The Importance of Physical Contact in a Relationship

Madeline Murray
Mrs. Steele UWRT 1103
Due: November 6, 2014
In our world today relationships have become something completely different from the
traditional relationship that we all once knew and some of us still know. Traditional relationships consist
of generally two people who care for each other deeply, along with having a relationship that is
monogamous and realistic; realistic being in person and not online or virtually. Online relationships and
long distance relationships are more occurring than we have ever seen before, and I am now addressing
one of the downsides of having one of these relationships. Most people who are madly in love with
someone who lives miles away or is stuck in their computer believe that it is just as substantial of a
relationship as someone who is regularly in the presence of their spouse or significant other. Although, I
will show that there have been some successful long distance relationships in time, most times these
relationships do not work out in their favor, which I will also show.
There has been many studies on these effects of physical contact and how it changes a
relationship or a person. Physical touch is one of the first senses that we learn as humans, when you are
first born you are immediately put into the arms of your mother for your comfort and for hers. A mother
and her child touching skin to skin has been proven to be so beneficial to the health of a baby that it is
now a common practice in hospitals around the world for premature and sick babies.1 The emotional
development of babies and children depends on a great deal of touching and attention. Then
throughout life, even after adolescence, physical contact and touch help with every aspect of life.
Words, unlike touch are processed in our brains where we logically think things through, while touch
immediately heads straight for our emotions and feelings. The amount of physical contact present in a
persons life is directly linked to their happiness and life span. The need for touch can be expressed by

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depression, anxiety, irritability, pain, boredom, moodiness, and also make you feel isolated, and lonely.
People also cover their need for touch by abusing drugs and alcohol and over eating.2 Also more studies
about physical contact have been done in the world of science and medicine to help not only babies but
humans later in life. Therapeutic touch has been proven in successfully managing fibromyalgia and it
also reduces symptoms in Alzheimer patients.1 Physical touching and intimate touching are beneficial to
our health not just because we know it makes us feel good or we get butterflies in our stomachs,
there is medical research to prove it releases chemicals in our brain that cause these feelings and much
more. There are special nerve endings called C-tactile fibers that produce a sense of calmness and wellbeing when stroked slowly and gently. C-tactile fiber are located all over the arms, legs, back, and
forehead. This would explain the way a woman feels when her significant other rubs her back or her
legs, also why many teen girls beg their boyfriends to play with their hair. Also this type of touch can
sometimes reduce the feeling of pain this is why we, as humans, instinctively reach out to someone to
hug them or grab their arm when they are in emotional pain. Another benefit from touching proven by
the chemicals in our brain would be when we touch a small amount of oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is
the neurotransmitter that helps us bond and feel confident and connected, both women and men alike
feel this.3 This oxytocin also lowers your heart rate and cortisol levels. Cortisol causes fat gain, heart
disease, and high blood pressure, this all proves that physical touch is not only calming and relieves
stress but is also physically healthy for a human being.4 Touch has been portrayed through pornographic
or lascivious scenes in movies but in reality it has been used in religious and spiritual cures5.
Although there is quite a bit of research on this subject and all the wonderful things it brings,
not many go into detail about the relationship aspect of it, or specifically the sex aspect of it. Peoples
relationship changes completely after two consenting people have sex. I have done some primary
research on the subject of people and their relationships before and after sex has been brought into the
relationship. My interviews have shown some specifics about relationships and sex. Sex can make a

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relationship or break it. It is a make or break situation because in one situation it would be great and the
couple feels a connection like no other. When two people are really in love and they have sex or put
themselves into sexual situations it can only make the relationship better. This type of physical contact is
the most personal way to know even more about a partner. Once a person opens up themselves to
another in that kind of way you can never go back, its a more personal experience than any other.
Although my primary research has shown that women feel more of an emotional connection through
sex, they feel much more attached than men do. Women feel the need to be touched at all times with
their partner as well. Physical contact in a relationship is needed by both partners, people in
relationships say that sex only strengthens the relationships. Some relationships that have been long
distance, that have not had sex do not feel as comfortable or as open with each other. Sex is a huge part
in a relationship, especially when a couple is more serious. Relationship like long distance relationships
or online relationships do not get to experience this life changing situation. Although some long distance
relationships may work, which I also have primary research from. My parents specifically were in a long
distance relationship for months before living together again and now they have been married for
twenty nine years. This situation, although it happens, is rare. During a long distance relationship the
sexual aspect is still missing when it is a very important part of a relationship. By opening up yourself to
someone in a sexual situation they begin to learn so much more about you. Sex is a vital component to a
relationship, there is no way to replace it and no way to escape it. If it is right between two people then
you would not wish to escape it or replace it. The primary sources that I have studied have shown to me
that couples that have more sex are happier couples, and why wouldnt they be? Sex makes people feel
great it releases endorphins that make us happier. When you spend intimate time with someone it is
supposed to be an enjoyable thing, and if it is not do you think youre with the right person? When a
couple is madly in love with each other everything one another does is significant and comforting. When
a partner touches their partners hand or slightly and gently kisses their lips it makes them feel

