Powtorwo’s Raixnow ‘This could never happen today, so you! have wa believe mewhen {relyou thar made all the way ino sch grade before a bunch fof people whom I did not knows who weren't my fai and wees he government, ued to deprive me of omething relly wasted for my own good, Up antl hat ine, ny parents ad routinely deprived meat tinge wanted, but they always deprived ‘mefor taro goo, noe mine (No, you cant go ot, Ti 00 tied to wony abot what yout doing while you out chet), and this tactic was annoying enough. For yeas abut 10 yf bohemian ascii, Now lsupec they wee shrewd than though, bea Fay since my patents were alway re ‘concerned with my shoughflnes than with ny goodness 1 gfo up all sured char I ould decide what was good for me—and mare gevie—if ould ge sway with So was shocked by my fire encounter with comuniar- lancightcousness—all che more shocked beau, that pointin thelfe of out Fan, hing were realy ooking up. We had just ‘raped airconditioned cusody in his ly-whie,cooki-cuter suburb of North Dalla and moved ro Santa Monica, ta house FigheunderthePalades,beoween the Paci Cons Highway and thebeach The house wa che quintessence ofcoolness.Therewat a big deck onthe second floor where we could stand gaze off acs the Pacific toward China. There wat a white brick wall around the house, low in fone and high in hack, covered with houguiavillen. There were yeangea bushes and handy hibiscus in tx fre yard, honeysuckle long the sidewall wer small yard ran a mimosa te ia the fron and wie inthe Back — zac ees of the wall and the bre off he ocea, we ould crank the windows open ad lt the house Sill up with colored Tigh, cool aig, and she snl of flowers Died end gone wo heaven. That the only way to describe fer eeepy,prisy Dallas, the etalon of tensry and saci infosration was overwhelming that would in bed at igh inche sweet darkness listening wo the tucks ramblingonthe reat and the murmur of che suron the sand, ad ical gig! There va jus so much, andi wae allo ool | had black fends a ‘choo ike my dad jna buddies | goo be the only ge in this kooky B'nai Brith Boy Scour troop down in Vence (Re- formed). Whenever I wanted, I couk just walkout the gas font oor with my dog, Darwin the Beagle, and log through the sand tlown w the ocsn. Or we could wre Ife and sll down co the Santa Monica Pier where ther wat + dat poo all wth sure ‘iminals in esidence. Or we eould wander aac dhe pier co Muscle Beach where multides of sem-naked women ned to pet Herr Daria About one a month on Sunday aernoon, we would pile inthe ca and 00 down 49 Hermosa of Redondo tient jae rusian every Satu morting my brother and sine and would climb the concrete seis up the Plas or crab up, ommando ye through the ice plat) and mabe our vay over to the Coerion forthe Kiddie Catoon Caria These w: would sicfor dhe hour, happy as clams, comming with Donald Duck, Bugs Bunn, the Road Runes, and Tom and Jey just Fucking blowa aways and this ic trmed outs what tle tree Indies wanced to lk to us about. They showed up a Santa Monics Elernenary abot four month ater we gc thereand set up shop inte lnch oom, There was a crackly announcement fon the speak i home room tha ti if we wanted tora 0 ther, we would be excused fom lst do tS, nesurcomen, cvenbody id ‘When my ime came, I was marched down the hall othe lunch room aed ushered oases cos rom thi ay wearing Bue auieand pears, jurlike June Clever. She hada hee tng binder anda bunch of papers onthe able in fone of her, and, snc the able waski-sized, she oka eal bigIomingichindie lice Chale Ray Ids: When Twat seared she looked up with abigsmile, called me Davy and asked me liked animated cat toons Iknew then {had made a ecrible mistake, Bat what ould 1 dt Isai ys, liked cartoons alos—and that my name was Daw She iled agin, not menninge thi time, and pereered ‘Aad what about Donald Duck? she aked. Di | hike Donald Disk Yes, I ked Donald Duck, Il ber alchough I wield !nyopinion shar te Duck waste only Disney caracter who had ny soul any edge, that he was sor ofthe Diy Gillespie of Diney characters