Massa

MichaelMassa
CompositionI
TheComplexitiesofPurpose
AnunexaminedlifeisnotworthlivingSocratessaidthatathistrialwhenhewas
accusedandconvictedofcorruptingtheyouthwheninfacthewasjusttryingtopromote
conversationamongstthepeopleofAthenstobringtheirattentiontoquestionsthathadnever
beenformallyaddressedbefore.Iwonderhowmanypeoplehaveevergivenactualthoughtto
thepurposeoftheirlives?PeoplemuchmoreintelligentthanIhavebeendebatingthisseemly
frivolousquestionforagesonages,generationaftergeneration.Iwouldbewillingtobetthat
mostpeoplealready,intheirhead,havewrittenoffthispaperbecausetheanswerseemsobvious,
tobehappy.However,whatifIsaidthatbeinghappyisnotasufficientanswer,because
happinesshasnotbeenclearlydefined?Happinessisareflexemotion,whatImeanis,ifI
weretopluganelectrodeintoyourbrainandgaveyouthesmallestofelectricshocks,youwould
infactexperiencethisreflexemotionformallyknownashappiness.Happinesscannotbe
ultimatelyachievedineverybranchofthistreeoflife,no,however,Ithinkthatcontentment
mightbe.Ithinkcontentmentiswhatpeopleoftenrefertoashappinesswhenreferringtothe
purposeoflifequestion.
Now,allthatbeingsaid,Imnotanihilistbyanymeans,dontgetmyrhetoric
misconstrued.Throughoutthisessay,Iplantointerviewthreedifferentpeoplefromthree
differentsocioeconomicbackgrounds,andthreetotallydifferentupbringings,aswellasmyself.
OneofthepeopleIwillbeinterviewingisagirl,weregoingtocallherFuu.NowFuuisavery
prettyyoungladythatcomesfromafamilythathasworkedtoaccomplishtheAmericandream,

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bighouse,theyowntheirownbusiness,thewholenineyards.AnotheroneofthepeopleIwill
beinterviewingisthesonofamillionaire,weregoingtocallhimMugen.
Mugenisahighlymotivatedadrenalinejunkiewhoisaddictedtomakingmoneyandisfaston
hiswaytobecomingamillionaireonedayinhisownright.ThelastpersonIwillbe
interviewingwewillcallJinandJinisaveryinterestingcase.Jinisactuallyfromthedesert
southwestanddidnothavethegreatestofupbringings(Idontwanttosaytoomuchtooearly
on).Ithinkfirsthowever,itmaybebesttostartoutwithme.Iwillbeaskingmyselfthesame
questionsIwillaskmyintervieweesbeforeIinterviewthemtoensureatrulyunswayed,
unbiasedopinionofmyperceptionofthepurposeoflife.
IthinkImighthaveabitofanunfairadvantageonmyinterviewees.ItisthefactthatI
havebeenhopelesslylostinthisquestionofthepurposeoflifeforwhatisgoingonaboutayear
now.ItsinterestingIthink,themoreIstudy,themoreIseekanswerstothisquestionandthe
fartherdowntherabbitholeItravel.Yousee,IvebeenstumblingdownPlatosunlearning
processasifitwereastaircase,myfalldownthishypotheticalsetofstairshasleftmebruised
andbloodiedandleaningtoonesideoftheepistemologyargument,thesideoftheargumentthat
doesnotbelieveinanything(theoppositesideoftheargumentwouldbelieveineverything).If
mysituationwasPlatos
Allegoryofthecave
IwouldbeatthepartwhereIvebrokenmychains
andturnedtoseetheconspiratorscorroboratingamongstthemselvesaroundthefire.Anyway,
letsgetintoit,letsstartfindingoutwhatImabout.
Ithinkthepurposeofmylifeisabunchofdifferentthingsall,sortof,haphazardly
combinedintooneidea.IoncemetatravelingHindumonkthatsaidhethoughtthatlovewas
theonlytruthintheworldworthpursuing.Ineverreallybelievedinloveuntilthatexperience,

