Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible. Pick a
bright color for your responses so they stand out from the questions. Make sure you offer
both positive and critical feedback.
Authors: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like to
discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)
What made you choose this topic?
Who did you interview? Little brother
Clarity
1. Point out any confusing words, sentences, or passages. What was a green day?
2. Were you able to follow the general direction of the essay easily or did it seem to
jump around? Explain.
Yes, the story was consistent throughout as it was talking about the effects on TV.
Persuasiveness
3. What types of evidence are included (research from appropriately scholarly text
sources and/or an interview with an expert)? Research from his little brother. In other
words he observed his little brother watching TV.
4. Is this evidence persuasive? Does it teach you anything, the way The Overprotected
Kid taught us about the history of playgrounds and the effects of childhood
experiences on the adult psyche? If so, what?
The evidence is good but I feel like there could have been another variable (child)
just to analyze between the two.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details from their
observation to illuminate their ideas (to make their topic come alive). Point out places
where they could include additional imagery. There couldve been better imagery in
the second paragraph when you talked about your brother watching TV. It didnt
really put an image in my head when you said he didnt blink much you couldve
said something like he was watching TV like a hawk waits patiently for its prey to
make any sudden move. Or something to that extent
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create interest or is it too vague? Why? Well its a little
vague because of the fact that it starts with So. Thats not bad but maybe you can
start with a word more intriguing that will catch the eye of the reader and the
audience.
7. Does the conclusion discuss the so what? factor? Does it show why this topic is
important to explore, what the writer learned about it, and why is it important for
others to learn about it? Yes it shows why the topic is important because it gives all
the benefits and bad effects of watching TV.
Most Successful Passage

8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful. Paragraph 3, I say
that because it listed all of the pros and cons of watching TV that really helped his
paper.
Structure
9. Does each body paragraph focus on a single point? Summarize, in a word or two, the
topic of each body paragraph. Yes, It focuses on one point of the fact that is TV good
or bad for you. TV, Good, Bad.
10. If the answer to #9 is no, which body paragraphs include multiple ideas that should
be broken up into multiple paragraphs?
Style
11. Is the language in the essay appropriately formal? Offer examples from the text to
illustrate. Yes, because it takes us through the research that he goes through in
finding out the effects on children watching TV.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here. Revise the essay, add more research, possibly add another child to the mix to
compare.

Other
13. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is

important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above. How old is your brother? What
TV shows does he like? Does he have any disabilities that might affect him
watching TV?

English 0492

Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

10 Mar. 2014