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ubspectrum.com

monday, february 8, 2016

Volume 65 No. 45

ISSUE
ISSUE
PROFESSIONAL SEX
A UB students story in porn and escorting
BY TOM DINKI
EDITOR IN CHIEF

Elliott Vance isnt afraid to Google himself even though a quick

search reveals hundreds of images of his lean, tan body stripped naked
and having sex with other men.
Having sex with people he barely knows has helped Elliott pay his
UB tuition, work toward a biology degree and afford rent in a quiet
suburb.
Elliott keeps a low profile on campus and he and his parents have a
dont ask, dont tell policy on his work. But online, hes a minor porn
celebrity.
Hes a male escort, stripper and former porn actor. And hes a small
businessman of his own brand, who says it takes education and knowhow to manage a career and the money he makes in the sex industry.
Hes not afraid to Google himself because he doesnt see anything
wrong with what hes doing.
Its the other people like the ones who are ashamed to admit they
watch porn and the ones who think he should be ashamed to Google
himself who have the problem, he said. They are the ones stigmatizing sex and attaching labels to people like him who practice sex openly
and joyfully and teach others how its done.
He agreed to use his performer name and be photographed for this
article because he wants to take the stigma away from sex work and
change the way people think about the sex industry. Its not dirty and
ugly and dehumanizing, he says.
Its empowering and life-affirming.
Hes not worried about what a potential employer might think or
what will happen if and when he decides to get a mainstream job.
He, for instance, wants to be a medical technician after graduation
this spring and says hes unafraid future employers will discover his past
as a sex worker.
If somebody doesnt like it, I really dont care. My past doesnt dictate my future and it doesnt make me any less of a candidate than
somebody else who hasnt, he said.
Elliott has traveled the country as an escort over the past two years
and filmed nine pornographic scenes during the course of three weeks
in the fall of 2013. Officially, he said, escorting means getting paid to
spend time with a stranger for an agreed-upon time. Sometimes it leads
to sex but not always, which, he said, makes it different from prostitution, which is illegal.
Sometimes, he said, its about companionship, about giving another human being the feeling of being less alone. Whats so wrong with
that?
He knows what most people think of escorts and porn stars: theyre
uneducated, poor and dont have any other options.
Elliott does have options like the bars and cafs he made good
money at before going into the sex industry. But, none of them gave
him the flexibility to travel or the cash that the sex industry offers. Appearing in porn has given him connections to appear as background extras in several TV shows. He knows there are risks, but is staying safe
with condoms and pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, a HIV-preventative drug he takes daily.
And he says hes been smart with the cash.
Hes used his sex work money to pay off almost all his student loans,
invest in stocks and even set up a retirement account. He can make an
average of $5,000 a week if actively traveling and escorting. With those
numbers, an escort working just six months out of the year could bring
in a six-figure salary.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 10

PAGE Students discuss

having sex with older
partners

PAGE

Almost 30 percent of UB
students have needed
Plan B

PAGE

PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY
YUSONG SHI, KENNETH CRUZ , THE SPECTRUM
COVER DESIGN BY
KENNETH CRUZ, PIERCE STRUDLER THE SPECTRUM

Check out the results of

the UB student sex survey

Monday, February 8, 2016

ADVERTISEMENTS
THE SPECTRUM

3
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

SEX ISSUE
THE SPECTRUM

Editorial Board
EDITOR IN CHIEF

Tom Dinki

Lets think about sex for what it is

MANAGING EDITORS

Alyssa McClure
Gabriela Julia
COPY EDITORS

Rene Staples
Saqib Hossain
NEWS EDITORS

Marlee Tuskes, Senior

Ashley Inkumsah
Evan Schneider, Asst.
FEATURES EDITORS

Tori Roseman, Senior

Tomas Olivier
John Jacobs, Asst.
ARTS EDITORS

Brian Windschitl, Senior

Kenneth Kashif Thomas
Luke Hueskin, Asst.
SPORTS EDITORS

Jordan Grossman, Co-senior

Quentin Haynes, Co-senior
PHOTO EDITORS

Yusong Shi, Co-senior

Kainan Guo, Co-senior
Angela Barca
.
CARTOONISTS

Joshua Bodah
Michael Perlman
CREATIVE DIRECTORS

Kenneth Cruz
Pierce Strudler

Professional Staff
OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR

Monday, February 8, 2016

TOM DINKI
EDITOR IN CHIEF

What name do you call a porn

star?
Do you call them by their performer name, or is that insulting?
Do you call them by their real name?
Well what if you dont know their
real name? Is it intrusive to ask?
These are questions most people never think theyll have to ask
themselves. But theyre exactly the
questions that were racing through
my head as I prepared for my firstever interview with a porn star, escort and dancer, who just so happens to be a fellow UB student.
As Elliott, the name he goes
by both socially and in the sex industry, and I began talking, every
question felt similarly heavy and
complicated. I didnt want to make
a wrong assumption about sex

work. I didnt want to ask something that was too intrusive.

Even my initial Facebook message to Elliott took careful planning and rewrites. I didnt want
to come off too strong and that I
was entitled to interview him.
But as I began to speak with Elliott, I realized he wasnt scared to
talk about sex like most people are.
Any wrong assumption I made in
my questioning he corrected with
a laugh and a dive into a conversation about that aspect of sex work.
He nearly cut me off to say yes
when I began to ask if hed feel
comfortable posing for a photograph with his face.
Obviously there were a few
things that Elliott didnt want to
get into, mostly pertaining to his
person life.
But when it came to sex, he
could talk openly and honestly as if
we were talking about classes, bars,
the Stampede wait time or whatever else UB students small talk about
it. He wasnt afraid to share his performer name and face, even though
an employer could recognize his
face in the future.
But so what if they did?
Does having sex on camera for
others enjoyment make him any less
of a lab technician? Does providing

companionship and maybe an orgasm to a lonely person make him

any less of a medical school student
or whatever he chooses to do?
The truth is were all scared to
talk about sex at least in a way
that can be seen on the Internet.
We all know its forever. We go
through it every year at The Spectrum as we attempt to put together a sex issue and students only
agree to talk to us if their names
are changed.
Whether its fear of an employer, parent or even fellow peers seeing it no one wants his or her
name attached to sex.
And I must admit Im no different. I wrote a sex advice column
I was proud of, but when it came
time to publish I got too scared to
put my name on it.
I consider myself open about almost all aspects of my life. If the
other people around me are comfortable, Im always willing to talk
about sex both seriously and jokingly usually at my own expense.
So why then couldnt I put my
own name on a sex advice piece? I
wasnt writing about anything illegal or unmoral. Why would talking
about sex make anyone think less
of me as a person? Why was I so
worried about it if they did?

For whatever reason, sex is hard

to talk about. But its what we at
The Spectrum tried to do with this
sex issue. We wanted to start conversations about one-night stands,
Plan B and age gaps between sexual partners and escorts. We wanted to bring sex out from something you only can only discuss in
private and onto the newsstands
where students can read and educate themselves.
I think its important that we do.
Sex is normal. Sex is natural.
Sex is what nearly 47 percent of
UB students are having at least a
few times a week. Sex is something
we need to be open about if were
going to tackle the problems that
come with it like disease and assault.
Sex is human.
Maybe one day The Spectrum sex issue wont need an editors notes stating, The names in this story have
been changed. Maybe one day a
story about a male escort in a student newspaper wont be much of
a headliner grabber. Maybe one day
Ill get the courage to publish that
sex piece with my name attached.
Maybe one day well think of
sex for what it really is.

email:
tom.dinki@ubspectrum.com

Helene Polley
ADVERTISING MANAGERS

Nicole Dominguez
Lee Stoeckel, Asst.
Evan Pantofel Asst.
ADVERTISING DESIGNER

Derek Hosken

THE SPECTRUM
Monday, February 8, 2016
Volume 65 Number 45
Circulation 4,000
The views expressed both written and
graphic in the Feedback, Opinion and
Perspectives sections of The Spectrum do
not necessarily reflect the views of the
editorial board. Submit contributions for
these pages to The Spectrum office at Suite
132 Student Union or news@ubspectrum.com. The Spectrum reserves the right
to edit these pieces for style and length.
If a letter is not meant for publication,
please mark it as such. All submissions
must include the authors name, daytime
phone number, and email address.
For information on adverstising with The
Spectrum, visit www.ubspectrum.com/advertising or call us directly at 716-645-2152
The Spectrum offices are located in
132 Student Union,
UB North Campus, Buffalo, NY 142602100

TOP FIVE MOST ROMANTIC DATE SPOTS ON CAMPUS

ASHLEY INKUMSAH
NEWS EDITOR

Dating on a college campus with

only a students budget may hinder
your romantic date options. To help
you get past that, here are some
ideas you can enjoy while spending
some quality time with your partner
without breaking the bank or venturing outside off campus.
Starbucks in
The Commons
Enjoy a quick cup of coffee with
your date in Starbucks located in
The Commons. The dim lighting
and intimate setting make it the perfect venue for a romantic outing.
Here you can engage in deep and intimate conversation while sipping on
your warm beverage.

Starbucks is a perfect venue for

first dates because it eliminates the
pressure of big, fancy restaurants
while still possessing a subtle dose
of class and coziness. You can also
save yourself from the costly expenditure that often comes with
fancy restaurants.
Baird Point
The beautiful Greek-styled amphitheater located adjacent from
Lake LaSalle known as Baird Point
is a perfect place to take your partner for a relaxing and tranquil date.
You can stare out into the sunset
as you muse on all of lifes possibilities on a sunny day with your
loved one by your side.
To add an extra dose of romance, you can turn the amphitheater into your own little makeshift

picnic area.
Crossroads
Culinary Center (C3)
C3 is the perfect place to go to
embrace your inner-romantic on a
budget. Here, you enjoy the dining
centers all-you-can-eat dining services with the swipe of a meal.
The dining center has a wide range
of dining options including vegan,
vegetarian and gluten-free meals if
you and your partner happen to be
health conscious. Although the center tends to be rather crowded, you
can still have an intimate date.
Baldy Walkway
Baldy Walkway is the perfect
lobby for deep conversation. Grab
a cup of coffee from Tim Hortons located at the front of the
caf and get to know your partner.

