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200611663
Reproducing respectability:
sex and sexuality among Muslim Javanese youth
Nancy J Smith-Hefner
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parents' approval and blessing. And because parents typically pay for
and host the wedding celebration, they inevitably play a critical role in
the planning and organisation of the event.
Weddi.ngs remain the ceremonial highpoint of an individual's
life and a no less salient marker of middle-class status. With the
exception of a handful of ultraconservative Islamist youth, few young
people opt to forego the considerable expense and ceremony of the
traditional Javanese wedding for something less elaborate (cf. SmithHefner 2005). Even mid-sized weddings in urban Java involve three to
four hundred guests; large weddings involve upwards of seven or eight
hundred. And yet, although the bride and groom are the central figures
in the wedding celebration, the status expressed is that of the parents
who sponsor the ceremony. One important aspect of that status is the
bride and groom's educational achievement, prominently embossed
after their names on the wedding invitations and announced publicly
during the akhad nikah ceremony.
In a pioneering study two generations ago, Hildred Geertz
described the akhad nikah - the specifically Islamic and religiously
mandatory part of the Muslim wedding ceremony in Indonesia - as a
brief, unelaborated, and more often than not private rite (H Geertz
1961 :65). In the past, the young couple travelled (often separately) to
the office of the religious officer (naib) for the akhad nikah. Today in
many middle-class weddings it has become part of the public marriage
ritual, placed directly before the series of rituals which are part of the
traditional Javanese portion of the marriage. The Islamic official (naib)
now comes to the bride's house to officiate at the akhad nikah which is
often witnessed not only by the representatives of the bride and
groom, as was typically the case a generation or two ago, but also by
both sets of parents as well as gathered family members and friends.
Not infrequently, then, the previously inconspicuous Islamic ceremony
may involve a hundred people or more. The spectators listen as the naib
addresses the young couple. The groom sits by himself, but the bride
is flanked by her paternal guardian or wa/i. The official asks first the
groom and then the bride's representative to publicly verify the
candidate's name, address, educational level, marital status, and
religious affiliation. For middle-class Javanese parents and those with
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Indah, a third year student at UGM said, 'My parents just kept
telling me I had to be able to IIlefyaga diri (protect myself). They meant
in my interactions with guys; you know, no sex.' Her classmate, Dian
explained, 'My mom never talked to me or to any of us directly about
sex. She would only say, "Don't disappoint me." Like if we were
watching a film about a girl who got pregnant out of wedlock, she'd
say, "Don't you disappoint me like that.'''
Male students report even less parental instruction on sexual
matters. Sometime between the ages of 8 and 12, 'when they become
embarrassed in front of their lmale] friends,' young boys undergo ritual
circumcision (sunatan/ khitan). Circumcision has been presented in the
ethnographic literature on Java as a male adolescent rite of passage,
marking a young man's transition from childhood to adult status.
Contemporary Muslim Javanese, however, do not readily identify
circumcision as a rite of puberty and play down its social significance.
Instead, Muslims stress that circumcision is above all a religious
requirement, essential to masculine health and cleanliness. Religious
scholars point out that in fact there is no reference to circumcision in
the Qur'an, although there is a well-established tradition of male
circumcision in Islam as a sU1111ah act; that is, one following the practice
of the Prophet and his companions. Many middle-class parents particularly those who identify themselves as members of the
modernist urban-based Muslim organisation, Muhammadiyah - argue
that the operation is just as well done when the child is first born,
though my surveys and interviews indicate that very few of the males
in my study were actually circumcised as infants.
A generation ago, circumcision was often ritually elaborate,
commonly involving several days of feasting and entertainment,
including shadow puppet theater (wtryanl) and ttryuban public dancing
with hired female dancers for hundreds of guests (see Hefner 1987).
This was particularly the case among rural Javanese affiliated with
Nahatul Ulama, the traditionalist Muslim organization, which has a
strong base in the Javanese countryside. As a result of economic
pressures, however, and the efforts of Muslim reformers who objected
to tf!yuban's overtly sexual overtones, today the ritual tends to be
subdued and ritually circumscribed. Middle-class Muslim families,
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their role as the (future) religious heads of their families, so that they
can lead family worship, and know when sexual relations with their
wives are allowed and when they are prohibited.