Tiss not the sort ofimsight one shard wich Jone Cleeve Well then, she sid, what did I think abour Donal’ rela: Loahip wich his nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie? Did it boerme thachesreared ac them alle? Di hi fighsen sme Didi, pechaps semind ee of. sy mom or dad? She Tookedatane solemn expecta [waned to el her cat fist, Donald Duck wat 2 carom. Second, he wat a0 asta, duck, and nally, he war only abou isl. Bu I couldn T could telfiom the penetration of her gae char she wasnt really ine escd in ducks, an ley fae ging ho. My inquistr smiled fain, wiumphandy, aking chi blush sa ell-al igo of gull snheh twasnt Illex downed American pilin the clutches Fhe Geseapo, deterenined to protect dhe secret of hie edo. (Clea, his lady wanted to now eff ou my parent, and since, i ally peepination dough five water an thie tex grammar school had never met anyother ada who were ven remotely like my mom and dad, Iwas dedicated co con ‘eaing thes eccerscny, Because i ad its pehs I had seen encugh oy fiend homelivesto know this. According to shee prt, my parents et me ran wild. go to do thing ha ny ir never could, because my parents were weird. But they were ne lke Donald Duck! My dd was cool and poeio—like ‘me {though (wrongly. And my mom was noc coo tall She ‘eserios,high-strung, and Frey ion, ike Joan Crawford, sway busing around: psig psinsngsin she back bol toom and eading books wile she cooked dane sts secasional papeackafae)—alvay ating up lee fa sean eng ee aout Mayard Reyes Kae Mare when she gave me my allowance, (Kye and Mars sold vote ued he ples bern whith ny mom sy Bk cra ona daily ay hoy, i or ean hat wee cays apparent. Ths made things cxching, sine you nove hace if you wee dealing wih the skyalking entree othe tarde revlutanay My dad was mot ell nthe ee fc thory. He thought stoney war something Jou arsed inom, and hai ely, wes Smething yu ned ino mony Ieaely worked ot tht wa, buyin ths lee we weot en mind) “Any tha was my fl: Donald and Diy dhe wer bc ihe were hey Ward and Janes was eared ond cv, sous my peda an out cl. Idd ow gue howto ‘oponds and thes, nail Idd told he tah Don ‘kai, a or he my somo dal, He wa i ny og Down the Beagle, cxcabe bt loa Like, wheners pops would wal yin ont fou: he, Darin woul ele ‘suningand Boyingand bouncing log hind the ka snl hey wenpastan sinc the each silent of oot Suse nats well pared henge, Darwin wasn bases fh. Bat when you yl ath fo op, hem oped an tolled over ou, ing his ead and ing you tha oak you ado ge hin bighug The gin ly looked te, but nt she way Darin Ste didnt move heather ke star and dd She {inc wie anything down. She jst lke, and new Twat Fel because al given eat aswe knew isc ir thin grammar schol Thncx how fo delet poe sonal precoctus answer how ob thse extended oi tyrpoinc analogies char booed your sae on the et ey geyourhen you cameso anew school But June Clever wast buy fg, She ered over apiece ofpaper andasked me bout the Road anae artoons. Did Tike heme Yes 1 did. Did Tien with the Road Runes or the Coyote gin, T wanted ol her that Tdi dew with cartoons. They were just cartoons. Buin teuthLsmpathined with decoys, s0T ad “Wile E, Coy” "Wrong! Clay, ntong agin, om the look on her Fe, bat Twaseommited and I wanted wn, 01 presi on ident= “fied vith the coyote, std (Uke pits), beause he was ‘wae sending of inthe ral Fr svlf om Acs chat did work lke when [sent of for that Lone Range Badge and Sete De-nde, and when care, cwas ust his dumb piece of a ‘bute. Agin Ieodeed shi very ave preocous id answer: Soran, thing Shedd wrt snyting down ar couldnt bref T wa loning aque on cartoons! So wihdtew ita fallen hostility. Tis was my standard respoase to intransigent ‘Hluls. My il bother, on the other hand, being aie broths, invadably med silky sycophan, 0 Thave no doubs shat afew Toure later he was siting there wing way a Jane Cleave, sy ing es our hone was prisy mach Satan aulton Fld my arts ened stucco my lower ip June turned the payeand asked me if liked Tom and Jy. A esty nod tom ie tle Davey. And wa eer, peskaps finned by