The cafs two-person tables

make for a close and cozy setting
fit for any pair.
The Tiffin Room
The Tiffin Room, located upstairs in the Student Union provides
the aesthetic of a fancy restaurant,
while still being conveniently located within the school. The restaurants rich menu features anything
from a light salad to a nourishing
penne vodka pasta entre.
Though its slightly more costly
than other UB dining locations, it
will invoke a feeling of classiness
and affection within you and your
partner.
email:
ashley.inkumsah
@ubspectrum.com

No need to be concerned
with numbers
Why should it matter how many people youve slept with?

The body count stereotype: when

you first start talking to someone
and they drop the number of people theyve slept with. It has the potential to scare you away. But why
is it so alarming to hear that someone has had sex with 20 or 30 people? Worse than alarm that when a
man says it he is praised, but when a
woman says it, shes deemed a slut.
This stereotype seems to hold
the most importance in the eyes
of college students, as they are
young and judgmental. Body
count is simply a way to size up
another persons attractiveness. Its
another element of sex that can be
easily discussed and spread quickly among groups, which makes it
a common yet controversial topic.
We are wired to crave routine
and stability in our lives. Someone who has had multiple partners
may seem inconsistent, unreliable
and uncommitted. This can be a
huge red flag, especially for some-

one looking to settle down. At the

same time, the past is the past and
every relationship is different.
The biggest unanswered question that arises when an individual
reveals a high body count is whether or not he or she always uses protection. That he or she could have
an STI or STD and be unknowingly transmitting it is enough to scare
even the most adventurous partner
away. This is why its imperative to
discuss concerns about being tested
with any partner.
Studies have shown that having
multiple sexual partners may not be
healthy. According to a study done
by Psychology Today, the chances
of developing a substance dependency is directly correlated with having multiple sexual partners. This
was found to be particularly true in
women. In addition to substance
development, the study found that
constant casual relationships do not
provide emotional fulfillment, which

could lead to self-medication.

But this doesnt people can or
should be judged on their lifestyle
choices. Each person values sex
differently and while many people
reserve it as special, others enjoy
the freedom of hooking up with
multiple people.
The double standard that exists between men and women also
heightens the impact of a body
count. In todays culture, a man
who has slept with many women is
seen as a conqueror and each woman, an accomplishment. For a woman, the more men she has slept with,
the more her reputation plummets,
as she begins to be labeled as easy,
slutty and lacking standards. It is
blatantly unfair to judge one gender more harshly than the other, but
there doesnt seem to be away to
fight the stereotype unless the body
count number is ignored completely.
There is less double standard in
couples that are of the same sex.

This doesnt mean body count

doesnt matter rather, that there
is less emphasis on the number
and more on the amount of experience the other person may have.
There can still be the same level
of emotional distrust in a partner
who has slept with multiple people, but the gender bias doesnt exist as strongly in these scenarios.
We cannot control the past
not ours, not anyone elses. Its petty to attack someone for the excessive number or lack of sexual partners theyve had. Theres no use in
getting hung up over how many
people your partner has previously been with. You cant make that
number go away, so why bother getting upset about it? To see
sex and sexual activity as a person
preference, rather than a point of
respect or debasement, is simply a
part of growing into an adult.
email: eic@ubspectrum.com

Monday, February 8, 2016

ADVERTISEMENTS
THE SPECTRUM

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY
KAINAN GUO, THE SPECTRUM

3nder is a mobile app similar to Tinder with

an emphasis on arranging threesomes with
strangers. The app is available in the iPhone
app store and coming to the Android
market sometime this year.

A DATE FOR THREE

Threesome-focused app 3nder allows users to swipe right
a bit more adventurously
EVAN SCHNEIDER
ASST. NEWS EDITOR

Trisha is a self-proclaimed unicorn.

The junior nursing major, whose name
has been changed to protect her privacy, enjoys participating in threesomes with two
males and the attention that comes with it.
She said women like herself are often called
unicorns in the threesome community
due to the sheer rarity of encountering one.
Trisha said she never would have thought
shed be able to find male partners for a
threesome through an app. Theres dating
apps like Tinder and Grindr, sure, but they
only match up two individuals.

Now theres an app with a similar namesake and for people looking to swipe right
in a perhaps more adventurous and unconventional way: 3nder.
3nder, pronounced thrinder, is a London-based dating app for people looking
to find two other partners for a threesome
or couples looking to spice up their sexual fantasies. Users must verify their likeness
through Facebook but can give themselves
a fake name for privacy if they so desire.
Since the apps launch in 2014, nearly 1 million users have downloaded the app with 1.2
million messages sent per month and 4 million swipes logged, according to the New York
Post. The app recently received an anonymous

grant of $500,000 from unnamed investors

hoping to reap the benefits of the start-up.
Often times, Tinder users match with someone and do not immediately know what type
of relationship the other person is looking for.
When a user downloads 3nder, the app
asks questions that outline exactly what the
user is looking for: just one male or female,
a male-female couple, female-female couple,
male-male couple, etc.
Ive always enjoyed threesomes but I have
never thought to share those feeling with
people on an app like Tinder, Trisha said.
But Im definitely willing to give it a try.
Before jumping into bed with these
strangers, Nicole McDermott, a health edu-

cator at Student Health Services on campus,

recommends discussing beforehand what
everyone is comfortable with doing.
As long as all of the parties involved
consent to the sexual activity and use safe
sex practices, these types of sexual encounters could be safe and pleasurable sexual experiences, McDermott said.
There are some risks involved, however,
both mentally and physically.
The problem with these types of relationships is that the more people are involved,
the more opportunity there is for an individuals feelings to get hurt, McDermott said.
Also, obviously the more partners one has,
the greater the risk to contract a [sexually
transmitted infection] especially herpes or
HPV, which can be spread skin-to-skin.
Because 3nder is a start-up app, many students on campus have not even heard of it
yet, but some are excited to give it a try.
One male student, who wished to remain
anonymous, has been an avid Tinder user for
a few years and would be willing to try 3nder.
It seems like a unique experience, he
said. It is something that can appeal to uncommon fetishes people have.
The app is currently in beta-mode, with
downloads only available via the iPhone App
Store. Android platform availability is pending
release sometime this year on Google Play.
email: news@ubspectrum.com

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY KAINAN GUO,

THE SEPCTRUM

nothin
but a
number?

A large age gap between sexual partners

is common, but there are many reason as
to why, from a younger man liking an older
womans sexual experience to an older
woman liking the attention younger men
give them.

College students share their sexual experiences with older partners

GABRIELA JULIA

MANAGING EDITOR

*Editors note: The names in this story have been

changed to protect sources privacy
Justin Marshall* was at The Old Pink bar
on Allen Street anticipating what he thought
twould be a normal night.
He met a woman at the bar and they had a
few drinks. Marshall got to know the woman a lot better that night and though he
woke up the next morning with an initial
feeling of regret, he continued to have sex
with her a few times after that.
I never bothered asking how old she
was because that was impolite, but eventually after hanging out a little bit more, she
dropped the number, he said.
Marshall found out the woman was 37
years old, 15 years older than him. Now, as
a college graduate, he said he would never
hook up with a woman of that age again.
According to The Spectrums sex survey,
nearly 8 percent of UB students have had
sex with someone who was 15 or more years
older than them. Marshall isnt the only college student whos had sex with someone
who may have more than a few years of
sexual experience.
A number of students said that sex with
an older person isnt much different from sex
with someone their own age, but there is a difference when it comes to emotional connection. There are people who dont see age as a

deal breaker there are some who are alarmed

by the age and put a halt to the hook ups.
Donna Rencsak, a sexologist from Carlsbad, California, said a large age gap between
sexual partners is fairly common, but there
are numerous reason as to why from a
younger man liking an older womans sexual
experience to an older woman liking the attention younger men give them.
Theres never just one reason.
SOMETHING TOO MOTHERLY
A younger man may sleep with an older
woman because of the womans sexual experience.
There is an idea that there is less drama
[with older women] and males are sometimes
unsure about themselves so they may try an
older woman whos more centered and selfassured about her sexuality, Rencsak said.
Rencsak said younger men might also be
attracted to older women romantically because she may be past the point of birth
control and they wont have to worry about
unwanted pregnancies.
But Marshall, who graduated from a
SUNY school in 2015, didnt even know the
older womans age until after they hung out
outside the bedroom. He said he was sexually attracted to her and also attracted to her
as a person.
Marshall said once he learned the womans age, things got odd.
Shes a very cool person, but it was too
weird to go on because things got motherly, he said.

He said there are differences between

hooking up with a woman his age and a
woman 15 years older than him. The different maturity levels were obvious.
Rencsak said in her practice, shes seen
that as women age they may feel that their
husbands dont look at them the same way
physically, causing them to seek validation
somewhere else.
A woman whos been rejected wants to
feel attractive to someone, she said.
Marshall said he didnt seek any other
benefits besides the sex and her company.
But for other students, they received more
than just sex.

