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Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities (ERPAT) MANUAL Social Technology Bureau Department of Social
Empowerment and
Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities (ERPAT)
MANUAL
Social Technology Bureau
Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD)
2013

Table of Contents

Message

…………………………………………….i

Foreword

…………………………………………

iii

Introduction Chapter 1

:

:

:

:

:

Module II:

An Overview of ERPAT ………………

………………

Chapter 2

The Field Office Technical Staff ……….

Chapter 3

The LGU Implementers ………………

Chapter 4

The Father Leaders ……………………

Chapter 5

Conducting the ERPAT Modules ………

Module I:

Understanding Myself` as a Person ……. Accepting Your Role as a Father ……….

Module III:

Becoming Your Wife’s Bestfriend ……

Module IV:

Fathers as Child Caregivers …………….

Module V:

Promoting Family Spirituality ………….

Module VI:

Fathers as Advocate in the Promotion

Module VII:

of Peace in the Family

Fathers as Advocate in Promoting a

Module VIII:

Drug-Free Home ……………………… Fathers as Advocate in the Prevention

Module IX:

of HIV-AIDS ………………………… Fathers as Advocate in Promoting Positive Discipline……………………

Appendices

References

Message

The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) recognizes the significant role of fathers in child care and contribution to familial tasks. Fathers should be viewed not only as providers but also as active partners in child rearing. If their nurturing capabilities are harnessed and strengthened, we are certain that they will contribute favorably in promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of their children.

social and intellectual development of their children. To realize this, the Manual on Empowerment and

To realize this, the Manual on Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities (ERPAT) was developed as a strategy to provide a venue where fathers’ capabilities will be maximized to enable them to meet the challenges of active parenting.

Likewise, the ERPAT Manual was enhanced to clarify the roles and responsibilities of technical staff in the field offices, local government unit (LGU) implementers and father leaders in the optimism that this will be effectively implemented at the local level. Further, the inclusion of positive discipline as additional module is another valuable input in the enhanced manual to encourage parents to practice non-violent ways of disciplining children.

To this end, I would like to extend the Department’s warm appreciation for the continued efforts of the LGU implementers and their local counterparts who continue to be committed to the pursuit of building quality family lives through the implementation of the ERPAT Manual in their respective localities. Their sharing of experiences in the implementation of the previous manual has contributed in the enhancement and development of this new one.

I would also like to acknowledge our technical staff for sharing their expertise for the completion of this manual - your passion and hope of having more effective and responsible fathers will no doubt, contribute to building stable and nurturing Filipino families.

more effective and responsible fathers will no doubt, contribute to building stable and nurturing Filipino families.

FOREWORD

FOREWORD Parenting is an opportunity for every person to take on the challenges of raising children.

Parenting is an opportunity for every person to take on the challenges of raising children. However, while mothers are regarded as loving, supportive and devoted to their children, fathers are seen to be too preoccupied with their role and responsibility in providing financial support for their family that oftentimes, they do not take an active part in childrearing. Fathers are also seen as stricter than mothers, for they are expected to take on the task of disciplining their children and shaping them to become responsible, dependable adults.

While this may hold true to some, this does not mean that all fathers are incapable of showing their love, concern and affection for their children. Fathers can and do actively share parenting responsibility with their spouses through different ways by playing with their children, listening to their problems, helping them with their assignments and the like proving that they are capable of providing more than just financial support to their families. It is then highly encouraged that the childrearing skills of both parents should complement and be at par with each other to ensure their children’s optimal growth and development.

Thus, in order to strengthen the role and capacity of fathers as key partners in child survival, development, protection and participation, the Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities (ERPAT) is developed. The ERPAT strategy gives importance to the responsibilities of a father in the family. It also highlights the prominence of the father’s irrefutable role in childrearing.

The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) has enhanced the ERPAT Manual to ensure that the Field Office Staff, Local Government Unit Implementers, and Father Leaders are guided accordingly, leading to a convergence of efforts in the implementation of ERPAT. This Manual contains specific guides, strategies, approaches and modules for the conduct of community-based sessions for sustaining ERPAT. With this, we hope that the ERPAT father will appreciate and recognize his vital roles in the family as a responsible co-parent with his wife and a loving nurturer to his children.

recognize his vital roles in the family as a responsible co-parent with his wife and a

INTRODUCTION

Dear ERPAT Stakeholder;

Welcome to the most exciting but often times not-so-easy world of FATHERING!

exciting but often times not-so-easy world of FATHERING! In a country like ours, fathers are almost

In a country like ours, fathers are almost always the ‘hardest–to–reach’ both inside and outside the home when it comes to childcare and development. Tatay (Tagalog for father), however, is not at fault here. In a lot of cases, he simply does not know how. Society’s predefined role for the “man-of-the-house” dictates that he just has to bring-home-the-bacon and win the bread. Beyond these, most fathers are left clueless as to what to do to be more effective and responsive parents.

Effective and responsive fathering refers to how a father performs his parental roles and responsibilities to his family, most especially to his children. It also refers to the kind of relationships he maintains with each member of his family; and with this relationships, how he is able to encourage the family to perform each one’s roles and functions.

Such is the intention of Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities or more popularly known now in many parts of the country as ERPAT.

If you are:

1.)

A DSWD Field Office Technical Staff;

2.)

A Program Implementer (most likely a social worker who works with local government; or even a non-government organization); or

3.)

A Father-volunteer (someone taking time out to help other fathers like you to better themselves);

Then, this manual was written with you in mind!

Thank you!

Whoever you may be, we’re very sure that your interest to use this manual is enough reason to thank you for answering the call to reach out to fathers who, in their otherwise quiet and passive stance in the family, have long been wanting to be actively involved in their family’s everyday lives more than ‘just providing’.

About ERPAT (The Manual)

This manual is a synthesis of many years of experience since ERPAT was first conceived in 1995. It attempts to capture what hundreds of fathers in the Philippines have experienced especially designed for them and share them all with you.

To enhance the manual further, ERPAT experiences in many regions were assessed through a writeshop organized by the Social Technology Bureau and participated in by DSWD field office technical staff. For three days the participants labored to enhance the manual first published in 2004.

The writeshop participants:

Shared

their

personal

and

implementing ERPAT;

professional

experiences

in

Exchanged success stories of fathers who underwent the ERPAT experiences; and,

Wrote additional contents for the enhanced manual

The enhanced manual thus offer a wider timeline, which includes the tasks of the three main users / readers namely; the (1) field office technical staff, (2) the Local Government Unit/implementer or NGO volunteer and the (3) fatherleader.

Objectives of the Manual

This manual aims to help the reader / user to initiate and sustain

ERPAT at all levels.

Specifically, this manual aims to provide you:

a) An adequate background information and materials on ERPAT as a strategy, as a service and as an organization;

b) A ready-to-use set of training modules for your ERPAT sessions:

and

c) A basic resource information that you may access in the course of program implementation.

d)

Inside the Manual

This Manual contains a total of five (5) interdependent parts.

Chapter one gives you an overview of ERPAT;

Chapter two provides information on how to go about introducing ERPAT to the LGUs;

Chapter three gives you a step-by-step procedure in implementing ERPAT specific to the LGU implementer;

Chapter four defines roles and functions of ERPAT volunteers, leaders and other stakeholders; and,

Chapter five takes you to the ERPAT training modules.

How to use the Manual

Using this manual should be easy for you. All it takes is for you to:

Read when you see this icon

Write when you see this icon, and

Do when you see this icon

From time to time, you will also encounter (instruction notes in parenthesis like this one) that tells you to either copy or photocopy a page or document, and will see shaded boxes that contain more information in the form of stories and anecdotes.

At this point we’re very sure that you’re about to begin your journey. So again welcome to exciting world of fathering, and we hope that you enjoy using this manual.

Chapter One: An Overview of ERPAT

Looking back the ERPAT Timeline:

1995

The then Bureau of Family and Community Welfare conceptualized a Parent Effectiveness Session especially designed for fathers.

This strategy was called Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities Training (ERPAT).

ERPAT was developed to address the problem of fathers’ non- attendance to the Parent Effectiveness Service (PES) sessions.

The

first

ones

to

benefit

from

ERPAT

were

DSWD

male

employees.

 

1999

The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) underwent a repositioning.

The then Programs and Project Bureau took ERPAT as a core service for fathers, enriching it by going beyond the initial intent.

Under the PPB, ERPAT addressed the increased incidence of domestic violence, gender role issues and father’s inadequate parenting capability.

PPB pilottested ERPAT in three (3) regions namely, Regions X, VI and V (specifically the cities of Gingoog, Kabankalan and Legazpi.

ERPAT was implemented within the Family Life Resource Centers and in selected communities.

The first group of ERPAT father-leaders and volunteers were organized.

2002

A writeshop among the academe, faith-based groups, NGOs, GOs, and POs enhanced ERPAT’s content.

In a Regional Parent Education Congress, further inputs for ERPAT materialized given that the Congress’ theme included the important role of fathers in securing a drug-free home.

These series of revisions brought about eight basic modules.

training

2008

LGU Implementers and father-leaders from the Visayas and Mindanao Clusters participated in a trainers’ training.

The participants from this training committed to implement ERPAT in their respective regions and provinces. The participants also planned and agreed to hold an assessment on the implementation of ERPAT towards the end of the same year.

2009

The Social Technology Bureau conducted a quick survey to assess the ERPAT experience; yielding the following findings:

- Of the 17 regions nationwide, 11 regions implemented the ERPAT service to 36% of the provinces in the country composed of 66 cities and municipalities.

- A total of 363 ERPAT trainings conducted in 475 barangays benefited a total of 8,401 fathers.

- More than half of the fathers trained came from Region VI equivalent to 56% of the participants followed by Region IX and Region X at 19% and 15%, respectively.

- The ERPAT trainings conducted resulted to the organization of 359 ERPAT associations nationwide with a total of 8,777 individual members.

- 32% of ERPAT organizations are active with commitment, sustained interest and active participation of father-leaders and members as the main reasons cited

- Region IX conducted ERPAT for 38 batches and sustained 35 of them as associations attributed to their regular conduct of meetings and formulation of organizational thrust and directions.

- Support services are very important in sustaining the operation of the ERPAT organization.

- Almost 80% of the ERPAT organizations are aware of their role as fathers through the conduct of awareness and information campaign.

- Technical Assistance from the Field Office is a necessary factor to ensure ERPAT success.

The STB organized a writeshop among field office technical staff members to enhance the ERPAT manual

ERPAT: The Basic Information

ERPAT is the word “PATER” pronounced backwards!

A colloquial term coined by the sons and daughters of the 60’s which gained popularity through the 70’s, ERPAT was and is commonly used by children particularly the teenagers - to mean an easy-to- approach father, in a peer-to-peer relationship as members of the family; and one who is not frightening but instead considered as a peer-friend.

ERPAT

or

Empowerment

and

Re-affirmation

of

as a peer-friend. ERPAT or Empowerment and Re-affirmation of Paternal Abilities aims to engage fathers to

Paternal Abilities aims to engage fathers to become effective and responsive. It gives importance and emphasis on fathers’ paternal roles, responsibilities and abilities. It aims to achieve shared parenting tasks in the performance of familial responsibilities.

Simply put, a father’s role transcends from a mere “provider”, to one who shares parenting that includes providing care, attention and affection to each member of his family. ERPAT focuses on how this person carries himself as a father performing multiple roles as his child’s teacher and caregiver, his wife’s husband and a friend to everyone in his household.

ERPAT also gives emphasis on eliminating traditional gender roles manifested in the proliferation of the “macho” image of men as seen and observed in the norms, expectations and behavior patterns of Filipino males. ERPAT aims to help fathers achieve a broader and fairer definition of gender roles, while understanding of one’s self as a nurturing and caring individual both for his children and spouse.

ERPAT stands for

of one’s self as a nurturing and caring individual both for his children and spouse. 

ERPAT RATIONALE

Like in any development program, project, service, activity and/or strategy, ERPAT stands on the firm conviction that fathers DO need help to be able to perform their roles and responsibilities. Further, there is a need to strengthen and maximize their capacities to become effective and efficient advocates in the elimination of violence against women and children.

