let alone a newborn," Emmett called out.
"She's too tame."
Bella's head whipped in the direction of his voice and she growled, eyes flashing
angry red. It seemed she'd reached the end of her rope with Emmett. Actually,
she'd probably reached it a long time ago but couldn't do anything with Charlie
here.
Please. "Oooo, scary," Emmett mocked. I'm shaking here. Bella hissed loudly,
waking Nessie, who squirmed and then inhaled, searching for Charlie's scent. Her
instinct to
use scent before sight, much as my kind did, surprised me. She touched Bella's
cheek, showing his face. "Charlie will be back tomorrow," Bella said, calming
slightly. "Excellent." Emmett grinned, rubbing his hands together. Rose laughed
next to him. Bella growled angrily. Behind her, Jasper raised his eyebrows. Do I
have to stop her if she attacks him? I hope not.
Emmett was such an idiot. Rather than trying to keep Bella calm, he was
intentionally antagonizing her – had been all day. Despite his bravado, Emmett
actually had no direct experience with trying to handle a newborn, except for the
ones he had torn to pieces last spring. But Bella was no brainless, blood crazed
creature. And clearly Emmett was having difficulty recalling his own newborn days,
when we all had to walk on eggshells for a year to keep him from blowing up and
destroying the house.
I recalled suddenly a conversation I had had with Bella a few months back,
regarding how strong she would be as a newborn. "As strong as Emmett?" Bella
had asked.
"Yes," I had said, wondering how Emmett would handle not being the strongest one
of us for once."Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It
would be a good experience for him."
Yes! Alice cheered mentally as she saw a vision of Bella and Emmett arm wrestling
at the table. Teach him a lesson.
"Not brilliant, Emmett," I said, reaching out to take Renesmee from Bella. She
would need her hands free. She glanced at me in confusion, and I winked, letting
her know I had a plan. I slid my hands under Nessie, and folded her soft body into
my arms.
"What do you mean?" Emmett asked suspiciously.
I knew just how to get a rise out of him. "It's a little dense, don't you think, to
antagonize the strongest vampire in the house."
Emmett laughed loudly once. "Please!" Strongest my ass! "Bella," I said softly, but
clearly loud enough for Emmett to hear. "Do you remember a few months ago, I
asked
you to do me a favor once you were immortal?"
Bella face clouded for a moment, as she struggled to sift through human memories.
Then, suddenly, her eyes brightened. "Oh!" she gasped.
Alice's vision shifted, clearly showing Bella easily slamming Emmett's hand into the
table, a stunned look on his face. She burst out laughing. Jasper, Carlisle and Esme
watched, looking slightly perplexed, as Jacob appeared from the kitchen. What's so
funny?
Emmett glared at Alice for a moment, and then looked back at me. "What?" he
growled.
"Really?" Bella asked. I could see the doubt in her eyes that her strength could
possibly match Emmett's. I smiled – forget match it, she would exceed it.
"Trust me." She nodded, taking a deep breath and turning to Emmett. "Emmett,
how do you feel about a bet?" Sweet! Few things made Emmett happier than a bet.
He jumped up. "Awesome. Bring it." Rosalie stood up quickly next to him, putting
her hands on her hips. Don't get him started, Edward! I ignored her. Bella was
looking nervous again, biting her lip. "Unless you're too afraid...?" Emmett taunted.
The girl's not fool enough to take me on. Bella's eyes flashed, and she stiffened,
pointing a finger at him. "You. Me. Arm-wrestling. Dining room table. Now."
Excellent. Emmett grinned widely, and his eyes met mine for a second. Hope you
don't mind your woman getting her ass kicked, my brother.
Alice shifted nervously, surveying her vision, which showed Esme's much-loved
dining room table smashed to splinters. Esme will kill us!
"Er, Bella," she said, "I think Esme is fairly fond of that table. It's an antique."
Esme's eyes widened in realization. Oh my. "Thanks," she mouthed silently at Alice.
"No problem," Emmett said, smiling. Alice's vision moved to the large boulder
behind the garage. "Right this way, Bella."
Emmett turned and headed out the back. I took Bella's hand, squeezing it, and we
followed with the rest of the family, with even Jacob trailing along. Renesmee
placed her hand on my face, replaying the exchange in my mind, confused and
questioning "You'll see in a minute," I whispered, and kissed the top of her head.
She pressed into me, sighing quietly.
Emmett reached the stone and bent his arm, placing his elbow against the granite
surface. His eyes glittered with anticipation at Bella. He waved at her to come
closer. Prepare for defeat.
Bella paused a couple feet away, looking uncertain. Her eyes flickered for a moment
between Emmett's unnaturally bulging biceps to her own arms.
Come on, Bella, Alice pleaded, as she temporarily lost the vision. You can do this!
Suddenly, Bella smoothed her expression and bent her arm against the boulder.
"Okay, Emmett," she growled, her face serious. "I win, and you cannot say one
more word about my sex life to anyone, not even Rose. No allusions, no innuendos
– no nothing."
Emmett looked at her appraisingly. "Deal. I win, and it's going to get a lot worse."
And you ain't seen nothing yet, kid. His grin grew as Bella froze in dismay.
"You gonna back down so easy, little sister?" Emmett widened his eyes innocently.
"Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage doesn't have a scratch. Did
Edward tell you how many houses Rose and I smashed?" And ten times as many
beds.
Bella's eyes narrowed to crimson slits, and she ground her teeth. She grabbed his
hand. "One, two-"
"Three." Here we go. I felt a slight pang of anxiety as Emmett shoved against
Bella's hand with all his strength, wanting to take her down quickly. But her hand
didn't move. What the... Emmett's face twisted in confusion and shock, and he
shifted so that he could bear even more force down on Bella's arm.
Nothing. God dammit. What the hell! No God damn way I'm losing this. She is not
stronger than me. His face creased under the strain, and yet there was no
movement of Bella's hand. I relaxed, pleased.
Oh, this is so much fun! Alice thought delightedly, exchanging a smile with Jasper.
Five more seconds before she puts him in his place!
Jacob was watching open-mouthed. He was well aware of Emmett's strength from
our battle with the newborns. He found it almost impossible to equate Bella's
physical power with the girl he had known. Damn, he thought.
Bella's was staring at her arm and Emmett's with a slightly surprised expression.
Her muscles were relaxed, and I didn't think she was even applying any pressure.
Then her eyes narrowed and her muscles twitched slightly, pushing Emmett's arm
back an inch. She laughed in delight.
No! Emmett snarled in fury and frustration.
"Just keep your mouth shut," Bella said sweetly, and she smashed Emmett's hand
into the rock. A fissure opened under their hands, and a portion of the rock fell off,
slamming into Emmett's foot. He looked down with furious surprise. Dammit!
I choked back laughter, pressing my face into Renesmee's hair to try to muffle the
sound. Alice jumped up and down, clapping her hands. You go girl!
This is bullshit! Emmett launched the rock off his foot and across the river, where it
smashed through one tree before knocking down two others. It was a fluke! I
wasn't ready. He turned to glare at me. You tricked me! I couldn't hold back my
laughter at this.
