Singapore International School, Hong Kong

English Department
S3 and S4

Writing
Portfolio
Name:
Class:

Objectives

To encourage you to enjoy writing more

To ensure you are writing in a wide variety of text types for different
audiences and purposes

To make you more aware of writing as a process

To encourage you to share

To encourage you to plan, draft, evaluate and redraft

To give you ownership over your own writing

To learn better time management

To develop the independent learning skills you need for IBDP and
beyond

Your Portfolio
1. A Ring Binder

Keep it in your English classroom (or according to your teachers

instruction)
Keep all your writing, planning, notes and drafts and store in the
ring binder (including class assessments that you do)
Also keep stimulus for your writing - collect things that inspire you
Keep your writing organised in date order or task order.
Do not keep other material in your writing portfolio such as
worksheets and handouts. Although you might want to create a section for
models of text types and stimulus texts.
This is your writing portfolio - dont wait to be told to do some
writing! Regularly plan, make notes and draft - the more you write the
more you will improve.

2. A folder in Google Drive

Your teacher will create a class folder and a folder named Writing
Portfolios
Inside the Writing Portfolio folder create a folder and name it with
your surname and first name (or register name)
On the sharing settings make sure the folder is shared with your
English teacher only.
If you wish you can share individual documents with classmates, but
only trusted ones! This is for feedback only.

3. A notebook
Have a special writing notebook that you can carry around with you so it is
always ready to note down ideas when inspiration hits.

Essential Questions

What does
it mean?

How is
written?

Why was
it written?

Process Writing

The result of this process will be Publishing

3

Other terms you will hear being used:

Generating Ideas - Note taking, mindmapping, brainstorming, jotting
down, finding inspiration, gathering, collecting, discussing
Structuring - planning, ordering, paragraphing, designing
Drafting - writing, composing
Re-viewing - editing, redrafting, revising, reworking
Focusing - editing, paring down, cutting
Evaluating - assesessing, self assessing, peer assessing, giving feedback

Text Types

Advertisement

Memoir

Analysis

Monologue

Appeal

News report

Biography

Novel

Blog

Opinion Column

Brochure/leaflet

Parody

Cartoon

Pastiche

Critical essay

Photographs

Description

Play

Diary

Poem

Editorial

Radio broadcast

Essay

Recipe

Film/Television

Report

Graphic novel

Screenplay

Guide book

Set of instructions

Interview

Short Story

Letter (formal)

Song lyric

Letter (Informal)

Speech

Listicles

Textbook

Magazine article

Travel writing

Manifesto

Writing for Different Purposes

To
To
To
To

argue, persuade, advise

inform, explain, describe
analyse, review, comment
imagine, explore, entertain

ARGUE, PERSUADE = point of view, expressing an opinion

Argue
Make several, separate, clear key points

Examples/facts/opinions/= support

New point=new paragraph=clear first sentence

Rhetorical questions/alliteration/triples

Use we to involve reader

Humour/counter-argument/repetition

Persuade

Must convince your reader

Several, separate, persuasive reasons

Try shock and/or humour

Use we/us/our to involve reader

Rhetorical questions/alliteration/triples

INFORM, INSTRUCT, EXPLAIN, DESCRIBE = give details, instructions,

elaborate upon or help clarify something
Inform

Must clearly tell your reader something

Address the reader directly using you

Best order for your info? = PLAN

Paragraphs? Links between paragraphs?

Instruct

Language should be simple

Sentences should be short, with no unnecessary steps included

Must and Must not are often used

Order or chronology is crucial

Explain

Must clearly show or demonstrate

Develop the detail in your explanation

Use examples to illustrate your points

Careful step-by step order

Paragraphs must be arranged sensibly

Describe

Try to paint a picture with words

Use five senses: Sights? Sounds? Smells? Touch? Taste?

Invent similes and metaphors

Use best descriptive vocabulary

Use adjectives and adverbs

ANALYSE, REVIEW = a considered response

Analyse

You should be thinking: How? Why? Effect?

Usually in the present tense

Third person: maybe first if personal opinion

Vocabulary that offers a judgement e.g.: involving, engaging

Review

Show strengths and weaknesses of something

Contains analysis/evidence/judgement

Usually in the third person (not I think )

Connectives e.g. as a result/however/ consequently/therefore/although

Usually in the present tense

IMAGINE, EXPLORE, ENTERTAIN = fiction / original or creative writing

You may be asked to write a story: in which case you will have to invent. First of all,
read the question or instructions carefully to see what is required. Then construct a
simple plan to ensure you stay on track.
When writing a story, you might like to follow this six-stage structure:

Beginning: catch readers attention

Introduce a problem: trouble of some kind

Gather pace: tension mounts/complications

Crisis: peak of action and tension

Adjustment: cool it/hint at ending

Resolution: put things right?/final twist?

Remember all of this with the mnemonic: BIG CAR

A few additional tips:

You may choose to write in the past tense. Check that this stays consistent
throughout

First or third person? (check instructions). Check that this stays

consistent throughout

You might be able to choose where or when

Try to create tension/atmosphere

Vary your sentences in strategic places or use a combination of different

types of sentences where appropriate and for effect

Use thoughtful/interesting vocabulary

Evaluation
Your teacher will give you checklists and other resources to help with
evaluation, that are specific to certain text types. However, remember that
you can...

Create Your Own Feedback Sheet

Youve received some feedback. The best scenario is that the feedback
is useful, helpful, and practical. It inspires you to get to work right away.
The sky opens, the hallelujah chorus plays and you know exactly how to
move forward.

This does not always happen.

In fact it rarely happens. For many writers, the reaction when they get
feedback is What do I do with this? What do I do now?

Avoid this by creating your own feedback sheet.

Dont hand your writing to a friend with a Tell me what you think! Give
your audience direction. Give your reader context. Give your reader a
specific job as they read your writing. Not only is this going to make it
easier on your respondent (most times if a respondent fails to give
feedback or gives useless feedback its because they have no idea where
to start), its going to give you a clear picture of whats working, whats
not and where you need to put your focus during rewrites.
The Feedback form is divided into two parts.

PART ONE
1. Answer this question: Where are you with this draft?
Is this a first draft? Have you been working on it for a week or a month?
Are you happy with what youve written? Are you frustrated? What do you
want to accomplish with this piece of writing? Let your reader know
exactly where you are with the draft.
Eg: This is my second draft of The Waiting Room. Ive been working on it
for three weeks. I really love my beginning but struggle a lot with the end.
I want this story to really hit the readers. I want them to be dazed when
they finish it.
2. Give the reader a job.
Instead of asking What do you think? give a specific job to your
respondent. Give them ONE thing to accomplish as they read your writing.
Ask them Do you think the ending is satisfying, why or why not? Ask
them Is the main character is loveable or hard to connect to? Ask
them Did you get the plot twist? Come up with ONE thing you want
your respondent to answer.

PART TWO
In Part two youre going to avoid asking for likes and dislikes. These are
opinions and theyre subjective. Just become someone likes your work
doesnt mean it cant be improved and just becomes someone dislikes
your work doesnt mean it has value. Instead ask your respondent for
Impressions and Questions.
1. Impressions are important because they tell you what stays with the
reader. It could be a moment, an image, a character, a tone, a line of
dialogue. What resonates? Ask your respondent for 2 to 3 Impressions.
2. Questions are important because they give you something to answer.
They give you a task to accomplish right away. That means youre not
sitting staring at your feedback wondering where to start. You have
forward motion. Ask your respondent for 3 questions.
When you give a draft to someone for feedback include your version of
this Feedback sheet. By doing so youll up your chances of getting that
useful, helpful and practical feedback that will move your work forward.

Adapted from: "Write Now - Create Your Own Feedback Sheet." Write Now.
N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Aug. 2015. <http://www.lindsayprice.com/playwriting/create-your-own-feedback-sheet/>.

FAQs
Will my English teacher mark all my writing?
No. We will read your writing, discuss it with you, give you some
advice on improving. Understand that your English teacher is not the only
audience for your writing! Show it to others - parents, friends etc. We are
focusing on the process as much as the end result.
How will I be assessed?
There will be various assessment points throughout the year when you will
be required to submit a piece of writing for formal assessment. This will be
at least once per term.
How much writing should I do?
One ready for publication piece every two weeks. But you can never do
too much writing! You will be given some time in class to do free writing.
Who can give me feedback?
Everyone! Parents, friends, relatives, online friends ....
How will they give me feedback?
They can just talk to you about it, or write a paragraph at the end of your
work. Please dont let them correct mistakes for you. There is a feedback
form available that you can give to your readers to fill in.
How will I know how to improve a draft?
The teacher will give you the tools you need.
How often will the teacher check my portfolio?
At least once every two weeks.
How long should my writing be?
Any length - it depends on the text type. Your teacher will give you
guidance.
How many drafts should I write?
You can plan, review, evaluate, redraft as many times as you wish. No
writing is ever finished but at some point you will need to make your
writing ready for publication
How many text types should I try?
As many as possible. See the list in this booklet.
Will I get extra credit for my writing portfolio?
You should be writing purely for your own satisfaction and the joy of
getting feedback from others. However we will also award house points.

IGCSE English
In the rest of this booklet you will find information specific to
requirements for the IGCSE courses - First Language English and
World Literature. But remember that your writing portfolio can
contain all kinds of writing, not limited to this list.

