Revision Matrix

WP1
Text from my
initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move,
punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I
received from De
Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this
change
impacts my
paper:

Consequently,
the
process of reading as well as writing- an
apps description has
become
worth
of
analysis since it is a
very important step
in the process of
getting the phone
apps we constantly
use and that become
part of our everyday
routines.

I need more of a
specific, driving thesis
statement, Josue. What,
exactly, are you going to
be arguing here? What
about the process of
reading? What specific
points are you going to
use to make your case?
What about conventions
of an app's description
will you be focusing on?

People
read
app
descriptions to know
what the features of
an app are before
downloading it, but
app descriptions can
be deceiving and it is
important for users to
know how to analyze
them in order to not
be fooled and get apps
that
meet
their
expectations.

By rewriting
my thesis and
making it clear
that my main
argument was
going to be
how analyzing
app
descriptions
can prevent
users from
getting
disappointed, I
could establish
my main
argument and
give a hint to
the reader of
the things that
will be
discussed.

As mentioned
before, every year
technology becomes
more and more
accessible to people
around the world

Is this relevant to your

argument? If so, how?

Before
analyzing the app
descriptions genre,
we need to
understand one key
element that
determines this
genres conventions
and rhetorical
features. Its
audience. According
to the online site

I made sure to
start the
paragraph
explaining the
reason why this
information
was relevant to
my argument
and made sure
to relate them
to the genres

The more detail you give

me early on, the easier
my job as a reader will
be -- if I know where
you're taking me, I'll be
able to follow along with
more awareness!

I think you need to rely

on our course
terminology a bit more -genre, conventions,
audience, context,
exigence....

As you can see, app

descriptions need a
lot of thought since
their main goal is to
get people - from all
around the world - to
download

eMarketer

audience.

Having this in mind,

along with the reality
of the high diversity in
the genres audience,
app developers make
sure
to
use
a
vocabulary
simple
enough
so
that
everyone,
including
people who might not
be fluent in English,
understand what the
main features of the
app are.

I made sure to
explain why
app developers
try to use a
simple
language. This
allows the
reader to see
the reason why
Im mentioning
the use of
simple
language and
also helps them
realize what a
simple
language is
accounting for.

This may be a personal

pet peeve of mine, but
Id like to advise you to
steer clear of things in
academic writing
(maybe even all
writing!). Its
suuuuuuper vague.
Academic writing
requires precision and
specificitybe direct
and tell me exactly what
youre talking about.
Pick the 1 word that
really captures the
idea(s) that you want to
get across.

I deleted the
sentence.

By deleting the
sentence, I got
rid of
information
that was not
useful to
support or
contradict my
argument. By
doing so, I
could
concentrate on
talking about
the language
used rather
than how it is
not technical.

This needs work!

Rearranged the
entries in alphabetical
order.

Having a
proper
citations page
will give the
confidence to
the reader that
the author at
least knows the
basic rules of
academic. That
would stablish
higher
credibility than
if that is not
shown.

OK this could be really

important: are you
suggesting that the
language needs to be
simple enough so people
who aren't super-fluent
in English can
understand it? Or that
the descriptions need to
be straightforward and
easily translatable?
You're onto something
here that you turn into a
recurring thread
throughout your whole
paper.

App developers are

not interested in the
user knowing how
the code logic behind
the app is structured
or what coding
language was used to
develop the app.
Letting them know
these things would
bore and confuse
most users.

Works Cited

WP2
Text from my
initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move,
punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I
received from De
Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this
change
impacts my
paper:

Since each of these

pieces belong to
different disciplines
and genre, the way
each of them
approaches the topic
is unique.
Nonetheless, it is
interesting to see
how rhetorically
similar non-academic
publications can be
to academic ones.

OK, so I'm wondering...

based on what,
specifically? And so
what? What does it
matter that they're
similar and different?

Although academic
journals are known for
backing up and
exposing information
better than online
sources, an analysis of
these articles will
show how these roles
have switched since
online articles became
the only source of
information for LSD.

Rewriting my
thesis
statement
made my paper
be clearer in its
argument. That
way, it will be
easier for he
reader to
understand
why certain
things
throughout the
paper are
mentioned. It
also makes the
organization of
the paper make
sense.

By doing this, Harris

makes sure the
audience feels that
possible concerns
about the truth of the
articles claims are
being addressed.

I'm not quite sure what

you/he means here. I
think I need more
explanation and/or
analysis of the quote.

By using this
move, Harris makes
sure the audience
feels comfortable with
the information given
by letting them know
that it is backed up by
another source.

By specifying
that what was
done was a
move I could
talk about the
effect of that
move. That
clarifies that
the main point
of the sentence
was to explain
the purpose of
the use of
references

What are you trying to

convince me of? What
does your textual data
point to?

rather than
explaining the
quote itself.
Although its been
seen how both
academic articles are
very different in the
way they expose their
information,

I don't feel like you

actually went too far in
depth on this -- I don't
feel like I've "seen" the
differences.

Although its
been seen how both
academic articles
backed up their
information very
differently, they are
similar in one way.

Since I
specifically
been talking
about how the
different pieces
backed up their
information, I
could be more
specific in what
I mean by
them being
different.
Adding
specificity
doesnt let the
reader feeling
like something
hasnt been
talked about.

its information
seriously since most
online articles about
LSD tend to contain a
good amount of
references and
sources. After
thinking about this,
one can realize how
much credibility a

Haven't you mentioned

credibility and
references/source use in
a couple of your other
paragraphs? Why are
you placing it here?
Could it be weaved in
elsewhere?

I deleted the
whole paragraph.

This paragraph
was too forced
and repetitive
so I decided to
concise its
information in
the previous
paragraph.
This way, the
flow of ideas
was going to be
better, hence
the reader was
going to
understand
better.

Since Albert
Hofmann synthesized
LSD in 1938 and
after the CIA did
atrocious things with
it in their program
MKULTRA, LSD has
always been a
subject of
controversy

This may be a personal

pet peeve of mine, but
Id like to advise you to
steer clear of things in
academic writing
(maybe even all
writing!). Its
suuuuuuper vague.
Academic writing
requires precision and
specificitybe direct
and tell me exactly what
youre talking about.
Pick the 1 word that

Since Albert
Hofmann synthesized
LSD in 1938 and after
the CIA experimented
with it in their mind
control program
MKULTRA, LSD has
always been a subject
of controversy.

By avoiding the
word things I
avoid having to
explain what
all the
atrocious
things were
and rather just
specify that
they were
experiments
about mind
control.

really captures the

idea(s) that you want to
get across.