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Non-Verbal Communication
By: Audrey Post
Nonverbal communication has a significant impact on how we relate to others and on
the quality of our relationships. The way we use our bodies to communicate with others is
often more effective than verbal communication. Our facial expressions, eye movements and
gestures can give clues as to what we are really saying and feeling. Learning how to use and
respond to nonverbal signals can help us more fully engage and show others that we notice and
care about what they are saying. Recognizing these signals will help us understand what others
are saying, which will improve the communication line through greater trust and
understanding. Recognizing peoples learning styles will also help us to connect, and can be
used to effectively influence them. In The Complete Idiots Guide to Reading Body Language,
Susan Constantine wrote, Understanding how people learn and communicate is important, not
only for what it says about them, but also for the power it gives you to persuade and influence
them. Potential problems can occur from misinterpreting body signals and reacting before
truly understanding what the other person means to convey. Learning how to read others body
language and learning how to control our own will greatly affect our relationships with others.
Understanding body language can help to discern what someone is really saying and
feeling. Being aware of others facial expressions can help us understand how they are truly
feeling. Whether they are feeling happy, sad, surprised, angry, scared, disgusted or
contemptuous can be displayed right before us without ever having to hear a sound. Reading
facial expressions is like putting together a puzzle; the picture becomes clearer with each piece.
As we learn to recognize different facial expressions, it will become second nature to read how
people are feeling with or without verbal communication. In an interview with Kim Duncan of 3

Key Elements, she said that eye movement can give us a sense of how someone is processing
information. When we have conversations with people, we may notice their eyes moving either
up, down or side to side, which can signify different things going on inside their heads. If
someone is looking up, it is most likely that he or she is mentally looking into the past to recall
information or mentally projecting into the future. If someone is looking side to side, it may be
that he or she is hearing someones voice and trying to recall the information. If someone is
looking down, he or she is likely looking into his or her core to recall information through his or
her feelings. Eye contact is very important to help others feel that we are paying attention and
listening to what they are saying. In my personal experience, I have noticed that, when
someone is looking at me when I am speaking, I feel as if he or she cares and wants to hear
what I have to say. On the other hand, when someone is looking elsewhere, I feel I dont have
his or her attention and he or she is not interested in what I have to say.
Our bodies can be saying one thing but our voice another, providing mixed messages.
We can learn to match our nonverbal language to our verbal language by learning to recognize
and use different body signals. Duncan said that only 7% of communication is verbal, 38% is
tone and 55% is through gestures. This is why it is important to use our body language
appropriately to get our messages across. The way we use our hands, arms, legs and feet can
give away clues to what we are really feeling and thinking. Using our bodies can give away what
we are saying without needing to use verbal communication. This can be good or bad,
depending on the situation.
Its not what you say, its how you say it is an expression that has helped me learn the
importance of using the correct tone and inflection when speaking. Through my own life

experiences, I have come to recognize and understand when someone is saying one thing but
meaning another, simply by the tone used. How many times do we say we are doing well when
we really are not? The tone in our voices makes it clear when we mean something other than
what we are saying. As we learn to recognize the importance of how our bodies can
communicate without the use of words, we can use this to our advantage by gaining a better
understanding of what people are saying and improving our communications with others.
Everyone learns and processes information in a unique way. Developing the skill to
understand and recognize different learning styles will increase power to persuade and
influence others. As presented in the book Peak Performance by Sharon K. Ferrett, the three
dominant learning styles are known as Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. Visual learners learn
through seeing information, pictures, graphs, illustrations and other similar visual tools.
Auditory learners learn through listening to information, and rely on their sense of hearing.
Kinesthetic learners learn through touch and by action. When we learn to read how others
communicate, then we can communicate back in the same language, making us better able to
connect with people. In The Complete Idiots Guide to Reading Body Language, Susan
Constantine called this mirroring, allowing the others person to see themselves reflecting in
you. As we connect with others, they will feel that we understand their needs and that we hear
what they are saying. This power to persuade and influence not only works with individuals, but
it can be used with groups, as well.
Kirk and Kim Duncan of 3 Key Elements are great examples of how being masters of
body language can affect peoples lives. Kirk and Kim were at a low point in their lives,
wondering how they would ever get on top. Kirk started to recognize how people communicate

