Reviewers: Grant, Andres

Writer: Veronica

Peer Review: Photographic Memory Narrative

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd
like to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions
here)

Conflict
1. Does the narrative have conflict or tension? Remember, we want to share the
complex, messy realities of our experience, not the Instagram version. Explain.
There is a lot of conflicts Expand a little more about the conflicts between
your family.
Persuasiveness
2. Are you persuaded to sympathize with the narrator (the writer)? Have they
crafted themselves into complex characters, or do they feel flat and vague?
Provide examples from the text and explain.
Within the first paragraph you created a good image of yourself by painting a
picture of your past and about your family.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich? Is the essay
turning the familiar on its head or should these phrases be reworked so they are
striking and novel?
4. In our practice Peer Review, we discussed how the author was summarizing her
experience, rather than slowing down and crafting a narrative. We concluded that
what she had written wasnt the story she needed to tell. Do the storys
constraintsits framing, what includes and leaves outfeel comfortable? Would
a narrower version of the story be more effective? Explain.
A narrower version of the stories and the conflicts so that each has a
purpose within the context.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their characters or setting. Why are these so powerful?
When you talk about your cousins wedding, it gives a better understanding of the
different customs that other readers might not understand.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create genuine interest? Does it fall into the trap of
being vague context, and the story really begins in the second paragraph or
later? Why?

The intro has great detail about your family and paints a strong picture in the
readers mind. The conclusion seems a little short, and you should expand a little
more detail.
7. Does the essay illustrate the writers revelation or evolution? How?

Most Successful Passage

8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy or pretentious (needlessly esoteric or verbose).
Editing
10. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
Other
11. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.