Text types for IGCSE

World Literature
Critical Essay
Empathic
Passage based/Unseen response
First Language English

Narrative
Descriptive
Formal Letter
Informal Letter
Magazine article
News report
Speech
Report
Diary
Interview/Dialogue

World Literature
The Critical Essay
The final essay for the coursework portfolio needs to be for S3 on 'Master
Harold and the Boys' or two short stories from 'Stories of Ourselves', and
for S4 on 'Master Harold and the Boys' and two poems from our poetry
anthology, but feel free to practice on other texts! Your teacher will help
you devise an appropriate question on character, theme, style or another
aspect of the text.
You will be expected to:
use quotations to back up your arguments
comment in detail on the authors use of language.
There is no requirement to compare two texts.

What is a good critical essay?

From the CIE 0408 World literature Teacher Guide:
Characteristics of successful critical essays

Mastery of detail demonstrated by a wide range of points and

textual references
Points made clearly and developed into a coherent argument
Sustained critical analysis in which points are clearly substantiated
by means of well-selected and sometimes less obvious, though
pertinent, references
Brief, apt quotations integrated with precise critical comment on the
ways in which language, structure and form shape meanings and
effects
A critical vocabulary used economically and effectively
A convincing and informed personal response which engages with
the task directly and confidently

Characteristics of weak critical essays

A few scattered, unconnected points

Time wasted on courtesy introductions (e.g. In this essay, I am
going to write)
Generalised points lacking development and clear focus, sometimes
laboured
Prevalence of unsubstantiated assertions and tendency to narrate
or summarise rather than explore

Critical vocabulary not used, or imperfectly understood, or used

without analysing effect.
Reliance on second-hand opinions (from teachers or study guides)
and/or irrelevant background material

According to a Cambridge chief examiner:

Characteristics of successful critical essays

Wide range of relevant points and quotations

Questions addressed directly
A convincing and informed personal response
Brief, pertinent quotations and concise analytical comment
smoothly integrated
Exploration of writers effects: language, structure and form
Critical vocabulary used effectively

Characteristics of weak critical essays

Lengthy introductions
Unnecessary conclusions
Question ignored
Semi-prepared/regurgitated essays
General and/or repeated points
Paraphrase and narrative rather than analysis
Lack of substantiation (evidence from the text)
Lists of devices without exploration and analysis

Planning and Drafting your Essay

You will plan and write the first draft of your essay during class time.
Your teacher is not allowed to mark, correct or edit draft assignment
material, therefore your teacher will only give general guidance during the
drafting phase.

Planning

Look at your question and identify the key words

Read your stories/poems again and brainstorm some ideas that
answer your question.
Find some quotes - single words and phrases that help to illustrate
these points.
Decide which story/poem you will write about first.
Make a paragraph plan. Your essay should be structured by
answering your question.

It is easiest and most effective to write about one story and then the
other as there is no requirement to compare the two.

Drafting
Focus on the effects of language used. Comment on structure and form.
Do not merely list technical terms.
Dont forget:
Introduction
Name the stories you will be exploring and the names of the writers
(full name or surname).
Give a very brief overview of the stories that is relevant to the
question.
Write a thesis statement that briefly answers your question.
Keep it short!
Body Paragraphs
Do not use too many short paragraphs - organise your essay with
aprox. 5-6 body paragraphs.
Start each paragraph with a topic sentence (that clearly indicates
what the paragraph will be about, and refers to your question)
NEVER start a paragraph with a quote or a PEE.
Use PEE several times in each paragraph. You should quote as much
as possible and explore the language of the story. Try to quote one
or two words. NEVER quote more than one sentence. The
EXPLANATION part is important.
Make sure you are explaining HOW the writer shows something, not
what he shows
Use some literary terms but dont overdo it! Always explain the
effect of literary devices.
Write in the present tense.
Vary your vocabulary. Think of synonyms for the word shows for
example (see below).
Use discourse markers (see below)
Write an equal amount on each story.
Conclusion
Think about the SO WHAT? rule.
Why did the writers write these stories?
What meaning did you get from the stories?
What do these stories tell you about human beings and the world?
What have the stories taught you about another culture or part of
the world?
Think about what made you choose these two stories and what
makes them special.

This is also good opportunity for comparison and personal response

How do the two stories compare?
Which story do you find more effective?
Which is the most powerful/realistic/moving/descriptive/surprising
etc and why?

The Final Draft (Publishing)

800 1200 words (including quotations)

12pt
Times New Roman
1.5 spaced
At the top of the first page write:
o your name
o your class
o the date
o the title/the question you are answering.
o the title of the stories and names of the writers (this can be
included in the question)
At the end of the essay:
o word count
Titles of texts should be in 'quotation marks' or italics.
Refer to the author by their surname (Fugald, Bradbury, La Guma
etc)

Contents
Introduction
(one paragraph)

Requirements
A typical introduction should do the following:

1. Address the key words of the question and give a brief

overview of your response
2. Identify the key aspects of character/ theme/style that
you will focus on in your essay
3. Generate and argument/thesis (dont just describe!)

Example:
Discuss the role and significance of Yasuo in the
Sound Of Waves

Mishima presents Yasuo as a weak, detestable and

somewhat ridiculous character. Alongside Chiyoko, he is
the antagonist in the novel and serves as an obstacle to
Shinjis and Hatsues love affair. His selfish and abusive

behaviour in the novel contrasts sharply with Shinjis

virtuous behaviour. Thus he acts as a foil to Shinji, his
lack weakness and of virtue highlighting Shinjis virtue
and strength. Furthermore, it could be asserted that
Yasuo (who is strongly associated with the city in the
novel) symbolises what Mishima perceived to be the
corrupting influence of the West on the more traditional
values of Japan.
Body
Develop/prove/argue
each of the aspects
you have identified in
the introduction by
using detail from the
text.
(five or more
paragraphs)

A typical body paragraph should follow the PQCL form

Topic Sentence: Make a point! NEVER begin a

paragraph with a quotation.
Quotation: Give evidence to support the point. Use
inverted commas and embed the quotation.
Comment/Analysis: Comment on the effect of the
quotation. Analyse the language.
Link- Link back to the question

Example:

Mishima introduces the reader to the character of Yasuo

by drawing attention not only to his wealth and status,
but also his arrogance. He writes, young as he was, he
already knew the secret of giving himself importance.
However, the descriptions of his fat body and crafty
eyebrows create a grotesque image and a slightly
mocking tone, suggesting his arrogance is misplaced.
Moreover, The reference to Yasuos red complexion
perhaps foreshadows his imminent and humiliating fall
from grace. In this way, Mishima immediately
establishes him as an undisciplined, deceptive and
unsympathetic character, particularly when contrasted
with the far more humble and admirable Shinji.
Conclusion
(one paragraph)

Exemplar 1

A typical conclusion should do the following:

1. Summarise your main argument and highlight your
most important points
2. Give a final personal opinion about what the reader
learns about the setting, characters, and ideas

How do Seamus Heaney and Moniza Alvi explore the impact of life
changing events through language in Mid-term Break and
Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan respectively?
In Mid-term Break and in Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan,
Seamus Heaney and Moniza Alvi both endure impactful events. Heaney
loses his brother in a car accident while Alvi struggles to reconcile two
clashing cultures. Feeling detached, both poets change their perspectives
on events and people and undergo an identity crisis, although in different
ways.
In Mid-term Break, the poet emphasizes that his brother's death has
altered his perspective on life. His father is said to '[have] always taken
funerals in his stride': when someone passed away his father did not shed
tears. Heaney would have looked up to him as a strong person who could
protect the family. The use of past tense suggests that his father now
behaves differently and the persona has lost a constant 'truth' relating to
his identity. Not only is Heaney 's father's 'crying', unsettling him as his
parent now appears weak, but this reaction also introduces the idea that
everyone is vulnerable when they lose their dearest person. Additionally,
Heaney 's perspective on his home changes. It is no longer a place of
comfort
and security. When Heaney entered the house, 'the baby cooed and
laughed and rocked the pram'. The repetition of 'and' creates a flowing
rhythm which contrasts with the sorrowful atmosphere. The baby 's
reaction emphasizes his obliviousness to the seriousness i n the house,
which is an emotionally confusing juxtaposition. Heaney later goes 'up into
the room ' where his brother 's corpse is placed. The ambiguity of 'the
room ' gives the place a sense of detachment from the soothing
environment of a home: it has taken on a threatening overtone. The
impact of the child's death on his brother 's view of himself and the world
is thus underlined .
In Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan, Alvi changes her perspective
on the Pakistani culture as she realizes that it leads to discordance in her
new society. In spite of the captivation Pakistani culture brings, she
believes that this cultural root makes her less compatible with English
society. She receives a 'salwar karneez' that is 'peacock-blue '. The word
'peacock ' suggests the traditional dress has striking colours and is
engrossing, which Alvi appreciates. However, it is an ambiguous image, as
a peacock would strut in full display, and Alvi thinks that this makes her
stand out from English society, which is counter-productive. Thus, thehre is
conflict between retaining her Pakistani culture and becoming part of
English society. Phoenixes are often associated with rebi1th upon coming
out of a fire but when Alvi tries on the costume, she 'couldn't rise up out of
its fire.' She believes she cannot forgo her Pakistani l inks and rise up as
an entirely new person as she remains 'half English ' and half-Pakistani.
Hence, she is caught between these two countries and unable to secure a
sense of place.
Both personas feel detached in different ways as they are
overwhelmed by events. In Mid-term Break, Heaney refrains from openly
exploring his emotions in response to his brother's death and uses a
disengaged tone, as if he wished to disconnect himself from the d ifficult
reality. This is expressive of the shock he feels. He mentions the
ambulance arriving 'with the corpse, stanched an bandaged by the
nurses'. It is as though Heaney were describing a package newly
delivered that he has had no relation with previously, as he only talks