Esme looked at the downed trees unhappily while Carlisle patted her arm. Nessie's
hand shot up to my neck and she replayed Emmett's outburst several times with a
mixture of confusion and amusement.
Emmett whirled on Bella. "Rematch. Tomorrow." Bella blinked innocently. "It's not
going to wear off that fast," she said. "Maybe you ought to give it a month."
Emmett growled. In your dreams, baby. "Tomorrow," he snarled. "Hey, whatever
makes you happy, big brother." Emmett turned, punching the boulder, creating a
spray of crushed rock, before charging back towards the house.
Oh, real mature, thought Rosalie in irritation. She turned and glared at me. Thanks
for nothing, Edward. Now I have to listen to him sulk all night! She stalked away
after Emmett, and I quickly got out of her mind as she began to formulate plans to
help him feel better. I had a feeling he'd be happy soon enough.
There was a loud, grating noise and I turned quickly to see Bella pulverizing a
handful of rock with a delighted look on her face. "Cool," she said quietly, grinning,
and then whirled in a blinding circle and smashed the rock with the side of her
other hand. There was a sharp crack, and the rock fell apart in two pieces.
Nice, thought Jasper, smiling and nodding. Bella began to giggle, pulling back her
arm and punching one of the halves, splintering it into several pieces. She spun
again and kicked at the other half, smashing it into a dozen small pieces. One flew
past Jacob's head and he ducked.
Now she's really lost it, he thought, chuckling. Further up the lawn, Rose and Em
had stopped to watch. Show-off, Emmett grumbled, and then grinned.
I watched with pleasure as exhilaration filled Bella's face, her laughter elated, as
she stomped and kicked and punched, clearly reveling in the abandon of letting her
strength flow through her limbs. She was a sleek and graceful vision of destruction,
and I drank her in.
So long I had feared Bella would hate me if she ever became one of us, hate me for
making her a monster like myself. Seeing her joy in this moment was a balm for
many agonizing moments of indecision and apprehension. I remembered Jacob's
words from earlier. I only ever want her to be happy. This was all I had ever wanted
for Bella - to see laughter, delight, and happiness in her face, although I had often
not known how to create it.
Renesmee squirmed in my arms, chortling quietly. Bella suddenly jumped,
somersaulted twice in the air and came down, smashing the few remaining bits of
rock to dust under her feet. Nessie drew in a quick breath of surprise, and then
suddenly she laughed. Not the bubbly giggles of infanthood we had heard from her
before, but a high, clear, almost adult peal of laughter that echoed softly around us.
Mommy. Funny.
I looked at her in amazement as this new sound left her lips. There was sudden
silence, and I glanced up to see Bella staring.
"Did she just laugh?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Yes," I murmured, smiling.
Jasper had been enjoying the flow of emotions coming from Bella, happiness and
pleasure. Now, almost instinctively, he reached out from behind me and touched
Nessie's arm, absorbing her pure, innocent joy. Ahh,he thought with a contented
smile, basking in the emotion. Standing next to him, Alice squeezed him around the
waist with her small arm, pleased to see him so happy.
"Who wasn't laughing?" Jake rolled his eyes. Considering the production you were
putting on! Like he doesn't understand the thrill of new power. "Tell me you didn't
let go a bit on your first run, dog," I said,
raising my eyebrows.
"That's different," Jacob said, giving me a light punch in the shoulder. Hey, I'm just
a kid, remember? He smiled. "Bella's supposed to be a grown-up. Married and a
mom and all that. Shouldn't there be more dignity?"
Nessie touched my face, replaying the scene of Bella pulverizing the stone several
times, slightly insistent, her message clear. More.
"What does she want?" Bella asked anxiously. I grinned. "Less dignity. She was
having almost as much fun watching you enjoy yourself as I was."
"Am I funny?" Bella smiled brightly at Nessie, flitting over and taking her from my
arms. She gave her a small slice of rock from her hand. "Do you want to try?"
Carlisle stepped forward slightly, interested in this test of Nessie's strength. His
mind did a quick calculation of the pressure per centimeter necessary to crush the
stone.
Nessie smiled, teeth bright, and squeezed the rock in her small palm, her face
creasing with exertion. She opened her hand – she had ground the rock down
slightly but it was still intact.
Fascinating, Carlisle thought, already cataloguing other substances he would
present her with to see how her strength compared with ours.
Nessie held up the stone to Bella. "I'll get it," she said, taking the stone between
her thumb and forefinger and pressing it into sand. Nessie clapped her hands,
laughing loudly again, and everyone smiled.
Suddenly, heat bathed over me. I glanced up to see the sun move out of the
clouds, its rays slicing through the brilliant red-orange sky of sunset. I moved my
eyes down slowly to the vision beside me. Bella glittered, a thousand diamond
sunsets, iridescent loveliness of every discernable color. I let the crystal beauty of
her skin blind me with pleasure for a moment. I had seen the skin of my kind in the
light of the sun countless times before, seen my own skin reflect in the golden rays.
But with Bella, it was different somehow. Everything was new, and more intense,
and more beautiful with her.
Nessie touched Bella's face, filling her mind with a comparative vision of her slightly
luminescent skin against Bella's brilliance. There was something of an envious edge
to the thought, and an acknowledgement and yet question of the contrast. I felt a
flash of worry, as I realized that the differences between herself and her parents
were beginning to quickly gather in Nessie's mind. As advanced as she was, it
might be a while before she grasped the idea that those precious, irreplaceable
human traits belonged to a part of her mother she had only known in the womb.
"You're the prettiest," Bella said reassuringly.
"I'm not sure I can agree to that," I said, smiling. Their beauty was of equal
miracle. Bella turned to me as if to speak, but fell silent, merely holding my eyes.
Ugh. Too weird. Jacob held up his hand as if to ward off the glow. "Freaky Bella."
Alice narrowed her eyes at him. She's gorgeous, she thought. "What an amazing
creature she is," I said softly in agreement.
We all watched in silence as Bella regarded her shining arms, her crimson eyes
reflecting the shimmering colors with a dozen facets of red. Finally, Jacob moved,
kicking at the ground nervously.
"Well," he said with a forced casualness, glancing at me, "I think I'll take off for a
while. Swing by the Clearwater's and make sure Charlie is doing all right." He
frowned suddenly, thinking he probably should have warned Billy and Sue in
advance that Charlie was now in on the secret.
"I'd really appreciate that," Bella said earnestly.
"But I'll be back in a few hours," he responded quickly, a desperate tone creeping
into his voice. I'll run the woods, he thought looking at me. Then he turned his eyes
to Nessie, and she held out a small hand towards him. He leaned forward and she
touched his neck, filling his mind with a memory of walking along the river with
him.
"Tomorrow," he said. "I promise." He took her hand from his neck and gave it a
squeeze before letting it go. "Goodnight, Ness."
Jacob, she thought with affection, flashing brilliant teeth. "Bye, Jake," Bella said. He
smiled broadly at her. "Bye." He glanced around at my family. "See ya."
"Take care, Jacob," Carlisle said. We all murmured goodbye. Except Rose. He
turned, ran up the slope and disappeared around the house. Off to the side in the
forest, there was a snap of branches and a flash of fur – Leah moving to meet him.