THE SUGAR DADDY

During the summer of 2015, Allison Demarco* stumbled upon a sugar daddy in a
Staten Island pizzeria.
A sugar daddy is an older man with money who gives expensive gifts to a younger person. Sometimes, these gifts are in exchange for sexual favors.
For a younger woman, a relationship with
an older man sometimes allows her to experience more, not only sexually but financially.
Shopping sprees, new cars and expensive
dinners are usually not in a college males budget, making it exciting for a woman to explore
that other side, whether its for one night or
for a long period of time, Rencsak said.
As Demarco ordered her slice of pizza,
her soon-to-be sugar daddy stared at her,
making it clear he was interested. After they
exchanged numbers, Demarco thought to

herself that the man didnt look that old.

Later on, he told Demarco his age and
she continued to talk to him despite the
fact that he was 38 years old and she was
19. That summer the older man bought her
food when she was hungry and even gave
her money to go shopping.
And the favors continued when Demarco
went back to UB in the fall.
When I went away for school I told him I
was stressed about money and textbooks and
he told me he would help me out, she said.
But phone numbers and credit cards
werent the only things they exchanged.
After spending time with the older man at
his house, they had sex and she said the initiation was mutual.
Demarco said having sex with an older
man wasnt much different from having sex
with someone her own age.
Even though hes older and maybe more
experienced, I dont think the sex was any
better than being with someone whos 20,
she said.
Demarco hasnt had sex with her sugar
daddy since last July, but he does continue
to support her financially. She said neither
of them planned on pursuing a romantic relationship mainly because of the age difference although she did see some perks.
Older guys are more straightforward and
obviously mature, she said. If I were dating a guy my age and told him that I was
struggling, he would probably just tell me to
get more hours at work.
For Megan Leigh,* though, sleeping with
a financially stable, older man was attractive
but only for a night.
On the Saturday night before finals week
last semester, Leigh was supposed to meet
her friend at the library. Instead she decided a night at the bar was long overdue and
went there to meet her friend Darrel. One
drink turned into shots and the shots turned
into more drinks. Darrel went to take care
of business on the East Side of Buffalo,
as Leigh puts it, and she was left with his
friends one of whom happened to be 41
years old.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 16

COUNSELING GROUPS SPRING 2016

wellness.buffalo.edu/center
Connections

Bouncing Back

This group provides a warm and supportive environment in which you

can experiment constructively with new ways of relating to others, share
personal experiences, express fears and concerns, and get support
and feedback.

This 5-week skill development-focused group will help to strengthen

students resiliency by building upon current strengths, developing
strategies for overcoming obstacles, enhancing their belief in their
ability to perform well in challenging situations, and building their support
networks. Contact: Sharon Mitchell (smitch@buffalo.edu) for more
information.

Mondays 12:00 1:30 Michael Hall

Wednesdays 1:00-2:30 120 Richmond Quad

Moving Beyond Loss

Mondays 1:00 2:30pm 120 Richmond Quad

This semi-structured group allows students to mourn and to acknowledge feelings associated with grief after losing a loved one through
death. Students at any stage of the grief process are welcome.

International Tea Time

Mondays 5:00 6:30pm

240 Student Union (Intercultural and Diversity Center)
This is a weekly meeting which brings together U.S. and international
students for conversation and fun. Students play games, talk, and enjoy
getting to know each other. International tea and snacks are provided.
Contact: elenayak@buffalo.edu

MOSAIC

Tuesdays 1:00 2:30pm 120 Richmond Quad

A semi-structured support and educational group that provides a safe
space for Women of Color to examine their emotional well-being, the
impact of salient identities, and their experiences as students pursuing
higher education.

Peaceful Minds

Tuesdays 2:30 4:00pm Michael Hall

This is a 6-week group that provides skills to decrease stress and
anxiety and improve emotional well-being.

Coping Skills Group

Tuesdays 3:00 4:30pm 120 Richmond Quad

Fridays 1:30 3:00pm Michael Hall
This structured group will teach skills to live in the present, deal with
stress, manage difficult emotions, and handle interpersonal conflict.

Wednesdays 1:30 3:00pm 120 Richmond Quad

This Is Who I Am: LGBTQ Support Group

Wednesdays 3:00 4:30pm 120 Richmond Quad

The goal of the group is to provide a safe, supportive and confidential
forum for students who are questioning or exploring their gender identity
and/or their sexual identity as well as those identifying as gender variant,
transgender, lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or queer.

Yoga to Manage Moods

Thursdays 1:30 2:30pm Michael Hall Yoga Studio

Using a combination of gentle physical poses, breathing and relaxation
techniques, this group allows for participants to feel more connected to
and comfortable in their bodies as well as manage symptoms. This is not
a drop-in group.

Motivated for Change

Thursdays 2:30 4:00pm 120 Richmond Quad

A semi-structured group for students who want to change a particular
habit or behavior and have found it difficult to identify or take the
necessary steps to do so. This group will explore factors interfering
with students ability to change, assessing their desire, need, confidence,
and reasons to change, and identify the steps needed to make and
maintain that change.

International Student Support Group

Fridays 3:00 4:30pm 120 Richmond Quad

This group will provide a safe, supportive, and comfortable place to
discuss adjustment and cross-cultural experiences in the U.S. The
group will also provide a safe and confidential environment for group
members to support each other and share information.

All groups except International Tea Time require an Initial Assessment.

If you would like to schedule an initial assessment, please call
Counseling Services at 716.645.2720

ADVERTISEMENTS

Monday, February 8, 2016

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Monday, February 8, 2016

A guy I had been seeing for a while

and I decided it might be fun to try
K-Y jelly to see what it was like. The
commercials where the couple uses it
and has such amazing sex that their
heads exploded seemed appealing to
me. I sent the guy on a mission to go
and buy the K-Y jelly and that night
we tried it out. Almost immediately
I felt a horrible burning - it was so
bad I honestly felt like someone was
clawing away at my insides. Not fun.
We stopped so I could run into the
shower. After I got out, I wanted to
look at the box so I could see the list
of ingredients. I never had severe
allergies before so I was annoyed that
an allergic reaction would suddenly
appear at one of the worst possible
moments I could think of. I didnt
even need to look at the box for more
than 30 seconds before I realized
what happened. Not only was the box
labeled strawberry flavored - a clear
giveaway I did not want that anywhere
near such a vulnerable area - but it
also warned for external use only
right on the front. I was so annoyed.
Whenever I start to think about
maybe trying the product again, all
I have to do is remind myself the
amount of pain I felt that night
and I immediately run the other
way. Never again.

This guy and I were having sex for the

first time at his place. It was great until
he started going extremely fast from the
back. He started losing his breath from
pounding me like a bunny rabbit.
Then he got a little too excited.
Mid-stroke, his penis came out of
my vagina and slipped into another

One would think having sex after

winning big at a casino would be a
euphoric idea.
Nope.
After winning a decent sum of
money at Turning Stone Resort Casino
near Syracuse, I felt it would be a good
idea to have sex with the girl I was
with. What I forgot was that I went
with close to 15 people to the casino
and there were four or five people

already in the room once I came back

from the casino floor.
After realizing there were no beds
- or privacy - in the main room
itself, I thought it would be a good
idea to find a different alternative:
the bathroom. We tried setting up
blankets, pillows and comforters in
the bathtub, locking the door and
attempting to block out any sound
that would come to the bathroom.

SEX ISSUE

hole. I jumped up in shock and in

pain and the back of my head hit
his face. I was wearing a metal hair
clip at the time and it scratched his
nose. He tried to put his penis back
in until he realized he was bleeding.
We both ended that night in pain,
although mine lasted for a few days.

WHATS

YOUR

STORY?
Spectrum editors
anonymously share their most
embarrassing sex stories

About halfway through, I hear about

15 or 20 bangs on the door, paired with
snickering from about three or four
people on the other side of the door. In
my friends drunken states, they managed
to break into the bathroom and find us
naked and afraid in the bathtub.
Safe to say I didnt finish.
Safer to say I got charged $300 for a
broken bathroom door the next day upon
checkout.

THE SPECTRUM

Heres my almost-threesome story.

It was freshman year and I was
sitting in the backseat of a taxi cab
with two girls. I had asked them to
come back to my dorm with me
after a party and they said yes. So,
needless to say, I was feeling pretty
good about myself.
We were getting frisky in the
back of the cab and one of the
girls was giving me a handjob.
She had acrylic nails. The cab hit
a bad bump and the girls nail cut
me. She pulled her hand out of my
pants, saw there was blood on it,
got grossed out and just asked to
get dropped off at her apartment.
The other girl got out with her.
I did not have a threesome that
night. I did not get laid that night.

It was my third Valentines Day

with my girlfriend of more than
two years and I was looking to
spice things up. So I decided to buy
sensual massage oil from Bath and
Body Works. My girlfriend always
requested back rubs, so why not?
Everything went fine at first. She
was happy with it, I was happy with
it. Then came time for sex. I put
on the condom and started. My
girlfriend then began to complain
about a burning feeling - we had
to stop. You see, the sensual
massage oil had specifically warned
on the label that it was for external
use only, and I hadnt washed my
hands after giving the back rub and
prior to touching the outside of
the condom to put it on.
Needless to say we didnt have sex
that night, and maybe even more
needless to say that was my last
Valentines Day with that girlfriend.

