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Dr. Kenneth Sandora hopes that he will become the most promising and
successful psychotherapist in the field once word gets out about his new
inventionͶa box that can cure mentally ill people through hypnosis. To launch his
new invention, Dr. Sandora has arranged a dinner party in which he has invited a
writer from Psychology Today to observe the effects of the box on four mental
patients: Kevin, who is obsessed with the book, The Lion the Witch an the
Wardrobe; ͞O,͟ an extremely nervous patient who has seen one too many horror
films; Rachel, who is so afraid of open spaces that she can only leave her house by
sending herself through the mail; and Jesse, who has an extreme case of social
anxiety disorder. But when Dr. Sandora͛s plans start to unravel, what ensues is an
evening of sheer madness!

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Vn the tradition of "Noises Off" comes a play the theatre doesn't really
need: a play about a bunch of actors putting on a play! The story has to
do with Jacquie and she screwed up actors preparing for their
production of Romeo and Juliet. And along with any bad production
comes the usual problems: people forget lines, the sound and light cues
don't go as programmed, flashers are arrested, turkey legs are used as
lethal devices, etc., etc., etc....you know the drill!

÷
: Script for these plays will be prepared based on the characters as to ensure proper
synchronization of hilarious moments and dialogues.
 
 Addition of sound with the script shall prove to be an excellent assistance
for the plays.
 ºpm
 p
Mr. R.: OK class, May V have your attention, please. V am going to ask you some math questions,
so get ready. Are you ready? (Sam is sleeping on his desk.) Sam! Wake up! Sam!! Do you think
you can sleep in my class?

p
: Well V could if you͛d quit yelling!

Mr. R.: OK class, get ready. Here is the first math question: Vf you worked for ten hours at a
wage of one dollar per hour, what would you get?
Tin : A new job!

Mr. R.: What do you get when you divide 12 by 4?

Bobbie: The wrong answer!!
Mr. R.: Any nine year old should be able to answer that last question!
Bobbie: Well no wonder V couldn͛t do it. V͛m ten!!

Mr. R.: Vf V gave you a one dollar for each week for a whole year, what would you have?
J ob: A new bike!

Mr. R.: Vf you reached into your pocket and found 6 quarters, 7 dimes, 3 nickels, and 12
pennies, what you have?
Al n: Someone else͛s pants on!!

Mr. R.: Vf V had 7 apples in this hand and 9 apples in this hand, what would V have?
L ren: Great big hands!

Mr. R.: Melissa, V am going to ask you a VERY simple math question. Vf you had 5 dollars and V
asked you to give me 2 dollars, how much would you have?
Meliss : Oh V͛d still have 5 dollars! V͛m not giving you any of my money!!

(Stephen strolls on stage)

Mr. R.: Stephen, why are late for class?
pephen: V left home late.
Mr. R.: Why didn͛t you leave home earlier?
pephen: Because it was too late to leave earlier.
Mr. R.: Stephen, this is the fifth straight day you͛ve been late to class. What do you have to say
for yourself?
pephen: Boy am V glad it͛s Friday!!

Alex: Mr. R., V͛m going to miss school on Monday because V͛ll be home sick.
Mr. R.: Are you feeling sick?
Alex: V͛m not now, but V will be after my Dad sees this test score.
Mr. R.: Alex, You missed school yesterday. You͛re missing too much school!
Alex: No V͛m not! V stay home and play video games. V don͛t miss school at all!
Mr. R.: Sam!! Are you awake! Sam! Are you awake?
p
: Well now V am!

Mr. R.: Alissa, V hope V didn͛t see you looking at your neighbor͛s test paper.
Aliss : V hope you didn͛t either!

Mr. R.: OK, now let͛s settle down and get ready for some social studies questions. Think social
studies!!
Now, class, what do George Washington and Abraham Lincoln has in common?
Tony: They͛re both dead.

Mr. R.: John, you͛re not ever raising your hand. Are you having trouble hearing?
John: No, V͛m having trouble listening!

Mr. R.: Patty, Where was Queen Elizabeth crowned?