Jasper suddenly shifted next to me, his focus on Bella as he felt a sudden burn of
thirst. I turned to see Bella touch her throat anxiously. I bent close to her ear.
"Time to hunt again?" I asked in a quiet voice.
"Ooh." Alice clapped her hands. "Let's all go together."
Bella frowned. "We can't bring Renesmee," she said, her voice slightly panicky as
she clutched the baby to her.
Esme stepped forward, smiling. "Carlisle and I would be happy to stay with
Renesmee." Her eyes were alight with the prospect of having Nessie to herself.
"Please, you kids go and have fun."
Bella glanced at me and I nodded, smiling reassuringly. She handed Nessie to
Esme. Everyone smiled at each other, pleased. Jasper was particularly anxious to
hunt after a long day bathed in Charlie's scent. Even Emmett brightened, moving
closer.
"Hunting. Great idea." He grinned at Bella. "Maybe it will finally bring out the
animal in you." "Hey!" She punched his shoulder and he winced. "You lost that bet!
No more comments!"
Rose came up behind him. "Yeah, time to shut up, Emmett." She grabbed his hand
and pulled. "Come on." We all turned and ran, flying across the lawn together, Bella
quickly pulling in front.
"Bella!" Alice called. Bella slowed and Alice grabbed her hand. They jumped the
river together, Alice pulling Bella into a synchronized somersault halfway over.
Behind us, I could hear a shriek of delight from Nessie. The rest of us leapt at
random intervals, nothing but a soft brush of air as we landed.
I reclaimed Bella's hand from Alice and we ran together for a few moments. But
soon she pulled away, chasing Emmett up into the trees, where they taunted each
other, launching branches to try to knock the other down. Alice and Jasper
disappeared somewhere off to the side together, while Rose stayed out in front.
Finally, Bella appeared like an arrow in front of me. "Where are we going?" she
asked.
"You'll see." I grinned. Everyone was automatically heading towards a large boulder
at the foot of the hills we called "The Rock" – our normal launching off spot for any
group hunt.
Bella broke out in front again, and I ran beside her before catching her hand and
pulling her gently to a stop as the large stone rose out of forest before us.
"Wow," she said, looking up.
Rose appeared out of the forest, running past us and climbing straight up to the top
of the rock, some twenty feet above. Alice and Jasper slipped through the trees,
pausing by us. Then Emmett burst out behind them, leaving bent and trampled
branches in his wake, and scrambled up to the top of the rock. He grabbed Rose,
bending her over backwards and kissing her before throwing his head back and
roaring.
"I am vampire. Hear me roar!" he bellowed.
"Idiot," Rose scoffed. "Get off me, Em." She straightened, giving him a shove. "Stop
acting like an animal."
He slapped her on the bottom. "Oh, come on, babe – you know you love it."
Alice and Jasper were laughing. Jasper grabbed Alice around the waist, lifting her
off her feet and biting her lightly on the neck. She shrieked, kicking wildly.
Bella was watching my siblings with interest, her eyes bright with excitement, and
some surprise in her expression. I realized she'd never truly seen my brothers and
sisters in a totally relaxed, carefree form.
Something Carlisle had always schooled us on was that one of the keys to
successful, safe interaction with humans was physical and, most importantly,
emotional moderation. Our dangerous, instinctive nature was provoked by scent
and thirst, but it could also be triggered by any extreme emotion: anger, despair,
excitement. I had, of course, learned to show all of my true self to Bella long ago. I
had too. But my siblings, even though they were mostly completely comfortable
around Bella, had remained somewhat restrained in her presence, under the advice
of Carlisle.
This ability to finally let go and be himself around Bella was particularly freeing for
Jasper, who had now slung Alice over his shoulder while she giggled and beat him
on the back. Emmett was murmuring quietly into Rose's ear above us. Glancing at
Bella, I was suddenly hit by the very boyish thrill that for once, I was not the tag
along with the two couples on this hunting trip. I was not on the outside. I was not
alone. I had my own mate with me. My wife, I thought with giddy satisfaction.
Feeling exhilarated, I grabbed Bella suddenly to kiss her. Too suddenly. Surprised,
her hands shot out defensively, hitting my chest and sending me flying several feet
backwards where I landed hard in a sitting position on the ground. There was a
moment of stunned silence as my siblings turned and stared, and then everyone
around me, except Bella, burst out laughing.
Emmett jumped down from the rock next to me, howling with laughter. "That was
awesome, Bella," he choked out. "High five." He held up his hand, which Bella
looked at in horror for a second before turning back to me.
"Edward, I..."
"Oh, he's fine, Bella," Emmett said. He grabbed me under the shoulders, trying to
haul me up. "See if you can do it again."
I shook him off irritably and stood up by myself, trying to cover my embarrassment.
I reached out, slowly this time, taking Bella in my arms. She still looked stunned.
"It's alright, sweetheart," I said, laughing lightly. "I asked for it."
"Yes, but..." she stammered. "Don't sweat it, Bella," Jasper said. "None of us can
ever get an upper hand on him. It's been a long time coming." "Yeah, Bella,"
Emmett said. "And who would have guessed that you like it rough." Bella twisted in
my arms to glare at him. "Emmett," she said in a warning voice. Rose jumped
down, still laughing. "Come on, let's hunt."
We took off in a group again. Jasper and I scouted out to the sides, searching for
mountain lion, but none were around. Bella caught a scent and we followed her to a
large clearing filled with a herd of elk. We stood silently just within the trees
together.
"Ugh," Bella whispered. "I really wish they smelled better."
Jasper grinned. "I am totally with you on that one, Bella."
"Complaints, complaints," Alice muttered. "I see you both enjoying it just fine."
"Well," Emmett said from behind us. "Last one in is a rotten egg!" And then he was
flying over us, landing in the middle of the herd and yelling "Boo!"
The elk screamed with terror and scattered. Watching them flee immediately
triggered all of my instincts, narrowing my vision as a rush of flames shot up my
throat. I went for a large buck when I heard Emmett yell "Edward, catch."
Seeing his thoughts, I whipped my head around just as he launched an elk right at
me. I caught it easily, breaking its spine and emptying it in a moment, the hot
blood, as always, inexplicably and imperfectly cooling to my blazing throat.
"Grow up," I yelled at Emmett. He grinned back, an elk in either hand. I whirled,
looking for Bella. She was on the ground again, gripping a struggling buck. One
already lay dead beside her. I grabbed one more elk, draining it quickly and then
jogged over to her. She looked up at me from the now still elk, and then shook her
head and rolled her eyes.
"Perfectly clean again," she muttered.
"And you're a perfect mess again," complained Alice, coming up behind us. Jasper
was just inside the borders of the forest, draining his third carcass. He preferred to
feed on his own, out of sight.
Alice reached out a hand and pulled Bella to her feet, shaking her head. Bella's
white shirt was smeared with dirt and blood, and her jeans were ripped.
"You. Me. Closet. Now." "Alice," I said sternly. "Tomorrow."
