Social Media vs.

Relationships
UWRT 1102-093
EMILY BRYSON

Emily Bryson
Adam Padgett
UWRT 1102-093
04/13/2015

Social Media vs. Relationships

How hard is it to trust someone? You give someone something and you trust that they
handle it with the same care that you do and if not better, but how do you know if they are? In
many instances, couples find themselves struggling to trust one another online, seeing that that is
how many relationships spark up in todays society. A survey that was conducted in 2014 asked
men and women what they share with their partner when it comes to their social media accounts.
This included sharing passwords, knowing their friends, and even allowing account access
(Norton). The main motive behind this type of sharing is insecurity. Many see social media as a
way to connect with people from the past but with technologies capabilities increasing, it makes
it easier for us to meet new people. Social media is changing the way people act in relationships
such as not being able to trust one another, relying on others approval, and violating the
boundaries of their partners.
According to How Technology Has Changed Romance author Breeanna Hare, In the
digital age, technology isnt killing courtship. But for many young couples, its redefining what
romance looks like. People meet on social media apps and dating websites more often now than
ever. It is as normal for two people to partake in intimate relationships online as it is for them to

meet in person. Hare continues to explain how easy it is to meet new people on social apps such
as, Grindr, Are You Interested?, and PlentyOfFish. These social apps use your phones GPS to
help you find a date/hookup within a certain mile radius. Having access to potential relationships
at the tip of finger can be a bit overwhelming and can take the magic out of meeting someone
new. Facebook, a popular social media website, is becoming a tool to gather information about
potential, present, and past partners. The term for this form of mystery solving is Facebook
sleuthing. This is where you look at someones Facebook profile to learn things about them
before actually meeting them. According to Dr. Corinne Weisgerber, an associate professor of
communication at St. Edwards University in Austin, Texas, Brushing up on someones
background pre-date means you could skip over some of those foundational moments of
discovery in person. This information suggests that people are resorting to technology to find
out more about someone rather than making memories with that person and finding out the
information face to face. As this becomes more prevalent, more couples are having a hard time
connecting with one another and leads to many unsatisfied relationships (Hare).
Michael Harris, author of The End of Absence, explains, Like my entire generation, I
seem to be drawn to the internets fluttering promise of connections, and then repulsed by it, in
equal measure. And I feel that in the end, the internet will win. After this statement, he
continues to explain how he met his present partner Kenny using an online dating website called
PlentyOfFish. On my solo walk home- after I left the man I now call my partner- I might have
enjoyed the chance to reflect on his charms or run our conversation over again in my head,
committing to memory his favorite beer, the color of his eyes. Instead, I clutched to my phone in
my pocket, hoping for any slight vibration. By stating this, Harris is demonstrating how the
wonder we once possessed before constant connectivity has been stripped away. Even though his

experience with online dating was a positive one, he still shows concern for the lack of wonder
that he once felt before the era of constant connectivity. When hoping for any slight vibration,
its as if he needed a notification as a sign of approval to know that the date went well for both of
them. As the relationship begins to become more serious, Harris grows curious of how he was
paired with his partner online and decided to speak to the CEO and founder of PlentyofFish,
Markus Frind. Frind explains that the companys algorithm assumes that two individuals should
check each other out based on the qualities and shared interests that successful couples possess.
When reflecting on the meeting with Markus Frind, Harris states, From a mass of sixty million,
draw one person to love. And then, against all odds, make it work. It was more than unsettling to
see that such a calculated and crowdsourced system had brought us together in the first place. It
is odd how a computer system can understand something as powerful as love when most humans
cant fathom the idea of truly defining it even though we try to (Harris).
According to the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, a peer reviewed journal
written by Harry T. Reis and Susan Sprecher, Once the courtship commences, social networks
continue to play a role in affecting the relationship state (e.g. the levels of satisfaction, love,
commitment, and overall quality within the romantic relationship). Have you ever seen a post of
an athletic couple working out together with #relationshipgoals in the caption and thought,
Wow, it must be nice to be fit and work out together? Well then this post did its job. People
post things on social media pertaining to their relationship because they want people to see how
happy they are, or in some cases how happy they seem. For example, man crush Monday
(#mcm) and woman crush Wednesday (#wcw) are examples of how relationships and social
media correlate. Every Monday and Wednesday thousands of people post a picture of their
significant others on social media to show the world how much they love and care for them. As

