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Final Portfolio

Tess Nuccio
WRT104-0016
Spring Semester

Introductory element:

Throughout the process of the projects and revision I completed in my


writing 104 class, my writing has improved greatly. When writing a piece
there are many things the author must consider to make the piece
appropriate; The audience and purpose for example have an immense
impact on the style of writing and format of your piece. The first project I
choose to revise, edit, and reflect on was my position paper in which I spoke
about the environmental and ethical controversies associated with AFOs.
Both editing and revising are important steps in creating a good piece of
writing. Editing is fixing grammatical and spelling errors throughout the piece
which is tremendously important. If your piece has many grammatical
errors, it is likely that the author will lose credibility with the reader. Revising
is adding new thoughts and ideas or rearranging a piece in order to improve
its appropriateness for its audience and purpose, otherwise known as the
rhetorical situation. The second project I decided to edit, revise, and reflect
on was the memoir project. In this project, I verified that I was able to appeal
to a rhetorical situation in a whole new style and add sensory details to
appeal to the audience.

Project 1 Standard Position:

Holy Cow- Are AFOs Harmful or Helpful?


In the past few decades, food production in the United States has changed completely
from the traditional forms of farming. In fact, the government today does not even use the term
farming anymore. Almost all of the meat from the grocery store comes from places called
animal feeding operations or AFOs. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency classifies
AFOs as any facility that has animals that "are, or will be stabled or confined and fed or
maintained for a total of 45 days or more in any 12-month period" (sustainabletable.org). For the
huge corporations running these factories, this method of production is very efficient in
maximizing production and minimizing costs. Weather this method of food production is ethical
to the livestock or if the conditions of these facilities pose a threat to our environment is a
different story.
The reason why these animals are in such confined spaces, is because it costs less for the
major food producing companies to make a profit off of the animals. Common practices include
packing pregnant pigs into gestation crates so small they cannot turn around, placing egg-laying
hens in cages stacked on top of one another in massive enclosed buildings and raising cows on
feedlots rather than the grass pastures many of us associate with ruminants (oxfordjournals.org).
As you can imagine, disease spreads like wildfire in these confinned areas. Many companies
abuse the use of antibiotics with their animals just to keep them alive. Using antibiotics allows
the owners of the companies to pack more and more animals into smaller and smaller spaces.

There are a few concerns regarding the negative effects of AFOs on the environment.
Perhaps the largest problem is the manure that is generated from these facilities. Normally, feces
from animals is used as fertilizer for the land, but the problem is how much manure comes from
these huge facilities. Food & Water Watch estimates that the livestock and poultry on the largest
factory farms in 2012 produced 369 million tons of manure almost 13 times more than the
312 million people in the United States (facotryfarmmap.org). Where does all of this crap go,
literally? Because of its low cost, dumping the untreated feces into the soil has become one of
the most common ways of manure disposal. In a publication by The National Association of
Local Boards of Health, it is stated that manure from CAFOs (Concentrated Animal Feeding
Operations) can contain plant nutrients such as nitrogen and phosphorus, pathogens such as E.
coli, growth hormones, antibiotics, chemicals used as additives to the manure or to clean
equipment, animal blood, silage leachate from corn feed, or copper sulfate used in footbaths for
cows. This bacteriam can end up in our groundwater and in the air around these companies,
which can effect the people who live near them.
Weather the living conditions and treatment of these animals is ethical comes from ones
individual empathy for living creatures, there is no doubt that the toxic environment of AFOs
and CAFOs is harmfully effecting our environment.

Project 1 Revised
Holy Cow- Are AFOs Harmful or Helpful?
In the past few decades, food production in the United States has been radicalized from
old style farming to large scale animal feeding operations. In fact, the government today does not
even use the term farming anymore. Almost all of the meat from the grocery store comes from
places called animal feeding operations or AFOs. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency
classifies AFOs as any facility that has animals that "are, or will be stabled or confined and fed
or maintained for a total of 45 days or more in any 12-month period" (sustainabletable.org). For
the huge corporations running these factories, this method of production is very efficient in
maximizing production and minimizing costs. Weather this method of food production is ethical
to the livestock or if the conditions of these facilities pose a threat to our environment is a
different story.
The reason why these animals are in such confined spaces, is because it costs less for the
major food producing companies to make a profit off of the animals. Common practices include
packing pregnant pigs into gestation crates so small they cannot turn around, placing egg-laying
hens in cages stacked on top of one another in massive enclosed buildings and raising cows on
feedlots rather than the grass pastures many of us associate with ruminants (oxfordjournals.org).
As you can imagine, disease spreads like wildfire in these confined areas. Many companies
abuse the use of antibiotics with their animals just to keep them alive. Using antibiotics allows
the owners of the companies to pack more and more animals into smaller and smaller spaces. If
people were treated or confined in a similar manor it would be considered torture and a serious