THE BACK-UP
PLAN
Almost 30 percent of UB students
say they or their partner have taken
morning-after pill
BRIAN WINDSCHITL
SENIOR ARTS EDITOR

Jessica never worried much about how

safe her sex life was.
She said her boyfriend was always careful and she used birth control. But after having unprotected sex, she felt something was
wrong. To be safe, the couple bought Plan B.
Ashley always practiced safe sex by taking
birth control and using condoms. But that
didnt matter much when her partners condom broke during sex.
She said she freaked out and made sure to
buy the pill the next day. She had to take a friend
with her for moral support because, as she said,
buying the pill was embarrassing and awkward.
For both these students, whose names have
been changed to protect their privacy, the Plan
B or morning-after pill was their choice
to avoid the risk of an unwanted pregnancy.
And theyre far from the only UB students
who have used the contraception drug.
Almost 30 percent of the 702 students surveyed in The Spectrums sex survey stated that
they, or one of their partners, had taken Plan
B as a means of contraception about the
same amount of students who said they always used protection against sexually transmitted infections, or 34 percent. Fifty-five
percent of the students surveyed said theyve

used contraceptives.
Up to 11 percent of sexually active women
ages 15-44 have taken the morning-after pill
at least once, according to the first-ever federal study on emergency contraception, which
collected data from 2006-10. The pill has become more accessible in recent years, as the
U.S. Food and Drug Administration lifted the
18-and-up age restriction for purchase of the
Plan B One-Step pill in 2013. Since then, the
pill has been available for over-the-counter
sale without any restrictions other than what
some might consider a hefty price tag.
The average price of the morning-after
pill, depending on your insurance, will run
between $35-65 at your local pharmacy. Michael Hall, located on South Campus, offers
emergency contraceptives to students.
Plan B, when taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, is 89 percent effective at preventing pregnancy, according to Planned Parenthood. This, compared to the estimated
91 percent success rate for oral contraception and estimated 98 percent effectiveness
for condoms, makes the Plan B pill the least
overall effective form of contraception.
Still, in both national and school-wide
surveys, the statistics place the morning-after pill in the top three most popular forms
of birth control for women.
Yet, despite the widespread usage, the

COURTESY OF FLICKR USER MIKE MOZART

The Plan B pill is one of the most popular contraceptives on the market right now. Despite
its popularity among women, the day-after pill is still weighed down by negative stigmas and
expensive pricing. Many sexoligists and womens rights advocates agree that the pill is not
only the safest alternative, its also the most mature choice.

negative social stigmas surrounding the

morning-after pill remain.
Charley Ferrer, a clinical sexologist known
for her television show PLEASURE, said that
such negative stigmas about the Plan B pill only
hurt women. She said that not only is Plan B pill
the safest for women, but it also is a logical, mature decision made to protect yourself and your
partner from unwanted pregnancy.
The stigma is that the women need to
be controlled, Ferrer said. The notion is
that if a woman has to take the pill then she
is sleeping around. But in reality it is a mature decision from a women who has decided that she doesnt want to be pregnant.
Ferrer said it is important to draw the distinction between personal moral preference
and respecting another persons choice.
Olivia Swann, a junior global gender studies major, said that a large part of the ignorance surrounding the morning-after pill is
the lack of education about it.
Some of the social stigmas surround-

ing Plan B is that it is synonymous with an

abortion, Swann said. Often people who
have not been educated or have been misinformed about Plan B think that taking a
morning after pill is actually killing a fetus.
This is untrue because there is no such thing
as being one day pregnant.
Both Ferrer and Swann see the stigmas
around Plan B as ultimately harmful to women, preventing them from effectively utilizing
the contraceptive that is best for them.
For overall health effects, Ferrer said that
Plan B may be the safest form of contraception
for women, simply because it is much less residual than other contraceptives like a intrauterine
device, a condom or a birth control pill.
Plan B is less invasive, she said. It is
also only done in cases where you do it
when you need it. The risks involved with
contraception are typically most dangerous with women, who also have to carry the
child if she gets pregnant.
email: brian.windschitl@ubspectrum.com

SEX ISSUE

SEX

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

SURVEY

WHAT GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?

OTHER: 2% MALE: 46%

FEMALE: 52%

{ {

AT WHAT AGE DID YOU BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

IDENTIFY
AS LGBT?

YES

YOUNGER
THAN 12

2%
8%

12-14

44%

15-17

NO

32%

18-20

15% 85%

21-23

3%

24 OR OLDER 0%
NOT SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

11%

HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD?

18% 32% 23% 8% 2% 5% 12%

1

2-4

5-10

HAVE YOU EVER

BEEN TESTED
FOR AN STI?

45%
44%
11%

13%

6%

NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE

YES
NO

EVERY DAY

3%

NEVER IN THE PAST

YEAR OR MORE

NOT
SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

EVERY TIME

30

WHAT MOST CLOSELY RESEMBLES HOW OFTEN YOU HAVE SEX?

29%

MULTIPLE TIMES
A WEEK

18%

HOW OFTEN DO YOU USE

PROTECTION AGAINST STIs?

34%
24%
11%
7%
11%
13%

11-20 21-30

NOT
SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

MORE THAN

ONCE EVERY
FEW MONTHS

19%

18%

FEW TIMES A MONTH

ONCE EVERY
FEW MONTHS

MOST TIMES
ONLY SOME TIMES
RARELY
NEVER
NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE

EVER CHEATED ON YOUR CURRENT OR FORMER PARTNER?

18 11
YES
%

NEVER
IN A
%BEEN
RELATIONSHIP

71

NO
%

{ {
{ {
{ {
HAVE YOU EVER USED A
DATING APP TO HOOK UP OR
HAVE SEX?

24% YES
NO
67%
9%

NOT
SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A

ONE-NIGHT STAND?

52% YES
NO
38%
10%

NOT
SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX ON

CAMPUS, EXCLUDING
ON-CAMPUS HOUSING?

24% YES
NO
66%
10%

NOT
SEXUALLY
ACTIVE

*A SURVEY OF 702 UB STUDENTS

INFOGRAPHIC BY KENNETH CRUZ

10

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

ELLIOTT VANCE

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

he works as an escort.
Elliott knows participating in this article
with his performer name and face included may mean hell never be able to bury
his past as a sex worker in the future. He
doesnt think hell ever want to, though.
Hes content with his decision and is happy with his choice regardless of whether or
not its deemed acceptable by the majority
of people.
I think really with this generation, were
doing what were told to do, Elliott said.
Youre gonna have that realization that you
know what, Ive done what everyone wanted me to do, Im gonna do what I wanna
do. But unfortunately many people have
that too late in life. I consider myself fortunate.
BECOMING ELLIOTT VANCE
You wouldnt know Elliott was a sex
worker if you walked past him on campus.

YUSONG SHI, THE SPECTRUM

Elliott Vance, as he most commonly goes by with acquaintances and in the sex industry, is a
UB student, male escort and formerly an adult film performer. He supports himself financially
through escorting as he earns his biology degree and doesnt feel escorting and porn should
be stigmatized.

here to get his degree and get out.

And up until two and a half years ago, Elliott was just a recent graduate with a common fantasy of doing porn. Then his car
got broken into.
It was the fall of 2013. For several
months hed been working jobs at bars, restaurants and a caf in Buffalo after graduating with his associates degree in veterinarian technology from Medaille College.
He was happy with the money he was
making, but Elliott had always considered
himself an entertainer, whether it was performing in plays or musicals during high
school.
I kind of had this realization my senior
year of high school that Im never going to

MORE TIMES THAN NOT,

ITS NOT ABOUT SEX AT ALL.
YEAH IT HAPPENS BUT ITS
NOT SET IN STONE.

ELLIOTT VANCE
He has the attire typical of a college student: Abercrombie and Fitch jacket, jeans,
along with a trendy man bun and septum
piercing. Hell pick up lunch from the Subway in The Commons on campus and lament the chocolate chip cookie he shouldnt
be eating.
He doesnt go around with a large crowd
either. His friend circle doesnt include his
classmates at UB. Nothing against them, he
says, hes just at the point in his life wheres
YUSONG SHI, THE SPECTRUM

Elliott keeps a low profile on campus you wouldnt know hes a sex worker
if you walked past him.

But, again, he says, its not just about the

money. He sees his work as helping people.
And despite the stigma some attach to it,
the porn industry brings in $10-12 billion a
year in the United States and rises every year.
Porn accounts for 30 percent of all Internet bandwidth, according to some estimates.
Fifty-six percent of the UB student body
watches porn at least a few times a month,
according to The Spectrums sex survey.
A porn set just may be one of the safest places to have sex: a controlled environment with vetted partners whove been tested for sexually transmitted diseases within
the past two weeks.
Still, escorting and pornography are widely looked upon as immoral, wrong and in
some cases, illegal.
Part of the problem, said Reid Mihalko, a
sex and relationship educator based in California, is that mainstream culture doesnt
accept a porn star as an entertainer or an escort as a person providing a service.
We just dont look at sex that way because theres so much sex negativism, he
said. We have to acknowledge how culturally biased our culture is against sex for
commerce or sex as a profession.
Indeed, should having a porn career as a
student mean you cant get a good job later? Why cant two people consensually
agree to sex whether for therapeutic or
recreational reasons in exchange for money? Why would someone with alternatives
a college education, a chance at medical
school choose a life of sex work?
A lot of people arent doing this out of
dire straits, Elliott said. A lot of people
are doing this because they enjoy it.
Elliott isnt the first college student in
the sex industry to come forward. In 2014,
porn star and Duke University freshman
Belle Knox received national attention after
her identity as an adult performer was outed on campus. That same year, a male student at Columbia revealed in a submission
to the universitys online student paper that

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE

DIFFERENT MORALS
DOESNT MEAN I DONT
HAVE THEM.

Juilliard to play in a symphony orchestra ...

