Running Head: Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

Evan Harper
CIS 112
Dr. Jessalyn Vallade

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

Abstract
Surprisingly, over the last several years divorce rates have decreased. This does not
mean however, that there are less broken families. Many people decide that
marriage can wait until they are older but that they can continue to have relations
with a person up to the point of having a child together. All together, this could
potentially be worse than divorce considering the parents were never serious about
each other from the start, meaning it will be more difficult to agree on decisions
regarding the child. Children will begin blaming themselves for their parents
decisions, which could cause behavioral problems with the child as well. As
Americans, we should take this challenge and make a change for the future of our
children. There are programs available to help single mothers raise their children
but it is our job as Americans to watch out for each other and inform others about
these different organizations so that our children will always feel safe and loved.

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

Divorce tears families apart, not only physically but also emotionally. The fact
that humans are genetically made up of half of their mother and half of their father shows
that bond directly. However, marriage over the years has become more of a problem in
our society. Although divorce rates have never been more that forty-one percent, many
people have begun to study this issue and have related it to the future of children with
parents who are not legally married, according to Dan Hurley (2005) from New York
Times. USA Today (2007) says that since the rates last spiked in the 1970s, divorce rates
have slowly decreased because more people are educating themselves by going to
college, but people are also becoming more open to the idea of living with someone of
the opposite sex without getting married. America should care more about marriage
because even though the divorce rates today are less than they have been over the last
forty years, the future of Americas children is being greatly affected by their parents
decisions no mater the family status.
Younger children are less likely to understand the problems that come of having
either divorced parents or parents who never intended on marrying. Nevertheless, the
relationship between the parents at such a young age directly affects the childs future in
many ways such as causing a sense of emptiness within the family as shown in the
picture (2013).

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

As Stone (2006) says, some children will take their parents struggles upon
themselves as if it is their responsibility. Growing up with only one parent is challenging
because there is no one else there to back up the parent. If single parents have no
restrictions or rules, or are the complete opposite of that by being extremely
overprotective, there is also no alternative. Consistency is a great thing when dealing with
children; however, it is always good to have another opinion for the parents to make
decisions together for the best result.
As a child who grew up from age five without a father in my life, I personally
know how greatly ones future is affected. I wish each and every day that I had a father
who cared about our family as much as my mother did, and who could help provide for
our family so that my mother didnt have to be so stressed all the time though, it has
always been very apparent how strong my mom has been to continue to raise two girls on
her own with no physical or financial assistance. Personally, not having a father around
has pushed me to be the best that I can be so that one day I can have a family and still be
able to help my mom as much as she has helped me. Unfortunately, this is not always the
case. According to the Encyclopedia of Childrens Health (2014), some common results
to children who have single parents include having lower levels of educational
achievement, more conflict with their parent(s) and are more likely to participate in
violent crime (2014). Most single parents have struggled to educate themselves and since
the children see that they are less likely to educate themselves past high school. If the
parents didnt educate themselves, they probably work consistently to keep the bills paid
which takes away from the relationship they have with their children, in turn, causing
conflict. If the child is arguing with their parent, this could lead to violent behaviors,

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

which could follow them later in life and could turn into a more serious issue such as
crime. Not having a father in my life also restricted me from knowing how a father
should act around his children and towards his wife. This affects me in a way that inhibits
me from understanding the way a husband should treat her wife. But I am not the only
teenager who feels this way. Teens who have grown up with a single parent are at a
greater risk of divorcing or becoming unwed parents (Brown, 2010). This risk is caused
simply by what the teens are exposed to when they are growing up. Seeing their parent
raise children alone makes them less knowledgeable about relationships causing them to
be at a greater risk for divorce or having children outside of marriage. According to USA
Today (2007), Americans are now waiting longer before marrying which allows the
relationship to fully develop and mature. But since then, living with your significant other
before marriage has become more prevalent in society. In the book, Should I Keep Trying
to Work it Out? Hawkins (2009) stated that the problem with waiting to marry is that
couples are living together before getting married and sometimes having a child together,
forcing marriage that soon results in a divorce.
All children should be able to grow up feeling confident that both their family and
the family they will have in the future will be strong and healthy enough to get through
even the hardest times. Unfortunately, according to Park (2003) children who didnt grow
up with their actual parents were about twice as likely to be poor, to have children outside
of marriage, to have behavioral and psychological problems, and to not receive a full high
school education. As odd as this may sound, they are also more likely to have problems
with their health including accidents and injuries (Parke, 2003). With the future of their
own children in the palm of their hands, parents should be more careful with the choices

