Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

Underage Drinking: More Than a Sip or Two at the Party.


Red cups full to the brim with yellow liquid and thick white foam accompanied by young
men and women who have not reached their 21st birthday. Underage Drinking is a nationwide

Comment [1]: Great hook!

issue, that is not new to the 21st century. It is common among teens and young adults, and
usually results in hangovers, regrets, and sometimes even police. Its a widespread topic,
analyzed from numerous outlets. Two scholarly articles from different disciplines, as well as a
blogger on Tumblr have tackled this topic in some sort of textual piece. Each pieces author(s)
have come at this subject from three different perspectives, which shines through in their
writingnonetheless they all obtain the same focus, and generate ways to address underage
drinking.
The two articles I chose for this paper were from the Department of Community Health
Services at Boston University School of Public Health, and the Department of Social Sciences
and Health Policy at Wake Forest School of Medicine. The mainstream media source I chose
was a Tumblr text post by Sasha Ives.

Comment [2]: I need more of a specific, driving thesis

statement, Jas. What, exactly, are you going to be
arguing here? And what specific points are you going
to use to make that case? What moves/conventions
will you be emphasizing? Also: do you think itd help
your reader (technically, me) to lay out which specific
sources -- or at least which disciplines -- youll be using
to make your case?
Comment [3]: These aren't articles; they're
departments.

The three pieces of writing I chose have varying types of rhetoric, that are similar at the
same time because of the purpose of their writing. The scholarly articles portray the same sort of

Comment [4]: Use your topic sentences to key me in,

specifically, on what the paragraph will be about.

rhetorical features. In both articles the use of a dignified and enlightened tone tells the readers
that the author(s) are educated on their topic and serious about it. Their style of writing is
articulate, they demonstrate great knowledge of their subject throughout the entire piece, while
using terminology from their discipline. The author(s) elaborate somewhat on terms and phrases
they useif you arent familiar with the author(s) line of work this could be a difficult read. The

Comment [5]: Tone.... style... terminology... all

important, but (1) so what? how does it relate to your
argument and (2) I need to be able to *see* it. I need
textual evidence.

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

author of the Tumblr post I chose took a different approach, with a thoughtful but not too solemn
tone, to show readers shes serious about her topic. Her style of writing is emphatic but a little
biased, and she uses language that is symmetrical to the ideas in her post yet its still casual.
All three genres have similarities and differences in their conventions. The scholarly
pieces are almost identical. They both have a title, are broken up into IMRAD, subheadings

Comment [6]: OK, this seems important to me. Worth

weaving into your central argument somehow?
Comment [7]: genres
Comment [8]: ?! In terms of what?

within each section of the article, multiple authors that come from a specific discipline, tables of
data, acknowledgements, and references. In comparison, the Tumblr post also has a title and
references, but it possesses other conventions the articles dont. The Tumblr post has pictures in
it, hashtags at the bottom, and its information is organized in an essay-paragraph format.
In these pieces of writing the author(s) made moves, all with different motives behind

Comment [9]: Worth defining/describing what you mean

here?
Comment [10]: OK, so this is all about formatting -- I
need to know that in the topic sentence.

them. The Tumblr post contained many moves, whereas the scholarly articles didnt contain so
much. The Tumblr posts author comments on how America always needs to do it [how they
run their government and country] differently than every other comparable nation, (Ives, 2013)
to set up her argument for the reader. She also uses parentheses to elaborate on topics or give
examples, to better the reader's understanding of what shes talking about. To provide an
example to her readers of what she is arguing for she presents a draft of the proposed amendment
she discusses in her post. In the end of her post youll find hashtagged phrases or words, this is to
make her post pop up more on the site. Following, the scholarly articles contained smaller moves
such as, in text citations to help the reader find the sources easily. Also in the author's) articles
were statistics next to facts they gave, which builds credibility with their readers. The most
important move however, were the subheadings in each different section of the articlesmaking

Comment [11]: You're misusing brackets here -- they

add/modify information or verb tenses to the original
quote.

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

it easier for the reader to follow along throughout the paper (scholarly articles are a tough read).
All these moves and featuresthough each for different reasonstie into the argument, it's all
about what the author wants the reader to know and believe (Carroll, 2010).
The author(s) of these articles purpose behind their writing were to conduct experiments

Comment [12]: What did they do in their experiment?