The following are ERPAT’s rationale statements, which of these statements are also true to you? (Please check)

of these statements are also true to you? (Please check) Parenting, particularly care-giving, is assumed more

Parenting, particularly care-giving, is assumed more as a feminine activity. Fathers are rarely given basic information and are never trained to perform a caring role in the family. Fathers most often serve as a shadow-figure in the family, difficult to understand and rarely attend to, or provide care and nurturance for their children. Familial responsibilities of fathers are increasing as women become more active in the labor force. Fathers are no longer confined to perform the role of a “breadwinner” in the family. Present realities demand greater quality time of fathers to share child-rearing tasks due to changing family life situations. Men’s active involvement in family concerns are primarily hindered by lack of a close and stable relationship of fathers with their children. This is deepened by lack of/or inadequate knowledge and skills on child rearing and other familial tasks. Fathering skills do not come naturally; like most life skills, they can be learned. It requires discipline and commitment to the family. Traditional gender role differentiation still persists as manifested through the proliferation of the “macho” image of men; Hence, there is a need for real consciousness for fathers to become more gender sensitive and participatory in performing familial tasks and responsibilities and become a nurturing and caring individual both for their children and spouses.

LEGAL BASES  Now let’s take a look at the Legal Bases with which ERPAT

LEGAL BASES

Now let’s take a look at the Legal Bases with which ERPAT is founded. You might need to get a copy of these documents and review them yourself.

International Instrument

1. The Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) The CRC, an international instrument ratified in 1990 by the Philippines, sets minimum standards for state parties to ensure the promotion and protection of the rights of children.

National Laws

1.

1987

Philippine Constitution

The State recognizes the sanctity of the family life and shall protect and strengthen the family as a basic autonomous social institution. It shall equally promote the life of the mother and the life of the unborn from its conception (Article 2, Section I).

The State recognizes the Filipino family as the foundation of the nation. Accordingly, it shall strengthen its solidarity and actively promote its total development. (Article XV, Section I).

2.

The Family Code of the Philippines The husband and wife are obliged to live together, observe mutual love, respect and fidelity, and render mutual help and support (Article 68).

The management of the household shall be the right and duty of both spouses (Article 71).

3.

The Child and Youth Welfare Code (PD 603) Joint Parental Authority The father and mother shall exercise jointly just and reasonable parental authority and responsibility over their legitimate or adopted children. (Chapter I - -Article 17)

4.

The Anti-Violence Against Women and Children Act or RA

9262

A state shall exert efforts to address violence committed

against women and children in keeping with the fundamental freedoms guaranteed under the Constitution and the Provisions of

the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW), Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) and other international human instruments of which the Philippines is a party. SEC. 2.Declaration of Policy.

5. Special Protection of Children Against Child Abuse, Exploitation and Discrimination Act or RA 7610 - It is hereby declared by the policy of the State to provide special protection to children from all forms of abuse, neglect, cruelty, exploitation and discrimination and other conditions, prejudicial to their development; provide sanctions for their commission and carry out program for prevention and deterrence of and crisis interventions in situations of child abuse, exploitation and discrimination. The state shall intervene in behalf of the child when the parent, guardian, teacher or person having care and custody of the child fails or is unable to protect the child against abuse, exploitation and discrimination or when such acts against the child are committed by the parent, guardian, teacher or person, having care and custody of the same. SEC. 2. Declaration of Policy.

6.

Family Courts Act of 1997- The State shall protect the rights and promote the welfare of children in keeping with the mandate of the Constitution and the precepts of the United Nations Convention on the rights of the Child. The State shall provide a system of adjudication for youthful offenders which take into account their peculiar circumstances.

Things you need to know about ERPAT:

What is ERPAT?

ERPAT can be a lot of things for those who are involved:

ERPAT can be a lot of things for those who are involved:  ERPAT is a

ERPAT

is

a

service

that

gives

importance

and

emphasis

on

the

development and enrichment of knowledge, attitudes and skills of fathers in performing

and

their

responsibilities.

paternal

roles

It involves the conduct of community-based sessions for fathers; training of; and organization of fatherleaders and volunteers in the community to facilitate collective action and participation in promoting the important role of fathers to the family.

ERPAT also serves as one of the interventions of the Parent Effectiveness Services (PES) because it sees the significant roles of fathers in all aspects of child rearing and caring.

What are ERPAT’s objectives?

General:

To enhance and strengthen parenting capabilities of Filipino fathers in performing their tasks and responsibilities.

Specific:

1. To empower fathers by developing a positive concept of self.

2. To develop and enhance the father’s attitudes, knowledge and skills on Early Childhood Care and Development; preparing and equipping adolescent children in handling and meeting adult roles and responsibilities; and raising children with spiritual values.

3.

To help fathers develop gender sensitivity and appreciation of partnership with their spouses in promoting and enhancing family life by:

a. Enhancing and strengthening a positive and satisfying marital relationship;

b. Preventing violence in the home;

c. Promoting shared parenthood and planned family size.

4. To establish support networks among fathers in the community and enhance their active participation and involvement especially in establishing a drug-free family; understanding and preventing HIV-AIDS; and all forms of violence in the family.

Who are ERPAT’s Target Beneficiaries?

All males who need better knowledge, attitudes and skills on fathering, who are unable to cope with familial responsibilities and who fall under the following categories:

1. Generally fathers

2. Biological Fathers (including but not limited to)

Solo father

Returning migrant/OFWs

Released prisoners

Persons with disabilities

3. Adoptive Father

4. Newly wed husbands

5. Organized father groups i.e., faith based organizations

6. Surrogate Fathers (including but not limited to)

Foster father

Guardian

Caregiver

Who benefits from ERPAT?

Aside from the fathers, families and communities benefit from

ERPAT.

Who implements ERPAT?

The Local Social Welfare and Development Office (LSWDO) are the direct implementers of ERPAT. Meanwhile, the DSWD through its

field offices provide technical support to the LSWDO. Lastly, father- leaders are the main actors in community level ERPAT implementation.

Where do funds for ERPAT come from?

The Local Government Units (LGUs) fund the implementation of ERPAT. However, funding support can be tapped from other agencies.

Who monitors the ERPAT implementation?

The DSWD Field Office shall monitor the service implementation.

What are ERPAT’s service components?

1. Advocacy and Social Mobilization This involves the conduct of advocacy and social mobilization activities in securing support and awareness in the implementation of ERPAT in the community. Public awareness and information campaigns shall convey basic messages that promote the important role of Filipino fathers in instilling and fostering love, respect, discipline, industry and care for the family. Indigenous form of media can be utilized to advocate support in the promotion and implementation of ERPAT at the community using local talents and resources.

2. Organization and Strengthening of Father’s Associations This involves the formation of ERPAT core groups composed of leaders at the barangay level who will facilitate the organization of ERPAT. The organized structures shall serve as venues for collective action and participation founded on the principles of cooperation, trust and good communication and commitment to the promotion of the important roles of fathers in the family and in promoting the social well-being of families as a whole.

3. Capability Building / Training This involves training and capability-building activities for two (2) sets of implementers:

(1) The

or

associations/groups, father leaders and volunteers who are directly trained primarily to enhance their paternal roles and responsibilities; and to sustain the ERPAT service in the community.

ERPAT

ERPAT

members

-

members

of

the

(2) LGU Workers/Implementers or the service providers and implementers who are trained to ensure effective and efficient service implementation and management.

The basic courses include community volunteers’ development, participatory leadership, peer counseling, organization building and project development and sustainability. Experiential learning activities are also conducted to put substance and deepen the formal training provided to the ERPAT implementers and volunteers.

4. Networking and Alliance Building

This involves resource generation and mobilization to achieve the thrusts of networking and alliance building among agencies and father groups as the most important indicators of successful community organization. Networking facilitates sharing of knowledge, skills and resources among people and organizations in the community. Father- leaders and volunteers and/or father associations are mobilized to generate resources to sustain implementation of ERPAT in the community. This includes family welfare serving agencies and child caring/placing agencies as well as the LGUs and POs in the target areas. Efforts to converge the resources and services of different welfare agencies operating within the area are pursued to ensure optimal use of resources for ERPAT.

ERPATS VISION:

ERPAT envisions responsible Filipino fathers who are committed, disciplined, knowledgeable, and are highly appreciative in carrying out effective paternal roles and responsibilities

ERPAT MISSION:

To work with fathers and their families in the community helping them to:

1. Appreciate their roles in the family

2. Improve performance of paternal tasks, and

3. Access support services and activities that will help them achieve a united, productive and stable family.

To form ERPAT associations at the barangay level; federations at the municipal/city, provincial and national levels and gain representations in local councils

Chapter Two: THE FIELD OFFICE TECHNICAL STAFF (Initiating, Managing and Sustaining ERPAT)

ERPAT was introduced by the DSWD through its Field Offices. The Field Office technical staff performs a number of tasks that will ensure ERPAT’s success. As in many other national programmes, projects, services, or

activities, the FO generally:

Provides technical assistance and resource augmentation;

Prepares and does social marketing activities for a specific programme, project, service or activity;

Build networks and alliances;

Generate and manage data; and

Write reports

Let us now take a closer look at the things the FO staff must do:

1. Secure, consolidate, analyze and interpret data of family situations at the regional level and segregate these by province. Find out and build:

1.1 The over-all situation of families, you may acquire these from the local planning offices; 1.2 The magnitude of / incidences of domestic violence in the community, you may acquire these from the local social welfare and development office and the local police entity; 1.3 The magnitude of / incidence of other macro issues, i.e., drug use and abuse, HIV and AIDS, teenage pregnancy. ECCD PES attendance by fathers, etc.

TIPS:

engage academe and / or local research institutes

utilize area based research from and by local NGOs

mobilize partner POs

2.

Develop or craft simple communication materials which you will use to present the data that you have gathered per province or per city/municipality; among these materials include:

2.1 PowerPoint presentation or flip chart;

2.2 Fact Sheets or leaflets per municipality or province.

TIPS:

Keep your presentations accurate, brief and concise

Always support your data with statistics that are easily understood

3. Also make ready a generic ERPAT orientation acquired from the DSWD-STB.

4. Once done, begin your ground work by engaging significant members of the local councils and local chief executives by initiating courtesy calls i.e., the committee chairpersons for Family; as well as the Budget and Planning Officers. When necessary write SB sponsors to include ERPAT Orientation in the agenda of the SB regular session.

5. Request for and arrange an agreed convenient date for presentation.

6. Present your data as well as the ERPAT concept covering:

a) ERPAT Vision and Mission

b) Roles and functions of the MSWDO on ERPAT implementation

c) Activities related to ERPAT implementation

d) Benefits of having ERPAT

Impact to Individual Father

Impact to Families

Enhance awareness on their roles as fathers and become responsible parents

Close family relationship developed/improved and are more comfortable and open to each other

Father's self-esteem and capacities developed through attending series of training and seminar

Improved skills on parenting and become role model of the family

Impact to Individual Father

Impact to Families

Fathers spent more time with the family and learned to be patient and control their temper

Household chores are already shared between husband and wife

Fathers are more comfortable and able to express their ideas and affection to their wife after attending the session

Increased awareness on gender sensitivity issues and minimized or eliminated domestic violence

Fathers become God-fearing and God-loving

High respect of children towards their fathers

Fathers gained more knowledge and a changed perception that fathers do not have the monopoly of knowledge

Learned to understand the nature/characteristics of wife as a woman

Fathers understood the stages of development of their children

 

Impact to Communities

Improved relationship with members of the community by gaining friends with lesser conflict

Role model in the community and actively participate in community activities

Acted as resource person during training

Law abiding citizens

Residents realized the importance of community activities

Lessen number of reported cases of domestic violence in the area and decrease vices among fathers

Peer counseling to members of the group

Peaceful community

Gained respect from the community

Fathers became advocates in the prevention of family violence

Gambling is minimized and regulated

Income generating activities and projects continue to exist and are sustained

7. When necessary, craft a Memorandum of Agreement (MOA) between the Field Office representing the DSWD and the Local Government expressing the LGUs commitment to adopt ERPAT as a service and defining the technical assistance and roles of the DSWD through the FO;

8. Organize and conduct a region / provincewide ERPAT training of trainers among LGU implementers and Father Leaders;

9. Provide post training technical assistance to provinces and / or municipalities as resource person, in the areas of:

9.1 Training management & facilitation

9.2 Tips on community volunteer resource mobilization

9.3 Sustainability Planning

10. Conduct monitoring visits, periodic monitoring assessment surveys through the use of standard monitoring tool and annual assessment meetings with LGU and father leaders;

11. Generate periodic (quarterly) reports for the DSWD central office.

TIPS:

Organize ahead of time

Ensure that all logistics (financial, human, material resources) you need are available

Here are some more ideas for the Field Office Technical Staff:

1. Regularly hone your skills in social marketing, advocacy and networking – ERPAT’s success is about making the issues (in this case parenting unique to fathers and the need to address domestic violence) you raise be felt and owned by the people themselves;

2. Practice your facilitating skills remember that you are the primary trainer if not the training manager of the people who will implement ERPAT. Keep in mind a teaching theory that goes one teaches the way he/she was taught”. How you will deliver the messages contained in ERPAT will reflect on how well they will be able to implement it at the local level

3. Update yourself with current issues keep abreast with local and national issues that are directly or indirectly related to ERPAT (father-centered issues). Among these are domestic violence, absentee fathers and the social cost of labor migration, child protection and development.

