CHOOSING CIVILITY

Civility is so much more than just being polite. Its is how

we live and how we make others feel about themselves.
Understanding and choosing civility starts with our own
perceptions, thoughts and then transcends through to our
words and how we treat others. Its something we can
learn and practice - a disciplined way of thinking, acting
and feeling that literally could change the world.
Competition would be healthy, not a defining method of
ones self worth. People could disagree without being
disrespectful. Conflicts could be resolved without
destroying property and peoples. Just imagine a society
where we saw one another with spiritual eyes, which
looked past our many human imperfections in a nonjudging and defeating way. This world would become a
place of peace despite differences. A place where each
others growth and well being, would be of upmost
importance. If each of us learned the depth of choosing
civility and applied it in our lives this world would become
a place where love could abound. It would become a place
where we as individuals could reach the potential we were
born to achieve, collectively.

I will touch briefly on the 25 rules of considerate conduct when

choosing Civility.
RULE 1: Pay Attention or Devoted Awareness
As I slow down and really focus on the happenings of people
around me, my ability to have meaningful or positive
interactions increases. When I make a conscience effort to be
present and aware in all situations, I become connected to
myself and others and able to respond with newness and
concern.
RULE 2: Acknowledge Others or Simply Recognition
Acknowledging others as I pass through daily life through
gestures such as a smile or statement of hello, can go a long
ways in helping others feel that their existence matters.
Through simple yet genuine recognition of others, I can be a
positive in the lives around me.
RULE 3: Think the Best or Focus of Peoples Positives
As I learn to separate situations from a persons personal
worth and abilities, I can assist them in seeing and reaching
their potential. I bring out the best in myself and others when I
have an attitude of focusing on peoples positive traits.
RULE 4: Listen or Giving Ear

I have an obligation to listen, be present and focused while

others are communicating. By silently giving my ear, I help
create a sense of mutual respect and connection with the
communicator. This allows for an offering of clarity or resolve.

RULE 5: Be Inclusive or Have A General Unbiased Approach

In my daily interactions with others, I need to possess a
general sense of respect and consideration to be felt by all,
whether close friends, acquaintances or strangers. Treating all
I meet with an unbiased attitude creates an environment of
productivity and creativity, an environment where trust and
respect can be developed.

RULE 6: Speak Kindly or Cord of Cordiality

Whether in my use of words expressions or tones, I need to

make sure these acts uplift. By speaking kindly, I create that
invisible cord that connects us all as members of the human
race. As I create a cordial relationship with these I associate,
opportunities for growth and the ability to resolve conflicts in
a peaceful and timely fashion are established.
RULE 7: Dont Speak Ill or Refrain From the Derogatory

When I make it a priority to not gossip and refrain from

derogatory remarks or conversations about others, people will
feel a sense of trust and not feel threatened or suspicious. This
atmosphere allows for positive change, loyalty and meaningful
relationships. There is great comfort in life when we feel
emotionally safe in our relationships and this in turn allows us
to strengthen our connections with those around us.
RULE 8: Accept and Give Praise or Bow and Applause

I can nurture the self esteem in others and in myself as I

sincerely accept and give compliments. The grace by which I
take bows or applaud others, is essential to myself discovery,
well being and creating a space of feeling appreciated.
RULE 9: Respect Even a Subtle No or When the Answer is No
The right to say No belongs to everyone and I have the
responsibility to not take the answer no personally or as an
opportunity to interrogate another, which could leave the
feeling guilty and pressured with their decision. Others have a
right to feel they are allowed to do whats in their best interest
without being questioned.
RULE: 10: Respect Others Opinions or Great Minds

As I remember that differences arent always about right and

wrong, the world becomes full of discovery. Showing respect of
the opinions of others means I dont make them feel
diminished and I create opportunities for sharing that allows
all who participate a chance to give or receive perspective.

RULE 11: Mind Your Body or Pleasant Presence

My presence should not be distracting. Basic grooming and
manners apply always. One should be modest and professional
in everything from our clothes to our speech.

RULE 12: Be Agreeable or Responsible Compromise

As I avoid confrontations and the inclination to disagree, I
show others that I have respect for them and regard their
desires. This is vital in establishing a harmonious space where
people feel valued. When I dont fight the good intentions of
others, their life becomes gratifying as will mine.
RULE 13: Keep it Down or In the Stillness
Noise not only causes frustration but it can be detrimental to
our physical well being as well. It interferes with concentration
and ones sense of peace. In the stillness we become more self
aware, we can form more meaningful connections and find
solutions. It shows the deepest respect as when learned to be
silent at appropriate times and in certain surroundings. Most
growth, knowledge and creativity occur in tranquil moments.

RULE 14: Respect Other Peoples Time or Clock Considerate

Valuing other peoples time as if it were my own is another
important aspect to being civil. Respecting deadlines,
considering phone calls and appointments with punctual
commitment, keeping communications clear and to the point,
shows that I have a respectful sensitivity and consideration to
others needs without the wasting of precious time and
energies.