How was it constructed? What'd they find?

to obtain information about contributing factors to underage drinking. One article was research
based on how Flavored Alcoholic Beverages (FABs) effect underage teen drinking habits; while
the other article was research about how social host policies can alter teen alcohol consumption
along with its consequences. The author of the Tumblr posts purpose behind her writing was
different, in the way that her writing was to argue a point. She was arguing as for why itd make
sense to change the drinking age in America to 18 instead of 21.
With regards to their purpose, the author(s) of each text had to provide evidence to
support their thesis. The evidence used in these pieces of writing are classified as Logos. Logos
is commonly defined as argument from reason, and it usually appeals to an audiences
intellectual side, (Carroll, 2010.) The evidence the author(s) used is all factual and can be traced
back to a source, making the information supporting their claims logical.
In the Tumblr post, the author uses multiple types of evidence to support her claims. She
uses secondary sources throughout her writing, seem to have fewer alcohol related
problems than does the U.S. (15 Reasons Why Drinking Age Should Be 18"), (Ives, 2013),
which builds credibility with her readers. She also uses legal and historical evidence, making
points about what is considered public drinking and how prohibition of alcohol for America
failed before. In the end of her post she provides photo evidence, a picture of a fake I.D. from a

Comment [13]: Id advise you to refrain from using free-

floating quotes (ie, sentences that start and end with a
quote). The reader is probably going to be left
wondering, Who is saying/citing this, and how/why is it
relevant? Wheres it coming from? Try to introduce
the quote and give it context.
Comment [14]: ?

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

movie, [this is from the movie Superbad, released in 2007]. This tells readers its possible for
people underage to obtain fake I.D.s. Lastly, Ives posts her works citedthis is important
because it allows readers to check her sources of information, also gaining credibility with her
readers. Within the scholarly articles the author(s) only use two main types of evidence,

Comment [15]: Credibility is a recurring theme in this

paper, Jas -- I think you need to explicitly base your
main argument on that.

secondary and data. Both articles have secondary statistics and facts throughout the piece, which
is evidence that supports their thesis. However, they also have data and graphs from their
research, which is proof for their readers that their results are correct. This along with their
reference section provides credibility with their readersthe readers are now capable of
checking the author's) information and sources.
With both different genres come not only different rhetoric and conventions, but also
different audiences. The author(s) of the scholarly articles were targeting an academic audience;
they expected their papers to be read by someone who is familiar with their discipline, most
likely someone granting them a degree. On the other hand, the author of the Tumblr post
probably expected her audience to just be the people that followed her blog, or anyone who used
Tumblr. It can be inferred that the audience of the scholarly articles most likely expected them to
be research papers addressing a topic no one had before, where as the audience of the Tumblr
post probably expected a grammatically incorrect and informal rant about the drinking age in
America.
The formatting of text can play a large role in how it comes across to the reader, and
depending on a piece of writings genre can determine how the author will format it. Both
scholarly articles were formatted the same, in the IMRAD structure. This is a typical structure

Comment [16]: Didn't you already touch on structure?

In multiple paragraphs too??

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

for a research paper, I- Introduction, M- Measures, R- Results, A- Analysis, D- Discussion. Each
of these headings had multiple subheadings guiding through the information the articles were
covering. Following this, the articles also had references or citations at the end. This format
makes it very easy for the audience to follow along, step by step. The Tumblr post however, was
formatted differently. It followed an essay structure, with an introduction paragraph, body
paragraphs, a conclusion paragraph, and works cited at the end. This kind of format is very
common, I think it makes reading the paper quite bland though because its so predictablethe
reader always knows whats coming next and what kind of information to expect.
A research paper is based off of data so it plays an enormous role in the scholarly articles,
but it doesnt present itself in the Tumblr post. Both articles use statistical data about underage
drinking to introduce their thesis and experiment, and follow that with survey data they obtained
from the participants in their experiments. In addition to the data, questions also partake in these
pieces of writing (the scholarly articles and Tumblr post). Within the scholarly articles, questions
drive the thesis statement. The author(s) ask questions and proceed to answer them using
experiments and data, then later discuss the answers to their questions at the end of the article. In
comparison, questions play a different role in the Tumblr post. Within the post, the author
doesnt ask questions but instead answers questions that could surface from opposing arguments.
Both methods of utilizing questions are effective, one way sets up the entire paper, whereas the
other way builds a strong argument.
While they both have features in common they also differ greatly. Academic and nonacademic pieces are genres on opposite ends of the spectrum, yet its common they cover the

