Allison

1
Dylan Allison
Adam Padgett
English 102
April 5, 2016

Why do People Bully Others and What Happens to the Victim?

Bullying is something that ruins the lives of many people all over the world.
There is no discrimination when it comes to bullying. Anyone can be bullied and most
people are at sometime through out their life (I would consider rewriting this sentence or
adding a comma, it is fairly vague and confusing). It is something that I had to put up
when I was in elementary and middle school. There are many types of bullying all over
the world but they all do just about the same thing, they make someone feel horrible and
can lead to horrible things in theirre life. Bullying can forever change your life and
possibly even end it if taken too far. People bully others to make themselves their self feel
more secure about themselves and it makes them feel popular, this bullying usually
causeTs thehe victim to have usually has physical and mental problems.
Good introduction I would just reword some of the sentences to make a bigger
effect and avoid confusion.
I would add a transition sentence to better introduce this paragraph since it is
starting directly after the introduction. Gender is one big factor that can determine on
who gets bullied. Statistics show that females are at a higher risk of being bullied than are
males. The big population that gets bullied has a little of both genders in it Confusing
sentence-consider rewording. . The LGBT kids are the most likely to be bullied, and i. If

Allison
2
you fall into this category it says you are more likely to be bullied due to the fact that you
are not seen as normal. This is because most people in the LGBT community of them
have different personalities, dress differently, and are not attracted to the opposite sex.
Most of the people that are the ones doing the bullying here do this because they say that
the people they are bullying are different. They say that they are not like your average
person and they stick out so they are easy to pick on. This can cause many problems in
the lives of these people and can cause problems down the road.
Overall good paragraph to introduce a community that is more targeted in bullying. My
suggestion would be to read over this paragraph and try to add detail or support from
sources and possibly reword some sentences to make them more clear.
One sStudy shows that bullying is directly linked to the status goals of whoever
the bully is. If they want to fit in with a certain group of people, then they will make fun
of people that that specific group does not like. For example, if you want to hang out with
the rich kids then you would make fun of the poor ones because they dont fit in with
that group. It has also been proven that they use bullying to achieve dominant positions in
their society. This is a direct example of the big bully that nobody messes with in
middle school because everyone is scared of him or her. This showed that bullying is also
directly lincked to popularity. This is because everyone wants to be friends with the bully
because if you two are friends then you dont have to worry about him coming for you.
This basically will keep you safe from being bullied, but makes the bully want to pick on
others even more so he can gain even more popularity. This is a big reason why kids
bully and it is sad if you think about it, having to be mean to someone to gain popularity
or make friends.

Allison
3
Good use of examples that people can relate to, to explain your points. I would try and
use direct quotes from your sources to create a larger effect. Also most of your sentences
start with this I would consider revising this and reword some sentences with more
specific details.
Be specific- name the source-One source says something that I think is very true;
it says the myths and realities of bullying. One of the myths of bullying is that the bully
thinks that bullies feel higher than their targets. They also say that they believe they are
more attractive, smarter, and better than the victim. The reality is that the bully feels
inferior to their target. They also feel that they lack things about themselves that that see
in the people they are bullying. They see strengths in the people that they are bullying
that they want to break them from having so they try too. There is a myth that If I try
harder or be nicer, I can get the bully to change. This is not true at all because they bully
himself has a low self-image. This has nothing to do with the target its just that the bully
is not self confident. If the victimyou knows this about a bully then sometimes what the
bullyy says is not sodoes not have such a hurtful effect. One is that bullies in the
workplace need to control others. The reality of it is that they try to seek power for their
own sake. They dont bully in the workplace to control you they do it because they want
to feel powerful. The thing with a bully is that a lot of the time they do not want to cause
physical or mental harm it is just that they feel insecure about their self. Most if the
people that bully in the workplace have been through some type of bullying through out
their lifetime and have always felt insecure about what they were bullied for. It is
honestly kind of sad if you think about it.

Allison
4
Once again you dont specifically site any source so right now all of this information just
looks like opinions. I would use more specific/descriptive wording to have a larger effect.
Be specific about what source you are using--This source talks about statistics of
workplace bullying. The job that reports the most on the job bullying is health care a
close second is education. This surprised me a good bit because I did not think that there
would be a lot of bullying within the health care system because they go to school to
know hoe to treat people. I dont see why they would bully someone one the job. A lot of
the bullying in the health care is when someone gets moved up fast in nursing so they get
a higher ranking. With this higher ranking the people they will be working for do not
accept mistakes and since they got moved up so quick it is easy for them to make a
simple mistake. With this simple mistake the higher-ranking person, maybe a surgeon
will be rude and fuss at them because they are not ready for the job they have. This can
actually hurt someone more than it can help him or her. This study also says that the best
thing to do is to confront them because a lot of people that bully dont even know that
they are doing it. They just simply think that that is the way that things are supposed to
happen. If you confront them and they are not trying to be a bully then they will change
there ways and they way they act towards people. One example in this study is that a
woman that trains nurses was confronted about her attitude toward the new nurses she
was studying. When confronted by her boss she was not even aware that she was being so
rude. This bullying in hospitals causes the extremely high leaving rates within the jobs
inside a hospital. They say 25 to 45 will leave within the first 18 months. This is due to
some of the people that have been working there for a long time and they think that they
know exactly how things are supposed to be run and they wont accept anything else. The