She huffed and crossed her arms. I'm going to hold you to that! She caught a
vision of a sullen Bella dressed in a gold sundress standing before her in the cottage
closet, and smiled. That's better.
Her thirst sated, Bella's face suddenly creased with worry. "I want to get back to
Renesmee," she said.
"Of course, love." "I'll grab Jazz," Alice said, spinning and heading into the forest.
"It was fun watching you finally get dirty, Bella" Emmett said. She tried to swing at
him but he had already darted away, grabbing Rose's hand and taking off into the
forest.
I lifted Bella's hand, kissing her fingers, and then we started back towards home. I
wished we had more time to go further into the mountains. There was so much I
wanted to show her. So many places I wanted to take her.
You have all of eternity, you fool, I thought to myself. Time, finally, was no longer
hanging over us. During Bella's pregnancy, time had been a black evil, inching
unstoppably towards seeming death. Now, the curse was lifted, and there was so
much I wanted to do with her. To do for her.
Thinking of that dark time, I was reminded of one of Bella's wishes as she lay
fading away. I wish we could have visited the meadow again. Another day, she had
said, although at the time hopelessness had forsaken that a new day would ever
arrive. But now, miraculously, it had.
Fantastic idea! Alice chimed in mentally from ahead of me, seeing my plan. Don't
worry, we'll go on ahead. I smiled, suddenly excited. "Bella," I said, pulling her
gently to a stop. She paused, looking at me questioningly.
"Do you remember, when you were...sick, you wanted to visit the meadow again?"
Her face clouded temporarily as she searched her thoughts. "Yes," she said
tentatively.
I smiled wider. "Well, it's about three minutes from here."
She looked startled. She turned her head, staring in the direction of the house. "But
Renesmee..."
I reached out and touched her cheek. "Will be fine with her grandparents for a little
longer. And Rose will be home soon."
Bella's face creased for a moment, and then relaxed. She turned towards me, and
happy anticipation danced in her eyes. I held out my hand to her.
"Shall we?"
Chapter 29 —Absolution
It was twilight when we entered the meadow.
The sun was below the horizon, casting a gentle glow even in its physical absence.
Autumn had begun its descent,
turning the tips of the longest grass a golden brown, weaving in the circling air.
There was a spread of fall flowers,
yellow willowherb and purple aster, and the air spun with drifting insects. The
meadow still smelled of warmth and
sunshine, as if the heat of the setting sun had yet to leave its memory.
I paused at the edge of the grass, letting Bella walk ahead of me into the fading
light. As her form was embraced
by the landscape, I felt myself drawn back into the past, remembering the first time
we had entered this field
together. The first time I had hesitated just outside, riddled then with doubt and
anxiety. I could still taste the
memory of my fear, my apprehension of how she would react when she saw my
inhuman skin in the sun. The sting
of the burning, impossible desire for her to stay with me. And the profound terror of
what would happen if she
didn't – if she ran.
As if aware of my memories, a living ghost of the past, Bella turned when she
reached the middle of the meadow,
reaching out with a hand as if to beckon me, as she had that first time. Her hair
blew gently in the breeze, and
curious excitement, and questions, lit her eyes. My breath caught as it had then,
ever overwhelmed by her beauty
and her smile. But this time, there was no fear. No insurmountable walls. There was
just her. And her hand did not
beckon but instead reached for mine, waiting, confident, perhaps to pull me forward
out of the past. And so I
strode quickly into the openness, reaching my hand out as well, giving into the
magnetic pull until my hand was
clasped in hers.
"What is it?" she asked, eyes searching my face.
"Nothing," I murmured, caressing the back of her hand with my thumb. "Just you.
Here. In this place." I gestured
around the meadow in an arc with my other hand.
"I know," she said quietly, looking around. Her eyes moved restlessly, as if taking in
every detail, before concern
seemed to flash across her face. Her gaze swept around the field one more time,
and then suddenly her breath
caught in her throat, and she shut her eyes with a small, anguished cry.
"Bella!" I said in alarm.
She opened her eyes, and despair was etched in the features of her face.
"What's wrong?" I gasped.
"It's all so beautiful," she said desperately. "So beautiful through these eyes. I
never truly saw it before. It's all
so...so perfect."
I studied her, confused. She shut her eyes again, turning from me and taking a step
away.
"This place," she whispered. "The time we spent here. The beginning. I never want
to forget. It all means so much
to me, and I...I..."
She turned back, eyes searing red with emotion. "I'm so scared, Edward, of losing
those memories. That
everything will be replaced by these new images, so bright and pretty, but so...so
different. My human memories..."
She stumbled over the word human. "I want to remember this place, remember
you here, as I always have."
"You will, Bella," I said quietly. Like everything else about her transition, this
cognizance was unusual. For most of
us, we were too consumed by thirst when we first awoke to worry about the loss of
our human past. And then
when we finally comprehended what we had lost – if we did at all, as most of my
kind had no interest in looking
back at their human life – it could be hard to extract our remembrances from the
gray fog within which they had
became encapsulated. We all seemed to retain the events of our last few minutes of
humanity, and even the odd,
older memory our mind chose to embrace, but beyond that, it required vigilance
and devotion to hold onto specific
memories
She shook her head. "I can feel them slipping away." Her voice was desperate,
nearly inaudible.
"Bella, shh," I said, reaching out and taking her hand, an ache building within me at
the sight of the anguish in her
eyes. But it was a blessing, really, that she was yearning to remember at such an
early point – I believed it would
allow her to retain many more memories than she would have otherwise. "You will
remember. Just keep those
memories alive in your mind, keep bringing them back, and they will stay with you.
I promise. I won't let you lose
them." I pulled her to me, and she came easily, allowing me to wrap myself around
her. I hugged her, pressing my
face into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. I'll remember for both of us, love.
Everything. Every moment.
Bella lay against me for a long moment, while I stroked her back, smoothing my
hand down again and again. Then
she finally sighed, pulling back slightly.
"Sorry," she muttered.
"Don't be." I pulled her a couple feet into the center, and then lowered myself to
the ground. "Sit with me."
Her expression was still slightly clouded, but she nodded and sat swiftly next to me.
We were silent for a moment
as she swept her hand over the top of the long grass, her eyes far away.
"You know, actually, I came here once without you," she murmured absently.
"When you were...gone."
I froze, pain lancing quickly through me. "Yes," I whispered. "I know."
She nodded, eyes on the trees beyond the meadow. Her hand lifted, almost
unconsciously, and touched her chest,
as if remembering a distant, lost pain. She shivered slightly, and then dropped her
arm.
She smiled somewhat grimly. "Well, that's a time I'll be happy to forget."
I felt air pull sharply through my teeth as guilt, familiar guilt, flooded through me. I
had caused the pain she was
happy to forget, by abandoning her.
Bella glanced at me, her expression falling immediately.
"Oh, Edward," she gasped. She lifted a hand to touch my face. "I'm so sorry." She
searched my eyes. "You...you
haven't forgotten. I wish you would. It doesn't matter now."