P y: On her head!

Mr. R.: Where was the Declaration of Vndependence signed?

Joe: At the bottom of the page!

Mr. R.: A geography question: Where is the English Channel?

Greg: V don͛t know. We don͛t get cable!

Mr. R.: Can anyone name all the states in alphabetical order?
(Silence)
Mr. R.: When V was your age, V could name all the states in alphabetical order.
J ob: Yeah, but there were a lot less states when you were our age.

Mr. R.: Where was George Washington buried?

Tin : Vn the ground?
Mr. R.: NO! NO! He was buried at Mt. Vernon. Can anyone tell me why he was buried at
Mt. Vernon?
Andre : Because he was dead!

Meliss : Mr. R., V have a question.

Mr. R.: Does it have to do with social studies? V don͛t want any stupid questions.
Meliss : No, this is a real question about history.
Mr. R.: OK. What͛s the question?
Meliss : What did Paul Revere say when he finished his famous ride? (Pause) WHOA! WHOA
HORSVE! Whoa!!!

Mr. R.: OK, stop laughing! That isn͛t that funny. That͛s not funny! Let͛s talk about some of
yesterday͛s tests and test scores. Audrey, did you think the test questions were hard?
Adrey: No, the questions were easy. Vt was the answers that were hard.
Mr. R.: Tina, V had trouble reading your test because your handwriting is terrible. V think you
should learn to write neatly.
Tin : Mr. R., V already know how to write neater.
Mr. R.: Well then, why don͛t you do it!!??!
Tin : Vf V wrote neater, you͛d find out that V can͛t spell!
Mr. R.: Well then you need to buy a dictionary.
Tin : V͛m waiting for it to come out on video.
Mr. R.: Spelling isn͛t that hard. Let͛s do an easy word that you have been learning how to spell
for four years. How do you spell school?
Tin : S ʹ K ʹ U ʹ U ʹ L?
Mr. R.: That isn͛t how it͛s spelled in the dictionary!
Tin : V thought you asked me how V spelled it!

Mr. R.: Class, stop laughing! That wasn͛t that funny! (Maria raises her hand.) Yes, Maria?
M ri : Mr. R., V am also having a hard time learning how to spell.
Mr. R.: You too? Why is that?
M ri : Because all the words are different!
Mr. R.: Sam!! Wake up!! You act like you don͛t want to be here. Do you like going to school?
p
: V like coming and going to school. Vt͛s the in-between part V don͛t like!

John: Mr. R., V isn͛t got any pencil.

Mr. R.: V haven͛t got a pencil!!
John: That makes two of us!

Kenneh: Mr. R., V am sure thankful V wasn͛t born in Germany.

Mr. R.: What are you talking about? Why in tarnation, are you glad you weren͛t born in
Germany?
Kenneh: Because V can͛t speak German.

Mr. R.: Let͛s get back to work! Here is an easy question. No one can miss this: What can birds
do that humans can͛t? (Pause) What can birds do that humans can not??
C llie: Sit on telephone wires!!!!

Joe: Mr. R., V sure am glad everyone calls me Joe.

Mr. R.: Well Joe, why is that?
Joe: Because that͛s my name!!

Mr. R.: V think this class is full of idiots. V want any of you who realize that you͛re an idiot to
please stand up.
(Long pause, then Elizabeth stands up)
Mr. R.: Elizabeth, are you an idiot?
Eliz beh: No. V just hated to see you standing there all by yourself!!!
Mr. R.: OK. That͛s the recess bell. This morning V told the class that everyone had to stay in for
recess, but V͛ve changed my mind. V want all of you to go to recess. V don͛t know why V͛m doing
this, but V͛m gonna let all of you go to recess.
Tho
s: Mr. R., V know why you͛re gonna let us go to recess.
Mr. R.: Why is that, Thomas?
Tho
s: Because it͛s a nice thing to do, and old people always do nice things.
(Kids rush out the door laughing and yelling. Mr. R. bangs his head against the wall in
frustration. End of show.)

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