4. Familiarize yourself with new laws and issuances read and be familiar with national and local policies that can help you in understanding current protection issues;

5. Make sure that you understand the processes with which ERPAT is implemented at the LGU level - it is best therefore to read through the proceeding chapters on ERPAT implementation

6. Value your partnerships with LGU implementers, Local Chief Executives and Father Leaders get to know them and add a personal touch with your partners in the provinces and municipalities. Remember their birthdays and send them greeting cards, track their achievements and send them congratulatory notes, etc.

7. Organize (when logistics permit) and participate in other auxiliary activities - keep in mind family day celebrations, nutrition month, children’s month, mothers and father’s day, adoption week, etc. these are good opportunities to engage local government partners in ERPAT issues

9. Keep disciplined schedules do remember that LGUs have other activities aside from ERPAT, keeping a disciplined schedule for activities like training, meetings, monitoring visits as agreed will make it easier for them.

10. Always bear in mind you and your partners’ definitive roles and functions but be flexible as well:

The Stakeholders Functions

ERPAT has four (4) main groups of stakeholders, namely the ERPAT father volunteers/leaders; the local government units; NGOs, civic and private groups; and the DSWD Central Office together with the DSWD Field Offices. Each group has specific functions, thus;

A. Functions of ERPAT Fathers and Volunteers/Leaders

1. Recruit fathers in the barangay to join ERPAT Association;

2. Organize the ERPAT Association under the direct supervision of the LGU social worker;

3. Assist the LGU trained social workers in the conduct of ERPAT Sessions in the Barangay;

4. Assist the LGU social workers in the conduct of ERPAT training and other related activities;

5. Assist the ERPAT Associations in Management and Monitoring of group projects and activities;

6. Submit report to LGU Social Workers of ERPAT Association Accomplishment and Group Roster Forms.

B. The Role/ Functions of Local Government Units

1. Implement and supervise the project;

2. Provide administrative fund support in the implementation of project;

3. Facilitate organization of ERPAT Associations;

4. Supervise activities of ERPAT Association, e.g. planning and implementation of support activities in the community;

5. Conduct training for ERPAT volunteers and leaders;

6. Provide technical assistance and supervision to members and offices of ERPAT associations;

7. Identify/access resources for the provision of social services to ERPAT family members;

9.

Support public awareness raising/regional concerning overall goals and thrust ERPAT;

10. Conduct of monitoring and evaluation using the standard monitoring tool.

11. Prepare quarterly status reports to DSWD Field Offices;

C. Other Stakeholders (NGOs/Church/Academe/Civic Groups/Associations)

1. Acts as resource person;

2. Provides referral services;

3. Provides fund augmentation and access to resources;

4. Conducts trainings on ERPAT session and skills enhancement activities;

5. Assists MSWDO/CSWDO in identification/recruitment of ERPAT participants;

6. Participates in service review and enrichment/development.

D. The Role/Functions of DSWD Central Office

1. Prepares guidelines and other program materials for the service;

2. Oversees the overall implementation of service;

3. Allocates funds for the implementation of the service;

4. Monitors, evaluates and provides technical assistance to the DSWD Field Offices

5. Conducts orientation/demonstration of the project to LGUs implementers;

6. Consolidates and analyses reports submitted by the regions;

7. Prepares quarterly reports and update of the service;

8. Conducts documentation and research of the service;

9. Conduct of annual program review and evaluation workshop.

E. The Roles / Functions of DSWD Field Office

1. Conducts consultation with LGUs to determine their interest, readiness, commitment and capability to implement the service;

2. Assists in the orientation of LGU implementers;

3. Monitors and provides technical assistance to LGU implementers;

4. Develops and maintains linkages with LGUs, NGOs and other national government agencies in the area relative to service implementation;

5. Assists in the evaluation research and documentation of the service;

6. Ensures judicious disbursement of funds;

8.

Forge a MOA to gain the support and commitment of LGUs to adopt ERPAT as a service and define the roles of DSWD Field Office

Chapter Three: THE LGU IMPLEMENTERS (Initiating, Managing and Sustaining ERPAT)

The success of ERPAT depends on two important factors. It

includes (1) the active involvement of fathers themselves in the community and a (2) strong support from the Barangay or local officials as

well as other existing groups in the community.

Here’s a step-by-step guide for you (The LGU implementer) to follow when preparing to implement ERPAT:

A.

Coordinate with Barangay Council and other Key Leaders

Coordinate with your Barangay Officials to elicit commitment and support of the Barangay Council as well as clarify the functions and types of support you expect from them in implementing ERPAT.

B.

Identify and Recruit your target participants (fathers)

This involves identification of priority target beneficiaries at the community level through home visits and referrals by both LGUs and non-government organizations (NGOs) or groups in the locality. Among those you can initially engage with are:

1.Fathers who are members of the Day Care Service Parents Groups (DCSPG) 2.Neighborhood Parent Effectiveness Assembly (NPEA) 3.Supplemental Feeding Parents Group (SFPG) 4.Husbands of women who are involved and / or are beneficiaries of programs for women ; 5.Members of the Barangay Council for the Protection of Children and the Barangay Council 6.Fathers who are members of Men Support Groups (MSG). 7.Fathers who are members of Men Oppose to Violence Against Women Everywhere (MOVE).

Make your list now:

Aside from the above, you must also consider fathers of families at risks. To identify them you may need to refer to the following indicators;

YOUR 3-HOUR SESSION GUIDE:

1 hour

Opening Amenities

Prayer

Welcome Remarks

Introduction of Participants

Group Dynamic

Expectation Setting

1 hour

ERPAT Background/Orientation

History

Rationale

Objectives

Approaches/Strategies

Expected Output by the group

1 hour

Brainstorming on present situation of Fathers

Problems, fears, threats and challenges, myths and beliefs of Filipino fathers.

Take note of their ideas and write them on the board or Manila paper.

Highlight commonalities and differences of their responses and link them to the importance of having an ERPAT project in their Barangay.

1. Families with reported cases of abuse

2. Families whose members are with poor health/nutrition

3. Families whose children are out-of-school

4. Families whose heads exhibit inappropriate behavior models of family such as substance use and abuse, and

5. Families with solo male parent

Make your list now:

C.

Conduct an Orientation on ERPAT

Conduct an orientation session based on the time and place preferred by the father volunteers. Inform them of the objectives so that they will know what to expect. Seek their commitments by visiting them in their homes.

In conducting an orientation meeting for ERPAT, you need to establish rapport, camaraderie and friendship among fathers and key leaders that you have invited. Focus your orientation meeting on the background, rationale, objectives, approaches, and strategies of ERPAT. You may need to use group dynamics and games to animate this session. This meeting also includes brainstorming on the present situations of Filipino fathers. Inset is a three-(3) hour orientation session guide for you.

D.

Organize a Core Group of Fathers

Once you have identified and oriented your “target fathers”, engage them to organize a core group composed of 20-25 individuals. They should be those who are concerned and capable of assisting and / or initiating ERPAT activities in the community. Also remember to coordinate with the Barangay Council asking them to lend support by having a representative who can help organize the core group. You might need to begin by engaging other “informal father leaders” in the Barangay coming from different sectors such as church, schools and other organizations in the Barangay.

Make your list now:

E. Set a Final Schedule for the ERPAT Community-Based Sessions

Secure fathers’ commitment during your orientation session and engage them to agree on a specific schedule for the conduct of ERPAT session. Together with the core group of fathers, prepare for the ERPAT training.

Here’s a checklist that you and the core group can use as task guide:

Who do you think can…?

Arrange the venue and its physical set-up

Follow-up invitation and participation of father-participants

Prepare training materials e.g. materials

visual support and workshop

Arrange food (depending on the availability of funds)

Identify and mobilize resources and logistics

Organize and invite your pool of speakers from the trained father leaders with the MSWDO or LGU worker

F. Conduct the ERPAT Sessions

At this stage, you and the other father-trainers can devise your own teaching methodologies and materials. However do maintain the core messages for each of the session. The modules and session guides are found in Chapter Five.

G.

Conduct and Organizational Planning Workshop

After completing the ERPAT training sessions, you can now identify more potential leaders that will expand your initial core group of ERPAT leaders. Immediately call for a planning workshop where and when officers are elected and committees are formed. Do remember to define roles and responsibilities as basis for the choice of leaders. Emphasize too, that the members and leaders of each committee must have a sense of commitment for community development work, effective leadership, and should be sensitive and concerned to fellow families/fathers in the community.

H.

Organize an ERPAT Association

The organized fathers in your community can now form the ERPAT Barangay Association. (Please see annex). For its initial meeting, the organization shall formulate its vision, mission and goal (VMG) based on the objectives of ERPAT. This is very important for this will guide as well as provide direction to the plans and other activity of the association. The members and officers of the ERPAT association shall jointly agree upon the vision, mission and goals.

When the members and officers finalize the VMG, the plan of action of the association may be finalized and specific committees can be organized to handle activities or projects. Each committee may set their own activities to accomplish their tasks.

In the plan of action of the ERPAT associations, special emphasis on the celebration of special events such as Family Week, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Children’s Month, Women’s month and other special events that promote the strengthening of family shall also be included

I. Implement the Planned Programs and Projects of ERPAT

A key to sustaining organization’s life is to make sure those programs and projects are implemented as planned. The LGU worker can initially supervise program and project implementation. At this stage, it is expected that you and the association mobilizes fathers who will then mobilize their family members to help undertake projects in the community. Among the activities and projects you can implement are:

Capability Building for both newly recruited fathers and other LGU or NGO workers;

Peer Support Organization and Mobilization

Project Monitoring, Supervision, Evaluation and Sustainability

Monitoring and evaluation of the service implementation shall focus on the following activities:

The DSWD national and field offices will conduct regular monitoring visits. This will be a joint activity with the local government units concerned.

Annual service implementation review will be conducted to evaluate the overall project implementation to include strengths and weaknesses for continuity and improvement as a basis for plan of action for the succeeding year.

Other activities that can help you sustain the organization are activities that respond to the needs and problems of each member, individual or in groups. These include but not limited to the (1) regular home visits, (2) provision of livelihood projects; (3) conduct of cultural and sports activities; and (4) provision of awards and other forms of recognition/incentives to the efforts of father leaders and volunteers.

Chapter Four:

THE FATHER LEADERS (Initiating, Managing and Sustaining ERPAT)

You must have noticed by now that ERPAT places the highest

premium on the father-volunteers and leaders as they play key roles in the community. More than anything else, they serve as role models to their families and communities. They also serve as facilitators in promoting the rearing and caring roles of fathers in the family. Of course,

all of ERPAT’s service components prepare these father-volunteers to focus on these roles.

Competency Requirements of an ERPAT Leader/Volunteer

To be able to perform these roles, a set of competencies are required. Do check/engage the father-volunteers if they possess the following competencies below. If not, you may need to find ways as to help them acquire these competencies.

