Teaching Kids About Sex

FHE Lesson
Lesson by Stacey Empey, Digitized and Adapted By
Lara
Goold


Materials needed: Scriptures, the book, “The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made” by Larry Christensen (or other book of
your choice—see recommendations on page 9)

Purpose: To teach family members, who are ready, the basics of sex from a gospel perspective. I recommend this
lesson be given on a one-to-one basis with a child. Guidelines are listed on page (4) to help you determine when the right
time is.

Preparation: It is important to be familiar with the material you would like to teach. Preread the lesson outline, the
book, and any other resources you will find helpful (recommended articles and books are listed on page 9). Know what
you would like to cover, but be willing to be flexible depending on your child’s reactions and questions. Set the tone for
this discussion by explaining that you are going to be talking about something very special and that you are very excited
about the chance you have to talk about this special subject together. Throughout the discussion, mention gently and
lovingly how special this subject is, even if other people joke and make fun. Encourage questions and discussion about
anything the child would like to ask, especially about things they may be hearing from others.

Throughout this outline, continually encourage discussion and comment from your child. Definitely open your
discussion with a sincere prayer to help you communicate well.

Scriptures: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be
one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Opening song and prayer: “A Happy Family”, Children’s Songbook, page 198

Lesson:
Ask: Who were the first people on the earth? (Adam and Eve)

Display: the picture of Adam and Eve.

Ask: Are Adam and Eve the same or different?

Ask: What makes them different? (male and female)

Display: The picture of Noah with the Ark

Ask of each animal: Do you think these two (elephants) are the same or different?

Ask: What makes them different? (male and female)

Explain: Everyone on the earth is either a boy or a girl. It is important to realize that both boys and girls are special and
that Heavenly Father loves every single one his sons and every single one of his daughters.

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Ask: Why did Heavenly Father place both a male and female on the earth at the beginning of the creation? Why did he
instruct Noah to put both make and female animals on the ark? (because males and females are essential to Heavenly
Father’s plan for us and this earth. )

Show: The simple diagram of the Plan of Salvation (page 7)

Briefly Summarize (1-2 minutes): the Plan of Salvation, emphasizing entering this earth life through birth

Explain: Your discussion is going to be about birth, this marvelous way each special son and daughter of Heavenly
Father is able to come to this earth.

Read the highlighted section of the Family Proclamation (page 8)

Discuss each sentence and what it means. We accepted this plan, have been commanded to have children within the
beautiful bonds of marriage, and know that this special power is a gift divinely given to us from our Heavenly Father.
This power, the power of procreation, is a special sacred power to create new life. Explain to your child that s/he is
growing up and therefore you want to have this special discussion about more of the details about how this special power
of procreation works.

Read together: “The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made,” by Larry Christensen (or other book of your choice) Use the
large and/or small text, depending on how many discussions you’ve had, the age of your child, and how detailed you want
your current discussion to be. Take time with the book, answering any questions and responding to any comments. I end
at page 39.

Ask your child if they have heard anything from friends or at school about this subject. Discuss anything your child
wishes. Point out that sometimes, because children do not fully understand our Heavenly Father’s plan or all the details of
how procreation works and how special it is, they will make fun of it or make jokes or rude comments, or use ugly words
to talk about it, etc. Talk about any of these things that your child may have heard. Explain that now that you have had
this discussion, your child is grown up enough to understand the details, realize how special this subject is, and how that
such jokes and language would not be used by someone with that knowledge.

Point out that, because this is such a special subject, it is not something you talk about everywhere with everyone.
Emphasize to your child, however that he/she can always come to you with any questions or concerns they may have
about this subject. You will always be receptive to discussing whatever may be asked. Assure your child that even if you
do not know the answer to a question, you will be sure to find out and get back to them with the answer.

Closing song: “Families Can Be Together Forever”, Children’s Songbook, page 188

Closing Prayer: Close with a sincere prayer, giving thanks for the power of procreation and praying for the ability to
always have open communication between you and your child.

Refreshments: see below for a fun treat recipe.