Im never going to be on Broadway, Elliott
said. What can I do that entertains? Well,
sex is always there and thats enjoyable.
But what would his family and friends
think?
Hed grown up in what he describes as
a conservative Roman Catholic and Jewish household, where even coming out to
his parents about his sexual orientation was
not pretty. His friends warned him against
doing porn and told him hed regret it later in life.
He always felt he was doing things for
other people, whether it was earning a college degree or going on dates with girls
in high school to, as he puts it, give being
straight once last try. Elliott didnt fully accept he was gay until college.
Hed always wanted to be in control of
his life and sexuality. Porn would allow him
to do just that.
The exact words out of my mouth were:
f*** this, Im going to do what I want, he
said.
Though the demand for men in the porn
industry isnt always high, becoming a porn
star is as easy as applying online. Elliott said
its like applying for any old job, although
he admits the questions are little different
than what you may find on a normal job application.
Porn production mostly happens on the
West Coast, so Elliott found work with a
small production company in San Francis-

co, California to shoot nine porn scenes

over the course of three weeks.
He says theres more to porn than what a
viewer sees on a computer screen for a few
minutes.
A 20-minute video could be an entire day
or days worth of work. During his time
filming, his shortest scene took two hours.
His longest: eight hours enough to make
a person reconsider putting a needle in their
genitals to keep an erection after hours of
filming.
Not everything is as glorious as it may appear either. His first scene required him to
have sex with a stranger in the cramped and
slippery confines of a shower as a camera
crew stood feet away.
But it did provide him an opportunity to
entertain, which he considers his calling. He
smiles to this day thinking about the possibility theres someone out there right now
masturbating to him. The sex could be pretty enjoyable too.
Elliott hasnt done porn again after wrapping up what he called an intense and
exhausting few weeks. Besides, fewer
porn stars are actually making the bulk of
their money from porn, and more are making their money from appearances, stripping
and most predominantly escorting, he
said.
You would be hard-pressed to find a performer who does not escort or, at the very
least, strips on a regular basis to make money, Elliott said. How I look at it is porn is
kind of like your commercial and you are
your product.
Elliott spent 2014 traveling the country
escorting meeting strangers in cities like
Chicago, Washington D.C., New Orleans
and New York City, racking up 80,000 miles
on his car and living out of hotel rooms.
Inquiring minds often want to calculate
how much Elliott earns. But for sex workers, its not that simple.
A lot of people think, Oh you make this
much money and work this many hours a
day, Elliott said. No, thats not how it really works because you never know when
youre gonna work and when youre not
gonna work Nothing is guaranteed.
Demand is always shifting. One week
like around tax return season he could
bring in $10,000. A slow week, like in summer when clients are traveling or have plans,
could bring in less than $1,000.
And Elliott escorts significantly less during the semester. School comes first. A
weekend trip to see a client in Pittsburgh
can happen but on Elliotts terms when
his homework schedule frees up.
Sex as a living takes a lot of self-management. Elliott says thats why the most successful people in the sex industry do have
college degrees.
A lot of people dont realize, for strip-

11

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

pers, escorts, sex workers, porn stars, theyre

independent contractors, Elliot said. Its a
very hard business because you are managing wealth that you may not be used to.
People always ask him how they can get
into the sex industry. Elliotts response is always: Why? Nine times out of the 10 the
person says they want to make a lot of
money. Elliott says a person wont find happiness and theyll come to resent themselves
if their only motivation to work in sex is
money.
If your motivation for doing things is
money, than dont do it especially in this
industry, he said.
Realizing hed need a plan for after sex
work, Elliott enrolled at UB in January of
2015 to get his bachelors in biology.
To this day, Elliott describes his parents
knowledge of his porn and escorting career
as a dont ask, dont tell approach. He says
their relationship is more of a business relationship, as Elliott sometimes works parttime for them. He says hes at peace with it.
They dont want to know, Elliott said.
Im not gonna volunteer information. If
they ask, I will tell them. I dont think they
think they need to know.
STAYING SAFE
Escorting has a dangerous side. Elliott
will tell you that. Hes never had a negative
experience while working, but knows that
luck has played a factor.
Statistics about violence against sex workers in the United States generally focus on
female street-based sex workers.
But men like Elliott in the indoor sex industry, where solicitation happens off the
street, could also face violence but perhaps
at lower rates.
Its a judgment call every time he agrees
to meet a client. Sometimes his only communication with them meeting is a phone
call or text message, although he says he can
get a good sense of people that way.
You go with your gut, Elliott said.
Your first instinct on someone is usually
pretty right.
Escorting could also mean unwanted attention from law enforcement and incarceration. Prostitution is illegal everywhere in
the United States save for a few counties in
Nevada. New York Penal Law Section 230.0
states its illegal to engage, agree or offer to
engage in sexual conduct with another person in return for a fee.
Its a very broad definition right off the
bat of what prostitution is, Elliott said.
But the one missing definition is: What is
a sexual activity?
Escorts never lay out a specific agreement for sex and they try not to even imply
it. A client requesting to be hit and yelled at
while wearing leather may not be a sexual
act to Elliott, but it might be to the law. If a
prospective client begins to establish the arrangement will be sexual, it could potentially be an undercover police officer.
Elliott says escorting is really about companionship.
More times than not, its not about sex at
all. Yeah it happens but its not set in stone,
he said. It really is someone who feels
lonely and wants to be in the presence of
somebody else. So whats stopping them going to a strip club? Its the same idea.
Nearly five percent of UB students admitted to either paying or being paid for sex
in a survey of 702 people.
Not all prostitution is recreational some
is therapeutic and allows people to explore
in ways they couldnt normally. Mihalko
said a suburban couple that wants to have
a threesome but doesnt want to hit on a
neighbor or someone looking for help lasting longer in bed can all hire an escort.
And sexual surrogates, who often engage
in sexual activity with clients as means of
therapy, have made headlines in recent years
for creating a grey area in laws concerning
prostitution.
Elliott feels the United States is stricter about sex than other countries in Europe, from limited sexual education in
schools to the stigma surrounding just talking about sex. He says some of the problem
stems from people pushing a religious agenda. Elliott currently doesnt follow any religion, but said hed choose Judaism if he had
to choose one of the two religions he was
raised in.
Most people have a very conservative view about sex and even relationships
in general, he said. A lot of people claim

morality and assume these people have

no morals. I would say just because I have
different morals doesnt mean I dont have
them.
But the biggest danger of escorting may
be HIV.
While the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention (CDC) says there are few
population-based studies of sex workers in
the United States or globally because of the
illegal status of sex work, it does conclude
risk of HIV infection is high among people
who engage in sex for compensation.
Gay sex workers and gay men in gen-

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY YUSONG SHI

Elliott balances his courseload as a senior biology major with sex work - though he says
school comes first during the semester.

PrEP can significantly reduce the risk of infection, Warren said. And that is a huge
step forward.
Warren said its estimated there is in excess of 50,000 people taking oral PrEP in
the world, which he admits is not a huge
number, but he also said its not a surprise.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration
didnt approve PrEP until 2012, and the
drug has only been approved in three other

HOW MUCH MONEY DOES A GAY PORN

STAR MAKE FOR ONE SCENE?

$500 - 1,500
HOW MUCH MONEY COULD A MALE ESCORT
MAKE IN A WEEK WHEN ACTIVELY TRAVELING?

$5,000
eral are at an even great risk as anal sex is
the highest risk sexual behavior, according
to the CDC.
Elliott protects himself from HIV with
what he calls a miracle drug.
In addition to condoms, he takes PrEP,
often called by its brand name Truvada,
once daily to prevent an HIV infection. He
gets tested every three months to make sure
hes negative and the PrEP is still working.
The drug is combination of two antiretroviral drugs often used for treatment in patients already infected and is up to 99 percent effective against preventing HIV if
used correctly, said Mitchell Warren, executive director of AVAC, a New York Citybased HIV-prevention advocacy group.
If used correctly and consistently, oral

countries: France, Kenya and South Africa.

Were still very much in the early days,
he said.
Warren said there are major walls to
break down when it comes to PrEP, including simply educating health providers
that PrEP is now for HIV prevention, not
just treatment and breaking through any
stigmas.
Elliott originally went to his local family doctor to get a prescription for PrEP,
but the doctor refused, saying he didnt feel
comfortable. Elliott said the doctor wasnt
used to someone like him. Several doctors
turned him down before Evergreen Health
Services in Buffalo provided him with a
prescription.
Warren said theres a large number of
YUSONG SHI, THE SPECTRUM

Elliott is unafraid to come forward with his performer name and face. He doesnt feel theres
anything wrong or immoral about sex, and that societys view on sex has to change.

health providers, insurance companies and

HIV educators trying to make sure people
are aware that PrEP is an option.
But a lot of providers dont know that
and that takes time, he said.
The other major wall is people not accepting theyre at risk and taking the action
to get on the drug.
Elliott said most of his colleagues in the
sex industry dont use or have never heard
of PrEP. He says some of those workers
also dont use condoms.
It drives me insane, he said. Here we
are with this miracle that everybodys always
been talking about: Oh I wish there was a
way to cure it or at least prevent it.
Elliott wants to become a PrEP ambassador educating anyone at risk, not just
sex workers. He thinks he has the ability do
it, based on his experience and his openness
to discussing it.
WHY TALK?
Elliott is a natural in front of the camera.
Hell jump into whatever a photo shoot
calls him to do. Hes more than comfortable
with four fellow students hes never met before reaching through holes in a white bed
sheet to touch his shirtless body even if
the four students touching him arent as
comfortable.
After a few minutes of nervous hands
barely brushing up against his neck, chest
and thighs, Elliott begins to give direction.
No, put your hand here. Dont be afraid,
he says. Choke me a little bit, I dont care.
Soon enough the strangers hands begin
to relax on Elliott as if they were his significant other or a porn star trained in the industry.
I think if you have someone comfortable it makes other people comfortable,
Elliot said.
In several hour-long conversations, the
only time Elliott stiffened up was when
asked how he thinks the campus will react
to him after he comes forward. He gives
a nervous laugh. Hes not sure. He almost
doesnt want to think about it.
Maybe hell get some second looks in the
hallway. He only asks that, despite his openness, people still respect his private life as
his private life.
He understands not everything is private, though. He said he feels bad for Knox
when she was ousted as a porn star at Duke,
but that if you try to hide something its going to look like you have something to hide.
Hed rather be open.
Technology is great for getting your
face out there but in this age, if you do
something it will be found out, Elliott said.
Whether its today, whether its next week,
whether its 10 years from now, it will be
found and you need to be OK with that.
Hes begun to apply to job at labs and
hospitals in Los Angeles to hopefully work
as technician. He said he would still escort
and maybe even shoot some more scenes
even if he got a job.
Why not? he said with a laugh. I enjoy it.
email: tom.dinki@ubspectrum.com

12

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

KAINAN GUO, THE SPECTRUM

The longer,
the better

Katie and Devin have been dating for over

two years. Now that they both go to UB, they
live together and are able to enjoy spending
time with one another on a regular basis.