RULE 15: Respect Other Peoples Space or No Trespassing

A sound foundation for good relationships starts with a
feeling of trust and safety. When we have respect for the
property of others which includes everything from personal
information to tangible items, and when we have a sense of
the invisible but extremely important boundaries that
surround each of us creating our personal space, we are
showing in a real sense that we have respect for the
individual. Good relationships keep stress at bay. So, dont
trespass.
RULE 16: Apologize Earnestly or Having Sincere Regret
Sincerely regretting and apologizing for offending of another is
a way that we show empathy. The more empathy we feel for
others the less we are prone to offending. As we become
aware of the effects our actions have on others and honestly
accept responsibility for them, we create a kinder and
forgiving environment where positive change can take place.
Where each of us, have a sense of value.

RULE 17: Assert Yourself or Avoid the Burnout

In order for me to be happy and be a positive in the lives of
others I have to take care of myself and learn to establish
personal boundaries that do not violate the needs of others. It
is not being selfish to avoid burning out. Each of us needs to
realize our own self worth in order to more fully help others
realize theirs. There is a sense of peace with purpose that we
develop when we learn that its ok to take care of ourselves,
too.
RULE 18: Avoid Personal Questions or None of Your Business
When choosing civility it is important to exercise discretion
and avoid intrusive questions. It is important to never make
someone feel that their privacy is threatened. Also we must
show respect by being discreet in the information we share
about ourselves. In the natural development of close personal
relationships, personal questions get answered but they are
only of importance in those types of close relationships.
RULE 19: Care for Your Guests or Colonel Mustard in the
Library
To be a considerate host, get to know your guests and create a
bond by listening and talking from your heart. Dont
overwhelm them or impose, but enjoy.
RULE 20: Be a Considerate Guest or Dont Rock and Roll All
Night

As a quest its important to treat the property of others with

care and be respect full of the other quests. Be responsible of
the cleanliness of any space you are at, control the behavior of
children and keep the noise appropriate for the time and place.
Avoid confrontations and anything that might be
embarrassing. Be aware of the reason you are guesting and
act accordingly so that it may be an enjoyable experience for
all. Connect with the mood of the environment.
RULE 21: Think Twice Before Asking For Favors or A Careful
Approach
When I consider the conflicts that have arose between family
members or friends, because of money or the difficulties that
come about when doing them a favor, it is extremely beneficial
in maintaining healthy relationships to carefully consider
before asking. I would ask is it necessary or can I do it myself.
To what extent will this inconvenience them or disrupt their
life. Can I make it worth their while? Also visa versa think twice
before doing a favor. Be clear on expectations so no
resentment could develop.
RULE 22: Refrain From Idle Complaints or Gratitude Latitude

Very simply our world and the lives of these we are around
become more fulfilling, satisfying and content when we make a
conscience effort to look at and focus on the positive. When,
we refrain from constant complaining. A happy life is one filled
with grateful heart, eyes and mouth.

RULE 23: Accept and Give Constructive Criticism or The

Learning Curve

The way I have learned is by the constructing words of my

peers. It is important to desire and crave the advice from
others that helps us to become better and do tasks at hand
more efficiently. We must use our words carefully when
teaching others. They must be tactful and encouraging. If one
feels attacked the mood turns defensive and no learning takes
place. Negative critique can be defeating.

RULE 24: Respect Environment Be Gentle with Animals or

Peace and Love
As we connect with our hearts to the beauty around us to
creatures large and small to nature and realize that all these
living things are spiritual in creation first, I think we become
softer and kinder and are able to love our human travelers on
a higher level.
RULE 25: Dont Shift Responsibility and Blame or Be Civil
Always
Lastly This is not a competition to stomp everyone out along
the way. This is a journey to be loved. We need to take
responsibility for how our life affects those around us and be
gentle. Live with our hearts and seek to help others do the
same.

When asked what makes me a good employee, these have

always come to mind first Dependability and reliability,
honesty hard working with effective management of my
time and completing tasks, working unsupervised, being a
self starter and motivated, always putting forth my best,
my punctuality And though these are valuable, their
importance has changed since reading Civility. Instead of
being a valued employee, I would like to value others,
thinking outside of myself helping others, really look at
them with the realization they too are human like me full
of dreams and desires, full of hurts and disappointments,
full of life experiences and abilities, differences and
individuality and yet like me. My hope is to learn to relate
with more empathy, compassion and consideration.

Im confident as I respect and treat others in a way that I

wish to be treated the environment will change and
become a place that allows for acceptance, creativity and
growth. As we begin to look at this world as the place of
opportunity to contribute and help one another instead of
a competitive field in which to defeat and crush all in our
path, our existence with others will become harmonious
and positive. Its about all of growing, existing and
helping one another. What a wonderful world it could be.
We become our bests selves as we genuinely help others
do the same.

Craig Smith
LE1220