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Riya parikh

Eng 101
December 7th , 2015
Revision essay
Riya The idea is good; your paper falls short on the use of researched material.
You may want to consider revising this if you havent started on another essay. See
me on Friday.
Heart disease 89/136

According to the American Heart Associates Center in 2008, heart disease represented 30
percent of overall global deaths, with 80 percent of those deaths taking place in low- and middleincome countries. Nearly 787,000 people in the U.S. died from heart disease, stroke and other
cardiovascular diseases in 2011. Heart diseases claim more lives than cancer does. Overall costs
of heart diseases and stroke adds up to $320.1 billion or more than that. This includes health
expenditures and lost productivity. Almost around half of all African-American adults have some
form of cardiovascular disease, 48 percent of women and 46 percent of men (American strokes
Associates).Womens have higher amount of ratio in compare with mens because of more
emotional and physical stress. Heart disease is a very serious problem in 21st century, even
though after lot of problems related to heart disease there are solutions to that prevents people
from becoming a victim of heart diseases.
Most times the heart disease tend to build up since years before people gets it .There are
different reasons to get heart disease such as it can be hereditary problem, it can also be caused
due to the damage of arteries or blockage which causes heart attacks and stroke. This builds up
depending on the reasons such as peoples eating habits , depending on how physically active
they are, how much they weigh or how well they manage their stress level. The expert MD from

University of John Hopkins Seth Martin says that these basics of a heart-healthy life are as easy
as ABCDE: Assessing your risk, Blood pressure control, Cigarette cessation and Cholesterol
control, Diabetes treatment and Diet optimization, and Exercise. The goal is to reduce the
overall risk of heart disease and disease related to that.
Basic heart disease leading problem for humans is smoking regularly, high level
of cholesterol, obesity and no physical activities. About 43 percent of Americans have total
cholesterol higher of 200 mg/dL or higher. Some solutions is taken by government in order to
decrease the rate of heart disease among citizens of U.S. Solution plans for heart disease can be
done by giving health related education that focuses on prevention and healthy lifestyle choices,
medical services that provide the most effective drugs and therapies without paying a lot of
money and environmental policies work sites, and communities that promote good nutrition,
regular physical activity, and also setting up boot camps . Research published in the
journal circulation in 2011 found that improved fitness over a six-year study period was
associated with a 19 percent decreased risk of heart disease and stroke-related deaths in men
and a 15 percent lower risk of death from any cause.
According to the NIH even though the risk associated with the heart disease has
increased tremendously since 2010 to 2015, the statistics shows that there has been some
decrease in the rate of heart disease because now a days all the diseases can be easily detected in
earlier age and precautions can be taken to remove risks by doing exercise for 60 minutes every
day, by quitting smoking, by performing yoga, doing regular body checkups, and reducing
obesity. In 2010 the overall percent of heart rate were below all time in compare to 1900s ( The
National Healthy Worksite ). People who are economically challenged can also take part in
reduction of heart disease programs because government along with lots of donation franchises

contributes heavy amount fairly enough for everyone to become part of the camp. In 2012, NIHs
Fogarty International Center awarded $14 million to 15 research institutions to fund training in
research areas related to NCDs in developing countries to prevent heart disease. ( The National
Institute Of Health : Return on Inverstment).
There are lots of ways to take implementations for preventing heart disease. All
people need to do is take some time out of their busy schedule and workout every day for at least
30 minutes. Julie Corliss Chief editor from Harvard University said that performing yoga
decreases the stress and controls the blood pressure and releases good hormones. Whenever
people feel stressed out all they have to do is maintain good healthy diet when needed and quit
smoking and alcohol consuming regularly. This process is not expensive or mentally challenging
to perform. All they costs is a pen or a reminder in phones to get everyone on track. It only
benefits and not affect negatively to anyone and also that this procedure does not cost thousands
of dollars .

Work cited :
Cardiomyopathy and Heart Failure Service. Johns Hopkins Medicine.
Johns Hopkins University. 2015. Web. 16 December 2015.
Coronary Artery Disease- Coronary Heart Disease. American Heart
Association. The American Heart Association. 07 August 2015. Web. 16 December 2015.
Fighting Heart Disease and Stroke in workplace. Heart NHW-National
Healthy Worksite. National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion.
2015. Web. 16 December 2015.

