Vajrayana male-female symbolism is not about sex.

The practice can only exist

in context of a correct view of the unity of compassion and wisdom.
Furthermore, as the tantric path works on a personal and non- conceptual level,
it is not possible to make judgements about a practitioner. Tantra transcends
completely the conventional idea of a man and woman having a sexual
relationship. It is about working with phenomena to bring about the
extraordinary realization of emptiness and bodhicitta in order to liberate all
beings from samsara. To expect a yogin or yogini, who is aspiring to go beyond
the chauvinism of the confused mind, to worry about sexual rights issues seems
absurd in the context of such a vast view.
Yet for the neophyte Westerner, certain Tibetan traditions must be very
annoying, and seem sexist or male chauvinist. Western perspectives on sexual
relationships emphasize "equality", yet this is very different from what is meant
by equality in Vajrayana Buddhism. Where equality in the West stands for two
aspects reaching equal footing, in Vajrayana Buddhism equality is going beyond
"twoness" or duality all together
If duality remains, then by definition there can be no equality. I think social
equality between men and women is less important than realizing the equality
between samsara and nirvana which, after all, is the only true way to engender a
genuine understanding of equality. Thus the understanding of equality in
Vajrayana Buddhism is on a very profound level.