A look at how relationships

change over time
TORI ROSEMAN
SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR

*Editors note: Some of the names in this story

have been changed to protect sources identity
Lust can only get you so far.
While relationships can often start off
with simple sexual attraction, as well as
some social media messaging and a no labels approach, its not long before the human mind and body need something more
to make a relationship work.
The chemical high of infatuation can only
be maintained for about 18-24 months, according to Dr. Timaree Schmit, a sex educator
and sex columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer.
After that, a couple needs to replace the
zany feel of love with something more substantive and intimate Schmit said.
Thirty-eight percent of UB students are

currently in a monogamous relationship, according to The Spectrums sex survey of 702

students. Long-term relationships having
someone you can trust, make corny jokes
with and help you avoid dying alone is a
goal for most people, including college students.
But those who have been dating the same
person for more than a-year-and-a-half or
so probably know the relationship and the
amount of work needed changes after so
much time together.
Katie Cardillo, a junior occupational therapy major, and Devin McGuigan, a junior
aerospace engineering major, have been dating for more than two-and-a-half years.
Ive known who Katie was since middle
school, McGuigan said. I instantly had a
crush on her.
McGuigan thinks that the couple has definitely mellowed out during the last cou-

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Cardillo agreed, adding that she liked being able to depend on him and his support.
Its nice to have someone validate my
feelings or tell me if Im being nutty about
something, she said.
The couple lives together, so they are able
to see each other every day. But as theyve
dated longer, theyve found theyve gotten less adventurous in the bedroom.
We definitely dont try as many new things
as we used to and I notice that the busier,
the less often we engage in those activities,
but in my opinion we still have sex pretty often, Cardillo said.
This phenomenon is relatively common,
as over time the intensity and eagerness
should slow down, though people all differ
in their sexual preferences and curiosities,
Schmit said.

Schmit talks of goal-oriented sex and

how having sex just to clean the pipes or
out of routine can become boring or eliminate the desire to have it at all.
We know that this one move, this particular sequence, this specific position is guaranteed to work so we use it all the time,
Schmit said. That takes all the mystery and
excitement out of sex and tosses it right in
the trash.
Julia Miller*, a junior pharmacy major,
and Adam Mann*, a junior mathematical
physics major, have been dating for nearly a year and a half. They met in jazz band,
where she sang and he played the drums.
Once they started dating, the two began
to share friends and spend time both alone
and together. When they first started out
though, Mann took things slowly.
Since this is my first relationship, I took
things slow, Mann said. I didnt want to
get too ahead of myself. Then after a few
months we started talking about having a life
together. This is the part where we were both
realistic and the strong emotional attachment
began to kick in. We do have arguments here
and there, but I dont think theres a relationship if you and your significant other dont
fight. Its part of being in one.
Miller describes their relationship as really
chill and said that they hang out all the time,
even if its just lunch or going to the library.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 16

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SEX ISSUE
THE SPECTRUM

THE WORLD
OF GRINDR
Popular dating app for gay
men has both its praises
and criticisms

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY KAINAN GUO, THE SPECTRUM

Grindr has become an increasingly popular app among gay men as a way to meet one
another behind a phone screen rather than face to face.

MARLEE TUSKES
SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

Whenever Paris Canty enters the home of

a man hes met on Grindr, he always has a
nagging thought in the back of his mind that
the person may wind up being a serial killer.
But that thought hasnt stopped the UB
alumnus from using the popular app for the
past four years to find new friends, casual
hook-ups and boyfriends.
With more than five million active monthly
users in 192 countries, Grindr has become one
of the most popular dating apps in the world.
The app which users can download on several different devices including iPhones and
Androids was specifically created for gay and
bisexual men to meet one another through a
phone screen instead of face-to-face.
In The Spectrums sex survey of more
than 700 people, nearly 24 percent of UB
students said theyve used a dating app to
hookup or have sex.
Similar to other dating apps, Grindr uses
GPS technology so users can track one anothers location in order to meet up. Lucas
Brooks, a sex educator and blogger for the
website The Intellectual Homosexual, said
this tool helps those who are looking for gay
men in the area also interested in meeting up.

Brooks said this is especially helpful for

individuals who may feel as though they live
somewhere they wont be accepted for being gay or if they are traveling and want to
meet someone local during their stay.
It just makes connecting a lot easier and its
particularly helpful for those who may not be as
extroverted as others, Brooks said in an email.
Canty said he first began using Grindr
during his sophomore year of college in order to meet new people after he got out of
a long-term relationship. Rather than using
the app to look for another relationship or
find something casual, Canty said he found
Grindr to be a useful tool to find who was
gay or bisexual around him.
While some, like Canty, use the app to
form bonds with people in ways that may
not be sexual, others use it with the intent
to meet others looking for casual hook-ups.
Kevin Allison, a comedian and actor, said he
loved Grindr when it first came out, however
has since moved on to other apps. The ability
to be behind a phone screen rather than in person was something Allison liked about the app.
You have more time to be clever or to
say things with precision and accuracy, Allison said in an email. Its also much easier to establish what your kinks or preferences are in a profile than in a conversation at a
bar or on a first date.

13

Monday, February 8, 2016

However, Allison said he thinks Grindr has
become frustrating since many men take a long
time to respond because they are messaging
several different potential hook-ups at once.
According to a survey done by Grindr
in 2014, 29 percent of single Grindr users
were looking for relationships while 26 percent were looking for casual flings.
Ryan Burns, a senior civil engineering major, said within the two years hes used Grindr, 99 percent of his relationships with
fellow Grindr users were casual hook-ups.
Burns said he thinks Grindrs hook-up culture is both positive and negative. He said the
app provides men with an easy opportunity
to hook-up with one another and is the most
effective out of any dating app hes used.
The other ones, its kind of ambiguous
what [other users] are looking for. Its not
always a hook-up, Burns said.
He said men on other apps are sometimes
looking for a relationship or to go on dates.
They might be turned off if he leads off
saying he is only looking for something casual.
Another concern with the apps easy allowance of casual sex is the rise of sexually
transmitted diseases or infections.
According to The Huffington Post, a study
done by the non-profit group the Los Angeles LGBT Center showed that men who
use social media apps to find partners as opposed to meeting them online or in person
had a 25 percent greater odd of contracting gonorrhea as well as a 37 percent greater
odd of contracting chlamydia.
In September, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation came under fire by another popular
dating app, Tinder, after the non-profit put
up a billboard with both Tinder and Grindr
alongside the words chlamydia and gonorrhea.
The basic information that most guys want
age, body type, race is immediately available, and X-rated photos can be exchanged
with the click of the button, Brooks said.
The last I checked there wasnt any space to
indicate safer sex practices.
He said another dating app that he has
been using in place of Grindr gives the option for users to indicate what type of safe
sex practices they may use.
It makes the conversation a little easier, rather than just plastered [drug and disease] free
across your profile and calling it good, he said.

Tinder recently implemented a feature in

its app that allows users to find STD and
STI testing centers nearby.
But Dr. Neil Cannon, a Denver-based
certified sex therapist, said he doesnt think
dating apps like Tinder and Grindr deserve
the blame for STIs, as popular dating websites dont get the same backlash.
The tool is fabulous. Some people use it
responsibly and others dont, Cannon said
in an email. I think that [the attention toward Grindr about STDs] is sex negative,
moralistic nonsense. It would never be said
that the reason one in six adults between
18 and 49 have genital herpes is because of
Match.com or eHarmony.
For World AIDS Day, Grindr wrote a
blog post on its website about how its users could implement safer sex, including ensuring they knew where they could be tested
for STDs and STIs and promising to support HIV positive Grindr users.
Many Grindr users said regardless of what
the study shows, it is ultimately up to each person to be responsible for himself. Even with
the negative stigma surrounding the dating
apps and STIs rates, some say they will continue to use the app to find potential partners.
Like Allison, Brooks said he thinks most guys
appreciate the fact that when using the app, its
not face-to-face which takes the pressure off. If
a guy gets rejected, he said, within the amount
of time it takes to type another message he
could be onto the next possible relationship.
Canty said this app has allowed him to ultimately learn more about himself in regard
to his likes and dislikes in what he looks for
in a partner and his own life.
When he first began using the app, Canty said he put on a front to make himself
what he felt would be more appealing to
others. Without being in front of the person
he was able to mold himself into a different
person, however he eventually learned that
guys preferred when he was genuine and he
felt the same about those he talked with.
I realized seeing all of these people putting on this front, I wondered, Why does everyone do it? Canty said. People respond
more to a genuine personality than a put-on
one just for the sake of face.
email: news@ubspectrum.com

CONTINUED ON PAGE 16

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14

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

Seeds of artistry

THE SPECTRUM

UB student Cole Pawlowskis work turns to the human body for inspiration
LUKE HEUSKIN
ASST. ARTS EDITOR

Artist Cole Pawlowksi has been channeling his creative muse since childhood, but
the sophomore psychology majors work
has recently taken an experimental turn.
In late 2014, he began work on a sexthemed series starting with the piece 37
Ejaculations: With Pollock in Mind.
Yes, it is exactly what you think it is, Pawlowski said. Human semen on canvas which
has dried to form various abstract patterns.
The pieces title refers to Jackson Pollock,
the 20th century painter who pioneered the
famous drip technique.
Pawlowskis other ejaculation-themed pieces
have included The Feel Good Constellations
and The Eight Lonely and Not So Lonely Little Yellow Islands.
The series has been polarizing. Responses
have ranged from shock and disgust, to support and critical acclaim, which Pawlowski
attributes to the context in which the work
has been exhibited. Rather than being shown
alongside artwork of a similar experimental
strain, the semen-based pieces have debuted
in the company of more conventional art.
Acutely aware that his art is controversial,
Pawlowski stands by his creation.
I have nothing to be ashamed of, he said.
I am proud of the art that I make, and I will
continue to create no matter how the public
responds, and if they choose not to support
me or my art form, then that is perfectly okay.
According to Pawlowskis website, his
piece 37 Ejaculations aims to aid in the demystification of human sexuality and the
eventual ridding of our embarrassment pertaining to natural bodily functions.
The power of his work lies in its ability to
prompt self-reflection. The nature of the medium elicits responses deep-rooted in beliefs that
Pawlowski encourages viewers to reconsider.