I leaned into her hand, forcing a smile, knowing that I would never forget. It was as
I deserved. Bella pursed her
lips, like she wanted to say something else, so I bent forward and kissed her gently,
putting my hands on her
shoulders and lowering us until we were lying face to face in the bed of autumn
grass. Her hand reached up and
she ran her fingers through my hair, my skin dancing with pleasure under her
touch. Then she pulled back
abruptly.
"We'll never get back home if we start that," she said wistfully.
I grinned. "I'm sure they'd eventually send out a search party."
Bella snorted. "Oh, I'm sure Emmett would have a field day with that."
I laughed, rolling onto my back, looking up at tableau of the darkening sky above
me, evolving blue-gray clouds
with faint stars suspended between them.
"Tell me more," Bella said, rolling onto her back as well.
"More?" I questioned.
"About when I was, well, out of it. Changing. After you managed not to kill Jake for
the imprint." Her face darkened
slightly.
"Ah." This was not something I was particularly anxious to discuss. The thought of
Bella's still, almost lifeless body,
even with her now safe beside me, was agonizingly clear. But I knew her curiosity
would demand feeding, as
always.
"Well, I cleaned you up a bit. Alice helped." I glanced at her sideways, and she
smiled up at the sky. "Then the
others returned, and Carlisle checked your...your injuries." The memory of the
sound of her spine snapping rung,
cutting, through my mind.
"Oh," Bella said quietly. She stared upward, her brow furrowed as her other hand
brushed over her stomach.
"Bella," I said anxiously, watching her. "You shouldn't dwell on those things." It was
awful enough that those
memories lay crystal clear on my consciousness – she did not need to be burdened
with the memories.
She shrugged. "I don't remember a lot of it." She looked suddenly at me, her hand
still on her stomach. "But I
remember I knew you wouldn't stop fighting to save me. When I wasn't...I don't
know how you did it, Edward. How
you kept going."
I pulled my eyes from her, cringing internally. I didn't want to relive, or describe
aloud, how I had felt as I watched
Bella fading away from me. As I had faded with her.
Finally, I rolled so that I faced her again. "It was very dark," I whispered.
Something sparked in her eyes. "It was dark for me, too. So dark. I felt like I was
losing everything, everyone.
Even you." Her voice caught slightly. "You know what kept me going, in the end."
Her hand tightened into a fist
over her stomach. "Renesmee. I thought of Renesmee."
The world grew very still for a moment. "I thought of her, too," I said quietly. We
stared at each other silently for a
long minute. I thought of the incredible creature we had created, together, one who
not only bound us to each
other, but to the earth itself when we were threatened with a descent into endless
darkness.
Finally, Bella sighed, a smile lighting her eyes. "Speaking of..."
I reached out and brushed a soft wisp of hair from her face. "Time to go back?"
She nodded, and then suddenly grabbed my arm, pulling me up with herself so that
we faced each other on our
knees. Her hands gripped the side of my head, almost too hard.
"Nothing will ever separate us again," she said, her voice fierce. Not even death.
The words hung, unspoken.
"No," I said, matching her fierceness, plunging momentarily into the cold oblivion of
the thought of losing her, and
then reemerging in a surge of conviction I would never let it happen. "Never."
"Together," she growled. "Forever."
Forever. So many times she had asked me for forever, and so many times I had
wondered if she understood the
enormity, the magnitude, of what she asked. And yet, here she was, still asking,
even with eternity now in her
eyes and body.
"Forever."
She nodded her head, as if satisfied, and her hands slid off my face and took my
hands, gripping them tightly
between us. She kissed me hard and then hauled me up to my feet before I could
protest.
"Because watch out – you can't run and hide from me any more." She grinned.
"Bella," I said. Still smiling, she turned, keeping just one of my hands and tugging
me to a run into the forest.
"I hope she's still awake when we get there," Bella said after several seconds of
running. "I don't want to miss
her." Her face creased with worry. "I hate to leave her all night again."
I smiled, pleased I could put aside that worry for her. I pulled her gently to a stop.
This was one reveal Alice would
just have to miss.
"You won't have to leave her," I said. Bella looked at me questioningly. "Alice and
Esme set up of the extra room in
the cottage for her with a crib. We can bring her home with us."
A smile flared on Bella's face. "Let's go," she said anxiously, pulling me towards the
house. After several moments
we passed close by a herd of elk. I half expected Bella to want to hunt them – the
scent was very strong – but her
anxiety to get back to Nessie was stronger.
I can't believe you told her! Alice was shrill in my head as we approached the
house. I laughed as we jumped the
river and came up the lawn. Alice was standing by the back door, hands on her
hips. Rosalie and Emmett emerged
as we came close.
"Where's Renesmee?" Bella asked anxiously.
"Upstairs with Esme," Rose said, smiling.
"Back so soon?" Emmett drawled, looking us up and down. "Why am I not
surprised? Enjoying the scenery too
much to do anything else? If Rose and I had been alone in that meadow we would
have..."
"Emmett Cullen!" Bella shrieked. "That's it! I'm not leaving until we settle this."
Ugh, Alice thought. I foresee more arm wrestling. Images of Bella and Emmett,
arms clasped, filled her head. She'll
win, of course.
I leaned over and kissed Bella's cheek. "I'll get the baby. You go to town on him."
She didn't look at me as I left, glaring at Emmett as he held his arms up in a mock,
defensive pose. Jasper slid out
the door as I went inside.
I'll make sure there isn't any permanent damage, he thought.
I moved quickly through the front room and up both flights of stairs. Esme's
thoughts were in my bedroom. I
quietly pushed open the door. Renesmee was lying on her back on my bed, asleep,
arms and legs splayed out
around her body, copper curls darker than the gold fabric beneath her. Esme
hovered, sitting on the edge of the
bed. She glanced up as I came into the room.
Sorry, she thought. I tried to keep her awake. I think she is only just lightly asleep.
I smiled, sitting down on the bed on the other side of Nessie. Esme and I leaned
over her, watching the rise and
fall of her chest for several minutes. I could hear the steady, swift beat of her heart,
the draw and push of sweet-
scented blood through the delicate veins of her small body. Finally, Esme looked up
at me.
I'm so happy for you, Edward. I don't even know how to put it into words.
I lifted my eyes and nodded. Esme regarded me for a moment, and then she
reached out with one hand and
grasped my arm.
I hope you know you deserve this, Edward, she thought fervently. Every happiness,
you deserve.
My mind flashed suddenly back to the moment in the meadow with Bella, the pain I
had once caused her, and the
constant presence of my unchangeable mistakes. I glanced away quickly. Over the
last couple of days I had been
enamored by my immediate happiness, swept up in the newfound joy of Bella's
reawakening. But I had not truly
faced the demons beneath, layers of guilt and regret, beliefs so long or deeply held
they had become part of the
very fabric of who I was.
I knew that, deep at my core, I still felt unworthy, as I always had. Selfish. Not
deserving. I was blessed with my
sudden fortune, and yet, it was inexplicable. Looking back up, I found Esme's eyes
burning into mine, and knew
she saw into me.
I stared at her silently, and she took my hands in both of hers, so that they were
clasped over Nessie's sleeping
form.
"Edward," she said, her voice quiet but steady. "Would you do anything that would
take Renesmee away from this
earth? Would you change one single thing that led to her being born?"