1. Knowledge:

- Know basic methods of organizing

- Know the contents of the ERPAT project

- Has good knowledge on leadership and volunteerism

- Has basic knowledge on Peer Counseling

2. Attitudes/Values:

- Sensitivity to familial roles, responsibilities, needs and social realities among fathers.

- Recognizes strengths and improve weaknesses

3. Skills:

- Effective communication

- Facilitating groups and using facilitating methods

- Active listening and relationship-building

- Energizing/inspiring/motivating

- Basic skills in counseling

- Skills in organizing

- Skills in establishing rapport

As ERPAT leaders and volunteers, fathers during the preliminary, proper and post implementation phases perform multiple roles. Each of these roles requires a particular set of competency and entails corresponding responsibilities. This chapter spells out all these roles and provides you descriptive parameters.

A. Preliminary Phase

Father-volunteer as Coordinator

Coordinates

with

M/CSWDO

in

the

conduct

of

community-based

sessions.

Assists in the conduct of identifying fathers as participants

Arranges for a venue and use of equipment

Prepares learning materials

Provides resource persons, if necessary

Acts as guides during the learning experiences of fathers

Father-volunteer as Organizer

Coordinates and links with M/CSWDO, Barangay leaders/officials and ensure active participation of fathers in the community;

Organizes core group of fathers as initial volunteers

Identifies and mobilizes resources

B.

Implementation Phase

Father-volunteer as Co-Trainer (in the Community-Based Sessions)

Plans with M/CSWDO on theme and topic assignments

Assists M/CSWDO in the conduct of ERPAT session or acts as resource person

Provides information on ERPAT

Conducts training for fathers in the community through the use of various learning methodologies

Uses learning aidscharts, drawing, pictures, and other forms of visual aids

Father-volunteer as Peer Counselor

Provides support and encouragement to fathers in crisis

Develops rapport with other participants

Develops genuine interest in directing their process of growth

Communicates on a one-on-one basis with fathers in stressful situations

Organizes sessions to enhance self-confidence and self-esteem of fathers.

Enhances relationship/teambuilding with father volunteers/leaders

Father-volunteer as Documenter and Records Keeper

Maintains records of the accomplishment of the ERPAT group through monitoring and documentation

Observes participation/involvement of father leaders

Documents activities of ERPAT groups

C.

Post-Implementation

Father-volunteer as Monitor/Evaluator

Assesses the extent of implementation and effects of ERPAT sessions to father participants

Undertakes follow-up visits with / to fathers and their families

Conducts regular (monthly/quarterly) meeting

Shares reflections and sessions with fathers volunteers/leaders

Provides relevant feedback to C/MSWDO

Conducts consultation meeting with other stakeholders

Father-volunteer as Coordinator

Conducts follow through activities through coordination with concerned parties

Establishes and maintains contacts with the fathers in the community, their families, peers, and other individuals or groups or agencies involved in ERPAT implementation to ensure that its objectives are achieved.

Father-volunteer as Advocate

Shares learning and gains of ERPAT to other fathers in the community

Recruits fathers and Men Opposed to Violence Against Women Everywhere (MOVE) advocates to become ERPAT members

Builds partnership with MOVE organization for the prevention of violence against women and children (VAWC)

Assists in the information dissemination campaign of ERPAT towards promotion of paternal roles and responsibilities

Chapter Five:

Conducting the ERPAT Modules

Chapter Five: Conducting the ERPAT Modules  The community based training is the heart and soul

The community based training is the heart and soul of the ERPAT service where we engage the fathers. This is also where much of ERPAT’s objectives (increasing father’s knowledge, skills and values/ attitudes on parenting) are achieved.

This chapter contains easy-to-follow sessions and / or activity plans particularly arranged to ensure competency build-up among your father- trainees.

For beginning facilitators or trainers, you may follow each activity plan. While these sessions and / or activity plans have been tested, you are free to make the necessary changes as you see fit or be creative while conducting your training.

Each session plan contains the following:

1.Title gives you a clue on what the module or session is all about 2.Intro spiel this is a short spiel written in italics just like this one, which you can use / say to introduce the session to your participants. 3.Estimated Time tells you how long a particular session lasts. The whole ERPAT training if you count the number of hours, roughly takes around twenty-seven (27) hours. However, field experiences tell us

trainees

that

the

length

of

session

varies

based

on

the

“realities”. Given this, it is really up to you to manage training time

efficiently as you plan the day or weeks it would take you and your trainees to complete the modules. 4.Objectives indicates the behavioral objective(s) that your trainees should be able to demonstrate or do in the course of session; 5.Materials you can find these contained in boxes in every session. It is

a list of things you need in your activities. There are also notes

written in bold letters instructing you to either photocopy or copy as

teaching and learning aids. 6.Methodology tells you about the teaching-learning method espoused

in the activities.

7.Key Learning Points even before you conduct the session, DO read these carefully and thoroughly, because these are the learning foundations of the activities. As such they serve either as your guide or even as your main inputs that raise activities into learning experiences. 8.Activity / Activities provide(s) step-by-step instructions on how to run the learning activity 9.Processing provides instructions (most often in the form of guide questions or actions) that you can ask or do to engage your participants to deepen their learning experiences. 10. Application allow the participants to relate the topics and learning to their daily activities

Are you ready to conduct your training now?

Well

If you have…

Gone this far and read previous chapters Clarified your roles and functions and understood ERPAT in its entirety Engaged people in your local government to support you in implementing ERPAT Organized your core group of fathers to assist you in your training Arranged your venue, its physical set up and the facilities Followed-up and confirmed invitations to your target father- participants Scanned this chapter, made and prepared your training materials e.g. visual supports and workshop materials Arranged food (when available) Identified and mobilized other resources and logistics Identified, organized, invited and confirmed the coming of your resource speakers (when needed) Assured and told yourself that you are able and willing to do this training

Then, you must be VERY ready!

Good luck on your ERPAT training!

PRELIMINARY SESSION

Title: Situation of Filipino Fathers

This session helps us to be aware of the

current situation(s)

of

fathers

in

our

community.

This

will

deepen

our

understanding

of

issues

affecting

role

performance.

Estimated Time: 45 minutes

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to:

45 minutes Objectives: The participants shall be able to: 1. Analyze current situations of Filipino fathers.

1. Analyze current situations of Filipino fathers.

2. Review current beliefs, practices and concepts about fathering.

3. Discuss gender issues prevailing and affecting members of the family.

Methodology: Group Sharing/Discussion

Materials:

Metacards, Pen markers, Masking tape, Transparency picture of a Father and a Mother

 Your Key Learning Points

There are basic attributes between a man and a woman. There are also prevailing expectations as to how men and women should think and behave. These expectations form the gender roles.

Sex refers to biologically determined differences between men and women.

Gender roles are the set of social norms that dictate what is socially defined as appropriate female and male behavior.

Gender roles are learned behaviors in a given society/community or other social group that condition which activities, tasks and responsibilities are perceived as male and female.

Gender roles are affected by age, class, race, ethnicity, religion or other ideologies, geographical, economic and political environment

Men and women differ from each other physically, emotionally and socially. Physical differences are referred to as “Sex” while social differences are referred to as “Gender”

Gender likewise are the values and norms that support and perpetrate the belief in men’s dominant status and natural aggressiveness and in women’s subordinate status and role in the family and in the society as a whole.

Fathers are perceived as symbols of strength and power in the family. Fathers are the family’s main source of authority. The breadwinner, the decision-maker and the foundation of the family. They are the disciplinarians and the ones who commit more forms of abuse as inherent to their characteristics as they exercise their power and authority over their family members.

Mothers meanwhile are perceived more as weak but loving persons. They are more emotional and do support the decisions of the father as the head of the family. Their roles are confined in the household responsibilities including rearing and caring for children and other family members. Because of their inherent characteristics, they are more prone to be abused in the family including the very young children.

To create a wholesome and positive family life, the parents, the father and the mother have collaborative roles to perform. In performing responsibilities at home or in the family, one should assess one’s capacities and abilities rather than on one’s biological characteristics to achieve a shared familial roles and responsibilities, shared decision- making and a shared vision and hope for the family.

Activity:

1. Group the participants (5-7 members / group)

2. Ask them to discuss the characteristics of fathers they observe in their own families, neighborhood or community.

3. Use the following guide questions:

What do you observe about fathers in your community? Can you differentiate characteristics, identities and role expectations of the fathers and the mothers? What values and beliefs are attached to fathering?

4. Ask them to write their responses in the newsprint or metacards if not ask a volunteer from the group to share a summary report of their discussion.

Alternative Activity:

1. Post the word FATHER and MOTHER on the board

3.

Provide the participants with metacards and ask them to think of any word that relate to the two basic words.

4. Ask the participants to post or write their responses in the board.

Your trainees’ output can look like this;

FATHER

MOTHER

Male

Female

Strong

Weak

Big body

Loving

Handsome

Beautiful

Mason

Laundrywoman

Carpenter

Manicurist

Authoritative

Beautician

Domineering

Sexy

Muscles

Long hair

Hard

Clear skin

Vices

Vices

Head of the family

Ilaw ng Tahanan

Processing:

1. Point out the differences between sex and gender.

2. Point out the differences and similarities between the father as a male and the mother as female.

3. Synthesize responses.

Application:

End the introductory session by singing:

FAMILY

F is for my father and M is for my mother I love you. (2x) I love you in the morning and in the afternoon I love you in the evening, underneath the moon … Oh!

F is for my Father and M is for my mother Family……

MODULE I UNDERSTANDING MYSELF AS A PERSON

MODULE I UNDERSTANDING MYSELF AS A PERSON

SESSION 1:

Understanding Myself

SESSION 1: Understanding Myself When we talk of philosophy, we simply mean of “searching for meaning”.

When we talk of philosophy, we simply mean of “searching for meaning”. In this session we will attempt to define the meaning of man’s existence in relation to his environment. Who we are and what makes us different from other creatures on earth.

Estimated Time: 1 hour

Objectives:

At the end of the session, participants shall be able to:

1. Attain awareness and discover oneself as a person

2. Find meaning of one’s existence in relation to his environment

Methodology:

Collage-making Individual Reflection Lecture-Discussion

Key Learning Points:

Materials: Old newspapers/ colorful magazines, paste, newsprint, scissors Alternative Materials: Clay
Materials:
Old
newspapers/
colorful
magazines,
paste,
newsprint,
scissors
Alternative
Materials:
Clay

1. You are a rationale being. You have the capability to think and recognize what is right and wrong. You use your capability in honing your qualities. You have rights to act on improving and fulfilling your aspirations in life. But rights have accompanying responsibilities towards yourself, others and God.

2. Your values, personality traits, childhood experiences, personal and family goals affect your characteristics as a person and more importantly, your role as a father. You are a unique person and able to relate with others.

3. You have a specific purpose and mission in life and that purpose and mission provides meaning and direction in your life.

4. Knowing yourself and knowing your own strengths and weaknesses is the first step in becoming an effective father. Realizing your own limitations helps you consider things that will affect you in performing your role as a father. You build yourself up by enhancing your strengths and working on your limitations and weaknesses.

Activity:

1. Ask the participants to group themselves into six or eight and provide them materials to make a collage

2. Ask them to use the old newspaper and magazines and make a collage based on their group’s interpretation of what a man is and what to them is the meaning of being a man.

3. Clay can be alternative used. For the use of clay, ask them to make forms, shapes or objects that will represent a man.

4. Assign a leader who will facilitate sharing in the group. Using the following as guide questions:

a. What do you think is man made of?

b. What makes you happy?

c. What makes your life meaningful and complete?

5. A group leader shall be assigned to each group to note responses of participants on the meaning of man based on their own knowledge/perception.

6. Each group takes turn in presenting their collage or their clay images

7. Allow clarification session among participants to deepen the discussion of the meaning of man.

Processing:

1. After each group had reported, process the whole activity by first

summarizing their outputs.

2. Highlight significant points that they raised and connect them to your learning points.

3. Synthesize all inputs and stress the value of openness to life experiences, importance of reflections for growth and directions, and appreciation of oneself and other persons.

