Trogdon Anthony

English 101
M.McCampbell
7 December 2015
Anthony You offer some good general solutions to an important problem,and you also show
how important the problem. Your wording often is powerful, and you keep the reader in touch
the the significane of the issue. The weakness of your proposal is the nuts and bolts who is
going to take on the initiative and who is going to be responsible? Whats it going to cost? We
need to know this to put a plan into action.
Childhood Obesity 103/130
Childhood obesity is both a national and international crisis that has increased over few
years (S. Karnik & A. Kanekar) causing many health issues for the younger generation. Obesity
in children is caused by the imbalance between calorie intake and calories utilized (S. Karnik
& A. Kanekar), but other factors can have an impact as well such as genetic, behavioral, and
environmental (S. Karnik & A. Kanekar), meaning some children genetically have a harder time
losing weight whether it is a medical conditions, or something else, some children have no
discipline when it comes to eating proper foods, which is a behavioral issue, and some children
grow up in an environment where they are either fed too much or given foods that are unhealthy
for them. Even though childhood obesity is a mass problem, I believe a solution can be
implemented by selling healthier foods in the stores, putting physical activities back in childrens
daily schedules, and teaching the importance of a healthy diet.

All of the suggested solutions; stores selling healthier foods, putting physical activities
back in childrens daily schedules, and teaching the importance of a healthy diet can help reduce
or even end childhood obesity, but doing this will become a commitment for not only the
children but society too. It will take a group effort from parents, schools, food manufacturers,
and children to make childhood obesity become a thing of the past as changes to the social and
physical environments that make peoples default choices healthy ones have the next-greatest
potential impact (T. Frieden), meaning without one groups help there will always be obesity
among the youth. Childhood obesity is not something that should be taken lightly or ignored. It
would not cost much to make the suggested changes to reduce the chances of children becoming
obese. There will be negative costs if nothing is changed though, as obesity can not only cause
lasting effects on self-esteem (Department of Family and Community Health), but also cause
health issues such as risk of cardiovascular disease (Department of Family and Community
Health) or as I know from personal experience type-2 diabetes. These health issues can and will
kill children.
Selling healthier foods in markets can become a big start for the decrease in childrens
obesity. If less junk foods were sold with unhealthy ingredients there would be less changes of
children digesting the foods that can potentially cause harm to them. In order for the foods that
are healthy to be eaten it would also be a good idea if food that where healthy tasted and where
advertised better to look more appealing. When you look on the television a majority of the foods
that are advertised are pizza, chocolate, cookies, honey-buns, or sweets that will make your
mouth want to water. Since children are in front of the television watching shows or playing
video games it may probably give them a better chance of viewing these commercials. This is
when we can use counteradvertising that shows the true impact of nutritionally harmful food

and beverages ( T. Frieden), because it will detour the childrens thoughts of eating what is
unhealthy, and help go buy the good healthy products that are sold in the markets.
Proper advertising, and availability of healthy foods still may not be enough for some
children not to want to eat those unhealthy food choices. This is when it all comes down to
discipline. If children could have physical activities put back into their daily life schedule it
could teach them discipline to stay healthy. Child should all participate in activities, but youth
ages 6 19 should get sixty minutes of moderate-to-vigorous activity daily (Thomas R.
Frieden), but unfortunately two-thirds do not reach this recommendation (Thomas R. Frieden)
which can also have really unhealthy impacts as stated before. Without discipline nothing will
change because every person needs discipline to make them do what is right, even if they really
would like to do something else.
Last but not least is teaching children about the importance of a healthy diet. Without
teaching there will not be any understanding of why certain foods are not healthy or helpful to
the youths body. If schools could talk about the importance of taking care of the body just as
much as they focus on getting the message across about safe sex, and diseases, things could be
better as they are then increasing exposure and access to healthy food and reducing exposure
and access to unhealthy items (T. Frieden), giving educated options, and experience.
I believe that these solutions will help reduce the percentage of childhood obesity, as it
gives the proper education, and information to give children a better chance of better and
healthier food choices. It will not cost much or anything at all to make these changes and it is
bound to better children on how much they eat, and what they eat. The benefits are saving the
lives of children and making the next generation a healthier generation.

Work Cite

Thomas, Frieden. Childhood Obesity: A Global Public Health Crisis. International Journal of
Preventive Medicine. Medknow Publications. (2012): Web. 6 December 2015.