It is telling, however, that the details of the religious
instruction concerning menstruation (or wet dreams for that matter)
almost never extend to a comprehensive discussion of its role in sexual
reproduction. Several young female students from rural backgrounds
laughed while recounting that, even though they had memorised all of
the religious requirements related to haid, they were nonetheless
shocked at their first menstruation and didn't immediately recognize
what was happening. They had made no connection between their
religious instruction and the actual physical experience of bleeding.
They also laughed about their misapprehensions concerning male wet
dreams. 'Wet dreams? What was that? We heard about that from the
time we were young, but it didn't concern us and we didn't really pay
any attention.'
Both male and female university students reported they were
taught that sex during a woman's menstrual cycle could produce a child
with birth defects because of the 'unclean' nature of menstrual blood.
A common remark was, 'During menstruation there is the possibility
of sexual diseases. The egg and sperm cannot form, so if a child
results, it could be deformed or maybe cross-eyed. The Qur'an says
"quI hU1J!a aza"; that is, because it's dirty, there are lots of bacteria.' Many
students - male and female - argued that sexual relations during
menstruation can result in endometriosis and ultimately infertility
because the 'dirty blood' is pushed back up into the uterus and 'gets
stuck.' Other sexual understandings reveal an equally uneven
knowledge of the details of sexual reproduction.
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provided with only limited education. When they reached puberty they
were confined to the home and their social interactions closely
monitored in order to secure their reputations. Priycryi women often
married at a young age to a partner chosen by their parents (Brenner
1998; Gouda 1995; Hull 1996; Koentjaraningrat 1985). Until relatively
recently, prrycryi-inflected gender ideals remained a model of gender
propriety for many middle-class Javanese (DjadadiningratNieuwenhuis 1992; Suryakusuma 1996).
Boys across social categories, however, were allowed much
more freedom and adolescence was for them a period of prolonged
irresponsibility (H. Geertz 1960; Jay 1969; Koentjaraningrat 1985).
AmongJavanese, there is a long-recognised cultural association of men
with freedom of movement, summed up in the aphorism 'a man has a
long stride' (Iaki-Iaki langkah'!)a pa'!Jan.!Q, meaning both that men travel
far from home and that they can take care of themselves. By the time
a young man married - often in his twenties or later - it was
expected that he had some sexual experience, not infrequently from
visiting prostitutes (H. Geertz 1961;Jay 1969). Unmarried women by
contrast, at least in the ideal, did not venture far from home - and
certainly not alone. A proper young woman was demure, modest, and
above all restrained.
This gender dichotomy which emphasised women's passive,
domestic role and men's active public role was amplified by the
decidedly patriarchal rhetoric and policies of the New Order state.
Government programs and policies identified women as subordinate
to men, representing them as first and foremost helpmates to their
husbands and producers and educators of the next generation of
dutiful citizens (Niehof 2003; Robinson 2000). Despite its clear
patriarchal bias, however, the government nonetheless made new
educational and economic opportunities available to women as well as
men and urged women's participation in national development. Today,
both young men and women may travel and live away from home in
order to continue their schooling or find employment. While
normative expectations are today much greater that young people will
control themselves and remain chaste during this extended period of
pre-marital singlehood, the possibilities of meeting and interacting
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about these guides is that men are consistently depicted as the initiators
and performers - while women are passive recipients of their
husband's desires.
)'our El1challtil1g U7eddillg Night: Sex Educatiol1 for Adults
(Nugroho 2000), is a flimsy photocopied publication illustrated with
photographs of blurry but alluring, scantily clad Western women,
among them Princess Stephanie of Monaco, Lady Di, and Cindy
Crawford. The author warns the reader, who is clearly assumed to be
male, that he should not be lured into having sex before marriage with
a prostitute, believing that this is the only way he will be able to learn
about sex and satisfy his wife on their wedding night (instead he
should read the book!).!' The book is divided into three sections:
Approaching Sex the First Night; Elements of Sex the First Night;
and Maintaining the Mood on Subsequent Nights. In a chapter
entitled 'If Arjuna Fails, Don't Lose Heart' (under the section
Elements of Sex the First Night) the author writes, 'The one who is
most burdened on the wedding night is the male, because the male
considers sex as an expression of his masculinity. This is the reason
why, if things don't go right on the wedding night, it can burden his
psyche.' The author reassures the reader that 'sex on the first night
may not be maximal', but that 'this is understandable and one
shouldn't feel bad about it.' Furthermore, it should not be taken as a
sign of impotence (Nugroho 2000:57).