about its appearance but not h is reaction upon seeing it because he is

numbed. With reference to h i s brother's bod y as 'the corpse', an
impersonal description, he detaches himself from reality as he does not
wish to admit it is his brother's. On the body, Heaney notices 'a poppy
bruise on the left temple... no gaudy scars, the bumper knocked him clear.'
The persona mimics a coroner, inspecting the body, but again with an
unemotional tone. Comparing the bruise to a flower romanticizes the
image which implies Heaney is in denial of the tragedy of his brother's
death. Throughout the poem, the persona detaches himself from his
emotions about his brother's death.
In Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan, Alvi is inevitably detached
from her original culture as a result of movi ng to another country. To the
persona, putting on each satin-silken top makes her an 'alien in the sitting
room.' This metaphor shows that even in her own house the clothes make
her feelan outsider. This is because she is uncomfortable with the
combination of her new self and the Pakistani clothes which 'cling onto
her'. Through personification, it is suggested that the clothes
desperately try to claim her for Pakistani culture but to no avail. She is
reluctant to embrace traditional Pakistani culture. Alvi regrets that '[she
can] never be as lovely as those clothes' as she will not wear them
because they will make her stand out even more obviously than she
already does, being an immigrant. Even if she puts them on, she will be
unable to feel 'lovely' as these clothes are not seen as ideal by her new
society. Hence she 'longed for denim and corduroy', distinctive of English
society. The lengthened sounds of 'long' and 'corduroy ' evoke feelings of a
great desire to f

into her surroundings. Nevertheless, being unable to bring out the best of
her original culture makes her feel insecure. Now, she can only connect to
her heritage via her memory and imagination, as shown in the final
stanza.
Both poets struggle to find their rightful place in their surroundings.
In 'Mid-term Break', Heaney mentions he hears 'whispers informing
strangers [he] was the eldest'. He cannot identify whom they are coming
from, which is unnerving. The personification creates a threatening
impression where he is the focus of the visitors and feels overwhelmed. A
lso, when the old men stand up to shake Heaney's hand, '[he is]
embarrassed'. He is surprised when he, being a schoolboy, is treated like
an adult because he does not know how to react. lt conveys his
apprehensiveness of the new sense of responsibility the death of his
brother has given him. He must now show greater strength than that of a
child within the family, and perhaps take care of the family.
In Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan, Alvi is also confused. '[She]
tried to glimpse [herself] in the miniature glass circles': the ambigu ity of
her reflecti on in the mirror shows she is tryi ng to figure out her true
identity. She believes '[she] is there- of no fixed nationality.' She feels
isolated and unaccepted by either nationality as 'there' is an indefinite
description, hi nting that she feels lost. She does not see herself as a
whole, but rather her d ifferent cultural backgrounds make her incomplete.
Her salwar kameez '[glisten s] like an orange split open '. This is a vibrant
and positive image of the clothing, suggesting that Pakistani culture is ripe
and mature. However, her Pakistani clothes do not gain her recognition
from her British friends: 'the salwar kameez didn't impress [her]
schoolfriend '. Pakistani culture is not appreciated and this puts Alvi in a
dilemma of giving up her identity to adapt to a new culture. Therefore, the
persona struggles to live as both a Pakistani and a British.
Both Mid-term Break and Presents from my Aunts in Pakistan
explore how the personas relate to society in terms of their identities,
which is one of the struggles of the transition between child hood and
adulthood. Alvi elaborates on the cultural aspect whereas Heaney explores
relations within the family. Through Literary devices such as imagery,
ambiguity and metaphor, the poets express their personas' internal
feelings in relation to their external behaviours.

Teacher's Comment
24/25
A perceptive and convincing response showing a clear critical
understanding. Responds with insight, individuality and flair. An excellent
piece.

Exemplar 2
Explore how poets describe a moment in time.
Everyone has a moment in their lives in which they have a fond memory that they
keep and cherish in their hearts forever. In Island Man Grace Nichols puts herself in the

shoes of a Caribbean man to describe her memories of the island which us her beautiful and
unforgettable moment in time. In Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802,
William Wordsworth uses mainly sight imagery to describe his experience of standing on
Westminster Bridge and looking out to London.
Nichols creates an extraordinary and memorable moment of the Caribbean by
describing the memories she had on the island, while London is described as a gloomy and
boring place. Nicholss speaker misses the Caribbean a lot, but has to stay in London to work
in order to make a living. The speaker dreams of how wonderful the Caribbean island is
through the contrast of two places, the Caribbean and London. The sea in the Caribbean
island is described as blue surf, to compare it with the grey London. The words surf and
sound that is found in the first stanza which describes the waves on the island, and actually
echoes the actual noise that waves make as they beat against the shore. She also personifies
the sun by saying it is surfacing defiantly. The word defiantly means resistance, so the poet
is trying to tell her readers that the island man does not want to be woken up from his sweet
dream, but has to, so he unwillingly leaves his dream with hesitation.
Nichols further creates the beautiful moment in time by describing the Caribbean
island as a place of security in the first stanza. The steady breaking and wombing suggests to
the readers that the Caribbean island is a place of comfort, and a security of place of birth.
Nichols uses a word wombing to describe the sound of waves on the island. Womb is home
to everyone, and is also a place of safety. Therefore the word wombing indicates a
comfortable feeling and a sense of security. The word his is used very often throughout the
poem to show emphasis of the sense of security and home. In the second stanza of the poem,
Nichols continues to develop the island mans dream by portraying the island as a paradise,
where everything is relaxing and laid back. She uses wild seabirds to describe the island as a
strong, hard, untamed natural environment. His small emerald island is used to describe the
Caribbean, and from the description of his home makes it sound like a paradise, describing
the lovely moments in the Caribbean. The metaphor is covered with green trees, and it is very
precious to the island man. This emphasises the richness of the vegetation and nature in the
Caribbean island, showing a beautiful and unforgettable moment in time.
Besides Island Man, Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802 also
shows a moment in time. Its poet, Wordsworth, uses sight imagery to describe his lovely
experience of standing on the Westminster Bridge in London and looking out to the city. He
transforms London into a fabulous place by writing a Petrarchan sonnet. In the poem, he
describes how wonderful it is during the Industrial Revolution. He first expresses his feelings
of the city by saying that there is nothing that shows more fair on Earth than the wonderful
sight he is seeing on the bridge. People who are dull are those who just pass by and do not
stop to look at the majestic view. London is also described as a calm and quiet place in the

morning. The beauty of the morning; silent, bare In reality, most cities like London, are
noisy places, but Wordsworth portrayed the city as a silent place, displaying a peaceful
moment in time.
Wordsworth adds on to his experience by describing the surrounding that is around
him. The majority of the cities in the world are polluted, particularly during the Industrial
Revolution. All bright and glittering in the smokeless air. London is polluted and foggy,
especially during that time period, but Wordsworth uses sight imagery to portray the city as a
smokeless place, increasing the loveliness of the moment in time. The poet further uses
personification and some irony to describe his experience. Wordsworth writes about the
sunrise as a he, personifying the sun as a male, and that Wordsworth had never seen
something that shone as beautifully before. The sun also gave the impression to the readers
that nothing is as calm as the sunrise in London, which is ironic, because London is generally
a bustling and busy city. He also personifies River Thames, illustrating the way it flowed. The
river glides at his own pace, giving it freedom, telling us readers that London is a free city,
adding beauty to the poets experience. Early in the morning, people are still usually asleep,
so the city also seems to be asleep. Houses are also personified as people who are sleeping,
because houses do not sleep, it is the people who are the ones that should be asleep. The poet
ends Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802 by saying the heart of the city
is still lying still. This hints that the morning in London is the beauty of the city. It shows the
quietness of the city, and it also develops the lovely moment in time Wordsworth had on the
bridge.
Grace Nichols and William Wordsworth of Island Man and Composed upon
Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802 had certainly described a moment in time within
their poems. Both the poets include London in their poems, but have different views of the
city that was expressed in their poems. Nichols describes London as dull and unwelcoming in
Island Man, while in Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802,
Wordsworth describes how marvellous the city is.

Critical Essay Assessment Criteria

Band
1

25
24
23

Band
2

22
21
20

Answers in this band have all the qualities of Band 2

work, with further insight, sensitivity, individuality and
flair. They show complete and sustained engagement
with both text and task.

