Revision and Process Reflection Assignment

Brief Assignment Description:

For this assignment, you will revise one of the essays you have written so far for this course using the
methods described below. You will choose from the following essays: composition narrative, either story
analysis, or your professional communication essay. When revising, don't hold back from making bold
changes! The two methods of revision I discuss below should help you start to understand just how
revision works. These methods are very effective with expository writing. If you use them regularly, you'll
discover that you can create very strong, very coherent essays.
You are also required to send a letter along with your revision that explains what you did in your revision
and why. I have added an example letter below.
Detailed assignment Description:
Revision is a major and important part of writing. Hemingway said, "It is in rewriting that writers are
made." Remember that Walt Whitman voluntarily revised Leaves of Grass 10 times (after each edition
was published), just to make it better. Please also look up the etymology and the definition of revision. It
is NOT simply recopying. It is rephrasing, rearranging, adding new details, and so on. Revision is an
opportunity to make something promising into something very good, to make something very good into
something outstanding, to make your best work into something even better. The marvel of the printed
word is that you can always take back infelicities and you can always add yet another point, just as I have
added this one.
Beginning writers often resist doing revision because their first draft (or second) feels so right: they have
invested a lot of time and emotional energy in it, so they feel a sort of affection for it. Good. But good
writers also need to be objective enough to criticize what they've done, to re-see it from the perspective of
a reader, to change whatever needs changing to make the piece the best it can be. So give yourself time
to get away from your first efforts at these papers to get enough objectivity to judge what you've done
(not only to correct grammar and mechanics, although I'll assume that you've done that to the best of your
ability, too). Adjust whatever needs adjusting to make the work say what you really mean in precise and
appealing terms. And always keep in mind that you can revise almost anything for concreteness the use
of specific details to show the reader what you mean instead of just telling him or her about it. Revising is
hard work, but it's worth the effort when you've completed a piece of which you can be proud.

METHOD #1: FINDING YOUR SUBJECT

You have to do this AFTER you've written a first draft. This method is particularly helpful when you're
having a hard time deciding what you really want to write about. You've got three pages of writing, but you
don't know your topic or your thesis.
Do this: Read the essay aloud to at least two other people. Then ask that person what part of the essay
they remember best. Don't ask for a summary of the essay. Ask for a specific sentence or incident or
statement that is most memorable. Then ask for a brief explanation as to why that part of the first draft is
most memorable. Lastly, ask your listener how he or she thinks that memorable part relates to the whole
essay. What purpose does it serve?
If you read your essay to a number of people, you will probably hear them all remember the same part.
That's because that part is most interesting; it's probably the spot with your most vivid words or images. It

may be the place where people you write about come alive. It will almost certainly (but not ALWAYS) be
in the exact middle of your first draft. What that location tells you is that you have to write the first half of
the first draft just to get to the thing you really want to talk about. The first half of the first draft is usually
just warm-up writing, just getting yourself in the mood. But you have to write that in order to get to your
middle.
Once you've identified your most memorable passage, you've also identified the topic (perhaps topic and
thesis) of your essay. Write another draft, focusing on your newly-discovered thesis and topic. Now you
are ready to shape your subject.
DEFINITION OF A THESIS STATEMENT: The thesis statement is that sentence or two in your text that
contains the focus of your essay and tells your reader what the essay is going to be about. Although it is
certainly possible to write a good essay without a thesis statement (many narrative essays, for example,
contain only an implied thesis statement), the lack of a thesis statement may well be a symptom of an
essay beset by a lack of focus. Many writers think of a thesis statement as an umbrella: everything that
you carry along in your essay has to fit under this umbrella, and if you try to take on packages that don't
fit, you will either have to get a bigger umbrella or something's going to get wet.

METHOD #2: SHAPING YOUR SUBJECT

This revision method you can do by yourself or with another person. Probably you should do it alone.
Make a rough outline of your latest draft. It doesn't have to be a formal outline, but it has to be detailed
enough that you know what each paragraph is about. I emphasize that this outline can ONLY be made
AFTER you've written a draft.
Here's a sample outline from another student's essay. The assignment was to describe and solve a
problem. This student chose heavy homework loads as her problem. The outline lists the topic of each of
five paragraphs:

1. Describes the general structure of "vicious-cycle" problems.

2. Describes teachers' aims in assigning excessive homework.
3. Describes students' distressed responses (poor quality, work not done) and the alarmed teachers'
response of escalating the homework load.