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Gingerbread Cookies (cut into boy and girl shapes of course)
from http://recipezaar.com

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon ground ginger
• 1 3/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest (optional)

Directions

In
a
small
bowl,
whisk
together
flour,
baking
powder,
baking
soda,
salt,
ginger,
cinnamon,
and
cloves
until
well

blended.

In
a
large
bowl
beat
butter,
brown
sugar,
and
egg
on
medium
speed
until
well
blended.

Add
molasses,

vanilla,
and
lemon
zest
and
continue
to
mix
until
well
blended.

Gradually
stir
in
dry
ingredients
until
blended
and
smooth.

Divide
dough
in
half
and
wrap
each
half
in
plastic
and
let
stand
at
room
temperature
for
at
least
2
hours
or
up
to

8
hours.

(Dough
can
be
stored
in
the
refrigerator
for
up
to
4
days,
but
in
this
case
it
should
be
refrigerated.

Return
to
room
temp
before
using.)
Preheat
oven
to
375°.

Grease
or
line
cookie
sheets
with
parchment
paper.

Place
1
portion
of
the
dough
on
a
lightly
floured
surface.

Sprinkle
flour
over
dough
and
rolling
pin.

Roll
dough
to
a
scant
1/4‐inch
thick.

Use
additional
flour
to
avoid
sticking.

Cut
out
cookies
with
desired
cutter
(boy
and
girl
shapes
of
course).

Space
cookies
1
1/2‐inches
apart.

Bake
1
sheet
at
a
time
for
7‐10
minutes
(the
lower
time
will
give
you
softer

cookies‐‐
very
good!).

Remove
cookie
sheet
from
oven
and
allow
the
cookies
to
stand
until
the
cookies
are
firm

enough
to
move
to
a
wire
rack.

After
cookies
are
cool
you
may
decorate
them
any
way
you
like.

I
usually
brush

them
with
a
powdered
sugar
glaze
when
I
am
in
a
hurry,
but
they
look
wonderful
decorated
with
Royal
icing.


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FHE
lessons
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Guidelines for determining when to do the “Big Talk” (my own philosophies mixed with a good dose of
Linda and Richard Eyre’s approach)

First of all, why should we talk to our kids about sex? Why not let the schools take care of that for us? That’s
what my parents did after all. While it’s certainly easier to leave this blush-worthy topic to a professional
teacher, the problem with this approach is that they will be taught the facts devoid of values. Or even worse the
facts with improper values. If we as parents don’t teach them about the beauty and sacredness of sex within the
bonds of marriage, they’re certainly never going to hear that at school or from their friends. It is our
responsibility to teach them about sex from a gospel perspective.

The Eyres on timing: “The timing is a matter of balance - not telling children too much, too early, before
they're interested or ready to understand, but not waiting until they know too much from negative, incomplete,
wrong sources. We feel that the peak of a child's readiness is at age eight, when he or she is very verbal and
conceptual and is flattered by responsibility and by being treated as a "grown up." This age is like a marvelous
window. Kids are old enough to understand but not old enough to be cynical. They are old enough to have real
interest and fascination but not old enough to be embarrassed or closed off or to have a lot of preconceptions.
Before the big talk, you should hold some preliminary discussions to prepare the way. And after the big talk
there are a number of related subjects that need to be discussed in more detail. Then, as your child enters and
experiences adolescence, the focus shifts from facts to behavior, from knowing what he should to doing what he
should, and to acting with restraint and responsibility.”

Summarizing the Eyre’s approach:

In young children (3-8 years old): Teach them a healthy respect for their bodies. Use proper terminology
when referring to private parts. Teach them modesty. If they ask questions, answer them simply, but honestly.
There’s nothing wrong with telling a 5-year-old that babies come from God and are a miracle.

In middle age children (8-12): Prayerfully teach them the details. Make it a positive and happy subject. Don’t
act embarrassed. This is not a one-time event, but rather a beginning of open and continuing dialogues on the
subject. We want our kids to feel comfortable enough to come to us for information, rather than relying on the
world’s skewed view on sex.

