EXCERPT

Copyright © 2010 by Johnny Baxley

All rights reserved.

Stove top Stories

Recipes for the Pseudo-cook Inspired by the Hedonistic
Lifestyle of a Slacker

Johnny Baxley

ISBN 1452826692
ISBN/EAN-13 978-1452826691
 Social Network Post • Sept 15, 2009
I just made it to San Francisco!

San Francisco is full of crackheads. I’m not

talking about the addicts, either. I’m talking about the
freaks of humanity. The ones that live perpetually in their
own fantasy land. Sometimes they can be smelly.
Sometimes they can be dirty. Sometimes they live on the
street.
One time, while riding the bus, I saw a filthy and
wretched looking homeless man squatting in a storefront
on Market Street, taking a dump. I believe he was jerking
off at the same time but I can’t be sure as I was hung-
over. Some of the details from this post card moment
escape me… One thing I distinctly remember, apart
from the disturbing defecation, was what he stated to our
bus as it passed by. It was a sunny day, windows open,
and he screamed, “Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!”
A month or so later, the same miserable rotting
skin sack of what used to be a man boarded my
commuter bus. Miles away from where I witnessed the
horror of his not so private business, he found me. Was
this on purpose? Was he trying to spew his sick into my life? He
reeked so strongly of urine that all windows aboard the
bus were instantly opened. It did not help one bit. The
usually unreceptive bus driver stopped and forcefully
expelled our scented passenger, but only after repeated
complaints. Phew. This next dish gets its inspiration
from San Francisco’s finest.
 Garbage
Contents
1 package of maple pork breakfast sausage approximately 1 pound.
1 pound of bacon
6 whole eggs or substitute
1 sweet yellow onion

A child and mother observe a homeless man sleeping, or near death?

About
Also called Truck Stop Breakfast, this is a very
versatile breakfast food that is perfect for dinner. Add
potatoes to the mix for more substance. I’ve also heard it
called Kitchen Sink. It doesn’t need any spices but you
may want some pepper or hot sauce.

Preparation
Microwave ALL the bacon until it is chewy, but
not crisp. Some of it may be crisp; it’s a shit ton of
bacon. Set aside. Don’t soak up all the bacon nectar, it
will be used. Dice the onion. Brown the sausage in a
large skillet, add bacon and its grease and onion. Cook
until onion turns opaque then add all the eggs.