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Cheyanne Brown
Women and Gender Issues
Professor Sakellarides
2 October 2015

Defying Gender through My Eyes

Growing up gendered is something that most people do not realize and necessarily know
about, either at all or for a long time throughout their life. At times people do not even have the
knowledge or the desire to learn more about what gender, sexuality, sex, etc., really means.
Society has made people so accustomed to what norms are and how people are supposed to act
and/or look like. Knowing/learning what I have has made me realize, growing up my gender
really has affected me in my life, growing up and especially now that I am in college.
Being in college, I have learned so much that I already knew, but was not as aware as I
wish I could have been a couple years ago. Although, I inadvertently was learning how to do
gender, defy gender rules/roles, and also how to police not only my own but other peoples
gender. It is amazing how much people learn but lack being able to understand at such a young
age. I have learned my gender identity from my family, how I was raised/grew up, history and
society; to an extent.
When I was growing up, I was very active all the time, even at a very young age. I started
playing sports at age six and ever since I have not stopped. However, from starting out with

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sports instead of say, dance or cheerleading or other girly sports and/or activities. It was
against the gender norms. At a very young age I was already defying the gender roles
constructed by society. My dad made sure that I was always involved in some type of sport it did
not matter what it was. I played soccer, lacrosse, softball (still play), and almost football. I also,
boxed and ran/run track and field. I never wanted to play on the girls team, I always wanted to
play with the boys. I feel as though my dad kept me active not because he did not want me to be
a girl, but because it is also what I wanted to do. He never limited me to specific ways to grow
up; and now looking back I am so grateful I was able to find my way, with the guidance I was
also given. I never had boundaries as to how I chose to express myself, as long as it was moral
and did not go against my parents/familys views.
My dad was one of those strict parents and still is to this day. He always wanted to
monitor everything I did, make sure I did not fall into the negative ideas and views of social
media and how society expected young girls and/or young women to look. My father policed my
gender by heavily criticizing and picking out my clothing. He never wanted me to get the
necessarily girly clothing. However, I was more of a tomboy growing up anyways; I did not
always mind having bigger clothes, it just changed as I got older. I always had to get my clothing
a size bigger than what actually fit me. His response to when I argued with him was, Youre
going to grow into it dont worry or I just would accept that an argument would occur and get
whatever size he told me to get. That was how it was for many years. I remember as I got into
high school my female cousins and aunts would always try to talk my dad into letting me express
myself in how I wanted to dress and portray myself to an extent; because I was becoming a
young woman. Gender rules are instructions for how to appear and behave as a man or a
woman. (Gender Pg. 61). After reading that and realizing what I was able to do as child that

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most are not capable of. It made me think what is actually right or wrong to do? What is socially
acceptable, who even comes up with these norms/rules? It is horrible that people (society)
believes they have the audacity and the right to tell people there is a certain way you have to live,
behave, look, etc. It simply not fair to judge someone on how they live their life and tell them it
is wrong. Granted, I am guilty of putting people into categories and labeling them, but I am not
as judgmental saying they have to be one way in order to be considered normal.
In the book Gender, the authors Wade and Ferree talked about distinction. It is a
concept/way of peoples efforts to distinguish ones group from other group. The desire to be
different from others is almost like a necessity back in the day and all the way to todays society.
The only reason the word gender exists only because we choose to distinguish people in this type
of fashion. When regarding women and men, if society did not try to distinguish between them
the term gender would not even exist and would be unnecessary. As was talked about above,
anyone can see that there were multiple distinctions made between what was deemed
right/normal to wrong/abnormal. It is honestly not that surprising that as a society we
absolutely love to categorize other people, but then will sometimes get offended when the tables
are turned. When talking about distinctions there are also the effects of habits people have that
enhance those distinctions and labels. Every person does this, it is not unheard of. I know I have
habits myself and they do not come from a bad place, sometimes it just happens. I have
tendencies to do gender, as most people do. I have grown to like getting dressed up, but it rare
because I feel uncomfortable at the same time. I also will talk about people in a joking way, but
sometimes not realize what they are going through. Being a cisgender, biracial, female I do have
more privileges than most but not as many as people think. I have noticed and began to
understand even more than there is so much more to gender and how people have to live their

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everyday lives. That being LGBT, or any other sexual orientation can affect gender and gender
roles.
Growing up in a gendered world, we as a society have to educate ourselves and one other.
To become a more understanding and open community as a whole. Every person has a story, has
a reason, and has a background; we cannot possibly dictate how someone is supposed to live
their life like we all have the same struggles and daily lives. Just keep in mind, what is the
norm to one person will not be the same norm for the next person and so on. It is always
important to remember, before judging the next person keep in mind that they are different from
you and you are different from them. Try to understand their circumstances and their experiences
so you can understand their gender identity for who they are and not who you and/or society
wants them to be.