PatsyAlcocer

Mrs.Housepian/Mr.Conner
English2HPeriod5
24March2016
VividScenes
Theauthorsstyleofimageryhasbeenabletocreateapatternofsympathyandhorror
towardsthecharactersofthebook.OnceWieselandhisfamilyhadarrivedattheirfirstcamphe
describedtheplacewith,Infrontofusflames.Intheairthatsmellofburningflesh(Wiesel37).
WieselhadthenwitnessedtheflamesthatMadameSchachterscreamedsodrasticallyabout,
andevenmoreterrifying,heacknowledgedthathumanswerebeingkilled.
Ashumans,wetend
tofeelpityfortheinnocentindividualswhoweretorturedunderGermanhandsandcouldnthelp
butthinkofthesufferingthattheyhadtogothroughwhilebeingburnedalive.
Additionally,the
vividsettingthatWieselhadtocomeacrosstormentedhimfortherestofhislife
:NevershallI
forgetthatsmoke.NevershallIforgetthelittlefacesofthechildren,whosebodiesIsawturned
intowreathsofsmokebeneathasilentbluesky(Wiesel43).EvenifWieselweretotryreally
hardtoerasetheimageoutofhishead,itwouldbesomethingimpossibleforhimbecause,
besidessmellingtheflesh,healsowitnessedbabiesbeingputintopainevenduringthemost
peacefuldaysthatcouldexistatthecamps.
Wewouldntbeabletoimagineaninnocentbaby
beingkilledwithoutforanyreason,whichiswhyittormentsus,theaudience,andbuildsup
horrorinourmindswhenweeventrytopicturesomethingclosetothis.
Inessence,thewaysin
whichElieWieselusesimagerythroughouthisbookallowsthereadertoreallydevelopasense
ofdelicateemotiontowardsthecharacters.

Rubricratingsubmittedon:4/1/2016,1:23:39PMbyj.conner@ggusd.net

Topic
Sentence
4

Thetopic
sentence
demonstrate
smasterful
understandi
ngof
breadth:the
topic
sentenceis
general
enoughto
expressthe
paragraphs
overall
subject,but
specific
enoughthat
thereader
can
understand
the
paragraphs
mainsubject
andpoint
WITHOUT
reading
ahead.
Thetopic
sentence
addresses
theprompt.

Thetopic
sentence
demonstrate
sskilled
understandi
ngof
breadth:the
topic
sentenceis
general
enoughto
expressthe
paragraphs
overall
subject,but
specific
enoughthat
thereader
can
understand
the
paragraphs
mainsubject
andpoint
WITHOUT
reading
ahead.The
topic
sentence
addresses
theprompt.

Thetopic
sentence
demonstrate
sproficient
understandi
ngof
breadth:the
topic
sentenceis
general
enoughto
expressthe
paragraphs
overall
subject,but
specific
enoughthat
thereader
can
understand
the
paragraphs
mainsubject
andpoint
WITHOUT
reading
ahead.The
topic
sentence
addresses
theprompt.

Thetopic
sentence
demonstrate
sdeveloping
understandi
ngof
breadth:the
topic
sentence
maybetoo
generalor
specific.The
readermay
not
understand
the
paragraphs
mainsubject
andpoint.
Thetopic
sentence
mayormay
notaddress
theprompt.

Thetopic
Notopic
sentence
sentenceis
demonstrate present.
s
inadequate
understandi
ngof
breadth:the
topic
sentenceis
betoo
generalor
specific.The
reader
cannot
easily
understand
the
paragraphs
mainsubject
andpoint.
Thetopic
sentence
mayormay
notaddress
theprompt.

Says
4

Content:
TEsquote
isrelevant
and
thoroughly
provesthe
TS.
Format:
Quotations
arecited
usingMLA

Content:TE
isarelevant
quotethat
effectively
provesthe
TSsclaim.
Format:
Quotations
arecited
usingMLA
formatting.