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buthewasright,loveisdefinitelyhighonmylistofpurposes.Ithinkalongwithpursuinglove,
comesbeingagoodperson.Nowletsdefinegood,whatImeanbygoodistoshow
compassiontoyourfellowman,tobeahealthycitizenandtohelpcontributetobothones
communityandsocietyasawhole.Thisisanotherstickyspotintheworldwelivein,howcan
onebeagoodproductivecitizenwithoutcontributingtothecommunitieseconomy?Onemust
besomewhatacceptingtothepursuitofmoney(speakingrealistically,itisinfactmoney,not
loveorhappiness,thatmakestheworldgoround).However,withmoneycomescomfort,and
thatisalmostasimportantashappiness,right?Iaskthisbecauseisnotcomfortbutanother
meanstoobtainultimatehappiness,assumingultimatehappinessisreachable?Tosumitup,my
purposeoflifeistopursuemoneysothatIcanpursueallmyexpeditionsinthesearchofthe
newandnextadrenalinerush,aswellastobecomfortablethroughoutlife.Iamanadrenaline
junkie,skateboarding,carracing,skydiving,motocrossracing,climbingmountainsthelistgoes
onandonbutonethingIvelearnedasImgettingolderisthatittakesaseriousamountof
moneytokeepmedoingthesethings,anditseemsliketheolderIgettheharderitistoobtain
enoughmoneytodothesethings.
MybackgroundisIthinkalittlemoreadventurousthanone'snormallifestyle.Iwas
neverreallyconcernedwithteamsportsandschoolspirit.Iwasraisedtobeamotocrossracer,
IvebeenridingmotocrosssinceIwasaboutfive(Iguessthatswheremyloveforadrenaline
comesfrom).MydadreallypusheditonmewhenIwasyoung,maybetryingtolivevicariously
throughme,hewantedmetogoprosobad,butaroundagefifteenmylifetookadrastically
differentturn:skateboarding.Skateboardinghasdefinitelyimpactedmylifemorethananything
else.Everyfacetofmylifehasbeenchangedbyskateboarding(forthebetterorworseis

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debateable),fromthewayIinterpretsocialsituations,tolookingatanurbanlandscape,
skateboardingtrulyisalifestyleinitself.Ithinkskateboardingwithmyphilosophybackground
hasreallyimpactedthewayIseelife,whenImataskatespottryingatrick,Idontthinkabout
impossibletricksthatIwouldneverbeabletolandjustlikewhenIthinkaboutphilosophical
questions,Idontjumptoirrationalanswersstraightoutofthegate.Skateboardinghastaught
mealotofthings,everythingfromhowtokeepmycomposureunderanimmenseamountof
stress,tothingslikegoals.
Mygoalshavechangedsomuchinthelastfewyears.Iwentfromdaydreamingabout
beingamillionaireprofessionalskateboarder,to
trying
tofigureoutawaytobecomerichand
stillbeagoodpersonatthesametime.Mywanttobeagoodpersoncomesfrommyupbringing
forsureandmaybesomeofthethingsIveexperiencedinthelastfewyears.Mymotherand
fatherhavebeenoutstandingrolemodelsformetoreferbacktointimesofselfdoubtaboutmy
actionsonthegoodtobadpersonspectrum.MyparentsgotdivorcedwhenIwasabouttwelve
andIveonlyrecentlyrealizedwhataprofoundeffectithadonmepsychologically.However,
thatbeingsaid,ithasexposedmetoabalancingactofcharactertraitsthatIcouldnotimagine
growingupwithout.Ilivedwithmymothergrowingup.Shewasintechnologysalesandmy
fatherlivedandworkedoutoftownmostofmygrowingupafterthedivorce.Thisiswherethe
balancingcomesintoplay,wheneverIneededstrengthIwouldlooktomymother.Sheisa
singlemomwithverylittlecollegeeducationmakingoveronehundredthousanddollarsayear
inoneoftheworldslargesttechnologycorporations.Theresnotawomanouttherestronger
thanmymom.WhenIneededtomanup,Iwouldlooktomydad.Hesbeenworking
constructionforabridgebuildingcompanyforthelasttwentyfiveyears,realbackbreakinghard

