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Kulsoom Basharat

PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
Chapter 4- Coaching, Counseling, and Supportive Communication
As early as I can remember and as family members and old friends share stories about
me- I have come to realize that I have always demonstrated a caring and nurturing personality.
From being the peacemaker in the family to lending support to friends at an early age, I have
always played the role of a counselor and coach to support the people I care about in order to
help guide them to make the best decisions for themselves.
However through years of experience (good and bad), I have reserved my opinion, time,
and energy on only people worthy of it rather than filling the role of counselor/advisor to
everyone. I believe in a way I overdid it and exhausted my energy in futile efforts in helping
those I thought needed my support and friendship. While I scored in the second quartile in the
Communicating Supportively assessment I struggled to answer the questions with what I
currently feel rather than what my experience has been in the past dealing with people.
I wish I had the foresight to know that if I gave too much of myself in friendships I would
become jaded as an adult and would have no more patience for wanting to help others find their
way through problems/issues in the future. I find myself struggling to be open-minded with
peoples problems and giving them the unbiased side to myself because I always remember past
experiences that were proven to be futile efforts to help coach and counsel friends. I have had
positive experiences as well that keep me motivated.
Nonetheless, I hope my underlying positive demeanor never changes- in regards to
always finding the silver lining in situations that are difficult and making peace with things that
cannot be changed. I try my very best to always reinforce peoples sense of self-worth and
encourage enhanced self-esteem when things are at a low.

Kulsoom Basharat
PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
I struggled with the survey question- When discussing someones problem, I respond
with a reply that indicates understanding rather than advice because while the person is sharing
something I have heard time and time again- I grow very frustrated trying to show
understanding rather than wanting to really share what I am thinking and fast forwarding to
telling the person what I think they should do.
I do maintain a level of respect and listen intently to people when they converse with me.
I do find myself speaking less and listening more. However, I do admit depending upon the
conversation topic, I can get distracted with other thoughts and zone out if the topic goes in
circles or has too many details and is difficult to follow. When I realize I am doing that, I draw
myself back into the conversation and try to focus on what the point of the topic is. I also will
admit- I lose interest if one has a polarized stance and adamantly disclaims any other point of
view. To me there is no use in debating with someone who has their mind set and only wants to
people to hear what they are saying and does not care for feedback or critique.
In my professional life, I still believe (for the most part) I maintain an unbiased attitude in
dealing with issues that arise. I feel at work, one has to listen carefully before making
assumptions or coming to conclusions in order to fully assess a situation or issue. Even though it
has only been nine years since I have been working full time after undergraduate, I always try
my best to give what I think is meaningful advice to young adults coming into the workforce. I
try my best to help counsel them and show them the ropes in terms of dealing with difficult
bosses/clients.
My communication style is open and honest. I have found that to be the most efficient
way to communicate. When conflict arises I try to not take it personally and encourage others to
do so as well. Its definitely not always easy but its a positive way to get through a rough time
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Kulsoom Basharat
PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
or chaotic situation. I have used an upfront approach to communicating any issue or conflict with
co-workers, managers, or clients. I believe before things turn real sour, one has to take steps to
steer the situation straight. I have no problem in confronting the situation and/or person head on
in order to resolve the matter to the best of my ability. I dont believe in bottling up anything
because it takes a toll on ones mind and body and life is too short for it to be wasted on anything
negative/worrisome.
One key area in this chapter is supportive communication; which aims to
create an atmosphere where one can address an issue while still maintai ning a
positive relationship. This allows people to grow, learn, and keep relationships
real and healthy. Avoiding supportive communication methods allows for one to
harbor negative feelings and limits efficiency. When people communicate with
the intention of amicabl y resolving a matter , there are many positive benefits
such as increased productivit y, higher qualit y deliverables, and stronger team
relationships. In m y experience, I have seen this to be true time and time again.
Although there are eight att ributes of supportive communication, I have
used this method to some extent most of my life in difficult situations where I
wanted some t ype of resolution. In one case, I had to confront a client where I
felt disrespected and scolde d in front of a group of people. I confronted the
client in her office and asked if she had a moment to speak after that I
proceeded to tell her that her behavior was unacceptable and unjustified . She
was shocked that as a contractor I was so direct, firm, and professional. I did
ask for her side of the story as to why she said what she did . I demonstrated
supportive listening and then I provided her with facts when she was speaking
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Kulsoom Basharat
PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
nonsense again. I stayed focus on the issue at hand and in the end she
apologized for her words whe n she was proven to be wrong in her claims against
me. I felt satisfied and left her office feeling we were both full y aware of where
we stood with each other and although it was a negative experience having to
endure such behavior from her, I felt I stood up for m yself and clearl y defined
what would not be tolerated ever again.
The chapter differentiated between coun seling and coaching which is
important to understand because managers need to know when to counsel and
when to coach subordinates.

Coaching comes into play when someone needs

advice or to share lessons learned from past experience to help with a current
situation. Coaching happens when someone needs information on how to do
their job better. Counseling is needed when attitudes need to be adjus ted, people
arent getting along, or other emotions are at play.
There is a fine line of knowing how far to go when counseling or coaching
someone- a manager must be avoid alienating or offending a subordinate.

In

one case I had to use both counseling an d coaching methods on a subordinate.


She was an incredibly self -conscious and lacked self -esteem yet she was at a
high level in the company and happened to fall under my management. I
automaticall y took to her and wanted her to come out of her shell at a pace she
was comfortable with. I coached her on how to deal with our client and the
demands of the project and ways to manage her time since she was having
trouble running in the fast paced environment. I made her feel welcome on the
team and encouraged oth ers to include her in social activities. Others began to
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Kulsoom Basharat
PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
notice her even though she was working within the company for a few years
prior to joining the team.
Counseling came into play when she started sharing personal issues she
had been dealing with sinc e childhood and how past trauma was hindering her
abilit y to perform to the level she wanted to be at. Even though m y
undergraduate degree was in Psychology I was in no place to give her advice on
how to deal with her trauma but I did listen to her and sho wed her great
compassion and empathy and worked with her to find ways to cope with job
related struggles. By attending professional therapy sessions and building
relationship with teammates she exceled and everyone truly enjoyed working
together. That was four years ago even though we all moved on to different
companies we became friends outside of work and respect our individualit y. I
think thats important when coaching/counseling its not about making someone
see the same as you but finding that each p erson can contribute to the shared
goal and enhance the end result.
I feel it is important to maintain positive energy at work and in ones personal life. Its
important to apply lessons learned in all aspects of ones life but to not become callous in dealing
with new situations because of the past. There were several strategies in this chapter I found
helpful and knew I lacked such as I have trouble not asserting my opinion before I hear the issue
in its entirety. I plan on being a little more self-aware and stick to the methods used in this
chapter to communicate effectively and reach resolutions fairly. Communication makes the
world go around both personally and professional it is very important to understand how to deal

Kulsoom Basharat
PAPA 5315
Personal Reflection Paper
with fellow co-workers, managers, and clients by means of constructively building a platform
where people can engage in open forums of communication.
I strongly believe learning comes from communication and illustrates that everyone
(whether good or bad) can teach us something and helps us to understand the significance it must
be given in society. Wars, social/family disputes etc., can all be avoided if there were open
communication lines between people.

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