Running head: Life Review Paper

Munoz 1

Raquel Munoz
August 16, 2015

HD 335
The Elders Years
Martha Clark

Life Review Paper

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Munoz 2
Introduction

As I was trying to figure out who I wanted to interview, many family members came to
my mind. I was a little skeptical about my father because I was unsure if he wanted to
participate and or be able to answer my questions. I did not want to make him feel uncomfortable
but as I was talking about me having to do this paper with my husband, my father overheard me
and he volunteer to help me out. I was a little anxious myself because I did not want to cross
border with my questions. He was a great trooper as he answer the questions the best he could.
At the end, this process was a great experience as I was able to bond and connect with him. After
the interview questions finished, he was still telling me his stories of when he was younger. He
was full of joy being able to reflect and retell his past experiences with me. And even thou I have
heard them stories millions of times, I was listening and questioning him as if it was the first
time he was telling the stories.
My father lives with me. He is 72 years old and has retired from his first and only
lifetime job as a driver. Because he has back pain and other illness, he is unable to work a
fulltime job, he is a man full of energy that wants to continue doing what he once did which is
work. He is a workaholic. I have to keep him busy all the time or else he starts to feel anxiety. He
does not know what "rest" means as he worked his whole life since he was 5 years old.

Literature Review

As I thought of the life review process, I could not help but to recognize the theorist
behind the psychosocial development theory. Erik Erikson was a theorist that develop the

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stages of a humans life cycle starting from infancy through the elder years. In Erikson's
psychosocial developmental stages, his 8th final stage was "Integrity Vs. Despair". In this stage
he stated that if an elder has fulfilled a well lived life by accomplishing their hopes and dreams,
they will face integrity meaning, they will be able to accept oneself dying and death. If the elder
has felt that he/she has wasted his/her life or has been unsuccessful, that elder will have feelings
of bitterness and despair. Through my father's stories, I was able to listen to his
accomplishments and life's goals. He falls into the "Integrity" stage. During the interview, I focus
on three main topics. Leaving a legacy, the process of aging, and fears of death/dying. These
topics were important for me to discover because it gave me an insight of how he is dealing with
his emotions since he doesn't really expresses himself. He is not a man of talking about his
illnesses nor his feelings. He doesn't like others to worry about him. This life review process
gave me the tools needed to better understand and help my father with his process of aging.
Reading through the book "How To Say It To Seniors", was a great example of describing
a legacy as there are different types of legacies. The "Default Legacy" is when an elder has no
say about his/her life and their legacy gets shaped by others. The "Political Legacy" is when an
elder has left something behind for their kids or grandchildren to later use. And the "Organic
Legacy" is when it comes from the heart and when the elder reflects in their life and how they
want to be remembered."Through this life review process, a person's legacy may emerge in
several different forms, but only one is heartfelt and meaningful. How successful the elderly are
in discovering any aspect of their legacy depends on how successful we are in helping them
through the process (Solie, 2004 p.36)". Because my father is getting older, I see that for him
going to Mexico is very important. As long as it's not risky for him, I let him travel. I want him
to have good memories during his elder years. Ever since I was a young child, my family and I

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travel to Mexico our home town every summer during school vacations. My father started
building a ranch home in 1990. He would always say that the home would be for when we went
on vacations. Then he added to his story, he would say that the home would be for when they
(mom and dad) retired. They would return to Mexico to live and die there. The house didn't get
finished until 12 years later because every year we return, he added or changed something
different to the house. To him this house had to be perfect. When my mother got diagnosed with
dementia. My father was heartbroken, for all his lifetime hard work earnings went to this house
that they could not enjoy. After some time of getting through that phase, he than addressed the
house of being for his children if we ever wanted to visit during our vacations. So now, every
other year, we go with our children to our home town and stay in that house. That is my father's
joy, to see us all there enjoying the house. "The irony of revealing a legacy is that in order to go
forward to accept our lives and prepare for a peaceful death, we must look backward and recontextualize the events we're lived (Solie, 2004 p. 42)". I never thought about it until now that
my father when he gets a chance, and family is together, he is retelling his stories with joy and
satisfaction.
"In humans, aging represents the accumulation of changes in a human being over time,
encompassing physical, psychological, and social change. Reaction time, for example, may slow
with age, while knowledge of world events and wisdom may expand (Wikipedia)". The process of
aging can be a wonderful and self realization experience or it can be a painful and distressing
experience. My father when he was younger, never showed his emotions to us but now as he is
getting older, he is very affectionate with us and his grandchildren. His character has completely
changed. I see aging as one with experiences and having wisdom and knowledge. "Ageism may
be based on an undercurrent of resentment toward older people in our society ( Levine, 2014 p.