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work.However,whenItakeadvicefrommydadIhavetobecareful,mydadisanalcoholic.
Now,dontgetmewrong,hesnotlikeafullondeadbeatalcoholic.Heslikeafunctioning
alcoholic.Hedrinksalot,butdammithesoneoftheraddestpeopleIknow.Hesoneofthose
peoplethatifyouhavezerodollarsandhehastwodollars,wellthenyouhaveonedollar.
ThedivorcedefinitelyhadsomenotsopositiveeffectsonmeaswellIthinkmyalmost
coldlylogicalthoughtprocesscanmakemeabitsociallyawkwardattimes(wellmaybenot
awkward,butstern).Imquicktoletsomeoneknowiftheyarebeingdumb,butconsiderateand
almostpassivewiththewayIsayit.Ithasalsoleftmewithanunparalleledsenseofdetachment.
Icanmovewitheasefromfriendgrouptofriendgroupandfromplacetoplacewithoutletting
peopletrulygettoknowme.Evensomeofmyfamilydoesnottrulyknowme,insteadthey
knowthefacade.Honestly,outsideofmyimmediatefamily,thereismaybethreepeoplethat
knowthetrueme.Oneofthemisthisgirl,wevedatedseveraltimesonandoffthroughthe
years(andImstillmadlyinlovewithher),andtheothertwoaresomereallygoodfriendsIve
knownforyearsthatImetthroughskateboarding.Allthreeofthesepeopleareinfactmy
interviewees.
Mugenthemillionaire,wheretoevenbeginwiththisguy,thetwentyyearoldhigh
schooldropoutthatsgotnosecondaryeducationandismakingasmuchaseitheroneofmy
parentsinayear.Mugenslifehasbeenthelapofluxuryeverysincehewasakid,theadopted
sonofamillionaire,Mugentraveledallovertheworldbythetimehewasten.Ithinkitssafeto
saythathewasprettymuchthestereotypicalrichkidgrowingup,totallyspoiledwithachip
onhisshoulder.Weallknowthetype,mansiononthegolfcourse,reekinghavoconthecountry
club,thetypeofrichkidthatgetskickedoutofthemostprestigiousschoolinthecityfor

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snortingKoolAidpowder.Bysomemiracle(Ireallythinkitwasskateboarding,butweregoing
tocallitamiracle),Mugenbrokethechainsofsocietalexpectationsforwhohewassupposedto
beinlife.Ratherthanjusttakingtheeasywayandwaitingaroundforhisparentstopassand
collectingatrustfundcheckonceamonth,hewentoutat18yearsoldandgotacareerasacar
salesmanatalocalluxurycardealership,andnowattwentyheisbringinginenoughmoneyto
payforaniceapartment,anewcar,andadventuringaroundtheworld.
Wehadtheinterviewinhissportscaroutononeoftheoldbackroadsinthecountrythat
goestoPetitJeanmountain(wegodriveouttherealotbecausethesceneryisbeautifulandthere
isnopolice)whereweweregoingtocheckoutthisnewscenicareawehadheardaboutfromthe
grapevine.WhenIaskedMugenwhatexactlyhispurposeinlifeis,hesaidTogiveit
everythingIvegot,andnottobesuffocatedbyworkorajob,butatthesametimestillfind
happinessineverythingIdo.Hewouldgoontosaythatwhathemeansisthathewantstotry
hishardestineverything,whetheritbehisjob,orrelationships,etc.,butalsofindhappinessin
thosethings.Forexample,athisjobhewantstosellasmanycarsashecan,buthealsowantsto
lovethecarsheissellingandsetupapersonalfriendshipwitheveryonehesellsacarto.Other
thingsMugenhadhighonhislistofprioritiesofpurposewerethingslikepursuinghispassions,
thingsthatamillionairessonwouldpursue,thingslikedrivingandmodifyinghissportscarinto
aracecar,andchasingaroundevenfasterwomen.IaskedMugenifhehadanysortofwantto
gobacktoschool,anditwasmetwithanabruptNo.Hesaidthatheoperatedalmostsolelyoff
ofcommonsenseandthattherewasnothinginschoolhecouldnotlearnintheoutsideworld.
Mugenthensaidthathedoesntwanttoomuchoutoflife,thingsliketruelove,makingsurehis
parentsaretakencareofintheiroldage,andmakingoneofhishobbiesajobarehisgoalsand