4. Compares the vicious cycle of homework load to the general structure of "vicious-cycle"
problems.

5. Proposes a solution to the homework load problem.

The first thing you'll notice is that most of this essay describes the problem. Only one paragraph the last
proposes a solution. The essay's last half needs expansion to restore PROPORTION. The assignment
requires as much time be spent on solving as on describing the problem.
This kind of outline also lets you check for logical flow. If Items 3 and 4 above were reversed, you would
see immediately that the sequence is incorrect. You can check your own outline to see if the topics of
each paragraph are in the best possible order.
You can also check for coherence. In the essay above, a paragraph that dealt with the intricacies of a
particular teacher's grading system would be easily identified as irrelevant.
The reason an outline can only be written AFTER you've written a draft is that an outline tells you what
you HAVE said. It is usually used to tell you what you WILL say, but that's like putting yourself in a
straightjacket before you write; you're stuck with a plan that may be irrelevant if you decide you want to
say something different halfway through your draft. With an outline after a draft, you can decide to expand
certain parts of the essay in the next draft. Or you can throw out certain parts that you see are irrelevant.

Or you can ask yourself how you got from point #1 to point #2 without explaining their connection; that
means you need to insert another paragraph between the two points.

Now that you've got these two revision methods, use them on all your future essays. You'll discover as
you go along that outlining after the first draft (and after other drafts, too) and listening for the most
memorable part of your first draft gets easier and easier. It's like learning to type; you'll just do it
automatically. And your later versions will be much, much stronger.
***NOTE: Let me remind you that revision is NOT recopying. REPEAT: I want to see a substantially
different (and improved) essay. Yes, improve the mechanics, but most importantly, improve the content
and structure of the essay. As you do so keep the past lessons in mind and let them inform the choices
you make. Are your sentences elegant? Are your descriptions detailed and vibrant? Is the voice
consistent? Does the essay as a whole feel cohesive and unified? If you simply recopy the essay or
change a few punctuation marks or alter a word here and there, I will consider this assignment to be
incomplete.***

LETTER: EXAMPLE LETTER TO INCLUDE WITH YOUR REVISION:

Revision, hah, who needs revision? That was the first idea that flashed across my mind when the idea of
revision was introduced. I thought: Arent the first ideas the best ideas? Why should I revise? I guess Ill
just spell some words wrong on purpose the first time so I can revise them later? Although now I dont
even welcome the idea of revision, its taken a much deeper meaning to me.
For the past assignment, describing the most comfortable room for ME, revision played a major role in
fixing up my essay. When I first wrote this paper, my purpose was to describe my room to a reader.
When I thought of this purpose later, I noticed it was complete nonsense. Describing my room to a reader
was the main idea of the paper, not the purpose. Thus, the ideas are spread out and the paper is neither
convincing nor descriptive. Writing with a specific purpose would suit my needs much better. Also, my
paper did not really attract a reader at first glance to my paper. I felt if I could spice up my opening and
title, a reader would feel more attracted to my paper.
In the past, revision has not really been a necessity for my writing. Often, I would purposely make errors
in grammar or in spelling in order to satisfy my teachers asking for revision. Even for this assignment, any
alterations towards my first few drafts have only been slight changes in sentence structure, maybe
replacing a few words with synonyms, not actual revision. Revision for now is remodeling a paper. By
remodeling I mean adding new ideas, taking away unnecessary details, and basically writing a new paper
based loosely on my first drafts main ideas.
For this paper I revised for many reasons. This paper helped me to figure more about myself and my likes
and dislikes. So, by revising this paper I changed it to better suit my personality.
Assignment Recap:

REWRITE any essay you've written for this course, employing the techniques described above.
You should also take into consideration my critique comments. Make sure you have a title for the
revision (it can be different than the first draft).
INCLUDE a letter to me of at least 100 words that explains what you did in your revision and why
(and if you didnt want to use my critique comments, you should explain why here).
DON'T hold back from making big, bold, gutsy changes!