I shook my head, unable to speak. Esme reached up with one hand, running her
fingers through my hair.
"Oh, Edward," she murmured. "You always take so much on yourself. Even before
you met Bella." Her hand moved
down to touch my shoulder. "And after she came into your life, you were so much
better," her hand moved to my
cheek, "and so much worse. You finally tried to be happy, and yet you despised
yourself for it. You had what you
wanted, but you considered it weakness, a tragedy, to finally reach out and take it.
You carried so much guilt just
for loving her, and so much pain for the ways you felt you hurt and endangered
her."
Esme leaned towards me, gripping my hands tightly, her gaze intense. "Don't you
see, Edward? You don't need to
regret those things anymore. You are absolved. Renesmee is your absolution.
Everything you, and Bella, have
done, everything that has passed, has guided you to her. She is the meaning in this
all, and neither of you would
dream of changing anything that led to her birth."
I stared, rapt, into her ocher eyes. She was right. The journey Bella and I had
taken, both alone and together, all
the decisions we had made, right or wrong, the ones that brought us terrible pain
and the ones that begot
unsurpassed joy, had led to the creation of Renesmee. I remembered the day I had
stood by the river, watching
the path of the water as death shadowed me, thinking how it was our many
individual choices that ultimately
determined the course of events. I had not truly known at the time where the
current was taking us.
For I had always thought, and feared, that the love I had for Bella was an
aberration, a selfish act on my part, that
ultimately, would destroy her. And when I had impregnated her with what I had
thought was certain death, this
fear became utter reality, the cold, hard truth of my monstrous nature. But with the
birth of Renesmee, I knew
Esme's words were true. Neither Bella nor I would change any of the choices that
led to her existence. She was a
beautiful miracle, and she never would have existed without our love. She was
proof that my loving Bella, and
becoming a part of her life, had never been a mistake.
Esme squeezed my hands hard. "No more guilt, Edward. No more regrets. It's time
to let it go. To just let it all go,
and move forward." She took my face between her hands. Be happy, Edward. It's
all we've ever wanted for you.
I sighed, bending forward so that our foreheads met. "I'll try," I promised. I
wrapped my arms around her, hugging
her close.
I love you, she thought. Always.
"Me, too," I whispered.
She pulled away, smiling. "Now, why don't you bring your daughter down to her
mother. I'm sure Bella's anxious
to see her."
I smiled. I could hear Bella and my siblings just coming into the house. Carlisle
appeared in the doorway of the
bedroom, smiling down at us.
Standing up, I reached down, carefully sliding my hands under Renesmee's sleeping
form. But as soon as I began
to lift her eyes flew open. Her hand shot up to my neck and her mind filled with the
thought of Bella.
I cradled her to me. "We're going to see her right now." Esme and Carlisle followed
me as we descended the stairs.
As we came up to the banister, I could see Bella standing against the far wall with
Alice and Jasper, looking pleased
with herself. Emmett was sulking on the couch. Apparently Bella had challenged
him to best out of ten arm
wrestling, and after losing six straight times he seemed considerably more
subdued.
I think she may have finally shut him up, Alice thought, smiling at me. I gave her a
skeptical look - I found that
very hard to believe.
Bella glanced up, and seeing us coming down the staircase moved swiftly across the
room. But before she reached
us, Rose appeared in front of me at the bottom of the stairs.
"Do you want me to take her for a while?" she asked.
I paused, slightly surprised. "No thanks, Rose, I've got her."
"She may be getting thirsty – I can feed her for you."
I frowned, glancing down at Nessie. Judging from her thoughts, Esme and Carlisle
had fed her while we were gone,
less than an hour ago.
I shook my head, looking back up at Rose. "I think she's fine. Besides, Bella and I
are going to take her back to the
cottage now."
Something flashed through Rose's eyes – panic, before she muted it quickly. "So
soon?" she asked.
"Yes," I said quietly.
"Oh." Her hand rose suddenly towards Nessie, as if to touch her, before dropping
quickly by her side. She looked
down as something twisted within her, pain, new and yet achingly familiar. Her eyes
lifted just for a moment to
look at Nessie before she turned away swiftly, her body stiffening. She tried to
mask her thoughts from me, but as
she dragged her eyes from Nessie one thought was torn from her mind. Not mine.
I sighed internally. The last several days Rose had, essentially, been Nessie's
primary caretaker. Renesmee had
filled a gaping hole in her, but yet at the same time fired life into desires Rose had
worked long to suppress. As
Rose's thoughts spun away from her, I could see she feared the loss of what Nessie
had brought so briefly into her
existence, and the despised relegation back to only being able to look in from the
outside.
Bella walked slowly up, watching in surprise as Rosalie walked away without saying
anything. Rose strode over to
the back windows, laying a hand against the glass. Emmett watched with concerned
eyes from the couch, but
knowing Rose as he did, did not approach her.
I started to lift Nessie into Bella's arms, but she held up a hand to stop me. Her
eyes were troubled, watching
Rose's back. She turned without speaking and walked over to where Rose stood. I
followed her silently with Nessie.
"Rosalie." Bella reached out and touched her arm. Rose turned, trying to compose
the pain off her face,
embarrassment flooding her mind. She hated to expose weakness, or emotion. Her
eyes flickered to mine.
Stop looking at me like that, she growled internally, seeing pity in my expression.
"Rose," Bella said, her hand still on Rosalie's arm. "I've just...I've just never gotten
a chance to thank you."
Surprise flitted over Rose's face. "For what?"
Bella laughed softly. "For what? For so much. For supporting me, to start." She
glanced uncomfortably in my
direction, and then back. "For taking care of me. And Renesmee."
Rose nodded stiffly. "Of course." And now my services are no longer required.
Rose," I said gently. "Do you understand how much it means to us how you've
cared for our daughter the last few
days? To have you provide Renesmee with such love and support while we weren't
able to be with her." Rose
blinked, her features softening slightly. "We'll never be able to repay you for what
you've done for her. And us."
"You don't have to repay me," she said quietly.
Bella smiled. "Renesmee loves you so much." She moved her hand over and
touched Nessie's cheek. "I can tell.
She's so lucky to have you in her life."
"She needs you," I said softly. "And so do we."
A smile played on the edges of Rose's lips. Yeah, yeah, she thought, glancing at
me, but I could tell she was
pleased. She reached out and laid her hand over Nessie's other cheek, so that she
and Bella cradled her face
together. I need her, too, she thought.
Nessie lifted her hand, wiggling her fingers, and Rose bent forward. Nessie filled her
mind with the memory of Rose
brushing her hair.
"In the morning," Rose said. "I promise." Nessie smiled, teeth sparkling.
Rose straightened up, and then reached out and took Bella's hand. "Come upstairs
with me – I have a few of
Nessie's things in my room." Bella, looking pleased, followed her.
I wandered slowly off with Nessie, eventually moving across the room and up the
step to my piano. I sat down,
propping Nessie into a sitting position on my knee. I took her hand gently in mine,
curling in all her fingers but her
index. Lightly holding my finger over hers, I pressed a key, and its clear tone sang.
