ADDICTION T DAY

ADDICTION REC VERY FOUNDATION

March | April 2013

TECHNIQUES | WORKPLACE

ARE YOU FACED WITH A SERIAL BULLY?

People in recovery nally learn how to deal reasonably with others... but they
risk relapse when faced with a type of person who is cunning, baing and
powerful. Deirdre Boyd oers solutions to help you and your clients.

Those who can, do.

Those who cant, bully.
Only the best are bullied.
The above words of validation are the opening
lines of a pioneering website set up by Tim Field
dedicated to more facets of bullying from
school years right up to your workplace than
you might think exist. His legacy was to help
the victims of bullying to reclaim their lives. Of
particular relevance to addicts and alcoholics
in recovery indeed, to anyone who feels
overwhelmed by a particular person or situation
is the information on serial bullying.
Serial bullies can tempt people to drink or
suicide. But as one of their tactics is to persuade
targets that the problem is all their fault, it can
be hard to identify exactly what is going on
and so how to tackle that. Targets might not even
realise that they are being bullied, even though
reasonable behaviour on their part rarely evokes
a predictable or reasonable response.
For a serial bully, anyone trying to be
conciliatory is seen as a sucker to be exploited,
advised Field (www.bullyonline.org/workbully).
For many in recovery from addiction,
particularly those who are survivors from an
abusive childhood, the symptoms of PTSD
post traumatic stress disorder can be triggered.
The bullies tactics reverberate through survivors
and they can feel as powerless as they were when
children.
This is with good reason. One trait of serial
bullies is that they objectify people, just as sexual
and other abusers do. This is familiar to survivors,
consciously or unconsciously.
THE BULLY AS ADDICT.
In many ways, serial bullies are like active
addicts. Active addicts use emotional logic rather
than intellectual logic: they must use whatever
drug works to smother anxiety, shame or other
emotions which they cannot hold. Any warning
about resulting damage is not heard. All that

20 | AT

matters is the alleviation of immediate pain or

the gain of an immediate high.
Similarly, the act of bullying immediately
alleviates anxiety for the bully and can give
a high. Bullies can write threatening letters
without listening to that voice which says they
will incriminate them with the police or others
such as the fraud squad or HMRC inspectors, for
instance. Serial bullies can enjoy taking someone
to court while at the same time believe that the
law does not apply to them and they will break
it to bully others.
The act of bullying is the drug of choice of all
these people. But they dier from addicts in that
they rarely want to stop their abuse.
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?
Perhaps the best way is to start at the end result:
why the target has not reported the bullying. If
any of the reasons in the panel on the facing page
strike a chord, you have probably identied a
bullying situation. The next step is to compare
the prole of a serial bully with the person you
are in this situation with.
Finally, we will look at how the serial bully
denies responsibility. All of these will, hopefully,
give you an understanding which will inspire
both emotional boundaries and actions to
protect yourself.
PROFILE OF A SERIAL BULLY.
Field estimated that one person in 30, male or
female, is a serial bully as opposed to an unwitting
bully. The serial bully:
z is a liar and, when called to account, will make
up anything spontaneously to t their needs
z has a Jekyll and Hyde nature, uses excessive
charm
z is skilled in anticipating what people want to
hear, then saying it plausibly
z often displays an arrogance and a sense of
invulnerability bordering on contempt
z often has a deep-seated contempt of clients in
contrast to his/her professed compassion
z is a control freak for example, will launch a

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personal attack to restrict what you say, particularly

if you talk knowledgeably about
psychopathic or antisocial personality
z is not specic and never gives a straight answer
z is adept at creating conict between those who
would otherwise pool incriminating information
about them
z Often has an overwhelming, narcissistic
attention- seeking need to portray themselves as
wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate in
contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others
z is ocious and unbelievably petty
z is convinced of their superiority and qualities
of leadership but cannot distinguish between
leadership and bullying
z often fraudulently claims qualications,
experience, titles or aliations which are
ambiguous, misleading or bogus.
THE BULLY IN THE WORKPLACE.
The traits below are particularly linked to
workplace bullies indeed, anyone you have
business dealings with, in your professional or
personal life. But they can also apply to other
serial bullies, including violent partners and
abusers of people in care.
The common aim is power, control,
domination and subjugation. What varies is
the means by which these are pursued: the way
in which violence is expressed. The serial bully
commits mostly non-arrestable oences such as:
z incompetence, maladministration
z nancial irregularities, misappropriating
budgets
z recruitment through favouritism rather than
ability, giving contracts to family/friends
z fraudulent qualications and misleading or
bogus claims of professional aliation
z using the employers resources to run their
own business on the side
z failure to meet obligations, breaches of codes
of conduct
z being sacked from previous job or, if the
employer, being defendant in previous legal
action for unfair dismissal, harassment, etc.

WHY DONT TARGETS

REPORT ABUSE?

EXPLAINING THE REACTIONS OF SERIAL BULLIES.