I think that the way people respond to these

works reveals something important about their
own comfort level with regard to sex, love, intimacy, and masturbation, Pawlowski said.
From explicit comments to subtle shifts
in body language, a viewers initial reaction
reveals certain secrets about their attitudes
toward sexuality, privacy and morality.
Even viewers of the most liberal sensibilities are likely to experience some twinge of
initial discomfort with the concept of bodily fluids put on exhibit. Pawlowskis work
raises a vitally important question: Why?
The use of human body fluids as art materials is a relatively recent innovation, taking
hold in the 20th century as a handful of experimental artists began to use body matter
and excrement for various creative purposes.
Andres Serranos Piss Christa photograph depicting a crucifix submerged in urine
is arguably the most famous and controversial
of these works. The piece inspired enormous
backlash, having been vandalized on numerous
occasions and prompting death threats against
gallery management and Serrano himself.
As much as it is about process and composition, body fluid art is about taking an almost
scientific look at the properties of our own
stuff, divorcing the matter from its cultural
baggage to examine it as its own entity.
Andy Warhols Oxidations series, for
example, used human urine as a method to
create abstract patterns by inducing oxidation on metal surfaces. More dramatically,
Marc Quinns deeply unsettling Self series was created by freezing pints of his own
blood into casts of his head.
Taking a step back from our conceptions of the profane, these mediums reveal
a lot by encouraging viewers to consider and
question them both with objectivity and
with an aesthetic eye.
How does uric acid react with metallic pigment? What is the color of frozen

blood? What mental impression is made by

Serranos amber-colored urine? Pawlowskis
work asks the same question about semen.
Because this sort of work carries the implication of the creative process and its explicit details, the use of body fluids as art materials can be considered a variety of performance
art in that the process by which a piece is created is just as important as its physical features.
The performance may take place in the
viewers head, but the fact that the creative
act is reconstructed with the minds eye
makes it no less performance art. The process by which Quinn obtained his own blood
for his Self series, for example, is only implied by the work. The viewers mental recreations and impressions of that act are limited
only by the constraints of their imaginations.
With a broad range of inspirations, Pawlowskis ejaculation-themed series accounts for
only a piece of his diverse portfolio, which has
explored a range of political and philosophical topics in addition to more personal themes.
Having recently returned to his studies at UB
after a year-long academic hiatus during which
he dedicated himself to his craft and worked as
a security guard at Buffalos renowned AlbrightKnox Art Gallery, Pawlowski finds himself
wrestling with the same uncertainty as many
college students when he considers his future.
Rather than setting a specific direction
for his art career, Pawlowski is allowing his
practice to develop organically.
I think that I would be doing a great
disservice to myself and my work to simply plan on reaching in one particular direction, he said. I couldnt possibly account
for what may influence me tomorrow, next
year or 50 years down the line.
The next years will see if Pawlowski continues in his sex-themed work. The only
thing that is sure is that he will keep making art according to his creative ethos, which
he describes as a celebration of diversity.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVID MOOG / COURTESY

OF BURCHFIELD PENNEY

Artist Cole Pawlowski has been working on

an experimental series of paintings that use
bodily fluids to prompt self-reflection on
how we conceive of our sexuality.

In the meantime, he looks forward to debuting what he described as his favorite work, an
eight-foot-by-four-foot acrylic painting titled
Celebrate the Ignorance. The piece has yet to
be displayed in a gallery or on his website.
Pawlowskis ejaculation-themed art is exemplary of his broad-minded philosophy,
probing viewers to look inwards and examine their own reactions and attitudes.
Rather than going through great lengths
to separate the self from its bodily functions, Pawlowskis art is a reminder to embrace these processes as innate and natural.
People often say there is no reason for
anyone to feel ashamed of themselves or the
skin theyre in, Pawlowski writes on his website. Its about time we start believing in it.
email: arts@ubspectrum.com

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16

SEX ISSUE

Monday, February 8, 2016

THE SPECTRUM

The longer, the better

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

She also feels that as their emotions for

one another have changed over time, their
sexual energy has too.
In the beginning we started off just
hooking up and it meant a lot less, Miller said. After we started actually dating, it
meant something completely different
kind of that clich its not sex anymore
its making love stuff. We have a healthy
amount of sex and I think it strengthens
our relationship a lot.

Mann agrees that its a healthy part of

their relationship and that it keeps things interesting.
Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship in order for it to continue working. This doesnt necessarily mean that the
sex you have with your long-term significant
other has to be the best sex, but you have to
agree on your limits and expectations.
If youre asexual or not generally interested in sex, its not a big deal, Schmit said.
If having sex is a big part of your life in a
major way you experience and express affec-

nothin but a number?

PHOTO
ILLUSTRATION
BY KAINAN GUO,
THE
SPECTRUM

For a younger woman, a

relationship with an older man
sometimes allows them to
experience more, not only sexually
but also financially.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6

He buys me this nice expensive meal,

pays for all my drinks at the bar and next
thing you know, I woke up naked in his
bed, Leigh said.
But his Victorian home, BMW and defense attorney/singer career wasnt enough
to want to make the man her sugar daddy.
When she woke up, he talked about marriage and spending the remainder of the day
with her after serving her a nice breakfast.
He was a very clingy man, I never expected the old guys to be like that, she said.
He gave me his number after that and I
never called him. Now whenever I see him,

he ignores me.
The 41-year-old mans clinginess and talk
of marriage is somewhat atypical for an older man seeking a younger woman, according to Rencsak.
She said there are a number of older men
who suffer from sex addiction and a younger woman who may not be looking to have
children or settle down with one man for
good may be attractive for them. To some
men, these younger women seem more desirable because they arent looking for a
commitment, making the sexual experience
more satisfying.
When it first happened, Liegh didnt tell
anyone because the initial shock bothered

OPEN HOUSE

tion, its gonna be a big issue. Thats why everyone needs to know about themselves and
communicate it to partners.
Its easy to assume that those who are in
a long-term relationship have vanilla sex as
well, which, according to Schmit, isnt necessarily true. Though the newness does wear
off, that doesnt mean that the sex is any
better or worse off.
Generally in long-term relationships there
is spice initially, which is what leads the
couple to continue seeing each other, rather than just novelty in which having sex a
few times is all the pair wants.
Too many people approach sex from
a goal-oriented vantage [point] and then,

without fail, the newness wears off, Schmit

said.
Schmit said its important to actively engage in communication with your partner
in order to maintain the excitement of sex
rather than settle into a routine.
Long-term relationships are just that:
settling in with someone for the long run.
Some of the stereotypes about long-term
relationships and sex may not be accurate,
though it depends on the couple, the relationship and the people involved.

her. Now she said shes over it. She said

having a one-night stand wasnt the issue,
but having a one-night stand with someone
double her age was a little weird.
But she doesnt deny her attraction to
him, and although she didnt make the man
her sugar daddy, she admits it was nice to be
with someone who treated her like she was
special with gifts like food and drinks.
I think its the way [older men] treat
you, she said. They treat you like a goddess. Its nice to have someone whos financially stable, not like your typical college kid.
There are a lot of benefits.
Leigh said she would definitely consider
sleeping with an older man again.
Dont mock it til you try it, she said.
You can never rule out anybody.
While some people cant look past the
age difference, one UB student believes gay
people are less likely to dwell on the situation.

I knew I would regret, he said.

Richards didnt know the Instagram guys
last name or his age. He said he looked at
most two years older than him.
The transition from the mall to his apartment was smooth and the transition from
the door to his bed was smoother.
He asked my age and then made a joke
and called me Kylie Jenner, he said.
Richards then found out the man was
turning 29. Initially, the age difference
wasnt a shock. The only thing in his mind
was that the Instagram guy was the same
age as his brother.
The whole time I was contemplating if
we should have a conversation or just have
sex, he said. Then he initiated the whole
thing.
Richards said, in his opinion, the LGBT
community is less likely to fret over a significant age difference because the dating pool
is smaller.
I didnt overthink the whole age difference because its really common in the gay
community, he said. I just went along with
it.
As far as having sex with an older person again, Richards said he would do it in a
heartbeat because their schedules and money makes everything easier.
I feel like older people generally know
what they want and thats so refreshing,
Richards said.

