Dalton 1

Madeleine Dalton
Professor Campbell
Human Growth and Development 1100
March 27, 2015
Reality Assignment 2
(Adolescence/Dating)
For this assignment, I chose to answer the set of seven questions related to dating (Q&A
located on pg. 4 for reference). I also asked the same questions to Don, an older adult male who
is fifty-seven. It was interesting to see that there are many similarities and differences between
our answers. Reasons for this may include; age difference, personal interests, maturity levels, and
past experiences with dating/relationships. After analyzing both sets of answers, I was also able
to apply developmental concepts to my findings in order to further identify the comparisons.
After comparing the answers side by side, I noticed that two differed the most. Question
four asks about the best way to initiate a relationship. Don and I had differing opinions because
he believes the Internet is a good way to find a serious relationship; he met his previous wife
through eHarmony. Personally, I think online dating is mainly for casual dating, and hookups.
The other answer that differed was question five, which asks about personal values and beliefs
related to dating. While there are some similarities, Don seems to mainly focus on the belief of
monogamy. Similarly, I, too, believe in monogamy. On the other hand, I personally think that
trust and respect are the most important values when it comes to serious dating.

Dalton 2
Questions one and seven possess the most similarities. Number one asks the general
question, What does dating mean to me? Well, we both answered that dating is a way to see if
two people are compatible. As Don puts it, dating is a means to an end. In other words, we
both think that dating is not valued in itself, but is very useful in achieving an objective, such as;
a serious relationship, companionship, marriage, etc. Question seven asks to summarize the
perfect date. Don and I both agree that a good conversation is necessary in order to achieve
perfect date status. There needs to be some sort of connection with the other person, otherwise,
theres no sense in trying to get to know them.
As said before, there are many possible reasons as to why there are similarities and
differences between our answers. The first could have a lot to do with our age difference. I am
twenty-one years old, which means I have entered the stage of emerging adulthood. As defined
by Kathleen Berger, this period of life occurs between the ages of 18 and 25. Berger states, In
emerging adulthood, many people seek higher education and explore their identity by postponing
marriage, parenthood, and career (2014 p. 393).
According to Erik Eriksons fifth stage of development, identity versus role confusion, I
am still currently exploring the complexities of my own identity (356). Even though Im
pursuing my career and life goals, finding my true identity is still considered a primary task.
Mentally and emotionally, Im not ready for a commitment like marriage. Don, however, has
already experienced identity achievement. This is defined as Eriksons term for obtaining ones
identity; the point at which a person understands who he or she is as a unique individual, in
accord with past experiences and future plans (Berger 2014 p. 356). In Dons case, I would say
hes in a better position for a marriage commitment.

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I could also argue that both Don and I have entered Eriksons sixth stage of development.
Even though we lead very separate lives, we have had desires-at some point in time-to share our
lives with another person. This stage is called intimacy versus isolation, which is when Adults
seek someone with whom to share their lives in an enduring and self-sacrificing commitment.
Without such commitment they risk profound loneliness and isolation (Berger 2014 p. 415).
There are a few more reasons that contribute to the differences between mine and Dons
answers on this subject. Maturity levels and past experiences have a lot to do with it. Seeing as
though Don is entering senescence more rapidly than me, I can see how his maturity will affect
his future relationships. This term is described as aging, or a gradual physical decline (Berger
2014 p. 428). Don is thirty-six years ahead of me in life experience. As a result, he is very wise
and has more expertise when it comes to relationships and marriage.
Berger points out that despite the culture of divorce, Americans remain optimistic about,
and even eager to enter, marriages (2014 p. 417). I find this very eye-opening because theres no
age limit when it comes to dating, marriage, or even love. Although my answers differed from
Dons, I came to the conclusion that we still desire the same things; to share a life with someone,
and that provides endless possibilities and meaning. People and their dating preferences may be
different, but its just the principle of it that counts. This experience was worthwhile to me
because it helped me realize and understand that everyone deserves companionship. I cannot
simply judge someone else because their interests differ from mine.

Dalton 4
Questions & Answers
1. What does dating mean to me?
My Answer: Dating means finding someone you can relate to, and have a fun, noncommitted relationship with. It also means that a person doesnt have to be monogamous.
While theres no commitment, its a way for two people to see if theyre even compatible,
and willing to enter a more meaningful relationship.
Dons Answer: Dating is a means to an end. It's a way of finding out if the person I am
dating is compatible and whether it would lead to a serious relationship. Writing to each
is certainly a good way to go. In fact, I think it's a pretty underrated tool for dating. But
no matter what, at some point, you have to meet the person. There is no good way to hide
all of who you are on a date.
2. What are the qualities of a person Id like to date?
My Answer: They need to make me laugh, and also be considerate of other people
besides me. More qualities include; loyalty, honesty, dedication, adventurous,
spontaneous, and reliable.
Dons Answer: Smart, funny, informed, curious, good-natured and sweet, but no pushover.
3. What are qualities I have to offer a date?
My Answer: Id like to think that Im a very positive, and adventurous person. I care
about others, Im very driven and hardly second guess myself. I also believe I am very
generous, and I like to make others feel happiness.
Dons Answer: I think the same things, which should not be surprising.
4. What is the best way to initiate a relationship with someone Im interested in dating?
My Answer: Avoiding games, and being truthful is the best way to go. I dont believe in
the social standard that men need to make the first move. If Im interested in someone
and want to further the relationship, I will say just that. Texting has always been a good
way to go in that sense.
Dons Answer: Actually, I think the Internet has been a pretty good way to go. It,
certainly, saves time on "wasted" dates. I don't mind striking up a conversation with
someone in a public place. I think you can tell a lot about someone in that kind of
situation. A "stuck-up" attitude shows me they're insecure, which something I definitely
don't want. I don't like set-ups. They're too awkward.
5. What are my personal values and beliefs related to serious dating?
My Answer: When Im fully committed to another person, I need to be myself around
them. I dont want to pretend to be someone Im not. Honesty, trust, and respect go a long

Dalton 5
way in a serious relationship, and you must always be considerate of your partners
feelings and opinions.
Dons Answer: I am monogamous. I'm not interested in "playing the field." I pretty much
like to focus on one person at a time. That's why I like weeding out a lot of "non-dating
material." I take it pretty seriously.
6. What are some indicators of when Im ready for serious dating?
My Answer: When Im ready for a serious relationship, I need to be in a healthy state of
mind. I need to be happy and content with myself before I can let anyone else in. Another
indicator is when I cant picture my life without that other person. If I havent gotten sick
of them within the first few months, Id say thats a big sign as well.
Dons Answer: I'm not right now. I know that. I'm not sure I would be dating for the
"right reason." Certainly, feeling lonely is not a right reason even though I wouldn't say
that's what I am feeling. Right now, I feel like I need to get a better handle on why I
would want to be with someone before even starting to think about dating again.
7. What would I consider a perfect date?
My Answer: I need to be with someone I truly connect with, and I dont ever want to feel
tension. If I get the sense that the other person is trying too hard, it makes me wonder
what theyre trying to hide. Id prefer a date in a casual setting, with enough room for
conversation. There are times, though, when silence is nice, and Id like to be doing
something that doesnt involve communication the entire time.
Dons Answer: Someone who's fun, relaxed, and interesting. I like good conversation.
She would have to keep up her end. It would be a pretty short date if I had to do all the
talking. I, truly, am interested in what the other person has to say.

Works Cited
Berger, Kathleen Stassen. Invitation to the Life Span. 2nd Edition. New York: Worth Publishers,
2014. Print.