I found this list extremely helpful in explaining bullies logic-defying reactions to what I saw as my best
and most conciliatory approaches. The serial bully:
z is unable to reciprocate any positive gesture
z sees anyone trying to be conciliatory as a sucker to be exploited (!)
z has a short-term focus and often cannot plan more than 24 hours ahead
z bears grudges for minor or perceived slights
z is inconsistent in their judgment, often overruling, ignoring or denying what they said previously
z for communication, often relies excessively or exclusively on memos, emails, post-it notes or third
parties and other strategies for avoiding face-to-face contact including legal action
z has no listening skills; can be like a brick wall
z sees people as objects, in the same way that child sex abusers see their targets as objects for gratication
this attitude can trigger PTSD in survivors of childhood or other abuse
z appears to have selective memory and often cannot or will not remember what they said or did more
than 24 hours ago
z often has a hate of certain professional groups such as psychologists, counsellors and therapists
z gains gratication from bullying people by imposing rules, laws and regulations regardless of their
relevance or ecacy
z thinks that rules, regulations and law do not apply to them but insists that others adhere rigidly
z lacks creativity
z has a writing style that is disjointed, often makes contradictory statements
z cannot or will not value others and their achievements
z criticises for control and subjugation not for performance enhancement
z fabricates criticisms and allegations and abuses disciplinary procedures, again for control and
subjugation not for performance enhancement
z is drawn to positions of power and abuses them
z is inadequate, inept, poor at their job and usually carried by those they bully
z have departments which are dysfunctional and inecient, and their behaviour prevents sta from
performing their duties
z is unable to prioritise events and tasks, often making a fuss over trivia while ignoring important or
urgent items
z is hypocritical, saying one thing one day and denying it the next
Continued on page 33>>

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The following are only some of many

reasons:
z those in authority did not prevent the
abuse; often it was the person in authority
who was the abuser, so trust in authority is
low, with justication
z the target fears, with justication, that no
one will believe them
z the abuser relies on compulsive lying,
a Jekyll and Hyde nature and charm and
uses denial, counter-attack, projection and
feigning victimhood to evade accountability;
charm is used to deceive
z the target felt fear at the time of abuse and
continues to feel fear: of violence, of loss of job,
of humiliation, of what others will think
z the target feels ashamed of what happened,
having been encouraged by the abuser
to believe that they, not the abuser, were
responsible
z abuse is a betrayal the target trusted and
depended on the integrity of someone who
then betrayed them and fears, often with
justication, that if they report the abuse
they be punished
z fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt are
how all abusers control their victims; they
are tools of power
z the target can be naive; they can be
encouraged to withdraw from legal action by
the abuser feigning victimhood and playing
on their targets forgiving chord and other
peoples sympathies
z the target feels bewildered and still cannot
believe that it happened; the target is often
nagged by the thought Why did I let it
happen to me?
z current abuse can trigger PTSD post
traumatic stress disorder from older abuses
so that the survivor will do almost anything
to avoid actions which will make them relive
the old emotions.

AT | 21

ADDICTION REC VERY FOUNDATION

March | April 2013

TECHNIQUES | WORKPLACE

ARE YOU FACED WITH A SERIAL BULLY?

People in recovery risk relapse when faced with bullies whose tactics they might
not identify. Deirdre Boyd continues with information to support your clients.

<<Continued from page 21

question is forgotten. The deection has worked.

Both denial and counter-attack are delivered
with aggression in the guise of assertiveness but
true assertiveness leads to a win-win for both
parties, which does not happen here. Explanation
of the original question is conspicuous by its
absence.
So, if this happens to you, ignore the
deections and use the broken record technique:
keep repeating the original question.
If denial and counter-attack do not work, the
bully feigns victimhood, with tears, indignation,
martyrdom or a poor-me drama. Again, this is for
deection.
Dont be provoked into showing anger or
frustration, so the bully can say There, I told you
s/he was like that. Instead, be passive. Hand them
a tissue if appropriate. Then draw attention to the
purpose of the tactic deection and repeat the
question.
Use the bullys projection. The serial bully
usually accuses others of what they themselves are
doing: the nature of the accusation reveals their
own impropriety. So make the bully understand
that, if specious and insubstantive allegations are
made, the bully will also be investigated.
A little digging into the bullys past, if possible,
will usually unearth unsavoury facts which the
bully would prefer not to be made public.

z often has an overwhelming and unhealthy need

to feel recognised and wanted
z mimics empathy to make the bully look good
in front of witnesses
z often has an obsession with orderliness
z is unwilling to apologise for mistakes except
when it might make the bully look good
z uses aggression but claims to be assertive
z is evasive when asked for information.
EXTROVERT VS INTROVERT BULLIES.
Extrovert bullies tend to shout and bully from the
front. Introvert bullies the most dangerous tend
to recruit others to do the bullying for them. In
this case, identify the arch-bully in the background
and focus on them; the others will melt away.
Serial bullies as opposed to unwilling bullies
also have a learning blindness in that the only
way they learn from experience is how to be more
secretive and skilled at evading accountability.
HOW BULLIES DENY AND AVOID
RESPONSIBILITY FOR ACTIONS.
The bully wants to enjoy the benets of living in
the adult world but is unable and unwilling to
accept the responsibilities which go with those
benets. When called to account for the way
they have behaved, bullies instinctively deny
everything, follow up with a counter-attack and,
in the unlikely event of these being insucient,
feign victimhood.
Variations of denial include trivialisation
This is so trivial, its not worth talking about...
and the fresh-start tactic I dont know why
you want to dwell on the past, Whats past is
past, Ill overlook your behaviour and well start
afresh. This is an abdication of responsibility
and an attempt to divert attention by using false
conciliation.
The counter-attack of criticism or allegation
is often based on lying, deception, hypocrisy and
blame. Often, the target is lured into giving long
explanations to prove the bullys allegation false
and by the end of the explanation, the original

Sadly, Tim Field died in 2006 but not before he

knew how his legacy helped thousands of people.
The author of this article is grateful to him. If
you would like more information, go to www.
bullyonline.org/index.htm and order his books.
DEIRDRE BOYD is CEO of the Addiction
Recovery Foundation, editor of Addiction
Today journal and cofounder/organiser of
the UK/European Symposia on Addictive
Disorders. She serves on the Advisory Council
of gold standard IC&RC international
credentialling of alcohol- and drugrecovery professionals, and was a trustee
of the National Association for Children of
Alcoholics UK.

www.addictiontoday.org

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