Question: Just one question.

How can parents help their teenagers deal with the conflicts of
adolescence?
Answer: Adolescence is renowned for being the most difficult stage of life for the parents and
the adolescent. Confrontations and arguments typically abound. Disagreements over rules and
boundaries created by parents are typical. Developmentalists attribute these difficulties to the
adolescents vast array of development changes, including puberty, underdeveloped prefrontal
cortexes resulting in immature emotional responses, body images insecurities, and egocentrism.
According to our text, Emotional control, revealed by fMRI studies, is not fully developed until
adulthood. When compared with 18- to 23-year-olds, 14- to 15-year-olds show heightened
arousal in the brains reward centers, making them seek excitement and pleasure (Berger, 2014,
p. 331).
Most adolescents are interested in making their own decisions about their lives, yet their
brains are not fully developed so decisions made can frequently be immature and risky.
Neurological research finds that the reward parts of adolescents brains (the parts that respond
to excitement and pleasure) are far stronger than the inhibition parts (the parts that urge caution)
(Berger, 2014, p. 332). Additionally, adolescents struggle with a heightened preoccupation with
what everyone else thinks of them. They tend to believe others are observing and judging them
much more than is actually the case. This is termed adolescent egocentrism (Berger, 2014, p.
333).
Given all these disadvantages to adolescent cognition, it is easy to consider all aspects of
their development subpar to that of an adult. However, there are areas of adolescent development
that are superior to that of an adult. Adolescent reflexes and reaction times are superior to their
adult counterparts. Inhibitions are under-developed, allowing adolescents to feel more

comfortable experimenting with new experiences, good or bad. And, they tend to experience
greater levels of happiness due to the production of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters
(Berger, 2014, p. 350). Egocentrism and an ability to make decisions without weighing all the
consequences has its advantages. It allows the adolescent to focus on themselves without
concern for others, an advantage in the Darwinian concept of evolution. It enables an ability to
make decisions despite the possibility of negative outcomes and encourages resiliency,
particularly when the outcomes of a decision are unfavorable (Berger, 2014, p. 350).
Tumultuous relationships between a parent and their adolescent are characteristic of this
stage of life. One aspect that contributes to this conflict is that parents think their offspring have
more negative thoughts than the children have, and adolescents imagine much more intrusive
control than the parents intend (Berger, 2014, p. 362). In my mind, this statement is extremely
helpful in understanding how to weather this stage of parenting. Communication is vital.
Maintaining a solid relationship of trust with ones parents can be an invaluable lifeline for a
struggling adolescent. Creating incorrect assumptions about ones parents is understandable for a
developing adolescent brain. However, for an adult, it is imperative to remain level headed
despite the chaos and emotional rollercoaster that teenagers often create.
Secondly, creating a family bond that transcends all conflict is crucial. When an
adolescent is struggling with the emotions and challenges of social and romantic relationships,
having solid family relationships can create stability and resilience. Everyone who has advanced
through adolescence remembers how emotionally taxing the social aspect of this stage can be.
However, knowing that you have a loving, accepting family to go home to each day is
invaluable.

Lastly, I believe having an extended network of support can really help adolescents
weather the storms of their conflicts. For my children, their relationships with their grandparents
and cousins has been extremely helpful when they are struggling to feel understood and
validated. Grandparents are a wonderful resource of love and wisdom. And cousins are an
additional source of love and someone with whom an adolescent can confide, commiserate with,
and laugh about the stresses of life.
I dont believe anyone has all the answers to solve the enduring conflict experienced by
adolescents throughout the generations. However, I do believe that when a parent truly tries to
understand their childrens perspective and develop a solid relationship of love and commitment,
the amount of conflict wont matter in the long run. The children will know they are loved and
supported no matter how much conflict may arise.

References
Berger, K.S. (2014). Invitation to the life span (2nd ed.). New York, NY: World Publishers.