Reviewer: Hailey kear,vanessa

Writer Miguel
Peer Review: Exploring an Event
Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like to discuss with your
group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)
Description/ details

ending

Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages. Were you able to follow the general direction of the
story easily? Explain.
Good clarity, I was able to follow everything.
Persuasiveness
2. Is the change or revelation apparent? Is it subtle and nuanced or does it feel too explicitly stated?
Yes, great use of dialogue.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich?
Great use of words!
Concrete Details
4. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to illuminate their ideas,
making them come alive.
Used detailed words such as panicked, fixated, and conjured
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
5. Does the introduction/hook create interest? How?
The title hooked me, needs more of Attention getter.
6. Does the conclusion feel like it has weight? Does it feel meaningful, like a mic drop, or insubstantial?
How could it be improved?
Yes very meaningful. Its like a powerful mic drop.
Most Successful Passage
7. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
It was successful because it hooked my emotions and it is very relatable.
8. Point out any special successes with the structure of the narrative, whether its linear or utilizes
flashback or other more complicated elements.
Flashbacks

Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem choppy (short) or
pretentious (wordy).
They seem to explain how hes feeling but not how other people in the story are feeling maybe use of
more details could fix that.
10. Do any words or phrases stand out as particularly striking, beautiful, or unexpected? Which ones?
He uses a very wide and strong vocabulary like puzzled, fixated , and utterd
Editing
11. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in usage and mechanics.
Grammar
Separate into paragraphs
Run ons
Mla format
More details

Other
12. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is important: since every
paper is unique, they will each have their own successes and concerns that may not be addressed
above.

Need commas and lots of run ons

Need to separate into paragraphs!

Next Steps
13. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps here.

ok