In older kids (teens): Masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, oral sex, sexting, sex without commitment,
etc. These may not be fun topics, but your teen is going to face them whether we like it or not. The older they
get, the more they will be bombarded with inappropriate information and we want to make sure that we are
keeping the dialogues open. Recognize opportunities to talk about tough subjects and keep the conversations
going.

In all ages: Do whatever you can to protect your children from pornography. Have filters on all computers.
Keep computers in well-traveled areas of the house. Don’t be afraid to lock computers and limit their usage.
Pornography is an evil that will skew their views on sex almost instantly. We need to avoid it at all costs and
once again TALK ABOUT IT! Just as you talk of fire escape plans with kids, talk about a pornography escape
plan too. (turn off the computer, come tell mom and dad, run away, etc). Talk about what to do if they’re at a
friends’ house.

Specifics on timing: This is something that may vary from child to child depending on their readiness level
(what they’ve heard, their age, their maturity). The Eyres recommend teaching children about sex shortly after
their eighth birthday as a way to beat the punch of them hearing incorrect information from other sources. I’ve
found that I prefer to wait until they are in 5th grade (about 10-years-old), which is the year they start teaching
sex-ed in the schools. I feel like they are a little more mature at that age. If your kids are older, it’s not too
late. Start the dialogues now.
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Adam and Eve

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Noah’s Ark

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“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”, (READ THE SECTIONS IN RED)
In 1995, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles issued “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”
This proclamation is a declaration and reaffirmation of doctrines and practices that prophets have stated repeatedly
throughout the history of the Church. It contains principles that are vital to the happiness and well-being of every family.
Family members should study the proclamation and should live by its precepts.

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,
solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the
Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of
heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual
premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan
by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and
ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family
relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it
possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife.
We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further
declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman,
lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its
importance in God’s eternal plan.

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an
heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to
provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments
of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held
accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled
to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete
fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness,
respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their
families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.
Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are
obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual
adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family
responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will
bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to
maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society” (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)

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Review of resources:
“The Wonderful Way Babies are Made ” by Larry Christensen. This is
my recommendation! This is a great book for teaching kids about sex from a
Christian perspective. The illustrations are beautiful and I love that the print in
this book is in two levels. A larger font is geared more for younger kids and the
smaller font is for older kids who are ready to hear more details. I usually present
it to them in stages (once when they’re younger and the smaller font when they’re
about 10). We always end the book at page #39, because I do not feel like the last
few pages contribute much to the conversation.

“Where Did I Come From?” by Peter Mayle. This is the book that the
Eyre’s recommend. The reviews for it are generally good and it is one of the
most popular books on this subject. The detailed cartoonish illustrations are a bit
polarizing for some people. A lot of people think they’re perfect and very non-
threatening for kids, while other people find them distracting.

“How to Talk to Your Child About Sex ,” by Linda and Richard Eyre.
This is a good parent’s resource guide, although it was a bit much for me. I
checked it out from the library and found it good for giving me courage to go
forward, but I did not feel it necessary to read cover to cover.

Other recommended resources:

“Serious Questions, Serious Answers ” Elder Richard G. Scott, New Era, October 1995
“Why Stay Morally Clean ,” Pres. Boyd K. Packer, Ensign, July 1972
“President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality ,” Pres. Spencer W Kimball, Ensign, November 19980
“Personal Purity ,” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign, November 1998
“Teaching Children About Physical Development ,” Lynn Scoresby, Ensign, June 1988
“Helping Youth Choose Sexual Purity ,” Joy Saunders Lundberg, Ensign, October 1991
“Talking with Your Children About Moral Purity ,” Ensign, December 1986
“To Young Men Only ,” PAMPHLET from church, Pres. Boyd K. Packer, October 1976
“For the Strength of Youth ,” PAMPHLET
“A Parent’s Guide ,” CHURCH PAMPHLET
“How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex ,” WEB ARTICLE, Linda and Richard Eyre,
http://www.valuesparenting.com/talktokids.php
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FHE
lessons
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