crime around the world. The negative effects of AFOs are not just limited to the animals which
they keep but also the environment we all share.
There are a few concerns regarding the negative effects of AFOs on the environment.
Perhaps the largest problem is the manure that is generated from these facilities. Normally, feces
from animals is used as fertilizer for the land, but the problem is how much manure comes from
these huge facilities. Food & Water Watch estimates that the livestock and poultry on the largest
factory farms in 2012 produced 369 million tons of manure almost 13 times more than the
312 million people in the United States (facotryfarmmap.org). Where does all of this crap go,
literally? Because of its low cost, dumping the untreated feces into the soil has become one of
the most common ways of manure disposal. In a publication by The National Association of
Local Boards of Health, it is stated that manure from CAFOs (Concentrated Animal Feeding
Operations) can contain plant nutrients such as nitrogen and phosphorus, pathogens such as E.
coli, growth hormones, antibiotics, chemicals used as additives to the manure or to clean
equipment, animal blood, silage leachate from corn feed, or copper sulfate used in footbaths for
cows. This bacterium can end up in our groundwater and in the air around these companies,
which can effect the people who live near them. Recent events such as the water outrages in
many US cities regarding lead contamination in the last year give great reason for us to be
concerned that the ground water is affected in ways we do not even know about, and that the
water is not being monitored properly to know if it was.
Weather the living conditions and treatment of these animals is ethical; that comes from
ones individual empathy for living creatures. There is no doubt that the toxic environment of
AFOs and CAFOs is harmfully effecting our environment. This planet is one of the most
valuable resources we have, so it is very important that we make sure to keep it preserved.

Reflection on Project 1:
In this piece, I recognized the rhetorical situation that presented itself
in the project. In this position paper, I demonstrated the appropriate use of
persuasive writing about an important issue to a specific audience. The
audience I was writing to was meat consumers. My goal was not to change
someones views, but to impact or sway their opinions on the issue at hand.
In my case, the harmful effects of AFOs were the problem that I discussed.
Because my audience was purchasing the meat of the abused animals, I
used ethos to appeal to the readers emotions. A major revision I made was
extending the 2nd body paragraph and drawing a comparison between the
treatment of animals if they were humans. Another way of appealing to
ethos was changing the tone of my writing to be serious and as I attempted
to instill the same sense of urgency about the issue that I feel myself in its
readers. Also, I used logos to better my argument with logical reasoning and
statistics. As well as improving the persuasion and ideas by revision, I edited
my paper by making two spelling corrections and grammatical changes.
Learning outcomes:
1. Students recognize that different rhetorical situations (audiences,
purposes, contexts) call for different types of writing.
2. Students practice various methods of invention, collaboration,
research, ethical
incorporation of sources, peer review, and revision.

3. Students reflect upon and explain the appropriateness of their choices


for the
rhetorical situation.
4. Students recognize differences between revision and editing

Project 2 Memoir Original:


Effort
It was a Monday afternoon in March when I saw something that caught
my eye in gym class. A bright yellow piece of paper with the bolded words,
SOFTBALL TRYOUTS IN ONE WEEK! From the time we lined up to go outside
to the time we were coming back in, I couldnt stop thinking about the
possibility of me playing softball. As I was leaving the gym and saw the flash
of yellow on the wall, I made my decision. I was going to try out. I practically
skipped home from school that day because I was so ecstatic about my
decision. I knew that I was not the most athletic girl in the grade, in fact I
was not very athletic at all, but I desperately wanted to be a part of the
team.
The coach kept stressing about how effort is the most important part of
tryouts, and to always try your absolute hardest. Every time I complained at
home that I wasnt good enough at softball I heard, Its all about effort. I
heard these words over and over, for four days. At the time, those four days
were the most stressful days of my life. As the days went on, I felt the
pressure building up inside of me. I did everything I could to try to impress

the coach, but it just wasnt showing. I would swing as hard as I could, and
still miss the ball. I would sprint to the ball, and still miss it. By the last day of
tryouts, I did feel a little discouraged about my performance, but I felt some
relief knowing I had given it 100%.
The cut day had come. I looked up at the clock, fidgeting in my chair
more and more with every second that passed. I couldnt tell if I was more
nervous or excited. All I knew is that somewhere in between all that
nervousness and excitement, I felt like I was going to throw up. I jumped in
my seat as the bell rang. When I finally made my way to the wall where it
was posted, I waited patiently, watching each girl leave with excitement or
disappointment. When the wall cleared, I made my way up for my moment. I
was three quarters of the way down the page when my stomach dropped
and my mind filled with doubt. I got to the end, and my name was nowhere
to be found. The first thing I thought was that it was a mistake. It had to be a
mistake. All my hard work in tryouts, all that effort, all for nothing? The
disappointment took over. I had never wanted to be a part of something so
badly. I cried and cried that night, and nothing about effort could be said to
me to make me any feel better.
Every day I left school and watched as the softball girls made their
way outside for practice. After many days of anger and jealousy, I finally
came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do about the fact that I
was not on the team, and that I had to make up for it next year by practicing.
I made it my goal to practice softball three times a week for the entire

summer, and stuck with it. Each time I practiced, I remembered that drop in
my stomach when I didnt make the team in eighth grade. By the time spring
came around my freshman year, I had still been practicing every week.
During tryouts, I remembered that Its all about effort, and gave it my best
shot. The only difference at this tryout was that I could see all my hard work
paying off. When cut day came around, I walked confidently to the board in
the gym. There it was, halfway down the page, in shiny black letters my
name.

