WhatMakeLoveLastbetweenSignificantOthers?

WhatMakesLoveLastBetweenSignificantOthers
MoeshaAndrews
Composition1
Mrs.Scaife
November20,2015

WhatMakeLoveLastbetweenSignificantOthers?2

WhatMakesLoveLastBetweenSignificantOther?
Thewordlovemeanssomethingtosomeoneoutintheworld.Weshowlovesometimes
withoutpayingattentiontoouractions.Loveisagreatexperiencethatwesearchtofind.
Sometimesitsjustasurprisethroughlife,andIknowthereissomeoneoutthereforeveryone.
Arewewillingtolookthroughtheirflaws?Asweloveoursignificantothers,whatcanwedoto
makeourlovebecomestrongerandlonglasting?Choicesthatwemakeinarelationshipwill
determineifwearewillingtobecomestrongerandlonglasting.
Communicationisoneofthemostimportantaspectsinarelationship.Withoutit
significantotherswillhaveadifficultandunhealthyrelationship.Everyoneinarelationship
needscommunicationsowecanknowandunderstandoursignificantothers.Aswe
communicateitwillbedifficult,differentopinions,anduncomfortableconversations.Butaswe
talkwehavetobeunderstandingandlisten.Withtheabilitytocommunicateopenly,negotiate
willingly,andcompromiseandmakeadjustments,youcanbuildastrongrelationshipinwhich
unconditionallovedevelopsandgrowsmoresatisfyingovertime(Davenport2013).This
preventsfromkeepinginthingsthatweknowisbuggingus,andfeellikewerenotgoingtolast
long.
Weshouldrespectoursignificantothers,itshowthatwecareaboutthem,andtoletthem
knowthatweshouldnottakethemforgrant.Ireadanarticleabout7SecretsofLastingLove
andoneofthesecretswassupporteachotherdreamstalkaboutDannaDaviswanttobeon
televisionbutherhusbandAdriansaidnotoherdreambecauseitswasatadifferentlocation
fromthem,afterawhileshestartauditionlocallyanddecidetogetherhusbandauditionwith
her.Theywonaspotandherealizedhekeptherfromherdreamtheydecidetotakethepartand

WhatMakeLoveLastbetweenSignificantOthers?3

starttravelingtogether(NiemaJordan,2013,pg.87).Trustisalsoshownasrespectforyour
significantother.Trytotalktoyourpartnerifthereisaproblemintherelationshipbefore
disrespectingthem.
However,therearemanythingspeopledoinrelationshipsthatcanbreak
downrespect,likenamecalling,talkingnegativelyabouttheothertofriendsorfamily,and/or
threateningtoleavetherelationship(SaraAltschule,2014).Trytopreventanyoftheseactions
foryouandyoursignificantotherseefigure1.

Itisgreatspendingtimewithyoursignificantitcreatehappiness,andmakeyounotwant
toleavethatpersonside,andalsomanypeopleclaimyoushouldn'twanttobeawayfrom
someoneyoulove,butIdisagree.Boundariesshouldbebroughtupintherelationshipforyou
andyoursignificantother.
Bysettingboundariestogether,youcanbothhaveadeeper
understandingofthetypeofrelationshipthatyouandyourpartnerwant
(2013).Itisnothealthy
toseeeachothereveryday,infactthecouplewillstartgettingtiredofeachotherafterawhile.
Aboveallyouwillstarthearingfromyourfamily,friends,andetc.Wonderingwhenwillyou
havetimeforthem,sojusttrytomaketimeforeveryeveningyourself.AccordingtoDidonato
(2014)havingalifeandworkdemandsthatreallifelimitsyourtime.Tohaveunexpectedwork

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callstojustyourcareerperiodcangetinthewayoftherelationshipcausingstresstoyour
significantotherthatwantedmoreavailability.Basicallysayingpeoplehavealifeandgoals,
sometimesthatwillgetintheway.Justbyshowingthatyouunderstandingtherelationshipwill
buildandlast.
Weallneedcommitmentinarelationshipshowthatyoudedicatedtoyoursignificant
other,alsoshowloyaltyintherelationship.Alsoneedamutuallyagreement,thatcomewithtrust
andhonesty.Gay(2006)saythatitisimportanttounderstandingthatyouhavetomake
commitmentstoprocessinarelationship.speakinggenuinelytoyourpartnerthat'sameaningful,
usefulcommitmentbecauseitisaprocess(pg.14).Arewewillingtocommitmenttoour
significantotherbybeinghonestwiththematalltimenosugarcoatingornottellingthematall.
Keepingsecretsisunacceptableforyouandyoursignificantother.Youshouldcherishyour
commitmentwithyoursignificant
otherlookatfigure2.

