Monica Figueiredo

ELD 308
Writing Minilesson
October 7, 2014
Descriptive Language
Grade: 5th
Common Core State Standard:
CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.5.3
Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective
technique, descriptive details, and clear event sequences.
Objective: Students will use descriptive language in their writing in order to show rather
then tell the details of a story.
Materials:
The case against good and bad- Marlee Neel video (Optional)
Show, Not Tell example sheet
Show, Not Tell recording sheet
Procedure:
Lesson Introduction/ Objective and purpose:
Writers, yesterday we were working on editing our stories to have
different types of leads. Leads are different ways to start a story to grab a
readers attention. Once we have captured our audiences attention, it is
important to maintain it throughout the story. One way to do so is by using
descriptive language. Descriptive language is when the author shows the
audience what they are writing, rather than just telling them. So what does
that mean exactly? Well have you ever read a really good book that
described the characters, setting, and situation so well that you felt as if
you were watching a movie? In your head, it was as if you were seeing the
story right before your eyes, rather then just reading the words off a
page That is descriptive language. When you use descriptive language
in your stories, you give the audience an opportunity to make those
movies in their heads, experiencing the text on a whole new level!
Teach and model (Modeling the thinking)
Let me show you how I transform my telling sentences to showing
sentences. Lets say I wanted to tell the audience I was happy. That does
not give much detail, only giving the idea that I was happy. But what does
happy look like Well when I am happy I often skip, sing, and have a
dance like motion to my movement. Instead of saying I was happy, I
could show the audience what happy is for me by writing I skipped all
the way home, humming songs in my head. Now the audience can see
exactly how I was feeling.

 Guided Practice (Example 1: Teacher Help)

Lets try another. If I was writing about the classroom being a mess, which
is true at the moment, I could use descriptive language to demonstrate this
mess for the audience. Instead of simply stating, the classroom was a
mess I could describe what I was seeing that made the classroom so
messy. Maybe I would say something like Books, papers, and tools were
everywhere across the classroom, making the room look like a pigpen.
Can you see a movie like scene of what the classroom actually looked
like? Yes, it adds so much more depth to the sentence! Did anyone notice
another skill good writers use that we talked about a while back in the
sentence about the messy room?
Excellent!! making the room look like a pigpen is a simile that directly
compared the classroom with a pigpen. Similes are a great form of
descriptive language to use in your stories, so keep that in mind!
Guided Practice (Example 2: Less Teacher Help)
Now lets try another! Have any of you ever lost a soccer game? Football
game? Baseball game? Or any other sort of game in general? If you were
to write about one of these experiences how could you expand on the
statement We lost. I was sad. Think about how you acted, felt, looked in
that situation. How could we show the audience this experience, rather
than just tell them you were sad that you lost?
head down! Excellent!, frowning! Good! Showing emotion!
I walk pretty slowly when Im upset, sometimes I even drag my feet.
So what do you think our showing sentences would look like? We could
say something like I walked slowly along, my head down, frown on my
face, my hands in my pockets, dragging my feet along the ground.
Does everyone see the difference between a telling sentence and a
showing sentence? Great! You guys have worked so hard thinking about
using descriptive language in these sentences and Im so proud of your
progress.
Independent Practice (Example 3: No Teacher Help)
Transition: I have provided you with a worksheet where I would like you
to write the telling sentence from your story, followed by the showing
sentence that you create to transform your words into a movie like scene
for the audience! This will help you notice the difference between the two,
allowing you to contrast the before and after sentence and how it will
effect the audiences experience with the text.
Transition: The chart we created together with our transformed sentences
will be on the SmartBoard for you to refer to if necessary. There are some
addition examples of the chart for you to reference as well. This is a new
skill! So dont be afraid to ask questions and refer to our examples.
When you go to back to your seats to work on adding descriptive language
to your stories, be sure to complete the graphic organize Show, Not Tell.
Remember to explain to the audience the characters, setting, and situation
that you are writing about! We want our audience to see what we are

talking about, not just read about it! I cant wait to hear all of your
fabulous, descriptive, expressive sentences!
Assessment (How will you know the lesson has been successful?)
The success of the lesson will be evaluated based on the students ability to
complete the Show, Not Tell graphic organizer with sentences that were
transformed from telling to showing. In addition, the final draft of the
story will be graded with a rubric that will specifically include all of the
specific writing components covered throughout the week, descriptive
language being one of them.
Optional Video:
The video from ted talk discusses the overuse of the words good and bad and how
the words limit our language and, in turn, our writing. This could be included in
the lesson for students who are not getting the concept or need more examples.
This is also a great way to talk to students about having quality conversations
about literature, eliminating the words good and bad and replacing them with
descriptive language.

The case against good and bad - Marlee Neel [Video file]. (n.d.). Retrieved from
http://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-case-against-good-and-bad

Goh, P. (n.d.). Launching Writer's Workshop and Personal Narrative Unit (CC Aligned) Zanah McCauley - TeachersPayTeachers. Retrieved from Pinterest website:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/444378688202070382/