Band
3

19
18
17

Band
4

16
15
14

Band
5

13
12
11

Band
6

10
9
8

Band
7

7
6
5

Band
8

4
3
2

Sustains a perceptive and convincing personal response

shows a clear critical understanding of the text
responds sensitively and in detail to the way the writer
achieves her/his effects
integrates much well-selected reference to the text
Makes a well-developed and detailed personal response
shows a clear understanding of the text and some of its
deeper implications
makes a developed response to the way the writer
achieves her/his effects
supports with careful and relevant reference to the text
Makes a reasonably developed personal response
shows understanding of the text and some of its deeper
implications makes some response to the way the writer
uses language
shows some thoroughness in the use of supporting
evidence from the text
Begins to develop a personal response
shows some understanding of meaning makes a little
reference to the language of the text
uses some supporting textual detail
Attempts to communicate a basic personal response
makes some relevant comments
shows a basic understanding of surface meaning of the
text
makes a little supporting reference to the text
Some evidence of simple personal response
makes a few straightforward comments
shows a few signs of understanding the surface
meaning of the text
makes a little reference to the text
Limited attempt to respond
shows some limited understanding of simple/literal
meaning

No answer / Insufficient to meet the criteria for Band 8.

Critical Vocabulary
show

imply

suggest

infer

illustrate

demonstrate

portray

convey

reflect

develop

emphasise

depict

reinforce

present

represent

examine

explore

describe

express

use

compare

contrast

refer

reveal

create

Discourse Markers
To indicate sequence
First, in the first place, at first, to begin with, at the beginning, starting
with, initially, from this point, earlier, second, secondly, in the second
place, next, , then, after that, following that, subsequently, so far, later on,
third, in the third place, last, last of all, at last, at the end, in the end,
finally, to finish, to conclude, in conclusion, consequently
To provide an example
For example, as an example, for instance, in this case, to illustrate, to
show, to demonstrate, to explain, suppose that, specifically, to be exact, in
particular, such as, namely, for one thing, indeed, in other words, to put it
in another way, thus
To concede
Of course, after all, no doubt, naturally, unfortunately, while it is true,
although this may be true, although, to admit, to confess, to agree
To conclude or to summarize
To conclude, in conclusion, to close, last of all, finally, to end, to complete,
to bring to an end, thus, hence, therefore, as a consequence of, as a
result, in short, to sum up, to summarize, to recapitulate
To add a point
Also, too, as well as, besides, equally important, first of all, furthermore, in
addition (to), moreover, likewise, above all, most of all, least of all, and,
eitheror, neithernor, however, yet, but, nevertheless, still, to continue
To compare
As, as well as, like, in much the same way, resembling, parallel to, same
as, identically, of little difference, equally, matching, also, exactly,
similarly, similar to, in comparison, in relation to
To contrast
Though, although, and yet, but, despite, despite this fact, in spite of, even
so, for all that, however, in contrast, by contrast, on one hand, on the
other hand, on the contrary, in one way, in another way, although this may
be true, nevertheless, nonetheless, still, yet, to differ from, a striking

25

difference, another distinction, otherwise, after all, instead, unlike,

opposite, to oppose, in opposition to, versus, against
To emphasise or to intensify
Above all, after all, indeed, chiefly, especially, actually, more important(ly),
most important of all, most of all, moreover, furthermore, significantly, the
most significant, of major interest, the chief characteristic, the major point,
extremely, to emphasize, to highlight, to stress, undoubtedly, without a
doubt, certainly, surely, absolutely, obviously, to culminate, in truth, the
climax of, to add to that, without question, unquestionably, as a result
To generalize
On the whole, in general, as a rule, in most cases, broadly speaking, to
some extent, mostly

Developing a Tone Vocabulary

angry
sharp
upset
silly
boring
afraid
happy
hollow
joyful
allusive
sweet
vexed
tired
bitter
dreamy
restrained
proud
dramatic
sad
cold
urgent
joking
poignant
detached
confused
childish
peaceful
mocking
objective
vibrant
frivolous
audacious
shocking
sombre

giddy
sentimental
fanciful
complimentar
y
condescendin
g
sympathetic
contemptuou
s
apologetic
humourous
horrific
sarcastic
nostalgic
zealous
irreverent
benevolent
seductive
candid
pitiful

26

More tone words

satiric
whimsical
dramatic
learned
informative
urgent
confident
objective
diffident
ironic
factual
restrained
elegiac
disdainful
lugubrious
candid
pedantic
indignant
bantering
flippant
condescendin
g
patronising
facetious
clinical
inflammatory
benevolent
cynical
incisive
allusive
Scornful
effusive
fanciful
colloquial
compassionat
e
impartial
insipid
pretentious
vibrant
irreverent
sentimental
moralistic
complimentar
y
contemptuou
s
sympathetic
taunting
sardonic

contentious
insolent
concerned

27

28

Words that describe language

jargon
vulgar
schola
rly
insipid
precis
e
esoteri
c
plain
literal

colloquial exact
artificial
symbolic
detached simple

poetic
moralistic
slang

emotiona figurative
l
pedantic bombastic

idiomatic

euphemi
stic
pretentio
us
sensuous

abstruse

homespun

grotesque

obscure

concrete

exact

picturesque

29

Literary Terminology
Allegory
A symbolic narrative in which the surface details imply a secondary
meaning. Allegory often takes the form of a story in which the characters
represent moral qualities. The most famous example in English is John
Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, in which the name of the central character,
Pilgrim, epitomizes the book's allegorical nature. Kay Boyle's story
"Astronomer's Wife" and Christina Rossetti's poem "Up-Hill" both contain
allegorical elements.
Alliteration
The repetition of consonant sounds, especially at the beginning of words.
Example: "Fetched fresh, as I suppose, off some sweet wood." Hopkins, "In
the Valley of the Elwy."
Antagonist
A character or force against which another character struggles. Creon is
Antigone's antagonist in Sophocles' play Antigone; Teiresias is the
antagonist of Oedipus in Sophocles' Oedipus the King.
Aside
Words spoken by an actor directly to the audience, which are not "heard"
by the other characters on stage during a play. In Shakespeare's Othello,
Iago voices his inner thoughts a number of times as "asides" for the play's
audience.
Assonance
The repetition of similar vowel sounds in a sentence or a line of poetry or
prose, as in "I rose and told him of my woe." Whitman's "When I Heard the
Learn'd Astronomer" contains assonantal "I's" in the following lines: "How
soon unaccountable I became tired and sick, / Till rising and gliding out I
wander'd off by myself."
Character
An imaginary person that inhabits a literary work. Literary characters may
be major or minor, static (unchanging) or dynamic (capable of change). In
Shakespeare'sOthello, Desdemona is a major character, but one who is
static, like the minor character Bianca. Othello is a major character who is
dynamic, exhibiting an ability to change.
Characterization
The means by which writers present and reveal character. Although
techniques of characterization are complex, writers typically reveal
characters through their speech, dress, manner, and actions. Readers
come to understand the character Miss Emily in Faulkner's story "A Rose
for Emily" through what she says, how she lives, and what she does.
Chorus
A group of characters in Greek tragedy (and in later forms of drama), who
comment on the action of a play without participation in it. Their leader is
the choragos. Sophocles' Antigone and Oedipus the King both contain an
explicit chorus with a choragos. Tennessee Williams's Glass
Menagerie contains a character who functions like a chorus.
Climax
The turning point of the action in the plot of a play or story. The climax
represents the point of greatest tension in the work. The climax of John
Updike's "A & P," for example, occurs when Sammy quits his job as a
cashier.
Comedy
A type of drama in which the characters experience reversals of fortune,
usually for the better. In comedy, things work out happily in the end.
Comic drama may be either romantic--characterized by a tone of tolerance
and geniality--or satiric. Satiric works offer a darker vision of human
nature, one that ridicules human folly. Shaw's Arms and the Man is a
romantic comedy; Chekhov's Marriage Proposal is a satiric comedy.
Comic relief
The use of a comic scene to interrupt a succession of intensely tragic
dramatic moments. The comedy of scenes offering comic relief typically
parallels the tragic action that the scenes interrupt. Comic relief is lacking
in Greek tragedy, but occurs regularly in Shakespeare's tragedies. One
example is the opening scene of Act V of Hamlet, in which a gravedigger
banters with Hamlet.

30

The Empathic
In the empathic task you are required to explore a specific moment
through the eyes of one particular character in a play or short story. As
well as showing knowledge of the incident concerned, depending on the
particular task it may be helpful if you demonstrate some awareness of
what has led up to it. Your identification with the character might also be
conditioned by your awareness of what happens to the character later in
the play or short story (if that is appropriate to the task), though this will
probably not be referred to specifically. Through your response, you are
expected to demonstrate detailed knowledge of the text and the
character; but this task is not an invitation merely to re-tell a story.
An empathic task is designed also to test your understanding and
interpretation of a character and that characters usual responses, and will
make inferences about what s/he might be thinking or feeling about a
particular situation.
Good answers will be conditioned by an overall understanding of the way
the character behaves in the text as a whole.
Characteristics of successful empathic tasks

Detailed knowledge demonstrated by a wide range of textual

reference or echoes of the text
A well-crafted and sustained insight into the character at the
specified moment
The assumption of a compellingly authentic voice and viewpoint for
the character
A convincing and informed personal response which engages with
the task directly
It will be written in the first person
It will show a comprehensive knowledge of the text and of the
particular characters role in it, but will not merely tell the story
It will convincingly interpret the characters likely reactions to a
specified event
It will be written in a suitable and convincing style.