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

same topics. It is possible for either piece to accomplish something the other cannot depending
on the audience and purpose of writing the piece. A non-academic piece would better convince a
group of young teens to stop smoking marijuana because young adults are more apt to listen to
something they can relate to. However, an academic piece on the consequences of giving out
condoms to high school students is more likely to persuade a school board to remove them from
the health officeits a more serious topic which needs to be approached in a formal way.
Audiences would only find a certain piece of writing more persuasive if it was written for
that particular audience and purpose. A non-academic piece might be more persuasive if it has
relatable information or opinions from the author in it, or Pathos or Ethos appeal. This would
appeal to the audience on a personal level, ultimately persuading them. An audience might
appeal to an academic piece if it has a Logos appeal or a plethora of secondary evidence and data
supporting the claims. Factual proof would appeal to the audience mentally, which could also
persuade them.
Non-academic pieces can be informal, personal, and casual, which could work in their
favoryet, that cannot be convincing to every audience and their potential lacking of evidence
and formality could be harmful to the purpose of the writing. Vice versa, academic pieces are
factual, nitty gritty, and serious, which plays into audiences that look for that in
writingalthough they possess these qualities, their lack of personality and depth can also be
harmful to the purpose of the writing.
In summation, scholarly writings and mainstream media pieces can be two different
genres, yet still adequately cover the same topic from their own views. Both genres have

Comment [17]: This is your main point of the whole

paper -- try to stick to this the whole way through. Give
me evidence for this, then back it up with analysis --
explain to me how/why it supports your major claim(s).

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

different characteristics in their tone, style, language, audience, purpose, and
formatnonetheless you will find similarities in each between both genres. Even though they
can have completely different positions and purposes for their writing, all three pieces of writing
still generate ways to confront underage drinking.

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

Works Cited

Fortunato, Erin K., Michael Siegel, Rebecca L. Ramirez, Craig Ross, William Dejong,
Alison B. Albers, and David H. Jernigan. "Brand-specific Consumption of Flavored Alcoholic
Beverages among Underage Youth in the United States." Am J Drug Alcohol Abuse The
American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse 40.1 (2014): 51-57. Web.

Ives, Sasha. "Proposed Amendment to The National Drinking Age Act of 1984: Why the
Legal Drinking Age Should Be 18 Yrs." Save Your Breath, Use Your Words. 18 Mar. 2013.
Web. 07 Nov. 2015.

Wagoner, Kimberly G., Michael Sparks, Vincent T. Francisco, David Wyrick, Tracy
Nichols, and Mark Wolfson. "Social Host Policies and Underage Drinking Parties." Subst Use
Misuse Substance Use & Misuse 48.1-2 (2013): 41-53. Web.

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features

Did Not Meet
Expectations

Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence

from Genres
Use of Course Readings

Other Comments

-
-

Analysis
Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Exceeded
Expectations

Organization/Structure

Met Expectations

Jas,

Alright, I hope my marginal comments can provide you with some
ways to improve this paper and really get it going. Here are some
other ideas:

- I need more of an argument here. Move past describing and get to
evaluating -- try to pinpoint the so what? of this assignment as
much as possible.

-Include a lot more analysis of the kinds of data/evidence these
different sources are using and what kinds of RQs theyre asking.
Consider some of the big pictures questions here that get at how
do these different disciplines approach this topic from different
perspectives? What was the study about? What questions did
they ask? What data did they gather? How do the ways in which
these researchers went about studying this topic differ from the
other authors/researchers, and what does it suggest in terms of the
importance they're placing on their methods?

Jasmine Coe

Writing 2 - De Piero

-Think about what kind of structure/organization would be best
suited for your argument -- to me, you seemed to be kind of
jumping around a lot

-Consider working in moves earlier on and adding in more of
them -- feel free to name them too, just like we did in PB2B

-This is a tough one, but try inserting more of your own voice
into this. Youve got a great one from what Ive read in your blog
and heard in class -- if you can find a way to make this more of a
Jas piece about how different disciplines/sources analyze music
rather than just a how different disciplines/sources analyze music
I think itd make it even better.

-Work in the course readings. Use them to help you use the
language of the course and to develop your argument.

I know this probably isnt the grade that you want, but youve got lots
of ways you can improve it for your portfolio, and Im expecting you
to do just that. Keep up the hard work, Jas, I really appreciate it.

Z
6/10

*I took off - .5 because you didnt include this matrix.