with their bodies and realized that he had a gift for reading what others are saying through
their body language. He started his own company called 3 Key Elements and began
documenting his findings and presenting them in seminars, teaching people how to integrate
their knowledge of body language to become more successful and improve their lives. By his
many students, Kirk is known as the Master of Influence, and he effectively teaches others
how they too can develop these skills. 3 Key Elements is now a multimillion-dollar corporation
that effectively changes the lives of others through teaching them how to interpret and deliver
body signals. Kirk said, Body language is an outward message of an inward story. I
wholeheartedly agree. Our bodies can tell our stories to anyone, whether or not they
understand how to read the signs.
As I mentioned before, recognizing the learning styles of others not only helps us to
connect with individuals, but it will help us connect with a large audience. We can cater our
speeches to our audiences preferred learning style to be able to get our message across.
Constantine wrote that 61% of people are visual (seeing) learners, 18.5% are auditory (hearing)
learners and 20.5% are kinesthetic (feeling) learners. We can incorporate all learning styles into
our speeches to make sure that more people learn and understand the message. If we can
survey our audience ahead of time, then we can decide which learning style will be more
appropriate for the occasion. For instance, if we prepare a speech for an audience full of
engineers, we would use a different learning style, versus if our audience were full of artists. By
taking the time to learn about whom we are addressing, our audience will feel more connected
to us and, therefore, they will be more open-minded about what we have to say. Anyone can

become a master of influence if willing to take the time to recognize and learn how our bodies
convey information.
The ability to read and interpret body language may be a gift, but it can also be learned.
I believe we all subconsciously learn to read body signals from dealing with others on a personal
level. If an individual does not have the ability to correctly interpret these signals, problems can
occur. Also, if someone misinterprets these signals, it can present potential problems. We need
to be careful about jumping to conclusions and making rapid, on-the-spot judgments from a
gesture that may have been unintended or a signal we may have misread.
We have all heard that first impressions make lasting impressions. Most people form an
opinion about us within the first minute of meeting us. Our impressions are affected by our
facial expressions, tone of voice and even the way we dress. Constantine wrote that our first
impression is going to stick in the minds of others and it rarely changes. It is like the primal
instinct fight or flight. We can learn ways to present ourselves to make long and lasting
impressions that will be more to our benefit than to our detriment. The way we present
ourselves can increase our chances of being offered a job after an interview, connecting with
others and building our self-esteem.
A lot of todays communication consists of texting, e-mail, social media and speaking
over the phone. There seems to be less face-to-face communication where we can physically
see the reactions people have during conversations. How are we to really know if what the
other person is saying is what he or she really means? How can we know if we have offended
someone or provided a bit too much information when texting or typing on social-media
outlets? From my own experience watching others, especially the youth today, I have

witnessed a decrease in nonverbal communication being shared with others. I dont mean that
nonverbal communication is not being used, I mean that others are unable to visually see it
while communicating through screens. This can create a significant problem by making it easier
to misinterpret what others are saying. It also leads us to make assumptions based on written
words only. As you can recall, only 7% of communication is verbal. How can we comprehend
the entire conversation if we are missing the other 93% of the conversation? The solution to
this problem is simple: engage in more face-to-face conversations. Take the time to really
understand and connect with people as individuals instead of only reaching out through
electronics. I think everyone would be amazed at the positive impact communicating in person
can have on our relationships. Not only is it important to learn how to effectively communicate
with those around us in our everyday lives, but it is also quite valuable to learn to communicate
with people from different cultures or cultural backgrounds.
Have you ever tried to communicate with someone from a different country and
learned that you have just made an offensive body gesture? I have learned the hard way by
making the wrong gestures and saying things that have a different meanings while I was living
overseas. If I would have learned beforehand, then I could have avoided some embarrassing
mistakes. What may be an acceptable saying or gesture in one culture, may be unacceptable in
another. Learning the different cultural meanings of our body signals can help us enjoy our time
abroad and can help us to avoid problems and embarrassment.
Nonverbal communication impacts our lives every day, even though most people never
recognize they are constantly projecting and reading body language. It affects the way we
connect and share information with others. It is presented through facial expressions, eye

movements and bodily gestures and positions. Nonverbal communication is part of who we are
as human beings and, as we begin to live out our lives, we are increasingly immersed in this
digital age. In this digital age, we find that body language is left on the wayside and we are
running the risk of losing an important part of who we are as physical, emotive beings. Without
our nonverbal communication, we are likely to miss out on a big part of the story. What about
that sly smile and the bashful blushing of the cute girl across the room? No one wants to miss
that, right? Lets just hope she was looking at you, so you dont misinterpret her affections for
you when the nonverbal communication was intended for the quarterback on the next row. Or
consider this, who would want to watch a comedian who sits stone-faced in front of the
microphone presenting bland, nonvisual comedy? Would there be any exercise of engagement
with the audience? Would you find a controlling influence causing you to laugh as you would
hope to when attending a bit of stand-up comedy? Would you even find it funny? Probably not,
because thats just a part of who we are.
We need body language, we need nonverbal communication. Not only do we need it,
but those of us who learn to master it will be better suited to effectively influence and
persuade others. When understood, this ability can be utilized to improve our lives and make
them more fulfilling.