superficial as it seems, people need to see that their significant other stills cares about them and
posting a picture of them on social media is a type of reassurance. As baffling as it sounds, most
couples are affected by social media more than they realize. They want to show people how
happy they are together, even if they arent. Couples use social media as a way to put on a front
for those who doubt their relationship. In a sense, it seems as though couples use social media to
fool themselves into thinking that it is natural to feel as if you need approval from strangers.
The Encyclopedia of Human Relationships states that, Robert Milardo and colleagues
have shown that the more the networks of the couple overlap (i.e., the more they share mutual
friends), the lower the likelihood of relationship demise. The social network prevents breakup
because the more overlap there is in the network, the more a breakup would cause turmoil-in
ones romantic relationship, as well as with ones friends, perhaps forcing them to choose sides.
Along with the information listed above, The Encyclopedia of Human Relationships also
mentions, Approval largely indicated that the social network is in agreement with the couple
about their perception of the relationship. Disapproval, however, indicates disagreement. This
difference is important because one doesnt need to stop to question why it is that ones friends
and family agree with him or her, but disagreement causes one to stop, think, reconsider, and
sometimes choose between the relationship with the disapproving friend/relative and the
romantic relationship. As teenagers and young adults, dating someone that our friends/family
disapprove of is normal. However, only you can truly decide what is best for you but, you should
still take the things they tell you into consideration. We ask questions and confide in certain
individuals about specific issues in order to receive helpful feedback. By not taking the feedback
they give you into consideration, you will only have a harder time resolving the issue at hand,
prolonging the process and adding stress into your life (Relationship Termination).

As we deal with relationship help, we must understand how to prevent situations from
getting out of hand and how to avoid further conflict. According to the, Encyclopedia of Human
Relationships, Lack of support, interference, or other forms of disapproval from the social
network are linked to a higher risk of relationship dissolution. Couples coping with the lack of
social support for their relationship tend to show lowered levels of commitment and increased
risks of infidelity and breakup. Further new research shows that the impact of the social network
extends even beyond breakup, as disapproved couples are less likely to even remain friends post
dissolution.(Relationship Termination). We want what we cant have and that is what causes
many problems in relationships. Many people will see how happy a person is and will try to
intervene because of jealousy. They will begin to message people consistently and even trade
phone numbers, leaving the other individuals significant other unaware of the situation. Once
the partner becomes suspicious of this activity happening, things can turn for the worst. In a
2007 Technology and Teen Dating Abuse Survey by Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU), teens
reported that digital abuse is a serious problem, in which abusers try to control their partners
with tactics like constant text messaging and cellphone calls, usually unbeknownst to their
parents. This survey was taken in 2007 before the explosion of Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat,
and Vine, meaning that digital abuse is even more prevalent now. People dont realize they are
digital abuse victims because of the relevance of constant connectivity and how natural it has
become among the teenage population. If your significant other doesnt reply after an hour, you
get scared that something bad has happened to them. Someone who finds themselves sending
their significant other multiple text messages in 5 minute increments after no reply, should
reconsider the values they seek in a relationship (McEwen).

In conclusion, social media does affect people in both positive and negative ways,
depending on how you handle it. As we grow, we start to understand how vital trust is and how it
is the foundation of all relationships. If we realize that trust isnt present, it makes the
relationship more stressful than enjoyable. Even though social media is changing the way we act
in relationships, it shouldnt alter our trust or understanding of who we are as individuals or as
couples.

Works Cited
Hare, Breeanna. "How Technology Has Changed Romance - CNN.com." CNN. Cable News
Network, 12 Feb. 2013. Web. 11 Mar. 2015.
Harris, Michael. "Hooking Up." The End of Absence: Reclaiming What We've Lost in a World of
Constant Connection. New York: Penguin Group, 2014. Print.
McEwen, L. (2014, February 14). Cellphones, social media are new tools in teen dating abuse.
Retrieved March 11, 2015
Norton, A. M., & Baptist, J. (2014). Couple boundaries for social networking in middle
adulthood: Associations of trust and satisfaction. Cyberpsychology: Journal of
Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 8(4), article 2. doi: 10.5817/CP2014-4-2
Relationship Termination. (2009). In H. Reis & S. Sprecher (Eds.), Encyclopedia Of Human
Relationships (Vol. 3, p. 1546). Thousand Oaks, California: SAGE Publications