The author of this essay is ___ Dave Weisbrich

Peer Review of Essay #4

Title
1.

Does the title grab your interest? Does it suggest the essays content? If there is not a title yet, can you offer a
good suggestion? N/A

Introduction
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Is the introduction interesting? Yes

Does the introduction effectively introduce the essays topic? Yes
Highlight the claim/thesis statement.
Is the thesis the LAST SENTENCE in the introduction? Yes
Does the thesis statement identify the topic and state a position? Yes
Can you offer any suggestions for improving the introduction? Nope

Body Paragraphs
1. Underline the topic sentence in each body paragraph.
2. To what extent does the analysis of the evidence convince you? Why? He has worthy evidence
3. What points need further development? None
4. Are there points that the author did not consider but should in order to strengthen the argument? Maybe add
5.

more evidence in state.

What is the single piece of evidence that most convinces you that the author is correct? That prisoners dont

6.

receive the care needed, but prisons have become a huge business.
Where in the essay are you least convinced by the authors argument or point? Why? When he talks about the

7.

laws that have been enacted and what they include. Cause there is no evidence
What words/phrases does the writer use to connect ideas/reasons? Also, besides, furthermore, in addition,
similarly, in other words, for example, for instance, although, but, despite the fact that, however, as a result,

8.

since, so, therefore, admittedly, consequently, yet, first, second, finally?

Wherefore, however.
Note any place that needs a transition or has an inappropriate or ineffective one.

Opposing Viewpoints
1.
2.
3.

Does the essay address at least two opposing viewpoints? No

Highlight the counterarguments.
Does the author adequately refute each opposing viewpoint? No

Conclusion
1.

Does the conclusion provide closure and offer an interesting final insight that helps you to understand the
significance of the experience? How could the writer make it more effective? Yes. Include more detailed
information on the laws.

Overall
1.

Having read the rest of the draft, did you find that the introduction gave you a good idea of what the author
actually will address in the rest of the paper? If not, what is the main point that the author seems to be making?
Yes.

2.

Are there any points of the argument that don't seem to fit - where the author seems to go off on a tangent? Are
there any points that don't really seem relevant to the discussion at hand? no

3.

What single change would make the most improvement in this essay?
Include more info on laws and more qoutes

Use of Quotations and Summaries

Works Cited
1.
2.
3.
4.

Underline ALL in-text citations.

Does the author follow every quotation, paraphrase, and summary with an in-text citation?
Highlight each source used in the essay. Are these sources listed on the Works Cited page?
Look at the first quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did the author
frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that introduces the author
and identifies the title, 2. The quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes meaning and relevance to the
authors topic?) Yes

5.

Look at each subsequent quote/summary used in the paper. Is the quote relevant/appropriate to the topic? Did
the author frame the quote or summary properly with a quotation sandwich (1. A statement that introduces the
author and identifies the title, 2. The quote itself, 3. An explanation of the quotes meaning and relevance to the
authors topic?) Yes

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, highlight it. No

2.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase to
determine if it is necessary. No

3.

MLA Guidelines
Heading
Page numbers in upper right-hand corner
Indent block quotes 1
Works Cited page

4.

How near to completion is this draft?

This draft just needs a few corrections and a little more info and it will be complete.