she violence! he ‘kel emphatic. A momen ofthougheand the. withan edge Fier seam that woul have impressed even xy mom sid “Oh yeah im alway trifle.” nd she wero shi down Ts, iscoveredvieuc’s invulnerability to contstal irony. And T oust ake it bac! For years I would replay this cee i my Fea, wishing tha Thad said something moe sophisticated, Ike (Chae Rains in Cntlonc:"Tam shocked shook!” Something Tike tha, but did, dare. Thad never fee quite so betaye bythe adule wodd unl six month later when the “esl of this dy” hic the news aationwide Even Dave Gartowy elke about ion The Tdey Shoe and he wa shocked ced Chien ere being esd yc ‘oon! We tembled at Doalé Duck inthe oe ofa abi pus Weed the Ro Rune aan lpr off A ek ‘fal we were tei sad ince ovens te spp Sama we ice in Be Ans fi ad fo Ae ‘maybe so, Maybe ome desc sd hs sa ut aking Istebna ne fen en seed shu vewe noi eri ond intent oso ‘mut ming der They ee wa otcrtone oc theanens ey wane. Rsk goo, belie Atay, ‘recente poe thence hey dl ecco ur connie opens aeemr of A epbe 1 Shedd bx ou no We te ah rd we aged our on gods am being ped cond het llyou that tt capcenc ftps ‘matic and desolating to me than any : ay mpeentten | heer ‘contr Alf the uote ai py isd in Cllomia isle in that omment Benes sit thei presumption dat we cnuatcniagashepenentone fom aly wend mie npmaetatons ob eee paren ake ook Whe men a ne ‘here wespoke Webel gnperon aera operate {es andrea sngenchnew hattooranes ‘aria vm mower tect woud beone ny oad prbay ie Thar, he se muh begun ‘ern overblown mone ed got ony hee pa ‘back, we laughed. tt Teves ci waste Which : thi ply wy ea th ini absed, snd betel hen ts Noes ene the dao oft een wither ee cfc of al managed so umbl pr son scp ‘rept deca depute r ub: wd hes and wal dc ioe chee beeen that which we who wand hatch noocsc upresensed—aha the responses lcted by represenatons te abeolaely contingent upon ther ats as representations — nd upon our knowledge of he dfescnce sepreenstion ‘What wedi nos grasp was just excl why he bling spc ade o'lawe-mowerd eat cxploding pappie, lling ducks, and plummeting avoter ras so important rus Today lear oa thar yew up in a generation of children whose fst experience of adl esponsibility invobed the cae of animale dogs, cats, howsespaees—alo hom, we soon aed, wer bexthleiy valmenble if we didn take cate. Even if we did take cre, we learned, chose crestwes, whom we loved, nigh, na momen, dese nt narclae sferngand debe gone free And te could do nothing abou it. So the spectacle feline te, indestrsctble anial-—of Donald Duckvening hi gi ‘nce and Tom surviving dhe lawn tmowes—pronded wa way of SSmlemeowy acknowledging and alleviating this aie ince allof ur laughter was premised on our new and tertile know Edge tha the eeatures ive into ou cce dln the perp ‘had of lene suffering and extinction, > So what we wansed 1 sce pretend were chats immpens ov armal, What we wanted tose, however, was cht wall of vibra, moving colo 10 we could experience the momentary redemoton ofits historia, ext-lingite, sensual embrace thar istantancous ashing intimation of paris that con Frmed our lve inthe moment, Which brings me, by rather en awl aad iris out, to the tae occasion for his eoay: a moment few day ag, when Tooke around ny ving oom and relied that, fr once, the rotting exon of art shat main there was perfectly harmonious Ben the panting sting on the Root leaning against the bookcase, worked The whele room bummed with thiclegan blend of pal, tertiary complement and ic, buy reds. Teva scoped the palete. Flipping open» lage book on ny coffe rable | found i played on pe afc page in che psnsings of Porm, [ound this perfectly amazing, Since I never coatiusly “urange” things, the accidental harmony spoke of some recon ssious, developing logic in my ey, and Toved the idea ths afer yrs oflving with color! would end up with Pontorme. Not such ahad place tobe, shoughy, but spoke of more dan dat ‘since I ealzed in that moment cht I bah inden, spent «good portion of my ile creating discovering or seeking oe jus such ‘olsarrated