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wantsoutoflifeatthispointinhislife.Sincehemakeshiswaythroughlifeoncommonsense,
hesaideveninthelastyearhisgoalshavedrasticallychanged.Hesaidthathehasgonefrom
supermaterialistic,andshallowwhenitcomestohislovelifetomoreconcernedwith
experiencesandtruepassionatelove.Mugendatedthisgirlforabouttwoyearsthatwasjusta
reallybadperson,shecheatedonhimatleastfivedifferenttimes,wouldusehimformoney,and
liestraighttohisface.Hesaidhelearnedmorefromthatrelationshipthananyotherexperience
inhislife,becausehegottoseehowshittyapersoncanbefirsthand.
WhenIaskedMugenabouthisupbringing,hewasquicktoacknowledgethefactthatA
lotofshitwasdifferentasheputit.Hesaidthatmoneywasneverreallyanissueforhimorhis
family,andsincemostofhisfriendswereskateboardersfromthemiddleclass(orloweronthe
socioeconomicspectrum)helearnedhowtosharehiswealthprettyquick.Icantellyoufrom
knowinghimforsolong,thisisadefinitefact,HesboughtmyfoodmoretimesthanIcan
count,nottomentionChristmasisagoodtimetobefriendswithhimaswell.Irememberwhen
wewereyounger,wewouldgotothePleasantValleyCountryClubreekingtohighheavenof
B.O.andweedandjustactsochildishandimmature,Mugenwouldbuyusallfood,andthenslip
thecountryclubworkerafiftyunderthetabletobringusallalcohol(butdonttellanyonethat).
Whenwegotonthissubjectofgrowingupandhavingmoney,Irealizedthatwhenhedeclared
hispurposeoflifeinthebeginningofthispapermoneywasnothighonhislistofprioritiesin
life.NaturallywhenIenquiredaboutthisitwasmetwithachuckleandMugensaidManifyou
wanttowasteyourentirelifechasingsomethingdumblikemoney,thatsonyou,butIvechased
moneybefore,andbrotherletmetellyounownottowasteyourtime.Whathemeantbythat
wasthatbackinthedaywhenwewerestillinhighschool,MugenandIwentthroughaphase

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wherewesoldweed.Now,Ikeptitrelativelyhumble.Isoldenoughtoletmesmokeforfree,
butMugenontheotherhandletitgetalittleoutofcontrolatonepoint.Irememberhewas
sixteenandIwasabouteighteen,hecalledmetocomeovertohishouseoneafternoon.Hewas
likeDudeyourenotgoingtobelievethiscomeoverassoonasyoucan.WhenIgotto
Mugensparentshouse(aseventhousandsquarefootmonstrosityofahouse)hepulledouthis
twothousanddollarGuccibackpack,smiledatmeandsaiddontsayshittoanyone,whenhe
unzippedittherewasthirtythousanddollarscashandaglockninemillimeterinhisbag.Soon
afterthatIhadalongsitdownwithhimandbroughtittohisattentionthathewasamillionaire
alreadyandreallyhadnoneedtoberiskinghisfuturewithsomethinglikesellingdrugs.
However,beingthathisdadwasaveryprominentandsuccessfulnewcardealerhereinLittle
Rock,IthinkyoucanseewhereMugengetshislustforsalesfrom.WhenIaskedhimifhisdad
beingasuccessfulcardealerhadasignificanteffectonhislifenow,hewasquicktosay
withoutadoubthisdadwasforsuretheonethatoriginallyinspiredhisloveforcars.Hesaid
thatgrowinguptherewasalwayssomesortofextremelyfastcararound,DodgeVipers,old
musclecarsImeanwhatkindofkidattenyearsoldgoestoShipleys(doughnuts)every
Sundaymorningwithhisdadina1200whpViper?Hesaiditwasexperienceslikethosethat
wouldultimatelyinfluencehismotivationtodayinhislife,thelusttohaveaninsanesuperhigh
performancecariswhatkeepshimgoingandgivinglifeeverythinghehasgot.
Withallthesethingsthatseemtobeblessingsfromthecreator,mynextlogicalquestion
forhimwasaboutreligion.Areyoureligious?Iasked.Iwasmetwithalongpauseanda
guiltfullookofdismay,Iknewthatwascoming.Manheresthething,Mugensaid,itsnot
thatImantireligion.Ihaveatonofrespectforpeoplethatcanjustblindlyfallintoreligion