Applications:

Play the song “Sino Ako” and let the participants reflect on the meaning of the Song.

1. While playing the song, help the participants reflect by leading them to a closing prayer.

SINO AKO Hiram sa Diyos and aking Buhay Ikaw at ako’y tanging Handog lamang Di ko ninais na ako’y isilang Ngunit salamat dahil may buhay

Ligaya ko na ako’y isilang Pagkat tao ay mayroong dangal Sinong may pag-ibig, sinong nagmamahal Kung hindi ay tao, Diyos ang pinagmulan

Kung hindi ako umibig Kung hindi ko man bigyang halaga Ang buhay kong handog Ang buhay ko’y hiram sa Diyos Kung hindi ako nagmamahal Sino Ako?

2.

The closing prayer should highlight on the meaning of each trainee’s existence as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a community volunteer and as a leader and as a person.

SESSION 2:

Building Positive Self-Esteem as a Father

What does self-esteem mean to a father? How important is one’s role particularly the role of a father? How does self-esteem affect his relationships with his family? In this session, we will be exploring how our self- esteem develops and how it affects us as a person and as a father.

Estimated Time: 1 hour

us as a person and as a father. Estimated Time: 1 hour Objective: The participants should

Objective:

The participants should be able to demonstrate a build- up of positive self-esteem, as a pre-requisite to effective fathering.

Methodology:

Structured Learning Exercise (River of Life) Lecture-Discussion

Materials:

Newsprint, Marking pens, sample drawing of River of Life

Key Learning Points:

Self-esteem is how a person feels and thinks about himself. It may be positive and it may be negative.

Self-esteem develops overtime. However, it constantly changes. Positive experiences and fulfilling relationships can help raise self- esteem. Negative experiences and troubled relationships contribute to low self-esteem.

Factors that influence one’s self-esteem are our early childhood experiences, personal relationships in the home, school, community, jobs, and patterns of social life.

Self-esteem is very important because it has a direct bearing on one’s life particularly as a father. Fathers with high self-esteem are more productive and fully functioning than those who have low self-esteem and have no direction in life.

A person with high self-esteem has self-respect. He values himself. However, a person with a low self-esteem is an insecure person. He doesn’t see his value or worth.

To consider one’s self-esteem, one must start to look first at himself, and build on one’s self-esteem and one’s strengths. The more positive attributes and attitudes one has with his children and other members of the family, the more positive relations will be in his own family.

To improve one’s self-esteem, one must begin at accepting oneself – one’s weaknesses and strengths. There is a need to praise oneself and nurture the feeling of love and trust.

Learn to value your abilities and be realistic in assessing yourself.

Activity: River of My Life

1. Present a picture (drawn and outlined) of a river on a manila paper to the participants.

2. Ask them to individually draw their own river on a ¼ sheet of brown paper and as they draw ask them to work on the following questions:

a. When are my happiest moments in life?

b. How do early experiences affect me now as a father?

c. How significant is my own father in influencing the river of my life?

d. How does the flow of the river affect my self- esteem

and me as a person?

3. You may ask participants to incorporate sharing of previous session

in this activity.

4. Process the activity and synthesize learning and insights of the participants.

Processing:

1. Relate the importance of knowing one’s self as a requirement in improving and building one’s self-esteem as a prerequisite to effective fathering/parenting.

2. Elicit learning from the activity and provide inputs based on your key learning points.

Application:

1. Give each trainee two sheets of paper

2. Ask the trainees to draw a heart and write all their positive traits and pin this on their chest to be shown to other participants.

3. On the other sheet of paper, ask the trainees to write all their negative traits and collect these negative traits and burn to symbolize its insignificance (please do ensure safety) while the group forms a circle singing the song, “A Time to Change” or any song related to it.

MODULE II ACCEPTING YOUR ROLE AS A FATHER

MODULE II ACCEPTING YOUR ROLE AS A FATHER

SESSION 1:

Importance of a Father Image

SESSION 1: Importance of a Father Image W hat is the male factor? Father’s special participation

What is the male factor? Father’s special participation on the rearing of children contributes to the well- rounded development of their sons and daughters. Research shows that extra love and attention they get from having a closely involved father as well as a close and loving mother provides/leads child to develop social skills ahead of their schedule. But what does it really mean to be a father? How important is your presence to your children as their father? Many fathers know what they don’t want to do as a father from their own childhood experiences. But they likewise are not sure of what they should do. In this session, we will be discovering your own perception of being a father.

Estimated time: 1 hour and 20 minutes

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to:

1. Understand the meaning of Fatherhood.

2. Appreciate the importance of Male Factor to Children

Methodology:

Brainstorming Buzz Session/Group Discussion Lecture

Key Learning Points:

A. Definition of Fatherhood

Fatherhood means becoming an active partner in performing a major educational role in child growth and development. It means getting to know them and sharing who you are as a person. It means spending time and making the most of the time you spend with them. It means taking an active interest and involvement in all the aspects of your child’s growth – social, emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual and language development.

B. Importance of Father Image in the Child

A noted sociologist, Dr. David Propenoe is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood 1 . A father image is important to the child because…

Primary source of influence to children

Father’s

development of their children Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their children A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore surroundings, and as they grow older, have better social connections with peers

well-rounded

special

participation

contributes

to

the

Activity:

1. Ask the participants to group themselves into 6 or 8 and brainstorm on the following:

a. What does it mean to be a father?

b. How important is my being a father to my child?

c. What are the hindrances that keep me away and unable

to relate with my child?

2. Hand out metacards, marking pens and masking tape where they can write their responses.

3. To deepen the sharing of participants, ask them to relax and sit comfortably.

4. Ask them to meditate on the present relationship with their family guided by the following statements:

Based on your experiences as a father, recall little moments you spent with your child. How often do you play with your child? How much available time do you spend with them to listen to their thoughts, feelings and desires? Do you care for them enough to provide the necessary nurturance they expect from you? Do you tunein to their feelings, enabling and helping them to become aware of and able to express their feelings towards you?

5. Again, ask the participants to write their responses on metacards.

6. Ask each group to present their discussion outputs in the plenary.

7.

Allow an open forum to clarify and deepen the discussion and help participants internalize the topic.

Processing:

1. Allow sufficient time for exchange of ideas and feelings during the plenary session.

2. Accommodate clarification and sharing of experiences in the plenary to deepen the discussion.

3. Be sure though that the focus of discussion will be on the importance of being a father to their children.

4. Using your key learning points, stress that there is no recipe and there is no one right way to be a father. What is important is to work out what is going to work for you. How do you work it out will depend on the following:

a. What do you expect to do as a father?

b. What does your wife expect from you as a father to your children?

c. The way you and your partner balance work and family responsibilities.

d. The good things that you want to pass on from what your own father did.

e. Quality time spent with your children.

f. The things that you see other fathers do.

g. What your children’s wants and needs are.

Application:

1. Ask the participant to individually work on the question: What shall I do to fulfill my role as a father to my children and as a husband to my wife?

2. In a circle, each trainee take turns in sharing their individual answers to the group

3. End the activity with a prayer for fathers.

SESSION 2:

Development of Paternal Identity

SESSION 2: Development of Paternal Identity Estimated Time: 1 hour Men’s early and ongoing relationships with

Estimated Time: 1 hour

Men’s early and ongoing relationships with their fathers affect and shape the intimacy in their own family life. Their experiences shape their strengths and weaknesses in their adult life, equally important are the patterns they have acquired which will serve as their basis in establishing relationship in their own family life.

Objective:

The participants shall be able to acquire knowledge and express understanding of the process of developing paternal identity.

Methodology:

Group Sharing Lecture/Discussion

Materials:

Acetate, Cartolina,

Pen Markers

Acetate Pens

Key Learning Points:

Fatherhood is a lifelong process.

While either parent can do parenting, children still have different experiences with their fathers from that of their mothers.

The kind of experience that children have with their fathers will greatly depend on the kind of relationship that they have with one another. This emotional attachment is established as the father becomes involved during the exploration and integration stage of the children throughout their development cycle.

Stages in the development of attachment involves attachment which starts as early as during pregnancy and when the father becomes emotionally engrossed with his new born baby.

Psychological – emotional bonding is deepened with the child’s growth and development.

Fatherhood means spending more of his free time with the child. There is a shift of values and priorities. Fathers now stay more at home and spend time alone with the child to meet the demands of childcare instead of staying outside with friends. He shares his

strengths and vulnerabilities as well as his hopes and aspirations to his children.

Fathers also need to ensure that they still have a space, peace and quiet hour for himself to nurture his own sense of individuality.

Stages in a father’s life that lead to the development of paternal identity (Prepare this on Acetate or Cartolina and Use as Visual Aid)

At 3-4 years old, the child starts to look for masculine identity

At the age of five the child begins to segregate father and mother by sex

As the child becomes older (middle childhood years), he is focused at following rules rather than strengthen his relationship

At adolescent, he is more at game of power, strengths and achievements. He tends to repress his wishes to be held and to be taken cared of and cuddled, but there are still inner longings/desires to have his father around ready to support and provide care and nurturance.

If the male child is hardly able to receive warmth and soft nurturance from his own father the child develops a sense of loss that extends into adulthood.

So that when he reaches his adult stage, the male child tries to resolve guilt, shame and anger in silence and unable to perform his role as a husband or a father

Activity:

1. In a plenary ask the participants to describe their relationship with their own fathers.

2. Follow up by asking if they find it easy to relate to their own fathers when they were children and now as adults?

3. Form the participants into triads and ask them to discuss their individual experiences focusing on the kind of relationship they had with their own fathers and how this relationship developed. Use the following guide questions:

a. What kind of relationship did I have with my father?

b. Am I very close with my father?

c. Do we communicate regularly with one another? Who initiates the communication between us?

d. Do I share common interests? Hobbies? Music? etc

e. How did my father affect and shape my way of relating with my own children now?

Processing:

1. Process the activity by getting their responses in each of the questions above.

2. Write key responses in the board by item as numbered above.

3. Synthesize using your key learning points and presenting your prepared transparency or cartolina.

Application:

1. Ask the participants to identify ways they could enhance their relationship with their children.

2. Ask them to write one or two strategies to enable their own children to learn more about them as a person thus enabling both of them and their children to develop closer relationship.

3. Ask them to write these on metacards and place them in their chests.

4. Ask them to walk around and share it with other participants.

5. An alternative approach will be to post all the metacards in the board and have each item be read by the participants.

SESSION 3:

Knowing and Understanding Your Role as a Father.

SESSION 3: Knowing and Understanding Your Role as a Father. How can a father find joy

How can a father find joy and satisfaction in guiding his child from infancy to adulthood?

In these rapidly changing times, there is a need to define one’s role as a father. Contrast to the role of our fathers twenty-five years ago, fathers as the main breadwinner of the family is no longer true as evidenced by the rising cases of female overseas workers and female working full time in local jobs.

Children are now more exposed to new and different information, technology and changing culture.

Hence, fathers need to learn new skills and knowledge, perhaps a revived attitude in relating and responding to their paternal tasks and responsibilities.

Estimate Time: 45 minutes

Objective:

Participants shall be able to identify specific responsibilities of fathers.

Methodology:

Individual Reflection Group Sharing Lecture-Discussion

Key Learning Points:

Materials:

Prepared question, 1 cartolina or acetate, copy of PD 603

Fatherhood is becoming an active partner in assuming the major educational role in child growth and development.

Roles of Fathers in the Family (Prepare on acetate or cartolina- Article 46 Child and Youth Welfare Code (PD 603).

Affection, companionship and understanding

Moral guidance, self-discipline and religious instructions

Supervision, activities and recreation

Inculcate positive values

Stimulate interest in civic affairs

Set a good example

Provide adequate support

Liabilities of Parents

Conceal or abandon the child with intent to make such child lose his/her civil status.

Sell

valuable

or

abandon

the

child

to

another

person

for

consideration.

Neglect the child by not giving him/her the education which the family’s situation in life and financial conditions permit.

Fail or refuse to enroll the child as required by Article 72 of PD 603.

Cause, abet, permit the truancy of the child from the school where he/she is enrolled.

Improperly exploit the child by using him/her for purposes of begging and other acts which are inimical to his/her interest and welfare.