Characteristics of weak empathic tasks

Knowledge and development of points sketchy

Knowledge of only a short part of the text shown
Response not rooted in the detail of the text too much unfounded
creativity
Little or no appreciation of characterisation
A voice lacking in authenticity
Uncertainty about the moment specified

Voice

31

Probably the most difficult aspect of the task to tackle, the degree of
success in creation of a voice will demonstrate the degree to which you
have engaged with the character and responded to the literary qualities of
the work. The style adopted must be suitable to the character. In a
Shakespeare text, for example, it would be inappropriate for an
aristocratic character to speak in over-colloquial language, or for one of
the lower characters to speak in a particularly refined way. (But
candidates are never expected to try to reproduce Shakespearian
English, for example.) Though it is not generally appropriate to quote
directly from the text in inverted commas in answering a task of this sort,
answers are likely to be enhanced by the use of particular turns of phrase
normally used by the character.
An empathic task will usually be written to a formula as follows:

You are [character x] looking back over your experiences at [.] .

Write your thoughts.
You are [character x] just after you have paid a visit to [characters y
and z]. Write your thoughts.
At the end of the play we are told that []. Imagine you are
[character x] and have been asked about this by [character y]. What
do you say to him?
You are [character x] waiting to meet [character y] for the first time.
Write about what you are thinking.
You are [character x] at the end of the story, just after [event z] has
happened. Write your reactions.
You are [character x] at the end of Scene 2, and are writing your
report to [character y] on what has happened and how you feel
about it. Write the report.
You are [character x] at the end of Scene 3, just after [character y]
has left the stage. Write your thoughts.
You are [character x] overhearing [character y]s speech to the
others about you. Write your thoughts.
You are [character x] at point in the story when [event], and are
writing the letter to [character y] in which you comment on
[incident]. Write your letter.
You are [character x] after having been instructed to [.]. Write
your thoughts.
For more specific tasks see your teacher or the '2015 Stories of
Ourselves Study Guide for Students'

Exemplar 1 (Romeo and Juliet)

You are Tybalt just after your uncle Lord Capulet has ordered you
to behave yourself at the ball and leave the disguised Romeo
alone. Write your thoughts.

32

Just one sound of his voice and I knew he was a Montague. Yes, that villain,
slave, wretched boy: Romeo. I cannot believe my uncle called him a
gentleman.
And that people here, in Verona think of him as a well behaved and goodmannered boy. He does not deserve that respect.
How dare he come to our party uninvited? With that mask on, he actually
thought I would not recognise him. I can smell a Montague from a mile
away. And if it was not for my uncle, I would have killed him then and
there! I do not think killing him is a sin. Instead it is my duty. He came to
mock our celebrations. Therefore it is dishonourable for me to just let him
go.
I do not understand why my Uncle does not agree with me. Am I the only
one who sees through all this? It does not matter whether he makes
trouble or not during the feast. His mere prescence already showed his
contempt. He was laughing at us. He was ruining our great name
Capulet.
I dont know how my Uncle found this tolerable, while I was just about to
explode with anger. All I wanted to do was to fight off the shame Romeo
was putting upon or household but instead my uncle called me insolent.
My Uncle, so blinded by the celebrations was unable to see what was right
and wrong.
And even now, I am shaking to hold all the fury and rage within me. I will
let this anger accumulate within my body. I will carve it into my heart. I
might have let him go this time but next time, I promise, he will not be
allowed to walk away with such ease. He will regret. I will make him pay
for the shame he has brought to our household.
Commentary
The candidate assumes an appropriate voice and weaves echoes of the
text into the answer: for example, that villain, slave, wretched boy and I
do not think killing him is a sin. She shows good knowledge and
understanding of the character: for example, his sense of isolation in being
the only one to object to Romeo, his obsession with family honour, and his
rage both at Romeo and at the injustice of Capulets rebuke. It is a very
competent and conscientious answer, though lacks the extra degree of
subtlety and insight, and sophistication of style that a top answer would
show.
Mark: Band 2

Exemplar 2
You are Tybalt just after your uncle Lord Capulet has ordered you
to behave yourself at the ball and leave the disguised Romeo
alone. Write your thoughts.
He shall be endured? I shall not endure a villain such as he, Romeo, a
Montague! He has made a mockery of the house of Capulet, attending our
feast as though he was invited, as though he belonged. I shall turn on

33

Romeo as he made my uncle turn on me. How blind my uncle is, to not see
this foe purposely comes here to scorn at our solemnity.
How sick it makes me, to hear that Verona brags of him. He is a Montague,
of no more worth than a dog, in the street. My skin crawls just looking at
him. My hand yearns for my rapier. If I had it here it would be but a
moment before I drove it deep into his heart and struck him dead.
Romeo is followed with the name of Montague and never before have we
not drawn our longswords and rapiers to fight someone of that house. My
uncle does not realize that in fact, he only makes a fool of himself and of
us, the more worthy Capulets. I cannot tolerate this insult to my name.
Romeo has soiled our name; and only under the protection of my uncle
does he live right at this moment.
Romeo is a villain! A shameful villain!, If I cannot make a mutiny among
these guests, then I will make one on the street a challenge! The
coward should hide with shame if he does not accept. To the house of dogs
I will send a letter. For life or death he must fight and I will make sure it is
death he chooses.
I feel myself shaking with anger. Romeo is to blame. By my life he will
accept my challenge. I am no princox, no goodman boy. I am Tybalt, Prince
of Cats and I shall never stop living up to this name. With what little
patience I have, I will wait for this revenge. Romeo will pay for his insult
with his life, its a certainty that I swear on the name and house of
Capulet.
Commentary
The answer begins very strongly, with a direct echo of the text: He shall
be endured, and later this foe purposely comes here to scorn at our
solemnity. The candidate is integrating the actual language of the play
seamlessly into the monologue. The strength of feeling attributed to Tybalt
is convincing and the language suitably violent.
The ideas are well developed and there is a sense of Tybalt working
through his intention to exact revenge. There are also allusions to earlier
events such as the confrontation with Mercutio: I am no princox, no
goodman boy, which are made to contribute to the strength of his feelings
towards Romeo. The answer was judged to exhibit all the characteristics of
a top band answer.
Mark: Band 1

Empathic Assessment Criteria

Band
1
Band
2
Band
3

sustains an entirely convincing voice.

22
21
20
19
18

shows a detailed appreciation of character rooted in the

text, and sustains an engagingly convincing voice.
shows a clear understanding of character rooted in the
text and sustains a largely authentic voice.

34

Band
4
Band
5
Band
6
Band
7
Band
8
0

17
16
15
14
13
12
11
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
0

shows understanding of character and text, including

some of the deeper implications and uses suitable
features of expression.
shows some understanding of character and text and
begins to assume a voice appropriate to the character.
shows a basic understanding of character and text .
shows a few signs of understanding of characters
thoughts or feelings
shows limited understanding of characters thoughts or
feelings
No answer / Insufficient to meet the criteria for Band 8.

35

Passage based/unseen response

This form of writing is very similar to a critical essay but the focus is on
detailed analysis of an extract from the text or a poem, and you will need
to practice timed writing.
World Literature Exam
Paper 2 (Unseen)

Text
Prose extract or poem

Time
1 hour 15 minutes

Paper 3 (Set Text)

S3: Extract from a

novel (Balzac and the
Little Chinese
Seamstress) or a poem
(Songs of Ourselves)
S4: Extract from a
novel (Balzac and the
Little Chinese
Seamstress) or a short
story (Stories of
Ourselves)

45 minutes

Unseen
Timing
3 minutes reading the question and deconstructing it
17 mins reading and annotating the passage
55 minutes writing essay
It is extremely useful to address the bullet points because these are the
key areas for explanation.
Ask your teacher for some past papers and exemplars.
Tips on tackling the passaged based questions in Paper 3
Before you start, check the focus of the question(s), then highlight or
underline relevant details (words/phrases, rather than big chunks)
covering key relevant parts of the extract.
Its useful to ask yourself why this particular extract has been chosen: it
may be a turning point in the story, or it may reveal something new or
significant about a character, for example. This could be a starting point
for your answer.
Then, establish an overview, summing up what you will say in the rest of
your answer, clearly addressing the question. Focus is really important
here. You need to position yourself and make clear what your point of view
is: as long as you back up what you say with evidence from the text, your
interpretation is likely to be valid.

36

Be specific for example, if the question is about how the writer creates
mood and atmosphere, say straight away what the mood and atmosphere
is, or if it is about a character, make a clear point about the character in
question.
Tackle the key areas of the extract, selecting and highlighting detail.
DONT FORGET THE QUESTION! Make sure you go right to the end of the
extract there will be a good reason why it starts and ends where it does.
If its relevant, you may make brief reference to other parts of the text - to
put the extract in context but your main concern is the extract. Dont,
whatever you do, treat the extract as an unseen (it makes the reader
wonder why they are there).
Dont get so caught up by analysing the detail that you neglect the
content what is actually going on in the extract.
REMEMBER THAT EACH PASSAGE BASED QUESTION SHOULD TAKE YOU
ABOUT 45 MINUTES TO COMPLETE!
Exemplar 1 (Animal Farm)
How does Orwells writing here vividly convey the relationship
between the pigs and the other animals? Remember to support
your ideas with details from the story.
Orwell demonstrates in this passage that the pigs have now assumed
complete control over the other animals. This is done mainly through their
superior intellect but also in other ways.
Firstly, he shows this by always including an element of doubt in the other
animals minds. For example, it states that Clover thought she could
remember as opposed to: she could remember. This demonstrates that
she questions her own mind and is therefore easy to manipulate. It is this
uncertainty that the pigs use to bend them to their will. As Clover is unable
to conclusively demonstrate that she is correct, the pigs have the
advantage. Therefore this is Orwells way of showing that the pigs can rewrite events to suit themselves, as they have done here with the Fourth
Commandment.
Perhaps a more revealing insight into their relationship is given by the
clear differences in intelligence. For example, Orwell juxtaposes the pigs
brains against the fact that the animals are unable to read. This
illustrates the fact that they are intellectual opposites and that this causes
the pigs to assume the position of the ruling class. Orwell also shows that
the pigs superior intelligence means that they can manipulate the animals
without them being aware of it. For example, Squealer still referring to
them as comrades, the illusion is given that they are still equal.
However, this is clearly far from being true. Therefore Orwell is showing
the ease with which intellectuals can manipulate those less intelligent
than themselves.