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solelybasedonfaith,butdude,withallthisnewscienceouthereintheworld,itmakesitreally
hardformetobelieveinaGod.Iaskedhimifhethoughtthatsciencedisprovesgod,andhe
saidthathedoesn'tnecessarilythinkitdoes,hesaid(andthisismyfavoritequoteofthewhole
paper)Imsomeoverlyopinionatedhipsterfuckthatsjustgoingtogoaroundbashingother
peoplesreligion.Thatswrong,andIdontseeapointinbashingagodthatmayactuallybe
there.Hesaidthefirsttimehisdadhadcancerwasthefirsttimehewaseverreallyexposedto
religionoutsideofgoingtoaMethodistchurchonEasterandChristmasEve.Hesaiditwas
strangehowfasthisdadshiftedintoreligionwhenhewasfacedwiththeuncertaintyofdeath.I
askedMugenabouthisthoughtsondeathandiftheyaffectedhisdaytodaylife.HesaidMan
heresthedeal,whatifwerelivingintheafterliferightnow?Howcanwebesurethatwerenot
alreadydead?hewouldgoontosaythatideasabouttheafterlifehadlittletonoeffectonthe
wayhisliveshislifedaytodayandalsothathedidntfeartheafterlife.MugensaidTheresone
oftwooptions:one,lightsoutthatsit.Two:thereisaGodandhewilltakecompassiononme
forbeingthewayIaminlifebasedonthethingsIvebeenexposedtoandmydecisionsinlife.
So,no.Ihavenofearofdeathortheafterlifewhatsoever.
Ahh,sweetFuu.Fuuisournextinterviewee,abeautiful,sweet,caring,genuinelygood
person.FuuisoneoffoursiblingsofafamilyofimmigrantsfromMexico,thathaveworkedto
accomplishtheAmericandream.WhenIaskedFuuaboutherpurposeoflifeshewasquickto
saythatherpurposeistogive.NowFuuisasenioratFayettevillewhobeforeevengraduating
hasbeenacceptedtotwodifferentmedicalschools,bothinandoutofstate.Shesaidhowever
thatshewillmostlikelybeattendingaschoolinArkansasbecausewhenshedoesgetafamilyof
herownshedoesntwanttoputtheirlifestandardsinjeopardybecauseofoutofstatetuitionata

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medicalschool.Onecanalreadyseethatsheisalmostoverlycompassionatemakingherown
wantstotakethebackseatwiththethoughtofothersneedstakingprecedence.Whatshemeans
byherpurposetogiveisthatsheistotallywillingtogiveherlovedonesthetimeandmoneythat
theywillneed,whenevertheyneedit.Also,beingthatshewantstobeadoctorofsomesort,she
wantstomaketheworldabetterplaceandgivepeoplethatneeditanotherchanceatlife.WhenI
askedherifshehadevergiventhoughttothepurposeoflifeshesaidthatshetookaphilosophy
classfreshmanyear,butthatithadbeensolongsinceshetooktheclassthatithadno
significant,longterm,affectonhowsheseesherlife.Rather,whenshewasstudyingforthe
MCAT(MedicalCollegeAdmissionsTest)shecameacrosssociologythathadthemost
significanteducationalimpactonhowshesawlife.Shesaidseeingallthestatisticslayedout
likethat,kindof,putalotofthingsintoperspectiveforme.Shewentontosaythathergoalsat
thispointinlifearetobecomeadoctor,takecareofherfamily,startafamilyofherownatsome
point,payoffherschooldebt,andliveasomewhatluxuriouslifestyle.Fuusaidthatawhileback,
hermotherpulledhertothesideonedayandtoldher,youaregoingtobetheonethattakes
careofthefamilywhenIcantanymore.Fuuthenaskedme,Howdoyourespondtoyour
momwhenshesayssomethinglikethattoyou?IsaidthatIdidntknowhowshecouldhandle
pressurelikethatandshefiredbackAustin,Imgoingtobeadoctor.PressureisallthatI
know.Fuusfamilylifeisespeciallyinteresting,herfamilyimmigratedtothestateswhenshe
wasfive.Shesaidthiswasanespeciallytryingtimebecuaseatthetime,beingthebabyofthe
family,pickingupandleavingeverythingtomovetoaplacethatyoudontknowanyoneand
haveonlyyourimmediatefamilyissuchadrasticallydifferentchangethatshewentintoactual
cultureshock.Shesaidthatshebecameveryclosetoherbrotherbecauseherparentswere