Content:TE
(paraphrase
dorquoted)
provesthe
TS
however,
thechosen
TEis
somewhat
vague.
Format:

Content:TE
(paraphrase
dorquoted)
attemptsto
provethe
TS
however,
thechosen
TEisnot
completely
relevantor

Content:TE
iseithernot
presentoris
notrelevant
totheTS.

Format:Quot
ationsmay
ormaynot
becited
usingMLA

Content:No
textual
evidenceis
present.

Format:No
MLA
citationsare
present.

Leadin:

formatting.
Leadin:The
writers
argumentis
improvedas
aresultof
theleadins
used.

Leadin:
Leadins
briefly
provide
relevant
background
information
aboutthe
content,
subject,
and/or
speaker.

Quotations
mayormay
notbecited
usingMLA
formatting.
Leadin:
Leadins
provide
background
infothatis
slightly
irrelevantor
unnecessar
y

effective.
Format:Quot
ationsmay
ormaynot
becited
usingMLA
formatting.
Leadin:
Leadinsare
attempted
butare
awkwardly
writtenand
maycause
confusion

formatting.

Leadin:
Leadinsare
attempted
bydomore
harmthan
good&
obscure
meaning

Leadinsare
notused
andquotes
are
plopped
intothe
paragraph.

Means/Matt
ers
4

Thereisa
clearand
thorough
explanation
ofbothwhat
theTEis
sayingand
alsoaclear
explanation
ofhowit
provesthe
TS.The
matters
offers
indepth
analysis&
thoughtprov
oking
insight.

Thereisa
clear
explanation
ofnotonly
whatthatTE
issaying,
butalsohow
itprovesthe
TS.Both
meansand
matters
relateback
totheTE&
TS.

The
explanation
(M/M)is
present,but
thewayitis
explainedis
overly
simple
and/orlacks
clarity.

Thereisan
attemptat
an
explanation
oftheTE,
buttheway
itis
explained
sounds
repetitiveor
somewhat
unclearoris
under
developed.
Theanalysis
mayalso
getoff
topic/lose
focus.

Thereisan
insufficient
amountof
means/matt
erswhich
causesthe
chunkto
feelmore
likea
summary
andlessof
ananalysis.

No
interpretatio
nofthe
quotationis
present.No
analysisis
present.

Concluding
Sentence
3

The
concluding
sentence
demonstrate
smasterful
understandi
ngof
purpose:
concluding

The
concluding
sentence
demonstrate
sskilled
understandi
ngof
purpose:
concluding

The
concluding
sentence
demonstrate
sproficient
understandi
ngof
purpose:
concluding

The
concluding
sentence
demonstrate
sdeveloping
understandi
ngof
purpose:
concluding

The
concluding
sentence
demonstrate
s
inadequate
understandi
ngof
purpose:

No
concluding
sentenceis
present.

sentence
revisitsthe
topic
sentence
without
restatingit,
andwraps
upallpoints
ofthe
argument
succinctly
and
eloquently.
Thereader
isleftwith
no
questionsor
uncertaintie
saboutthe
paragraph.

sentence
revisitsthe
topic
sentence
without
restatingit,
andwraps
upmost
pointsofthe
argument
effectively.
Thereader
isleftwith
no
questionsor
uncertaintie
saboutthe
paragraph.

sentence
revisitsthe
topic
sentence
without
restatingit.
Thereader
isleftwith
few
questionsor
uncertaintie
saboutthe
paragraph.

sentenceis
similarto
topicor
scopeistoo
wide.The
readerisleft
with
questions
and
uncertaintie
saboutthe
paragraph.
The
concluding
sentence
mayonly
loosely
connectto
thetopic
sentence.

concluding
sentenceis
toosimilar
totopicor
bringsup
new
evidence.
Thereader
isleftwith
many
questions
and
uncertaintie
saboutthe
paragraph.
The
concluding
sentence
mayormay
notconnect
tothetopic
sentenceat
all.

Comments:
Youhavesomegoodmeans/mattersstatementsandyoursecondleadinismasterfullydone,
butyourfirstleadinisvagueandawkwardlywritten,andyourconclusionisalittleskimpy.Also,
remembertowriteinthepresenttense.Goodjoboverall!Score:4