Peer Review: Reflective Essay draft

Authors name: Raymond Yongho

Reviewers name: Nicola Baker
Author: Provide the following information about your essay:
1. Write your thesis statement/main idea below (if it is still a work in progress, say so)
The general theme of my reflection memo was to not being afraid of ones failures
2. Write out one or two questions about your draft you would like your reviewer to answer.

Do the genres that I have listed down relate to my theme?

Would it have made more sense for me to have added my theme in the introductory paragraph?

Reviewer: Read the writers entire draft once. As you reread the draft, respond to the following:
1. Introductory paragraph(s): Write down the sentence or sentences that contain this reflection
papers main idea (according to you). Does the author focus on an overarching theme/metaphor/quote
symbol/etc.? Suggest how the thesis statement/main idea could be strengthened, clarified, or otherwise
improved. Does the author state which evidence will be examined in the rest of the essay? Suggest
how the author could improve this part of the essay.

There wasnt a particular sentence that in the intro that told me the main idea. I didnt figure it
out till I keep reading.
The author focus on using many examples to explain what he means.
The thesis statement would be clarified if it was emphasized in the first paragraph.
The author never states which evidence will be looked at in the rest of the essay that should be
a concluding sentence in the introduction.

2. Supporting paragraphs: Check to make sure the content of the paper supports the thesis and that
additional evidence or content is not needed to support it. Indicate one paragraph in which the writers
evidence is strong, and state the reasons why you think so. Then find one paragraph that needs more
evidence. Drawing from your own experiences or understanding of the type of assignment the author is
discussing, suggest evidence that might work to better illustrate or develop the main idea or subclaims.
Good Job really shows your main idea: Whereas the group evaluation gave me more insight on what
skills needed polishing. It was also helpful that I was able to speak with my peers face-to-face when it
came to evaluating each others work.
Paragraph four needs more specific evidence. Like quoting yourself and showing the feedback you
received and then showing how it changed.
3. Organization: Number the paragraphs in the authors paper. Then, use the space below to describe
the purpose or main idea of each paragraph. Check to make sure the paper follows a consistent

organizational pattern and is effectively organized with clear paragraphs (focused around one subclaim) and smooth transitional/topic sentences. When you finish, suggest where the writer might
improve the organization of the paper through the use of transitional sentences, by focusing on one
topic in each paragraph, by restructuring the order of paragraphs, etc.
I suggest that if youre going to us a heading for the introduction that you do the same throughout.
P1: what you expected from this class
P2: How previews where youre biggest help.
P3: How you have improved.
P4: Repeating how you improved
P5: How you incorporated your theme into your e-portfolio
P6: Your fear of failure
4. List the 2 most important things the author should focus on during revision.
Focusing on the main idea in every paragraph
Read over what he wrote just minor revisions needed.
Last paragraph: While other students may age have already had practice working in the employment
field I have barely just begun needs revising ?????
5. Respond to the authors questions in number 2.
Two questions I have for you.
Is your paper really about how revisions improved your work (talked about in 2nd paragraph) or is it
the fear of failure (talked about in the last paragraph)?
Is this whole thing your introduction?
Author: When your essay is returned, read the comments by your peer reviewer and do the following:
1. Compare your description of the thesis statement with your readers. Consider your readers
comments and revise your thesis statement if necessary.

2. What additional evidence from the research youve read, from your experiences, from your
observations, etc. would strengthen the support for your thesis?

3. Make a revision plan. List, in order of importance, the 3 most important things that you need to do
as you revise your essay.
1. Make the main theme of my final memo more clear
2. Once that is done make sure to present it in the introductory paragraph
3. Make sure to section the paragraphs