May 23, 2015

Dear reader,
I have chosen these pieces of my writing because they are the most
unedited and I believe best represent my raw work. They are definitely
not perfect but they best represent what my strengths are as well as my
weaknesses.
In each of the artifacts I have changed words to make them fit better
with the overall tone and to make the essay seem more thoughtful. For
example in artifact 1 I changed have anything to do with to represent
this shortens the sentence and makes the overall tone more thoughtful
and proper. I also changed have much to do to relate to for the same
reason (1).
In artifact 2 I made changes so that the essay would make more since
overall. For example rather than Jefferson believed I put Jefferson
wrote because there is no way of knowing if Jefferson truly believed in all
men being equal but it is a fact that he has written those words. I also
changed some words to fit the tone of the prompt better such as
changing show to convince. I made Banneker seem more effective
than I had previously by removing attempts and tries so that it seems like
the essay written by Banneker is effective.
In artifact 3 I changed a sentences structure so that it was easier to read
and made more since by changing a sixth of the circulating currency to
Johnson states that a sixth of the circulating currency is spent on
prisoners. I also clarified where I am describing logos by changing then
states to again uses logos
In artifact 4 I edited much of it to sound more professional and less
repetitive. I also reorganized some sentences so that the speech would
flow better. I changed always tries to frequently attempts because
always is, in general, a bad word to use while arguing a point because it
sets you up for failure. I removed some phrases that repeated themselves
too often. I also condensed a sentence so that the sentence didnt run on
for too long.
Throughout this year I have found it easier to write fluffy or write longer
essays. Previously I had struggled to write a long essay and now, although
I dont enjoy fluffy writing, I can write longer essays when required. In
previous years I didnt understand the point of dragging out a sentence

and I only wrote enough to get my point across. I have found that it is
easier this year to write more than I need to convey the proper tone,
mood or whatever I need to convey in that particular essay.
Two literary titles that have impacted my growth the most this year have
been The Great Gatsby Fitzgerald, and 13 things that dont make since:
the most baffling mysteries of our time Brooks. Gatsby has helped me to
read a book and see the characters through multiple different
interpretations one that portrayed Gatsby as a creepy stalker, another
that portrayed him as a man obsessed with his idea of a perfect life, and
another that portrays him as a great romantic. 13 things that dont make
since has helped me to grow as a reader because I have improved in my
ability to understand science literature and in particular how to interpret
what a word means through the rest of the passage. This book helped me
with this by having complicated language that I had never seen, most
relating with some sort of astrophysics, and leaving me to decipher the
meaning of words.

Sincerely,
Michael OCain