37

Orwell adds to this by pointing out that even Muriel, who we know is able
to read to an extent, can only read with some difficulty. This shows that
even the more intelligent animals are far less so than the pigs. This
cements the authority of the pigs and helps Orwell convey their tyrannical
rule.
Orwell also points out how Napoleons authority means the pigs rule
cannot be challenged. The fact that he has a title makes him appear
more prestigious and therefore harder to oppose. The use of the name
Leader to describe him also helps brainwash the other animals into
believing they must support him. Therefore it makes them more
submissive.
Napoleons authority is further emphasised by his support from Boxer.
Boxers slogans are incredibly dangerous and by saying this is the usual
way in which he reacts, Orwell shows the reader that Boxer will never
question Napoleon. This is supported by the use of the word always in
Napoleon is always right, as this shows a constant refusal to challenge
him. Therefore Orwell shows Boxers blind acceptance of the pigs
authority. Whilst Boxer is only one animal, his lack of action is highly
relevant. Orwell has taken care to introduce him early as the admiration
of everyone and enormous. Hence, he could easily incite a rebellion
should he choose to. However, as he dismisses all of Napoleons faults,
this helps ensure the pigs total domination of the animals.
Another way Orwell shows the relationship is through the language
employed by Squealer. Squealer is clearly the most capable talker and
the reader has been informed previously that he can turn black into
white. Therefore his ability to manipulate the animals is clear. By using
many rhetorical questions, such as And why not?, Squealer challenges
the animals and reminds them of their inferior status. Due to their aforementioned minimal intelligence, the animals cannot argue back. Orwell
here uses Squealer to show how complex language can confuse others
into submission. Squealer uses words such as repose which are almost
certainly unknown to the other animals. This forces them to recognise the
pigs as cleverer than them and therefore prevents them from retaliating.
Therefore Orwell shows how manipulation of language gains the pigs
authority.
Squealer also stops any dissent completely by reminding them of the
common enemy: Jones. Through doing this he is uniting them all and
threatening them with the one thing they dread most. As this argument is
used to justify all the pigs actions, the reader is aware of its absurdity.
Therefore, Orwell is showing how threats can be used over and over to
subdue arguments.
Orwell also shows very subtly that the pigs are still using force to control
the farm. Squealer is attended by dogs, which shows that he has
protection. The dogs are clearly an allegory for the army. Therefore Orwell
is showing the reader that the pigs are maintaining power by instilling fear
in the animals. This is an effective method as the dogs are initially used to
drive out Snowball. Therefore, animals will be intimidated by them and be
obedient to the pigs.

38

In conclusion, Orwell has shown that the pigs dominate the farm through
consistent manipulation of the other animals. By eliminating any
possibility of the animals challenging their rule, the pigs have effectively
subdued their opposition. Orwell shows this through comparing their
intelligence; he creates a terrifying relationship
COMMENTARY This response covers all the bases. It focuses closely on
the question and some points show sophisticated critical perception; for
example, the discussion of Boxers faith in Napoleon and consequent
removal as a threat to the pigs dictatorship. Aspects of Orwells language
are sensitively considered. A top Band 1 response.
[The assessment criteria is the same as for the critical essay on page 20]

39

Narrative
For IGCSE purposes, follow these rules (For your own writing there
are no rules!):
Word length: 350-450 words
See 'Stories of Ourselves Study Guide for Students' for more
detailed advice.
This task tests writing assessment objectives W1 to W5
W1 articulate experience and express what is thought, felt and
imagined
W2 sequence facts, ideas and opinions
W3 use a range of appropriate vocabulary
W4 use register appropriate to audience and context
W5 make accurate use of spelling, punctuation and grammar

Band 1

11-13

Band 2

9-10

Band 3

7-8

Band 4

5-6

General Criteria
W1: Content is complex,
sophisticated and realistic.
W2: Overall structure is
secure and the constituent
parts well balanced and
carefully managed.
W1: Content develops
some interesting and
realistic features in parts of
the writing.
W2: Writing is orderly, and
beginnings and endings
are satisfactorily managed.
W1: Content is
straightforward with ideas,
features and images that
satisfactorily address the
task; some opportunities
for development are taken.
W2: Overall structure is
competent and some
sentences are well
sequenced.
W1: Content consists of
relevant ideas that are
briefly developed.
W2: Overall structure is
easily followed, though
some constituent parts are

Specific criteria - narrative

The plot is convincing with
elements of fiction such as
description,
characterisation and climax,
and with cogent detail.
The plot incorporates some
interesting features, but not
consistently so: the reader
may be aware of the creation
of suspense and a sense of
climax.
The plot is straightforward
and cohesive with some
identification of features such
as character and setting.

Recording of relevant but

sometimes unrealistic events
outweighs other desirable
elements of narrative fiction.

Band 5

3-4

Band 6

1-2

Band 7

too long or too short to be

effective.
W1: Content is simple, and
the
presentation of ideas and
events may only be
partially credible.
W2: Overall structure is
recognisable, though
paragraphing is
inconsistent and
sequences of sentences
insecure.
W1: Content is inconsistent
in
relevance, interest and
clarity.
W2: Structure is frequently
unclear, revealing a limited
grasp of purpose.
W1: Content is rarely
relevant and there is little
material.
W2: The structure is
disorderly.

Content and Structure

The plot is a simple narrative

that may consist of events
that are only partially
credible or which are
presented with partial clarity.

The plot lacks coherence and

narrates events
indiscriminately.

The plot is hard to follow and

is only partially relevant.

Style and Accuracy

Band 1

11-12

Band 2

9-10

Band 3

7-8

Band 4

5-6

Band 5

3-4

Band 6

1-2

Band 7

Writing is consistent, stylistically fluent, linguistically

strong and almost always accurate; has a sense of
audience.
W3: Consistently wide range of appropriate vocabulary.
W4: Subtle and effective sense of audience; appropriate
use of varied sentence structures.
W5: Spelling, punctuation and grammar almost always
accurate.
Writing is mostly fluent, sometimes linguistically effective
and generally accurate; may have some sense of
audience.
W3: Obvious attempt to use range of vocabulary to
interest the reader.
W4: Partial or inferred sense of audience, with appropriate
sentence structures.
W5: Spelling, punctuation and grammar mainly accurate.
Writing is clear and competent, if plain in vocabulary and
grammatical structures; errors minor, but frequent.
W3: Occasional precision and / or interest in choice of
words.
W4: Accurate if repetitive sentence structures.
W5: Minor but frequent errors of spelling, punctuation and
grammar.
Writing is clear and accurate in places, and uses limited
vocabulary and grammatical structures; errors occasionally
serious.
W3: Plain but mostly correct choice of words.
W4: Correct use of simple sentence structures; some
errors of sentence separation.
W5: Frequent errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar.
Writing is simple in vocabulary and grammar; overall
meaning can be followed, but errors are distracting and
sometimes impair communication.
W3: Words may sometimes communicate meaning
satisfactorily.
W4: Frequent weakness in sentence structures.
W5: Errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar impair
communication.
Writing is weak in vocabulary and grammar; persistent
errors impede communication.
W3: Insufficient language to carry intended meaning.
W4: Faulty and / or rambling sentence structures.
W5: Persistent errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar
impede communication.
Writing is impossible to follow. Language proficiency is
lacking; incorrect sentences; multiple errors of spelling,
punctuation and grammar.