"Middle C," I said, smiling down at her. Nessie glanced up at me, her eyes
fascinated, and then back at the
keyboard. I lifted our fingers and pressed the same note again.
"C," I repeated.
"C," sang Alice from behind us, laying a hand on my shoulder. Her voice was a
perfect continuation of the tone,
more perfect than the expertly tuned piano. I glanced back over my shoulder,
smiling up at her. Although she
could not remember, I had always suspected Alice had been blessed with perfect
pitch as a human. We all could
carry a flawless tune – a vampire gift, I suppose. But Alice's talent was so pure.
I relaxed my grip on Nessie's hand, and she pressed the key down herself. C, she
thought. She played
again. C. The tone echoed in her memory.
I inhaled, feeling a swell of pride. "Good girl, Renesmee." I moved her hand so it
lay over mine, her small fingers
the faintest rose blush against my white skin. "Watch this."
I began to play a slow simple tune with our fingers, singing softly.
Sway to and fro in the twilight gray,
This is the ferry for Shadowtown,
It always sails at the end of the day,
Just as the darkness is closing down..Nessie breathed in, and her mind flooded with
the memory the song – the soft sound of my voice first singing to
her, cradled in my arms. Bella's gentle breaths filling the quiet spaces around us. I
sang in unison with her
memory, past and present coming together.
She looked up at me, simple wonder in her eyes. I smiled, suddenly filled with the
desire to share more of this part
of me with her.
I'll hold her while you play, Alice thought, my hopes and intentions forming visions
in her mind. She lifted Nessie
from my arms, allowing the simple notes to continue uninterrupted.
When my other arm was free, my fingers moved to the keyboard and began to play,
adding dimension to the song.
I caressed the keys, and the notes multiplied and grew, until a complex melody
moved in the air around us. As I
played, I tried to balance the melancholy tones this song brought from my past
with the intense joy of the memory
of singing it to my daughter for the first time.
Dear little passenger, say "Good night",
We've reached the harbor of Shadowtown.
When I finished, I glanced up. Alice shifted Nessie so she could clap her hands, and
Renesmee smiled and did the
same. She eyed the keyboard with speculative interest. I stood and lifted her into
my arms, hugging her against
me.
"There's so much I want to show you," I murmured. She replayed in her mind the
memory of our hands moving
together on the keyboard. "Tomorrow."
"That was beautiful," Bella whispered. I glanced over to see her standing at the
bottom of the stairs, Rose beside
her. Bella was holding a small hairbrush and a book of nursery rhymes. Rosalie
clutched Nessie's blue blanket in
her hands.
I moved to them quickly, brushing Bella's cheek lightly.
"Ready to go home?" I asked softly. She nodded, and we both turned to Rose.
Rose held out the blue blanket slowly to Nessie, who took it in one hand and then
hugged it against her body. She
inhaled, thinking it smelled of Rose. Rose leaned down, pressing her cheek to
Nessie's face.
"Goodnight, sweet girl," she said quietly. I love you.
Emmett came up and put his arm around Rose. His eyes were on her, but he shifted
his gaze back at me as she
rose.
Thanks, Edward, he thought. What you said to her before, what you both said, I...I
know it means a lot to her.
He reached out and rustled Nessie's hair. "Later, kid." He glanced up at us and
grinned. "Keep an eye on your
parents for me."
Bella and I turned. The rest of my family was standing several feet behind us,
Carlisle and Esme with their arms
wrapped around each others waists, and Alice and Jasper next to them, holding
hands.
Bella reached and took Nessie from my arms. She walked over to Esme and I
moved with her.
"Say goodnight to Grandma," she said. Esme inhaled, her eyes sparkling and her
hand rose briefly to touch over
her heart. Then she reached out and gathered Nessie from Bella's arms. She drew
her into her body, and Nessie's
small arms wrapped around her neck. Esme pressed her face into the silky curls
haloing Nessie's head.
"Good night," she murmured. "I'll miss you."
Lifting her head, she turned towards Carlisle. "Say goodnight, Grandpa," she said,
smiling.
Carlisle grinned, placing a hand on Nessie's head. "See you in the morning,
sweetheart." Esme handed Nessie back
to Bella. She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes nostalgic. Don't forget, this
is always your home, too. I
smiled and nodded at her as we moved over to stand in front of Alice and Jasper.
Jasper's eyes were somewhat distant, worry creasing his expression. He was still
thinking over the interaction with
Charlie, still worrying about our safety and anonymity. He held out his hand
somewhat solemnly, and Nessie
reached out tentatively to grip one of his fingers. Then she slowly lifted a hand and
he leaned down so she could
touch his neck. Their minds filled with a vision of Jasper earlier in the day after the
arm wresting, hugging Alice, his
face alight with rare, unguarded happiness and contentment. Nessie turned the
vision slowly, focusing on Jasper's
face, his smile, and his bright eyes. Her message was clear. She liked to see Jasper
like that.
Jasper stood slightly, soft awe breaking out over his expression. Then he bent and
pressed his lips to Nessie's
forehead.
"'Night, darlin'," he said, a soft southern lilt invading his voice as it often did during
times of heightened emotion.
Alice bounced up and swiftly kissed Nessie's cheek. "I'll be over in the morning with
your outfit."
Bella looked affronted. "Alice, I can dress my own child."
Alice cocked an eyebrow, her eyes moving slowly down and up over Bella's dirty
jeans and shirt.
"Oh, fine," Bella muttered.
Alice grinned. "And then I'll choose your outfit." She narrowed her eyes at me.
You're fired.
Rolling my eyes, I took Bella's hand and moved towards the back of the house. As
we passed out the door, I
glanced back. No one had moved. Esme smiled and held up a hand. Alice winked.
See you bright and early, she thought. 7:22 am to be exact – Nessie will be awake
by then.
I turned and went out the door. We jogged down the hill, holding hands, Nessie's
arms clinging around Bella's
neck. We paused at the edge of the river.
"Should we jump?" Bella asked. She gazed over the water. "There are a lot of trees
over there."
I smiled. "Better than wading through the water." It would feel fine to Bella and me,
but Renesmee might not
appreciate it with her higher body temperature. "Let me take her."
Bella looked relieved and placed Renesmee into my arms. I looked down at her.
"Ready?"
Nessie nodded vigorously. I chose a spot, just on the opposite bank – a small,
grassy patch well before the tree
line. Caging my arms protectively around Nessie's body, I vaulted off my back foot.
We sliced easily through the
wind, Nessie smiling and laughing, her small hands clutching my shoulders. I took
the weight of my landing on the
balls of my feet, careful not to jostle her.
With a soft breeze, Bella appeared several feet in front of us, swinging around a
high branch before landing. Nessie
clapped with delight. I strode over and wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing
her lips quickly. Nessie giggled
with amusement, ascending silver bells. I kissed her cheek, too.
"My girls," I said, feeling slightly giddy. Bella rolled her eyes.
"Come on, silly." She pulled my arm from her waist and grasped my hand, leading
us into the forest.