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comfortable and exhilarated. Theres a type of way that only the love in ones life can supply. These
feelings that a person would feel when their partner touches their hand or kisses them is only
heightened by sex. Sex brings a couple closer together, and gives more of a sense of comfort and
secureness. Without sex in a relationship do you really and completely know your partner, all of their
dislikes and likes, all of their emotions and feelings? In a long distance relationship or an online
relationship sex is limited or maybe non-existent. As I stated before the couples that have sexual
intercourse more often in a relationship are happier couples, they do not argue as often, or have
insecurity issues like online or long distance relationship couples have to deal with. There was a man I
knew that lived in North Carolina, while his long-term girlfriend lived in Michigan. The trust that he built
up with his partner kept him level headed and secure at first but later into the relationship he started to
think of her needs and maybe even his own. Long distance relationships may not see each other for
months or maybe even only once a year, humans in todays time feel the need to have sex whether they
are in love with someone or not. We have an urge that is hard to ignore, because we were created to
procreate. While he stayed faithful in North Carolina, his significant other is having this unbearable urge
take over her body and create a feeling in her that she cannot stop. Now Mike has thought about this
and he starts to question her loyalty to him and therefore causes him to be insecure. Insecurity in turn
causes stress upon ones mind and is unhealthy for the person along with the relationship. Even if the
woman living in New York is being faithful to his significant other, he has already got the thought in his
head that she is not and this may consume him. One day he cannot stand it any longer, he has been
overthinking everything she says and everything she does. He questions every word she says to him, he
loses her trust minute by minute. The distance between them and the lack of physical contact,
specifically sex, has completely and utterly torn the couple apart. If the couple had lived together or
even just near one another, Mike believes their relationship wouldve worked for a long time. Receiving

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plentiful amounts of intimate bonding with their significant other therefore decreasing the look toward
others for comfort.
In conclusion physical contact in a relationship, specifically sex, not only helps a single partner
medically but also the health of the relationship in its entirety. Sex establishes a secure feeling and
builds more trust between two people in a relationship along with the benefits of getting to know
someone more intimately than ever before. There are certain needs that humans have to fulfill and
there are certain urges that push our hand to fulfill these needs. Men naturally have the ability to look
past the emotional side of the situation and do what they need to do to satisfy their needs while it is
more difficult for women. This was shown by my interviews when men said that they did not feel more
attached to a partner, in turn coming to the conclusion that they wouldve had an easier time detaching
themselves from the woman and turning to new one. A relationship is more healthy and happier with
sexual encounters in it due to not only the emotional benefits but also the medicinal benefits as well.
The amount of physical contact in a persons life also determines the happiness and the vitality of a
persons life, now dont you wish to be as happy as you can be and as lively as you can be?

References:
1

E. Kane, E. LifeScript. The Physical Touch, A Language of Love. Accessed November 2, 2014.

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/t/the_physical_touch_a_language_of_love.aspx
2

Nickols, Sherri. Your Tango. Why Touch is Vital to a Happy Relationship. Accessed November 2, 2014.

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sherri-nickols/why-touch-vital-happy-relationship.
3

Castellanos M.D., Madeleine. Sharecare. Why Is Touching an Important Part of a Relationship?

Accessed November 2, 2014. http://www.sharecare.com/health/feelings-emotions-relationships/whytouching-important-part-relationship

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4

Wallen, Daniel. Lifehack. 5 Ways Physical Touch Helps Your Relationship. Accessed November 3,

2014. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/5-ways-physical-touch-helps-yourrelationship.html

Harvey, Elizabeth D. Introduction: The Senses of All Senses. In Sensible Flesh,

edited by Elizabeth D. Harvey, 1-21. University of Pennsylvania Press, 2003.