It is common knowledge that young men not only consult
books for sexual information, but also rent X-rated videos (BF or Blue
Films) which are today easily available at corner kiosks or wanmg.
Viewing is typically done with groups of male friends and
accompanied by considerable sniggering and teasing. Co-eds frequently
described men's fascination with porn videos as men's 'daily meal',
explaining that while women might be curious about such things, most
were too embarrassed to rent a film themselves and wouldn't dare to
watch with a group of men for fear of being teased mercilessly or
labelled the wrong sort of girl. Male students explained that it was best
that- women didn't watch these films anyway, because they might be
traumatised and possibly even be completely turned off to sex.
Nowadays, pornography is also widely and easily available on the
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internet and even high school teachers complain that their male
students often skip classes in order to cruise the erotic websites at email
cafes.
Perhaps the most common source of sexual information for
young men, however, are the instructive stories of male friends or
aC'luaintances who were tempted by the 'dark side', sometimes referred
to as dllgem or dlln;o gemerlop, literally, 'the glittery life'. DIIgem is the life
of nightclubs and discothe'lues and of dancing and drinking - and
sex. Many male college students claimed that they were not daring
enough (tidak berol1l) to go to discos or bars (and didn't have proper
clothes or enough money) but virtually everyone could point to a male
friend who had some sexual experience and was happy to share it.
Abbas is a case in point. Abbas, a fourth year student at the
VIN, was drawn to Yogyakarta's night scene. He described how he was
invited to join a group of young men and women who liked to frequent
night clubs and discothe'lues. He got to know the group pretty well and
they felt comfortable confiding in him. He discovered that they were
very casual about sex and that various members of the group had been
intimate. One time after an evening on the town, he recounted, the
whole group spent the night together. The women had the men take
their clothes off so that they could measure the men's penises; then the
women took off their blouses and the men measured the women's
breasts. Abbas decided it was too much for him. His moral conscious
bothered him, he said, and he kept thinking about the teachings of a
Muslim scholar (!l:Yal) from his religious school. Besides, he didn't have
the money to keep up with their party life style. He decided to stop
seeing them.
Abbas's story reflects the general consensus among Muslim
Javanese college students that sexual experimentation is associated with
wealthy individuals who did not have a good family life and moral
upbringing. The stereotype is that sexually 'looser' women and men
attend expensive private schools and that many of these wealthier
individuals come from families that didn't give them sufficient love and
attention while they were growing up. I was fre'luently told that these
young people are the products of 'broken homes' (due to divorce or
separation) or of families in which the parents were too busy with their
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Notes
1. My focus in this article is on heterosexuality; for an insightful discussion of
the impact of globalisation and the Islamic resurgence on gay sexuality and
identity, see Boellstroff 2005.
2. My findings are based on participant observation; 200 open-ended
interviews, each of which was tape-recorded and transcribed; informal
interviews with teachers, religious scholars, social scientists, political
activists, journalists, and parents; and a survey of 200 additional students
administered with the assistance of a small team male and female university
students. Research was funded by a Fulbright-Hays Faculty Research Grant
and a Spencer Foundation Small Grant; write-up was generously supported
by the National Endowment for the Humanities.
3. Married couples who enrolled in the family planning program received free
contraceptive services. While condoms were available for sale at pharmacies
and in small shops and kiosks, other forms of birth control reguired a
prescription. Indonesian doctors regularly refused to provide contraceptives
to unmarried women.
4. See Parker 2001 for a similar pattern among Balinese.
5. A widespread joke among the young women I interviewed took the
following form: 'My dad says I don't have to marry someone with a sarjoflo
(an undergraduate diploma). A master's degree will do!'
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