Mary Lasker. Medical Research Saving lives, Reducing cost of Health

Care Powering the Economy. The National Institute Of Health. 2015. Web. 16 December
Julie Corliss Chief Editor. Harvard Health Publication. 2015 Harvard
University. 15 April 2015 . Web. 16 December 2015.
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015


0 15
points >13
details; the
citing is a
little weak.

0 10
pretty flat
you should
have used

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the
problem; vague
reference to

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points

0 4 points
Identifies the
solution; flat
statement about
the solution.

5 7 points

0 7 points
Flat statement of

8 - 12 points

State the problem,

situation or enterprise;
support your reasoning
with researched
information to show
how there is a problem,
a needy situation or a
worth enterprise.

Identify the solution,

judges it, and shows its
relationship to the
problem, situation or
enterprise .

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem;
clear background;
clearly shows who
/what is affected;
comments about
available initiatives;
Specific appeal to the

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the

13 15 POINTS
Provides several

solution and
how to
implement it
0 15
some good
ideas about
stress. The
tion is not
it almost
seems like
Evaluate the
0 15


how solution will

address problem
Does not include
affected group
Does not describe
the process of

How it should address

the problem or fix it. At
least one verifiable
statistic or examples or
detail and cite it

etails how solution
will address the

Shows how affected

group will benefit(or

Gives specific
examples/evidence of
how the affected
group will benefit(or

Describes the process,

costs and materials for

Clearly explains
implementation, cost,
materials and other
relevant detail.

0 7 points
Reports on
Does not address
the affected
group or the

8 - 12 points

0 2 point

3 4 points

5 points

Flatly summary of
problem, solution,
and whether is it
acceptable or not.
Brings up a new

Restates the final

judgment and connects
with the problem and
how well the solution
will work.

Refers to topics
brought up in the
intro; indicates the
degree of challenge
the problem poses
and how the solution
can address it.

In-Text Citations
0 -10 points>3 you
overlooked many

Clearly stated judgment

of solution
Projects effectiveness
and impact on affected
Comments on the
practicality/feasibility of
the implementation
Support with researched

0 4 points
Material is not cited
correctly or
appropriately at least

5 7 points
Most material is
correctly and
appropriately cited;

13 15 POINTS
Comments on the
quality of the solution
and supports with
specific evidence
Comments on the
level of
of the solution
Gives specific

8 10 points
All material is correctly
and appropriately cited;
follows MLA format

statements that needed to

be cited.
Work Cited Entries
0 -5 points>2

Quality of sources
0 -5 points>2 hard to tell
because the format is not

Paragraph Structure
0 -10 points>8

three times; does not

follow MLA format.
0 2 point
MLA format is
haphazardly followed;
entries are not
alphabetized; uses URL
instead of citation.
Sources include
questionable credibility
or are personal sites

0 4 points
One or two topic
sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

0 -10 points>8

Paragraph not related

to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clear pattern;
Abrupt changes;

0 -10 points>6 some very
confusing sentences.

Wording is vague;
Words are confused
with other meanings
conventions are
Uses second pers prn;

Errors (prorated / 500 words)-4/1.5=-3=17

TOTAL POINTS___>________89_/130

MLA format is
3 4 points
Three sources are
on Work Cited list;
list is mostly
correct; all entries
are alphabetized
Sources are
relevant and
credible; some
sources are not
clarified in the
5 7 points
Clearly stated topic
Paragraphs clearly
related to thesis
arranged in logical
Ideas follow logical
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
Avoids redundant
Uses words
Avoids slang and
worn out cliches

without errors
5 points
All work cited entries are

All sources are relevant

and credible and clearly
identified in the essay

8 10 points
Topic sentences are
specifically worded and
link thesis and all
supporting material
Transitions move ideas
clearly throughout essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
Writers voice is clear
and authoritative;
Employs specific words;
employs active voice
and specific verbs;
Wording is concise