Inflict cruel and unusual punishment upon the child which causes or encourages the child to lead an immoral or dissolute life.

Permit the child to possess or carry deadly weapons.

Penalty: 2 months to 6 months for light offense

Activity:

1. Present the written questionnaire on the board and ask each

participant to respond to the questions using the metacards:

a. What are the roles of my father? How did he perform his role as a father?

b. What are the tasks and responsibilities corresponding to these roles?

c. How does he relate with his family?

d. What are the problems I encountered with my father in

terms of his role performance?

2. After each participant has individually responded to the questions. Group them into six to eight members and ask them to share their responses with the group.

Processing:

1. Ask each participant to report on their discussions using their metacards as visual aids.

2. Linking these answers using your key learning points.

Application:

1. Ask the participants to identify their roles, which they think strengthen in their family and write these down on a sheet of paper.

2. Each sheet of paper shall be entitled “My roles as a father that I need to Strengthen”

MODULE III BECOMING YOUR WIFE’S BESTFRIEND

MODULE III BECOMING YOUR WIFE’S BESTFRIEND

SESSION 1:

Difference Between Sex and Gender

SESSION 1: Difference Between Sex and Gender What is sex, what is gender? How does one

What is sex, what is gender? How does one differ from the other? This is the main content of this session and through simple exercise provided every woman shall appreciate the key distinction between gender and sex.

Estimated Time: 1 Hour

Objectives:

At the end of the session, the participants should be able to:

Differentiate sex from gender

Make women appreciate the difference between sex and gender

Materials:

Handouts,

Powerpoint,

LCD, Laptop

Whiteboard

marker,

Pentel pen,

Masking tape

Methodology:

Individual Exercise

Lecture/Discussion

Key Learning Points:

1. Sex is a natural distinguishing

variable based on biological characteristics of being a man or a woman. It refers to physical attributes pertaining to a person’s body contour, features, genitals, hormones, genes, chromosomes and reproductive organs. Sex differences between men and women are biological.

2. Gender refers to the socially differentiated roles, characteristics and expectations attributed by culture to women and men. It identifies the social behavior of women and men and the relationship between them. Gender roles and attributes are natural or biologically given.

social institutions, a process otherwise referred to as the social construction of gender. Because gender roles, attitudes, behaviors, characteristics and expectations are learned, they can be unlearned.

Note to Facilitator:

Discussion on Islamic perspective may be included depending on the background of the participants

Activity:

Word Association Exercise

1. Tell the participants that they have 20 minutes to do this exercise.

2. Divide the participants equally into two groups. Assign the word “female” to the first group and the word “male” to the second group.

3. Instruct the two groups to form a line and face the board (or newsprint) that is divided into two columns, one for “female” and the other column for “male.”

4. Tell the participants to write on the board (or newsprint) what is being asked pertaining to the word assigned to them. The first participant on the line writes one idea and he needs to pass on the chalk or marker to the participant next to him until everybody on their line has written their answer based on what is being asked. They should do this as quickly as possible.

5. Ask the following:

a.

First round Things that are being used by a male or a female

b.

Second round Places where a female or a male goes to

c.

Third round Food that a female or a male eats

d.

Fourth round Activities that a female or a male can do

e.

Fifth round Body parts of a female or a male

Processing:

1. Ask the participants the following questions:

a. Affective Level

While you are answering the questions/instruction given by the facilitator, what was your reaction?

b. Cognitive Level

Are the ideas you have written on the board (newsprint) for female only? For male only? Or can be for both?

The facilitator will do this as he/she examines every word written on the board (newsprint) and make notes on what are for female, for male, and for both.

What is your insights/learning from the exercise?

2. Synthesize the results of the exercise and proceed to the discussion of the Key Learning Points.

Application:

For the participants to start to re-assess their perception of women based on the concept of sex and gender.

SESSION 2:

Understanding the Difference between Men and Women

2: Understanding the Difference between Men and Women How does a man differ from a woman?

How does a man differ from a woman? In this session we will attempt to explore the difference between a man and a woman. We will try to recall how you differ with your spouse on the different aspects of your relationships such as, the way each of you cope with problems, communicate with each other, use language and express your feelings.

Estimated Time: 90 minutes

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to demonstrate and express awareness of the difference between a man and a woman as basis in relating with their wives.

Materials:

Manila paper

Cartolina, pen

markers

Methodology:

Buzz Group Discussion Modified Role-Play Lecture-Discussion

Key Learning Points:

Differences between Men and Women (You can photocopy and distribute handouts)

Sense of Self

Man’s sense of self is defined though his ability to achieve results.

To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own. Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to “help” a man, she has no idea of how critical and unloving she may sound to him.

A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships. A woman being able to share all her feelings to her husband will be contented and satisfied. But a man thinking of helping interrupts this stress releasing activity of a woman by offering immediate solution to her problem.

John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, points out the following 2 :

1. Coping with Stress

To feel better, men go to their caves to solve problem alone

To feel better, women get together and openly talk about their problems.

A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood. At times, to forget her own painful feelings, a woman may become emotionally involved in the problems of others.

Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.

2. Ways of Motivating

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed and women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished. Therefore not to be needed is a slow death for men.

A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. Therefore it is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

3. Speaking Different Languages

Both men and women languages have the same words, but the ways they are used have different meanings.

To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic licenses to use various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations.

The number one complaint of women in a relationship is: “I don’t feel heard!But men misunderstand even this complaint.

The biggest challenge for women is to interpret correctly and support a man when he isn’t talking.

4. Man Intimacy Cycle

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. They are like rubber bands. At times they need to pull away again to regain back their sense of autonomy and independence.

When a man physically pulls himself away, she physically follows him.

When a man emotionally pulls himself away, she emotionally follows him more. She may also try to pull him back mentally by asking him guilt-inducing questions.

5. Mood of Women

A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a time for emotional housecleaning.

In relationships, men pull back and then get closer, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.

Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a woman, she may become even more upset. The negative feelings of women should not be suppressed otherwise the positive feelings become suppressed as well.

Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. Therefore by supporting her need to be heard, she could support his need to be free.

6.

Emotional Needs

Fulfilling a primary need is required before one is able fully to receive and appreciate the other kinds of love.

A woman needs care and a man needs trust.

She needs understanding and he needs appreciation.

She needs devotion and he needs admiration.

She needs validation and he needs approval.

She needs reassurance and he needs encouragement.

Activity:

1. Group the participants into two groups separating the men from the women. (If all participants are males, ask one group to answer the women’s point of view).

2. Each group to work on the following questions:

a. What do you like most about wife?

b. What do you dislike most about wife?

3. Ask the group to assign a reporter and a leader. The reporter writes all responses of the participants on Manila paper while the leader facilitates the group discussion and sharing.

4. Each group presents their discussion outputs in the plenary.

Processing:

1. While a group reports in the plenary, take note of the important issues they raise.

2. Allow sufficient time for clarifications and sharing to deepen the discussion.

3. Elicit the learning and insights from the participants.

4. Using your Key Learning Points, lead the participants’ insights into understanding the difference between a man and a woman in relation with one another.

Application:

1. Ask the participants to identify one personality attribute of their wives that they like most and one attribute or characteristic that they hate most.

2. In the attribute that they hate most, ask them what they can do so that it will not irritate them anymore.

3. Ask the participants to write them on metacards and post them on the board for everybody to see and learn from.

4. End the session with the following statement:

“Knowing

your

wife

more

will

make

you

more

effective

as

a

husband.”

SESSION 3:

Improving Relationship with my Wife

Prerequisite to effective fathering is a stable and harmonious relationship with the mother of the child, no less but your wife. But how can a husband and his wife be a friend to one another in its real sense?

Estimated time: 90 minutes

Objective:

in its real sense? Estimated time: 90 minutes Objective: The participants shall be able to discuss

The participants shall be able to discuss the different factors that affect their marital relationship.

 

Materials:

 

Manila paper

Methodology:

Pens

Brainstorming/Sharing Role Playing Lecture Discussion Alternative Methodology Film Showing

Pencils

Mirror

 

Key Learning Points:

Causes may step from the innate quality of a man and a woman on how they relate to one another based on their biological, emotional and mental characteristics as well as cultural and social backgrounds.

What values they ascribe to and believe in.

The way they relate to one another as they interact as husband and wife.

Causes of conflict are due to deviations from the exercise of socially assigned roles of women and men as well as children in the family. These may be as follow:

o

Inability to provide for the needs of family. Wife/husband’s incapability to perform her/his reproductive and productive roles.

o

Men and women vices.

o

Other undesirable behaviors.

Particularly in how they communicate with each other such as often resorting to:

o

Blaming- the tendency to blame always the spouse.

o

Placating one who keeps saying yes but deep inside is not (just to pacify).

o

Computing – the tendency to count on other’s mistake repeatedly.

o

Distracting the one who keeps on speaking or nagging but not coming deep from the heart and mind.

Conflict in husband-wife relationship may result to:

 

o

Husband/wife relationship

 

- Reticence/silence

- Withholding of economic support

- Refusal to talk, dialogue/respond on each action’s needs

- Marital violence

- Sexual problems

 

o

To children

 

- Aggressive/undesirable behaviors

- Confusion

- Low self-esteem

- Shame/embarrassment

- Hatred

- Early sexual involvement

- Low academic performance/drop-out

Activity:

1. Ask the participants to group into two. (Same grouping as the preceding activity - men and women)

2. Ask each group to identify marital obligations of a husband (group 1) and a wife (group 2)

3. Encourage sharing of beliefs, myths and family practices in husband and wife relationship.

4. Provide the following as discussion guides:

a. What are your wife’s obligations?

b. What are your obligations as husband?

c. How do we perform our marital obligations?

d. How do we improve?

5. Ask them to write their responses in Manila Paper

Processing:

1. Ask the participants to report their group output in the plenary.

2. Encourage open discussion and clarification, as this will deepen the discussion on the topic.

4.

Elicit learning from the participants and use your key learning points.

Application:

1. Let the participants sit in a circle.

2. Provide participants with two pieces of paper and ask them to answer the following questions:

a. What is the best thing that I like in me?

b. What is the best thing that I like in the person to my left?

c. What is the best thing that I like in the person to my right?

3. Once done, pass around a mirror and each one takes turn to talk

to ones’ self while looking at the mirror (for the first question); and look directly to the person to one’s right and left for the second and third questions.

4. Elicit their feelings and insights by asking the participants the following questions:

a. What did you feel in the exercise?

b. What did you feel when you say directly to yourself the attributes that you like best in yourself?

c. What did you feel when you received positive remarks from those beside you?

d. What did you learn and discover in the exercise?

5. Synthesize the insights of participants and elicit other ways that they think would improve husband’s relationship with their wife.

Ways to Improve Husband-Wife Relationship (Photocopy and distribute as hands-out)

1. Build each other’s self-esteem through:

a. Praising/mutual affirmation giving of positive remarks and affirming one’s strengths, skills, knowledge and other positive attributes sincerely and honestly.

b. Focusing on the positives to help boost each other’s self- esteem.

c. Mutual understanding and respect/trust

2. Man-Woman Roles

a. Sharing of roles, mutual cooperation and service - sharing of familial roles and responsibilities according to one’s expertise and interest.

b. Commitment to the family - responding to paternal tasks and responsibilities.

3. Marital Communication Process

a. Dialogue-language of the heart loving confrontation focused on one’s feelings and expectations.

b. Use of leveling in communication which means giving the other person information and making him/her understand about your thoughts and feelings, rather than expecting her or him to read your mind.

c. Satisfying sexual relation/sex as a form of communication.

4. Religion in Deed

a. Practice of one’s religion – leading the family in spirituality

5. Others

a. Know how one’s partner move

b. Readiness to ask for and forgive

c. Resolving problems at the early stage

d. Focusing on the problem (don’t talk about previous ones)

e. Own faults and mistakes

f. Cease from vices

g. Seek counseling advice

h. Set house rules or family rules

i. Continuously clarify marital expectations

j. Keep up the romance

SESSION 4:

Sexuality in Marriage

SESSION 4: Sexuality in Marriage Human sexuality plays a major role in marriage. The sexual life

Human sexuality plays a major role in marriage. The sexual life of a couple is very crucial in building and sustaining marriage. Every couple should learn the important elements of sexuality, to be able to appreciate more that sexuality is not just a biological aspect of marital life rather as a high form of communication, deep way of expressing one’s love and commitment to each other. But couples likewise need to understand the very basic of sexuality to be able to appreciate the important role it plays in marital life.