Allison
5
high bullying in jobs is a direct result of just someone being ranked higher than you and
they feel like they are in charge.
I like the use of specific statistics but once again I would cite your source because it will
create a bigger impact. Wording is a little more specific in this paragraph than in past
paragraphs which is good.
Today bullying in schools is a huge problem and needs to be dealt with. An
estimated 16 children in the UK commit suicide annually as a direct result of bullying.
This is not a big number but when you think about it that is 16 kids that should have still
been alive. They could be changing the face of the earth with the things they would do
but instead they were pushed to their breaking points and killed themselves. They took a
small body of teenagers and asked them what type of bullying that they have been
encountered in their lives; not being the bully but being bullied. All of them said they
have had someone bully them verbally; two said they have been cyber bullied, and 6 said
they have had physical bullying. This is just a pool of 8 teens and the percentages are
high on verbal and physical bullying. Bullying in schools need to be stopped because all
the things that are done to a teen will effect them for the rest of their lives. As read earlier
it might even lead them to taking their own life. School is where bullying all starts and it
leads them to possibly bullying when they get older on the job. This is a devastating fact
that most of the kids being bullied in school will grow up to be a bully in their workplace.
Most of them wont know it because they just think it is normal behavior but it will affect
the people on the job with them. This can lead people on the job to become depressed or
have many more issues. In school it is possible for the kid to slip off into a deep
depression and shut everyone out. That is something that would be horrible to ruin a kids

Allison
6
life when he is so young and so fragile. To push someone to a point to when they are 20
years and under to not thinking that the rest of their life is worth living because of what
someone has done to them.
Really my only major suggestion is to add in-text citations to cite your sources.
Cyber bullying is on the rise and it is an aggressive attack on someone who cant
really defend him or herself. Even with it on the rise, it is still not as high as traditional
bullying. A study found that 27% of year 4 to 9 students had been traditionally bullied
every other week while only 10% had been cyber bullied. In the UK it was reported what
anywhere from 7 to 10% of students have been bullied using the Internet in some way. In
Canada it was found that the rate of cyber bullying there was 35% and that number is
staggering. This for of bullying is definitely on the rise through out the entire world. They
do it over the Internet because they dont have to do it in front of the person and it makes
them feel better about themselves. Cyber bullying is far more aggressive than traditional
bullying. This is because anyone in the world can see what you do to someone on the
Internet but only a handful can see what you do in person. The humiliation that comes
with being bullied online is tremendous. It can lead someone to not want to live anymore
because they feel that no matter where they go it will always follow them. This study also
shows that most of the bullies through out the world are males. With this being said the
amount of female bullies are on the rise. There was however no difference in how the
victim felt when being bullied by a girl or a boy. This study shows that bullies do this
because they want to fit in and they think that is how they do it and it makes them friends.
It does not make them true friends because they are more scared of them than anything.

Allison
7
Use in-text citations. This paragraph is really good because it uses specific facts including
statistics. If you cite your sources the information will seem a lot stronger.
Bullying is a big problem here in America and all over the world. This is a
problem that should concern almost every person out there and should make you want to
change the way that you act towards people because you never know what that person is
going through. Through all of the research done the main reason bullies people are
tempted bully is to feel like they fit in. Some more reasons are that they dont even know
that they are doing it and they are insecure about themselves. This is honestly sad because
they feel bad about themselves so they make someone else feel horrible because the way
they are feeling. Bullying is something that is extremely hard on someone and needs to be
stopped. Through out the world the rates are steadily rising higher and higher. Bullying
works in mysterious ways including. One way is that a good many of the bullies in grade
school will become bullies on the job where they work. To answer my question, I dont
think there is one specific answer to why people bully one another. There are many
reasons why they do it and that is based on what they are personally feeling and what is
going through their head. They might not even know that they are being a bully. Bullying
causes a lot of problems through out the world and we need to do something about it.
Good way to conclude how the information you have discussed supports your thesis
however I would include how bullying causes physical and mental problems for the
victims. Overall my major suggestion is to use in-text citations and to use more specific
wording.

Allison
8

Sources

Lee, Jason. "Too Cruel for School: LGBT Bullying, Noncognitive Skill
Development, and the Educational Rights of Students." N.p., n.d. Web.
Christian, Berger, and Caravita Simona. "Why Do Early Adolescents Bully?
Exploring the Influence of Prestige Norms on Social and Psychological Motives
to Bully." Http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/eds/detail/detail?
sid=8195a11f-d3e9-4b44-8d68-726cc038872f
%40sessionmgr114&vid=0&hid=103&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU
%3d&preview=false#AN=S0140197115002535&db=edselp. N.p., n.d. Web. 04
Apr. 2016.

Cade, Valerie. "Work Bullies: Debunking Some Myths about Why People Bully."
Http://web.b.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/ehost/detail/detail?sid=628c36e05af1-4558-bf8d6f91a4b186a5%40sessionmgr115&vid=0&hid=106&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3
QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d&preview=false#AN=108221343&db=rzh. N.p., n.d. Web. 04
Apr. 2016.

Wilkie, Dana. "Where the Bullies Are."

Http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/eds/detail/detail?sid=1e06f16ad309-4f77-91ffd0cd0505c321%40sessionmgr198&vid=0&hid=103&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzL
WxpdmU%3d&preview=false#AN=113488979&db=f5h. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Apr.
2016.

Side, Jeremy, and Kelley Johnson. "Bullying in Schools: Why It Happens, How It
Makes Young People Feel and What We Can Do about It."
Http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/eds/detail/detail?sid=0c152e509412-4ccf-9d03a46ccd872c85%40sessionmgr4005&vid=0&hid=4208&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRz
LWxpdmU%3d&preview=false#AN=97508460&db=pbh. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Apr.
2016.
Wilton, Courtney, and Marilyn Campbell. "An Exploration of the Reasons Why
Adolescents Engage in Traditional and Cyber Bullying."

Allison
9
Http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/eds/detail/detail?sid=f857abd8c37c-4aa3-8dcb-ae8c31b2005c
%40sessionmgr4003&vid=0&hid=4208&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU
%3d&preview=false#AN=113853014&db=a9h. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Apr. 2016.