A SMALLER DATING POOL

Tony Richards* spent some time in Philadelphia the summer before his sophomore
year at UB. He was 18 at the time and went
to visit his older brother and his fiance.
While looking for things to do on his trip,
Richards and his brother decided to go to
the King of Prussia Mall. When he went
into the shoe store, he noticed the manager was someone hes seen before: On Instagram.
It wasnt long before they formerly introduced each other and the Instagram guy invited Richards to his apartment.
Me being me, I felt like doing something

email: features@ubspectrum.com

Tom Dinki contributed reporting to this story.

email: gabriela.julia@ubspectrum.com

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SEX ISSUE

&

THE SPECTRUM

ONE NIGHT
ONE NIGHT ONLY
A deeper look into the cultural phenomenon of
one-night stands and hook-up culture
JORDAN GROSSMAN
SENIOR SPORTS EDITOR

*Editors note: Names have been changed to protect

privacy
After a drunken night out, Rory Hamilton*
decided to take home the girl he had just met
at the bar.
Hed never spoke to this girl before their
drunken encounter about an hour before
they had sex. As things heated up, Hamilton transitioned from normal vaginal intercourse to doing it in the booty.
After completion, Hamilton cleaned up,
went back to his house and proceeded to
heroically tell every one of his housemates
what just happened. As each part of the story progressed, the housemates became increasingly engaged in his sexual conquest.
Thats what its all about, Hamilton said.
Guys do it for the fun, the story, the experience. I think girls, in most cases, want it to
mean something. But not always.
Hamiltons partner was an exception.
Rather than succumbing to the genderbased stereotype of a woman embarrassed
or shameful of her one-night stand, his
partner did nearly the same thing she told
all her friends about her sex-capade.
The cultural norm toward one-night stands
dictates that a woman feels slut-shamed after having sex with a person she had just met
a few hours before, while a man feels entitled
to keep doing it over and over again.
But thats not always the case.
Yes, parts of the stereotypes are true. But
in a modern, sexually fueled culture, onenight stands for both men and women have
become a necessary part of becoming, and
staying, part of the social standard.
A one-night stand is a cultural phenomenon where two people have sex for the
first time and sometimes the last time
shortly after meeting one another. According to The Spectrums sex survey of over 700
UB students, roughly 52 percent have taken
part in a one-night stand.

It is preconceived that men are the ones

looking for a one-night stand, but in reality,
women feel the same way.
Dr. Katherine Smith, also known as Americas Intimacy Expert, based out of Dallas,
Texas said both men and women have the notion to get laid at the beginning of the night,
but different factors either encourage or prevent women from going through with it.
Both men and women can have the preconceived goal to get laid, but there are many
factors that play into them beingsuccessful,
Smith said. Alcohol and drugs aside, the venue,
company and trust level are main contributors
to whether someone will agree to be alone with
someone they just met. This is a concern for a
woman more than a man for safety reasons.
Isabelle Logan,* a senior at SUNY Binghamton, said she will not have a one-night
stand with someone she had at least not heard
of before. For her own safety, she makes sure
either her or her friends have heard of the
person with whom she may go home.
But Logan is comfortable with the idea of
a one-night stand as long as the person meets
her criteria.
And in a sex-driven culture of college
where one-night stands are common, it happens more than most people imagine.
I think most college-aged women think
that way, Logan said. Perceptions of onenight stands have changed over 20 years. I
think you can definitely see that. People are
more open about sex and are less shameful
about it, more willing to go into anonymous
sex with a person for one night.

Before
Even as recently as 40-50 years ago, hook-up
culture was limited to a rare encounter. Married
people stuck to themselves. If a married person
cheated on his or her spouse, he or she would
be considered a bad person, according to sex
and relationship expert Reid Mihalko.
Today, a run-of-the-mill hook-up in college demographics is very common, but the
same risks apply. Before considering a onenight stand, women and men have different
factors to decide whether or not they want

to go through with it.

And one of the biggest factors for women is slut-shaming.
For a woman, culturally speaking, theres a
lot more stigma for the one-night stand, Mihalko said. Theyre not lauded for having agency over their own sexuality and pleasure. Its
more of a possibility of being slut-shamed.
Dr. Tamara Griffin, a clinical sexologist
based out of Las Vegas, Nevada said women are taught to let their emotions loose
while men are taught to keep their emotions
contained. She also added men are taught to
celebrate and honor their sexual conquest,
while women are taught to be ashamed.
Women may become too concerned about
the number of partners they have slept with
and might feel embarrassed, have pre-conceived guilt or feel they have a risk of losing
the good girl reputation.
Melissa Donahue, a certified sex therapist,
said for women, cultural pressure can make a
woman feel negative about sexual experiences.
But Donahue also noted every womans
sexual experiences are different and they
dont all follow the script.
Mihalko feels the same way about men.
A mans cultural perspective of a onenight stand is to get the best experience possible. Its normal to think a mans sole objective during a one-night stand is to get
laid. But Mihalko says, there is a culture
a scaled-down culture of men who dont
wish to have sex during a one-night stand.
Its weird that no one has cuddle hook ups,
Mihalko said. That goes for men, too. Not all
men want to have sex all the time, but we feel
like we have to put out because we have to.
Even though men might feel compelled to
have sex during a one-night stand, there is a
social reputation risk that a man may have to

Slipping away
How ghosting has become the new way to breakup
TORI ROSEMAN
SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR

Youve started talking to someone new

and things seem to be going really well. And
then suddenly, they disappear. You double
and triple text them over a few days only
to find that they havent responded or even
opened your message.
Why dont they at least have the decency
to reply back?
Whatever you want to call it ghosting,
deading or stonewalling, this sudden disappearance is just part of todays hookup culture. Dating is no longer the norm in college;
rather, its being together with someone for a
few weeks and either becoming official or
eventually growing tired of them.
Sometimes, ghosting is just a product of
someone coming off too strong.
If a guy keeps texting me over and over, Im
eventually just not going to respond, said Jaime LaChapelle, a junior biology major. I dont
really like texting to begin with, so if a guy texts
me a lot Ill just ignore him after a while.
Whether its someone whos too persistent
or someone youve lost interest in, ghosting can be an easy way to avoid contact with
someone youve made out with in the past.
According to sexologist Dr. Timaree Schmit,
hookup culture is nothing new, but the label is.
People have always had brief, sexual en-

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY KAINAN GUO, THE SPECTRUM

Ghosting, or suddenly not responding to someones texts anymore, seems to be one of the
easiest ways out of a short-term fling.

counters, Schmit said. People like sex;

they enjoy the physical pleasure, the validation, the fun, the peer approval. Sometimes
they do it out of curiosity, to fill time, because theyre drunk. Hook ups arent inherently bad its only negative if it leads to
unethical, shallow, dishonest behavior.
According to The Spectrums sex survey of 702
UB students, 52 percent have had a one-night

stand. Its a relatively common occurrence,

which explains why ghosting has become such
a phenomenon. More than 19 percent of students surveyed who said they have had a onenight stand said the most frequent outcome
was to never talk to the other person again.
While it depends on the dynamic of the
relationship, ghosting can be a product of a
few different factors. Although it may seem

ILLUSTRATION BY MICHAEL PERLMAN

consider, since a man wants his reputation

to be clean, just as much as a woman would.
What differs is the body count. Women are
prone to being called sluts or whores if
they have sex with too many people, whereas men are lauded for their body count but
strive to be careful because of a possible stigma attached to the person they sleep with.

After
A guy wakes up from a one night stand with
a girl whos not traditionally pretty. And then hes
worried about what his friends say, Mihalko
said. Now, hes worried post one-night stand.
There can be worry. There can be guilt showing.
There can be concern for their reputation.
For women, there is great risk of being slutshamed or run the risk of succumbing to a
bad reputation, but thats not always the case.
Hamiltons roommate recently had a onenight stand with his girlfriends housemate.
Instead of adhering to the social norm, she
began to openly talk about it.
But he does see a downside in it.
She likes to brag about it, Hamilton said.
Some girls have the same mentality as I do.
Girls are also like I was with this person last
night. But if it happens too much to women,
it may become a personal problem for them.
But ultimately, putting aside slut-shaming,
safety and reputation, spontaneous sex happens in college because many people enjoy the
idea of casual sex with no strings attached.
Some people like one night stands because
its novelty. A new person; new genitals; new
body, Mihalko said. Culture isnt encouraging
us to be self-expressed and to explore sexuality
in ways that are empowering. Sex is fun for a lot
of people. Sex and pleasure and human sexual
connection can be fun and rewarding.
email: jordan.grossman@ubspectrum.com

crazy, some people arent on their phones all

the time, which means they can accidently
ignore messages. Others personalities dont
shine through via text messaging and some
dont like texting to begin with and will ignore anything that isnt urgent.
Ghosting, though it can seem rude, can be
an easy way to get out of talking to someone
you didnt really want to give your number to.
Ive had a boyfriend for so long, I dont
even really give out my number anymore,
said Maor Purnishman, a junior nursing major. I dont even give someone a chance to
try to talk to me, I know Im not going to
hook up with him.
Getting ghosted can be painful for those
on the receiving end, especially if it happens
unexpectedly, or worse if caught feelings.
It almost feels like a breakup with someone
someone you didnt have a real relationship
with, but its still painful to stop talking to them.
While it may seem like ghosting happens
often, Schmit reveals that young people today are actually doing better than their parents generation, the baby boomers.
Young people today actually have sex
with fewer people than the baby boomers
did, said Schmit. But were more likely to
have sex that leads to relationships, rather
than the other way around.
Dont sweat it if it happens to you getting ghosted just means it wasnt going to
work out and the other person stopped pursuing. Just remember if youre going to
ghost somebody, theres still a chance youll
run into that person and you cant avoid
face-to-face interaction.
email: features@ubspectrum.com