Estimated Time: 60 minutes

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to:

1. Discuss the elements of human sexuality.

2. Discuss the importance of sexuality in enhancing marital life.

Methodology:

Group Sharing Lecture/Discussion

Materials:

Paper, pens, pencils, Manila paper, picture of the anatomy of a man a woman

Key Learning Points:

Understanding basic characteristics and differences between men and women, particularly in sex is necessary to make and keep a successful marriage.

Open and honest discussion about sex and sexual issues to improve communication in sexual relationship

Couples should be aware as well of their reproductive capacity, and to control and regulate it as guided by their sense of responsibilities.

Sexuality is an integral part of the personality of everyone: man, woman and child; it is a basic need and aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspect of life. “(World Health Organization, 1975). It is the totality of being: the projection of maleness/femaleness.

Hence, couples may express their sexuality biologically and non- biologically. From wide range of intimate sexual expression- from holding hands, hugging, kissing, massaging, dancing or doing the sex act itself to a simple touch to express simple affection, to communication.

A mutually satisfactory sexual relationship promotes successful marriage. It is important to know the different stages of the sexual act to become aware of the more satisfactory way/responses to achieve or fulfill sexual responsibilities in marriage.

Activity:

1. Post the picture (anatomy) of the man and a woman on the board and ask the participants to label their parts to have a clear picture of the anatomy of a man and a woman.

2. Divide the participants into five to six members per group and ask them to discuss the sexual characteristics of a man and a woman.

3. Ask them to make two columns in the newsprint provided to them and label the first column, MAN and second column WOMAN.

4. Ask them to highlight the differences between men and women in the attitudes and practice of sex.

5. Ask them to share their outputs in the plenary.

Processing:

1. Process the activity by adding more to their output focusing on areas that have not been discussed based on the matrix below:

 

MAN

WOMAN

Easily aroused (smell, sight, imagination, not necessarily by direct stimulation), reaches sexual satisfaction in a shorter time, his feelings settle down in much shorter time. 3

Longer time to get sexually aroused more by direct stimulation of erotic parts. Longer for her to reach sexual peak and for her feelings to subdue.

Easier

for

man

to

deal

with

Repeated sexual frustration is difficult for a woman.

sexual frustrations, it is more

localized

and

can

easily be

 

forgotten.

 

Sexual desire reaches its peak in late teens to late twenties then, it goes downhill and slightly go up to mid-40’s and 50’s. Sex and love can exist independently of the other. Use of sex as means of satisfying a great physical hunger-a physical need that can exist even without love.

Average women does not achieve sexual peak till she is in her 30’s and retains this ability into her

60’s.

Looks and expects more beyond just the sexual relationship alone. Think of sex more in terms of love, care and security and not just a means to physical satisfaction.

2. Synthesize the above and connect them to your key learning points.

Activity:

1. Ask the participants to maintain the groupings that they have formed and ask them to discuss the stages of the sexual act and

the practice of healthy and safe habits in sex. Guide them with the following questions:

a. How to initiate and improve communication in sexual relationship

b. What are the stages of the sexual act?

c. What should a couple do or observe to achieve a

mutually satisfying relationship?

2. Ask the participants to write their responses on the newsprint for presentation in the plenary.

Processing:

1. Synthesize responses of participants by focusing first on the first questions and then to the second question.

2. Highlight commonalities and differences of their responses and provide or link them to your last key learning point.

3. Stress that knowing the above stages, it is important to know what one’s partner wants to do or how would you want him/her to behave so that one may achieve a mutually satisfactory sexual relationship.

Application:

1. Ask the participants to pause for a moment and define the areas each one needs to work on to enhance one’s sexual life.

2. Then ask them to identify appropriate ways to strengthen their marital sex life.

3. Allow time for buzz session and end the session with a prayer.

STAGES OF THE SEX ACT (Copy on Acetate or big Brown Paper)

1. MUTUAL CONSENT is a pre-requisite to a good start and signals the readiness of both parties.

2. FOREPLAY involves kissing and fondling

3. AROUSAL of erogenous parts manifested by a fully erect penis for men and hardened nipples and vaginal secretion for women.

4. PENETRATION is the full entrance of the man’s penis into the woman’s vagina when both are already at the peak of desire.

5. COITUS is the physical joining of the couple’s bodies characterized by movement, which causes the penis to rub against the clitoris and vaginal wall and increase excitement of the partners.

6. ORGASM is the moment of intense sexual pleasure. In men, this is accompanied by ejaculation of semen. In women, it is marked by a sudden muscle contractions throughout the vaginal and clitoris.

7. RELAXATION sets in when the man’s penis becomes flaccid or soft after the sex act.

8. AFTER PLAY is an opportunity for the man and woman to affirm their affection for each other by kissing or embracing each other. They may say to each other “thank you” and or “I love you.”

Personal relationships deteriorate when what is needed and wanted is not expressed; the resulting frustrations build up and result in increasing anxiety and upset. This is particularly likely to occur with sexual relationships, when problems or disagreements about sexual issues are not discussed openly and honestly. If this is the case in your personal life, then here's how to go about improving matters 4

Break the Ice

Talk with your partner about why it's hard to talk about sex.

Share earlier experiences with talking about sex.

Begin by discussing less threatening topics such as birth control, sex education, etc.

Gradually move toward discussing more personal feelings and concerns.

Read and discuss material if it seems easier than spontaneously talking about personal matters.

Share your sexual histories including such areas as sex education, first experience with sexuality, etc.

Listen and Provide Feedback

Active listening helps to show you are interested in what your partner is saying. Ask questions and make brief comments to help increase your understanding of what is being said.

Maintaining eye contact displays caring and validation.

Reflect back to your partner what you have understood them to say. This conveys active listening and an interest in understanding.

Be supportive of your partner's efforts to communicate.

A statement of appreciation or thanks can go a long way to strengthening a relationship.

Express "unconditional positive regard." Convey the sense that you will value your partner regardless of what they communicate to you.

Discover Your Partner's Needs

Ask open-ended, clarifying and extending questions to gain the most information about your companion's desires. Your partner will probably appreciate your concern.

If the subject you are interested in is particularly sensitive, try self- disclosing first. Self-disclosure will model trust and a willingness to take risks.

Compare notes on sexual preferences. This can be an effective way of learning about what does and doesn't stimulate your partner, and is certainly more efficient than trial and error.

Give your partner permission to talk about his/her feelings.

Learn To Make Requests

Take responsibility for your own pleasure. Realize that people are not mind readers and genuinely communicate your needs and desires.

Make requests specific. This will increase the chance that your wishes will be understood and granted.

Use "I" language. Although it is sometimes difficult to personalize requests, it is often the best means of getting a positive response.

Delivering Criticism

Be aware of your motivation. Is it based on a constructive desire to make your relationship better?

Choose the right time and place. Try not to be critical when anger is at its peak. Give your partner a choice about when he/she would like to talk. Be aware of your partner's needs when choosing a location.

Temper criticism with praise. This will reduce the likelihood of your partner responding in a defensive or angry fashion, and increase the chances of him/her accepting what you have to say.

Nurture small steps toward change. Be generous with your support and encouragement of change. Realize that it is normal to revert back to comfortable patterns which have developed over time, so don't be too discouraged if there is some backsliding.

Avoid "why" questions. They tend to be perceived as attacking '

Express your anger appropriately. Direct your anger toward your partner's behaviors, not his/her character. Don't forget to remind your partner that you appreciate them as a person. Take responsibility for your anger.

Your partner cannot make you feel angry, you choose to respond that way.

and hurtful. Better to say 'I don't understand

The following are the accepted sexual conduct:

(Copy as visual aid on acetate or cartolina)

1. Practice of personal hygiene. Couples should be aware that cleanliness is good health. Partners should observe good hygiene before going into sex.

respect and concern over the welfare of the partner. This concern tests the dignity of the relationship.

3. Prior to the sex act, both partners must recognize their respective responsibility to want, love and care for the offspring that may result from their union. Such recognition will assure that the child’s basic needs will be provided for. An unloved and unwanted child starts life without human dignity, which is his birthright.

4. The persons involved in the sex act should have a common goal or direction in life. The married act is one of the means to strengthen their relationship and commitment to the welfare of their family.

5. One partner should never exploit the other. Sexual relationship is for the mutual satisfaction of both partners. Never should it be degrading to anyone. Every sexual act therefore should be with mutual consent of the partners.

SESSION 5:

Responsible Parenthood through Planned Family Size

5: Responsible Parenthood through Planned Family Size Planning one’s f amily size is a step forward

Planning one’s family size is a step forward to ensuring responsible parenthood. Just how do we view ourselves as responsible parents in relation to how we plan the size of our families? In this session, we will take a look at what this really means.

Estimated Time: 1 ½ hours

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to:

1. Discuss the meaning of responsible parenthood.

2. Discuss the major philosophy and concepts related to responsible parenthood.

3. Articulate the motivating and responsible parenthood.

hindering

Methodology:

Collage-making Small group discussion Plenary presentation

Key Learning Points:

Materials:

Old

Newspapers\and

magazines

Cartolina

factors

in

practicing

Responsible parenthood refers to the will, ability and commitment of parents to respond to the needs and aspirations of the family and children more particularly through family planning.

One concern of responsible parenthood is determining the number and spacing of their children taking into account such factors as psychological preparedness, health status, socio-cultural and economic concerns.

The husband and wife should ensure the appropriate number of children the family can fully support with and provide the necessary needs such as physical/basic needs, emotional and psychological support, time and attention/interaction.

The husband and wife should discuss and decide on the number of children that they should have depending on their financial capability, time and capability to provide care and attention to ensure that appropriate care shall be provided to their children.

Activity:

1. Divide the group into sub-groups

2. Ask them to brainstorm on the group’s definition of RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD and interpret this definition through a collage/picture cut outs or drawing.

3. Ask them to list down motivating forces in practicing Responsible Parenthood.

5.

Ask each group to present their output in the plenary.

Processing:

1. Process the activity by asking them the following questions:

a. What are the values behind Responsible Parenthood?

b. How can fathers appreciate the value of Responsible Parenthood?

c. How can fathers be motivated to practice Responsible

Parenthood?

2. Use your key learning points to discuss the topic further then

present the following:

Motivating Factors in the Practice of Responsible Parenthood (Copy on acetate of big brown paper)

a. For the Parent

A wish to improve skills in being a father

To save on expenses

To have more time for self/relaxation

To contribute to community welfare

Concern for one’s health

To remove fear for unwanted pregnancies

For personal/professional development

For greater control of one’s life

b. Outside Forces

Motivator’s commitment

NGO/GO support

Community support

Family support

Socio-economic

forces/realities

Responsible Parenthood.

conducive

to

Hindering Factors in the Practice of Responsible Parenthood

Ignorance

Inadequate knowledge on effective parenting

Perception of children as security on old age

Perception of women role as “child bearer”

Past bad experiences

Fear of side effects

Apathy/passivity

Advantages of Child Spacing/Planned Family Size (Photocopy and give as handouts)

Ensures the health of both mother and child.

time gainfully to meet

Employs

the

growing

needs

of

your

children.

Ensures quality education of children.

It allows more time and attention to nurture family relationship.

Nutrition and food could be adequately meet.

Enhances husband and wife relationship.

Ensures adequate guidance and supervision of children in relation to desirable socio-cultural values.

Child Spacing allows sufficient time between the birth of the last child and the new child so that the mother may rest and regain her health before the subsequent pregnancy.

It is good for the parent who will still be able to enjoy each other’s companionship without too many small children incessantly demanding their attention.

It gives the mother the opportunity to attend to her needs and provide for her own development.

It is best for the baby who will get the care necessary in the first few years of his life without a younger sibling competing with him/her for the limited, effort and resources of his parents.