Project 2 Revised

Effort
It was a Monday afternoon in March when I saw something that caught
my eye in gym class. A bright yellow piece of paper with the bolded words,
SOFTBALL TRYOUTS IN ONE WEEK! From the time we lined up to go outside
to the time we were coming back in, I couldnt stop thinking about the
possibility of me playing softball. As I was leaving the gym and saw the flash
of yellow on the wall, I made my decision. I was going to try out. I practically
skipped home from school that day because I was so ecstatic about my

decision. I knew that I was not the most athletic girl in the grade, in fact I
was not very athletic at all, but I desperately wanted to be a part of the
team. I rushed home to tell my parents the good news. How would I play
softball? I had no idea about the mechanics of the game, but I certainly was
willing to try.
The coach kept stressing about how effort is the most important part of
tryouts, and to always try your absolute hardest. Every time I complained to
my parents that I wasnt good enough at softball I heard, Its all about
effort. I heard these words over and over, for four days. At the time, those
four days were the most stressful days of my life. As the days went on, I felt
the pressure building up inside of me. I did everything I could to try to
impress the coach, but it just wasnt showing. I would swing as hard as I
could, and still miss the ball. I would sprint to the ball, and still miss it. By the
last day of tryouts, I did feel a little discouraged about my performance, but I
felt some relief knowing I had given it 100%. When I walked home at the end
of that day, I could feel the knot of worry in my stomach.
The cut day had come. I looked up at the clock, fidgeting in my chair
more and more with every second that passed. I couldnt tell if I was more
anxious or thrilled. All I knew is that somewhere in between all that
nervousness and excitement, I felt like I was going to throw up. I jumped in
my seat as the bell rang. When I finally made my way to the wall where it
was posted, I waited patiently, watching each girl leave with excitement or
disappointment. When the wall cleared, I made my way up for my moment. I

was three quarters of the way down the page when my stomach dropped
and my mind filled with doubt. I got to the end, and my name was nowhere
to be found. The first thing I thought was that it was a mistake. It had to be a
mistake. All my hard work in tryouts, all that effort, all for nothing? The
disappointment took over. I had never wanted to be a part of something so
badly. I cried and cried that night, and nothing about effort could be said to
me to make me any feel better.
Every day I left school and watched as the softball girls made their
way outside for practice. After many days of anger and jealousy, I finally
came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do about the fact that I
was not on the team, and that I had to make up for it next year by practicing.
I made it my goal to practice softball three times a week for the entire
summer, and stuck with it. Each time I practiced, I remembered that drop in
my stomach when I didnt make the team in eighth grade. By the time spring
came around my freshman year, I had still been practicing every week.
During tryouts, I remembered that Its all about effort, and gave it my best
shot. The only difference at this tryout was that I could see all my hard work
paying off. When cut day came around, I walked confidently to the board in
the gym. There it was, halfway down the page, in shiny black letters my
name. As I grinned ear to ear, I heard my fathers voice in my head. Its all
about effort.
Reflection on Project 2:

I connected the beginning to the end of this piece when I referred to


my parents motivation about effort first, and the quote that I ended with.
Another change I made was adding the excitement of the decision to try out
along with the feelings of worry after trying out. My goal was to have the
readers connected to my emotions in the memoir. I also added sensory
details to appeal to the reader such as knot of worry and shiny black
letters.
Learning outcomes:
1. Students practice different types of writing appropriate to different
rhetorical
situations (audience, purposes, contexts).

Conclusion:
1. Throughout the analysis, revision, and editing of my memoir and
position argument, I fulfilled at least 5 of the learning outcomes. The
first outcome was recognizing rhetorical situations. In the position
argument, the rhetorical situation was to persuade an opinion and in
the memoir it was telling s story with adequate details. Next I
practiced various methods of invention, collaboration, research,
ethical incorporation of sources, peer review, and revision. Both
pieces discussed in this portfolio were peer reviewed and revised
thoroughly. Another learning outcome that I fulfilled was reflecting
upon and explaining the appropriateness of their choices for the
rhetorical situation. A fourth learning outcome that I reached was
recognizing the differences between revision and editing. The fifth and
final learning outcome that I accomplished was practicing different
types of writing for different rhetorical situations.