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152)". "The elderly are perceived by some as being only a step away from death with their lives
essentially over (Levine, 2014 p.153)". Society must step away from this mindset. I never
thought about this until one day I came across a man in the Medi-cal office that was completely
rude to my parents. They went to the Medi-cal office to apply for services. After, leaving there,
they came home crying because they felt worthless that the man helping them was impatient with
them and told them that they needed to know how to read and write correctly and he could not do
the process for them. I felt so angry, that I went to the Medi-cal office and complaint about him.
"Whether younger individuals are hostile, neutral, or understanding in their attitudes towards
seniors, they tend to disregard their elders and ignore their opinions, marginalizing them with
respect to their place in society (Levine, 2014 p. 154)". I have seen this happen even within the
family. "Older employees are not appropriately respected in the workplace (Levine, 2014p.
156)". While older people just want to earn their hard working money, it's sad to hear stories
where they are verbally abuse. I know that when my father was still working, even his coworkers would make jokes about him for being the oldest from the crowd. "Aging is not just
decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the
positive that you understand you're going to die (Albom, 1997 p. 118)". "You have to find what's
good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And,
age is not a competitive issue (Albom, 1997 p. 120)". Reading "Tuesdays With Morrie was a
great example of how our elders must live life. Through reflecting, looking at things in a
different way, and leaving a positive legacy so others can remember. "There is a lack of good
information about the developmental, psychological, social, and spiritual needs of the old. We
can empathize with children because we have been young. We remember some of what happened
and how it felt. However, we haven't had experiences that allow us to understand the old (Pipher,

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1999 p. 48). This is why society must have the patience, awareness and understanding to care for
the elder. One day we will be in the position and who knows how our life will be than.
An article I found in the internet "Dealing With Fear" states, "A healthy fear of death
would be the fear of dying unprepared, as this is a fear we can do something about, a danger we
can avert". Most of us in our society don't think about death which makes us not be prepare for it.
Like Morrie says, If we are open minded and have acceptance to the process of dying, we won't
have fears of it. "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live (Albom, 1997 p. 82)". "When
you realize you are going to die, you see everything much differently (Albom, 1997 p. 83). I
think for my father because he is still maintaining himself active, and even though he has his
illnesses, which are not terminal, he still thinks differently. He is not ready for death. In reading
"Tuesdays With Morrie", as Morrie gave lectures and lessons to Mitch, he was reflecting in his
own life review. He was sharing and reviewing his life experiences which made him accept his
process of dying. Through his lessons, Morrie's process of dying was smoother since he had
something to look forward to every week.

Methodology

The interview took place in my house one early afternoon with my father. Before hand, I
prepared a set of questions to ask him and collected my data through taking notes and voice
recording him as well. I didn't want to miss anything that was talked about. Before I started the
interview, I made him aware of the voice recordings and me taking notes for better clarity and
understanding. The interview was approximately two hours long and maybe even more as he was
also reminiscing on other subjects. One story would open up and lead to another subject and so

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on. In the beginning of the interview, I felt my dad a little nervous. Don't know if because he
did not know what to expect or because I am his daughter and that made him nervous. But after a
few minutes, he got comfortable and started to open up.

Data

The following are questions I asked my interviewer and summarized his responses with some
few direct quotes from him.

What makes you proud of your life?

His response-"My family". They have grown to be good people and I am very proud of who they
have become.

Have you accomplished what you wanted in your life? if so, what is it?

Being born and raised in Mexico, we were very poor. Just like everyone else, I had the
"American Dream" to come to the United States to raised my family. I wanted a better lifestyle
for them, a life I didn't have. My biggest accomplishment was getting legal papers for my family
and becoming a U.S. citizen. Being able to travel back and forth to our home town and to our
new country was a blessing.

How would you like to be remembered and by whom?