S. Karnik & A. Kanekar. Journal Article Review. Europe PubMed Central. (1999)
Web. 6 December 2015.
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015

ESSAY 4 - PROPOSAL
SCORING RUBRIC

Topic

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points

Introduction

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the problem;

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem;

0 15 points

vague reference to

State the problem, situation

clear background;

>14

solution.

or enterprise; support your

clearly shows who

Good,powerfu

reasoning with researched

/what is affected;

l beginning.

information to show how

comments about

there is a problem, a needy

available initiatives;

situation or a worth

Specific appeal to the

enterprise.

audience.

0 4 points
Identifies the

5 7 points

Thesis

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the

0 10

solution; flat

Identify the solution, judges

solution.

points>7

statement about the

it, and shows its relationship

solution.

to the problem, situation or

enterprise .
8 - 12 points

Analyze

0 7 points
Flat statement of

13 15 POINTS
Provides several

solution and

how solution will

How it should address the

specific

how to

address problem

problem or fix it. At least one

examples/statistics/detai

implement it

Does not include

verifiable statistic or

ls how solution will

0 15

affected group

examples or detail and cite it

address the problem.

points>11

Does not describe

Your solution

the process of

Shows how affected group

Gives specific

ideas are

implementation.

will benefit(or not)

examples/evidence of

strong, and

how the affected group

you show

Describes the process, costs

benefits, but

and materials for

the

implementation

implementati

will benefit(or not)

Clearly explains
implementation, cost,

on is weak.

materials and other

Who is going

relevant detail.

to do this?
Who will take
responsibility
?
0 7 points
Reports on

8 - 12 points

Evaluate the

13 15 POINTS
Comments on the

solution

outcomes

Clearly stated judgment of

quality of the solution

0 15

Not

solution

and supports with

points>10

recommendation

Projects effectiveness and

specific evidence

weak

Does not address

impact on affected group

Comments on the level

comments on

the affected group

Comments on the

of

practicality or or the

practicality/feasibility of the

feasibility/practicality

feasibility.

feasibility/practicali

implementation

of the solution

ty

Support with researched

Gives specific

evidence.

details/examples.

0 2 point

3 4 points

5 points

Conclusion

Flatly summary of

Restates the final judgment

Refers to topics brought

0 5 points>3

problem, solution,

and connects with the

up in the intro; indicates

and whether is it

problem and how well the

the degree of challenge

acceptable or not.

solution will work.

the problem poses and

Brings up a new

how the solution can

subject.

address it.

In-Text Citations

0 4 points
Material is not cited

5 7 points
Most material is

8 10 points
All material is correctly

0 -10 points>10 good job!

correctly or

correctly and

and appropriately cited;

appropriately at least

appropriately cited;

follows MLA format

three times; does not

MLA format is correct

without errors

Work Cited Entries

follow MLA format.

0 2 point
MLA format is

3 4 points
Three sources are

5 points
All work cited entries

0 -5 points>2 only two

haphazardly followed;

on Work Cited list;

are correct.

sources

entries are not

list is mostly correct;

alphabetized; uses

all entries are

Quality of sources

URL instead of citation.

Sources include

alphabetized
Sources are relevant

All sources are relevant

0 -5 points>4

questionable credibility

and credible; some

and credible and clearly

or are personal sites

sources are not

identified in the essay

Paragraph Structure

0 4 points
One or two topic

clarified in the essay.

5 7 points
Clearly stated topic

8 10 points
Topic sentences are

0 -10 points>10

sentences missing;

sentences;

specifically worded and

Paragraphs lack unity

Paragraphs clearly

link thesis and all

Coherence

Paragraph not related

related to thesis
Paragraphs arranged

supporting material
Transitions move ideas

0 -10 points>10

to topic;

in logical order;

clearly throughout

Organization does not

Ideas follow logical

essay;

follow a clear pattern;

development

Ideas build on each

Abrupt changes;

Employs transitions

other to emphasize

Diction

Wording is vague;

when necessary
Uses appropriate

thesis
Writers voice is clear

0 -10 points> 7 avoid

Words are confused

pronouns;

and authoritative;

personal pronouns.

with other meanings

Avoids redundant

Employs specific words;

Grammatical

wording;

employs active voice

conventions are

Uses words correctly

and specific verbs;

infracted;

Avoids slang and

Wording is concise

Uses second pers prn;

worn out cliches

Errors (prorated / 500 words) -10/2=5=15

TOTAL POINTS___>_________/130