ztmosphetes—in my glowing, scented room i the house below the Palisades, ia at galeries, aris sean, ‘muscu asinos, and eahedrals—ae the old Ceterion in Santer Monica in the Bishop reidence t Wareburgandon the beach in San Diego standing withthe water around ny kaces,pcing through the sue spray at some extravagant orange and ted sn set thar flashed back i he lay cs. Bven aI considered thi anothesuchspecal, the Las Vga Sti, was blzingawy ight ‘outside my windows Talready knew four thac the cnon of bing evished by color was probably my principle dahl are wite sine color fora writer iil asa abut of language than ue for it But it was adsl tha aed most ofthe writers Toned so took comiort in itand inthe thought of Faber in Nor Alc, of Djuna Barnes inthe salons of Bilin, of Fieger in Sc Tioper, DeQuincey nis opi dca, Seah ia lence Ruskin and Henry James in Veni and evn hots Jerson, my old companion in selFiedulgenee, who was physical dis, comibobulaed by che ardent Veriles. In my own if, could Pinpoint the moment I came int this knowledge, When twas ‘ery young, my grandparens hada ile lowe sh in south Fort ‘Worth, the centerpiece of which was large walkin refigeator far sorng fies lowers. Te efigerator had gas window and doocs. Theis time stepped ins ile ee dor behind ne,ndsod these amid al hat clo, coolness and scent withthe Tigh reaming in was ke Docethy transported Ox knew ‘hy hated Texas, and this was something important to know: Se, liked hanging around the loser shop and ing nthe delivery tuck with ny gramps as be made ce ounds of hos tals an funeral hones. ike the way sik people always smiled tele flowers, and Leven liked sting up the sprays of flowers, ‘round the cline with dead people in dhem—whicn is probably ‘thy fl ike Thad died and gone to heaven when we moved (Caloris, Becaase there, a he lower shop, asin those Satunday- rmoming cartoons, color aways occured a league with and in ‘Opposition wsullexng, negation, and dea, Army end Jeremy ibe Role as argu persuasively cher am element of pos ivy in the visible world, and in colo parcel shat voually clades the bisroriciy of language, wit x protocols of esence nda The colored, aan abut of the word savas there is somelng other than the absence of yellow and blue and that, when that ed becomes es ed ie ‘rhe othe, eneer exis in inguisic condition of degrada- tion o exes thar must neces derive from our expectations The branch upon which the blossom hangs may be long or short, rough ar smooth, song o¢ weak according co our expec tatins, bat the cednes ofthe blosom is ievocable, and he sword "ed tels us nen co nothing about. There re dhousands (Feo in the wot and only few hundred words o deserve them, and thee include siitades like teal and peach and turquoise, So, he nats we pom colors ae hay more than peer names, ike Sith ot Ror ing diverse Familie of living experience. Thus, whea color sig nies anything, ialwayssigaes, ar wll respite roan language And hissoy—poidon from which we may contemplate absence fl death inthe pare ofthe moments we kids in Sana Monica oatenplated she deh of puppies in theembrac af ear~ toca inbows Motcoves, when at abandons clon, asi did in the nine tsen seventies ican ony recede into che domain of ebjection— into the provoets of language, hittory, and eprescnation The consequence of hit (hich I aed a the hands of Jane leave is that all iacuson of ee under uch mer es begins st * position of linguistic egrets hat endes invisible the cmp Aialogue between what we wane to sean what we Wan to See reproented. Ina oe vid word he question [woud have been sed at 2 child was nor "Do you ike nimated canons but "Do you prefer animated cartoons in color or in bladk-and- White” [now what my answer would have ben, but #1 had been asked, would have had a running tart would havebepun wondering, ight then, why [liked cartoons in enor and-would have known, lng before now, why Idi Instead moped sound [cling bexayed by unction, punishing aye for not coming up with something as colar Claude Rains in response to Fase nil hacked, kod