Exemplar 1
Mud. Deep, thick mud. It surrounded me, it stifled me, there was no
way out. The trench was slowly filling up with stagnant water, filling
my already soaking boots, seeping through into my trench-foot
ridden feet mocking me, giving me no chance to run. The crimson
clay floor lay waiting below me, the blood of my comrades flowing
through, begging me to join, to be the next lucky soul to be dead, to
end this hell. I had gotten used to the smell of odour and bad feet
along time ago, but there was a new smell that hung in the air, a
dank, dark smell that only a man devoid of all hope can smell. Fear.
Fear clung to me like a weeping child in those last few hours of my
life, and it overcame me. I broke down in great tears, the salty drops
giving a reassuring tang to my mouth, and as I lay hudled in my
tomb, the dark veil of death covered me like a shroud. My legs
suddenly felt warm, I had urinated myself like a small child. The
smell hit me and instantly I sobered. I looked down at my dark green
uniform, covered in mud and remembered my purpose. With a
sudden surge of confidence I sought to relinquish my deep cave of
dark emotion and peer over the top. Immediately the chatter of
guns sparked to life and I dived back down again. I had been hit in
the shoulder.
A paradox of pain swept through me and I wished for all the world,
to die, I wished to embrace death as an old friend and let him lead
me away from my prison. But I was not be so lucky. I lay, trapped in
my muddy hell, the world swimming before me. I could make out
the sound of heavy machinery, roaring into life and the deep barks
of soldiers everywhere shouting and yelling over the noise. Men
were everywhere, men in grey uniforms. The enemy.
A strong smell of metal hit me, and I knew straight away it was the
smell of old blood. I had fallen into a puddle of it, mixed with water
the liquid ran over me as I started to gasp for air. I felt
claustrophobic and trapped, panic hit me and I lashed out through
the puddle, kicking, punching and cursing. I felt betrayed, betrayed
by my own people. My country didnt care about us, the endless
deaths that occurred meant nothing to the heartless villains. The
walls of mud seemed to close in on me, getting smaller and smaller,
taking away my longed-for air and I swam in and out of
consciousness.
A low whine started, getting louder and louder. It was a cluster
bomb. As I opened my leadlike eyes I saw it, my savour, I was calm.
The whistle became intolerable, then it hit.
Commentary

This is a powerful response as it evokes the sense of being trapped

in both a physical and emotional way as the soldier hears the enemy
coming, yet desires to escape from the horrors surrounding him.
Although it has a narrative structure, there is a strong descriptive
focus throughout. The details are immediate and powerful at times,
such as fear clung to me like a weeping child and the deep barks
of soldiers everywhere. The climax is extremely well handled and
works well as a release from the build up of tension and horrific
surroundings.
The sense of audience is strong throughout, although in a bid to
keep a continuum of detail and emotion, there are a couple of
instances of sentence control errors.
Mark: 12 (content and structure) + 10 (style and accuracy)
Band 1
Exemplar 2
As they looked in the mirror they were amazed to find two
completely different people smiling back at them. The genetic
alteration had worked perfectly on the two fresh-faced recruits,
changing their DNA to that which was deemed suitable by the
Human Army. Their smiles wore off as quickly as the anaesthetic did,
and both men now realised what they had become no longer
individuals, but templates, only recognisable as different by the
differing numbers branded upon their shoulders.
Private B617 was still feeling the after-effects of the treatment as he
was carted into the adjacent room and his service uniform was
being fitted roughly onto him. His mind wandered to the past, to a
time before his name was a letter followed by three numbers, to a
time when he was Harry Elson, a farmer back on his homeworld. The
day was hot and lazy, and his beautiful, fair-haired wife was
beckoning him inside from the bright yellow cornfield as the goldenorange sun faded in the sky. He remembered a helicopter, and a
military-looking man greeting him. Something about a war against a
race from far away, something about intervening after a neutral
planet had been invaded, something about doing his duty.
Everything after that blurred and mixed together in a swirl of colour.
Private B617 woke up from his daydream to find himself gripping a
combat rifle in a helicopter amongst a group of identical faces.
Outside, the lashing rain bounced off the flying helicopter, and in
the distance there was the muffled crackling of gunfire. B617
noticed that he was being addressed; a figure with a white stripe
down his shoulder-pad was bellowing orders against the cacophony
of noise outside. He was saying they had thirty seconds until their
drop, and their objective was to assist in resisting an enemy
counter-attack in this area.

After a brief pause, the order came.

Drop!
The helicopter side-door was flung open and one by one, each
soldier hurled themselves out into the darkness.. The noise hit B617
like a wave. All around him was gunfire, screams, groans, death. As
one, the soldiers opened up their parachutes and glided down to the
scarred battlescape below them. He landed behind the charred
wreck of a helicopter, next to a soldier who seemed agitated and
was frantically attending to a stream of red on his arm. Getting back
to the task in hand, B617 looked up from the wreck, whipped out his
combat rifle and began firing blindly at dim specks of black against
the tormented sky. Suddenly he felt a searing pain in his chest and
bent double as if he had received a blow to the stomach. His head
fell down onto the soft, wet earth as his chest stained it red. With his
last ounce of strength, he looked up.
In front of him was his sweetheart, her long, flowing hair almost
shimmering against the orange sky. The bright yellow corn was
swaying from side to side in the cool summer breeze and all was
quiet. Harry smiled and then collapsed from exhaustion. Amidst the
chaos and bloodshed all around him, he allowed his eyes to close.
Like the retreating tide, Harry slowly lost consciousness and another
number quietly faded away.
Commentary
This is an excellent piece of writing and an example of a first class
narrative completed under exam conditions. The initial quotation
blends in beautifully to a futuristic setting in which men have
become templates, only recognisable as different by the differing
numbers branded upon their shoulders. Referring to a stream of
red on his arm and firing blindly at dim specks effortlessly
underlines the fact that the soldier, and the others, do not recognise
what they are doing as they are now non-human. Flashback is
beautifully handled and is used again as a structural device to bring
the dying robot soldier back to a happier, human time and provide
an excellent, well thought out ending.
The writing is sophisticated, clever and virtually error free.
Mark: 13 (content and structure) + 12 (style and accuracy)
Band 1

Descriptive
For IGCSE purposes, follow these rules (For your own writing there
are no rules!):
Focus on a place or a moment in time

Write in the present tense

Use as many senses as possible and appropriate
Use imagery - metaphor, simile and personification
No dialogue
Focus on interesting verbs, adjectives and adverbs
Change of focus but not change of time (very short time span of
minutes)
Create an atmosphere through well chosen and appropriate diction
No flashbacks!
Word length: 350-450 words
Exemplar
A School lunch hall. Condensation slides its way down the window,
leaving behind it a ribbon of smooth, murky darkness. The sheer
suffocating heat and humidity inside suggests the number of
drenched bodies seeking refuge from the relentless onslaught of
rain. In one corner, a single teacher loses the battle to restrain a
group of shouting children and is swamped in a wave of uniformed
bodies. Buzzing with anticipation, their instincts triggered by the
promise of food, the mass of children charges past him into the
canteen. Dragging back some small measure of control, he finally
manages to stem the flow and continues to thin out the crowd at a
steadier pace with many jealous glances towards the table where
several of his fellow teachers lounge, indulging in a few sweet,
children-free minutes.
As the room fills, the shouts, yells and vague discussion coming
from the hoard of tatty teenagers rise to a pitch and volume that
could shame a football crowd. Wanting to live up to their reputation,
the children continue their barrage of sound, undeterred by the half
hearted efforts of their teachers.
Finally, however, as the initial rush of eager bodies reduces, the
disruption falls to a minimum and the children split off into groups.
At the centre of one such gathering sits a rather plain girl putting up
with the unwanted attention of several of her social superiors. She is
clearly used to this type of bullying, and she continues her meal in
silence.
As the initial lure of the dinner hall lessens, several of the hardier
students decide to brave the weather outside and leave the
overcrowded, damp stuffiness to those willing to endure it for its
relative comfort and the knowledge that hours spent on hair will not
have been in vain.
Suddenly a loud crash echoes around the hall bringing most of the
children out of their relaxed stupor. For once the whole student body

is united in hilarity, all eagerly scanning the three-hundred or more

people for the guilty party. The culprit (a minute, year seven boy)
stands next to the offending pile of broken china and, as several of
the older students begin to whoop, proceeds to flush a deep red as
he prays for an escape from the blinding spotlight. Unfortunately,
the hole in the ground fails to appear for him as it has failed so
many others in similar situations and he is left at the mercy of
hundreds of delighted teenagers.
Finally, the yells subside, quelled by steely glances from several of
the teachers, and they are replaced by the ominous tinny chime of
the bell, forcing all the children out into the merciless rain.
Commentary
This student confidently fulfils the requirements of the descriptive
task. The individual scenes are well observed and the whole piece is
structured around a sensible time frame. SSPS aspects are handled
with assurance and the vocabulary is extensive. This work is a band
1.

Other text types

Word length: 250-350 words (For IGCSE exam purposes, not your
own writing!)

Formal Letter
Exemplar (see FLE Paper 2 June 2006)
Dear Mr and Mrs Doyle,
I recently spent a few nights at your hotel, the Shamrock Hotel and
I must confess that I found my time there extremely enjoyable.
I was unexpectedly charmed by the unique and individual
atmosphere in the hotel, right from its eccentric but welcoming
appearance to the livliness created by the numerous animals there.
It was, what I think everyone would consider, a much-needed
deviation from the norm of boring, formal hotels. I was particularly
taken by the great shingle roof, littered with odd trinkets and bits
and pieces.