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workingallthetime.ShesaidMeandMikeonlyhadeachotherforaverylongtime,sowhen
wegotolderourrelationshipbecamestrainedbecauseeventuallyweweremakingfriendsofour
ownandgrowingfartherapart,Idomisstherelationshipweusedtohave.BythetimeFuu
hithighschoolherparentshaddoneit,theyhadmadetheAmericandreamareality,theyhada
bighouseinthecountryclub,fourkids,abusinessthatwasrapidlyexpanding,newcars,and
everythingelsethatcomesalongwiththedream.WhenFuuturnedsixteenherparentswanted
hertogetajobwiththefamilybusiness,butwhenFuutoldthemnoitwasaturningpointinthe
familyrelationshipdynamic.Shesaidthatatthispointinlifeshedidntwantthefamilys
approvalatall,thatshewantedtofigureoutlifeandgoaboutitonherown.However,onenight
sheslippedup.Theycaughtherhigh.Nowshesaysthatshedidntsmokeanyweed,butate
somehashbrowniesthatherfriendsdidnttellherhadhashinthem,andsheatequiteafew.She
saidthatthiswasanothermajorturningpointinherperceptionoflifebecausealmostovernight
shewentfromnotwantingthefamilysapprovalto
only
wantingthefamilysapproval.Shesaid
thataftershelostherparentstrustshewasdesperatetoregainit.Fuusaidthatsherealizedthat
herfamilyhaddoneeverythingforherandthatshewasdisappointedinherselffor
disappointingthem.Shesaidsinceshehadseenwhatherfamilyhaddonewiththeirchanceat
theAmericandream,shefeltguiltyfornottryingashardastheydidandhave.Shesaidthatthis
alsohadanaffectonhowsheseespeopleandthepatienceshehasforpeople.Shesaysthat
whensheseessomeonethatislazyorjusthasnorealwantoutoflifethatitmakesherless
patientwiththemandalmostpissedoffatthem.InMexico,whereweusedtolive,mostofthe
roadsaredirt.Mygrandmawaslikethefirstpersontohaveeitheradishwasheroralaundry
machine.

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Now,Fuuwasraisedcatholic.ShesaidthatbackinMexicoitwasareligionbased
community,youworked,wenttochurch,andwenthometoyourfamily,andthatwasit,the
moralsandexpectationswereobvious.However,whenherandherfamilycamestateside,since
herparentswereworkingallthetime,allthereligiousaspectshadalmostvanished.Fuusaidit
stayedthatwayforaverylongtimeuntilDecemberof2014whenshestartedgoingbackto
churchbecauseofstressandtheeverloomingMCATexam.Shesaidshestillgoesallthetime.
ShesaidshegoesbecausesheaskedforGodsplansandwhenshegotacceptedtotwo
differentmedicalschoolsbeforeevengraduating,shetookitasasign.WhenIaskedFuuabout
hermotivatorsinlife,bothintrinsicandextrinsic,shesaidthatGodsplansformylife,andto
givebacktoherfamilywerethetwobigonesinherhead.Outsidemotivators,werethingslike
pursuinghercareerinthemedicalfieldsothatsheandherfamilycanliveluxuriouslyoneday.
Needlesstosay,Fuuisoneofmyfavoritepeopleonthisplanetandareallyawesomeperson,I
thinkwecouldalltakeapagefromthebookofFuuandlearnalittlesomething.
JinJinhashadareallyroughupbringing.Everythingfrommultipledifferenthomesto
drugabuse,tomovingaroundtosomanydifferentschoolsasaboythatheliterallylostcount.
Nevertheless,Jinisoneofmybestfriendsanddespiteallodds,oneofthecoolestpeopleIve
evercomeintocontactwith.Hehaswisdombeyondhisyears(whetherheknowsitornot),ifhe
wouldjusttryatlifeImsurehewoulddomarvelously.JinisastrongmemberoftheLittleRock
punkscene,andlivesoffofRoosevelt,inaprettyroughareaoftown.ImetwithJinacoupleof
daysagoathishouseandweconductedtheinterviewinhisbackyardwhilewatchinghispuppy
Violetrunaroundandplay.