We simply walked for a while, passing Nessie between us. It was night now, the
sun's light completely
extinguished, leaving the woods bathed in lavender tones. Nessie could,
miraculously, see nearly as clearly as us in
the dark, darker purple and grays, and the familiar forest suddenly seemed
fascinating through her eager eyes. Her
hand reached out constantly, straining to touch and examine each new leaf and
tree. We stopped patiently, letting
her rub her hand over rough bark of a conifer, or caress a fire red leaf with her
fingertips.
"A maple," Bella said, as Nessie fingered a leaf the color of yellow sun. She turned
it around slowly, eyeing it from
every angle. Then she slowly drew it into her palm with her fingers, crushing it into
oblivion.
"Vine Maple, actually," I murmured. "Acer circinatum."
Bella groaned. "Vampire or not, I am never going to become such a know it all."
I grinned at her. "Oh, just give it time, my love."
Nessie laid her head against Bella's chest, sighing. Bella brushed the curls back
from her face.
"She's getting tired," she said, looking up at me. "Should we run? It will be a while
before we reach the cottage at
this rate."
I laughed. "I don't know. She might not like it. Remember your reaction the first
time I ran with you."
"Oh, yeah." Bella's expression furrowed. I took Nessie from her arms.
"We'll start slow," I promised. Propping Nessie up slightly in my arms, I began to
jog, Bella just behind me.
Nessie's eyes brightened, and she smiled, her head moving back and forth, taking
in the slightly blurred, speeding
landscape. She squealed suddenly, and her voice was caught by the wind our
passage created, swept off into the
trees.
As we moved faster, I concentrated carefully on our surroundings, cognizant of
every branch that might scratch her
skin, every particle that could get swept into eyes or mouth. I was reminded of
running with Bella, when she was
human. Of course, Nessie's body seemed far more resilient than Bella's ever was,
but I did not want to take a
chance. Bella ran quietly behind me, and I wondered what she was thinking in her
silent mind.
After several minutes, I became aware that Nessie's thoughts were taking flight,
traveling out of consciousness to
the flowing depths of sleep. Her body shifted, weightless and relaxed, and it was
only my arms that held her to me.
Finally, the forest parted and the cottage came into view. I slowed as we
approached.
"We're here," I whispered into Nessie's ear, into her sleeping mind. "We're home."
Home. Having her here with us I
felt the truth of the word. Circumstances for our kind could change quickly. And so
Nessie might live in many
places in her lifetime. But, I knew, this would always be home. For all of us. This
cottage. Forks.
Bella appeared next to me, taking in Nessie's slumbering pose in my arms.
"She's asleep," she said, a note of disappointment in her voice.
I touched her shoulder. "We'll show her around in the morning," I said gently. "We
have time."
"Yes," she said, a quick shadow passing over her expression. The unknown. But
then she smiled. "Lot's of time."
She reached out and I laid Nessie in her arms.
Quietly we entered the house, still unlocked from the night before. Holding Bella
back with an arm I stepped in
first. I inhaled deeply, searching for the scent of the dangerous, or unknown, but I
detected only Bella, Nessie and
myself, Alice and Esme layered behind it, sweet citrus, lavender and a myriad of
scents mingled together. An older
scent of Bella and I lingered from the night before, and then faintest of all wisps of
my entire family. I stepped
aside and let Bella pass in.
She looked around for a moment and then walked quietly to the extra room,
Nessie's room now. The wrought iron
crib stood against one wall, blue sheets within, pure snow clouds floating in random
patterns. The walls were still
plain white, unfinished, but someone had hung a single picture – a woman holding
a child, standing on a hill,
staring out into an eternal blue sea.
Bella drew in a slow breath, looking around. I moved next to her, placing my hand
on the small of her back, and
she leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then she turned towards me
and I bent down and kissed
Nessie's cheek. I straightened and ran a finger down her satin cheek. Sleep well,
angel.
Bella moved further into the room and leaned slowly over the crib, carefully
lowering Nessie's sleeping form onto
the sky sheets. She extracted Nessie's blue blanket, which was still clutched in her
grasp, and laid it carefully over
her lower body, tucking it under her arms. Then she put a hand on Nessie's chest,
watching as it rose up and down
with each measured breath.
I looked at them, mother and child, the divine forms of my world. I thought of
Esme's words earlier, and I knew
that it had been both Renesmee and Bella who had absolved me. Only a few days
earlier I had held their existence
in my hands, all light and love balanced precariously on my ability to save them.
And I had. But now, I realized,
that it was they who had truly saved me. Together. They saved me from loneliness
and self-hate, pain and regret.
Together they had weaved for me a soul I once thought lost forever, and poured
love back into the empty chalice
of my heart.
I wrapped my arm around Bella, cherishing her steady softness, her silent heart still
beating in the echoes of my
mind. Her scent swirled around and within me, but it was her love that I inhaled
with every breath, that filled and
animated my being. I turned and guided us towards the white blue bedroom in the
back of the house, calling to us
with memory and promise, body and spirit.
Together, we moved forward.
.
.
.
So, we come to the end of the story. I feel sad, but don't worry – we still have the "super-sized" epilogue coming. I actually wrote the very end of this chapter, the end
of the story, many, many months ago – on a spare piece of paper in my car in a parking lot. For some reason I always have ideas for my writing while I'm driving! I
I do feel that, for me at least, the idea of Renesmee as an absolution for Edward is a theme from SM's book. I feel if Edward had changed a healthy, vital Bella, simply
so they could be together or even under a Volturi deadline, they would have been happy but there would always have been a small part of Edward that could never
forgive himself. That would view his choice as selfish. It was important not only that he change her to save her life, but also that the reason her life was in danger
Many people have written to me asking me to continue the story through the rest of Breaking Dawn. I just want to let you know that I do hear you, and I so appreciate
your support and encouragement. But I just felt for me the story was winding down – I hadn't even originally planned to take it this far, and I am afraid if I had
As a writer, it's hard to express what your reviews mean to me – to hear that someone loves your story/writing is an incredible feeling. I never expected anything like
I've been incredibly lucky to have two wonderful beta's, lada_8 and noamg - to have people to read through your chapter is an incredible relief. They've caught my
many typo's, as well as provided great comments and suggestions, and kept me in canon. My favorite mistake one of my beta's caught was when in a scene I gave
wanted to bring them to a point where Edward was happy – there are still unresolved concerns, but he and Bella are going forward.
(Nessie) was something he wouldn't want to change as well. What happened helped free Edward to start moving forward w/o guilt.
stretched it over the next several months in the book it would have begun to drag and lose its way.
That said, I am still planning to write a probably two chapter epilogue of the confrontation with the Volturi. I am excited to write it, and hopefully you will enjoy it.
the response I have gotten. I have absolutely loved hearing your comments and insights on each chapter – you are an amazing group of readers.
Bella fangs! What was I thinking? Talk about getting your vampire mythology mixed up!
Thanks for everything, and off to the Epilogue.
NicoleTwilight
A/N : This is the original Author’s note. Her name is Nicole Twilight. The name of the original story is ‘The Ties That Binds’. If you want to
see her profile please follow the above link.
When Nichole will upload the epilogue I’ll post it. I will combine all the parts of this story into one and post it. Till then..floralfs