Furthermore I feel it my duty to commend you on living up to the

sign on your front door, which offers accommodation to both man
and beast at lowest rates.
Not only was my stay fantastically inexpensive, but I thoroughly
enjoyed the presence of the various animals and the familiar sight of
the fowl in pursuit of grasshoppers in front of the bar door, or the
goat that stood by the trough, never failed to bring a smile to my
face, not to mention the mother hen and her precious chicks, nested
near the couch. Indeed, I recall experiencing a profound connection
to nature, one that is not so easily found in the other hotels of the
state. This was not only due to the interiors of the hotel, bursting
with animal and human life, but also because of its tranquil and
secluded location. Although conveniently close to Ballarat it still
managed to retain an atmosphere of calm and quiet which provided
an escape from the constant hustle and bustle of everyday life.
I will also carry with me always, fond memories of the interesting
folk, the likes of which I have never seen before, farmers from far
away and the like. And not to forget our charming landlord Doyle. To
see him ambling about in his good natured manner and a pair of
stinking trousers, hand-made for him by his wife, really added a
touch of humour to my day and I thank you for that.
I must also thank you again and commend you on the truly one-of-akind service you provided it is one that any traveller, who wishes to
experience the joys of an unconventional atmosphere like that of
the Shamrock Hotel must try out.
Yours sincerely,
Content: 12
Writing; 4
Grade: A*
The writing in question 1 was pleasantly encouraging in a formal
letter to Mr and Mrs
Doyle. The courteous, appreciative tone to the letter was maintained
throughout and nicely echoed the eccentricity of the hotel and its
owners. The opening was brief, but the context was quickly
established as that of a single person passing by, not a family on an
annual holiday! The style hardly creaked at all, and the letter
comfortably assimilated details in three main areas the buildings,
the animals and the people.
Formal Letter Structure
1.

Opening

(Address your letter to Dear + the name or job title of the person
you have been asked to write to, then start a new line for the
opening paragraph. N.B. Although it is good practice to teach and
expect students to put dates and addresses on formal letters, and to
sign them appropriately, these are not required and not rewarded in
the exam.)

2.

Paragraph 1: Introduction

(Why are you writing? Give the general aim and minimum
information only, e.g. to complain, apply, request, disagree, and an
indication of what you are responding to e.g. a recent holiday or a
letter in last weeks newspaper.)

3.

Paragraph 2: Details of situation

(Give previous history of event or your background or experience.

Say what happened exactly if you are making a complaint, or focus
directly on the text you are arguing with. This section should include
specific data such as names, dates, facts and details.)

4.

Paragraph 3: Further development

(Give further support to your claim or request. Summarise the

current situation and
why you should be given consideration e.g. other problems which
occured with your holiday accommodation, how well you fulfil the
job requirements)

5.

Final paragraph: Future action

(Say what you wish to happen next e.g. that you look forward to
being called for interview or expect to receive some compensation
as soon as possible. Suggest, firmly but politely, what may happen if
you do not receive a response to a complaint.)

exemplar (see 0500 Aunt Pegg)

Dear Parents,
After receiving the invite, I cannot describe to you how very
privilidged I felt to finally have the opportunity of spending some
valuable time with your children.
However, when I arrived at your home I immediately realised the
enormity of the task. It is a goob job I was prepared for this,
otherwise I would hate to think how very differently your children
would have behaved throughout the week.
I do not understand why children of this age would want to treat
each other so badly. I have to admit, I had some trouble on the first
day stopping them from fighting with each other, or grabbing one
another.
I soon found the solution to this problem, as I always do. The key to
preventing them from harming each other was to promote
teamwork, and I was able to do this by keeping them busy and
occupied at all times. We all know how much housework there is to
do, so from day one I requested all hands on deck and I was very
pleasantly surprised to see them all get on with the work, without a
single complaint. They were a tremendous help when it came to
cooking and cleaning. They became so focused and concentrated on
what they were doing, it was almost as if they had lost the ability to
communicate with each other. I also believe that they benefitted
greatly from the educational programme I introduced although on
one occasion they did plan a great escape, but again I was
expecting something like this to happen and was able to deal with it.
I am delighted to say that as the week progressed, the children
became less violent towards each other and became more aware of
their tasks and how to approach them. I was fortunate enough to
see significant improvements in the form of the cooking, the
cleaning and their treatment of each other and also of me. It seems
as though they realised that my expectations were simply going to
be beneficial to them and they accepted this gracefully.
However, I am slightly disappointed in you as parents as I feel that
they are treated with too much respect and not enough discipline. If
it wasnt for my watchful eye, who knows where they could have
disappeared off to, on our trip to town.
This coming week I plan to catch up on all of the housework I was
unable to compete this last week. There is a house to clean, a
garden to keep in tact and animals to feed. I also plan to pay you a
visit, and see how the children are getting on.

Yours sincerely,
Aunt Pegg.
The letter develops ideas relating to the first two bullets; the third
section is weaker, however, being brief and vague, and there is little
reference throughout to specific detail. The quality of the writing is
high: it is fluent and well sequenced, and includes a range of mature
and appropriate vocabulary, such as the enormity of the task, all
hands on deck, and accepted this gracefully, which conveys a
strong voice for the character.
Mark: 10 (reading/content) + 5 (quality of writing)

News Report
News Report Structure
Headline
1.

News Event

(What? When? Where? Who?)

2.

Background

(Why? previous history, lead-up to this event, causes)

3.

Report of actual news event

(detailed account of what happened and what is still happening)

Sub-Heading (short phrase, quotation; optional)

4.

Quotations

(participants, witnesses, police, hospital etc)

5.

Future

(consequences, investigations, predictions)

Formal Report
Formal Report Structure
1.

Explanation of situation

(Give some indication of what you are reporting on and what the
circumstances are: it could be presenting findings to a committee
after evaluation options, giving a witness account of an event,
giving evidence after monitoring a process e.g. a student on a
weeks work experience. The person receving the report is someone
in authority in an official position, and the style must reflect this.)

2.

First phase or aspect of report

(Reports of an event, such as a school trip, have a chronological

structure; others look in turn at several aspects of a proposition or
several candidates for a job or award. These phases should be
treated in separate paragraphs to show the change in time or topic.
If evaluating people or venues, for instance, it would be logical to
start with the least recommended.)

3.

Second phase or aspect of report

4.

Third phase or aspect of report

(It would be logical to mention last the aspect which is most

important or memorable, or the thing/person which one has decided
to give the decision in favour of or highest recommendation for.)

5.

Conclusion

(The final paragraph of a report will make an overall evaluation of

suitability or weigh up the final balance of advantages and
disadvantages of a proposition. e.g. Despite occasional lapses, the
student overall showed great diligence in the workplace and
aptitude for the profession, and we were pleased with his general
attitude and the progress he made during the course of his week in

our firm; Although there have been many school trips over the last
few years, it was unanimously agreed that this was the best
because of the attractiveness of the destination and the remarkable
team spirit amongst the group.)

Magazine Article
[Insert pdf]

Dialogue/Interview
Exemplar
Headteacher: Lets consider what these students have said. I must
let the GTC know today which finalist we have chosen. I am sorry to
have left it so late but I have been extremely busy, you must forgive
me: Deputy: Of course Headteacher, and I am also fully aware of
your dilema, there really is some stiff competition this year and of
course only one can be chosen. Head: Yes its such a shame... So
anyway, onto our finalists. I must say Didier has really impressed
me, he looks strong and athletic and is of course very popular with
the other boys, being football captain you know. And look here he
says he has already been part of an activity group for boys, lighting
fires and fishing for food and shelter building, all very important
criterea from the GTC leaflet, he may be the man to fly the flag for
our school, he can even read maps which is fantastic for a young
man of his age. Deputy: Yes this is all true but I get a feeling that the
boy is rather arrogant, it must be the way he boasts of his sporting
success, I dont know but to me Didier is possibly the weakest
candidate. Head: I do see your point to be honest, maybe we
shouldnt be too hasty. On to Marissa then, again very physically
able and athletic, yes she is participating in the 1500 metres, and
she seems to be clever too, convincing and good with words, all
very valid. Deputy: Yes I agree, a splendid candidate If I may say so,
she can already canoe and loves the outdoors and most of all she
has great pride for her school, wonderful. She is even part of the
debating team, I... Head: Actually I must stop you there deputy I
believe this could be a slight weakness you know, I mean if she can

put up a good argument then in the tropical conditions it could be

quite heated between her and other girls, although she says she can
stop arguments, and yes, she doesnt like the bugs and snakes, this
could prove a huge weakness in the jungle. I think we must think
carefully. Deputy: Of course headteacher, very true. Okay, shall we
have a look at our final candidate? Head: Yes yes, of course. Kim is
it? Yes here we are. AHA! Now would you look at this, I like the look
of this, an all round achiever, I must say I like the idea of that, again
good with people, thats important. Kim also likes outdoors and rock
climbing, not only that but she has done her first aid course, very
good. A good inventor, good good, shows innitiative I think, and she
is already into recycling and the Greener side of life, which is what
this is all about. Deputy: Do you believe Kim should therefore win
the competition, headteacher? Head: (long pause) You know, I think
I do. She seems to be a better all round candidate than the other
two, more important than being concentrated in one position I think.
Deputy: I think your right. She does display more agreable qualities,
and does in fact fit the criterea better: Head: Indeed. Well I think
thats about it then, I think we have covered everything, Kim shall
win the competition as she seems to be the type of person who
could be easily adaptable as the leaflet indeed states. Thank you,
Deputy Headteacher. 0500 First Language English Standards Booklet
103 Section 1 There is a convincing start to the dialogue here as the
voices of the Headteacher and Deputy sound quite authentic. The
text is covered well, not just the more obvious physical fitness
aspects, but the sense of representing the school and whether
candidates will fit in well socially with the other students on the
challenge. There are instances of sound inference and evaluation,
and many ideas are dealt with, but there is a sense that the
response is rushed with a lack of control, at times, that detracts. A
lack of full stops and erratic control of sentence structure detracts
from a lively and convincing argument. Mark: 8 (reading) + 8
(writing)