Len "Sloaner" Sloan

97 & 00 Champ
2015 Result: 292 T4th
Considering that Sloaner is coming off his 2nd
straight Pineapple Challenge victory in January and
the event is on his home turf, you would think the
Grand-poo-bah should ride this winning streak to
become the 4th 3 time Champ? Well, Dang it sports
fans, that wont be the case as Lucky Lennie will be
hosting several Cosmo early birds for a pretournament round at the hallowed OK Springs
course. Excuse me? Last time we saw Rusty, Dano
and Sloaner on a golf course is was Augusta
National and they are warming up on a Horse
ranch that still holds the lowest ever low net
(Horse 56, -15 2005) score? Well, this just wont
do, and combine this with the Rye Meister coming
to town will ensure that the boys will still be
pickled when Black Mountain welcomes its inaugural
Cosmo round Thursday afternoon and Im betting on
a net 80 for GPB.
Odds: 19-1 22nd Consecutive appearance .
Wes "Hennigar" Pederson
99,03,09 Champ
2014 Result: 286 9th

Jamie "Tender" Stoddard

2015 Result: 336 Dead Last

Back in the fold after taking a year off to get his

up the creek with a frozen paddle ice cream
venture started, 3 time Champ Hennigar has almost
as many demons to contend with as Harry this time
around. Exhibit 1 is his 9th place finish in 2014 when
he couldnt break 80 (81-80-84-85) in 4 rounds with
Exhibit 2 being his final round collapse of Doc
and/or Rusty proportions he suffered the last
time Bear and Quail were played in 2006. The 2006
result probably stings the worst as after sparkling
back to back net 64s he let Oli come from 10 shots
behind to lose by a single stroke. But actually
Hennigars problems run far deeper than this as
despite the fact he has been on 2 recent Founder
winning teams, his 4 year average finish since his
last victory in 2009 is 10.75 (14-10-10-9)

Before I can start Billy The Kids write-up, I need

to call a medical time-out as this hang nail is killing
me. But seriously folks, Hop-a-long Billy The
Kid recently tried to pull a stunt similar to:
a. Roberto Durans No Mas,
b. Every soccer players injury
c. Mike Ribeiro vs the Bruins
By claiming that an ankle injury suffered on the job
(WCB form 7) would keep him out of this years
event? This didnt go well with the Founders who
ridiculed the poor boy who somehow made a
miraculous recovery. If a relapse occurs after a 3
putt triple, just take an Advil with a RC chaser and
all will be forgotten. PS, anybody got a Handicap

Odds: 58-1

17th Appearance

This year it took considerable research to find a silver

lining to Tenders performance in the 2015 event. One
plus is there isnt any pressure on him to win this year,
although there is a tiny bit as he tries not to finish dead
last again? There is however a bit of trivia that might
have him humming I think I can, I think I can when
driving the hills of Bear and Quail. The all-time record
for consecutive playoff games lost in the NHL was set
between 1976 and 1980 by, believe it or not, the Chicago
Blackhawks at 16 straight! This leads me to believe that
once Tender realizes his pact with Rusty can be broken,
the green jackets will come in waves (More often than
once every 20 years)? We only have to look back to his
07 to 12 six year streak where he had 5 top 4 finishes.
For this to happen, Tender only has to do 4 things:
1. Drive it in the fairway
2. Hit it on the green
3. Putt it in the hole
4. Repeat at least 60 out of 72 times.
Odds: 2-1 21st Consecutive Appearance

Billy The Kid Kennedy 2001 Champ

2015 Result, 291, 3rd

Sign

so Bill can get a front row parking spot?

Odds: 30-1

17th Appearance

Russ "Rusty" Young

2015 Result: 307, 9th

Rick "Zulu" Zawada

2005 Champ
th
2015 Result: 314 T12

This year will surely be one of those Russ is like a

box of chocolates, you never know what you are going
to get? A classic and recent example was Rusty
going the front 9 par-less and then reeling off 4 in 7
holes including 2 saves from 40 feet. One moment
smoking it down the middle, the next minute duck
hooking into the bush. One minute 3 putting from 10
feet, the next minute nailing a 40 foot bomb. So in
order to ensure his box is full of hedgehogs and not
caramel nougat, his fellow founders have altered an
entire case of Advil Gel caps, syringing out the
medicine and adding oz. of Crown Royal. 1 pill after
every par, 2 for a birdie and 3 for an eagle and
survey says he wont even know when he shoots an 81.
If he shoots in the 90s we will double the dose,
except of course on Rye Town Friday when he will be
allowed to free pour after every bogey.

Zulu, our Zulu has only had a couple of practice

rounds under his belt this year which would be
cause for concern with other high cappers, but not
the 2005 champ. Zulu has recently discovered the
medicinal advantages of boppy bloom soothing
breast balm as a cure for his annoying nipple
chafing when wearing his colourful, but coarsely
knit golf shirts. This should allow him to swing his
driver like a 5 iron and his 5 iron like a wedge
which could see him crack the podium for the first
time since his 2005 Miracle on Turf. Sporting the
highest Cosmo Cap in this years field is a
testament to his consistent and erratic play. But
hey, he can shoot 91 strokes worse than defending
Champ Dano and still finish 1 stroke ahead of
him!

Odds: 3-2
20th Consecutive Appearance.
Derek Diggy Dobrinsky
2015 Result 302, 7th

Triple D Diggy is a perfect illustration on how

tough the conditions in Whistler were last year as
he finished in the top half of the draw and his
Cosmo Cap still went up by 1. With everybody who
finished ahead of him either staying the same or
dropping, look for Diggy to continue his steady
rise towards the top of the leader board. One
problem thats as big as his massive forearms are
the narrow, tree lined fairways that all 4 courses
are famous for. There arent many lateral water
hazards to save you when you hit your drive 320
yards at a 45 degree angle so look for Diggy to
bring along his tree wedge or Husqvarna?
Odds: 16-1 3rd Appearance

Odds: 111-1

14th Appearance

Richard Doc Dougherty 2011 Champ

2015 Result: 306, 8th
One of the biggest wild cards entering this years
event is Doc. Not because of the Red wine IV he
will have attached to his forearm in Quesnel on
Thursday morning, but because of his euphoria
over his last month of work, ever. Yes its time for
Coop, AKA Alice Cooper to belt out his 1972
classic which should provide for some Comic relief
as Doc sings the No more Teachers Dirty Looks
every time he has a 4 foot knee knocker after
taking 3 to get out of the bunker. For added
excitement the organizers have put Doc and
Dick together on Friday morning for a leftyrighty antishank clinic, but seriously, armed with a
new 3 wood, look for Doc to murder his tee shots
up the middle which should set up a few routine
pars after he is on the dance floor in 2.
Odds: 31-1
11th Appearance.