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So,letsgetstraightintoit.Whatsyourpurposeinlife?Iasked.Iwasmetwithalong
pause,Shitman,thatsatoughquestionIdontthinkthereisapurposeunlessyougiveit
(purpose).Ithenaskedifhehadapurposeatthemoment,hesaidthatrightnowhispurpose
wastocontinuetoplaypunkshows,work,andtosurviveortonotdieashesays.Whenhe
saystonotdie,heliterallymeantonotstarvetodeath.Hesworkingthreejobsatthemoment,
andheisstilllivinginpoverty.Jinalsosaidthatsimplyexperiencinglife,andtakingitforwhat
itis,isextremelyimportanttomerightnow.WhenIaskedJinabouthisgoals,orwantsoutof
life,heaskedshorttermorlongterm?andtosaythatshortterm,firstthingonthelististoget
outofpovertyandtogetarealjob.HesaidLongtermIdontreallyknowIwanttobe
comfortableinlife,youknow?Idon'twanttoworryaboutskippingmealsorrunningoutof
cigarettes.Hewentontosaythathereallywouldliketofindloveagain,butnotlikeanaverage
relationship.Hesaidthathewantstofindsomeonethatsokaywithlivingtogetherandacting
liketheyremarried,withoutactuallybeingmarried.Hesaidoverallhappinessisimportant,even
thoughheacknowledgedthathappinessandperfectnessisimpossibletoreachineveryfacetof
life,ahypotheticalumbrellaofoverallhappinesswithlifeisextremelyimportant,hesaidIfyou
lookwaydowntheline,isnteverythingjustameanstoanend?Thatendbeinghappiness?.
Jinsfamilylifeiswhereeverythinggetscrazy.Ithinkifyoupayattentiontohis
backgroundyoucanseenotonlywhyheiswhereheis,butalsohowhisthoughtprocesshas
broughthimtothispoint.Jintoldmethatwhenhewasabouteightyearsoldhewasbeingraised
byasinglemomandanabsentfatherandthattheywouldmovethreetofourtimes
peryear
.He
saidduringthistimehewenttoover
twentydifferentschools
betweenmiddleschoolandhigh
school.Hesaidthatafterawhileoflivingwithhismom,shemovedoffandhewenttolivewith

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hisgrandparents,afterhismomcamebackwithhernewfiancee,hemovedbackinwithher.
However,onedayahugefightbrokeoutbetweenhismomandstepdad(Ididntaskaboutthe
details,Icouldseethathewashurting)andhewentbackwithhisgrandparents.Afterafew
monthsoflivingwiththem,heconvincedhisauntanduncletolethimmoveinwiththemforthe
lasttwoyearsofhighschool.
AseriesofunfortunateeventsbroughtmetoArkansasJinsays.AtthispointJinhadnt
livedwithhismominfouryears,andhadgrownupatotalofsixyearswithoutseeingher.Jin
saidthatatfirstitwasreallyawkwardlivingwithhismom,andsaidthatitwaswrongtothink
thatlivingwithyourparentisawkward.Hesaidthatthiscrazyupbringinghadsomeserious
effectsonhisperceptionoflife.Thingslikemommyissues,trustissues,authorityissues(that
camefromlivingwithauntanduncle),issueswithwomen,andissueswithdetachmentfrom
hoppingaroundsomuchareallthingsthatnegativelyaffectedhislife.Hesaidthatlivingwith
hisauntanduncle(devoutchristians)wasdefinitelytheweirdesttimeinlife.Hesaidthat
whenhefirstmovedinitwashardtodealwithhowstructuredandstricttheywere.Hesaidthat
itwasthatexperiencethattooksomegettingusedtobutultimatelyledtohimdroppingoutof
highschooltoliveinhiscarforawhile.Jinsaidthatwhenhewaslivinginhiscaritwasthe
freeesthehadeverbeenunrestricted.Hesaidthatwhenhedroppedoutofschoolhisfriend
AdolfoalsodroppedouttoliveinJinscaraswell.WhilelivinginhiscarJinalsoquithisjobto
justhangout.Hesaidtheamountofdruguseinthistimewasamazingthatthebodycould
handlethatmuchabusehesaidtheywouldgodaysandsometimesweeksonendwithoutsleep.
Hesaidtheywouldmakemoneybyeithersellingdrugs,panhandling,orifwewerereally
hungry,wewouldgotothisChicFilAbywhereIusedtolivewithmyaunt.Iknewthe