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Intimacyisimportantintherelationship,andintimacyisjustnotshownbysex.Itis
beingemotionallyclosetoyoursignificantother.Sharingyourfeelingsandexperiencewithyour
partner,butnothingwrongwithbringingupthey'allsexlife.Perel(2013)askthequestion
whatmakepeopledrawntotheirpartner?,butsheaskthequestiontocouplesandthey
respondbacktosayingwhentheyareaway,andreunite.Whentheirpartnerdoingtheirown
thinglikeactingoronstage.Basicallysayingtheirmostdrawntotheirpartnerbytheirconfident
andtheytimeapartfromthem.Makesureyourpartnerfeelappreciatedandlovebytellingthem
notbylettingtheyassumetheyare.
Enjoyingyourrelationshipwithyourpartneristhebestthingyoucando,donotmake
therelationshipboring,makingthesameroutinewillworkforaminuteintherelationship
someonegoingtowanttochangesomethingandtheotherpersonnot.
Psychologicalresearch
hassuggestedthatcoupleswhoexperiencethemostintenselovearetheoneswhonotonly
experienceastrongphysicalandemotionalattractiontooneanother,butalsowhoenjoy
participatinginneworchallengingselfexpanding
activitiestogether(CarolynGregoire,2014).Gotraveling
trytotaketimeawayfromthejob.Havecutenicknames,
trynotargueondates,andtrynewthingslike:skydiving,
goingtoanewcountry,orclimbingamountainetc.Just
somethingsimplelikeridingbikes.takeawalkinthe
neighborhoodoronthebeachlikefigure3.

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Itisnothardtohavealonglastingrelationshipitisjustthatwehavetoremembersome
thingsfortherelationship.Wehavetomaketherightchoicesfortherelationshiptobuildand
grow.Makesureyouandyourpartnerishappyintherelationship,andmakingtimeforeach
other,butalsogiveyouandyourpartnerspaceaswell.Bringloveandjoytotherelationship,
eveningthoughitwillbehardtimes.Rememberthestrongertherelationshipthelastingthe
relationshipwillbeforyouandyoursignificantother.

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Davenport,B.
(2013,November15).UnconditionalLove:TheKeyToLastingRelationships.
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http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/unconditionallovethekeytolastingrelationship
s
Jordan,N.
"7SecretsOfLastingLove."
Ebony
68.4(2013):86.
MiddleSearchPlus
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Nov.2015

Altschule,S.
(2014,October27).Bustle.RetrievedNovember28,2015,from
http://www.bustle.com/articles/4536610habitsofcouplesinstrongandhealthyrelationships
HealthyRelationships
www.loveisrespect.org.(2007,February1).RetrievedNovember28,
2015,fromhttp://www.loveisrespect.org/healthyrelationships/
EDiDonatoPh.D.T
(2014,June16).HowMuchTimeShouldCouplesSpendTogether?
RetrievedNovember28,2015,from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meetcatchandkeep/201406/howmuchtimeshouldco
uplesspendtogether
Hughes,Dennis.
"AnInterviewWithKathlyn&GayHendricksRelationshipExpertsAnd
BestSellingAuthorsOfLastingLoveAndConsciousLoving.(CoverStory)."
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(2006):1481.
ConsumerHealthCompleteEBSCOhost
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Esther,P.
(2013,February).EstherPerel:Thesecretdesireinalongtermrelationship[Video
file].Retrievedfrom
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship

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Carolyn,G
.(2014,May21).ThePsychologyOfLovesThatLastALifetime.HuffingtonPost.
Retrievedfrom
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/21/psychologyoflastinglove_n_5339457.html