NAME, verteips 1.2 Sxar #2 Matthew Bishop - SNL - June 2003 King (reading lines from Royal Scroll): Hear ye, hear ye! What is today’s agenda? Squire: Your majesty is scheduled to meet with the prophet from the far-off land. ‘King: Ah, yes! love profits! Enter Prophet Prophet: No, I am a prophet. ‘King: Oh, how boring. What is it ye wish to say? Prophet: Your High Royalness, while I respect your authority, ye should also listen to what God has to say. King: Peafeathers and poppycock! I know e...ehhx...(to Squire) what's that word there? ‘Squire: Exactly, King: Of course! I know exactly what I’m doing! My decisions are all that matter! Prophet: But God has made provisions for ye. If ye would just take his advice, ye'd be ‘much better prepared~ ‘King: Posh! Out of my sight! I take orders from no one! I only give the orders! Enter Waiter. Waiter: I'm ready to take your order, sire. King: Go away. I only eat at (emphasis) Burger King! Exit Waiter. ‘King: What's next on my schedule? ‘Squire: Er, ye were planning to announce your boycot of Elbonia. King: Ah, yes! That indignant strong-arm neighbor of ours... they won’t be so confident after a few weeks without sales!Squire: Er, but, Oh King, Elbonia is a great place, and they are very influential...are ye sure ye really want to offend them over such a trivial matter as who sold more gym socks last fiscal year? King: It'll serve them right! I— Enter Soldier and Soldier? carrying rulers. Soldier: “Ey! We's the Rulers of Elbonial We ‘eard you was boycottin’ our country! King (looking uncertain, but still reading his lines): Now, moving on to this weeks’ flower arangements... Soldier: ‘Ey! Pay attention to us! King: Ahh. Soldier: You better explain things, or we'll hafia git rough! Squire: Guards! Enter Prophet. Squire: What? Where are the guards? Prophet: Uhh, they are off-duty, Some scruffy man told me to come see what ye wanted. Squire: The King doesn’t know what to do! These soldiers showed up... ing gestures helf very confused, Squire: ...and his Royal Scroll of Things _ ‘Say doesn’t have any allowances for unannounced soldiers in the palace! Prophet: See, this was what I meant! ae ‘out clipboard) See, God was going to suggest that one of the things ye should do was to stop relying on that, er, Royal Scroll of Thing to Say. ing looks at scroll, looks at Prophet, looks at scroll, shuts eves as he hands scroll to Squire. ‘King: Uh... Ah... I-I-I guess I should’ve listened to what God wanted me to do. Prophet: Yes! He didn’t want to control ye, he just wanted ye to follow his guidelines ‘towards a better future! King: Well from now on I’m going to start following God’s guidelines! I'm going to be a new man! Soldier2: “Ey, now that you're a new man, d’you need some new gym socks? ‘THE END