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

they make together. After taking on the responsibility of having children, parents should
begin putting their children first and spending more time with them so they can live a
healthy lifestyle and teach their children one day how to raise a family themselves for the
future. Also, teens that live with a single parent feel at fault for their parents relationship
issues and many will become depressed or even participate in illegal practices in order to
relieve stress or attempt to get their minds off of their home life (Encyclopedia of
Childrens Health, 2014). Under aged drinking and the use of illegal substances are a lot
of times caused by problems at home including divorce and having a single parent. These
problems should be taken more seriously in todays society and there should be more
help available for children with a single parent.
Parenting is a chain reaction, and one word or decision can affect the child and
their future decisions as an adult and as a parent. My older sister has struggled with
relationships and trusting people ever since my parents divorced because my father was
not faithful to my mother. She also has in many cases resulted to drinking alcohol in
situations of stress because she feels that is the only way to clear her mind. If marriage
was taken more seriously, and couples didnt resort so quickly to divorce just because
their marriage has been challenging, I think that both our families and our children would
be much stronger and happier than they have ever been before. Many people have
experienced a divorce and can somewhat relate; however, every situation is different. It is
difficult to go from having a family of four including both parents to never seeing one of
your parents and not understanding why, but if the conditions are bad enough, sometimes
parenting alone seems like the only option.

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

Step By Step in Lexington, Kentucky is an organization that helps single parents
with raising and supporting their children as well as mentoring the parent in how to
discipline their children in a loving way. Step By Step truly is the perfect resource for
single moms to receive love and guidance from individuals that volunteer their time for
this cause so there children will grow up healthy like what is shown in this picture

(Step By Step, 2014). As Horchak (2011) stated, about half of all single moms dont
receive any child support and half of all children involved do not see their fathers on a
regular basis two years after the breakup of the family. This proves the financial struggles
that single parents deal with each and every day. Organizations like Step By Step are in
place to help single parents find jobs and budget their money so they can get back on
their feet and no longer depend on financial support so they can support their own
families. Although finances should not directly affect the family, they can hinder the
development of a strong structure for the family to grow on. If a family is struggling
financially, the single parent is more than likely going to have to work and the children
will need to work as soon as they are eligible in order to make ends meet. This can result
in less family time, which weakens relationships. If the family is not bonding on a regular

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

basis they could potentially become irritable because of how stressed they are which
could affect the closeness of the relationships as well.
Even though it is difficult to be raised in home with a single parent, it shapes you
as a person and makes you who you become. I never let my parents problems change
how I went about my daily life. The value of children in America and their future should
be of greater importance to us. Marriage should be taken more seriously and the lives of
our children should never be taken for granted. Each individual person should have equal
opportunity and should not be restricted because of their parents relationship status. A
child should never feel like they need to understand why their parents are not together,
they should be able to feel comforted by the people that do live with them and know that
they are loved and have a great future ahead of them as long as they stay focused and stay
positive. With the help from organizations like Step By Step, it is possible for children to
be less concerned with their family status and what it means for them. So as Americans
and people who care about our children, we should go out and volunteer at organizations
like step by step in our own communities, we can help Americas children and be the
hope that they need so they can understand that they are important and their happiness is
also very important for their well being.

Child Behaviors When Experiencing Divorce

References
Brown, S. L. (2010). Marriage and child well-being: research and policy perspectives.
Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 1059-1077.
Children's Health. (2014). Single-Parent Families. Retrieved October 21, 2014, from
http://www.healthofchildren.com/S/Single-Parent-Families.html
Hawkins, A. J., & Fackrell, T. A. (2009). How common is divorce and what are the
reasons?. Should I keep trying to work it out?: a guidebook for individuals and
couples at the crossroads of divorce (and before) (pp. 41-52). Salt Lake City,
Utah: Produced on behalf of the Utah Commission on Marriage.
Horchak, D. (2011). Living With One Parent. - Vertical Thought. Retrieved October 21,
2014, from http://www.ucg.org/marriage-and-family/living-one-parent/
Hurley, D. (2005, April 18). Divorce rate: It's not as high as you think. The New York
Times. Retrieved October 21, 2014, from
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html?_r=1&
Parke, M. (2003). Are married parents really better for children? what research says
about the effects of family structure on child well-being. Washington, D.C.:
Center for Law and Social Policy.
Stone, R. (2006). Kids and divorce: ten tough issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on
October 21, 2014, from
http://psychcentral.com/lib/kids-and-divorce-ten-tough-issues/000385
Today. (2007, May 11). Divorce rate drops to lowest since 1970
USATODAY.com.Divorce rate drops to lowest since 1970 - USATODAY.com.
Retrieved October 21, 2014, from
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-05-11-divorce-decline_N.htm