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managerfromthechurchIusedtogotoandwehadacodeword,usuallyacomplimentlikeI
likeyourhaircutthatmeantIwasstarvingandshewouldgiveusfreefood.Wewerealso
skateboardingalotduringthistime.Shit,mostnightswesleptattheskatepark.
WhenIaskedJinabouthisperspectiveonlifehewasquicktosaythathisrough
upbringing,withoutadoubt,hadasignificantimpactonhisperspective.Hesaidthathis
perspectivewaschangingallthetimeandeventothisday,stillchangesallthetime.Jinsaidthat
whenhewasgrowingup,thefirstmajorchangecamewhenhefirstmovedinwithhisauntand
uncle.Hewentfromthelaidbackstructureofhisgrandparentshouseholdtothestrictand
religiouslypushystructureofhisauntanduncleshouse.Hesaidduringthistime,the
religiousundertonesofthehouseholdstronglyinfluencedeveryaspectofhisperspectiveoflife,
fromhiswantsandhisvalues,tomoralsandhowhelivedhislife.Jinslastyearinhighschool
was,fromtheoutsidelookingin,theroughesttimeinJinslife.However,Jinsaiditwasoneof
thebesttimesofhislife.Hesaidthatwhenhestartedskateboardingeverythingthathewas
broughtuptothinkwasevil,byhisauntanduncle,hefoundoutwasactuallynotthatbad
(thingslikesmokingmarijuana,anddrinkingalcohol).Duringthislastyearofhighschool,
aroundMarchorApril,Jindroppedoutofschool.WhenIaskedJinwhyhedidthishesaidIt
dependsonwhoyouask.Ifyouaskmyuncle,Iranaway.ButMysideofthestoryisthatthey
kickedmeoutpassively.Jinlivedinhiscarduringthistimeandquithisjob.Hesaidhimand
hisfriendwhowaslivingwithhimatthetimewoulddoanythingtogetmoneytosurvive.
Stealing,panhandling,sellingdrugs,everythingwasfreegameintheefforttomakemoney.Jin
wasliterallyhomelessspendingmostnightssleepingattheskateparkanddoingecstasy.After
aboutamonthandahalf,Jingotcaughtbythepolicesleepingatoneoftheskateparks.Itwas

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thiseventthatmadeJinhavetomovetoArkansas,andyetagain,experienceanotherperception
change.JinsmostrecentperspectivechangehascomeaboutbecauseofLittleRockspunk
musicscene.Iaskedhimifhecouldexplainhowheseessociety,andlifeasawholeSociety
sucksman.Peoplesuck,butthatdoesntnecessarilymeanthatpeoplearebad.Ijustthinkthat
mostpeoplearetooselfish.OverallIthinkthecurrentAmericanlifestylesucks.Ithinkthe
valuesandmoralsaretotallygoneandthatiswhathasbeencontributingtothissocietal
deevolutionthatsbeengoingonforthelastthirtyyears.IaskedJinifhethoughtindividual
moralsstillexistedinpeopleandhesaidthathethinksthattheydo,buttheyaresoskewedand
distortedthattheymayaswellnotexist.
Jinwasreluctanttotalkaboutreligionwithme.Hesaidthatatthispointinlife,hewas
notreligious.HesaidthatWhenyoudie,youdie.Lightsoff,thatsit.Hesaidthatthisoutlook
ontheafterlifeswayshisperspectivealittlebitbutnotmuch.Thatitmakeshimwanttoreally
livelifetothefullestandexperienceasmuchashecan,butwhenhistimecomes,itsover.He
toldmeaboutthetimethatheabandonedreligion,astoryfromwhenhewasyoungerata
Christiansummercamp.Jinsaidhewassittinginaprayergrouponenighttowardsthebackof
thechurchandThechurchworkerswereplayingthisreallyterribledramaticchurchmusic,
Our
god,isanawesomegodhereigns,
oneofthosetypesofsongs.Iwaslookingaroundtheroom
ateveryonecryingandputtingtheirhandsupintheairliketheywereexperiencinggodor
something.Idontknowwhatmademethinkit,butIcouldnthelpbutthinkthatitseemed
staged.Likeeveryonewasfakingit.Jinsaidthatitwasatthismomenthedecidedtogiveupon
religionandthatashegotolderandstartedtoreexaminethechurch,itseemedtohimlikea
scam.Icouldtellbythetoneofhisvoiceandhisbodylanguagethatitwastimetoendthe

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interview.Hetriedtogetmetostayaroundanddrinksomebeerwithhim,butbeingthatitwas
threethirtyintheafternoonIdecidedagainstit.
Inconclusion,afterinterviewingallmyfriends,Iverealizedsomethings.One
majorthingisthatIdontknowmyfriendsascloseasIthinkIdo.Afterdoingtheseinterviews,
someoftheiractionsmakealotmoresensetome,Fuuandherdetermination,Mugenandhis
easygoingnature,andJinwithhisalmostillogicalthoughtprocesses,allseemtomakealittle
bitmoresensetome.However,Idonotthinkthattheiropinionsonthepurposeoflife,andideas
aboutreligionhaveanyrealswaywithmyopinionoflife.

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WorkCited:
Fuu,PersonalInterview,February5,2016.
Mugen,PersonalInterview,February3,2016.
Jin,PersonalInterview,February5,2016.