I love my children. My children are the most important people in this world. And I hope that
when I am not here, they know that I always wanted the best for them. I worked hard to be able
to provide for them.

Did you ever thought of leaving a legacy after your passing? if so, what is it?

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Before I was married with your mother, my mother gave me an empty lot. I built a small adobe
house. When we got married, we started to add additions to the house. Then years after, we
decided to fix it properly. It first became an idea for when we went on vacation. As you guys got
older, everyone went their different ways so we were going to return to Mexico and retire there.
Now that your mother got sick, that house is yours and your siblings. And I hope that when I
pass, my children can return to that house and remember that, that house was made for you
guys. "My family". He then added "Please don't get rid of it, once I'm not here. You could sell
everything else, but not the house". All my struggles, hopes, dreams and memories are in that
house and I hope that you guys will once treasure that.

What were your ideas about your later years when you were on your 30's and 40's?

I always thought of my children marrying, having their children and creating their own lives.
And for us to retire in Mexico. The life here is too expensive to live with only social security.
Not knowing my children's future, I wanted to retire in Mexico because I did not want your
mother and I to be a burden on any of my children. What I never thought of was, my children
wanting us here.

What do you value the most?

My family. Everything I did was thinking about them. They mean the world to me.

What is one of your greatest memories?

My life change when I first became a father and my life continued to change when your other
siblings were born.

What are some unexpected joys that have come with aging?

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Being able to see my children grow healthy and to have grandchildren. They make me happy and
fulfill my life.

What are some unexpected challenges that have come with aging?

Working for 40+ years for the same company as a driver, damaged back spinal cord and have
extremely back pain. "That's when you know you are old. When you start to feel aches and pains
in your body and illnesses start to arise and won't go away.

If you were younger, what would you have done differently?

Being educated is very important in this country. I never went to school and that is why I had a
hard labor job. Because I wasn't educated. I would have wanted to go to school and at least
learned the basics to read and write.

Do you have any regrets in life?

I invested so much in the house in Mexico, that I should have invested in my children. I didn't
know better. "Who knew that your mother was going to get sick" and now we can't enjoy what
we worked for our whole life.

What are your thoughts about death and dying?

"Mija" (daughter), If god needs me well than I will not oppose. I have seen my children grow
and see that you guys can take care of yourself and don't need me anymore. I am getting older
and know that one day I will not be here anymore.

What worries you about dying?

Two things worry me. With your mother having dementia, she worries me. I need to take care of
her first. I don't want to pass before her. "If I do, you need to promise to look after her" (With
teary eyes). After a few minutes, he then mention that he wants his children to continue to stay
connected and look after one another. Unity is very important to him.

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Discussion
Going through this life review process with my father, I learned so much about him.
When he was reflecting through his life, I was able to compare and connect what Erik Erikson
theory stated about the "Integrity vs. Despair" stage and conclude that my father fits into the
Integrity stage. After reminiscing and shedding some tears, I have learned that he has never
thought about himself, but about his family. It sadden me to know that he never once mention
that he did something for himself. But that is his personality and he is happy to be that way.
Through my father's stories, I notice he had a tough time growing up. He work his whole
life and that is all he knew. But he made the best out of it, even though there were times where he
was down. He always thought of "Working hard will pay off". His stories went back from when
his grandmother was still alive. Reflecting now, I think that he wanted the best for his children
and providing for the family made him happy and content. I have learned to reflect through his
life and now I can understand his process of coping through things and I can now better give him
guidance through his process. Even though he is a happy man, and I see him living many more
years, I will be by his side to guide and protect him. This whole experience has given me
awareness of the aging process and being able to open up to our loves ones regarding death
without fears. At the end of our interview, he was glad that we were able to talk and be open
about his process.

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Reference

Albom, M. (1997). Tuesdays with Morrie: An old man, a young man, and life's greatest lesson.
New York: Doubleday.
Levine, R. (2014). Aging wisely: Strategies for baby boomers and seniors.
Pipher, M. (1999). Another Country Navigating The Emotional Terrain Of Our Elders.
Solie, D. (2004). How to say it to seniors: Closing the communication gap with our elders
(Prentice Hall Press ed.). New York: Prentice Hall Press.
http://www.dealingwithfear.org/fear-of-death.htm/