MODULE IV FATHERS AS CHILD CAREGIVER

MODULE IV FATHERS AS CHILD CAREGIVER

SESISON 1:

Understanding the Developmental Stages of Children

Your vital role as a father in child-rearing process is beginning to be valued. Therefore there is a need to give more emphasis in the changes in your role that will be necessary if you are to further fulfill your parental roles and responsibilities. In this session, we will be discussing on what you should know as a father on how your children grow.

Estimated Time: 2 hours

a father on how your children grow. Estimated Time: 2 hours Objective: The participants shall be

Objective:

The participants shall be able to discuss and understand the stages of psychosocial development of children.

Methodology:

Workshop Lecture-Discussion Audio-visual presentation

Key Learning Points:

(Copy on Manila paper)]

Health Process of Development

0-2 (Infancy) - The child has needs for food, love, rest, recreation, security and stimulation. If these needs are met, they develop trust in others, feel valued and have sense that life is good-HOPE.

2-3 (Early Childhood) - Child discovers control of himself through bladder and vowel, saying “no” in choosing certain foods, etc. The child develops sense of autonomy WILL

3-6 (Play Age) - Child discovers that he can “do things”, climbs, draws, puzzles together, goes to school, develops friendships. Make things

through crafts. The child develops initiative and a sense of belief in himself that he can create and be successful SENSE OF PURPOSE.

6-12 (School Age) - The child discovers he is part of society. He can be part of human society and learn skills that enable him to survive in society. The child develops industry; has sense that he has a valuable contribution to others COMPETENCE.

12-19 (Adolescence) - The child discovers his unique values and personality even within a group of peers and adults; chooses a career. The man develops sense of identity, a sense of relating to others as he is accepting and caring for others FIDELITY.

19-40 (Young Adult) - Adult discovers his life becomes better when he can share and love; chooses partner and has children LOVE.

40-65 (Adult) Discovers that he has life in others, has grandchildren, enjoys and reaps benefit of parenting and working. Develops generosity, sense that he has made a positive contribution to the life process CARE.

65-death (Mature Age) Adult discovers he has had what he wanted in life, feels contented and satisfied with life process. Develops integrity, a sense of getting old, coming to terms with death, feel life is worthwhile WISDOM.

Unhealthy Process of Development

0-2 (Infancy) - Child does not get needs met. Feels hungry, cold and abandoned MISTRUST.

2-3 (Early Childhood) - Child is punished for wetting, soling his pants, child is yelled at or abused for not behaving SHAME AND DOUBT.

3-6 (Play Age) - Child is rarely praised; only putdown remarks and/or punished or ignored/abused. Normal curiosity is discouraged and mistakes are punished GUILT.

6-12 (School Age) - Child never belongs to anyone. He is not wanted is not allowed opportunities to develop friendships; abilities are criticized INFERIORITY.

12-19 (Adolescence) - Child misunderstood abused, cannot develop values or goals; spend energy in rebelling against family and society ROLE CONFUSION.

19-40 (Young Adult) - Cannot form successful relationships with others, and is promiscuous or/and a sense of ISOLATION is developed.

40-65 (Adult) - Experiences disappointments no enjoyment in past life wishes to begin ones STAGNATION

65-death (Mature Age) Knows he did not get what he want out of life is depressed, sad and sometimes very ill and in DESPAIR.

Activity:

1. Ask the participants to make groups of six to eight members.

2. Give each group a set of brown paper and marking pens.

3. Ask them to talk about milestones on the developmental stages in terms of cognitive, language, social, and physical development of children.

4. Ask them to draw a ladder on a big brown paper with each step of the ladder assigned to the following/corresponding age levels.

0-2 years old (Infancy)

2-3 years old (Early Childhood)

3-6 years old (Play Age)

6-12 years old (School Age)

12-19 (years old (Adolescence)

5. Provide the following guide questions for the group discussions:

What were my needs as a child in each stage of development?

Did my parents fulfill these needs?

How did I behave in each stage of development?

6. Ask the participants to write their answers on the ladder they drew.

7. Ask them to take turns in presenting their group outputs.

Processing:

1. After the plenary presentations, allow open discussion and sharing, as this will help fathers internalize the topic.

2. Take note of the highlights of their report and write them on the board to emphasize important ideas and details in the topic.

3. Elicit learning from the participants in the activity and synthesize, providing important ideas using your key learning points.

Application:

1. End the session by asking the participants to do free writing exercise expressing how a father would evaluate the growth and developmental of their children.

2. Call on volunteers to read aloud what they wrote.

SESSION 2:

Responding to the Growth and Development Needs of Children and Adolescents

Early childhood is a time of tremendous growth across all areas of development. The dependent newborn grows into a young person who can take care of his or her own body and interact effectively with others. 5

On the other hand, the Adolescence stage happens from thirteen up to nineteen years of age and it is considered as the transition stage between the childhood and adulthood stage. In this stage, the sex maturation happens and physical developments rapidly occur; the individual feels, think and act differently. 6

occur; the individual feels, think and act differently. 6 5

Today, psychologists have come to agree that fathers play a unique and crucial role in nurturing and guiding children's development. Many experts now believe that fathers can be just as nurturing and sensitive with their babies as mothers. As their children grow, fathers take on added roles of guiding their children's intellectual and social development. Even when a father is 'just playing' with his children, he is nurturing their development. 7

Estimated Time: 90 minutes

Objectives:

The participants shall be able to talk about ways to respond to the growth and development needs of their children and adolescents.

Methodology:

Workshop, Role Playing Lecture-discussion

Materials:

Manila paper

Transparencies

Pen markers

Masking tape

Key Learning Points:

(Photocopy and give as handouts)

Paternal Response to 0-1 years old children

Feel relax in doing something new

Avoid mistakes of other fathers – Don’t wait for them to get older before you get emotionally involved

Be involved as soon as she/he is born

Getting involved means helping the child meet his basic needs

Help develop child self-concept

Assist child in exploring his own environment

Allow and encourage the child to freely do things in a stimulating environment

Provide the necessary calm understanding to the aggressive nature of the little child

Include books as definite part of his/her play material

Adapt your house and backyard into a suitable and safe environment

Provide attention and praise good behavior

6

7

Paternal Response to 2-3 years old children

Provide sympathy and listen well to your wife to release her stress and exasperation in caring for your 2-3 year old child

Be flexible with rules and limits until he/she is emotionally mature

Encourage child to express feeling and help set reasonable limits

Use feedback techniques to set limits and ease stress

Start to toilet rain your child

Provide stimulating activities for language development

Enjoy the fun and love offered by the child this strengthens the bond between you.

Paternal Response to 4-6 years old children

Play with your child. Your child will learn that you can be strong and yet not too rough to hurt others and you can get excited too.

Ignore negative talks and attitude.

Introduce fascinating word/activity that will catch the attention of your child.

Overcome emotional blockage – be at ease in dealing with child’s question on sex.

Be patient and acknowledge “family romance”, a phenomenon when children first become independent of their parent’s authority; this will be outgrown when she/he is mature to sort out reality from fantasy- offer tender rejection. 8

Spend more time with your child for your son. Give him time and attention so your son can learn to model himself from you, and your daughter, can fill in a healthy image of man.

Help/assist your child acquire a repertoire of basic learning skills such as helpful articles, games and workshops these help achieve intellectual development.

Don’t be critical of whatever your child can achieve – every child is unique and learns by their own phase.

When all these are achieved, primary socialization is achieved and the child will have a strong self-concept, healthy personality structure necessary for having a sense of self-esteem and a strong sense of self-identity.

Paternal Response to 6-11 Years Old Children

Provide emotional support. This serves as an important ally in his/her struggle to learn how to cope with the grown up world.

Spend more time with your son so he can incorporate you as his ideal figure to imitate.

Your daughter needs time with you so she can learn to relate with you and with other males.

This is the time to establish a positive relationship.

Train the child to have a regular time and place to study.

Don’t show any jealousy formed with any close relationship he/she has.

Learn that unpleasant habits are part of middle childhood and will be outgrown with paternal understanding and discipline.

Lecturing/scolding in front of other people embarrasses them and leads them to feel inadequate and resentful.

Learn to praise your child; it’s the greatest reward or reinforcement.

Get into the habit of on the lookout for behavior you can praise.

Be a model. Your values and attitudes are absorbed strongly in this period and passed on to your child.

Understand that your child needs a peer group. A peer group provides a place free of adult influence. It helps your child exercise his acquired socialization skills.

Prepare a place for peer group and teach him/her to handle teasing and insults.

Paternal Response to 12-15 Years Old Children

Realize that unpleasant behavior is temporary and is a normal process.

Show your son the ways that you would like them to be as adult. Spend time with him; he will learn much more from what you do than from what you say.

Spend time with your daughter. This will help her feel good about being female if she sees that you enjoy your time with her.

Avoid parental counter hysterics; a father’s role is to provide a calm response.

Keep cool and don’t turn minor problems into major ones.

Be patient and try not to respond to the provocative behavior of your adolescent child.

Provide growth opportunities where the wild behavior of pre- adolescent can emerge safely.

Respect your youngster new found independence; move up to their development stage.

Don’t take any form of rebellion too personally. Understand that their feelings and thought fluctuate from day to day, week to week as they crave for independence as well as maintain dependence.

Understand that crying is an appropriate response to deep feelings.

Adjust to new sexuality of the child. “Family Romance” may reappear but she/he will outgrow it.

Strengthen the bond by meeting the emotional needs of the child. This is your safeguard for outside temptation.

Maintain an open, genuine and two-way communication.

As early as possible, provide accurate information on drugs; never accuse and/or play detective or punitive but be evaluative and seek dialogue. If need be, seek professional help.

Paternal Response to 16 Years Old to Young Adulthood

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk of your feelings as well so that your children will learn that it is all right for men to talk about feelings. Talk about when you are sad and happy.

Be

technique for his/her

a

sounding

board

via

the

feedback

adolescent perspective.

Help select his/her vocation based on your child’s personal inclination, interest, capabilities as well as your present economic status.

Respect their privacy.

Tell your child or let your child know your stand with regard to sexual attitudes, behaviors and ideas.

Be a comfortable support to the child.

Allowing him/her to his/her own thing; you will just remain in the background to give a feeling of security.

You should be able and should maintain a non-judgmental attitude when crises arise.

Provide a firm stand but lovingly on sensitive matters. You should be clear of your stand insuring that they will learn to be mature enough in their decision-making. This will lead them into stable life and make them become loving, independent and productive individuals.

Activity:

1. Organize three main groups of six to eight members each (when possible, do consider fathers with children directly related the age group assigned to them i.e. Early Childhood (0-6 years old); Middle Childhood (6-10 years old) and Adolescence (11-18 years old).

2. Ask the participants to select a group leader and a reporter.

3. Ask each group to discuss using the following questions:

a. What are the needs of children corresponding to the age level assigned to your group? (Use previous group output for reference)

b. What behavioral characteristics do you observe?

c. Did you respond to the above behavioral characteristics? If yes, how?

d.

What stimulating activities or support activities have you

given to your child to help him/her cope with his developmental challenges?

4. Once done, ask the group to role-play the behavioral characteristics they observed in their own children at the particular age group assigned to them as well as the stimulating activities that they do to support their children’s growth and development.

5. Ask the group to present in a plenary.

Note to Facilitator:

The facilitator may include session/tips on paternal response in handling children with disabilities

Processing:

1. Ask the following questions:

a. Were the actions and responses of fathers conducive to the growth and development of their children?

b. What are the negative

reactions or responses we give to our children that hinder their process of development?

c. What are the problems you encounter in responding to the developmental stages of your children?

d. How do you overcome them?

e. What do you do to help your child develop fully?

THE SCULPTOR By: Author, Unknown

I took a piece of plastic clay And idly fashioned it, one day And as my fingers pressed it still It moved and yielded to my will

I came again when days were passed That bit of clay was hard at last The form I gave I still it bore And I could change that form no more

Then I took a piece of living clay And gently formed it day by day And molded with my power and art A young child’s soft and yielding heart

I came again when years were gone It was a man I looked upon He still that early impress bore And I could change it no more.

2. Provide the handouts and

engage the trainees into further